Yes, but while repairing a broken man is possible - and sometimes to a great degree, broken females are virtually irreparable and guarantee the collapse of a civilization.
I am 24 years old with serious accountability and anger issues. I grew up in a house hold where my dad would scream at the drop of a pin. My mom was super emotional and unstable. I needed my parents both so desperately but they had their own problems with each other. I never see them tell each other they love each other, no hugs and kisses. I haven’t seen that since I was a child. It really starts in the household. I feel like a sack of shit at 24 with emotional and behavioral problems but no more. Jordan is teaching me to look through a different lense, to think for myself. If you’re on the same journey as me, be kind to yourself and definitely don’t give up on yourself. YOU deserve peace. Your inner child deserves it too.
me too, man! I am the first born and my parents depend on me to solve their problems, just bc I know better doesn't mean I am more mature than my peers, actually I become emotionally unstable since my emotional needs always being neglected and I grow up having anger issues and failures to do my things, it feels like running around the circle. And yes you deserve peace.
I grew up in a household similar maybe even worse and I’m 25 and 6 months pregnant and sometimes I cry because I don’t want my son to endure in the pain a lot of us have been through and I’ve been watching alot of Petersons videos I’d recommend to watch Phil Stutz as well
"If you're bored by people, you're not listening to them." That's something I've noticed in my everyday life about myself and other people, too. It's very interesting.
No, it's because they repeat the same crap I've already heard more than once, and a lot of people speak just to hear themselves talk, not to engage the listener.
@@hydrostatic8048 Then you ask them why they aren't talking to you, but instead to themself. There is a great way to start some interesting conversation, that's for sure.
I have a friend who was conditioned by his parents to shut up and just accept what they said. He describes arguing with his parents a couple times when he was young (no older than 10, iirc) because they had said something that didn't make sense to him. Either it was blatantly unfair from his perspective or it was simply, factually incorrect. He says he would win the argument logically, and his parents punished him for it. He still struggles with any form of confrontation to this day.
I suffer from this exact conditioning. Thing is, I'm a really good listener, but a terrible speaker. Whenever I spoke my thoughts, it would immediately result to my parents frustration that my thoughts can go against theirs. Which would result to gaslighting,.
This is very common in asian families because of the idea that elders should be respected and not made to loose face in front of others. I was punished by my Dad for showing that he was wrong. Many times. Then years later he would ask why I was so distrustful of him!?
@@Jema25 Good for you for thinking on your own, it's too bad you were shutdown for it. Peterson explain this behavior in parents. Like with anyone dominant in a hierarchy, in this case the family hierarchy, they will respond with aggression and dislike towards anyone that hurts their place in the hierarchy. It's cardinal behavior. I wish there were more people in the world that seeked solutions and put aside their ego.
My dad taught me to ask why, question everything and don't take the face value. It's one of the lessons that always stuck with me and made a lot of sense, I'm glad he was a good critical thinker and could raise me as well as he could. I wouldn't be the same person today.
Seriously, thats 100% the comment of non-parents. At least with the first child, how much you ever inform yourself and learn, you will not be able to adapt your knowledge properly. Childcare first of all needs experience. Experience you dont have. Can certainly help you with the second one, or you are literally fcked again. Theory and practice diverge. Sorry, but realtalk needs to be done. Aside from that, yeah it is often troublesome, but also one of the biggest adventures life has to offer.
@@patrickmcmullin8589 idk I think very basic stuff, ie if your baby is insistently crying they likely need to changed, fed, burped ect. Parents today are shockingly uneducated regarding parenting
JP touches on a great parenting philosophy called Taking Children Seriously. The title explains it. Children are People. Take their wishes, concerns, fears, and ideas seriously, as you would anyone else. Not being taking seriously chronically probably contributes to much of children’s mental suffering (although we look for blame elsewhere, like social media).
well not everything… woke trans activist parents now take their kid’s wish/delusion of being the other sex so serious they drag them down to a doctor pump them full of hormones and sign them up for gender surgery^^
Let's not play down how toxic social media can be, I do agree with you overall but even this ironically, the distance of typing a response compared to conversation vastly changes the interaction and the more people are on social media the less tolerant they are to opinions they don't share and they won't discuss them as if they were in person, they will resort to insults and abuse so quickly it blows my mind. For this reason I never use social media, I think it's the most anti-social and fake form of communication available, narcissists and pathological liars communicate more honestly in person than average people do on social media, that's how toxic I believe it to be.
Unconditional love is the crux of it. So, they can make mistakes and learn and find their authentic self without ever risking losing their attachment to their parent. They won't have to push down parts of themselves to receive their parents love. Acceptance.
That’s great and all, until your child comes to you and tells you they’re 100% certain they’re the wrong gender, or a python or something. You’re supposed to take them seriously? No, you reorient that incorrect thinking.
@@networknomad5600 yeah you take them seriously that they feel that way at that moment, but probably try to persuade them against it or explore it with them. But it's obviously gonna be something they've read online or whatever
My nephew used to believe in ghosts, he was very adamant about their existence and would show me videos on UA-cam. He was 8 years old. I didn't want to destroy his fun. One day he asked me if I believed in them. I told him I didn't and I explained why and that all I'd need is sufficient evidence for phenomenon that had no other explanation. From that day onwards he has approached absolutely everything with that mindset. It's the thing I'm most proud of in my life. One small conversation with a child opened their mind and changed their way of thinking, for the better. He questions absolutely everything now. Skeptical, quizzical but never cynical. He's a 17 year old man now. Great lad. Loves Jordan too.
My brother tells my mom that its her fault that we question everything. My mom is not a stupid person, she is not easily manipulated. She passed that on to us. Gets you in a lot of trouble but saves you from a lot of trouble too. We used to have family bible studied but they usually devolved into a large debate.😂
Have seen teachers teach children how to do this with each other. It's truly incredible. It's magnificent to see children to learn in a classroom where they listen to, and love, each other.
