I'll not probably end my life although I've come very close, but even if I 'live', is it really a *life* if all I'm going to do, my whole life, is drugs?
“YOU CAN’T BE ADDICTED TO POT!” they said…. they being my pothead mates, lol. Another spot-on description: I could use it to completely obliterate myself and achieve temporary relief, but it heightened my paranoia and avoidant behaviours to extreme levels and I had severe mental breakdowns every time I stopped using. Sooooooooooo glad I quit: no more chronic bronchitis from smoking resin ‘cos I'm broke af. 99 problems and I got rid of one. Stay strong everyone! ❤️
Came here for this comment. I grew a fucking weed plant over covid, and damn did things get out of control. So glad I'm off it now, what a shitty waste of so many years of my life...
I agree, I just recently discovered that I have BPD as well as addiction issues, I realize that it is the BPD that is making me rely on substance use, I’m self medicating the symptoms of my BPD with drug use.
My friend who is an addict snd also I believe bpd started taking Kratom. He seems to feel better when he takes the kratom. And smokes pot. I worry about him and wish I could help
I lost a dear man with BPD who was addicted to meth. He didn't realize that all those years had taken its toll on his body. He suffered his whole life feeling this way. It is a cruel reality for the family facing life without him. He lit up the room when he entered. It seemed that was his soul purpose in life. He didnt realize how truly loved he was.
I've been sober for almost three years. But only been working on the BPD for 6 months. I did have to get sober first by I didn't understand why I was still having such a hard time. I had a therapist suggest that I have BPD so I started concentrating on BPD treatments. These videos are a big help. I bought a book on Cognative Behavioural Therapy and have been incorporsting these techniques into my daily life. I'm starting to feel better. Just being aware of BPD traits is helping to overcome to reduce their control over who I am and who I relate with other people.
It has been 4 years since you commented this.. I was curious how you're doing... My partner was sober for 5 years, but was still dealing with all the same symptoms. She does not believe she has BPD though.. I'm not sure what to do anymore... hoping I can find ways to be suggestive without putting her on defense again 😔
Thanks to God and the resources available I am still sober and actually stable. Dr. Fox' BPD work book was an a huge help. I went through it with my counselor. Now it's just staying in one day at a time, doing what I need to do. I wish you and your friend the best.
I used The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook written by Dr Fox. I had a few sudden revelations but it has taken time. I also contiue to work Steps 10, 11 and 12 from the AA Big Book. It's a combination of both that has brought peace to my mind.
I've officially given up with EVERYTHING that's hurting my BPD. It does just affect me, but my loved ones and I can't wait to begin the start of sobriety from the morning. NO MORE PRECASTING! I love you guys, things hit us SOOOOO hard and subsantances aren't worth it at all 😭❤️ love you ❤️
I have been able to manage my BPD with 1 antidepressant and daily weed-smoking, but I wouldn't be able to manage at all had it not been for a persistent quest for knowledge, understanding, and incite. I had 3 years of therapy, which is absolutely crucial. I'm able to afford it, and it settles me down and pacifies me. I feel I'm doing very good considering I no longer drink, smoke cigarettes, or use other drugs. I had big problems in the past. Have hope. You can recover from BPD with long-term support and serious soul-searching and ongoing effort.
Thank you so much as always. After using self-harm as a coping mechanism since the age of 13 I slowly substituted it for substance abuse and developed a strong dependence for cannabis in particular, which may sound like a soft or harmless drug for some but has caused a lot issues for me (many that you mentioned). I am determined to be sober and learn to deal with my BPD without harmful and maladaptive coping mechanisms such as this and as of today am 8 days sober heh. Thanks again, truly, for always speaking so candidly and eloquently about this
How are you doing today Bryn? Your story sounds so familiar to mine and I am inspired. Even though it’s three years later than when you wrote this comment!
I'm in recovery and so glad. A year next month. Took me decades to be properly dx'd as " dual disordered". I wish your videos were shown in rehabs!! I lived in despair and toxic shame for years. Thank you, Doctor!
Same. I'm trying to quit right now, I'm fifteen days in. Hoping the whole "it's got to get harder before it gets easier" thing applies here because damn, is it hard.
Miranda lots of ánimos girl. Rooting for you here. I messed up Saint Valentine’s big time yesterday due to being more drunk I should’ve been. Today is full of shame and feels impossible. What are your alternative coping strategies?
@@allakitaeva474 Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that :( the shame after an intense episode can be so damn unbearable, if you ever need to talk I'm here. I had to get really drunk last night too on V-Day because me and the girl I love (my FP) had a big fight and I couldn't deal. Alcohol's been a bad coping mechanism of mine since way before I knew I had BPD though. Some alternatives that aren't bad though, for me, are definitely exercise, distracting myself with UA-cam, and journaling or writing fiction. Both of those last two provide their own different kinds of escape. Also recently found while I've been trying to quit smoking that watching old movies that brought me comfort when I was younger helps, especially when I can't sleep. Lilo and Stitch is my go-to, haha
Miranda aaaaand he left me yesterday. Said it’s too much for him. How to cope with it? Weed and booze ofc. Not even a friend to see around. In the 9th circle of BPD hell right now. :(
Sixth video I've watched tonight after accidentally discovering you. All I can say is, hallelujah! You're an amazing, dedicated being, who has an incredible passion for wanting to help us with our complex bpd struggles. May I ask what inspired you to have an interest in people suffering from personality disorders? I love the fact that you reply to some comments and you have put all this information on UA-cam for people to access without having to pay. You're in it for the care of people, not money. Thank you
It's it's a feeling like I can't just be in my head you know (sober)I must have something and it's almost like a blanket like going into the world that I need this blanket over for me the world is scary and my thoughts are anxious and ever ruminating over the past. but in the long run it creates nothing but problems every time and I've been addicted to everything over the years and I always began thinking I'll handle this addiction, but always and it always ended up enslaving me every time ... alcohol was always so bad with me because I was constantly raging when I was under the influence of booze. I'm in my fifties now and my symptoms are so much less than they were in my twenties I was all symptoms in my twenties, and diagnosed when I ended up at Shands Gainesville psych unit in my late twenties, and they really didn't know much of all about it then ... thank you Doctor Fox for all your great insights and help
Dr. Fox, I have watched innumerable videos on this disorder(which I have); including those from professionals at the McLean Gunderson Residence where I spent 6 months in my 20’s and which is widely recognized as the premiere, gold standard of treatment for this disorder. I am EXTREMELY impressed with your videos. So much so that for the first and only time do I wish I lived in Texas rather than beautiful San Francisco. So many people consider and call themselves experts in PD but you truly seem to fit the bill. Kudos to you in a world of quacks. I will follow up to see if you would ever consider conducting some sessions over the phone in an effort to assist me with finding a more compatible treater in my area. I have literally spent a full million dollars in my lifetime(no exaggeration here and easily provable based on places I’ve gone, lengths of stay and the almost 20 years between ages 14 and 32 I spent mainly in residential treatment) on treatment and since finally getting sober a year and a half ago I’ve decided to not spend additional money until I can replicate the type of therapeutic alliance I had with one of my treaters at McLean whose skill led me to wellness. Your video on “favorite person” was incredible and I joke often about transitional objects. As of now I have assumed the responsibility of being my own therapist and have lately been researching further a variety of concepts I would so love to discuss with someone like yourself. Object relations and the role of the endogenous opioid system in this disorder are relatively challenging for someone who barely finished therapeutic boarding school to digest and apply. Best wishes and many thanks for your service in providing videos which capture the nuance of this affliction.
It sounds impossible to deal with the addiction first if its being driven by the bpd 😳 I thought it was going to be the other way around. Dealing with the bpd would ultimately lower my need for drugs.
Egg here, checking in. How are you two doing?💚 I say egg because i am also feeling a bit upset and discouraged knowing I need to get sober first. I've successfully entered recovery for cocaine and alcohol addiction, but the thought of not being able to use cannabis is ....worrysome to say the least, in this moment anyway.
hi! how's your recovery? im asking because right now i feel the same way, its so hard to accept the fact i have to get sober first@@i-love-comountains3850
Dr. Fox. You are very good at how you treat/make videos. No distracting music. Less fluff. Just the straight scoop, which builds accessibility trust and then Intimacy. Safe therapeutic container that is open and available. 🙏🏼. Yes, part of this could be considered “idealizing”. I’m okay with that and seeing objectively at the same time.
I hate to admit it but on top of my bpd I drink. When I am so overwhelmed and everything is completely out of control I drink. I drink until I loose it. When I am drunk I feel free, I get the courage to say all those things I bottle up. Just feeling my body and my head num is good enough for me. I hate to be like this 😢
I can't believe that I have your workbook and didn't realise! (It's on kindle, I didn't make the connection) Your exercises are changing my life, trying to help me with my awareness and identifying triggers. I still torture myself and my partner but we are working together. I will be ok. Thank you
My BPD was so dangerous mixed with substance use disorder. Suicide ideation went hand in hand with overdosing. Love/hate cycles extended to drugs and dealers too. Of course criminality was ramped up. What a disaster ☹️
Thank you so much for your videos. Could you do a video on eating disorders with BPD. What treatment is considered to be the most helpful? I have a daughter who struggles with both but is 18 and has refused residential treatment after attending a full time day program for over 2 months. This eating disorder has become her “substance abuse”. She is swallowed up by it and I see her restricting more every week. I am so scared. Thank you. Your videos have helped me cope.
