He probably didn't realize How Expensive the Formal Education would be. & Thought OP Just Got Lucky. So he was taking it upon Himself to "Make It Fair" ???
Sounds like he strongly believed higher education is only road to success and because he didn't get a chance to have higher education, it held him back and was reason why he couldn't be successful. Son's life is proving his idea wrong and he cannot handle that his perfect reason for "why i didn't become successful" isn't true after all. He had justified his own position with "not able to have high education" and cannot accept that was bs.
Exactly. I think OP's father feels emasculated. He put all this faith in "college degree = success." And that's his reasoning for why he couldn't do XYZ in life. But when his son succeeded without going to college, it essentially proves his entire belief system wrong. And let's be honest, a lot of parents have trouble admitting to their children that they were wrong. It's a pride thing.
@@SnowyWolborg Sounds like a Boomer thing, where you could go to college and get a high paying job with no effort, no skill, just a paper degree. Times have changed, old-farts! I'm glad OP has found his place and skill he's great at.
@@piratekit3941 Exactly. The world is different, now. We literally have teenagers out here creating apps that make them six figures. It's not all about going to college, anymore.
I really like that the sister wasn't going to be greedy in that moment and want the money and took the anger out on the person who actually caused all of it
I'm wonder if there is not an element of sexual jealousy in the story, either. Just in the same vein of prior one child over the other based on the sex of the child, there is the reverse of feeling resentment if a same-sex child is better then your success wise, especially if they are in a different field and succeeding and not following in 'your traditions' or 'passing on the trade.'
A half a million dollars. Just forced into giving a half a million dollars away. Oh heck no! Cut the dad, keep the sister. Edit: wow. Dad's situ sounds so sad. So glad for OP and his sis.
Yeah Dad, I did something for the family. I ignored your advice and have no debt. Winner! She has 3 degrees to pay back her loans. I guess none of them in economics.
Getting a higher education is not a bad idea but I think some people think it's a fast track to succeed. Life is full of curb balls. Sometimes even with a that higher education you end up working retail or find that something completely different brings you success.
Getting a higher education is a bad idea unless you are going into the STEM fields. Period. If you aren't going to do a stem field do not get a degree it's not worth the paper it's printed on anymore. In my extended family, the families with master's degrees are solidly middle class while those who didn't get degrees and started their own businesses are the wealthy ones. It really isn't helpful to have an education unless you're going into a career that needs one such as lawyer or doctor or nurse or engineer that kind of thing. If you get an art degree or an English degree or a philosophy degree you're an idiot who deserves the student loans they're going to drown in. You can never do anything with those degrees besides teach and do you know how long it's going to take you to pay off those degrees on a teacher salary? You're going to pay off those loans until the day you die. It doesn't matter if you don't have a degree if you are a hard worker and willing to put in the time and effort. You can make yourself successful starting your own business. That's what my husband did, that's what my aunt and uncle did, that's what all three of my cousins did.
@@WhitneyDahlin unfortunately, many employers require a degree. Don't know if it's true or not, but I heard years ago of a farm that expected employees to have a college degree to clean horse stalls!
People are confused thinking that just having higher education is a ticket to success. That Might have been the case decades ago when higher education was something somewhat rare but nowadays when everyone and their gradma has it? Nope. People need to understand that if they want college education they need to go for something practical, something there is a demand for in the labour market. Otherwise all they'll get is a useless piece of paper and a ball-and-chain attached to their leg in the form of student loans.
@@WhitneyDahlin Please don't buy into that STEM propaganda. It's the most idiotic argument I've been seeing about college degrees. You sound like someone with no idea on the many, many opportunities available in the world. I actually have a STEM degree and I can tell you right now, that you need those other degrees, because if I encounter another engineer who can't write up requirements, I will have to lose my mind. A lot of lawyers also have English/History/Philosophy degrees as well. Also, almost all of those degrees you listed that "need" a degree were often done with people without degrees at one time. Such a ridiculous mindset. The world is more than just science, tech, engineering and math.
There are so many options besides the degree. I’m the first person to get a college degree in my family. I would not get a degree today. I would go the tech school/cert route. Half my niblings have degrees, others went into the trades, one chose an off grid life. They have all been successful but in different ways. One chose to open his own business (no degree) and is doing very well. They recognized their strengths and desires and made the best decisions for themselves.
Dad needed the son to fail, or it ruins the dad's excuses for failing. Can't says it's missed opportunities from lack of education, when someone else becomes a millionaire without it. Now it's just the dad failing because he's a failure.
The sad part is, The dad doesn't understand that he didn't fail, until he started putting all that pressure on his kids. By all accounts here, he gave his children a comfortable life while they were growing up, and that's a success.
Exactly. His father has some incorrect ideas about how money and success work. And I think he feels emasculated because his son succeeded in an area where he failed.
I think this is why it is such a problematic thought process to think in terms of failing or succeeding. Just because someone made more money than you, it doesn't mean your path is necessarily a failure. What is valuable is different for everyone. Don't try to compete with others in that sense, it will only lead to misery and feelings of incompetence.
I feel like when the dad said "Help out the family for once" it sounds like he's projecting his own insecurities and bitterness onto his son who dropped out of college. OP'S father sounds like one of those people who will only see what others have and curse them out saying they don't deserve it and "I should of had that" or "That should have been me". He's not wrong to think college can help further your education and it can help you get a higher paying jobs, but that's usually not the case. The student debt alone would be a huge weight to carry, even if you had student loans and personal savings to cover for most of it. And even if you were able to pay them off or were able to finish college with no debt, it'll be difficult finding a career that's best suited for you or to find a field that's perfect for your skills. But for the dad, he just thinks that OP lucked out and that's why he did what he did. In front of extended family, no less.
"People like you are the reason college graduates are struggling". No, OP is one of the reasons college graduates, or Anyone really, are getting hired. OP is in the business of Creating businesses, which means creating jobs.
His father is also an example of an ignorant person attempting to act as if they know more than they do. It's not just a higher education that his dad is lacking. He doesn't come off as being particularly bright in general.
For those wondering "why tf did OP's dad have a break down about his own stupidity?" like that, I think it is related to "losing face", which is such a BIG deal in Asian cultures. Losing face is a fate worse than death for some Asian families and is enough to break people. I remember, my parents would always tell me "don't do anything to embarrass me" when they thought I was doing something wrong (tbf, I mostly was because I was in my rebellious teen phase lol but it wasn't anything life shattering/ruining).
I also think it's because his worldview didn't match with reality. As someone who lived through abuse, it's weirdly shocking when you learn that the abuse is NOT actually normal behaviour for humans to do to each other. It's like the world flipped on it's head and you have to relearn how to interact with people and to re-interpret their behaviour. Depending on how strong his dad believed in higher education, reality probably hit him like a ton of bricks. That being said, I don't disagree with his belief that education is important. It's just that education also happens outside of college rooms.
While "losing face" may be a big deal in Asian cultures, the same concept applies in others. I've read several Reddit stories where white American matriarchs get bitten when their lying manipulation of family members gets exposed and they become social pariahs. Whatever it's called, loosing face, loosing respect or just having people finally getting tired of one's BS it's all the same. And I am not bit sad that people crumble when their glorious sandcastle of lies and unreasonable expectations gets washed away with the rising tide of truth. On a brighter note, one of my favourite and slightly related sayings is from Groucho Marx - The most important things in life are honesty and integrity. If you can fake those, you've got it made.
I suspect the father was trying to be a bigshot In front of his future white in-laws, to show he is their social and economic equal. The subsequent fallout was indeed a big loss of face to him, very embarrassing, as he now can’t face them without being reminded of the humiliation.
