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Muslim men please let's protect and treat our Muslim women kindly for they are the visual representation of Islam in the public space and the foundation of this ummah.
Watching this as a revert to Islam who got divorced at 35 with two children because my ex was Islamophobic and did not like that I came to Islam. I pray that Allah will give me a husband who is accepting of my past.
Sister it's the culture that's making bad the divorcee but in islam there's nothing wrong to marry divorcee. I hope you you'll find a good husband insha Allah.
Don't rush sisters and have high standards . I have met and heard of many reverts who accepted anything just to be married and never made demands or any research. One convert sisters married a Muslim guy who sexually abused her kids from first marriage then she married another time with Muslim who gave her AIDS. So make sure you do background check and demand that the guy does medical tests also speak to his family, friends etc .... if the gives you excuses then just run as fast as you can . Another sisters refused to marry a guy who was illegal , he beat her till she ended up in hospital. So please take your time, make istikharah and do investigations. A woman has more to lose than a man
There’s a time we Somalis Men prefer a divorcee than never married because of their experience. I agree with brother Ali when he said “Somalis don’t frown on a Divorcee”. We treat them the same most of the time. I saw a lady who was divorced 6 times and she still got married the 7th time.
Bruh but what are the odds that all of her 6 ex husbands were at fault when she's the common denominator?. There's nothing wrong with marrying a divorcee but you need to know her past to decide if history will repeat itself especially when your future children's wellbeing at stake.
@@yuvan6499 I agree with you here. This Sister was very short tempered and she knows her problem. She’s very honest upfront telling Men who ask her for marriage. Listen guys “I’ve got temperament issues”. If you wanna marry me with my shortcomings then well and good. She doesn’t pretend to be perfect.
Brothers in Islam I suggest all of you to read the Biography of our beloved Prophet (PBUH). It will change your life InshaAllah. One of the things which impacted me was, before I would look down on marrying divorcees or older women now I am happily willing to marry one. You never know the divorcee or the older woman you marry, will be the best one for you. May Allah grant us right understanding.
Absolutely, sometimes I feel these talks are just personal opinions more than striving to be like the prophet (s), if they did, a lot of issues could be solved.
It's a man's nature to want the younger virign women , the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is not like us in many ways just like how these women aren't like his wives رضي الله عنهن in many ways
A Muslim woman that has had 2 divorces in the past should never be labelled as having two sexual partners in the past. It is disgusting and demeaning. Muslim women are the best females on the planet. I cant believe how men can talk to sisters like this as if theyve had boyfriends. It shows how television has truly corrupted our minds. Stay strong sisters. As a muslim man i will always defend your honour even if you were divorced 10 times. Well done. May Allah reward you for protecting your chastity
Umm what’s honorable about being divorced 10 times? At what point do you start to see maybe she’s just making blind decision, not following the deen, for the purposes of worldly pleasures. One divorce ok, two divorces, ummm, 10? Come on now lol. I guarantee you wouldn’t even marry a woman who has been divorced 10 times, even if you do, you’d start having issues and leave her soon. Don’t be a hypocrite
@@a.t.lawofficepllc I believe there is a misunderstanding here. The commenter criticizes comparing chast divorcees with women involved in relations outside of wedlock. The commenter is not discussing the effects of divorce on future prospects.
@@malazkarar1171 he specifically said he would honor and fight for women even if they divorced 10 times; indirectly saying that doesn’t mean they lose their value. Read the comment again. That’s not anything to be proud of or encourage. Giving women a false sense of “no matter how many times I get divorced, men will still value me”, which is far from the truth. Yeah a loser might, not a real man.
I am a Young Muslim Man of 24 years old, never married before. 1st, I agree with these women, Allahumma Barik! 2ndly, InshaAllah I will marry a divorcee, everyone deserves a 2nd chance! Men need to be men aka strong enough mentally to accept a divorcee. Prophet SAW did it, so we should too.
marrying a divorcee doesnt make you a man. you dont become a man just because you marry a divorcee because of empathy. if your a man and you want to marry a virgin, it is your right.
We look at a woman’s character before marriage, if she has divorced it is vital to know who caused it or what. So that’s why we don’t want to marry a divorcee because we have better options, the women back then were different from the women these days.
Lets not judge anyone. If she is divorcee let her be.. dont judge or say anything to her. Its upto men if they want to marry single or widow/divorcee. idk why society is judging men who is not marrying divorcee
I think it’s unfair to call someone whose never been married before bigoted because they aren’t accepting of marrying a divorcee- a man or woman. I do think its hypocritical when either a divorced man/ woman are expecting to marry someone who hasn’t been married before however. I understand preferences- but you can’t deny there is hypocrisy on a divorced man/woman not wanting to marry another divorced man/woman.
It would be hypocritical if a divorced man said I should get my preference for a virgin wife but a divorced women should only get a divorced man. What people miss is that men prefer virgins even if they are divorced whereas women who are divorced prefer men who are divorced as women want men to lead them and thay takes experience. So really it is just a case of a differential in preference standards. An anaology is age preference. Men who are young prefer women are young and men who are old also prefer women who are young. Is this the case with women's age preferences? Does this mean old men 'should' marry old women? Should old men prefer old women and if they do not are these men hypocrites?
@@Tyb-xv5fn Interesting you say that. They did a poll in our university whether the men at our uni preferred women who were older than them or younger and 90% said older because of the ‘experience’. I think a lot of young guys are attracted to more mature women tbh, so its unfair to put these analogies and set them in stone as it differs between cultures and generations.
@@fizameeraj5468 do you know what hypocrisy even is ??? It means doing things in contradiction to what you are saying , so if the man is divorced and wants a women who never married before , what's the hypocrisy in that ?
I’ve noticed a consistent pattern Muslim women love to play VICTIM. They always complain about how brothers won’t marry Divorcees & Brothers won’t marry sisters with kids BUT they will NEVER tell you about the MULTIPLE good practising brothers they turned down for some STUPID REASON Like …. •He’s 5’10 taller than her but she wants 6ft. •He earns enough to provide her with a comfortable life but he doesn’t have a Degree. •He’s too nice •A sister once said to me she turned a bother down because she don’t like the way he dresses, he owns his own business earns a lot & wants to marry her and provide for her kids. All that was ignored because of his clothing I personally use to have sympathy for divorcees with kids but the more and more you speak to them and they reveal there true reality all that sympathy goes out the window.
My mother divorced my father because he committed a sin. He confessed decades after the divorce. My parents are from a culture where divorce is extremely frowned upon no matter for what reason. Because of that mom's own family accused her for years for "making a mistake, you chose him, you should've seen this in him" (my father's family, on the contrary, defended him). But, hearing stories from friends and relatives about my father, mom could hardly predict whether he was gonna do that. People can be actors, they can wear a mask for a while. And because of this ability of people to pretend, we need to understand that divorce is allowed in Islam for a reason. This world is not ideal, and we are not ideal, we are prone to mistakes and sins, the question is in quantity and degree.
@@shahee6579 I'd rather not disclose it, because saying about the sins of others (which weren't exposed to the public by the sinner) is not appropriate.
@@shahee6579 it's haram for you to do that, assume with absolute no sense you can put it in your ذمة in the day of Judgement you have to seek forgiveness for such assumption and telling people that, and it could be false accusations purposely damaging some else reputation with bad intent will cause severe consequences.
O Allah, set right for me my religion which is the safeguard of my affairs. And set right for me the affairs of my world wherein is my living. And set right for me my Hereafter on which depends my after-life. And make the life for me (a source) of abundance for every good and make my de ath a source of comfort for me protecting me against every evil.”[Muslim]🧕🏼🤲🏼📿
My bro Gabriel absolutely on point... the only one bringing some balance to the conversation and making objective points. Some other good points made here or there, but overall very subjective and little substance without Gabriel's insights
Thank you for creating this show brother Ali i'm so proud of you as a muslim sister may Allaah reward you for everything you've done for the benefit of the muslim community.
Personally as a 17 yo male I would want to marry a virgin as I have always wanted to experience this romantic relationship with someone else that hasn’t experienced it either. However I would go for a divorced woman if I divorced my first wife ( in sha allah that day doesn’t have to come if I have a wife). It’s not about her being “used” or a bad person because they divorced but it’s because I can’t experience a romantic relationship the same way with someone who’s already had that Edit: thank you for the nice comments. Please let’s not argue because at the end of the day we are all brothers and sisters and we should take care of each other❤️
@@muhammadomar1319 you are misusing and abusing our Prophet's name (saw) but the truth is that he married a woman who had 2 men whilst he was a virgin himself. Do you think you are better than him?
May Allah bless you and Allah gave you that right. Go ahead and marry a Virgin Muslim woman. Don't mislead yourself, by these Divorcees. Don't make those woman think that, They can easily get away after giving divorce.
As a Somali I would say divorce not being frowned upon is beneficial to the men and women to some extent but it is detrimental to children. I know multiple women that have been married 3-4 times. MashaAllah they are doing something that is halal and with good intentions but it's unfortunate for children to get attached and forced to detach from step parents.
In old Somali way 70s grandparents time or parents it wasn't no divorce ppl stay marriage but after 2000s many divorce happened now generation change because Somali man don't stay in marriage kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
@@AhmedRaza-lh4oj it is done in a halal way with ida period maintained so STD is not an issue in these cases. As I said it's not bad for consenting adults to seek halal relationships but those with kids need to be more careful.
I am a Pakistani and I'm a divorce with no kids I myself would have no issue marrying a divorce women I would not want to marrie a Pakistani woman I would like to marrying in to other Muslim culture I have no issue marrying a divorce women I just want to debunk Ali dawah saying the is a big issue in Pakistani community that is nonsense
Ali this is a brilliant idea of a discussion to bring out alot of the pressing issues that needs to be addressed in the Muslim society and may Allah bless you and your guests for it. The only observation I have is that the discussions have to be moderated better, I think jumping from one topic to the other without properly addressing it or one person interrupting the conversation before the other person make his point is kind of counterproductive, I think we'll benefit more from these discussions if you have clear topics to discuss and give people ample time to address those topics without being interrupted, and if someone wants to address what someone said, they can press their buzzer to get a chance to respond and when they're finished the discussion continues. May Allah reward you.
lol. the fact that theres so much pandering on this episode to justify NOT marrying a divorcee is appaling. Ali, Gabriel are pandering so much. And the guy in red is clearly weak, he's walking on egg shells. He's in no need to justify.
The impact of divorce on a women is far greater than on a man. This is exactly why women need to chose better at the start. I do recognise that people change.
Its not always the men who are the issue, the feminist women who doesnt allow a leader trying to control the man with so called western rights. The women are losing tradition and islamic values which is making their fundamentals broken.
Double standards: - Women exclude men based on his finances and FUTURE prospects. They openly choose 15% of the male population who are professional over blue collar workers/working class men who make up 85% of the male population. - Men exclude women based on her PAST because men value sexual security in a wife rather than her financial security. Women could exclude divorce men or men who have a haram sexual past but they generally dont care. Many professional sisters will marry nonmuslim men with professional jobs and happily exclude working class muslim men. Double standards are inevitable. Both men and women cause our own double standards.
The niqabi sister and brother Gabriel made really good points! May Allah help this ummah's men and women be better in themselves, their deen and towards each other.
Haloo really is a gem Allahumma barik, bringing the laughs, representing the young muslim average joe's, catering advice for the youth knowing that they make up majority of social media consumption. Brother Gabriel closing statement was just mind blowing, Allahumma barik. May Allah reward them all with steadfastness and put barakah in everything they do.
I got married with the right intentions and my husband at the time lied about so many things, had a bad temper and was physically and mentally abusive. I left him after almost a year and a half. When I tried to find someone to get married to, every single south asian men apart of one had an issue with the fact I was divorced. They have made it so hard for us asian divorced sisters. I will never put myself through that again. I hope I do not offend any one just speaking from my experience.
The problem is you sister I'm sorry to say it. You are the one being too picky asian community are only a small part of the wider Muslim population, why are you not giving a chance to those other good men?
I laughed at how he said there was 7 mins left at 59:39 and the show actually ends 20+ mins later lol 😂.. beautiful episode I learned alot as a recent divorcee thank you for the information.. and the sister is right no matter how much financially independent the sister is no sane woman wants to break their family home😢😢
Alhamdulilah that I am a Somali woman, and our men are not insecure about marrying a divorced woman. My mother was a divorced woman with 2 boys when she married my father who never been married before, and she gave him 11 kids and he was the love of her life. He’s been dead for 25 yrs and she’s been loyal to him, always remembering and doing sadaqa for him. Why are these South Asian men insecure about marrying a divorced woman when the Prophet PBOH encouraged to marry a divorce, and widow women? Their reasons don’t even make sense. An Indian man asked me for marriage but the more I learn about their culture the more I want to say no and marry a Somali brother.
It's the culture, rooting from Hinduism teachings etc.. Muslims haven't let go of it fully till date. Like example, the serial order of children getting married, the younger one can't get married before the older one 🙄😕, staying with in-laws and serving the entire family, getting up early and sleeping late, coming out in front of husbands brothers and engaging with them, serving them as well, openly free mixing and the list goes on
Wait, Prophet SAW encouraged, marry virgin too. And, in one hadith, Prophet pbuh explicitly said to sahaba, why didn't he marry a virgin? What you are doing is shaming Islamic Rights of Man. Why you are so ignorant about Islam. Read some books. And, South Asian man practicing their halal rights. You are saying, south Asian man are insecure! But, south Asian man didn't said, You are u$#%! or, South Asian man never said ........ Wallahi, I can say, more hurtful things. But, for the sake of Allah. I'm restraining myself. Don't shame Islamic rights of man otherwise i'm gonna smoke you real bad.
The reason Somali community is more open to marrying divorcees is because they are more open to polygamy. You will see this in any country that is open to polygamy including: Saudi, Sudan, Mali etc. However, countries where polygamy is not common, divorcees are less likely to get married such as: Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Afghanistan etc.
@@NisasHenna There are even some Desi guys whose mothers/sisters will reject a girl because she is a few months older than the guy....or a year or two older than the guy......that she's not several years younger than him. We, as a society, do have a lot of hangups that other cultures do not have.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. I am not saying don’t watch them but instead if you want answers to questions go and watch videos of actual scholars and student of knowledge.
Most men don't mind marrying a divorcee as second, third wife. The problem is that women are so much against polygyny and making it difficult for men to remarry, that they feel they only have one shot, and therefore wanting to get the very best (beautiful, young, virgin etc). And this is perfectly understandable and reasonable. The irony is that the very same women who are againt polygyny, are the ones complaining when they themselves become divorced and finding it difficult to remarry. That's when they say "Where are the brothers who want to practice the sunnah of polygyny??" Sisters are shooting themselves in the foot by saying no to polygyny. But when things get tough, that's when they realise they have to swallow their pride.
@@uok6216 what is required to have that setup is not expensive. Women are making it expensive because their mind have been altered by materialistic things and believing that having things is required to make it work. No ! Go and look at the conditions and see if it’s men or women that are rooted in reality. Western way has gotten through our ummah and we are trying to apply our Deen jointly with the western way of living ne think that’s it’s the best thing to do.
@@uok6216 People have preferences. Some like to eat spaghetti, others like biryani. Everyone decides for themselves what they want and don't want. Sisters who are having a hard time getting remarried must find other halal solutions. Polygyny is a big solution for those who care about chastity. Or stay single (if you can stay away from haram). It's that simple. Cannot blame men for wanting virgins. Just like women want successful alpha males. It's all in our biology and fitrah. Don't make it out to be something strange.
The stigma on polygyny brings about the stigma on divorcees. Because if a man feels he can only marry one woman, he would try his best to get the best possible deal, but when a man knows he can marry again without stigma, men would have no problem marrying divorced women. It happens a lot in my country, especially in my community
I am a single person, searching for a good moderate muslim since 10+ years..please pray for me to Allah that i get married very soon as iam a true muslimah and need protection of a husband.
Does anyone know anyone sincere and a convert or a moderate muslim looking to get married? I am single, 5.7 tall, speak 6 languages and belong to a turkish/ pakistani background. I just have 1 son and he is starting college. I was very young when got married and widowed within 5 years.