Developing one’s listening skills may be the best way to battle loneliness. Another way is to have a purpose of serving others. So by simply being present and quiet with others we hopefully help them reach their potential.
Absolutely, i’ve got tears when i listen to him, he is a light in the darkness, he is touching my heart and soul and my past in so many ways, and show me the way to be better to think in such a wider perspective, he is my mentor among the dark
When I was working with clients, I always did exactly what he was saying,I would reflect to the client what I heard and ask “Did I understand right?” Clients always cried, and shared they felt this was the first time they actually felt somebody cared enough to listen and try to understand their experience. This came from clients who had been in therapy for years with other therapists, and I had barely graduated my masters program. The skill he talks about is very true and I can attest very important to practice as a clinician and does wonders in your actual relationships.
When I reflect on my life, one thing I wish I had done more of is listen. I completely agree with JP's wisdom: everyone, from a toddler to a centenarian, has a story to tell about their lives, and they want to tell you that story.
Dr Peterson. I have just listened to what you said, without taking a break. I thank you for this piece of gold information. You can not offend someone by actively listening to their story. 👍
My father is really good at this. Even when I was a little kid like on my visitation with him at 5 or 6 years old he would ask for my input on things. Which movie did I want to see at the theater. This afternoon we can play go carts or put put golf, which one did I want? Or pick out the kind of dessert that I wanted at the store for after dinner. I got to pick out my own comics to pick up on the weekly and monthly at the comics store but I had to save up my allowance to buy them. Dad also engaged my imagination through the kinds of comics and TV shows and movies he would show me, and talking about them with me, and giving me visualization techniques about the movies to help me conquer my fears. He would also find constructive punishments for the rules he set. That was a big player also! because finding out that there were consequences to my decisions (both good and bad, fun or not enjoyable) gave me a sense of agency over my life and thoughts even at a young age. Now I try to be just as thoughtful and open with him and other people. I hope I can be that good of a Dad when I have my own kids. ❤
@@wyleecoyotee4252 you say that like trying to figure out what fun activity your kid finds most interesting is a terrible way to get to know your child. God forbid joy is involved. I guess your superior parenting method is to torture your kid in hateful ways and get to know them by finding out what makes them break down into tears the fastest.
I noticed that more often than not people described as "pleasant to talk to" are those that actually listen to the interlocutor, instead of those with a wit tongue, although, truth be told, those quite often come as a pack. There's a world of difference between a person waiting for you to finish talking and a person quietly listening to what you're saying and processing it. After a long monologue there's a pause where the other side is waiting for your final reaction. If you answer with "So, what you mean is that..." you can literally see people's faces light up. They're actually happy at that moment, they're feeling like they actually exist. It's so rewarding to just, well... Attend to people. You can even tame toxic people, say, at work, with this. It's so mysterious.
As I clean up my own life, I have room to listen to others. Listening to our children doesn’t mean we control their behavior. Taking responsibility for my life choices may provide a model for others, but every person must learn for themselves.
I'm dumbfounded at the simplicity of the talk and how it sounds so right. It was so complicated during my rearing, i was lost and sheltered from play and creativity. Thank you Jordan. My kids are for the better.
Read and teach your kids to read. From the moment you bring a child home you can read to them. Has a profound effect on the development of their neural net, especially in the first 3 years. Part two of that is having *actual* conversations with them. That means, talking to them like they're adults who have something meaningful to say and that comes back to JP's point about listening. I've had lots of friends say to me, "you don't talk to your son like he's a child"... and no, I don't and never have. I ask what he thinks about things, why he thinks what he does and I'm careful not to push what I think on him.. rather, letting him discover for himself what he thinks. Something of an epistemological process for children, if you will. The part where a lot of people get themselves into trouble with kids is pushing their own views onto them. Kid comes up to you with some crazy idea.. you can respond with, "that's BS they've been teaching you in school" or use it as an opportunity to help them explore why they know what they think they know. Back to first principles always; why do we know something except that we've always been told it's true? How do you explain that the earth is not flat in a way that a 5 year old can understand it? If you don't think children will help you develop your ability to convey what you think you know.. think again. A 'thinker' most certainly will. :)
Nearly 10 years of love, 5 years of marriage. Carefully listening with articulate talking to my wife are the way keeping our happiness in my relationship. 90 minutes of talking and romance with my wife rule has help me a lot. Suffering while practicing or try to controlling your emotion at the beginning. But when carefully listening becomes my habit, suffering is mild or may be not there. Only caring and happiness when I listen and talk with my wife. Now I know more that with that way i will have high-chance to raise a Free-thinking children. Thank you for your advises, Dr. Peterson.
Ones we see our children as individuals who came into this life to discover talents and purpose, your relationship with your child and yourself becomes not only blessed but also meaningful because you can learn from eachother and grow. I'm very blessed to have a son now 14 years of age. Before he was born I decided to be the mother that I had been longing for. A loving mother that teaches her child to make his own decisions, giving him advice and options without pushing him into a certain direction, who teaches him about God, his Devine compas. ❤
I listen to my son so intently. He appreciates it I can see it. He enjoys sharing with me, hopefully this will be a great base for our lifelong relationship ❤️🇨🇦
I was alzqays told, "there is no stupid question" so when you are asking a question, you are learning. So opened minded thought and convo is key. (Some people-lots of people😒-dont like, when someone has a open mind "for thoughts and convos.)
Fantastic advice! Thankyou! 💛 Absolutely true! Truly listening with real interest, is such a gift to people! Few know this or are willing / able to listen. Amen! It's no surprise then, that in a world of non- listening, even strangers warm up quickly to that rare person who really, honestly and with kindness listens.
