That happens too. I'm so sorry. There's also staying up so that you don't have to face nightmares. I hope things have gotten better for you, as it has been a month, if not, don't give up. It sometimes takes a while, but things do get better.
OMG have been doing this throughout lockdown. I also feel subconsciously it’s like a self-punishment. It’s about hanging on to the today and not wanting tomorrow to arrive.
I’ve found getting ready for bed in different chunks really helps. Go ahead and change into pjs as soon as you get home, or right before dinner. Then, right after dinner, just take care of your oral hygiene routine. Then take an hour to watch a show, catch up on UA-cam, read a book, whatever, then do your skin care routine. You can tweak these steps to whatever works for you, the basic idea being that your breaking up your “getting ready for bed” routine so it doesn’t feel quite as daunting.
What would you suggest for someone with adhd with THIS problem: While brushing teeth or washing face, getting distracted and brushing/washing the same areas over and over again because you can't remember whether you already did or not? I have this problem everyday. It should only take me 15-20 minutes to get ready but it takes me like an hour!😅
This is super normal for people who are neurodivergent (so like people with ADHD and Autism). We need an average of two hours in the evening to just be alone.
Sleep hygiene is such an important topic. This is how our mental health can really affect our physical health and vice versa. Lack of sleep can lead to fatigue, irritability, depression and poor nutritional choices just to name a few.
My toddlers we're uphalf the past 3 nights so I did this extra. Today I whiffed picking up the kids on time from school - and putting dinner into a oreheated oven because of tired. Yep. Exasperates my ADHD.
@@brightpage1020 @brightpage1020 probably not my place, but have you tried getting accommodations? We deserve accessibility. Just saying because internalized ableism and imposter syndrome TM are a thing. As an autistic, I've tried all of those recommendations from the video and still had meltdowns all the time. The system in itself is ableist.
@@brightpage1020 ___ people please spell check better before sending out your comments. This was very hard to figure out and read, I was trying! Unless English is not your first language, then it is understandable and it is excusable. Just sayin' 😲 😊
@@willowisp9150 thank you. I got to learn a new word: ableism. This word wasn't a thing when I was in school. Accommodations were, though - thank God! Now, I'm old. Lol. My job now is tending the household full of young kids. The accommodation I get now are handsome: my husband! He's a great teammate and takes on more than his fair share for our family. I see what you mean about ableism and the expectation that just because you wanted the rewards of children and felt up to the task responsibilities of raising them 8 years ago doesn't mean I have the executive function to pull it off today - and I still look normal so the expectation is that it shouldn't be this hard. So true - the guilt... And all. Good points thank you! I don't know what authority to go to for motherhood accommodations besides my extended family but will look into this. Very much obliged!
It’s so hard being an introverted, hobby based person and stuck at a boring desk job for 10 hours a day. I do this all the time because I feel like my life has no meaning otherwise.
I did this last night until 4 am after having a busy week and was even feeling somewhat angry and revengeful while doing so. This explains a lot and could not be better timing.
This is me. I did it yesterday, felt rough this morning. I put this down to not wanting the next day to start so you go through the same repetitive routine again.
@@GK-qc5ry i feel like if i was working from home it wouldnt be as painful to tear myself from my bed to go to work bc all i'd have to do is get up and go to my desk. Not have to deal with the cold, the time wasted commuting, etc.
i have been doing this since my early childhood. i would stay up late reading books. now I'm watching tv shows or livestreams but it's the same. it's been a real problem and i have insomnia because of it. my theory is that i live in a very toxic and controlling household. the only time i can be myself is at night when they probably won't bother me. i think another part of this is that i am transgender and bisexual and closeted to my family.
You’re not transgender or bi-sexual. These are lies - in our current ‘culture’. Don’t believe them. You are normal - but under stress. I will pray for you.
What's so wrong with being who you are without damaging your body? I'm not saying not to embrace whatever social traits you want but do it in a way that doesn't physically damage your body. You do realize the main people telling you is fine are the ones getting rich on the surgeries and drugs you're stuck taking for life right? Dealers on the corner are frowned upon for that. Be as girly or manly or cartoonish as your want but don't do anything to you that you can't undo easily. There's nothing wrong with it.
Yikes, thought I’d leave a positive comment after seeing the other replies. You are valid! Ignore the negative replies. It comes from misinformation and misunderstanding. I relate very much to your situation and I know what it’s like to not be able to be yourself in your own home. I stay up late for the same reasons. So you’re not alone.❤️
This is almost a guaranteed issue for those of us with ADHD especially if the person also tends toward the highly sensitive end of the sensing spectrum. Any number of non-neurotypical traits affecting executive function can easily contribute significantly to revenge bedtime issues because that may in fact be the only time of the whole day when they can be allowed to quiet their inputs and distractions. I’m ADHD and HSP, and I’m also a tech worker who gets work done by sitting at a computer all day long. All of that adds up to decades of revenge bedtimes for me. The downside is less sleep, but the upside is the uninterrupted quiet time that I need to maintain even reasonable mental health.
i dont think i have adhd but i am hsp and ive been struggling with rbp my whole life. I didnt think there could be a link with being hsp. Thats actually really interesting. I always have so many distractions, tasks and chores to do that i end up frustrated and go to bed late.
Holy---. Look I was telling myself if I didn't sleep now tomorrow would suck for me, but I couldn't help but open UA-cam and no kidding this was the first video on my feed.
ive been suffering from this "RBP" for supposedly 3 - 4 years now, at this point im used to the feeling and it becomes a subconscious nature to stay awake, and when i try to sleep my mind is overrun with thoughts like "you'll be waiting another whole day for the next moment of free time", "why would you sleep wasting time and not being productive?" and i absolutely hate it, another problem thats almost polar opposite is that during the weekends, i feel like ive wasted all the time given and that i need to be productive, so its just constantly either "im too unproductive" or "i need to be unproductive".
I heard about this a few months ago and it fits my routine and mentality perfectly, it fits exactly what’s going on with me. Its been an issue for me for a long time but It’s gotten worse for me in the past year with working from home and my city being in lockdown and having stay-at-home orders or having strict restrictions for about 9 of the past 12 months. My personal/home time has blended together with work. The stress and burnout and dissatisfaction I get from doing my job makes me not want to work so I end up staying late to have more “me” time and so that “the work day doesn’t come yet” and then that means I don’t get enough sleep and end up starting my work day later, which in turn leads me to finishing my work day later and then having my “me” time be later and I get stuck in the loop.
I’ve been dealing with this a lot too. As a solo stay at home mum I don’t have the luxury of “changing jobs or schedules”. I get 2 days a week off (not the weekend) which sounds like a lot, but as someone with Autism it’s not ever enough. I know staying up late is bad, but I feel compelled because I don’t want the new day to start and have to go through it all over again. I told my therapist and she just said that it was totally normal and that she understands because she used to do the same thing... It really didn’t help me
ugh i know right! Did you ask her how she stopped doing that? My therapist told me to change jobs to have fewer hours and it works in the beginning but after a while i start wanting more free time again.
Omg this explains a lot, forcing myself to stay awake even when I’m falling asleep just to sit in peace for a little while alone! Thankyou for a really informative video! Could you make a video maybe on healthy habits to create a routine for bed? This is something I really struggle with even if I have 3 hours I somehow “run out of time” to do anything!!
I've limited exposure to backlit devices before bedtime thanks to your podcast. I listen to each episode before falling into sleep. It's already become an integral part of my night routine. Thank you for all you do from Ukraine!
I've been like this for a decade and a few years on top and it's horrible, and it's literal suffering. But it was not because I worked long hours. It was because when I got back home from work, due to external circumstances out of my control, I couldn't "unwind and relax", didn't have me-time at all and couldn't enjoy my hobbies and generally nourish my mind with play and relaxation. So I stayed up until late at night when I could be left alone and discovered that only then I had me-time. So I learned to do it, always knowing that tomorrow was going to be a difficult, dragging day. You can only imagine how this reflected on my mental health in the long run. Anyways, I don't know why I'm typing this. Thank you Kati for all your effort and videos. They have helped me understand myself and my past better!
