@@onenessseeker5683 You are brave. But you know, you can just leave this relationship if it is too much to handle for you. My husband Can't support it. I just discovered what is going on but it was "too late". It feels very bad to go thru a divorce + trying to find the right medication and treatment for myself. But, I really love him and i Can't ask him to endure that. I appreciate he tried and i wish the best for him. Be honest with yourself. I send you love and support ♥️
Brought me to tears. It's so beautiful knowing there are partners who are strong enough and can see the good in you vividly enough to stand by you when the storm comes. What a man
@@onenessseeker5683This doesn't sound like the pmdd. This sounds like a character issue. I have pmdd but I'm also a devout disciple of Jesus Christ. I knew something was wrong and my husband did too and we reached out for help and we prayed and God answered.
IAPMD - as a therapist in your community I'm begging - can you please moderate some of the comments on this thread? They are harsh and critical of a person who suffers a severe physical and mental disorder that they did not ask to have. If you are a sufferer of PMDD reading some of these comments, know that it is hard for your partner AND you also don't deserve to be seen with the contempt and disgust reflected in some of these comments. You deserve to be healthy, happy, and held by your community. There are therapists who help/support couples dealing with PMDD just like there are therapists for couples where one person has cancer. If you're a partner, your story is important, too, and you matter. You deserve support and care. Therapy can help you process what you're experiencing and a couple's therapist can help you both come up with effective strategies to create a strong and safe relationship.
She wasnt like this when we were courting, and she is now, she pushes and pushes when the episodes come, the the point I cannot leave her alone due to her being a danger to her own safety. We are finally getting help but we need to go through more cycles and blood tests to track and diagnose…
My wife has pmdd and going through a episode right now let me tell you this man is amazing cause it like my wife is my worst enemy the way she treats me it's hard to catch it's not her it's her illness
i think i struggle with this every damn month, crying spells, camps, suicidal feelings. i feel nobody in my family understands it they just either tell me to buck up or "straighten up and act like a lady". it's very upsetting and frustrating i feel like no one cares this is real. sending hugs and love to every woman out there. i feel your pain. it's good to have a partner who understands and is willing to stick through it with you.
Wow..... puts it more into perspective for me as to what my husband has to deal with every month when I go through my "hulk" mode. I could not have asked for a more understanding man to walk with me through life. When he said his friends told him to end it because he didn't deserve it, I started bawling. Why? Because I was dumped twice in the past because of my PMDD, and my boyfriends at the time had friends telling them they didn't deserve to put up with me anymore. At the time I didn't know what was 'wrong' with me. One of my ex's even was completely convinced that I was bi-polar and tried to make me start taking medication for it. I hated him for that. But now I know, and am lucky to have my husband. We are on the road to better managing my PMDD. Together.
This is a real man. Unselfishly, he struggled, he persevered, he loved in spite of, gathered information, built a support system...and his family WON! God bless them for sharing this message of hope!
A real man always is defined by not caring for his own well being, suffering, and suffering silently. That's not fair. I applaud this man for standing with his wife. That's very brave and courageous. It's beautiful to see. But he would still be a "real man" if he chose to walk away. He did his best, it seems
I have been dealing with my wife's PMDD for 15 years and it's not getting better as she hits mid 40's. It use to be 2 weeks a month now it is almost 3. YES, I have a wife for 1 week per month. I wish it was only depression like this speaker says, but unfortunately it's rage and violence. She refuses to seek help and I am starting to lose my patience. This disorder is no joke
She can refuse help, but you dont need to refuse help. You can seek it for yourself. Sure she deserves love, but so do you. You deserve to love yourself. Coz loving yourself - is loving her too. Put the oxygen mask on you 1st then help the person next to you.
I feel you. Since a few months i know about PMDD, while my gf gets wrong diagnoses in the meanwhile. Autism, personality disorder.. it's the f*kking hormones.. every month again she questions our relationship. She questions everything. I love her so much but it is so intense. It's crazy. :(
My wife and I have been married 5 years. 2 kids. She has PMDD. I’m losing hope. I will never divorce her, ever. I don’t know what to do though. She sees a counselor, doesn’t like them because of what they say, then moves on without them and gets another one. Rinse and repeat. She’s a wonderful woman when she’s not in the throes of PMDD, but it’s like being married to schizophrenic narcissist when she is. Please help me. Nobody understands PMDD in my life and I need help. She needs help. We need help. How can I best love my wife out of this mess?
I've been married 17.5 years (we have 8 children together) and I noticed a pattern a few years ago that my wife and I bicker and argue 7-10 days prior to her period. She hated that I discovered this pattern but soon realized the truth of it for herself. She has PMDD and insists on not taking anything for it. For three weeks a month she's great but it's hell and I'm walking on eggshells for a week leading up to her period. The day she starts her period she's awesome again. It really sucks and I feel your pain. It really starts to beat you down as the years go by. As I write this, my wife and I are not speaking to each other. We went on an amazing dinner date with live music this evening and we both had a wonderful time... and then on the way home, somehow we disagreed about something random, and instead of agreeing to disagree like I brought up, she insisted that I wasn't accepting her opinion on the matter. Not thinking it was a big deal I explained my reasoning with more detail and Even added that her opinion is a possibility but that I personally think it's unlikely. Boom. Now we are not on speaking terms and it's all my fault for having a different opinion about a random subjective topic that had nothing to do with our evening. It all went downhill in a matter of five minutes. Five more days till her period starts.
Right there with you my brothers. It's so heartbreaking seeing the gentle kind beautiful woman I know my partner to be turn into a screaming, scary, scared, terrifying and terrified shell of a human 😭🤕❤ Got the bites and bruises and scars to prove my love for her is real. I won't ever quit on my most beautiful partner and I know one day she'll be the most beautiful and loving Mum. Stay strong my brothers 🙏🏻❤️
@@calderonjd30Sometimes they don't work and they come with risks. I had to stop taking Prozac because I was at risk for a stroke. I started getting migraines with Aura. I got off birth control as well because my neurologist said that it also was causing me problems and a risk factor for a stroke. The thing that helped me the most was cognitive behavior therapy, a lower glycemic diet and eating well and regularly, walking and lifting semi-heavy weight. I don't focus on dieting or weight loss. Whenever I get really angry and irritated exercise has been a good outlet for me. Believe it or not, it actually increases serotonin and dopamine.
At first my husband like you couldn’t understand what I was becoming , its like an evil person entered in me....from a kind and loving person to hatred, anger and anxiety......my husband use to think I was doing things to divorce. After I started therapy, he came with me and understood what happens to me two weeks every month.
The understanding is the hardest part, my partner becomes so irrational that it makes me question my own sanity, that's why partners become so confused and frustrated with their spouses,
Must be nice having someone around that you can absolutely rip to shreds every month. If you really loved him you'd tell him to leave while he still has an ounce of emotional energy left because all he's doing now is throwing all of it into a black hole and he will be consumed, thrown away and you will only remember with utter contempt.
My partner suffers from this and every two weeks I have to go through the mental and physical abuse. She puts me down and shouts and screams at me and has physically attacked me over eight times now. She has cheated on me and tells me she doesn’t love me. I have tried to leave numerous times but then she tells me she wants me back. I love her dearly but I don’t think I can hang in much longer. I have supported her in every way I can from saying she should go to counseling, seeing a specialist, making her eat better nutrition and getting into fitness. I do everything for her, cleaning, cooking and treating her like a princess. I am at my wits end. It’s affected my mental health, my physical health, friendships and family I just don’t know what to do anymore
I have it and I’ve never physically attacked or hurt my boyfriend. I just cry a lot thinking he doesn’t love me and excessively apologise, that’s also bad itself - but I don’t think pmdd is an excuse to hit you
*Woman's perspective* I have PMDD very badly. For one week every month for most of my life, i have uncontrollable outbursts and mood swings. My body doesn't metabolize drugs properly so nothing works. The one thing i needed and wanted was for a partner to try to understand this condition instead of walk away from it and prove to me that although society preaches to be kind to the broken or downtrodden, it isnt true. I needed somebody to prove that three weeks of love and goodness really does matter more than one week of my mind being hijacked and me hating myself than he ever could.
