My take on independence while being disabled is to snatch it where you can! So while I may not be able to dress myself, or go to uni for example, I can run my UA-cam channel. I run a pen pal style PO Box. I can run my blog, and I can sew! Those are my things and I am relatively good at them! It’s important to do things that you can by yourself, otherwise I think I’d have lost my sense of being ‘me’ and I’d be really sad a lot of the time.
Well said! I completely agree. I know there have been times I’ve sort of questioned my identity because I wasn’t able to do the things I did before. It’s like your whole self concept totally shifts when you become chronically ill.
@@jessicaoutofthecloset Okay, I am years late to this video since I just found your channel. However, I have thoughts for you on driving while disabled. My mom has physical disabilities as well, though her's aren't as severe or debilitating as yours, or even mine. They just mean that after work she often is running out of grip strength and mental focus. The car she got has "lane assist" that can tell where the edges of the lane are and help keep you in them even around bends and curves in the road. It also has a sensor to help keep from running into people or things if things change faster than my mother can react. Add to these great things that it links with her phone and has voice commands and the car is more than capable of helping mom with making it home after a long day, or just a bad episode. We are talking about trading my car for one that has all that assistance as well because to me it would be worth a higher car note to have assistance to get myself to and from the doctor or shops on bad days when my hands don't like keeping a grip and my focus is trash. Especially since I live in America and can't afford a carer, and the government is happy to assist my family with putting me in a nursing home permanently but not with procuring a carer or the like. ... Something like this might help you as well if you decide you would like to have the ability to drive yourself since it would help you if you had the energy to go to the place and do the thing, but weren't sure you had the energy to make it home safely.
I ship Fuffy SO HARD. Their fanfiction and fanvids pretty much pulled me through my four years of lonely bedrest! (top tip) ... I may have also written some of my own fanfics 😏
*Nearly spits tea on computer* Well in that case let me recommend my favorite podcast, done by my favorite lesbian couple (on U.S. side of the Atlantic) www.bufferingthevampireslayer.com/ Not only plenty of queer theory (their terminology) and fun times, but an original song about every episode.
As someone with ADHD, Autism & Severe Anxiety that causes up to 3 panic attacks a week even on strong meds I would LOVE to be able to live alone. I’m 26. But I know that I will probably never be able to. That being said there are things I can do for myself and that is huge for me. I took public transport by myself for the first time yesterday and when I got to the stop where my Brother was waiting for me I burst into tears because I did something I was never able to do before. This is something “normal” people don’t seem to understand. Something that is a normal daily thing for them is a HUGE thing for me. In that moment I felt more independent than I had ever felt in my life. For people living with Disabilities it’s about the baby steps not the huge jumps.
Anna Pettit Mental illnesses can be just as debilitating if not more than some physical illnesses, and people with mental illnesses can identify with the disability community as they wish to.
Jessica, I️ feel like this is the prime example of interdependence. It bother me that a lot of people think that if you aren’t fully independent in all ways that you are dependent on others when in reality we are all interdependent with each other as human beings. We all need other people even if simply for social interaction. There is absolutely nothing wrong with interdependence it’s what makes the world function.
I love this perspective. Our society almost tries to make us feel like we should be unhappy if we're not fully 'independent' in the conventional term, like it's the ultimate goal. What about community and interdependence? And like you said, there are multiple varieties of independence as well.
I’m not physically disabled, but I struggle with clinical depression with makes me feel so sad and like I can’t do anything of worth. Hearing your experience puts everything in perspective and truly inspires me ❤️
this is so encouraging. I remember forcing myself to go places on my own just to be "independent" and then find myself there without the proper spoons and barely making it home again
This is a pretty relatable video for me. I have lived alone for nearly 4 years and I have barely left the house in that time. This year I decided to learn to drive. I started a few weeks ago and I am going to get a mobility car. Independence is objective to the individual. Going to Asda by myself is going to be a monumental feat and I can’t wait for it. Wish me luck that I actually pass my test soon
I've been disabled since I was born and the major part of it is that I have to use a wheelchair. I'm in my senior year of college and I still have to live with my parents, so it can be kinda frustrating sometimes when I see my friends live in their own apartments and such. I also can't drive a car and have to have people drive me, but it can't be just any car. It has to be able to carry my chair. That's the most frustrating because I can't just go wherever, whenever. But it's nice to know that there are other adults with the same problems. My big issue right now is that chair's battery is acting up and I can't go to class unless I want to be stranded on campus.
I have my own sets of disability. I just wanna say that your outlook, and this video breaking down how you see independence as a disabled person was so beautiful. It made me tear up. I am really thankful for your content.
Watching your videos is really helping me feel better about my depression and how that ends up affecting my life. I know it's not anything like what you deal with but there is a bit of overlap and your videos have been helpful to me.
Oh God I know this feel about "omg, it would be amazing to just drive somewhere and have the thing!" I can drive but don't have access to a car, and with my energy issues doing something like going to pick up loo roll or whatever is An Event. When I've seen friends just... go places, and it's no big deal, I'm like "whoaaaa."
Wow, Jessica, I so appreciate your honesty! I am disabled myself and you expressed with such clarity what it is like to accept the limits of "independence"! Thank you for sharing your positive outlook on life! Sending love from Oregon, USA!
Your independence is enhanced by having Clara or your wife. I have a similar circumstance in ways. I have a caregiver 4 days a week and my wife is a caregiver at times also. She is now quite sick so it's hard to be as free to move around as it was but I've worked out other ways and means. Having support allows you more freedom. I am the same. I soooo relate.
A toddler slug!! :-) That is a much kinder and happier description than my 'going at the speed of a drunk centanarian'! Thank you for these videos. They really help!
Hi Jessica! I am a new subscriber and i just wanted you to know that your videos have really helped me navigate around my autoimmune condition and managing every day life involving college, work, and my illness. You are truly amazing and I️ am grateful to have found your channel! Thank you so much for being an inspiration.
