Mooey Christmas

This playful, whimsical holiday tune tells the hilarious tale of a husband who finds himself outsmarted by his wife's determined holiday wish for a Highland cow. Packed with clever rhymes and vivid imagery, the song chronicles the suspicious signs that something furry-and very large-is amiss in their home. From hay in the pantry to horn-marked walls, the husband's growing unease is matched only by his wife's innocent denials.
Perfect for anyone who’s ever loved a quirky Christmas story, this song delivers "mule-tide cheer" and reminds us that sometimes, the best gifts are the most unexpected!
My wife said, "Dear, a Highland cow,
Would make my Christmas bright."
I said, "No way, we’ve got no space,"
But it began that night.
Now Every day, there’s something strange,
Little clues that something’s off.
A tuft of fur, a grassy smell-
An animal-like cough.
There’s hay in the pantry and tracks the hall.
And I swear I saw horn marks across the wall.
She says I’m crazy, but I know somehow,
She’s hiding a massive, fluffy cow.
The bathroom mirror was fogged with steam,
And a large nose print marked the glass.
The garage smells like a barnyard,
And my toolbox is full of tall grass.
The curtains bulge, the closet creaks,
There’s a moo I swear I heard.
She shrugs it off with a nervous laugh,
“Must’ve been a passing bird.”
Chorus
It’s a Mooey Christmas, a bovine charade,
My wife’s got secrets, a livestock parade.
I check the basement, she locks the door,
And now I see hoofmarks across the floor
Bridge
She’s crafting wreaths with hay and twine,
The dog won’t enter the hall.
I found a brush the size of a rake-
This isn’t normal at all.
I caught her knitting couch-sized sweaters.
She thinks I don’t notice the signs
I asked her once, “Is there a cow in this house?”
She said, “Of course there's not a bovine...
...That would be... absurd. Probably.”
The dog won’t stop barking at something unseen.
And the earthy smell's stronger each day
The Christmas tree had horns last night
And I found a bucket of grain
On Christmas morning, under the tree,
A giant wrapped box stood to the side
I opened it up and staring at me
Was a Highland cow waiting inside.
I stared in shock, my wife just grinned,
“I knew you’d love her, dear!”
And now we’ve got a mooing guest,
To bring us festive cheer.
I told her "this really can't work."
But she said "no wait - there's actually two"
I turned around and in the hall
I was greeted with a loud moo.
Final Chorus
It’s a Mooey Christmas, my wife got her pet,
The last two weeks just showed how.
Despite seeming absurd, I lost my bet
And we have a Christmas herd now.
Mooey Christmas to all with mule-tide cheer!