As the adult daughter of a trans parent, I want to thank you for having the courage to share your story, Tinsel. I grew up within the context of domestic violence, narcissistic abuse, and male rage. The parent who was the locus of this chaos came out as a trans woman several years ago. After enacting violence on female bodies for so many years, for this person to then come out and lay claim to having a female body without ever taking responsibility for past actions, it almost did my head in. While growing up, I was taught to center this person’s feelings and to stifle my own emotions. I’m no longer doing that.
You sound angry at the "male". You should be no less angry at women who create and support anti-female and anti-child policies in the name of ideologies over good values.
This affects women across the world. A person I follow, retweeted TA and I had no idea that there was this level of support for women like me. I had been keeping my story and pain to myself for 15 yrs. No one wanted to hear what I had to say. These women have helped me enormously come to terms with the abuse I experienced. Thank you TA, xox
Trans widows voices helped me so much. Reading the stories from other women, I saw the same things that had happened to me and realised that I wasn’t alone. Thank you, Tinsel. ❤️
I am a Lesbian former trans ally until I woke up and realized how spouses suffered! As a feminist I can not live with myself to continue as a trans ally!
I am a lesbian and former trans ally too. I only found out about trans widows when I was already becoming critical of transgenderism. It's a shame that this aspect of the whole discourse is pushed aside and ignored to often.
Thank you for hosting Tinsel. She is an incredible woman who has done so much extremely important work. We must continue to listen to what transwidows say - they have an insight into the reality of this situation that (fortunately for us) most of us simply don't have.
In the US here. I’m really thankful for these stories. I feel really alone in this. I this year divorced my partner of over 20 years. My partner came out as mtf trans and is transitioning. We have a child together on the spectrum and this has been very hard for us. My time with my husband was also not easy and as a male he was not a good husband. He had drug and alcohol issues. As a female she is still not a good person and is very hurt I rejected her and now is using our child as a way to continue to be in my life. While due to being in a liberal state I get to pay her support since I make more money and need to supplement my child’s living in her home (shared custody). My child meanwhile does nothing of value while in her care and I still have to carry all educational, medical, social and all other child rearing responsibilities in my time. I do resonate with the term “widow”. My husband is dead or never truly existed. This narcissistic shell of a woman that is left I don’t like and I have to share my baby with her until I can prove it’s not to his benefit (which in my liberal state is hard!).
@@ellasoes8325 I’m honestly not sure if you are shaming me for slipping up and saying “he” a few times early in or saying “she” through most. That’s how hard this is! 😂 Legally that is the case now. My ex-husband changed their gender markers. She is legally a woman though biologically was born as a man. It makes story telling challenging because we were man and wife for years so I don’t feel correct using feminine pronouns really for story telling bits of the historic marriage. It feels wrong to me for my own story. But I have an autistic child and this is extremely difficult for him to understand so I do my best to keep the pronouns “right” so he (my child) doesn’t get more confused due to my total confusion! Dad gets very upset if someone messes up pronouns including our special needs son.
I’m so sad to hear you went through this. Honestly if you’re referring to him as ‘her’ I think you still have a journey ahead and some healing to do. He is a man, always has and will be. This is a very male paraphilia.
@@HellCatt0770 I’m sure you are right. I don’t think I can ever heal from this. I feel truly broken. I’m trying for my child to be the best parent I can. He needs one solid parent.
@@abunchofcatsstuffedinatren5288 - Husband came out as trans after 43 years of marriage. He had intimate relations with men before and throughout our marriage. In fact he came out as 'heterosexual' as in that moment he was the woman, in gesture and voice, etc., I totally understand your need to support your child. The verbal confusion is damaging to the non-trans person. I don't know how Dad gets very upset when someone messes up pronouns but it's important that your child calls her Dad, and if I may suggest, avoid pronouns in favor of Dad, e.g., give Dad instead of give her.
People want to hear that there was something wrong with the trans widows that made them prone to falling victim of that kind of abuse - this is called victim blaming and it's a common psychological coping strategy: "If you did something to bring this onto yourself, then I have some control over the same not happening to me, I must just not do what you did." People do that in the context of domestic abuse but also other situations, for example if someone was killed in a car crash, people will want to believe they had been speeding or drinking, because accepting that bad things sometimes just happen to totally undeserving people is too disturbing, too scary.
AGPs are narcissistic abusers by definition if they hide their fetish and eventually decide to abandon their wives to live it full time. Abusers will twist the kindest most loving partner into a shell of herself. They are very clever and hide their red flags until the couple is married or even married w kids. No, there is no specific kind of abused wife. But there certainly is a certain type of abuser!
Great podcast, well done. One thing I do disagree with though is the point on the detransitioners, I feel like they are gagged too because they don’t fit in with the everything is kittens and rainbows once you transition narrative. I’ve seen them put down and silenced many times.