I once knew this American woman who became Muslim and had a daughter with a man. We talked about marriage for the normal reasons people want to get married and I also wanted her to leave her previous life behind her. I wanted her to come and live with me (at the time I lived in Saudi Arabia). She couldn’t do it because her ex wouldn’t accept that, which is a totally valid point. I ask Allah that she found a way to keep her faith.
Jazak Allahu Khayran, I really found this discussion helpful in answering some of the questions we hear around us in society. A thing that needs to be talked about more is what are the rights of men and women in marriage and issues that most commonly occur.
Asalam alaykum, Br. Ali. I'd advise you to invite a Shaykh or a Taalib-e-'ilm to the Bitter Truth Show. They can easily clarify any issues raised on the show. This will spare us all from watching videos on UA-cam regarding questions raised on the show.
We also need to have real discussions that some sheikhs might be unaware of especially if they do not live in the west . Otherwise the sheikhs would have covered these issues on their talks. We need sheikhs we can relate to and who’ll understand the issues in the west.
@@Zazezoo I think Shaykhs and Talib-e-Ilm who do not live in the West should primarily focus on issues pertaining to their country. They should also be aware of what's happening in the West because Liberalism has also spread and is currently spreading in Muslim countries. But their primary concerns should be based on issues that are affecting their country e.g. Bidah, sectarianism, etc....
Great advice for my married brother and sister that find it difficult is to look inward in what is lacking in your deen. No matter what your problem is only ALLAH can solve it.. Put the time and effort in your deen Make sure to remove any sin that can be the root of all your problem. Do you read Quran do you pray on time Sunna, nawafel ..Do you do night prayer.. Make sure to read Baqarah in the house. May Allah protect the marriage Muslim umma.
The fact that this only has 5 likes is indicative of the true issue. No one seems to believe anymore that Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change the condition of what's within their hearts. If you had posted "I was the best spouse ever and I had to divorce my spouse because they did this and that" then you would have gotten many more likes.
Everyone kept comparing situation to the time of prophet and sahabas but no one mentioned the fact that in those days, having multiple wives were common so a guy can marry a virgin AND a divorcee. Marriages were easy back then now very difficult
Wallah I was thinking that this show was a waste of time but wallah it’s helped me. My idea of a righteous woman was a woman wearing the hijab and the face covering who was a virgin. Wallah I realized what marriage is a dying practice because people have these assumptions. Ali and the people on the panel may Allah bless you as I learn and grow from these real conversations.
This episode: Men are too insecure to accept a divorcee Last episode: Women are too insecure to accept sharing husband with more wives We are not perfect. We just have to try our best to understand each other better and avoid hurting each other in this world
These two things have nothing in common what are you talking about , muslim men naturally want the virgin women who's only been with them , on the other hand , blatantly refusing the idea of a husband having multiple wives can get you to jahanam as you are hating one of Allah's rules and rights he allowed for the husband , who are you to give an opinion on what allah says ????
Red chocolate - you really think what you said is logical? Lmao Why would men follow the sunnah if women are following their god given right not to be in a polygamous marriage if they don’t want to
@White clover with my outmost respect did you actually read my comment or just started hate typing, who said a women can't get jealous, matter of fact I didn't even give a hint of that in my comment, I said that blatantly REFUSING THE LAW FOR A HUSBAND TO HAVE MUTIPLE WOMEN is a great sin and may send you to straight to jahanam as you are hating a rule of Allah's rules and you can look it up, please brother read what I said properly(and I never seen anyone say marrying a divorcee is sunna if you have a hadith or surra then tell me which one are they if not then dont assume things )
Sister at the end was right when she said our fathers and grandfathers stayed and fought for there marriages and don’t leave men have changed she got it 💯
our fathers and grandfathers were plow horses who didn't know any better and thought setting themselves on fire will make the relationship continue lol
Yes we must speak against this divorce issue in our societies especially south Asian society. But remember one thing that marriage is not a game that you divorce again and again
You are right. It's a problem in our society. This show always speaks bad about subcontinent culture but our culture is very good. Both Islamically and religously.Alhumdulliah.
@@hassanalinoo I'm glad Gabriel fought back against them about the positives of the asian culture. I only see asian girls with daddy issues who complain about the asian culture
@@hassanalinoo Exactly! There is only one desi on this panel, and she’s a divorcee, like the other two sisters on the panel. She will obviously, have a bias, when she speaks, as she has had a negative and bad experience. Looking at the African community, when it comes to marriage, is definitely NOT the way to go. Somali communities, get married and divorced like it’s fashion. Look at the African American community, no father figures and single mums, hanging around bums. Having standards is a good thing. African men in general, take what they can get. Beggars can’t be choosers. When you see which race, has the least standards, when it comes to marriage and partners, it’s the African community. Sorry, but it’s true.
We really need to learn to not interrupt each other, and listen to each other😂 I feel this talks are very important and we can learn a lot but we need to learn to stop feeling that we are being attacked if someone sees things differently than us.
Ima be real I’ve never been fond of getting married but these bitter truth shows make me physically sick to think about it. I did not know it was this complicated
Yep absolutely disgusting it’s because people dont wanna follow islam. They only want to follow culture. Focus on the now and who the person is and dont worry about the past its dead.
Divorce is the last resort when all other options have failed. Subhan'Allah we can't paint every relationship with the same brush. Some people go through horrific situations where divorce is in fact the healthier thing to do. Having said that... in the 21st Century divorce seems to often be the FIRST resort.... This is a worry, no doubt. On the issue of marrying a divorcée? There are many opinions on this topic but it all comes down to this... marry wisely; be it a divorced person or a person who was never married; be it someone with a past or not.... what matters is trusting Allah Subhanuhu wa'ta'ala to guide us in EVERYTHING.
and yes i agree with Allah guiding us in this matter. Im thankfull for Allah to have guided me away from divorcees almost got trapped 3 times subhanAllah i got saved
I'm a divorced man, I asked for the divorce and I'm happily divorced. Because I am happily divorced I won't shame someone else for it. It makes no sense, and she should be ashamed of it. Only allah swt can judge, it is not up to us to judge or have a small mindset, but if you judge someone based on that, then it tells me more about you than me
Thank you my brother, these modern men are sickening. Why Muslim men can’t stop with the red pill nonsense and take inspiration from the Prophet Mouhammed PBUH and his companions😔
@@KaTya24434 Sister refrain from generalizations because you sound just like them. This redpill crap is popular with the Under 30, unexperienced, never left their mom's basement crowd. Just stay away from them.
@@ibizawavey8630 you are right. I don’t have to say muslim men in general. Just some modern men with the red pill toxic mindset piss me off with their non sense. I apology for my generalization and thank you to correct my statement 🙏🏾
@@SamirSiraj8542 it’s sunnah as well monogamius. Let me remind you his Life with Khadija. Polygamous as well as monogamous are sunnah. Also about Polygamous, if men are ready to fully respect the verse 3 of surah 4, no issue for me 😄
Just a thought, there are many many aspects missing from this discussion. One main one was compassion and tawakul. You do your best and whatever happens after that is written in fate. Noone goes willingly in marriage hoping it will end. That being said, a further few issues need to be raised: 1) narcissistic abuse in a marriage, unlike domestic abuse (from either men or women), is a totally different ball game here because this type of abuse is pure torture and the perpetrator is very convincing to others so its not as easy as vetting someone for marriage its more complex than that. It's hardly mentioned, hidden or brushed aside when looking at proposals and its a big issue. Something to highlight. Divorce let alone marriage is complete torture for the victim as there is manipulation from families involved aswell. And yes, sadly the blame shifts entirely on side because the perpetrator has "set up" the smear campaigns long before. 2) The discussion would have been useful to highlight the differences in sharia courts in the US, UK and elsewhere etc. Being heard as a woman is an entirely different kettle of fish. If a women has been taught to stay silent and bear with it and that whatever stays in the home, stays in the home then here people are automatically could cast blame on her because she wouldn't speak up when it's a matter about honoring family. Respectful men may have a similar issue too. Divorce courts and BME-run domestic violence agencies come with their own judgements and preconceptions that they put on the both men and women and miss upholding their honor during the process. 3) having valid reasoning for divorce. Understanding the 3 talaqs at once from the men, is a practice that needs to be analysed and addressed etc. The process is easier for a man to divorce and harder for a woman. Or even mentioning about high and low mahrs etc DIVORCE IN ISLAM IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PROCESS TO THE WESTERN PROCESS. So the stats of western society are meaningless to begin with. Process for khula is not lightly and is very lengthy. Some sisters are abused within the system or abuse the system. 4) a big issue that was missed is sometimes neither even the man or woman are to blame, people do separate amicably with NO hatred as they may not be compatible 5) divorced women can also be preyed upon, especially when she has been taken out of the marital home. Many men treat these woman as garbage astagfirullah. This was not mentioned either. Why is protection of sisters not being addressed in this episode? What if their own sisters and mothers got divorced, what would these men do? Re-marrying could be a safer option. How do we formulate co-existence and strengthen tribes amongst Muslim communities in this day and age if we leave many people unmarried? Isn't it fard kifayah? The prophet saw and sahabah did not marry for themselves, they married to STRENGTHEN tribes, bonds between Muslims and multiply Muslims. If we all married from desire and for self gaining reasons. We are doomed as an Ummah and we will then be looked at as an uncivilised community whose men marry based on their fitrah and whose women continue to struggle battling accusations even if they are pure. I think mohammed hijab would have been key to this discussion- he would have brought more depth to the conversations MashAllah
Assalamualikum sister, I'm a covert Narcissistic abuse survivor. I've escaped an abusive marriage and life after divorce should have had been easy but unfortunately the suffering continues with people having a wrong mindset and not being able to explain people what really happens when you're stuck with a person like that. I agree with all that you said
@@adilabaig1368 Wasalam, Sorry to hear of your experience. Know this though- forgive yourself, people think they know what its like but noone truly knows what marriage is really like until you go into it and even then it is a gamble- life is just that strange. These moments or trials are prescribed to us as a way of re-connecting with Allah, please bear that in mind. Allah did not forsake you and will not forsake you. Also appreciate the fact that what is done is done- one day- I promise you, you will not even care what people say or think anymore. You can and will start afresh and soon (not straight away) but soon you will look back and see it as a phase and nothing more. Sending duas your way
Asalamu alaykum sister Shamila! Jazzakallah khayr for bringing these points. I agree with you and I would love to have more in-depth discussions on the points you mentioned with people who explain it in detail form the religious practice & law. (Mohammed hijab is a great example & I’ve seen brother Gabriel on another podcast and he’s also very knowledgeable) We have so many people who follow rules they believe is from the deen but in fact it’s culture and if and when it’s brought up many get shunned. I hope brother Ali sees your reply and looks into these points. And as for Adila inshallah Allah heals you and gives you someone 100x better in this life and the next (Ameen) Asalamu alaykum ☺️
I can see the African map, this is an Asian issue I suppose. Perhaps Africans need to start marrying divorced Asian women and teach their men how to be men!
@@Zazezoo Stop making ridiculous statements and trying to create division amongst the Muslims. You don’t even know why this so called issue even exists in the first place.
The reason Somali community is more open to marrying divorcees is because they are more open to polygamy. You will see this in any country that is open to polygamy including: Saudi, Sudan, Mali etc. However countries where polygamy is not common, divorcess are less likely to get married such as: Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Afghanistan etc. Edit: there are two main reasons for the correlation between acceptance of divorcees and the acceptance of polygamy. Firstly, both are considered sunnah. Secondly acceptance of polygamy reduces pressure on brides to be perfect. So when a guy knows he can marry another he is not that annoyed that his bride has an ex husband.
Agreed, that's the same case in Indonesia as well. Divorcees are usually the 2nd - 4th wives so that they're supported by men who can afford them. Men who only want or can afford 1 wife tend to avoid divorcees because of the fear of not knowing a divorcees past as they could be the reason of divorce and not their ex so history may repeat by itself.
You are trying to say that polygamy is all that a divorced woman can get. But it is not true. When marrying, there are more to consider than previous marriage. It depends on looks, age, status, money character and connections.
@@BlackSeedOil20 yes there are other things to consider, but past is probably the biggest factor. Also why are you talking about polygamy as a second class marriage? Done right in the halal way, it is the best kind of marriage. This is why it is the standard in Paradise. It means less pressure on the wife to be perfect which is why divorcees easily get married in polygamous societies.
As a Somali man in the USA, I have to tell you that divorce is frowned upon in our community. In the west, where social services are more common, divorces are also common. I am a single guy. My parents would highly discourage me from marrying a divorced lady. I’ve seen my family elders discourage divorce in couples that are having martial problems. It is highly discouraged for women because their marriage prospects decreases, especially if they have kids. Most single men in our community and even divorced men prefer women who have not been married. Back home in Somalia, divorced women would have a harder time fending for themselves. We may not see divorces as taboos like Indian culture but we do not encourage it.
In somali culture we married divorcee bcz we believe divorce came in so many different ways it's not always women's fault but it's always almost the lack of responsibility of men
I’m from southern Kurdistan so I can talk about the cultural aspect of it and yes divorces are frowned upon but maybe not as much as the desi’s which they made it seem super frowned upon And my personal opinion I don’t think it’s a bad thing because some people want to get divorced for no reason or for the simplest things
I am desi. I believe it's very difficult for us because a divorced wife shared intimate moments with someone before. She had that experience with someone else. And some thoughts will always stay with her. Just that makes it almost impossible for us to marry a divorcee.
@@jandesbouvries9057 In the Desi community, a divorced woman is shunned no matter the reason. Many will never mention it. Their children suffer because they will be shunned for marriage. No one wants to be married into a divorced family. When speaking about a divorced woman, people will whisper it. Families will ban divorce outright no matter the difficulty. A woman can experience the worst oppression and be beaten from left to right and her parents will never allow her to divorce. I has very little to do past relationships and all to do with the belief in Desi cultures that a daughter in law belongs to the husband's family and if she asks for divorce, she is a deep traitor who has betrayed and shamed the family. Having a divorced child can ruin marriage prospects for all other kids as someone will see something wrong with that family. Many fathers outright will tell their daughters not to come home. This isn't true for every individual, but it is true for the culture as a whole. Even those who have some knowledge will just mind their business when seeing that.
@@jandesbouvries9057This is insecurity. Your culture and attitude stems from your culture has nothing to do with Islam. Our prophet pbuh married divorced women.
It has less to do with blaming ppl for their trauma and more to do with not being confident that the relationship can work with that trauma being factored in.
The most important point is what the French Niqabi sister said towards the end of the show. We don't heal. There deep psychological reasons why men prefer virgins, even if they cannot articulate them.
the trauma is something you deal with on your own not in a relationship with others. nobody is interested in your baggage or the many moving parts of a highly volatile relationship
@@cooljool1 There are no humans on earth who come with no baggage. As long as you interact with other humans you will be dealing with the good and the bad of those humans. My only point was that it can't be reduced to just blaming ppl for their trauma. A person may simply know themselves well enough to know that they aren't equipped to handle certain things. Ideally ppl would discuss their trauma before getting married, but we don't live in a perfect world. Not everyone is even aware of their own baggage. Believe it or not, some ppl really do believe that their sh doesn't stank.
@@BruvahSulaiman plenty of humans don't come with baggage from previous relationships. its not that hard as I mentioned, their trauma is their problem. we can't help them with that. they must get all the help they need and eventually face their triggers and overcome them. only then we can enter their world
I'm just 10 mins in, but i can say this episode is much more organized, Ali please keep the number of panelist at 6 ( 3 brothers & 3 sisters) as opposed the 8 we're used to, this keeps the conversation more engaging, less talking over each other, more organized and less chaotic
The reason divorced women are frowned upon is because of the virginity aspect. They’re no longer virgins and for an ideal Muslim woman, who ideally would not have dated prior to marriage, she should’ve been a virgin before her first marriage. Once divorced, her virginity is done with. So that is a taint in her qualities. We men don’t like the thought of our wives being with another man. It’s deeply disturbing to us and our nature does not allow us to easily accept it. It has NOTHING to do with insecurities. For a man, it is different because men who are divorced are more sexually experienced so it can play in their favor. Their virginity isn’t as big of a deal. This also has to do with how Allah SWT created men and the reason why we are allowed up to four wives. In the West, divorce is less frowned upon because dating culture is rampant here, so people are desensitized to sexual immoralities. Whereas in the Eastern countries, dating culture is not as widely accepted.