This is one of the best videos! It really spoke to me. I can’t make a decision because I live alone and need someone to just talk about it out loud. If I say it out loud then I hear myself and it’s like listening to a friend. Then solutions come to me.
I remember when I first started watching Jordan Peterson and he said the line “If you’re bored of people you just aren’t listening well enough” I didn’t quite understand how that worked. Well fast forward a couple of years and holy shit I wanna run away from everyone because I’m able to listen to what happened to them. It’s just completely overwhelming to be bombarded constantly by the different facets of an individual. But people are everywhere and theres so many of them and all of them cry out like babes for the teat, except they can’t hear themselves anymore and they just scream louder without even realising it. All. The. Damn. Time. Thanks to Dr Peterson I became the person I wish I had when I was younger and I can listen to myself and others now, but who can and has the skill to listen to me now?
Thank you for sharing this informative video! As a life coach, I believe that raising children to be independent, critical thinkers can have a profound impact on their future success and happiness. I would also suggest modeling free thinking and independent decision making to children and encouraging them to take risks and try new things. By empowering children to think for themselves and make their own choices, we can help them develop a strong sense of self and prepare them for a fulfilling and successful future. Keep up the great work, and thank you for sharing these valuable insights! *I'm really happy to see that someone have same passion like me because I'm also making this type of videos to make your life productive and meaningful*
So amazing Dr Peterson is such a wealth of knowledge he really is able to articulate the importance and impact of the most mundane communication strategies as a clinician myself I see reflection as the crux of what I do I have found that so many of my clients just want to be heard it’s an honor to be someone’s sounding board and vessel to them discovering the optimal ways to proceed or look at something so interesting well said
I agree. If you listen- people will tell everything about themselves, even the things they don't know. And it is very interesting to see different ways of thinking, living, what drives them.
Your narative here made me think of another talk you gave on Utube. I was as much surprised by that as I am with this. You give wonderful advice on a humane level sometimes. When I had finished that video I saw that it was next to a testimony of George Meuler on my phone, a man whose lifework served as an inspiration in my life. To think on the difference in your attitudes really made me smile. As if you're not on the same planet.
Don’t brush off your kid’s opinions as nonsense, give them a voice and then have a calm debate. Communication and the art of is an endeavor..well worth our time, it’s so precious.
We do the best we know in that moment and it sounds like you’ve taken aboard these golden nuggets and changed what you were doing ❤so well done on reflection and changing and being the best you can 😊 be gentle on yourself 😊
Oh my god, this is pure truth. I am opening my mind so much with this beautiful human being!!! It will have such an amazing effect on my kid. Thank you so much!!!
I was youngest of six children, both parents busy working. I was a good kid, and therefore totally ignored, and and didn’t get any attention. As an adult I feel unheard and unloved. To this day, adults in a group conversation talk over me and don’t listen to me, as if I didn’t say anything. I agree if they did listen, it would be life-changing. I haven’t “talked” in so long i have trouble finding words when I have the opportunity.
Sorry for your experience. Just a suggestion - speak to people in an extremely mundane situation by asking their advice eg in line at supermarket (as long as they're not going through the checkout obvs!) 'Could I ask do you know whether this dish soap is Ok or do you recommend another? Do you think the garlic paste I chose is better than fresh garlic at this time of year'? If nervous, try retired folk first as they generally have more time and want social interaction - v sad how lonely some older folk are. Also try a church/synagogue/mosque and/or volunteering at a local place - a dog shelter, homeless shelter, older folk meals etc. Engaging with people of all backgrounds esp those you don't want to impress gives a lot of practice in listening and learning when/how others speak and make themselves heard.🙏 .
@@marionpaul9573 🙌 on you. Connection helps us all esp from those who want to listen.... As I babble on! I have met many retired folk who are wanting connection- remember a sweet elderly lady who sat on a bench in the park - she couldn't bear losing a dog again after hers passed (I stopped WAY less than I should have) - until - 3 yrs later her Dr said 'Forget the meds ... you NEED another dog - especially a rescue one nobody wants'! I saw her again, with a dog and she said 'I was invisible but now people talk to me... and the horrible pills have been thrown away'. DO NOT get a pet if you can't look after it but it's great to help out neighbours who need a dog walked (Or borrow my doggy or similar). Anyway - many many people need you to connect to - even if initially hostile. Happiest Easter Ever as I KNOW you will be great helping others and making the world a better place. 🙌
Sometimes you want people to sit and listen to you, whether you're making sense or not, so you can be helped by trouble shooting your own thoughts, just someone going through your thoughts with you and summarising your thoughts and giving feedback without them attaching their feelings to the feedback. You know, objectively. Sometimes you know your feelings or thoughts are not rational or proper, which is perfectly normal by the way, but you just need someone to listen and help you nagivate it a bit. But I generally do that all myself with myself, sometimes with the help of videos like these, because generally no one can listen to you without misunderstanding you or getting offended by what you have to say. That's why therapists earn so much money, because people need someone to listen without judgement, whether you're right or wrong.
It’s absolutely true hundred percent, It happens that to me most often, my friends old friends new friends and sometimes a strange when I am standing waiting for transport. They starts talking and I realise that I’d like to listen. I would realised., that after they talked to you’d see that their face light up and feel sense of relieved That they talked and been listened to. Thank You very much Jordan B. Peterson & Partner your great mind and good question it’s eye opening 💕💕🙏🏽
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story." Max Erhmann, Desiderada 1927. Truly remarkable poem, a life motto in every word. Thank you Dr. Peterson for reassuring my belief in the power of listening. I have a very simple part time job in a grocery store. And ashamed to admit that i spend a great portion of my time at work on asking my coworkers about their day and chatting. Its amazing to see how many people dont get a chance to vent or just have a simple chat. And im happy to listen. Very happy to just hear people out or crack a joke or too. Its remarkable to see that it can make someone's day❤ just simple listening❤❤❤
I was not raised with really 'free thinking' parents.. Not that my parents are asleep, but I kind of learned this on my own. I definitely will raise freethinking children.