Also, he may have felt he dishonored his ancestors. That's another thing they do their damnedest to avoid. He may have felt like his son proved that he failed to be the provider to his family, despite this not being the case. He did provide for his family, but he also did make sure they had college debt to contend with because he wanted them to do better than he did (which I understand that part)
A very nice ending. To be honest, I was expecting far worse, such as one I’ve read before about an entire extended family gathering outside a family member’s house with money 💰 to pretty much threaten her to pay up or else. I also agree with the fiancé’s point of view. Charity is something amazing when it happens, but you should NEVER expect it and ALWAYS be willing to pay it back. And if they don’t let you, find other ways to show your gratitude for them. Ex: I was once homeless for two weeks during college. My lease was ending with student housing and there was some time before they allowed you to move in to the on-campus dorms. At the time, I was considering living in my car 🚗 as a real possibility. But when I mentioned it to my now best friend ever and her parents, they let me stay with them until I could move into the dorms. Ever since that, and several other times when they were even more charitable to me, I try to think of ways to pay them back, even if it’s something as small as making cookies 🍪 for a baby shower. The most important thing: I never expect them to help me. And I make sure they know how grateful I am for them being in my life. To get off my soap box 📦, charity is an amazing thing that only turns bad when you expect it like it’s owed to you.
It's funny, because I grew up in a family with a similar attitude towards charity and I had to sort of unlearn it. Let me explain. I am a compulsive person by Nature, and not being able to pay people back was a huge source of anxiety and stress, to the point where I felt guilty about accepting anything that didn't come from relatives or wasn't for birthdays. I have a lot of friends whose love language, for lack of a better term, is gift-giving. My high school boyfriend bought me all kinds of presents because his family had a lot of money and mine did not. We were not poor by any means, but we were living in the school district where some of the kids had yachts. It made me extremely uncomfortable because there was no way I could pay him back. Nothing extravagant, but at the time I couldn't reciprocate for various reasons. It took me many years, long after the oh no we are going to college breakup texts, to realize that my discomfort made him sad. His family was warm and loving and knew the value of money oh, and they wanted to make me happy because I made him happy. I learned that these types of people often feel insulted in their own way when somebody refuses to be on the receiving end of their generosity. They want to give to the world. So while I might refuse something extravagant or at least make a much more serious effort to pay it back, if somebody gives me something small, or makes it upfront and clear that they don't want it paid back, I give them a serious thank you and I don't worry too much about it. I pay them back in the way I can, with my friendship and care. It seems like you and I have similar ways of paying people back! I know I'm talking more about gift than money here, but honestly both can apply. It's good to return the favor or pay it forward when and where you can, but when on the receiving end of genuine generosity you have no hope of repaying, smile, thank them, and live a good life. That's what they want. I hope to one day be one of those people who never feels entitled to money, but is also not too proud to accept a genuine gift.
@@Fairygoblet I call it "completing the circle". When you show love to someone, family, friend, total stranger, by gift giving, giving of your time, or just helping out with "charity" it can be, if coming from the heart, a form of love. If someone rejects this symbol from you, it feels like the circle hasn't been completed. As long as within yourself you are not giving so that you can receive adulation, admiration or views on Tik Tok, and it's genuine, then what makes the event/gesture feel "right" is when someone is touched by what you've done or given. It completes the circle. It makes you both feel whole and valued.
Amazing how the father was quick to throw OP's money around(as if it was his own) when he himself said that OP would be a loser and a bum...hmm, maybe father was projecting his own image unto OP?
Given that his father seems like he's pretty traditional, I suspect that is the collectivism culture in him speaking. In a lot of Asian families, there is no such thing as individual wealth. Everything belongs to the family unit. Everything you do or fail to do affects the family unit.
@@SnowyWolborg Yeah...but it seems more like "your victories and successes are OURS, while your losses are yOURS". Quick to insult and ignore those that make the family lose face, but eager and fast to claim their good luck as if the whole family had a finger at that.
@@BeastChaeng I agree with you. But, considering the way the father turned out just a couple months later, I think it is fair to say that he's not really all there in the head.
After hearing the update, DEFINITELY! He felt like a failure and wanted his kids to be better than him, but when OP didn't go to college, the dad was quick to belittle him. Now that OP comes back being more than his father, without going to college, he tries to keep OP in his pocket. But when the truth comes out, and the dad is being judged, he can't take it.
I like how the sister was happy about getting her college paid for with no context, $500k is a lot of cash. I’m glad freed didn’t blind her when she got the full details. Anyone with common sense would know that forcing someone to just give up $500k is appalling.
I find it quite funny that the dad is trying to live vicariously through his daughter, and is doing his best to prove his belief that high formal education = money/success. And then there's his son who didn't pursue higher education but became successful nevertheless, (unintentionally) trampling on the father's belief LMFAO
And I think that's exactly where the problem lies. The father is too stubborn to admit that you don't need a degree in order to be successful. That's an out of date way of thinking that just doesn't work in 2022.
Love how OP, even though he was in the right in terms of the student debt, was still able to reflect on his own behaviour and his direction in life and address them. Honestly sounds like a great person.
As a teacher of 31 years, I say that college is not for everyone! We still need artists, plumbers, small business owners, construction workers, mechanics, electricians, cashiers, taxi drivers, etc., etc., etc. Yes, I think college is a great thing, I have two degrees. But that's me, not everyone else. Go for what you want to do with your life! I would also have the dad go to the doctor and get checked out to make sure it's not some sort of dementia setting in, or if it's a mental break, he still needs help.
Yes!!! We need desperately need tradesmen! Skilled workers are in demand and they make a lot of money! It doesn't take a long time to learn a trade, and your skill and income will grow. College is not for most people. This is a lie that is sold to young people, they have to go to college to be successful. Not true at all. Most of them either choose a useless degree, or don't finish. Many of them have so much debt, they didn't consider the debt load in comparison with the job they could get when they were finished.
In all honesty university and college degrees do not grant the skills they were touted to about a decade ago. They are meant to give the background knowledge needed for certain professions after which workers need to build up the skills needed to put that knowledge to use. Most essential professions do not need this level of higher education at all. Especially as you can learn on your own in your own time (though that is haphazard). There are, however, a few professions that require dedicated directed education, notably the medical professions, certain engineering careers and, of course, the legal profession. Of course, the last one is only important because of the overly complicated mess our legal system is.
I'm glad this ended well for OP and his sister and BIL. I hope the Dad can get to a point where he realizes that there are many paths to success and his son has found one outside of formal education Best of luck and I'm glad that you walked away with thoughtful reflection
I myself went to law school. The story said the sister met him in law school, so assuming they both went to law school it's not just believable but very understandable they'd have $500k combined. Now if that figure was each, then I'd have raised eyebrows.
@@Galworld761 makes sense, but as another comment said, law students have a hard time getting a stable job, so it makes sense that right out of college they couldn't make that kind of money
@@JDM-is-my-name law students do not enter the jobforce out of college. Law degrees, or a J.D. are earned after an undergraduate degree. If the graduate passes the bar, then they are able to practice law. Lot of opportunity to make back half of that debt in 2 years hard work. New York area and no children? If OP's sis and fiance are entering law practice, then OP may be asking them for loans in several years.
Several lessons from this story. 1. Hard work in building financial success is far from winning the lottery. 2. Financial success or the lack of it doesn’t guarantee happiness. 3. One can be financially successful whether or not if they choose the route of furthering their education. Thanks LG for sharing this story.
I would pay the debt privately between sister, bil, and myself and make them promise to never say anything to dad, just let him rant and rave over nothing like a fool forever.
You should be very proud of yourself OP. My son wanted to open his own business and I am behind him 100%. Higher educated is not the answer for everyone. So proud of your sister. She didn't expect you to do it. Good on her for taking dad on. She should still have a wedding and you can contribute as much as you and she agree on. God bless.
This was a really interesting story with so many elements and the OP reassessing his life, etc. I always enjoy the way you read your stories and present the information, but this one will really stick with me. Thanks for sharing your stories! 🙂
I dont get why the dad had a break down, I mean what he expected by assuming OP would give the money without talking to OP before about it? Even if OP was someone that gave money before, if its like this all of a sudden, without a talk and all most will refuse to do it.....
