Why We Hate Natural Family Planning
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- Опубліковано 29 лип 2019
- Bobby hates natural family planning because it requires self-mastery and dying to self. While it sounds great in the idealistic sense, living it out is a whole different story.
Being married doesn’t mean you’re entitled to sex with your spouse. If sex is the beautiful, natural expression of love we say it is, natural family planning is a form of training in that genuine love. Fertility is a great and powerful gift, but with great power comes great responsibility. While Bobby finds the practice of NFP excruciatingly difficult in the day to day, he notices that he is growing in patience, generosity, and selflessness as he bears this cross. He also notices how his relationship with Jackie flourishes as a result.
“When a child is given to his parents, a crown is made for that child in Heaven, and woe to the parents who raise a child without consciousness of that eternal crown!”― Fulton J. Sheen, Life Is Worth Living
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Been struggling recently with my anxiety and depression about being single and I'm going to a wedding this weekend where I am the Best Man so I expect it to hit home a bit then. Praying for whomever my future wife is that God is helping her along her journey and in His time we can meet if we haven't yet :)
Stay strong brother. Not everyone is called to marriage. Just focus on your faith, and hold on to that.
You’re not alone dude! Tons of other guys, including me, are going through some of the same emotions and it’s tough. The message I keep getting from God when I ask why I haven’t met that special someone yet is “Why are you worried about what the future holds? I (God) have given you a day for you to enjoy, and you choose to spend sulking? I want to give you joy but you trap yourself in these negative thoughts about the future and miss out on the present.” Im not sure if you have the same thoughts I do, but I want to help. I will be praying for you, you just follow what God asks of you and I can bet you will be more joyful than you can imagine. Go enjoy each day!!!
Again easier said than done, but I will be praying for you...
Im currently battling similar feelings, talking to a priest about dealing with envy and jealousy over watching other couples is a really big help. I too always stop in these moments and pray for my future spouse and even offer up the mental and physical frustrations, anxiety, loneliness, etc for that person whom I don't know yet. I feel at this point with all I've offered up so far that he is going to be pretty darn amazing lol!
Bro, you DON'T need a woman in your life, true happiness comes by helping others out, not by other's acceptance
what if your vocation is to be single?
NFP is what separates the men from the boys. Tough but worth it. Solidarity, brother.
Thought it was a crowbar. Who knew?
It doesn't work for everyone...
NFP is a mortal Sin
And it's not so bad for you really Tim because no matter what time of the month you will be prone to much the same levels of desire but your wife will naturally experience heightened desire at her most fertile time of the month ( every time ) so she must be prepared to only enjoy sex when it will feel best for her when she is prepared to welcome a new life to the world ( every time ) for life. That's not a cross you have to bear. Imagine you could only really enjoy sex at it best 5 times in your life. 🤔 I know of course that sex is probably best for both husband and wife when ' both 'are most desirous but that still does not change the fact that your wife must say no to sex at the times of her life she most desires it which asumming she doesn't want to be pregnant or nursing at all times is basically calculated on the back of an envelope for an average woman during her fertile married years about 1 in 30 or 40 times ( as in she can enjoy sex during the time of the month she most desires it only one time in every 30 or 40 times based on a proposition that she only wants to have four or five kids )🤔, you have it easy man in comparison, when you think about it🤔
@P K you say ( sentence finishing with... it's absurd )above. I'm not sure I follow what you mean, can you elaborate ? Not being difficult, I just don't understand whatever point you are making
As G.K. Chesterton said, and I paraphrase, "Good society is made by people who want freedom from indulging in vice, destroyed by those who want the freedom to indulge in vice."
Guys, this is the best:
Husband-and-Wife video: "Why we love NFP"
Husband-alone video: "Why I hate NFP" ;D
Hehehe! Not quite that way in this household tho!
Hahahahaha so funny 😆😆
LOL
Not catholic, just Protestant but this channel is AMAZING. Thank you Bobby for sharing here and your humanness.
claire nicholls look into becoming catholic ahaha
Kimberly Pitts lol! Been there, done that. Though Catholic worship sure gets a whole bunch of stuff right that my crew don’t do. Will stay just where I am and keep the ecumenical dialogue happening 🙃
@@clairenicholls why been there, done that? have you looked into RCIA, just to see what its about?
Dani Fregoso yup, and had a very excellent Catholic priest who took plenty of time to help explain the differences and similarities. He was the best! Simply, while there are many things Catholicism offers that I see as valuable, there are some things (mostly interpretation stuff) that don’t ring true. I believe we love and serve the same God, that we are called to be love and light in the world, and that those things are enough to unite us within Christ ecumenically
claire nicholls oh that’s awesome that you took the time to learn more! what are some things that you saw you didn’t agree with?
I used NFP even before I became a Catholic as I believed that the birth control pill prevented the fertilized embryo from implanting. Breastfeeding my children until they were two years old was also a very effective method way to plan my family. I had eight children. (Ending with twins at 40) NFP worked very well for me with only one unplanned pregnancy for me, which I was thrilled about.
In the Bible it says that when a man and woman come together we should always be open to new life. I took that seriously and lived by His word and was Blessed.
When you breast feed you cant conceive?
