It's a hard thing to come to terms with. I actually believed that I was a spoilt child. Not realising the attention was abuse. It has taken years of therapy to deal with it and build a sense of 'self'.
I just learned about this today. This fits my mother to a tee. I believe she has narcissistic tendencies and she's been dumping all of her emotions on me for years. I've been feeling so trapped by this and it's a bit of a relief to know that I'm not the only one.
I always felt bad for my mother and obligated because she had a poor childhood and poor marriage only recently realizing This is not my problem!! She doesnt posses the courage to go to therapy or leave the marriage and I cant allow her choice to steal my whole life and prevent ever having relationships of my own. Its hard to watch someone you care about self sabbotage but its reuining my life and I dont have the power to change her anyway . I cant thank you enough, Brad for validating and setting me free!
I think my mom did it to me mostly because she never got her needs met as a little girl. She was the 7th of 9 children. Her father never told her that he loved her. She grew up poor without so much as a proper doll. Then she married my dad who, in her words, “doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings.” Their marriage was stable and loving but not very passionate. Then here comes this little girl she’s always wanted. The girl adores her, they fall deeply in love. It must’ve felt great to my mom. Plus she had all the power. She could be a friend when she wanted, or the disciplinarian when she wanted. Since dad just wanted to be left alone to watch TV, he never got involved unless mom called for backup. Basically the temptation to finally get to be the safe little girl by making her daughter into the kind of parent she’d always wanted was just too tempting for her. She didn’t set out to steal my childhood. But I didn’t get a chance to be a child. I always had to have perfect self-control. Could t have any feelings that upset her. Always had to look over my shoulder fearful of what she’d think or how she’d react. This is what I came to know as “closeness.” Now I’m 43, never been married, no kids, just been prioritizing freedom and space above all else. No love in my life really, other than a couple of friends. I stopped talking to my parents 20 years ago. Even though I’ve made it clear I don’t want to talk to her, recently, she texted me on the day her oldest sister died. “I knew you would want to know. I love you. I’d like to talk to you.” Maybe this makes me a jerk, but I feel like she projected it into me that I would care about my aunt dying. I didn’t. I barely knew her. I used to see her once a year at the family reunion, which I haven’t been to in 20 years. My mom needed me to be the person who would care. And it’s very confusing when she says she loves me while still trying to get me to meet her needs. I don’t like the position she put me in with that text. Either I’m a jerk who isn’t there for her while she’s grieving, compounding her sadness, or I once again put her feelings before mine so I do t feel guilty. Ugghhh!! This is why I used to pull my hair out (literally)!!
I always knew that my relationship with my mom was dysfunctional, but I didn't understand exactly what was going on. She always plays the victim. And sometimes she is overly sympathetic and nice. But most times she's apathetic and only has empathy for herself. It's so fucking confusing. I get rage when I talk to her because she barely listens and I can tell she doesn't really care, but then afterwards I'd feel extreme guilt for venting to her.
Brad another thing you should talk about is that ethnic families are basically constructed to be emotionally incestuous. Tons of role-based unhappy marriage and expectations of children to constantly give back. It’s exhausting. And somewhat transactional.
This was a generational curse for my family it was passed on over and over again and I had to be the one to break the chain I found myself doing the same thing... this like it was bred in me cuz I had went through it so long it was programmed into me. I had to heal from it before I could stop myself from reacting to not healing myself from it I'm healing my relationship with my son and my daughter right now it's going great.... you explain this so perfectly.
My ex friend acts like he's married to his mother. He has no ambition, over 40, sleeping on a twin sized bed in parents basement and happy as hell to be there. Brad, kudos to you for escaping the madness. It's a real travesty when someone is almost married to that parent with zero desire to change anything. He has always had zero ambition. He told me that one of his teachers in hs told him, that she will find him sleeping on a park bench one day. She's not far off from that....just wow.
Maybe you can be a little compassionate and understanding. He is the way he because of his sick mother. He learned to be useless at home, his mother is using him for her own comfort. Help him become conscious, instead of putting him down.
i knew i had to cut off contact when i was 15 and my dad started to try to convince me that i was inlove with him , non stop till i was in tears begging him to stop. he thought it was funny. All of my friends used to say he looked at me funny, but i was too blind to understand till i was 15 .