Matthew Walker's work is probably the sole reason I realize I should try my best not to do this. As a natural night owl who grew up on internet culture and now has a 7am wake up time for work, this is very challenging for me. I find that it's still better to "go against my nature" and try to fall asleep by midnight than it is to stubbornly stay up having fun till 3 am and function massively sleep-deprived the next day. It's hard af. That sleepytime tea (chamomile) and over-the-counter melatonin do help a bit in the process of inducing whatever the opposite of "revenge bedtime procrastination" is. It's still an uphill battle, as my preferred wakeup time throughout most of the pandemic had been 1 pm. I've been attempting to wind my preferred wakeup time back by 15 minutes per day on my days off, but it feels like jet lag trying to adjust. I don't make progress every single day, but I'm making progress overall. Seems like you can't push any kind of self improvement too hard, or you'll get frustrated and give up. It takes wayyyyyy longer than you want it to. Keep at it anyway.
I also prefer to wake up at 1pm. So it's crazy to have to be up by 7 am. I just to break this cycle, trying to get someone to intervene and be a "sleep cop" so to speak. Just once, to break this very difficult cycle.
Hey Erin - Oh yes, I totally resonate with this! The binging and procrastinating can be so hard to stay away from when we're overstressed and overworked. Sending all the love your way!
Recently,I've been suffering this symptom badly. At every night, I always daze in a thought of my future,worry about tomorrow. Thus,I try to scroll my phone,may be reading an article although I'm not quite intrigued.I know it's time to sleep but I'm not in the right mood. So I'm getting used to put of my sleep time. Though I do regret of its consequences at morning, I still can't avoid. From now on, I am going to try your tips. Thank you for your video.It really explains very well.
This is so applicable to my life. I use RBP to cope with the anger and bitterness of losing so much in my life. having mental illness , I have stayed on meds and I've gained a ton of weight. My face is bloated and misaligned now. Sometimes I have toiled all day , i've made dinner for my spouse and ensured he's taken his meds and his vitals are good . Then I have 2 hours before bed. I just want to extend it sometimes and pretend I'm young again. I want to forget the choices I made to get here. But it costs me so much to stay up. I wake up tired and disoriented. the day goes to waste. I cant function well. I can't make good decisions. I can't laugh or enjoy myself. I definitely need to listen to Kati . Blessings
What youre describing is a perfectly normal reaction to such an explotative system. We NEED that me time, we are humans not machines, not everything is about sleeping more to be more efficient and productive...feeling like we need to be that efficient and productive is the real problem
I haven't consumed caffeine for 60 something days and when I decide to go to bed and sleep, I simply fall asleep in an instant. Despite that I still have episodes of RBP sometimes and I can be really tired from the day, yet I keep watching a TV show or something. Sometimes I just can't make myself go to sleep. Personally, the sound of the ocean is great help to me, it manages to make my mind let go of thoughts and fall asleep. Sometimes I have to trick myself into thinking that I'll just lie in bed and relax - usually I fall asleep without noticing.
I saw this on my phone last night, but decided to go to bed instead of watching it right away. I knew, however, that this would most likely be my thing. My first thought during the first minutes was that "I don't work that long, I have more days off, I don't qualify." Thinking back though, when I first started my previous job, it felt like it did cut straight into my social life. I worked in 2 week rotation, meaning I had any particular day or evening off every two weeks, including weekends. Any weekend I had off I just wanted to stay home and relax, so I started missing church and meeting with friends. A year into that job I was turning into an insomniac, I'd wake up at 4 am, at least 6hours before my shift started, not being able to fall back asleep. After that things started going downhill quickly and I was soon severely depressed and suffering from anxiety. Things at work were not good at all. Fast forward 7 years to present time (6 years since I quit that job!), I feel like the only time I can (or am allowed to) do my own thing is at or after bedtime. That's the time no one needs or expects me to do anything else, I don't get constantly interrupted or feel guilty for just knitting, but time flies. I feel like I get nothing done, and just after it was 8.30 pm it's midnight. I feel like night time is the only time I can do what I enjoy, and as the end result I most nights get only 5 to 6 hours of sleep, unless I "sacrifice" the me- time and go to bed when I first feel tired. I don't even recognize tired anymore, since that's how I feel most of the time of most days. I don't drink coffee or use alcohol, I prefer audiobooks over TV when I need my eyes on what I'm working on. I even work only 3 days a week, 6 hours a day + commuting 35 to 45 minutes one way, so I don't have the original constraint on time, but I still procrastinate all the time. It's not even limited to bedtime anymore, it's everything, including going to bathroom or leaving from work, eating... everything! It's become a habit, but it still feels like it's a necessity even if I know it's not. And I don't know how to break it. I'm not often late, though, but I cut it very close because "I just have to finish this first.." -just like typing this comment (and it took just about an hour 😒). Now I go get dressed and rush to work! 😝
My therapist even has talked to me about this😊! Your videos honestly helps me in between my therapy sessions. I see my therapist once a week! Keep these videos a coming! They help people more than you know😘
@@turkuozturk7092 Agreed, I believe we need more material and systemic analysis/solutions in mental health care. We have to "politicize" mental health and address the issues with the resources it deserves.
I stay up until 4 or 5 or even later every night, I work 3-11 5 days a week but even on my days off i struggle to go to bed at a decent time. Nothing in this video particularly spoke to me until I heard her say reach out to people when you are struggling with depression anxiety and I realized it was all mostly because of my sleep schedule ( usually around 4:30- 1pm ) and I just want to say if you're struggling like me try being VERY rigid with you're routine and making sure you get some human contact. Just giving someone a hug every day and trying to give yourself set times to do things like brushing your teeth or cutting off alcohol helps immensely. I highly HIGHLY recommend just funding someone at you're job who will hug you to help!
I dont necessarily disagree with what you said but we also need to combine raising the minimum wage, mandatory PTO, right to unionize etc in order to combat RBP.
Yes, paying people well won't fix the problem. The 40hr workweek will still pose the problem of not having time even with adequate pay. We should all be working 24 hr work weeks. We will only get there with unions. We also can't be afraid for healthcare and benefits we get from work. And the ability to take a vacation, sick day, or even just a personal day without losing wages has to come too!!
For me it’s not my job, I’ve always done this. I think partly is because the only peace and time I have is late at night when there’s less conflict in my household. And I force myself to stay up because I’m scared of the next day. Every day. I have many fears fueled by imagination that keep me up additionally. I also suffer from waiting on people to do things, instead of working on things that will improve my hobbies. I just wait....for nothing, feel unaccomplished, and repeat. I can’t get therapy because my parents don’t understand, and they wouldn’t let me. I will probably suffer until my parents leave, which is hopefully soon then I may seek therapy.
My partner does this, stays up on weekends and throws off their whole schedule just to get more time in over the weekend to get things done, then drags butt through the week. I never heard this put into words before, I will bring this up to them for sure and see what transpires! Thank you Kati! I hope you have a good week! 🤩
this spoke to me, thanks Kati for covering this. I put off going to sleep everyday because I'm lonely and longing for connection in a world thats lost the true meaning of connection.
Whoa i thought this was just a Tanille problem. I figured out why and just started forcing myself to incoorperate more fun into my day. It was largely about feeling controled by teachers and work but it backfires the next day on myself. I'm currently trying to work on it now wow and this video is Great timing. I'm so happy I'm on the right track. I really had to soul search why i was self sabatoging my life willingly
Outside of me just being a natural night owl, I think this has a lot to do with an incredible drive for inner fulfillment. As a creative, I've noticed that on the days where I'm able to focus on my work undisturbed starting relatively early in the day, the drive for RBP is lessened. There's still a bit there, but it's not as intense.
