For the shit i had to go through because of my parents and the way they treated me, i was mad at them but at the same time i felt guilty for it. Like you said, they did the best they could, they fed me, put a roof over my head and got me the best education they could afford. Being in that inbetween head space is hard and difficult to navigate. I geniunly love and hate them. As im growing as an adult, there are just so many things that id never do to my child that they did to me. Realising that your parents are just human too and not a perfect person was an eye opening moment. Im still learning to be more sympathetic but its been a tough journey because they can't acknowledge their actions.
its that question of.. because they lived up to the bare minimum as parents and did what they were supposed to do... does it make any of the abuse actually ok? And is a child "Bad" for wanting to go no contact, even if they had parents doing the bare minimum but were highly physically and emotionally abusive.
not for me, my mom could have done better but she didnt want to. The bare minimum was enough for her. I deserve an apology but she always pointed the finger. She doesn't deserve my sympathy and I feel no guilt about it. She fucked up and its her own fault
I'm in a weird space, i went through this my mother during lockdown, she didn't have the best parents, very sympathetic and shared similar experience sentement to what David talks about. Aswell as her going through a divorce to her partner during lockdown. As an adult at the time, she support me in the sense where i lived with her, she help paid for my unveirsity fees and living, lots of holidays. All weaponised, to continue to control me, stopped me/bro from applying for jobs that i wanted to go for, that i reserved the right to all the crap she threw at me. and as i continued to put up my bpundries she told me, i was i dissapointment and if she knew i was going to be the type of person i am today, she would have rathered died from cancer. Years later we went on a holiday and she "apologised" during the divorce settlement, by saying sorry if i ever hurt you. Something didn't seem genuine, later during an arguement with her out for dinner, she turned to my brother and said You told me things would change if i apaologised. When ever we hang out, its very much everythings brushed under the rug and if theres any negative experience. There's no accountability on her I love how vulnerable David has been with his whole online career. Im finding myself gone past alot of this, and coming to a point where im not sure whether or not its worth extending the olive branch anymore. I never post on social media or comment , and i dont know what i wanted to get out of writing any of this onto the internet. Thanks David, its going to be weird when you leave this space
It's sad when you cant truly open up to your own parents. I'm just grateful my adoptive parents do so much for me. So it's nice to see that despite you not liking your own father you are still grateful.
I’m immensely grateful that my parents are still around for me to exercise the compassion and understanding towards them that I never did for so many years. They’re in their 70s now and time is flying by. I want to spend every chance I get loving them unconditionally and accepting the way they are, though it’s sooo hard. David, i’m glad you came to this epiphany with your dad while there’s still time left! May we use this time wisely…it’s such a gift. And not a single extra day is guaranteed to us on this Earth.
Aww thanks for talking about this issue! It’s so hard expressing your feelings and emotions with asian parents who can’t comprehend or show their love the way you need. I learned to take it with a grain of salt, you have to give and take in a relationship and that’s helped heal me and my mom. Being an adult and rebuilding that relationship with your parent is life changing!
I feel like this is a common thing most asian kids go through. I ended up just getting to a point where I accepted the fact that I would never truly meet their expectations and started to create my own expectations for myself. Also, it's so true that they don't know how to be any different, which makes it kinda sad for us.
I'm Hmong and I can tell my dad has a hard time showing emotions and love growing up. As my brothers and I have gotten older we started showing more affection to my dad and I can see the difference in him now. It's true that they don't know how to show the love when they weren't shown themselves from our grandparents. Be the change in your family. He loves his grandkids though and I can see the difference of affection he shows them compared to us growing up.
I don't come from an immigrant family, but 17:57 saying it out loud that you love your parent yet don't like them. Highly relatable. And I'd take mine a step further, if I wasn't family to my parent, I wouldn't be friends with them.
Relatable video, I'm slowly learning to engage with my father instead of reacting to him saying/doing stupid stuff because I don't even know him that well, despite living in the same house all my life. I think i might not ever get to know him so I gotta stop envisioning a perfect relationship that others have and try to be pragmatic in the one I have.
It’s called radical acceptance. It is a DBT skill. Radically accepting the situation as it is and not expecting somebody to be who they are not is very freeing
Radical acceptance also ties directly into boundaries and can be difficult when you are both trying to radically accept the situation but also know that actively being involved in it violates your boundaries and cannot be healthy for you. At that point, your only option becomes accepting but not interacting with the boundary breakers. It's back to old adage of if someone slaps you once, forgive them but keep your face far from them moving forward.