I love this setting and format. You could even build a stage at home and do the exact same thing in front of no one, put some fake laughs or grumbles and no one will notice. Thanks for your chosen segments, they feel more like you are saying something to us.
I am an excellent listener, always been. I love communicating, and I do ask them exactly that question, because I love to extract from communication. People are strange, very true. " Noone is normal if you watch them from too close "
A 💯 Dr. Jordan, i found some interesting individuals in the meantime over here like that.. i guess these stories are for our loved ones to discover and/or to cherish and amaze if they are the right type.
This is the most amazing and yet simple thing we can actually practice with the people we care about in our lives. I love the Peterson family and it’s so nice to see his wife next to him.
I saw you live in this one this was the Sydney talk. I appreciate you coming to my city. I had such a wonderful time. It's was an honour being in the audience.
I definitely will take most life advice from Dr. Peterson, although raising children is the only piece I will not be taking. And this if for the reason I do not wish for my own daughter to end up like his. She is not a good influence.
One way to encourage children to think is to answer their questions sometimes by a few good questions they could ask in order to find answers to their questions. When it is better to give my answers to their questions, I try to give them reasons why I reach to my conclusion. In other words, being a good model of what it means to live as a thinker.
I believe we should listen, but we also possess the ability to feel when someone isn't saying something worth listening to. Often this feeling arises because the person speaking doesn't know what they're saying so how could the recipient?
Read up on critical thinking, it's good to be able to stand for your ideas and thoughts, if people don't agree or listen that isn't and indicator or you validity, some people would rather be in an echo chamber where everyone has the same opinion and likes and dislikes, no one grows in an echo chamber, it's better to go against the grain especially when it's in your values and is important to you. It's always better to be a free thinker than a sheeple.
Do you know for a fact that you go OUT OF YOUR WAY to listen to and understand what other people say, if u are expecting from others to do the same? Did you verify that u are a good listener?
Your content is an invaluable resource for parents on the journey of raising children. As someone deeply committed to nurturing young minds, I'm truly inspired by your insights. Raising children is an incredible responsibility, and it's our duty to help them grow into compassionate, honest, and patient individuals. In the words of Fred Rogers, 'The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.' Our children learn by example, and it's our actions that mold their character. 'Patience is not the ability to wait, but how you act while you're waiting,' says Joyce Meyer. Instilling this virtue in our children is a gift that keeps on giving. Teaching honesty is equally vital. 'Honesty is a very expensive gift; don't expect it from cheap people,' warns Warren Buffett. Our role as parents is to show our children the worth of integrity. Keep sharing your invaluable wisdom, as it resonates with all of us striving to raise responsible, respectful, and kind-hearted kids.
"It is easier to build strong children, than to repair broken men."
An ounce of prevention prevents a cycle of neglect 😃
I like this!!!
Very true. That is why I don't send my kids to school.
Yes, but while repairing a broken man is possible - and sometimes to a great degree, broken females are virtually irreparable and guarantee the collapse of a civilization.
@@goftarniik8364
…
That’s not a good idea, pal.
It’s also probably a crime.
I am 24 years old with serious accountability and anger issues. I grew up in a house hold where my dad would scream at the drop of a pin. My mom was super emotional and unstable. I needed my parents both so desperately but they had their own problems with each other. I never see them tell each other they love each other, no hugs and kisses. I haven’t seen that since I was a child. It really starts in the household. I feel like a sack of shit at 24 with emotional and behavioral problems but no more. Jordan is teaching me to look through a different lense, to think for myself. If you’re on the same journey as me, be kind to yourself and definitely don’t give up on yourself. YOU deserve peace. Your inner child deserves it too.
me too, man! I am the first born and my parents depend on me to solve their problems, just bc I know better doesn't mean I am more mature than my peers, actually I become emotionally unstable since my emotional needs always being neglected and I grow up having anger issues and failures to do my things, it feels like running around the circle. And yes you deserve peace.
May you discover the peace within you
Amen brother. Hope you’re finding that peace 🙏🏼✌🏼🙏🏼
Good luck bud. Be strong. You are a man. Head up shoulders back and own it 👍🏼
I grew up in a household similar maybe even worse and I’m 25 and 6 months pregnant and sometimes I cry because I don’t want my son to endure in the pain a lot of us have been through and I’ve been watching alot of Petersons videos I’d recommend to watch Phil Stutz as well
"If you're bored by people, you're not listening to them."
That's something I've noticed in my everyday life about myself and other people, too. It's very interesting.
No, it's because they repeat the same crap I've already heard more than once, and a lot of people speak just to hear themselves talk, not to engage the listener.
@@hydrostatic8048 ergo you have gotten bored of it 😂
@@superwormhalz2607 Bored because I listened to them.
That's pretty damm intresting
@@hydrostatic8048 Then you ask them why they aren't talking to you, but instead to themself. There is a great way to start some interesting conversation, that's for sure.
I have a friend who was conditioned by his parents to shut up and just accept what they said. He describes arguing with his parents a couple times when he was young (no older than 10, iirc) because they had said something that didn't make sense to him. Either it was blatantly unfair from his perspective or it was simply, factually incorrect. He says he would win the argument logically, and his parents punished him for it. He still struggles with any form of confrontation to this day.
hope you can decondition him by helping him ease into being more confrontational do that he can stand tall
Thank you for articulating this, i have seen this in my village, u couldn't piece it together.
