This was originally posted in July 2011, and this is a re-edited version that runs 2m 1s shorter than the original, which has been upscaled into HD and had noise reduction to reduce tape and camera noise. There have been the usual cuts to the film clips, and also to tighten up the pacing in general. This is probably my second favourite of these Seagal Month reviews, which this follows Out of Reach, Mercenary for Justice and Shadow Man, and the next episode is Half Past Dead. Hope you enjoy!
1:30 - Notice that Seagal's character is referred to as a "Kantana" master. Kantana is actually a language spoken in certain parts of Nigeria. Apparently, Seagal spends this movie going around killing Vampombies by using his mastery of obscure African dialects.
1:54 - A supernatural horror movie starting off with an excerpt from a dictionary? That's Sleepwalkers! And while that movie is no masterpiece, Lord knows I would much rather watch it than this crap! 11:31 - Oh, Keith, WHY?!?! 22:20 - I'm pretty sure even the most die-hard Seagal fans would expect a lot more from a movie that promises Seagal as a white Blade.
And people complain that Rey is a mary sue. Seagal in this film plays a one-note badass hero that constentl shows up at the right place and time to save everyone's butts. You know you don't always have to let the hero save everyone.
Men NEVER have to explain their backstory, because men are just naturally good at bad-assing. Everyone knows this, it's how Luke Skywalker went from flying the equivalent of a crop duster to the equivalent of an F-16 with zero training time. But he was playing with a toy at one point, so that explains it!
@@Alucard-A-La-Carte Luke lost his hand and his first battle with Darth Vader, while Rey without training beat kylo ren. Plus Luke lost his first master.
Has anyone wondered if this seems like a sequel to Nightmare City? I mean, that ending "became reality," as the world was taken over by zombie-vampires and now here we are with a story set post-apocalypse with zombie-vampires. I'm referencing Phelous's review of Nightmare City for those who don't know
Hey brother i have been subscribed to you for a while now ever since I seen you and when I spoony's videos a few years back, I just wanted to tell you you have the absolute best Steven Seagal reviews on the web by far you call out all the cheesiness and the BS, and thank you for addressing Steven Seagal body double AKA Stunt Seagal. Keep up the good work bro
This movie feels a bit like another BMB hilarious review 'The Marksman' with Wesley Snipes. A script full of genre cliché's and a wafer thin story, scripted around dull cheap locations, a team set up to reduce the 'star's' screen time, work the action around random stock footage and get additional 'name' actors in for a day's filming and slap them in [Keith David in Against the dark, William Hope in the Marksman] and try and scrape 90mins. At least this didn't resort to merging it with another film like the Marksman but still...
Linden Ashby played Johnny Cage in the _Mortal Kombat_ movie. Johnny Cage was based off of Jean-Claude Van Damme. This is probably the closest we'll get to a movie with both JCVD and Steven Seagal in it, since Seagal acts like he's above Van Damme while Van Damme doesn't seem to have a problem working with Seagal if the right circumstances came up.
Love seeing these Seagal reviews up again. 2:20 Ghostbusters 2 and Spider Man 2? Odd choices. 2:50 Gotta love that they use the cliched 'Bad guys corner civilian and hero rushes in to save them' scene a few seconds in. 7:52 lazy! 9:00-Lol! 9:28-And the fact Segal's team also wear black trench coats too, makes it less obvious he's wearing it to hide his weight. 10:08-low brow, but hilarious. 12:38 I have to say I honestly thought that was Tommy Wiseau the first time I saw this review. 14:28-shesh, come on movie! 18:45-evidence they were making this stuff up as they went along? 21:02-should have done a 'Seagal Deus ex machina' count.
If you were hunting the infected vampire zombies wouldn't you wear some sort of armour to stop you getting bitten? Instead of open tight leather jumpsuits for the women and open leather jacket for the men. There are armoured military hazmat or chemical suits in existence. They look very similar to normal military fatigues and equipment but have lining and are sealed.
That little girl in the film is also in a movie called Dark Floors where the members of the band Lordi play the movie monsters, you should give that a watch some time, its not a good film but it is a fun film
Attack Of The Vampombies - the film that Ed Wood sadly never got around to making. P.S the acting in this film is some of the most wooden I've ever seen.