This and the last episode hit deep. I can relate on so many levels because like you I am a first gen Korean. Thank you for being someone that shares the same story as me but doing it in a way that I never could. Thank you so much.
Love the childhood trauma dump Dave conversations. As a black man, I could always resonate with your upbringing cause Black and Asian culture are very similar, and it’s been something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently
Beautiful video, thank you for posting this. I've been calling my Dad out on some of his shit recently and not in the most composed way admittedly. I've always had this idea that people can change and pick who they are. A lot of people think this way. And it's true, people go through some miraculous transformations out there. But the uncomfortable truth is that we don't pick our genetics, our family, our upbringing...we didn't even choose the fact that we were born and have to suffer in the ways that we do. And in some sense, our choice to change is predetermined too because we wouldn't be trying to change if we weren't who we were. So much is out of our control. Yet, we judge ourselves and other people so harshly as if they chose to be who they are. At the same time we all have to be responsible for our actions because no one else will. It's a tough line to draw.
I'm lucky. My Korean dad loves me unconditionally. I just went on a two-week trip with him to his favorite place, somewhere I had never been. We had a great time. Our next trip is in a few months. I think if I had grown up in Korea, or even LA, it may have been different. Also, both of us are older. Both of us understand what is important in life.
Hey David, thank you for this episode. It made me look at my own relationship with my dad a little differently as some of the things you’ve said I can relate to. This helped a lot.
Thank you for sharing a situation that resonates deeply with many of us who grew up as immigrant kids or with a narcissistic parent. I hope your dad, like you, can find healing through therapy and learn to express emotions in a healthy, non-condescending way. 🙏
These solo ones always connect me with on another level, obviously because we both korean and have immigrant parents, but also because the super similar experiences/realizations we had about our family. It makes me feel like im not alone through all of it. So I guess thanks for that and I hope you continue to heal and grow.
An idea for a topic: My father was/is abusive very similar to how you described parents in your podcast today (except hes an immigrant from England and only knows English). I have a family of my own now and I want my mom to be involved in my kids life cuz shes lovely and family is very important. I don't want my dad involved because I dont want him to pass on trauma and treat my kids the same that he treated me, but again I recognise that family is important. So how should I navigate that space? Do I keep him out? Do I let him in? etc.? Theres not a lot of details to grasp the whole situation so if needed I can add more context
While my immigrant parents and I always got along fine, it wasn't great until I was around 25 and realized that they too are humans. Once they became more than just mom and dad, I got to know them more. Realizing that they have their own trauma and life experiences that shaped them into who they are. The more that I talked with them in our native language, the more we bonded. Definitely took time though and now we're great. I'll with leave this funny story that my father told me once I got older. He stated that while we're all pretty smart now; out of all his six kids, I was definitely the dumb one when we were younger. I asked him why he thought that way. His answer...you never asked for anything nice when I was little. My siblings (I'm the oldest of the kids) all asked for name brand items and I just took whatever was given to me. Walmart, discount stores, hand me downs, etc. My response was that I got it early on that we're immigrants, dirt poor with only the clothes on our back and what our extended family could help with. A little bit of empathy with your parents will go a long way towards building a positive relationship.
Big facts on the not knowing their native language. If you grew up learning through what they said and what you heard, how can they open up about something you don’t know if you haven’t heard those words before?
Sometimes as immigrant/first generation kids we tend to be so selfish and we forget that our parents had lives before us. I’m with David that I don’t have a good relationship with my own father but I learned a few years ago that I need to understand how my dad grew up bc he didn’t like to share his childhood with us, idk bc he wanted us not to know his pain or look my grandpa a certain way. I did forgive but obviously it’s still a work in progress relationship. I just hope his addiction doesn’t get the best of him and he changes for himself and not for no one else. Thank you David for this episode 🫶🏽
thank you so much for being vulnerable and opening up about this david. I have some questions for you though. was there ever time that you had ever considered going no contact with your dad? if so what ultimately made you decide against it? also, you say that you love your dad because he gave you all that he could with the best of his ability, but how do you know if that's love and not guilt tethering you to him? I feel like your relationship with your dad is similar to my relationship with my mom, and I'm too trying to figure out my feelings. Best of love to you and your healing journey.
