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"Oh... congratulations." It's like, yeah, I'll slice up people with my hands, but I'd never miss an opportunity to congratulate someone's personal growth.
Well, a low carb diet won't contribute much to your personal growth aside from... self-discipline, I guess? It is also unhealthy to leave out fruits and vegetables from your diet.
Slightly Irish I could see it. They’re in an all out battle releasing gas, stabbing people, blowing stuff up Jessica: walks out and opens a plastic bag of brownies. Good guys: Confused Villains: she’s on a diet Good guy: oh mY GOODNESS RETREAT! WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE SHES CAPABLE OF
Episode 2 The villains are robbing a bank and are fighting with the police Jessica: **walks out the bank** Also Jessica: **pulls out a bag of peanut butter s’mores** Cops: no Cops:oh no don’t eat it Jessica: pulls out a s’more Villains: do it Machete dude: **visible confusion** Jessica: **eats it** Cops: **pulls out a walkie talkie** we need to fall back there’s a girl who is cheating on her diet Chief of police: oh my god, she’s back Chief of police: **picks up phone** captain motivation we need your help Captain motivation: I’ll be there
My favorite part was “probably cause you’re not a woman”. Apparently most evil doers are very open minded on the concept of evil and the standards for it
Wait, is General Machete-hands the "bloodiest warlord in the world, with machetes for hands" or the "bloodiest warlord in the world with machetes for hands"? Commas matter.
@@awaruwidianto First one means the guy is the bloodiest warlord in the world and as a side note the guy also happen to have machetes for hands. But the second one means from all the people in the world who got machetes for hands, he's the bloodiest warlord of them all. Which really isn't impressive at all because he's probably the only person in the world who has machetes for hands...period. And I won't even apologize for ruining the joke by explaining it...because I'm baaaaad.
"The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware. The grade that you receive'll be your last, we swear. So make the bad horse gleeful, or he'll make you his mare. You're saddled up; there's no recourse. It's "hi-yo, silver!" Signed: Bad Horse."
I'm with Jessica. You only live once. You could walk out that door and get hit by a bus. Will your dying thought be, "I shouldn't have eaten the chocolates?"
I mean, yeah, I guess a bus out of control could go into the sidewalk as soon as a chocolate craving person comes out of a building. Sounds like an ad.
My whole family was on a diet so i bought a large pack of our favorite chocolates (Raffaello) and placed them in a bowl beside the fruits to mess with them. They were gone in 2 days and i didn't eat any. Am i bad?
Can I join this team? I cheated in tests and never have been caught, so I'm kinda like a professional in cheating and I also have already made plans for taking over the world or killing... You understand.
So what does she do as a member of this group of villains? Order the food? Ensure their opponents don't feel good enough to fight back because she ate the all the good stuff from their meal?
Will we be seeing more of Grant's character? I feel like he was sorta sidelined in this and I think it would be really interesting to see a James Bond esk Fighting Goofy villains that don't really manage to do anything evil but try. They really try. Bless them.
I can't believe it's been 2 years and this video only has 632K views. I thought this would go so viral the first time I saw it. Who doesn't know someone that breaks their diet and starts saying "oh I'm so bad"? Poor College Humor peeps. I miss you all.
Dominic Machetehands should have a video where he tries to eat food. *knocks over glass* "oh, c'mon! I just wanna EAT!" *Swings hands around and cuts the table* "oops."
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No, not after you didn't even hit the obvious after ad joke, "Don't you hove minions to do that?".
hello college humor
Secret text 1
@Paul Borst don't be a jerk mate. Don't just tell people to fire their employees
"Oh... congratulations."
It's like, yeah, I'll slice up people with my hands, but I'd never miss an opportunity to congratulate someone's personal growth.
😂😂
Well, a low carb diet won't contribute much to your personal growth aside from... self-discipline, I guess? It is also unhealthy to leave out fruits and vegetables from your diet.
Look at “the sex-positive slasher”
I'm your 999th like!
"I'm on this low-carb diet, which I've actually been doing really well on"
* deep and sinister voice* "oh congratulations"
😂😂
The funniest part of the video
0:41
He’s evil but that’s no reason to not be supportive!