I suffer from this exact conditioning. Thing is, I'm a really good listener, but a terrible speaker. Whenever I spoke my thoughts, it would immediately result to my parents frustration that my thoughts can go against theirs. Which would result to gaslighting,.
This is very common in asian families because of the idea that elders should be respected and not made to loose face in front of others. I was punished by my Dad for showing that he was wrong. Many times. Then years later he would ask why I was so distrustful of him!?
@@Jema25 Good for you for thinking on your own, it's too bad you were shutdown for it. Peterson explain this behavior in parents. Like with anyone dominant in a hierarchy, in this case the family hierarchy, they will respond with aggression and dislike towards anyone that hurts their place in the hierarchy. It's cardinal behavior. I wish there were more people in the world that seeked solutions and put aside their ego.
My dad taught me to ask why, question everything and don't take the face value. It's one of the lessons that always stuck with me and made a lot of sense, I'm glad he was a good critical thinker and could raise me as well as he could. I wouldn't be the same person today.
You were very Blessed having that type of Dad.
I'm too agreeable so I'll try this and see if it makes me a more critical thinker
My Father encouraged me to think critically about things, and it really helped me later in life.
Perfect… one of my Dad’s quotes was ‘to believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see’
Well is terrible advice in my opinion
Always good to learn about children development before having children so you know what to do when the moment arises
Parenting classes should be mandatory if there's any change of prividing them they should be given
I can’t see this happening. Necessity is the mother of invention.
@@zonedutopia yeah lets have the government regulate parenting even more?? NO. NO. NO!
Seriously, thats 100% the comment of non-parents.
At least with the first child, how much you ever inform yourself and learn, you will not be able to adapt your knowledge properly.
Childcare first of all needs experience.
Experience you dont have.
Can certainly help you with the second one, or you are literally fcked again.
Theory and practice diverge.
Sorry, but realtalk needs to be done.
Aside from that, yeah it is often troublesome, but also one of the biggest adventures life has to offer.
@@patrickmcmullin8589 idk I think very basic stuff, ie if your baby is insistently crying they likely need to changed, fed, burped ect. Parents today are shockingly uneducated regarding parenting
JP touches on a great parenting philosophy called Taking Children Seriously.
The title explains it. Children are People. Take their wishes, concerns, fears, and ideas seriously, as you would anyone else.
Not being taking seriously chronically probably contributes to much of children’s mental suffering (although we look for blame elsewhere, like social media).
well not everything… woke trans activist parents now take their kid’s wish/delusion of being the other sex so serious they drag them down to a doctor pump them full of hormones and sign them up for gender surgery^^
Let's not play down how toxic social media can be, I do agree with you overall but even this ironically, the distance of typing a response compared to conversation vastly changes the interaction and the more people are on social media the less tolerant they are to opinions they don't share and they won't discuss them as if they were in person, they will resort to insults and abuse so quickly it blows my mind. For this reason I never use social media, I think it's the most anti-social and fake form of communication available, narcissists and pathological liars communicate more honestly in person than average people do on social media, that's how toxic I believe it to be.
Unconditional love is the crux of it. So, they can make mistakes and learn and find their authentic self without ever risking losing their attachment to their parent.
They won't have to push down parts of themselves to receive their parents love. Acceptance.
That’s great and all, until your child comes to you and tells you they’re 100% certain they’re the wrong gender, or a python or something. You’re supposed to take them seriously? No, you reorient that incorrect thinking.
@@networknomad5600 yeah you take them seriously that they feel that way at that moment, but probably try to persuade them against it or explore it with them. But it's obviously gonna be something they've read online or whatever
I wish more people were this articulate.
but how?
@@PagesofWisdom313 EDUCATE 💛
@@PagesofWisdom313 read and write
I ARTICULATY ALSO WANT
My nephew used to believe in ghosts, he was very adamant about their existence and would show me videos on UA-cam. He was 8 years old. I didn't want to destroy his fun. One day he asked me if I believed in them. I told him I didn't and I explained why and that all I'd need is sufficient evidence for phenomenon that had no other explanation. From that day onwards he has approached absolutely everything with that mindset. It's the thing I'm most proud of in my life. One small conversation with a child opened their mind and changed their way of thinking, for the better.
He questions absolutely everything now. Skeptical, quizzical but never cynical.
He's a 17 year old man now. Great lad. Loves Jordan too.
My brother tells my mom that its her fault that we question everything. My mom is not a stupid person, she is not easily manipulated. She passed that on to us. Gets you in a lot of trouble but saves you from a lot of trouble too. We used to have family bible studied but they usually devolved into a large debate.😂
you mean "evolved into " a large debate.
@@bino6453 Nope his statement is correct. Learn the meaning of the world devolved. He is just saying that the conversation went off the rails.
@@elias4416 both devolve and evolve could work in this sentence according to their definitions
😂
And it made you all think that is the key.
Have seen teachers teach children how to do this with each other. It's truly incredible. It's magnificent to see children to learn in a classroom where they listen to, and love, each other.
Developing one’s listening skills may be the best way to battle loneliness. Another way is to have a purpose of serving others. So by simply being present and quiet with others we hopefully help them reach their potential.
it’s all about consistency and follow through. kids remember more than we give credit to.
This man has the whole world listening. 💟
Absolutely, i’ve got tears when i listen to him, he is a light in the darkness, he is touching my heart and soul and my past in so many ways, and show me the way to be better to think in such a wider perspective, he is my mentor among the dark
When I was working with clients, I always did exactly what he was saying,I would reflect to the client what I heard and ask “Did I understand right?” Clients always cried, and shared they felt this was the first time they actually felt somebody cared enough to listen and try to understand their experience. This came from clients who had been in therapy for years with other therapists, and I had barely graduated my masters program. The skill he talks about is very true and I can attest very important to practice as a clinician and does wonders in your actual relationships.