@@somethinggood9267 It's not extremely reliable, but breastfeeding >8-10/day with no more than 6 hours between feedings can prevent ovulation from occurring. Don't be afraid to explore your options though, as most BC options don't mean preventing a fertilized zygote from implanting as mentioned above.
@@therealstewyward is that 8-10 times a day? I didnt fully understand
@@somethinggood9267 >8-10/day = at least 8-10 times per day, yes. At every 6 hours, you're only breastfeeding 4 times a day, which means you're probably pumping or starting to introduce solids. Feeding 8 times a day is every 3 hours, and feeding 10 times a day is almost every 2.5 hours. The younger your infant is, the more frequently they tend to feed, which makes breastfeeding more likely to delay ovulation. As they get older, they feed less from mom and it signals to her body that the child is becoming more independent. The hormones are then able to fluctuate with the lower milk demand, even if the cycles are irregular at first.
Ah, bible thumpers. Multiplying like rabbits
As a married man, i am glad you did this as a one-on-one talk. Thanks for opening yourself up.
I really appreciated that you mentioned just because you are married does not mean you are entitled to intimacy, and NFP definitely accommodates that idea well. I've heard many Catholics say differently, as if once we become married we can forget about honoring our spouse as a person.
That was quite the punchline! But my favourite.
Consent is important no one is entilted to sex no one
We are on vacation with my parents and we were unsure what the sleeping arrangements would be as we haven't stayed at this cabin before. We are in a fertile period and waiting until our youngest is two before we change our intention from avoiding go achieving.
Anyhow, we walk in to the cabin. My husband and I have bunk beds to sleep in while we are here. We both laughed. Well played God, well played. ;P
who needs a bed to have sex?
As a woman in my 30s practicing self control during fertile days is not impossible, but it's very difficult thing. I'd almost rather pack up and move to a hotel alone while I'm ovulating.
"Sometimes I have to die to myself"....then I notice the skull in the background 😂 Great video!
Nothing worth having comes easily. Thanks for doing this series.
This is one of the realities of NFP that is not often talked about and I really appreciate it!! Thank you for this video!!!
The grass is always greener. I was Catholic, fell away, engaged in lots of sexual sin, and eventually came back to Catholicism. Before I came back to Catholicism, my acupuncturist suggested I stop the pill and she recommended a book about NFP. My husband did not complain once when I went off the pill - he said I was much less moody and I was happier, which made his life easier 😊. So while the pill might sound easy and great, it's really not. Not only does it have physical side effects for women, it has a lot of emotional side effects for women that can then negatively affect the marriage and family.
At least you’re only abstaining for like a week....Those of us with same sex attraction are abstaining from our desires for life.
Tyler, I commend you for choosing to abstain for life, that is a courageous choice, and I respect you for it.
Tyler W God bless your soul!
Same for priests and religious who abstain for life! All people need prayers to grow in self mastery and purity.
My thoughts and prayers go with you, Tyler. I appreciate your testimony. Look to the Blessed Mother for guidance, help, and strength, along with St. Joseph. I'm sure it was not always easy for St. Joseph, either, yet he respected Mary's perpetual virginity also.
I have found that when things are especially difficult regarding matters of purity, I throw myself more into prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, and looking for ways to stay busy serving others. Lots of exercise helps as well, as Bobby alluded to in the video. God bless you! Let me know if I can help you in any way.
Tyler W. Bro, I have so much respect for you. that alone is self mastery at it's finest
I became Catholic this passed Easter. My wife is still protestant. She agreed to do NFP and we got too ancy before really mapping out her cycle and now she's pregnant with our 5th child. Lol. But learning and better understanding the Church's teaching on sexuality made me realize just how selfish I was being about my desires! I feel terrible that I objectified her so much. I have genuinely grown in true love for her through this. My heart is accepting much more now that my role is to serve her.
Love your channels , I am Protestant for England and really take a lot from these and especially Father Mike Schmitz, you’re inspirational and definitely help to keep me on a narrower path. God bless, from the cold wet UK! X
Hey ✌🏾 If I may ask, have u ever looked like into Catholicism?
This is the best series ever on NFP we will be using this in our Marriage Prep classes. Thank you so much
A GREAT video, Bobby. This parallels my own experiences with NFP. We struggled at various times throughout our marriage as to whether or not to obey the Church's teaching or not. But in the end, the Holy Spirit convicted us that NFP is a good and proper way not just to abstain at certain times, but to grow in respect for one another as persons made in the Divine Image of God.
I also love the quote that you read from Ven. Fulton Sheen. #Powerful. God bless you and Jackie for your ministry. I wish you guys were around 30+ years ago when we were in our 20's and 30's!
Donald Kolenda I am so lucky and blessed to have everyone on Acsencion Presents and all the other Catholic media on UA-cam. God bless us all!
@@dumboxthomas6758 Hi, Thomas, I feel the same way. This is such a beautiful channel; imparting the truth about the true Church founded by Jesus Christ, encouraging us all, and allowing us to help carry each others' burdens. God bless you!
The best part is all that suffering and restraint makes you stronger!
Thank you so much for this Bobby. This was sobering. Thank you so much for being honest about your own struggle as well. May God continue to bless you and your family.
You are a brave man
Abstaining from something like the sexual act is hard enough in and of itself; but to be in such close contact as you were in the last three videos...