I have BPD and have used several drugs just to cope with feelings and every time I got sober from those so I wouldn’t revert to drug addiction food was always a safe place BUT then I always abused food to still feel better. I was 415 down to 180 now sober again and food is becoming the focus again…. At 46 realizing food is also an addiction for me. Wow sounds so simple but didn’t really see it until now so I think I’m going to have to have a very clear outline with food. I don’t know maybe calorie counting or something like that…still learning but at least aware and clear minded to see it.
Have BPD for 30 years... First 10 years were so bad but after I got to know weed my life became sufferable... Tried everything but my thing is weed... I get high as i wake up until i go to sleep... Weed keeps my feelings on the right tune so that my family can live with me...
I get so angry with constant invalidation from others and I do it to myself as well. When I use a substance I can think and reflect on my train of thought and I can remember things more clearly and Im actually able to clarify why I feel a certain way. This becomes addicting in itself. The validation I get from feeling good and thinking about past events that are still in current day patterns help me make those connections for myself. Its like visiting a land where I am understood and accepted and Im not constantly doubting myself and I allow myself to remember things that in my sober mind I would avoid. Its not exactly wallowing but there are those times also. Its more like a deep dive into the unconscious to pull out what I need to realize about me and others that I may not have wanted to face. I have gotten a lot of clarity but I know long term this can make problems for me. (just talking about maryjane here. I dont like alcohol or anything else and the use is just the past few years.) the bpd traits were worse in my younger years. It seems with the lowering of progesterone in my body for middle age I can think better but the mj does keep me company. Really thats all it is, as I try to put the pieces of my life together and make sense of it all the MJ keeps me company. The question I keep asking myself How did I end up here? That's the question I hurt myself with every day. Substance use started at 12 along with skipping school and getting lost and off track completely. That is right on. I did manage to help myself on practical level but emotionally? What a wreck. Panic panic all the time panic if you get too close. Robbed me of so much intimacy in my life. self forgiveness seem impossible with out validation that someone, anyone can tolerate me and wow are folks tested .But I choose difficult folks so my traits get hidden in the relationship. so so tricky! xx
I'm speechless at how much I relate to this.... I'm desperately trying to keep my personality traits and maladaptive behaviors from destroying my relationship with the only partner who has ever refused to give up on me, and it might be too late. The shame of it all keeps the cycles going with Sisyphusian momentum....
I completely relate. I want to stop using weed because I would rather have stable relationships and a husband and children than live in my own world alone. I'm 31 and hoping it's not too late. Hope you find a way out too.
I have BPD (diagnosed 10 years ago) and abuse my prescribed Adderall and Xanax, when I run out of my Xanax I resort to buying my friends Valium. I truly do have the physical and mental anxiety but I’m so used to taking the medication now for 5 years I have developed a huge tolerance. I fear that I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown and in need of inpatient hospitalization.
Big pharma values profits over people. They have no problems prescribing such dangerous drugs but vehemently oppose cannabis. They should be held responsible for the damage they've caused, making millions off the suffering of folks just trying to cope. Hope peace finds your heart.
I feel you, I abuse adderall. It sucks I can’t say much, but I know one thing. There is life and hope out there for you, and us. Jesus is the only thing that has kept me from falling into a tidal wave I cannot describe. He’s real and here, a savior from sin and a helped. He understands you, even if no does. Even if you don’t. I do . Stay strong . 2 Corinthians 12:10 “When we are weak, he is strong”. ❤️ this is ur sign my brother that everything will eventually be alright. ✝️💗💗💗 Jesus loves you!
I had to find a new psychiatrist after ending up in the ER twice for panic disorder. It started suddenly and I thought it was a heart issue at first. The doctor at the ER said I was having severe panic attacks and referred me back to my psychiatrist for meds after benzos helped in the ER. My psychiatrist prescribed xanax, but since it is short acting, I needed a small dose 3x a day to not go into severe panic. She refused to give me more than one a day or prescribe a longer acting anxiolytic. I ended up in the ER because I had to ration my meds to the point I could not function. I could barely move. I remember sitting down in the morning in one spot and moving as little as possible hoping to not go into a panic attack. After asking multiple times for even one extra pill a day or a longer acting med, she accused me of drug seeking and refused to prescribe anything for my panic attacks. Instead she gave me a pamphlet on a BPD treatment program. She treated me differently because of my BPD diagnosis. I remember talking to her over the phone on speaker phone, and my fiance was shocked by the way she talked to me. He told me she was talking to me very rudely, and she was way out of line. I never showed anger toward her despite my frustration (that was difficult to control, as I was very upset), but she still treated me like I was inherently bad because of my BPD. Luckily I found a new psychiatrist who takes me at face value. She is a wonderful human being. She is reasonable and I have a say in my treatment. I do not abuse my prescriptions at all. I just want to be able to function. It is insane how difficult it is to find mental health providers who treat those with BPD fairly (let alone treat those with BPD at all). Thank you for your videos. They help me understand myself better. I like that many of your videos reduce stigma and also discuss comorbidities, as I have many of the comorbid disorders mentioned in your videos. It makes me feel less alone knowing others experience similar things.
Nope, it is part of the work I do and we discuss it in session and use this attachment to generalize to his/her (the client) life. Therapy can be a powerful process.
@@DrDanielFox im having trouble holding back my attachment just from watching your videos lol. I imagine your reassuring and supporting presence is like crack to other borderlines too
@@ninacael same ahaha I have to control myself to not become overly adoring when watching these vids because I feel so grateful and understood there's something inside me screaming to post a billion "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" comments
Let’s all remember a favourite person can be a platonic relationship 😹 I idolise him also but understand that I can just sit with those feelings and feel supported by his knowledge without needing him to reciprocate.
With every video that I see you post, it pushes me more and more towards wanting to go back and finish college to help other borderline like myself come back from the brink exhaustion and despair. I have been given so much information and knowledge about myself and learn so much about BPD that it's staggering. I think I've found something to do with my life that will genuinely make me happy to a certain degree!
Cannabis, when used in moderation or as prescribed actually works amazingly for: Anxiety Depression PTSD BPD This video is a little disingenuous about what is or isn't considered abuse or what substance is truly problematic. I'm prescribed medical cannabis for the condition. Try to be more specific/ careful as an influencer. And definitely stay up to date on what drugs exacerbate BPD. So far, only prescribed medication such as ssris, benzos, ADHD medication have caused issues with treatment. A puff ever other day. Not even in the slightest. 🤷♀️
My addiction is anything that will make me feel relaxed or sleepy. That being zzquil, antihistamines, beer, benzodiazepines. Any thing to bring me down enough to stop my thoughts or to put me to sleep. Definitely have built up tolerance to even more than the recommended amount. I also spend unnecessarily, mostly in buying groceries or food I just know I'm not going to eat.
"what's your coping strategies?" me: food food food food food FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOOOOOOOOOOOD but sometimes even foods dont work......
This narcissism seems like an epidemic and if addiction plays a role, AA and NA need to get with the times, step up their game, and add narcissism literature to their program. When my husband was completely sober he had all the traits of a culvert vulnerable narcissist. The last two times that he attended AA, he wasn't working the steps, he was emotionally and psychologically abusing me and drilling those steps into me. When I attended Al-Anon and went through the steps, I realized I was doing or did them every day of my life for about 12 yrs because of his narcissist treatment. In those meetings, I heard my story over and over and there was no talk of narcissism, just of alcohol/addiction. Al-Anon is about us and how to deal with the alcoholic / recovering alcoholic. Step 4 is a great step for introducing narcissism. Just my experience and opinion.
I'm 30, also less than a year with a full BPD diagnoses... I have substance misuse issues; I smoke weed and cigarettes...I intend to quit in the future as I recognise the problems I have regulating moods and staving off boredom, stress and chronic existentialism...haha. Anyway I will try to cut down to (x) amount a week where (x) is as little as I can afford and not exhaust what I'd use to last a week, after that I'll see if I can further reduce my day-to-day use and then go for my diagnostic testing for Bi-polar type 1, as you and they have clearly explained it's harder or near-impossible to get a fair diagnoses or correct treatment whilst suffering from severe substance misuse or addiction problems too, I know I'll feel crappy or sometimes still depressed sober...but the clarity and diagnoses or help/exp will be worth it; I can always resume a few months to a year later is nearly as comforting a thought...though I do value my mental health....
Thank you so much! If wasn't for some of these videos to get me through than I doubt I'd be here right now ....You are the best so plz keep helping & God Bless u!!!