I’ve had this as a kid. And I am autistic / ocd / ADHD I notice this is a huge problem. I’ve been listening to sleep audio books like Matthew walker showing how important sleep really is !
Yeah this is definitely me. I literally did it last night. I know better. I didn't know there was a name attached to "acting like a child and staying up way past my bedtime" 😂
This is an insightful video, describing something that has not been discussed much before. That feeling of being cheated for time has been a motivation for several kinds of procrastination for me, not just bedtime procrastination. I have also put off work or everyday tasks at home as a result.
I figured by the title that I would relate to this one. And within 2 minutes I can say, yep. Every night. It isn't even just working at a job all the time, I do it because I'm raising my kids by myself. I have an infant and a toddler and sometimes I feel like I never have "me time." Time to unwind, release the tension and pressure from being in mom mode all day, and just relax by myself when I can actually focus on myself and my needs. Unfortunately, that sometimes (often) means giving up a major need: sleep. However, there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it at this exact moment, aside from hopefully getting the kiddos on an earlier sleep routine. Thats the goal, its just been a lot more difficult with all the things going on that are throwing them off, as well as myself. Its a lot. But this video has made me realize that it isn't healthy and will end up being detrimental to our health and my ability to be calm when my kids are throwing a tantrum because I'm cranky lol. Thank you for bringing this up, Katie! You always have such good insight and tips for what we can do to make positive adjustments, and I appreciate you adding in tips besides just going to therapy for those of us that can't necessarily afford it right now. That is the goal, but im thankful that you add in things we can do TODAY to better our lives. Thank you!
I experience something similar except for me its more about avoiding who I am in the morning. It isn't until around 7pm-8pm that I finally get to the point of loving myself and enjoying being alive each day. I know that as soon as I go to sleep Ill be starting again at square one. Sometimes I even stay up through multiple nights to avoid that reset. Unfortunately its inevitable that I will fall asleep and then wake up hating myself and my life and once again have to go through all self care it takes to love myself again.
Have dealt with this since I was in middle school. And I don’t know why I still do this because I haven’t worked in quite a while so I technically have a lot of me time. But this is crazy relatable
I've been doing it ever since I moved back in with my parents since covid started. They don't provide me a room so I have to share a bedroom with them and I do all my work in the living room where everyone is most of the time. The only alone time I get is when I shower & after midnight. I can only relax at those times and end up going to sleep at 4am.
Also being nice and numby I procrastinate like whatever. Even liking a rush like before deadline day I don't feel it that often. My favorite kind of procrastination is in my thinking I know I have to do something. Contrastingly at the same time it's like, oh, whateverrr... :-D I love it! I don't notice procrastinaty "negative" feelings usually from it. whatevery-styled I also have a different life situation though, too. Goals are whatevery. It rules if you like them, and it rules that they're whatevery to me. Also have a good day.
I've had this since my second baby was born 14 months ago and my biggest challenge is getting myself to lay down.. I'm on 56 hours and I am very emotional and depressed with a tight chest full of anxiety and the littlest things make me upset. I have a migraine, I keep telling myself to just LAY DOWN ALL THE WAY AND SHUT YOUR EYES. I know I need sleep, I know I'm tired and I'll even start hallucinating random stuff. My husband helps as much as he can so I can get sleep but instead I clean or run errands. He gets frustrated with me not sleeping but I can't help it. It's a horrible thing to have to experience
This is not simply a problem to do with, 'getting time back from working.' I have been having a severe problem with this, and I can't work due to disabilities. I believe this is a deeper problem that doesn't just relate to working.
Ever since I had my baby and his schedule started getting more predictable, I started doing this lol My husband works long hours which means I work long hours by myself with our baby and I’ll stay up when the baby goes to sleep because I finally get to breathe! Then I regret it when I have to get up for the middle of the night feed and then a 6am wake up
i do it because the night time is my wind down time during the day im filled with anxiety feeling i have to do this are do that i put alot of pressure on my self so when the night comes i try to hold on to it as much as i can so i stay up late im less anxious at night when i have to go to bed i feel really depressed knowing i have to do it all over again the next day some times as soon as i wake up i cant wait till its nigh time its something i am working on but its hard so thats my reason for being a night owl thank you for this video
Sleep is such an important aspect in our lives, it helps us to repair our bodies and get ready for the next day, the next hustle. Lack of sleep can seriously affect our Mental health and its one of the relapse signs of mental health
Dang right. I always say if you won't eat cleaner, or workout......at least get your sleep to help with your mental health. There is a reason sleep deprivation was/is used during interogations and torcher.
When I work part time I struggle way less with that matter, because I have enough time for personal projects and unwinding, I often start work later in the day, and missing some sleep isn't an issue because I can be back home early and take a nap. And since work isn't an all-consuming thing I'm not "angry" at having to work, so I'm okay with showing up well rested.
Another version of this is the multitude of us stay at home moms with young children, who after a day of intense nurturing and pure love for our children, stay up too late watching scary true crime shows on Netflix. SNL just did a spoof of this and my local mom group had a laugh because it was more common than we thought.
Doing it because i didn’t get any free time during my school period, so now on vacation im not sleeping because i am “staying awake on my own terms” (i need to sleep urgently)
It's all right and good with one expection - some people who stay up late aren't working 12 hours a day. Some people work from home at most 4-5 a day and still stay up late.
Ohhh yes, absolutely resonate with this and hear about it often from clients! I love the way you spoke about how RBP can impact us, and why some choose it!
So that's why I can't sleep even when I'm tired! Very interesting stuff. On an unrelated note, I'm a huge fan of Les Paul's and seeing one in the background was really cool. Thanks for all your work on this channel. It does not go unappreciated.
I don't feel angry about it. It's more a deep but anxious sadness that life is more work than relaxation. I often find myself wondering why would someone choose to bring me into this world to live this life? Just melancholy. But I still love my job. Also I feel like I'm outside time/reality when I'm staying up late. I'm finally alone with peace and quiet. I've been this way every day for 19 years ...and counting...
It's so interesting how "reduces lifespan" usually works as just about zero incentive to get more sleep, for someone with this issue, despite the same person potentially also having a fear of death, or death-anxiety, in general. It's not really a far reach to call this a form of fairly extreme self-destruction, at the root, maybe even caused by the feeling of lack of control in one's life. If you feel like you're not in control of your life, or worse, feel like you don't have a life of quality at all, one would perhaps be less inclined to "care" about the lifespan issue. Unfortunately, only you have the power to manifest your reality. Fortunately, only you have the power to manifest your reality.
@Katimorton how about a video on Delayed Sleep Phase/Delayed Circadian Rhythm. (I know that you've covered Circadian Rhythm before, but I don't recall if you covered how some people have a later shift than others.) In the middle, you suggested seeking work that has a different schedule that works better for [my] sleep cycle. That seems to be my struggle. I think that I have a delayed sleep phase, which makes it difficult to get up early in the morning, but when I brought it up with a therapist and when I brought it up in a support group, the suggestions were all about me trying to make changes to my sleep schedule. Most professional jobs are 8-5 in the US. I have always struggled with this schedule. Not only is it hard for me to get started at 8am, but I get a regular "second wind" at around 5pm. I think that the most effective I've been at the start of a workday was when I worked at a retail store that opened at 10am... I felt well rested and effective at work for my whole schedule every single day. Anxiety is a big part of my issue at my current employer, and one of the reasons for my anxiety is that many others there work a schedule that starts earlier (7am, or even 6am), and when they schedule a meeting with me at 8am, I'm never prepared and they are always waiting on me to play catch-up. So, like you advised, I figured out months ago that I need to find another employer, so I can work a different schedule. (I've been looking for a couple of months, already. The job is a bad fit for me in other ways, too.) ..."find a therapist in your area" Well, the difficulty with that is that most of the therapists in my area only work the same schedule, and so I can only fit in teletherapy on my lunch break, and the only private space open to me is next to the lunchroom. When I'm on a therapy call, I'm constantly wondering if my coworkers can make out what I'm saying to my therapist. (My regular office is adjacent to the conference room, and the walls are thin there, so that's not an option.)
