My dad used to have a saying in Spanish. “Si no te da pena pedir, a mi no me da pena decir no.” If you don’t get ashamed to ask for money, it doesn’t shame me to say no.
I used to loan money to my family all the time and it was always such a headache having to chase your money your family acting as if you’re the one being annoying asking to be payed back ! Not worth the hassle at all
I remember when my cousin asked me to co-sign a loan for her, I told her no, and she got offended, but I explained to her why I will never co-sign for anybody. Then I ask her why she needed a loan anyway, and it turns out she wanted me to co-sign for a loan, that she wanted to take out, to loan to her friend who "couldn't get a loan". It was the dumbest thing I've ever heard, and I made sure she knew that.
My family knows not to ask me for anything. I have mastered the art of saying NO and let’s sit down and figure out what you can sell or do to raise that money. They hate that mess!
Just plain ignorant to the whole system. I had a friend who thought co sign was like a referral and that it wouldn’t fall on the co signer. People are not educated enough! 😅😅😅😅
One of my wife's friends wanted her to co-sign a car for her. I shut it down immediately. I reminded her how this girl is constantly going on trips, buying new clothes, going out to eat, etc. She's horrible with money and I'm not confident she'd make the payments. She got indignant and upset that we wouldnt do it and ended the friendship. Good riddance!
Jason Rasmussen I think what he meant was you have to give the money to person thinking it’s a gift in case you they don’t payback... than you won’t get mad that much or at all because you “gifted” it..
I gave my business partner a “bridge loan” of 80k to help with the down payment on his house. He said that he just needed it until his current house sold and that he would pay it back as soon as it did. His house sold 3 months later and he never paid it back. However, I kept that “loan” on the books for 5 years until our business was acquired and we liquidated our assets. When we were diving up the proceeds I took an additional 80k plus interest. He did get bent out of shape, but he had no choice because it was in writing. The value of our company was in the millions so it really wasn’t a big deal for him to pay it. But it just goes to show that even when people have means, they never want to pay you back unless they are legally required to.
I needed to hear this today. My parents are buying my brother a house. They aren't buying me one, even though my brother and I are equally successful. It stung. But I realise that I feel a huge sense of relief at thinking of all the freedom I have in disentangling myself, financially and emotionally, from a toxic family dynamic.
Yes. When my sister and I got our first cars (teenagers), my parents paid cash for them then we paid my parents in payments like you would in a bank. They held this over our heads until the cars were paid off. Payments were paid on time as agreed, but they like to hold the loan over our heads for other things. When my sister got a new car, they did the same deal for her and asked me if I wanted it too. I said thanks, but no thanks. Getting my own loan and not being under their thumb...priceless!
My parents gave my sister and brother the down payments for their houses, AND paid for their weddings. They would not contribute to our wedding, so we eloped, since we could not afford it on our own. We cashed out my p.t.o. for down payment money. It's been like that since we were kids.
100%. My parents helped with my brother’s down payment and mortgage, paid for his college and provided free daycare for his kids for 15 years. Not only have I paid my own way since I was 18, when I moved out of the country for a temporary assignment, I left all my assets to them, and they liquidated it all and bought an RV. Now that they’re getting to the age where they’ll need care, I think my brother feels a little more obligated to help them. Of course, I’m going to help too. But it’s just a good feeling to be helping out of love and not out of obligation.
I was used and abused by my mother and sister for years. Loaned them thousands and NEVER saw a penny back. They would turn on the guilt when I refused. I had to walk away. It hurt, but I got over it.
In my youth I co-signed a boyfriend's car, because "I was going to be with him forever." I was so freaking lucky that he paid it, and eventually refinanced it only in his name. Looking back I was so stupid.
My ex-father-in-law cosigned a computer loan for me back when computers were *expensive.* It was a misunderstanding, and he was *not* happy. I made absolutely sure that loan got paid every month!!! (He was gracious, though, once I apologized for the miscommunication) and it never came up.
I have heard of cases of people doing this for their boyfriend or girlfriend for them to turn around and split up with them. You got lucky with that one. Now you could meet a person who is honest and no matter what would pay it back.
I give my mom money every month. NO expectations of getting anything back from her. 18 years of her working and putting me through an expensive college as a single mother it's the LEAST I can do.
What has she done to make it impossible for your father to live with her (exception would be if he died)? They are genius in making themselfes look like victims.
😂 😂 I loaned $10 to a nephew to. Never got it back, but he has never borrowed another single coin from me even when he is clearly broke. Best $10 I have ever lent.
Nothing irritates than seeing someone you lend money going on a vacation... “Can you please give me my money back first before you go on vacation! I saved this money following the baby steps and it wasn’t easy”
@ Bassma Brnawi - a relative did that to me. They'd already paid a good portion of the total amount for the vacation and didn't want to lose that money by cancelling. Then, while on vacation, they got into a problem where they needed money. Guess who they called? The very person they couldn't pay back earlier because they were too far in to cancel their vacation. Thankfully, the loan's been paid back. Not going there ever again. They've been warned that from now on, they need to be sure they can afford their next vacation, because I will not be coming to the rescue any more.
I've lost "family" and "friends" who considered themselves family over lending money. Its always been a bad decision. The only good that came out of it was I learned how people truly are. Listen to Dave!
I learned this lesson the hard way. My friend's car died and he couldn't afford to fix it and he needed a car for work and upcoming doctor appointments. But he didn't have a credit card so the car rental companies wouldn't rent to him so I gave him my card and he promised to pay half with this next check and then the other half the following pay check. Well time comes for the first payment and he asks "Do I really have to pay you now? Can't you wait till the 1st?" He eventually did pay me back, but never again.
I love when people ask to borrow money. I had to learn the hard way to never loan ANYONE money: friends, family, your kids...NOBODY. Now, I love the satisfaction of turning people down because it's the right thing to do.
If you loan a piece of equipment to someone, it will probably return broken, or never returned at all. If you borrow equipment, it is probably in bad shape, and you have to fix it first, then they will accuse you of scratching the paint.
@@marcdonvito6485 44 years ago, I borrowed a rototiller to breakup ground for a garden. The rewind spring for the pull starter broke and I bought a new assb and replaced it. It cost me 4 hours wages ($15). My upbringing was to take responsibility for things borrowed. I haven't even thought of that again until reminded by this thread.
@@1redrubberball Borrowed my brothers car, water pump went out. Cost almost 25$ for a new one. And my other brother charged me a 6 pack of Miller Light, to replace it.
When my dad wanted to buy a new house and had a contingency on his old home he took a short term loan for $220k, his sister called the bank and paid it off, she said he shouldn’t pay interest. When his house sold he paid her back plus interest. She flew out to California to see the new house. When she left she’d left the interest he’d paid her in the guest room in a cashiers check. They got along great, it was a rare relationship, In a different time (the 90’s).
Never loan any money that you can’t afford not to get back. That goes for friends, family, and co-workers. The fastest way to end a relationship is by loaning money. If you’re uncomfortable saying no, just tell them you’re paying off a loan too.
When I get a phone call from a relative, I'm sure to interject in the first five minutes how I am barely making ends meet. Suddenly they remember some task they have to do and say they "just wanted to call to catch up with me".