Is there a link to meth addiction and BPD? I feel like it could be widely used with BPD. I have every symptom of the main symptoms of BPD but one. I have struggled for years and finally am starting to learn more about BPD and how to start the journey of healing. I'm 11 months meth free. I was smoking a 8 ball of meth a day by myself at the end of my addiction and could still be relaxed and not act crazy like most would think with that much. It was nuts. My boyfriend came into my life 14 months ago. We never knew each other until a friend of mine dropped me off at his house and said to take me to dinner lol. Hes my angel. Hes stable in life, has an amazing career and has done very well for himself, and best of all he loves me with such genuine love its amazing. First person to ever see my potential and care... he found out 3 weeks into dating that I smoked meth all day evey day. He had no idea himself. Ill never forget the calm and sincere conversation that night. He was not the kind of guy you would expect to be dating a meth head. He is still here today for me and has been the entire time. I relapsed 3 times. ... but because of having someone that believes in me I Have been able to get clean...... meth was the perfect drug to numb all the shit that comes with BPD. I love your videos. Your one of the kindest authentic Dr. I ever have watched. My boyfriend watches now too. He has learned so much from you . Thank you
I’m glad that you like the video and as far as substance-abuse goes there’s no specific substance related to BPD but the overall use of drugs to manage surface continent and maladaptive tendencies is very high. This however does that mean that it is not treatable, it is! Take care and be well.
You don’t recover from this. It consumes you until you’ve pushed everyone away or until you say you’ve had enough and try to end it. Speaking from experience. I’ve realized that I’ll never lead a truly normal life. I’ve already pushed my friends and family away and have had two suicide attempts. Currently, I’m stuck in limbo deciding whether its worth another shot.
I came across a girl who said she no longer fits the criteria for bpd. If she can do it why not I, why not you, why not us. You didn’t give up hope if you are watching this. Keep that mustard seed of hope sir.
Great information and very applicable to my own personal life. Have been evaluating my life a lot especially around this topic. I have struggled with substance use and impulses (emotional and stress eater) this gives great perspective and more reason to strive towards a healthier life and make healthier coping mechanisms. Muchas gracias Dr. Fox !
Yes… I turn to drinking, which, while it does seem to “help” (though that isn’t really true- drinking never helps) it also is a trigger. The tiniest thing can set me off and send me into a depression then, once sober, I feel more empty than I did before. A terrible cycle.
My BPD ex was addicted to playing video games and completely denied it as a problem/addiction . And he’s in his late 30s .. and lives with his parents in a hoarder house. I feel terrible that he must have developed this coping strategy a long time ago just to live in that condition w his crazy mom and found an affective way to detach from reality . It’s so sad .
I started on weed, now I’m in rehab battling a crack cocaine and heroin addiction. Drugs, no matter what type, are no joke, especially when battling BPD. I come from a middle class family (not that that really matters) but the point is I used to think I’d never EVER take hard drugs, especially intravenously, but after so long the smoking just isn’t enough anymore. Please, please, before you think of picking up the bag, joint, foil, needle or whatever it is, go to your doctor and tell them how you’re feeling, and don’t fucking leave until you know they have put in a referral to mental health and/or drug services. Sometimes the first step is the hardest, but I promise you, it’s worth it.
Oh my goodness Gia thank you so much for sharing this! You are so right on and I hope you are kicking ass battling addiction and the BPD! And that freaking first step is definitely the hardest. I’ve taken that first step with my doctor but I gotta get my ass sober!
I haven't smoked or drank or done any sort of substance since almost two years - and I have no desire to do so, either. However, I thought that if I got off the substances, my life would get better over time, yet here I am feeling all of the symptoms Dr. Fox talks about when regarding BPD. Amd the more I watch these videos around BPD and what it is, I feel it becomes stronger in me.... again, like it's never left and I've simply been in denial this whole time. All I want in this life of 43 years of nothing but suffering those this damn disorder, is to over come it and if it means dropping everything, then I will. I'm so sick and tired of thinking I'm gonna get better the next, or feeling as if my cure to it all will be around the next figurative corner, but It never comes, and I just tell myself stuff to pretend it's not the disorder but something else exteranal.
Hey Dr Fox, I liked watching this even though I don’t abuse substances. I hope you won’t mind me asking this, but I would love to know more about BPD and abandonment issues if you would consider sharing your knowledge on that please? I am highly sensitive to anything people say to me, or how they act towards me, and I’m usually looking for ways that people are going to leave me/reasons they don’t like me. My partner said I was annoying him one day and I lost it - fled the house, drove really fast, had a break down crying because I was convinced he didn’t love me anymore and was going to leave me. It felt like the world was ending and I actually wanted to end my life - which now when I look back is crazy! The DBT workbook has been good for distraction/coping techniques so far, but I feel like I need to understand WHY it happens and why I’m like this to really start to move on from it?! Anyway, even if you can’t talk about this, thank you so much for all the content you created, it’s so insightful and helpful! 🙏
There's great videos here on UA-cam about "anxious attachment" that you might find helpful in understanding our fear of abandonment. Alan robarge comes to mind first for content creators that cover that kind of topic♡.
Im 46 and in 3 weeks ill have a year of soberity and its more sober time than all the rest added up in my past. Ive watched a few BPD videos and except for the cutting i can identify with all the traits in me. As my sober days added up my gradually feelings of BPD have declined. In AA the 6&7 steps deal with character flaws and to just ask god to take them away isnt good enough for me.....i feel treatment for NBPD could be useful because ive felt like that for so long...even though they arnt there any more. Does that make sense?
I might always struggle with addictions but I'm going to try and keep it at a minimum because i know better coping strategies and keep it a once a week thing when i have nothing important to do so i don't end up fucking up something. I used to just stop Immediately and be like "this is it, no more." But that's just the all or nothing mindset when it's just about trying to find middleground. I've lost who i am and many good friends to my addictions. I want to know who i am, i need to. Being self aware is the most important thing not only for BPD, Addictions Etc. But just everything. You have to know who you are. For example im writing down a lot of things i used to like and love that weren't addictions or at least not harmful ones like music. And I'm writing things that in the depths of my harmful addictions i have come to like and love that arent harmful like psychology, ive become really passionate about it because it just makes sense to me personally so i
I've been watching and reading so much about mental health disorders even ones i don't have because its just so intriguing and makes me "happy" learning like i love how it all conects. And ive been writing down things i may just like and love like for example, Basketball, ive never played basketball but it seems like something i could enjoy. All on my own too. you can get better without seeking professional help obviously if you're really struggling then professional help is recommended and would highly suggest you get in contact with someone who specializes in it. This is just how im doing things and i find it to be very helpful for me personally.
@@Ax.1998 way to go Ana!!! You seem to come at it from some very good perspectives, I love the idea of making lists of what you used to enjoy and also what you came to enjoy because of the addiction and then pursue those things. I totally have things I want to do but I’m scared. You inspired me!
Bpd and alcohol addiction sucks! I just relasped after being sober for 7 months I just cracked with all thats going on with covid also on my bday yesterday i got drunk I just wanted to numb everything.
I've known for a long time that I'm very susceptible to becoming addicted to just about anything, both substances & activities, so I try my best to stay away from certain things...except for food, can't seem to conquer that addiction...I'm hoping once the gyms reopen I'll be able to develope a healthy addiction to working out...lol...anyway, thank you Dr Fox for everything you do 😬
Is it possible to engage in an addictive behaviour without the substance? Like a sort of emotional codependency or overeating or compulsive shopping or promiscuity. Also, thank you so much for these videos. Keep em coming
Oh my goodness I am definitely not Dr. Fox but I am pretty darn positive that the answer to this is yes because I engage in both substance abuse and sex abuse and some others. I hope you have found growth!
Dr Fox, I disagree with you on this point. I have found that smoking marijuana is a way to self medicate that I believe works for me. I have my pot and my Zoloft. To say that you can't properly diagnose over a substance like weed could potential prevent help for people who still can think rationally enough to learn and work with. I really don't think I could ever be convinced to quit although I am heavily addicted. Could you please do an in-depth video on marijuana use and how that could affect BPD symptoms? I imagine many who suffer from BPD rely on this substance and would like to know.
Hello. I live in Brazil and I do not have access to professionals who understand borderline as you know it. Is there any way to schedule a skype query?
Hey there, Dr. Fox, could you please talk a little bit about binge eating disorder, and other eating disorders? How should folks go about coping in beneficial ways when you can’t “get sober”/quit food. Thank you. :)
Thanks for this video I hope this video helps my ex-husband out! because this what I believe destroyed our marriage! 😥 And I'm going learn more so I can understand! I truly think that he has B.P.D..and I believe now! he is open to seeking major therapy! etc. addiction treatments. We are beginning to really talk about our marriage and he claim he wants to be a real family again! and I'm not sure about this! But I'm willing to try to help point him in the direction of making better life choices! and try to support him ever wants to attain any session etc.
hi Dr Fox can you make a video about how the "favorite person" can behave wisely in case of addiction of the person with BPD (especially if they don t realize that they have one)? Thanks
Addiction are not only to substance abuse, right? I am wondering if the information is applicable to other kinds of addictions, such as videogames ( doesn't matter how simple they might be, since for the person is an escape to a makeup world, the one that the person can make perfect), watching TV or videos.. even though they are funny, since they don't allow the person mature and have a real life... Also, how to try to help a loved one with these addictions and so the loved one doesn't fall for more harming kinds of addictions. What if the person doesn't want to listen about BPD or that those are also addictions (maladaptive techniques)? What kind of test is there to evaluate for BPD, and what happens when the person is answering questions in a way that she knows how to answer in order to not getting a diagnosis? Or if the question is kind of ambivalent and the person is answering without understanding? There are cases where there is a positive result because of this... This could affect the person positively or negatively.. The person might not be able to qualify for some services, programs, it even SSI.. or she/he could be treated for different kind of Personality Disorder... It can be scary ... So confusing..
