5 Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse You Didn't Know About | Dr. David Hawkins
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- Опубліковано 1 чер 2024
- Does your partner constantly disapprove of everything you do and tell you how you should be doing it instead? Everything from what you wear and what you eat to how you fold the laundry? This is one of the more subtle ways that emotional abuse shows up in relationships. While it may seem like a small thing, the constant pressure of feeling like you can’t do anything right and that things must be done a certain way - their way - can have a very debilitating effect on a person.
What makes a behavior abusive is when it is an ongoing pattern of behavior intended to control another person, resulting in a slow degradation of their identity as a unique individual rather than a reflection of their partner.
If your spouse acts more like a disapproving parent than an equal partner, and you feel crushed by the weight of their constant expectations for you to think, act and do things a certain way, it could be a sign that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#emotionalabuse
Sounds like it's a mental issue that can't be fixed with the emotional abuser. Run is my opinion knowing what my friend is going through. 😢
I literally find myself telling him... "I'm not a child ! I'm 50 years old ! I've gotten this far in life... I can figure it out !"
Suffocation...perfect description.
Narcissistic behaviour lacks empathy. CPTSD can look similar, but they have empathy.
Yup!
Thank YOU Dr. Hawkins
From walking on Eggshells to
discovering and embracing the
inner VOICE 🤗
You're welcome! Glad you found it helpful.
I felt afraid. Punished. Confused. Eggshells yes!
Eggshells….so so over them …. I have very little direct contact with npd sister….took yrs to have the courage to do so, thank you Dr Hawkins
Thanks for your feedback. Glad you found it helpful
Wow! Did this just hit home. I feel like that a lot with my wife
I was once so free and happy and adventurous a long time ago, even though I hadn’t had a great childhood. I got married. Slowly he took control of the money. He subtly told me how to dress. He told me what my intelligence value was through jest. He told me better ways to cook and bake. He told me how I should feel. He used up all my time. He told me how to tidy and organize and run the home. He usurped my femininity while having zero true masculinity. He told me how to handle situations and what music ‘we’ liked. He told me what to buy. He is covert, never outright demanded but so hideously diminished and dominated me. I was never comfortable, never at rest, never felt safe that someone had my back, always anxious. One day he seriously told me the right way to put a toilet roll on the holder and I thought *#@ you. I have been fighting back in various ways for years now, but every step of the way, from the abuse to trying to regain myself, has been exhausting and still is, since he obviously isn’t exactly cheering me on to salvage what is left of me.
I was told that I was using too much toilet paper, and then he tried to "instruct" me on how much to use, and how to use it 🤔. .. he left, moved out recently, and the house was instantly peaceful
I can empathize with you. My Dad did things like that to my mother so growing up during his angry moments was so disturbing but being a child and teenager I never understood why he behaved that way at times towards my wonderful mom who btw is very kind and sweet person. I never really got to know my Dad he died when I was 27 and he was always distant. It definitely affects a person and sadly we pick the same types to marry as it's familiar is what I've been told. A happy day is not very often in a toxic relationship, the only thing is financial stability and living in my dream home small and very special and it is keeping me in this for now! Can't afford the outrageous costs of living alone! I'm not a high earner and really don't want roommates!
It sounds a lot like what I go through sometimes. One thing I find helpful is to separate myself from his issues. His issues are his own not mine. He does not define me God does. I can not control him and he can not control me. I desire to be loving and respectful but if he doesn’t see it then it is not my fault or responsibility. Prayers for peace
Parent child dynamic yes!!
I am in a crisis state. My aging, nearly blind mother is on the other side of the country, and I I am married to a man who has sudden shouting outbursts. I just came back from a trip to see my Mom, and wish I had stayed there.
Everything I own is here. I had spinal surgery 18 months ago and am not able to drive across the country by myself.
I am not able to bounce back from his outbursts any longer. We have a beautiful home and I will have to leave with a minimum of belongings, and most of my important things are business tools and supplies. At 64, it feels like I will end up a homeless old woman if I leave, and my Mom is 88. The family is expecting to sell her mobile home when she passes.