I've heard of the term before but holy shit I had never realized it might apply to me! My mom was horribly neglected by her mother, found a replacement mother in her oldest sister who died in a car crash when she was only 23 (my mom was 14.) Then all of my mom's romantic relationship were disappointing and ended in divorce, and after that she basically had no friend. I realize now that naming me after her deceased sister wasn't a coincidence, and not just because "she liked the name." I think she was making me her surrogate sister who was also her surrogate mother Sad part is, now I'm just not interested in having a relationship with her because she refuses to attend therapy, but I still feel guilty about how lonely she is
What's so crazy about this is the circle with the marriage issue. I was not a victim of emotional incest but currently married to a man committing emotional incest with his daughter. And he's right, when you first see it, it looks like a dad that just loves his daughter. But after we were married and moved in together into our new house, I discovered there were two wives. I didn't know the term mini wife yet. That came from a stepmom group I belong to. I thought it was just a nick name she had given her stepdaughter. I looked it up and oh my God. It was the life I was living. He takes his 13 year old daughter on dates every Friday. He had been doing it since before I came in to the picture but does it to this day. They slept on the couch together before me and during our marriage. I complained about it enough that he reluctantly stopped. But all the things I complained about to him, how he treated her more like a wife than me, how she was in control over the house, how he always chooses her. She was in our adult conversations, he had to share everything with her. He'll ask her what shirt or shoes he should wear. Consulted her on how OUR bedroom should be set up. What shower curtain should go in OUR bathroom. He is her bestie and she is his. It broke our marriage. So now he is doing all the things being mentioned because now, he is in an unhappy marriage. Unhappy because of my complaing about the above mentioned issues. But all this time, it was his emotional incest that broke the marriage in the first place. When he is mad at me, he doesn't talk to me. He lavishes her with extra attention and ices me out. He'll walk past me like I don't even exsist. He grabs her and they go off and do whatever and I'm left alone. And this happens alot, every time he's mad at me for something. I think he might be narcissistic. He always has to elevate himself. My opinions are always wrong. I have to fight both of them. She always agrees with daddy and they like/don't like the same things. He divorced his first wife when she was young and then the mother died so it was just the two of them. So he has been doing this to her all this time. He won't go yo counseling because either 1. He believes he's in the right and even someone with a degree and years of experience has no idea what they're talking about. Or 2. He knows he has a problem but doesn't want to admit it and is afraid having the mirror held up in front of him. Because then he would have to be responsible for his actions and work on fixing not only what he is doing to her but the marriage as well and that is to much work for him. Either way, I can't live like this anymore. We haven't even been married a year yet and have only lived together for 3 months. It feels like it's been an eternity already. Another marriage down the drain.
Excellently explained in this video. Could you explain why some kids feel special & important in this role? I actually felt privileged to know so much & got my feelings hurt when my Grandparents refused to share personal info. Really messed up my thinking & perspectives. I didn't really realize how wrong this was until I was aged 45. I was an only child with both parents doing emotional incest to me during their separation & after divorce. I was almost 8. Father was narcissist, entitled, angry & drunk. Mother was sad, stressed & lonely. I later rebelled as a teenager. Ironically, they became friends again with rebellious me being the common bond...
This explains soooo much! I used to wonder why the male who raised me always mistakenly called me by the name of the woman who raised me. I could never understand until a couple years ago, and it's finally making more sense in this video! I could always sense there was this hidden rivalry of some sort going on, it's like a competition that was started by the Narc in the background. It's real difficult trying to be one's authentic self, when others are insisting on the person being someone else just to make them happy. WTF!!!! It's to the point where they'll get the police involved or try to send you to a mental rehabilitation center.....in the name of......(almost threw up) love.....🤢
You are right. My parents NEVER encouraged me when I showed them my interests. They only responded to the same old story they know. They have caused me unexplainable grief and damage. I am getting help and don't ever want to see them again.
@@BradShore thank you, Brad. I just became aware of CEN through a group on FB, and bought the book of Dr. Jonice Webb who specializes in CEN. Things are coming together for me to understand and I feel vindicated after all these years that I am not wrong how I feel, there's a reason.