Hey thank you I still find it difficult to understand why my borderline cAnt be treated if I consume any drug, so this helps to understand a little bit Better
I saw therapists all my life and none of them helped me or told me what was wrong with me. I tried every pill. I'm 43 and after a ten year substance addiction and three years in prison it took youtube to tell me why. I feel like I lost so many years simply because there was nobody there qualified to help me in a lower income bracket. I'm glad that rich folks can get the help they need early on in life, but what about the other 99%?
Hi there! I have BPD and sometimes enjoy a joint.... I find that my main coping strategies are ensuring I exercise enough but not too much and organising my life. I also have dermatillomania and have since a child. I have found that I have been able to use a joint every now and then healthily As during I feel I am able to figure some of my issues out in my brain due to being in a better state for that time and I can often remember my decisions... but I’m about to have a break for at least 4 months. My borderline may be partly due to my mother’s own mental health and substance abuse using alcohol and weed. I would never use a bong and basically never drink. But anywho, thanks for the video im still interested as I have been addicted to exercise and food management before. Thanks
This is something I have been struggling with since my early teens. I used to cut myself and had to wear long shirts just to go out my room. I am still having a hard time with it, managing my alcohol intake and my meds. To me it just feels like nothing helps. I have been on 30 different meds in the last 3 years or so. When psychology is suggested, intellectually I know what I am being told but I cannot connect to it.
Objectively this all makes rational sense.. A true addiction certainly has to be addressed first. But occasional (ab)use of substances are much harder to quit and should be included in the BPD therapy right from the beginning, since the disorder is the trigger for the drug use. But its not accepted by most therapist. I had to put in a lot of effort to exclude this information until I was finally ready to get sober.. I hated this hiding game!
Great content. Helps me understand myself a bit more. My question is, which professional should I talk to for identifying if I suffer from some sort of Anxiety Disorder or Depression?
It does seem to explain a lot but we go all over the map. As always said each case is different esp in regard to rapid emotional cycles, can mimic and get confused here and there. On the spectrum very individualized am sure.
Dr. Fox, thank you for all that you do! I was wondering if there is any known link between BPD and other addictive behaviors, such as shopping. Those also seem to be unhealthy coping skills but perhaps the approach to dealing with them is not the same that the one for substance abuse or is it?
My twin was diagnosed with BPD and it's her and I to the T ...do you not have any of the traits at all?! ..did she go through anything traumatic growing up?
What if an adult family member has BPD combined with alcoholism, refuses treatment and is resigning to their illness? How do we cope with their lies and manipulation as fellow family members?
Weed gets me out the couch and do alot of things just meds dont do enough im different i procrastinate when i dont smoke plus a can breathe yes adhd included
I can tell you ive struggled with stimulants earlier on in life and it destabilized me horrifically! Now that weed is legal, ive done it in my late 40s and all pot does is cause dissociative like states, foggy memory, stagnation, fantasy almost like being delusional. After i quit im a total wreck of anxiety- never thought anxiety was a struggle until cannibus. Yes pot is legal but like alcohol- NOT safe for most with mental illness in my opinion.
God hears u and loves you. Keep going on.. even when u don’t want to. It’s all gonna be ok. He is with you and is strong when you are weak. He feels your pain too.
Dr. Fox, just curious what interested you to specialize in personality disorders? I’m pursuing a doctorate in the clinical realm and am, in part, and interested in PD’s as they relate to development and comorbidity with other pathology. Thanks! 👍
very intresting video and pritty on point accept the pot connection as it can be beneficial .... but only when ....as you say there not driven to "NEED" it lol this aspect of my BPD struggles have even me alotof light into it and your right as when ever someone is doing something or using something maladaptively its core concept is all or nothing beif of "i have to have to beable to do" .....and thats the distortion ..... thats the lie we continue to say when using drugs as an escape ....i will even admit at one point i was doing this wiht pot till i grasped that core concept ... and then i was able to not use the lie of "i need to be able to do" and now if i don't have the money i don't freak out to need it as if without it i would suffer or fail or bad things would happen thats the core issue ....... but meth ...... meth was the hardest and still most addictive issue that i have had big issues wiht more so then just doing any drug to not have to deal lol right lol but meth become a bigger issue .... no self control no boundires and losing friends hanging wiht shady people etc .... and to brake that i had to leave my home state and get away form my trama and close friends to get better (also helped that i found an FP who wouldn't be wiht me if i was over using) lol and set me on the path to recovery you speak mad truth to the concept of a core addiction and how it makes the BPD way worse and that people wiht BPD and substance abuse issue have a higher chance to do drugs when triggered ......and the more you use and lose the more you fall ...... only thng i cant figure out how to do is make friends wiht people who don't get into that life as there the only people I've ever beenable to be friends with ... so its been super hard to meet friends like that and not feel out of place and not connecting ...not because they don't do drugs but because i feel like a fraud a lot of the time .... or a duck trying to chill with fish lol.... my biggest advice for people wiht BPD and subtence abuse issues in don't tall yourself you need something ... brake the all or nothing belief that its the only way you will be able to handle that world ........ if you canbrake that thought and use your copeing skills over time you will start to wonder why you even thought you couldn't do it without um ...... i went from living wiht hookers getting paid random sex no friends stuck to a loving partner and my own apartment on sec 8 in the lovely state of hawaii ...... brake the cycle do the work don't let the BPD and hopelessness keep you form pushing yourself hard to live without the need for it
If you are looking for a sign not to end your life this is it
I love you stay strong ❤️
Needed this tonight, gosh, Thankyou
I'll not probably end my life although I've come very close, but even if I 'live', is it really a *life* if all I'm going to do, my whole life, is drugs?
“YOU CAN’T BE ADDICTED TO POT!” they said….
they being my pothead mates, lol. Another spot-on description: I could use it to completely obliterate myself and achieve temporary relief, but it heightened my paranoia and avoidant behaviours to extreme levels and I had severe mental breakdowns every time I stopped using. Sooooooooooo glad I quit: no more chronic bronchitis from smoking resin ‘cos I'm broke af. 99 problems and I got rid of one.
Stay strong everyone! ❤️
Came here for this comment. I grew a fucking weed plant over covid, and damn did things get out of control. So glad I'm off it now, what a shitty waste of so many years of my life...
I needed this x
I use it for 10 years i had bad psyhosis last week i never gona use it again.
You can be addicted to anything as long as it offers you some rewards.
It's not addictive RELATIVE to Heroin or nicotine or crack.
You’re the loveliest person on UA-cam. Thank you so much for making these videos
The overlap is overwhelming . It’s like a life sentence in the prison of my mind.
THIS!!!!!^^^^
That’s a beautiful way to put it, going to use that in a song I think maybe
It’s so hard havin bpd and using substance abuse. I love that feeling of numbness.
I agree, I just recently discovered that I have BPD as well as addiction issues, I realize that it is the BPD that is making me rely on substance use, I’m self medicating the symptoms of my BPD with drug use.
I like being able to really feel something. Whenever I drink, I'm not just pretending.
Kratom is my mood stabilizer, it works great. However, I CANT run out. Makes everything completely unmanageable.
💯💯💯
My friend who is an addict snd also I believe bpd started taking Kratom. He seems to feel better when he takes the kratom. And smokes pot. I worry about him and wish I could help
I lost a dear man with BPD who was addicted to meth. He didn't realize that all those years had taken its toll on his body. He suffered his whole life feeling this way. It is a cruel reality for the family facing life without him. He lit up the room when he entered. It seemed that was his soul purpose in life. He didnt realize how truly loved he was.
I've been sober for almost three years. But only been working on the BPD for 6 months. I did have to get sober first by I didn't understand why I was still having such a hard time. I had a therapist suggest that I have BPD so I started concentrating on BPD treatments. These videos are a big help. I bought a book on Cognative Behavioural Therapy and have been incorporsting these techniques into my daily life. I'm starting to feel better. Just being aware of BPD traits is helping to overcome to reduce their control over who I am and who I relate with other people.
Can you please tell me the name of the book?
It has been 4 years since you commented this.. I was curious how you're doing... My partner was sober for 5 years, but was still dealing with all the same symptoms. She does not believe she has BPD though.. I'm not sure what to do anymore... hoping I can find ways to be suggestive without putting her on defense again 😔
Thanks to God and the resources available I am still sober and actually stable. Dr. Fox' BPD work book was an a huge help. I went through it with my counselor. Now it's just staying in one day at a time, doing what I need to do. I wish you and your friend the best.
