Jordan: "I don't feel like the perfect guy. I don't feel like I have the perfect marriage." Also Jordan: Takes actionable, powerful steps on a daily basis to improve himself and his marriage, going above and beyond the culture's standards of manhood and relationships. Love you, man. Thank you for being transparent with us and setting a fantastic example.
Ok, these videos abt personal stuff are getting better and deeper every time, it's nice to see that not a single person in the world is perfect. Love you guys
@@JordanTaylorVideos God bless you. The best thing that any one can do is get deeper with Jesus. Have a great relationship with Him and have salvation, real salvation according to Acts 2:38 and nurture your relationship with Jesus. Protect it. Then _all_ your relationships will get better. Actually serving G d, not just believing, is soo amazing. It will transform you and Sarah! Take it from me, someone twice your age. 😇❤🙏💕👼
@@JordanTaylorVideos Also even if you and Sarah are not on the verge of the d word (divorce) both of you will benefit from The Love Dare challenge. I'm sure that you heard about it from the Christian movie: Fireproof, but it is a real thing. The Love Dare challenge is in a book form and is can be purchased at book stores and online too. When I was a newly wed, we did it and it brought us so much closer. It helped us to understand eachothers point of view and brought us closer. It has also help each one of us as individuals in personal development. It is all attributed to God because without Him it would not be possible. Take care, be safe and healthy.
I love noodles Yes! Well said! The Lord saved our marriage of 18 years and it was dead! We argued all the time and didn’t even like each other anymore. We started praying more and asking the Lord’s help! We are happier now than we have ever been!
What I discovered after analysing arguments with my husband is that they fell in 3 categories: - Just being cranky due to various reasons, and thus overreacting. - Hitting a pain point from unresolved past trauma. Which needs to be addressed, if possible with a therapist. - The argument was about something deeper than the actual argument. E.g. arguing why someone hasn't put the garbage out, but actually being upset because it is the x-th time they're not following through on promises made. I also advise to try and pause yourself in the middle of the argument to avoid escalation as much as possible. But this might take some practice and is not a foolproof method.
I've been married over 17 years. I used to get frustrated and "spew" on my husband a lot. Around the 8-10 year mark, a longer married than me friend told me to start keeping a journal. Her advice was to write my angry letter to my husband so that he didn't have to hear about it. It's amazing to me how writing it all down, makes me realize how cruel and not-nice those things I want to say to him are. I think it's been incredibly helpful in our marriage. I will not be without a journal (both for marriage and even my mental health) again.
Take it a step further. Spew out things about yourself on paper, every day. Then burn that paper or tear it up/throw it way, every day. You will be surprised how much it feels like you are getting rid of bad ideas you have about yourself. Then, daily, write down things that are good about you and things you are growing in and things you want to be. Keep those improvement papers. You will find yourself growing and happier. If you are inclined to, take all this to God, and you will find more success in growth and happiness.
I did this when I was dating my now husband. As I went back to look at the arguments /disagreements I realized "wow those were such stupid reasons to get upset over, and ruined the whole day that could have been so fun". Highly suggest writing down your arguments and reading them over.
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?" James 4:1 NIV This video reminded me of this verse, and the importance to look into yourself first when you have an argument.
I'll add this quote which is powerful. "If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed. If you look at God you'll be at rest." -Corrie Ten Boom
I have been married longer than you (like closer to your parent's age than yours) and you Jordan in matters of a mature view of marriage are ahead of where I was at my 2nd-3rd year of marriage. Keep growing. You are on the right track.
I’m so glad you made this video! As a women who has just celebrated 18 years of marriage this month with my husband, I’m glad to see younger people realizing that no marriage is perfect! I firmly believe that AT SOME POINT in EVERY marriage, one or both want to quit and get a divorce! Sometimes they stay because of the kids, etc.. but I believe that any marriage can be saved with the Lord’s help! He is the key to a happy marriage! Twice in 18 years I thought about divorce and the 2nd time I almost did! I’m so glad I hung in there and prayed! And no my husband didn’t cheat. We just argued all the time and didn’t like each other anymore! We both prayed and read Christian books on marriage and started working on our marriage and we are happier than we have ever been! No one is perfect and that’s why, if you just stick with it, it gets better. Thinking someone else will be better is a lie. Eventually everyone will disappoint you. I love the book and movie How To Fireproof Your Marriage! Marriage is work! And if you don’t put the work in, it will die!
This level of openness & vulnerability is commendable, especially in today’s “FakeBook” society. Thank you. I’ve been married almost 20 years, and it’s been tough; it’s difficult watching UA-cam Christian couples who appear to have a near-perfect relationship. Even though none of them claim to be perfect, what we see as a glimpse into their life IS typically just the “good stuff”! Who’s going to stop mid-fight & say “pause! Let’s get this on camera for our UA-cam channel!” (Although that might be refreshing!😆)
This is life advice. I'm not married (or in a serious romantic relationship), but as you were talking I started thinking about the relationships that I do have (family, friends, etc.) and about the disagreements/misunderstandings that happen sometimes. Writing our personal reaction down forces us to be consciously aware of how we respond. It's a way of training our brains to think differently in the moment. Thank you so much for sharing!
Even in the album Long Drive, some of the songs really described the relationship struggles of Jordan and Sara. No one is perfect, especially every relationship. Thank you Jordan for opening up your hardships because it's easy to paint everything to perfection online.
I really like that take on arguments--and how writing it kinda cools down the resentment and makes us more conscientious during the day. I wannna try doing this--even though I'm single I still react in stupid ways xD
It will work for you even though you're single. It will help you, at the very least, in personal development. I did it when I was single and then again as I was married. It helped so much! If you have someone in your life that you want a better relationship with, say a family member, a friend, a co-worker etc. Then this will do wonders, but it does take a lot of self examination and constructive criticism and maybe just plain self criticism as well. I did this with my parents and even in my old age now, (I'm probably your parents age) it has helped me to understand their perspective rather than my own. This is a simple word of advice I wish I knew before hand: *It is possible to understand someone else's perspective without agreeing with it...and that is o.k.* Pray to Jesus and look to Him for guidance and everything and write in a journal, and the difference will be like night and day.