The mental illness is a side effect of the actual condition. Dr. Lolas' theory hits the nail on the head! Why is this information not getting out there? The answer is in the inflammatory response due to bacterial and pre-cancerous infection like HPV and candida in the euterus and cervix that causes this crazy condition! I have been suffering from this since age 14 and I am now 33 years old. I had discovered this information 2 years ago. I have been formally diagnosed in May 2018 and I am undergoing treatment in January 2018. If the protocol that I have come up with works I will be sharing this information with the world. Hold on ladies! There is hope. And above all, thank you so much to men like Mark and my husband Pavel for their grace and patience. We are so appreciative!
Alexandra Golovenko I got diagnosed with PMDD for feelings of wanting to hurt myself or someone else, off and on. Just pure feelings of rage and hatred out of nowhere. Shortly after that I got diagnosed with a high grade squamous intraepithelial lesion and one of the “non-friendly” strains of HPV. I always figured there was a connection.
I believe you.... My gut has been messed up due to overuse of antibiotics 😭 My naturopath has tried to helped. I had major Candida overgrowth. Anyhow, let us know!!! 👐
Hi Alexandra, do you have an update on your treatment? Has it helped? How are you doing now? I have a doctors appointment booked and I'm going to mention the link between PMDD/HPV and Candida. It would be great to hear how you're doing xx
Pardon my language but HOLY SHIT! Thats me! What you're describing, that's my story. I just had the last high grade lesions (hopefully) removed in December (for the 3rd time), although the HPV remains :( . My husband and I can't deal with it any more and we're looking at antidepressants/medication and now I see that a hysterectomy also might be worth exploring, lord knows I need one for 5 reasons already. I'm just about to be 38.
I don't know if there is hope, sometimes, because I'm luteal right now, but listening to this... I hope my husband listens to it, so he can feel release from the "prison," that is not knowing how to deal with someone you love who is a freaking mess 2 weeks a month, and being able to say that loudly and clearly: "I don't know how to do this! I can't do this alone!" Alcohol... drinking can become a way of coping for partners. I do think he should put me in a hospital, and divorce me, marry someone "normal" and healthy, and visit me, still love me, but not let me damage him anymore. What is the hope? Is there really any? Will you ever have your wife back fully? I just don't think that... I don't know if that's possible.
i went to chinese herbalist and i have no symptoms on herbs. Its a miracle, basically pmdd sufferers livers become swollen from hormones which conventional people dont talk about or probably dont know. I feel for everyone out there who doesnt know there is a solution out there, it works!!! xxx find your nearest chinese herbalist
Bless you. I know that I put my poor husband through so much. I'm really lucky to be so loved and supported and your wife is really lucky to have you too. Best of luck to you and your family ❤🙏❤
And in a couple of weeks he will be the most vile despicable human being who ever walked the face of the Earth. We're talking in all of human history. Yeah, I lived through it for 20 years. If you really love him tell him to leave and not look back. Fat chance: You need somebody to blame.
@@cowboybob7093 I'm truly sorry you have had such a bad time. Learning about my condition a year ago helped my husband and I understand what was happening to me and why. We have worked through it together and these days it doesn't affect either of us in the same way. I have learned coping methods and make sure that I communicate openly at all times. We've been together for 22 years and are happier than ever. I still feel very lucky indeed.
Dealing with my spouse that has this, I understand the struggle. You're told to be "patient," "if you're a real man you'd grin and bear it," told by her family members "oh, that's just how she is." But none of that is fair to you as the partner that has to deal with this every single month for weeks on end. Walking on egg shells constantly in the hopes that you don't say or do something to rub her the wrong way. It's a mental and emotional Olympics constantly and you just hold out hope for the times that she returns to the sweet, funny, amazing person that you met before you encountered the PMDD. In the end she HAS TO GET HELP. If she doesn't or stops taking her medication because she just doesn't feel like it, you know you'll be dealing with this for the rest of your life. It's up to you to weigh whether or not it it's worth it at that point. And to all those that would parrot the aforementioned quotes of "be patient," "if you loved her..." or "that's just how she is," stop and think for a moment, have you put yourself in the partner's shoes? Have you thought about how this affects the partners life, mental and physical well-being? But most importantly, if the roles were reversed, how long would she put up with this? How long would she take the abuse? This is a hard thing to deal with and it will constantly take patience and understanding on both sides.
RUN, NOW, it's not worth it. Don't get her pregnant. Break off the engagement. Start to distance yourself. Get a second job. Start getting into fitness. Anything. She will absolutely ruin your life. Been there, done that. They believe _all_ of the worst things they say and do. Her "forgive me" will not make one bit of difference in a couple of weeks. It's a nightmare and you do not, you must not, need to feel obligated (until a baby is involved.) Make a clean break.
Well, I just got dumped by a possible PMDD woman. Last week everything was perfect, i'm perfect, life is perfect. Monday she switched (again) to a different person. Nothing I said was good, everything was put against me. This is so exhausting to go through for both but I'm the one dumped now and left in the mudd.
I’m in a relationship with a woman with this disorder. It is the worst thing I have ever dealt with and I have seen some bad stuff before. I don’t know what to do because I care about her but it’s gone from being aggressive and yelling to demanding money in an entitled way and calling me names when I don’t give it to her. I don’t know what medication she takes aside from her birth control but apparently it’s not enough. I don’t want to leave her but it’s been so difficult to put up with her constant abuse.
Everything he said is spot on! I have lived in his position for 9 years. The worst mental part is trying to deal with being blamed. She could became a completely unlovable person, yet all you can do is love them anyways because you know it isn't really then. But when in that place they fight so hard to be able to remain there so they can justify their treatment of you. It's so hard watching someone you love so much change so drastically and into someone who really believes they hate you. In the end nothing I did was enough, she ended up leaving me durring an apposed after I put up security cameras because It had progressed to the point i feared for mine and my familes safety.
We hear you, and we know how hard it can be for partners and sufferers alike. Please know that you can reach out anytime for support and validation from one of our peer support providers - we're here for you and everyone who is touched by PMDD.
RUN, NOW, it's not worth it. Don't get her pregnant. Break off the engagement. Start to distance yourself. Get a second job. Start getting into fitness. Anything. She will absolutely ruin your life. Been there, done that. They believe _all_ of the worst things they say and do. Her "forgive me" will not make one bit of difference in a couple of weeks. It's a nightmare and you do not, you must not, need to feel obligated (until a baby is involved.) Make a clean break.
This is the best video I could’ve ever chosen to watch. I have been dealing with my wife with pmdd for a few years now and it is killing me inside. I often ask myself why I put myself through this, it’s not fair that I get treated so badly. The double standard in our relationship is incredible and so hard to handle sometimes. I hate that our 6 year old girl and 2 year old boy have to see and hear all that comes with this, but it’s like when she gets in one of her moods, there’s no stopping her and she will just curse me out and say the nastiest things right in front of our children, and that’s not fair for them either. I don’t want our marriage to fail, I love her with all my heart, and I don’t want our children to grow up with divorced parents either. I’m at my wits end though. Something has to give, as I have given more than my fair share towards all this. I need help!!! 😔
Derek sandford, you are not alone my brother I totally feel the same way, it's not fair to the family members that we have to prepare for this every month. My advice is to try and not engage with her mood swings, be present by not running and try not to entertain her rude and bad behavior, but also STAND TALL AND STAND FIRM FOR YOURSELF AND THE CHILDREN BY TELLING HER THAT YOU UNDERSTAND SHE'S NOT FEELING WELL BUT EXPLAIN TO HER HOW THIS MAKES YOU AND THE CHILDREN FEEL and do it in a loving manner. I hope this helps, comment back I'm here and I don't mind being a beacon of help. 💯👍🙏
@@DerekSanford and I'm going to keep it 💯% real with you, mine is going through it now, literally i mean NOW, that's what made me give you words to not get discourage.