@@timothymcdonnell7942 I see. I'm very happy you're still doing well.. that's an amazing accomplishment ❤️
I used The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook written by Dr Fox. I had a few sudden revelations but it has taken time. I also contiue to work Steps 10, 11 and 12 from the AA Big Book. It's a combination of both that has brought peace to my mind.
I've officially given up with EVERYTHING that's hurting my BPD. It does just affect me, but my loved ones and I can't wait to begin the start of sobriety from the morning. NO MORE PRECASTING! I love you guys, things hit us SOOOOO hard and subsantances aren't worth it at all 😭❤️ love you ❤️
Stay strong. I wish you well.
I have been able to manage my BPD with 1 antidepressant and daily weed-smoking, but I wouldn't be able to manage at all had it not been for a persistent quest for knowledge, understanding, and incite. I had 3 years of therapy, which is absolutely crucial. I'm able to afford it, and it settles me down and pacifies me. I feel I'm doing very good considering I no longer drink, smoke cigarettes, or use other drugs. I had big problems in the past. Have hope. You can recover from BPD with long-term support and serious soul-searching and ongoing effort.
Same with me Tasha but I also use carbamazapine 800mg for my blow-ups and it really helps...
DR FOX BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE GOOD POSTS
whenever he uploads something I'm like "i love One Man"
Thank you so much as always. After using self-harm as a coping mechanism since the age of 13 I slowly substituted it for substance abuse and developed a strong dependence for cannabis in particular, which may sound like a soft or harmless drug for some but has caused a lot issues for me (many that you mentioned). I am determined to be sober and learn to deal with my BPD without harmful and maladaptive coping mechanisms such as this and as of today am 8 days sober heh. Thanks again, truly, for always speaking so candidly and eloquently about this
Bryn H. R. thats exactly my story self harm to weed
How are you doing today Bryn? Your story sounds so familiar to mine and I am inspired. Even though it’s three years later than when you wrote this comment!
Dr. Fox knows us all so well, & I love that he tells it how's it it, but says it in a not hurtful way. Stay strong & hang on!
I'm in recovery and so glad. A year next month. Took me decades to be properly dx'd as " dual disordered". I wish your videos were shown in rehabs!! I lived in despair and toxic shame for years. Thank you, Doctor!
Great job!
I am so happy for you ❤🙏🏼🙌🏼
@@louisar4227 and now over 2 years!! ♡♡♡♡🎉🎉🎉
I'm in recovery from addiction, BPD, bipolar. I treat them all. Once I was clean I was able to do the serious therapy which helped me stay clean.
I’d be long dead without my weed stash. But yeah it doesn’t help much in the long run, but maintains the status quo perfectly if you can afford it ofc
same.
Same. I'm trying to quit right now, I'm fifteen days in. Hoping the whole "it's got to get harder before it gets easier" thing applies here because damn, is it hard.
Miranda lots of ánimos girl. Rooting for you here. I messed up Saint Valentine’s big time yesterday due to being more drunk I should’ve been. Today is full of shame and feels impossible. What are your alternative coping strategies?
@@allakitaeva474 Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that :( the shame after an intense episode can be so damn unbearable, if you ever need to talk I'm here. I had to get really drunk last night too on V-Day because me and the girl I love (my FP) had a big fight and I couldn't deal. Alcohol's been a bad coping mechanism of mine since way before I knew I had BPD though. Some alternatives that aren't bad though, for me, are definitely exercise, distracting myself with UA-cam, and journaling or writing fiction. Both of those last two provide their own different kinds of escape. Also recently found while I've been trying to quit smoking that watching old movies that brought me comfort when I was younger helps, especially when I can't sleep. Lilo and Stitch is my go-to, haha
Miranda aaaaand he left me yesterday. Said it’s too much for him. How to cope with it? Weed and booze ofc. Not even a friend to see around. In the 9th circle of BPD hell right now. :(
Sixth video I've watched tonight after accidentally discovering you. All I can say is, hallelujah! You're an amazing, dedicated being, who has an incredible passion for wanting to help us with our complex bpd struggles. May I ask what inspired you to have an interest in people suffering from personality disorders? I love the fact that you reply to some comments and you have put all this information on UA-cam for people to access without having to pay. You're in it for the care of people, not money. Thank you
I know, he makes it seem so real.
It's it's a feeling like I can't just be in my head you know (sober)I must have something and it's almost like a blanket like going into the world that I need this blanket over for me the world is scary and my thoughts are anxious and ever ruminating over the past. but in the long run it creates nothing but problems every time and I've been addicted to everything over the years and I always began thinking I'll handle this addiction, but always and it always ended up enslaving me every time ... alcohol was always so bad with me because I was constantly raging when I was under the influence of booze. I'm in my fifties now and my symptoms are so much less than they were in my twenties I was all symptoms in my twenties, and diagnosed when I ended up at Shands Gainesville psych unit in my late twenties, and they really didn't know much of all about it then ... thank you Doctor Fox for all your great insights and help
Glad you’re doing better now man, I’m 17 so let’s hope that I get better at some point to
I'm 29, sound like you. The rage is unbelievable, but the sober me, not numbed, is even worse. My head would surely explode.
Dr. Fox, I have watched innumerable videos on this disorder(which I have); including those from professionals at the McLean Gunderson Residence where I spent 6 months in my 20’s and which is widely recognized as the premiere, gold standard of treatment for this disorder. I am EXTREMELY impressed with your videos. So much so that for the first and only time do I wish I lived in Texas rather than beautiful San Francisco. So many people consider and call themselves experts in PD but you truly seem to fit the bill. Kudos to you in a world of quacks. I will follow up to see if you would ever consider conducting some sessions over the phone in an effort to assist me with finding a more compatible treater in my area. I have literally spent a full million dollars in my lifetime(no exaggeration here and easily provable based on places I’ve gone, lengths of stay and the almost 20 years between ages 14 and 32 I spent mainly in residential treatment) on treatment and since finally getting sober a year and a half ago I’ve decided to not spend additional money until I can replicate the type of therapeutic alliance I had with one of my treaters at McLean whose skill led me to wellness. Your video on “favorite person” was incredible and I joke often about transitional objects. As of now I have assumed the responsibility of being my own therapist and have lately been researching further a variety of concepts I would so love to discuss with someone like yourself. Object relations and the role of the endogenous opioid system in this disorder are relatively challenging for someone who barely finished therapeutic boarding school to digest and apply. Best wishes and many thanks for your service in providing videos which capture the nuance of this affliction.
It sounds impossible to deal with the addiction first if its being driven by the bpd 😳 I thought it was going to be the other way around. Dealing with the bpd would ultimately lower my need for drugs.
Egg here, checking in. How are you two doing?💚
I say egg because i am also feeling a bit upset and discouraged knowing I need to get sober first.
I've successfully entered recovery for cocaine and alcohol addiction, but the thought of not being able to use cannabis is ....worrysome to say the least, in this moment anyway.
@Izaak Woodruff ☝️
hi! how's your recovery? im asking because right now i feel the same way, its so hard to accept the fact i have to get sober first@@i-love-comountains3850
That's how I feel! I feel like I should work on my other shit first and then maybe the need to use would go away, or at least lessen. Idk man. :(
Dr. Fox. You are very good at how you treat/make videos. No distracting music. Less fluff. Just the straight scoop, which builds accessibility trust and then Intimacy. Safe therapeutic container that is open and available. 🙏🏼. Yes, part of this could be considered “idealizing”. I’m okay with that and seeing objectively at the same time.
Thank you! God bless us all! 🌸
Thanks for covering this.
Was about to have a joint, then your video re substance abuse came on. So I stopped myself. One step at a time. Thank you
I hate to admit it but on top of my bpd I drink. When I am so overwhelmed and everything is completely out of control I drink. I drink until I loose it. When I am drunk I feel free, I get the courage to say all those things I bottle up. Just feeling my body and my head num is good enough for me. I hate to be like this 😢
me too girl im hungover but gonna try and stop drinking x
I can't believe that I have your workbook and didn't realise! (It's on kindle, I didn't make the connection) Your exercises are changing my life, trying to help me with my awareness and identifying triggers. I still torture myself and my partner but we are working together. I will be ok. Thank you
My BPD was so dangerous mixed with substance use disorder. Suicide ideation went hand in hand with overdosing. Love/hate cycles extended to drugs and dealers too. Of course criminality was ramped up. What a disaster ☹️
Sounds dangerous for certain. Be well.
Thank you so much for your videos. Could you do a video on eating disorders with BPD. What treatment is considered to be the most helpful? I have a daughter who struggles with both but is 18 and has refused residential treatment after attending a full time day program for over 2 months. This eating disorder has become her “substance abuse”. She is swallowed up by it and I see her restricting more every week. I am so scared. Thank you. Your videos have helped me cope.
yes. Ive had a strange relationship with food and now I see the not eating is a punishment. Terrible
I have BPD and have used several drugs just to cope with feelings and every time I got sober from those so I wouldn’t revert to drug addiction food was always a safe place BUT then I always abused food to still feel better. I was 415 down to 180 now sober again and food is becoming the focus again…. At 46 realizing food is also an addiction for me. Wow sounds so simple but didn’t really see it until now so I think I’m going to have to have a very clear outline with food. I don’t know maybe calorie counting or something like that…still learning but at least aware and clear minded to see it.