Abusers are practiced at knowing where boundaries are a d how and when to cross them. Everyone likes to think they're too clever to be a victim but that only shows they're lucky to have never drawn the attention of an abuser
I am one of those women saying “men can wear what they like, doesn’t make them a woman” and now I’m seeing this differently! I guess I thought women want to wear, what was traditionally not seen as feminine, so men should be able to wear non masculine things. It’s not that simple is it?!
No - becasue women were not wearing men´s clothes for feeling masculine or as a sexual fetish but becasue it was not possible to do most sports in skirts. First women trousers were made for bicycle riding. Because you would risk your life riding a bicycle in long vistorian skirt...
I was driving the other day I'm a 68 year old straght man that crossdresers. I saw a woman she had blue hair and was wearing trousers I doubt if anyone gave her a second thought. Katherine hepburn in the 1930 caused an absolute scandal in Hollywood. How. By wearing trousers. It was on the cusp of being iligal in America at that time. When I grew up men didnt have tattoos. Only if you where in the merchant navy or gypsy would a man have one. Swimming the other day it was hard to find a woman that didnt have one. Out of all the things in this world to get upset about how someone presents themselves is prity minor.
Thanks for the gem drop observation about AGP at 14:34mark: Any fetish based on the subordination of women, by definition, cannot be victimless. Women must be subordinate for the fetish to exist ETA more gem quotes 28:23mark, RE the famous tweet: "Wear what you like..." which sounds very well in theory, but Trans Widows experience that differently, rendering the quote a naive understanding on what motivates men who like to wear women's clothes. They're not wearing their partner's yoga pants & baggy cardigans. It's high heels, suspenders (garter belts) & padded bras ... and most often introduced gradually. OnTopic: The transwidow of Erin in the Morning had to get it written into their divorce agreement that Erin had to stop stealing her clothes. 📘Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On, by Christine Benvenuto
Thank you. Every time I think I’ve peaked to the full, I peak a little further. I shall never say “wear gender nonconforming clothes if you like”. There’s nothing wrong in the slightest at being “transphobic”
I don’t know if this falls under the category of lesbian trans widows, but I have certainly seen cases in which a young woman “transitions” and then becomes involved with - and sometimes marries - another woman. I really wonder about the “cis” woman. If she is straight, no hellish surgery is going to make her spouse a real man. If she is gay, her spouse is trying to become an approximation of the sex to which she is not attracted. I’m bi, and I cannot imagine finding it remotely okay, either.
There not claiming to be women. There claiming to be trans women. It's like saying your not a lesbian because your a women and women are attracted to men. No some women are but others are attracted to women and men and just men and trans people. .
@@juniper3238 How do we know they are "straight"? And how can you make such a blanket statement about women as if women are identical? I suppose you also believe straight men rarely or never suffer domestic abuse? Sick how many men suffer at the hands of women and how much women can lie with tears and narcissistic self-defense and fool everyone around them as they abuse their husbands and children.
Since AGP has no recorded female equivalent, it doesn’t make sense that it would even happen the other way around. No women are getting turned on by the thought of the male version of themselves, demanding that the husband and society refers to her as a man. That’s so ridiculous to even write. I mean, perhaps it exists. Perhaps. But data does show that destructive and obsessive paraphilias almost exclusively affect men and men only.
There is the phenomenon of straight women fetishising gay male culture,attempting to transition and entering gay male spaces under false pretences by larping as gay men. This is not exactly the same as AGP (the clue is the "G" in the acronym) but is arguably as abusive and perverse.