I cannot explain how much i am so sad, frustrated, mentally exhausted from work and manager... I am guilty of BRP but actually it is the only thing that is making me stable... Just a couple of hours for myself each day is what i long for every day... This is my 4th job btw... Therefore, i am so depressed because i see that it became the normal where i live for people to work 10 to 15 hours a day. With covid19 consequences, people are too afraid to fight back abd claim their rights.. I am very down by this loop
OMG...So it's not just me! I didn't even know this has a name! Thanks Kati helping me to figure out why I delay sleep to do my self-care. I'm a university student by the way. I've already made some changes in my routine and fitted in 10 minutes journaling and writing my next day routine before bed.
Love the tantrum image. I have 4 kids. 2 are toddlers now. This imagery is so clear. I'm acting immature, and paying the price. Dho! Thanks for the suggestions!
THIS IS ME ME ME MEEEEEEEEE!!!! I've done this since age 16! Nowadays, thanks to not having a 9-5 job for a long time, I can usually sleep very late (like 11am - 1pm). Even back in my teens, I'd sleep until after 11am on weekends if I didn't have to get up for any specific purpose, and I would have slept much longer if I didn't "have to" get up at some sort of semi-acceptable hour. (and back then I would go to bed at midnight, so it wasn't from a lack of sleep!) I'm also never tired at night. Ever. I've always had delayed onset insomnia / circadiam rhythms / been a night owl, since I was a toddler. I've only ever gone to bed because I "should", my whole 42 years of life. I literally do not know how it feels to go to bed because I'm tired. Before I go to bed, I take half an antihistamine to make me able to fall asleep and stay asleep. Then once I go to bed, I daydream until I get sleepy after about 30 minutes, and then go to sleep. For the past year, I've had zero alone / personal time due to my partner losing her job, so the only time I DO have is after 11pm when she goes to bed (when she worked, she'd go to bed by 9pm so I could go to bed earlier and still get enough night time "me" time). I also used to get LOTS of alone time in the day, from 8am to 5pm, so I didn't have to squash everything I wanted to do into just night time. During the day, I'm tired, no matter how many hours of sleep I get. I feel uncomfortable and that improves as the day wears on and becomes evening, when I feel more relaxed. Since I was about 10, I have felt physically SO nauseated in the mornings. I assumed I just wasn't good at eating early in the mornings, would sometimes gag when trying to swallow my cereal or toast, and would only get an appetite after 11am. I didn't have that problem on the weekends, when I could sleep later. I also didn't realise I had HUGE chronic anxiety about school AND getting up early, and this cut off my ability to eat properly. Anyway. It's 2.30am. I've had 3.5 hours to myself tonight. I want to do more things, but...once again, I "have to" go to bed. Sigh. Then I'll do it all again tomorrow, where I try to squeeze all the unwinding, relaxing, alone time activities I want to do into a few hours in the middle of the night, while I do nothing in the day as I have no space or personal time.
i stay up late because theres not enough time to in the day to enjoy life and hobbies and fun....something tries to make me feel guilty for it too....stupid matrix. theres lots in this i relate to. its opression to have to work continuously
A good description of the problem, but the proposed solutions are well-worn paths that simply don't work because they are superficial, not deep. Knowing "That" something is good or bad is not enough to change behaviour. A good test of these types of solution is: would it work for smoking cessation? Would having a piece of fruit instead of a cigarette work? No! Sure it sounds like a great idea, but not even close to an effective solution. Smoking is not dominantly an addiction to nicotine. Rather, it is all of the nested associative beliefs, rituals, and rationales that need to be painstakingly worked out. The faulty beliefs will continue to gnaw away. The same goes for Revenge Bedtime Procrastination - a nested set of beliefs about freedom, the good, gratification, and depleted willpower.
I stay up late because I don't want to wake up tomorrow and suffer through the same things I suffer every day, again.
I'm really sorry you feel this way, I hope things get better for you x
I’ve felt the same way too, but you are worthy of sleep and deserve to have rest 💗 I hope waking up in the morning gets easier
That happens too. I'm so sorry. There's also staying up so that you don't have to face nightmares. I hope things have gotten better for you, as it has been a month, if not, don't give up. It sometimes takes a while, but things do get better.
You are not alone. I also feel the same.
SAME
OMG have been doing this throughout lockdown. I also feel subconsciously it’s like a self-punishment. It’s about hanging on to the today and not wanting tomorrow to arrive.
Naddy N .I agree with your comment and I am the same
Very well worded!!!
Yes it really is, i have literally said these things to myself and it was strange to admit
Totally hear you on this Naddy! It can almost be a self destructive practice that feels impossible to break.
x2
I’ve found getting ready for bed in different chunks really helps. Go ahead and change into pjs as soon as you get home, or right before dinner. Then, right after dinner, just take care of your oral hygiene routine. Then take an hour to watch a show, catch up on UA-cam, read a book, whatever, then do your skin care routine. You can tweak these steps to whatever works for you, the basic idea being that your breaking up your “getting ready for bed” routine so it doesn’t feel quite as daunting.
Ooh I’m going to try this, my adhd means I find the transitions really challenging so breaking it down may help. Thanks 😊
Good ideas
ty
It does feel daunting thinking about washing my face AND brushing my teeth. These are great tips. Gonna try.
What would you suggest for someone with adhd with THIS problem: While brushing teeth or washing face, getting distracted and brushing/washing the same areas over and over again because you can't remember whether you already did or not? I have this problem everyday. It should only take me 15-20 minutes to get ready but it takes me like an hour!😅
Omg it’s not just me!!! I just figured I was terrible at the kind of self discipline every other grown up seems to manage.
No!! Not just you at all!!! So common!!!! xoxo
Same!
Ditto!!!
Yes!
haha I resonate with this so much!
Ive been doing this since high school as an attempt to get free time to do things you want to do at the expense of sleep.
This is super normal for people who are neurodivergent (so like people with ADHD and Autism). We need an average of two hours in the evening to just be alone.
That's great to know! Thank you so much for sharing :) xoxo
I'm HSP does that fit into neurodivergent? i also need time alone at night
Can you share anything that backs up your claim, please? I'd be interested to learn more.
I definitely do this and I’m diagnosed with ADD. And I usually require like 9-10 hours of sleep to optimally function 🙄
I'm both and I need 3 - 5 hours of free time.
Sleep hygiene is such an important topic. This is how our mental health can really affect our physical health and vice versa. Lack of sleep can lead to fatigue, irritability, depression and poor nutritional choices just to name a few.
I think lack of sleep leads to depression which can lead to even less sleep and it becomes a nasty cycle.
My toddlers we're uphalf the past 3 nights so I did this extra. Today I whiffed picking up the kids on time from school - and putting dinner into a oreheated oven because of tired. Yep. Exasperates my ADHD.
@@brightpage1020 @brightpage1020 probably not my place, but have you tried getting accommodations? We deserve accessibility. Just saying because internalized ableism and imposter syndrome TM are a thing.
As an autistic, I've tried all of those recommendations from the video and still had meltdowns all the time.
The system in itself is ableist.
@@brightpage1020 ___ people please spell check better before sending out your comments. This was very hard to figure out and read, I was trying! Unless English is not your first language, then it is understandable and it is excusable. Just sayin' 😲 😊
@@willowisp9150 thank you. I got to learn a new word: ableism. This word wasn't a thing when I was in school.