@@FaFa2221 that’s not a solution. Returning to Islam and building taqwa is the answer. As the niqabi sister mentioned, the problem with divorce rising among Muslims is almost always due to a lack of taqwa.
@@FaFa2221 yes, she can work. BUT to start a marriage off with the plan for getting a divorce will only lead you into that direction! Rather, you should fear Allah SWT and be an obedient, loving, caring, and supportive wife. If you first choose a spouse who has taqwa, then why would you ever plan to get a divorce?? This mentality is the core of the problem! Because it gives an avenue for the woman to be disobedient and have in the back of her mind the option of divorce! Is this what Islam teaches us? I don’t think so!!! This is satanic and from modern feminism! It’s a cancer for the ummah! A’udhubillah!!! May Allah SWT save you and our sisters from this evil disease! Ameen!
Most men don't mind marrying a divorcee as second, third wife. The problem is that women are so much against polygyny and making it difficult for men to remarry, that they feel they only have one shot, and therefore wanting to get the very best (beautiful, young, virgin etc). And this is perfectly understandable and reasonable. The irony is that the very same women who are againt polygyny, are the ones complaining when they themselves become divorced and finding it difficult to remarry. That's when they say "Where are the brothers who want to practice the sunnah of polygyny??" Sisters are shooting themselves in the foot by saying no to polygyny. But when things get tough, that's when they realise they have to swallow their pride.
Exactly- you’re allowed to have 4 so they don’t all necessarily have to be virgins. Allah knew there’ll be widows and divorcees who need to be taken care of. It’s WISDOM behind the allowance of 4 for those who understand.
yeah so if ur first wife doesnt want to be forced into a polygamous marriage tell her beforehand too. I know men can marry without their PERMISSION, but dont betray her and inform her, make it clear beforehand you are polygamous and don't force someone into a polygamous marriage who does not want that for themselves. yall never talk about that
The Asian community frown on divorce and they have less divorces. The Somali community don’t but they have a huge divorce problem to the point my entire neighborhood apart from my parents are divorced
@@newsamplifier Yes we Somali men have no problem marrying divorced women also taking in their kids but also our women have no problem with us marrying more than 1 wife. Have no problem marrying at a young age and becoming a housewife/traditional wife. We don’t take part of the sunnah and ignore the rest we take the whole thing.
Where I live there seems to be no issue with divorced Muslimahs. I haven’t noticed any stigma and I’ve had no problem finding a good man to marry. It’s really just this online space where I hear about these issues. Maybe it’s worse over the pond. British Muslims seem to have a ton of struggles going on.
@@sayeeed1303 Studies are fine but each person is an individual and Islamically this is the only right way to view our fellow brothers and sisters. So if the general studies don’t apply to her, there should be no problem. Hence the studies are good to know, good to be aware of, good for careful consideration, but they should not be used to generate a broad stigma. To do that is to wrong too many innocent Muslims and is highly toxic for cultures in which it’s done.
@@Marwadear512 studies on single mothers as well as anecdotal experience of many men are in harmony. Conclusion:- a lot of trauma and emotional baggage.
What brother gabriel was talking about at 25:11 to do with insecurities is called retroactive jealousy where a person basically has obsessive thoughts about their partners history and has certain triggers which cause them to obsess over it, for example, constantly asking their partner questions about their past, and it usually comes from a place of insecurity and a persons upbringing rather than judgement. even if it is a man’s nature to be naturally jealous , women can also suffer from this.
Great podcast and discussion as always! A slight technical point I'd like to make is to increase the volume of the mics for people who speak with a low volume. Gabriel speaks with a very relaxed low volume cadence and I have to increase my volume to hear him sometimes and then immediately lower it because Ali starts speaking haha. So please in the post production process try to even out the volume of everyone.
Just like a sister can have a preference in a brother’s height, a brother’s wealth, a brother’s race, etc., a man can prefer if he wants a divorcee or not. Stop trying to label Muslim men as something evil for not wanting to marry a divorcee. If you want to remarry after being divorced, be comfortable with the idea that the man you’re looking for may accept you as a second wife to his younger preciously unmarried wife. The Brothers and a few points the Niqabi sister said were good points here, but the niqabi sister also brought up high subjective and personal emotional points that only apply to her or her culture. The other two hijabi sisters were, especially the one with the brown hijab were very self centered.
Been trying to comment on your Jeffery marsh video... Cannot seem to comment... Maybe youtube have shut down the comments on that vid. I STAND WITH YOU AGAINST THESE CHILD PREDATORS. no matter what my background, beliefs etc etc
Demanding a man to marry a divorcee is like demanding a woman to marry a poor guy. I sincerely hope these women(and like-minded women) who're advocates of men marrying divorcees/widows should also push women to marry poor guys. P.S: There's nothing wrong with marrying a divorcee. It's just that men naturally prefer women who're not divorcees(Young, Virgin etc.), just like women naturally prefer men with strong financial status.
But being poor is apart of your rizq. Yet women frown upon it and they don't care about us men. Yet when we don't want to marry a divorcee. they tell us that we need to change our minds. ooh please. they are so selfish and it's mindboggling that guys cater towards their way of thinking
@@mishmash7776 for some cultures countries its no doubt less harsh then others but stigma is something that exist in every countries and cultures and some have it worse in one area then others but if we are talking about the Asian and African world Muslim then yes this stigma is worse then other countries in this field of divorce however you will find people from those parts of the world mentioned who will not view a divorced men or women in this complete negative light
I appreciate the sisters' words at the end. Gave the hope and inspiration from an Islamic and psychologically healthy point of view which is truly the way forward, a stark contrast to the superficial way the brothers viewed the issue.
This shouldn’t even be an issue , seriously . Plenty of men and women out there . A man who hasn’t been married has every right to experience marriage with a woman who also hasn’t been married . Divorcees can marry each other and men who have no issue with it can also marry divorcee sisters , there’s plenty of men that don’t mind even women with kids . It all comes down to preference at the end of the day and staying away from the haram. Have a blessed day everyone , love for the love ❤
Bottom line…a virgin boy or girl have every right to want the same of their partners for their first marriage. I didn’t want a non virgin when I got married as a female and I felt very strongly about it. I always jokingly said that I have man level jealousy lol. I’m an idealist and wanted my husband and I to be each others one and only and I wanted the full package. This preference is my right and every young person who’s kept themselves chaste has the right to request this in their partner. Yeah maybe more men care than women but it remains a right. But if you’re divorced or slept around then that is when I don’t feel like you’re entitled to a virgin. You can have a preference but you don’t have a strong leg to stand on. If you happen to find someone who’s ok with it then just be thankful. Similarly you will find virgin men ok with marrying divorcee’s too. Nothing wrong with any of that but don’t shame people for their preferences if they’re being fair.
I wonder if you would've made a difference decision had the divorced man been a millionaire. Anyway, I think you're missing the point here, I'm afraid many muslims have become too materialistic and selfish, their objective is their own bodily pleasure, what differentiates us from other people is that we're supposed to care about the afterlife more than this dunya, marrying a virgin will not save you from the hell fire but marrying a divorced woman for the sake of Allah to protect her and take care of her is rewarded, the prophet Muhammad PBUH praised those who take care of orphans and widows and divorcees and said they will be sitting next to him in the jannah.
@@primeminister1040 I had a millionaire ask for my hand and many others that were rich and I refused. (have no idea If he was a virgin or not but he was young lol) I come from a rich family and married into a much poorer one so money doesn’t actually matter to me. This isn’t about materialism, I already mentioned I’m a bit of a romantic idealist and wanted someone who’s never loved anyone else in any way before me. This is a personal preference and every person has different priorities when it comes to choosing a spouse. Mine was Akhlaq, compatibility, attraction and to follow the 5 pillars. And alhamdulillah it’s worked out for me as we’ve been together for 18yrs and I’m still crazy about him so I’d say I made the right choice for myself. I do agree with everything else you’ve said. I’m just stating that it’s ok for people to have some preferences as we know ourselves and what we need best.
@@primeminister1040 I think women won’t give care if the man is a divorcee if he was fit, attractive, a millionaire, respected and ideal. But would that make her a gold digger? I don’t think so…
No brother, men don't hate divorced or widowed women. Brother, the mentality of men has been shaped by society in such way. If some person says that they had fun with some divorced or widowed woman, no problem with that, but if someone says that he is going to marry a divorced or widowed that seems to be a problem to society. Brother, men just fall for women no matter divorced or widowed or unmarried but the people around wouldn't let a man marry widowed or a divorced women.
And also when someone marries a widowed or divorced woman, the woman is very cautious that her husband is never displeased by her, coz she knows that she got a second chance
Men want fresh meat. That's the problem. For them, a divorcee or a widowed woman is used and second hand, so she has less value, and he doesn't want to spend or take responsibility for a used commodity. This is the actual problem.
@@floki5182 bro as myself a male, I can say that men just fall for any woman. And also you would agree to the fact that there are lot of men who just want to do good things like this marry a widow or divorced or in India there is a practice of dowry and even Muslims are involved in this. But if some person says no to the dowry , all the relatives get mad at you. And at last that guy ends up in taking the dowry no matter he is rich or poor. So we can understand that there are people out there who want to do good but are suppressed by the society.
So its not the mans fault, its someone elses fault? You passing the blame to someone else? Brother people already do that, and that is a part of the problem. These brothers should take initiative if they are truly wanting to marry the widow or divorcee.
@@kordei-7839DONT FEED YOUR SOULS NEGATIVE ENERGY , DONT FEED YOUR SOULS NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, SATAN WANTS TO FEED YOU WITH NEGAVTIVE ENERGY , ALLAH SAID IN THE QURAN THAT SATAN WHISPERS TO YOU EVIL THOUGHTS , DONT LET HIM FEED YOU THAT THOUGHTS , AND BATTLE HIM WITH PRAYER AND BY FOLLOWING THE QURAN
I think he had some good points Ali "Dawah" just doesn't give anyone the chance to properly explain their thoughts and rushes people into a conclusion or just straight up cuts them off mid way through. He's an annoying guy.. Surprised more people don't see it
A virgin deserves a virgin. You both discover everything for the first time together, nothing to apologise for, every day is a new adventure. As a man or woman if you're divorced you should be open to marrying another divorcee. That "new" factor is gone for you, now you're looking for long term stability.
If there wasn't a stigma on polygyny. Then men would get married to more than 1 woman. However since this stigma means we can only marry 1. You can kinda guess which one we are going to choose
While men who are bachelors/virgins have got every right to reject a woman who is divorced - and not because they are being judgemental of women who are divorced, but because as bachelor/virgin men they simply want spinster/virgin women i.e., women of their own marital status/sexual status - there is no reason in the world why men who are also divorced (or annulled) themselves should reject a woman who is divorced or annulled.
Most men don't mind marrying a divorcee as second, third wife. The problem is that women are so much against polygyny and making it difficult for men to remarry, that they feel they only have one shot, and therefore wanting to get the very best (beautiful, young, virgin etc). And this is perfectly understandable and reasonable. The irony is that the very same women who are againt polygyny, are the ones complaining when they themselves become divorced and finding it difficult to remarry. That's when they say "Where are the brothers who want to practice the sunnah of polygyny??" Sisters are shooting themselves in the foot by saying no to polygyny. But when things get tough, that's when they realise they have to swallow their pride.
@@moonwalkerr87 true that already married men might not mind a divorced woman as a 2nd ( or 3rd or 4th) wife. But women absolutely cannot be blamed for being against polygyny. And it has to be understood that while spinster women and married women who are the one and only wife of a monogamous married man don't want polygyny, also many widowed, divorced and annulled women don't want polygyny either. Many spinster women don't want to marry an already married man and thereby become the 2nd or 3rd or 4th wife of an already married man; and many married women who are the one and only wife of their husband and whose husbands are monogamous don't want their husband to marry other women and take 2nd, 3rd and 4th wives. But the fact of the matter is that many widowed, divorced and annulled women also don't want to marry an already married man and be the 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife of an already married man. You're right when you say that some widowed, divorced and annulled women wouldn't mind marrying an already married man and becoming either a 2nd ( or 3rd or 4th) wife of an already married man. But the reality is that not all widowed, divorced and annulled women wish to marry an already married man, and then live a polygynous marriage to a polygynous husband. Just because women are widowed, divorced or annulled that doesn't mean they want to be in a polygyny. Many widowed, divorced and annulled women want to marry a man who is single ( not single as in a bachelor, of course, but a man who is like them, widowed or divorced or annulled but SINGLE); and some widowed, divorced and annulled women would rather not marry again at all and prefer to just stay single for the rest of their lives. Some widowed women, out of loyalty to their deceased husband, don't want to ever marry again. And some divorced/annulled women also don't wish to marry again. Yes, polygyny is a possible (and tactful ) solution for needy and desperate previously married women, i.e., women who are widowed/divorced/annulled, and are now finding it very difficult to find another husband. But in most cases polygyny cannot work out. See Quran 4:129. If a Muslim man does have multiple wives, he has to treat them all equally and deal justly with all of them and do justice between them all. Equal treatment by the polgynous husband has to be given to all 2 or 3 or 4 of his wives in term of time share, expenditure and allowances. A man also has to be FINANCIALLY CAPABLE of being married to, supporting and providing for 2 or more wives. The correct Islamic way of practising polygyny is that the wives must all be accommodated separately - i.e., each wife has to have her own individual, separate home. The multiple wives are NOT supposed to all be living together with each other in one small house or even in one big house. They are all supposed to have their own individual house. That was the way Prophet Muhammad SAWS practised polygyny after the death of the best wife, Khadijah, with whom he practised monogamy. When the Prophet practised polygyny, all his wives might have lived in the same street, but each and every single wife had her own separate house. His multiple wives didn't all live together with each other in the same house. And not to forget, that where polygyny is the Sunnah of the Prophet, monogamy is the Sunnah of the Prophet too. The Prophet's monogamous life was longer than his polygynous life. His marriage to Khadijah lasted 25 years, but he was polygynous for less than 25 years. Because he lived for less than 25 years after Khadijah's death. And the normal in Islam is monogamy, not polygyny. Islam is pro-monogamy. Islam doesn't encourage polygyny or recommend it, but only allows it under some very difficult circumstances such as creating welfare for orphans and helping out needy women like widows and divorcees, and enabling women to marry and have a husband when women greatly outnumber men for which it's not possible for every woman to have one husband each. But remember that while Islam gives a husband plenty of rights, Islam also gives a husband plenty of responsibilities and duties. And with the massive number of responsibilities and duties Islam places on a man towards his wife, just one wife is more than enough. Just one wife is a handful because fulfilling all responsibilities and duties towards just 1 wife is more than enough work for a man and makes a man's life more than stressful enough. The more wives a man has, the more responsibilities and duties he has. And for most married men, it's very difficult to get on with their father-in-law (just as for most married women it's very difficult for them to get on with their mother-in-law). But the more wives a man has, the more nagging fathers-in-law and the more nagging mothers-in-law he will have. And the more wives a woman's son has, the more daughters-in-law she will have. We always hear the claim and arguement that men are polygynous by nature and want to be with multiple women and are not content to be with just one woman. But if a man practises polygyny, alright, he might have multiple women to enjoy, but he'll also have more responsibilities, more duties and more financial burden and more stress than if he has just 1 wife. Yes polygyny could be a possible solution for widowed, divorced and annulled women. But most Muslim men who practise polygyny just aren't able to do it in the absolute, correct, proper Islamic way. Put aside men having 3 or 4 wives. Even if men practise polygyny by having just 2 wives, still, most of these polygynous men will spend about 90% of their time with one wife and only about 10% of their time with the other wife, and will fulfill the financial needs of just one of the wives but not fulfill the financial needs of the other wife. This way most Muslim men who are polygynous go about polgyny in completely the wrong way. And this is not a petty, minor matter. This is a matter of great severity because these men will get done in the akhirah. There is a hadith of Prophet Muhammad SAWS that if a man has 2 wives but does not treat them both equally, he will find half his body lost on the Day of Resurrection. So polygyny, although there are good, wise, genuine, valid, justifiable reasons why the Deen has allowed it, is a very risky thing to do and the pitfalls are great in number. So polgyny can be done by only an extremely rare few very scrupulous, very tactful men. Most Muslim men are NOT capable of practising polygyny strictly according to the rulings of Islam. But it's not that polygyny is an absolute must so that divorced women can remarry. Yes, married men - already married men - could potentially and possibly marry divorced women to provide them with a husband (that's ONLY IF they are capable of practising polygyny in the correct Islamic way according to Islamic rulings and if their wives don't mind them practising polygyny and are okay with having co-wives). But in my previous comment the point I was making is why should a single man who is either divorced or annulled himself refuse to marry a woman who is divorced or annulled? I can understand perfectly if a bachelor (and, therefore, VIRGIN) man does not want to marry a divorced woman and also if a man who is widowed doesn't want to marry a divorced woman. But the point I made and still am making is that divorced/annulled men mustn't have any problem with marrying divorced/annulled women. Because that would be hypocrisy.