Like dude, I only wish I had that amount of self-restraint!
Know that you and your family are in my prayers and I wish you the best on persevering in the great task that the Lord has given you
God bless you and thank you!
Look up the benefits of nofap too my man
My husband and I decided when our second child was one year old we wanted to be faithful to the Catholic Church. We used NFP from the time I was 28 until I was 45 and had to have a hysterectomy because of diseased female organs. When we started NFP, I prayed God would help us stay faithful. We never used artificial birth control again. I would like to Say it was because we were virtuous, but it was because God answered my prayer in an unsuspected way. At 18 months our second child began manifesting severe autistic characteristics. We did not even think about relations till he was 7. It was easy to abstain when our goal was survival. We had to constantly watch him so he did not injure himself or our first child or us. We did not sleep deeply 2 years. Sometimes NFP is extremely easy. Even though our story is a little strange, I highly recommend NFP. It makes you truly appreciate one another and learn that sacrifice and love are the same thing.
I taught NFP for 15 yrs, practiced it for 25. It's not easy to abstain when God made us to desire each other during the fertile period. We've had to use it during serious health issues over the years, and now that my husband's health isn't good, and perhaps widowhood in the future, that discipline will help. 😔
Mary Z much love to you ❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this video, for your sharing! This is really inspiring for those who are struggling to use/figure out NFP. May God bless everyone who chanced upon your works and most esp. may God bless you and your family.
I actually would have really appreciated hearing your wife's perspective on abstaining because abstaining is just as hard for me as it is for my husband. I actually really struggle with NFP.
The sinner's guide to natural family planning by Simcha Fisher, she talks about the difficulty of abstaining from the woman's perspective, among other things.
Being busy does help and the rosary
I went to an NFP session and this one guy mentioned how abstaining in marriage helped him to have more respect for his wife because he didn't objectify her since there was no sex on demand.
I really like this reasoning 🙌
@@mukami_kinyua Yes! 😀
Brother…I love this video. I didn’t completely buy into NFP at first, but I am all for it now. I have heard all the arguments against. But your reasons are spot on. I would add, DIALOG is required between husband and wife. We are truly “equally yoked” with NFP. Thanks for the video.
6:20 "Let's pray, yeah you, behind the camera" XD actually made me sit up and join my hands in prayer.
I love this channel!
because it brainwashes you
It also requires a womans body to be at least semi-normal. For someone who struggles with extreme cycle disruption due to a number of different diagnosis can cause charting to not be as accurate or abstaining periods can last months or longer. I will say though, its not so common that temps and charts don't work for a woman. If she at first struggles or is irregular, she can tweak other things in her life like diet and exercise, but sometimes those types of issues may end in hysterectomies anyways due to severity and those women need to know that they have not sinned. So I completely agree with NFP, but if you have severe medical issues, please get a coach because it is not easy. Thanks for the series!
Get a coach anyway!
@@VideoMask93 agree!! I know some people take the classes and theyre good but everyone could benefit from a coach!
coach definitely needed in that cae but I think any case coaching should be involved to ensure proper usage
@@v-mariewilliams7058 totally agree!
@Saint Anthony Of The Desert Media Co. amazing!
Best one yet! God Bless yall
Oh my gosh 😂 the dad joke at the beginning though! 😂 I appreciated it 😊
Great video! NFP can be challenging, but it has blessed our marriage so incredibly!
Struggling with this right now! Thank you for your grace, Jesus!
LML keep it up! It is worth the wait :)
Thanks for the honesty!
This is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing all of this Bobby. Please, keep it up!!!
Thanks for the video, brothers. God bless you.
Also some people use it to fall pregnant not avoid it. While listening to this I kept thinking of the question asked in the wedding ceremony “Do you willingly and freely accept children as given by God?” Not sure of the exact words but that’s what it meant to me. How many people say yes and then later on “but...”. It’s a serious thing to be open to life and abandon oneself completely to the plan of God regarding having children. To accept to have or not have children in accordance with His will. Praying for all Catholic married women.
Thank you for sharing this very realistic and encouraging view. Many Catholics struggle with this but feel alone.
My dude, were you ever a single guy? Cuz bro 15 days is nothing.
15 days? Sperm only lives for 5 days in a woman’s body and an egg only lives for 6-12 hours!! If a person is abstaining for 15 days that’s overkill and they need to have some education in fertility and how the body works!! Lol
Melinda Anne 😂😂 I had to laugh.
Have you tried ovulation kits?
Melinda Anne do you use them? do they work ? would you be able share your experience? I would be grateful.
@@anitaklara7428 I recommend Ovia fertile app, or Clue. You input your last period (along with your average cycle length) and it tells you when you're fertile. Pretty accurate from my experience.
I am learning more about Catholicism each day and am currently in RCIA. I understand this to a degree, I'm on a self imposed 7month abstinence period. But knowing how much being together intimately is important for a long lasting loving relationship I don't see myself ever being able to do this. It's easy to talk about platitudes about becoming closer to your partner and suffering through it, but if you read the Catholic forums about this it tells a different story. It almost cripples many relationships and leads to long lasting sadness. We are mortal beings for a reason, even if in the end we pass on, forsaking this life's most precious moments doesn't make sense to me. Someone please help me understand how this brings you closer to your partner?
