Lessons from a Tragic Family Tree | Zachary Levi on Who Do You Think You Are
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- Опубліковано 4 сер 2022
- Zachary Levi's episode of Who Do You Think You Are explored the topic of generational trauma. In this video, we'll review what he learned and how you can explore this topic in your family.
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I come from a dysfunctional family for many generations. I used to be angry at all the stuff I uncovered that I was deceived about growing up. Like my dad being married 9 times, finding 2 half sisters, etc. But I forgave my dad for abuse when on his death bed and I realized I am NOT my past or his past, for that matter. While it truly does have an effect on you, there are so many resources available nowadays to HELP overcome the effects of the past. I look at it completely different than I did in the beginning. I feel a bit of sorrow for the suppression of emotions and need to hide from reality back then. We are not responsible for what happened TO us! But we are responsible for what happens IN us as a result of it and, we can overcome and rise above. It takes alot of work for some. Blessings to you all!
You hit on something that is so important -- the resources that are available today. For example, it used to be that soldiers suffered "shell shock" or "combat fatigue," and were told to just get over it. Now we recognize that it's post-traumatic stress disorder and can be treated. Any kind of mental illness was a moral failing, but now we can see that it's an illness. We still have a long way to go, but we're heading in the right direction.
I researched my paternal grandfather’s parents a long time and we even spent about 5 years in Texas in the same area they lived in. I got the land records that my great grandfather and his brother had homestead in the early 1870’s and we went there and walked the land. My grandfather was the baby of 12 children, 8 boys and 4 girls, so my grandfather was a young boy when this happened. After researching a few years I found a prison record that my great grandfather had spent 4 years in the Walker County Texas Prison for incest!!! My heart sank then, after diligently doing so much research!! I even thought to myself, maybe this wasn’t him! But then we found a newspaper clipping which told of it and how some neighbors found out about it and contacted the authorities. I was so disheartened to find this out after researching so long. But it’s part of my genealogy and I’ve gone back even farther to find one other incident with my 3rd great grandfather and found a bill of sale in which he fathered a boy with one of his slaves. It’s difficult to find this research out but I finally had to tell myself it wasn’t my fault and things were just different back then. It took me a long time to get past the incest finding and continue working with my family.
Thank you-thank you-thank you.
The "why" of family history has been a focus of mine for several years. I am glad to see this concept promoted. At the beginning of the book I've started, I explain that as one reason for my research.
I'm the only family member left who has had contact with multiple generations of our maternal side, known for its massive dysfunction. I'd like to leave the information gleaned from stories I've heard, gossip I eavesdropped, and speculation I've come across for the younger generations as a means of saying "this explains a lot. Please try to break the chain."
But, not only that, I'm fascinated by other questions of "why." Why did we end up a Midwestern family? Why is our family configured with certain people? Why did a particular surname start out very prosperous, then decline as generations progressed?
My pursuit hasn't been about only collecting names and dates, but also the details of lives that might explain the "why" of myself.
Terri A - My ‘why’ was answered recently (I’m 68) when I discovered I’m on the autism spectrum. Autism is hereditary, so suddenly it made sense of my entire, very extended family on my mothers side. It’s helping me to be rather forgiving as I now realise they never stood a chance of being ‘normal’ functioning people.
If i could find a single person in my family line that was just... the most upstanding citizens, i'd be thrilled.
I collected arrest reports, govt records, and newspaper gossip columns to put together the story of my husband's great-grandfather. It helped us understand the family dynamics and gave us some insight into why he was the way he was. Knowing historical context can also help when you run across less savoury information. After all the research, I can honestly say I've come to love this gentleman in spite of (maybe because of) his challenges. I ended up writing a fiction novel based on his story.
My family hides anything they think reflects negatively, even divorces. I can't believe my aunts and uncles think I don't remember.
Adults forget how much kids take in!
Remind them what you remember so you don’t carry on the tradition of silence.
I am finding and writing about family accomplishments and secrets including abuse and you are right, they help answer WHY.
loved this episode and his genuine enthusiasm and reflections on what he learned. his mums maternal line reminds me a lot of my dads maternal line, and acknowledging those toxic patterns can help us change them for the future! 🙏🏼
I know what you mean. I really appreciated what he said about being part of the generation to break the cycle.
I wish that he would change that pattern because he is continuing it by attempting to deceive others and making it hard for those of us whom are real Jews. He uses his middle name-“Levi”-as his last name-which is actually “Pugh”-to give other people the impression that he is Jewish-and that makes it hard for those of us whom are Jews and find out about it to be taken seriously. Willingly deceiving others for personal gains and making still others’ lives harder is a form of abuse.