I started working on my reactions when I was still single. Now that I’m in a relationship again, I don’t react in the same ways as I did years ago. Now that I have something I really value, I do what I can to protect it.
Thank you for being so candid. It's hard to look at other couples around you and imagine that they're all perfect. I think I have a pretty great marriage, but my husband and I are far from perfect. Before we got married, we agreed that everytime we fought, we would hold each other while we did it. We'll snuggle up with each other and it's crazy how much of a difference it makes. It reminds us that we are always on the same side and that we are fighting for our relationship, not fighting each other.
Good advice! I'd rather have a successful marriage than a "perfect" marriage. No one is perfect, therefore no relationship can be perfect. Many times those that seem to be perfect are simply ignoring their problems instead of dealing with them. Being committed and taking the time to think about and work through your problems is what it takes to make a successful marriage. If you can succeed in staying together, loving each other, and communicating like you need to, that is truly the definition of a perfect marriage. It's not the absence of conflict, it's knowing how to work through it together (without trying to lay the blame at someone else's feet). It's so easy to just blame my spouse every time something goes wrong, but it's usually at least as much my fault. Thanks for the reminder to just step back and think about it!
Your journal sounds like an Examination of Conscience, which is part of the preparation to confess sins by reflecting on what one has done that day, week, month etc.
This is hella interesting. I do something kind of similar but also kind of opposite. I used to get sad quite often because I didn't feel loved in my relationship and I paid so much more attention to the hurtful things my boyfriend did than to loving things he did so I started writing down every single thing that made me feel loved after every time I saw him and it's improved our relationship so much. I feel like I've retrained my brain to notice and value these things much more and also to remember them, instead of just remembering hurtful things.
I'm really loving these honest talks Jordan! I've been married for almost 11 years now, and I'm 29, so I think we're the same age? This whole time we have been working on our marriage much like you and Sarah. I don't often write about it, but we do always make a point to talk about how we felt the disagreement went. After we're calmer and can better handle ourselves. It really helps to understand eachother and how you think and feel about things! Talking, for hours, has saved our marriage more than I can count! Communication is what everyone says is the key, but no one talks about what that looks like. But this video is showing exactly what that looks like! Great job!!
Journal-ing will change your life. This man speaks the TRUTH! I have been doing it everyday now for the last three years and it is such a great way to process what is going on and it's a great tool for prayer as well.
I became an avid “journaler” when I started college 3 years ago and it has been so transformational in my life. I will have to start doing the 6 things you mentioned! Thank you for the vulnerability, really really enjoying these deeper videos!
The maturity, wisdom and innovation you exemplify continues to baffle me! Kudos on your boldness to put these transparent videos out on the internet. and I love how it's never about venting, drama, or shock value. They're sincere, honest, and uplifting. You impress me, Jordan.
Jordan, I have to confess I totally had that thought of "what are we doing wrong..look at Jordan and Sarah's relationship." Your honesty is a breath of fresh air. Consider tomorrow MY January 1st. Now all I need to do is find a journal. Thanks for the advice. 💛
Sometimes I make my own by taking printing paper from my printer and fold it and than staple it, than I'll color it nice and pretty with my markers or coloring pencils and write 'Journal' or 'notebook' or 'poems' in big bold letters on the front and than I'll just begin writing in it like it's a regular journal, saves some bucks😍😍😍😍😍
Jordan, thank you for this vulnerability! I have never thought about doing this before, but as someone who has been married for almost 1 year, I can TOTALLY agree with you about how helpful this could be. Wow. This is awesome.
Can't say enough how important this is! Taking personal responsibility for your response is so hard and something I struggle with, and I so appreciate your honesty and encouragement here.
You're saying all this to show your imperfection but it's crazy how much more we're able to see your love and care to Sara through this! God bless you.
These open, honest videos are some of my favorite to come from this channel. What is truly amazing to be is how believable both Jordan and Sarah are on camera. I have no doubt that everything they are saying is true and from the heart. I am so grateful that they are willing to let so many people in on this level online.
I keep a prayer journal and it really helps to write down my prayers and my answered prayers, and it builds my faith, to look back and see all the amazing answers to prayer, and to look back and see how upset I was about things that God had under control all along, I just didn’t know it at the time!
I’ve been journaling since like 1st grade, and it’s been the most powerful tool for self awareness over the last 15 years, (although in grade school I’m pretty sure I just journaled about eating fruit loops and playing barbies.) It takes practice to get used to really reflecting on your life honestly, but the feeling of having tactile evidence of positive and negative changes in your behavior and your attitude is so motivating and helpful. It’s also amazing because it shows you how God provides for you as time goes on and prayers are answered.
Thank you Jordan for being open, I understand that no one is perfect, but I've always thought out of all the marriages that I've seen and heard about, yours is truly one of the most loving marriages I have seen thus far in my life. I pray you guys will continue to live happily, and whatever hardships get in your way, that you can work it out together. God Bless!
I have a prayer journal that I write in often. Before I watched this video I was writing about something hard that's been on my mind for the past week. There was something about myself I needed to address with God that I felt was too vulnerable about to write down. It's so true that when you write down your thoughts you see your true colors unfold in a different way. Even though it's hard sometimes, journaling is such a great way to come before God and ask him to intervene! It helps you to draw closer to Him and surrender your thoughts to the Lord! This is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you for sharing! I want to be even more intentional about spending my time with God through journaling!
Jordan, your videos each week help me relax and push off you stress. They open new ideas to me that have honestly helped for years. Your videos help me recognize things in me that should change and I am so thankful!
Thanks for the good ideas Jordan! I have kept a journal for years, but I have never done it that way; to write down a stress score, etc., is important and is something that even single people should do. God Bless! God will help you and honor how you are trying to be a better husband!
God bless you! In a world, where most people give up too quickly to solve problems in their marriage, you're being really mature about this. You don't have to be perfect, but it's great seeing young married couples with good values as examples how a godly relationship could look like. Best of wishes for your success!
Seeing this at 20 years old when a new decade of my life is beginning is very helpful. I will make sure to take this lesson with me. I’m definitely gonna buy a journal and be more persistent and detailed with my writing.