Ah. I had never thought of independence in this way. Thinking of it in this way makes me feel happier. I think of crutches and things as a big bother! But if I think of them as helping me move better it is comforting
Thank you for this video! I'm in the middle of reducing my "independence," like getting help with shopping and stopping driving. These decisions allow me to work about half time, something I was struggling with when I was trying to do everything myself. People around me keep expressing sadness on my behalf that I'm "giving up my independence." I feel like I'm gaining independence by earning my own money! You've helped me feel better about my transition to less (more) independence. Thanks again!!
Super strong independent married woman, you are amazing, I am able bodied and love it when my wife helps out around the house, there is a lot of goodness in being interdependent. That how it is for me, I look after my wife and she looks after me. I think you and Claudia live in a similar space.
Thank you so much for your videos. I have chronic pain, I have stage 4 endometriosis and adenomyosis, it causes a whole bunch of symptoms and I struggle to deal with it because people treat me as defective sometimes. So watching these has helped me so much. I hate when people tell me "I hope you get better". Today is a tough day, the light is hurting my eyes, I have a terrible migraine and I feel nauseous but watching these raises my spirits, thank you so much. You're such an inspiration. Love from Cape Town, South Africa
I love your videos and personality you are amazing! I'm going to add subtitles into my videos, my step mam is deaf and tbh I never really thought of adding them in but she can't currently watch my videos because of this which I don't like. Anyway how did you do it? Do you babe to physically write out everything you say in the videos?thanks for your help
I'm disabled too and my independence is just in doing the little I can do and you inspired me to be open on m chronic.illness journey thanks so much Jessica for your videos! Also I hope you don't mind I mention you in my videos and I put your videos in descriptions so other people can benefit from them to.
I have hearing impairment ,arthritis and an auto immune disease. The internet and my channel were life savers when i had to wind down my consulting . although i could still write my books i felt the lack of communication and contact. my channel has been so much fun and helps me feel like i am still helping people. my husband is disabled too. we rarely go out without one another so the term 'independence' has rather taken on a new meaning. it is anything we can do together without help of family or friends. and that is just fine. I know i am a lot older than you but finding your channel has been lovely. xx many blessings from Scotland xx
Hey Jessica. i find things like Amazon and online shopping to be so amazing in terms of helping me be more independent. There are days where my legs are too sore or my eyesight is too blurry to do things by myself and in the days I feel well enough physically it can be a struggle mentally, I have a hard time with crowds so I'll avoid shopping at all costs. Independence for me is being able to do the things I want to do by myself, however small. I don't like to rely on people for help and I'm glad that a lot of the time i don't need to.
As a person with CFS, malformed joints in my legs, IBS and have just learned that I will go deaf in at least one of my ears slowly over the next few years this channel is exactly what I need
You're wearing a sweater my mother owns from the 1950s. It sits in her bottom drawer of her chest, along with other favorite pieces from her youth she hoped a daughter would wear. She was TINY, and I could never wear them! It makes me incredibly happy to see you wearing it.
Jessica, as someone who is severely depressed I can tell you driving is the best thing. When I do some errands the best part is being able to rush home with my car spend like 5% of the energy I’d use to get out and walk. Not much safe but still comforting!
feeling like you're going to vomit from your eyeballs is the best description of the feeling of migraine ever. So. Bad. I think independence is really mostly being able to make decisions for yourself and also, as you said, making these great videos online, yay! Totally agree with you. :)
Independence of mind is strength. You are so strong willed and an inspiration to even non disabled people. You dont let your body stop you from trying to accomplish more. Im so proud that we have a positive empowering voice such as yours to brighten the internet. Much love! Also, unrelated, your style is my aesthetic. So beautiful!
As a 40 yrs old woman. Living with ME/CFS POTs too. It is hard to dependent on others. On my best day I could drive somewhere but not come back from there. Loosing a lot of IQ too. I can’t even do homework with my boys. You video touched me. Made me feel less alone. Thank you very much. I hope you are staying safe from the COVID. Continue your great work.
Big love for this video. I'm in a bit of a weird place at the moment where at 25 I'm less independent than as a teenager and the realisation that that probably isn't magically going to change. However, the internet is indeed a wonderful thing and the ability to online shop, communicate, study largely without having to leave my bed is great. It means I can use my energy for actual fun going out things! 100% agree on the 'don't call an ambulance' thing! A&E is indeed hell on earth. I now have a 'hospital passport' which I keep in my bag that runs through all my medical conditions, consultants, meds etc. Which makes them way happier to a) communicate via writing rather than attempting to understand them whilst concust/ on drugs! b) happy to let me go asap and trust I know what I'm doing and c) stops me having to repeat all the medical info 50,000 times. A* highly recommend (usually used for learning disabilities but totally adaptable for any condition, UCLH have the best template). Also love your jumper x
My boyfriend works in disability here in Australia, during a roll out of the national disability insurance scheme. He has taught me a lot about disability and I now know that independence means doing as much as you can and not having a paternalistic influence ruling over you telling you that disabled people can't decide anything for themselves. You are having people around so you can do what you can, but they don't dictate your life. You seem to have such a great support system :)
I totally agree! Independence is getting to live your life on your own terms, and doing what makes you feel most affirmed as a person. Also, GREAT Buffy reference
100% agree with this! Can be so frustrating sometimes when you want to run an errand or something but have to rely on someone else! But it just shows how strong we really are by the way we deal with everyday struggles! Hope you're doing well xxx
I just found your channel the other day and I love your videos. You're such a lovely and open person, it's really refreshing :) thank you for sharing so much of your life/experiences with us!
thank you so much for your videos. it means so much to me to be able to watch these. i think being able to see independence in a new way can also help me because it's so easy to want to define that word the same way as i did when i wasn't disabled, or thought i wasn't. but doing so is actually more disappointing.