@ellasoes8325 are you making it a competition in which sex can be the most abusive? .......MEN, men who are STRAIGHT and decided they are TRANS are abusive, fetishistic, STRAIGHT AGPS dear and nothing you can say sir will nake this any different
I also loved a man who struggled with dysphoria, and had gone through periods of seeing himself as a trans woman, on and off. Although he was perfectly honest about it from the get-go. And it wasn't a deal-breaker to me, because I fall in love with souls more so than bodies, as a biromantic (mostly) asexual person myself. So he wasn't deceptive. Nor was he really all that delusional about it. Because he fully admitted and understood that he was male by sex, whether he liked it or not. And that that could not be changed. But.. he still experienced dysphoria, though. Along with literally a SLEW of other issues!! Learning disability, OCD, ADHD, bipolar / schizoaffective, and I'm almost certain he had undiagnosed autism as well. Not to mention EXTREME addiction, with literally ZERO impulse control, ("only" to pot and alcohol while the two of us were together, but I know he's been into harder drugs as well, before I met him), which made him repeatedly lie to me and betray me. Which was what finished us off. He broke my fucking heart! Because I really, REALLY loved him! But I have also since come to realize: he was basically still a dysfunctional child, mentally and emotionally. It was not that he outright wanted to hurt me. But he still did it anyway, due to all his copious issues + lack of maturity. Anyway... As far as the gender dysphoria goes, it was VERY obviously connected with his other issues! Mental illness and developmental disabilities, etc... He even realized as much himself, he said! Which was why he at least kept his wits about him not to do anything irreversible to his body. I certainly hope it stays that way! As I still care about him on many levels, and would hate to see him medically self-harm in such a way. But obviously, he no longer owes me anything, now that we're no longer together. And I think me loving him, and already being GC at the time, helped make him more skeptical of the gender narrative, and overall less likely to screw up his body, back then. So.. I just don't know what his future holds, sadly. :( Anyway, his being bisexual and a more feminine person obviously also had something to do with his dysphoria. And while I do NOT think he was personality disordered..? I've still seen research showing that personality disorders, (especially BPD / borderline), are MASSIVELY overrepresented in the trans identifying / "queer" community! Sure makes you wonder why that is, hey? And why chronic emotional instability + relationship issues + histrionics and abusive narcissism so often accompany trans identity... I think in many cases, it is just another symptom of mental illness! And an indication that someone is very obviously unwell. It should not be medicalized, unquestioningly condoned, or socially glorified, like it is now. All that does is enable obviously mentallly ill people to self harm! And is really no better, in my view, than encouraging and "affirming" a depressed cutter's urge to cut themselves, or an anorexic person's twisted and distorted body image, by telling them that YES, they are indeed still too fat... How disgusting! And just about everyone agrees that that would be 100% just WRONG! But somehow, still, with gender ideology in specific..? That no longer applies! And we're supposed to just unquestioningly affirm people's delusions, and obviously pathological hatred of their bodies! To the point that regular, explorative therapy for dysphoria is now being outlawed in many countries, under supposed "conversion therapy" laws, so that only MINDLESS and totally unquestioning affirmation, ("affirmative therapy"), is allowed! When obviously, explorative therapy, that truly CHALLENGES these people's delusions, hang-ups and dysfunctions, is exactly what they need! It is absolutely SICK! And I guess the biggest paradox of all..? Is: we are getting to a place where society is literally sicker and more delusional / psychotic than its actual mental patients! And can therefore no longer tell them what's real vs. what isn't, and give them the kind of grounding, mental support, and REALITY based treatment, that they need! Shit makes me SO fucking angry. Speaking as someone who truly wants the best for these people, and for ALL mentally ill people. And the best for them in this situation..? Sure as hell is NOT unquestioningly affirming the very delusional beliefs that are harming them! ..I also think it's MASSIVELY important, for exactly this reason, that gender dysphoria once again gets back in the DSM as a mental illness! Which is exactly what it is, always has been, and always will be! Political correctness be damned. End of rant. EDIT: (Because it was cathartic to write about this.) Almost forgot, I also once dated a guy who was not merely troubled, but in fact a complete and utter asshole! (About a decade or so ago, when I was younger and dumber...) He was sexually desperate and entitled, to the point of forcing himself on me, (never mind my very OBVIOUS disinterest and discomfort, because.. asexual), and repeatedly trying to rape me! Plus he was also self-absorbed, clueless, and very emotionally detached, with seemingly ZERO emotional intelligence or empathy! Very brainy and academic, though. I think him too an undiagnosed autistic. Probably a high-functioning aspie, or some such. And sure... He was not an alpha macho male, no. But there was also not even the SLIGHTEST shred of anything feminine, or even remotely womanly, about him! Just an abusive, self-centered, creepy-@ss attempted rapist, is all. I was VERY relieved to be rid of him, when I finally did! ..Then about 5 years or so ago..? I hear from my sister, who's still got him added on Facebook, that he has since "transitioned", and decided that he is somehow a woman now! Reduced me to absolute complete and utter RAGE! As fucking if!!! I was already peaked at the time, but you can betcha if I hadn't been..? It sure as hell would have happened then! ALL the way!! I rest my case. And I'm thinking, maybe next time around, I'll try a lesbian relationship again! I had one when I was young, that was absolutely lovely.
Agree with you 100%, it’s an absolute disgrace it’s not treated as a mental illness and I have often used the eating disorder comparison myself. You might want to rethink the lesbian route though, they are being told they must accept trans women as being lesbians, you might inadvertently end up with one of your exes, lol
I know this isn't the main point here, but most people, especially women, are asexual until they meet the right person. Being sexual doesn't mean you go around turned on by every human you see, it means that you're capable of having sexual feelings and performing sexual actions occasionally.
