I love the "Where's your Adult". Perfect. Mums, Dads, Aunties, Uncles, Grannies, Grandads, Step-parents, Foster-parents, Child-Minders. There can be such a range.
Exactly! So tired of people telling me how cruel kids can be, instead of taking accountability for their actions and for how they raise their kids to behave 😠
Canadian paperwork uses parents and guardians a lot. Not even to be inclusive of queer people specifically but because kids can get raised by other relatives, have blended families, god parents, etc.
Yeah, we can be accidentally inclusive. Although we are very inclusive of queer families. As the non-birth parent, we do not have to adopt our children like some in the US do. When our baby is born, we just put birth parent and non-birth parent names on the birth cert just like anyone else might. I'm grateful for that.
Where I'm from there's also always written parent/legal guardian. But sadly we don't have gay marries yet. We have something similar, but it's not a marriage per se. I really hope it'll change...
My brother is a disable single parent to 4 kids. Their bio Mother values drugs & getting high over being a quality parent. My mother & I took on custodial guardianship of the kids. I am an open single gay male. The kids have grown up in a loving non traditional environment. I attended high basketball & baseball games, dance recitals & 2 high school graduations. I am known as Guncle Robb as am recognized as their parent. 3 adults of 3 different generations have raised 2 of our children to adulthood with the last two heading into high school. Conservatives would have had the kids taken away & raised in foster care instead of by 3 loving adults one who happens to be gay. The kids are loved, cared for & well adjusted. A non-nuclear family is just as valid as any family with heteronormative parents. All kids want is to be loved & cared for regardless of the sex or who their parents are.
People who never have to question their beliefs are like that. Also, people who are shamed for ever breaking their expected gender role... and also people who are deeply miserable for other reasons and want everyone else to be JUST as miserable
In Greece right now this debate is really prevalent after the legalization of same-sex marriage early this year. We had a conversation about queer rights in class with our essay teacher and it was a long debate. She was saying how she supports the right to gay marriage but is against adoption from same-sex couples because "the stigma from society would be too much for them" and "the children didn't ask to be raised in a homosexual household in a country where homophobia is really prevalent". I wish this video existed earlier so that I would have the correct vocabulary and knowledge of research papers to win the debate instead of having to abide by a middle line.
I always find it fascinating that the "a child needs a mummy *and* a daddy"-brigade (who also often disparage single parents...) never seem to apply those arguments to, say, war widows... 🤔🙄
It’s been pointed out in response to “a child needs a father in their life!” arguments that fathers have historically been off working or straight-up dead, and the kids were fine because the de facto single/actually widowed mother was financially supported. I married, had a baby, divorced, remarried, had another baby, and am now widowed. I can tell you I have gotten a TON more financial support being widowed than I did being divorced, though the problem of raising a kid being expensive is the same! 😒
I was essentially raised by a single mother with 3 other siblings, just having 2 parents whether or not same-sex sounds great. Most importantly you just need positive adult figures in your life. I have a bachelor degree, can fix a car and cook just fine...
Just FYI for some reason the sound was very echo-ey in this video, perhaps something has changed in your setup because it's usually much better... I realize you may not be able to notice
@@felixbelanger2659noticed that too & I think she might have changed her audio setup a bit coz there's definitely two different recorders with different settings now. I remember those closeups used to seem like they were digitally zoomed in post but these seem different. I also think that she may have been a bit tired or something because she's got a bit of a lisp here so that's another reason why it might seem different from some of her other videos. Or the maybe-new mics are so much more sensitive that I'm hearing more subtle mouth sounds that I've never heard before.
@@salemsaberhagan what really stuck out to me is the echo! It could be something as simple a closed door or window, furniture moved around or something like that. A different mic could also explain it.
So many people don't know that disabled people lose benefits and healthcare coverage if we get married. In the US, I can only marry another disabled person who has the same benefits that I do in the same government programs. That defeats the practical purpose of marriage in the first place.
I didn't know. And I lost my benefits by casualty mentioning I was in a defacto relationship. In Australia, if you've lived with someone for a year and "act like a couple" (split expenses, present as a couple, etc) then it's the same thing as marriage
In the UK we often can't even live with our partners. They often have to either take on the cost of supporting the disabled partner, or give up their jobs entirely. This setup of tying the disabled person's income to their partners often leads to financial abuse.
jwb52z9 Come again? My husband works and yes his income impacts my social security supplemental income. But there is no policy in the United States that says that I can't get married.
@@shawnahaddan3674 Yes, you can, if you can live with losing your benefits, which happens to a lot of disabled Americans, unless you marry someone else disabled and with the same programs you use for help. I'd instantly lose all my eligibility for everything I need if I marry anyone financially worth marrying.
I'm a child of straight parents and I call both my parents by their full names and adress them with formal pronouns (in my language, plural "you" is a respectful form).
Doesn’t that make you feel… separated, distant? From your parents? I grew up German and for the longest time I didn’t understand why people saw polite speach as better to informal speach. To me polite is distancing and informal is honest.
This was really nice. Having two moms, most of those studies seem to check out in my case. I have felt a lot freer to explore who I am, I felt comfortable coming out to them as aromantic/asexual because I knew that even if they didn’t understand, they would accept me for who I am. There was none of that “the man of the house does x and the woman of the house does y” nonsense. The worst thing about having two moms for me is that I’ve got a hyphenated last name and online platforms for school are always doing bizarre stuff like just using one name, scrunching into one word, etc.
Hey Jessica. I can't provide the citation for this one, I will keep looking, I recall a long running study into adulthood (18-20 years) of the life outcomes of children adopted by same-sex couples. The outcomes of the study, whose title suggested to me it started from a thesis that those children might have been "disadvantaged", found very much the opposite. Children adopted into same sex couples fared better (the percentage was about 20+%) in their path to adulthood than those adopted by different sex couples. It cited all of the indicators you describe in terms of resilience, lack of mental health issues and better: social adjustment, happiness, and academic performance etc.. This study was compelling enough that many social services agencies in North America began favouring same sex couples as adoptive parents. And by favouring (not a typo, I am a Canadian), I mean that the scoring methods used to rate the suitability of couples as adoptive parents resulted in higher scores. Not to disparage the wonderful different sex parents in the world, but it does bring into question the stereotype of "normal" families. This is not a surprise to me, as it is only logical that those persons who find themselves challenged by the stereotype may work harder to become parents and be invested than "average" in their role, and in their children's well-being and quality-of-life. Footnote: My 4 siblings and I were raised by different-sex parents and, while we siblings love other very much, every single one of us has mental health issues (some significant) stemming from our childhood. Love this channel, and love to your wonderful family.
I think one person's comment really hits the crux of it for couples who cannot conceive without interventions or at all: making a conscious choice to be parents makes it a very intentional act. I think for many of us, even in Canada (like me) where there has maybe been more acceptance of the Queer communities, we still have experiences or memories of people being cruel, hurtful, or hateful to us simply because of our identities. This makes one want to teach their children to be loving and accepting. Also, we have diverse friend groups or maybe more involved with diversity and inclusion efforts. It does not mean that different sex parents cannot have diversity in their lives, but it just seems so inherent when one is 2SLGBTQI+. (nonsequitur: I appreciated your qualifying your spelling was correct, although Jessica would spell it the same way, so it must have been for the commenters LOL). Cheers, fellow Canuck.