Thanks so much! God knew I needed to see this today!!!! I have 5 kids (10,8,6,4 &2), I was homeschooled, I homeschool, my husband is deployed with the National Guard until June because of this virus and I had a rough day today! We've had several rough days since Daddy has been gone. Things aren't perfect when he's here but are mostly good. I need to do this for my marriage (17 years), my relationship with my kids and for my spiritual life! I really appreciate you and your wife!
I've been writing about each day (since mid March) and just came accross this video now. After journaling for 1 week, I saw the good effects it had on my daily life. It truly is helping me grow to be a better man. It's a nice way to reflect and think about what you could have done better. And then try again tomorrow. Good idea about the 1-10 scale and graphing! I'll have to try that! Thanks for another great video Jordan!
I really appreciate your openness and honesty, and the fact that, instead of just saying "yeah I'm messed up too," you took steps towards getting better. Thank you for sharing those with us.
You guys are wonderful. My husband bound a journal for me several years ago and I still use it. I don’t journal as much as I used to but it is very very helpful.
I’ve been journaling nearly my whole life, and it’s fascinating to see how you develop as a person as a result. You’re right, knowing you’re going to record stuff later does make you think about what your story is going to be and help you adjust accordingly.
Amen brother. Great thoughts. Great perspective. Keep fighting for a great marriage. God has blessed her with a husband who cares enough to be honest with himself. Thanks for sharing.
My boyfriend (who I plan to marry in about a year) and I both really hate confrontation, and hate any type of argument. But when we do disagree and react poorly, he is SO good about his apologies. He always expresses his regret and the ways he plans to change without ever blaming me or even mentioning what I did wrong. The way he humbly repents, even of things so small I brush them under the rug, is seriously so convicting and has made me grow to see how strong my reactions affect my relationship and how important it is to apologize every time, without excuse.
I really appreciate these talks, Jordan. In a week, I'm about to be married to my husband, and we're both still in college, and starting off on our marriage on the right Godly track is something I feel very strongly about. This is an encouraging message!
This is so great! I can see why this method can work for people because it forces you to look at yourself. It's really hard, especially in arguments, to look at yourself and see what you can end up doing or saying wrong and I think this idea is very effective! I might start doing this for my regular family relationships cause I know I can get really nasty with them at times but I never really think about it as much as I should. Great video Jordan! Thanks for sharing this!
I love hearing people’s stories. Thank you for sharing and being open and transparent. It’s encouraging and it helps many people to learn something new about life.
Thanks for the honesty! I love getting to know you guys better. I really admire your ability to be honest with yourself. I'm trying to do that too, as I think this is the best way to improve. It's so easy to lie to oneself, I often see people that cannot see their fault. One of the most important skills in life, I think. Love to you both ♥️
No one is perfect but the what separates people in my opinion, is how much they are willing to improve themselves, and grow to be a better person for themselves and others. THAT is what shows your maturity and how far you will be successful in all areas of your life.
"you don't wanna write down things that are bad about yourself" 5:22 that's what got me. I might just start doing this. It will take a lot of discipline though because I'm really bad about sticking at good habits PS Jordan, you've always had good content, but the past couple weeks' videos have been very wholesome and refreshing. Thank you for this gift
Jordan, you mentioned you're not perfect, but the level of self-discipline and consistency you're describing in this video is nigh unto perfection. I wish I had what you have.
Great advice!!! I actually got an “argument journal” at my bridal shower from my maid of honor’s mom. I’m not saying my marriage is perfect but I haven’t filled it up yet 😀 and honestly I might be biased but Sara is probably always right 🤣
I know your response about Sara probably mostly being right was probably in a joking manner, but we really need to get away from this idea that women are always right and know best and men are just bumbling fools. We get enough of that from sayings like "happy wife, happy life" (i.e., if the husband doesn't do what the wife wants, she makes his life miserable) and from most portrayals of husbands and wives in the movies/media.
I love hearing your perspective on this as many people don't share about how they deal with arguments. I already journal fairly regularly so your tips are useful! I'll have to share this with my boyfriend.
Thank you for being so honest and transparent Jordan, it’s really helpful! I’m an enneagram 2 as well and journaling is a very powerful tool to help how I react in my dating relationship for me also!
Such a great video Jordan! I find that when you start realising your own accountability, you stop worrying about what the other person did wrong and start considering how you can improve your own actions. Thanks for sharing!
This scoring system thing is happening starting tomorrow morning. Thank you. Didn’t know about your second channel and it’s so helpful for me. I’m less than a year into my marriage and I’ve messed a lot of it up. But I have God and things like this and my wife give me hope :)
Thank you so much for posting this. I am about to get married and your insight has been so helpful. There's a reason I have been watching you guys for years, and it's because you continually create better and better quality content. Thank you again.
Thank you so much for sharing. It takes humility to work at seeing the faults in ourselves, but I've found from experience in my marriage that it is so worth it to be humble and vulnerable with each other. It opens up a whole world of love that you never thought possible before.
This is a really cool perspective on journaling - I find myself frustrated with my reactions towards my partner and loads of other people in my life... as well as very anxious or down without being able to pinpoint the source. I think this could be tremendously helpful, as you say it has been for you! I'm going to give it a shot. Thanks for the awesome insight Jordan!
As a 34 year old woman, who’s been with her husband for four years and married for one of those years I can tell you that something that’s really helped us is we sat down at the very beginning of our relationship and said that we need to be respectful to each other. I grew up in Mass and he grew up in Indiana. We are both strong, independent people so our personalities clash when we disagree. Something that’s helped us is Communication, communication, communication. Talk to each other; all the time, about everything. Things that make you happy, things that make you sad and when you’re upset say ‘can I talk to you about something that’s bothering me?’ That sets us up so that we know the conversation is serious. We sit down together and start every conversation with ‘I feel ____ because’ whether it’s ‘ I feel sad, I feel upset, whatever.... ‘I feel sad, because sometimes when I try to tell you something, I feel like you may not be paying attention’ or something like that. The reason why we understand, but can still disagree is because “You can’t tell someone else how to feel, you can’t tell them that they can’t be mad or upset, even if they are wrong they still will feel that way so what can I do to help that feeling go away?” Even though you may not agree, you can still see things from their point of view and see ‘why’ they might feel that way. All we want is to be heard, and understood. Hope this helps!