It is not hypocrisy for a divorced men to prefer a virgin woman just as it is not hypocrisy for an old man to prefer a young woman. All it is asymetrical preferrence. Is it hypocrisy for a woman to prefer a man of higher socioeconomic status even if she be of a lower one? Is it hypocrisy for a fat woman to prefer a muscular man or a fat man to prefer a slim woman?
@@Tyb-xv5fn so then, is it okay for divorced women to prefer bachelor/virgin men? Would bachelor/virgin men consent to marrying divorced (or widowed) women?
@@alifnajmi7014DONT FEED YOUR SOULS NEGATIVE ENERGY , DONT FEED YOUR SOULS NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, SATAN WANTS TO FEED YOU WITH NEGAVTIVE ENERGY , ALLAH SAID IN THE QURAN THAT SATAN WHISPERS TO YOU EVIL THOUGHTS , DONT LET HIM FEED YOU THAT THOUGHTS , AND BATTLE HIM WITH PRAYER AND BY FOLLOWING THE QURAN
I want to share my opinion in this matter although I am not devorced. There were many conflicts throughout the 7 years of marriage and divorce was so close many times. However, due to my job I had to continue my study abroad with my kids and without my husband due to circumstances that we couldn't control. I found time apart helped us appreciate each other and fully understand each other more. Sometimes being separated will help you understand your wrongs and really help you to understand what you need to work on. A divorced lady certainly has gained experience through a past marriage! It is like revizing a book you read several times before I guess.
Alhumdulilah your marriage survived. May Allah put barakat in it. I agree that separation can help in some cases. Maybe that's one of the hikmat of talaq being done in stages.
I didn't watch the video and I am not a divorcee. But I will like to say something from the perspective of my cultural background. In the Desi (South Asian: Pakistani/Indian/etc) culture, parents instill the fear of "laug kya kahein ge" (what will the people say?) from a young age....especially within their daughters. And many Desi women can relate to this and they can also relate to the understanding that divorce is seen as a huge social stigma for women in the Desi society....something that parents of the daughter are afraid of....something that you try your best to avoid because it comes with more unpleasant social consequences for the Desi woman than the man. With that said, in the Desi culture it is usually the daughters that are advised by their parents and especially their mothers to be more patient, to be silent, to serve the in-laws, to do x-y-z ....to keep their marriage and home in-tact. Yet, unfortunately, the IRONY is that society will assume that there must be something inherently wrong/bad with the divorced woman if her marriage failed. While I do understand that it takes 2 hands to clap and that it takes the mutual efforts of BOTH spouses to make a marriage work............when a Desi woman gets divorced........I cannot help but wonder, "Where did your HUSBAND fail?" And the reason I wonder this question is because, again, most Desi women are admonished from a young age to be very cautious about their reputation within society especially in regards to relationships and divorce. So, generally speaking, if the women are (generally) encouraged to do everything in their power to keep their marriage intact because they (the women) have MORE to lose......it makes me wonder WHERE the husband went wrong because RE-marriage is always going to be EASIER for him (the divorced man) than it is for the divorced woman. I would also like to add that the ...root reason.....behind why SOME (NOT ALL...SOME) in-laws (and even the husband) take advantage of the wife/daugther-in-law and mistreat her in Desi culture is because they KNOW that the wife/daughter-in-law would be too afraid to be divorced....and therefore (they assume) she'll put up with anything and everything. This is a reality. It's not the reality of every marriage because positive exceptions DO exist. But nevertheless it's a reality. I want to clarify that I DON'T want to turn this into a battle between the genders. But I want the Desi men out there to have some pause. Instead of rushing to assume that the divorced girl might be severely deficient in some way........PLEASE.......stop to think of your culture and how most Desi women are fearful of divorce due to the stigma and negative social consequences surrounding it...........and they generally try to do all they can to save their marriage because they are AWARE that it's harder to get remarried as a divorced woman and especially if you also have children. By keeping this thought in mind.......it might make you slow down and consider things carefully before pointing a blameworthy finger at her.....when she already gets enough of that from others. Lastly, while I know that what I am about to say next does not apply to all Muslim men because many Muslim men DO have class and grace....but I feel it needs to be said. I have friends that are divorced and it was a painful ordeal for them because they had to endure the unpleasant reactions from their family (criticism, isolation, etc) .....but they ALSO were faced with disgusting reactions from ....MUSLIM men. One divorced friend said that she met up with a guy for marriage purposes and when she told him she was divorced, he called her 'damaged goods.' In another scenario, a MUSLIM guy was telling another divorced friend that he did not want to consider a certain girl for marriage because she "looked" like a divorced woman from her picture alone in a disgusted tone. This is not the kind of language or speech that is befitting of MUSLIM men. The men are not obligated to marry a divorced woman, but they need to adopt the same kind of respectful language that they would for other men to use for their own mothers and sisters and daughters. Ali Dawah, these are indeed realities that take place within the Muslim world. While addressing these issues, you ALSO have to consider how a certain issue (such as divorce) is perceived within a particular culture.........because it will vary from culture to culture. Divorce is perceived and treated differently in the Asian culture than it is in the western culture, for example. Also, Ali Dawah, ...if you have not already done so........I think it would be good to do a segment which addresses the topic of LANAGUAGE. We live in times when people are cursing left, right, and center. And unfortunately there are many Muslim men out there that speak about women (their Muslim sisters) in a way that degrades them. And I really believe such a topic will be beneficial because our tongue is a weighty organ that comes with dire consequences in the dunya and hereafter if we are not careful.
Finally someone said what I wanted to say 🥲 i'm from Bangladesh it's the same here and in some cases we don't feel like human being sometimes i feel like i'm a robot or rather a toy that has to obey the husband 24/7 can't questions him or anything they don't follow quran or sunnah but to gain control they use quran an sunnah if woman obey her husband and serve him like his her master then she going to jannah that's what some husband tell their wife and daughter it's like she doesn't have a will of ger own She's like slave to her husband and his family even maids r treated better then the wife. Some men from muslim family doesn't give any rights to the woman that islam give them not all men i haven't meet any good ones yet. 1st i want to say i'm not married...yet But seeing the environment around me i don't wanna get married 😢 It's scary to put my life in someone else's hand
@@flyhigh8839 ^^ You're welcome. Again, my intention is not to turn this into a battle between genders. I know that my post is super looong, but if one reads it carefully....they should hopefully understand that my purpose is to encourage the men to slow down and not assume the worst about the character of a divorced woman. And my other purpose is for men to reflect upon the language they use for divorced women to their faces and behind their backs. The issue of language on the whole and especially language used by Muslim men toward and about women would be a GREAT topic for Ali Dawah to address if he is so inclined because we are facing a GLOBAL CRISIS in the quality of language we use and it does not align with the Sunnah of our Prophet SAWS. But sadly, when I state basic truths....I have been met with rude comments from the Desi men; usually those that either did not comprehend my message due to a language barrier or they got defensive and retorted with "tl;dr"....or remarks that I am a 'beta" or 'not a G'. It's kinda cheesy. We gotta stop with the "tops and the bottoms" labels.......no need for it.......just do your best to be a Muslim in speech and action; that's it...and hopefully you'll come out on top.
This is not a "desi" problem . Men all around the globe don't want to marry a divorced woman especially if she has kids, exception's are another thing.
I divorced before after so much struggle to keep my marriage because of sihr and differences in family upbringing and making istikharah for 6 months.. I self reflect on my previous marriage and made some requirements for woman to become my wife and what i can bring to the table for her.. I ask what woman needs from me to become her husband.. After so much discussion, understanding and acceptance from both, alhamdulillah i have my new better marriage.. Your wife is your biggest investment for your life, please be careful and take your time to understand each other. Salam from malaysia.
Exactly couple that with the divorce rate being 50% in the west, with 70-80% of it being initiated by the female (90% if college educated)-you’re just setting yourself up for an inevitable car crash
Agreed but if it's unavoidable then at least probe into their history. Hey maybe the ex husband passed away, abusive or had affairs so she could be a good person but if they're the reason then no way.
@@yuvan6499 widows are rare, abuse are bottom of the totem poll for divorce and polygyny is halal. So everything you listed out= exception and a deed is permissible 😁
@@highlightdaily4828 polygamy is halal but affairs aren't. There's a clear difference brother. I've met many of our brothers who have affairs outside since they can't afford marrying another. Abuse is at the bottom of the totem pool when you look at the cause of divorce across all religions and races. Among Muslims, domestic abuse is one of the highest causes of divorce before financial issues. Our sisters are not leaving marriages because they feel like leaving or because of affairs but of course there are exceptions.
@@yuvan6499 Of course i know that but females usually conflate the two and leave whenever brothers enact on their polygynous right. And that’s completely groundless domestic abuse is nt no1 reason for divorce for Muslims, provide your source if you’re truthful. It’s in females natural propensity to be ungrateful to their husbands as the beloved prophet (pbuh) said, and that’s why they divorce men. Again, all the reasons you stated are exceptions and you’re making stuff up now aswell to disparage Muslim men 🤦♂️
I am divorced I never consummated the marriage . As the circumstances weren’t the best or by my choice. Years later I live with the label on my forehead. Please sisters be careful and think 100 times before you act on something. Regardless of the circumstance a divorcee is a divorcee.
Ali, Alhamdulillah for these, as a muslim, we need these, much better than watching any movie or drama series online. One request, please bring more individuals (Talking about Men) that are more knowledgeable in terms of Aqeedah. This guy talking about "I am the most handsome!" do not want to see this childish behavior on topics that are so serious today!
As a Somali man, my father has been divorced, due to death, and one other time due to disagreement. And my mother has been djvroced and there’s never an issue. However to make one thing clear, I haven’t seen anyone who is young go out and prefer a divorcee over anyone else. Rather most people get married young and don’t divorce, but if they do get divorce it is practically ignored(as in it doesn’t change how their perceived and so on). But when we are young we generally all marry indiviuals within a few years above or below us who are likely never been married before.
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Ali dawah the new red pill convert spreading his nonsense anti-islamic values, shame on you.
Please bring on controversial characters like mahdi. This was really funny. And entertaining.
ua-cam.com/video/Sy4JsmEPr-o/v-deo.html
May Allah protect our Muslim Sister😔 in Pakistan, Afghanistan, iran
and other Muslim countries too
He always talks about polygamy but he does not tell how Arab treat their women thats why they have to pay enough mahar
Muslim men please let's protect and treat our Muslim women kindly for they are the visual representation of Islam in the public space and the foundation of this ummah.
@@thedon8384 of course men have to insert themselves on comments made about women. I see it everywhere, nothing new. Stale old actually.
Yes I agree
You can treat our Muslim sisters with kindness respect honor and bliss no problem but that doesn't mean you have to agree with what they want or say.
We men should behave according to Qur'an and sunnah and same goes for women
muslim women, please treat muslim men kindly
Watching this as a revert to Islam who got divorced at 35 with two children because my ex was Islamophobic and did not like that I came to Islam. I pray that Allah will give me a husband who is accepting of my past.
Sister it's the culture that's making bad the divorcee but in islam there's nothing wrong to marry divorcee. I hope you you'll find a good husband insha Allah.
It’s a culture thing sister, so don’t worry :)
Don't rush sisters and have high standards . I have met and heard of many reverts who accepted anything just to be married and never made demands or any research. One convert sisters married a Muslim guy who sexually abused her kids from first marriage then she married another time with Muslim who gave her AIDS. So make sure you do background check and demand that the guy does medical tests also speak to his family, friends etc .... if the gives you excuses then just run as fast as you can . Another sisters refused to marry a guy who was illegal , he beat her till she ended up in hospital. So please take your time, make istikharah and do investigations. A woman has more to lose than a man
Many brothers will be open to marrying a sister who was previously married. Its about mindset
Well spoken !!!!!!!! That's true!!!! @@user-ux8pj3rf4w
There’s a time we Somalis Men prefer a divorcee than never married because of their experience. I agree with brother Ali when he said “Somalis don’t frown on a Divorcee”. We treat them the same most of the time. I saw a lady who was divorced 6 times and she still got married the 7th time.
Bruh but what are the odds that all of her 6 ex husbands were at fault when she's the common denominator?. There's nothing wrong with marrying a divorcee but you need to know her past to decide if history will repeat itself especially when your future children's wellbeing at stake.
Is it a game
@@yuvan6499 I agree with you here. This Sister was very short tempered and she knows her problem. She’s very honest upfront telling Men who ask her for marriage. Listen guys “I’ve got temperament issues”. If you wanna marry me with my shortcomings then well and good. She doesn’t pretend to be perfect.
@@generalhuman5105 No it’s not a game but her issue is: She’s short tempered and she tells this Men upfront. Most of this Men are just curious.
@@NobleHomeHealthCarePortland Well can't blame her then since I know there are men who will still go for it regardless.
Brothers in Islam I suggest all of you to read the Biography of our beloved Prophet (PBUH). It will change your life InshaAllah. One of the things which impacted me was, before I would look down on marrying divorcees or older women now I am happily willing to marry one.
You never know the divorcee or the older woman you marry, will be the best one for you. May Allah grant us right understanding.
It all depends on the woman character and Deen,, may all bless you with happy marriage
@@catcoffee7958 Absolutely
Absolutely, sometimes I feel these talks are just personal opinions more than striving to be like the prophet (s), if they did, a lot of issues could be solved.
Unfortunately, a lot has changed in the past 1400 years, but not for good. Things have gotten worse.
It's a man's nature to want the younger virign women , the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is not like us in many ways just like how these women aren't like his wives رضي الله عنهن in many ways
A Muslim woman that has had 2 divorces in the past should never be labelled as having two sexual partners in the past. It is disgusting and demeaning. Muslim women are the best females on the planet. I cant believe how men can talk to sisters like this as if theyve had boyfriends. It shows how television has truly corrupted our minds. Stay strong sisters. As a muslim man i will always defend your honour even if you were divorced 10 times. Well done. May Allah reward you for protecting your chastity
رقع الله قدرك في الدنيا والآخرة
رفع الله قدرك كما قال الاخ!
Umm what’s honorable about being divorced 10 times? At what point do you start to see maybe she’s just making blind decision, not following the deen, for the purposes of worldly pleasures. One divorce ok, two divorces, ummm, 10? Come on now lol. I guarantee you wouldn’t even marry a woman who has been divorced 10 times, even if you do, you’d start having issues and leave her soon. Don’t be a hypocrite
@@a.t.lawofficepllc I believe there is a misunderstanding here. The commenter criticizes comparing chast divorcees with women involved in relations outside of wedlock. The commenter is not discussing the effects of divorce on future prospects.
@@malazkarar1171 he specifically said he would honor and fight for women even if they divorced 10 times; indirectly saying that doesn’t mean they lose their value. Read the comment again. That’s not anything to be proud of or encourage. Giving women a false sense of “no matter how many times I get divorced, men will still value me”, which is far from the truth. Yeah a loser might, not a real man.
I am a Young Muslim Man of 24 years old, never married before.
1st, I agree with these women, Allahumma Barik!
2ndly, InshaAllah I will marry a divorcee, everyone deserves a 2nd chance!
Men need to be men aka strong enough mentally to accept a divorcee.
Prophet SAW did it, so we should too.
marrying a divorcee doesnt make you a man. you dont become a man just because you marry a divorcee because of empathy. if your a man and you want to marry a virgin, it is your right.