@@winstonsmith6204 LOL. When you say you're barely making ends meet they probably think you're about to ask them for a loan, so hang up quick. Good way to be antisocial ;)
I'm cash flowing my daughters college, she's in the National Guard to help pay for it and I pay the rest. If anyone starts talking about money and I feel like you're about to ask me, I just say yeah you should see what the tuition bills are for Sophia she's in school for neuroscience...And I start shaking my head. The best part is it costs exactly the same as any other classes in college, but the sound of it scares people off!
Grant cardone once said: Dont let anyone borrow money cuz theyll be mad. Theyll be mad at you if you say no or theyll be mad when they have to pay it back.
One time my coworker borrowed$8 from me for lunch and she just started to avoid me afterwards. Remember I didn't even asked her for my $8 or made any big deal out of it. It's amazing how some people are. Well, I never got the money back and I just brushed it off. She truly shows me her character, lol.
It's absolutely true my aunt and I had a handshake agreement on a second car that I owned and wasn't using, she agreed to give me 500 dollars for the car whenever she got it and pay the insurance on it every month. Somehow over time she started playing a different tune of I gave her the car and I'm pocketing the money she's giving me toward theinsurance every month. It was a HUGE falling out between us over this long story short its been six yrs we haven't spoken one word to one another since I've gotten married have a kid and one on the way, got my CDL and have a great career truck driving and she hasn't been around for any of it and this woman practically was my second mom growing up. NEVER EVER mix family and business....
MyNameIsCorey You seem to awake her true colors, on the other hand this is going to seem harsh, But if she really was like a 2nd mother, and fed you etc, you should have just given her the car and signed it over to her, and help her get it registered. Many ‘sons’ buy their moms cars, and some well to do, buy their moms a house.
@@CarnivoreStork it's funny you say that because belive it or not I was going to just give it to her but after she accused me of not having the car insured and pocketing the money and going thru the trouble of having to prove that I wasn't and allowing her husband to try to do things to me I'd rather not get into on this channel I felt it was best to just take MY car that I bought with MY money back
popcornto : collateral is an item you give to the person loaning you money that is roughly worth the value of the loan. If the loan isn’t repaid, the the loaner gets to keep the item, effectively making it a selling transaction. If the loan is repaid, then the debtor gets his/her item back. For example, parents ask son for $10000. They give their speedboat to their son because they need the cash right then more than the boat, and they don’t want to sell the boat outright. If they pay the son back $10000, then they get their boat back. If not, the son keeps the boat. The boat was the collateral in this example
Let my brother borrow $1500. He had previously borrowed 5k from my mom which he never paid back. Anyways, I KNEW exactly what I was getting into. However, I let him borrow money on the condition he would pay me back within 6 months or less. In exchange, I had him give me collateral in a higher amount than what I borrwed: 500$ worth of PS4 and games as well as his car keys and title SIGNED which was worth around $1500. I made it clear that there would be NO extensions. At the end of the 6 months, whatever wasn't paid would be taken from the things he gave me. I would sell the games or car to get the money back. Period. Since he lived with me, I knew he could easily take the stuff back so I packed it in a box and kept it at work. He was still driving the car but I had the title. Needless to say, he wanted his stuff back and he paid me in four months.
I use it to my advantage, my father always said "if ever you have someone in your life that you just want to get rid of, let them borrow some money and trust me, you'll never see them again!"
What still bothers me though, even though I give my family things freely, they will still say "I'll have it right back to you". That makes me so sad, because they've never once paid me back. I wish they would just say thank you instead of lying.
The strong almost obnoxious declaration that they are going to pay you back and then nothing..... I wasn’t even mad about not being paid back .. it was the overt dramatic declaration of their intent that never happened .. makes think it was all theater. Learned my lesson
When I was 19 I had an apartment with my best friend and worked at the same place.. when he got fired for missing to much work, I moved out immediately.. I didnt want our friendship to be ruined by me paying all the Bill's and being resentful the rest of our lives.
I loaned a friend $700 when I was 18. Took him 6 months to pay me back. Ruined our relationship. Now I never loan money to anybody. When somebody asks I just say simply, “ I don’t lend friends money.”
My car was about to be repossessed and I asked a lot of people even cousins that I knew had money just for a couple hundred so I wouldn’t lose the car and I have kids... the only 2 people that helped me out was one of my cousins $500 and another church friend another $300 and I put the rest so the car wouldn’t be repoed. I knew I was going to be getting money the next month so I told them I would pay then back the next month.. and I did pay them back.. I’m forever grateful for the help from them. This was about 2 years ago...we still stay in contact and see one another but I don’t ask anyone for money anymore. I’m learning to save and got a better job.
I spent weeks in my 20’s pissed off over being berated by my mother in law for refusing to give money to my husbands idiot sister. I was listening to Dave on am radio at that time. I am so glad I acquired a backbone. It was much easier for me to manage mom in law being mad at me than me being mad at myself for allowing the abuse.
My thinking is, If you can't afford to lose it, don't loan it. That means, money, tools, your car, your boat, your time. Any thing. This his serviced me well thru the decades.
I learned that lesson very early in life. In school everyone came to me for lunch money and i thought that the right thing to do. No one should be hungry because they forgot their lunchmoney at home. After a while i noticed everyone around me owed me money. About 80€ at the time. NOT ONE OF THEM payed me back without me asking. When i asked they were annoyed or even denied that they owe me. At that moment i stopped loaning money.
I've seen this happen time and again when someone is naturally very sweet and generous and people pick up on that and guilt trip you to lending them money. The friendship always turns bitter. Same with going into business with family. Don't do it.
My wife asked if we could loan her friend (who was in a really tough spot) several thousand dollars. I insisted that instead of a loan we gift her friend that money because if it's a loan then she would lose their friendship. Despite doing that I think her friend felt some underlying guilt or shame and they don't really keep in touch any more. So even a gift of money can set up that "I owe you" dynamic in the heart of the recipient.
I loaned $5k to help my cousin buy a house. 7 years now he won't even pick up the phone when I call now. We used to be the best of friends. Never lending money to anyone ever again. I could have sued him, but he's family still I didn't. And no I didn't chase him for it, I rarely mentioned it. Maybe once every 3 months. Even after 2 years I offered them to pay me back $100 a month.
Jacek....To each his own....but me, I would have definitely taken him to small claims court to get my money back! 5,000 is alot of money and that was a great thing you did to help youf cousin. The effort could have been made to pay you 50 to 100 dollars each month!....
Man, sorry let you know this. Your Not going to get your money. Because I been there 6 + years helping my mom, sister with there problems. Till now 2019, I never got my money back or from a friend of mind. Our friendship has breaking off, long story short. I still talk to my mom and sister. I just don't gave money anymore, people that have problems, solve it yourself. God bless.
@@seventhchild7270 to me $5k is about a weeks paycheck after taxes. The money wasn't a big deal for me. But I lost a cousin over it, that I had knows for 30 years. That i spoke to regularly...that hurt me... I only wanted to be played back because of principle, he said he wanted to borrow it and I'm a man of my word and expect others to be the same.
@@michelarosier1918 yea, I should have know better then give him money. He makes between 150k - 200k a year. And he is in debt and always broke. But somehow posts a picture on Facebook of a new $1500 tat...
It also affects the relationships between siblings too, especially when it is the same sibling constantly asking for money. Very damaging. I love Dave Ramsey's wisdom on this subject.
