As a non-binary trans person, I have a hard time existing in public anymore after putting my face out there. It feels like everyone in the grocery store is investigating me.
I guess the issue on gay dating apps is the same all around the world. It's the same on blued, the Chinese version of grindr, which really makes me wonder maybe this thing isn't normal in the first place. Back when we didn't have the concept of lgbtq, we would tend to communicate in a deeper and meaningful way in order to really know the person. But now, considering all that's been going on, the best way is to quit the dating apps and to focus on ourselves.
Are you Chinese? Never heard of blued but I've spent time learning Chinese on skype with friends. I think its the same all over the world. We are broken, have trauma and need healing. People just started having sex and dating in their 20's. I definitely feel behind in life. I started having a lot of sex and trying to "make up for lost time" and wondered if I was "normal" or addicted. Even going to gay bars doesnt do it for me. People stare at you.... theres cliques. Nobody wants to talk or meet. They would rather message you on grindr vs walking up to you and saying hi.
Having fun learning Chinese? Yes I'm from China and I've been leaning Spanish on Duolingo too. And no, I don't feel like I'm in a rush to have sex now in my twenties as I know good things can never rush. And yeah the vibes in the gay community can be really toxic sometimes, which just gives us another reason to focus on ourselves instead of paying much attention to the negative energy
I think the worst is when you do put your face out there and you express your preferences, and then every gay guy in the area now knows who you are and what you like. Then they take it upon themselves to *cough* harass you out in public. It's a dangerous amount of visibility, and people don't tell you that before you get on there and it is too late and you've built yourself a reputation.
@@ifrean1174 I haven’t experienced that but I hate noticing people on Grindr in real life. They stare at me and I hate that theh know my business. Maybe we should try keeping a low profile. Keep your display name simple or just put emojis and say “inquire within” as your bio. I remember one guy message me and said “didn’t you work at this one place…” and he had no picture of himself. That’s scary
@Sonicxis4ever Not enough people are talking about this either. I was very open about certain interests of mine and I would get people who would show up to my place of work and do stuff they know I like to sexually harass me just because it got a reaction out of me. What I noticed is it was a lot of straight guys, meaning straight guys will literally troll around the app just to find gay guys to harass. It's super unsafe, invasive, and it opens the door to let strangers into your sexual life. It's all around a bad idea. That is also besides the fact that if you share any nudes, you better believe they are getting shared around to everyone in the area, and they will degrade and humiliate you over it as well. Too many young guys are getting on the app and getting their lives and reputations ruined due to malicious people because they didn't know any better. There needs to be a PSA about it, I swear.
@@ifrean1174 May I ask...where you live? dont have to be specific but Im curious what country you're in! I live in nyc and, it's pretty unsafe in general (for women, gay men, etc) but on dating apps especially it's even more dangerous. I've had guys message me, when i blocked him, he messaged me on another account.
@Sonicxis4ever I'm from California. We are very accepting here for the most part. In fact I think we are OVERLY accepting, to the point where I think straight people here have a gay man fetish honestly. The amount of straight men and women who harass me is insane and the couples that want a plus one are the worst. I would prefer being called a slur rather than people being creeps about their gay obsession honestly.
I think it really all depends on what you want and are looking for. I tended to veer toward apps where I was looking for a relationship. Not necessarily long-term but I knew I didn’t want to do the hook-ups. Also navigating queerness can be daunting because there is an expectation that you have to be sexually explicit or promiscuous to be a real gay. The pressure can be annoying. Just do what feels comfortable for you.
grindr is very very very very very usually regarded as a hookup app so a lot of what you described is par for the course. I think people also hide age becuase ageism is wildly rampant in the gay community. As is racism, xenophobia, transphobia etc so I think some individuals also protect themselves by hiding some vital identifiers at first and not from a malicious or deceiving standpoint.
@ it’s ageism because I wanna hookup with a guy my age and not someone old enough to be my father? If a guy did that with a woman, people wouldn’t stand for it but it’s prevalent in the gay community. I’m ok with hookups. I never said Grindr was a dating app but I’ve met men who lied about their hiv status, doing drugs, and also put my safety at risk. None of that is ok. Ever.
@aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa1aaaaaaaaaaaa1 I will say I dont agree with someone saying "no fems" "no blacks" "no white men ever. You are not the exception" i've seen these comments on apps.
@@mrsolodolo444 I see where you’re coming from. I’ve had crazy experiences and think God has always protected me from dangerous situations. I think you can have good experiences but you need to think with you brain and not your 🍆
As a non-binary trans person, I have a hard time existing in public anymore after putting my face out there. It feels like everyone in the grocery store is investigating me.