We look at a woman’s character before marriage, if she has divorced it is vital to know who caused it or what. So that’s why we don’t want to marry a divorcee because we have better options, the women back then were different from the women these days.
Lets not judge anyone. If she is divorcee let her be.. dont judge or say anything to her. Its upto men if they want to marry single or widow/divorcee. idk why society is judging men who is not marrying divorcee
@@yehiasobh8478as long as your wife is also receiving the same. Your a hypocrite if you want a virgin but you are not one yourself.
@@yehiasobh8478 okay???? and he doesnt want to whats ur problem
I think it’s unfair to call someone whose never been married before bigoted because they aren’t accepting of marrying a divorcee- a man or woman. I do think its hypocritical when either a divorced man/ woman are expecting to marry someone who hasn’t been married before however. I understand preferences- but you can’t deny there is hypocrisy on a divorced man/woman not wanting to marry another divorced man/woman.
It would be hypocritical if a divorced man said I should get my preference for a virgin wife but a divorced women should only get a divorced man. What people miss is that men prefer virgins even if they are divorced whereas women who are divorced prefer men who are divorced as women want men to lead them and thay takes experience. So really it is just a case of a differential in preference standards. An anaology is age preference. Men who are young prefer women are young and men who are old also prefer women who are young. Is this the case with women's age preferences? Does this mean old men 'should' marry old women? Should old men prefer old women and if they do not are these men hypocrites?
@@Tyb-xv5fn Interesting you say that. They did a poll in our university whether the men at our uni preferred women who were older than them or younger and 90% said older because of the ‘experience’. I think a lot of young guys are attracted to more mature women tbh, so its unfair to put these analogies and set them in stone as it differs between cultures and generations.
It's not hypocritical it's preferences, get your logic right
@@zendarroof627 lol preferences can be hypocritical? If your unable to process that id argue that you’d need to attempt to get your logic ‘right’
@@fizameeraj5468 do you know what hypocrisy even is ??? It means doing things in contradiction to what you are saying , so if the man is divorced and wants a women who never married before , what's the hypocrisy in that ?
I’ve noticed a consistent pattern Muslim women love to play VICTIM.
They always complain about how brothers won’t marry Divorcees & Brothers won’t marry sisters with kids BUT they will NEVER tell you about the MULTIPLE good practising brothers they turned down for some STUPID REASON
Like ….
•He’s 5’10 taller than her but she wants 6ft.
•He earns enough to provide her with a comfortable life but he doesn’t have a Degree.
•He’s too nice
•A sister once said to me she turned a bother down because she don’t like the way he dresses, he owns his own business earns a lot & wants to marry her and provide for her kids. All that was ignored because of his clothing
I personally use to have sympathy for divorcees with kids but the more and more you speak to them and they reveal there true reality all that sympathy goes out the window.
The brother in the red looks like he was sent to the corner shop for a pint of milk but accidentally stumbled into a studio 🤭🤭
I'm not sure where do ali get this man from , like you can tell and in other episodes that these men are just talking to talk
My mother divorced my father because he committed a sin. He confessed decades after the divorce.
My parents are from a culture where divorce is extremely frowned upon no matter for what reason. Because of that mom's own family accused her for years for "making a mistake, you chose him, you should've seen this in him" (my father's family, on the contrary, defended him). But, hearing stories from friends and relatives about my father, mom could hardly predict whether he was gonna do that. People can be actors, they can wear a mask for a while. And because of this ability of people to pretend, we need to understand that divorce is allowed in Islam for a reason. This world is not ideal, and we are not ideal, we are prone to mistakes and sins, the question is in quantity and degree.
What sin,?
@@shahee6579 I'd rather not disclose it, because saying about the sins of others (which weren't exposed to the public by the sinner) is not appropriate.
@@aleatar OK, I'm just gonna assume it was the sexual abuse of Children
@@shahee6579 it's haram for you to do that, assume with absolute no sense you can put it in your ذمة in the day of Judgement you have to seek forgiveness for such assumption and telling people that, and it could be false accusations purposely damaging some else reputation with bad intent will cause severe consequences.
@Songsinharmony Songsinharmony I reading between the lines and assuming it's sexual abuse . Not saying it is . If I had a guess that's what I think
O Allah, set right for me my religion which is the safeguard of my affairs. And set right for me the affairs of my world wherein is my living. And set right for me my Hereafter on which depends my after-life. And make the life for me (a source) of abundance for every good and make my de ath a source of comfort for me protecting me against every evil.”[Muslim]🧕🏼🤲🏼📿
My bro Gabriel absolutely on point... the only one bringing some balance to the conversation and making objective points. Some other good points made here or there, but overall very subjective and little substance without Gabriel's insights
Thank you for creating this show brother Ali i'm so proud of you as a muslim sister may Allaah reward you for everything you've done for the benefit of the muslim community.
How in the world is this benefiting the Muslim community?
@@MH-bf4uu By bringing people of different opinions in our community to air out their opinions and back it up
Personally as a 17 yo male I would want to marry a virgin as I have always wanted to experience this romantic relationship with someone else that hasn’t experienced it either. However I would go for a divorced woman if I divorced my first wife ( in sha allah that day doesn’t have to come if I have a wife). It’s not about her being “used” or a bad person because they divorced but it’s because I can’t experience a romantic relationship the same way with someone who’s already had that
Edit: thank you for the nice comments.
Please let’s not argue because at the end of the day we are all brothers and sisters and we should take care of each other❤️
Good for you and that is what our Prophet also encouraged. Don’t let these modern day women tell you to marry a divorced women to show empathy.
And that's our fitra for both men and women so dw that's normal and what most people want
@@muhammadomar1319 you are misusing and abusing our Prophet's name (saw) but the truth is that he married a woman who had 2 men whilst he was a virgin himself. Do you think you are better than him?
@@BlueBlue23 are women marrying poor men like the Muslim women did before? Everyone has a preference.
May Allah bless you and Allah gave you that right. Go ahead and marry a Virgin Muslim woman. Don't mislead yourself, by these Divorcees. Don't make those woman think that, They can easily get away after giving divorce.
As a Somali I would say divorce not being frowned upon is beneficial to the men and women to some extent but it is detrimental to children. I know multiple women that have been married 3-4 times. MashaAllah they are doing something that is halal and with good intentions but it's unfortunate for children to get attached and forced to detach from step parents.
In old Somali way 70s grandparents time or parents it wasn't no divorce ppl stay marriage but after 2000s many divorce happened now generation change because Somali man don't stay in marriage kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
@@AhmedRaza-lh4oj it is done in a halal way with ida period maintained so STD is not an issue in these cases.
As I said it's not bad for consenting adults to seek halal relationships but those with kids need to be more careful.
I am a Pakistani and I'm a divorce with no kids I myself would have no issue marrying a divorce women I would not want to marrie a Pakistani woman I would like to marrying in to other Muslim culture I have no issue marrying a divorce women I just want to debunk Ali dawah saying the is a big issue in Pakistani community that is nonsense
Brother Gabriel is always speaking truth and does it like a man and is still gentleman may Allah reward the whole show
Ali this is a brilliant idea of a discussion to bring out alot of the pressing issues that needs to be addressed in the Muslim society and may Allah bless you and your guests for it. The only observation I have is that the discussions have to be moderated better, I think jumping from one topic to the other without properly addressing it or one person interrupting the conversation before the other person make his point is kind of counterproductive, I think we'll benefit more from these discussions if you have clear topics to discuss and give people ample time to address those topics without being interrupted, and if someone wants to address what someone said, they can press their buzzer to get a chance to respond and when they're finished the discussion continues. May Allah reward you.
Ali is a great guy Masha'Allah. But he never let people finish their point. He keeps talking over them. I say this in the most respectful way.
If he doesn't want to marry a divorced woman there's nothing wrong with that.
Alhamdulillah.
lol. the fact that theres so much pandering on this episode to justify NOT marrying a divorcee is appaling. Ali, Gabriel are pandering so much. And the guy in red is clearly weak, he's walking on egg shells. He's in no need to justify.
Same goes for divorced men then 💯
@@Skeeeyeeeeyes, it all depends on the people agreeing to get married
Forget that, the annoying part is the stigma of divorced people
The impact of divorce on a women is far greater than on a man. This is exactly why women need to chose better at the start. I do recognise that people change.
Among Muslims not Christians ,
Its not always the men who are the issue, the feminist women who doesnt allow a leader trying to control the man with so called western rights.
The women are losing tradition and islamic values which is making their fundamentals broken.
Double standards:
- Women exclude men based on his finances and FUTURE prospects. They openly choose 15% of the male population who are professional over blue collar workers/working class men who make up 85% of the male population.
- Men exclude women based on her PAST because men value sexual security in a wife rather than her financial security.
Women could exclude divorce men or men who have a haram sexual past but they generally dont care. Many professional sisters will marry nonmuslim men with professional jobs and happily exclude working class muslim men. Double standards are inevitable. Both men and women cause our own double standards.
Those are really good points mashaallah I didn't think about that. Do you have any solutions?
The niqabi sister and brother Gabriel made really good points! May Allah help this ummah's men and women be better in themselves, their deen and towards each other.
Haloo really is a gem Allahumma barik, bringing the laughs, representing the young muslim average joe's, catering advice for the youth knowing that they make up majority of social media consumption. Brother Gabriel closing statement was just mind blowing, Allahumma barik. May Allah reward them all with steadfastness and put barakah in everything they do.
You're bring very nice to brother Haloo👀
As a young man, I am learning a lot from this. From our perspectives as men and our sisters perspective
dude - why are your top scholars and missionaries admitting to different and corrupted qurans ua-cam.com/video/mkTv2XXFvT0/v-deo.html
I got married with the right intentions and my husband at the time lied about so many things, had a bad temper and was physically and mentally abusive. I left him after almost a year and a half. When I tried to find someone to get married to, every single south asian men apart of one had an issue with the fact I was divorced. They have made it so hard for us asian divorced sisters. I will never put myself through that again. I hope I do not offend any one just speaking from my experience.
Brothers from other ethnic backgrounds will give you a chance. Asians are a tough crowd even if you’ve never been married.
I wish u the best, may Allah give u a better husband
The problem is you sister I'm sorry to say it. You are the one being too picky asian community are only a small part of the wider Muslim population, why are you not giving a chance to those other good men?
I laughed at how he said there was 7 mins left at 59:39 and the show actually ends 20+ mins later lol 😂.. beautiful episode I learned alot as a recent divorcee thank you for the information.. and the sister is right no matter how much financially independent the sister is no sane woman wants to break their family home😢😢
Shut up women ☕deserve less prohphet Mushammad (saw )highly courage virgin girl plaese stop crying and die single alone 😂😂😂😂😂😂
But for the majority this is a FACT.
Alhamdulilah that I am a Somali woman, and our men are not insecure about marrying a divorced woman. My mother was a divorced woman with 2 boys when she married my father who never been married before, and she gave him 11 kids and he was the love of her life. He’s been dead for 25 yrs and she’s been loyal to him, always remembering and doing sadaqa for him. Why are these South Asian men insecure about marrying a divorced woman when the Prophet PBOH encouraged to marry a divorce, and widow women? Their reasons don’t even make sense. An Indian man asked me for marriage but the more I learn about their culture the more I want to say no and marry a Somali brother.
It's the culture, rooting from Hinduism teachings etc.. Muslims haven't let go of it fully till date. Like example, the serial order of children getting married, the younger one can't get married before the older one 🙄😕, staying with in-laws and serving the entire family, getting up early and sleeping late, coming out in front of husbands brothers and engaging with them, serving them as well, openly free mixing and the list goes on
Mashallah Somali culture side by side Islam way
Wait, Prophet SAW encouraged, marry virgin too. And, in one hadith, Prophet pbuh explicitly said to sahaba, why didn't he marry a virgin? What you are doing is shaming Islamic Rights of Man. Why you are so ignorant about Islam. Read some books. And, South Asian man practicing their halal rights. You are saying, south Asian man are insecure! But, south Asian man didn't said, You are u$#%! or, South Asian man never said ........ Wallahi, I can say, more hurtful things. But, for the sake of Allah. I'm restraining myself. Don't shame Islamic rights of man otherwise i'm gonna smoke you real bad.
The reason Somali community is more open to marrying divorcees is because they are more open to polygamy. You will see this in any country that is open to polygamy including: Saudi, Sudan, Mali etc. However, countries where polygamy is not common, divorcees are less likely to get married such as: Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Afghanistan etc.
@@NisasHenna There are even some Desi guys whose mothers/sisters will reject a girl because she is a few months older than the guy....or a year or two older than the guy......that she's not several years younger than him. We, as a society, do have a lot of hangups that other cultures do not have.
I have been watching all full episodes so far..MashaAllah I am benefiting from these. May Allah reward you all .amin
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
I am not saying don’t watch them but instead if you want answers to questions go and watch videos of actual scholars and student of knowledge.
@@muhammadomar1319 which scholars are you talking about?
The stigma on polygyny has created the stigma in divorce. If men believe they have more options in the future, they wouldn’t mind marrying a divorcee.
The issue is that most women not willing to be second or third wife’s nowadays
Most men don't mind marrying a divorcee as second, third wife. The problem is that women are so much against polygyny and making it difficult for men to remarry, that they feel they only have one shot, and therefore wanting to get the very best (beautiful, young, virgin etc). And this is perfectly understandable and reasonable.
The irony is that the very same women who are againt polygyny, are the ones complaining when they themselves become divorced and finding it difficult to remarry. That's when they say "Where are the brothers who want to practice the sunnah of polygyny??" Sisters are shooting themselves in the foot by saying no to polygyny. But when things get tough, that's when they realise they have to swallow their pride.
@@uok6216 what is required to have that setup is not expensive. Women are making it expensive because their mind have been altered by materialistic things and believing that having things is required to make it work. No !
Go and look at the conditions and see if it’s men or women that are rooted in reality. Western way has gotten through our ummah and we are trying to apply our Deen jointly with the western way of living ne think that’s it’s the best thing to do.
@@uok6216 People have preferences. Some like to eat spaghetti, others like biryani. Everyone decides for themselves what they want and don't want. Sisters who are having a hard time getting remarried must find other halal solutions. Polygyny is a big solution for those who care about chastity. Or stay single (if you can stay away from haram). It's that simple. Cannot blame men for wanting virgins. Just like women want successful alpha males. It's all in our biology and fitrah. Don't make it out to be something strange.
A divorcee woman shouldn’t be a second option though
The stigma on polygyny brings about the stigma on divorcees. Because if a man feels he can only marry one woman, he would try his best to get the best possible deal, but when a man knows he can marry again without stigma, men would have no problem marrying divorced women. It happens a lot in my country, especially in my community
What you said actually makes a lot of sense
I agree
So to solve the stigma, let men just emotionally destroy their wives.. Reasonable.
How come this stigma is only in Arabic and Muslim counties?
Nak
💯💯
Why is a woman who’s been married before not the ‘best possible deal’?
I am a single person, searching for a good moderate muslim since 10+ years..please pray for me to Allah that i get married very soon as iam a true muslimah and need protection of a husband.
Does anyone know anyone sincere and a convert or a moderate muslim looking to get married? I am single, 5.7 tall, speak 6 languages and belong to a turkish/ pakistani background. I just have 1 son and he is starting college. I was very young when got married and widowed within 5 years.
am from uk Pakistani half Persian
I once knew this American woman who became Muslim and had a daughter with a man. We talked about marriage for the normal reasons people want to get married and I also wanted her to leave her previous life behind her. I wanted her to come and live with me (at the time I lived in Saudi Arabia). She couldn’t do it because her ex wouldn’t accept that, which is a totally valid point. I ask Allah that she found a way to keep her faith.
Jazak Allahu Khayran, I really found this discussion helpful in answering some of the questions we hear around us in society. A thing that needs to be talked about more is what are the rights of men and women in marriage and issues that most commonly occur.
@@MilitantAntiAtheism lmao buddy get your head checked
Gabriel made an intriguing point near towards the end. I never thought it like that May Allah bless ur Ilm further 🙏🙏
Asalam alaykum, Br. Ali. I'd advise you to invite a Shaykh or a Taalib-e-'ilm to the Bitter Truth Show. They can easily clarify any issues raised on the show. This will spare us all from watching videos on UA-cam regarding questions raised on the show.