I just realised that all these Seagal direct to DVD movies have a token British character/actor in the, I think Half Past Dead was the only one you reviewed that didn’t Sadly even they can’t save these movies
Makes sense, the amount of Seagal movies I found while working at a charity shop once, they were so worthless, my boss would just tell me to throw them away, just like all the James Last records we got in
The biggest thing that bugs me is that they could've at least done something with the talking Vampombie if it was any other film than a shitty Seagal movie where he barely appears in his own movie. They're just pretentious lines of dialogue that felt like they were ripped right out of a better movie. Also the borrowed footage from Stealth and Spiderman 2 is especially noticeable considering how much better shot they were by comparison.
i just watched this film for free on scifi channel (uk) and yes...........its utter, utter garbage!!!. PLEASE try and review 'NIGHT OF THE DRIBBLER' it was ONLY released on DVD because the lead actor died! and i do pull my head hair out with gaffer tape when i see the garbage movies on scifi or horror channel and cant understand HOW they get green lit to be made or be transmitted......when im sure i can do a better job as a cameraman / editor. keep up the good work.
How do you guys feel about seeing actors living and not being in movies? Do people still feel the same way that it is wrong? They did use this tech for Michael Jackson and there is talk of it being used for music but no talk still in movies. They also think it would be good for the pope and other high risk people when going into high risk areas.
I liked this film however Seagal wasn't in it that much for me it lets the film down but for a low budget its good just wish they was zombies and not vampire's. Seagal needs to do a zombie film now with him playing the lead part to make up for not being in this film alot.
What ever did happen to full on CGI acting? In the 90`s there was some ads on tv with dead actors that did look 100% real much better then the cgi of today but people got upset/how and who do you pay from a legal point of view. The idea was to make movies with past loved actor something i feel is a good idea. Anyways why is this tech not used to fix stuff?
"But they aren't vampires... they're mutants." Vampire bats aren't vampires, and vampire squid are neither vampires nor squid. Things tend to get named after other things they resemble.
Yeah you guys are real funny. First off this movie was based on a true story and that's a fact. Second, he's probably one of the most deadliest martial artist to ever exist with Bruce Lee being second to him. Just think about that. On a side not he trained the CIA and went on secret missions for them too.
This was originally posted in July 2011, and this is a re-edited version that runs 2m 1s shorter than the original, which has been upscaled into HD and had noise reduction to reduce tape and camera noise. There have been the usual cuts to the film clips, and also to tighten up the pacing in general. This is probably my second favourite of these Seagal Month reviews, which this follows Out of Reach, Mercenary for Justice and Shadow Man, and the next episode is Half Past Dead. Hope you enjoy!
Since you've been re-releasing all of the Seagal Month videos, does that mean "Half Past Dead 2" will be out sometime in the near future?
Film Brain
Thank you.
I will probably do that one too, as I doubt there's much else to link it to.
Do it. That review was great.
I second that. it's an hilarious BMB classic
1:30 - Notice that Seagal's character is referred to as a "Kantana" master. Kantana is actually a language spoken in certain parts of Nigeria. Apparently, Seagal spends this movie going around killing Vampombies by using his mastery of obscure African dialects.
I love how they misspelled katana but i didn't know that was a Nigerian language, too!
It's a pretty embarassing typo. Nobody would really mess up such a simple word but here we are.
Wow
1:54 - A supernatural horror movie starting off with an excerpt from a dictionary? That's Sleepwalkers! And while that movie is no masterpiece, Lord knows I would much rather watch it than this crap!
11:31 - Oh, Keith, WHY?!?!
22:20 - I'm pretty sure even the most die-hard Seagal fans would expect a lot more from a movie that promises Seagal as a white Blade.
He did a few movies around this time where he had star billing, but his part was just a glorified cameo.
And people complain that Rey is a mary sue. Seagal in this film plays a one-note badass hero that constentl shows up at the right place and time to save everyone's butts. You know you don't always have to let the hero save everyone.
Being a flawless badass is only bad when they are a female character. If it's a male, it's ok. It's the rules. :p
To be frank, Steven does it in _every movie_ he's in.
@@KhayJayArt Both are wrong.
Men NEVER have to explain their backstory, because men are just naturally good at bad-assing. Everyone knows this, it's how Luke Skywalker went from flying the equivalent of a crop duster to the equivalent of an F-16 with zero training time. But he was playing with a toy at one point, so that explains it!
@@Alucard-A-La-Carte Luke lost his hand and his first battle with Darth Vader, while Rey without training beat kylo ren. Plus Luke lost his first master.
"Vampombies" really needs to be a thing now!
Damn it Keith David! Stop appearing in crappy films!