I'm part of a ministry called Free Indeed Ministries that helps people with addiction, and we have a tool that is almost exactly the same as this- it's called the Temptation journal, where you write down when, where, what and how a temptation (about whatever you're struggling) comes up in your day and what you did about it, and it's SUPER efficient in helping people with their thought life and escaping temptation and choosing more Godly actions. It's really neat to see that you discovered something so similar on your own!
This is a great video Jordan! It kind of makes me think about the whole Lamb’s Book of Life and the idea that all our actions are actually recorded in Heaven...that there are whole books about how we lived. In a way, you just kind of started implementing that concept in a more tangible way, so that the realization that your actions will be written down, made you change the way you reacted... thanks for sharing :-)
Good comparison. And I would add, it always stuck out to me that Paul wrote something about some people's sins being open and going beforehand to judgment. It made me think it was a good idea to get the judgment over with. Just putting in the effort habitually to think about what you are doing and have done and how you can improve, is a way to do that. That may or may not be what Paul meant, but it always made sense to me lol.
Hey, Jordan! It's nice to see you're being so sincere with us. You also may draw a table in your journal with the collumns: "Triggering event", "Thoughts", "Emotional feelings" (like anger, anxiety, offence, etc.), "Actions". You will see that, basically, our thoughts that appear almost immediately in our head when we encounter a triggering event cause certain emotional feelings and make us react in a certain way (actions). So, we should work on our thoughts and see if they are irrational, change them or disprove them in the journal and write new rational ones, so next time we would think differently and won't overreact. It's a hard work but it's worth it!
I love this suggestion. Taking time for self reflection every day is so important, and especially with regards to a relationship that can be so powerful. I currently try to do something similar in my life with regards to productivity and self-love and relationships. I am excited to use this as a tool in my future marriage! Thank you, Jordan.
Every person struggles no matter what we see on the surface. Every marriage, every single person... Everyone. God is really blessing y’alls marriage with wisdom.❤️
Been married 16 years. And I tell people all the time. If someone tells you their marriage is perfect, they are a liar. Journaling helps a lot with so many things.
What a great idea, I’m going to start doing this because I really need to control my reactions to things... thank you so much for your perspective in life, you make me take a step back and think about my life
That’s an awesome idea to write things down. I also struggle with my reactions and things I say. I didn’t realize I would think I was the victim so much when I wasn’t. I try to put myself in my husbands shoes now and end up apologizing so much. I force myself to apologize when I need to, that way it makes me want to think more before I speak. Even though it’s so hard sometimes. Thank you for being so open and honest- this video has a lot of wisdom
Great topic. I've been married 16+ years, which does NOT qualify as an expert by any means. After the first few years of marriage, we both realized we loved "us" more than we loved being right and now, my husband and I both, just try to take a step back and ask ourselves if this "thing" is really important enough to discuss, are they having a bad day, am I having a bad day, can I let this go? If it's important enough to discuss, say, it's an ongoing thing, or something with the children.... don't automatically think they are doing this "thing" to hurt you (we are a team) they are just human and need compassion and understanding. We all have to make the relationship more important than just what we want or feel is right in the moment. 💗😊 I love how you're forcing yourself to reflect on your own words and reactions,
This is really a great idea even if you're not in a relationship. Imagine each day you write things done that happened and you be honest with yourself about how you reacted then it can even help you in becoming a better person; improve on yourself. I'm going to do this.
I love your willingness to stop and think about what you do in your marriage. It is a important part of a good marriage, coming from a wife of almost 12 years. I think your humble and loving attitude will create a beautiful and happy marriage. I had an amazing mentor in my marriage, they gave us the love and respect book. It changed our marriage, I think it will be a great tool for you as well. It will build upon the steps you have already made and help you understand what went wrong in your arguments. After reading the book you can add what any loving or unloving things that happened in that time to help you understand what happened. Whatever you decide to do, I know you will have a long and happy marriage. I hope you have a great day
This is so beautiful!! I love how you are intentional about your relationship and making it work! I hope your wife is also doing the exercise! Also you can use Journaling to manifest more happiness and wealth and health into your life 💕
Jordan: "I don't feel like the perfect guy. I don't feel like I have the perfect marriage."
Also Jordan: Takes actionable, powerful steps on a daily basis to improve himself and his marriage, going above and beyond the culture's standards of manhood and relationships.
Love you, man. Thank you for being transparent with us and setting a fantastic example.
Yesss! :)
"Going above and beyond the culture's standards of manhood and relationships" Yess!!🙌
Ok, these videos abt personal stuff are getting better and deeper every time, it's nice to see that not a single person in the world is perfect. Love you guys
I appreciate that.
@@JordanTaylorVideos
God bless you.
The best thing that any one can do is get deeper with Jesus.
Have a great relationship with Him and have salvation, real salvation according to Acts 2:38 and nurture your relationship with Jesus. Protect it. Then _all_ your relationships will get better.
Actually serving G d, not just believing, is soo amazing.
It will transform you and Sarah!
Take it from me, someone twice your age. 😇❤🙏💕👼
@@JordanTaylorVideos
Also even if you and Sarah are not on the verge of the d word (divorce) both of you will benefit from The Love Dare challenge.
I'm sure that you heard about it from the Christian movie: Fireproof, but it is a real thing.
The Love Dare challenge is in a book form and is can be purchased at book stores and online too. When I was a newly wed, we did it and it brought us so much closer. It helped us to understand eachothers point of view and brought us closer.
It has also help each one of us as individuals in personal development.
It is all attributed to God because without Him it would not be possible.
Take care, be safe and healthy.
I love noodles Yes! Well said! The Lord saved our marriage of 18 years and it was dead! We argued all the time and didn’t even like each other anymore. We started praying more and asking the Lord’s help! We are happier now than we have ever been!
I know right!
What I discovered after analysing arguments with my husband is that they fell in 3 categories:
- Just being cranky due to various reasons, and thus overreacting.
- Hitting a pain point from unresolved past trauma. Which needs to be addressed, if possible with a therapist.
- The argument was about something deeper than the actual argument. E.g. arguing why someone hasn't put the garbage out, but actually being upset because it is the x-th time they're not following through on promises made.
I also advise to try and pause yourself in the middle of the argument to avoid escalation as much as possible. But this might take some practice and is not a foolproof method.