When I was a teenager, I definitely related to this. From when I was 6 weeks till I was 16 years old, I had a breathing tube; and the whole independence didn't the textbook definition. I could do everything myself but I still needed a nurse to take care of any phlegm that needed to be cleared out. Everyone's independence is different, especially when disabilities and chronic illness is a part of their life. Also, thank you for having a pain day video.
omg than you so much for the content warning! I was already kind of expecting it because I know you mention it quite often in your videos but as a person who has quite bad anxiety and panic disorders that are rooted in a crippling fear of vomiting, it is really nice to see a warning on a video so I can brace myself and not be caught off guard. thank you so much for that nice little gesture!
i love watching these videos bc it's nice to just hear someone speak who really gets it (same goes for reading the comments here, it provides a sense of normalcy to a part of my life i normally try to underplay or just not bother talking about) i so agree about feeling more independent when you're in your wheel chair, the endurance to be able to look around a store, the brain power to just be able to think (surprisingly difficult to do when i'm standing), just getting to shop like a normal person is amazing, i don't have my own wheel chair sadly, mostly bc i wouldn't be able to load and unload it from the car so i'm limited to stores that have them available, i swear if i were rich i'd donate wheel chairs to all the stores, that would be life changing
Hi love ! I just wanted to say I'm a new subscriber and I absolutely love you and your videos. You are my new favorite UA-camr! I'm so glad I came across your channel. ❤❤❤
What are the odds that the same day I subscribe is the day a new video is posted?? Fantastic video by the way, you have really opened my eyes to the reality of living with disabilities.
Thank you for your videos. They are thoughtful and inspiring. Moreover, YOU are inspiring. Thank you for being you and sharing your experiences with us.
I just found your channel a couple days ago, and oh my goodness you're an angel! Absolutely the most positive, optimistic and happy person on this website :) I enjoy your videos so much! Much love from Canada :)
oh my goodness i have been watching your videos everyday for like the past week! you're so entertaining to watch and such a wholesome person. so glad i subscribed to you :)
Congratulations on the 100K! It all happened so fast!!! I'm shocked but very happy that a lot of people have found and appreciated your channel. Loads of love ❣️
Another great video! I’m so glad to see how this channel is taking off. You are a wonderfully engaging presenter with really interesting and important content. 😀👍🏻
Recently found your channel and you're really helping to open my eyes about these things. My mum has fibromyalgia so understanding chronic illness a bit more really helps me. Thank you for making your videos
Oh my gosh! You sound so lovely! I discovered your channel two days ago and I just cant stop watching all your funny, cute, awesome videos. Send love to the doggies!!
The things about independence is YOU get to define what it means to YOU! So of course I agree! As an Occupational Therapist in the US we talk a lot about independence too, but ultimately each person gets to define what it means for themselves.
Seen you on my recommended feed, and honestly I'm really happy I did. I do not have a physical disability per say, but I have severe panic disorder/anxiety. It really controls my life but watching someone like you who has overcome so much really motivates me to keep my head up. Days now just mold into eachother, I can't work...though I'm trying and pretty much inside all the time. Thanks for sharing your life.
I have just recently started watching your videos and I just wanted to say your amazing. I love watching you talk about anything, your so bubbly and full of life and funny and you and Claudia are so adorable.
Wow, you are at 80k! Congratulations, thank you for sharing and being a great inspiration. I am a newer sub and I have been really enjoying your videos. You have really helped me feel better about my disability and autoimmune issues. I know you have helped so many. You are an amazing person Jessica and you and your wife are such a cute couple. I wish you all the best and thank you again for sharing.
Thank you. I love your honesty while mixed with your witty sense of humour. Having a chronic illness is so hard for some people to understand, but you explain it so perfectly. We have to take on things day to day, and meet ourselves where we are at that day.
I'm new to the channel and you've given me a huge boost in confidence. Thank you for sharing all you do, it honestly really helps to hear that I'm not just 'sleepy' (Cfs) etc, that this is a real thing I'm living with, and hearing someone else experiencing these things is really helping me. Very happy to have found this channel and can't wait for more videos! :)
I love this video. It really makes me appreciate how well my partner is and how independence can mean something totally different for everyone. Hope you made it through without vomiting! Xx
I subscribed like 2 or 3 days ago when you had like 32k and now you have 62k 😳 you totally deserve it tho !! xx You are really amazing and inspiring. I really like your style and your hair looks amazing!! I hope you will feel better soon.
I just discovered your channel, and I'm so glad I did. I found you from the BBC3 video you were in for Things Not to Say to Deaf People. But we're both queer spoonies who love vintage style and I'm so obsessed with this channel now! Thank you for being amazing!
I love this. I found your channel only recently and have been watching a bunch of your videos, and you are truly inspiring. As a fellow spoonie living with chronic illnesses, I think this video is so spot on. I will have to show it to my friends, because people frequently question how well I'll be able to lead my life being so sick, and I think you're totally right that chronically ill people just have to define independence differently. I'm a filmmaker, and I find independence in writing and creating stories. When I can work, it's exciting, but sometimes I can't. I spend large amounts of my day exhausted, watching Netflix, and playing bubble spinner online because my brain is too tired to think of anything, but I'm becoming more and more okay with that. I'm starting to accept my own limits because I don't see the utility in fighting them anymore. I wish I were brave enough to start a youtube channel; it seems there is great community to be had here. But I am so glad that your channel exists! Thank you!