I always say that to my hubby that his parents commit emotional inzest..and oh man..he doesn't see it. Hubby has three sibs( all ended up in psych ward and two attempted suicide several times and no there are no kids made by one of them...smh..creepy
Exactly what my ex narc was doing to my daughter behind the scenes. Noticed changes in her starting at ten and her becoming more distant towards me and only got worse. Now at thirty, estranged for over a year. Evil
Feels like my whole life has been a battle... born into a dysfunctional family - father v.violent narc bully, mother weak enabler, brother golden child, myself being the scape goat. Bullied all through school with girl gangs after me, never knew what i was walking into at school or at home - father used to hold me down & punch me in the head from a young age, & he'd throw my mother down the stairs & rape her. Married into family where the mother was the covert manipulative narc who everyone was afraid to upset & who idolised my husband's brother & hated me for taking one of her little boys away from her so she made aure the same thing wasn't going to happen with her other son, the golden child. My husband was the scape goat, his father the weak enabler, like my mother. Thought things would get better when we married & lived away - how naive i was - it got worse because my husb hated that i was the one who freed him from his mother as she never let him have a life or girlfriends before i came along, so he now had the freedom to go out dating - only, he didnt cos he was now shackled to me, but that didnt stop him. I thought things would get better if we had a child, it didnt, it got worse bcecause he absolutely idolised her & she grew up hating me & always being on his side. He was still very much under his mother's thumb & couldnt see what was happening. She hated me even more because her husband told me not only did i take her little boy away from her but i had the daughter she always wanted & blames him for not giving her so she punishes him by not sleeping with him since the day their second son was born. She even slept with her son & bathed him until he was nearly 20. Our daughter was in danger of becoming like my husb's narc mother & i didnt want her to live at home like my husb's brother did all his life - he said if she leaves home, so will he & he cried like a baby. He later admitted he never knew there were different kinds of love - thought the love you have for your sibling, mother, child, wife were all the same. It was v.difficult trying to find her a place of her own & encouraging her to live her own life. It was a real battle to get where we are today 46yrs later - my husb & daughter now see the light & i have good relationships with both of them. Daughter has her own place & a partner, tho i worry that he's v.much like my busband used to be in lots of ways. Husband had lots of therapy, basically grew up, & came to terms with reality. Would i recommend it? No - get out & run at the first warning signs - i ended up with a complete break down of my nervous system & cptsd &, despite most of them now are dead, (only husb's brother left who doesnt want anything to do with us, which is fine by me, & my father who's in his late 90s & still as controlling as ever, tho not physically violent anymore, more of a spoilt child with everyone pandering to him & telling him how marvellous he is still being able to live independently), i'm still dealing with the fall out & crap they all left me with in my 60s. This kind of stuff is pure evil manifested in families, & i'm so glad videos like this exist so it's become more widely known about & recognised as a form of abuse. I just hope one day my husband's brother will have the scales lifted from his own eyes - highly unlikely as he's now a narc himself because of how his mother poisoned him - but i, of course, will never know.
My father-in-law (as I am told by himself and my wife) spent a lot of time with his teenage daughter and son and their friends as a peer, inviting them around for drinks etc - to be part of the group, from what I can see. My wife is now in her 40s and she still often invites her father (and mother by default) to functions and events that we are attending, to join friend groups that we are part of…..and now her Dad always tries to be friends with our friends and neighbours and tells us what they are thinking, saying (often acting closer to these people than we are)……….my wife is a covert narcissist, too……this is all starting to make sense
I’m finally figuring out what I was dealing with. I went thru this and still recovering! My mom was always the victim and made me think that I had lots of issues. It was never really me but her. I stay away from her now. I now know what the root of my problem had been and work on me to be better!
I'm 53 and am just now discovering that I grew up in this kind of family. I never gave up the role. I've never dated or had children. Now that both my parents are dead, I have no idea who I am or what things I like. I am just starting to realize that the close, supportive family I thought I had wasn't real.
It is scary how much you described my husband to the T. I always knew his mother was way too emotionally reliant on him, but I didn't realize it had a name and full explanation.
It still feels wrong to outright hate my Earthly mother, and I feel... married to her. Seriously, every time I talk to her, Lucifer whispers in my ear "Husband and Wife" and it feels so. (Thank you, Royal Friend, for showing me this video.) I know that I am narcissistic, and since our relationship is in a state of arrested development with her, I'm interacting with a mere memory as she slowly turns into a self-hating mess. This whole thing sucks, but ancestral worship has helped me greatly.