I guess the issue on gay dating apps is the same all around the world. It's the same on blued, the Chinese version of grindr, which really makes me wonder maybe this thing isn't normal in the first place. Back when we didn't have the concept of lgbtq, we would tend to communicate in a deeper and meaningful way in order to really know the person. But now, considering all that's been going on, the best way is to quit the dating apps and to focus on ourselves.
Are you Chinese? Never heard of blued but I've spent time learning Chinese on skype with friends. I think its the same all over the world. We are broken, have trauma and need healing.
People just started having sex and dating in their 20's. I definitely feel behind in life. I started having a lot of sex and trying to "make up for lost time" and wondered if I was "normal" or addicted.
Even going to gay bars doesnt do it for me. People stare at you.... theres cliques. Nobody wants to talk or meet. They would rather message you on grindr vs walking up to you and saying hi.
Having fun learning Chinese? Yes I'm from China and I've been leaning Spanish on Duolingo too.
And no, I don't feel like I'm in a rush to have sex now in my twenties as I know good things can never rush.
And yeah the vibes in the gay community can be really toxic sometimes, which just gives us another reason to focus on ourselves instead of paying much attention to the negative energy
@ 我学了11年中文👍🏽
@ yes the gay community can be toxic to each other. Were our own “worst enemies”
Wow, that's impressive! You practice your Chinese with a Chinese friend too?
I think the worst is when you do put your face out there and you express your preferences, and then every gay guy in the area now knows who you are and what you like. Then they take it upon themselves to *cough* harass you out in public. It's a dangerous amount of visibility, and people don't tell you that before you get on there and it is too late and you've built yourself a reputation.
@@ifrean1174 I haven’t experienced that but I hate noticing people on Grindr in real life. They stare at me and I hate that theh know my business. Maybe we should try keeping a low profile. Keep your display name simple or just put emojis and say “inquire within” as your bio. I remember one guy message me and said “didn’t you work at this one place…” and he had no picture of himself. That’s scary
@Sonicxis4ever Not enough people are talking about this either. I was very open about certain interests of mine and I would get people who would show up to my place of work and do stuff they know I like to sexually harass me just because it got a reaction out of me. What I noticed is it was a lot of straight guys, meaning straight guys will literally troll around the app just to find gay guys to harass. It's super unsafe, invasive, and it opens the door to let strangers into your sexual life. It's all around a bad idea. That is also besides the fact that if you share any nudes, you better believe they are getting shared around to everyone in the area, and they will degrade and humiliate you over it as well. Too many young guys are getting on the app and getting their lives and reputations ruined due to malicious people because they didn't know any better. There needs to be a PSA about it, I swear.
@@ifrean1174 May I ask...where you live? dont have to be specific but Im curious what country you're in! I live in nyc and, it's pretty unsafe in general (for women, gay men, etc) but on dating apps especially it's even more dangerous.
I've had guys message me, when i blocked him, he messaged me on another account.
@Sonicxis4ever I'm from California. We are very accepting here for the most part. In fact I think we are OVERLY accepting, to the point where I think straight people here have a gay man fetish honestly. The amount of straight men and women who harass me is insane and the couples that want a plus one are the worst. I would prefer being called a slur rather than people being creeps about their gay obsession honestly.
I think it really all depends on what you want and are looking for. I tended to veer toward apps where I was looking for a relationship. Not necessarily long-term but I knew I didn’t want to do the hook-ups. Also navigating queerness can be daunting because there is an expectation that you have to be sexually explicit or promiscuous to be a real gay. The pressure can be annoying. Just do what feels comfortable for you.
grindr is very very very very very usually regarded as a hookup app so a lot of what you described is par for the course. I think people also hide age becuase ageism is wildly rampant in the gay community. As is racism, xenophobia, transphobia etc so I think some individuals also protect themselves by hiding some vital identifiers at first and not from a malicious or deceiving standpoint.
@ it’s ageism because I wanna hookup with a guy my age and not someone old enough to be my father? If a guy did that with a woman, people wouldn’t stand for it but it’s prevalent in the gay community. I’m ok with hookups. I never said Grindr was a dating app but I’ve met men who lied about their hiv status, doing drugs, and also put my safety at risk. None of that is ok. Ever.
@aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa1aaaaaaaaaaaa1 I will say I dont agree with someone saying "no fems" "no blacks" "no white men ever. You are not the exception" i've seen these comments on apps.
@ I agree, I feel like if you believe that your safety was at risk then yes it’s definitely warranted to make decisions that keep you safe
Don't base anything off Grindr. It's dangerous and just stay off it. Trust me.
@@mrsolodolo444 I see where you’re coming from. I’ve had crazy experiences and think God has always protected me from dangerous situations. I think you can have good experiences but you need to think with you brain and not your 🍆