David, i think most Asians growing up went thru the same thing you did. The father was the king of the house, his word was final. Even when he was wrong. It drove me crazy growing up. Which is why i rebelled against him wvery chance i got. I never got a "i love you" till he was 80 years old....i was always called the loser, troublemaker, dumbass, etc, etc growing up. I dreaded the Asian "rooster duster" cause i constantly got beat with it. It never breaks....trust me my dad tried to break it on me!! I got so many welts that when i went to school, the teacher thought i was getting abused....most of the beating were waranted, i wasnt a good kid growing up.....i adimit i made very wrong choices. But my dad and me had a "come to jesus" talking and we understood and forgave each other. I will never forget that day, we both were crying......Youre a good person, David. Much love, bro. Be safe.
Times when I feel resentment towards my parents. It gets so bad sometimes that I hate hearing their voice. I remember this, It’s their first time living life too.
As a first gen mexican american i 100% agree about learning the language ur parents know growing up I didnt really understood why my mom and dad never got along, it wasnt til i learned spanish that i realize that they had many issues before and after coming to the states and made me think that yeahhhh its best they seperate lol
I wonder what your dad "thought" he was going to accomplish by randomly saying that to you. That's like one of those poke the bear type comments to say out of nowhere. May you have a positive week ahead, David. 🦋
Heavy on…are you expecting them to be somebody they are just not, very hard grieving process with this. A loss of something you never had and never will.
Another layer to realize, since your father has opened up, it could also be so sad and confusing for him realizing how his parents could have also treated him better.
@davidsocomedy David! Great vid as always! Im a BBC born and raised in the UK. I totally feel you. I feel the exact same as you. Its hard, my dad is exactly the same too. He has been like this for most of his life, the whole family cannot understand how hes thinking and he doesnt understand us. I just cant understand my dad. Ive been through so much and i know no one is perfect, even myself, im never always right but i know to admit and learn, everyone slat some point starts from somewhere right? Which through life, im only 28 and i have experienced that in any relationship whether its family, work colleagues/clients, gf/bf, friendship that patients, understanding, communication and honesty is the most important. I try to understand my father, but even making a conversation or asking him question, he cannot give a simple answer, maybe "sometimes" he will answer but will go round in a big round to get to the point or just waffle on about something else.... I found out through trying to no him that he just doesnt like anyone telling him that hes wrong especially family. But we dont say things because to challenge him, make him feel bad in front of others or to embarass him. I just dont understand why, theres just no reason to be like this and to be so stubborn. I have tried to talk and understand him be just cannot communicate what so ever. Outsiders not only family think the same that my father is hard to communicate with. Recently he went into hospital due to his underlying COPD AND aheart condition. Hes been so grumpy and always overthink and thinks badly/looks down on people, i still helped him, i genuinely want to help him as im his son and he is my father i have a responsibility, if im genuinely im not looking for anything in return. He health is the most important. When he's struggling, he would want people to help him, but the when hes fine and came out of hospital, he changes and treats people like how he wants to. Everything I am frustrated with, i have told him, like again communication is important, if nothing is said, other people dont know then youre putting more pressure on yourself (coming from experience). Things like this he wouldnt want to talk about or will avoid, a relationship is not just 1 person that puts the effort in ots both, if one is not willing, how can the relationship improve right? He will always say stop talking rubbish or nonsense. My brother sister and mother feels the same. No one cwn understwnd him and he cant understands anyone. Ive expressed myself so many times and how i feel and ask what hes thinking and he just cant accept or answer. He always says im not listening to him and that im like others just backchatting......🙄🙄im only telling the truth, i didnt ignore what hes saying or cut him off. Its kinda getting to a stage of just telling him, as long as iive done my bit, up to him if he doesnt want to listen. Just so selfish and stubborn. Hope the situation with you and your father gets well soon. Take care brother!❤❤
From a mom who makes fun of you for crying over a girl and a dad that calls you ‘ 🐱 boy. No wonder why David clowns on people so hard. Got a Tough mentality 😂
Damn, reading the comments I see how connected we all are in our trauma, lol I've come to recently realize that my parents did their best and thanks to David pointing out, that I realize I have this "tv show dad" that he's trying to live up to in my head. And it is hard not trying to be reactive to his gas-lighting but his gas-lighting is his way of not showing weakness/insecurity to the family. I can see that he was physically and emotionally abused by his father but as his generation, they don't know and so my fathers response to his trauma is hoarding things and that's another complex topic itself. Alright peace out
Btw for those who have immigrant parents who can’t speak to them what I found that worked for me is dating someone who loves enough to be your translator for you! lol
It's my mom for me, kind of my dad too. The mature thing to do is move on but I'm petty and tired of being the bigger person. But they've been through hardships so I didn't have to so I still give them respect and want to get them a home, take care of them (maybe pay someone to take care of them for all our sakes 😆). Another great video 💖
Growing up, my dad, TECHNICALLY stepdad, but I never knew another dad, and I never got along. There was a lot of shouting at each other. A lot of it was due to him not seeing how whatever he's said doesn't make sense and I try to correct him and get the usual reply of "So you calling me stupid, huh??". There was just zero coexisting between us. I ended moving out at age 19. Almost never spoke to each other. Then, 4 months later my little brother was involved in a car accident that sent him to a hospital. Let's just say, the way it was described, I'm baffled at how not only is he alive today, but no brain damage or any kind of disability was given to him. I had accpted in tears that he just didn't make it. He did though. The weekend after he was released from the hospital, I received a phone call from my dad. My little brother called me. He was 8 years old and wanted to see me. I came over within minutes and my dad and I essentially mutually agreed without even discussing it with each other to start over fresh. That was in December of 2011. To this day, we still never discussed the past and we've only gotten angry at each other like... TWICE(?).