I keep telling myself to tough it out so I don't loose my assets. But I'm
Losing my health and well being. He will never get help because he won't allow others to see his bad behavior.
I don't know if I should stay or go. I really want to go, but to lose everything for my old age?
I feel the same exact way… I am 50 and still own and business with him. I’m so traumatized at this point that I don’t know which way to turn. It’s so scary being older and not knowing where you’ll end up. We lost most everything during the pandemic. But, this is all I’ve known for 31 yrs. I keep working diligently, praying there will be a way out. I feel like we’re the forgotten ones, no matter how woke the world seems to be now. All I can do is pray and look for His guidance. I’ll be praying for you!!🩷🙏🏼
@@eugenia-divinecasey2755 Trust in our Lord!
Assets will be divided in a divorce. Secretly record his outbursts, use your phone in your pocket, do a test to make sure the audio is good. Make a plan, find individuals that can support you, do NOT leave yourself financially vulnerable because the world is NOT kind to older solo women. You do not want to be sleeping in your car in your 80’s. Get the advice of a good lawyer.
Oh my God, so sad and scary! I hope you're okay. Please respond I might be able to help. Cherie 🙏🏻
@@cherier3283 We are doing a lot better now. Thanks so much!
My partner has been my rock for 10 years, but at the same time he has constantly done things to stop me from going out and being with friends or being confident. Asked me not to wear certain clothes and has repeatedly told me that if I go out I will get ‘r4ped’ or sexually assaulted. He knows I have experienced this in the past. I have begged him to stop over and over yet he still uses this and brings it up, says my best friends will do it to me whilst I sleep etc if I were alone with them. On top of that I am also accused of cheating etc. I have unfortunately had to leave him but I’m terrified to be without him too, and I still love him. But the things he does and says are terrifying.
Oh prayers for you 🙏🏻❤️🩹
SO much thanks, for articulating what I'm going through. I feel like I have to second-guess nearly every part of my life, just based on whatever has gotten comments, criticism and disapproval in the past. Even if it was long ago, it's still right there, in your nervous system.
So what do you do when the so-called "Christian" spouse has narcistic traits (zero empathy, love of self, love of money, pride, etc) AND is also avoidant dismissive. i.E., doesn't really care if you come or go (hasn't truly bonded in multi-decades long marriage)? Ignores you? And you know (by past history) that you're easily replaceable? I'm at my wits' end. And broken hearted by this one-sided marriage. (Yes, it has ALWAYS been this way. From day one when he told me on a Sunday, "We're getting married on Friday, bring your clothes and come. And you can pick up some donuts on the way." And then I didn't hear from him until I met him in our pastor's livingroom. Only then did I know he'd actually shown up. Eggshells from the get-go.)
😢
Oh my you have got to get away from him and find yourself. I would say because I'm in a similar boat please get help to improve your self esteem and confidence you don't deserve that. No one does.
This has given me so much clarity!!!!! Thank you
Thank you so much David for your incredible work!! Wishing you, your family and your amazing team a Happy Easter 🐣❤️ from UK
Your videos are so helpful.
Doctor David Hawkins: My response to life was to find out how to do and not to do so I wouldnt feel so much rejection and have so many problems that others have. I observed the world and made value judgments to rule my life by. I live by a set of guidelines and it is freeing. We need guidelines like wash your hands after you use the bathroon and choose to not HATE bec hatred binds you up inside and drive the car in the center of the lane so you can swerve R or L in a 2 second time... and you can still choose to not be around the toxic person without hating them. Whats confusing is it almost sounds like -I- am narcissistic or abusive bec I looked at what worked and didnt and made rules to guide my life by. PLEASE ELABORATE. I am extremely compassionate and self-sacrificing (bot for my own supply) so honestly I know I am not a nar....please clarify.
Many of us, if not all of us, have at one time behaved in ways that on the surface could appear to be narcissistic. The 2 important questions to ask are - are the behaviors an ongoing pattern, and more importantly, are the behaviors aimed at controlling another person? Another indicator of abusive and narcissistic behavior is that it chips away at a person's identity and autonomy to be themself (without harming others of course). A behavior in and of itself, without looking at the context, does not indicate abuse or narcissism.
