I had childhood trauma plus 2 pathological long term relationships. I started my trauma recovery at age 51. It has taken me 6 years of very hard work to recover. I’m not 100%. But no serious CPTSD symptoms in a year. I’ve been single the whole time I’ve been recovering. I was surrounded by pathological people before. Now I’m free of them. I appreciate your attention to survivors instead of focusing on the pathological person. 🙏
Thank you for this informative and interesting discussion. I appreciate Sandra's researched information and experience. Sandra gives survivors very helpful insights into their own traits that work to keep them involved in pathological relationships. Just a note to say that it's not the case that survivors are all women and abusers are all men. Survivors can be both men and women. Women can also have narcissistic personality disorders or anti-social personality disorders. Women can love-bomb, manipulate, target and use men, and the men targeted and involved in such relationships are just as trapped and they also suffer from cognitive dissonance due to emotional, psychological, and even physical abuse. Men can also be financially abused or alienated from their children. I believe it would be helpful to recognise that stereotypes of what the 'typical' abuser and 'typical' survivor look like does not lead to greater public awareness.
I want to speak to something Sandra mentions. Most therapists have no idea how to address this type of abuse. I’ve had therapists tell me that their boyfriend or spouse was a narcissist, so they know what I’m going through and I therefore should do x or y - similar to the many online videos about narcissism. If its pathological or psychopathic behavior, the advice might be different
SOLUTION #1= A "Marriage License" needs to be EARNED & not just a $10 form you fill out & sign. A "Marriage License" can be a "License to Abuse" if it does not have gravitas & accountability. In order to get a Marriage License, WHY NOT REQUIRE: (1)Mental Illness Screening for both partners-esp. for psycho-pathology; (2) In-depth training about DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ABUSE & CHILD ABUSE for both partners (including resources at local, fed & state); (3) In-depth training and DETAILED ESCAPE PLAN for both partners who will agree & sign off on it...??? THIS is exactly what a "Marriage License" should be! It won't prevent all cases of DV-Abuse or Child Abuse, but it's at least some type of PREVENTION. Feel free to poke holes in this theory... It's the only way to find SOLUTIONS... :)
I had childhood trauma plus 2 pathological long term relationships. I started my trauma recovery at age 51. It has taken me 6 years of very hard work to recover. I’m not 100%. But no serious CPTSD symptoms in a year. I’ve been single the whole time I’ve been recovering. I was surrounded by pathological people before. Now I’m free of them. I appreciate your attention to survivors instead of focusing on the pathological person. 🙏
Perfect timing. Thank you.
Thank you for this informative and interesting discussion. I appreciate Sandra's researched information and experience. Sandra gives survivors very helpful insights into their own traits that work to keep them involved in pathological relationships.
Just a note to say that it's not the case that survivors are all women and abusers are all men. Survivors can be both men and women.
Women can also have narcissistic personality disorders or anti-social personality disorders. Women can love-bomb, manipulate, target and use men, and the men targeted and involved in such relationships are just as trapped and they also suffer from cognitive dissonance due to emotional, psychological, and even physical abuse. Men can also be financially abused or alienated from their children.
I believe it would be helpful to recognise that stereotypes of what the 'typical' abuser and 'typical' survivor look like does not lead to greater public awareness.
Very helpful and insightful
I want to speak to something Sandra mentions. Most therapists have no idea how to address this type of abuse. I’ve had therapists tell me that their boyfriend or spouse was a narcissist, so they know what I’m going through and I therefore should do x or y - similar to the many online videos about narcissism. If its pathological or psychopathic behavior, the advice might be different
SOLUTION #1= A "Marriage License" needs to be EARNED & not just a $10 form you fill out & sign. A "Marriage License" can be a "License to Abuse" if it does not have gravitas & accountability. In order to get a Marriage License, WHY NOT REQUIRE: (1)Mental Illness Screening for both partners-esp. for psycho-pathology; (2) In-depth training about DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ABUSE & CHILD ABUSE for both partners (including resources at local, fed & state); (3) In-depth training and DETAILED ESCAPE PLAN for both partners who will agree & sign off on it...??? THIS is exactly what a "Marriage License" should be! It won't prevent all cases of DV-Abuse or Child Abuse, but it's at least some type of PREVENTION. Feel free to poke holes in this theory... It's the only way to find SOLUTIONS... :)