REAL Week of a Mum of 2: Solo Spa Day, ADHD Chat + Bathroom Update!
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- Опубліковано 17 тра 2024
- A real week of a mum of 2 to a toddler and baby.
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Girl you need to drop his naps! Once I dropped my 3yr old's naps it was a game changer. It is quite hard during the danger nap time but so worth it when you have an easy bed time
Thank you for sharing about G’s potential ADHD. I used to teach in a SEND school where a lot of children had ADHD in addition to other neurodiverse features. Routine is key and we used a lot of visual timetables, now/next and if/then statements. For example, ‘If you put your shoes on, then you can go to soft play.’ Language and requests are kept ‘short and sweet’ and warnings about behaviour are limited (so warned twice and then consequence). They are little whirlwinds and I loved their creativity and watching them do activities they loved and enjoyed. You’re doing so well 😊
❤ Thank you again for being so open and raw with us. As you already know, it's extremely appreciated 🥰
All the mums watching are defo living vicariously through you right now 😅 hope you had an amazing spa day!
Aw babe, you're only human! Do not feel embarassed in any way for showing raw emotions on your channel. It's so real and so relatable, that's why people watch you. I personally find you a huge inspiration to keep positive during the hard times of motherhood. You're doing amazing girl! 💓
*EDIT* Just realised you're a Gemini! Woop woop! Happy birthday ❤
There's a reason why no screen time of any sort is recommended until at least kids are 2 years old and then limited time of an hour a day after. Kids have too much of background noises (cars, planes, radio, tv, musical toys) that they brains don’t process comparing to adults. Soft plays with bright lights and music are another story. 😢
With the bean bag and juice situation I'd say you're definitely right to comfort him when he is upset. Then once he has calmed down then you can talk to him about the behaviour/throwing/consequence of him throwing it and the juice being knocked over. No point trying to tell him off when he's upset because he won't take it in!
Magnet locks! Won’t ruin the look of your lovely cupboards 😊xx
I think @justcallmejen2 has said it all Shan defo read her comment 👌 spot on! I am also learning a lot about ADHD and autism, I have just finished reading a book call “my child is not broken” it has been my calm in the storm every evening sitting down and reading it is like , yes someone else who gets my struggles! And the key message is to always be your child’s advocate ❤ George is just regulating and send positivity when he shouts xx
I watched your video last week and honestly found it so relatable! Everything you have said about your little boy George is exactly what I went through with my son at that age, he’s now nearly 12 with a diagnosis only a year ago of ADHD & ODD. Some days are seriously a struggle but he’s an amazing young man and I’m so proud of his super power x hang in there it’ll all be worth it and just remember your not alone xx
Been waiting for your vlog they just get me through the week ❤❤ can't wait to watch
Shan, you could try using a timer with tv or seeing if your tv has a screen time where it shuts itself down after 30 minutes etc to help G with the transition.
I just want to say thank you so much for your lovely videos, since immigrating from South Africa here these videos have been so helpful especially being a mom of two. Love your videos and you are so great 💖
Hi Shan, i just want to say from the perspective of another parent, sen teacher and someone who grew up with an adhd brother, when George had the beanbag and was climbing...please never feel afraid to be assertive and step in early to the situation to diffuse it. You said you asked him to stop a few times and he ignored you so if you can ever see those situations unfolding just quickly swoop in and move him or take the offending object away 😂 aka the beanbag. Try and turn it into play if you can like you could have picked him up and 'flown' him to the ground like a rocket and quickly pocket the beanbag 😂 dont worry about what other parents might think either. Hes YOUR son. Not theirs. You know him best
The impulsiveness that comes with ADHD sometimes means that the consequences of actions don't process so George might not have even considered for a second that beanbag would have hit the jugs, so sometimes it's best to just step in and stop the situation then have the conversation afterwards and tell him that if he's thrown the beanbag then what might have happened
Totally agree and I think other parents would be far less judgy to see some one trying to sort the situation then not.
I’m glad you’re having a more positive week than in the previous vlog. Your bathroom is gorgeous!
I only put live tv on now for my daughter when she has screen time. She has started to get bored of it and starts to do something else instead before the time limit (unless peppa is on!). She’s much calmer now than when she used to just watch streaming service videos (cocomelon)
Just an FYI about referrals, Many places have long waiting lists so just be aware you can be waiting for up to 2 years in some parts of the country. That’s if you decide to follow up on it at a later point.