Raph being so exasperated that he rubbed his temples with machetes is a M O O D
Robert Stephens time?
@@cheesecracker5223 1:45 . very brief
I was expecting blood after that!😤🤷♂️
He also did air quotes with them 🤣🤣🤣
@@fae.fantastic 2:53
WE NEED MORE OF DOMINIC MACHETEHANDS.
How does he pee though?
@@LemonToGo how do he wipe
@@LemonToGo carefully
Agreed
@@sharpy5509 standing on the ring like everyone else.
Can we please get a dropout show based on these villains. That would be incredible.
Slightly Irish I could see it.
They’re in an all out battle releasing gas, stabbing people, blowing stuff up
Jessica: walks out and opens a plastic bag of brownies.
Good guys: Confused
Villains: she’s on a diet
Good guy: oh mY GOODNESS RETREAT! WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE SHES CAPABLE OF
That would be incredible!
Why so I could not pay to not see it.
especially Jessica, she’s my favourite because she is so BAD
Episode 2
The villains are robbing a bank and are fighting with the police
Jessica: **walks out the bank**
Also Jessica: **pulls out a bag of peanut butter s’mores**
Cops: no
Cops:oh no don’t eat it
Jessica: pulls out a s’more
Villains: do it
Machete dude: **visible confusion**
Jessica: **eats it**
Cops: **pulls out a walkie talkie** we need to fall back there’s a girl who is cheating on her diet
Chief of police: oh my god, she’s back
Chief of police: **picks up phone** captain motivation we need your help
Captain motivation: I’ll be there
I'd actually really like to see more of these characters, they're great
^
Kon2336 agree
I ruined the 420.
Reminds me of dr horrible’s evil league of evil
jessicas behaviour is so bad that this videos gunna get demonetised.
Another BAD-pocolypse is about to happen :p
are you saying jessica's the reason we need to get dropout?
i approve
Age restricted too.
LOL!
the curses with beeps sounds way better than silence, nice job
@@Jason_Bryant Finding that loophole was a stroke of pure genius!
I love Trapp in this one, he really developed a character and makes him live
asking him how he pees must have really cut deep
Get out....
Yeah, he probably felt like he was stabbed at the back.
Gotta admire your sharp wit.
normally I'd leave some kind of edgy reply
Cmon man no need to be so pointy
Grant looks a little too comfortable being tied up like tht... Js.. 🤣😂
Lookin mad cozy
How are you surprised?
That's Grant alright ;)
Bet hes the one pitching that bit
Yeah, couldn't tell ya why, but he always seemed to be the kinda guy who was into it.
My favorite part was “probably cause you’re not a woman”. Apparently most evil doers are very open minded on the concept of evil and the standards for it
“I’m going to sit out on this one but maybe just listen a little bit”!
Jessica probably is the second most evil person there. Lily's character funding McConnell's reelection campaign is downright despicable, though.
But did McConnell ever eat cookies on a diet?
@@Rougarou99 Don't be silly, he always had his regular diet of lettuce, pellets and the occasional garden flower.
@@DrZaius3141 In this case, veganism is worse.
Well of course Johny Steel got captured, Zach isnt in the Van
The meta here lol
This comment actually made me sad 🙈
also, Johnny looked like he was enjoying it.
It's funny how Raph is usually the level headed one in the skits.
Not sure it's just the skitts...
This is like watching Dr. Doofenshrmitz or Dr. Draken try to prove how bad they are to all the other villains.
not sure if it was intentional, but it definitely made me think of dr horrible....
Raph doing air quotes with machetes for hands will never fail to make me lose my mind
Wait, is General Machete-hands the "bloodiest warlord in the world, with machetes for hands" or the "bloodiest warlord in the world with machetes for hands"?
Commas matter.
The closed captions don't have a comma, so I guess it's the second one.
I don't know the way he said it sounded like there was a comma
The man has machetes attached to his arms where his hands would be so I think you can guess which one it would be
@@theglassofmilk *whoosh*
@@awaruwidianto First one means the guy is the bloodiest warlord in the world and as a side note the guy also happen to have machetes for hands. But the second one means from all the people in the world who got machetes for hands, he's the bloodiest warlord of them all. Which really isn't impressive at all because he's probably the only person in the world who has machetes for hands...period.