Accommodations were, though - thank God!
Now, I'm old. Lol. My job now is tending the household full of young kids.
The accommodation I get now are handsome: my husband!
He's a great teammate and takes on more than his fair share for our family.
I see what you mean about ableism and the expectation that just because you wanted the rewards of children and felt up to the task responsibilities of raising them 8 years ago doesn't mean I have the executive function to pull it off today - and I still look normal so the expectation is that it shouldn't be this hard. So true - the guilt... And all.
Good points thank you!
I don't know what authority to go to for motherhood accommodations besides my extended family but will look into this.
Very much obliged!
It’s so hard being an introverted, hobby based person and stuck at a boring desk job for 10 hours a day. I do this all the time because I feel like my life has no meaning otherwise.
Me watching this video at 3am: "totally understood!"
Malayali
LMAO SAME
I’m replying at 10:30am because I went to bed at 2am....😞
@@anandu4793 oh Dey 😁
Yep! I'm watching at 12:32 AM...😳
I did this last night until 4 am after having a busy week and was even feeling somewhat angry and revengeful while doing so. This explains a lot and could not be better timing.
💜😎
This is me. I did it yesterday, felt rough this morning. I put this down to not wanting the next day to start so you go through the same repetitive routine again.
I've been doing this for years recognisably but didn't realise it had a name until recently
Yes me too! I thought "ugh i dont want to get up early and go to work AGAIN." Honestly i dont know how to break free from this feeling.
This is probably more common than we think for those in lockdown and working from home.
@@GK-qc5ry i feel like if i was working from home it wouldnt be as painful to tear myself from my bed to go to work bc all i'd have to do is get up and go to my desk. Not have to deal with the cold, the time wasted commuting, etc.
i have been doing this since my early childhood. i would stay up late reading books. now I'm watching tv shows or livestreams but it's the same. it's been a real problem and i have insomnia because of it. my theory is that i live in a very toxic and controlling household. the only time i can be myself is at night when they probably won't bother me. i think another part of this is that i am transgender and bisexual and closeted to my family.
You’re not transgender or bi-sexual. These are lies - in our current ‘culture’. Don’t believe them. You are normal - but under stress. I will pray for you.
What's so wrong with being who you are without damaging your body? I'm not saying not to embrace whatever social traits you want but do it in a way that doesn't physically damage your body. You do realize the main people telling you is fine are the ones getting rich on the surgeries and drugs you're stuck taking for life right? Dealers on the corner are frowned upon for that. Be as girly or manly or cartoonish as your want but don't do anything to you that you can't undo easily. There's nothing wrong with it.
Yikes, thought I’d leave a positive comment after seeing the other replies.
You are valid! Ignore the negative replies. It comes from misinformation and misunderstanding.
I relate very much to your situation and I know what it’s like to not be able to be yourself in your own home. I stay up late for the same reasons. So you’re not alone.❤️
I can totally understand your situation!
@@pabs5270 Okay, sky daddy 🤣 🏳️🌈
This is almost a guaranteed issue for those of us with ADHD especially if the person also tends toward the highly sensitive end of the sensing spectrum. Any number of non-neurotypical traits affecting executive function can easily contribute significantly to revenge bedtime issues because that may in fact be the only time of the whole day when they can be allowed to quiet their inputs and distractions.
I’m ADHD and HSP, and I’m also a tech worker who gets work done by sitting at a computer all day long. All of that adds up to decades of revenge bedtimes for me. The downside is less sleep, but the upside is the uninterrupted quiet time that I need to maintain even reasonable mental health.
i dont think i have adhd but i am hsp and ive been struggling with rbp my whole life. I didnt think there could be a link with being hsp. Thats actually really interesting. I always have so many distractions, tasks and chores to do that i end up frustrated and go to bed late.
OMGosh!
I’ve been doing that for decades!
It’s quiet & the time is our own.....
Lots of Moms can relate to this I think
YES! This is another mom who TOTALLY relates to this video. I wasn't doing this before kids. I feel you sister.
😭😭😭😭 sorry moms
Relating to this comment at 2am 🤣
Yes. This! And it's been so much worse during the pandemic and homeschooling my kids.
Yes! I’m a stay at home home right now. And I really do this and it sucks because it affects me but I love my alone time! 😩
RBP is something I am now dealing with big time. Thank you for all you do ❤️
Of course!! I hope the video was helpful :) xoxo
@@Katimorton Very
Holy---. Look I was telling myself if I didn't sleep now tomorrow would suck for me, but I couldn't help but open UA-cam and no kidding this was the first video on my feed.
You should have mentioned moms!! Only free time I get is when the babies are in bed and this is a big problem for me, especially being so introverted
Yup yup. That’s me. My inner child throws a tantrum everyday and i suffer every night 😩😩😩
you could also practice writing letters to your inner child instead of ignoring him/her. They deserve to be listened to, cared for and understood.❤
Lol same thing. I'm like no I don't want to go to bed. This is my place my rules now.....time to mute you with UA-cam videos lol
ive been suffering from this "RBP" for supposedly 3 - 4 years now, at this point im used to the feeling and it becomes a subconscious nature to stay awake, and when i try to sleep my mind is overrun with thoughts like "you'll be waiting another whole day for the next moment of free time", "why would you sleep wasting time and not being productive?" and i absolutely hate it, another problem thats almost polar opposite is that during the weekends, i feel like ive wasted all the time given and that i need to be productive, so its just constantly either "im too unproductive" or "i need to be unproductive".
The great thing about staying up late is that it really IS time to myself because everyone is asleep
I heard about this a few months ago and it fits my routine and mentality perfectly, it fits exactly what’s going on with me. Its been an issue for me for a long time but It’s gotten worse for me in the past year with working from home and my city being in lockdown and having stay-at-home orders or having strict restrictions for about 9 of the past 12 months. My personal/home time has blended together with work. The stress and burnout and dissatisfaction I get from doing my job makes me not want to work so I end up staying late to have more “me” time and so that “the work day doesn’t come yet” and then that means I don’t get enough sleep and end up starting my work day later, which in turn leads me to finishing my work day later and then having my “me” time be later and I get stuck in the loop.
I’ve been dealing with this a lot too. As a solo stay at home mum I don’t have the luxury of “changing jobs or schedules”. I get 2 days a week off (not the weekend) which sounds like a lot, but as someone with Autism it’s not ever enough. I know staying up late is bad, but I feel compelled because I don’t want the new day to start and have to go through it all over again. I told my therapist and she just said that it was totally normal and that she understands because she used to do the same thing... It really didn’t help me
ugh i know right! Did you ask her how she stopped doing that? My therapist told me to change jobs to have fewer hours and it works in the beginning but after a while i start wanting more free time again.
It's nice to know there is a name for something I've been dealing with for about a decade. Unfortunately just changing jobs is not possible.
Omg this explains a lot, forcing myself to stay awake even when I’m falling asleep just to sit in peace for a little while alone! Thankyou for a really informative video!
Could you make a video maybe on healthy habits to create a routine for bed? This is something I really struggle with even if I have 3 hours I somehow “run out of time” to do anything!!
Ck out neuroscientist andrew huberman on you tube he has podcast on sleep
@@judymanning2538 oh wow Thankyou so much!
I've limited exposure to backlit devices before bedtime thanks to your podcast. I listen to each episode before falling into sleep. It's already become an integral part of my night routine. Thank you for all you do from Ukraine!
I've been like this for a decade and a few years on top and it's horrible, and it's literal suffering. But it was not because I worked long hours. It was because when I got back home from work, due to external circumstances out of my control, I couldn't "unwind and relax", didn't have me-time at all and couldn't enjoy my hobbies and generally nourish my mind with play and relaxation. So I stayed up until late at night when I could be left alone and discovered that only then I had me-time. So I learned to do it, always knowing that tomorrow was going to be a difficult, dragging day. You can only imagine how this reflected on my mental health in the long run. Anyways, I don't know why I'm typing this. Thank you Kati for all your effort and videos. They have helped me understand myself and my past better!