Thank you for your video. My wife and I are discerning a call to join the Catholic Church (currently Anglican) but I have to admit this is the biggest hang up for me, so I appreciate my comment being read sincerely and from pastoral eyes. I assure you this is not meant to be trolling at all. I had a vasectomy half a decade ago as we were done having children. We both still feel that way. I understand that in catholicism I could in theory be in good standing if I were to have this reversed (though by this point chances of success are low), but I struggle with why I need to do that. After each of our pregnancies my wife struggled with significant mental health issues. Obtaining a vasectomy was in many ways a mercy for my wife. I felt not only at peace with this but as though it was the most loving thing to do for my wife. I struggle with recognizing this act of love as an act of sin. I do recognize that many things that people could construe as love are actually sin but I struggle to see how a Christian husband laying down his own desires for the well being of his wife is a sin. When searching online for the Catholic perspective to this I find NFP as the alternative. I struggle with this. As a medical professional I am aware the NFP when done correctly is more effective than condom use. So why then is NFP preferred? It seems that God would have better chances, so to speak, in make a condom fail than in making NFP fail. In other words, it would seem that NFP is more of a barrier to "the potential of life" than condoms are. NFP after all is done expressly for the purpose of avoid a new life. If a couple only has sex when the wife is not fertile, then they have taken the potential for life out of the equation just as much as wearing a condom takes it out of the equation (only more effectively so as mentioned above). Isn't NFP "inherently selfish" in that it is specifically done only for the purpose on preventing a pregnancy? Again, I recognize this comes off as argumentative but I genuinely am searching for answers. If we join the Catholic Church I want to do so in good faith. I can't stomach the idea of going to confessional and not confessing something that the church holds as a sin but I do not. Thank you in advance for your thoughts on this.
I like the skull on your desk, Memento Mori!
It is unlikely that I will ever need to worry about NFP since I am a sr. citizen and single. I am anyway so impressed with the hope afforded women, marriages, families and the human race in general by this system, and its contribution to marital happiness and stability. I think ‘necessary periodic refraining’ from sex via NFP can protect & preserve marital sexual attraction, along with the other blessings indigenous to NFP.
I think that artificial forms of family planning, and the huge subculture and the philosophy that grew out of the birth control boom, rampant at the time when I came of age, influenced my being unmarried and w/o my own children, when this is the opposite of what I desired, (although not necessarily to the exclusion of beginnings of a subsidiary career).
( there are certainly other influences, internal and worldly and maybe, also, religious that contributed to a life that I hadn’t always hoped for or expected, including the way God works in our lives)
God teaches us to find meaning in our lives as they are and gratefully, I do { but never could w/o God’s help}.
Among the blessings I enjoy is occasionally commenting on the encouraging works of God as I find them in social media.
God bless.
Me impactó mucho el quote de Fulton Sheen! “Cuando un hijo es dado a sus padres, se hace una corona para ese hijo en el Cielo, y ¡ay de los padres que crían a un hijo sin conciencia de esa corona eterna.”
I’ve thought a lot about marriage and having kids. However, I’m terrified of pregnancy bc even though im a full grown adult I’m very tiny and have a short, thin, fragile frame. On top of that the women in both sides of my family have had a history of miscarriages and complications. My mother almost died both times she gave birth and my brother and I almost didn’t make it either. The doctors told her she couldn’t have anymore kids or she and the baby almost certainly wouldn’t make it, so she didn’t. I don’t know if my body could handle it. I’ve also always had a very very strong desire to adopt children rather than make my own for several reasons. Being able to give children a second chance of being raised by loving catholic parents, and i genuinely don’t want to bring anymore children into this crazy world, etc. Also taking care of homeless, parent less kids is one of the best ways to be actively pro life by showing we DO care for kids after their born, not only before. My question is, would it be a sin if I were to use NFP in a future marriage to avoid pregnancy, even though I’d have children through adoption and of course raise them as Catholics? Or can you only use NFP if you’re open to having biological children. I’m willing to adopt as many children as I can as long as I’m able to give them everything they need including my time and attention. However I’d want them to have a father (my husband) because Id want to give them an example of a traditional family with a happily married mother and father, and sex seems to be a very important part of marriage so I don’t know if abstinence during the entire marriage is an option. Of course if it were Gods will that I have my own biological baby, and NFP would fail to prevent a pregnancy, I would be %100 open to that as well.
Nicely said! Thanks, Pete D.---
Lovely perspective
Wonderful video!
Jackie and Bobby thank you so much for your recent videos on contraception and NFP. They are so helpful and much needed in today's world when there is so much confusion surrounding our sex and sexuality.
Would you make a video on chastity within marriage? I'd love to hear your thoughts and wisdom in how to live out purity within marriage when it might be easy to slip into the mindset of "anything goes now that we're married".
Keep up the great work, and may Jesus bless your ministry abundantly!
In Christ,
Rachel Pepmeyer
I love the idea of self mastery and temperance. Society has made sex seem like something everyone is entitled to.
Can you please talk about situations when NFP is misused and actually harms the marriage? Like when one partner denies the other during fertile times bc one doesn’t want children anymore because they feel they have enough to take care of while the other is open to the struggle of new life creating years of stress?