Yeah it seems weird that such a high-strung guy like that would just have a breakdown...and for what?For being publicly shamed for all he said and did?For realizing that his son achieved financial success without a degree? What was the point for his breakdown, because honestly seems more like he is just in denial about "reality" and the "reality he envisioned".
@@MPbmfm yes that is true. I'm asian and from small town. I work and meet my husband in capital city in my country. I held my wedding in my hometown, with small but cute garden party. When the party was over, my father told me: "thanks god the weather was good. If was raining, I will go to my bedroom, lock the door and never come out again forever!"
@@MPbmfm I came to say the exact same thing period. In cultures that are more collectivist, the way you are perceived by your neighbors and your community is extremely important. OP's dad put all this energy into trying to raise two college educated children to validate his belief that college = success. But OP defying him and finding his own path was a shot to the dad's pride, along with completely proving what he'd preached all these years is false.
Hope OP's dad gets a complete physical and neurological exam out of this. Even tho OP said his attitude changed for the better, it was still a drastic change and that can be a symptom of a physical or mental illness.
That is both sad and heartwarming at the same time. I genuinely am a sucker for these self reflection turning point type stories. Yeah there is some bittersweetness to stories like this. A lot of things don’t resolve but I’m a sucker for the hope also in this and the idea of discovering themselves part.
OP's dad pushed and pushed until something gave it would appear. As for OP it's great that he found success, his way, and that his sister found a keeper in FBIL.
Changing my comment because the previous one does not longer apply. I'm glad OP talked with his sister and her husband, he seems like a nice guy. The dad having a mental breakdown was not on my bingo card, but I guess that's the complexity of human interactions
The dad's disgust of his son caused him to develope narcissistic tendencies. It's a protective response. We need to feel like our fathers are proud of us. Part of what drives him is innate entrepreneurial spirit, but another part is proving his father wrong. I do, however, suspect he would have been successful no matter what parenting he had. It's VERY rare that someone is made aware of their narcissistic tendancies and then attempts to fix them. Kinda cool when it happens.
I don't remember my dad ever taking to me if it wasn't to point out my flaws, mistakes, failures, or anything else to put me down. But in the presence of friends or anyone outside of the household he would brag about my achievements. If felt like a fraud, like all the effort I've made in my life was only good enough for him to appropriate and look good to strangers, but not good enough to amount to anything useful and actually earn his respect. That's what I think this dad is doing, trying to make a good impression on the in-laws with the son's achievements which he never recognized, contributed to, and never had anything positive to say about. But OP fortunately has a backbone and didn't accept being manipulated, which made dad's plans backfire spectacularly.
Dude, describing the fiance as "alright", is not a bad thing. It doesn't matter if he's just okay or the most wonderful person on the planet, alright is good description.
"How did they get into $500k of debt?" Law school. Law school is expensive, especially if she went to a prestigious school. And fiance went to the same school. It would be very kind to help but your father had no right to put you on the spot and without her permission to boot.
I have a father who spent years blaming me for having spent too much time and money (my own by the way) on my University education, while just doing crappy jobs. I should have stopped studying and start working straight away after junior high school like my brother (who made a great career, while seizing a nice opportunity at the right moment, and he did deserved it). He told me that having a good job is not difficult, just print some resumes and get out and tell people you want a job. It is not that difficult. While he blamed me for being unable to land a good job, he was bragging to the whole family and his friends that he had a son who holds a Master degree and was so smart etc. While litteraly spitting on my face when he had the opportunity. We made peace but a father/kid relationship is a hell of a ride...
I think one of the reasons op was pulling away from his sister is because he resents her a little bit since his dad was so proud of her. Though I didn't see anything that would suggest he was self centered
I understand that asian folks are (in general) very focused on education and training since they have that view grounded in their cultural view of life. But this case I have difficulties understanding the father completely. I understand for example OP's line of thought saying his father sees his children as a second chance in life of what he wanted for himself and at the same time as a sort of "excuse" for not "doing better" in life. How I see it is a father that managed to raise two very successful children. Each of them managed to do *very* good in life in a honest and hardworking way. Different ways, but that makes it even more amazing. It means that father did something right while raising them. And yet... He went senile after embarrassing himself in a restaurant over a self entitled act with no logic whatsoever at its base... Weird. Don't get his thinking at all. That come together at the restaurant should have been him looking at his children and feeling very proud of what they have become and what they achieved. That was his parenting (at least I could understand him seeing it that way) and so, even a self-centered person should be happy for the kids AND patting their own back. ... Filters, people, filters...
It's because OP being successful without a degree made him see his own failures. He clung to the idea that the only reason he wasn't financially successful was because he never got a degree and that he would've been otherwise. But OP being successful without one proves that idea wrong and makes the father look like a "loser" and a "bum". He could hold onto it as long as he thought OP just got lucky but at some point I'm assuming that it finally sunk in that the father's failures were his own making and it broke him.
My doubt about the father is...did he really have a breakdown or did he pretend to have a breakdown so he would feel less ashamed of his (previous)actions and people would feel pity for him? Because how can an insecure guy, that lied through his teeth and put his successful "bum" of a son on the spot like that, end up having a breakdown all because things didn't happen as he wanted?
I don't know if this applies but I have read some Chinese webnovels and one thing that I got from those that take place in an ancient setting is that having a oficial families (families where the males held governmental positions for which there were exams) were more prestigious than merchant families, even if they were rich. Also scholars were very admired and respected. So it wasn't only the money. I think other Asians had similar views. I don't know how well this translates to modern Asian societies but there are some values that are very ingrained in them since a long time ago.
@@heraclito3114 I think the main point for them to go to university is both for one to graduate in a "respectable profession" and elevate their(and by proxy their family) status in the eyes of their community, as well as making connections with important/powerful people. The appearance of success and power is highly rated.
Getting a education doesn’t mean 100% success. Op’s father wanted and expected his son to fail because the worst thing that could happen to him, was being wrong.
And I think that's a large part of the problem. There's no issue in being uneducated. However, his father is clearly *stupid,* but pretending like he has the answers.
The average debt to get a law degree in the United States is $160,000. This is just the average and doesn't account for Ivy League or top rated law universities.
OP has every right to be angry being put in that position - and being expected to pay the student loans of some future in-law? The "(do) something for the family for once" comment was despicable and OP sure had a bad start with that for a father. Let the father help out if he's such an expert on everything.
Story 1- who cares how much debt your sister is in? You are NOT responsible op. Stop worrying. You dont Have to pay one penny. Stop feeling like you have to contribute. You don’t. Let her pay her own debt.
Collage is a waste of money for the majority of people and parents like the dad are the reason so many people are in debt unable to even pay the interest
Sometimes if all of a sudden an old person goes from annoying to kinda unhinged that's Dementia or Alzheimer's setting in and not how they really feel. Best to get that checked sooner than layer, if he has it he can slow the progression.
I think what people are missing is that dad was trying to look good by telling the in-laws that his son was wealthy and would give this large gift. He was trying to get vicarious approval through his son's wealth.
As the Joker said at the end of this story, "It'll be funny if it wasn't pathetic......oh what heck I'll laugh anyway.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!"
Story #1. Just tell dad if I'm just a loser, and you're so smart, you give them the money. If the money isn't the big thing, you might consider giving them a no interest loan, with all the proper paperwork in place of course, to pay of the student loans. It isn't just the amount, it's the interest involved, that really causes the struggle.
I thought the same too. Especially his claim of selling businesses worth 8 figures. Seems he’d also have far better conflict management skills. Maybe it’s because he makes financial success more a priority than family.
@@ltyler01 he said they werent all successful and that his last business sold for low 8 figures.. idk where you got that he was doing this a bunch of times for 8 figures..
@@cryofist So I exaggerated. And so what. Eight figures is still eight figures dude. The point is the guy should have far better conflict management skills than he shows in dealing with his family. He can handle multi million dollar business deals but runs out the door and jets across country during family conflicts.