No respectable sheikh would show up to something like this.
Brother Gabriel studied in Islam in a few countries, so there's no need to do that.
We also need to have real discussions that some sheikhs might be unaware of especially if they do not live in the west . Otherwise the sheikhs would have covered these issues on their talks. We need sheikhs we can relate to and who’ll understand the issues in the west.
@@Zazezoo I think Shaykhs and Talib-e-Ilm who do not live in the West should primarily focus on issues pertaining to their country. They should also be aware of what's happening in the West because Liberalism has also spread and is currently spreading in Muslim countries. But their primary concerns should be based on issues that are affecting their country e.g. Bidah, sectarianism, etc....
Great advice for my married brother and sister that find it difficult is to look inward in what is lacking in your deen. No matter what your problem is only ALLAH can solve it.. Put the time and effort in your deen Make sure to remove any sin that can be the root of all your problem. Do you read Quran do you pray on time Sunna, nawafel ..Do you do night prayer.. Make sure to read Baqarah in the house. May Allah protect the marriage Muslim umma.
The fact that this only has 5 likes is indicative of the true issue.
No one seems to believe anymore that Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change the condition of what's within their hearts.
If you had posted "I was the best spouse ever and I had to divorce my spouse because they did this and that" then you would have gotten many more likes.
Everyone kept comparing situation to the time of prophet and sahabas but no one mentioned the fact that in those days, having multiple wives were common so a guy can marry a virgin AND a divorcee. Marriages were easy back then now very difficult
They could marry cause they can afford multiple wives,, and crime and gangs did not effect kids like today,,,
Right. They always conveniently avoid the Sunnah about having multiple wives. That was mainly the reason why it was easy for divorcees to remarry.
Wallah I was thinking that this show was a waste of time but wallah it’s helped me. My idea of a righteous woman was a woman wearing the hijab and the face covering who was a virgin. Wallah I realized what marriage is a dying practice because people have these assumptions. Ali and the people on the panel may Allah bless you as I learn and grow from these real conversations.
This episode: Men are too insecure to accept a divorcee
Last episode: Women are too insecure to accept sharing husband with more wives
We are not perfect. We just have to try our best to understand each other better and avoid hurting each other in this world
These two things have nothing in common what are you talking about , muslim men naturally want the virgin women who's only been with them , on the other hand , blatantly refusing the idea of a husband having multiple wives can get you to jahanam as you are hating one of Allah's rules and rights he allowed for the husband , who are you to give an opinion on what allah says ????
Red chocolate - you really think what you said is logical? Lmao
Why would men follow the sunnah if women are following their god given right not to be in a polygamous marriage if they don’t want to
So you think to safe the marriage you need to enter a new one? That's very selfish..
@White clover with my outmost respect did you actually read my comment or just started hate typing, who said a women can't get jealous, matter of fact I didn't even give a hint of that in my comment, I said that blatantly REFUSING THE LAW FOR A HUSBAND TO HAVE MUTIPLE WOMEN is a great sin and may send you to straight to jahanam as you are hating a rule of Allah's rules and you can look it up, please brother read what I said properly(and I never seen anyone say marrying a divorcee is sunna if you have a hadith or surra then tell me which one are they if not then dont assume things )
Sister at the end was right when she said our fathers and grandfathers stayed and fought for there marriages and don’t leave men have changed she got it 💯
our fathers and grandfathers were plow horses who didn't know any better and thought setting themselves on fire will make the relationship continue lol
Yes we must speak against this divorce issue in our societies especially south Asian society. But remember one thing that marriage is not a game that you divorce again and again
You are right. It's a problem in our society. This show always speaks bad about subcontinent culture but our culture is very good. Both Islamically and religously.Alhumdulliah.
@@hassanalinoo I'm glad Gabriel fought back against them about the positives of the asian culture. I only see asian girls with daddy issues who complain about the asian culture
@Sakaysar she speak the truth opening your eyes and understand u
@@SamirSiraj8542 you sound like a woman. Your culture is very oppressive, especially towards divorcees …
@@hassanalinoo Exactly! There is only one desi on this panel, and she’s a divorcee, like the other two sisters on the panel. She will obviously, have a bias, when she speaks, as she has had a negative and bad experience. Looking at the African community, when it comes to marriage, is definitely NOT the way to go. Somali communities, get married and divorced like it’s fashion. Look at the African American community, no father figures and single mums, hanging around bums. Having standards is a good thing. African men in general, take what they can get. Beggars can’t be choosers. When you see which race, has the least standards, when it comes to marriage and partners, it’s the African community. Sorry, but it’s true.
We really need to learn to not interrupt each other, and listen to each other😂 I feel this talks are very important and we can learn a lot but we need to learn to stop feeling that we are being attacked if someone sees things differently than us.
Ima be real I’ve never been fond of getting married but these bitter truth shows make me physically sick to think about it. I did not know it was this complicated
May Allah make it easy for you my brother. Yes it's difficult, but if you find the right one it will make your life better.
It's not, culture and stupidity makes it complicated
Yep absolutely disgusting it’s because people dont wanna follow islam. They only want to follow culture. Focus on the now and who the person is and dont worry about the past its dead.
bro young men are already struggling with non divorce women how on earth we will handle the divorce one in this generation crazy walahi
what’s there to handle? A marriage didn’t work out. It’s simple. There are many other issues in life aside from divorce even for unmarried virgins
@@clementeenthere is problems we as men know you women have no right to say in that so keep quiet maybe??
@@redpanther9380A real man doesn’t shut a woman up. I am free to say what I want. Very rude.
Divorce is the last resort when all other options have failed. Subhan'Allah we can't paint every relationship with the same brush. Some people go through horrific situations where divorce is in fact the healthier thing to do. Having said that... in the 21st Century divorce seems to often be the FIRST resort.... This is a worry, no doubt.
On the issue of marrying a divorcée? There are many opinions on this topic but it all comes down to this... marry wisely; be it a divorced person or a person who was never married; be it someone with a past or not.... what matters is trusting Allah Subhanuhu wa'ta'ala to guide us in EVERYTHING.
and yes i agree with Allah guiding us in this matter. Im thankfull for Allah to have guided me away from divorcees almost got trapped 3 times subhanAllah i got saved
It’s a choice each to their own we’re all on our own journey May Allah make it easy for my brothers and sisters we need to unite these testing times.
I'm a divorced man, I asked for the divorce and I'm happily divorced. Because I am happily divorced I won't shame someone else for it. It makes no sense, and she should be ashamed of it. Only allah swt can judge, it is not up to us to judge or have a small mindset, but if you judge someone based on that, then it tells me more about you than me
Thank you my brother, these modern men are sickening.
Why Muslim men can’t stop with the red pill nonsense and take inspiration from the Prophet Mouhammed PBUH and his companions😔
@@KaTya24434 Sister refrain from generalizations because you sound just like them. This redpill crap is popular with the Under 30, unexperienced, never left their mom's basement crowd. Just stay away from them.
@@ibizawavey8630 you are right.
I don’t have to say muslim men in general.
Just some modern men with the red pill toxic mindset piss me off with their non sense.
I apology for my generalization and thank you to correct my statement 🙏🏾
@@SamirSiraj8542 it’s sunnah as well monogamius.
Let me remind you his Life with Khadija.
Polygamous as well as monogamous are sunnah.
Also about Polygamous, if men are ready to fully respect the verse 3 of surah 4, no issue for me 😄
@@SamirSiraj8542 and also my brother, life is not a competition and your gender war is tiring and painful
Listen to this men and learn ladies : do not marry your daughters to divorced men .
This podcast has me cracking up 😂 Ali dawah and the brother in the red are hilarious 😂😂😂😭😂😂
Divorce is a joke in western society. Societal Stigma Is required in order to emphasise something is not good i.e divorce even if permissible.
You are right. This show always speaks bad about subcontinent culture but our culture is very good. Both Islamically and religously.Alhumdulliah.
Just a thought, there are many many aspects missing from this discussion. One main one was compassion and tawakul. You do your best and whatever happens after that is written in fate. Noone goes willingly in marriage hoping it will end. That being said, a further few issues need to be raised:
1) narcissistic abuse in a marriage, unlike domestic abuse (from either men or women), is a totally different ball game here because this type of abuse is pure torture and the perpetrator is very convincing to others so its not as easy as vetting someone for marriage its more complex than that. It's hardly mentioned, hidden or brushed aside when looking at proposals and its a big issue. Something to highlight. Divorce let alone marriage is complete torture for the victim as there is manipulation from families involved aswell. And yes, sadly the blame shifts entirely on side because the perpetrator has "set up" the smear campaigns long before.
2) The discussion would have been useful to highlight the differences in sharia courts in the US, UK and elsewhere etc. Being heard as a woman is an entirely different kettle of fish. If a women has been taught to stay silent and bear with it and that whatever stays in the home, stays in the home then here people are automatically could cast blame on her because she wouldn't speak up when it's a matter about honoring family. Respectful men may have a similar issue too. Divorce courts and BME-run domestic violence agencies come with their own judgements and preconceptions that they put on the both men and women and miss upholding their honor during the process.
3) having valid reasoning for divorce. Understanding the 3 talaqs at once from the men, is a practice that needs to be analysed and addressed etc. The process is easier for a man to divorce and harder for a woman. Or even mentioning about high and low mahrs etc DIVORCE IN ISLAM IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PROCESS TO THE WESTERN PROCESS. So the stats of western society are meaningless to begin with. Process for khula is not lightly and is very lengthy. Some sisters are abused within the system or abuse the system.
4) a big issue that was missed is sometimes neither even the man or woman are to blame, people do separate amicably with NO hatred as they may not be compatible
5) divorced women can also be preyed upon, especially when she has been taken out of the marital home. Many men treat these woman as garbage astagfirullah. This was not mentioned either. Why is protection of sisters not being addressed in this episode? What if their own sisters and mothers got divorced, what would these men do? Re-marrying could be a safer option. How do we formulate co-existence and strengthen tribes amongst Muslim communities in this day and age if we leave many people unmarried? Isn't it fard kifayah? The prophet saw and sahabah did not marry for themselves, they married to STRENGTHEN tribes, bonds between Muslims and multiply Muslims. If we all married from desire and for self gaining reasons. We are doomed as an Ummah and we will then be looked at as an uncivilised community whose men marry based on their fitrah and whose women continue to struggle battling accusations even if they are pure.
I think mohammed hijab would have been key to this discussion- he would have brought more depth to the conversations MashAllah
Assalamualikum sister, I'm a covert Narcissistic abuse survivor. I've escaped an abusive marriage and life after divorce should have had been easy but unfortunately the suffering continues with people having a wrong mindset and not being able to explain people what really happens when you're stuck with a person like that. I agree with all that you said
@@adilabaig1368 Wasalam, Sorry to hear of your experience. Know this though- forgive yourself, people think they know what its like but noone truly knows what marriage is really like until you go into it and even then it is a gamble- life is just that strange. These moments or trials are prescribed to us as a way of re-connecting with Allah, please bear that in mind. Allah did not forsake you and will not forsake you. Also appreciate the fact that what is done is done- one day- I promise you, you will not even care what people say or think anymore. You can and will start afresh and soon (not straight away) but soon you will look back and see it as a phase and nothing more. Sending duas your way
Asalamu alaykum sister Shamila! Jazzakallah khayr for bringing these points. I agree with you and I would love to have more in-depth discussions on the points you mentioned with people who explain it in detail form the religious practice & law. (Mohammed hijab is a great example & I’ve seen brother Gabriel on another podcast and he’s also very knowledgeable) We have so many people who follow rules they believe is from the deen but in fact it’s culture and if and when it’s brought up many get shunned. I hope brother Ali sees your reply and looks into these points. And as for Adila inshallah Allah heals you and gives you someone 100x better in this life and the next (Ameen) Asalamu alaykum ☺️
People don't want someones emotional baggage
I don’t care I will marry any Good woman and religious
Whether be divorced or widowed that’s all
I can see the African map, this is an Asian issue I suppose. Perhaps Africans need to start marrying divorced Asian women and teach their men how to be men!
@@Zazezoo
Stop making ridiculous statements and trying to create division amongst the Muslims.
You don’t even know why this so called issue even exists in the first place.
@@Zazezoo audhubillahi mina shaitan rajeem
What about if she has kids from the previous marriage would you be OK with it.
The reason Somali community is more open to marrying divorcees is because they are more open to polygamy. You will see this in any country that is open to polygamy including: Saudi, Sudan, Mali etc. However countries where polygamy is not common, divorcess are less likely to get married such as: Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Afghanistan etc.
Edit: there are two main reasons for the correlation between acceptance of divorcees and the acceptance of polygamy. Firstly, both are considered sunnah. Secondly acceptance of polygamy reduces pressure on brides to be perfect. So when a guy knows he can marry another he is not that annoyed that his bride has an ex husband.
Agreed, that's the same case in Indonesia as well. Divorcees are usually the 2nd - 4th wives so that they're supported by men who can afford them.
Men who only want or can afford 1 wife tend to avoid divorcees because of the fear of not knowing a divorcees past as they could be the reason of divorce and not their ex so history may repeat by itself.
Same in SeneGambian
You are trying to say that polygamy is all that a divorced woman can get. But it is not true. When marrying, there are more to consider than previous marriage. It depends on looks, age, status, money character and connections.
@@BlackSeedOil20 yes there are other things to consider, but past is probably the biggest factor. Also why are you talking about polygamy as a second class marriage? Done right in the halal way, it is the best kind of marriage. This is why it is the standard in Paradise. It means less pressure on the wife to be perfect which is why divorcees easily get married in polygamous societies.
@@SandiegoRockstar It is second class marriage for sure. But focus on yourself and do your polygamy if that's what you want.
Whenever the guy in red jacket is on the show, the show will never boring 😂😂😂
Not saying it's boring without him
My sister divorced a good man as he wouldn't stop frequenting his mother! 1 little thing, divorce!
As a Somali man in the USA, I have to tell you that divorce is frowned upon in our community. In the west, where social services are more common, divorces are also common. I am a single guy. My parents would highly discourage me from marrying a divorced lady. I’ve seen my family elders discourage divorce in couples that are having martial problems. It is highly discouraged for women because their marriage prospects decreases, especially if they have kids. Most single men in our community and even divorced men prefer women who have not been married. Back home in Somalia, divorced women would have a harder time fending for themselves. We may not see divorces as taboos like Indian culture but we do not encourage it.
In somali culture we married divorcee bcz we believe divorce came in so many different ways it's not always women's fault but it's always almost the lack of responsibility of men
this is the closest you can get to marriage documentary.
I’m from southern Kurdistan so I can talk about the cultural aspect of it and yes divorces are frowned upon but maybe not as much as the desi’s which they made it seem super frowned upon
And my personal opinion I don’t think it’s a bad thing because some people want to get divorced for no reason or for the simplest things
I am desi. I believe it's very difficult for us because a divorced wife shared intimate moments with someone before. She had that experience with someone else. And some thoughts will always stay with her. Just that makes it almost impossible for us to marry a divorcee.
@@jandesbouvries9057 In the Desi community, a divorced woman is shunned no matter the reason. Many will never mention it. Their children suffer because they will be shunned for marriage. No one wants to be married into a divorced family. When speaking about a divorced woman, people will whisper it.
Families will ban divorce outright no matter the difficulty. A woman can experience the worst oppression and be beaten from left to right and her parents will never allow her to divorce.
I has very little to do past relationships and all to do with the belief in Desi cultures that a daughter in law belongs to the husband's family and if she asks for divorce, she is a deep traitor who has betrayed and shamed the family. Having a divorced child can ruin marriage prospects for all other kids as someone will see something wrong with that family. Many fathers outright will tell their daughters not to come home.
This isn't true for every individual, but it is true for the culture as a whole. Even those who have some knowledge will just mind their business when seeing that.
@@cyberspace7208 wauw seems like a difficult culture for womens :(
@Karima Belhajla Yes, but depends on the family.
@@jandesbouvries9057This is insecurity. Your culture and attitude stems from your culture has nothing to do with Islam. Our prophet pbuh married divorced women.
It has less to do with blaming ppl for their trauma and more to do with not being confident that the relationship can work with that trauma being factored in.
its usually the people with trauma blaming the innocent person they with...