Thank you for making all these awesome videos, I've binged watched many of them in the last week as I am a new subscriber. I appreciate your honesty here very much. It's not always sunshine and unicorns (but sometimes it is). Hair questions for next Q & A video: Do you sleep in rollers every night? Can you make your curls last for a few days, if so how? Thanks! xx
I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!! Growing up with numerous mental disorders/disabilities (autism, adhd, multiple mental illnesses), "independent living" was a huge thing that was focused on with my treatments. However, my parents, case workers, and doctors were so incredibly focused on getting me to what THEY felt would help make me reach independence in adulthood (I was a child-teenager for most of this. I'm 27 now.). Using the driving example that you did, I never wanted to drive but in the States (where I live), driving is the primary transportation people use. With my ADHD causing attention difficulties, my Autism causing navigational difficulties, and my mental illnesses that cause panic attacks, dissociation and paranoia (among other things), I didn't feel safe driving; I've expressed that the idea of it terrified me from age 8 or so until today. But when I was 17 and wanted to learn public transportation routes and proper usage/alternate forms of getting around, I had to get my license no matter what I said/how I felt about it because, "you'll be more independent with a car." Well, I have my license and a car, living out of my parents house too (yay for that though. ^_^), I feel far more isolated and dependent than when I was in college with no car on campus, using buses, trains, and walking. With my Autism too (speaking only on how my autism acts), if I just start using the buses in a place I've driven in primarily previously it will leave me extremely confused with my daily tasks and how to approach them. I like to describe my Autism as if/then statements in computer programming - change a variable (the car in this case), my processing of how to respond to, react to, and complete a given task will essentially shut down entirely. Things like that, and an entire range of how disabled people of varying types in connection with independence, is why I LOVE that you spoke about this. Independence is simply doing what you have to do to function in society. Do you need another willing person there to help, like this lovely youtuber? Still counts as independent. Do you need to do things more slowly than the average? That's fine. Do things atypically? Also fine. Etc.... As long as you're trying and doing what needs to be done, then you may have reach "INDEPENDENT" status. Even if you can't reach you're personal independence ideals, or your families independence ideals, just try to be a good person and have some fun. Try to just make the best of a difficult situation. Easier said than done sometimes, but where's the harm in at least trying? ^_^
I am processing the fact that I am going to need around the clock care as I have covid and just can't keep up with things and have tried to make it on UA-cam but it hasn't really happened for me and I am looking for a way to make some pocket money.
must say Jessica- new fan here ! I don't know where/how it started but somehow i stumbled onto your channel- the youtube vortex grabbed me , and three hours later I'm still watching your videos . I love your content! and your smile is contagious ! keep up the amazing work !
As a recent (2021) subscriber, this video is a source of serious comfort for me living with disability without the "official" disability title in America (social security disability/partial or full) or some other like institutional validation. But I still am! My disabilities make it really hard to get myself adequate treatment as well as adequate medical records which would allow to me again than American government validation- which is also a powerful social currency for Americans with disabilities, where ableistic ideologies are entirely the norm.
I've just discovered your channel, and I'm absolutely hooked. I know I'm late to the party, but congratulations on getting married! Also (from your "why I don't sound deaf" video, YES YOU DID SO GOOD ON THAT IRISH ACCENT 10/10. I'm a derp and forget to comment on videos when I have a thought, but I really am loving your channel. I understand the struggles of "building a ladder" every day (as I put it.) when dealing with a disability, or in my case chronic pain, and listening to some of your struggles and how you cope with them helps give people like me the strength to always build that ladder, even if each ring gets a little bit harder to construct. Sometimes it's so hard to get out of bed, to do that work out, to walk to work, to shower, even to eat. Knowing that there are so many other people out there that have the strength to keep going even when they physically feel like they can't, pushes me to keep moving forward, too. My therapist once told me "If you aren't living every day with the goal of working towards your better self, what are you really doing?" Which then cause me to develop a really annoying phrase in my every day speech, which is "live your best life" and while that phrase is used by many people and it has a lot of different meanings. For me it reminds me to always work towards my better self, and if I'm unhappy I'm probably not doing something right. Thank you for sharing your life with this messy world of UA-cam, because you give people like me strength to keep going!
Oh Jessica, you always seem to know what I need to hear! Having invisible illnesses and therefore "passing" as able-bodied has 100% skewed my perception, and expectations of my own independence. Thank you for pointing out that because we are different, our independence is necessarily different too.
You are entrancing! I can't stop watching your videos! Your lovely personality paired with your content (and British accent) makes for an entertaining, educational, and inspirational experience. Thank you for providing insight into your daily life.
"I feel like I'm going to vomit through my eyeballs." That is the absolute BEST description of a migraine!!!
I know right? I'm in that non constant pain kinda migraine place right now trying to sleep. Ouch 😢😪
The kind that is more cognitive and sensory than cranial pain(If I felt no pain whatsoever I would swear I was dead...)
My take on independence while being disabled is to snatch it where you can! So while I may not be able to dress myself, or go to uni for example, I can run my UA-cam channel. I run a pen pal style PO Box. I can run my blog, and I can sew! Those are my things and I am relatively good at them! It’s important to do things that you can by yourself, otherwise I think I’d have lost my sense of being ‘me’ and I’d be really sad a lot of the time.
Yes! You've perfectly got what I'm going for 💖
So much! You gotta grab it while you can! The internet has made life so much easier for me personally too!
Well said! I completely agree. I know there have been times I’ve sort of questioned my identity because I wasn’t able to do the things I did before. It’s like your whole self concept totally shifts when you become chronically ill.
@@jessicaoutofthecloset Okay, I am years late to this video since I just found your channel. However, I have thoughts for you on driving while disabled. My mom has physical disabilities as well, though her's aren't as severe or debilitating as yours, or even mine. They just mean that after work she often is running out of grip strength and mental focus. The car she got has "lane assist" that can tell where the edges of the lane are and help keep you in them even around bends and curves in the road. It also has a sensor to help keep from running into people or things if things change faster than my mother can react. Add to these great things that it links with her phone and has voice commands and the car is more than capable of helping mom with making it home after a long day, or just a bad episode.
We are talking about trading my car for one that has all that assistance as well because to me it would be worth a higher car note to have assistance to get myself to and from the doctor or shops on bad days when my hands don't like keeping a grip and my focus is trash. Especially since I live in America and can't afford a carer, and the government is happy to assist my family with putting me in a nursing home permanently but not with procuring a carer or the like.
... Something like this might help you as well if you decide you would like to have the ability to drive yourself since it would help you if you had the energy to go to the place and do the thing, but weren't sure you had the energy to make it home safely.
just sit in a room and work out their differences, and by sit in a room i clearly mean _get it on_
isn't that always the answer???
aaaaaalways 😉
I literally saw your comment the moment jess started
Kristín Lilja I screamed when she said that!!! Honestly it is just criminal that the tension between Buffy and Faith was left, erm. unresolved 😂
lol I wasn't the only one that saw that 😉
New Jessica video...and she reveals she watches BTVS...and she ships Buffy and Faith...and all in the first 30 seconds. Holy Crap.