Have BPD for 30 years... First 10 years were so bad but after I got to know weed my life became sufferable... Tried everything but my thing is weed... I get high as i wake up until i go to sleep... Weed keeps my feelings on the right tune so that my family can live with me...
Yeah no one understands that weed is like the only thing keeping me alive rn
Thank you for your videos.💗 a year sober, trying to be patient with myself
I get so angry with constant invalidation from others and I do it to myself as well. When I use a substance I can think and reflect on my train of thought and I can remember things more clearly and Im actually able to clarify why I feel a certain way. This becomes addicting in itself. The validation I get from feeling good and thinking about past events that are still in current day patterns help me make those connections for myself. Its like visiting a land where I am understood and accepted and Im not constantly doubting myself and I allow myself to remember things that in my sober mind I would avoid. Its not exactly wallowing but there are those times also. Its more like a deep dive into the unconscious to pull out what I need to realize about me and others that I may not have wanted to face. I have gotten a lot of clarity but I know long term this can make problems for me. (just talking about maryjane here. I dont like alcohol or anything else and the use is just the past few years.) the bpd traits were worse in my younger years. It seems with the lowering of progesterone in my body for middle age I can think better but the mj does keep me company. Really thats all it is, as I try to put the pieces of my life together and make sense of it all the MJ keeps me company. The question I keep asking myself How did I end up here? That's the question I hurt myself with every day. Substance use started at 12 along with skipping school and getting lost and off track completely. That is right on. I did manage to help myself on practical level but emotionally? What a wreck. Panic panic all the time panic if you get too close. Robbed me of so much intimacy in my life. self forgiveness seem impossible with out validation that someone, anyone can tolerate me and wow are folks tested .But I choose difficult folks so my traits get hidden in the relationship. so so tricky! xx
I'm speechless at how much I relate to this.... I'm desperately trying to keep my personality traits and maladaptive behaviors from destroying my relationship with the only partner who has ever refused to give up on me, and it might be too late. The shame of it all keeps the cycles going with Sisyphusian momentum....
I completely relate. I want to stop using weed because I would rather have stable relationships and a husband and children than live in my own world alone. I'm 31 and hoping it's not too late. Hope you find a way out too.
I have BPD (diagnosed 10 years ago) and abuse my prescribed Adderall and Xanax, when I run out of my Xanax I resort to buying my friends Valium. I truly do have the physical and mental anxiety but I’m so used to taking the medication now for 5 years I have developed a huge tolerance. I fear that I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown and in need of inpatient hospitalization.
Sending positive vibes. Seeing this a week later and hoping you're doing ok 👌
Big pharma values profits over people. They have no problems prescribing such dangerous drugs but vehemently oppose cannabis. They should be held responsible for the damage they've caused, making millions off the suffering of folks just trying to cope. Hope peace finds your heart.
I feel you, I abuse adderall. It sucks I can’t say much, but I know one thing. There is life and hope out there for you, and us. Jesus is the only thing that has kept me from falling into a tidal wave I cannot describe. He’s real and here, a savior from sin and a helped. He understands you, even if no does. Even if you don’t. I do . Stay strong .
2 Corinthians 12:10 “When we are weak, he is strong”. ❤️ this is ur sign my brother that everything will eventually be alright. ✝️💗💗💗
Jesus loves you!
I had to find a new psychiatrist after ending up in the ER twice for panic disorder. It started suddenly and I thought it was a heart issue at first. The doctor at the ER said I was having severe panic attacks and referred me back to my psychiatrist for meds after benzos helped in the ER. My psychiatrist prescribed xanax, but since it is short acting, I needed a small dose 3x a day to not go into severe panic. She refused to give me more than one a day or prescribe a longer acting anxiolytic. I ended up in the ER because I had to ration my meds to the point I could not function. I could barely move. I remember sitting down in the morning in one spot and moving as little as possible hoping to not go into a panic attack. After asking multiple times for even one extra pill a day or a longer acting med, she accused me of drug seeking and refused to prescribe anything for my panic attacks. Instead she gave me a pamphlet on a BPD treatment program. She treated me differently because of my BPD diagnosis. I remember talking to her over the phone on speaker phone, and my fiance was shocked by the way she talked to me. He told me she was talking to me very rudely, and she was way out of line. I never showed anger toward her despite my frustration (that was difficult to control, as I was very upset), but she still treated me like I was inherently bad because of my BPD. Luckily I found a new psychiatrist who takes me at face value. She is a wonderful human being. She is reasonable and I have a say in my treatment. I do not abuse my prescriptions at all. I just want to be able to function. It is insane how difficult it is to find mental health providers who treat those with BPD fairly (let alone treat those with BPD at all). Thank you for your videos. They help me understand myself better. I like that many of your videos reduce stigma and also discuss comorbidities, as I have many of the comorbid disorders mentioned in your videos. It makes me feel less alone knowing others experience similar things.
Thank you Daniel, you're doing a great service for a lot of people.
My pleasure!
Im curious. Does it scare you when patients idolize you to an extreme? Has a patient ever made you their FP? How do you deal with their attachment?
Nope, it is part of the work I do and we discuss it in session and use this attachment to generalize to his/her (the client) life. Therapy can be a powerful process.
@@DrDanielFox im having trouble holding back my attachment just from watching your videos lol. I imagine your reassuring and supporting presence is like crack to other borderlines too
@@ninacael same ahaha I have to control myself to not become overly adoring when watching these vids because I feel so grateful and understood there's something inside me screaming to post a billion "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" comments
@@bryn-6773 yeah, thats it
Let’s all remember a favourite person can be a platonic relationship 😹 I idolise him also but understand that I can just sit with those feelings and feel supported by his knowledge without needing him to reciprocate.
Mr. Fox thank you for saving my life for ME and not others although you’ve taught me healthy ways to love others thank you.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm so glad my video could make a positive impact on your life. Keep spreading the love!
With every video that I see you post, it pushes me more and more towards wanting to go back and finish college to help other borderline like myself come back from the brink exhaustion and despair. I have been given so much information and knowledge about myself and learn so much about BPD that it's staggering. I think I've found something to do with my life that will genuinely make me happy to a certain degree!
Ireland, I totally feel this as well! Do it do it do it!
Cannabis, when used in moderation or as prescribed actually works amazingly for:
Anxiety
Depression
PTSD
BPD
This video is a little disingenuous about what is or isn't considered abuse or what substance is truly problematic.
I'm prescribed medical cannabis for the condition.
Try to be more specific/ careful as an influencer. And definitely stay up to date on what drugs exacerbate BPD.
So far, only prescribed medication such as ssris, benzos, ADHD medication have caused issues with treatment.
A puff ever other day. Not even in the slightest. 🤷♀️
Unfortunately not everyone can take just a puff every other day…if only!!’
My addiction is anything that will make me feel relaxed or sleepy. That being zzquil, antihistamines, beer, benzodiazepines. Any thing to bring me down enough to stop my thoughts or to put me to sleep. Definitely have built up tolerance to even more than the recommended amount.
I also spend unnecessarily, mostly in buying groceries or food I just know I'm not going to eat.
I've had clients a "state of drift". Treatment is very important. Try this resource, it may help: www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
Are you me?
@@gingit3239 Maybe
This is me but no help available where I live. Only these videos 😩
"what's your coping strategies?"
me: food food food food food FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOOOOOOOOOOOD but sometimes even foods dont work......
Start pairing food with someone positive, like eating and walking, then eat less food and keep walking, for example.
@@DrDanielFox good idea.
@@DrDanielFox l just noticed you replied my comment. Thank you for the suggestion, I truly appreciate it :)
This narcissism seems like an epidemic and if addiction plays a role, AA and NA need to get with the times, step up their game, and add narcissism literature to their program. When my husband was completely sober he had all the traits of a culvert vulnerable narcissist. The last two times that he attended AA, he wasn't working the steps, he was emotionally and psychologically abusing me and drilling those steps into me. When I attended Al-Anon and went through the steps, I realized I was doing or did them every day of my life for about 12 yrs because of his narcissist treatment. In those meetings, I heard my story over and over and there was no talk of narcissism, just of alcohol/addiction. Al-Anon is about us and how to deal with the alcoholic / recovering alcoholic.
Step 4 is a great step for introducing narcissism.
Just my experience and opinion.
I'm 30, also less than a year with a full BPD diagnoses... I have substance misuse issues; I smoke weed and cigarettes...I intend to quit in the future as I recognise the problems I have regulating moods and staving off boredom, stress and chronic existentialism...haha.
Anyway I will try to cut down to (x) amount a week where (x) is as little as I can afford and not exhaust what I'd use to last a week, after that I'll see if I can further reduce my day-to-day use and then go for my diagnostic testing for Bi-polar type 1, as you and they have clearly explained it's harder or near-impossible to get a fair diagnoses or correct treatment whilst suffering from severe substance misuse or addiction problems too, I know I'll feel crappy or sometimes still depressed sober...but the clarity and diagnoses or help/exp will be worth it; I can always resume a few months to a year later is nearly as comforting a thought...though I do value my mental health....