Unless they are trans-clients, then listening is not important, right?
I also do that and made some clients cry. I’m a software developer.
When I reflect on my life, one thing I wish I had done more of is listen. I completely agree with JP's wisdom: everyone, from a toddler to a centenarian, has a story to tell about their lives, and they want to tell you that story.
I listen alot and when I shoot my piece, its meaningful
Dr Peterson.
I have just listened to what you said, without taking a break.
I thank you for this piece of gold information.
You can not offend someone by actively listening to their story.
👍
My father is really good at this. Even when I was a little kid like on my visitation with him at 5 or 6 years old he would ask for my input on things. Which movie did I want to see at the theater. This afternoon we can play go carts or put put golf, which one did I want? Or pick out the kind of dessert that I wanted at the store for after dinner. I got to pick out my own comics to pick up on the weekly and monthly at the comics store but I had to save up my allowance to buy them. Dad also engaged my imagination through the kinds of comics and TV shows and movies he would show me, and talking about them with me, and giving me visualization techniques about the movies to help me conquer my fears. He would also find constructive punishments for the rules he set. That was a big player also! because finding out that there were consequences to my decisions (both good and bad, fun or not enjoyable) gave me a sense of agency over my life and thoughts even at a young age. Now I try to be just as thoughtful and open with him and other people. I hope I can be that good of a Dad when I have my own kids. ❤
Your visitation with him?
@@wyleecoyotee4252 every other weekend and holidays
@@_scabs6669
He wasn't your primary caregiver and tried to appease you with fun things that would interest you
@@wyleecoyotee4252 I never knew my father had a long lost son, because you sure seem to know a lot about him
@@wyleecoyotee4252 you say that like trying to figure out what fun activity your kid finds most interesting is a terrible way to get to know your child. God forbid joy is involved. I guess your superior parenting method is to torture your kid in hateful ways and get to know them by finding out what makes them break down into tears the fastest.
I love Jordan so much for the way he explains life and simple stuff down to the last fabric of reality, the pinnacle of articulation.
I noticed that more often than not people described as "pleasant to talk to" are those that actually listen to the interlocutor, instead of those with a wit tongue, although, truth be told, those quite often come as a pack.
There's a world of difference between a person waiting for you to finish talking and a person quietly listening to what you're saying and processing it.
After a long monologue there's a pause where the other side is waiting for your final reaction. If you answer with "So, what you mean is that..." you can literally see people's faces light up. They're actually happy at that moment, they're feeling like they actually exist.
It's so rewarding to just, well... Attend to people. You can even tame toxic people, say, at work, with this. It's so mysterious.
As I clean up my own life, I have room to listen to others. Listening to our children doesn’t mean we control their behavior. Taking responsibility for my life choices may provide a model for others, but every person must learn for themselves.
JBPs clinical expertise and experience is so obvious, its lovely to see.
I'm dumbfounded at the simplicity of the talk and how it sounds so right. It was so complicated during my rearing, i was lost and sheltered from play and creativity. Thank you Jordan. My kids are for the better.
Read and teach your kids to read. From the moment you bring a child home you can read to them. Has a profound effect on the development of their neural net, especially in the first 3 years. Part two of that is having *actual* conversations with them. That means, talking to them like they're adults who have something meaningful to say and that comes back to JP's point about listening. I've had lots of friends say to me, "you don't talk to your son like he's a child"... and no, I don't and never have. I ask what he thinks about things, why he thinks what he does and I'm careful not to push what I think on him.. rather, letting him discover for himself what he thinks. Something of an epistemological process for children, if you will.
The part where a lot of people get themselves into trouble with kids is pushing their own views onto them. Kid comes up to you with some crazy idea.. you can respond with, "that's BS they've been teaching you in school" or use it as an opportunity to help them explore why they know what they think they know. Back to first principles always; why do we know something except that we've always been told it's true? How do you explain that the earth is not flat in a way that a 5 year old can understand it? If you don't think children will help you develop your ability to convey what you think you know.. think again. A 'thinker' most certainly will. :)
"Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6
"Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."
Proverbs 13:24
Amen.
Nearly 10 years of love, 5 years of marriage. Carefully listening with articulate talking to my wife are the way keeping our happiness in my relationship. 90 minutes of talking and romance with my wife rule has help me a lot. Suffering while practicing or try to controlling your emotion at the beginning. But when carefully listening becomes my habit, suffering is mild or may be not there. Only caring and happiness when I listen and talk with my wife. Now I know more that with that way i will have high-chance to raise a Free-thinking children. Thank you for your advises, Dr. Peterson.
Such wonderful advice, technique and reason. JP really care about people and has genuine interest in humans.
I'm so happy that he's back on form ❤
Ones we see our children as individuals who came into this life to discover talents and purpose, your relationship with your child and yourself becomes not only blessed but also meaningful because you can learn from eachother and grow. I'm very blessed to have a son now 14 years of age. Before he was born I decided to be the mother that I had been longing for. A loving mother that teaches her child to make his own decisions, giving him advice and options without pushing him into a certain direction, who teaches him about God, his Devine compas. ❤
I listen to my son so intently. He appreciates it I can see it. He enjoys sharing with me, hopefully this will be a great base for our lifelong relationship ❤️🇨🇦
My parents taught us to take responsibility and think for ourselves. ❤
This is such a simple yet powerful lesson and piece of wisdom. Thank you, Jordan.
I was alzqays told, "there is no stupid question" so when you are asking a question, you are learning.
So opened minded thought and convo is key.
(Some people-lots of people😒-dont like, when someone has a open mind "for thoughts and convos.)
Thank you Jordan an your family!
Thank you for this, this was amazing to listen to!
Absolutely beautiful and brilliant information .
You know he's about say something powerful when he took that drink before he spoke.