I ship Fuffy SO HARD. Their fanfiction and fanvids pretty much pulled me through my four years of lonely bedrest! (top tip)
... I may have also written some of my own fanfics 😏
*Nearly spits tea on computer* Well in that case let me recommend my favorite podcast, done by my favorite lesbian couple (on U.S. side of the Atlantic) www.bufferingthevampireslayer.com/ Not only plenty of queer theory (their terminology) and fun times, but an original song about every episode.
Oh. My. God. I'm off to investigate this... 😍
Jesse Turner This exchange give me hope for the world.
As someone with ADHD, Autism & Severe Anxiety that causes up to 3 panic attacks a week even on strong meds I would LOVE to be able to live alone. I’m 26. But I know that I will probably never be able to. That being said there are things I can do for myself and that is huge for me. I took public transport by myself for the first time yesterday and when I got to the stop where my Brother was waiting for me I burst into tears because I did something I was never able to do before. This is something “normal” people don’t seem to understand. Something that is a normal daily thing for them is a HUGE thing for me. In that moment I felt more independent than I had ever felt in my life. For people living with Disabilities it’s about the baby steps not the huge jumps.
Congratulations for taking public transport alone! Well done
It's hard but I am also happy for you because your disability is 100% curable
hydrangeas well, I wouldn't t say curable. Mental illnesses can be lifetime things and incurable, but they definitely are manageable
Anna Pettit Mental illnesses can be just as debilitating if not more than some physical illnesses, and people with mental illnesses can identify with the disability community as they wish to.
Well I know I am a bit late but: Congratulations you are awesome!!!
Jessica, I️ feel like this is the prime example of interdependence.
It bother me that a lot of people think that if you aren’t fully independent in all ways that you are dependent on others when in reality we are all interdependent with each other as human beings. We all need other people even if simply for social interaction. There is absolutely nothing wrong with interdependence it’s what makes the world function.
totally agree xxx
Amy Newsom-Leblanc yes this! I was at a disability conference yesterday and this was spoken about, interdependence, it was really good.
Spot on Amy!!!
Love your reply to this. It's wonderful and actually made me feel better Ty!
thanks for saying this
I love this perspective. Our society almost tries to make us feel like we should be unhappy if we're not fully 'independent' in the conventional term, like it's the ultimate goal. What about community and interdependence? And like you said, there are multiple varieties of independence as well.
Jessica has the most beautifully soothing voice on UA-cam and she doesnt even hear it ! Thats freaking amazing.
clisle l she could legit do audiobooks, her voice is so wonderful and her accent "refined" yet not snobbishly fancy. It's so delightful.
It is so beautiful isn't it? So magical and warm and soothing.
I’m not physically disabled, but I struggle with clinical depression with makes me feel so sad and like I can’t do anything of worth. Hearing your experience puts everything in perspective and truly inspires me ❤️
You are completely laudable 💖 The fact you even worry about not doing enough or being enough just shows what a tremendous heart you have xxx
this is so encouraging. I remember forcing myself to go places on my own just to be "independent" and then find myself there without the proper spoons and barely making it home again
This is a pretty relatable video for me. I have lived alone for nearly 4 years and I have barely left the house in that time. This year I decided to learn to drive.
I started a few weeks ago and I am going to get a mobility car. Independence is objective to the individual. Going to Asda by myself is going to be a monumental feat and I can’t wait for it. Wish me luck that I actually pass my test soon
Good luck Molly! x
I've been disabled since I was born and the major part of it is that I have to use a wheelchair. I'm in my senior year of college and I still have to live with my parents, so it can be kinda frustrating sometimes when I see my friends live in their own apartments and such. I also can't drive a car and have to have people drive me, but it can't be just any car. It has to be able to carry my chair. That's the most frustrating because I can't just go wherever, whenever. But it's nice to know that there are other adults with the same problems.
My big issue right now is that chair's battery is acting up and I can't go to class unless I want to be stranded on campus.
I have my own sets of disability. I just wanna say that your outlook, and this video breaking down how you see independence as a disabled person was so beautiful. It made me tear up. I am really thankful for your content.
Watching your videos is really helping me feel better about my depression and how that ends up affecting my life. I know it's not anything like what you deal with but there is a bit of overlap and your videos have been helpful to me.
Oh God I know this feel about "omg, it would be amazing to just drive somewhere and have the thing!" I can drive but don't have access to a car, and with my energy issues doing something like going to pick up loo roll or whatever is An Event. When I've seen friends just... go places, and it's no big deal, I'm like "whoaaaa."
Wow, Jessica, I so appreciate your honesty! I am disabled myself and you expressed with such clarity what it is like to accept the limits of "independence"! Thank you for sharing your positive outlook on life! Sending love from Oregon, USA!
Your independence is enhanced by having Clara or your wife. I have a similar circumstance in ways. I have a caregiver 4 days a week and my wife is a caregiver at times also. She is now quite sick so it's hard to be as free to move around as it was but I've worked out other ways and means. Having support allows you more freedom. I am the same. I soooo relate.
A toddler slug!! :-) That is a much kinder and happier description than my 'going at the speed of a drunk centanarian'! Thank you for these videos. They really help!
Hi Jessica! I am a new subscriber and i just wanted you to know that your videos have really helped me navigate around my autoimmune condition and managing every day life involving college, work, and my illness. You are truly amazing and I️ am grateful to have found your channel! Thank you so much for being an inspiration.
So happy I can help you lovely! Well done for managing all of that 😘
Ah. I had never thought of independence in this way. Thinking of it in this way makes me feel happier. I think of crutches and things as a big bother! But if I think of them as helping me move better it is comforting
Thank you for this video! I'm in the middle of reducing my "independence," like getting help with shopping and stopping driving. These decisions allow me to work about half time, something I was struggling with when I was trying to do everything myself. People around me keep expressing sadness on my behalf that I'm "giving up my independence." I feel like I'm gaining independence by earning my own money! You've helped me feel better about my transition to less (more) independence. Thanks again!!
Oh yeah, I keep a sick bucket under my bed, too. I haven't used it in a while, luckily.