I’ve been coping with exactly the same thing for almost 7 yrs. All of our friends don’t talk to us. She has no close friends. Recently became physical and spent a night in jail. Feel so bad for my children. I’m most likely goin to separate. But need to secure another home close by. Hopefully collect rent from the other unit so I can pay for her living because she can’t afford it alone. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. Yea so that’s my idea to get out of this situation with out suicide. Good luck to all.
10:20 i wish the impact on partners is not compared to the person with pmdd in some value based way, like they have it 10x worse. it really minimises the impact on the partner, taking the focus from their suffering. also how do you know how bad it really is to each of the people in that relationship. it's truely horrible. there are plenty of videos on the PMDD sufferer and the impact on them. the rare videos on the partners need to not minimise their experience.
I don't get angry as much. When I was a kid if I showed anger I'd get punched. So instead I get clingy and morbid: Everything is death everything is hopeless, dying is better than living. I also don't want to do ANY of my responsibilities. My husband gets frustrated when I'm not doing anything but scrolling on my phone for 5 hours. Also the insomnia/nightmares means I don't sleep, and he can't sleep when I'm roaming around the house at 3 AM. I also get racing thoughts constantly. Everyone is a murderer in my mind. Every freckle is cancer. Every cricket in the night is a burgler. Evil is everywhere. My skin itches. My teeth taste weird. I even hear voices and they wake me up. I once forgot how to open the front door and had to be let in. I can't drive my car. It's hell. I have random crying fits, so much so we don't even bother acknowledging them anymore. He just looks at me and checks if I'm OK and I assure him I'm just having a mood swing, and he hugs me and then we go on, business as usual. must feel like I'm a complete lunatic. I suspect I just might be. When I started birth control again I noticed when I reach a certain point in my pill calendar, it starts like clockwork. And since going on the pill, the symptoms are a little more easy to anticipate. It gets in the way of vacations, hanging out with our friends, and I know it takes a toll on him that EVERYTHING fun has to stop for a week because I'm in hermit mode. I usually try and encourage him to go out with friends as much as possible during what I call "Shadow Week". I hate him seeing me like this. Crying at the sight of his hands on mine because a thought pops in my head how those laced fingers are going to be worm food in just a few decades, or maybe even sooner than we think because...you never know. I once downed half a bottle of pills and he threatened to have me 5150ed. I imagine hearing all the doom and gloom makes for very unpleasant company. Idk much rather he go out anf have fun and leave me to handle my shadows myself. It's humiliating to be around anyone in that state.
Actually, I just started "Shadow Week" today and fortunately hubby is having a game night with friennds instead of sitting here listening to me feeling sorry for myself, talking crazy. I pity my dog though. He tends to worry when I cry/talk to myself like this. I just wish I could sleep through the next few days til it's done.
Cool this guy found a way through. But what about dealing with it when pmdd makes your wife think you’re cheating and lie to her when you don’t? Then the arguments that stem from that? The lasting effect it has on you and your wife? Things that are said and done that cont go away. All because of thoughts in her head from pmdd. Pmdd is a death sentence for marriage. I’m sorry but it’s true. I see these woman call this guy a true man and saying god bless him. So the ones that can’t cope aren’t good men? And god shouldn’t bless them? A woman can’t cope with pmdd and it’s ok but a man should have deal with it and be able to? I love my wife with every fiber of my being. But when you’re constantly being called a liar and a cheater for years and deal with this nasty disease and the bad things it does to your family then at some point you have to draw a line. Pmdd is a nasty nasty disease and if you or someone you love has it or lives with it, GET HELP. Don’t think you are strong enough on your own. You’re not. It has completely destroyed my marriage and robbed me of the woman of my dreams
Hi I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know that comes with a lot of hurt, pain and distrust and being the "bigger person" and becomes straining after a while. I hope you have some people in your life who you can trust and talk to when this happens. My grandma, mother and sister have all been terrible affected by this and keep praying to God to heal. One thing that has helped remarkably aside from commmunication is diet and supplements - magnesium, B complex, evening primrose oil, and avoiding sugar. Hope this helps, keep your head up, youre doing what you can. I will be praying for your family.
Dealing with my spouse that has this, I understand your struggle, man. You're told to be "patient," "if you're a real man you'd grin and bear it," told by her family members "oh, that's just how she is." But none of that is fair to you as the partner that has to deal with this every single month for weeks on end. Walking on egg shells constantly in the hopes that you don't say or do something to rub her the wrong way. It's a mental and emotional Olympics constantly and you just hold out hope for the times that she returns to the sweet, funny, amazing person that you met before you encountered the PMDD. In the end she HAS TO GET HELP. If she doesn't or stops taking her medication because she just doesn't feel like it, you know you'll be dealing with this for the rest of your life. It's up to you to weigh whether or not it it's worth it at that point. And to all those that would parrot the aforementioned quotes of "be patient," "if you loved her..." or "that's just how she is," stop and think for a moment, have you put yourself in the partner's shoes? Have you thought about how this affects the partners life, mental and physical well-being? But most importantly, if the roles were reversed, how long would she put up with this? How long would she take the abuse? This is a hard thing to deal with and it will constantly take patience and understanding on both sides.
look up the Ladycare magnet for menopause, it works for my PMDD. I wear two 24/7/365 and have no more rages, suicidal thoughts or attempts, no violent outbursts, no continuous negative paranoid thoughts, no yelling, I don't mind my house getting untidy now, all I lack is lots of energy, but that's because I am in peri menopause currently. My brain functions pretty normally most days now, just slight irritation and impatience from ovulation until menstruation but not every day. My cycle is all over the place so it's hard to pin point the bad days now. When my energy comes back that is great, that's the real me and I love it. My hubby suffers a lot of the PMDD symptoms with Aspergers/ high functioning autism, apart from the suicide thoughts and attempts and the violent outbursts. His last a few days or up to a week. It's hell to go through either but at least we both understand what the other one goes through or went through X X X
I dont know if my fiancee have the same and dont know how to deal with jt. She stsrt hating me week before period lot of times and ask for break up. We open house together etc. and suddenly she want to throw everything on garbage . Dont know if is pmdd or she literally dont love me anymore
We're sorry to hear you both are going through this! You're not alone. If you or your partner ever need support, you can reach out to one of our peer support providers - we're here for you! www.iapmd.org/peer-support
@@cowboybob7093 Hey, are you OK? You kind of seem like you've got something going on. I can only assume you have someone in your life who might have PMDD. Just be sure it's not something else, like BPD. PMDD Is only a week or so out of an an entire month. But if your partner is like that all month it could be a Cluster B thing.