Interesting fact you present here, Dr. Fox. The layering of an addictive behavior and BPD; as you highlight the order of treatment.
Thank you,
Thank you so much! If wasn't for some of these videos to get me through than I doubt I'd be here right now ....You are the best so plz keep helping & God Bless u!!!
Is there a link to meth addiction and BPD? I feel like it could be widely used with BPD. I have every symptom of the main symptoms of BPD but one. I have struggled for years and finally am starting to learn more about BPD and how to start the journey of healing. I'm 11 months meth free. I was smoking a 8 ball of meth a day by myself at the end of my addiction and could still be relaxed and not act crazy like most would think with that much. It was nuts. My boyfriend came into my life 14 months ago. We never knew each other until a friend of mine dropped me off at his house and said to take me to dinner lol. Hes my angel. Hes stable in life, has an amazing career and has done very well for himself, and best of all he loves me with such genuine love its amazing. First person to ever see my potential and care... he found out 3 weeks into dating that I smoked meth all day evey day. He had no idea himself. Ill never forget the calm and sincere conversation that night. He was not the kind of guy you would expect to be dating a meth head. He is still here today for me and has been the entire time. I relapsed 3 times. ... but because of having someone that believes in me I Have been able to get clean...... meth was the perfect drug to numb all the shit that comes with BPD. I love your videos. Your one of the kindest authentic Dr. I ever have watched. My boyfriend watches now too. He has learned so much from you . Thank you
I’m glad that you like the video and as far as substance-abuse goes there’s no specific substance related to BPD but the overall use of drugs to manage surface continent and maladaptive tendencies is very high. This however does that mean that it is not treatable, it is! Take care and be well.
OMG girl kick ass! I’m so stoked that you are healing and found a healer!
You don’t recover from this. It consumes you until you’ve pushed everyone away or until you say you’ve had enough and try to end it. Speaking from experience. I’ve realized that I’ll never lead a truly normal life. I’ve already pushed my friends and family away and have had two suicide attempts. Currently, I’m stuck in limbo deciding whether its worth another shot.
Please stay strong. Their is Hope out there❤️ sending lots of love end really hope you’re in a better space.
I came across a girl who said she no longer fits the criteria for bpd. If she can do it why not I, why not you, why not us. You didn’t give up hope if you are watching this. Keep that mustard seed of hope sir.
Great information and very applicable to my own personal life. Have been evaluating my life a lot especially around this topic. I have struggled with substance use and impulses (emotional and stress eater) this gives great perspective and more reason to strive towards a healthier life and make healthier coping mechanisms. Muchas gracias Dr. Fox !
Dr. Fox i would love to see a video on cheating and backups in case a relationship falls through
I believe I’m addicted to the BPD crisis as “normal life” is odd to me
stephanie kajishima me too😕
I thought it was just me
Yes… I turn to drinking, which, while it does seem to “help” (though that isn’t really true- drinking never helps) it also is a trigger. The tiniest thing can set me off and send me into a depression then, once sober, I feel more empty than I did before. A terrible cycle.
Life changing information
My BPD ex was addicted to playing video games and completely denied it as a problem/addiction . And he’s in his late 30s .. and lives with his parents in a hoarder house. I feel terrible that he must have developed this coping strategy a long time ago just to live in that condition w his crazy mom and found an affective way to detach from reality . It’s so sad .
maybe he’s just lazy
@@ogglitterqueen people aren't "just lazy". There's something behind the label of laziness.
I started on weed, now I’m in rehab battling a crack cocaine and heroin addiction. Drugs, no matter what type, are no joke, especially when battling BPD. I come from a middle class family (not that that really matters) but the point is I used to think I’d never EVER take hard drugs, especially intravenously, but after so long the smoking just isn’t enough anymore. Please, please, before you think of picking up the bag, joint, foil, needle or whatever it is, go to your doctor and tell them how you’re feeling, and don’t fucking leave until you know they have put in a referral to mental health and/or drug services. Sometimes the first step is the hardest, but I promise you, it’s worth it.
Oh my goodness Gia thank you so much for sharing this! You are so right on and I hope you are kicking ass battling addiction and the BPD! And that freaking first step is definitely the hardest. I’ve taken that first step with my doctor but I gotta get my ass sober!
Thank you Dr. Fox a very easy to understand lecture. Keep them coming
I haven't smoked or drank or done any sort of substance since almost two years - and I have no desire to do so, either.
However, I thought that if I got off the substances, my life would get better over time, yet here I am feeling all of the symptoms Dr. Fox talks about when regarding BPD. Amd the more I watch these videos around BPD and what it is, I feel it becomes stronger in me.... again, like it's never left and I've simply been in denial this whole time. All I want in this life of 43 years of nothing but suffering those this damn disorder, is to over come it and if it means dropping everything, then I will. I'm so sick and tired of thinking I'm gonna get better the next, or feeling as if my cure to it all will be around the next figurative corner, but It never comes, and I just tell myself stuff to pretend it's not the disorder but something else exteranal.
Hey Dr Fox, I liked watching this even though I don’t abuse substances.
I hope you won’t mind me asking this, but I would love to know more about BPD and abandonment issues if you would consider sharing your knowledge on that please? I am highly sensitive to anything people say to me, or how they act towards me, and I’m usually looking for ways that people are going to leave me/reasons they don’t like me.
My partner said I was annoying him one day and I lost it - fled the house, drove really fast, had a break down crying because I was convinced he didn’t love me anymore and was going to leave me. It felt like the world was ending and I actually wanted to end my life - which now when I look back is crazy!
The DBT workbook has been good for distraction/coping techniques so far, but I feel like I need to understand WHY it happens and why I’m like this to really start to move on from it?!
Anyway, even if you can’t talk about this, thank you so much for all the content you created, it’s so insightful and helpful! 🙏
There's great videos here on UA-cam about "anxious attachment" that you might find helpful in understanding our fear of abandonment. Alan robarge comes to mind first for content creators that cover that kind of topic♡.
Look into family system and attachment theory. Next to DBT I did different forms of trauma therapy. Schema therapy was very helpful.
Great information as always. Thank you very much!
I can't believe how well you just described my feelings and my life 😭💔🙏🙏🙏
My Mom died yesterday from stage 4 lung cancer. She was a 3 pack a day smoker a day for decades. Cigarettes were her coping mechanism for her BPD.
I am sorry for your loss . I hope you are better now.
Same w/my mother. I am sorry.
Thank you for making this video, you helped answer the one question I've been stuck on, that being which disorder to treat first.
Thank you for speaking of this
Thank you so much for the insight I've gained through watching your videos. So grateful.
Im 46 and in 3 weeks ill have a year of soberity and its more sober time than all the rest added up in my past. Ive watched a few BPD videos and except for the cutting i can identify with all the traits in me. As my sober days added up my gradually feelings of BPD have declined. In AA the 6&7 steps deal with character flaws and to just ask god to take them away isnt good enough for me.....i feel treatment for NBPD could be useful because ive felt like that for so long...even though they arnt there any more. Does that make sense?
I might always struggle with addictions but I'm going to try and keep it at a minimum because i know better coping strategies and keep it a once a week thing when i have nothing important to do so i don't end up fucking up something. I used to just stop Immediately and be like "this is it, no more." But that's just the all or nothing mindset when it's just about trying to find middleground. I've lost who i am and many good friends to my addictions. I want to know who i am, i need to. Being self aware is the most important thing not only for BPD, Addictions Etc. But just everything. You have to know who you are. For example im writing down a lot of things i used to like and love that weren't addictions or at least not harmful ones like music. And I'm writing things that in the depths of my harmful addictions i have come to like and love that arent harmful like psychology, ive become really passionate about it because it just makes sense to me personally so i
I've been watching and reading so much about mental health disorders even ones i don't have because its just so intriguing and makes me "happy" learning like i love how it all conects. And ive been writing down things i may just like and love like for example, Basketball, ive never played basketball but it seems like something i could enjoy. All on my own too. you can get better without seeking professional help obviously if you're really struggling then professional help is recommended and would highly suggest you get in contact with someone who specializes in it. This is just how im doing things and i find it to be very helpful for me personally.
@@Ax.1998 way to go Ana!!! You seem to come at it from some very good perspectives, I love the idea of making lists of what you used to enjoy and also what you came to enjoy because of the addiction and then pursue those things. I totally have things I want to do but I’m scared. You inspired me!
Bpd and alcohol addiction sucks! I just relasped after being sober for 7 months I just cracked with all thats going on with covid also on my bday yesterday i got drunk I just wanted to numb everything.
I've known for a long time that I'm very susceptible to becoming addicted to just about anything, both substances & activities, so I try my best to stay away from certain things...except for food, can't seem to conquer that addiction...I'm hoping once the gyms reopen I'll be able to develope a healthy addiction to working out...lol...anyway, thank you Dr Fox for everything you do 😬
Jesus loves u bro. It’s all gonna be ok
@@Healing-music135 ...I'm not a bro, but thank you for your kind words 💜
Yup. Alcoholic and gambling are my go to’s... I also have been diagnosed with PTSD and they are all morphed together.