My sister asked me to cosign a loan on her car back in 2010. I was freaking out about it, but she never missed a payment. If she was going to be short she told me, and I was able to help her out. She's honestly the only person I would cosign a loan with because I've done it for her a second time, and she's done it with me a couple of times. I'm thankful it worked out, but I wouldn't do it for anyone except her because we have this history. With my new focus on paying cash and not getting loans, I hope it will never be an issue again.
Me 2 live like I'm broke, if people around me knew what I got in my account they would eat me alive. Because they are all broke paycheck to paycheck types. They use all of their pay on girls, beers and party and end of the month they are broke lol
I once had a boyfriend ask me to co sign for a new car, he was like I'll pay $700 a month until it's paid for, I'm glad at age 22 I had common sence, I didn't co sign and we broke up shortly after.
Amen. Never loan more than you would give. It's an "insurance policy" - if they ask for more money, you can say, "you haven't paid back your previous loan."
"Lending money to your friend turns friendship into master-servant relationship. Borrowing money from your mother means your mom's got a control issue as she is tring to interfere with her grown-up child. And it thanksgiving dinner would feel different to sit with your mom vs to sit with a master." Favorite lines of the video. Well said. So wise 😭
Ugh wish I saw this before I loaned my daughter a house down payment. I know she won’t ever pay me back, so I’m going to forgive the loan soon. This will be her inheritance. The other kids will get more. I’m not telling her.
I loan to my kids fairly often, and occasionally friends. The trick is to never "loan" more than you can give without upsetting your own financial plan. For about 10 years, have been writing my budget on a spreadsheet out six months in advance, much easier than the paper version. This allows me to see how actions in the present will affect future plans.
I can relate, my in-laws gave us a few thousand for our new house as a gift and our relationship stayed amazing. They didn't want money but to show our appreciation we try to do as much as we can for them to help out,like yard work at their house
My inlaws helped us. We tried to give it back later and they wouldn't take it. They NEVER asked for a penny. SO sweet. i love my inlaws so much. More than my own parents, really.
If you loan money to family, make it with condition that they cannot borrow any additional money from you until they pay back the full amount they borrowed the first time. Make sure they agree to that when they borrow money the first time. Lets you shoot down any additional requests for money they make to you since they agreed to that condition in the first place.
I have always heard "If you want to lose a friend, lend them money". Too many times I have had people whine to me about how some friend is not paying them back and they are tired of asking for the money.
You think that if you loan a family member or friend money, that they will have a sense of obligation to pay you back. It's the exact opposite. They are thinking "oh, they are my family/friend, they won't expect me to pay them back." Just don't do it. Ever.
I once let my sis borrow 60 dollars. It took her 3 months to pay it back. In those 3 months they went out to dinner every week, nails done, going out, etc. It was always awkward asking when she would be able to pay me back, even more awkward when she'd say "oh next pay day"..but would proceed to go out to a restaurant every weekend. I will never loan money to family members again.
My sister borrowed $200 from me 16 years ago. She has not even tried to pay me a penny back. She buys all kinds of electronics, hair styles, nails done, fancy foods, etc. She just out right refuses to pay her debt.
What gets me is they call it a "loan" knowing darn well they have no intention of paying you back. That's why I do not do it any more. Stopped that a loooong time ago. I don't care if you have only two cigarettes left. I don't smoke so it's not my problem! 😠
This is so right on the "money." If you have the money, just GiVE IT TO THEM if you love/like them! I've been the receiver from well meaning loved ones or friend, and yes, it does change the relationship! Often, they have an underlying belief they now have power over you, whether they are "nice" or not. Thank you educating people about this!
On a positive side, this is good way to get rid of the annoying guy always asking for a loan. Just give 100$ and mention that you want the money back asap and no more money before this loan is paid.
I gave my grandma like 150 bucks once and told her that it was a gift and if she WANTED AND COULD give back then i might accept it. But it was a gift. I never went looking for that money. I never asked for it. Turns out a few months later I was in a rough spot and needed a 150 bucks. My grandmother just so happened to call me up to tell me she wanted to give that gift back. She didn't know i was in a bad spot, but that's what happens when you give freely.
My cousin asked me to cosign her student loan when we were 19. I wiggled my way out of it. I didn't want the financial responsibility, but even more I didn't want a bad relationship due to her falling behind on payments (which did happen).
I use to help my daughter and family... I paid a $42,000 student loan for my deceased son to help him. Bought a car for my daughter ( she crashed it😡) besides helping her with a couple of grand! They controlled me making me feel bad...... I changed that, now I don't and I am the bad one! I am happy cause I learned the hard way!! I am saving for me and my retirement!! 😌
On the two houses I've owned, my grandmother was the mortgage holder. Written up by a real estate lawyer, and filed with the county; specified a reasonable interest rate, term, payoff schedule, etc. Paid her (and then her estate and then my father when he bought it from the estate) for decades. Never had a problem. Borrowed some money from my father early in my divorce for lawyer's fees, and have been paying him back ever since. He never said a word about when to start paying him back; I just _did._ I've never missed a payment to either of them, and TTBOMK our relationship has never suffered.
My paternal grandparents lent my parents money for a house and some land after my brother and I left the house and were adults. My grandparents insisted on not losing the interest they could have earned by cashing in some Treasury Bills and so my parents paid the going rate to avoid jumping through hoops at their bank. They paid back the loan in full over ten years. It ruined their relationship for the rest of their lives. My Father refused to go to his Mother's funeral or be associated with his Mother after his father died. My grandparents could not understand what they had done wrong and felt isolated from their only son until they died. I saw what money and control issues can do. Now I understand why.
Wow I’m surprised how many irresponsible people there are. My uncle had to co-sign for my first car and and finished paying the car loan two years early. I guess I’m one of the few that actually does the right thing.
My mortgage is through my father. 4% interest rate 15 year mortgage. I have never been late. $37000 or 7 years to go. Our relationship has only changed for the better. Since I’m in baby step 6 I should be done sooner than 7 years.
I love when people ask to borrow money. I had to learn the hard way to never loan ANYONE money: friends, family, your kids...NOBODY. Now, I love the satisfaction of turning people down because it's the right thing to do.
I think the relationship is already shot by the time someone says "hey, can I borrow $X?". Giving them only ensures you lose $X on top of the relationship.
My coworker asked me once for money for her kids foot and it felt good to say it’s a gift and no have to think oh she never paid me back. I lended money to my family for stupid purchases and it absolutely changed the dynamic between us I started judging them for the way they spent money and it’s stressful for me more than them. Cuz I don’t want to ask do you have a payment for me this month but if I don’t they go a long time without paying anything
I loaned $2500 to my brother in law and I never got it back even though he promised no matter what. Apparently I'm not important enough to return what is mine. Now I don't lend money to anyone.
I'll insert my coin here. My parents loaned money from my dad's mother many years ago, meanwhile they lived together with her. Since she had all the control issues in the world, and my parents wanted to protect their family's boundaries, their relationship turned into the nightmare, after that she boosted the interest rate. The whole thing went bad to such an extent that my dad still rejects the idea to invest into a decent grave stone for her, saying that the wooden name table is enough. Very personal story, but matches the conclusion : never ever loan to your family members, if you love them and want to maintain a good relationship with them.
I lent a guy $100 at a racetrack when I was in my early twenties. He laughed at me when I asked to be paid back. Cheap lesson. I have a standard answer when someone asks me to borrow money. "I don't have it."