I love y’all so much ❤️ going to start up my YT channel soon. Lifestyle content with a Catholic twist.
Just subscribed!
Do you know Vivyanhamo just out of curiosity? Lol and I just subscribed!
Kyle McLaughlin I do! I love her so much 💕 never met personally but we are good online friends. And thank you so much friend 💕💕💕💕💕🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 means a lot to me.
Kristina Massa me too!
Just subscribed. Looking forward to your content!
What would you say to any woman or man (practicing NFP) who feels like a "failure" as a spouse if they are unable to give of themselves to the other person with sex because they are in a long season of abstaining? I have a friend who is very new to NFP and is seriously considering going back to external contraception because she feels like she is a failure as a wife if she has to deprive her husband of sex for a month or so in order to regulate her cycle... I know this is wrong but I'm assuming she isn't alone in feeling this way about NFP, how do you respond to this concern?
You are a simple man willing to improve
An extremely straight and honest question to you Bobby:
I'm new to Catholic teaching. I've been married for 25 yrs and we always used contraception. The best time of the month was when my wife ovulated... (well, I warned you this would be honest)... According to Catholic teaching, can't you have sex and enjoy each others bodies without intercourse during the fertile period? Is total abstinence the only option?
(I would like to show my grown up kids about NFP and the Theology of the Body, but I'm still learning myself. If this question is too radical, and you don't want to answer within a few days, I will delete it) God with us.
Thank you so much 😊 for sharing the truth, the likes and dislikes of Natural family planning. In the Hispanic community it’s tough and sort of difficult to teach this to many couples. I as a young Hispanic woman and who knows English, I can learn through you two with your videos. I hope to learn as much as I can so I can one day teach them the virtue of Natural family planning. God bless your beautiful family. ❤️❤️ greetings from Boston, MA!!
Sorry... Still not convinced... Maybe my problem is more complocated. I'll keep thinking as you say anyway... Thank you for sharing.
That joke in the beginning had me dead!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Love your chokes.Thank you
For those who are concerned about the morality of NFP, here is an excerpt from Humanae Vitae which I think clearly identifies that the teaching of the Church does not condemn its use as a manner of spacing out births (i.e. birth control) - specifically because it acts in cooperation with the natural order of our biology as God has designed it. Artificial birth control, on the other hand, is a means of imposing our will and intellect over God's and thus acts against His creative design.
"... The Church is the first to praise and commend the application of human intelligence to an activity in which a rational creature such as man is so closely associated with his Creator. But she affirms that this must be done within the limits of the order of reality established by God.
If therefore there are well-grounded reasons for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches that married people may then take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and engage in marital intercourse only during those times that are infertile, thus controlling birth in a way which does not in the least offend the moral principles which We have just explained. (20)
Neither the Church nor her doctrine is inconsistent when she considers it lawful for married people to take advantage of the infertile period but condemns as always unlawful the use of means which directly prevent conception, even when the reasons given for the later practice may appear to be upright and serious. In reality, these two cases are completely different. In the former the married couple rightly use a faculty provided them by nature. In the later they obstruct the natural development of the generative process..."
- Humanae Vitae, section 16
The full document can be found here, in the Vatican archives:
w2.vatican.va/content/paul-vi/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae.html
Thank you! This was exactly what I wanted to say...
This is an important point that I think that many devout Catholics today miss.
The document literally defines Contraception in sweeping broad terms and then contradicts itself in trying to say NFP is different. It ultimately throws up its hands and says "well at least those using NFP have to have some discipline and not consummate at certain times of the month" lol.
@Unclenate1000 NFP strives to respect the fertility of the couple and the act of sexual union. Contraception refuses to respect fertility and claims that the sexual union is for the momentary pleasure. NFP shows the ultimate Love for both people by saying with your body that you can have self-control. Whereas contraception shows that people can be used like objects and that self-control shouldn’t be expected. NFP states that all people have inherent value and dignity. Contraception states that people are only important if they can be used. Idk, maybe it takes moral maturity to see the difference.
I don’t mean for that last statement to sound that snarky. I didn’t always have that maturity to see how I was treating my spouse or my own fertility. But I’ve grown and sincerely wish that kind of growth for others.
From another catholic vid I am getting that nfp should be used for serious issues only, like health and difficult economic situations. Is that true? I see catholics using it for less than that.
Great video and great series. I appreciate how upfront you are about it and discuss the realities of things that aren’t normally discussed and are an example of how to live as a catholic man in today’s society. I know this is the end of the series but I hope you and Jackie do another video series of something similar.
What is the name of the opening music?
I was almost about to convert to catholicism from protestant background, but I just havent got to the point where i could accept NFP without a resistance. Dont get me wrong id love to have children, but abstaining in a marriage just sounds TOO hard, a lot of suffering.
Do protestants use contraception? Like condom or pills?
sorry, i am searching all the religions and you are the only one i can ask.
@@hayat7300 hello, many protestants use contraception, pills and condoms. Of course there are some who dont but I think in General we do use artifical contraception.
Im about to become catholic this spring and im so happy about it.
Ive understood about NFP that is about Trusting God in my case. Also i was afraid of nfp but not so much anymore. I mean, im soon 30 years old and if i ever get married, who even knows if im able to have a child? My point is that I cant really know the future and i cant/I dont even need to know.