I love this episode @davidSo. You said things I been searching for to save my life and sanity. Great job Bro please make vids to express better or how you became a great communicator. I think men are not encouraged to express themselves
We do something right (keywords: in their eyes) and they reward us slightly . We do something right but they don’t care , nothing happens and we might even get reprimanded Also why do asian parents always shut down once a conversation gets too deep or we talk about our feelings. It’s like they humanly cannot express their emotions. Like they have a wall up and can’t let it down
Man. Growing up in an immigrant Filipino family….this hits the same. I love my dad…but i don’t like him 😂. That’s exactly how i feel. It took me as a father myself to understand that he did the best that he can do. He only wanted the best for me. He can only communicate to me how he was taught to communicate. Fortunately I’ve had a deep conversation with my father and cleared up decades of shit. From those conversations….we’ve realized that we respect each other and realized we agree to disagree… and that’s okay 😂.
I can resonate to a degree. I still think there are traumas within my parents that are unresolved which makes it also difficult to have a healthy relationship with them. I don't blame them but I also know mental health doesn't exist to them so they won't work through those traumas unfortunately.
Hi David I usually listen on Spotift but heard the last part about what topics we would like to hear you talk about. As a first Gen Korean-American how did you attune so well to your culture being in America? Being a first Gen 25 Year Old Hmong-American being born in the US I've always struggled with trying to be inbetween being Hmong and American. Growing up my parents never really spoke or taught me hmong so I struggle with trying to communicate with my grandparents and some other family members. How were you able to overcome this? Hmong new year was just this pass weekend in Sac town and you being from Sac you probably grew up knowing some hmong people and seeing how family and culturally oriented we are. Till this day I struggle with fitting in with my culture.
I want to know as someone who has seen so much of the black community what would you say is holding us back or if u don't think we held back give me your view on our communities relationships
I don’t understand the idea that you must have unconditional love for your parents because “they are your parents” If your parents are terrible people, does it make sense to have love for them just because? It shouldn’t matter their role in your life If they are terrible, treat you like second class citizen, or even belittle you for making mistakes Shouldn’t one have the right to say “fuck this” and go live your own life? Cherish the people who love AND respect Leave those who mean to use you for personal Gain, regardless of blood
messed up on the title in the beginning of the vid! it's from the last video just ignore it! happy Sunday everyone!
Im loving these solo episodes. Reminds me of the old vlog days
For the shit i had to go through because of my parents and the way they treated me, i was mad at them but at the same time i felt guilty for it. Like you said, they did the best they could, they fed me, put a roof over my head and got me the best education they could afford. Being in that inbetween head space is hard and difficult to navigate. I geniunly love and hate them. As im growing as an adult, there are just so many things that id never do to my child that they did to me. Realising that your parents are just human too and not a perfect person was an eye opening moment. Im still learning to be more sympathetic but its been a tough journey because they can't acknowledge their actions.