Can I say.. I’ve been reading about ADHD a lot and I find it so easy to start thinking about everything they are as an ADHD trait. Like being sociable, talkative, funny - all ADHD traits. But I don’t want to think about it like that. It’s who they are, how they are, their personality. And I honestly think that if everyone got screened a large proportion of population would come up with ADHD. Some call it the hunter brain and that’s it’s just a type but because society is set up for farmers, hunters are considered problematic or face problems.
Agree with this!
Happy Birthday 🎂 x
Hiya Shan 👋
The shouting thing. This could be vocal stimming! May seem pointless and disruptive but it is a way of calming/regulating by letting it out so no need to discourage it necessarily. I understand how tricky that can be when you've got other little ones though! But I think it helps to try to understand the potential cause of the behaviour and recognise that it may not be entirely voluntary. I definitely feel like trying to overcorrect things they're struggling to control can lead to a lot more frustration and therefore more disregulation and tricky behaviours! It's kinda counterintuitive but giving them space and a sense of autonomy (a low demand approach) can really help ease anxiety and keep things calmer. You're already great at this ❤ My son is so triggered by a loss of autonomy that even timers and now/next boards do not work for him because his instinct is to resist 😅 All stems back to a very sensitive nervous system and an easily triggered fight/flight response.
I dont know if you've looked into 'stimming' or 'sensory seeking' behaviours but it made so much sense to me when I understood it. Explained all the running and jumping and throwing and dumping everything everywhere 😅
Regarding screen time... Many ND (neurodivergent) children use screen time to regulate. I can attest that this is certainly the case for our son. It is literally the only time he can concentrate and calm his mind and body for a short time. So no guilt around that please 😉
George is so lucky to have you guys supporting him ❤
xxx
Best information ever!!! ❤
Ash has done an amazing bathroom.❤
Hey, I have been watching your videos for a while and I want to give you a shout out as ur last vlog I totally got. When my son was 3 he was the exact same as George a whirlwind couldn't sit still didn't want to do things other kids were doing and the meltdowns when things went wrong were crazy. I was in ur shoes I had days where I just cried because I didn't know what to do for the best for him. We also had him reviewed at that age by his health visitor and nursery and they thought adhd. I am now 6 years later and my son was officially diagnosed with adhd just over a year ago and he is now 9 but it explained so much. It does get easier but I wanted to say thank you for putting that out there because when I was going through it no one had shared that stuff. Keep ur head up ur doing an amazing job and we all have those days where we feel we need a break it's normal. Ur doing a great job as a mum
Hi Shan. I have a very similar bou of 3 and half. Things that helped me- dropping naps completely. Keeping him engaged in car home to keep him awake (I've even resorted to sweets a few times) a positive tick chart with a prize at the end. Also a timer really worked for my little boy in 2 minutes we need to tidy up (it's a timer on my phone) then it goes off and he happily does it. Timetable of his week helped me so where he is (nursery etc) and who is picking him up etc. The now and next boards are used in our school more for positivity than a timetable. So do this now (something you want him to do) and next you can so something of your choosing. However, if it works for you then go for it. It looks like it's from twinkl. They sometimes have free resources if you wanted more. Xx
When my grandson was diagnosed with adhd, my daughter & I went to a adhd support group were they learnt you strategy’s. It did help to an extent. We knew he had adhd at 3 & he was diagnosed aged 5. He went on medication but obviously it’s not a fix & it was a battle & I don’t know how we coped but we did. He’s 19 now and handles it better but still struggles sometimes.
The bathroom looks fabulous. Did you tiles or tile panels?
Absolutely love ALL your vlogs! I wish there was one of you everyday so I could watch while is hair washing day! (basically the only time I have for myself!)
As and when you get a chance, could you tell us a bit more about the n.2 situation? Because with my 3.5yo I just don’t know what to do anymore. He’s so good with wee wee, put the 💩 only in his pants 🩲😩😥…
Thanks for sharing all of this with us! You’ve got it 👏🏼👏🏼🩷🩷 and the bathroom looks amazing!!!! 🥰🥰🥰
I sucks they won't look at adhd in younger children until it effects their schooling because by the time it does it can be to late their schooling is already effected and can sometimes be too effected I hope you find a form of peranting that can help him befor school
My biggest advise to you as a parent with additional needs, my daughter has autism... is making them feel like they have a choice, for instance if your having Sausages mash and veg for dinner, i would always say would you like sausage mash and veg or would you like veg mash and sausages... a lot of children like having a choice, but both choices need to have the same outcome.... when its time to go out, do you want to put your shoes on first and then your coat, or your coat and thrn your shoes. They want/need control, routine and rules, simple directions. Some days are better than others.. your think your winning one week and the next your feel like banging your head against a wall.