Life is not about being in control of everything...and of course being in control is an illusion. God bless my friend and i pray you will find your way 🙏🏻😊
Awesome stuff. And yeah, self-mastery approached in any area of life rubs off in other areas of life. We essentially did this, and after almost 30 years of marriage have 3 wonderful kids. Exactly as many as we'd hoped to have, btw.
Did you not wanted more children? Me and my husband are married 9 years and doing the billings method have had 2 planned children now pregnant with our third child due in November think we are done after this baby but not entirely sure, just feel a bit pressure from being a Catholic couple if 3 is enough my parents had 7 of us and few miscarriages.
We wanted 3. We met and married relatively late, so 3 kids in 10 years was what arrived; our youngest was born when Herself was 41. Herself's health has never been great, and pregnancy was tough on her. Having 3 meant that by living very intentionally, we could manage on one moderate income ... thereby priorizing child rearing. She was the earner earlier on, with me doing more toddler-care as I finished grad school ... then we flipped roles. Our kids got much more of and from us than if we'd each had to spend the best hours of our days away from them.
If you can predict exactly when she's fertile and are avoiding it, and just doing the marital act when she's not, can you reeeaaally say you're trusting God with your family?
I say yes, because you're not putting any unnatural barriers between a potential egg and sperm. You're using the bodies that God gave you, and trusting that He will do with them what He intends. I'm trying to think of an analogy but struggling...Okay, hear me out, I got one! Imagine those games at a carnival or county fair, where you have to throw the ball at the target to win a prize (read: make a baby). You want to play the game but not win a prize because you don't have room in the car to take the prize home. (STAY WITH ME, I'M TRYING, HERE. 😅) So you only throw the ball when the target isn't up, or avoid the target by aiming the ball to the sides of it. But, there's a dude in the booth running the game (God, lol) who has control of the targets. He sees you being a weirdo and has the ability to move the target to line up with one of your throws so you can win a prize anyways. If you showed up to the game with armful of saran wrap and put up a wall between your throws and the target, there would be little to no chance of you ever hitting the target. By purposefully throwing anywhere but the target, you played the game the way it's supposed to be played, just..... very badly. Annnnnnnd, I may have just convinced myself that your original argument is actually valid. I'll be going now.
exactly. It's just a more natural, passive method of the same thing.
I see where you're coming from. but it's not just about trusting God with your family. It's also about spouses giving themselves to one another in a free, total, faithful, and fruitful way.
There is a difference between avoiding pregnancy and preventing pregnancy. Celibate people "avoid" pregnancy by, obviously, just not ever having sex. Similarly, spouses can "avoid" pregnancy by using intermittent abstinence. This way, every sexual act they DO engage in has nothing withheld and nothing blocked--their bodies can work naturally and come together totally. But, when contraceptives are used, pregnancy is "prevented" within that sexual act. In this case, the pregnancy that could potentially be occurring within that sexual act is intentionally prevented by the couple.
It's good for spouses to still have sex even when they have good reason to not have a child for the time being, because sex has two purposes: bonding, and babies. You can have the bonding without the babies, because that's natural. You're body is not always fertile. But you can't have the bonding without the babies WHENEVER YOU WANT, which is not natural, because the body is not supposed to always be infertile.
So, by using NFP, we're working together WITH how God designed our reproductive system, rather than circumventing it. The trust part comes in a few ways: 1) praying about when to try to have another child, 2) there's still that small chance of becoming pregnant when not trying to, 3) trusting in whether or not God will grant a pregnancy when you are fertile and you decide your reasons for abstaining are no longer more important than your union in that moment, 4) trusting the natural cycle of fertility and infertility that God designed, rather than choosing to override God's design and make your sex-life constantly sterilized/infertile.
God gave us brains, and God gives us the will to cooperate with him or not. His plan isn't so much some pre-determined script that we discover or miss out on, but cooperating with the principals of love that he taught us, and listening to his still small voice within us. It's cooperating with his design, with how he made us. NFP works with God's design, but contraception, as convenient as it may seem, always works contrary to God's design.
@@EllGirl My point is: if you have the (accurate) knowledge of your wife's fertility cycle, there is the potential for NFP to be abused.
You're right: spouses do give themselves freely, faithfully, and fruitfully to each other; contraception is not allowed; God gave us brains; sex can help keep the spouses bonded while avoiding pregnancy.
That last part must be for a serious reason such as danger of birth defects, concern for death of (or injury to) the mother or infant, actual financial hardship, and the like.
There's either a serious reason to use periodic continence (NFP), or there's NO reason to use it. It's there for those who really need it. It's not there for us to use to habitually have fun without reaping the consequences by avoiding her most fertile times. That would, seemingly, put it on the same level as using contraception.
I don't believe NFP is evil or heretical, but if you're using it without a serious reason, you're probably abusing it. If you're truly not ready to have another child but are not in a serious condition, the church recommends abstaining to allow your wife's body to recuperate, pray, fast, practice mortifications (penance), etc. which we all should be doing anyway.
Other than that, spouses, keep the potential saints coming!