I feel so seen and thanks for sharing 😅❤
its that question of.. because they lived up to the bare minimum as parents and did what they were supposed to do... does it make any of the abuse actually ok? And is a child "Bad" for wanting to go no contact, even if they had parents doing the bare minimum but were highly physically and emotionally abusive.
not for me, my mom could have done better but she didnt want to. The bare minimum was enough for her. I deserve an apology but she always pointed the finger. She doesn't deserve my sympathy and I feel no guilt about it. She fucked up and its her own fault
I'm in a weird space, i went through this my mother during lockdown, she didn't have the best parents, very sympathetic and shared similar experience sentement to what David talks about.
Aswell as her going through a divorce to her partner during lockdown.
As an adult at the time, she support me in the sense where i lived with her, she help paid for my unveirsity fees and living, lots of holidays.
All weaponised, to continue to control me, stopped me/bro from applying for jobs that i wanted to go for, that i reserved the right to all the crap she threw at me. and as i continued to put up my bpundries she told me, i was i dissapointment and if she knew i was going to be the type of person i am today, she would have rathered died from cancer.
Years later we went on a holiday and she "apologised" during the divorce settlement, by saying sorry if i ever hurt you. Something didn't seem genuine, later during an arguement with her out for dinner, she turned to my brother and said You told me things would change if i apaologised.
When ever we hang out, its very much everythings brushed under the rug and if theres any negative experience. There's no accountability on her
I love how vulnerable David has been with his whole online career. Im finding myself gone past alot of this, and coming to a point where im not sure whether or not its worth extending the olive branch anymore.
I never post on social media or comment , and i dont know what i wanted to get out of writing any of this onto the internet.
Thanks David, its going to be weird when you leave this space
It's sad when you cant truly open up to your own parents. I'm just grateful my adoptive parents do so much for me. So it's nice to see that despite you not liking your own father you are still grateful.
I’m immensely grateful that my parents are still around for me to exercise the compassion and understanding towards them that I never did for so many years. They’re in their 70s now and time is flying by. I want to spend every chance I get loving them unconditionally and accepting the way they are, though it’s sooo hard.
David, i’m glad you came to this epiphany with your dad while there’s still time left! May we use this time wisely…it’s such a gift. And not a single extra day is guaranteed to us on this Earth.
💖🙏
Aww thanks for talking about this issue! It’s so hard expressing your feelings and emotions with asian parents who can’t comprehend or show their love the way you need. I learned to take it with a grain of salt, you have to give and take in a relationship and that’s helped heal me and my mom. Being an adult and rebuilding that relationship with your parent is life changing!
😘
I feel like this is a common thing most asian kids go through. I ended up just getting to a point where I accepted the fact that I would never truly meet their expectations and started to create my own expectations for myself. Also, it's so true that they don't know how to be any different, which makes it kinda sad for us.
You hot
I'm Hmong and I can tell my dad has a hard time showing emotions and love growing up. As my brothers and I have gotten older we started showing more affection to my dad and I can see the difference in him now. It's true that they don't know how to show the love when they weren't shown themselves from our grandparents. Be the change in your family. He loves his grandkids though and I can see the difference of affection he shows them compared to us growing up.
I don't come from an immigrant family, but 17:57 saying it out loud that you love your parent yet don't like them. Highly relatable. And I'd take mine a step further, if I wasn't family to my parent, I wouldn't be friends with them.
Relatable video, I'm slowly learning to engage with my father instead of reacting to him saying/doing stupid stuff because I don't even know him that well, despite living in the same house all my life. I think i might not ever get to know him so I gotta stop envisioning a perfect relationship that others have and try to be pragmatic in the one I have.
❤❤ I really needed to read this
Loved this solo episode! Resonated with what David said alot. Really appreciate your podcast David!
It’s called radical acceptance. It is a DBT skill. Radically accepting the situation as it is and not expecting somebody to be who they are not is very freeing
Radical acceptance also ties directly into boundaries and can be difficult when you are both trying to radically accept the situation but also know that actively being involved in it violates your boundaries and cannot be healthy for you. At that point, your only option becomes accepting but not interacting with the boundary breakers. It's back to old adage of if someone slaps you once, forgive them but keep your face far from them moving forward.
This and the last episode hit deep. I can relate on so many levels because like you I am a first gen Korean. Thank you for being someone that shares the same story as me but doing it in a way that I never could. Thank you so much.
Love the childhood trauma dump Dave conversations. As a black man, I could always resonate with your upbringing cause Black and Asian culture are very similar, and it’s been something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently
Beautiful video, thank you for posting this. I've been calling my Dad out on some of his shit recently and not in the most composed way admittedly.