I lent a friend at work money to pay his rent that month. That way he and his kids wouldn’t get booted. Got paid back $100 and that was it. Didn’t get anything else back and he has sense gotten married and moved out of state. I won’t give anyone any money these days. My Dad does live at my house.
Literally just before I started watching your videos I was in a mortgage lenders office about to Cosign a mortgage with my mom since my credit is great. So I really thank you for these warnings because of that I was able to build up the courage to tell my mom that I wasn’t comfortable doing that and now I am helping her the best that I can accumulate her down payment and build up her credit on her own so that she can get a house on her own. And I think that is more help then lending credit would have helped in the first place. Both her and I are have come up to a mutually beneficial plan. Thanks.
My brother drained me with non stop money requests, until I yelled at him while mom also picked my side. He didn't call me for the next eight months. Up to that point he called me sweetly and stressed how he regretted how he always asked for money. Right after the apology he just happened to need some money. After giving him the money another incident of needing money followed up. And that's where I hung up during the second call. Isn't it always fishy how their money problems are way too long and detailed. They do that on purpose which will make you lose track of the story, because they don't have real money problems. It takes a few words to utter what's going when you're really in trouble.
If someone borrows money from you and you lose them because they refuse to pay you back, you didn't lost a friendship, you expose a user for what they were and losing them was worth the money you lost.
My father lend me 3000 10 years ago and I paid it back. A year later, he co-signed for my car loan, wich I paid back. If nobody gave me a chance long ago when I needed it the most, I would probably still be living paycheck to paycheck. The saying should go: always pay your debts, and absolutely always pay your debts to your family.
My spouse let her sibling who had no job run up about $13,000 debt in her name on credit cards. They also lived with us and paid no rent for about three years. They went out to eat too many times while living with us and I would complain about it. After a while they got a job and they paid off about $3,000 on the credit cards and now their mother is paying back the rest. This was very terrible and put a strain on our marriage. They finally moved out thankfully. Do not lend money to family or let them run up the debt in your name.
My dad used to have a saying in Spanish. “Si no te da pena pedir, a mi no me da pena decir no.” If you don’t get ashamed to ask for money, it doesn’t shame me to say no.
In Puerto Rico we have a saying that goes like "El 'Ay Bendito es primo hermano de jódete." So, in this case, you lend money and never get it back.
Giraliz Cross bien dicho hermano, bien dicho.
Wise words
I like this saying
I wish I had known this when I was younger...I'll teach my kids to say this.
A friend taught me anytime you feel someone is about to ask for money just hurry up and ask them first!
Good idea
Lol brilliant
😂😂😂
I love this idea!
This is so genius why didn’t I think of this!???
I used to loan money to my family all the time and it was always such a headache having to chase your money your family acting as if you’re the one being annoying asking to be payed back ! Not worth the hassle at all
Bank of Tanya to all family is closed !
Tanya Murphy 😂👏🏽
It's so true.
Facts!!!
I just don't pay that weeks rent if they don't pay me back hahah
I remember when my cousin asked me to co-sign a loan for her, I told her no, and she got offended, but I explained to her why I will never co-sign for anybody. Then I ask her why she needed a loan anyway, and it turns out she wanted me to co-sign for a loan, that she wanted to take out, to loan to her friend who "couldn't get a loan". It was the dumbest thing I've ever heard, and I made sure she knew that.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
💀💀🤣
Is your cousin blonde? Just curious 🤔
I'm so glad your instincts told you not to do it.
Wow
My family knows not to ask me for anything. I have mastered the art of saying NO and let’s sit down and figure out what you can sell or do to raise that money. They hate that mess!
Your hilarious Arlene😂😂😂I almost choked...that's the easiest way of making them not to ask
Arlene Augusta
Great advice! 😉
Same 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂
Believe it or not I had a tenant ask me to co-sign for a new car for him, and he's two months behind on his rent, now that's balls.
Just plain ignorant to the whole system. I had a friend who thought co sign was like a referral and that it wouldn’t fall on the co signer. People are not educated enough! 😅😅😅😅
Wow... folks have no shame...
Can you spell loser?
Let me guess, you didn’t sign?
Balls? Or lack of a brain? 😂
One of my wife's friends wanted her to co-sign a car for her. I shut it down immediately. I reminded her how this girl is constantly going on trips, buying new clothes, going out to eat, etc. She's horrible with money and I'm not confident she'd make the payments. She got indignant and upset that we wouldnt do it and ended the friendship. Good riddance!
If she ended the friendship; she was not really a friend.
That was easy. Well worth it!
She was a user.
You are very lucky that she's out of your life.
My grandma used to say, " Neither a borrower nor a lender be. Live within your means. If you can't afford it then you don't need it!"
Samantha Hardy Polonius said it as well.
My mother say that my grandparents would never borrow. They would all eat tortilla with salsa when there was no money but they would never borrow.
How about surgery?
And if you can't afford to lose the money, don't lend.
DozensOfViewers Just like with all aphorisms, use with wisdom.
My daddy used to say, there's no such thing as a loan to friends or family. It's a gift.
Jason Rasmussen lol 😂
Jason Rasmussen I think what he meant was you have to give the money to person thinking it’s a gift in case you they don’t payback... than you won’t get mad that much or at all because you “gifted” it..
If I can’t afford to give it to you, I can’t afford to loan it to you.
Yeah, its more don't lend money you cant afford to lose, thats the sentiment
Though I just had a bad moment with family about this very thing this comment made me laugh😅
Fastest way to destroy a relationship.
TRUTH!!
Bonnie M you have that right
j glesby indeed
True, and that goes for family or friends.
Fastest way to see your relatives' real character.
I gave my business partner a “bridge loan” of 80k to help with the down payment on his house. He said that he just needed it until his current house sold and that he would pay it back as soon as it did. His house sold 3 months later and he never paid it back. However, I kept that “loan” on the books for 5 years until our business was acquired and we liquidated our assets. When we were diving up the proceeds I took an additional 80k plus interest. He did get bent out of shape, but he had no choice because it was in writing. The value of our company was in the millions so it really wasn’t a big deal for him to pay it. But it just goes to show that even when people have means, they never want to pay you back unless they are legally required to.
so true
Damnnn
Wow I just don't understand this part of human nature because whenever I borrowed money I've always paid it back.
I needed to hear this today. My parents are buying my brother a house. They aren't buying me one, even though my brother and I are equally successful. It stung. But I realise that I feel a huge sense of relief at thinking of all the freedom I have in disentangling myself, financially and emotionally, from a toxic family dynamic.
exactly.
Yes. When my sister and I got our first cars (teenagers), my parents paid cash for them then we paid my parents in payments like you would in a bank. They held this over our heads until the cars were paid off. Payments were paid on time as agreed, but they like to hold the loan over our heads for other things. When my sister got a new car, they did the same deal for her and asked me if I wanted it too. I said thanks, but no thanks. Getting my own loan and not being under their thumb...priceless!
@@bunacat1 That sounds like a toxic way of reminding you that you can't make it without them.
My parents gave my sister and brother the down payments for their houses, AND paid for their weddings. They would not contribute to our wedding, so we eloped, since we could not afford it on our own. We cashed out my p.t.o. for down payment money. It's been like that since we were kids.