@@NicoleCzarneckihe didn't make his professional /stage name Zachary Levi because he wanted to deceive anyone. When he first started acting industry his agent told him that the people in the industry she talked to about him made comments about his last name. Pugh, sounding like Pew wasn't a name a lot of people liked in the industry. So he thought and prayed about it and decided to just use his first and middle name as his professional name. He didn't think about the fact that people would think he was Jewish. If anyone asks or comments on him being Jewish he tells them he isn't. He's legal name is still Zachary Levi Pugh, he isn't trying to deceive anyone.
His case is similar to mine but in my case, my dad was the abusive one and I always wanted to know why. Genealogy helped me a great deal. It helped me understand what had happened.
This is why I tell people when they get started in genealogy be prepared for any skeletons in the closet.
The older Generations out of pure embarrassment would try and hide whatever they could.
So when I'm talking to different individuals I just point blank tell them that if you're going to be embarrassed about what your ancestors did don't start.
I have found some embarrassing things but I have also found some great things and it does not bother me no matter which direction it goes.
It's not like I can change history or who I am or where I came from or who the family came from.
I love history I'm not real good with dates but I enjoy reading about it and finding out new things that I have not learned yet. Just recently learned that I have a great, great, great aunt who was a very well-known spinster who was very well off from Massachusetts. She is someone that I can be proud of due to the fact she helped others in many ways.
I found out one of my grandfathers a Native American Indian Chief adopted a white kid as his son when the parents of that kids wagon got held up and the parents were killed later that child helped his adopted father out. sometimes a father is not whom is in your DNA but whom cares for you truth
How were they killed? By the cheifs me ? Most White children who are adopted are often adopted by there kidnappers who massacured there families. Its ashamed those white children are seen as assimilated into native American culture as okay but not native Americans into white culture. The reason I'm snappy a out this it's because it's mostly likey came to that.
I found the article written about my great-grandfather because he shot his second wife dead in a public place, and then turned the gun on himself. I am glad my great-grandmother was able to escape him, and marry a very nice man.
Amy, this is a powerful message. Family dysfunction perpetuates itself unless we take the time to understand the character of our ancestors, warts and all. Many members of my family question the motives which I and my cousin bring to out family history search. When pressed for details of my maternal grandparents’ relationship, both my mother and aunt used the exact same phrase: “There are some things which are better not discussed.” But the character of my grandparents had a material effect on the skills which my mother and aunt used to parent their own children. And their toolbox was not a good one. Like Zachary Levi, understanding the events which shaped my parents helps me gain perspective on what I experienced in my family of origin. It’s useful in a practical sense in navigating my own life. As well as bringing great comfort. I always look forward to your emotionally astute observations.
I found the same sort of "why" in my family tree. It is distressing - and enlightening at the same time.
My great grandmother was listed as living away from family at age 17 in the 1892 New York State Census. Only her younger brother was still at home. Her mom died when she was eight, leaving her blacksmith father as the single parent of three children. Dad remarried approximately four years later. I don't know if she was forced out of the house or ran away. She turns up as a house servant in a neighboring county in the 1900 Federal Census, then returned to her home county later. In the 1905 New York State Census, she is shown living at her in-laws' residence with her husband and newborn son (my great uncle). My grandmother was her third child, born 11 months after her husband died of TB. You can figure it out.
It’s amazing the stories you can find when you put a timeline like that together.
There was a different expectations on children at these times. A 17-year old may have been working as a domestic servant for a number of years, maybe working her way up from a scullery maid etc. One of the reasons would be that a live-in position mean you have a roof over your head, food and maybe a uniform. This took the burden off families and was one less mouth to feed. Yes and sometimes those positions weren't very good (but they may have been a lot worse at home) and sometimes they were better and a trade was learnt.
I loved this video for exactly the reasons you mentioned - Zachary has always been someone open and willing to address the topic of mental health and the effects it’s had in his life. That he chose to focus not on what ‘interesting ancestors’ he might have had, but rather to explore the impact of generational abuse and mental illness helps illustrate the facts of learned behavior and the importance of breaking the pattern in any way we can.
Both sides of my family are very dysfunctional with alcoholics galore. The alcoholism ceased with my nuclear family, but severe delusional disorders combined with what I've heard described as "dry alcoholics" is keeping the abuse alive.