It bothers me that when it comes to Gender Affirming "Care" (I'm using that "care" term loosely) is that there doesn't seem to be a way to prove a negative. If I walked into my doctor's office and claim I had a broken arm, the doctor can perform an x-ray, thus proving with absolute certainty that I don't have a broken arm. That is proving a negative. When I ask people how do you prove that someone isn't trans, they don't have an answer. Most ignore me, but the funniest answer was, "You can see it in their eyes." No, that was seriously their answer. They go on about this theory of "girl brain" or whatever. Okay, so why aren't brain scans part of diagnosis? Men and women's brains a very different, after all. If you really had a "woman's brain" in a man's body, then it should show on a brain scan. Another tells me, "They show signs at the age of three." When I ask to elaborate, they answered, "Shows interest in boy things" and I asked if they believe that children can be nonconforming, and I'm told "yes." Okay, cool. How do you tell the difference between non conforming and trans? Again, no answer.
@@TheRisky9 womens and mens brains aren't all that different other than size. Brains are not the organ used to determine ones sex. That would be which gamete type your body is structured towards producing.
Because they are politically and socially liberal progressives and ascribe to political and social ideologies such as feminism and communism. Yes, women will deny it but the ballot box and where we are in life today, proves it. Women are rarely independent thinkers and are easily propagandized into believing in fake-virtue. Women literally voted for and shouted loudly for the current LGBTQ situation that is the subject here. Women did this to women and children.
John money, Alfred kinsey, rothblatt, striker, follow the MEN dear. Follow the money 💰 surgeons, psychology and psychiatric people, endocrine society and anyone that pushes this bull cr.p should be in the MENS prison, the women who are pushing this should also be in prison the WOMENS prison
It's easy to tell other people to be 'kind'... they are not dealing with it. Don't forget men are often the ones to be supported and pitied on divorce ...'who is going to cook his Sunday lunch?' , irrespective of his behaviour
It's no fault divorce that feminists wanted that makes it easy for you to be abused & left because there are no longer pressures on anyone to address their own personal issues when they blow up regardless of what they maybe. Your trans ? "do what you need to do for yourself". Women: Your "unhappy" you do what you need to do best for yourself. "the culture of narcissism" Christopher Lasch . Psychiatrists started writing about this in the late 1970s for some reason, any ideas ?
You don't have to, and shouldn't, be kind to a person who unilaterally decides to change the relationship (usually from straight to "lesbian"), who chooses to live out his corn fantasy 24/7, who insists it's normal and he's a "girl" just like others. I have no issue with adults cross-dressing in the privacy of their own home or at kink clubs. But making that a 24/7/public lifestyle is harmful. I'd be so embarrassed to walk next to a man living out his kink when we're just getting groceries or dropping the kids off at school... No one has to stay around for that. Kids shouldn't have to be around this.
@eological_transexual7414 what a load of bollocks. No fault divorce made it possible for women to leave violent and damaging marriages. It is still dangerous to do so (violent ex-husbands can make a woman's life a living hell, even AFTER a divorce. They even unalive their former wives). Way to blame the women.......a-effing-gain.
Why do we assume that a transwoman is a hero and a victim? Like anyone else, they may be the perpetrator or the victim of abuse or violence. It’s how we all behave as people.
You’re not widows. You are divorcees. I wonder if there is a similar organisation to Trans Widows Voices called Gay Widows Voices? Or would that just be overtly grotesque homophobia? 🤔
As a gay woman, I gotta say I fully understand women having immense grief after getting a divorce from a gay man. You would question what the whole marriage was and like you wasted your time. Not homophobic in my opinion.
I don’t think Gay Widows would be homophobic. It’s not homophobic (or in the cases of trans widows, transphobic) to mourn the person you thought your spouse was.
@@BellamyBlueExactly my thoughts! If the old name is dead, what does it mean? They want the name to be dead, but the woman who married the man with this name to become a "lesbian wife" rather than a widow....
As the adult daughter of a trans parent, I want to thank you for having the courage to share your story, Tinsel.
I grew up within the context of domestic violence, narcissistic abuse, and male rage. The parent who was the locus of this chaos came out as a trans woman several years ago. After enacting violence on female bodies for so many years, for this person to then come out and lay claim to having a female body without ever taking responsibility for past actions, it almost did my head in. While growing up, I was taught to center this person’s feelings and to stifle my own emotions. I’m no longer doing that.
I hope you heal, I truly feel for you as I know what growing up like that is. Wish you the best 💖
Being parentified by mentally ill parents is a stolen childhood. My heart is with you.
You sound angry at the "male". You should be no less angry at women who create and support anti-female and anti-child policies in the name of ideologies over good values.
@@ellasoes8325 pretty sure there is plenty of anger in that direction as well.
Please share your story on a website like that. I'm sure they'd be interested in hearing from (adult) children of trans. Trans orphan?