It used to be relatively common for unmarried or widowed women to take foster kids, especially if a relative had more than they could afford to support. And some of them these women had "a friend" who they lived with. Nobody batted an eye, as it was believed to be friendship an co-living only and not sexual.
Oh wow. I did not realise how much I needed the sweetly spoken 'just asking questions... I have LOTS of gay friends so I can't be homophobic' type homophobia to be called out until I saw this. The 'teacher' character really hit all the feels - in a 'wow, I know this person' kind of way. Thanks Jessica
One of my core memories is from middle school; another student had asked how my moms could have a kid if there wasn't a man present (with the presumption that cishet sex was the only way a person could get pregnant). I didn't catch on to the fact that my peer was trying to shame me (thanks autism!), so I proceeded to explain to him, and the entire class, the basics of IVF and my moms' experience in their GIFT program. Even the teacher was quiet, listening to my little speech. It is one of my happiest memories and always will be! Even before my middle school days, having two moms was less of an issue than the fact that my bio mom is white and my other mom is black (I am biracial, but ultimately brown). Another core memory took place on the rfamily cruiselines in the mid 2000s; Rosie O'Donnell's (tho they are moreso Kelly's) children were speaking to the kids there about our shared experiences as children of nontraditional families. One of the eldest kids asked, "how many of you are gay?" and nearly everyone's hand went up (we were like 3-5 years old, don't judge). Then they asked, "how many of you are gay because your parents are gay?" And my hand went straight to my lap, quite emphatically. I already knew that girlhood wasn't for me, and that boys are better for friendship than romance. Thinking back on this memory, I always feel so much joy knowing that I was confident in my own identity, far before I had the words/terms to describe it all. As a biracial, genderqueer child of two moms, I can confirm that my life -- while not devoid of stress and difficulty (thanks autism!) -- growing up the way I did, in the environemnt I did, saved me a lot of time and energy when it came to finding myself. If given a choice, I wouldn't have it any other way!
According to some books, it was a kind of fashion in late 70's to call parents (not even stepparents) by their names. My nephew in 90's called "Mom *Name*" and "Dad *Name*". It seemed to me more uncomfortable when my parents stopped calling each other by name completely.
i'll never get over how absurd this argument is. It's the same as "singles mothers can't do a good enough job" "Getting divorced is bad for your kids" when all of the problems generally come from external factors like oh a single mum can't spend as much time with her kids because she needs to work more hours (due to wage inequality or an overall cost of living issue, not to mention nobody ever questions when both parents work hard and long hours? or kids that have a FIFO parent?) and how, actually, kids who have parents that divorce amicably and effectively resolve the conflict have little to no issues with their kids that stem from the divorce and often the kids benefit from seeing how to healthily navigate that situation. like was mentioned, "but aren't you worried your child will be bullied" so teach your child to not be a bully. similar to "girls shouldn't wear that" teach your boys to respect people's bodies and boundaries. All these arguments when challenging heterosexual social norms almost always boil down to some form of sexism and i think that says a lot honestly.
Hot take: same sex couples have more potential for being good parents because they have to go through hoops to have a child, so they are sure they REALLY want it. Says I, person raised by single mother.
💁🏻 foster parent here who loves when folk don't assume I am mum. The opposite can be so tricky. Very happy to be referred to as someone's adult; thankyou Rupert 😊
Some children of heteronormative couples are not wanted at conception, which doesn't mean they are not wanted later. However, some parents are just "lucking" into having children, solely going through with pregnancy and childrearing because everybody does that and it is their right to have children. It would be fascinating, to see the statistics, when on the other side are children, who where conceived through IUI, or IVF, for different sex couples. Hopefully I didn't butcher that, english isn't my native language.
This was such a great video. You’re so right, it’s incredibly frustrating to have to walk around with a stack of research papers just to defend yourself as a parent. The number of times that I, an asexual non-binary single parent by choice, have had to defend that I deliberately had a child by myself with statistics about how children of single parents where the trauma of divorce and/or poverty is not present do the same or better than those with two parents… it’s exhausting.
I was so impressed with the look of your "college genius" (with the glasses), but then she started to talk, and my impression rapidly sank into (delete "dislike") despair. Another character well played. Please bear with my own awkward idiotic comments.
Why be so unkind to yourself? Your comment was not awkward or idiotic! If you're joking, I'm sorry if I misunderstood, but thought it was worth saying!
I am very happy ypu made this. While I have hetro parents. I am a single mo by choice. Information went out while my children were small shamming single parents that is was bad and the parent was bad. It always bothered me. What should I do have an abusive dad in my children's life!? No Absolutely not.
Great video, as always. But two technical aspects: 1. The sound quality suddenly worsens in the middle of the video 2. Why are there random numbers in the subtitles occasionally?
The numbers refer to the speakers. So 1 is Jessica, while 2 is the character objecting (glasses). It’s to show a shift in speaker. If they were named it would have the names instead
I wish I could half as well-spoken as Jessica. She puts in a lot of effort that most of us can not be bothered to do in-order to present this information in such a clear and concise way. What a gem of a person honestly and when she stops to sigh in disappointment on something I FEEL that lol
BRO I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS CLEVER WITH THE “MAPA” TITLE IDEA BUT I WAS BEAT TO THE PUNCH 😭 Okay I’m back bc I just realized smth: By people being taught that only men & women can be in sexual or romantic relationships just bc that’s always been what’s depicted in media or in real life, we just never seemed to understand sexual orientation or romantic orientation, nor the variety of them, hence people being ignorant to orientations
So pleasing to learn these stats Jessica, having children wasn't an option when we got together in the early eighties. It's lovely to know that, as we'd expect, children of gay parents thrive and do well, not only that but its being documented so we can use it on those people like your wonderfully ghastly bespectacled Jessica character! I'm sure others will mention that the sound on your forward facing camera went a bit echoey, I'm just playing it through again to get a time stamp. I thought there was a specific spot where it got worse...yes there it is at 09.34 sounds like a battery gave up and the sound was picked up by another device. Didnt affect my enjoyment and fascination of your video but being aware that you cannot hear the nuances i thought I'd mention it. I love the format of your latest videos, you're a really good actor.👍🤗🥰
You are so amazing at explaining this. I'm going to show this to my mom who just can't get her brain around this. She has 3 great grandchildren who are in same sex relationships and she is baffled.
Your videos are always so bittersweet. A lot of cute stories and relieving studies, but the prejudices still sting so much. Also, asking: "Is this your adult?", is kinda metal!🥰
THANK YOU for talking about adoption-related trauma as part of your research! I did not expect it in this video, so it was really validating to me, as an adopted adult raising a biological child, to have someone outside the adoption community bring it up. ❤❤❤
Years ago my mom made friends with a bean she met while in the hospital they had kids after taking the time to explain they were a little different type of parents than what we saw every day Dutch and Cookie came to dinner with their kids. We(the kids) were sent off to play Thinking back on it now my biggest concern was where they going to be any fun. Course this was 40 years ago and my parents weren't typical for the times. Fear breeds fear tolerance breeds tolerance.