And I won't even apologize for ruining the joke by explaining it...because I'm baaaaad.
This gave me such a sense of joy and I don’t know why.
because it's making fun of something that happens in real life and is really goddamn annoying
PLus the villains were "yes and"ing her and being unexpectedly nice which is a great and sweet contrast :)))
I was waiting for jassica to be revealed to also have killed like a million people or something and just be like "Im so baaad"
I can’t understand how Trapp was able to say General MacheteHands without bursting into laughter for the whole sketch.
2:50 LOL, he did air quotes with machete hands! 😂
Didn't realize that 😂😂
The formula of "everyone is being weird and crazy except for one person" is still being executed so well, CollegeHumor.
trapp acc has some of the best comedic timing and improv lines ive EVER seen. I lose it at 1:17 its just so real
I actually totally want this to be a series.
That wink totally crushed my heart😍
I hope General Machete Hands will be a recurring character
The machete air quotes at 2:52 heckin killed me! I’ve replayed it 4 times already
"oh congratulations"
"and - ohh thank you!"
These are the best two lines
I love Jess so much she has this fun mom energy 😂😂😂
2:41 i love the irony of grant being tied up by someone with swords for hands, spot on guys!
And you *know* Grant was really weird and uncomfortable about it.
These characters are great! Loved Trapp. "Oh congratulations". Everyone's character suited them well
I want more of these characters doing crimes, like robbing a bank or torturing Agent Steel.
SAME BRING EM BACK or have them do small boring crimes and general machete hands gets furious that they don't involve killing people
"The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware. The grade that you receive'll be your last, we swear. So make the bad horse gleeful, or he'll make you his mare. You're saddled up; there's no recourse. It's "hi-yo, silver!"
Signed: Bad Horse."
Oh no..... they’re getting a run for their money
this is a classic, just give it time
Trapp: "How do you pee?"
Raph: *sigh*
we watched the video too and that bit didn't even tickle my funny bone, even slightly
@@Hashslingingslasher- well, aren't you a delight. /s
@@breadfan_85 I need this question answered.
Someone please solve this
@@theoriganalxldub Carefully??
"I'm just going to sit out of this one, but maybe, you know, listen a little bit"
Can we just appreciate how badass everyone looks in this sketch
Any time my mom talks about her dieting and triggers my eating disorder, I'm gonna think of this short from now on. Thank you, collegehumor.
fucking same!
Hey, I know this was four years ago, but I've also struggled with eating disorders. How are you doing now? Both of you?
did she just said the coconut one was disgusting? She IS bad :O
She's right though. That artificial coconut is the worst and everyone should know it. So...bad...
Damn! I have to agree! Long live coconut! :O
This is the content I stay subscribed for... and Um, actually
sketches and originals for me.
“That’s two chocolates, Jessica!” lol
You might think that General Dominic Machetehands is a very complicated man.
He's actually pretty cut and dry. 😮
I don't know, he comes across as pretty edgy.
He's the kind of guy that gets straight to the point.
I'm with Jessica. You only live once. You could walk out that door and get hit by a bus. Will your dying thought be, "I shouldn't have eaten the chocolates?"
Yes
@@portalMaster299 😂
I mean, yeah, I guess a bus out of control could go into the sidewalk as soon as a chocolate craving person comes out of a building.
Sounds like an ad.
-My eyes: see the thumbnail and title
-my brain: "what kind of pøŕņ is this?"
“Hey, I’ve got a question for you”
“Me?”
“Yeah”
“Go ahead”
“I’ve just been wondering”
“Mmhmm”
“How do you pee?”
*slowly looks at hands and sighs*
Him: “How do you pee?”
Me: “ I don’t need sleep, I need answers!”
She really is a villian! She called coconut GROSS
I love the complex layers and character development of General Machete-Hands.
I should be part of this group; I'm bad at everything!
This was hilarious and we definitely need a sequel.
This entire sketch is gold, from characters to acting to writing to editing. It goes into my Top Ten from CH.
Agreed, it became one of my favorites.
Well, it is still not my all time favorite.
The only problem with the sketch is that it's not gonna age well with that Moscow Mitch tie-in.
How's he gonna seek reelection when he's in prison?