@@ltyler01 the business deals aren't with people who he grew up with or with someone who treated him like a nothing for years because he chose not to go to college. So your counter argument still falls flat sorry.
@@cryofist What the heck are you talking about? I don’t know the point of your petty argument. Seems you want to argue just for the sake of it. Go argue with someone else with your pointless nonsense dude.
I Think if OP was already planning on a gift of $20,000 he should put it in a high interest earning account for the newlyweds emergency fund! This way they can use it for Whatever They Want. House, emergency, a child, a child's education, fun Whatever!
It is weird that OP's dad never got an education and yet views people without an education with contempt! It's almost like he hates himself and saw his son as an extension of his education failures, even though his son is successful! Wow! How sad.
Yes, doctors and lawyers usually have DECADES of debt to pay off once they finish their education. Getting through school with an advanced degree is not a cheap endeavor. Everyone who is shocked at the $500K student debt for two people clearly has no idea what higher education costs in the US.
Maybe instead of charity, you could open a business that really takes care of it's employees. One that pays them above industry standards, that gives them health care, vacation, and other options. People don't need charity, they need good jobs.
Yes for the petty solution 😁 That's why I don't share details about my financial situation. I really hate it when people start telling me what I should do with my money (people still do that even when they don't know anything about my finances) EDIT: Now that I got to end of the video, fair enough, I'm happy things worked out in the end without the petty solution. ( though I don't dislike the idea)
Nobody (except the government) has a right to your money. That includes making commitments of your money. If two attorneys can't pay off their school debt, they must be very bad attornies.
OP say you do pay off their debts. Then they want 1 mill for a house. Then it’s you can set up college funds for all their kids. Where does it stop? You did the right thing & your dad is the only one to blame for the embarrassment that your sister feels & for the problems your father has now.
Honestly it sounds like future BIL and OP's dad wouldn't have got along too well to me, they definitely have completely different views on money and when it should or shouldn't be given.
Quite frankly I don't think people who win the lottery owe you money just because your family either. Just because you got lucky doesn't magically make you owe people.
There are nuclear physicists in the world who are out of work due to the lack of occupations. If a incredibly specialized field can not provide work then what does that say about diplomas. High education is not always the answer.
I’m glad OP made the classic RomCom/ business-parent-in-a-kids film discovery that after a certain amount of money you’re kinda going it for your ego and if you’re certain you have enough money to comfortably live off the rest of your life you should probably take a step back and enjoy life. That’s 1 more problematic billionaire avoided.
Its obvious anyone who is stunned or in disbelief that two peoples student loan debt, one of which went to grad school, is over 500k is obviously not from the US, too young or never went to higher ed. Yes, student loans and higher ed costs really are THAT expensive. My brother got his masters and he has student loan debt over 250k. Its a broken system (by design).
It's not about having a degree, it's about how resourceful and clever you are... with or without one. I have a friend from primary school who barely passed and even spent some time in prison. After his girlfriend got pregnant, he realised he can't go on like this and is now an owner of a multi-million dollar construction company he built from scratch. Not everyone is suited for school. That doesn't mean they don't have something of value to contribute.
That commenter comment about OP being selfish is dumb in my eyes... I hate the notion/thinking, well he's a millionaire he can take vacations and don't need to work for the rest of his/her life. Do you think an Entrepreneur Millionaire just sits at home doing nothing? No, they are working non-stop because they run a business(es) so of course they will barely have time for friends/family that’s sacrifice one has to make when you are building a successful business from the ground up.
this may sound mean but Im glad the old man loose it, he sounded cruel and narrow minded so much it even afected OP`s viewpoints in some topics in life even if OP was totally level headed trought the post. LIke OP said there was no confromtation, just a old dumb man who was afraid of being dumb, and instead he became cruel
This turned out nicely! But I like the idea of paying the student debt upfront for them and getting a contract for interest free loan for them to pay you back. That way they screw the bank out of the money they'd make on interest bec screw big banking and predatory student loans!
SISTER AND HUSBAND ???? DAMN ? WELL YOU KNEW YOUR WHOLE LIFE HE HATES YOU, AND EMBARRASSED of You. PEOPLE YOU CANNOT PAY PEOPLE TO LOVE 💕 YOU. THEY NEVER WILL
I live in a very ethnically diverse community so I have known quite a few south asian people over the years. Depending on how many toes the men have entrenched in their culture, the louder and more of a braggart he will be. Get them in one room and oy...who can out talk, out do, and out smart the other is the goal. It's actually pretty childish, but that's a cultural thing. The men show off by talking BS in order to look like they are top dog. Not all, but a lot. I suspect that was a little of what OP's dad was doing. In his mind, if he had a son who could drop 500K on the SIL and BIL's debt, it would increase his status. It would make him look like a great father to have raised a son like that. OP's money, gave dad (mistakenly) bragging rights.
I am a person with intellectual disabilities. My dream is to open my own business because I want to hire people with disabilities too. I know the feeling of having opportunities for employment closed. So that’s why I thought school is the only way for me to go:
Parents that expect their children to do what they never achieved is always going to end badly. Like a failed ballerina forcing her daughter to dance so she can live vicarcariously through her achievements and claim the gift of talent is from the mother, etc. We dont Own our children. Our responsibility is to rear them, with healthily attitudes, gratitude,good work ethics and a moral compass. That's it. Spoiling children is worse as they do not appreciate hard work or sacrifice. It is a balancing act for sure.
Father's behavior in Story One is gross. He's clearly jealous of his own child and trying to railroad him into being a personal piggy bank is hideous. I'm glad OP's sister wasn't involved in this, and I don't blame her for not wanting their parents to come to her wedding anymore.
OP’s dad sounds like he’s jealous that his “loser son” is self made and wealthy without the degree.
He probably didn't realize How Expensive the Formal Education would be. & Thought OP Just Got Lucky. So he was taking it upon Himself to "Make It Fair" ???
Sounds like he strongly believed higher education is only road to success and because he didn't get a chance to have higher education, it held him back and was reason why he couldn't be successful. Son's life is proving his idea wrong and he cannot handle that his perfect reason for "why i didn't become successful" isn't true after all.
He had justified his own position with "not able to have high education" and cannot accept that was bs.
Exactly. I think OP's father feels emasculated. He put all this faith in "college degree = success." And that's his reasoning for why he couldn't do XYZ in life. But when his son succeeded without going to college, it essentially proves his entire belief system wrong.
And let's be honest, a lot of parents have trouble admitting to their children that they were wrong. It's a pride thing.
@@SnowyWolborg Sounds like a Boomer thing, where you could go to college and get a high paying job with no effort, no skill, just a paper degree. Times have changed, old-farts! I'm glad OP has found his place and skill he's great at.
@@piratekit3941 Exactly. The world is different, now. We literally have teenagers out here creating apps that make them six figures. It's not all about going to college, anymore.
„He’s got a PHD in being an asshole“ That genuinely made me laugh
😂
Now I have to try and work it into everyday conversation. I think we all have people that have that PhD (Piled Higher and Deeper).
I read this comment exactly it when he said it 😂😂😂😂😂
That was pretty good lol
The only degree most people have apparently
I really like that the sister wasn't going to be greedy in that moment and want the money and took the anger out on the person who actually caused all of it
I'm wonder if there is not an element of sexual jealousy in the story, either. Just in the same vein of prior one child over the other based on the sex of the child, there is the reverse of feeling resentment if a same-sex child is better then your success wise, especially if they are in a different field and succeeding and not following in 'your traditions' or 'passing on the trade.'
most twins do that, I'd know, my own twin sister is my wingman, partner in crime, and fellow troll
A half a million dollars. Just forced into giving a half a million dollars away. Oh heck no! Cut the dad, keep the sister. Edit: wow. Dad's situ sounds so sad. So glad for OP and his sis.
Yeah Dad, I did something for the family. I ignored your advice and have no debt. Winner!
She has 3 degrees to pay back her loans. I guess none of them in economics.