We had this with tv too and have found my boy watching CBeebies for a while less addictive/stimulating for him too. Also can I recommend a yoto player!! My goodness it’s been a God send with trying to cut back with tv!!
I battle with myself about the TV thing every day, but I’m with you - no screen time is just not realistic for me either. I love CBeebies, I think a lot of the programmes are great and are quite educational (all hail Mr Tumble) Bathroom is looking fab and glad you are feeling a little better :) x
My son is like this, he’s 5 if we don’t intervene then it’s pure chaos. He’s got no filter aswell and so things are very embarrassing. He’s 5 so we’re going down the cahms route because everyday is a struggle and it’s so hard to cope x
So glad you are feeling better!! With the bag and juice thing my son will do things like that too. I need to tell him once, give him choice to get down or i will lift him down, normally lift him down 🤣 if he kicks off i remove him from the room. Its like sensory overload or something. Once calm we go back in. Granted much more difficult with a baby too though. Im next to him 99% of the time - bit of a helicopter parent 🙈🤦♀️ i've got to be for other kids sakes 😂😂
A shelf would be so handy underneath your mirror! 🪞
when my daughter is older im going to do screen time tokens rather than her having free range but for now she can have as much as she wants just because its hard enough getting her brother and her sorted all at same time on my own
Where are the now and next cards from?
Where do u get thr house rules ans now and next from please?
My daughter has pda asd and adhd. And it's hard. I know how you feel.
Hi shan, the bathroom looks really nice. Its so true about yotube. My daughter was watching the hamster videos and unboxing toys, really weird stuff. We banned her from those on youtube. She now only watch kids cartoons . Trying to limit screen time. But its the only way to get stuff done. Ive got a 1 year old aswell and im a stay at home mum at the moment.
Hi girl, first of all well done on sharing lows of motherhood, as you said we all have phases that feel super overwhelming, and having places online where people can relate is so important and helpful. On the screen time topic, I know you said you need it to have a cup of tea, but try the 30 days without, just one month and then see how you feel. I don’t want to quote research cause it’s boring and no one wants to feel like their being lectured, but truly the similarities between children’s brains being overwhelmed by even the recommended amount of screen time and adhd symptoms is so high, and more studies showing it daily. Advice on how to keep him occupied is to try and set up a “yes” space for him. So for instance in your living room you have his toys put away most of the time, perhaps get an open shelf(like a bookshelf) and display 4/5 toys at a time that you can rotate on a periodic basis. For instance, magnitiles, puzzles, basket of cars, some LEGO and animal figures. ADHD does exist and I don’t want to take away your experience, but if you can help him in the short term by adapting this way, it might be worthwhile doing the month long experiment? Also playing independently is a skill that is cultivated over time and needs practice. It does not just develop. You do try really hard with your kids and you seem like a wonderful mum so please don’t take any of this as a criticism and do what feels right.
Just to chip in another idea while you keep George's ADHD traits under observation and do what works to manage. Once someone who is a specialist in mother-child relationship psychotherapist gave me a heads up when I am expecting my 2nd child, that if my first born is a normal human being, he will struggle (with lots of internal conflicting feelings) for the next 2 years once the 2nd baby arrived. It's normal response and process to go through. It's more abnormal to not have any impact. Lots of people thought the impact is just the beginning but it can feel more threatening for the some child when their younger sibling is starting to become more physically able to move around because this means the baby is getting more out of control (in the child's perspective), the baby can take his toys, move into his space, cling to his parents etc etc
Seriously. Thank you! Thank you so much for sharing this. I feel like we are living the same life right now. Sending strength x
Is it true as they get older it gets harder ?