I find your videos useful and clear, and straight to the point unlike so many other videos where they lean on the spiritual / new age, which I find unnecessary.
It's interesting and tragic to continue to see this behavior out there in so many families. I have seen this happen with divorced women, women who are widows or women who had children out of wedlock, though I know not all women in these categories commit this. It's very sad for the kids and, yes, they do spend their entire lives.... trying to find themselves and learn to develop emotional (and sometimes physical) boundaries.
It’s Really a head trip when my Mom mostly got all this attention for being such a devoted mother to me. Yet she was so emotionally smothering and manipulative and abusive in every way to me When she didn’t get her way she was physically violent. Either I was her perfect angel or I was tidally ungrateful for all she sacrificed for me no in between She was one of the most prominent disability advocates in my state. She even testified before Congress for disability rights. I didn’t even understand how abused I was by her till I began to set my own boundaries with her then she became very viscous with me feeling I betrayed her . She always viewed whoever I was romantically involved with as competition and my partner opened my eyes to how abusive she is to me and she reallly didn’t like that and the mask came off I had to be rescued immediately I was in physical danger My partner and my brother rescued me. But yeah everybody thought we had the most perfect relationship and she was the perfect mother
Oh boy I just dipped out on a very short relationship because dude & his young daughter were so creepy 😳 the poor little girl! No wonder it seemed so creepy!
I’m dealing with this as a daughter-in-law, my husband doesn’t see what is going on. How do I explain this to him? He just gets defensive and takes his frustration out on me over her actions. It has gotten worse over the last 10 years after her husband passed away.
How do you confront or deal with a emotional incest situation? Like how do you address it or approach it without it being interpreted as something sexual people usually get offended by the word “incest” so how do you discuss this to a parent committing emotional incest
This is great. I see this in my daughter in common and her mother who is still crying about the same stuff for the 2 years I've known her. Is there anything we can do to help this situation especially when the mother seems to not want help but to stay the victim.
Yes. It’s why it’s so easy to see why the child will grow up having given up on life - because they grew up with the idea that there is no hope for escape - no hope for freedom since they are dependent on the parent.
good enough. does it make sense if my father is literally ALL of these things??? He also cheated on my mother. does that mean he couldnt have used me emotional like this?
Man, I know how that might feel. I have a so call Dad who is narcissistic and said I create you and I can destroy you. He is an ok Dad bailed me out of jail but he still is a piece of shit in many ways. He also wanted to sleep with me when I was younger & I said No and it didn't happen. And he suppose to be a person who believes in God. Thank God I got my own place now and I am a Grown man. I resent & despise him. My mom was more loving in some ways but she's died 3 years ago.
What would it be like if the parents are vulnerable narcissts? And what if they didn't want to live the dreams through the child but wanted yo prevent the mistakes they did, would it be similar?
For control. The parent is obsessive, needy, and selfish. Happy when they're getting they want.
It's a hard thing to come to terms with. I actually believed that I was a spoilt child. Not realising the attention was abuse. It has taken years of therapy to deal with it and build a sense of 'self'.
I just learned about this today. This fits my mother to a tee. I believe she has narcissistic tendencies and she's been dumping all of her emotions on me for years. I've been feeling so trapped by this and it's a bit of a relief to know that I'm not the only one.
I'm so glad you learned about this today! You're definitely not the only one....
❤️
I Can Relate. I'm Trying to Break Away Right Now.
Same here brother, its been enlightenmening looking into narc mothers & emotional enmeshment
I always felt bad for my mother and obligated because she had a poor childhood and poor marriage only recently realizing This is not my problem!! She doesnt posses the courage to go to therapy or leave the marriage and I cant allow her choice to steal my whole life and prevent ever having relationships of my own. Its hard to watch someone you care about self sabbotage but its reuining my life and I dont have the power to change her anyway . I cant thank you enough, Brad for validating and setting me free!
Immaturity, neediness, and disregard for the welfare of the child. Those parents don't really care.