This affects women across the world. A person I follow, retweeted TA and I had no idea that there was this level of support for women like me. I had been keeping my story and pain to myself for 15 yrs. No one wanted to hear what I had to say. These women have helped me enormously come to terms with the abuse I experienced. Thank you TA, xox
Trans widows voices helped me so much. Reading the stories from other women, I saw the same things that had happened to me and realised that I wasn’t alone. Thank you, Tinsel. ❤️
I am a Lesbian former trans ally until I woke up and realized how spouses suffered! As a feminist I can not live with myself to continue as a trans ally!
I am a lesbian and former trans ally too. I only found out about trans widows when I was already becoming critical of transgenderism. It's a shame that this aspect of the whole discourse is pushed aside and ignored to often.
If someone is repeatedly crossing your boundaries that person is at the very least a narcissist and probably a sociopath or psychopath
Thank you for hosting Tinsel. She is an incredible woman who has done so much extremely important work. We must continue to listen to what transwidows say - they have an insight into the reality of this situation that (fortunately for us) most of us simply don't have.
Nothing says acting like a man like saying, “I am burning down our life and YOU WILL LOVE IT OR ELSE”
Yes in this case they can lord "no fault" divorce over their wife.
In the US here. I’m really thankful for these stories. I feel really alone in this. I this year divorced my partner of over 20 years. My partner came out as mtf trans and is transitioning. We have a child together on the spectrum and this has been very hard for us. My time with my husband was also not easy and as a male he was not a good husband. He had drug and alcohol issues. As a female she is still not a good person and is very hurt I rejected her and now is using our child as a way to continue to be in my life. While due to being in a liberal state I get to pay her support since I make more money and need to supplement my child’s living in her home (shared custody). My child meanwhile does nothing of value while in her care and I still have to carry all educational, medical, social and all other child rearing responsibilities in my time.
I do resonate with the term “widow”. My husband is dead or never truly existed. This narcissistic shell of a woman that is left I don’t like and I have to share my baby with her until I can prove it’s not to his benefit (which in my liberal state is hard!).
Should you be referring to him as "her"?
@@ellasoes8325 I’m honestly not sure if you are shaming me for slipping up and saying “he” a few times early in or saying “she” through most. That’s how hard this is! 😂 Legally that is the case now. My ex-husband changed their gender markers. She is legally a woman though biologically was born as a man. It makes story telling challenging because we were man and wife for years so I don’t feel correct using feminine pronouns really for story telling bits of the historic marriage. It feels wrong to me for my own story. But I have an autistic child and this is extremely difficult for him to understand so I do my best to keep the pronouns “right” so he (my child) doesn’t get more confused due to my total confusion! Dad gets very upset if someone messes up pronouns including our special needs son.
I’m so sad to hear you went through this. Honestly if you’re referring to him as ‘her’ I think you still have a journey ahead and some healing to do. He is a man, always has and will be. This is a very male paraphilia.
@@HellCatt0770 I’m sure you are right. I don’t think I can ever heal from this. I feel truly broken. I’m trying for my child to be the best parent I can. He needs one solid parent.
@@abunchofcatsstuffedinatren5288 - Husband came out as trans after 43 years of marriage. He had intimate relations with men before and throughout our marriage. In fact he came out as 'heterosexual' as in that moment he was the woman, in gesture and voice, etc., I totally understand your need to support your child. The verbal confusion is damaging to the non-trans person. I don't know how Dad gets very upset when someone messes up pronouns but it's important that your child calls her Dad, and if I may suggest, avoid pronouns in favor of Dad, e.g., give Dad instead of give her.
Great to hear from you Tinsel, thanks for this
People want to hear that there was something wrong with the trans widows that made them prone to falling victim of that kind of abuse - this is called victim blaming and it's a common psychological coping strategy: "If you did something to bring this onto yourself, then I have some control over the same not happening to me, I must just not do what you did."
People do that in the context of domestic abuse but also other situations, for example if someone was killed in a car crash, people will want to believe they had been speeding or drinking, because accepting that bad things sometimes just happen to totally undeserving people is too disturbing, too scary.
AGPs are narcissistic abusers by definition if they hide their fetish and eventually decide to abandon their wives to live it full time. Abusers will twist the kindest most loving partner into a shell of herself. They are very clever and hide their red flags until the couple is married or even married w kids. No, there is no specific kind of abused wife. But there certainly is a certain type of abuser!
@@juniper3238 some want children but not the wife that comes with them. They marry a uterus not a woman.
Great podcast, well done. One thing I do disagree with though is the point on the detransitioners, I feel like they are gagged too because they don’t fit in with the everything is kittens and rainbows once you transition narrative. I’ve seen them put down and silenced many times.
Thank you for your work, women.
it's amazing how similar a lot of t widow stories are. there's definitely a pattern to how AGP develops and changes a person
So interesting to hear from perspective of the women affected by manipulative AGP partners. Trans widows’s voices should be heard loud and clear.