You also have a responsibility to be wise and good stewards of your family. Children should be considered and prepared for. Can actually just be reckless to not attempt to track things and make wise decisions
I have an irregular cicle... +-10 days... I wouldn't mind abstaining during part of the month, but how to be sure I'm not getting pregnant because of my crazy cicle?
Same. It’s hard. 😢
All of the things that they said you shouldn't do, I did, and it destroyed my marriage.
Probably highly depends on one's "needs" or drive here. Quite a few couples who have been married a little while and have small kids aren't really doing it all that much anyway . Screaming kids, bills and no sleep are great "cold showers".
The growth a man experiences while committing to observing NFP is truly following the footsteps of Christ.
Could you make other episodes than fr. Mike's podcasts as well?
You should talk about the fact that NFP is only to be used in a serious situation not a free for all. And to only be used for a specific amount of time. Example: wife is having mental health issues or you can’t afford another child right now or you have a special needs child that needs extra attention. Pope John Paul II said so himself. You missed that point in all 4 of your videos.
Theresa Dvorak I’ve been pretty worried to see so many catholic UA-cam’s promote NFP and not mention this
Username11 they’re just promoting contraception with extra steps.
Mistranslation
The issue you’re addressing is really a separate teaching I think. This inherently has to do with a couples’ decision to have more children or not. That’s where the morality portion lies. NFP is not moral or immoral in its own right. And on top of that, NFP is two sided. It’s not simply used to “not have more children”. It can be used to HAVE more children when it’s difficult, track and heal PCOS, and uncover a host of other ailments... degrading the power of NFP to simply “another form of birth control” (which it’s not!!) is equally as harmful in my opinion.
Yes or it just becomes a form of contraception where a couple can separate themselves from the procreative plan of God.
Nfp is a killer. It is nevertheless the only moral way to deal with this difficult issue. Be ready though that nfp can lead to a complete destruction of intimate life. And that's no joke. One thing that you needed to talk about though Bobby is the marital debt. We are required to fulfill that debt on pain of sin. This makes nfp much more difficult again. Then add in serious medical problems and well - the life of a monk looks much more appealing.
We need more men to be humble and speak out on this!
I have been abstaining since June when my wife gave birth. It is now November. My wife is freaked out about being pregnant again so early so playing it safe. ~_~
I’m dealing with this situation now...
Has a parent, I definitely don’t need NFP to say no to sex. I’m already sleep deprived and stressed most of the time. Also, healthy sexual urges are not selfish ☺️
Self mastery is great and all but what about ppl with syndromes like PCOS who literally have no way of charting their cycle... bc it’s so incredibly irregular and comes and goes as it pleases.
Thats up to you and the spouse and the Lord
1 Cor 7:5 "Stop depriving one another, except by mutual agreement for a brief time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (this refers to fasting and prayer not a continual withholding just because)
In the pre Cana. the fr has phd in related study and family counselling told us .this..after pregnancy it's difficult to predict safe date so nfp is tough.also nfp and afp are both there to avoid unexpected child. So many church teachers say as you like in this chapter....Much disputed...Topic.
We are older and no longer able to have children. But even we cant always do things any time we want. God still calls us to wait .Our bodies get older and sometimes we need to wait.If you know what I mean.
As a single woman who wants to practice NFP when she gets married, how can I start to get to know my body and my cycles?
Find a local nfp doctor, class, or couple who knows a lot about NFP and hopefully they should be of some help (your local diocese may have some info on this!) I think it's awesome that you are single and wanting to practice NFP bc it can be so empowering!!! Prayers for endurance, patience, and peace for your NFP journey 💜
Mar C thank you!!
That French fry joke 🤣
Question: I dated a girl who has endometriosis. She was on the pill only for the sole purpose of treating it. Since she wasn't using it as birth control, merely as a means to help deal with her condition, so maybe one day she can conceive children. Does this make taking the pill ok?
If the pill is taken merely as a medical drug to treat an illness, it doesn't make it immoral to take it. What makes the pill immoral is when it is used intentionally to stifle the procreation of children. However, if a woman is taking the pill only as a way to treat an illness such as endometriosis, it wouldn't be immoral. It's just like taking any other drug. It may have secondary effects which complicate the person's reproductive system, but as long as the secondary effects are not intended and are dealt with, there's nothing wrong in taking the drug.
Just stating the obvious I hope... you were DATING her, right? If you were having premarital sex, then someone is probably telling a fib about their intentions. Gen 3:7 "Then the eyes of both were opened, and they new that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves aprons."
He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
Great videos as always but, look out man there’s a skull behind you!!! Ha ha God bless!!!
St. Jerome is often depicted writing with a skull on his desk. He could be integrating "momento mori," which is Latin for "Remember that you will die." Also, it could just be a leftover Halloween decoration! 😆 Who knows!
@@MacDuvley6 Also remember that as Christians we have already died in Baptism so we can rise with Christ
NFP trains us in love and patience and self-mastery, and that is why we hate it. makes perfect sense.
Please forgive the way that I’m putting this. I’m trying to understand but The way that you’re communicating NFP seems harmful. Would love to discuss this.
Do you think it’s good to abstain from each other? Do you think it’s good to willingly forgo intimacy with your spouse? This really seems counterintuitive to Gods design for marriage, and the 2 becoming 1.