Matthew Walker's work is probably the sole reason I realize I should try my best not to do this. As a natural night owl who grew up on internet culture and now has a 7am wake up time for work, this is very challenging for me. I find that it's still better to "go against my nature" and try to fall asleep by midnight than it is to stubbornly stay up having fun till 3 am and function massively sleep-deprived the next day. It's hard af. That sleepytime tea (chamomile) and over-the-counter melatonin do help a bit in the process of inducing whatever the opposite of "revenge bedtime procrastination" is. It's still an uphill battle, as my preferred wakeup time throughout most of the pandemic had been 1 pm. I've been attempting to wind my preferred wakeup time back by 15 minutes per day on my days off, but it feels like jet lag trying to adjust. I don't make progress every single day, but I'm making progress overall. Seems like you can't push any kind of self improvement too hard, or you'll get frustrated and give up. It takes wayyyyyy longer than you want it to. Keep at it anyway.
You can do it, stranger!
I also prefer to wake up at 1pm. So it's crazy to have to be up by 7 am. I just to break this cycle, trying to get someone to intervene and be a "sleep cop" so to speak. Just once, to break this very difficult cycle.
Not me procrastinating my bedtime watching series till 2 am right now 😳😅
Hey Erin - Oh yes, I totally resonate with this! The binging and procrastinating can be so hard to stay away from when we're overstressed and overworked. Sending all the love your way!
@@chelseaconnors_ Heyy Chelsea, yup..and i hope this pandemic will be over soon! Stay safe! xoxo
EARLY SQUAD ❤️, I procrastinate going to bed every night so this caught my attention
I hope it was helpful :) xoxo
Recently,I've been suffering this symptom badly. At every night, I always daze in a thought of my future,worry about tomorrow. Thus,I try to scroll my phone,may be reading an article although I'm not quite intrigued.I know it's time to sleep but I'm not in the right mood. So I'm getting used to put of my sleep time. Though I do regret of its consequences at morning, I still can't avoid. From now on, I am going to try your tips. Thank you for your video.It really explains very well.
This is so applicable to my life. I use RBP to cope with the anger and bitterness of losing so much in my life. having mental illness , I have stayed on meds and I've gained a ton of weight. My face is bloated and misaligned now. Sometimes I have toiled all day , i've made dinner for my spouse and ensured he's taken his meds and his vitals are good . Then I have 2 hours before bed. I just want to extend it sometimes and pretend I'm young again. I want to forget the choices I made to get here. But it costs me so much to stay up. I wake up tired and disoriented. the day goes to waste. I cant function well. I can't make good decisions. I can't laugh or enjoy myself. I definitely need to listen to Kati . Blessings
What youre describing is a perfectly normal reaction to such an explotative system. We NEED that me time, we are humans not machines, not everything is about sleeping more to be more efficient and productive...feeling like we need to be that efficient and productive is the real problem
I haven't consumed caffeine for 60 something days and when I decide to go to bed and sleep, I simply fall asleep in an instant. Despite that I still have episodes of RBP sometimes and I can be really tired from the day, yet I keep watching a TV show or something. Sometimes I just can't make myself go to sleep. Personally, the sound of the ocean is great help to me, it manages to make my mind let go of thoughts and fall asleep. Sometimes I have to trick myself into thinking that I'll just lie in bed and relax - usually I fall asleep without noticing.
I saw this on my phone last night, but decided to go to bed instead of watching it right away. I knew, however, that this would most likely be my thing. My first thought during the first minutes was that "I don't work that long, I have more days off, I don't qualify."
Thinking back though, when I first started my previous job, it felt like it did cut straight into my social life. I worked in 2 week rotation, meaning I had any particular day or evening off every two weeks, including weekends. Any weekend I had off I just wanted to stay home and relax, so I started missing church and meeting with friends. A year into that job I was turning into an insomniac, I'd wake up at 4 am, at least 6hours before my shift started, not being able to fall back asleep. After that things started going downhill quickly and I was soon severely depressed and suffering from anxiety. Things at work were not good at all.
Fast forward 7 years to present time (6 years since I quit that job!), I feel like the only time I can (or am allowed to) do my own thing is at or after bedtime. That's the time no one needs or expects me to do anything else, I don't get constantly interrupted or feel guilty for just knitting, but time flies. I feel like I get nothing done, and just after it was 8.30 pm it's midnight. I feel like night time is the only time I can do what I enjoy, and as the end result I most nights get only 5 to 6 hours of sleep, unless I "sacrifice" the me- time and go to bed when I first feel tired. I don't even recognize tired anymore, since that's how I feel most of the time of most days.
I don't drink coffee or use alcohol, I prefer audiobooks over TV when I need my eyes on what I'm working on. I even work only 3 days a week, 6 hours a day + commuting 35 to 45 minutes one way, so I don't have the original constraint on time, but I still procrastinate all the time. It's not even limited to bedtime anymore, it's everything, including going to bathroom or leaving from work, eating... everything!
It's become a habit, but it still feels like it's a necessity even if I know it's not. And I don't know how to break it. I'm not often late, though, but I cut it very close because "I just have to finish this first.." -just like typing this comment (and it took just about an hour 😒).
Now I go get dressed and rush to work! 😝
My therapist even has talked to me about this😊! Your videos honestly helps me in between my therapy sessions. I see my therapist once a week! Keep these videos a coming! They help people more than you know😘
What kind of therapist? Psychologist?
Unionization and solidarity with coworkers is an effective tool to negotiate working times and conditions
yeah! mayyyybe most psychological problems cannot be solved by the single individual, how about we consider that
@@turkuozturk7092 Agreed, I believe we need more material and systemic analysis/solutions in mental health care.
We have to "politicize" mental health and address the issues with the resources it deserves.
As a mom of 4, I do this. Been doing this especially these Covid years of lockdown.
Thanks for bringing it to light.
I stay up until 4 or 5 or even later every night, I work 3-11 5 days a week but even on my days off i struggle to go to bed at a decent time. Nothing in this video particularly spoke to me until I heard her say reach out to people when you are struggling with depression anxiety and I realized it was all mostly because of my sleep schedule ( usually around 4:30- 1pm ) and I just want to say if you're struggling like me try being VERY rigid with you're routine and making sure you get some human contact. Just giving someone a hug every day and trying to give yourself set times to do things like brushing your teeth or cutting off alcohol helps immensely. I highly HIGHLY recommend just funding someone at you're job who will hug you to help!
I dont necessarily disagree with what you said but we also need to combine raising the minimum wage, mandatory PTO, right to unionize etc in order to combat RBP.
Yes, paying people well won't fix the problem. The 40hr workweek will still pose the problem of not having time even with adequate pay. We should all be working 24 hr work weeks. We will only get there with unions. We also can't be afraid for healthcare and benefits we get from work. And the ability to take a vacation, sick day, or even just a personal day without losing wages has to come too!!
this is great information and great advice. don't work for your schedule, make your schedule work for you.
For me it’s not my job, I’ve always done this. I think partly is because the only peace and time I have is late at night when there’s less conflict in my household.
And I force myself to stay up because I’m scared of the next day. Every day. I have many fears fueled by imagination that keep me up additionally. I also suffer from waiting on people to do things, instead of working on things that will improve my hobbies. I just wait....for nothing, feel unaccomplished, and repeat.
I can’t get therapy because my parents don’t understand, and they wouldn’t let me. I will probably suffer until my parents leave, which is hopefully soon then I may seek therapy.
Only saw the title but GOD IS THIS RELATABLE
I hadn't heard about revenge bedtime procrastination before. Such an interesting topic. Thanks for a great video!