The most important point is what the French Niqabi sister said towards the end of the show. We don't heal. There deep psychological reasons why men prefer virgins, even if they cannot articulate them.
the trauma is something you deal with on your own not in a relationship with others. nobody is interested in your baggage or the many moving parts of a highly volatile relationship
@@cooljool1
There are no humans on earth who come with no baggage. As long as you interact with other humans you will be dealing with the good and the bad of those humans.
My only point was that it can't be reduced to just blaming ppl for their trauma. A person may simply know themselves well enough to know that they aren't equipped to handle certain things.
Ideally ppl would discuss their trauma before getting married, but we don't live in a perfect world. Not everyone is even aware of their own baggage. Believe it or not, some ppl really do believe that their sh doesn't stank.
@@BruvahSulaiman plenty of humans don't come with baggage from previous relationships. its not that hard
as I mentioned, their trauma is their problem. we can't help them with that. they must get all the help they need and eventually face their triggers and overcome them. only then we can enter their world
I'm just 10 mins in, but i can say this episode is much more organized, Ali please keep the number of panelist at 6 ( 3 brothers & 3 sisters) as opposed the 8 we're used to, this keeps the conversation more engaging, less talking over each other, more organized and less chaotic
The reason divorced women are frowned upon is because of the virginity aspect. They’re no longer virgins and for an ideal Muslim woman, who ideally would not have dated prior to marriage, she should’ve been a virgin before her first marriage. Once divorced, her virginity is done with. So that is a taint in her qualities. We men don’t like the thought of our wives being with another man. It’s deeply disturbing to us and our nature does not allow us to easily accept it. It has NOTHING to do with insecurities.
For a man, it is different because men who are divorced are more sexually experienced so it can play in their favor. Their virginity isn’t as big of a deal. This also has to do with how Allah SWT created men and the reason why we are allowed up to four wives.
In the West, divorce is less frowned upon because dating culture is rampant here, so people are desensitized to sexual immoralities. Whereas in the Eastern countries, dating culture is not as widely accepted.
@@FaFa2221 that’s not a solution. Returning to Islam and building taqwa is the answer. As the niqabi sister mentioned, the problem with divorce rising among Muslims is almost always due to a lack of taqwa.
@@SamirSiraj8542 exactly
@@FaFa2221 yes, she can work. BUT to start a marriage off with the plan for getting a divorce will only lead you into that direction! Rather, you should fear Allah SWT and be an obedient, loving, caring, and supportive wife. If you first choose a spouse who has taqwa, then why would you ever plan to get a divorce?? This mentality is the core of the problem! Because it gives an avenue for the woman to be disobedient and have in the back of her mind the option of divorce! Is this what Islam teaches us? I don’t think so!!! This is satanic and from modern feminism! It’s a cancer for the ummah! A’udhubillah!!! May Allah SWT save you and our sisters from this evil disease! Ameen!
Most men don't mind marrying a divorcee as second, third wife. The problem is that women are so much against polygyny and making it difficult for men to remarry, that they feel they only have one shot, and therefore wanting to get the very best (beautiful, young, virgin etc). And this is perfectly understandable and reasonable.
The irony is that the very same women who are againt polygyny, are the ones complaining when they themselves become divorced and finding it difficult to remarry. That's when they say "Where are the brothers who want to practice the sunnah of polygyny??" Sisters are shooting themselves in the foot by saying no to polygyny. But when things get tough, that's when they realise they have to swallow their pride.
Exactly- you’re allowed to have 4 so they don’t all necessarily have to be virgins. Allah knew there’ll be widows and divorcees who need to be taken care of. It’s WISDOM behind the allowance of 4 for those who understand.
No one is obligated to marry who they don't want to. Why are men being shamed and trip-guilt into doing something they don't want to do...
@@noticing33 Yet they can't handle accountability...
yeah so if ur first wife doesnt want to be forced into a polygamous marriage tell her beforehand too. I know men can marry without their PERMISSION, but dont betray her and inform her, make it clear beforehand you are polygamous and don't force someone into a polygamous marriage who does not want that for themselves. yall never talk about that
The Asian community frown on divorce and they have less divorces. The Somali community don’t but they have a huge divorce problem to the point my entire neighborhood apart from my parents are divorced
I don't understand, why no one mentions the whole thing just like you did! 🙄🙄
@@newsamplifier Yes we Somali men have no problem marrying divorced women also taking in their kids but also our women have no problem with us marrying more than 1 wife. Have no problem marrying at a young age and becoming a housewife/traditional wife. We don’t take part of the sunnah and ignore the rest we take the whole thing.
Where I live there seems to be no issue with divorced Muslimahs. I haven’t noticed any stigma and I’ve had no problem finding a good man to marry. It’s really just this online space where I hear about these issues. Maybe it’s worse over the pond. British Muslims seem to have a ton of struggles going on.
Nothing wrong with Muslim men not wanting to marry a divorced woman. Also, the "stigma" about divorced women stems from studies.
You said 'struggles' but really, I read ”issues”. 😅 A culture of pettiness and unnecessary prejudice.
@@sayeeed1303 Studies are fine but each person is an individual and Islamically this is the only right way to view our fellow brothers and sisters. So if the general studies don’t apply to her, there should be no problem. Hence the studies are good to know, good to be aware of, good for careful consideration, but they should not be used to generate a broad stigma. To do that is to wrong too many innocent Muslims and is highly toxic for cultures in which it’s done.
@@BlueBlue23 That’s how it sounds but I’ll just word it as “struggles” and leave it at that lol.
@@Marwadear512 studies on single mothers as well as anecdotal experience of many men are in harmony. Conclusion:- a lot of trauma and emotional baggage.
What brother gabriel was talking about at 25:11 to do with insecurities is called retroactive jealousy where a person basically has obsessive thoughts about their partners history and has certain triggers which cause them to obsess over it, for example, constantly asking their partner questions about their past, and it usually comes from a place of insecurity and a persons upbringing rather than judgement. even if it is a man’s nature to be naturally jealous , women can also suffer from this.
Continue with these type of videos they’re very educational and this Umah really needs it!! ❤❤
Great podcast and discussion as always! A slight technical point I'd like to make is to increase the volume of the mics for people who speak with a low volume. Gabriel speaks with a very relaxed low volume cadence and I have to increase my volume to hear him sometimes and then immediately lower it because Ali starts speaking haha. So please in the post production process try to even out the volume of everyone.
Just like a sister can have a preference in a brother’s height, a brother’s wealth, a brother’s race, etc., a man can prefer if he wants a divorcee or not. Stop trying to label Muslim men as something evil for not wanting to marry a divorcee. If you want to remarry after being divorced, be comfortable with the idea that the man you’re looking for may accept you as a second wife to his younger preciously unmarried wife.
The Brothers and a few points the Niqabi sister said were good points here, but the niqabi sister also brought up high subjective and personal emotional points that only apply to her or her culture.
The other two hijabi sisters were, especially the one with the brown hijab were very self centered.
Lol they'll never accept it. They want it all. Let them cope, otherwise, they'll shame you by saying because Muhammed PBUH did it, you should too.
Been trying to comment on your Jeffery marsh video... Cannot seem to comment... Maybe youtube have shut down the comments on that vid. I STAND WITH YOU AGAINST THESE CHILD PREDATORS. no matter what my background, beliefs etc etc
Demanding a man to marry a divorcee is like demanding a woman to marry a poor guy. I sincerely hope these women(and like-minded women) who're advocates of men marrying divorcees/widows should also push women to marry poor guys.
P.S: There's nothing wrong with marrying a divorcee. It's just that men naturally prefer women who're not divorcees(Young, Virgin etc.), just like women naturally prefer men with strong financial status.
@@FaFa2221 speak for yourself! You mean No man from your culture or family, because in my family men marry older women and divorcees
You do realise that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ married divorced/widowed women, right?
What about the Prophet Mouhammed PBUH then?
You modern men are better than him and his companions?
Really?
Shame on you!!!!
@@KaTya24434 Your reading comprehension skills are lower than a kindergarden child.
But being poor is apart of your rizq. Yet women frown upon it and they don't care about us men.
Yet when we don't want to marry a divorcee. they tell us that we need to change our minds.
ooh please. they are so selfish and it's mindboggling that guys cater towards their way of thinking
The guy in the middle didn’t bring no value in the discussion, was giving modeen antics
totally waste of time
The stigma of even a good divorced men or women never goes even if they were completely innocent
@@mishmash7776 for some cultures countries its no doubt less harsh then others but stigma is something that exist in every countries and cultures and some have it worse in one area then others but if we are talking about the Asian and African world Muslim then yes this stigma is worse then other countries in this field of divorce however you will find people from those parts of the world mentioned who will not view a divorced men or women in this complete negative light
@@mishmash7776 You're a good Muslim.
I don't have any stigma against divorced people at all. I would of course ask them why they got divorced though.
Not in the prophets time
Thank you brother Ali! We need more ppl like you in this world to help the ppl who have been misguided by the Shaytaan.
@@ahchappar I don't think you realise the gravity of calling someone a Shaitan. Fear Allah.
@@ahchappar have you ever read the Quran before? do you know what Islam is even about? Ur comment proves how ignorant and misguided you truly are.
I appreciate the sisters' words at the end. Gave the hope and inspiration from an Islamic and psychologically healthy point of view which is truly the way forward, a stark contrast to the superficial way the brothers viewed the issue.
lol, hey were being optimistic. he sister is delusional
The guy is being attacked for saying he wont marry a divorcee....And calling it insecurity.
He can choose what ever he wants!
This shouldn’t even be an issue , seriously . Plenty of men and women out there . A man who hasn’t been married has every right to experience marriage with a woman who also hasn’t been married . Divorcees can marry each other and men who have no issue with it can also marry divorcee sisters , there’s plenty of men that don’t mind even women with kids . It all comes down to preference at the end of the day and staying away from the haram. Have a blessed day everyone , love for the love ❤
Bottom line…a virgin boy or girl have every right to want the same of their partners for their first marriage. I didn’t want a non virgin when I got married as a female and I felt very strongly about it. I always jokingly said that I have man level jealousy lol. I’m an idealist and wanted my husband and I to be each others one and only and I wanted the full package. This preference is my right and every young person who’s kept themselves chaste has the right to request this in their partner. Yeah maybe more men care than women but it remains a right.
But if you’re divorced or slept around then that is when I don’t feel like you’re entitled to a virgin. You can have a preference but you don’t have a strong leg to stand on. If you happen to find someone who’s ok with it then just be thankful. Similarly you will find virgin men ok with marrying divorcee’s too. Nothing wrong with any of that but don’t shame people for their preferences if they’re being fair.
I wonder if you would've made a difference decision had the divorced man been a millionaire.
Anyway, I think you're missing the point here, I'm afraid many muslims have become too materialistic and selfish, their objective is their own bodily pleasure, what differentiates us from other people is that we're supposed to care about the afterlife more than this dunya, marrying a virgin will not save you from the hell fire but marrying a divorced woman for the sake of Allah to protect her and take care of her is rewarded, the prophet Muhammad PBUH praised those who take care of orphans and widows and divorcees and said they will be sitting next to him in the jannah.
@@primeminister1040 I had a millionaire ask for my hand and many others that were rich and I refused. (have no idea If he was a virgin or not but he was young lol) I come from a rich family and married into a much poorer one so money doesn’t actually matter to me. This isn’t about materialism, I already mentioned I’m a bit of a romantic idealist and wanted someone who’s never loved anyone else in any way before me. This is a personal preference and every person has different priorities when it comes to choosing a spouse. Mine was Akhlaq, compatibility, attraction and to follow the 5 pillars. And alhamdulillah it’s worked out for me as we’ve been together for 18yrs and I’m still crazy about him so I’d say I made the right choice for myself.
I do agree with everything else you’ve said. I’m just stating that it’s ok for people to have some preferences as we know ourselves and what we need best.
@@primeminister1040 I think women won’t give care if the man is a divorcee if he was fit, attractive, a millionaire, respected and ideal. But would that make her a gold digger? I don’t think so…
No brother, men don't hate divorced or widowed women.
Brother, the mentality of men has been shaped by society in such way.
If some person says that they had fun with some divorced or widowed woman, no problem with that, but if someone says that he is going to marry a divorced or widowed that seems to be a problem to society.
Brother, men just fall for women no matter divorced or widowed or unmarried but the people around wouldn't let a man marry widowed or a divorced women.
And also when someone marries a widowed or divorced woman, the woman is very cautious that her husband is never displeased by her, coz she knows that she got a second chance
Men want fresh meat. That's the problem. For them, a divorcee or a widowed woman is used and second hand, so she has less value, and he doesn't want to spend or take responsibility for a used commodity. This is the actual problem.
@@floki5182 bro as myself a male, I can say that men just fall for any woman.
And also you would agree to the fact that there are lot of men who just want to do good things like this marry a widow or divorced or in India there is a practice of dowry and even Muslims are involved in this. But if some person says no to the dowry , all the relatives get mad at you. And at last that guy ends up in taking the dowry no matter he is rich or poor.
So we can understand that there are people out there who want to do good but are suppressed by the society.
So its not the mans fault, its someone elses fault? You passing the blame to someone else? Brother people already do that, and that is a part of the problem. These brothers should take initiative if they are truly wanting to marry the widow or divorcee.
@@kordei-7839DONT FEED YOUR SOULS NEGATIVE ENERGY , DONT FEED YOUR SOULS NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, SATAN WANTS TO FEED YOU WITH NEGAVTIVE ENERGY , ALLAH SAID IN THE QURAN THAT SATAN WHISPERS TO YOU EVIL THOUGHTS , DONT LET HIM FEED YOU THAT THOUGHTS , AND BATTLE HIM WITH PRAYER AND BY FOLLOWING THE QURAN
I don’t know why you have that clown in the red even wasting his breath 😂 that boy has no sense
I think he had some good points Ali "Dawah" just doesn't give anyone the chance to properly explain their thoughts and rushes people into a conclusion or just straight up cuts them off mid way through. He's an annoying guy..
Surprised more people don't see it
A virgin deserves a virgin. You both discover everything for the first time together, nothing to apologise for, every day is a new adventure. As a man or woman if you're divorced you should be open to marrying another divorcee. That "new" factor is gone for you, now you're looking for long term stability.
If there wasn't a stigma on polygyny. Then men would get married to more than 1 woman. However since this stigma means we can only marry 1. You can kinda guess which one we are going to choose
Shhh. They're not ready for this conversation.
While men who are bachelors/virgins have got every right to reject a woman who is divorced - and not because they are being judgemental of women who are divorced, but because as bachelor/virgin men they simply want spinster/virgin women i.e., women of their own marital status/sexual status - there is no reason in the world why men who are also divorced (or annulled) themselves should reject a woman who is divorced or annulled.
Most men don't mind marrying a divorcee as second, third wife. The problem is that women are so much against polygyny and making it difficult for men to remarry, that they feel they only have one shot, and therefore wanting to get the very best (beautiful, young, virgin etc). And this is perfectly understandable and reasonable.
The irony is that the very same women who are againt polygyny, are the ones complaining when they themselves become divorced and finding it difficult to remarry. That's when they say "Where are the brothers who want to practice the sunnah of polygyny??" Sisters are shooting themselves in the foot by saying no to polygyny. But when things get tough, that's when they realise they have to swallow their pride.
@@moonwalkerr87 true that already married men might not mind a divorced woman as a 2nd ( or 3rd or 4th) wife. But women absolutely cannot be blamed for being against polygyny. And it has to be understood that while spinster women and married women who are the one and only wife of a monogamous married man don't want polygyny, also many widowed, divorced and annulled women don't want polygyny either. Many spinster women don't want to marry an already married man and thereby become the 2nd or 3rd or 4th wife of an already married man; and many married women who are the one and only wife of their husband and whose husbands are monogamous don't want their husband to marry other women and take 2nd, 3rd and 4th wives. But the fact of the matter is that many widowed, divorced and annulled women also don't want to marry an already married man and be the 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife of an already married man. You're right when you say that some widowed, divorced and annulled women wouldn't mind marrying an already married man and becoming either a 2nd ( or 3rd or 4th) wife of an already married man. But the reality is that not all widowed, divorced and annulled women wish to marry an already married man, and then live a polygynous marriage to a polygynous husband. Just because women are widowed, divorced or annulled that doesn't mean they want to be in a polygyny. Many widowed, divorced and annulled women want to marry a man who is single ( not single as in a bachelor, of course, but a man who is like them, widowed or divorced or annulled but SINGLE); and some widowed, divorced and annulled women would rather not marry again at all and prefer to just stay single for the rest of their lives. Some widowed women, out of loyalty to their deceased husband, don't want to ever marry again. And some divorced/annulled women also don't wish to marry again.