I'm glad I'm seeing this now, at 18, and single. ❤
2 and a half months from turning 18 and I'm glad I saw this too. take care, you guys.
Same
Carolyn Joyce yes you ˋre lucky 😂 getting 60 ( we ˋll see) this year 💚🌍💚
I'm interested to know your wife's perspective on this.
This is a good idea for next week’s video.
Yes me too!
I was thinking of this the whole time watching it.
Now we know! Lol! That's awesome!
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19
Love you guys!
"Anger does not achieve the righteousness of God." That one hit me hard! Ha!
Roque Benjamin i was hoping there’d be Scripture. Brooo hope he’s saved
@@FaithAndFilms he is.
Yeah, God bless!
One of my favorites, and one I have to keep reminding myself of.
I've been married over 17 years. I used to get frustrated and "spew" on my husband a lot. Around the 8-10 year mark, a longer married than me friend told me to start keeping a journal. Her advice was to write my angry letter to my husband so that he didn't have to hear about it. It's amazing to me how writing it all down, makes me realize how cruel and not-nice those things I want to say to him are. I think it's been incredibly helpful in our marriage. I will not be without a journal (both for marriage and even my mental health) again.
Take it a step further. Spew out things about yourself on paper, every day. Then burn that paper or tear it up/throw it way, every day. You will be surprised how much it feels like you are getting rid of bad ideas you have about yourself. Then, daily, write down things that are good about you and things you are growing in and things you want to be. Keep those improvement papers. You will find yourself growing and happier. If you are inclined to, take all this to God, and you will find more success in growth and happiness.
Does your husband read it
@@rebeccaduke6491 probably not, she said she realised how cruel the things she wanted to say were, and so I don't think she would proceed to tell him
I did this when I was dating my now husband. As I went back to look at the arguments /disagreements I realized "wow those were such stupid reasons to get upset over, and ruined the whole day that could have been so fun". Highly suggest writing down your arguments and reading them over.
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?"
James 4:1 NIV
This video reminded me of this verse, and the importance to look into yourself first when you have an argument.
I'll add this quote which is powerful. "If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed. If you look at God you'll be at rest."
-Corrie Ten Boom
UpNorth woah a lot of scripture. Hope to see him qoute scripture
I have been married longer than you (like closer to your parent's age than yours) and you Jordan in matters of a mature view of marriage are ahead of where I was at my 2nd-3rd year of marriage. Keep growing. You are on the right track.
Thank you so much, brother
I’m so glad you made this video! As a women who has just celebrated 18 years of marriage this month with my husband, I’m glad to see younger people realizing that no marriage is perfect! I firmly believe that AT SOME POINT in EVERY marriage, one or both want to quit and get a divorce! Sometimes they stay because of the kids, etc.. but I believe that any marriage can be saved with the Lord’s help! He is the key to a happy marriage! Twice in 18 years I thought about divorce and the 2nd time I almost did! I’m so glad I hung in there and prayed! And no my husband didn’t cheat. We just argued all the time and didn’t like each other anymore! We both prayed and read Christian books on marriage and started working on our marriage and we are happier than we have ever been! No one is perfect and that’s why, if you just stick with it, it gets better. Thinking someone else will be better is a lie. Eventually everyone will disappoint you. I love the book and movie How To Fireproof Your Marriage! Marriage is work! And if you don’t put the work in, it will die!
This level of openness & vulnerability is commendable, especially in today’s “FakeBook” society. Thank you. I’ve been married almost 20 years, and it’s been tough; it’s difficult watching UA-cam Christian couples who appear to have a near-perfect relationship. Even though none of them claim to be perfect, what we see as a glimpse into their life IS typically just the “good stuff”! Who’s going to stop mid-fight & say “pause! Let’s get this on camera for our UA-cam channel!” (Although that might be refreshing!😆)
This is life advice. I'm not married (or in a serious romantic relationship), but as you were talking I started thinking about the relationships that I do have (family, friends, etc.) and about the disagreements/misunderstandings that happen sometimes. Writing our personal reaction down forces us to be consciously aware of how we respond. It's a way of training our brains to think differently in the moment. Thank you so much for sharing!
I'm thinking the same thing! Very important to stop and make a conscious decision in the midst of a disagreement
Yeah I was thinking about that too
Even in the album Long Drive, some of the songs really described the relationship struggles of Jordan and Sara. No one is perfect, especially every relationship. Thank you Jordan for opening up your hardships because it's easy to paint everything to perfection online.
Eve Angélique, yeah a while ago. Here’s the link
Edit: forgot the link :p ua-cam.com/play/OLAK5uy_m35oT1B4aGF_xK468xJ9CkJllr-sbGuPI.html
I really like that take on arguments--and how writing it kinda cools down the resentment and makes us more conscientious during the day. I wannna try doing this--even though I'm single I still react in stupid ways xD
It will work for you even though you're single. It will help you, at the very least, in personal development. I did it when I was single and then again as I was married.
It helped so much!
If you have someone in your life that you want a better relationship with, say a family member, a friend, a co-worker etc.
Then this will do wonders, but it does take a lot of self examination and constructive criticism and maybe just plain self criticism as well.
I did this with my parents and even in my old age now, (I'm probably your parents age) it has helped me to understand their perspective rather than my own.
This is a simple word of advice I wish I knew before hand:
*It is possible to understand someone else's perspective without agreeing with it...and that is o.k.*
Pray to Jesus and look to Him for guidance and everything and write in a journal, and the difference will be like night and day.
I started working on my reactions when I was still single. Now that I’m in a relationship again, I don’t react in the same ways as I did years ago. Now that I have something I really value, I do what I can to protect it.
Thank you for being so candid. It's hard to look at other couples around you and imagine that they're all perfect. I think I have a pretty great marriage, but my husband and I are far from perfect. Before we got married, we agreed that everytime we fought, we would hold each other while we did it. We'll snuggle up with each other and it's crazy how much of a difference it makes. It reminds us that we are always on the same side and that we are fighting for our relationship, not fighting each other.