Is it possible to engage in an addictive behaviour without the substance? Like a sort of emotional codependency or overeating or compulsive shopping or promiscuity. Also, thank you so much for these videos. Keep em coming
Oh my goodness I am definitely not Dr. Fox but I am pretty darn positive that the answer to this is yes because I engage in both substance abuse and sex abuse and some others. I hope you have found growth!
Yes
Love your videos you are really helping me
I definitely needed this today. Thank you
Dr Fox, I disagree with you on this point. I have found that smoking marijuana is a way to self medicate that I believe works for me. I have my pot and my Zoloft.
To say that you can't properly diagnose over a substance like weed could potential prevent help for people who still can think rationally enough to learn and work with. I really don't think I could ever be convinced to quit although I am heavily addicted. Could you please do an in-depth video on marijuana use and how that could affect BPD symptoms? I imagine many who suffer from BPD rely on this substance and would like to know.
Very clear explanation. Thank you very much. Helpful.
Hello. I live in Brazil and I do not have access to professionals who understand borderline as you know it. Is there any way to schedule a skype query?
Sorry, I cannot do online sessions.
Hey there, Dr. Fox, could you please talk a little bit about binge eating disorder, and other eating disorders? How should folks go about coping in beneficial ways when you can’t “get sober”/quit food. Thank you. :)
Thanks for this video I hope this video helps my ex-husband out! because this what I believe destroyed our marriage! 😥 And I'm going learn more so I can understand! I truly think that he has B.P.D..and I believe now! he is open to seeking major therapy! etc. addiction treatments. We are beginning to really talk about our marriage and he claim he wants to be a real family again! and I'm not sure about this! But I'm willing to try to help point him in the direction of making better life choices! and try to support him ever wants to attain any session etc.
I hated this video because it made me realize that I need to stop using, but also I love this video because it make me realize I need to stop using.
Wow sir! I need to find a doctor as good as you in North Georgia. If you know of one, please let me know.
hi Dr Fox can you make a video about how the "favorite person" can behave wisely in case of addiction of the person with BPD (especially if they don t realize that they have one)? Thanks
Yes you are an amazing doctor
Addiction are not only to substance abuse, right? I am wondering if the information is applicable to other kinds of addictions, such as videogames ( doesn't matter how simple they might be, since for the person is an escape to a makeup world, the one that the person can make perfect), watching TV or videos.. even though they are funny, since they don't allow the person mature and have a real life... Also, how to try to help a loved one with these addictions and so the loved one doesn't fall for more harming kinds of addictions.
What if the person doesn't want to listen about BPD or that those are also addictions (maladaptive techniques)?
What kind of test is there to evaluate for BPD, and what happens when the person is answering questions in a way that she knows how to answer in order to not getting a diagnosis? Or if the question is kind of ambivalent and the person is answering without understanding? There are cases where there is a positive result because of this... This could affect the person positively or negatively.. The person might not be able to qualify for some services, programs, it even SSI.. or she/he could be treated for different kind of Personality Disorder...
It can be scary ... So confusing..
Hey thank you I still find it difficult to understand why my borderline cAnt be treated if I consume any drug, so this helps to understand a little bit Better
brilliant work yet again sometimes its short time pain relief
I saw therapists all my life and none of them helped me or told me what was wrong with me. I tried every pill. I'm 43 and after a ten year substance addiction and three years in prison it took youtube to tell me why. I feel like I lost so many years simply because there was nobody there qualified to help me in a lower income bracket. I'm glad that rich folks can get the help they need early on in life, but what about the other 99%?
🙏 thank u ! I really enjoyed the video because how u broke it down ❣️ 👏🏼
You are so brilliant. 🙏 Thank You!
Hi there! I have BPD and sometimes enjoy a joint.... I find that my main coping strategies are ensuring I exercise enough but not too much and organising my life. I also have dermatillomania and have since a child. I have found that I have been able to use a joint every now and then healthily As during I feel I am able to figure some of my issues out in my brain due to being in a better state for that time and I can often remember my decisions... but I’m about to have a break for at least 4 months. My borderline may be partly due to my mother’s own mental health and substance abuse using alcohol and weed. I would never use a bong and basically never drink. But anywho, thanks for the video im still interested as I have been addicted to exercise and food management before. Thanks
This is something I have been struggling with since my early teens. I used to cut myself and had to wear long shirts just to go out my room. I am still having a hard time with it, managing my alcohol intake and my meds. To me it just feels like nothing helps. I have been on 30 different meds in the last 3 years or so. When psychology is suggested, intellectually I know what I am being told but I cannot connect to it.
SUBSCRIBED INSTANTLY
Objectively this all makes rational sense.. A true addiction certainly has to be addressed first. But occasional (ab)use of substances are much harder to quit and should be included in the BPD therapy right from the beginning, since the disorder is the trigger for the drug use. But its not accepted by most therapist. I had to put in a lot of effort to exclude this information until I was finally ready to get sober.. I hated this hiding game!
Great content. Helps me understand myself a bit more.
My question is, which professional should I talk to for identifying if I suffer from some sort of Anxiety Disorder or Depression?
It does seem to explain a lot but we go all over the map. As always said each case is different esp in regard to rapid emotional cycles, can mimic and get confused here and there. On the spectrum very individualized am sure.
Dr. Fox, thank you for all that you do! I was wondering if there is any known link between BPD and other addictive behaviors, such as shopping. Those also seem to be unhealthy coping skills but perhaps the approach to dealing with them is not the same that the one for substance abuse or is it?
Can you please tell me how my identical twin sister has BPD but I don’t. Thanks so much
My twin was diagnosed with BPD and it's her and I to the T ...do you not have any of the traits at all?! ..did she go through anything traumatic growing up?
Thank you.
You're welcome!
Addiction isn't always illegal substances. I struggle with food/sugar and sometimes sex.
Riiight. There can also be an addiction to anger or sadness or needs to control appearance …
What if an adult family member has BPD combined with alcoholism, refuses treatment and is resigning to their illness? How do we cope with their lies and manipulation as fellow family members?
Weed gets me out the couch and do alot of things just meds dont do enough im different i procrastinate when i dont smoke plus a can breathe yes adhd included
I can tell you ive struggled with stimulants earlier on in life and it destabilized me horrifically! Now that weed is legal, ive done it in my late 40s and all pot does is cause dissociative like states, foggy memory, stagnation, fantasy almost like being delusional. After i quit im a total wreck of anxiety- never thought anxiety was a struggle until cannibus. Yes pot is legal but like alcohol- NOT safe for most with mental illness in my opinion.
I have borderline personality disorder adult adhd and cannabis dependence. God release me.
God hears u and loves you.
Keep going on.. even when u don’t want to. It’s all gonna be ok. He is with you and is strong when you are weak. He feels your pain too.
Dr. Fox, just curious what interested you to specialize in personality disorders? I’m pursuing a doctorate in the clinical realm and am, in part, and interested in PD’s as they relate to development and comorbidity with other pathology. Thanks! 👍
You are saving my life thank u
very intresting video and pritty on point accept the pot connection as it can be beneficial .... but only when ....as you say there not driven to "NEED" it lol this aspect of my BPD struggles have even me alotof light into it and your right as when ever someone is doing something or using something maladaptively its core concept is all or nothing beif of "i have to have to beable to do" .....and thats the distortion ..... thats the lie we continue to say when using drugs as an escape ....i will even admit at one point i was doing this wiht pot till i grasped that core concept ... and then i was able to not use the lie of "i need to be able to do" and now if i don't have the money i don't freak out to need it as if without it i would suffer or fail or bad things would happen thats the core issue ....... but meth ...... meth was the hardest and still most addictive issue that i have had big issues wiht more so then just doing any drug to not have to deal lol right lol but meth become a bigger issue .... no self control no boundires and losing friends hanging wiht shady people etc .... and to brake that i had to leave my home state and get away form my trama and close friends to get better (also helped that i found an FP who wouldn't be wiht me if i was over using) lol and set me on the path to recovery you speak mad truth to the concept of a core addiction and how it makes the BPD way worse and that people wiht BPD and substance abuse issue have a higher chance to do drugs when triggered ......and the more you use and lose the more you fall ...... only thng i cant figure out how to do is make friends wiht people who don't get into that life as there the only people I've ever beenable to be friends with ... so its been super hard to meet friends like that and not feel out of place and not connecting ...not because they don't do drugs but because i feel like a fraud a lot of the time .... or a duck trying to chill with fish lol.... my biggest advice for people wiht BPD and subtence abuse issues in don't tall yourself you need something ... brake the all or nothing belief that its the only way you will be able to handle that world ........ if you canbrake that thought and use your copeing skills over time you will start to wonder why you even thought you couldn't do it without um ...... i went from living wiht hookers getting paid random sex no friends stuck to a loving partner and my own apartment on sec 8 in the lovely state of hawaii ...... brake the cycle do the work don't let the BPD and hopelessness keep you form pushing yourself hard to live without the need for it