I think something we are all missing is the fact that for people who are against us, being LGBT is wrong period. They don't want children having ANY LGBT role models or influences in their lives (including characters in film and literature, celebrities, political representatives, teachers, anyone the child sees or interacts with frequently, most ESPECIALLY parents) because the child will grow up more tolerant or supportive of being LGBT, or god forbid discover and accept their OWN queerness. So you can throw as much data about the impact of same sex parents on children as you want at them but it won't matter. At the end of the day anything less than teaching them that "being LGBT is NOT ok" will never be enough.
This is exactly what I was saying in another comment. Most of these people value maintaining a lack of tolerance towards LGBTIQIA+ people in society more than they will ever value the safety of children. But as usual, they hide behind children. They are often the kind of people that will ignore harm that cisheternormative parents are doing to their children if that harm is for the end of making those children also cisheternormative. In that case they might not even view it as harm, or if they do acknowledge it is harm, they see it as something that is deserved for 'choosing' to be LGBTQIA. They would likely say it is fine for queer and trans kids to be kicked out or taken to conversion therapy or forced to dress or act in a particular way, even if that has provable demonstrative harm to actual children. Same gender couples are 'harmful' because they might 'queer or trans their children' (not true but they believe it), or make them tolerant of queer and trans people. But if someone is emotionally abusing their children into being or pretending to be a gender conforming cisheterosexual? That's fine. It truly has nothing to do with the safety of children. It has to do with maintaining cisheternormativity. That said, I do think there are probably some people that are genuinely just ignorant or unaware of their own biases, so research lke this can be helpful in pointing out that they exist and aren't based in reality. Those people might be easier to reach than people who are simply using protecting children as a trojan horse for bigotry. It's also helpful to have actual evidence to point to when it comes to making laws or legislation. Obviously even in the presence of AMPLE evidence horrible oppressive laws are still being passed, but at the very least it is easier to argue against them if there is a solid case with evidence, even if the onus shouldn't fall on us to prove we aren't evil when there is no existing evidence to prove we are.
I love that he says adult, yes please. it's the best and makes me feel even better as a kid of absent parents when I was out with my friends parents, instead of someone seeing me without my mom, maybe I could be out with "my adult" and the neglect might not matter bc I am just at the park with an adult.
As someone who was born to a mom and a dad, but mostly raised by just the mom because my dad was a bit of a slacker when it came to children, I can honestly say that I am so happy to be relatively "normal" as an adult.
As a woman who has a young child that realized I'm actually gay (but still have a great friendship with my ex husband), it's really intimidating to be a "late in life lesbian". I'm scared ill never find a woman who wants a second child. I want one more but I'm already 32
You are one of my all time favourite creators. I love your aesthetic, your openness, the topics you cover, how it is so noticeable when you are angry with something but you still smile and act kind to really push it to the edge. Thanks for putting a smile on my face with each video❤
"Adult" also works well for if a child is out and about with their much older sibling, and avoids the horrific awkwardness of calling someone's sister or brother their mum or dad!
We have a now teenager who calls me (bio mum) Mama and other mum Mama Auntie. We chose to have and raise said kiddo in Canada, and while kiddo and I both adore my home country, Canada is amazing and an excellent choice. Canada has had gay marriage since 2005 federally (2003 in some provinces and in the military) and both same sex and opposite sex couples can be declared common-law married and have the same rights regarding each other’s pensions, inheritance, etc with or without a legal certificate. Even 14 years ago we could have both mums on the birth certificate. Trust me, Canada’s not perfect, but it’s better than my part of the UK for much of the issues related to same sex marriage and parenting. Yay 🇨🇦!
i was a child of a nuclear family, it was a massive failure thats left me mentally scarred for life. many others share my story. nuclear is not better. it depends on personal compatibility, and many people are compatible with the same sex!
In my opinion the problem with two moms is that it's easy to get stuck in a loop of "go ask mom" and you have to deal with twice the amount of dad jokes if you have two dads
back when i was in school in 2012, i wrote a paper on this exact issue and that paper went on to showcase my school to the board of education! it felt very validating of not only my writing ability but also my identity as this was the same year i came to terms with my own queerness (and all of society's views on the subject)
I'd like to think it doesn't matter what kind of family a child has as long as the parent/s are attentive, caring and loving and try to be a decent role model. I come from a single mother working class household but she always advocated for my needs and it didn't stop me from getting a master's degree. I knew a interracial family locally where the dad worked part time and the mum full time as they were comfortable financially and didn't need to work more (so traditional gender roles in reverse) and their kids were fine, actually thriving. They were aware of possible judgements and discrimination too, it shouldn't be like that, if we must judge anything, it should be actions. There are horrible and decent people in all walks of life. The same with success, we all have different definitions for it.
I work at a school where there are a lot of students in foster care or being raised by other relatives, so I usually will refer to their guardians as their "grown-ups".
It’d be interesting to compare parents that made an intentional point to have their kid vs incidental parents. I suspect most of the benefit to same sex parents is that intention.
I just love your nervous Nellie, devil's advocate alter ego in this video! I've spoken to that person so many times in my life. Your acting is impeccable! And the Academy Award goes to... Jessica Kellgren-Fozard!
In a society where it seems more common than ever before to have a narcissistic or neglectful mother, and a deadbeat or absentee father, I consider the kids with two dads or two moms very privileged indeed. As for role models, that's mostly bs. I have a very masculine father, but I turned out pretty feminine for a guy. My friend is hypermasculine and was raised by a very feminine single mother. Kids don't need two parents with different genitals, they need love, caring, a compassionate ear, an education, protection, consistency, etc. and all that can be provided by one or two parents of any gender.
I'm a lesbian in their late twenties who was raised by lesbians and conceived with a known sperm donor in the 90s. I turned out fine! I'm so happy this is becoming more "normal" for Rupert's generation of queer spawn and that videos like this exist for queers having babies now
I did not have same sex parents but my parents/family were just chill with allowing me to express myself at least through clothes and haircut (mostly until I was a 12 and wanted to bleach my own hair and make it bubblegum pink... which now I appreciate I would have ended up bald) I was so interested in cars and motor vehicles when I was little my grandma sewed me a blanket full of them, I also loved the cute princess dresses she made for me.
While my boyfriend and I are a "straight" couple, we are a cis woman and trans man. I do wonder how that will effect insurance coverage for fertility services when the time comes.
My partner is Gender Fluid & both of us are Pansexual. We are both on disability for mostly different chronic illnesses. We don't make enough to even pay our rent without help from our respective parents. If we were to get married, we'd lose about half of our already meager pay checks. We've decided against the typical wedding & marriage licence. We plan on having a commitment ceremony. We just want to celebrate our love with our friends & family(s). We live in Florida, USA btw.
I've been helping my mom in her school duties as a teacher one time when she and the other teachers during a PTA meeting got introduced to a girl's two uncles. They explained that she's their neice and they adopted her to support her studies ONLY. I felt how uncomfortable they are to explain it everytime there's a meeting and parents had (the audacity) to ask why the girl doesn't have a mom to pick her up or to attend meetings for her. Well... they pushed them enough and one of the dads told my mom (the teacher) that the biological mom was very negligent and agreed to give her away as soon as birth. I don't think parents should have to explain how they got their child. That was one awkward year for them... I figured they're constantly going to have to explain until the stigma around parenthood is diminished...and sadly we're still a long way from that.