Abusers are practiced at knowing where boundaries are a d how and when to cross them. Everyone likes to think they're too clever to be a victim but that only shows they're lucky to have never drawn the attention of an abuser
I am one of those women saying “men can wear what they like, doesn’t make them a woman” and now I’m seeing this differently! I guess I thought women want to wear, what was traditionally not seen as feminine, so men should be able to wear non masculine things. It’s not that simple is it?!
No - becasue women were not wearing men´s clothes for feeling masculine or as a sexual fetish but becasue it was not possible to do most sports in skirts. First women trousers were made for bicycle riding. Because you would risk your life riding a bicycle in long vistorian skirt...
I was driving the other day I'm a 68 year old straght man that crossdresers. I saw a woman she had blue hair and was wearing trousers I doubt if anyone gave her a second thought. Katherine hepburn in the 1930 caused an absolute scandal in Hollywood. How. By wearing trousers. It was on the cusp of being iligal in America at that time. When I grew up men didnt have tattoos. Only if you where in the merchant navy or gypsy would a man have one. Swimming the other day it was hard to find a woman that didnt have one. Out of all the things in this world to get upset about how someone presents themselves is prity minor.
Unbelievable how women constantly betray each other. Bless you, Tinsel, and thank you.
Thank you for this.
Thanks for the gem drop observation about AGP at 14:34mark: Any fetish based on the subordination of women, by definition, cannot be victimless. Women must be subordinate for the fetish to exist
ETA more gem quotes 28:23mark, RE the famous tweet: "Wear what you like..." which sounds very well in theory, but Trans Widows experience that differently, rendering the quote a naive understanding on what motivates men who like to wear women's clothes. They're not wearing their partner's yoga pants & baggy cardigans. It's high heels, suspenders (garter belts) & padded bras ... and most often introduced gradually.
OnTopic: The transwidow of Erin in the Morning had to get it written into their divorce agreement that Erin had to stop stealing her clothes.
📘Sex Changes: A Memoir of Marriage, Gender, and Moving On, by Christine Benvenuto
Is that the ex-wife of this state legislator, Zephyr something?
As a trans widow, I will have to read this
I just can’t imagine having sympathy for the man 😮
Why not? If he deines to live as a woman, nobody has the right to deny him that.
Thank you. Every time I think I’ve peaked to the full, I peak a little further. I shall never say “wear gender nonconforming clothes if you like”.
There’s nothing wrong in the slightest at being “transphobic”
It’s the lying that needs to stop
Across the board
I don’t know if this falls under the category of lesbian trans widows, but I have certainly seen cases in which a young woman “transitions” and then becomes involved with - and sometimes marries - another woman.
I really wonder about the “cis” woman. If she is straight, no hellish surgery is going to make her spouse a real man. If she is gay, her spouse is trying to become an approximation of the sex to which she is not attracted. I’m bi, and I cannot imagine finding it remotely okay, either.
Friend o mine claimed her daughter in law (not married) was bisexual and had lived w a woman before. Turned out it was a man identifying as a woman🙄
There not claiming to be women. There claiming to be trans women. It's like saying your not a lesbian because your a women and women are attracted to men. No some women are but others are attracted to women and men and just men and trans people. .
I would be interested to know how many men become trans widowers. We mostly hear about the widows.
Woman don't throw their lives away to live a fetish. Perhaps some gay men have had this experience with a partner, but 99% of AGPs are straight men.
@@juniper3238 How do we know they are "straight"? And how can you make such a blanket statement about women as if women are identical? I suppose you also believe straight men rarely or never suffer domestic abuse? Sick how many men suffer at the hands of women and how much women can lie with tears and narcissistic self-defense and fool everyone around them as they abuse their husbands and children.
Since AGP has no recorded female equivalent, it doesn’t make sense that it would even happen the other way around. No women are getting turned on by the thought of the male version of themselves, demanding that the husband and society refers to her as a man. That’s so ridiculous to even write. I mean, perhaps it exists. Perhaps.
But data does show that destructive and obsessive paraphilias almost exclusively affect men and men only.
There is the phenomenon of straight women fetishising gay male culture,attempting to transition and entering gay male spaces under false pretences by larping as gay men.
This is not exactly the same as AGP (the clue is the "G" in the acronym) but is arguably as abusive and perverse.