Getting a higher education is not a bad idea but I think some people think it's a fast track to succeed. Life is full of curb balls. Sometimes even with a that higher education you end up working retail or find that something completely different brings you success.
Getting a higher education is a bad idea unless you are going into the STEM fields. Period. If you aren't going to do a stem field do not get a degree it's not worth the paper it's printed on anymore. In my extended family, the families with master's degrees are solidly middle class while those who didn't get degrees and started their own businesses are the wealthy ones. It really isn't helpful to have an education unless you're going into a career that needs one such as lawyer or doctor or nurse or engineer that kind of thing. If you get an art degree or an English degree or a philosophy degree you're an idiot who deserves the student loans they're going to drown in. You can never do anything with those degrees besides teach and do you know how long it's going to take you to pay off those degrees on a teacher salary? You're going to pay off those loans until the day you die. It doesn't matter if you don't have a degree if you are a hard worker and willing to put in the time and effort. You can make yourself successful starting your own business. That's what my husband did, that's what my aunt and uncle did, that's what all three of my cousins did.
@@WhitneyDahlin unfortunately, many employers require a degree. Don't know if it's true or not, but I heard years ago of a farm that expected employees to have a college degree to clean horse stalls!
People are confused thinking that just having higher education is a ticket to success. That Might have been the case decades ago when higher education was something somewhat rare but nowadays when everyone and their gradma has it? Nope.
People need to understand that if they want college education they need to go for something practical, something there is a demand for in the labour market. Otherwise all they'll get is a useless piece of paper and a ball-and-chain attached to their leg in the form of student loans.
@@WhitneyDahlin Please don't buy into that STEM propaganda. It's the most idiotic argument I've been seeing about college degrees. You sound like someone with no idea on the many, many opportunities available in the world. I actually have a STEM degree and I can tell you right now, that you need those other degrees, because if I encounter another engineer who can't write up requirements, I will have to lose my mind. A lot of lawyers also have English/History/Philosophy degrees as well. Also, almost all of those degrees you listed that "need" a degree were often done with people without degrees at one time. Such a ridiculous mindset. The world is more than just science, tech, engineering and math.
There are so many options besides the degree. I’m the first person to get a college degree in my family. I would not get a degree today. I would go the tech school/cert route.
Half my niblings have degrees, others went into the trades, one chose an off grid life. They have all been successful but in different ways. One chose to open his own business (no degree) and is doing very well. They recognized their strengths and desires and made the best decisions for themselves.
imagine wanting your own son to fail in life just to satisfy your own ego
You will be surprised. Remember recent news about a Chinese tourist who beat his daughter in public and got surprised when he got arrested?
My step dad tried to corner me into a position where I would fail. He was shocked when I didn’t come running home for help
Dad needed the son to fail, or it ruins the dad's excuses for failing. Can't says it's missed opportunities from lack of education, when someone else becomes a millionaire without it. Now it's just the dad failing because he's a failure.
The sad part is, The dad doesn't understand that he didn't fail, until he started putting all that pressure on his kids. By all accounts here, he gave his children a comfortable life while they were growing up, and that's a success.
Yep
Exactly. His father has some incorrect ideas about how money and success work. And I think he feels emasculated because his son succeeded in an area where he failed.
I think this is why it is such a problematic thought process to think in terms of failing or succeeding. Just because someone made more money than you, it doesn't mean your path is necessarily a failure. What is valuable is different for everyone. Don't try to compete with others in that sense, it will only lead to misery and feelings of incompetence.
I feel like when the dad said "Help out the family for once" it sounds like he's projecting his own insecurities and bitterness onto his son who dropped out of college. OP'S father sounds like one of those people who will only see what others have and curse them out saying they don't deserve it and "I should of had that" or "That should have been me". He's not wrong to think college can help further your education and it can help you get a higher paying jobs, but that's usually not the case. The student debt alone would be a huge weight to carry, even if you had student loans and personal savings to cover for most of it. And even if you were able to pay them off or were able to finish college with no debt, it'll be difficult finding a career that's best suited for you or to find a field that's perfect for your skills. But for the dad, he just thinks that OP lucked out and that's why he did what he did. In front of extended family, no less.
"People like you are the reason college graduates are struggling". No, OP is one of the reasons college graduates, or Anyone really, are getting hired. OP is in the business of Creating businesses, which means creating jobs.
People don't think like that, which is sad. Entrepreneurs are needed to make the jobs to give people the money.
His father is also an example of an ignorant person attempting to act as if they know more than they do. It's not just a higher education that his dad is lacking. He doesn't come off as being particularly bright in general.
Which means nothing.
@@BrokensoulRider The “money” is nothing more than scraps. Not good enough.
@@House2017 You obviously don't work.
For those wondering "why tf did OP's dad have a break down about his own stupidity?" like that, I think it is related to "losing face", which is such a BIG deal in Asian cultures. Losing face is a fate worse than death for some Asian families and is enough to break people. I remember, my parents would always tell me "don't do anything to embarrass me" when they thought I was doing something wrong (tbf, I mostly was because I was in my rebellious teen phase lol but it wasn't anything life shattering/ruining).
I also think it's because his worldview didn't match with reality. As someone who lived through abuse, it's weirdly shocking when you learn that the abuse is NOT actually normal behaviour for humans to do to each other. It's like the world flipped on it's head and you have to relearn how to interact with people and to re-interpret their behaviour.
Depending on how strong his dad believed in higher education, reality probably hit him like a ton of bricks.
That being said, I don't disagree with his belief that education is important. It's just that education also happens outside of college rooms.
While "losing face" may be a big deal in Asian cultures, the same concept applies in others. I've read several Reddit stories where white American matriarchs get bitten when their lying manipulation of family members gets exposed and they become social pariahs. Whatever it's called, loosing face, loosing respect or just having people finally getting tired of one's BS it's all the same. And I am not bit sad that people crumble when their glorious sandcastle of lies and unreasonable expectations gets washed away with the rising tide of truth.
On a brighter note, one of my favourite and slightly related sayings is from Groucho Marx - The most important things in life are honesty and integrity. If you can fake those, you've got it made.
Yeah, being Asian I actually experience this. It's not fun.
I suspect the father was trying to be a bigshot
In front of his future white in-laws, to show he is their social and economic equal. The subsequent fallout was indeed a big loss of face to him, very embarrassing, as he now can’t face them without being reminded of the humiliation.
Also, he may have felt he dishonored his ancestors. That's another thing they do their damnedest to avoid. He may have felt like his son proved that he failed to be the provider to his family, despite this not being the case. He did provide for his family, but he also did make sure they had college debt to contend with because he wanted them to do better than he did (which I understand that part)
A very nice ending. To be honest, I was expecting far worse, such as one I’ve read before about an entire extended family gathering outside a family member’s house with money 💰 to pretty much threaten her to pay up or else.
I also agree with the fiancé’s point of view. Charity is something amazing when it happens, but you should NEVER expect it and ALWAYS be willing to pay it back. And if they don’t let you, find other ways to show your gratitude for them.
Ex: I was once homeless for two weeks during college. My lease was ending with student housing and there was some time before they allowed you to move in to the on-campus dorms. At the time, I was considering living in my car 🚗 as a real possibility. But when I mentioned it to my now best friend ever and her parents, they let me stay with them until I could move into the dorms. Ever since that, and several other times when they were even more charitable to me, I try to think of ways to pay them back, even if it’s something as small as making cookies 🍪 for a baby shower. The most important thing: I never expect them to help me. And I make sure they know how grateful I am for them being in my life.
To get off my soap box 📦, charity is an amazing thing that only turns bad when you expect it like it’s owed to you.
It's funny, because I grew up in a family with a similar attitude towards charity and I had to sort of unlearn it. Let me explain. I am a compulsive person by Nature, and not being able to pay people back was a huge source of anxiety and stress, to the point where I felt guilty about accepting anything that didn't come from relatives or wasn't for birthdays.