100%. My parents helped with my brother’s down payment and mortgage, paid for his college and provided free daycare for his kids for 15 years. Not only have I paid my own way since I was 18, when I moved out of the country for a temporary assignment, I left all my assets to them, and they liquidated it all and bought an RV. Now that they’re getting to the age where they’ll need care, I think my brother feels a little more obligated to help them. Of course, I’m going to help too. But it’s just a good feeling to be helping out of love and not out of obligation.
When you live beneath your means people assume you are poor and don’t ask for money. Never talk about how much you have.
I was used and abused by my mother and sister for years. Loaned them thousands and NEVER saw a penny back. They would turn on the guilt when I refused. I had to walk away. It hurt, but I got over it.
You became a stronger and better person.
So upsetting.
I totally understand how you feel. That happened to me during 4 years until I said enough and never again! I didn't get any penny back.
Divorce yourself from them.
this same thing is happening to me right now, im getting out of it though. it sucks.
In my youth I co-signed a boyfriend's car, because "I was going to be with him forever."
I was so freaking lucky that he paid it, and eventually refinanced it only in his name. Looking back I was so stupid.
My ex-father-in-law cosigned a computer loan for me back when computers were *expensive.* It was a misunderstanding, and he was *not* happy. I made absolutely sure that loan got paid every month!!! (He was gracious, though, once I apologized for the miscommunication) and it never came up.
I have heard of cases of people doing this for their boyfriend or girlfriend for them to turn around and split up with them.
You got lucky with that one. Now you could meet a person who is honest and no matter what would pay it back.
I give my mom money every month. NO expectations of getting anything back from her. 18 years of her working and putting me through an expensive college as a single mother it's the LEAST I can do.
@Joe Owens Same. Mom has a good amount of money, we are always telling her to enjoy it, it's her money not ours.
What has she done to make it impossible for your father to live with her (exception would be if he died)? They are genius in making themselfes look like victims.
Not related to this video
He is talking about loans not blessing
I give my little sister $100 a week....I mean our parents give her money too...not $100 a week....bit she deserves more than what they give her.
That's different. That's called grattitude, not a loan!
The best $20 I ever loaned to a relative was to my scumbag nephew. He now avoids me like the plague. Best $20 I ever loaned out.
😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂 😂 I loaned $10 to a nephew to. Never got it back, but he has never borrowed another single coin from me even when he is clearly broke. Best $10 I have ever lent.
Sounds like the scene from "A Bronx Tale."
I paid a user cousin to go away. It was way more than 20 tho!
Nothing irritates than seeing someone you lend money going on a vacation... “Can you please give me my money back first before you go on vacation! I saved this money following the baby steps and it wasn’t easy”
@ Bassma Brnawi - a relative did that to me. They'd already paid a good portion of the total amount for the vacation and didn't want to lose that money by cancelling. Then, while on vacation, they got into a problem where they needed money. Guess who they called? The very person they couldn't pay back earlier because they were too far in to cancel their vacation. Thankfully, the loan's been paid back. Not going there ever again. They've been warned that from now on, they need to be sure they can afford their next vacation, because I will not be coming to the rescue any more.
lovethemflowers hopefully this will be a good lesson for them
Or get stupid tattoos
I've lost "family" and "friends" who considered themselves family over lending money. Its always been a bad decision. The only good that came out of it was I learned how people truly are. Listen to Dave!
Gerardo linares eso esta bien asi saves que classes de personas son y nunco te ajuntes con esas classes personas
I learned this lesson the hard way. My friend's car died and he couldn't afford to fix it and he needed a car for work and upcoming doctor appointments. But he didn't have a credit card so the car rental companies wouldn't rent to him so I gave him my card and he promised to pay half with this next check and then the other half the following pay check. Well time comes for the first payment and he asks "Do I really have to pay you now? Can't you wait till the 1st?"
He eventually did pay me back, but never again.
Pop told me when I was 10yrs old... “you wanna lose a friend or family member, loan em money.” 😂 He wasn’t lying
I love when people ask to borrow money. I had to learn the hard way to never loan ANYONE money: friends, family, your kids...NOBODY. Now, I love the satisfaction of turning people down because it's the right thing to do.
Can you spot me a 50?
The person who disliked this video owes their son 100 bucks.
More likely their son in-law.
Or just mad a relative won’t lend to them
Or a grown child owes it to their parents.
That's oddly specific. Care to tell us the story?
I don't even have a son.
Ever loan a lawnmower to a family member? Remember how long it took to get it back? Well, there ya go.
Or a hoover :-p
i borrowed a mower from an Uncle, turned it back in fine condition he told me it was broken, never borrowed anything from him again
If you loan a piece of equipment to someone, it will probably return broken, or never returned at all.
If you borrow equipment, it is probably in bad shape, and you have to fix it first, then they will accuse you of scratching the paint.
@@marcdonvito6485
44 years ago, I borrowed a rototiller to breakup ground for a garden. The rewind spring for the pull starter broke and I bought a new assb and replaced it. It cost me 4 hours wages ($15). My upbringing was to take responsibility for things borrowed. I haven't even thought of that again until reminded by this thread.
@@1redrubberball Borrowed my brothers car, water pump went out. Cost almost 25$ for a new one. And my other brother charged
me a 6 pack of Miller Light, to replace it.
Don't loan money to family at all. Period. It does not make them stronger.
Also *never* let them move in with you. That is even worse. There will be no end to your misery.
@@brucesmith9144 Absolutely.
When my dad wanted to buy a new house and had a contingency on his old home he took a short term loan for $220k, his sister called the bank and paid it off, she said he shouldn’t pay interest. When his house sold he paid her back plus interest. She flew out to California to see the new house. When she left
she’d left the interest he’d paid her in the guest room in a cashiers check. They got along great, it was a rare relationship,
In a different time (the 90’s).
Retired Manager -> That’s beautiful!!! 😇😇😇. That’s so beaitiful!!!!
Rarity 😲🌞🌞🌞
That is so rare. But that is one of the best stories I’ve ever heard. I hope she gets blessed 🤗
she was protecting her inheritance.
@@deepstate8474
That's a really jaded opinion.
This is Dave on steroids, I love it. Lots of wisdom here.
Never loan any money that you can’t afford not to get back. That goes for friends, family, and co-workers. The fastest way to end a relationship is by loaning money. If you’re uncomfortable saying no, just tell them you’re paying off a loan too.
That’s lying if you don’t actually have a loan
@@patrickturk8957 I could live with that. The best thing would be to say no. But, some people have a hard time with that word-to their detriment.
I wouldn't loan them money for any reason.
If they don't like that they aren't really my friend or family.
When I get a phone call from a relative, I'm sure to interject in the first five minutes how I am barely making ends meet. Suddenly they remember some task they have to do and say they "just wanted to call to catch up with me".
Same!!!!!
@@winstonsmith6204 LOL. When you say you're barely making ends meet they probably think you're about to ask them for a loan, so hang up quick. Good way to be antisocial ;)
I'm cash flowing my daughters college, she's in the National Guard to help pay for it and I pay the rest. If anyone starts talking about money and I feel like you're about to ask me, I just say yeah you should see what the tuition bills are for Sophia she's in school for neuroscience...And I start shaking my head.
The best part is it costs exactly the same as any other classes in college, but the sound of it scares people off!
Hahaha!
😂
Grant cardone once said: Dont let anyone borrow money cuz theyll be mad. Theyll be mad at you if you say no or theyll be mad when they have to pay it back.