@ellasoes8325 are you making it a competition in which sex can be the most abusive? .......MEN, men who are STRAIGHT and decided they are TRANS are abusive, fetishistic, STRAIGHT AGPS dear and nothing you can say sir will nake this any different
I also loved a man who struggled with dysphoria, and had gone through periods of seeing himself as a trans woman, on and off. Although he was perfectly honest about it from the get-go. And it wasn't a deal-breaker to me, because I fall in love with souls more so than bodies, as a biromantic (mostly) asexual person myself. So he wasn't deceptive. Nor was he really all that delusional about it. Because he fully admitted and understood that he was male by sex, whether he liked it or not. And that that could not be changed. But.. he still experienced dysphoria, though. Along with literally a SLEW of other issues!! Learning disability, OCD, ADHD, bipolar / schizoaffective, and I'm almost certain he had undiagnosed autism as well. Not to mention EXTREME addiction, with literally ZERO impulse control, ("only" to pot and alcohol while the two of us were together, but I know he's been into harder drugs as well, before I met him), which made him repeatedly lie to me and betray me. Which was what finished us off. He broke my fucking heart! Because I really, REALLY loved him! But I have also since come to realize: he was basically still a dysfunctional child, mentally and emotionally. It was not that he outright wanted to hurt me. But he still did it anyway, due to all his copious issues + lack of maturity.
Anyway... As far as the gender dysphoria goes, it was VERY obviously connected with his other issues! Mental illness and developmental disabilities, etc... He even realized as much himself, he said! Which was why he at least kept his wits about him not to do anything irreversible to his body. I certainly hope it stays that way! As I still care about him on many levels, and would hate to see him medically self-harm in such a way. But obviously, he no longer owes me anything, now that we're no longer together. And I think me loving him, and already being GC at the time, helped make him more skeptical of the gender narrative, and overall less likely to screw up his body, back then. So.. I just don't know what his future holds, sadly. :(
Anyway, his being bisexual and a more feminine person obviously also had something to do with his dysphoria. And while I do NOT think he was personality disordered..? I've still seen research showing that personality disorders, (especially BPD / borderline), are MASSIVELY overrepresented in the trans identifying / "queer" community! Sure makes you wonder why that is, hey? And why chronic emotional instability + relationship issues + histrionics and abusive narcissism so often accompany trans identity... I think in many cases, it is just another symptom of mental illness! And an indication that someone is very obviously unwell. It should not be medicalized, unquestioningly condoned, or socially glorified, like it is now. All that does is enable obviously mentallly ill people to self harm! And is really no better, in my view, than encouraging and "affirming" a depressed cutter's urge to cut themselves, or an anorexic person's twisted and distorted body image, by telling them that YES, they are indeed still too fat... How disgusting! And just about everyone agrees that that would be 100% just WRONG! But somehow, still, with gender ideology in specific..? That no longer applies! And we're supposed to just unquestioningly affirm people's delusions, and obviously pathological hatred of their bodies! To the point that regular, explorative therapy for dysphoria is now being outlawed in many countries, under supposed "conversion therapy" laws, so that only MINDLESS and totally unquestioning affirmation, ("affirmative therapy"), is allowed! When obviously, explorative therapy, that truly CHALLENGES these people's delusions, hang-ups and dysfunctions, is exactly what they need! It is absolutely SICK! And I guess the biggest paradox of all..? Is: we are getting to a place where society is literally sicker and more delusional / psychotic than its actual mental patients! And can therefore no longer tell them what's real vs. what isn't, and give them the kind of grounding, mental support, and REALITY based treatment, that they need! Shit makes me SO fucking angry. Speaking as someone who truly wants the best for these people, and for ALL mentally ill people. And the best for them in this situation..? Sure as hell is NOT unquestioningly affirming the very delusional beliefs that are harming them!
..I also think it's MASSIVELY important, for exactly this reason, that gender dysphoria once again gets back in the DSM as a mental illness! Which is exactly what it is, always has been, and always will be! Political correctness be damned. End of rant.
EDIT: (Because it was cathartic to write about this.) Almost forgot, I also once dated a guy who was not merely troubled, but in fact a complete and utter asshole! (About a decade or so ago, when I was younger and dumber...) He was sexually desperate and entitled, to the point of forcing himself on me, (never mind my very OBVIOUS disinterest and discomfort, because.. asexual), and repeatedly trying to rape me! Plus he was also self-absorbed, clueless, and very emotionally detached, with seemingly ZERO emotional intelligence or empathy! Very brainy and academic, though. I think him too an undiagnosed autistic. Probably a high-functioning aspie, or some such. And sure... He was not an alpha macho male, no. But there was also not even the SLIGHTEST shred of anything feminine, or even remotely womanly, about him! Just an abusive, self-centered, creepy-@ss attempted rapist, is all. I was VERY relieved to be rid of him, when I finally did!
..Then about 5 years or so ago..? I hear from my sister, who's still got him added on Facebook, that he has since "transitioned", and decided that he is somehow a woman now! Reduced me to absolute complete and utter RAGE! As fucking if!!! I was already peaked at the time, but you can betcha if I hadn't been..? It sure as hell would have happened then! ALL the way!! I rest my case. And I'm thinking, maybe next time around, I'll try a lesbian relationship again! I had one when I was young, that was absolutely lovely.