It is such a hard cycle to break. :-(
Tracing these patterns through generations can also give an idea about genetic predispositions.
I found a German inventor on my mom's side of the family from the early 1800s, Western Pennsylvania. There were several notations from several family tree stories in different variations stating the same thing: he never spoke to his children except under 1 recorded instance, to say "lower the wagon brake" in German to one of his sons. It's been known that on my mom's side of the family that the parents just don't talk to their kids and leave them to fend for themselves and figure out life. And that's what my great grandma did with my grandma who ended up doing the same with my mom and in turn did the same with me. All because this inventor was so focused on his work, it's become a "genetically learned behavior" to ignore your children on that sode of the family. Thankfully, my dad won the custody battle and raised my closest in age half sister(only recently did I find out she was a half when we've thought all along that we shared dads)and I by himself until he remarried and there was a change in maternal rights.
I've begun noticing it with how I am with my own son. He's the same age now as I was when my parents officially divorced and I don't know hoe to interact with him. All I know is work, research, and school for my doctorate
@Millicient Aspinet he and I are both autistic. I'm more nonverbal than he seems to be. Mostly from built up unrelated traumas. Due to safety concerns involving his birth father who I did not list on the birth certificate(again bc of safety reasons within the laws of my state) I had my parents adopt him since my step/adoptive mom can't have kids and he just knows me as my name, I'm "Sissy's sibling", if anything. I had to move away for 2 years to recenter myself. Coming back helped me get to be around him at an age where I CAN communicate and understand him. I'm even allowed to be alone with him by myself for extended periods of time which my parents weren't sure about when he was born bc of how much of a change it was for me. I'm studying the humane genome and genetic traits and disorders and I'm studying myself and my environment for a scharliship application. I'm hoping to one day have enough information about my family history that I create a book for him in 2 formats: written and children's picture book.
Maybe one day I will have healed enough mentally to work on his dad's. Easiest thing is that I remember birthday of my exes as if they were tattooed on me and his paternal direct line is 4 generations of the same name.
@Bek, that sounds quite sad. I'm sorry. We humans have time for the things that we make time for. It's difficult to rescue our priorities, but perhaps sometimes they need changed. Good luck.
@@patriciajrs46 it started out sad, but if I had been a single parent, he would not have health insurance for his medical visits, I wouldn't be able to afford clothes for him as he grows, I wouldn't know where to start with even getting the diagnosis so he can succeed in school with a specialized plan like I did. He tells me "Bekka, guess what? I love you thiiiiiissss much!" And stretches his arms really wide. For a 5 year old, he's really smart too. Almost as good as I am now at math. History might be my major but I think math will be his.
Edit to add: I also live at home with my parents ts and family so I see him every day and get asked daily "hey can you watch him/sit with him while we do XYZ?" And it works for our family.
@@bekgilbert6562 That's fantastic!
Genealogy has taught me a lot about what my parents and grandparents and further backs had to endure. I understand them better and see they learned to treat children they way they did by their dysfunctional family.
I have found that my great grandfather lied about his past and where he was born. First, he got into trouble and served time in a penitentiary. Then I discovered that his parents had a nasty divorce. His father got custody of him and his mother got custody of his brother. His mother sued her mother-in-law for alienation of affection, which went to the Indiana State Supreme Court to establish whether or not she could sue her. After the settlement of the case, his mother took his brother and moved back to MO. These had to be turbulent times in his life.
Chuck and Shazam … and Less than Perfect! Why does no one ever mention Less than Perfect? I saw him there first and love him in that.
My 3rd great grandmother Nettie (on my grandmother’s mother’s side) divorced my 3rd great grandfather John for drunkenness and cruelty. I read the notice in the Chicago Tribune from 1887, so I know the date of the court hearing, and I think I might go to the Cook County clerk’s office to get the court records of the case. Even though she was the one who filed for the divorce, she always told the census takers afterwards that she was a widow.
A 2nd great grandmother Carrie (on my grandmother’s father’s side) had divorced her first husband Ben around 1891. I’ve called the Michigan county clerk’s office to see if they had those records, but Michigan didn’t require divorce records until 1897, so they just don’t exist anymore. However, I did find in the local newspaper the account of Ben suing her for custody of their girls (she had taken her daughters with her, but left their sons behind with him when she walked out in 1889, but he decided to reclaim the girls in 1892). The article was quite long because when she inevitably lost custody, she put Plan B into motion and got the girls away from the judge and on a train bound for Canada. They were apprehended by the sheriff before they got near the border and back at the courthouse by nightfall. When the judge called for the girls, Carrie “fought like a tiger to keep her children at her side,” and they had to toss her into a cell to restrain her. Ben took the girls home with him. But, through what I believe was bribery of first cash and then land (mentioned in the local newspaper in passing), Carrie ended up with both her daughters and her sons, although it took five years from the initial separation to complete reunion with her children.