@@cowboybob7093 My girl told me that when we was first dating she kept it all hidden from me. Then I found out when it was a little too late cause don't want to walk out on my kids. I'm broken
@@onenessseeker5683 Professional help will probably be a non-starter, and I'm just talking you, not couples work. My experience has been with LCSW is your insurance gives you 6 session-hours, and for the first 5 1/2 you talk, talk, talk and in the last half hour you ask "what do think?" - and they ain't got jack. I went to a couple of "life coaches," and it was the same. They basically think you have your act together, you just need some talk time to focus. No, coach, I need a coach, input, help on my form, leverage my strengths, reinforce my weaknesses. - But "life coaches" don't do that. So here you are in this pickle: A woman who got pregnant and trapped you. Sounds familiar to me. Dismiss the back story. It's important, but not right now. Listen dude, I was literally "the biggest f'ing a-hole that was ever born." Called that many, many times. Out of billions alive today, and all of human history, I was numero uno. One day I said "What about Hitler?" Hooray, stopped that one. But she would come up with others. I just wanted to tell you a sliver of my story. Okay, two or more kids. Wife/GF who has chemical imbalances. One thing you can't forget: When she says those things she absolutely believes them. Sure, she might take it back. But gee whiz, 2 1/2 to 3 weeks later it happens again. I would have to say you need to create a separate life. Not a secret one. Not a mean one or a jerk one or whatever else. No, just a separate one. Get a second job, part time. Open a private bank account. Memorize the details, account numbers, etc. Make it as on-line as you can, passwords in-your-head. Start tucking away money. Prepare for your future. It may be a year from now, it may be longer. When my wife left me it took her over two weeks to exit. She was back in two months and the exact same patterns came with her. Any good work I did with the kids was immediately obliterated. When I left her, one night I realized it was over. It took 54 weeks from that night to make the break - over a year. And no, it has not been a joy-fest since then. But it also has not left me freaked out on a regular basis that someone was suddenly going to appear and start grinding me down for no good reason. -Kids: Sometimes kids need one parent. Growing up in a household (not a home) where there are two conflicting leaders is definitely not good for a kid. I tell single moms where I work: "This is your chance to do it right. Your kid has one authority. No one is coming in every day tweaking your decision, being the good guy, undermining you." Again, I have stories where my ex would modify my decision and literally within seconds realize she would have rather had the kids do my thing (like get home earlier.) I didn't have grandparents to rely on, so I assume you don't either. This is crazy, writing about this has actually made a specific area in my lower back radiate pain, something I used to feel in that exact spot all the time, and now I almost never do. But YOU are the subject. Understand you need to face this. Prepare to leave it. Prepare to take the kids with you. Prepare to fight. You need resources, money is just part of it. Spend an hour with a lawyer - Go in with questions written down and stick to the paper - no not talk emotions with a lawyer - get advice - bank account - kids - how to leave - time lines - A lawyer is not a psychologist - A lawyer is real world, and expensive. But they will prepare you. Tell your kids how much you love them and let them know you are doing everything for them. Do not hide things from them that they need to know. Do not reveal things they do not need to know. Expect everything you say to them will be repeated. It's a lot for a kid - So don't burden them. "need to know" -You're welcome to write back. If you want to post a heads-up on my discussions in my UA-cam profile, it's okay. It's not private, but it's not a friggin' thread entry either. --As for the women who will inevitably read this: I loved my wife and completely sunk my existence into being an excellent husband. People I knew at the time have told me there is no way I can blame myself for the divorce. And women, I came out of it an emotional shell. If you get off reading that it says more about you than it does about me. I assume someone will read this while she's in her monthly critical time. I feel sorry for you. I have known many people who are mentally ill, schizophrenics, bi-polar, depressed - and PMDD is an absolute nightmare for the people you are closest to, every bit as bad as schizophrenia, etc. But don't blame me. I despise blame, always have.
@Az Eddie I really feel for you, I was not explosive, I tried to understand, to hold her tummy spooning but after a hundred months of being followed around the house told I was worthless it was beyond clearly unhealthy and we were together for more than a hundred more. I spent the last twelve planning a graceful exit because the kids were finally of age. Best wishes. We've been divorced for more than ten years and still laugh on the phone like we do with no one else. Talk to a doctor but if you seek counseling immediately demand a few minutes of feedback time at the end of every appointment. Frankly, writing things down is more helpful if you're not going to get any response from a professional.
Great talk. I feel 100% of your pain and struggle.The internet offers no shortage of first hand stories of how difficult it is for the woman to deal with these signs and symptoms (which I completely appreciate), but there are very few resources for the faithful husband who is psychologically and emotionally RAPED like clock-work for (in my family's case) 7 full-on days of every single month of complete verbal and emotional belittlement and abuse for absolutely no reason other than proximity; being the closest, easiest target. This is a terrible condition, and it's great to see it finally acknowledged and getting the attention it deserves. But as an ASIDE... What if this was flipped, and men had this condition? Would it still be, "poor man'? Or would it be regarded as men trying to twist science to justify the perpetual subjugation of women? Just a thought. Don't get mad at me!
RUN, NOW, it's not worth it. Kids? Start to distance yourself. Get a second job. Start getting into fitness. Anything. She will absolutely ruin your life. Been there, done that. She believes _all_ of the worst things says and does. Her "forgive me" will not make one bit of difference in a couple of weeks. It's a nightmare and you do not, you must not, need to feel obligated (until a baby is involved.) Make a clean break. *_As for "lady_luck" calling your post "political" - GFY lady_*
12:04 is so true unfortunately, and the problem is there is very little support for us partners, we literally have to take the punch's when and where and suck them up without an apology.
Ultimately I think it's unfair for a man to endure such punishment for simply being there. Women need to own up to it and find solutions...if for nothing else, their own quality of life. It should not be a man's burden to bear. Maybe work together in working things through and finding solutions. Being blamed for a woman's PMDD behaviors really sucks.
Research shows that PMDD is not caused by an imbalance of hormones but rather the rise and fall of estrogen and progesterone. Having said this, however, ruling out a hormone imbalance should be one of the first steps in diagnosing PMDD. Hysterectomy (with the removal of both ovaries) is a last line treatment option when all other options have failed. giaallemandfoundation.org/about-pmdd/ is a great overview of the disorder.
You get to be in the closet for six hours? Your husband helps with the kids? Must be nice. 🙄 you get to put covers over the head? What about single moms. Or the husbands who at most give you one hour of a "break" 🥱
Sending every brave woman getting her body and mind hijacked monthly so much support and love!
❤️
Shouldn't you be sending love to us men instead that is trapped & have to put up with it every month. We are the ones on the receiving end of it all.
@@onenessseeker5683 That too
Thank you 😊
@@onenessseeker5683 You are brave. But you know, you can just leave this relationship if it is too much to handle for you.
My husband Can't support it. I just discovered what is going on but it was "too late". It feels very bad to go thru a divorce + trying to find the right medication and treatment for myself. But, I really love him and i Can't ask him to endure that. I appreciate he tried and i wish the best for him.
Be honest with yourself. I send you love and support ♥️
Brought me to tears. It's so beautiful knowing there are partners who are strong enough and can see the good in you vividly enough to stand by you when the storm comes. What a man
im in love with a woman who i believe has severe pmdd, im trying to get ebtter each time and help her thru it, but i always fail
I've done 20 odd years of putting up with this but now she's done me in & I wish I left years ago before I had kids with her
@@onenessseeker5683This doesn't sound like the pmdd. This sounds like a character issue. I have pmdd but I'm also a devout disciple of Jesus Christ. I knew something was wrong and my husband did too and we reached out for help and we prayed and God answered.
IAPMD - as a therapist in your community I'm begging - can you please moderate some of the comments on this thread? They are harsh and critical of a person who suffers a severe physical and mental disorder that they did not ask to have.
If you are a sufferer of PMDD reading some of these comments, know that it is hard for your partner AND you also don't deserve to be seen with the contempt and disgust reflected in some of these comments. You deserve to be healthy, happy, and held by your community. There are therapists who help/support couples dealing with PMDD just like there are therapists for couples where one person has cancer. If you're a partner, your story is important, too, and you matter. You deserve support and care. Therapy can help you process what you're experiencing and a couple's therapist can help you both come up with effective strategies to create a strong and safe relationship.
She wasnt like this when we were courting, and she is now, she pushes and pushes when the episodes come, the the point I cannot leave her alone due to her being a danger to her own safety. We are finally getting help but we need to go through more cycles and blood tests to track and diagnose…
My wife has pmdd and going through a episode right now let me tell you this man is amazing cause it like my wife is my worst enemy the way she treats me it's hard to catch it's not her it's her illness
i think i struggle with this every damn month, crying spells, camps, suicidal feelings. i feel nobody in my family understands it they just either tell me to buck up or "straighten up and act like a lady". it's very upsetting and frustrating i feel like no one cares this is real. sending hugs and love to every woman out there. i feel your pain. it's good to have a partner who understands and is willing to stick through it with you.