Aw! I love Rupert! "Children have adults who look after them, therefore "adult" is the word I will refer to them as until I know otherwise." Such a great kid with wonderful parents! It's really interesting to see how their thinking works when they start to communicate 😍 Also love your two different "personalities" example, it helps things make even more understandable, and entertaining! This is a great topic, I'm so happy there's more studies looking into the true outcomes of having same sex parents vs different sex parents. I don't understand how some straight couples can be so flippant about having kids, treat their kids horribly when there's so many wonderful couples out there trying to conceive in any way possible because they really do want kids! My mom confessed I was an accident, but a "happy accident". And honestly, if my dad would have stayed in the picture, my life would have been much worse (he was abusive in many ways). I'm transgender and am realizing just how much difference there is with the way kids are raised. I'm disabled and couldn't have kids because of health issues, but told my partner if he ever did want kids, we could adopt. His mom, on the other hand, is trans/homophobic and outright admitted she wouldn't accept that child as part of the family if that's the road we would choose. I watch a few different channels with all kinds of awesome couples trying to conceive, that this makes so much sense that kids from any parents who are trying this hard do take better care of their kids, love them more, and also have a better grasp on how hard it is to raise them in today's closed-minded environment. Sending love to your whole family!
hearing “he’s 2 &1/2, so he’s in love with the world” reminds me of the term ‘terrible 2’s’ makes me think that it’s not the children that’s terrible….
I'm a mum with a husband and I would say that we've raised our kid in a fairly gender neutral way and she's always had a whole range of clothes to choose from and played with dolls and trucks and whatever. But she turned 5 and immediately decided she loves pink and sparkles and unicorns 😆 so I guess my point is a kid might end up liking stereotypical stuff for their gender regardless of what you do (maybe because of school influence or just their personality). But yeah also most of my friends in "straight" parenting relationships are queer or neurodivergent or gender spicy in some way so we all have a similar approach and I would say we generally have happy and non-restricted kids.
who would have thought that conciously choosing to raise a child and having the funds to do so will result in better care? and by extension (and kinda off topic): maybe forcing people to carry out a pregnancy that dont want to become parents is not a good idea.
I've enjoyed video, really... Thanks for educating about this topic. Unrelated note though the microphone of the camera that was directly facing ya probably... Collapsed, or smth went wrong with post production or it's my Samsung acting up. Thought ya would want to know. Also Rupert is so cute in the footages!!!
I grew up with different-sex parents who were 30 years apart in age PLUS my youngest parent was 39 when I was born. I was constantly asked if one or both were my grandparents and bullied and ostracized because I had weird parents. Parent stereotypes hurt everyone. I wish someone had asked me “where’s your adult” instead :)
Not really relevant, but I just noticed you have the exact same green chair that my grandparents have! They bought it at a second-hand auction when they were living in London in the 1960s, so I'm guessing yours is a genuine antique too? Or a really close replica. And I just think it's cool that it's such an old chair but somehow you've ended up with the exact same one, and they (or the design) have lasted so long through time!
Being transwoman with kids with another woman. (pre-transition) Families can be very different, i grow up mostly at my grandparents even though i got both my parents, my brother just had a lot of special needs. Many of my friends from childhood, was either foster kids, had same sex parents, lived in collective, and other ways of living.. My kids have friends with same sex parents and i'm not the only transgender parent in the parent group.. 😅 Btw. In Denmark IVF are available for same sex parents for free at the same degree as different sex parents. The status of help disabled people loss been married depend on the income, and change in needs.. i.e. if a disabled person get married and used to get cleaning service, it might be cancelled because it could be done by their spuas.. but wheelchair, daily care, transport and much more are normally not cut..
Thank you for this video! I’m in a heterosexual relationship but we plan to have him be the parent who stays home with our future children. You see so much content about how important mothers are and it gives me a lot of fear that I will be hurting my babies by their dad spend more time with them than me. (Not because of him, he’s the best, I’ve just never seen it done) It is good to see data that it’s a loving and understanding home that is more important than the gender of the parents.
1) LOVE your username. Toads in general are my favorite animal and American toads are easily in my top 5 favorite toads. 2) If it makes you feel any better, when I was working retail, one of the only consistently happy families I saw was a high powered divorce attorney in my home city, her homemaker husband, and their 3 kids. Those kids were always smiling, extremely well behaved, and ADORED both their parents. We loved it when they came in because they were so respectful without having any fear of people. In short: as long as you raise them with love and teach them appropriate boundaries, a stay at home dad is just another variation of a healthy family
I love the "Where's your Adult". Perfect. Mums, Dads, Aunties, Uncles, Grannies, Grandads, Step-parents, Foster-parents, Child-Minders. There can be such a range.
Also whatever non-bi parents use
“If you are worried about my children being bullied, just don’t bully them.“ - THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE!
Jessica comes up with the best wording!
We all know that Jessica is iconic
Exactly!
So tired of people telling me how cruel kids can be, instead of taking accountability for their actions and for how they raise their kids to behave 😠
@@zigzagperson or even more so, how they themselves behave. Adults can be bullies too. Some of the worst, in fact.
@@DawnDavidsonFaaar worse, in my opinion.
Canadian paperwork uses parents and guardians a lot. Not even to be inclusive of queer people specifically but because kids can get raised by other relatives, have blended families, god parents, etc.
Yeah, we can be accidentally inclusive. Although we are very inclusive of queer families. As the non-birth parent, we do not have to adopt our children like some in the US do. When our baby is born, we just put birth parent and non-birth parent names on the birth cert just like anyone else might. I'm grateful for that.
True. Sadly though Canada still falls under the umbrella of countries where disabled people lose benefits when married
Where I'm from there's also always written parent/legal guardian. But sadly we don't have gay marries yet. We have something similar, but it's not a marriage per se. I really hope it'll change...
We are a papa and papi with a son and daughter. But when the kids are playing mum&dad, they're both fighting over who will be the mummy 😂😂
My brother is a disable single parent to 4 kids. Their bio Mother values drugs & getting high over being a quality parent. My mother & I took on custodial guardianship of the kids. I am an open single gay male. The kids have grown up in a loving non traditional environment. I attended high basketball & baseball games, dance recitals & 2 high school graduations. I am known as Guncle Robb as am recognized as their parent. 3 adults of 3 different generations have raised 2 of our children to adulthood with the last two heading into high school. Conservatives would have had the kids taken away & raised in foster care instead of by 3 loving adults one who happens to be gay. The kids are loved, cared for & well adjusted. A non-nuclear family is just as valid as any family with heteronormative parents. All kids want is to be loved & cared for regardless of the sex or who their parents are.
Your “Spectacled Jessica” character was hilariously on point with how some people act. Why are they like that??
Heteronormativity
People who never have to question their beliefs are like that. Also, people who are shamed for ever breaking their expected gender role... and also people who are deeply miserable for other reasons and want everyone else to be JUST as miserable
the whole "what if they experience strange emotions" bit I had to pause and laugh
@@dragonflies6793 everything that character said was so funny!