Grant cardone is a sleese ball frodster. But even the lowest of the lowest say something "smart/obvies.
When people ask me to borrow money,i say you have the wrong person,you need to go talk to the bank.
Lol
Seriously
I like that one Vlad.
I lent my sister $10000 for her divorce. She paid me back every single cent...
As soon as she did I gave her $5000...
Wish I'd had family like you
Y’all missed the joke. Good one @Pay HEH 😂
@@Jaxsf1 she only paid half
@@zilver90000 sweet home Alabama
wait
One time my coworker borrowed$8 from me for lunch and she just started to avoid me afterwards. Remember I didn't even asked her for my $8 or made any big deal out of it. It's amazing how some people are. Well, I never got the money back and I just brushed it off. She truly shows me her character, lol.
Same here! She pretended she didn't get my e-mail asking me for the money back.
Wow $8
sometimes, it's shame, not her character. she probably feels so ashamed that she had to ask for $8 just to eat.
It's absolutely true my aunt and I had a handshake agreement on a second car that I owned and wasn't using, she agreed to give me 500 dollars for the car whenever she got it and pay the insurance on it every month. Somehow over time she started playing a different tune of I gave her the car and I'm pocketing the money she's giving me toward theinsurance every month. It was a HUGE falling out between us over this long story short its been six yrs we haven't spoken one word to one another since I've gotten married have a kid and one on the way, got my CDL and have a great career truck driving and she hasn't been around for any of it and this woman practically was my second mom growing up. NEVER EVER mix family and business....
MyNameIsCorey
You seem to awake her true colors, on the other hand this is going to seem harsh,
But if she really was like a 2nd mother, and fed you etc, you should have just given her the car and signed it over to her, and help her get it registered.
Many ‘sons’ buy their moms cars, and some well to do, buy their moms a house.
@@CarnivoreStork it's funny you say that because belive it or not I was going to just give it to her but after she accused me of not having the car insured and pocketing the money and going thru the trouble of having to prove that I wasn't and allowing her husband to try to do things to me I'd rather not get into on this channel I felt it was best to just take MY car that I bought with MY money back
MyNameIsCorey
Wow. With some people it’s never enough.
If you got the car back you’re home free. 🤗
@@MyNameIsCorey you were absolutely correct. But, take steps toward forgiving her.
Why was she giving you money for the insurance? Couldn't she get her own insurance and pay them instead?
My husband learned to ask for collateral. They soon quit asking.
Izzysmom that’s what i always ask...
popcornto : collateral is an item you give to the person loaning you money that is roughly worth the value of the loan. If the loan isn’t repaid, the the loaner gets to keep the item, effectively making it a selling transaction. If the loan is repaid, then the debtor gets his/her item back.
For example, parents ask son for $10000. They give their speedboat to their son because they need the cash right then more than the boat, and they don’t want to sell the boat outright. If they pay the son back $10000, then they get their boat back. If not, the son keeps the boat. The boat was the collateral in this example
Izzamuzzic?
@@TitanicTom1912 Thanks for this explanation with example, English is my first language but I did not know what it meant.
Thank you!
I do the same. It’s does work. 🤣🤣🤣
Let my brother borrow $1500. He had previously borrowed 5k from my mom which he never paid back. Anyways, I KNEW exactly what I was getting into. However, I let him borrow money on the condition he would pay me back within 6 months or less. In exchange, I had him give me collateral in a higher amount than what I borrwed: 500$ worth of PS4 and games as well as his car keys and title SIGNED which was worth around $1500. I made it clear that there would be NO extensions. At the end of the 6 months, whatever wasn't paid would be taken from the things he gave me. I would sell the games or car to get the money back. Period.
Since he lived with me, I knew he could easily take the stuff back so I packed it in a box and kept it at work. He was still driving the car but I had the title.
Needless to say, he wanted his stuff back and he paid me in four months.
I use it to my advantage, my father always said "if ever you have someone in your life that you just want to get rid of, let them borrow some money and trust me, you'll never see them again!"
What still bothers me though, even though I give my family things freely, they will still say "I'll have it right back to you". That makes me so sad, because they've never once paid me back. I wish they would just say thank you instead of lying.
You keep giving. You are enabling the lies.
That makes me sad too.
The strong almost obnoxious declaration that they are going to pay you back and then nothing..... I wasn’t even mad about not being paid back .. it was the overt dramatic declaration of their intent that never happened .. makes think it was all theater. Learned my lesson
Just say you had asked friends for cash, you are short yourself
Actually they probably feel embarrassed.
There is a saying:
Friendship & Family ends with Money.
When I was 19 I had an apartment with my best friend and worked at the same place.. when he got fired for missing to much work, I moved out immediately.. I didnt want our friendship to be ruined by me paying all the Bill's and being resentful the rest of our lives.
Never ever give any indication you have money. It's like this ego thing. A lot of wealth is silent. Fake rich/new rich is loud.
I loaned a friend $700 when I was 18. Took him 6 months to pay me back. Ruined our relationship. Now I never loan money to anybody. When somebody asks I just say simply, “ I don’t lend friends money.”
And if they get mad at you, then you know you didn't have a true friendship anyway.
I'm not understanding why it ruined your friendship.he paid you back
Anyone who asks me for money is not my friend nor friendly. So I cancel them.
I made this mistake once and it will never happen again
I made it twice. Never ever again.
Georgina Blackwell twice is a choice though. However, it does says a lot that you acknowledge that.
@@mikenelson8377it’s a choice once tard
My car was about to be repossessed and I asked a lot of people even cousins that I knew had money just for a couple hundred so I wouldn’t lose the car and I have kids... the only 2 people that helped me out was one of my cousins $500 and another church friend another $300 and I put the rest so the car wouldn’t be repoed.
I knew I was going to be getting money the next month so I told them I would pay then back the next month.. and I did pay them back.. I’m forever grateful for the help from them. This was about 2 years ago...we still stay in contact and see one another but I don’t ask anyone for money anymore. I’m learning to save and got a better job.
I spent weeks in my 20’s pissed off over being berated by my mother in law for refusing to give money to my husbands idiot sister. I was listening to Dave on am radio at that time. I am so glad I acquired a backbone. It was much easier for me to manage mom in law being mad at me than me being mad at myself for allowing the abuse.
My thinking is, If you can't afford to lose it, don't loan it. That means, money, tools, your car, your boat, your time. Any thing. This his serviced me well
thru the decades.
Likewise don't loan your parents money. Give it or not at all.
I learned that lesson very early in life. In school everyone came to me for lunch money and i thought that the right thing to do. No one should be hungry because they forgot their lunchmoney at home. After a while i noticed everyone around me owed me money. About 80€ at the time. NOT ONE OF THEM payed me back without me asking. When i asked they were annoyed or even denied that they owe me. At that moment i stopped loaning money.
I've seen this happen time and again when someone is naturally very sweet and generous and people pick up on that and guilt trip you to lending them money. The friendship always turns bitter. Same with going into business with family. Don't do it.
My wife asked if we could loan her friend (who was in a really tough spot) several thousand dollars. I insisted that instead of a loan we gift her friend that money because if it's a loan then she would lose their friendship. Despite doing that I think her friend felt some underlying guilt or shame and they don't really keep in touch any more. So even a gift of money can set up that "I owe you" dynamic in the heart of the recipient.