Wow..... puts it more into perspective for me as to what my husband has to deal with every month when I go through my "hulk" mode. I could not have asked for a more understanding man to walk with me through life. When he said his friends told him to end it because he didn't deserve it, I started bawling. Why? Because I was dumped twice in the past because of my PMDD, and my boyfriends at the time had friends telling them they didn't deserve to put up with me anymore. At the time I didn't know what was 'wrong' with me. One of my ex's even was completely convinced that I was bi-polar and tried to make me start taking medication for it. I hated him for that.
But now I know, and am lucky to have my husband. We are on the road to better managing my PMDD. Together.
LadyMoon m
M
Hi, I hope you are doing well. Can you tell me how you have been managing your PMDD? What you have done? xx
This is a real man. Unselfishly, he struggled, he persevered, he loved in spite of, gathered information, built a support system...and his family WON! God bless them for sharing this message of hope!
A real man always is defined by not caring for his own well being, suffering, and suffering silently. That's not fair. I applaud this man for standing with his wife. That's very brave and courageous. It's beautiful to see. But he would still be a "real man" if he chose to walk away. He did his best, it seems
I have been dealing with my wife's PMDD for 15 years and it's not getting better as she hits mid 40's. It use to be 2 weeks a month now it is almost 3. YES, I have a wife for 1 week per month. I wish it was only depression like this speaker says, but unfortunately it's rage and violence. She refuses to seek help and I am starting to lose my patience. This disorder is no joke
Pmdd is no excuse for abuse
how are things now?
She can refuse help, but you dont need to refuse help. You can seek it for yourself. Sure she deserves love, but so do you. You deserve to love yourself. Coz loving yourself - is loving her too. Put the oxygen mask on you 1st then help the person next to you.
I feel you. Since a few months i know about PMDD, while my gf gets wrong diagnoses in the meanwhile. Autism, personality disorder.. it's the f*kking hormones.. every month again she questions our relationship. She questions everything. I love her so much but it is so intense. It's crazy. :(
It gets worse at 40. It's one full year of luteal. Then it ends. Maybe Just leave. You can't imagine the hell it is for her
My wife and I have been married 5 years. 2 kids. She has PMDD. I’m losing hope. I will never divorce her, ever. I don’t know what to do though. She sees a counselor, doesn’t like them because of what they say, then moves on without them and gets another one. Rinse and repeat. She’s a wonderful woman when she’s not in the throes of PMDD, but it’s like being married to schizophrenic narcissist when she is. Please help me. Nobody understands PMDD in my life and I need help. She needs help. We need help. How can I best love my wife out of this mess?
I've been married 17.5 years (we have 8 children together) and I noticed a pattern a few years ago that my wife and I bicker and argue 7-10 days prior to her period. She hated that I discovered this pattern but soon realized the truth of it for herself. She has PMDD and insists on not taking anything for it. For three weeks a month she's great but it's hell and I'm walking on eggshells for a week leading up to her period. The day she starts her period she's awesome again. It really sucks and I feel your pain. It really starts to beat you down as the years go by.
As I write this, my wife and I are not speaking to each other. We went on an amazing dinner date with live music this evening and we both had a wonderful time... and then on the way home, somehow we disagreed about something random, and instead of agreeing to disagree like I brought up, she insisted that I wasn't accepting her opinion on the matter. Not thinking it was a big deal I explained my reasoning with more detail and Even added that her opinion is a possibility but that I personally think it's unlikely. Boom. Now we are not on speaking terms and it's all my fault for having a different opinion about a random subjective topic that had nothing to do with our evening. It all went downhill in a matter of five minutes. Five more days till her period starts.
Right there with you my brothers. It's so heartbreaking seeing the gentle kind beautiful woman I know my partner to be turn into a screaming, scary, scared, terrifying and terrified shell of a human 😭🤕❤ Got the bites and bruises and scars to prove my love for her is real. I won't ever quit on my most beautiful partner and I know one day she'll be the most beautiful and loving Mum. Stay strong my brothers 🙏🏻❤️
Why not take the drugs!!!
@@calderonjd30Sometimes they don't work and they come with risks. I had to stop taking Prozac because I was at risk for a stroke. I started getting migraines with Aura. I got off birth control as well because my neurologist said that it also was causing me problems and a risk factor for a stroke. The thing that helped me the most was cognitive behavior therapy, a lower glycemic diet and eating well and regularly, walking and lifting semi-heavy weight. I don't focus on dieting or weight loss. Whenever I get really angry and irritated exercise has been a good outlet for me. Believe it or not, it actually increases serotonin and dopamine.
@@icypirate11you are not alone. My girlfriend is the same way.
At first my husband like you couldn’t understand what I was becoming , its like an evil person entered in me....from a kind and loving person to hatred, anger and anxiety......my husband use to think I was doing things to divorce. After I started therapy, he came with me and understood what happens to me two weeks every month.
The understanding is the hardest part, my partner becomes so irrational that it makes me question my own sanity, that's why partners become so confused and frustrated with their spouses,
I love my husband he has been so patient with my PMDD❤️
Can you help me I’ve been misdiagnosed for bi polar hospital not listening to me I live in Boston
Must be nice having someone around that you can absolutely rip to shreds every month.
If you really loved him you'd tell him to leave while he still has an ounce of emotional energy left because all he's doing now is throwing all of it into a black hole and he will be consumed, thrown away and you will only remember with utter contempt.
@@cowboybob7093 I feel suicidal myself now because of putting up with it for so many years. She's actually killed me inside.
@@onenessseeker5683 I'll answer your other reply, hang in there.
Lindabelmont88, well I suggest that you start rewarding your husband. 🙉🙉🙉🙉
I'm actually in tears. This is exactly my story too.
Same here - though i hope I can learn to comport myself with the dignity/courage this man shows. He makes it clear it took a little time.
My partner suffers from this and every two weeks I have to go through the mental and physical abuse. She puts me down and shouts and screams at me and has physically attacked me over eight times now. She has cheated on me and tells me she doesn’t love me. I have tried to leave numerous times but then she tells me she wants me back. I love her dearly but I don’t think I can hang in much longer. I have supported her in every way I can from saying she should go to counseling, seeing a specialist, making her eat better nutrition and getting into fitness. I do everything for her, cleaning, cooking and treating her like a princess. I am at my wits end. It’s affected my mental health, my physical health, friendships and family
I just don’t know what to do anymore
Going Thru it too Brotha stay strong 💪🏽
@Az Eddie not divorce , get help and be accountable for your actions or find medical advice. The him not being a protector is bullshit. 🙊🙊🙊
I have it and I’ve never physically attacked or hurt my boyfriend. I just cry a lot thinking he doesn’t love me and excessively apologise, that’s also bad itself - but I don’t think pmdd is an excuse to hit you
*Woman's perspective*
I have PMDD very badly. For one week every month for most of my life, i have uncontrollable outbursts and mood swings. My body doesn't metabolize drugs properly so nothing works. The one thing i needed and wanted was for a partner to try to understand this condition instead of walk away from it and prove to me that although society preaches to be kind to the broken or downtrodden, it isnt true. I needed somebody to prove that three weeks of love and goodness really does matter more than one week of my mind being hijacked and me hating myself than he ever could.