Yes, polygyny is a possible (and tactful ) solution for needy and desperate previously married women, i.e., women who are widowed/divorced/annulled, and are now finding it very difficult to find another husband. But in most cases polygyny cannot work out. See Quran 4:129. If a Muslim man does have multiple wives, he has to treat them all equally and deal justly with all of them and do justice between them all. Equal treatment by the polgynous husband has to be given to all 2 or 3 or 4 of his wives in term of time share, expenditure and allowances. A man also has to be FINANCIALLY CAPABLE of being married to, supporting and providing for 2 or more wives. The correct Islamic way of practising polygyny is that the wives must all be accommodated separately - i.e., each wife has to have her own individual, separate home. The multiple wives are NOT supposed to all be living together with each other in one small house or even in one big house. They are all supposed to have their own individual house. That was the way Prophet Muhammad SAWS practised polygyny after the death of the best wife, Khadijah, with whom he practised monogamy. When the Prophet practised polygyny, all his wives might have lived in the same street, but each and every single wife had her own separate house. His multiple wives didn't all live together with each other in the same house. And not to forget, that where polygyny is the Sunnah of the Prophet, monogamy is the Sunnah of the Prophet too. The Prophet's monogamous life was longer than his polygynous life. His marriage to Khadijah lasted 25 years, but he was polygynous for less than 25 years. Because he lived for less than 25 years after Khadijah's death. And the normal in Islam is monogamy, not polygyny. Islam is pro-monogamy. Islam doesn't encourage polygyny or recommend it, but only allows it under some very difficult circumstances such as creating welfare for orphans and helping out needy women like widows and divorcees, and enabling women to marry and have a husband when women greatly outnumber men for which it's not possible for every woman to have one husband each. But remember that while Islam gives a husband plenty of rights, Islam also gives a husband plenty of responsibilities and duties. And with the massive number of responsibilities and duties Islam places on a man towards his wife, just one wife is more than enough. Just one wife is a handful because fulfilling all responsibilities and duties towards just 1 wife is more than enough work for a man and makes a man's life more than stressful enough. The more wives a man has, the more responsibilities and duties he has. And for most married men, it's very difficult to get on with their father-in-law (just as for most married women it's very difficult for them to get on with their mother-in-law). But the more wives a man has, the more nagging fathers-in-law and the more nagging mothers-in-law he will have. And the more wives a woman's son has, the more daughters-in-law she will have. We always hear the claim and arguement that men are polygynous by nature and want to be with multiple women and are not content to be with just one woman. But if a man practises polygyny, alright, he might have multiple women to enjoy, but he'll also have more responsibilities, more duties and more financial burden and more stress than if he has just 1 wife. Yes polygyny could be a possible solution for widowed, divorced and annulled women. But most Muslim men who practise polygyny just aren't able to do it in the absolute, correct, proper Islamic way. Put aside men having 3 or 4 wives. Even if men practise polygyny by having just 2 wives, still, most of these polygynous men will spend about 90% of their time with one wife and only about 10% of their time with the other wife, and will fulfill the financial needs of just one of the wives but not fulfill the financial needs of the other wife. This way most Muslim men who are polygynous go about polgyny in completely the wrong way. And this is not a petty, minor matter. This is a matter of great severity because these men will get done in the akhirah. There is a hadith of Prophet Muhammad SAWS that if a man has 2 wives but does not treat them both equally, he will find half his body lost on the Day of Resurrection. So polygyny, although there are good, wise, genuine, valid, justifiable reasons why the Deen has allowed it, is a very risky thing to do and the pitfalls are great in number. So polgyny can be done by only an extremely rare few very scrupulous, very tactful men. Most Muslim men are NOT capable of practising polygyny strictly according to the rulings of Islam.
But it's not that polygyny is an absolute must so that divorced women can remarry. Yes, married men - already married men - could potentially and possibly marry divorced women to provide them with a husband (that's ONLY IF they are capable of practising polygyny in the correct Islamic way according to Islamic rulings and if their wives don't mind them practising polygyny and are okay with having co-wives). But in my previous comment the point I was making is why should a single man who is either divorced or annulled himself refuse to marry a woman who is divorced or annulled? I can understand perfectly if a bachelor (and, therefore, VIRGIN) man does not want to marry a divorced woman and also if a man who is widowed doesn't want to marry a divorced woman. But the point I made and still am making is that divorced/annulled men mustn't have any problem with marrying divorced/annulled women. Because that would be hypocrisy.
It is not hypocrisy for a divorced men to prefer a virgin woman just as it is not hypocrisy for an old man to prefer a young woman. All it is asymetrical preferrence. Is it hypocrisy for a woman to prefer a man of higher socioeconomic status even if she be of a lower one? Is it hypocrisy for a fat woman to prefer a muscular man or a fat man to prefer a slim woman?
@@Tyb-xv5fn so then, is it okay for divorced women to prefer bachelor/virgin men? Would bachelor/virgin men consent to marrying divorced (or widowed) women?
Alhamdulillah divorce can also be a blessing in disguise for some Allah knows best but Alhamdulillah 🤲
Let’s see how tiktok feminists react to this video 😂
You just started war in replied
Divorced men are damaged goods and domestic abusers
@@alifnajmi7014DONT FEED YOUR SOULS NEGATIVE ENERGY , DONT FEED YOUR SOULS NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, SATAN WANTS TO FEED YOU WITH NEGAVTIVE ENERGY , ALLAH SAID IN THE QURAN THAT SATAN WHISPERS TO YOU EVIL THOUGHTS , DONT LET HIM FEED YOU THAT THOUGHTS , AND BATTLE HIM WITH PRAYER AND BY FOLLOWING THE QURAN
What is feminist about being divorced?
What is the intention & point of this comment? 🤔
I want to share my opinion in this matter although I am not devorced.
There were many conflicts throughout the 7 years of marriage and divorce was so close many times. However, due to my job I had to continue my study abroad with my kids and without my husband due to circumstances that we couldn't control.
I found time apart helped us appreciate each other and fully understand each other more. Sometimes being separated will help you understand your wrongs and really help you to understand what you need to work on. A divorced lady certainly has gained experience through a past marriage!
It is like revizing a book you read several times before I guess.
Alhumdulilah your marriage survived. May Allah put barakat in it. I agree that separation can help in some cases. Maybe that's one of the hikmat of talaq being done in stages.
I didn't watch the video and I am not a divorcee. But I will like to say something from the perspective of my cultural background. In the Desi (South Asian: Pakistani/Indian/etc) culture, parents instill the fear of "laug kya kahein ge" (what will the people say?) from a young age....especially within their daughters. And many Desi women can relate to this and they can also relate to the understanding that divorce is seen as a huge social stigma for women in the Desi society....something that parents of the daughter are afraid of....something that you try your best to avoid because it comes with more unpleasant social consequences for the Desi woman than the man. With that said, in the Desi culture it is usually the daughters that are advised by their parents and especially their mothers to be more patient, to be silent, to serve the in-laws, to do x-y-z ....to keep their marriage and home in-tact. Yet, unfortunately, the IRONY is that society will assume that there must be something inherently wrong/bad with the divorced woman if her marriage failed. While I do understand that it takes 2 hands to clap and that it takes the mutual efforts of BOTH spouses to make a marriage work............when a Desi woman gets divorced........I cannot help but wonder, "Where did your HUSBAND fail?" And the reason I wonder this question is because, again, most Desi women are admonished from a young age to be very cautious about their reputation within society especially in regards to relationships and divorce. So, generally speaking, if the women are (generally) encouraged to do everything in their power to keep their marriage intact because they (the women) have MORE to lose......it makes me wonder WHERE the husband went wrong because RE-marriage is always going to be EASIER for him (the divorced man) than it is for the divorced woman.
I would also like to add that the ...root reason.....behind why SOME (NOT ALL...SOME) in-laws (and even the husband) take advantage of the wife/daugther-in-law and mistreat her in Desi culture is because they KNOW that the wife/daughter-in-law would be too afraid to be divorced....and therefore (they assume) she'll put up with anything and everything. This is a reality. It's not the reality of every marriage because positive exceptions DO exist. But nevertheless it's a reality.
I want to clarify that I DON'T want to turn this into a battle between the genders. But I want the Desi men out there to have some pause. Instead of rushing to assume that the divorced girl might be severely deficient in some way........PLEASE.......stop to think of your culture and how most Desi women are fearful of divorce due to the stigma and negative social consequences surrounding it...........and they generally try to do all they can to save their marriage because they are AWARE that it's harder to get remarried as a divorced woman and especially if you also have children. By keeping this thought in mind.......it might make you slow down and consider things carefully before pointing a blameworthy finger at her.....when she already gets enough of that from others.
Lastly, while I know that what I am about to say next does not apply to all Muslim men because many Muslim men DO have class and grace....but I feel it needs to be said. I have friends that are divorced and it was a painful ordeal for them because they had to endure the unpleasant reactions from their family (criticism, isolation, etc) .....but they ALSO were faced with disgusting reactions from ....MUSLIM men. One divorced friend said that she met up with a guy for marriage purposes and when she told him she was divorced, he called her 'damaged goods.' In another scenario, a MUSLIM guy was telling another divorced friend that he did not want to consider a certain girl for marriage because she "looked" like a divorced woman from her picture alone in a disgusted tone. This is not the kind of language or speech that is befitting of MUSLIM men. The men are not obligated to marry a divorced woman, but they need to adopt the same kind of respectful language that they would for other men to use for their own mothers and sisters and daughters.
Ali Dawah, these are indeed realities that take place within the Muslim world. While addressing these issues, you ALSO have to consider how a certain issue (such as divorce) is perceived within a particular culture.........because it will vary from culture to culture. Divorce is perceived and treated differently in the Asian culture than it is in the western culture, for example. Also, Ali Dawah, ...if you have not already done so........I think it would be good to do a segment which addresses the topic of LANAGUAGE. We live in times when people are cursing left, right, and center. And unfortunately there are many Muslim men out there that speak about women (their Muslim sisters) in a way that degrades them. And I really believe such a topic will be beneficial because our tongue is a weighty organ that comes with dire consequences in the dunya and hereafter if we are not careful.
Finally someone said what I wanted to say 🥲 i'm from Bangladesh it's the same here and in some cases we don't feel like human being sometimes i feel like i'm a robot or rather a toy that has to obey the husband 24/7 can't questions him or anything they don't follow quran or sunnah but to gain control they use quran an sunnah if woman obey her husband and serve him like his her master then she going to jannah that's what some husband tell their wife and daughter it's like she doesn't have a will of ger own
She's like slave to her husband and his family even maids r treated better then the wife. Some men from muslim family doesn't give any rights to the woman that islam give them not all men i haven't meet any good ones yet.
1st i want to say i'm not married...yet
But seeing the environment around me i don't wanna get married 😢 It's scary to put my life in someone else's hand
@@flyhigh8839 ^^ You're welcome. Again, my intention is not to turn this into a battle between genders. I know that my post is super looong, but if one reads it carefully....they should hopefully understand that my purpose is to encourage the men to slow down and not assume the worst about the character of a divorced woman. And my other purpose is for men to reflect upon the language they use for divorced women to their faces and behind their backs. The issue of language on the whole and especially language used by Muslim men toward and about women would be a GREAT topic for Ali Dawah to address if he is so inclined because we are facing a GLOBAL CRISIS in the quality of language we use and it does not align with the Sunnah of our Prophet SAWS.
But sadly, when I state basic truths....I have been met with rude comments from the Desi men; usually those that either did not comprehend my message due to a language barrier or they got defensive and retorted with "tl;dr"....or remarks that I am a 'beta" or 'not a G'. It's kinda cheesy. We gotta stop with the "tops and the bottoms" labels.......no need for it.......just do your best to be a Muslim in speech and action; that's it...and hopefully you'll come out on top.
wonderful analysis indeed.I'm from Bangladesh and that's the bitter reality of our society.
it happens in other cultures is sad and toxic
This is not a "desi" problem . Men all around the globe don't want to marry a divorced woman especially if she has kids, exception's are another thing.
I'm 34 Muslim man and I'm single
I watched every episode and I have to say it makes me never want to get married
so how do you deal with your desires as a man if you dont mind me asking?
me too. But, earn some good money then marry a conservative Muslim Woman from a Conservative Muslim family with a Blue bloodline.
@@newsamplifier what is a blue bloodline ?
@@Atae01 Ultra Conservative Muslim/Strict Muslim.
I divorced before after so much struggle to keep my marriage because of sihr and differences in family upbringing and making istikharah for 6 months.. I self reflect on my previous marriage and made some requirements for woman to become my wife and what i can bring to the table for her.. I ask what woman needs from me to become her husband.. After so much discussion, understanding and acceptance from both, alhamdulillah i have my new better marriage.. Your wife is your biggest investment for your life, please be careful and take your time to understand each other. Salam from malaysia.
I have known some cases where polygamy is not practiced properly, & their is also of hidden pain involved in these kinds of marriages!
Nobody tried to highlight the role of mother in laws behind men’s thoughts, in eastern cultures….
Statistics say the chances of divorce get higher when marrying a divorcee. So why on earth invest in a marriage with 60% failure rate?
Exactly couple that with the divorce rate being 50% in the west, with 70-80% of it being initiated by the female (90% if college educated)-you’re just setting yourself up for an inevitable car crash
Agreed but if it's unavoidable then at least probe into their history. Hey maybe the ex husband passed away, abusive or had affairs so she could be a good person but if they're the reason then no way.
@@yuvan6499 widows are rare, abuse are bottom of the totem poll for divorce and polygyny is halal. So everything you listed out= exception and a deed is permissible 😁
@@highlightdaily4828 polygamy is halal but affairs aren't. There's a clear difference brother. I've met many of our brothers who have affairs outside since they can't afford marrying another.
Abuse is at the bottom of the totem pool when you look at the cause of divorce across all religions and races. Among Muslims, domestic abuse is one of the highest causes of divorce before financial issues. Our sisters are not leaving marriages because they feel like leaving or because of affairs but of course there are exceptions.
@@yuvan6499 Of course i know that but females usually conflate the two and leave whenever brothers enact on their polygynous right. And that’s completely groundless domestic abuse is nt no1 reason for divorce for Muslims, provide your source if you’re truthful. It’s in females natural propensity to be ungrateful to their husbands as the beloved prophet (pbuh) said, and that’s why they divorce men. Again, all the reasons you stated are exceptions and you’re making stuff up now aswell to disparage Muslim men 🤦♂️
Will never accept polygyny but wants the brothers to accept Divorcees. Display of some high levels of double standard.
I am divorced I never consummated the marriage . As the circumstances weren’t the best or by my choice. Years later I live with the label on my forehead. Please sisters be careful and think 100 times before you act on something. Regardless of the circumstance a divorcee is a divorcee.
How in the world do you marry and not consummate? Red flag
I wish if I could have this advice or hear this debate 15 years ago I think I wouldn't be single since now but Alhamdulillah
Why are you single?
قدر الله وماشاء فعل
I liked before even watching the video. Important conversation for the umah.
Ali, Alhamdulillah for these, as a muslim, we need these, much better than watching any movie or drama series online. One request, please bring more individuals (Talking about Men) that are more knowledgeable in terms of Aqeedah. This guy talking about "I am the most handsome!" do not want to see this childish behavior on topics that are so serious today!
As a Somali man, my father has been divorced, due to death, and one other time due to disagreement. And my mother has been djvroced and there’s never an issue. However to make one thing clear, I haven’t seen anyone who is young go out and prefer a divorcee over anyone else. Rather most people get married young and don’t divorce, but if they do get divorce it is practically ignored(as in it doesn’t change how their perceived and so on).
But when we are young we generally all marry indiviuals within a few years above or below us who are likely never been married before.