Right?!? Me either.. but so interesting!! xoxo
The irony of me watching this on a bright screen at 11:02PM when 10:00 is *supposed* to be my cut off for screen time
This was scarily relatable.
My partner does this, stays up on weekends and throws off their whole schedule just to get more time in over the weekend to get things done, then drags butt through the week. I never heard this put into words before, I will bring this up to them for sure and see what transpires! Thank you Kati! I hope you have a good week! 🤩
this spoke to me, thanks Kati for covering this. I put off going to sleep everyday because I'm lonely and longing for connection in a world thats lost the true meaning of connection.
Whoa i thought this was just a Tanille problem. I figured out why and just started forcing myself to incoorperate more fun into my day. It was largely about feeling controled by teachers and work but it backfires the next day on myself. I'm currently trying to work on it now wow and this video is Great timing. I'm so happy I'm on the right track. I really had to soul search why i was self sabatoging my life willingly
I just heard about this, and it’s very interesting and relatable.
Learned the hard way can’t do this. I did find a position on a different shift that helped so much.
I'm glad to know other people do this. And that it finally has a name.
Outside of me just being a natural night owl, I think this has a lot to do with an incredible drive for inner fulfillment. As a creative, I've noticed that on the days where I'm able to focus on my work undisturbed starting relatively early in the day, the drive for RBP is lessened. There's still a bit there, but it's not as intense.
Good point
W O W.
I’ve been doing this for years and I thought that I was the only person who did this! I’m so glad this video shines a light on this!
I've been fighting this for the last two years. First part of the video sums it up perfectly!
I’ve had this as a kid. And I am autistic / ocd / ADHD I notice this is a huge problem. I’ve been listening to sleep audio books like Matthew walker showing how important sleep really is !
Yeah this is definitely me. I literally did it last night. I know better. I didn't know there was a name attached to "acting like a child and staying up way past my bedtime" 😂
It's exactly how it feels! I dont know if im supposed to scold my inner child or soothe it or something else.
@@tetsusumu oh my inner child is still throwing down a tantrum over just the idea of not having her can Coke on the nightstand lol.
@@SusieQ78 haha! maybe im just too sensitive lol
I had bed time crastination before. So now I have changed job, and doing well so far.
This is an insightful video, describing something that has not been discussed much before.
That feeling of being cheated for time has been a motivation for several kinds of procrastination for me, not just bedtime procrastination.
I have also put off work or everyday tasks at home as a result.
I figured by the title that I would relate to this one. And within 2 minutes I can say, yep. Every night. It isn't even just working at a job all the time, I do it because I'm raising my kids by myself. I have an infant and a toddler and sometimes I feel like I never have "me time." Time to unwind, release the tension and pressure from being in mom mode all day, and just relax by myself when I can actually focus on myself and my needs. Unfortunately, that sometimes (often) means giving up a major need: sleep.
However, there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it at this exact moment, aside from hopefully getting the kiddos on an earlier sleep routine. Thats the goal, its just been a lot more difficult with all the things going on that are throwing them off, as well as myself. Its a lot. But this video has made me realize that it isn't healthy and will end up being detrimental to our health and my ability to be calm when my kids are throwing a tantrum because I'm cranky lol.
Thank you for bringing this up, Katie! You always have such good insight and tips for what we can do to make positive adjustments, and I appreciate you adding in tips besides just going to therapy for those of us that can't necessarily afford it right now. That is the goal, but im thankful that you add in things we can do TODAY to better our lives. Thank you!
I experience something similar except for me its more about avoiding who I am in the morning. It isn't until around 7pm-8pm that I finally get to the point of loving myself and enjoying being alive each day. I know that as soon as I go to sleep Ill be starting again at square one. Sometimes I even stay up through multiple nights to avoid that reset. Unfortunately its inevitable that I will fall asleep and then wake up hating myself and my life and once again have to go through all self care it takes to love myself again.
Have dealt with this since I was in middle school. And I don’t know why I still do this because I haven’t worked in quite a while so I technically have a lot of me time. But this is crazy relatable
Watching this at 3:49am Pacific standard time. Maybe I'm not so alone! Fantastic video 😀😀😀😴 !
whoa......i feel so seen just by the title
Thank you Kati
Ramadan Kareem happy month to this channel's Muslim sbuscribers
❤️
Ramadan kareem.
ramadan mubarak
This is my whole life 😳 never heard of it- just thought I was an incurable insomniac.... turns out, maybe I’m doing it to myself- thank you for this
Self-Destructive Coping Mechanisms Activaaaaaate!!!!!
I've been doing it ever since I moved back in with my parents since covid started. They don't provide me a room so I have to share a bedroom with them and I do all my work in the living room where everyone is most of the time. The only alone time I get is when I shower & after midnight. I can only relax at those times and end up going to sleep at 4am.
Also being nice and numby I procrastinate like whatever. Even liking a rush like before deadline day I don't feel it that often. My favorite kind of procrastination is in my thinking I know I have to do something. Contrastingly at the same time it's like, oh, whateverrr... :-D I love it! I don't notice procrastinaty "negative" feelings usually from it. whatevery-styled I also have a different life situation though, too. Goals are whatevery. It rules if you like them, and it rules that they're whatevery to me. Also have a good day.
I've had this since my second baby was born 14 months ago and my biggest challenge is getting myself to lay down..
I'm on 56 hours and I am very emotional and depressed with a tight chest full of anxiety and the littlest things make me upset. I have a migraine, I keep telling myself to just LAY DOWN ALL THE WAY AND SHUT YOUR EYES.
I know I need sleep, I know I'm tired and I'll even start hallucinating random stuff. My husband helps as much as he can so I can get sleep but instead I clean or run errands. He gets frustrated with me not sleeping but I can't help it.
It's a horrible thing to have to experience
I’m watching this 4 hours before it’s time to get up for work
I fight back I getting up really early to have “me time” this means I have to go to bed early
I need patience like that.
This is not simply a problem to do with, 'getting time back from working.' I have been having a severe problem with this, and I can't work due to disabilities.
I believe this is a deeper problem that doesn't just relate to working.
Ever since I had my baby and his schedule started getting more predictable, I started doing this lol My husband works long hours which means I work long hours by myself with our baby and I’ll stay up when the baby goes to sleep because I finally get to breathe! Then I regret it when I have to get up for the middle of the night feed and then a 6am wake up
This is a serious problem. I need intervention to break the cycle even just once. I don't get tired.
OMG, I've been doing this my whole life!!!
i do it because the night time is my wind down time during the day im filled with anxiety feeling i have to do this are do that i put alot of pressure on my self so when the night comes i try to hold on to it as much as i can so i stay up late im less anxious at night when i have to go to bed i feel really depressed knowing i have to do it all over again the next day some times as soon as i wake up i cant wait till its nigh time its something i am working on but its hard so thats my reason for being a night owl thank you for this video
Sleep is such an important aspect in our lives, it helps us to repair our bodies and get ready for the next day, the next hustle. Lack of sleep can seriously affect our Mental health and its one of the relapse signs of mental health
Dang right. I always say if you won't eat cleaner, or workout......at least get your sleep to help with your mental health. There is a reason sleep deprivation was/is used during interogations and torcher.
@@ralfwashington1502 exactly 💯
I wonder if people in countries where they only work 4-6 hours a day still struggle with RBP. Somehow I doubt it.
I mean, I’m a student doing all online classes and I only have one a day and I still do this.
This is a good question
I don't doubt it. I'm sure people do this everywhere and have done it through every time in history.
They probably do to an extent but the effects aren’t probably as bad.
When I work part time I struggle way less with that matter, because I have enough time for personal projects and unwinding, I often start work later in the day, and missing some sleep isn't an issue because I can be back home early and take a nap. And since work isn't an all-consuming thing I'm not "angry" at having to work, so I'm okay with showing up well rested.