The mental illness is a side effect of the actual condition. Dr. Lolas' theory hits the nail on the head! Why is this information not getting out there? The answer is in the inflammatory response due to bacterial and pre-cancerous infection like HPV and candida in the euterus and cervix that causes this crazy condition! I have been suffering from this since age 14 and I am now 33 years old. I had discovered this information 2 years ago. I have been formally diagnosed in May 2018 and I am undergoing treatment in January 2018. If the protocol that I have come up with works I will be sharing this information with the world. Hold on ladies! There is hope. And above all, thank you so much to men like Mark and my husband Pavel for their grace and patience. We are so appreciative!
Alexandra Golovenko I got diagnosed with PMDD for feelings of wanting to hurt myself or someone else, off and on. Just pure feelings of rage and hatred out of nowhere. Shortly after that I got diagnosed with a high grade squamous intraepithelial lesion and one of the “non-friendly” strains of HPV. I always figured there was a connection.
I believe you....
My gut has been messed up due to overuse of antibiotics 😭
My naturopath has tried to helped. I had major Candida overgrowth. Anyhow, let us know!!! 👐
Hello, Any news on the protocol?
Hi Alexandra, do you have an update on your treatment? Has it helped? How are you doing now? I have a doctors appointment booked and I'm going to mention the link between PMDD/HPV and Candida. It would be great to hear how you're doing xx
Pardon my language but HOLY SHIT! Thats me! What you're describing, that's my story. I just had the last high grade lesions (hopefully) removed in December (for the 3rd time), although the HPV remains :( . My husband and I can't deal with it any more and we're looking at antidepressants/medication and now I see that a hysterectomy also might be worth exploring, lord knows I need one for 5 reasons already. I'm just about to be 38.
Not easy to watch, but very insightful. Amanda has been blessed to have a wonderful husband.
I don't know if there is hope, sometimes, because I'm luteal right now, but listening to this... I hope my husband listens to it, so he can feel release from the "prison," that is not knowing how to deal with someone you love who is a freaking mess 2 weeks a month, and being able to say that loudly and clearly: "I don't know how to do this! I can't do this alone!" Alcohol... drinking can become a way of coping for partners. I do think he should put me in a hospital, and divorce me, marry someone "normal" and healthy, and visit me, still love me, but not let me damage him anymore. What is the hope? Is there really any? Will you ever have your wife back fully? I just don't think that... I don't know if that's possible.
Me too.. I rather die
i went to chinese herbalist and i have no symptoms on herbs. Its a miracle, basically pmdd sufferers livers become swollen from hormones which conventional people dont talk about or probably dont know. I feel for everyone out there who doesnt know there is a solution out there, it works!!! xxx find your nearest chinese herbalist
Bless you. I know that I put my poor husband through so much. I'm really lucky to be so loved and supported and your wife is really lucky to have you too. Best of luck to you and your family ❤🙏❤
And in a couple of weeks he will be the most vile despicable human being who ever walked the face of the Earth. We're talking in all of human history.
Yeah, I lived through it for 20 years.
If you really love him tell him to leave and not look back. Fat chance: You need somebody to blame.
@@cowboybob7093 I'm truly sorry you have had such a bad time.
Learning about my condition a year ago helped my husband and I understand what was happening to me and why.
We have worked through it together and these days it doesn't affect either of us in the same way.
I have learned coping methods and make sure that I communicate openly at all times.
We've been together for 22 years and are happier than ever. I still feel very lucky indeed.
@@cowboybob7093 That's not necessarily true of every PMDD patient
Dealing with my spouse that has this, I understand the struggle.
You're told to be "patient," "if you're a real man you'd grin and bear it," told by her family members "oh, that's just how she is." But none of that is fair to you as the partner that has to deal with this every single month for weeks on end. Walking on egg shells constantly in the hopes that you don't say or do something to rub her the wrong way. It's a mental and emotional Olympics constantly and you just hold out hope for the times that she returns to the sweet, funny, amazing person that you met before you encountered the PMDD.
In the end she HAS TO GET HELP. If she doesn't or stops taking her medication because she just doesn't feel like it, you know you'll be dealing with this for the rest of your life. It's up to you to weigh whether or not it it's worth it at that point.
And to all those that would parrot the aforementioned quotes of "be patient," "if you loved her..." or "that's just how she is," stop and think for a moment, have you put yourself in the partner's shoes? Have you thought about how this affects the partners life, mental and physical well-being? But most importantly, if the roles were reversed, how long would she put up with this? How long would she take the abuse?
This is a hard thing to deal with and it will constantly take patience and understanding on both sides.
RUN, NOW, it's not worth it. Don't get her pregnant. Break off the engagement. Start to distance yourself. Get a second job. Start getting into fitness. Anything. She will absolutely ruin your life. Been there, done that. They believe _all_ of the worst things they say and do. Her "forgive me" will not make one bit of difference in a couple of weeks. It's a nightmare and you do not, you must not, need to feel obligated (until a baby is involved.) Make a clean break.
You never ever have to put up with abuse from ANYONE, no matter what diagnosis they have. You count, too.
Sometimes ALOT OF TIME! MEDICINE DON'T WORK. YOU HAVE TO REMOVE THE OVERIES!
You could not describe it better. I don't see a lot of info about the abuse and negativity the partner and the kids have to endure.
Well, I just got dumped by a possible PMDD woman. Last week everything was perfect, i'm perfect, life is perfect. Monday she switched (again) to a different person. Nothing I said was good, everything was put against me. This is so exhausting to go through for both but I'm the one dumped now and left in the mudd.
He is a true man.
I'm thankful to this man for sharing his story and sticking by his wife.
I’m in a relationship with a woman with this disorder. It is the worst thing I have ever dealt with and I have seen some bad stuff before. I don’t know what to do because I care about her but it’s gone from being aggressive and yelling to demanding money in an entitled way and calling me names when I don’t give it to her. I don’t know what medication she takes aside from her birth control but apparently it’s not enough. I don’t want to leave her but it’s been so difficult to put up with her constant abuse.
If you get married get a prenup lol
What a great man and supportive partner.
He very much is!
Your a warrior. Even if it doesn't feel like it. God is going to give you a reward. Even if it isnt now. Its waiting
thank you so much for sharing Marc.
Wow, such an encouraging story and journey-uplifted as someone who suffers from this-Thanks so much sharing, love to your family
Everything he said is spot on! I have lived in his position for 9 years. The worst mental part is trying to deal with being blamed. She could became a completely unlovable person, yet all you can do is love them anyways because you know it isn't really then. But when in that place they fight so hard to be able to remain there so they can justify their treatment of you. It's so hard watching someone you love so much change so drastically and into someone who really believes they hate you. In the end nothing I did was enough, she ended up leaving me durring an apposed after I put up security cameras because It had progressed to the point i feared for mine and my familes safety.
Thank You Sir. It's not an easy thing to deal with for a man. I struggle with this and sometimes I forget who she is....
We hear you, and we know how hard it can be for partners and sufferers alike. Please know that you can reach out anytime for support and validation from one of our peer support providers - we're here for you and everyone who is touched by PMDD.
RUN, NOW, it's not worth it. Don't get her pregnant. Break off the engagement. Start to distance yourself. Get a second job. Start getting into fitness. Anything. She will absolutely ruin your life. Been there, done that. They believe _all_ of the worst things they say and do. Her "forgive me" will not make one bit of difference in a couple of weeks. It's a nightmare and you do not, you must not, need to feel obligated (until a baby is involved.) Make a clean break.