Carrie’s second marriage has absolutely no paper trace, neither the marriage nor the divorce. I’ve checked both Michigan and Chicago for both, but nothing. At this point, I am leaning to the idea that they were never officially hitched, but they just styled themselves as such! Interestingly, she seemed to have called herself “Mrs. Carrie M--“ (second husband’s last name) professionally and on official documents with that relationship. However, when she did officially marry her next husband, she always went by “Mrs. [husband’s name]” and never by Carrie again, at least not professionally or on documents. She even signed her granddaughter’s marriage book that way. Maybe not actually being married to #2 explains the difference?
Even in my mom's generation, it was customary for married women to call themselves "Mrs. Husbands Name," and only call themselves "Mrs. Female Name" if she was widowed. Maybe look for a death record for husband #2?
@@AmyJohnsonCrow I do have the death record for him, but he died two years after Carrie had moved to Montana and married her next husband. He left her some property in Chicago, so it looks like they ended their relationship amicably. I just wish I knew what name Carrie went by with her first husband-that would give me an idea if she had changed her naming style for each husband or kept it consistent for the two husbands I have her officially married to. I am probably reading waaaay too much into that change in naming style between husband #2 and #3! If I can just get any paperwork on that second marriage or its dissolution, then I’d be a lot happier. All I have for that marriage is the 1900 census and from 1899 to 1908 in their city directory entries-she had her own business, so I can trace both of them in the directories.
Maybe - so many of those in genealogy ! - she wanted to keep the second marriage away from ex-husband 1 and his family or she wanted to be married before husband 2 (and his family) realised how much scandal was attached to her and the first marriage (courts, newspaper reports etc) so maybe they 'eloped'. How about a marriage in Canada or Europe (check ships passenger lists) or in the US big cities? I don't know if US citizen had to notify US embassy if married overseas but other countries kept BMD records for citizens overseas. If you are stuck then you need to rule out everything else. You don't say what her profession was that might give clues to any travel patterns, links to other places. Good hunting
Imagine what happened to Bonnie and Clyde's family traits. That has to have been a trip down a memory lane one might not want to take.
Amy, you have some wonderful suggestions and comments. I agree that family research should be more than plugging in names on a tree - it is so much more interesting when we know more about those peoples lives and what their world was like. Having said that, it is rather shocking when you find out your mystery ancestor, the one you had difficulty finding out ANYTHING about, was actually tried and convicted of murdering his step-mother and hanged himself in jail to "save the sheriff the trouble" as it put it in the note he left behind! I learned more, and what I learned certainly helped to explain why there were so many gaps and questions for so long, but boy did I have more questions about what prompted such an event. Always more to learn, isn't there?!
I am currently studying a diploma in FH. I appreciate your presentations
Thank you! Good luck with your studies!
That was a great episode
thank you!
I always knew that my great grandfather has gone to prison. Family lore had it that he took the fall for someone. Part of his file in the state archives was a full page of the signatures of friends and neighbors supporting a pardon.
Finding out the bad in our family just makes us realize that human nature today is the same as in the past. Human nature doesn't change, only lifestyle. My ggrandmother's brother died in the state penitentiary, falsely accused. My gggrandfather's brother was killed by revenuers. Lots of moonshiners found in the history of a tee-totaling family. DNA discovered great-uncles on both sides who fathered children in their sixties, indicating probably a lifetime of philandering. Our ancestors weren't perfect, and neither are we.
I found my great-grandfather's obituary in the society column. It was the only obituary list that day.
I'm having trouble tracking down my great grandmother's family line. I'm not sure I have her madden name or another married name. At this point I'm thinking she was adopted or an illegitimate child. Is there any advice you can give me to help get on the right track. I also can't find any marriage records for her to my grandfather I think she just lived with him and took on his last name.
If you have anyone else connected with her, like some brothers or sisters, research them. Do you have her obituary? It could list other family members who survived her. Expand your search for where she and your grandfather got married; it's possible they ran off to another county (or even another state) to get married. (For example, a lot of people in Ohio ran off to Kentucky because the requirements to get married were less strict.) Look for her death certificate; it should name her parents. It might not be online depending on where and when she died, but you can often order them from that state's vital statistics office.