I think my mom did it to me mostly because she never got her needs met as a little girl. She was the 7th of 9 children. Her father never told her that he loved her. She grew up poor without so much as a proper doll. Then she married my dad who, in her words, “doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings.” Their marriage was stable and loving but not very passionate. Then here comes this little girl she’s always wanted. The girl adores her, they fall deeply in love. It must’ve felt great to my mom. Plus she had all the power. She could be a friend when she wanted, or the disciplinarian when she wanted. Since dad just wanted to be left alone to watch TV, he never got involved unless mom called for backup. Basically the temptation to finally get to be the safe little girl by making her daughter into the kind of parent she’d always wanted was just too tempting for her. She didn’t set out to steal my childhood. But I didn’t get a chance to be a child. I always had to have perfect self-control. Could t have any feelings that upset her. Always had to look over my shoulder fearful of what she’d think or how she’d react. This is what I came to know as “closeness.” Now I’m 43, never been married, no kids, just been prioritizing freedom and space above all else. No love in my life really, other than a couple of friends. I stopped talking to my parents 20 years ago.
Even though I’ve made it clear I don’t want to talk to her, recently, she texted me on the day her oldest sister died. “I knew you would want to know. I love you. I’d like to talk to you.” Maybe this makes me a jerk, but I feel like she projected it into me that I would care about my aunt dying. I didn’t. I barely knew her. I used to see her once a year at the family reunion, which I haven’t been to in 20 years. My mom needed me to be the person who would care. And it’s very confusing when she says she loves me while still trying to get me to meet her needs. I don’t like the position she put me in with that text. Either I’m a jerk who isn’t there for her while she’s grieving, compounding her sadness, or I once again put her feelings before mine so I do t feel guilty. Ugghhh!! This is why I used to pull my hair out (literally)!!
I always knew that my relationship with my mom was dysfunctional, but I didn't understand exactly what was going on. She always plays the victim. And sometimes she is overly sympathetic and nice. But most times she's apathetic and only has empathy for herself. It's so fucking confusing. I get rage when I talk to her because she barely listens and I can tell she doesn't really care, but then afterwards I'd feel extreme guilt for venting to her.
Omg same. My exact situation
youre not alone, everyone clicked on this for a reason
Sounds just like my mom. Nice when you're catering to her emotions but completely cold and unable to show empathy for others.
Brad another thing you should talk about is that ethnic families are basically constructed to be emotionally incestuous. Tons of role-based unhappy marriage and expectations of children to constantly give back. It’s exhausting. And somewhat transactional.
You just sung my entire mind when I first moved to the south!
This was a generational curse for my family it was passed on over and over again and I had to be the one to break the chain I found myself doing the same thing... this like it was bred in me cuz I had went through it so long it was programmed into me.
I had to heal from it before I could stop myself from reacting to not healing myself from it
I'm healing my relationship with my son and my daughter right now it's going great.... you explain this so perfectly.
My ex friend acts like he's married to his mother. He has no ambition, over 40, sleeping on a twin sized bed in parents basement and happy as hell to be there.
Brad, kudos to you for escaping the madness. It's a real travesty when someone is almost married to that parent with zero desire to change anything.
He has always had zero ambition. He told me that one of his teachers in hs told
him, that she will find him sleeping on a park bench one day.
She's not far off from that....just wow.
I'ma pray for your ex
I seriously doubt that, he seems very comfortable with his mom, that's where you'll find him obviously, lol.
@@GM-yb5yg I dumped him I don't date children. Lol
Maybe you can be a little compassionate and understanding. He is the way he because of his sick mother. He learned to be useless at home, his mother is using him for her own comfort. Help him become conscious, instead of putting him down.
@@GM-yb5yg you don't know the entire story.
i knew i had to cut off contact when i was 15 and my dad started to try to convince me that i was inlove with him , non stop till i was in tears begging him to stop. he thought it was funny. All of my friends used to say he looked at me funny, but i was too blind to understand till i was 15 .
God poor you, good that you escaped.
I've heard of the term before but holy shit I had never realized it might apply to me!