This is the best video I could’ve ever chosen to watch. I have been dealing with my wife with pmdd for a few years now and it is killing me inside. I often ask myself why I put myself through this, it’s not fair that I get treated so badly. The double standard in our relationship is incredible and so hard to handle sometimes. I hate that our 6 year old girl and 2 year old boy have to see and hear all that comes with this, but it’s like when she gets in one of her moods, there’s no stopping her and she will just curse me out and say the nastiest things right in front of our children, and that’s not fair for them either. I don’t want our marriage to fail, I love her with all my heart, and I don’t want our children to grow up with divorced parents either. I’m at my wits end though. Something has to give, as I have given more than my fair share towards all this. I need help!!! 😔
Derek sandford, you are not alone my brother I totally feel the same way, it's not fair to the family members that we have to prepare for this every month. My advice is to try and not engage with her mood swings, be present by not running and try not to entertain her rude and bad behavior, but also STAND TALL AND STAND FIRM FOR YOURSELF AND THE CHILDREN BY TELLING HER THAT YOU UNDERSTAND SHE'S NOT FEELING WELL BUT EXPLAIN TO HER HOW THIS MAKES YOU AND THE CHILDREN FEEL and do it in a loving manner. I hope this helps, comment back I'm here and I don't mind being a beacon of help. 💯👍🙏
@@ignoranceisnotatrend4669 Thank you, I appreciate that!!
@@DerekSanford and I'm going to keep it 💯% real with you, mine is going through it now, literally i mean NOW, that's what made me give you words to not get discourage.
I’ve been coping with exactly the same thing for almost 7 yrs. All of our friends don’t talk to us. She has no close friends. Recently became physical and spent a night in jail. Feel so bad for my children. I’m most likely goin to separate. But need to secure another home close by. Hopefully collect rent from the other unit so I can pay for her living because she can’t afford it alone. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this. Yea so that’s my idea to get out of this situation with out suicide. Good luck to all.
@@CRUZCONTRL hi mate I just wanted to check if you’re doing ok. That’s a lot to deal with
I think this is ruining my life and my marriage…I’m helpless, I don’t know what to do
10:20 i wish the impact on partners is not compared to the person with pmdd in some value based way, like they have it 10x worse. it really minimises the impact on the partner, taking the focus from their suffering. also how do you know how bad it really is to each of the people in that relationship.
it's truely horrible.
there are plenty of videos on the PMDD sufferer and the impact on them.
the rare videos on the partners need to not minimise their experience.
Being a partner of someone with PMDD is a painful journey.
I don't get angry as much. When I was a kid if I showed anger I'd get punched. So instead I get clingy and morbid: Everything is death everything is hopeless, dying is better than living. I also don't want to do ANY of my responsibilities. My husband gets frustrated when I'm not doing anything but scrolling on my phone for 5 hours. Also the insomnia/nightmares means I don't sleep, and he can't sleep when I'm roaming around the house at 3 AM.
I also get racing thoughts constantly. Everyone is a murderer in my mind. Every freckle is cancer. Every cricket in the night is a burgler. Evil is everywhere. My skin itches. My teeth taste weird. I even hear voices and they wake me up. I once forgot how to open the front door and had to be let in. I can't drive my car. It's hell.
I have random crying fits, so much so we don't even bother acknowledging them anymore. He just looks at me and checks if I'm OK and I assure him I'm just having a mood swing, and he hugs me and then we go on, business as usual. must feel like I'm a complete lunatic. I suspect I just might be.
When I started birth control again I noticed when I reach a certain point in my pill calendar, it starts like clockwork. And since going on the pill, the symptoms are a little more easy to anticipate. It gets in the way of vacations, hanging out with our friends, and I know it takes a toll on him that EVERYTHING fun has to stop for a week because I'm in hermit mode.
I usually try and encourage him to go out with friends as much as possible during what I call "Shadow Week". I hate him seeing me like this. Crying at the sight of his hands on mine because a thought pops in my head how those laced fingers are going to be worm food in just a few decades, or maybe even sooner than we think because...you never know.
I once downed half a bottle of pills and he threatened to have me 5150ed.
I imagine hearing all the doom and gloom makes for very unpleasant company. Idk much rather he go out anf have fun and leave me to handle my shadows myself. It's humiliating to be around anyone in that state.
Actually, I just started "Shadow Week" today and fortunately hubby is having a game night with friennds instead of sitting here listening to me feeling sorry for myself, talking crazy. I pity my dog though. He tends to worry when I cry/talk to myself like this.
I just wish I could sleep through the next few days til it's done.
It can truly be debilitating. I get violent and break things when i get it. Its very scary and it really makes you feel psychotic.
Cool this guy found a way through. But what about dealing with it when pmdd makes your wife think you’re cheating and lie to her when you don’t? Then the arguments that stem from that? The lasting effect it has on you and your wife? Things that are said and done that cont go away. All because of thoughts in her head from pmdd. Pmdd is a death sentence for marriage. I’m sorry but it’s true. I see these woman call this guy a true man and saying god bless him. So the ones that can’t cope aren’t good men? And god shouldn’t bless them? A woman can’t cope with pmdd and it’s ok but a man should have deal with it and be able to? I love my wife with every fiber of my being. But when you’re constantly being called a liar and a cheater for years and deal with this nasty disease and the bad things it does to your family then at some point you have to draw a line. Pmdd is a nasty nasty disease and if you or someone you love has it or lives with it, GET HELP. Don’t think you are strong enough on your own. You’re not. It has completely destroyed my marriage and robbed me of the woman of my dreams
Hi I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know that comes with a lot of hurt, pain and distrust and being the "bigger person" and becomes straining after a while. I hope you have some people in your life who you can trust and talk to when this happens. My grandma, mother and sister have all been terrible affected by this and keep praying to God to heal. One thing that has helped remarkably aside from commmunication is diet and supplements - magnesium, B complex, evening primrose oil, and avoiding sugar. Hope this helps, keep your head up, youre doing what you can. I will be praying for your family.
:'(
If you did love her you'd be patient.no excuses
Dealing with my spouse that has this, I understand your struggle, man.
You're told to be "patient," "if you're a real man you'd grin and bear it," told by her family members "oh, that's just how she is." But none of that is fair to you as the partner that has to deal with this every single month for weeks on end. Walking on egg shells constantly in the hopes that you don't say or do something to rub her the wrong way. It's a mental and emotional Olympics constantly and you just hold out hope for the times that she returns to the sweet, funny, amazing person that you met before you encountered the PMDD.
In the end she HAS TO GET HELP. If she doesn't or stops taking her medication because she just doesn't feel like it, you know you'll be dealing with this for the rest of your life. It's up to you to weigh whether or not it it's worth it at that point.
And to all those that would parrot the aforementioned quotes of "be patient," "if you loved her..." or "that's just how she is," stop and think for a moment, have you put yourself in the partner's shoes? Have you thought about how this affects the partners life, mental and physical well-being? But most importantly, if the roles were reversed, how long would she put up with this? How long would she take the abuse?
This is a hard thing to deal with and it will constantly take patience and understanding on both sides.
@@babyjs5136 I’m with you brother. 6 years in it. Good luck!
look up the Ladycare magnet for menopause, it works for my PMDD. I wear two 24/7/365 and have no more rages, suicidal thoughts or attempts, no violent outbursts, no continuous negative paranoid thoughts, no yelling, I don't mind my house getting untidy now, all I lack is lots of energy, but that's because I am in peri menopause currently. My brain functions pretty normally most days now, just slight irritation and impatience from ovulation until menstruation but not every day. My cycle is all over the place so it's hard to pin point the bad days now. When my energy comes back that is great, that's the real me and I love it.
My hubby suffers a lot of the PMDD symptoms with Aspergers/ high functioning autism, apart from the suicide thoughts and attempts and the violent outbursts. His last a few days or up to a week.
It's hell to go through either but at least we both understand what the other one goes through or went through X X X
Really touching.
Man!!! I don't want my husband to ever feel that way
I dont know if my fiancee have the same and dont know how to deal with jt.
She stsrt hating me week before period lot of times and ask for break up. We open house together etc. and suddenly she want to throw everything on garbage . Dont know if is pmdd or she literally dont love me anymore
My GF has this I'm beyond sure but her gyno said its just PMS. So they gave her birth control. She is denial about it bieng PMDD
We're sorry to hear you both are going through this! You're not alone. If you or your partner ever need support, you can reach out to one of our peer support providers - we're here for you! www.iapmd.org/peer-support
I gotta show this to my husband.