Has anyone wondered if this seems like a sequel to Nightmare City? I mean, that ending "became reality," as the world was taken over by zombie-vampires and now here we are with a story set post-apocalypse with zombie-vampires.
I'm referencing Phelous's review of Nightmare City for those who don't know
Hey brother i have been subscribed to you for a while now ever since I seen you and when I spoony's videos a few years back, I just wanted to tell you you have the absolute best Steven Seagal reviews on the web by far you call out all the cheesiness and the BS, and thank you for addressing Steven Seagal body double AKA Stunt Seagal. Keep up the good work bro
This movie feels a bit like another BMB hilarious review 'The Marksman' with Wesley Snipes. A script full of genre cliché's and a wafer thin story, scripted around dull cheap locations, a team set up to reduce the 'star's' screen time, work the action around random stock footage and get additional 'name' actors in for a day's filming and slap them in [Keith David in Against the dark, William Hope in the Marksman] and try and scrape 90mins. At least this didn't resort to merging it with another film like the Marksman but still...
Linden Ashby played Johnny Cage in the _Mortal Kombat_ movie. Johnny Cage was based off of Jean-Claude Van Damme. This is probably the closest we'll get to a movie with both JCVD and Steven Seagal in it, since Seagal acts like he's above Van Damme while Van Damme doesn't seem to have a problem working with Seagal if the right circumstances came up.
With your videos, every month is Seagal month in my house.
*EPIC FOOT STOMPING IN SLOW-MOTION*
Also, at 2:19, SPIDERMAN 2 FOOTAGE?! HOW DID THEY GET THE RIGHTS?!
Vampires? ....all Sea Gal's gonna get from them is free lipsocution.
(...well of course I'm mean!)
There is the Sixth Sense,
and then there is the Seagal
Sense .
Love seeing these Seagal reviews up again. 2:20 Ghostbusters 2 and Spider Man 2? Odd choices. 2:50 Gotta love that they use the cliched 'Bad guys corner civilian and hero rushes in to save them' scene a few seconds in. 7:52 lazy! 9:00-Lol! 9:28-And the fact Segal's team also wear black trench coats too, makes it less obvious he's wearing it to hide his weight. 10:08-low brow, but hilarious. 12:38 I have to say I honestly thought that was Tommy Wiseau the first time I saw this review. 14:28-shesh, come on movie! 18:45-evidence they were making this stuff up as they went along? 21:02-should have done a 'Seagal Deus ex machina' count.
4:22-4:29 Yeah, if Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning can attest to.
Dude... That's one of my favorite horror prequels... You don't have to be a dick about gore.. *cries*
Scotty Lewis Have you seen Filmbrain's review of that movie?
@@slambangaction I don't give a flying....
@@scottylewis8124 you have horrendous taste in films
@@theitfactorjameswheezer2852 so what?
Oh, we're off to a good start. Ask the >Kantana master< 1:30.
4:09 Something, something, Xenoblade 2 potshot.
Steven Seagal when he had Project Alice... 😂😂😂
Keith David?????
The zombies Rising from the graves in Resident Evil: Apocalypse are way scarier then abything in this snore fest of a movie
As bad as it was I didn't mind it seeing Steven Seagal in a horror film
I think hospitals would have doors that unlock when the power fails so people could get out of the building.
Mathew whats your top ten favorite movies
If you were hunting the infected vampire zombies wouldn't you wear some sort of armour to stop you getting bitten?
Instead of open tight leather jumpsuits for the women and open leather jacket for the men.
There are armoured military hazmat or chemical suits in existence. They look very similar to normal military fatigues and equipment but have lining and are sealed.
Armor wouldn't look cool/sexy. -_-
Okay so, I just hit a 39 minute long advert. That better pay Film Brain by runtime.
That little girl in the film is also in a movie called Dark Floors where the members of the band Lordi play the movie monsters, you should give that a watch some time, its not a good film but it is a fun film
Good to know vampire balls are a weak spot.
Buffy proved that before Seagal lol.
@@clearspira I was wondering if anybody else remembered that moment. XD
Right in the round tables!
Man... a movie where Segal fights Vampire Zombie Hybrids seems cool... but this movie makes it utterly lame
Attack Of The Vampombies - the film that Ed Wood sadly never got around to making.
P.S the acting in this film is some of the most wooden I've ever seen.
I just realised that all these Seagal direct to DVD movies have a token British character/actor in the, I think Half Past Dead was the only one you reviewed that didn’t
Sadly even they can’t save these movies
That's because they were usually UK co-productions, at least for a time.