My mom was horribly neglected by her mother, found a replacement mother in her oldest sister who died in a car crash when she was only 23 (my mom was 14.) Then all of my mom's romantic relationship were disappointing and ended in divorce, and after that she basically had no friend. I realize now that naming me after her deceased sister wasn't a coincidence, and not just because "she liked the name." I think she was making me her surrogate sister who was also her surrogate mother
Sad part is, now I'm just not interested in having a relationship with her because she refuses to attend therapy, but I still feel guilty about how lonely she is
She's the parent, and an adult. You don't owe her anything and the more you try to help the more you're enabling her
What's so crazy about this is the circle with the marriage issue. I was not a victim of emotional incest but currently married to a man committing emotional incest with his daughter. And he's right, when you first see it, it looks like a dad that just loves his daughter. But after we were married and moved in together into our new house, I discovered there were two wives. I didn't know the term mini wife yet. That came from a stepmom group I belong to. I thought it was just a nick name she had given her stepdaughter. I looked it up and oh my God. It was the life I was living. He takes his 13 year old daughter on dates every Friday. He had been doing it since before I came in to the picture but does it to this day. They slept on the couch together before me and during our marriage. I complained about it enough that he reluctantly stopped. But all the things I complained about to him, how he treated her more like a wife than me, how she was in control over the house, how he always chooses her. She was in our adult conversations, he had to share everything with her. He'll ask her what shirt or shoes he should wear. Consulted her on how OUR bedroom should be set up. What shower curtain should go in OUR bathroom. He is her bestie and she is his. It broke our marriage. So now he is doing all the things being mentioned because now, he is in an unhappy marriage. Unhappy because of my complaing about the above mentioned issues. But all this time, it was his emotional incest that broke the marriage in the first place. When he is mad at me, he doesn't talk to me. He lavishes her with extra attention and ices me out. He'll walk past me like I don't even exsist. He grabs her and they go off and do whatever and I'm left alone. And this happens alot, every time he's mad at me for something. I think he might be narcissistic. He always has to elevate himself. My opinions are always wrong. I have to fight both of them. She always agrees with daddy and they like/don't like the same things. He divorced his first wife when she was young and then the mother died so it was just the two of them. So he has been doing this to her all this time. He won't go yo counseling because either 1. He believes he's in the right and even someone with a degree and years of experience has no idea what they're talking about. Or 2. He knows he has a problem but doesn't want to admit it and is afraid having the mirror held up in front of him. Because then he would have to be responsible for his actions and work on fixing not only what he is doing to her but the marriage as well and that is to much work for him. Either way, I can't live like this anymore. We haven't even been married a year yet and have only lived together for 3 months. It feels like it's been an eternity already. Another marriage down the drain.
Excellently explained in this video. Could you explain why some kids feel special & important in this role? I actually felt privileged to know so much & got my feelings hurt when my Grandparents refused to share personal info. Really messed up my thinking & perspectives. I didn't really realize how wrong this was until I was aged 45.
I was an only child with both parents doing emotional incest to me during their separation & after divorce. I was almost 8. Father was narcissist, entitled, angry & drunk. Mother was sad, stressed & lonely. I later rebelled as a teenager. Ironically, they became friends again with rebellious me being the common bond...
This explains soooo much! I used to wonder why the male who raised me always mistakenly called me by the name of the woman who raised me. I could never understand until a couple years ago, and it's finally making more sense in this video!
I could always sense there was this hidden rivalry of some sort going on, it's like a competition that was started by the Narc in the background. It's real difficult trying to be one's authentic self, when others are insisting on the person being someone else just to make them happy. WTF!!!! It's to the point where they'll get the police involved or try to send you to a mental rehabilitation center.....in the name of......(almost threw up) love.....🤢
You are right. My parents NEVER encouraged me when I showed them my interests. They only responded to the same old story they know. They have caused me unexplainable grief and damage. I am getting help and don't ever want to see them again.
Would you please do a video on how this ties in with Childhood Emotional Neglect? Thank you so very much. Your information is an epiphany for me.
Great suggestion.....I need to make a video specifically about neglect....I'll put on my to-do list!
@@BradShore thank you, Brad. I just became aware of CEN through a group on FB, and bought the book of Dr. Jonice Webb who specializes in CEN. Things are coming together for me to understand and I feel vindicated after all these years that I am not wrong how I feel, there's a reason.
I always say that to my hubby that his parents commit emotional inzest..and oh man..he doesn't see it. Hubby has three sibs( all ended up in psych ward and two attempted suicide several times and no there are no kids made by one of them...smh..creepy
Sometimes it's hard for a family member to "see it" and break through their denial.....but I'm glad YOU see it......thanks for watching.