This man is changing so many people lives.
Thank you J
Dr. Jordan Peterson really is the greatest of our time.
I love the cover photo. Dr. Peterson looks so happy to have his daughter held close.
Fantastic advice! Thankyou! 💛 Absolutely true!
Truly listening with real interest, is such a gift to people! Few know this or are willing / able to listen.
Amen! It's no surprise then, that in a world of non- listening, even strangers warm up quickly to that rare person who really, honestly and with kindness listens.
ان تصغي للناس قمة الرقي الإنساني تفرج كربة وتزرع ابتسامة، دمتم في حب❤️
What a genuinely kind n humble man Jordan is. He's also very intelligent yet easy to listen to n funny too
This is one of the best videos! It really spoke to me. I can’t make a decision because I live alone and need someone to just talk about it out loud. If I say it out loud then I hear myself and it’s like listening to a friend. Then solutions come to me.
“How to win friends and influence people” is an excellent read on this topic! Great share Dr P!
I love this man.... He's so logical
I remember when I first started watching Jordan Peterson and he said the line “If you’re bored of people you just aren’t listening well enough” I didn’t quite understand how that worked. Well fast forward a couple of years and holy shit I wanna run away from everyone because I’m able to listen to what happened to them. It’s just completely overwhelming to be bombarded constantly by the different facets of an individual. But people are everywhere and theres so many of them and all of them cry out like babes for the teat, except they can’t hear themselves anymore and they just scream louder without even realising it.
All. The. Damn. Time.
Thanks to Dr Peterson I became the person I wish I had when I was younger and I can listen to myself and others now, but who can and has the skill to listen to me now?
Find another Peterson Fan Maybe
Truthful conversations are the slice of life I didn't know I enjoyed.
love this man....his thinking is there
Learn to listen. Thanks Jordan.
Thank you for sharing this informative video! As a life coach, I believe that raising children to be independent, critical thinkers can have a profound impact on their future success and happiness. I would also suggest modeling free thinking and independent decision making to children and encouraging them to take risks and try new things. By empowering children to think for themselves and make their own choices, we can help them develop a strong sense of self and prepare them for a fulfilling and successful future. Keep up the great work, and thank you for sharing these valuable insights!
*I'm really happy to see that someone have same passion like me because I'm also making this type of videos to make your life productive and meaningful*
So amazing Dr Peterson is such a wealth of knowledge he really is able to articulate the importance and impact of the most mundane communication strategies as a clinician myself I see reflection as the crux of what I do I have found that so many of my clients just want to be heard it’s an honor to be someone’s sounding board and vessel to them discovering the optimal ways to proceed or look at something so interesting well said
I agree. If you listen- people will tell everything about themselves, even the things they don't know. And it is very interesting to see different ways of thinking, living, what drives them.
Parents and teachers should teach children "How" to think not "What" to think. Remembering prejudice teaches prejudice.
So brilliant
3:12 “so what you’re saying is” 😂
I see what you did there 😆
Your narative here made me think of another talk you gave on Utube. I was as much surprised by that as I am with this. You give wonderful advice on a humane level sometimes. When I had finished that video I saw that it was next to a testimony of George Meuler on my phone, a man whose lifework served as an inspiration in my life. To think on the difference in your attitudes really made me smile. As if you're not on the same planet.
Don’t brush off your kid’s opinions as nonsense, give them a voice and then have a calm debate. Communication and the art of is an endeavor..well worth our time, it’s so precious.
Thank you for this...
I regret that I miss handled few family conflicts and issues before came across this listening skill and strategy.
We do the best we know in that moment and it sounds like you’ve taken aboard these golden nuggets and changed what you were doing ❤so well done on reflection and changing and being the best you can 😊 be gentle on yourself 😊
@@KhushnaShah thank you I’m only trying my best to be better than yesterday. It is challenging in deed. Best wishes for you too 😊
Great content, thanks!
Oh my god, this is pure truth. I am opening my mind so much with this beautiful human being!!! It will have such an amazing effect on my kid. Thank you so much!!!
What a wonderful lesson.
"Attention is everything, that's why advertisers pay for it." #JBP 😮 (and that's why people mangle themselves for it too) 😢
thank you 💯...
I was youngest of six children, both parents busy working. I was a good kid, and therefore totally ignored, and and didn’t get any attention. As an adult I feel unheard and unloved. To this day, adults in a group conversation talk over me and don’t listen to me, as if I didn’t say anything. I agree if they did listen, it would be life-changing. I haven’t “talked” in so long i have trouble finding words when I have the opportunity.
Sorry for your experience. Just a suggestion - speak to people in an extremely mundane situation by asking their advice eg in line at supermarket (as long as they're not going through the checkout obvs!) 'Could I ask do you know whether this dish soap is Ok or do you recommend another? Do you think the garlic paste I chose is better than fresh garlic at this time of year'? If nervous, try retired folk first as they generally have more time and want social interaction - v sad how lonely some older folk are. Also try a church/synagogue/mosque and/or volunteering at a local place - a dog shelter, homeless shelter, older folk meals etc. Engaging with people of all backgrounds esp those you don't want to impress gives a lot of practice in listening and learning when/how others speak and make themselves heard.🙏 .
@@dogsenseforu301 Thank You for the tips, will definitely try them.
@@marionpaul9573 🙌 on you. Connection helps us all esp from those who want to listen.... As I babble on! I have met many retired folk who are wanting connection- remember a sweet elderly lady who sat on a bench in the park - she couldn't bear losing a dog again after hers passed (I stopped WAY less than I should have) - until - 3 yrs later her Dr said 'Forget the meds ... you NEED another dog - especially a rescue one nobody wants'! I saw her again, with a dog and she said 'I was invisible but now people talk to me... and the horrible pills have been thrown away'. DO NOT get a pet if you can't look after it but it's great to help out neighbours who need a dog walked (Or borrow my doggy or similar). Anyway - many many people need you to connect to - even if initially hostile. Happiest Easter Ever as I KNOW you will be great helping others and making the world a better place. 🙌
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story Marion!