Agree with you 100%, it’s an absolute disgrace it’s not treated as a mental illness and I have often used the eating disorder comparison myself. You might want to rethink the lesbian route though, they are being told they must accept trans women as being lesbians, you might inadvertently end up with one of your exes, lol
I know you wrote this awhile ago but I want to say I'm sorry you went through all that🙏
I know this isn't the main point here, but most people, especially women, are asexual until they meet the right person. Being sexual doesn't mean you go around turned on by every human you see, it means that you're capable of having sexual feelings and performing sexual actions occasionally.
It bothers me that when it comes to Gender Affirming "Care" (I'm using that "care" term loosely) is that there doesn't seem to be a way to prove a negative.
If I walked into my doctor's office and claim I had a broken arm, the doctor can perform an x-ray, thus proving with absolute certainty that I don't have a broken arm. That is proving a negative.
When I ask people how do you prove that someone isn't trans, they don't have an answer. Most ignore me, but the funniest answer was, "You can see it in their eyes." No, that was seriously their answer. They go on about this theory of "girl brain" or whatever. Okay, so why aren't brain scans part of diagnosis? Men and women's brains a very different, after all. If you really had a "woman's brain" in a man's body, then it should show on a brain scan. Another tells me, "They show signs at the age of three." When I ask to elaborate, they answered, "Shows interest in boy things" and I asked if they believe that children can be nonconforming, and I'm told "yes." Okay, cool. How do you tell the difference between non conforming and trans? Again, no answer.
@@TheRisky9 womens and mens brains aren't all that different other than size. Brains are not the organ used to determine ones sex. That would be which gamete type your body is structured towards producing.
I don’t understand why American women aren’t speaking up :(
Yet
Storms coming
Because they are politically and socially liberal progressives and ascribe to political and social ideologies such as feminism and communism. Yes, women will deny it but the ballot box and where we are in life today, proves it. Women are rarely independent thinkers and are easily propagandized into believing in fake-virtue. Women literally voted for and shouted loudly for the current LGBTQ situation that is the subject here. Women did this to women and children.
John money, Alfred kinsey, rothblatt, striker, follow the MEN dear. Follow the money 💰 surgeons, psychology and psychiatric people, endocrine society and anyone that pushes this bull cr.p should be in the MENS prison, the women who are pushing this should also be in prison the WOMENS prison
It's easy to tell other people to be 'kind'... they are not dealing with it. Don't forget men are often the ones to be supported and pitied on divorce ...'who is going to cook his Sunday lunch?' , irrespective of his behaviour
It's no fault divorce that feminists wanted that makes it easy for you to be abused & left because there are no longer pressures on anyone to address their own personal issues when they blow up regardless of what they maybe. Your trans ? "do what you need to do for yourself". Women: Your "unhappy" you do what you need to do best for yourself. "the culture of narcissism" Christopher Lasch . Psychiatrists started writing about this in the late 1970s for some reason, any ideas ?
You don't have to, and shouldn't, be kind to a person who unilaterally decides to change the relationship (usually from straight to "lesbian"), who chooses to live out his corn fantasy 24/7, who insists it's normal and he's a "girl" just like others. I have no issue with adults cross-dressing in the privacy of their own home or at kink clubs. But making that a 24/7/public lifestyle is harmful. I'd be so embarrassed to walk next to a man living out his kink when we're just getting groceries or dropping the kids off at school... No one has to stay around for that. Kids shouldn't have to be around this.
@eological_transexual7414 what a load of bollocks. No fault divorce made it possible for women to leave violent and damaging marriages. It is still dangerous to do so (violent ex-husbands can make a woman's life a living hell, even AFTER a divorce. They even unalive their former wives). Way to blame the women.......a-effing-gain.
Why do we assume that a transwoman is a hero and a victim? Like anyone else, they may be the perpetrator or the victim of abuse or violence. It’s how we all behave as people.
💚🤍💜
You’re not widows.
You are divorcees.
I wonder if there is a similar organisation to Trans Widows Voices called Gay Widows Voices?
Or would that just be overtly grotesque homophobia? 🤔
And yet trans women, who are very much alive, use the dramatic term "deadname". One rule for the goose, another for the gander.
@@BellamyBlue fair point and very relevant to context
As a gay woman, I gotta say I fully understand women having immense grief after getting a divorce from a gay man. You would question what the whole marriage was and like you wasted your time. Not homophobic in my opinion.
I don’t think Gay Widows would be homophobic. It’s not homophobic (or in the cases of trans widows, transphobic) to mourn the person you thought your spouse was.
@@BellamyBlueExactly my thoughts! If the old name is dead, what does it mean? They want the name to be dead, but the woman who married the man with this name to become a "lesbian wife" rather than a widow....