As a trans woman, married to another woman, our kids call us Mama and Nama. I'm Nama and its a protmanteau of my first name and Mama.
That’s so cute lol
🏳⚧💕
Aw!! That's so cute!
"He basically eats books" is a wonderful way to describe a kid being a voracious reader (or listener, for now)
In Greece right now this debate is really prevalent after the legalization of same-sex marriage early this year. We had a conversation about queer rights in class with our essay teacher and it was a long debate. She was saying how she supports the right to gay marriage but is against adoption from same-sex couples because "the stigma from society would be too much for them" and "the children didn't ask to be raised in a homosexual household in a country where homophobia is really prevalent". I wish this video existed earlier so that I would have the correct vocabulary and knowledge of research papers to win the debate instead of having to abide by a middle line.
I always find it fascinating that the "a child needs a mummy *and* a daddy"-brigade (who also often disparage single parents...) never seem to apply those arguments to, say, war widows... 🤔🙄
It’s been pointed out in response to “a child needs a father in their life!” arguments that fathers have historically been off working or straight-up dead, and the kids were fine because the de facto single/actually widowed mother was financially supported. I married, had a baby, divorced, remarried, had another baby, and am now widowed. I can tell you I have gotten a TON more financial support being widowed than I did being divorced, though the problem of raising a kid being expensive is the same! 😒
I was essentially raised by a single mother with 3 other siblings, just having 2 parents whether or not same-sex sounds great. Most importantly you just need positive adult figures in your life. I have a bachelor degree, can fix a car and cook just fine...
Just FYI for some reason the sound was very echo-ey in this video, perhaps something has changed in your setup because it's usually much better... I realize you may not be able to notice
@@felixbelanger2659noticed that too & I think she might have changed her audio setup a bit coz there's definitely two different recorders with different settings now. I remember those closeups used to seem like they were digitally zoomed in post but these seem different. I also think that she may have been a bit tired or something because she's got a bit of a lisp here so that's another reason why it might seem different from some of her other videos. Or the maybe-new mics are so much more sensitive that I'm hearing more subtle mouth sounds that I've never heard before.
@@salemsaberhagan what really stuck out to me is the echo! It could be something as simple a closed door or window, furniture moved around or something like that. A different mic could also explain it.
So many people don't know that disabled people lose benefits and healthcare coverage if we get married. In the US, I can only marry another disabled person who has the same benefits that I do in the same government programs. That defeats the practical purpose of marriage in the first place.
I didn't know. And I lost my benefits by casualty mentioning I was in a defacto relationship. In Australia, if you've lived with someone for a year and "act like a couple" (split expenses, present as a couple, etc) then it's the same thing as marriage
In the UK we often can't even live with our partners. They often have to either take on the cost of supporting the disabled partner, or give up their jobs entirely.
This setup of tying the disabled person's income to their partners often leads to financial abuse.
jwb52z9 Come again? My husband works and yes his income impacts my social security supplemental income. But there is no policy in the United States that says that I can't get married.
@@shawnahaddan3674 Yes, you can, if you can live with losing your benefits, which happens to a lot of disabled Americans, unless you marry someone else disabled and with the same programs you use for help. I'd instantly lose all my eligibility for everything I need if I marry anyone financially worth marrying.
@@shawnahaddan3674 Medicare and Medicaid rules combined do exactly that.
I'm a child of straight parents and I call both my parents by their full names and adress them with formal pronouns (in my language, plural "you" is a respectful form).
Parlez-vous français?
@@shoyuramenoff No, I'm Ukrainian. I know that you have this divide as well though.
Doesn’t that make you feel… separated, distant? From your parents? I grew up German and for the longest time I didn’t understand why people saw polite speach as better to informal speach. To me polite is distancing and informal is honest.
@@hollo0o583 It's a sign of respect. I love them because they're my parents. I respect them because they earned it.
Adult .
Simple.
Inclusive.
Non judgemental !
I've worked as a preschool teacher for! 30 years and that's a new and usefully inclusive term.
Thanks.
Love hearing that Rupert calls other children's carers their 'adults'! Ive also heard of people using 'gaurdian' or 'grown-up'.
I am an aunt who often has care of my niblings. People become so confused.
nibling is such a fun word i've always loved it
@@junoestro Me too, it's so cute!
Agreed! Auntie here too. I often feel the need to clarify to adults who engage around me, they're hanging with Auntie Manda.
This was really nice. Having two moms, most of those studies seem to check out in my case. I have felt a lot freer to explore who I am, I felt comfortable coming out to them as aromantic/asexual because I knew that even if they didn’t understand, they would accept me for who I am. There was none of that “the man of the house does x and the woman of the house does y” nonsense.
The worst thing about having two moms for me is that I’ve got a hyphenated last name and online platforms for school are always doing bizarre stuff like just using one name, scrunching into one word, etc.
Same hat!
Hey Jessica. I can't provide the citation for this one, I will keep looking, I recall a long running study into adulthood (18-20 years) of the life outcomes of children adopted by same-sex couples. The outcomes of the study, whose title suggested to me it started from a thesis that those children might have been "disadvantaged", found very much the opposite. Children adopted into same sex couples fared better (the percentage was about 20+%) in their path to adulthood than those adopted by different sex couples. It cited all of the indicators you describe in terms of resilience, lack of mental health issues and better: social adjustment, happiness, and academic performance etc.. This study was compelling enough that many social services agencies in North America began favouring same sex couples as adoptive parents. And by favouring (not a typo, I am a Canadian), I mean that the scoring methods used to rate the suitability of couples as adoptive parents resulted in higher scores. Not to disparage the wonderful different sex parents in the world, but it does bring into question the stereotype of "normal" families. This is not a surprise to me, as it is only logical that those persons who find themselves challenged by the stereotype may work harder to become parents and be invested than "average" in their role, and in their children's well-being and quality-of-life. Footnote: My 4 siblings and I were raised by different-sex parents and, while we siblings love other very much, every single one of us has mental health issues (some significant) stemming from our childhood. Love this channel, and love to your wonderful family.
I think one person's comment really hits the crux of it for couples who cannot conceive without interventions or at all: making a conscious choice to be parents makes it a very intentional act. I think for many of us, even in Canada (like me) where there has maybe been more acceptance of the Queer communities, we still have experiences or memories of people being cruel, hurtful, or hateful to us simply because of our identities. This makes one want to teach their children to be loving and accepting. Also, we have diverse friend groups or maybe more involved with diversity and inclusion efforts. It does not mean that different sex parents cannot have diversity in their lives, but it just seems so inherent when one is 2SLGBTQI+. (nonsequitur: I appreciated your qualifying your spelling was correct, although Jessica would spell it the same way, so it must have been for the commenters LOL). Cheers, fellow Canuck.
"Send them your sex tapes...no don't do that"😂😂😂😂
I about fell off my chair.
It used to be relatively common for unmarried or widowed women to take foster kids, especially if a relative had more than they could afford to support. And some of them these women had "a friend" who they lived with. Nobody batted an eye, as it was believed to be friendship an co-living only and not sexual.