Good point. I think that's probably true in many cases
I loaned $5k to help my cousin buy a house. 7 years now he won't even pick up the phone when I call now. We used to be the best of friends. Never lending money to anyone ever again.
I could have sued him, but he's family still I didn't.
And no I didn't chase him for it, I rarely mentioned it. Maybe once every 3 months. Even after 2 years I offered them to pay me back $100 a month.
Jacek....To each his own....but me, I would have definitely taken him to small claims court to get my money back! 5,000 is alot of money and that was a great thing you did to help youf cousin. The effort could have been made to pay you 50 to 100 dollars each month!....
Man, sorry let you know this. Your Not going to get your money. Because I been there 6 + years helping my mom, sister with there problems. Till now 2019, I never got my money back or from a friend of mind. Our friendship has breaking off, long story short. I still talk to my mom and sister. I just don't gave money anymore, people that have problems, solve it yourself. God bless.
@@seventhchild7270 to me $5k is about a weeks paycheck after taxes. The money wasn't a big deal for me. But I lost a cousin over it, that I had knows for 30 years. That i spoke to regularly...that hurt me...
I only wanted to be played back because of principle, he said he wanted to borrow it and I'm a man of my word and expect others to be the same.
jacek ringwelski what job or business do you run?
@@michelarosier1918 yea, I should have know better then give him money. He makes between 150k - 200k a year. And he is in debt and always broke. But somehow posts a picture on Facebook of a new $1500 tat...
It also affects the relationships between siblings too, especially when it is the same sibling constantly asking for money. Very damaging. I love Dave Ramsey's wisdom on this subject.
My sister asked me to cosign a loan on her car back in 2010. I was freaking out about it, but she never missed a payment. If she was going to be short she told me, and I was able to help her out. She's honestly the only person I would cosign a loan with because I've done it for her a second time, and she's done it with me a couple of times. I'm thankful it worked out, but I wouldn't do it for anyone except her because we have this history. With my new focus on paying cash and not getting loans, I hope it will never be an issue again.
I pretend like I'm broke 24-7 I be saving my money lol
I agree.👌🏽👏🏼
Right! Whatever is in my savings account is not anybody’s business and not even I can touch it unless it’s a emergency
Jay Money yessssssssssssssssssssss
Me 2 live like I'm broke, if people around me knew what I got in my account they would eat me alive. Because they are all broke paycheck to paycheck types. They use all of their pay on girls, beers and party and end of the month they are broke lol
Lol thats how you do it.
I loaned a coworker some money and when I asked for the money back she reported me to HR saying I was harassing her and they fired me the next day. 😕
Whatttttt? How?
💀
Sums it up!
How is it even legal to just fire someone like that ? Don't all countries have laws against that ?!
That's horrible
I once had a boyfriend ask me to co sign for a new car, he was like I'll pay $700 a month until it's paid for, I'm glad at age 22 I had common sence, I didn't co sign and we broke up shortly after.
Only loan someone money if you're willing to GIVE the money
Amen. Never loan more than you would give. It's an "insurance policy" - if they ask for more money, you can say, "you haven't paid back your previous loan."
Absolutely. Giving it to somebody and then they, through their own volition, pay you back, it's completely different.
@@buffymcmuffin5361
Exactly!
Exactly!
💯 truth
"Lending money to your friend turns friendship into master-servant relationship.
Borrowing money from your mother means your mom's got a control issue as she is tring to interfere with her grown-up child. And it thanksgiving dinner would feel different to sit with your mom vs to sit with a master."
Favorite lines of the video. Well said. So wise 😭
Ugh wish I saw this before I loaned my daughter a house down payment. I know she won’t ever pay me back, so I’m going to forgive the loan soon. This will be her inheritance. The other kids will get more. I’m not telling her.
I loan to my kids fairly often, and occasionally friends. The trick is to never "loan" more than you can give without upsetting your own financial plan. For about 10 years, have been writing my budget on a spreadsheet out six months in advance, much easier than the paper version. This allows me to see how actions in the present will affect future plans.
I can relate, my in-laws gave us a few thousand for our new house as a gift and our relationship stayed amazing. They didn't want money but to show our appreciation we try to do as much as we can for them to help out,like yard work at their house
My inlaws helped us. We tried to give it back later and they wouldn't take it. They NEVER asked for a penny. SO sweet. i love my inlaws so much. More than my own parents, really.
Your in-laws are good people. If they dont want to accept the money now, u can always include them in your will and list them as beneficiaries. 👍
So the Beatles were wrong, you can by love.
If you loan money to family, make it with condition that they cannot borrow any additional money from you until they pay back the full amount they borrowed the first time. Make sure they agree to that when they borrow money the first time. Lets you shoot down any additional requests for money they make to you since they agreed to that condition in the first place.
Sorry, too let you know this. I been there, they are Not going to pay back that money.
Agreed - and I never loan more than I would give. If they don't pay it back, it was always a gift.
This suggestion misses the point that a single loan is enough to ruin a relationship.
If you ever want to get rid of someone in your life, just wait till someone ask you for money you know you wont get back lol.
I would rather just not talk to them and keep the money. I’m not paying someone to go away. I do know you are just making a joke btw
That’s correct! Never do business with families too
I have always heard "If you want to lose a friend, lend them money". Too many times I have had people whine to me about how some friend is not paying them back and they are tired of asking for the money.
If you want to get rid of them, borrow money from THEM and don’t repay it. :-)
EKSITE Good way to get rid of an EX. Loan them some money! You'll never see them again. Trust me.
You think that if you loan a family member or friend money, that they will have a sense of obligation to pay you back. It's the exact opposite. They are thinking "oh, they are my family/friend, they won't expect me to pay them back." Just don't do it. Ever.
Exactly. That's where Dave Rant went down the Wrong hole.
I once let my sis borrow 60 dollars. It took her 3 months to pay it back. In those 3 months they went out to dinner every week, nails done, going out, etc. It was always awkward asking when she would be able to pay me back, even more awkward when she'd say "oh next pay day"..but would proceed to go out to a restaurant every weekend. I will never loan money to family members again.
I feel you. My brother would be out at nice restaurants and clubs every week but asking me for money
My sister borrowed $200 from me 16 years ago. She has not even tried to pay me a penny back. She buys all kinds of electronics, hair styles, nails done, fancy foods, etc. She just out right refuses to pay her debt.
Money solves and causes many problems.
Best not to get involved with family unless its absolutely necessary!
What gets me is they call it a "loan" knowing darn well they have no intention of paying you back. That's why I do not do it any more. Stopped that a loooong time ago. I don't care if you have only two cigarettes left. I don't smoke so it's not my problem! 😠
If you did smoke, it's still not your problem.
This is so right on the "money." If you have the money, just GiVE IT TO THEM if you love/like them! I've been the receiver from well meaning loved ones or friend, and yes, it does change the relationship! Often, they have an underlying belief they now have power over you, whether they are "nice" or not. Thank you educating people about this!
Been there numerous times lost many a friends and family over money never again I will give money I will give it to them great advice my friend 🇨🇦
Better to give the money than loan the money so the relationship does not change.
On a positive side, this is good way to get rid of the annoying guy always asking for a loan. Just give 100$ and mention that you want the money back asap and no more money before this loan is paid.
I don't understand all of these stories. Just say "I don't have it".