Good advice! I'd rather have a successful marriage than a "perfect" marriage. No one is perfect, therefore no relationship can be perfect. Many times those that seem to be perfect are simply ignoring their problems instead of dealing with them. Being committed and taking the time to think about and work through your problems is what it takes to make a successful marriage. If you can succeed in staying together, loving each other, and communicating like you need to, that is truly the definition of a perfect marriage. It's not the absence of conflict, it's knowing how to work through it together (without trying to lay the blame at someone else's feet). It's so easy to just blame my spouse every time something goes wrong, but it's usually at least as much my fault. Thanks for the reminder to just step back and think about it!
Happy 5 years on UA-cam, JT.
Dude, thank you. Miss you, man.
ah yes, chris.
Your journal sounds like an Examination of Conscience, which is part of the preparation to confess sins by reflecting on what one has done that day, week, month etc.
I love your brutal honesty, and how down to earth you typically are. Fame can be far more of a burden than a blessing at times
This is hella interesting. I do something kind of similar but also kind of opposite. I used to get sad quite often because I didn't feel loved in my relationship and I paid so much more attention to the hurtful things my boyfriend did than to loving things he did so I started writing down every single thing that made me feel loved after every time I saw him and it's improved our relationship so much. I feel like I've retrained my brain to notice and value these things much more and also to remember them, instead of just remembering hurtful things.
I'm really loving these honest talks Jordan! I've been married for almost 11 years now, and I'm 29, so I think we're the same age? This whole time we have been working on our marriage much like you and Sarah. I don't often write about it, but we do always make a point to talk about how we felt the disagreement went. After we're calmer and can better handle ourselves. It really helps to understand eachother and how you think and feel about things! Talking, for hours, has saved our marriage more than I can count! Communication is what everyone says is the key, but no one talks about what that looks like. But this video is showing exactly what that looks like! Great job!!
You married very Young wow
Journal-ing will change your life. This man speaks the TRUTH! I have been doing it everyday now for the last three years and it is such a great way to process what is going on and it's a great tool for prayer as well.
I've been keeping a diary on my computer nearly every day for 5 years...
I became an avid “journaler” when I started college 3 years ago and it has been so transformational in my life. I will have to start doing the 6 things you mentioned! Thank you for the vulnerability, really really enjoying these deeper videos!
The maturity, wisdom and innovation you exemplify continues to baffle me! Kudos on your boldness to put these transparent videos out on the internet. and I love how it's never about venting, drama, or shock value. They're sincere, honest, and uplifting. You impress me, Jordan.
I feel like Jordan is one of those rare personalities that makes a New Years resolution and you actually believe he’s going to do it.
Journaling, processing disagreements and striving for better and constantly trying to learn and improve and understand better are so awesome
Jordan, I have to confess I totally had that thought of "what are we doing wrong..look at Jordan and Sarah's relationship." Your honesty is a breath of fresh air. Consider tomorrow MY January 1st. Now all I need to do is find a journal. Thanks for the advice. 💛
Sometimes I make my own by taking printing paper from my printer and fold it and than staple it, than I'll color it nice and pretty with my markers or coloring pencils and write 'Journal' or 'notebook' or 'poems' in big bold letters on the front and than I'll just begin writing in it like it's a regular journal, saves some bucks😍😍😍😍😍
Jordan, thank you for this vulnerability! I have never thought about doing this before, but as someone who has been married for almost 1 year, I can TOTALLY agree with you about how helpful this could be. Wow. This is awesome.
Can't say enough how important this is! Taking personal responsibility for your response is so hard and something I struggle with, and I so appreciate your honesty and encouragement here.
Marriage is two strangers trying to get to know each other. That's it. It takes time. Sometimes it fails.
You're saying all this to show your imperfection but it's crazy how much more we're able to see your love and care to Sara through this! God bless you.
These open, honest videos are some of my favorite to come from this channel. What is truly amazing to be is how believable both Jordan and Sarah are on camera. I have no doubt that everything they are saying is true and from the heart. I am so grateful that they are willing to let so many people in on this level online.
I keep a prayer journal and it really helps to write down my prayers and my answered prayers, and it builds my faith, to look back and see all the amazing answers to prayer, and to look back and see how upset I was about things that God had under control all along, I just didn’t know it at the time!
Great advice... I’ve passed the honeymoon stage in my dating relationship and I needed to hear this.
This inspired me to start journaling again to get closer to God. Thank you for being so real and open with us, it is so nice to see on the internet
I’ve been journaling since like 1st grade, and it’s been the most powerful tool for self awareness over the last 15 years, (although in grade school I’m pretty sure I just journaled about eating fruit loops and playing barbies.) It takes practice to get used to really reflecting on your life honestly, but the feeling of having tactile evidence of positive and negative changes in your behavior and your attitude is so motivating and helpful. It’s also amazing because it shows you how God provides for you as time goes on and prayers are answered.
Thank you Jordan for being open, I understand that no one is perfect, but I've always thought out of all the marriages that I've seen and heard about, yours is truly one of the most loving marriages I have seen thus far in my life. I pray you guys will continue to live happily, and whatever hardships get in your way, that you can work it out together. God Bless!
I have a prayer journal that I write in often. Before I watched this video I was writing about something hard that's been on my mind for the past week. There was something about myself I needed to address with God that I felt was too vulnerable about to write down. It's so true that when you write down your thoughts you see your true colors unfold in a different way. Even though it's hard sometimes, journaling is such a great way to come before God and ask him to intervene! It helps you to draw closer to Him and surrender your thoughts to the Lord! This is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you for sharing! I want to be even more intentional about spending my time with God through journaling!
Jordan, your videos each week help me relax and push off you stress. They open new ideas to me that have honestly helped for years. Your videos help me recognize things in me that should change and I am so thankful!
Thanks for the good ideas Jordan! I have kept a journal for years, but I have never done it that way; to write down a stress score, etc., is important and is something that even single people should do. God Bless! God will help you and honor how you are trying to be a better husband!
God bless you! In a world, where most people give up too quickly to solve problems in their marriage, you're being really mature about this. You don't have to be perfect, but it's great seeing young married couples with good values as examples how a godly relationship could look like. Best of wishes for your success!
Seeing this at 20 years old when a new decade of my life is beginning is very helpful. I will make sure to take this lesson with me. I’m definitely gonna buy a journal and be more persistent and detailed with my writing.
these real & honest videos are my favorite!!