The why is something that has always interested me. My grandmother could be very nasty to my mother and she often seemed an unhappy person. In working on my family and reviewing information from my mother... I came to believe that my grandmother was unhappy in her marriage and then became jealous of my mother. As background she grew up in a fairly wealthy household... father was a house dealer and traveled across Europe buying and selling horses... her mother died in childbirth... after the couple was warned about having more children... my grandmother blamed her father for her mother's death... when she became of age where she could select her husband without her father's approval.. she married my grandfather...a man her father did not approve of. But my grandfather grew up in hard times and pulled himself up... he was extremely frugal. As a result ... they never owned a car, fridge, or vacuum.. and cooked on a coal stove until the late '60s.. So having grown up living a more affluent lifestyle..it must have been difficult for her... especially since they weren't poor. Then my mother marries a US GI... goes to the US to live and has ... not one but two cars, actual heat... dishwasher, refrigerator, washing machine... with out a hand ringer and all the other appliances you could imagine in the '50s. So I think she became jealous of my mother. Having dug into her life has made me more sympathetic to her bitterness... I loved my grandfather... but he could be stubborn and in researching him..I discovered his father went bankrupt when he was a child..so it is no wonder that he became so frugal.
My mother's paternal birth grandfather murdered a woman. Shot her in the back. He had told everyone that his wife had died and was living with this woman who wanted to end the relationship. Turns out his wife, and mother to my mom's birth dad, had successfully petitioned for divorce due to abandonment
Wow! Talk about him not telling the full story!
Did you say the last name Schenk in your video?
Yes. Zachary Levi's ancestor who was in the Civil War (and ended up in the veterans' home) was Henry Schenck.
Ok my Family is Schenk on my mom's side
My 2nd great grandfather who was a slave owner and his bother-in-law who married my ancestors sister both shot people over corn 9 years before they even became family. I also found my biological gandfather and grandmother. My half aunt on my dads sides refused to ask my grandfather the question about haveing dated a women before marriing her mother and ha ibg a child in 1962. It can be hard to not contact your grandparents because of other family memebes getting i the way from communicating with them. So I know how a tragic and bizarre some family member can be.
If you're exploring your family history you've got to be willing to accept the good and the bad. And the more individuals you add to your tree, the more things you're going to find. Family history is not a fairy tale where everyone lives happily ever after. Learn from what you discover and try to live well.
Now I need to find the birth record of my great great grandfather on my dad's mom side. Her grandfather. He was abusive and an alcoholic. He died after having gone on a bender so to speak. We were always told he and his siblings were sent to the Mohawk school in Canada. IF I found the right people, his older siblings are listed there as a servant at age 4 and field hand at age 2. Again, if I found the correct family, his father was accused of having killed an older daughter and acquitted a year later. The newspaper stated he was dark skinned and sullen and by all accounts had a bad temper.
⭐Genealogy with Amy Johnson Crow⭐
Enjoyed this video, but not all ancestral dirty laundry needs to be aired. We can never know the whole story, and those that went before us are not here to defend themselves. Charity and discretion should always come before our desire to share everything we learn.
I really am descended from a horse thief, my gt gpa. He led a gang and was very successful and didn't get caught and thrown into prison until he was about 60. His father was a womanizer with 3 wives. The one I'm descended from supposedly killed herself (?) because of it, but the other two both, um, mysteriously disappeared, so....? My gpa was a good man though, fortunately.
In the immortal words of Pee-wee Herman as he was speaking to his girlfriend Dottie:
Pee-wee: There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand.
Let sleeping dogs lie
If she worked why did she want half of his pension? Bs...
She would have been earning less than $1/day as a laundress, not enough to live off of.
@@AmyJohnsonCrow Not to mention supporting SIX children!!
I found out that my great grandmother and great grandfather on my dads side came from Italy in 1924 through Ellis island, I’m hoping to get on the waiting list to visit Ellis island to view their records. My dads side has been in America less than 100 years. That still baffles me! My mothers family came over from France.. they migrated to Canada and then to the USA in the 1920’s as well.. also less than 100 years in the USA. Still blows my mind how if they had chosen not to come here I could’ve been born in Italy or canada lol. Dna has helped me learn a lot about myself and my family. My mother didn’t know much about our heritage and my dads side I always knew I was Italian. Lol. History is so interesting. I also found out I am 1% Jewish. I never in my life knew anyone in my family had been Jewish. 🤍