@@BradShore thanks for posting such valuable information!
Exactly what my ex narc was doing to my daughter behind the scenes. Noticed changes in her starting at ten and her becoming more distant towards me and only got worse. Now at thirty, estranged for over a year. Evil
What's there relationship like ?
Oh my..this was my brother and mother. .I am no contact with them and my sister...thank you..much love 💙
Glad you have the insight-----thanks for watching!
Feels like my whole life has been a battle... born into a dysfunctional family - father v.violent narc bully, mother weak enabler, brother golden child, myself being the scape goat. Bullied all through school with girl gangs after me, never knew what i was walking into at school or at home - father used to hold me down & punch me in the head from a young age, & he'd throw my mother down the stairs & rape her. Married into family where the mother was the covert manipulative narc who everyone was afraid to upset & who idolised my husband's brother & hated me for taking one of her little boys away from her so she made aure the same thing wasn't going to happen with her other son, the golden child. My husband was the scape goat, his father the weak enabler, like my mother. Thought things would get better when we married & lived away - how naive i was - it got worse because my husb hated that i was the one who freed him from his mother as she never let him have a life or girlfriends before i came along, so he now had the freedom to go out dating - only, he didnt cos he was now shackled to me, but that didnt stop him. I thought things would get better if we had a child, it didnt, it got worse bcecause he absolutely idolised her & she grew up hating me & always being on his side. He was still very much under his mother's thumb & couldnt see what was happening. She hated me even more because her husband told me not only did i take her little boy away from her but i had the daughter she always wanted & blames him for not giving her so she punishes him by not sleeping with him since the day their second son was born. She even slept with her son & bathed him until he was nearly 20. Our daughter was in danger of becoming like my husb's narc mother & i didnt want her to live at home like my husb's brother did all his life - he said if she leaves home, so will he & he cried like a baby. He later admitted he never knew there were different kinds of love - thought the love you have for your sibling, mother, child, wife were all the same. It was v.difficult trying to find her a place of her own & encouraging her to live her own life. It was a real battle to get where we are today 46yrs later - my husb & daughter now see the light & i have good relationships with both of them. Daughter has her own place & a partner, tho i worry that he's v.much like my busband used to be in lots of ways. Husband had lots of therapy, basically grew up, & came to terms with reality. Would i recommend it? No - get out & run at the first warning signs - i ended up with a complete break down of my nervous system & cptsd &, despite most of them now are dead, (only husb's brother left who doesnt want anything to do with us, which is fine by me, & my father who's in his late 90s & still as controlling as ever, tho not physically violent anymore, more of a spoilt child with everyone pandering to him & telling him how marvellous he is still being able to live independently), i'm still dealing with the fall out & crap they all left me with in my 60s. This kind of stuff is pure evil manifested in families, & i'm so glad videos like this exist so it's become more widely known about & recognised as a form of abuse. I just hope one day my husband's brother will have the scales lifted from his own eyes - highly unlikely as he's now a narc himself because of how his mother poisoned him - but i, of course, will never know.
Great content ... please lower the intro music its really loud then gets softer
Will do....thanks for letting me know.....
Wow it's so loud
My father-in-law (as I am told by himself and my wife) spent a lot of time with his teenage daughter and son and their friends as a peer, inviting them around for drinks etc - to be part of the group, from what I can see. My wife is now in her 40s and she still often invites her father (and mother by default) to functions and events that we are attending, to join friend groups that we are part of…..and now her Dad always tries to be friends with our friends and neighbours and tells us what they are thinking, saying (often acting closer to these people than we are)……….my wife is a covert narcissist, too……this is all starting to make sense
I’m finally figuring out what I was dealing with. I went thru this and still recovering! My mom was always the victim and made me think that I had lots of issues. It was never really me but her. I stay away from her now. I now know what the root of my problem had been and work on me to be better!
I'm 53 and am just now discovering that I grew up in this kind of family. I never gave up the role. I've never dated or had children. Now that both my parents are dead, I have no idea who I am or what things I like. I am just starting to realize that the close, supportive family I thought I had wasn't real.
The work you’ve done on yourself makes it easier for us that are watching. Thank you
It is scary how much you described my husband to the T. I always knew his mother was way too emotionally reliant on him, but I didn't realize it had a name and full explanation.