Thanks so much! God knew I needed to see this today!!!! I have 5 kids (10,8,6,4 &2), I was homeschooled, I homeschool, my husband is deployed with the National Guard until June because of this virus and I had a rough day today! We've had several rough days since Daddy has been gone. Things aren't perfect when he's here but are mostly good. I need to do this for my marriage (17 years), my relationship with my kids and for my spiritual life! I really appreciate you and your wife!
I’m single and this still made me cry and was so helpful to hear. The honesty Jordan and Sara share with us is so encouraging. ❤️
I love this! Thank you for your vulnerability. Can you please do more videos on marriage tips?
Appreciate your honesty/vulnerability. I really like the idea of journaling the day that way. ❤️
It is remarkably helpful. Try it out for sure.
I've been writing about each day (since mid March) and just came accross this video now.
After journaling for 1 week, I saw the good effects it had on my daily life. It truly is helping me grow to be a better man. It's a nice way to reflect and think about what you could have done better. And then try again tomorrow.
Good idea about the 1-10 scale and graphing! I'll have to try that!
Thanks for another great video Jordan!
Keep doing what you're doing man. We love you guys.
I really appreciate your openness and honesty, and the fact that, instead of just saying "yeah I'm messed up too," you took steps towards getting better. Thank you for sharing those with us.
You guys are wonderful. My husband bound a journal for me several years ago and I still use it. I don’t journal as much as I used to but it is very very helpful.
Good advice Jordan, thanks for sharing!
I’ve been journaling nearly my whole life, and it’s fascinating to see how you develop as a person as a result. You’re right, knowing you’re going to record stuff later does make you think about what your story is going to be and help you adjust accordingly.
Thank you for sharing your heart and humbleness. God bless your marriage and your openness to help others.
Amen brother. Great thoughts. Great perspective. Keep fighting for a great marriage. God has blessed her with a husband who cares enough to be honest with himself. Thanks for sharing.
My boyfriend (who I plan to marry in about a year) and I both really hate confrontation, and hate any type of argument. But when we do disagree and react poorly, he is SO good about his apologies. He always expresses his regret and the ways he plans to change without ever blaming me or even mentioning what I did wrong. The way he humbly repents, even of things so small I brush them under the rug, is seriously so convicting and has made me grow to see how strong my reactions affect my relationship and how important it is to apologize every time, without excuse.
lucky you 👍🏽
I really appreciate these talks, Jordan. In a week, I'm about to be married to my husband, and we're both still in college, and starting off on our marriage on the right Godly track is something I feel very strongly about. This is an encouraging message!
Jordan, this video is BEAUTIFUL! Thank you so much for sharing.
This is so great! I can see why this method can work for people because it forces you to look at yourself. It's really hard, especially in arguments, to look at yourself and see what you can end up doing or saying wrong and I think this idea is very effective! I might start doing this for my regular family relationships cause I know I can get really nasty with them at times but I never really think about it as much as I should. Great video Jordan! Thanks for sharing this!
I love hearing people’s stories. Thank you for sharing and being open and transparent. It’s encouraging and it helps many people to learn something new about life.
Thank you for your honesty Jordan. We appreciate the transparency and realness that you and Sarah bring to us.
Thanks for the honesty! I love getting to know you guys better. I really admire your ability to be honest with yourself. I'm trying to do that too, as I think this is the best way to improve. It's so easy to lie to oneself, I often see people that cannot see their fault. One of the most important skills in life, I think. Love to you both ♥️
No one is perfect but the what separates people in my opinion, is how much they are willing to improve themselves, and grow to be a better person for themselves and others. THAT is what shows your maturity and how far you will be successful in all areas of your life.
"you don't wanna write down things that are bad about yourself" 5:22
that's what got me. I might just start doing this. It will take a lot of discipline though because I'm really bad about sticking at good habits
PS Jordan, you've always had good content, but the past couple weeks' videos have been very wholesome and refreshing. Thank you for this gift
Jordan, you mentioned you're not perfect, but the level of self-discipline and consistency you're describing in this video is nigh unto perfection. I wish I had what you have.
Great advice!!! I actually got an “argument journal” at my bridal shower from my maid of honor’s mom. I’m not saying my marriage is perfect but I haven’t filled it up yet 😀 and honestly I might be biased but Sara is probably always right 🤣
I know your response about Sara probably mostly being right was probably in a joking manner, but we really need to get away from this idea that women are always right and know best and men are just bumbling fools. We get enough of that from sayings like "happy wife, happy life" (i.e., if the husband doesn't do what the wife wants, she makes his life miserable) and from most portrayals of husbands and wives in the movies/media.
I love hearing your perspective on this as many people don't share about how they deal with arguments. I already journal fairly regularly so your tips are useful! I'll have to share this with my boyfriend.
Thank you for being so honest and transparent Jordan, it’s really helpful! I’m an enneagram 2 as well and journaling is a very powerful tool to help how I react in my dating relationship for me also!
Such a great video Jordan! I find that when you start realising your own accountability, you stop worrying about what the other person did wrong and start considering how you can improve your own actions. Thanks for sharing!
This scoring system thing is happening starting tomorrow morning. Thank you. Didn’t know about your second channel and it’s so helpful for me. I’m less than a year into my marriage and I’ve messed a lot of it up. But I have God and things like this and my wife give me hope :)
Thank you so much for posting this. I am about to get married and your insight has been so helpful. There's a reason I have been watching you guys for years, and it's because you continually create better and better quality content. Thank you again.
Thank you so much for sharing. It takes humility to work at seeing the faults in ourselves, but I've found from experience in my marriage that it is so worth it to be humble and vulnerable with each other. It opens up a whole world of love that you never thought possible before.
This is a really cool perspective on journaling - I find myself frustrated with my reactions towards my partner and loads of other people in my life... as well as very anxious or down without being able to pinpoint the source. I think this could be tremendously helpful, as you say it has been for you! I'm going to give it a shot. Thanks for the awesome insight Jordan!
Bring prayer into everything always. Besides the journal it's reallly good to pray .
That is awesome! Very thought provoking. I love that about so many of your videos!