If you love him you will tell him to leave and not look back.
@@cowboybob7093 Hey, are you OK? You kind of seem like you've got something going on. I can only assume you have someone in your life who might have PMDD. Just be sure it's not something else, like BPD.
PMDD Is only a week or so out of an an entire month. But if your partner is like that all month it could be a Cluster B thing.
@@cowboybob7093 My girl told me that when we was first dating she kept it all hidden from me. Then I found out when it was a little too late cause don't want to walk out on my kids. I'm broken
@@onenessseeker5683 Professional help will probably be a non-starter, and I'm just talking you, not couples work. My experience has been with LCSW is your insurance gives you 6 session-hours, and for the first 5 1/2 you talk, talk, talk and in the last half hour you ask "what do think?" - and they ain't got jack. I went to a couple of "life coaches," and it was the same. They basically think you have your act together, you just need some talk time to focus. No, coach, I need a coach, input, help on my form, leverage my strengths, reinforce my weaknesses. - But "life coaches" don't do that.
So here you are in this pickle: A woman who got pregnant and trapped you. Sounds familiar to me. Dismiss the back story. It's important, but not right now. Listen dude, I was literally "the biggest f'ing a-hole that was ever born." Called that many, many times. Out of billions alive today, and all of human history, I was numero uno. One day I said "What about Hitler?" Hooray, stopped that one. But she would come up with others.
I just wanted to tell you a sliver of my story.
Okay, two or more kids.
Wife/GF who has chemical imbalances. One thing you can't forget: When she says those things she absolutely believes them. Sure, she might take it back. But gee whiz, 2 1/2 to 3 weeks later it happens again.
I would have to say you need to create a separate life.
Not a secret one. Not a mean one or a jerk one or whatever else. No, just a separate one.
Get a second job, part time. Open a private bank account. Memorize the details, account numbers, etc. Make it as on-line as you can, passwords in-your-head. Start tucking away money. Prepare for your future. It may be a year from now, it may be longer. When my wife left me it took her over two weeks to exit. She was back in two months and the exact same patterns came with her. Any good work I did with the kids was immediately obliterated.
When I left her, one night I realized it was over. It took 54 weeks from that night to make the break - over a year.
And no, it has not been a joy-fest since then. But it also has not left me freaked out on a regular basis that someone was suddenly going to appear and start grinding me down for no good reason.
-Kids: Sometimes kids need one parent.
Growing up in a household (not a home) where there are two conflicting leaders is definitely not good for a kid. I tell single moms where I work: "This is your chance to do it right. Your kid has one authority. No one is coming in every day tweaking your decision, being the good guy, undermining you." Again, I have stories where my ex would modify my decision and literally within seconds realize she would have rather had the kids do my thing (like get home earlier.)
I didn't have grandparents to rely on, so I assume you don't either.
This is crazy, writing about this has actually made a specific area in my lower back radiate pain, something I used to feel in that exact spot all the time, and now I almost never do.
But YOU are the subject.
Understand you need to face this.
Prepare to leave it.
Prepare to take the kids with you.
Prepare to fight.
You need resources, money is just part of it. Spend an hour with a lawyer - Go in with questions written down and stick to the paper - no not talk emotions with a lawyer - get advice - bank account - kids - how to leave - time lines - A lawyer is not a psychologist - A lawyer is real world, and expensive. But they will prepare you.
Tell your kids how much you love them and let them know you are doing everything for them.
Do not hide things from them that they need to know.
Do not reveal things they do not need to know.
Expect everything you say to them will be repeated. It's a lot for a kid - So don't burden them. "need to know"
-You're welcome to write back. If you want to post a heads-up on my discussions in my UA-cam profile, it's okay. It's not private, but it's not a friggin' thread entry either.
--As for the women who will inevitably read this: I loved my wife and completely sunk my existence into being an excellent husband. People I knew at the time have told me there is no way I can blame myself for the divorce. And women, I came out of it an emotional shell. If you get off reading that it says more about you than it does about me. I assume someone will read this while she's in her monthly critical time. I feel sorry for you. I have known many people who are mentally ill, schizophrenics, bi-polar, depressed - and PMDD is an absolute nightmare for the people you are closest to, every bit as bad as schizophrenia, etc. But don't blame me. I despise blame, always have.
@Az Eddie I really feel for you, I was not explosive, I tried to understand, to hold her tummy spooning but after a hundred months of being followed around the house told I was worthless it was beyond clearly unhealthy and we were together for more than a hundred more. I spent the last twelve planning a graceful exit because the kids were finally of age. Best wishes. We've been divorced for more than ten years and still laugh on the phone like we do with no one else. Talk to a doctor but if you seek counseling immediately demand a few minutes of feedback time at the end of every appointment. Frankly, writing things down is more helpful if you're not going to get any response from a professional.
Dude.. this is the reason my GF has been physically beating me at the end of every month. WTF...
Peace is better than that
Great talk. I feel 100% of your pain and struggle.The internet offers no shortage of first hand stories of how difficult it is for the woman to deal with these signs and symptoms (which I completely appreciate), but there are very few resources for the faithful husband who is psychologically and emotionally RAPED like clock-work for (in my family's case) 7 full-on days of every single month of complete verbal and emotional belittlement and abuse for absolutely no reason other than proximity; being the closest, easiest target.
This is a terrible condition, and it's great to see it finally acknowledged and getting the attention it deserves. But as an ASIDE... What if this was flipped, and men had this condition? Would it still be, "poor man'? Or would it be regarded as men trying to twist science to justify the perpetual subjugation of women? Just a thought. Don't get mad at me!
Charlie Skinner Political!
RUN, NOW, it's not worth it. Kids? Start to distance yourself. Get a second job. Start getting into fitness. Anything. She will absolutely ruin your life. Been there, done that. She believes _all_ of the worst things says and does. Her "forgive me" will not make one bit of difference in a couple of weeks. It's a nightmare and you do not, you must not, need to feel obligated (until a baby is involved.) Make a clean break. *_As for "lady_luck" calling your post "political" - GFY lady_*
Nope. Absolutely awful for the kids too. Hard pass while you still have health and dignity
Wow. They do exist.
12:04 is so true unfortunately, and the problem is there is very little support for us partners, we literally have to take the punch's when and where and suck them up without an apology.
Did you also try medications?
im going insane dealing
Hang in there bro. We can get out of this.
So much love xxx
A very real description.
Wow! This man really loves his wife. Beautiful testimony! (Science should clone him! LOL)
Hormonal hell! So glad to be single!
Ultimately I think it's unfair for a man to endure such punishment for simply being there. Women need to own up to it and find solutions...if for nothing else, their own quality of life. It should not be a man's burden to bear. Maybe work together in working things through and finding solutions. Being blamed for a woman's PMDD behaviors really sucks.
Maybe if even a tenth of the funding pumped into ED and Viagra was given to PMDD research and funding we'd have some solutions and support.
Dankie
🌺
Just leave boys it's not worth dealing with the bipolar ups and downs. Abandon ship.
Oh no,not hysterectomy. She needs to balance her hormones. PMDD os hormonal imbalances.
Research shows that PMDD is not caused by an imbalance of hormones but rather the rise and fall of estrogen and progesterone. Having said this, however, ruling out a hormone imbalance should be one of the first steps in diagnosing PMDD. Hysterectomy (with the removal of both ovaries) is a last line treatment option when all other options have failed. giaallemandfoundation.org/about-pmdd/ is a great overview of the disorder.
Can we all make a whatsapp or Instagram group
You get to be in the closet for six hours? Your husband helps with the kids? Must be nice. 🙄 you get to put covers over the head? What about single moms. Or the husbands who at most give you one hour of a "break" 🥱
thank you so much for sharing Marc.