THE SHELL - A LOVE STORY SET ON A BEACH - 2009

WARNING: THIS FILM FEATURES AN UNCENSORED MULLET AND MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR SOME HAIRDRESSERS. This film made in 2009 using state of the union IMAX technology or at least something that had a tape in it that created a mildly unpleasant 4 x 3 image suitable for screening in an alley way while a jazz band plays a cover of Smoke On The Water. 2 actors and one camera and a script written over a long summer while ingesting large quantities of boiled Datura that was even sent to Lucas films to an impressive barrage of ceaseless resounding silence. Filmed entirely on location inside a Pentium 3 computer this tepid short film is a nod to the golden age of cinema in 2009 when Transformers Revenge of the Fallen forced Stanley Kubrick to turn in his grave and write a short message to Michael Bay letting him know he is now the king of cinema. The Shell has a message for us all that sharing is not only caring but also it is often illegal and the cause of a billion unnecessary deaths every year and should be celebrated but only if you are vaccinated and wearing a helmet. Join us on a journey into a place the New York Times described as "stagnantly uplifting" and "the best thing since prohibition". Rated P for perfect and at only 8 minutes long surely you have spent longer in the toilet recently? Or just take your phone in the toilet anyway and while we're on the subject please clean your phone it's disgusting. May you learn to share and live on this planet together so we can all make bad student art films and pay too much for a cup of coffee. Love is like a fist inside a glove giving you the finger and making your heart glow accordingly. Bless you. 2009, Barwon Heads, Victoria, Australia. Music by Hanz Zimmer from the Thin Red Line (please let me make mad cash from this and I will buy you a really nice Glockenspiel) and Butthole Surfers and some song from Romeo and Juliet soundtrack and oh goddam it this video is going to get blocked. If you're watching this give Art Garfunkel a tissue for me.