I've always had this idea that people can change and pick who they are. A lot of people think this way. And it's true, people go through some miraculous transformations out there. But the uncomfortable truth is that we don't pick our genetics, our family, our upbringing...we didn't even choose the fact that we were born and have to suffer in the ways that we do. And in some sense, our choice to change is predetermined too because we wouldn't be trying to change if we weren't who we were. So much is out of our control. Yet, we judge ourselves and other people so harshly as if they chose to be who they are. At the same time we all have to be responsible for our actions because no one else will. It's a tough line to draw.
I'm lucky. My Korean dad loves me unconditionally. I just went on a two-week trip with him to his favorite place, somewhere I had never been. We had a great time. Our next trip is in a few months. I think if I had grown up in Korea, or even LA, it may have been different. Also, both of us are older. Both of us understand what is important in life.
crazy how detailed you described my dad. thanks fam
Damn so this is a universal first generation American thing
And in Australia and possibly UK too
Hey David, thank you for this episode. It made me look at my own relationship with my dad a little differently as some of the things you’ve said I can relate to. This helped a lot.
Thank you for sharing a situation that resonates deeply with many of us who grew up as immigrant kids or with a narcissistic parent. I hope your dad, like you, can find healing through therapy and learn to express emotions in a healthy, non-condescending way. 🙏
love you david hyung💛
So relatable! Thank you for sharing David.
treat everyday like the present that it is...truly embrace it for it is all that we have...
These solo ones always connect me with on another level, obviously because we both korean and have immigrant parents, but also because the super similar experiences/realizations we had about our family. It makes me feel like im not alone through all of it.
So I guess thanks for that and I hope you continue to heal and grow.
An idea for a topic: My father was/is abusive very similar to how you described parents in your podcast today (except hes an immigrant from England and only knows English). I have a family of my own now and I want my mom to be involved in my kids life cuz shes lovely and family is very important. I don't want my dad involved because I dont want him to pass on trauma and treat my kids the same that he treated me, but again I recognise that family is important. So how should I navigate that space? Do I keep him out? Do I let him in? etc.? Theres not a lot of details to grasp the whole situation so if needed I can add more context
thank you for this episode man helped and gave me comfort
Loved this, bro. I relate on so many levels 👊🏽
While my immigrant parents and I always got along fine, it wasn't great until I was around 25 and realized that they too are humans. Once they became more than just mom and dad, I got to know them more. Realizing that they have their own trauma and life experiences that shaped them into who they are. The more that I talked with them in our native language, the more we bonded. Definitely took time though and now we're great.
I'll with leave this funny story that my father told me once I got older. He stated that while we're all pretty smart now; out of all his six kids, I was definitely the dumb one when we were younger. I asked him why he thought that way. His answer...you never asked for anything nice when I was little. My siblings (I'm the oldest of the kids) all asked for name brand items and I just took whatever was given to me. Walmart, discount stores, hand me downs, etc. My response was that I got it early on that we're immigrants, dirt poor with only the clothes on our back and what our extended family could help with.
A little bit of empathy with your parents will go a long way towards building a positive relationship.
Big facts on the not knowing their native language. If you grew up learning through what they said and what you heard, how can they open up about something you don’t know if you haven’t heard those words before?
This video was very helpful, really enjoy these types of sit down convos!
Sometimes as immigrant/first generation kids we tend to be so selfish and we forget that our parents had lives before us. I’m with David that I don’t have a good relationship with my own father but I learned a few years ago that I need to understand how my dad grew up bc he didn’t like to share his childhood with us, idk bc he wanted us not to know his pain or look my grandpa a certain way. I did forgive but obviously it’s still a work in progress relationship. I just hope his addiction doesn’t get the best of him and he changes for himself and not for no one else. Thank you David for this episode 🫶🏽
As always, thank you for sharing David 💙
thank you so much for being vulnerable and opening up about this david. I have some questions for you though. was there ever time that you had ever considered going no contact with your dad? if so what ultimately made you decide against it? also, you say that you love your dad because he gave you all that he could with the best of his ability, but how do you know if that's love and not guilt tethering you to him? I feel like your relationship with your dad is similar to my relationship with my mom, and I'm too trying to figure out my feelings. Best of love to you and your healing journey.
