When my wife and I divorced. I couldn't decide who's as being more immature. I wanted a life where we prioritized each other. She wanted a life where only her and her family were prioritized. She claims she gave up everything for me but she didn't. We still lived by her parents. She didn't have to work. I paid for everything. I did as much as I could. All she did was hang out with them. I got so sick of having no wife and being married to a roommate who just wanted to be with her parents. She told me if I would have just done what she wanted we all could have been so happy. I got so sick of living in her parents shadow. I didn't like her dad. All he did was stress me out. I got so tired of being forced into a dymanic with her and her parents that I didn't want or like. She told me I was the immature one but ultimately she ended up leaving. I think I see now that she was the one who made things worse than what they were. She couldn't survive without being glued to her mom and dad and never saw how that's bad for her marriage. And ultimately she chose them. It's truly sad.
@smokingcrab2290 it sounds like you and your wife agreed on the separation. I really hope that the focus is not on a person who is responsible for this or that. Who did what is not so important for the future when you haven't done the work to look at yourself and how you are feeling, what you need to do to grow and what you can do to optimize or to rest. The world with all of the people in it are what they are and are not someone who is responsible for changing for you or anyone. The only person who is in the future that you can control or hold accountable is you.. blame games and 'looking for the causes ' outside of your body and your own mind is a place you can be curious about. But you don't have any control of the decisions that are not yourself. Whenever you have a good idea of what you want and what you know, you'll understand what you're looking for and what you want to do
Well it doesn't matter who was more immature. Focusing on that won't lead you anywhere. You made a conscious choice to be with a woman who doesn't work and who wants to live with your parents. Why did you choose her if it wasn't something you were happy about? Why did you expect her to change? Maybe it'd be good to focus on yourself now to understand why you even decided to enter a relationship like that.
Trying not to identify with feelings. Rather identify with values. Identifying with feelings or emotions... Is the epitome of the unexamined life... Because everything is about hedonism, pleasure, feeling good and avoiding discomfort. Living for values and beliefs, identifying with those... Minimizes feelings. Feeling bad is simply a part of the process of living beyond yourself emotionally and entering into the realm of rationality.
I'm so happy you are not using the narcissist label. It's been so hard to explain the diagnosis vs. an unhealthy or abusive person ... the stigma paired with shallow understanding has been messing everything up as far as insight to people and personality types.
I just did all this over Christmas with my family, sadly. As Ram Dass said (roughly) "if you think you've been making a lot of spiritual progress, go spend time with your family" In some ways I'm mature, but mostly physically and intellectually... Haha. My inner child is fairly prominent. If something triggers me into emotional dysregulation, I can become caught up or immature as you would say. It's fairly rare but it's certainly part of my life. I see it happening, I observe it, but it does not make it stop. I reflect, am constantly reflecting, and I know it's not a big deal, but I'm still hurt. I know its not a big deal, but I'm still in pain as if it were. And then I avoid that person and hide and self soothe in ways that in this video you deem inappropriate. Like a child, I guess. Anyway, moving along.
A lot of interesting perspectives, but also many generalizations-“they are like this,” “they do this,” “they react like this”-all while claiming not to judge, yet being extremely judgmental. Let’s aim to see and talk about people with compassion, even those who are still on their journey of growth. ✨
@@rorscach1 the difference is an excessive and unhealthy focus on the self while disregarding others. One could be emotionally immature while dependent on others like we see with those that are labeled as codependent.
When my wife and I divorced. I couldn't decide who's as being more immature. I wanted a life where we prioritized each other. She wanted a life where only her and her family were prioritized. She claims she gave up everything for me but she didn't. We still lived by her parents. She didn't have to work. I paid for everything. I did as much as I could. All she did was hang out with them. I got so sick of having no wife and being married to a roommate who just wanted to be with her parents. She told me if I would have just done what she wanted we all could have been so happy. I got so sick of living in her parents shadow. I didn't like her dad. All he did was stress me out. I got so tired of being forced into a dymanic with her and her parents that I didn't want or like. She told me I was the immature one but ultimately she ended up leaving. I think I see now that she was the one who made things worse than what they were. She couldn't survive without being glued to her mom and dad and never saw how that's bad for her marriage. And ultimately she chose them. It's truly sad.