Please tell me when your oversized t shirts are from haha. This is the 3rd time asking so I’ll give up if you don’t reply to this but would really appreciate it 😂❤
That bathroom looks so nice, I’m loving the shower screen! Really lovely! ☺️ glad to see you are feeling a bit better, I am going through a similar thing lately, George is the same age as my little girl and WOW, it’s intense sometimes! Xx
You could probably benefit going on to a s.e.n.d course, normally they happen in you local children’s centre
That’s what we do too. Banned youtube a long time ago as I felt it was super addictive and weird, like you said. And ours only gets TV once a day (for a bit longer) so then he doesn’t constantly ask for it. I feel like with young kids they create associations in their heads immediately. To the point where my son asks for Twirlywoos when he eats avocado toast because that’s what he watched last time he ate that. I also found some programs more addictive than others - like Paw Patrol, Spidey, etc. I told mine that if he hits or shows any aggressive behaviour I won’t be able to let him watch anything with fighting in it, like Spidey (which he loves). I still let him watch telly but stuff like Bluey, Mr Tumble, the more gentle things. I honestly think they can’t control it, that’s why I don’t want to be too harsh with the consequences. I don’t think it harsh consequences work for mine, anyway.
Consequences need to be immediate or else children think its unfair and can’t compute why they’re being punished .. memory isn’t very long term with them .. and they can’t remember breaking a rule .. break a rule and consequences nred to be immediate
@@waji78611 It depends on the age of the child surely. For young children definitely.
Thank you for sharing the advice you were given about ADHD such as a the visual routine cards, very helpful to know! I suspect my 14 month old might have this as he's always been 'on the go' literally since birth, full of energy, not good at napping, demanding/screaming, always wants to be outside (not into toys) this could all be normal and he's so young but all the baby/toddlers around are so chill! 😅 just useful to use this advice anyway.
My son is full of energy and NEVER stops and doesn’t sleep well (which he’s just been diagnosed with sleep apnea), he’s 2.5 years old. I don’t suspect ADHD. He’s just a little mega energy boy loving and learning life. He’s got one or two friends the same and others the opposite. Don’t compare and worry and embrace it and reevaluate when he’s older if you’re still worried ❤
@@AbiBloomUK oh thank you, I really appreciate reading that ❤very reassuring
Would you do meet ups x
Gosh don't believe social media! My eldest I couldn't take her to a coffee shop till she was 4ish! And I still had to throw my coffee down my neck because she would get bored! All kids are different xxx
Hey Shan, I think I’ve said this on another vlog but you need to get a referral to a paediatrician in place now if you suspect adhd. Even though they don’t assess it until 6 normally it takes months/years to get in the system and have an appt. So refer him now, it could be 2 years before he actually gets seen x
With the beanbag/softplay scenario ~ if my little one was doing something she shouldn’t (pretty much constantly when she was 2/3 years old) I would give her a couple of verbal warnings to drop whatever it is, or get down. And then if she still didn’t I would physically remove her or the object, but warn her first that was the consequence. Sometimes we had to just leave places if she wouldn’t behave, and again I would warn her beforehand that would be the consequence. The consequence needs to be immediate x
And also explain to her later why it had to be the consequence ~ to keep others or herself safe etc. Because when she was heightened in the undesirable behaviour she wouldn’t listen to reason until later when she was regulated again x
Also (last comment now I promise 🙃) I’d 100% drop G’s nap if it’s causing issues with bedtime. At that age if my little one napped she could easily be awake until 10pm 😵. After 3pm she’d be hard work but at that tricky stage where they want to nap but absolutely shouldn’t she would have her tea at 4pm and sometimes would be in the bath by 5, bedtime could be 6pm to ensure she didn’t either fall asleep on the sofa or have an overtired meltdown beforehand x
Private diagnosis won’t stand with nhs!don’t listen to other people!I’ve been going through this whole thing since my daughter was 2!
Early intervention is key with a child with autism and adhd!
I would ask your gp to refer you now as the wait is 18 months to see Paediatrician!my daughter is in sen school has ehcp!I would say you need to do attention autism with Him and sit down with a toy you can do together to take turns!
The tv is there as all children with autism like screen time as it’s there down time normally!with autism they only need 2 choices!anymore they can’t process it!
The party was probably to over whelming for him!rountine with sen child needs rountine!
I think you would benefit from portage support x
Hi Shan if you get a diagnosis for adhd you can claim pip for George extra money to help you hope this helps im sure your health visitor would help you with the form 👍xxx
Paediatricians dont like to diagnose children with ADHD till 6 and over normally. Going private can be an option but always iffy when it comes to applying for echp if child needs it later on. You can apply for dla though without a diagnosis, just make sure you have evidence of support your receiving. Mom of 2 children with Adhd one who is 9 and 12 xx
You don’t need a diagnosis for claiming dla for a child it’s about the child’s needs definitely look into it
TV is proven to increase the risk of ADHD.