Oh wow. I did not realise how much I needed the sweetly spoken 'just asking questions... I have LOTS of gay friends so I can't be homophobic' type homophobia to be called out until I saw this. The 'teacher' character really hit all the feels - in a 'wow, I know this person' kind of way. Thanks Jessica
One of my core memories is from middle school; another student had asked how my moms could have a kid if there wasn't a man present (with the presumption that cishet sex was the only way a person could get pregnant). I didn't catch on to the fact that my peer was trying to shame me (thanks autism!), so I proceeded to explain to him, and the entire class, the basics of IVF and my moms' experience in their GIFT program. Even the teacher was quiet, listening to my little speech. It is one of my happiest memories and always will be!
Even before my middle school days, having two moms was less of an issue than the fact that my bio mom is white and my other mom is black (I am biracial, but ultimately brown).
Another core memory took place on the rfamily cruiselines in the mid 2000s; Rosie O'Donnell's (tho they are moreso Kelly's) children were speaking to the kids there about our shared experiences as children of nontraditional families. One of the eldest kids asked, "how many of you are gay?" and nearly everyone's hand went up (we were like 3-5 years old, don't judge). Then they asked, "how many of you are gay because your parents are gay?" And my hand went straight to my lap, quite emphatically. I already knew that girlhood wasn't for me, and that boys are better for friendship than romance. Thinking back on this memory, I always feel so much joy knowing that I was confident in my own identity, far before I had the words/terms to describe it all.
As a biracial, genderqueer child of two moms, I can confirm that my life -- while not devoid of stress and difficulty (thanks autism!) -- growing up the way I did, in the environemnt I did, saved me a lot of time and energy when it came to finding myself. If given a choice, I wouldn't have it any other way!
What great stories! Thank you for sharing them! ❤
I was bullied as a kid because I had 2 mom's.. now people think it's cool. It was really hard growing up though.
❤
i’m not opposed to the idea of my future kids just calling me by my name
My daughter always calls me by my name. My wife got “Mom” but when introducing us to people we get “These are my parents.”
According to some books, it was a kind of fashion in late 70's to call parents (not even stepparents) by their names. My nephew in 90's called "Mom *Name*" and "Dad *Name*". It seemed to me more uncomfortable when my parents stopped calling each other by name completely.
i'll never get over how absurd this argument is. It's the same as "singles mothers can't do a good enough job" "Getting divorced is bad for your kids" when all of the problems generally come from external factors like oh a single mum can't spend as much time with her kids because she needs to work more hours (due to wage inequality or an overall cost of living issue, not to mention nobody ever questions when both parents work hard and long hours? or kids that have a FIFO parent?) and how, actually, kids who have parents that divorce amicably and effectively resolve the conflict have little to no issues with their kids that stem from the divorce and often the kids benefit from seeing how to healthily navigate that situation.
like was mentioned, "but aren't you worried your child will be bullied" so teach your child to not be a bully. similar to "girls shouldn't wear that" teach your boys to respect people's bodies and boundaries. All these arguments when challenging heterosexual social norms almost always boil down to some form of sexism and i think that says a lot honestly.
Hot take: same sex couples have more potential for being good parents because they have to go through hoops to have a child, so they are sure they REALLY want it.
Says I, person raised by single mother.
💁🏻 foster parent here who loves when folk don't assume I am mum. The opposite can be so tricky.
Very happy to be referred to as someone's adult; thankyou Rupert 😊
Some children of heteronormative couples are not wanted at conception, which doesn't mean they are not wanted later. However, some parents are just "lucking" into having children, solely going through with pregnancy and childrearing because everybody does that and it is their right to have children.
It would be fascinating, to see the statistics, when on the other side are children, who where conceived through IUI, or IVF, for different sex couples.
Hopefully I didn't butcher that, english isn't my native language.
Rupert is already showing that neutral language is actually much simpler and accepts creativity ;)
This was such a great video. You’re so right, it’s incredibly frustrating to have to walk around with a stack of research papers just to defend yourself as a parent. The number of times that I, an asexual non-binary single parent by choice, have had to defend that I deliberately had a child by myself with statistics about how children of single parents where the trauma of divorce and/or poverty is not present do the same or better than those with two parents… it’s exhausting.
As a child of two moms, I'd say I'm a winner (too much pun material tho 😅)
I was so impressed with the look of your "college genius" (with the glasses), but then she started to talk, and my impression rapidly sank into (delete "dislike") despair. Another character well played. Please bear with my own awkward idiotic comments.
Why be so unkind to yourself? Your comment was not awkward or idiotic! If you're joking, I'm sorry if I misunderstood, but thought it was worth saying!
If only bigoted parents didn't teach their children to hate others, then everyone would be a winner
I am very happy ypu made this.
While I have hetro parents. I am a single mo by choice.
Information went out while my children were small shamming single parents that is was bad and the parent was bad.
It always bothered me.
What should I do have an abusive dad in my children's life!? No Absolutely not.
As a child of two moms. I can confirm we're fine (and very loved❤)
great video ! i can tell how much time and effort went into this ❤❤ as a gay man this helps me look forward to the future
Right? Did you see that Bibliography?
Great video, as always. But two technical aspects:
1. The sound quality suddenly worsens in the middle of the video
2. Why are there random numbers in the subtitles occasionally?
The numbers refer to the speakers. So 1 is Jessica, while 2 is the character objecting (glasses). It’s to show a shift in speaker. If they were named it would have the names instead
@@agreene1090 Oh, thanks. That makes sense
I wish I could half as well-spoken as Jessica. She puts in a lot of effort that most of us can not be bothered to do in-order to present this information in such a clear and concise way. What a gem of a person honestly and when she stops to sigh in disappointment on something I FEEL that lol
BRO I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS CLEVER WITH THE “MAPA” TITLE IDEA BUT I WAS BEAT TO THE PUNCH 😭
Okay I’m back bc I just realized smth: By people being taught that only men & women can be in sexual or romantic relationships just bc that’s always been what’s depicted in media or in real life, we just never seemed to understand sexual orientation or romantic orientation, nor the variety of them, hence people being ignorant to orientations
So pleasing to learn these stats Jessica, having children wasn't an option when we got together in the early eighties.
It's lovely to know that, as we'd expect, children of gay parents thrive and do well, not only that but its being documented so we can use it on those people like your wonderfully ghastly bespectacled Jessica character!
I'm sure others will mention that the sound on your forward facing camera went a bit echoey, I'm just playing it through again to get a time stamp. I thought there was a specific spot where it got worse...yes there it is at 09.34 sounds like a battery gave up and the sound was picked up by another device. Didnt affect my enjoyment and fascination of your video but being aware that you cannot hear the nuances i thought I'd mention it.
I love the format of your latest videos, you're a really good actor.👍🤗🥰
the way my blood was boiling at your teacher character >w< TOO REAL
You are so amazing at explaining this. I'm going to show this to my mom who just can't get her brain around this. She has 3 great grandchildren who are in same sex relationships and she is baffled.
Your videos are always so bittersweet. A lot of cute stories and relieving studies, but the prejudices still sting so much.