@smokingcrab2290 it sounds like you and your wife agreed on the separation. I really hope that the focus is not on a person who is responsible for this or that. Who did what is not so important for the future when you haven't done the work to look at yourself and how you are feeling, what you need to do to grow and what you can do to optimize or to rest. The world with all of the people in it are what they are and are not someone who is responsible for changing for you or anyone. The only person who is in the future that you can control or hold accountable is you.. blame games and 'looking for the causes ' outside of your body and your own mind is a place you can be curious about. But you don't have any control of the decisions that are not yourself. Whenever you have a good idea of what you want and what you know, you'll understand what you're looking for and what you want to do
Well it doesn't matter who was more immature. Focusing on that won't lead you anywhere.
You made a conscious choice to be with a woman who doesn't work and who wants to live with your parents. Why did you choose her if it wasn't something you were happy about? Why did you expect her to change? Maybe it'd be good to focus on yourself now to understand why you even decided to enter a relationship like that.
Sounds like she was enmeshed with them. Enmeshment is a lack of physical/emotional/psychological boundaries. Dysfunctional families are very enmeshed.
@@amberfuchs398 this is accurate af 🤔
Ignorance to reality in a way encompasses the bliss of childhood. These people never understood that introspection is a gift, not a curse.
I needed this understanding..
Trying not to identify with feelings. Rather identify with values. Identifying with feelings or emotions... Is the epitome of the unexamined life... Because everything is about hedonism, pleasure, feeling good and avoiding discomfort. Living for values and beliefs, identifying with those... Minimizes feelings. Feeling bad is simply a part of the process of living beyond yourself emotionally and entering into the realm of rationality.
I like this explanation
This was such a message. Thank you. 🙏🏼
I'm so happy you are not using the narcissist label.
It's been so hard to explain the diagnosis vs. an unhealthy or abusive person ... the stigma paired with shallow understanding has been messing everything up as far as insight to people and personality types.
@@Sidney-u4r Yeah, I don’t like labels. People are far too complex for them.
I just did all this over Christmas with my family, sadly. As Ram Dass said (roughly) "if you think you've been making a lot of spiritual progress, go spend time with your family" In some ways I'm mature, but mostly physically and intellectually... Haha. My inner child is fairly prominent. If something triggers me into emotional dysregulation, I can become caught up or immature as you would say. It's fairly rare but it's certainly part of my life. I see it happening, I observe it, but it does not make it stop. I reflect, am constantly reflecting, and I know it's not a big deal, but I'm still hurt. I know its not a big deal, but I'm still in pain as if it were. And then I avoid that person and hide and self soothe in ways that in this video you deem inappropriate. Like a child, I guess. Anyway, moving along.
very well put. FOLLOWED! i hope to hear about more topics from you
A lot of interesting perspectives, but also many generalizations-“they are like this,” “they do this,” “they react like this”-all while claiming not to judge, yet being extremely judgmental. Let’s aim to see and talk about people with compassion, even those who are still on their journey of growth. ✨
humans are predictable.
100% facts. Very informative
Facts spitting facts
You're very perceptive.
Are you intentionally avoiding the term Narcissist?
@@tapiwasachatayi2082 great question! But no… not everyone that is emotionally immature or does this stuff is a narcissist.
@@chrisbanischThen what separates the emotionally immature from the narcissist?
@@rorscach1 everyone is emotionally immature at some point right? We were all kids once? Doesn't mean we were all narcissists 😂
@@rorscach1 the difference is an excessive and unhealthy focus on the self while disregarding others. One could be emotionally immature while dependent on others like we see with those that are labeled as codependent.