Super strong independent married woman, you are amazing, I am able bodied and love it when my wife helps out around the house, there is a lot of goodness in being interdependent. That how it is for me, I look after my wife and she looks after me. I think you and Claudia live in a similar space.
Definitely. Equal in all things. We complete each other as it sounds you do too ❤
New subscriber who also has migraines, and "vomit from the eyeballs" is a very apt description of the feeling.
Thank you so much for your videos. I have chronic pain, I have stage 4 endometriosis and adenomyosis, it causes a whole bunch of symptoms and I struggle to deal with it because people treat me as defective sometimes. So watching these has helped me so much. I hate when people tell me "I hope you get better". Today is a tough day, the light is hurting my eyes, I have a terrible migraine and I feel nauseous but watching these raises my spirits, thank you so much. You're such an inspiration. Love from Cape Town, South Africa
I love your videos and personality you are amazing!
I'm going to add subtitles into my videos, my step mam is deaf and tbh I never really thought of adding them in but she can't currently watch my videos because of this which I don't like. Anyway how did you do it? Do you babe to physically write out everything you say in the videos?thanks for your help
Hi Demi! I can't make subtitles unfortunately, I rely on friends and the UA-cam community to make them x
I'm disabled too and my independence is just in doing the little I can do and you inspired me to be open on m chronic.illness journey thanks so much Jessica for your videos! Also I hope you don't mind I mention you in my videos and I put your videos in descriptions so other people can benefit from them to.
I have hearing impairment ,arthritis and an auto immune disease. The internet and my channel were life savers when i had to wind down my consulting . although i could still write my books i felt the lack of communication and contact. my channel has been so much fun and helps me feel like i am still helping people. my husband is disabled too. we rarely go out without one another so the term 'independence' has rather taken on a new meaning. it is anything we can do together without help of family or friends. and that is just fine. I know i am a lot older than you but finding your channel has been lovely. xx many blessings from Scotland xx
Hey Jessica. i find things like Amazon and online shopping to be so amazing in terms of helping me be more independent. There are days where my legs are too sore or my eyesight is too blurry to do things by myself and in the days I feel well enough physically it can be a struggle mentally, I have a hard time with crowds so I'll avoid shopping at all costs. Independence for me is being able to do the things I want to do by myself, however small. I don't like to rely on people for help and I'm glad that a lot of the time i don't need to.
Calvin McLaughlin online shopping is such a God send lol
Sarah Camley it really is!
COMPLETELY off topic: That jumper looks so nice and cozy
As a person with CFS, malformed joints in my legs, IBS and have just learned that I will go deaf in at least one of my ears slowly over the next few years this channel is exactly what I need
You're wearing a sweater my mother owns from the 1950s. It sits in her bottom drawer of her chest, along with other favorite pieces from her youth she hoped a daughter would wear. She was TINY, and I could never wear them! It makes me incredibly happy to see you wearing it.
I know you probably get this a lot but your hair looks amazing
Oh why thank you! 😊
It looks exceedingly beautiful here! Totally need a tutorial
Jessica, as someone who is severely depressed I can tell you driving is the best thing. When I do some errands the best part is being able to rush home with my car spend like 5% of the energy I’d use to get out and walk. Not much safe but still comforting!
feeling like you're going to vomit from your eyeballs is the best description of the feeling of migraine ever. So. Bad. I think independence is really mostly being able to make decisions for yourself and also, as you said, making these great videos online, yay! Totally agree with you. :)
Independence of mind is strength. You are so strong willed and an inspiration to even non disabled people. You dont let your body stop you from trying to accomplish more. Im so proud that we have a positive empowering voice such as yours to brighten the internet. Much love! Also, unrelated, your style is my aesthetic. So beautiful!
Thank you! Such a kind comment x
As a 40 yrs old woman. Living with ME/CFS POTs too. It is hard to dependent on others. On my best day I could drive somewhere but not come back from there. Loosing a lot of IQ too. I can’t even do homework with my boys. You video touched me. Made me feel less alone. Thank you very much. I hope you are staying safe from the COVID. Continue your great work.
Okay, but this sweater is giving me so, so much life. Nothing better than something cozy when you've not been feeling so great!
I just found your channel this week and I just adore you and appreciate all of your content for so many reasons. ❤
You are making me constantly smiling :) Thank you for your positivity, you're amazing !
Big love for this video. I'm in a bit of a weird place at the moment where at 25 I'm less independent than as a teenager and the realisation that that probably isn't magically going to change. However, the internet is indeed a wonderful thing and the ability to online shop, communicate, study largely without having to leave my bed is great. It means I can use my energy for actual fun going out things!
100% agree on the 'don't call an ambulance' thing! A&E is indeed hell on earth. I now have a 'hospital passport' which I keep in my bag that runs through all my medical conditions, consultants, meds etc. Which makes them way happier to a) communicate via writing rather than attempting to understand them whilst concust/ on drugs! b) happy to let me go asap and trust I know what I'm doing and c) stops me having to repeat all the medical info 50,000 times. A* highly recommend (usually used for learning disabilities but totally adaptable for any condition, UCLH have the best template).
Also love your jumper x
Your channel is blowing up and I'm so excited for you! Thank you for all of your lovely videos and I hope you're having a better day today.
My boyfriend works in disability here in Australia, during a roll out of the national disability insurance scheme. He has taught me a lot about disability and I now know that independence means doing as much as you can and not having a paternalistic influence ruling over you telling you that disabled people can't decide anything for themselves. You are having people around so you can do what you can, but they don't dictate your life. You seem to have such a great support system :)
You're going to have 100k subscribers in no time. Its amazing how quick you’ve grown in the past week!
I totally agree! Independence is getting to live your life on your own terms, and doing what makes you feel most affirmed as a person. Also, GREAT Buffy reference
Almost 70k 😮 I’ve followed you for roughly 1 year and have enjoyed watching your channel grow. Wishing you more ‘good days’ ❤️
I really love your sense of humor. I'm new to this channel and I honestly can't stop watching and learning.