Also, asking: "Is this your adult?", is kinda metal!🥰
THANK YOU for talking about adoption-related trauma as part of your research! I did not expect it in this video, so it was really validating to me, as an adopted adult raising a biological child, to have someone outside the adoption community bring it up. ❤❤❤
I love how so much of this can be boiled down to "If you want people to have kids, make having kids cheaper and easier."
Clicked faster than it took me to come out of the closet.
as a parent of a kid with same sex parents, yeah my kid fuckin rules and she's gonna be president
Your videos are so wonderfully informative, humorous, and compassionate. I send them out all the time.
Jessica: comment any depictions of same-sex couples in the media that you think are especially good...
Me: You. You and Claudia. Full stop.
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, You're so talented! I had to hit the like button!
29:09 I love fierce Jessica!
Thank you for this wonderfully comprehensive video!
Really well done!
Yes! My daughter is a highly respected school and teaches AP trigonometry.
Years ago my mom made friends with a bean she met while in the hospital they had kids after taking the time to explain they were a little different type of parents than what we saw every day Dutch and Cookie came to dinner with their kids. We(the kids) were sent off to play Thinking back on it now my biggest concern was where they going to be any fun. Course this was 40 years ago and my parents weren't typical for the times. Fear breeds fear tolerance breeds tolerance.
I think something we are all missing is the fact that for people who are against us, being LGBT is wrong period. They don't want children having ANY LGBT role models or influences in their lives (including characters in film and literature, celebrities, political representatives, teachers, anyone the child sees or interacts with frequently, most ESPECIALLY parents) because the child will grow up more tolerant or supportive of being LGBT, or god forbid discover and accept their OWN queerness. So you can throw as much data about the impact of same sex parents on children as you want at them but it won't matter. At the end of the day anything less than teaching them that "being LGBT is NOT ok" will never be enough.
This is exactly what I was saying in another comment. Most of these people value maintaining a lack of tolerance towards LGBTIQIA+ people in society more than they will ever value the safety of children. But as usual, they hide behind children. They are often the kind of people that will ignore harm that cisheternormative parents are doing to their children if that harm is for the end of making those children also cisheternormative. In that case they might not even view it as harm, or if they do acknowledge it is harm, they see it as something that is deserved for 'choosing' to be LGBTQIA. They would likely say it is fine for queer and trans kids to be kicked out or taken to conversion therapy or forced to dress or act in a particular way, even if that has provable demonstrative harm to actual children. Same gender couples are 'harmful' because they might 'queer or trans their children' (not true but they believe it), or make them tolerant of queer and trans people. But if someone is emotionally abusing their children into being or pretending to be a gender conforming cisheterosexual? That's fine. It truly has nothing to do with the safety of children. It has to do with maintaining cisheternormativity.
That said, I do think there are probably some people that are genuinely just ignorant or unaware of their own biases, so research lke this can be helpful in pointing out that they exist and aren't based in reality. Those people might be easier to reach than people who are simply using protecting children as a trojan horse for bigotry. It's also helpful to have actual evidence to point to when it comes to making laws or legislation. Obviously even in the presence of AMPLE evidence horrible oppressive laws are still being passed, but at the very least it is easier to argue against them if there is a solid case with evidence, even if the onus shouldn't fall on us to prove we aren't evil when there is no existing evidence to prove we are.
I love that he says adult, yes please. it's the best and makes me feel even better as a kid of absent parents when I was out with my friends parents, instead of someone seeing me without my mom, maybe I could be out with "my adult" and the neglect might not matter bc I am just at the park with an adult.
As someone who was born to a mom and a dad, but mostly raised by just the mom because my dad was a bit of a slacker when it came to children, I can honestly say that I am so happy to be relatively "normal" as an adult.
As a woman who has a young child that realized I'm actually gay (but still have a great friendship with my ex husband), it's really intimidating to be a "late in life lesbian". I'm scared ill never find a woman who wants a second child. I want one more but I'm already 32
As a kid of same-sex parents -- thanks for summarising these studies for people
You are one of my all time favourite creators. I love your aesthetic, your openness, the topics you cover, how it is so noticeable when you are angry with something but you still smile and act kind to really push it to the edge. Thanks for putting a smile on my face with each video❤
"Adult" also works well for if a child is out and about with their much older sibling, and avoids the horrific awkwardness of calling someone's sister or brother their mum or dad!
love the teacher character!
We have a now teenager who calls me (bio mum) Mama and other mum Mama Auntie. We chose to have and raise said kiddo in Canada, and while kiddo and I both adore my home country, Canada is amazing and an excellent choice. Canada has had gay marriage since 2005 federally (2003 in some provinces and in the military) and both same sex and opposite sex couples can be declared common-law married and have the same rights regarding each other’s pensions, inheritance, etc with or without a legal certificate. Even 14 years ago we could have both mums on the birth certificate. Trust me, Canada’s not perfect, but it’s better than my part of the UK for much of the issues related to same sex marriage and parenting. Yay 🇨🇦!
Thanks for joining us. YVR
@@louparsonsThanks for letting me stay! Of the several countries in which I’ve lived it’s definitely got a top spot. ❤
i was a child of a nuclear family, it was a massive failure thats left me mentally scarred for life. many others share my story. nuclear is not better. it depends on personal compatibility, and many people are compatible with the same sex!
My daughter says adult as well ...just in German lol😂
In my opinion the problem with two moms is that it's easy to get stuck in a loop of "go ask mom" and you have to deal with twice the amount of dad jokes if you have two dads
back when i was in school in 2012, i wrote a paper on this exact issue and that paper went on to showcase my school to the board of education! it felt very validating of not only my writing ability but also my identity as this was the same year i came to terms with my own queerness (and all of society's views on the subject)
I'd like to think it doesn't matter what kind of family a child has as long as the parent/s are attentive, caring and loving and try to be a decent role model. I come from a single mother working class household but she always advocated for my needs and it didn't stop me from getting a master's degree. I knew a interracial family locally where the dad worked part time and the mum full time as they were comfortable financially and didn't need to work more (so traditional gender roles in reverse) and their kids were fine, actually thriving. They were aware of possible judgements and discrimination too, it shouldn't be like that, if we must judge anything, it should be actions. There are horrible and decent people in all walks of life. The same with success, we all have different definitions for it.
I’ve seen “your adults” used a fair bit, and I also like it.
I work at a school where there are a lot of students in foster care or being raised by other relatives, so I usually will refer to their guardians as their "grown-ups".
It’d be interesting to compare parents that made an intentional point to have their kid vs incidental parents. I suspect most of the benefit to same sex parents is that intention.
Ooh, I have two (or two and a half? It’s an odd dynamic) moms! This’ll be interesting
I just love your nervous Nellie, devil's advocate alter ego in this video! I've spoken to that person so many times in my life. Your acting is impeccable! And the Academy Award goes to... Jessica Kellgren-Fozard!
The disability marriage inequality is so so bad.
In a society where it seems more common than ever before to have a narcissistic or neglectful mother, and a deadbeat or absentee father, I consider the kids with two dads or two moms very privileged indeed. As for role models, that's mostly bs. I have a very masculine father, but I turned out pretty feminine for a guy. My friend is hypermasculine and was raised by a very feminine single mother. Kids don't need two parents with different genitals, they need love, caring, a compassionate ear, an education, protection, consistency, etc. and all that can be provided by one or two parents of any gender.