David, i think most Asians growing up went thru the same thing you did. The father was the king of the house, his word was final. Even when he was wrong. It drove me crazy growing up. Which is why i rebelled against him wvery chance i got. I never got a "i love you" till he was 80 years old....i was always called the loser, troublemaker, dumbass, etc, etc growing up. I dreaded the Asian "rooster duster" cause i constantly got beat with it. It never breaks....trust me my dad tried to break it on me!! I got so many welts that when i went to school, the teacher thought i was getting abused....most of the beating were waranted, i wasnt a good kid growing up.....i adimit i made very wrong choices. But my dad and me had a "come to jesus" talking and we understood and forgave each other. I will never forget that day, we both were crying......Youre a good person, David. Much love, bro. Be safe.
Times when I feel resentment towards my parents. It gets so bad sometimes that I hate hearing their voice. I remember this,
It’s their first time living life too.
Everytime these talks happen a part of me heals a little more and I forgive my parents a little more.
you mentioned on spotify (probably here too) you had no ads, but on there I got like 10 ads
As a first gen mexican american i 100% agree about learning the language ur parents know growing up I didnt really understood why my mom and dad never got along, it wasnt til i learned spanish that i realize that they had many issues before and after coming to the states and made me think that yeahhhh its best they seperate lol
I wonder what your dad "thought" he was going to accomplish by randomly saying that to you. That's like one of those poke the bear type comments to say out of nowhere. May you have a positive week ahead, David. 🦋
Love you David. I prefer the solo podcasts (but I love all your content).
Heavy on…are you expecting them to be somebody they are just not, very hard grieving process with this. A loss of something you never had and never will.
Another layer to realize, since your father has opened up, it could also be so sad and confusing for him realizing how his parents could have also treated him better.
@davidsocomedy
David! Great vid as always!
Im a BBC born and raised in the UK. I totally feel you. I feel the exact same as you. Its hard, my dad is exactly the same too. He has been like this for most of his life, the whole family cannot understand how hes thinking and he doesnt understand us. I just cant understand my dad. Ive been through so much and i know no one is perfect, even myself, im never always right but i know to admit and learn, everyone slat some point starts from somewhere right? Which through life, im only 28 and i have experienced that in any relationship whether its family, work colleagues/clients, gf/bf, friendship that patients, understanding, communication and honesty is the most important.
I try to understand my father, but even making a conversation or asking him question, he cannot give a simple answer, maybe "sometimes" he will answer but will go round in a big round to get to the point or just waffle on about something else....
I found out through trying to no him that he just doesnt like anyone telling him that hes wrong especially family. But we dont say things because to challenge him, make him feel bad in front of others or to embarass him.
I just dont understand why, theres just no reason to be like this and to be so stubborn.
I have tried to talk and understand him be just cannot communicate what so ever.
Outsiders not only family think the same that my father is hard to communicate with.
Recently he went into hospital due to his underlying COPD AND aheart condition. Hes been so grumpy and always overthink and thinks badly/looks down on people, i still helped him, i genuinely want to help him as im his son and he is my father i have a responsibility, if im genuinely im not looking for anything in return. He health is the most important.
When he's struggling, he would want people to help him, but the when hes fine and came out of hospital, he changes and treats people like how he wants to.
Everything I am frustrated with, i have told him, like again communication is important, if nothing is said, other people dont know then youre putting more pressure on yourself (coming from experience).
Things like this he wouldnt want to talk about or will avoid, a relationship is not just 1 person that puts the effort in ots both, if one is not willing, how can the relationship improve right?
He will always say stop talking rubbish or nonsense.
My brother sister and mother feels the same. No one cwn understwnd him and he cant understands anyone.
Ive expressed myself so many times and how i feel and ask what hes thinking and he just cant accept or answer.
He always says im not listening to him and that im like others just backchatting......🙄🙄im only telling the truth, i didnt ignore what hes saying or cut him off.
Its kinda getting to a stage of just telling him, as long as iive done my bit, up to him if he doesnt want to listen. Just so selfish and stubborn.
Hope the situation with you and your father gets well soon.