Where can we read more about NFP? Like more "technical" stuff?
there are a lot of websites with NFP content, also several YT videos that can help you, but you should look courses in your local parishes
What specifically would constitute a grave reason for using Natural Family Planning?
Great videos and great subject, sex and love in marriage.
But what happens when your/my wife has an irregular period?
Using NFP a crown for our forth child is being build these months. :) We welcome him/her, but man is not easy.
Dragos C My husband and I faced that issue when we were first married. We needed to postpone pregnancy for six months because we both needed to have surgery.
I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, so I didn’t ovulate every month. My estrogen levels were high and my body didn’t produce enough progesterone. So, based on cervical mucus, I had symptoms of fertility three weeks out of the month. I know that I wasn’t actually fertile for three weeks out of the month, but anytime my cervical mucus was thin, we had to assume that there was a chance that I was fertile. So we abstained a lot.
After the first six months, we wanted a baby, so we didn’t have to abstain. We were never able to have a baby, so we never had to abstain. I had two very early miscarriages. I conceived, but my body didn’t produce enough progesterone to sustain the pregnancy.
I don’t really know what is best in your situation. You should contact a local NFP teaching couple and ask them.
Dragos C I’m not married, but I’ve talked with couples who were in similar situations, mostly were people who couldn’t afford another child, or cases in which if the mother went to another pregnancy, her life would be at risk. They all talked to their priest to see their options, NFP sounds awesome but sometimes the reality of things won’t let that alone be the answer. For women with irregular periods, they should specially be paying attention to their bodies, the symptoms they display and vaginal discharges can say a lot about the fertility they have for that day.
Cázarex For a practicing Catholic, NFP is the only approved way to space children. If you’re using artificial birth control to supplement it, that’s a mortal sin.
As a woman with several issues regarding my period I can tell you that sometimes irregularities may be the result from another problem in our health. When trying to understand NFP I always saw this as an obstacle thinking that NFP could be an option to some women and not me. Now I am very grateful because that pushed actually look for the cause. If I had used contraception I would have never discovered the real health issues that I am dealing with today.
Irregular periods can be a sign of hormonal imbalances or other health problems. Find the root of it, and deal with that ☺
So what happens when your wife dies? Or you're not married?
Surely it's not that tough to abstain for a few days when you are married?
I didn't know we can make sign of the cross with left hand- 7:27
This NFP thing works only if the spouses are getting along. If there are problems in the marriage, the church directive on contraception, forcing you to NFP or roll the dice, pushes the couple further away from each other.
Are you saying that from experience or is that what you imagine happens? I ask because I have heard opposite testimonies.
@@vincenzorutigliano5435 from experience and logic. How can you do all that planning if things are terrible ?
How is it easy to practice NFP with irregular periods?
I have irregular periods and have been able to use it with extreme accuracy. I use the symptothermal method.
I recommend getting to know your cervical mucus (CM) patterns. I start seeing fertile CM 5-7 days before I ovulate, so really as soon as I start seeing it then it is time to begin the period of abstinence. I use a wearable BBT thermometer called TempDrop and it helps me confirm ovulation so that I know when it’s safe to be intimate again.
Just had a Baby, she’s six months now
Really wanting to do NFP, my period hasn’t started yet, my husband longing for sex since we didn’t have much time to enjoy it after marriage plus we been living two different countries apart
In few days we’ll be living together, I’m okay with waiting for my period to start again and start practicing NFP after seeing the regularity of my period.
Idk what to do since he’s longing for sex a lot and I’m telling him to wait for my period to start
Anyone with ideas
Right. I still have yet to have my question answered though. Can we still have sex? And I understand that we are to respect the procreational aspect. But can my wife and I have sex when she’s not in a fertile season. Simply just for intimacy. Thanks!
Men likewise shouldn't be treated like robots to be done with as pleased.
Not all ovulating women are passive little flowers.
I thought pope pius the XII said that NFP can only be used in very dire circumstances...? Not as a way to avoid pregnancy under normal circumstances?
Username11 It should be used to space out births, not prevent them altogether.
So if I use a condom to space out births but not prevent them, can I use it?
M1and5M You can’t use a condom and still be in line with Catholic teaching. Married people of child bearing age are to be open to life at all times. You cannot be open to life when you are using a condom or any other kind of artificial birth control.
NFP is not birth control. It is for birth regulation and spacing. God does not call everyone to have 15 kids. Some people freely choose to have a large family like that, but there is no mandate that married couples must have a large number of children.
When using NFP, spouses are to discuss
and pray about whether or not they are in a position to welcome new life that month. So every month, same discussion. There are valid reasons for avoiding pregnancy. Maybe they can’t afford another child at the moment. Maybe the wife is going to have surgery soon. Maybe someone in the house has a serious medical issue, like cancer. There are others. But avoiding pregnancy for selfish reasons is not what NFP is for.
If the spouses have decided that they have a valid reason for avoiding pregnancy, then they must exercise self control and abstain from sex during the wife’s fertile time.
Mistranslation
@@M1and5M No, because using a condom is a distinct act that goes against the sexual act. NFP is not going against the sexual act, but disciplining it and at times abstaining from it. You don't sin by NOT having sex.
If NFP is the better alternative to contraception, go for it. If you do NFP with your husband to avoid pregnancy for no grave reason, please reconsider.