1:47 Don't mind me just scratching my had with M A C H E T I.
We all know people like that in real life.
So I'm not sure what the joke is- they really are evil.
😂 whoa
You know someone called general masati hands
Ah yes, the back guy is cast as the warlord with machete hands, I see how it is 😅
Trapp is absolutely amazing in this sketch
Why did raph saying “oh..congratulations” make me laugh so hard lol🤣
Machete hands is the most 90's supervillain ever and I love it
This sketch is fantastic
No Raph... answer the damn question.
This honestly has an amazing sub-text that I don't want to explain with a comment, good show CH.
I don’t know what I was expecting but definitely not this premise LMAOOO
My whole family was on a diet so i bought a large pack of our favorite chocolates (Raffaello) and placed them in a bowl beside the fruits to mess with them. They were gone in 2 days and i didn't eat any.
Am i bad?
EVIL ENABLER
Oh my god you're pure evil
I'm calling the cops you psycho
0:31 "Naxo, who has planted viruses-"
Video: posted November 2019
Me: I'm sorry what-
“How do you pee?”
*_Vietnam flashbacks_*
I like how General Machete-hands tried to use air quotes but obviously he can’t
Can I join this team? I cheated in tests and never have been caught, so I'm kinda like a professional in cheating and I also have already made plans for taking over the world or killing... You understand.
*gasp* That's BAD!
@@AutisticSoyDaddy I know, right?
This is so psychologically true as well. I feel villainous almost when I break such resolutions
Lily playing a hacker is so perfect I love it
How have I never seen this sketch before??? This is amazing!!
*flaps machetes as air quotes*
So what does she do as a member of this group of villains? Order the food? Ensure their opponents don't feel good enough to fight back because she ate the all the good stuff from their meal?
She is the heart and soul of the group. Her refusal of personal growth represents the villains dedication to all that is wrong and naughty.
@@Luster21 Ah! That explains it
... So why isn't she the leader though?
2:31 ok this person is literally a monster
Will we be seeing more of Grant's character? I feel like he was sorta sidelined in this and I think it would be really interesting to see a James Bond esk Fighting Goofy villains that don't really manage to do anything evil but try. They really try. Bless them.
Please please please make this a series!
I can't believe it's been 2 years and this video only has 632K views. I thought this would go so viral the first time I saw it. Who doesn't know someone that breaks their diet and starts saying "oh I'm so bad"?
Poor College Humor peeps. I miss you all.
Dominic Machetehands should have a video where he tries to eat food.
*knocks over glass*
"oh, c'mon! I just wanna EAT!"
*Swings hands around and cuts the table*
"oops."
This is one of my favorite sketches y'all done
Those "quotations" that Raph did had me in stitches more than anything else in this skit. 😁
The costume design is amazing
raph's slightly pained expression makes this whole sketch for me
I would love to see more of this, it was hilarious. I love the evil laugh and grant as the spy is just perfect.
finally another good sketch
also that expression by raph at the end is priceless
The thing about being bad and ordering fries reminds me of that john mulaney joke about ordering fries being like going on a little adventure
I reference this video in my day to day life regularly. This is some peak College Humour material right here. Well done, everyone.
The hacker is the worst. Funding Mitch McConnell
Mike's Dr. Evil laugh was spot on
I was honestly expecting her to confide in her friends that she’s been bad and then say she robbed a bank or something 😂
same
Machete hands is so bad he can scratch his own head with his machetes.
Mike's "Dr. Evil" impression is fantastic -- It's Mike Meyers and Blofeld crossed with each other. Trapp just need's a cat to pet.
3:08 did he do a Dr. Evil voice?!
Love the way trap says Jessica
Ok this whole video is great but. Lily's character and concept like damnnnnnn!
3:45 you can see a very rare Trap break
When you're trying to conquer the world, but Karen is cheating on her diet...
Trapp just wanted an excuse to reuse his Dr. Evil costume from Halloween, didn't he?
The "what the f*ck? what? what?" line just gets me!!!
Trapp is great at writing jokes outside of the sketch's premise.
this is the first college humor sketch thats made me laugh since 2016
A sketch where the character who is the voice of reason has machetes for hands is a good sketch