I have a lot of friends whose love language, for lack of a better term, is gift-giving. My high school boyfriend bought me all kinds of presents because his family had a lot of money and mine did not. We were not poor by any means, but we were living in the school district where some of the kids had yachts. It made me extremely uncomfortable because there was no way I could pay him back. Nothing extravagant, but at the time I couldn't reciprocate for various reasons.
It took me many years, long after the oh no we are going to college breakup texts, to realize that my discomfort made him sad. His family was warm and loving and knew the value of money oh, and they wanted to make me happy because I made him happy. I learned that these types of people often feel insulted in their own way when somebody refuses to be on the receiving end of their generosity. They want to give to the world.
So while I might refuse something extravagant or at least make a much more serious effort to pay it back, if somebody gives me something small, or makes it upfront and clear that they don't want it paid back, I give them a serious thank you and I don't worry too much about it. I pay them back in the way I can, with my friendship and care. It seems like you and I have similar ways of paying people back!
I know I'm talking more about gift than money here, but honestly both can apply. It's good to return the favor or pay it forward when and where you can, but when on the receiving end of genuine generosity you have no hope of repaying, smile, thank them, and live a good life. That's what they want. I hope to one day be one of those people who never feels entitled to money, but is also not too proud to accept a genuine gift.
@@Fairygoblet I call it "completing the circle". When you show love to someone, family, friend, total stranger, by gift giving, giving of your time, or just helping out with "charity" it can be, if coming from the heart, a form of love. If someone rejects this symbol from you, it feels like the circle hasn't been completed. As long as within yourself you are not giving so that you can receive adulation, admiration or views on Tik Tok, and it's genuine, then what makes the event/gesture feel "right" is when someone is touched by what you've done or given. It completes the circle. It makes you both feel whole and valued.
Amazing how the father was quick to throw OP's money around(as if it was his own) when he himself said that OP would be a loser and a bum...hmm, maybe father was projecting his own image unto OP?
Given that his father seems like he's pretty traditional, I suspect that is the collectivism culture in him speaking. In a lot of Asian families, there is no such thing as individual wealth. Everything belongs to the family unit. Everything you do or fail to do affects the family unit.
@@SnowyWolborg Yeah...but it seems more like "your victories and successes are OURS, while your losses are yOURS".
Quick to insult and ignore those that make the family lose face, but eager and fast to claim their good luck as if the whole family had a finger at that.
@@BeastChaeng I agree with you. But, considering the way the father turned out just a couple months later, I think it is fair to say that he's not really all there in the head.
After hearing the update, DEFINITELY! He felt like a failure and wanted his kids to be better than him, but when OP didn't go to college, the dad was quick to belittle him. Now that OP comes back being more than his father, without going to college, he tries to keep OP in his pocket. But when the truth comes out, and the dad is being judged, he can't take it.
I was worried that the sister would be the typical golden child. But it turns out she's got a heart of gold instead!
My dad has a saying about money. "You can always make more money. But you can never make more time. Find the balance between them."
Money buys everything...except time.The only resource that cannot be bought.
Your dad is a very wise man.
@@BeastChaeng Unless you’re trying to get somewhere faster lol
He sounds privileged. I myself guard every penny I make jealously.
@@BeastChaeng the sun is also pretty free (for now) 😉
I like how the sister was happy about getting her college paid for with no context, $500k is a lot of cash. I’m glad freed didn’t blind her when she got the full details. Anyone with common sense would know that forcing someone to just give up $500k is appalling.
I find it quite funny that the dad is trying to live vicariously through his daughter, and is doing his best to prove his belief that high formal education = money/success. And then there's his son who didn't pursue higher education but became successful nevertheless, (unintentionally) trampling on the father's belief LMFAO
And I think that's exactly where the problem lies. The father is too stubborn to admit that you don't need a degree in order to be successful. That's an out of date way of thinking that just doesn't work in 2022.
Love how OP, even though he was in the right in terms of the student debt, was still able to reflect on his own behaviour and his direction in life and address them. Honestly sounds like a great person.
As a teacher of 31 years, I say that college is not for everyone! We still need artists, plumbers, small business owners, construction workers, mechanics, electricians, cashiers, taxi drivers, etc., etc., etc. Yes, I think college is a great thing, I have two degrees. But that's me, not everyone else. Go for what you want to do with your life! I would also have the dad go to the doctor and get checked out to make sure it's not some sort of dementia setting in, or if it's a mental break, he still needs help.
Yes!!!
We need desperately need tradesmen!
Skilled workers are in demand and they make a lot of money!
It doesn't take a long time to learn a trade, and your skill and income will grow.
College is not for most people.
This is a lie that is sold to young people, they have to go to college to be successful.
Not true at all.
Most of them either choose a useless degree, or don't finish.
Many of them have so much debt, they didn't consider the debt load in comparison with the job they could get when they were finished.
We need more vocational training programs and high schools. America has very very few
In all honesty university and college degrees do not grant the skills they were touted to about a decade ago.
They are meant to give the background knowledge needed for certain professions after which workers need to build up the skills needed to put that knowledge to use.
Most essential professions do not need this level of higher education at all. Especially as you can learn on your own in your own time (though that is haphazard).
There are, however, a few professions that require dedicated directed education, notably the medical professions, certain engineering careers and, of course, the legal profession. Of course, the last one is only important because of the overly complicated mess our legal system is.
I'm glad this ended well for OP and his sister and BIL. I hope the Dad can get to a point where he realizes that there are many paths to success and his son has found one outside of formal education
Best of luck and I'm glad that you walked away with thoughtful reflection
I myself went to law school. The story said the sister met him in law school, so assuming they both went to law school it's not just believable but very understandable they'd have $500k combined. Now if that figure was each, then I'd have raised eyebrows.
My brother went to a private law school. He makes more than that in a year.
@@Galworld761 makes sense, but as another comment said, law students have a hard time getting a stable job, so it makes sense that right out of college they couldn't make that kind of money
@@JDM-is-my-name law students do not enter the jobforce out of college. Law degrees, or a J.D. are earned after an undergraduate degree. If the graduate passes the bar, then they are able to practice law. Lot of opportunity to make back half of that debt in 2 years hard work. New York area and no children? If OP's sis and fiance are entering law practice, then OP may be asking them for loans in several years.
I'd tell her: "I'll happily pay, as long as he admits that he's a liar to everyone's face."
"I don't have a concrete idea of what happiness is for me yet."
Boy, I feel that.
Several lessons from this story. 1. Hard work in building financial success is far from winning the lottery. 2. Financial success or the lack of it doesn’t guarantee happiness. 3. One can be financially successful whether or not if they choose the route of furthering their education.
Thanks LG for sharing this story.
"A bunch of numbers says" XD
Damn, that's wild that OP's success without a college degree actually broke his father.
9:23 "a bunch of number says..."🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I would pay the debt privately between sister, bil, and myself and make them promise to never say anything to dad, just let him rant and rave over nothing like a fool forever.
People are always quick to be generous with other people's money.
How would college graduates have a hard time because of people like him? Is it because you’re successful without it?
You should be very proud of yourself OP. My son wanted to open his own business and I am behind him 100%. Higher educated is not the answer for everyone. So proud of your sister. She didn't expect you to do it. Good on her for taking dad on. She should still have a wedding and you can contribute as much as you and she agree on. God bless.
This was a really interesting story with so many elements and the OP reassessing his life, etc. I always enjoy the way you read your stories and present the information, but this one will really stick with me. Thanks for sharing your stories! 🙂
Thank you so much Jumarbye1! I'm glad you enjoy my video :)
I like seeing twins or siblings in general who are close like that, even going down different paths, I love how they're close
Simply ask: did he contributed to your success or failures!? If not, he's entitled to nothing.
I dont get why the dad had a break down, I mean what he expected by assuming OP would give the money without talking to OP before about it? Even if OP was someone that gave money before, if its like this all of a sudden, without a talk and all most will refuse to do it.....
Yeah it seems weird that such a high-strung guy like that would just have a breakdown...and for what?For being publicly shamed for all he said and did?For realizing that his son achieved financial success without a degree?