That's exactly what's happening to me these days. At least now I know the reason for it. Thanks
Another version of this is the multitude of us stay at home moms with young children, who after a day of intense nurturing and pure love for our children, stay up too late watching scary true crime shows on Netflix. SNL just did a spoof of this and my local mom group had a laugh because it was more common than we thought.
Doing it because i didn’t get any free time during my school period, so now on vacation im not sleeping because i am “staying awake on my own terms” (i need to sleep urgently)
this comes at such a timely moment.
Thank u for everything u do Kati! I love ur videos and love ur podcasts as well xx
Awe of course!! I am so glad you are enjoying them!! xoxo
It's all right and good with one expection - some people who stay up late aren't working 12 hours a day. Some people work from home at most 4-5 a day and still stay up late.
The night seems quieter and welcoming than the mornings
Ohhh yes, absolutely resonate with this and hear about it often from clients! I love the way you spoke about how RBP can impact us, and why some choose it!
So that's why I can't sleep even when I'm tired! Very interesting stuff. On an unrelated note, I'm a huge fan of Les Paul's and seeing one in the background was really cool. Thanks for all your work on this channel. It does not go unappreciated.
I'm taking this as a sign, goodnight!
I don't feel angry about it. It's more a deep but anxious sadness that life is more work than relaxation. I often find myself wondering why would someone choose to bring me into this world to live this life? Just melancholy.
But I still love my job.
Also I feel like I'm outside time/reality when I'm staying up late. I'm finally alone with peace and quiet. I've been this way every day for 19 years ...and counting...
I never knew there was a term for what I've been doing most of my life! Thanks Katie.
It's so interesting how "reduces lifespan" usually works as just about zero incentive to get more sleep, for someone with this issue, despite the same person potentially also having a fear of death, or death-anxiety, in general.
It's not really a far reach to call this a form of fairly extreme self-destruction, at the root, maybe even caused by the feeling of lack of control in one's life.
If you feel like you're not in control of your life, or worse, feel like you don't have a life of quality at all, one would perhaps be less inclined to "care" about the lifespan issue.
Unfortunately, only you have the power to manifest your reality. Fortunately, only you have the power to manifest your reality.
Great points. I think you are right on your second paragraph.
Do you think it's "fairly extreme self destruction"?
@Katimorton how about a video on Delayed Sleep Phase/Delayed Circadian Rhythm. (I know that you've covered Circadian Rhythm before, but I don't recall if you covered how some people have a later shift than others.)
In the middle, you suggested seeking work that has a different schedule that works better for [my] sleep cycle. That seems to be my struggle.
I think that I have a delayed sleep phase, which makes it difficult to get up early in the morning, but when I brought it up with a therapist and when I brought it up in a support group, the suggestions were all about me trying to make changes to my sleep schedule.
Most professional jobs are 8-5 in the US. I have always struggled with this schedule. Not only is it hard for me to get started at 8am, but I get a regular "second wind" at around 5pm. I think that the most effective I've been at the start of a workday was when I worked at a retail store that opened at 10am... I felt well rested and effective at work for my whole schedule every single day.
Anxiety is a big part of my issue at my current employer, and one of the reasons for my anxiety is that many others there work a schedule that starts earlier (7am, or even 6am), and when they schedule a meeting with me at 8am, I'm never prepared and they are always waiting on me to play catch-up.
So, like you advised, I figured out months ago that I need to find another employer, so I can work a different schedule. (I've been looking for a couple of months, already. The job is a bad fit for me in other ways, too.)
..."find a therapist in your area"
Well, the difficulty with that is that most of the therapists in my area only work the same schedule, and so I can only fit in teletherapy on my lunch break, and the only private space open to me is next to the lunchroom. When I'm on a therapy call, I'm constantly wondering if my coworkers can make out what I'm saying to my therapist. (My regular office is adjacent to the conference room, and the walls are thin there, so that's not an option.)
I cannot explain how much i am so sad, frustrated, mentally exhausted from work and manager... I am guilty of BRP but actually it is the only thing that is making me stable... Just a couple of hours for myself each day is what i long for every day... This is my 4th job btw... Therefore, i am so depressed because i see that it became the normal where i live for people to work 10 to 15 hours a day. With covid19 consequences, people are too afraid to fight back abd claim their rights.. I am very down by this loop
Wow, I do this after stressful days or very busy days. The more tired I get during the day, the more I procrastinate before sleep 🤦
OMG...So it's not just me! I didn't even know this has a name! Thanks Kati helping me to figure out why I delay sleep to do my self-care. I'm a university student by the way. I've already made some changes in my routine and fitted in 10 minutes journaling and writing my next day routine before bed.
Love the tantrum image. I have 4 kids. 2 are toddlers now. This imagery is so clear. I'm acting immature, and paying the price. Dho!
Thanks for the suggestions!
THIS IS ME ME ME MEEEEEEEEE!!!!
I've done this since age 16! Nowadays, thanks to not having a 9-5 job for a long time, I can usually sleep very late (like 11am - 1pm). Even back in my teens, I'd sleep until after 11am on weekends if I didn't have to get up for any specific purpose, and I would have slept much longer if I didn't "have to" get up at some sort of semi-acceptable hour. (and back then I would go to bed at midnight, so it wasn't from a lack of sleep!)
I'm also never tired at night. Ever. I've always had delayed onset insomnia / circadiam rhythms / been a night owl, since I was a toddler. I've only ever gone to bed because I "should", my whole 42 years of life. I literally do not know how it feels to go to bed because I'm tired. Before I go to bed, I take half an antihistamine to make me able to fall asleep and stay asleep. Then once I go to bed, I daydream until I get sleepy after about 30 minutes, and then go to sleep.
For the past year, I've had zero alone / personal time due to my partner losing her job, so the only time I DO have is after 11pm when she goes to bed (when she worked, she'd go to bed by 9pm so I could go to bed earlier and still get enough night time "me" time). I also used to get LOTS of alone time in the day, from 8am to 5pm, so I didn't have to squash everything I wanted to do into just night time.
During the day, I'm tired, no matter how many hours of sleep I get. I feel uncomfortable and that improves as the day wears on and becomes evening, when I feel more relaxed.
Since I was about 10, I have felt physically SO nauseated in the mornings. I assumed I just wasn't good at eating early in the mornings, would sometimes gag when trying to swallow my cereal or toast, and would only get an appetite after 11am.
I didn't have that problem on the weekends, when I could sleep later. I also didn't realise I had HUGE chronic anxiety about school AND getting up early, and this cut off my ability to eat properly.
Anyway. It's 2.30am. I've had 3.5 hours to myself tonight. I want to do more things, but...once again, I "have to" go to bed. Sigh. Then I'll do it all again tomorrow, where I try to squeeze all the unwinding, relaxing, alone time activities I want to do into a few hours in the middle of the night, while I do nothing in the day as I have no space or personal time.
the irony that i'm watching this at 3 am
i stay up late because theres not enough time to in the day to enjoy life and hobbies and fun....something tries to make me feel guilty for it too....stupid matrix. theres lots in this i relate to. its opression to have to work continuously
Agreed
A good description of the problem, but the proposed solutions are well-worn paths that simply don't work because they are superficial, not deep. Knowing "That" something is good or bad is not enough to change behaviour. A good test of these types of solution is: would it work for smoking cessation? Would having a piece of fruit instead of a cigarette work? No! Sure it sounds like a great idea, but not even close to an effective solution. Smoking is not dominantly an addiction to nicotine. Rather, it is all of the nested associative beliefs, rituals, and rationales that need to be painstakingly worked out. The faulty beliefs will continue to gnaw away. The same goes for Revenge Bedtime Procrastination - a nested set of beliefs about freedom, the good, gratification, and depleted willpower.