Take care brother!❤❤
korean sons laughing and crying with this episode 🥲
From a mom who makes fun of you for crying over a girl and a dad that calls you ‘ 🐱 boy. No wonder why David clowns on people so hard. Got a Tough mentality 😂
Damn, reading the comments I see how connected we all are in our trauma, lol
I've come to recently realize that my parents did their best and thanks to David pointing out, that I realize I have this "tv show dad" that he's trying to live up to in my head. And it is hard not trying to be reactive to his gas-lighting but his gas-lighting is his way of not showing weakness/insecurity to the family. I can see that he was physically and emotionally abused by his father but as his generation, they don't know and so my fathers response to his trauma is hoarding things and that's another complex topic itself. Alright peace out
Btw for those who have immigrant parents who can’t speak to them what I found that worked for me is dating someone who loves enough to be your translator for you! lol
It's my mom for me, kind of my dad too. The mature thing to do is move on but I'm petty and tired of being the bigger person. But they've been through hardships so I didn't have to so I still give them respect and want to get them a home, take care of them (maybe pay someone to take care of them for all our sakes 😆). Another great video 💖
This is exactly like my mom
I can relate
Growing up, my dad, TECHNICALLY stepdad, but I never knew another dad, and I never got along. There was a lot of shouting at each other. A lot of it was due to him not seeing how whatever he's said doesn't make sense and I try to correct him and get the usual reply of "So you calling me stupid, huh??". There was just zero coexisting between us. I ended moving out at age 19. Almost never spoke to each other. Then, 4 months later my little brother was involved in a car accident that sent him to a hospital. Let's just say, the way it was described, I'm baffled at how not only is he alive today, but no brain damage or any kind of disability was given to him. I had accpted in tears that he just didn't make it. He did though. The weekend after he was released from the hospital, I received a phone call from my dad. My little brother called me. He was 8 years old and wanted to see me. I came over within minutes and my dad and I essentially mutually agreed without even discussing it with each other to start over fresh. That was in December of 2011. To this day, we still never discussed the past and we've only gotten angry at each other like... TWICE(?).
I love this episode @davidSo. You said things I been searching for to save my life and sanity. Great job Bro please make vids to express better or how you became a great communicator. I think men are not encouraged to express themselves
We do something right (keywords: in their eyes) and they reward us slightly . We do something right but they don’t care , nothing happens and we might even get reprimanded
Also why do asian parents always shut down once a conversation gets too deep or we talk about our feelings. It’s like they humanly cannot express their emotions. Like they have a wall up and can’t let it down
Man. Growing up in an immigrant Filipino family….this hits the same. I love my dad…but i don’t like him 😂. That’s exactly how i feel. It took me as a father myself to understand that he did the best that he can do. He only wanted the best for me. He can only communicate to me how he was taught to communicate. Fortunately I’ve had a deep conversation with my father and cleared up decades of shit. From those conversations….we’ve realized that we respect each other and realized we agree to disagree… and that’s okay 😂.
14:40 At least your dad is trying, lol.
DAVIDSOOOOO
straight up 1 for 1 scenario with my chinese dad, man it sucks
Sicilian parents too
Solo podcasts for the win! o/
I can resonate to a degree. I still think there are traumas within my parents that are unresolved which makes it also difficult to have a healthy relationship with them. I don't blame them but I also know mental health doesn't exist to them so they won't work through those traumas unfortunately.
Hi David I usually listen on Spotift but heard the last part about what topics we would like to hear you talk about.
As a first Gen Korean-American how did you attune so well to your culture being in America? Being a first Gen 25 Year Old Hmong-American being born in the US I've always struggled with trying to be inbetween being Hmong and American. Growing up my parents never really spoke or taught me hmong so I struggle with trying to communicate with my grandparents and some other family members. How were you able to overcome this? Hmong new year was just this pass weekend in Sac town and you being from Sac you probably grew up knowing some hmong people and seeing how family and culturally oriented we are. Till this day I struggle with fitting in with my culture.
인국형 화이팅!
They bring a whole different level of gigachad energy that I don't even understand.
As a white guy
I love you asians and want to give you all a hug 🫂
Idk how much anime you watched but i think you watched attack on titan enough to talk about it maybe
I want to know as someone who has seen so much of the black community what would you say is holding us back or if u don't think we held back give me your view on our communities relationships
YOOOOOO
I don’t understand the idea that you must have unconditional love for your parents
because “they are your parents”
If your parents are terrible people, does it make sense to have love for them just because?
It shouldn’t matter their role in your life
If they are terrible, treat you like second class citizen, or even belittle you for making mistakes
Shouldn’t one have the right to say “fuck this” and go live your own life?
Cherish the people who love AND respect
Leave those who mean to use you for personal
Gain, regardless of blood
my mom is a female version of your dad to me and my brother
👍👍
title got me uncle david. i dont agree with anything you said tho. all good
First
Swamp