Thanks Dr. P
Sometimes you want people to sit and listen to you, whether you're making sense or not, so you can be helped by trouble shooting your own thoughts, just someone going through your thoughts with you and summarising your thoughts and giving feedback without them attaching their feelings to the feedback. You know, objectively. Sometimes you know your feelings or thoughts are not rational or proper, which is perfectly normal by the way, but you just need someone to listen and help you nagivate it a bit. But I generally do that all myself with myself, sometimes with the help of videos like these, because generally no one can listen to you without misunderstanding you or getting offended by what you have to say. That's why therapists earn so much money, because people need someone to listen without judgement, whether you're right or wrong.
I will try it more in my life from now on!
Thank you for the idea! 😂😂😂
That is so precious. The Holy Spirit keep inspiring Mr. Peterson.
Thanks
It’s absolutely true hundred percent, It happens that to me most often, my friends old friends new friends and sometimes a strange when I am standing waiting for transport. They starts talking and I realise that I’d like to listen. I would realised., that after they talked to you’d see that their face light up and feel sense of relieved That they talked and been listened to. Thank You very much Jordan B. Peterson & Partner your great mind and good question it’s eye opening 💕💕🙏🏽
THANK GOD for Dr. Peterson. an invaluable human being.
You are such a beautiful person to share wonderful information with us!
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story." Max Erhmann, Desiderada 1927.
Truly remarkable poem, a life motto in every word.
Thank you Dr. Peterson for reassuring my belief in the power of listening.
I have a very simple part time job in a grocery store. And ashamed to admit that i spend a great portion of my time at work on asking my coworkers about their day and chatting. Its amazing to see how many people dont get a chance to vent or just have a simple chat. And im happy to listen. Very happy to just hear people out or crack a joke or too. Its remarkable to see that it can make someone's day❤ just simple listening❤❤❤
I was not raised with really 'free thinking' parents.. Not that my parents are asleep, but I kind of learned this on my own. I definitely will raise freethinking children.
I enjoyed this, I agree with what you say Dr Peterson.
God bless you and your wife 🗡
I love this setting and format. You could even build a stage at home and do the exact same thing in front of no one, put some fake laughs or grumbles and no one will notice. Thanks for your chosen segments, they feel more like you are saying something to us.
I am an excellent listener, always been. I love communicating, and I do ask them exactly that question, because I love to extract from communication. People are strange, very true. " Noone is normal if you watch them from too close "
Forever grateful to my parents 🙏
1000% SPOT ON!!!!!
A 💯 Dr. Jordan, i found some interesting individuals in the meantime over here like that.. i guess these stories are for our loved ones to discover and/or to cherish and amaze if they are the right type.
So good and so true
This is the most amazing and yet simple thing we can actually practice with the people we care about in our lives. I love the Peterson family and it’s so nice to see his wife next to him.
GOLD!
I saw you live in this one this was the Sydney talk. I appreciate you coming to my city. I had such a wonderful time. It's was an honour being in the audience.
This resonates so hard it hurts. Listening, reflecting, silence, summarising WORKS.
I definitely will take most life advice from Dr. Peterson, although raising children is the only piece I will not be taking. And this if for the reason I do not wish for my own daughter to end up like his. She is not a good influence.
Why? I dont know anything about her,
One way to encourage children to think is to answer their questions sometimes by a few good questions they could ask in order to find answers to their questions. When it is better to give my answers to their questions, I try to give them reasons why I reach to my conclusion. In other words, being a good model of what it means to live as a thinker.
Thank you, dr. Peterson.
What about people who WON'T STOP talking;!
Real talk.
I love the show
I love the rule💯
On his tour in Sydney.. great advice again
This explains why I talk to myself so much.
Body language was on point!
Suit game on point 🫰🏻
my favorite rule in the book
I believe we should listen, but we also possess the ability to feel when someone isn't saying something worth listening to. Often this feeling arises because the person speaking doesn't know what they're saying so how could the recipient?
I am 22 years old and i feel like nobody listens and understands what im saying.. and my thoughts are going super crazy in my head
Same
Listen to music. And get married to someone who listens to you..
Read up on critical thinking, it's good to be able to stand for your ideas and thoughts, if people don't agree or listen that isn't and indicator or you validity, some people would rather be in an echo chamber where everyone has the same opinion and likes and dislikes, no one grows in an echo chamber, it's better to go against the grain especially when it's in your values and is important to you. It's always better to be a free thinker than a sheeple.
Do you know for a fact that you go OUT OF YOUR WAY to listen to and understand what other people say, if u are expecting from others to do the same? Did you verify that u are a good listener?
@@redtobertshateshandles "get married"? That's the worst advice ever.
"Attention is everything, that's why advertisers pay for it"
Your content is an invaluable resource for parents on the journey of raising children. As someone deeply committed to nurturing young minds, I'm truly inspired by your insights. Raising children is an incredible responsibility, and it's our duty to help them grow into compassionate, honest, and patient individuals.
In the words of Fred Rogers, 'The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.' Our children learn by example, and it's our actions that mold their character. 'Patience is not the ability to wait, but how you act while you're waiting,' says Joyce Meyer. Instilling this virtue in our children is a gift that keeps on giving.
Teaching honesty is equally vital. 'Honesty is a very expensive gift; don't expect it from cheap people,' warns Warren Buffett. Our role as parents is to show our children the worth of integrity.
Keep sharing your invaluable wisdom, as it resonates with all of us striving to raise responsible, respectful, and kind-hearted kids.
I love his suit