@@johncoll4456say no. I don't borrow money to people.
I gave my grandma like 150 bucks once and told her that it was a gift and if she WANTED AND COULD give back then i might accept it. But it was a gift. I never went looking for that money. I never asked for it. Turns out a few months later I was in a rough spot and needed a 150 bucks. My grandmother just so happened to call me up to tell me she wanted to give that gift back. She didn't know i was in a bad spot, but that's what happens when you give freely.
That’s God bro
My cousin asked me to cosign her student loan when we were 19. I wiggled my way out of it. I didn't want the financial responsibility, but even more I didn't want a bad relationship due to her falling behind on payments (which did happen).
Good choice!
I use to help my daughter and family... I paid a $42,000 student loan for my deceased son to help him. Bought a car for my daughter ( she crashed it😡) besides helping her with a couple of grand! They controlled me making me feel bad...... I changed that, now I don't and I am the bad one! I am happy cause I learned the hard way!! I am saving for me and my retirement!! 😌
I love how passionate Dave gets when making these points. And pointing out his own history that is contributing to this just reinforces the point.
On the two houses I've owned, my grandmother was the mortgage holder. Written up by a real estate lawyer, and filed with the county; specified a reasonable interest rate, term, payoff schedule, etc. Paid her (and then her estate and then my father when he bought it from the estate) for decades. Never had a problem.
Borrowed some money from my father early in my divorce for lawyer's fees, and have been paying him back ever since. He never said a word about when to start paying him back; I just _did._
I've never missed a payment to either of them, and TTBOMK our relationship has never suffered.
My paternal grandparents lent my parents money for a house and some land after my brother and I left the house and were adults. My grandparents insisted on not losing the interest they could have earned by cashing in some Treasury Bills and so my parents paid the going rate to avoid jumping through hoops at their bank. They paid back the loan in full over ten years. It ruined their relationship for the rest of their lives. My Father refused to go to his Mother's funeral or be associated with his Mother after his father died. My grandparents could not understand what they had done wrong and felt isolated from their only son until they died. I saw what money and control issues can do. Now I understand why.
I've rather just GIVE the money then loan it. Loaning money to friends/family always is awkward and basely ends well.
Wow I’m surprised how many irresponsible people there are. My uncle had to co-sign for my first car and and finished paying the car loan two years early. I guess I’m one of the few that actually does the right thing.
I agree. It changes things unless you're prepared to freely give it.
My mortgage is through my father. 4% interest rate 15 year mortgage. I have never been late. $37000 or 7 years to go. Our relationship has only changed for the better. Since I’m in baby step 6 I should be done sooner than 7 years.
This is most honest advice ever on UA-cam.
$50.00 in cash as a Gift friends or family...Also do not Ever ask me for money Ever again...
My sister owes me. She pays me $250 every time she gets paid. I’m not a kind woman and she knows why will happen if I don’t get it back in full🥴🤣🤣
If you lend $20 and your in law never talks to you again, was it worth it?
YES
You just paid them $20 to get out your life. They showed you who they are, so bye to them.
Perhaps
Definitely
😂
Do your best to make people think you’re broke. That way they never ask 😉🤯
I love when people ask to borrow money. I had to learn the hard way to never loan ANYONE money: friends, family, your kids...NOBODY. Now, I love the satisfaction of turning people down because it's the right thing to do.
Never lie about it. Instead of acting broke, hiding and pretending your riches. Just say that you don’t loan money. They will respect you more.
You do not have to be broke just not extravagant. Or talking about your money all the time.
You end up feeling used and it causes huge divisions. They often wont repay the favors. Let them figure it out on their own.
I think the relationship is already shot by the time someone says "hey, can I borrow $X?". Giving them only ensures you lose $X on top of the relationship.
The way to handle it is to consider it a gift. If you can't do that, don't give it out. That's a great life lesson that I learned the hard way...
My coworker asked me once for money for her kids foot and it felt good to say it’s a gift and no have to think oh she never paid me back.
I lended money to my family for stupid purchases and it absolutely changed the dynamic between us I started judging them for the way they spent money and it’s stressful for me more than them. Cuz I don’t want to ask do you have a payment for me this month but if I don’t they go a long time without paying anything
I loaned $2500 to my brother in law and I never got it back even though he promised no matter what.
Apparently I'm not important enough to return what is mine. Now I don't lend money to anyone.
You should have written a legal contract with your brother in law saying he’s obligated to pay you back in installments until it’s paid off.
I'll insert my coin here. My parents loaned money from my dad's mother many years ago, meanwhile they lived together with her. Since she had all the control issues in the world, and my parents wanted to protect their family's boundaries, their relationship turned into the nightmare, after that she boosted the interest rate. The whole thing went bad to such an extent that my dad still rejects the idea to invest into a decent grave stone for her, saying that the wooden name table is enough. Very personal story, but matches the conclusion : never ever loan to your family members, if you love them and want to maintain a good relationship with them.
I lent a guy $100 at a racetrack when I was in my early twenties. He laughed at me when I asked to be paid back. Cheap lesson. I have a standard answer when someone asks me to borrow money. "I don't have it."
Right, I rather lie and tell you I don’t have it than to give it to you.
@@mercedeswilkins9085no is also a great answer
I lent a friend at work money to pay his rent that month. That way he and his kids wouldn’t get booted. Got paid back $100 and that was it. Didn’t get anything else back and he has sense gotten married and moved out of state.
I won’t give anyone any money these days. My Dad does live at my house.
Literally just before I started watching your videos I was in a mortgage lenders office about to Cosign a mortgage with my mom since my credit is great. So I really thank you for these warnings because of that I was able to build up the courage to tell my mom that I wasn’t comfortable doing that and now I am helping her the best that I can accumulate her down payment and build up her credit on her own so that she can get a house on her own. And I think that is more help then lending credit would have helped in the first place. Both her and I are have come up to a mutually beneficial plan. Thanks.
Did your mom ever get a house? Did you eventually co-sign ?
I wish I would’ve watched this before co-signing for my sister. Worst mistake I’ve made
When it comes to finances Dave Ramsey is the man.
My brother drained me with non stop money requests, until I yelled at him while mom also picked my side. He didn't call me for the next eight months. Up to that point he called me sweetly and stressed how he regretted how he always asked for money. Right after the apology he just happened to need some money. After giving him the money another incident of needing money followed up. And that's where I hung up during the second call. Isn't it always fishy how their money problems are way too long and detailed. They do that on purpose which will make you lose track of the story, because they don't have real money problems. It takes a few words to utter what's going when you're really in trouble.
If someone borrows money from you and you lose them because they refuse to pay you back, you didn't lost a friendship, you expose a user for what they were and losing them was worth the money you lost.
My father lend me 3000 10 years ago and I paid it back. A year later, he co-signed for my car loan, wich I paid back. If nobody gave me a chance long ago when I needed it the most, I would probably still be living paycheck to paycheck. The saying should go: always pay your debts, and absolutely always pay your debts to your family.
My spouse let her sibling who had no job run up about $13,000 debt in her name on credit cards. They also lived with us and paid no rent for about three years. They went out to eat too many times while living with us and I would complain about it. After a while they got a job and they paid off about $3,000 on the credit cards and now their mother is paying back the rest. This was very terrible and put a strain on our marriage. They finally moved out thankfully. Do not lend money to family or let them run up the debt in your name.