What was the point for his breakdown, because honestly seems more like he is just in denial about "reality" and the "reality he envisioned".
The dad "lost his face" and that's the worst thing for someone Asian, much worse than death
@@MPbmfm yes that is true. I'm asian and from small town. I work and meet my husband in capital city in my country. I held my wedding in my hometown, with small but cute garden party. When the party was over, my father told me: "thanks god the weather was good. If was raining, I will go to my bedroom, lock the door and never come out again forever!"
@@MPbmfm I came to say the exact same thing period. In cultures that are more collectivist, the way you are perceived by your neighbors and your community is extremely important.
OP's dad put all this energy into trying to raise two college educated children to validate his belief that college = success. But OP defying him and finding his own path was a shot to the dad's pride, along with completely proving what he'd preached all these years is false.
Hope OP's dad gets a complete physical and neurological exam out of this. Even tho OP said his attitude changed for the better, it was still a drastic change and that can be a symptom of a physical or mental illness.
Tyvm LG.. Stay safe please. PEACE
That is both sad and heartwarming at the same time. I genuinely am a sucker for these self reflection turning point type stories. Yeah there is some bittersweetness to stories like this. A lot of things don’t resolve but I’m a sucker for the hope also in this and the idea of discovering themselves part.
OP's dad pushed and pushed until something gave it would appear.
As for OP it's great that he found success, his way, and that his sister found a keeper in FBIL.
I appreciate that the reader always thank the content creators at the end.
Changing my comment because the previous one does not longer apply. I'm glad OP talked with his sister and her husband, he seems like a nice guy. The dad having a mental breakdown was not on my bingo card, but I guess that's the complexity of human interactions
Omg LG I burst out laughing at PHD in a-hole comment. Fricking awesome 😆
😁
Broke lawyers! That really warms my cold dead heart 😀
The dad's disgust of his son caused him to develope narcissistic tendencies. It's a protective response. We need to feel like our fathers are proud of us. Part of what drives him is innate entrepreneurial spirit, but another part is proving his father wrong. I do, however, suspect he would have been successful no matter what parenting he had. It's VERY rare that someone is made aware of their narcissistic tendancies and then attempts to fix them. Kinda cool when it happens.
This was a great creative writing exercise
I like listening to these videos as background noise, so it caught me off guard when you read off "Bigassbird" and I chuckled for a second
I don't remember my dad ever taking to me if it wasn't to point out my flaws, mistakes, failures, or anything else to put me down. But in the presence of friends or anyone outside of the household he would brag about my achievements. If felt like a fraud, like all the effort I've made in my life was only good enough for him to appropriate and look good to strangers, but not good enough to amount to anything useful and actually earn his respect. That's what I think this dad is doing, trying to make a good impression on the in-laws with the son's achievements which he never recognized, contributed to, and never had anything positive to say about. But OP fortunately has a backbone and didn't accept being manipulated, which made dad's plans backfire spectacularly.
After they saw the dad's mental break I wonder if they checked to see if it was dementia.
Dude, describing the fiance as "alright", is not a bad thing. It doesn't matter if he's just okay or the most wonderful person on the planet, alright is good description.
My answer to the father would have been, you value higher education so much - you pay for it! The entitlement from the father is worthy of an oscar!
Tell Dad in the words of John Houseman about your monet - " I earned it".
"How did they get into $500k of debt?" Law school. Law school is expensive, especially if she went to a prestigious school. And fiance went to the same school.
It would be very kind to help but your father had no right to put you on the spot and without her permission to boot.
I have a father who spent years blaming me for having spent too much time and money (my own by the way) on my University education, while just doing crappy jobs. I should have stopped studying and start working straight away after junior high school like my brother (who made a great career, while seizing a nice opportunity at the right moment, and he did deserved it). He told me that having a good job is not difficult, just print some resumes and get out and tell people you want a job. It is not that difficult. While he blamed me for being unable to land a good job, he was bragging to the whole family and his friends that he had a son who holds a Master degree and was so smart etc. While litteraly spitting on my face when he had the opportunity. We made peace but a father/kid relationship is a hell of a ride...
They are both lawyers. They will make really good money in the next few years and should be able to pay it off.
I think one of the reasons op was pulling away from his sister is because he resents her a little bit since his dad was so proud of her. Though I didn't see anything that would suggest he was self centered
I understand that asian folks are (in general) very focused on education and training since they have that view grounded in their cultural view of life. But this case I have difficulties understanding the father completely. I understand for example OP's line of thought saying his father sees his children as a second chance in life of what he wanted for himself and at the same time as a sort of "excuse" for not "doing better" in life. How I see it is a father that managed to raise two very successful children. Each of them managed to do *very* good in life in a honest and hardworking way. Different ways, but that makes it even more amazing. It means that father did something right while raising them.
And yet... He went senile after embarrassing himself in a restaurant over a self entitled act with no logic whatsoever at its base...
Weird. Don't get his thinking at all.
That come together at the restaurant should have been him looking at his children and feeling very proud of what they have become and what they achieved. That was his parenting (at least I could understand him seeing it that way) and so, even a self-centered person should be happy for the kids AND patting their own back.
... Filters, people, filters...
It's because OP being successful without a degree made him see his own failures. He clung to the idea that the only reason he wasn't financially successful was because he never got a degree and that he would've been otherwise. But OP being successful without one proves that idea wrong and makes the father look like a "loser" and a "bum". He could hold onto it as long as he thought OP just got lucky but at some point I'm assuming that it finally sunk in that the father's failures were his own making and it broke him.
My doubt about the father is...did he really have a breakdown or did he pretend to have a breakdown so he would feel less ashamed of his (previous)actions and people would feel pity for him?
Because how can an insecure guy, that lied through his teeth and put his successful "bum" of a son on the spot like that, end up having a breakdown all because things didn't happen as he wanted?
@@BeastChaeng yeah, no. That doesn't sound plausible.
I don't know if this applies but I have read some Chinese webnovels and one thing that I got from those that take place in an ancient setting is that having a oficial families (families where the males held governmental positions for which there were exams) were more prestigious than merchant families, even if they were rich. Also scholars were very admired and respected. So it wasn't only the money. I think other Asians had similar views.
I don't know how well this translates to modern Asian societies but there are some values that are very ingrained in them since a long time ago.
@@heraclito3114 I think the main point for them to go to university is both for one to graduate in a "respectable profession" and elevate their(and by proxy their family) status in the eyes of their community, as well as making connections with important/powerful people.
The appearance of success and power is highly rated.
Getting a education doesn’t mean 100% success. Op’s father wanted and expected his son to fail because the worst thing that could happen to him, was being wrong.
And I think that's a large part of the problem. There's no issue in being uneducated. However, his father is clearly *stupid,* but pretending like he has the answers.
I doubt Op's sister really has that much debt, It's more than likely he wants a cut.
This is the first thing I thought
Dad’s def a leech! He was projecting his own insecurities when he called OP a loser.
Well, between her and her fiancée, it's not out of the question.
The average debt to get a law degree in the United States is $160,000. This is just the average and doesn't account for Ivy League or top rated law universities.
Didnt thought that, You are probably right.
If they are both lawyers they can pay their own debt off.
Wow! That one was quite a roller-coaster wasn't it? I'm glad everything came OK in the end though.
People need to pay their own debts instead of feeling entitled to everyone else's money...
They have student loan debt for law school? They should be able to pay that off on their own.
OP has every right to be angry being put in that position - and being expected to pay the student loans of some future in-law? The "(do) something for the family for once" comment was despicable and OP sure had a bad start with that for a father. Let the father help out if he's such an expert on everything.
In the end everyone managed to guilt trip op into feeling like a not so good person...
Let Dad pay if it means so much to him.
“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.” - Alfred Lord Tennyson
Story 1- who cares how much debt your sister is in? You are NOT responsible op. Stop worrying. You dont Have to pay one penny. Stop feeling like you have to contribute. You don’t. Let her pay her own debt.