I am watching this cuz I am so confused right now. I don’t know if I’m being emotionally abused or not. I use fro be able to express my feelings now I don’t feel I should cuz it might turn into an argument. Now he gets so short with me when it comes to things and speaks so aggressively. I don’t know what is happening I’m so confused. I feel hurt and I feel alone. I can’t talk to him about it cuz it’ll just get turned on me or he’ll apologize and say he’ll work on it then it’ll happen again. Today he told me I should do something he can be proud of…..I’m proud of myself and what I have accomplished but then he said that. Then he told me why do I always have to ask so many questions about everything that I should just “let him drive and I don’t ask where we’re going” as he put it. I’m frustrated and confused and I don’t know what to do cuz when he talks about our relationship maybe not working out I get anxious and instantly want to hold on to it and take back when I tried to stand up for myself and it upset him. At that moment I just want to make everything right so he won’t leave me. I cry more then I have before him, I’m not happy like I used to be I feel like I’m not who I was when I first met him. I was so confident so happy so loving and strong….now I don’t even know.
I'm so sorry you are going through this!❤ it's awfully confusing. ❤
If a friend of yours that you really deeply care about said these things to you, what would you tell them? He’s abusing you. *Nothing* you do can ‘make it right’ because he doesn’t love you- many, many men actually despise their wives because male culture as a whole hates women.
You are being abused and it’s affecting you- the only way you will feel happy again is when you make YOUR happiness a priority. If you’re married and you’re worried about assets and money, visit a good solicitor and get advice- in many countries there are free services that offer this for women. If you can access therapy get it, because you sound like co-dependency is contributing to the issue (I know because I was in the same situation, my co-dependency was keeping me trapped, I wouldn’t leave an abusive situation until I had another situation lined up which- no surprise!- would also be emotionally abusive eventually). Codependency is a killer and CAN be undone- there are books, YT vids, podcasts, groups (online and physical), all kinds of support- you need to value yourself enough to take the first steps. ❤
@@Ninsidhe WOW! You defiantly hit that on point. I am very codependent. So you’re so right. That’s why I haven’t left yet.
Oh so sorry for your suffering I too are in a lousy marriage. I have similar issues as you discussed. It's awful to have to go at it alone but everything happens for a reason I think of it as going against the grain and that never works out. It is a difficult time in the world and affording a nice place and getting help for oneself is almost unattainable and makes you feel stuck even more. I wish you inner strength and help for you with sorting it out, for the better.
My most recent emotionally abusive relationship was with a man on the spectrum, so it wasn’t intentional abuse, but the impact was the same, I guess that’s progress? 🎉 Can u speak to this incredibly tricky situation?
With my husband I bring up the fact of what he is doing but he always reflects it and says I do that to him. He treats me like a child. We live in separate houses so I am safe. He constantly threatens to leave me but demands me to trust him. I fear losing him. I’m autistic and have no real friends ( my one true friend passed away) and no family in this area. He doesn’t like questions and pushes me away not wanting a close relationship as husband and wife. How can I guard my heart and move it away from him without fear of being alone.? How can I distance myself when all I want is someone to be close to in my life?
I’m Autistic, nearly 60 and creating a new life- ‘romantic’ relationship and marriage are definitely the *least* effective ways of not feeling alone. There are a LOT of Autistic women and nonbinary individuals out here, lots of ways to start making a new life for yourself and build a new community. What do you love to do? Maybe start a UA-cam channel, post videos of you doing what you love, or find others locally who would love to learn about the things you love. Start seeing yourself as worthy and valuable, Autism isn’t a negative thing, my whole family is Autistic including all of my offspring (that I mostly solo parented).
😢
@@Ninsidhe thank you. That is a good idea.
My ex took his "biblical headship" seriously. Everything was about power and control with him.
I was always treated like a child. He'd tell me I shouldn't act like one 🙄 he definitely never treated me like a wife.
Oh that's horrible! Run away far far away I hope you did and never look back!
I used to get yelled at for going $2 over the grocery budget 😬