Makes sense, the amount of Seagal movies I found while working at a charity shop once, they were so worthless, my boss would just tell me to throw them away, just like all the James Last records we got in
@@HeadphonesUK so your boss had no love for Montego Bay?
The definition bit at the beginning could also be because the writer or director watched 'Pulp Fiction' and was trying to imitate it.
16:22 Aren't those things supposed to be brain dead?????
You don't mess with Dr Tommy Wiseau. Also Linden Ashby, why aren't you using your Shadowball? Mutated zombies should be a piece of cake.
Poor Johnny Cage.
WHERE DO YOU GET THESE GUYS?!
The biggest thing that bugs me is that they could've at least done something with the talking Vampombie if it was any other film than a shitty Seagal movie where he barely appears in his own movie.
They're just pretentious lines of dialogue that felt like they were ripped right out of a better movie. Also the borrowed footage from Stealth and Spiderman 2 is especially noticeable considering how much better shot they were by comparison.
Corridor Segal,
or what would happen if Capstone did movies
Seriously seagal in a horror film even the ghosts never mess with this guy
One of Segal's absolute worst. Great review, though.
arbiter, what have you done?
Oh man they dragged poor Keith David into this.
Hope you do Attack Force.
Matthew, I respect you as a critic, but until one of these guys starts sparkling like a diamond in the sun; these aren't the worst vampires ever.
Twilight still had a budget
@Black Ninja yep
Steven Seagal is one of the worst action stars.
No arguments.
Considering he heavily relies on body/voice doubles in his movies more than anybody else, there's no contest.
Yeah, still can't believe my mom actually LIKES his films. XD
@@T5ComixCartoonz I feel sorry for her and you.
@@scottylewis8124 She's never had the best taste in movies, and no need to feel sorry for me. Any time she watches his films I leave the room. XD
Review resident evil
If Seagal is supposed to be a "katana master", why da fuq is he carrying a scimitar? Katanas are Japanese, scimitars are Arabian-ish.
I'm getting a feeling this ripped off the blade movies too. Not even Wesley Snipes wants a piece of this shit.
13:43 😂
"Evolved", eh? Then why I are all of you just running around ravenously and charging towards "prey" with guns and blades and getting killed by them?
Review 5 awful dolph lundgren films like the punisher, direct action, Johnny mnemonic, the peacekeeper , and masters of the universe.
Can you look at Godzilla Planet of the Monsters?????
I think I remember seeing this silly bullshit a few years back...and almost immediately forgetting it until now. XD
❤
i just watched this film for free on scifi channel (uk) and yes...........its utter, utter garbage!!!. PLEASE try and review 'NIGHT OF THE DRIBBLER' it was ONLY released on DVD because the lead actor died! and i do pull my head hair out with gaffer tape when i see the garbage movies on scifi or horror channel and cant understand HOW they get green lit to be made or be transmitted......when im sure i can do a better job as a cameraman / editor. keep up the good work.
15:03 The mannequins are used to teach anatomy.
There is a note there: they're not anatomical dummies, they're your standard shop dummies.
How do you guys feel about seeing actors living and not being in movies? Do people still feel the same way that it is wrong? They did use this tech for Michael Jackson and there is talk of it being used for music but no talk still in movies. They also think it would be good for the pope and other high risk people when going into high risk areas.
I liked this film however Seagal wasn't in it that much for me it lets the film down but for a low budget its good just wish they was zombies and not vampire's. Seagal needs to do a zombie film now with him playing the lead part to make up for not being in this film alot.
What ever did happen to full on CGI acting? In the 90`s there was some ads on tv with dead actors that did look 100% real much better then the cgi of today but people got upset/how and who do you pay from a legal point of view. The idea was to make movies with past loved actor something i feel is a good idea. Anyways why is this tech not used to fix stuff?
"But they aren't vampires... they're mutants." Vampire bats aren't vampires, and vampire squid are neither vampires nor squid. Things tend to get named after other things they resemble.
Yeah you guys are real funny. First off this movie was based on a true story and that's a fact. Second, he's probably one of the most deadliest martial artist to ever exist with Bruce Lee being second to him. Just think about that.
On a side not he trained the CIA and went on secret missions for them too.
You should be careful, sarcasm doesn't work well in text.
seagal is such nerd
NO, he isnt!! Nerds are smart.
what an obnoxiously long intro. Good video though
Cant watch till end, the narrator presenter guy is just annoying, very annoying