Thank you so much for this channel, Jordan, it's so refreshing to see someone that shows such raw content. It's honestly beautiful in its own way
As a 34 year old woman, who’s been with her husband for four years and married for one of those years I can tell you that something that’s really helped us is we sat down at the very beginning of our relationship and said that we need to be respectful to each other.
I grew up in Mass and he grew up in Indiana. We are both strong, independent people so our personalities clash when we disagree.
Something that’s helped us is Communication, communication, communication. Talk to each other; all the time, about everything. Things that make you happy, things that make you sad and when you’re upset say ‘can I talk to you about something that’s bothering me?’
That sets us up so that we know the conversation is serious. We sit down together and start every conversation with ‘I feel ____ because’ whether it’s ‘ I feel sad, I feel upset, whatever....
‘I feel sad, because sometimes when I try to tell you something, I feel like you may not be paying attention’ or something like that.
The reason why we understand, but can still disagree is because “You can’t tell someone else how to feel, you can’t tell them that they can’t be mad or upset, even if they are wrong they still will feel that way so what can I do to help that feeling go away?”
Even though you may not agree, you can still see things from their point of view and see ‘why’ they might feel that way. All we want is to be heard, and understood.
Hope this helps!
I absolutely love the transparency that you have for your marriage Jordan. Thank you for letting us have glimpses of your relationship!
I'm part of a ministry called Free Indeed Ministries that helps people with addiction, and we have a tool that is almost exactly the same as this- it's called the Temptation journal, where you write down when, where, what and how a temptation (about whatever you're struggling) comes up in your day and what you did about it, and it's SUPER efficient in helping people with their thought life and escaping temptation and choosing more Godly actions.
It's really neat to see that you discovered something so similar on your own!
Not even married, but this is so good. I'm going to have to come back to this and start this up once I get into a consistent relationship.
This is a great video Jordan! It kind of makes me think about the whole Lamb’s Book of Life and the idea that all our actions are actually recorded in Heaven...that there are whole books about how we lived. In a way, you just kind of started implementing that concept in a more tangible way, so that the realization that your actions will be written down, made you change the way you reacted... thanks for sharing :-)
Good comparison. And I would add, it always stuck out to me that Paul wrote something about some people's sins being open and going beforehand to judgment. It made me think it was a good idea to get the judgment over with. Just putting in the effort habitually to think about what you are doing and have done and how you can improve, is a way to do that. That may or may not be what Paul meant, but it always made sense to me lol.
Hey, Jordan! It's nice to see you're being so sincere with us. You also may draw a table in your journal with the collumns: "Triggering event", "Thoughts", "Emotional feelings" (like anger, anxiety, offence, etc.), "Actions". You will see that, basically, our thoughts that appear almost immediately in our head when we encounter a triggering event cause certain emotional feelings and make us react in a certain way (actions). So, we should work on our thoughts and see if they are irrational, change them or disprove them in the journal and write new rational ones, so next time we would think differently and won't overreact. It's a hard work but it's worth it!
Thank you, Jordan for being so open with us. I have taken your suggestion to heart and will start doing this. God bless you guys!
Good for you for doing this Jordan, I'm glad that it's been helping your marriage these last months, thanks for sharing!
You are wise beyond your years.
I love this suggestion. Taking time for self reflection every day is so important, and especially with regards to a relationship that can be so powerful. I currently try to do something similar in my life with regards to productivity and self-love and relationships. I am excited to use this as a tool in my future marriage! Thank you, Jordan.
Every person struggles no matter what we see on the surface. Every marriage, every single person... Everyone. God is really blessing y’alls marriage with wisdom.❤️
It’s crazy how you start watching these videos for some funny kids. Now you watch them as adults giving heartfelt and solid advice about marriage.
Very insightful video as usual Jordan. Thank you for always being so transparent and open about these sorts of things!
Been married 16 years. And I tell people all the time. If someone tells you their marriage is perfect, they are a liar. Journaling helps a lot with so many things.
What a great idea, I’m going to start doing this because I really need to control my reactions to things... thank you so much for your perspective in life, you make me take a step back and think about my life
That’s an awesome idea to write things down. I also struggle with my reactions and things I say. I didn’t realize I would think I was the victim so much when I wasn’t. I try to put myself in my husbands shoes now and end up apologizing so much. I force myself to apologize when I need to, that way it makes me want to think more before I speak. Even though it’s so hard sometimes. Thank you for being so open and honest- this video has a lot of wisdom
It’s amazing the things you discover when you honestly assess.
Great topic. I've been married 16+ years, which does NOT qualify as an expert by any means. After the first few years of marriage, we both realized we loved "us" more than we loved being right and now, my husband and I both, just try to take a step back and ask ourselves if this "thing" is really important enough to discuss, are they having a bad day, am I having a bad day, can I let this go? If it's important enough to discuss, say, it's an ongoing thing, or something with the children.... don't automatically think they are doing this "thing" to hurt you (we are a team) they are just human and need compassion and understanding. We all have to make the relationship more important than just what we want or feel is right in the moment. 💗😊 I love how you're forcing yourself to reflect on your own words and reactions,
This is really a great idea even if you're not in a relationship. Imagine each day you write things done that happened and you be honest with yourself about how you reacted then it can even help you in becoming a better person; improve on yourself. I'm going to do this.
I love the idea. I’m going to apply your method to help me be a better and more patient mom with my kids. Thank you.
I love your willingness to stop and think about what you do in your marriage. It is a important part of a good marriage, coming from a wife of almost 12 years. I think your humble and loving attitude will create a beautiful and happy marriage. I had an amazing mentor in my marriage, they gave us the love and respect book. It changed our marriage, I think it will be a great tool for you as well. It will build upon the steps you have already made and help you understand what went wrong in your arguments. After reading the book you can add what any loving or unloving things that happened in that time to help you understand what happened. Whatever you decide to do, I know you will have a long and happy marriage. I hope you have a great day
This is so beautiful!! I love how you are intentional about your relationship and making it work! I hope your wife is also doing the exercise! Also you can use Journaling to manifest more happiness and wealth and health into your life 💕
I realllyyy love this idea!!
Im going to try it with my family, I think it will really improve our relationship. Thank you so much for sharing!
Hitting the like button before the video starts because I know it will be good. 👍🏻😌
Thank you for helping us find a key to help our marriage.