100% agree with this! Can be so frustrating sometimes when you want to run an errand or something but have to rely on someone else! But it just shows how strong we really are by the way we deal with everyday struggles! Hope you're doing well xxx
Watching your channel grow over 10k in subscribers in like 3 days is amazing!!!! I️ love your videos! You are so amazing and peppy and happy ❤️❤️❤️
This is my favorite UA-cam channel you are so genuine it makes me HAPPY ALL DAY
I cannot believe how many subscribers you’re gaining so quickly!!! You deserve them ❤️❤️ love you Jessica!!
And you still manage to look so gorgeous. You are such a breath of fresh air. Just subbed recently but you already amaze me so much.
I just found your channel the other day and I love your videos. You're such a lovely and open person, it's really refreshing :) thank you for sharing so much of your life/experiences with us!
thank you so much for your videos. it means so much to me to be able to watch these. i think being able to see independence in a new way can also help me because it's so easy to want to define that word the same way as i did when i wasn't disabled, or thought i wasn't. but doing so is actually more disappointing.
Wow, you are so inspiring and I am now obsessed with your videos. Lots of love from Sweden 🌹
When I was a teenager, I definitely related to this. From when I was 6 weeks till I was 16 years old, I had a breathing tube; and the whole independence didn't the textbook definition. I could do everything myself but I still needed a nurse to take care of any phlegm that needed to be cleared out. Everyone's independence is different, especially when disabilities and chronic illness is a part of their life. Also, thank you for having a pain day video.
I've been binge watching your videos :)
Love your personality !!
omg than you so much for the content warning! I was already kind of expecting it because I know you mention it quite often in your videos but as a person who has quite bad anxiety and panic disorders that are rooted in a crippling fear of vomiting, it is really nice to see a warning on a video so I can brace myself and not be caught off guard. thank you so much for that nice little gesture!
Another thought provoking video Jessica. I hope you feel better soon! 💛
i love watching these videos bc it's nice to just hear someone speak who really gets it (same goes for reading the comments here, it provides a sense of normalcy to a part of my life i normally try to underplay or just not bother talking about)
i so agree about feeling more independent when you're in your wheel chair, the endurance to be able to look around a store, the brain power to just be able to think (surprisingly difficult to do when i'm standing), just getting to shop like a normal person is amazing, i don't have my own wheel chair sadly, mostly bc i wouldn't be able to load and unload it from the car so i'm limited to stores that have them available, i swear if i were rich i'd donate wheel chairs to all the stores, that would be life changing
Hi love ! I just wanted to say I'm a new subscriber and I absolutely love you and your videos. You are my new favorite UA-camr! I'm so glad I came across your channel. ❤❤❤
What are the odds that the same day I subscribe is the day a new video is posted?? Fantastic video by the way, you have really opened my eyes to the reality of living with disabilities.
Thank you for your videos. They are thoughtful and inspiring. Moreover, YOU are inspiring. Thank you for being you and sharing your experiences with us.
I just found your channel a couple days ago, and oh my goodness you're an angel! Absolutely the most positive, optimistic and happy person on this website :) I enjoy your videos so much! Much love from Canada :)
Honestly,how can there be such a charismatic person😫I love your videos:D
oh my goodness i have been watching your videos everyday for like the past week! you're so entertaining to watch and such a wholesome person. so glad i subscribed to you :)
Congratulations on the 100K! It all happened so fast!!! I'm shocked but very happy that a lot of people have found and appreciated your channel. Loads of love ❣️
Another great video! I’m so glad to see how this channel is taking off. You are a wonderfully engaging presenter with really interesting and important content. 😀👍🏻
You are such an incredible person! I'm in love with your personality!😍
Recently found your channel and you're really helping to open my eyes about these things. My mum has fibromyalgia so understanding chronic illness a bit more really helps me. Thank you for making your videos
Oh my gosh! You sound so lovely! I discovered your channel two days ago and I just cant stop watching all your funny, cute, awesome videos. Send love to the doggies!!
The things about independence is YOU get to define what it means to YOU! So of course I agree! As an Occupational Therapist in the US we talk a lot about independence too, but ultimately each person gets to define what it means for themselves.
Well you're a breath of fresh air. Thank you for your candid take on invisible disability. x
Love your videos as a person with chronic illness it's nice to see such positive representation. Also you've gained over 20k followers in a day! Wow!
Seen you on my recommended feed, and honestly I'm really happy I did.
I do not have a physical disability per say, but I have severe panic disorder/anxiety. It really controls my life but watching someone like you who has overcome so much really motivates me to keep my head up.
Days now just mold into eachother, I can't work...though I'm trying and pretty much inside all the time. Thanks for sharing your life.
I have just recently started watching your videos and I just wanted to say your amazing. I love watching you talk about anything, your so bubbly and full of life and funny and you and Claudia are so adorable.
Wow, you are at 80k! Congratulations, thank you for sharing and being a great inspiration. I am a newer sub and I have been really enjoying your videos. You have really helped me feel better about my disability and autoimmune issues. I know you have helped so many. You are an amazing person Jessica and you and your wife are such a cute couple. I wish you all the best and thank you again for sharing.
You’re such a strong person! I can’t stop watching. I applaud you. :)
Thank you. I love your honesty while mixed with your witty sense of humour. Having a chronic illness is so hard for some people to understand, but you explain it so perfectly. We have to take on things day to day, and meet ourselves where we are at that day.
thank you, i appreciate these ones so much. being able to mirror yourself in someone who is having a bad one means a lot
I'm new to the channel and you've given me a huge boost in confidence. Thank you for sharing all you do, it honestly really helps to hear that I'm not just 'sleepy' (Cfs) etc, that this is a real thing I'm living with, and hearing someone else experiencing these things is really helping me. Very happy to have found this channel and can't wait for more videos! :)
I love this video. It really makes me appreciate how well my partner is and how independence can mean something totally different for everyone. Hope you made it through without vomiting! Xx
I hope that you get to feeling better. A very useful video for anyone that loves with someone with a chronic illness. Thank you ❤️
Jessica I'm sorry you had a tough day. Your vids are always inspirational. X.O
so glad to see you uploading!! makes my morning :')
i love you more and more with every video you post!