It still feels wrong to outright hate my Earthly mother, and I feel... married to her. Seriously, every time I talk to her, Lucifer whispers in my ear "Husband and Wife" and it feels so. (Thank you, Royal Friend, for showing me this video.) I know that I am narcissistic, and since our relationship is in a state of arrested development with her, I'm interacting with a mere memory as she slowly turns into a self-hating mess. This whole thing sucks, but ancestral worship has helped me greatly.
I find your videos useful and clear, and straight to the point unlike so many other videos where they lean on the spiritual / new age, which I find unnecessary.
It's interesting and tragic to continue to see this behavior out there in so many families. I have seen this happen with divorced women, women who are widows or women who had children out of wedlock, though I know not all women in these categories commit this. It's very sad for the kids and, yes, they do spend their entire lives.... trying to find themselves and learn to develop emotional (and sometimes physical) boundaries.
True. I've known a few women who intentionally become single parents & treated their child (usual an only child!) as their other half or best friend
It’s Really a head trip when my Mom mostly got all this attention for being such a devoted mother to me.
Yet she was so emotionally smothering and manipulative and abusive in every way to me
When she didn’t get her way she was physically violent.
Either I was her perfect angel or I was tidally ungrateful for all she sacrificed for me no in between
She was one of the most prominent disability advocates in my state. She even testified before Congress for disability rights. I didn’t even understand how abused I was by her till I began to set my own boundaries with her then she became very viscous with me feeling I betrayed her
.
She always viewed whoever I was romantically involved with as competition and my partner opened my eyes to how abusive she is to me and she reallly didn’t like that and the mask came off
I had to be rescued immediately
I was in physical danger
My partner and my brother rescued me.
But yeah everybody thought we had the most perfect relationship and she was the perfect mother
Oh boy I just dipped out on a very short relationship because dude & his young daughter were so creepy 😳 the poor little girl! No wonder it seemed so creepy!
I’m dealing with this as a daughter-in-law, my husband doesn’t see what is going on. How do I explain this to him? He just gets defensive and takes his frustration out on me over her actions. It has gotten worse over the last 10 years after her husband passed away.
This one hit me Very Strongly. Love your work on this topic.
Thank You!
❤🎉😢😊
How do you confront or deal with a emotional incest situation? Like how do you address it or approach it without it being interpreted as something sexual people usually get offended by the word “incest” so how do you discuss this to a parent committing emotional incest
You're on point
This is great. I see this in my daughter in common and her mother who is still crying about the same stuff for the 2 years I've known her. Is there anything we can do to help this situation especially when the mother seems to not want help but to stay the victim.
Feels like my life story! Both parents! Thank you Brad for making videos on this topic!xx
because they have a captive audience. the kid cant just leave.
Yes. It’s why it’s so easy to see why the child will grow up having given up on life - because they grew up with the idea that there is no hope for escape - no hope for freedom since they are dependent on the parent.
Yes this is so true...the fantasy marriage...goes wrong...
What about an older sibling developing an inappropriate relationship?
Thats called incest lol
good enough. does it make sense if my father is literally ALL of these things??? He also cheated on my mother. does that mean he couldnt have used me emotional like this?
Do you have any videos on how to deal with being the partner of a son of a woman like this? 😪
lmao came here cuz my therapist said this and idk wtf emotional incest is 😀
Man, I know how that might feel. I have a so call Dad who is narcissistic and said I create you and I can destroy you. He is an ok Dad bailed me out of jail but he still is a piece of shit in many ways. He also wanted to sleep with me when I was younger & I said No and it didn't happen. And he suppose to be a person who believes in God. Thank God I got my own place now and I am a Grown man. I resent & despise him. My mom was more loving in some ways but she's died 3 years ago.
What would it be like if the parents are vulnerable narcissts? And what if they didn't want to live the dreams through the child but wanted yo prevent the mistakes they did, would it be similar?
I need a video of living w parent
Great video
They're not emotionally balanced.
❤
the audio is FREAAAAAAAAKING uneven
Thanks.
Why is it called incest tho, genuinely curious?
Because even if its not sexual the parent in this scenario is treating their child like a partner as opposed to a child.
Please get a better microphone
Thank you so much to put light in this situation. I loved your video.