Absolutely true. Your dad’s doing. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated.
That aint no good father. OP you're not the one breaking the family or ruining her wedding, its your dad. He needs to man up and own up to his faults.
Collage is a waste of money for the majority of people and parents like the dad are the reason so many people are in debt unable to even pay the interest
Sometimes if all of a sudden an old person goes from annoying to kinda unhinged that's Dementia or Alzheimer's setting in and not how they really feel. Best to get that checked sooner than layer, if he has it he can slow the progression.
I think what people are missing is that dad was trying to look good by telling the in-laws that his son was wealthy and would give this large gift. He was trying to get vicarious approval through his son's wealth.
As the Joker said at the end of this story, "It'll be funny if it wasn't pathetic......oh what heck I'll laugh anyway.....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!"
Story #1. Just tell dad if I'm just a loser, and you're so smart, you give them the money. If the money isn't the big thing, you might consider giving them a no interest loan, with all the proper paperwork in place of course, to pay of the student loans. It isn't just the amount, it's the interest involved, that really causes the struggle.
I dunno, it's kinda hard to see a millionaire on Reddit and not in a lawyer's office to decide how to word a cease and desist letter
I thought the same too. Especially his claim of selling businesses worth 8 figures. Seems he’d also have far better conflict management skills. Maybe it’s because he makes financial success more a priority than family.
@@ltyler01 he said they werent all successful and that his last business sold for low 8 figures.. idk where you got that he was doing this a bunch of times for 8 figures..
@@cryofist So I exaggerated. And so what. Eight figures is still eight figures dude. The point is the guy should have far better conflict management skills than he shows in dealing with his family. He can handle multi million dollar business deals but runs out the door and jets across country during family conflicts.
@@ltyler01 the business deals aren't with people who he grew up with or with someone who treated him like a nothing for years because he chose not to go to college. So your counter argument still falls flat sorry.
@@cryofist What the heck are you talking about? I don’t know the point of your petty argument. Seems you want to argue just for the sake of it. Go argue with someone else with your pointless nonsense dude.
I Think if OP was already planning on a gift of $20,000 he should put it in a high interest earning account for the newlyweds emergency fund! This way they can use it for Whatever They Want. House, emergency, a child, a child's education, fun Whatever!
It is weird that OP's dad never got an education and yet views people without an education with contempt! It's almost like he hates himself and saw his son as an extension of his education failures, even though his son is successful! Wow! How sad.
I think the dad might need a therapist to talk his emotions through, since it was bad enough that he had a mental breakdown.
Yes, doctors and lawyers usually have DECADES of debt to pay off once they finish their education. Getting through school with an advanced degree is not a cheap endeavor. Everyone who is shocked at the $500K student debt for two people clearly has no idea what higher education costs in the US.
Maybe instead of charity, you could open a business that really takes care of it's employees. One that pays them above industry standards, that gives them health care, vacation, and other options. People don't need charity, they need good jobs.
Yes for the petty solution 😁
That's why I don't share details about my financial situation. I really hate it when people start telling me what I should do with my money (people still do that even when they don't know anything about my finances)
EDIT: Now that I got to end of the video, fair enough, I'm happy things worked out in the end without the petty solution. ( though I don't dislike the idea)
Nobody (except the government) has a right to your money. That includes making commitments of your money.
If two attorneys can't pay off their school debt, they must be very bad attornies.
OP say you do pay off their debts. Then they want 1 mill for a house. Then it’s you can set up college funds for all their kids. Where does it stop? You did the right thing & your dad is the only one to blame for the embarrassment that your sister feels & for the problems your father has now.
Honestly it sounds like future BIL and OP's dad wouldn't have got along too well to me, they definitely have completely different views on money and when it should or shouldn't be given.
Quite frankly I don't think people who win the lottery owe you money just because your family either. Just because you got lucky doesn't magically make you owe people.
There are nuclear physicists in the world who are out of work due to the lack of occupations. If a incredibly specialized field can not provide work then what does that say about diplomas. High education is not always the answer.
I’m glad OP made the classic RomCom/ business-parent-in-a-kids film discovery that after a certain amount of money you’re kinda going it for your ego and if you’re certain you have enough money to comfortably live off the rest of your life you should probably take a step back and enjoy life. That’s 1 more problematic billionaire avoided.
Its obvious anyone who is stunned or in disbelief that two peoples student loan debt, one of which went to grad school, is over 500k is obviously not from the US, too young or never went to higher ed.
Yes, student loans and higher ed costs really are THAT expensive.
My brother got his masters and he has student loan debt over 250k.
Its a broken system (by design).
dont quite get how the Son is like his dad tbh
Same, I've been scrolling the comments hoping for one that would help me understand lol
An idiot Redditor who was probably trying to shame OP for something that makes no sense. There's always that one person who's up on their high horse.
It's not about having a degree, it's about how resourceful and clever you are... with or without one. I have a friend from primary school who barely passed and even spent some time in prison. After his girlfriend got pregnant, he realised he can't go on like this and is now an owner of a multi-million dollar construction company he built from scratch. Not everyone is suited for school. That doesn't mean they don't have something of value to contribute.
Like that scumbag Grandpa Joe said, "what difference does it make where he got it? Point is, he got it."
That commenter comment about OP being selfish is dumb in my eyes...
I hate the notion/thinking, well he's a millionaire he can take vacations and don't need to work for the rest of his/her life.
Do you think an Entrepreneur Millionaire just sits at home doing nothing? No, they are working non-stop because they run a business(es) so of course they will barely have time for friends/family that’s sacrifice one has to make when you are building a successful business from the ground up.
this may sound mean but Im glad the old man loose it, he sounded cruel and narrow minded so much it even afected OP`s viewpoints in some topics in life even if OP was totally level headed trought the post. LIke OP said there was no confromtation, just a old dumb man who was afraid of being dumb, and instead he became cruel
This turned out nicely! But I like the idea of paying the student debt upfront for them and getting a contract for interest free loan for them to pay you back. That way they screw the bank out of the money they'd make on interest bec screw big banking and predatory student loans!
SISTER AND HUSBAND ???? DAMN ? WELL YOU KNEW YOUR WHOLE LIFE HE HATES YOU, AND EMBARRASSED of You. PEOPLE YOU CANNOT PAY PEOPLE TO LOVE 💕 YOU. THEY NEVER WILL
A bunch of numbers says…😂😂😂
I live in a very ethnically diverse community so I have known quite a few south asian people over the years. Depending on how many toes the men have entrenched in their culture, the louder and more of a braggart he will be. Get them in one room and oy...who can out talk, out do, and out smart the other is the goal. It's actually pretty childish, but that's a cultural thing. The men show off by talking BS in order to look like they are top dog. Not all, but a lot. I suspect that was a little of what OP's dad was doing. In his mind, if he had a son who could drop 500K on the SIL and BIL's debt, it would increase his status. It would make him look like a great father to have raised a son like that. OP's money, gave dad (mistakenly) bragging rights.
The dads hung up on a college degree when all it is is an expensive slip of paper
Who has an expensive wedding when they are in half a million in debt!
Man, what a setup OP1 was put in.
I am a person with intellectual disabilities. My dream is to open my own business because I want to hire people with disabilities too. I know the feeling of having opportunities for employment closed. So that’s why I thought school is the only way for me to go:
Parents that expect their children to do what they never achieved is always going to end badly. Like a failed ballerina forcing her daughter to dance so she can live vicarcariously through her achievements and claim the gift of talent is from the mother, etc.
We dont Own our children. Our responsibility is to rear them, with healthily attitudes, gratitude,good work ethics and a moral compass. That's it.
Spoiling children is worse as they do not appreciate hard work or sacrifice. It is a balancing act for sure.
Father's behavior in Story One is gross. He's clearly jealous of his own child and trying to railroad him into being a personal piggy bank is hideous. I'm glad OP's sister wasn't involved in this, and I don't blame her for not wanting their parents to come to her wedding anymore.
great story!