I subscribed like 2 or 3 days ago when you had like 32k and now you have 62k 😳 you totally deserve it tho !! xx You are really amazing and inspiring. I really like your style and your hair looks amazing!! I hope you will feel better soon.
Really enjoyed this video! I can relate to quite a bit of this as well! Can't wait to see future content!
I just discovered your channel, and I'm so glad I did. I found you from the BBC3 video you were in for Things Not to Say to Deaf People. But we're both queer spoonies who love vintage style and I'm so obsessed with this channel now! Thank you for being amazing!
I love your sweater, it looks so soft and cozy
I love this. I found your channel only recently and have been watching a bunch of your videos, and you are truly inspiring. As a fellow spoonie living with chronic illnesses, I think this video is so spot on. I will have to show it to my friends, because people frequently question how well I'll be able to lead my life being so sick, and I think you're totally right that chronically ill people just have to define independence differently. I'm a filmmaker, and I find independence in writing and creating stories. When I can work, it's exciting, but sometimes I can't. I spend large amounts of my day exhausted, watching Netflix, and playing bubble spinner online because my brain is too tired to think of anything, but I'm becoming more and more okay with that. I'm starting to accept my own limits because I don't see the utility in fighting them anymore. I wish I were brave enough to start a youtube channel; it seems there is great community to be had here. But I am so glad that your channel exists! Thank you!
Thank you for making all these awesome videos, I've binged watched many of them in the last week as I am a new subscriber. I appreciate your honesty here very much. It's not always sunshine and unicorns (but sometimes it is). Hair questions for next Q & A video: Do you sleep in rollers every night? Can you make your curls last for a few days, if so how? Thanks! xx
I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!! Growing up with numerous mental disorders/disabilities (autism, adhd, multiple mental illnesses), "independent living" was a huge thing that was focused on with my treatments. However, my parents, case workers, and doctors were so incredibly focused on getting me to what THEY felt would help make me reach independence in adulthood (I was a child-teenager for most of this. I'm 27 now.).
Using the driving example that you did, I never wanted to drive but in the States (where I live), driving is the primary transportation people use. With my ADHD causing attention difficulties, my Autism causing navigational difficulties, and my mental illnesses that cause panic attacks, dissociation and paranoia (among other things), I didn't feel safe driving; I've expressed that the idea of it terrified me from age 8 or so until today. But when I was 17 and wanted to learn public transportation routes and proper usage/alternate forms of getting around, I had to get my license no matter what I said/how I felt about it because, "you'll be more independent with a car."
Well, I have my license and a car, living out of my parents house too (yay for that though. ^_^), I feel far more isolated and dependent than when I was in college with no car on campus, using buses, trains, and walking.
With my Autism too (speaking only on how my autism acts), if I just start using the buses in a place I've driven in primarily previously it will leave me extremely confused with my daily tasks and how to approach them. I like to describe my Autism as if/then statements in computer programming - change a variable (the car in this case), my processing of how to respond to, react to, and complete a given task will essentially shut down entirely.
Things like that, and an entire range of how disabled people of varying types in connection with independence, is why I LOVE that you spoke about this. Independence is simply doing what you have to do to function in society. Do you need another willing person there to help, like this lovely youtuber? Still counts as independent. Do you need to do things more slowly than the average? That's fine. Do things atypically? Also fine. Etc....
As long as you're trying and doing what needs to be done, then you may have reach "INDEPENDENT" status.
Even if you can't reach you're personal independence ideals, or your families independence ideals, just try to be a good person and have some fun. Try to just make the best of a difficult situation. Easier said than done sometimes, but where's the harm in at least trying? ^_^
I am processing the fact that I am going to need around the clock care as I have covid and just can't keep up with things and have tried to make it on UA-cam but it hasn't really happened for me and I am looking for a way to make some pocket money.
must say Jessica- new fan here ! I don't know where/how it started but somehow i stumbled onto your channel- the youtube vortex grabbed me , and three hours later I'm still watching your videos . I love your content! and your smile is contagious ! keep up the amazing work !
Thank you for showing your time with a migraine, I have chronic migraines so it’s kinda nice to see that I’m not alone with that
I found this account yesterday and I already want to hug her and meet her and say hello, my god she’s adorable!
I could listen to your voice all day
As a recent (2021) subscriber, this video is a source of serious comfort for me living with disability without the "official" disability title in America (social security disability/partial or full) or some other like institutional validation. But I still am! My disabilities make it really hard to get myself adequate treatment as well as adequate medical records which would allow to me again than American government validation- which is also a powerful social currency for Americans with disabilities, where ableistic ideologies are entirely the norm.
I've just discovered your channel, and I'm absolutely hooked. I know I'm late to the party, but congratulations on getting married! Also (from your "why I don't sound deaf" video, YES YOU DID SO GOOD ON THAT IRISH ACCENT 10/10. I'm a derp and forget to comment on videos when I have a thought, but I really am loving your channel. I understand the struggles of "building a ladder" every day (as I put it.) when dealing with a disability, or in my case chronic pain, and listening to some of your struggles and how you cope with them helps give people like me the strength to always build that ladder, even if each ring gets a little bit harder to construct. Sometimes it's so hard to get out of bed, to do that work out, to walk to work, to shower, even to eat. Knowing that there are so many other people out there that have the strength to keep going even when they physically feel like they can't, pushes me to keep moving forward, too. My therapist once told me "If you aren't living every day with the goal of working towards your better self, what are you really doing?" Which then cause me to develop a really annoying phrase in my every day speech, which is "live your best life" and while that phrase is used by many people and it has a lot of different meanings. For me it reminds me to always work towards my better self, and if I'm unhappy I'm probably not doing something right. Thank you for sharing your life with this messy world of UA-cam, because you give people like me strength to keep going!
Oh Jessica, you always seem to know what I need to hear!
Having invisible illnesses and therefore "passing" as able-bodied has 100% skewed my perception, and expectations of my own independence.
Thank you for pointing out that because we are different, our independence is necessarily different too.
You are entrancing! I can't stop watching your videos! Your lovely personality paired with your content (and British accent) makes for an entertaining, educational, and inspirational experience. Thank you for providing insight into your daily life.