Bow from She-Ra and Willow from the Owl House both have super casual two dads. Also the Owl House is pretty gay in general.
I am a child of same-sex parents and my life is great. There are two people who love me more than the world and that's all that matters.
I'm a lesbian in their late twenties who was raised by lesbians and conceived with a known sperm donor in the 90s. I turned out fine!
I'm so happy this is becoming more "normal" for Rupert's generation of queer spawn and that videos like this exist for queers having babies now
0:18 I didn't know I was a mom lol
Children who are loved, will do just fine. No matter what sexual orientation their "adults" have. Just care for them and love them❤
I did not have same sex parents but my parents/family were just chill with allowing me to express myself at least through clothes and haircut (mostly until I was a 12 and wanted to bleach my own hair and make it bubblegum pink... which now I appreciate I would have ended up bald) I was so interested in cars and motor vehicles when I was little my grandma sewed me a blanket full of them, I also loved the cute princess dresses she made for me.
While my boyfriend and I are a "straight" couple, we are a cis woman and trans man. I do wonder how that will effect insurance coverage for fertility services when the time comes.
AND HERE WE ARE!!!
My partner is Gender Fluid & both of us are Pansexual. We are both on disability for mostly different chronic illnesses. We don't make enough to even pay our rent without help from our respective parents. If we were to get married, we'd lose about half of our already meager pay checks. We've decided against the typical wedding & marriage licence. We plan on having a commitment ceremony. We just want to celebrate our love with our friends & family(s). We live in Florida, USA btw.
I've been helping my mom in her school duties as a teacher one time when she and the other teachers during a PTA meeting got introduced to a girl's two uncles. They explained that she's their neice and they adopted her to support her studies ONLY. I felt how uncomfortable they are to explain it everytime there's a meeting and parents had (the audacity) to ask why the girl doesn't have a mom to pick her up or to attend meetings for her. Well... they pushed them enough and one of the dads told my mom (the teacher) that the biological mom was very negligent and agreed to give her away as soon as birth. I don't think parents should have to explain how they got their child. That was one awkward year for them... I figured they're constantly going to have to explain until the stigma around parenthood is diminished...and sadly we're still a long way from that.
I like the idea of using adult to refer to the person caring for a child. I used Parental Unit or PU with my kids. They’re 28 & 30.
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, Subscribed because your videos are so much fun!
Aw! I love Rupert! "Children have adults who look after them, therefore "adult" is the word I will refer to them as until I know otherwise." Such a great kid with wonderful parents! It's really interesting to see how their thinking works when they start to communicate 😍 Also love your two different "personalities" example, it helps things make even more understandable, and entertaining!
This is a great topic, I'm so happy there's more studies looking into the true outcomes of having same sex parents vs different sex parents. I don't understand how some straight couples can be so flippant about having kids, treat their kids horribly when there's so many wonderful couples out there trying to conceive in any way possible because they really do want kids!
My mom confessed I was an accident, but a "happy accident". And honestly, if my dad would have stayed in the picture, my life would have been much worse (he was abusive in many ways). I'm transgender and am realizing just how much difference there is with the way kids are raised. I'm disabled and couldn't have kids because of health issues, but told my partner if he ever did want kids, we could adopt. His mom, on the other hand, is trans/homophobic and outright admitted she wouldn't accept that child as part of the family if that's the road we would choose.
I watch a few different channels with all kinds of awesome couples trying to conceive, that this makes so much sense that kids from any parents who are trying this hard do take better care of their kids, love them more, and also have a better grasp on how hard it is to raise them in today's closed-minded environment.
Sending love to your whole family!
hearing “he’s 2 &1/2, so he’s in love with the world” reminds me of the term ‘terrible 2’s’
makes me think that it’s not the children that’s terrible….
I'm a mum with a husband and I would say that we've raised our kid in a fairly gender neutral way and she's always had a whole range of clothes to choose from and played with dolls and trucks and whatever. But she turned 5 and immediately decided she loves pink and sparkles and unicorns 😆 so I guess my point is a kid might end up liking stereotypical stuff for their gender regardless of what you do (maybe because of school influence or just their personality). But yeah also most of my friends in "straight" parenting relationships are queer or neurodivergent or gender spicy in some way so we all have a similar approach and I would say we generally have happy and non-restricted kids.
who would have thought that conciously choosing to raise a child and having the funds to do so will result in better care? and by extension (and kinda off topic): maybe forcing people to carry out a pregnancy that dont want to become parents is not a good idea.
I've enjoyed video, really... Thanks for educating about this topic. Unrelated note though the microphone of the camera that was directly facing ya probably... Collapsed, or smth went wrong with post production or it's my Samsung acting up. Thought ya would want to know. Also Rupert is so cute in the footages!!!
As long as the child is properly cared for, loved, and supported properly the gender of the parents does not matter
My take away: we should worry less about who the patents are and more about giving children the love and attention they need!
The kids are ok. Jessica, I do love your well researched and communicated deep dives into important subjects that basically shreds bigotry.
I grew up with different-sex parents who were 30 years apart in age PLUS my youngest parent was 39 when I was born. I was constantly asked if one or both were my grandparents and bullied and ostracized because I had weird parents. Parent stereotypes hurt everyone. I wish someone had asked me “where’s your adult” instead :)
Omg I love your videos so much thank you so much.
Not really relevant, but I just noticed you have the exact same green chair that my grandparents have! They bought it at a second-hand auction when they were living in London in the 1960s, so I'm guessing yours is a genuine antique too? Or a really close replica. And I just think it's cool that it's such an old chair but somehow you've ended up with the exact same one, and they (or the design) have lasted so long through time!
Being transwoman with kids with another woman. (pre-transition)
Families can be very different, i grow up mostly at my grandparents even though i got both my parents, my brother just had a lot of special needs.
Many of my friends from childhood, was either foster kids, had same sex parents, lived in collective, and other ways of living..
My kids have friends with same sex parents and i'm not the only transgender parent in the parent group.. 😅
Btw. In Denmark IVF are available for same sex parents for free at the same degree as different sex parents. The status of help disabled people loss been married depend on the income, and change in needs.. i.e. if a disabled person get married and used to get cleaning service, it might be cancelled because it could be done by their spuas.. but wheelchair, daily care, transport and much more are normally not cut..
Thank you for this video! I’m in a heterosexual relationship but we plan to have him be the parent who stays home with our future children. You see so much content about how important mothers are and it gives me a lot of fear that I will be hurting my babies by their dad spend more time with them than me. (Not because of him, he’s the best, I’ve just never seen it done) It is good to see data that it’s a loving and understanding home that is more important than the gender of the parents.
1) LOVE your username. Toads in general are my favorite animal and American toads are easily in my top 5 favorite toads.
2) If it makes you feel any better, when I was working retail, one of the only consistently happy families I saw was a high powered divorce attorney in my home city, her homemaker husband, and their 3 kids. Those kids were always smiling, extremely well behaved, and ADORED both their parents. We loved it when they came in because they were so respectful without having any fear of people. In short: as long as you raise them with love and teach them appropriate boundaries, a stay at home dad is just another variation of a healthy family
I love it! Their adult is the perfect expression ❤