I’m in the EU so the chance of anything happening is vanishingly small, but i have had dreams of meeting him in the woods, tying him up and “switching” him with branches, knives & hatchets. I like both Jen & James, but when James at the beginning articulated how he worked with children & how much he hates this childabuser you could’ve just wiped me off the floor. Love you James! I loathe this weird geriatric human cancer of a man so so SO much...
This guy saying a two year old is capable of genocide, what an absolute monster. Most two year olds aren't even capable of using the toilet consistently.
It's only a character flaw in women and children, duh... In adult men, who are priesthood-holders, it's an aspirational character quality. Keep sweet and pray for you shall be white and delightful, remember? \smh
My mom sent me a shirt saying "wooden spoon survivor" as a joke. I threw in the trash and I haven't spoken to her about it. I grew up with fear and anxiety and thinking my parents just didn't like me, and I'm in my 40s and still honestly think that. My son didn't even know what the word "spank" was, I had to explain it (verbally obviously). We've had a few problems with him, but I mean FEW, and it wasn't anything we couldn't talk it thru. He's never "acted up" - he's really happy and just wants everyone else to be happy. All his teachers have gone on about how nice and great he is... strangers come up to us and tell us they can't believe how well behaved he is. He's already 10 and every day he's smiling and spending time with us and making us smile. The thought of laying hands on him to hurt him makes me physically ill... I could never betray his trust like that. My husband is the same way, he thinks these abusers are the same people who can't understand how people can have morals without god. The idea "you can't be good without the fear of a higher power." And in the case of small children they get to be that higher power, they get to play god.
They are the same people. Brainwashed into having a corrosive, pathological fear and hatred of anything that exists outside of absolute control and hierarchy. I'm pretty sure it's a sort of generational trauma - people get conditioned generation after generation into believing the lie that the world will literally fall apart without constant threats of punishment, and that all of this is inherently justified by a supernatural cause.
I told my aunt that I was a non-believer while we were mall walking. I was a teen. She literal looked at me like I was demon and asked if I was going to be assaulting and murdering people now. They really do think that all morality is based in fear of god's wrath. I can't tell you how horrible it felt for her to say that to me. I was skinny as hell, shy, sweet, heart on my sleeve, and wouldn't hurt a fly. Yet, in an instant, I was basically a foaming at the mouth demonic evil thing. If life is fair at all, karma will come back to her.
I would be tempted to take a picture of it burning and send her the picture thanking her for the kindling But in all seriousness I'm so sorry she put you through that. Thank you for breaking the cycle.
@@hobocode the most chilling part is that when they say that they are admitting that without the literal fear of God that's what they would be doing. You were a sweet little girl and she looked at you and basically said "without the fear of God I would kill and I expect you to be the same" like, Jesus Christ, I wouldn't know what to do with that now, let alone when I was small. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're happy and safe forever
Me too! My husband and I call each other Honey, but I have rarely ever heard other couples our age call each other Honey. That “Honey Love” hits different. 🥹
I don’t like the way he treated his wife either. I don’t like her role in this either. I hope the children who endured this abuse find help. I hope they know they aren’t alone.
My wife and I, and our two dogs, were sitting and watching this together, when our youngest dog started growling out of nowhere. He wouldn't stop until we paused Michael Pearl. So I guess you could say he's a good judge of character.
Dogs usually are. I remember when I was in middle school, school got out early because it was a half day. Both my parents worked late and wouldn't get home until five or six. I was outside with my dog--a sweet, pitbull/chow mix who never growled at anyone (and never did again after this day). Until this day and someone came up the drive as I was playing with her. My dog immediately stood in front of me and growled until the man finally left. The guy was trying to talk to me, though I can't even recall what he said. Forever thankful for that dog because the closest neighbor was over a hill so there would be no one to see this strange guy.
Ugh, my parents freaking WORSHIPPED this guy. It’s super healing to see you too picking apart his speech and philosophy. Edit: oh god, the lust part explains SO MUCH about my childhood trauma omfg
I’m with you mate. This channel has helped me unpack so much and it’s amazing to think I just stumbled upon it one day - and to think of everything I’ve learned & I learned since then. It’s a journey and I want you to know there’s plenty of us going through it together! I’ve found community here and on Reddit, in case you’re not plugged in there. Big hugs to you from Texas! 💛🤙🏽
@@Thi-Sen there’s one called r/fundiesnark that I’ve found great community in. I actually came there directly after I came out to my mom and I received such love and affirmation. So thankful for that because even though I broke the guidelines; they still allowed me to post because I didn’t know where else to turn. Amazing and loving people there! Another is called r/exchristian. *I also highly recommend the podcast “Queer Theology.”* “Faith evolving” and “God is grey” (older content) here on UA-cam helped me a ton too. As well as “Belief it or not.”
Christ. I was raised in the IBLP, and under the principles of "To Train Up a Child." It was a manual that my pastor father read and my narcissistic mother recommended to other new parents. The terrifying thing about what Michael Pearl is discussing about the children training themselves to be "angry, bitter, and confrontational" is giving me horrific flashbacks. Because anger in my house was punished with physical abuse (ie spankings with a 1x1 poplar board...poplar has no give). Anger, a perfectly healthy, natural emotion, was disallowed and punished with physical violence. Therefore, when growing up, I had no concept of how to cope with and deal with my anger in a healthy way, and unfortunately, I wound up hurting a lot of people unintentionally, because I just had the emotion beaten out of me in the moment, and never learned how to deal with it in the long run. I never read "To Train Up a Child", so this video is a new revelation to me; the revelation of why I was beaten for being angry at being a second class citizen in my own home because I was second born and had the misfortune of being born female.
I was in love, engaged to and almost married a self proclaimed devout Christian, he subscribed to Josh Harris and actually gave me his books to read. We were together 5 years, from 2000 to 2005. He went on a mission and married a missionary girl. He made a post with a link to the book To train up a child, and captioned "we found our parenting manual" as they were expecting their first child.... I really REALLY dodged a controlling, gas lighting, self righteous sexist bullet!!!
"besides being a former child do you have any other credentials"...YES, THAT IS ALL THE CRED YOU NEED. As a former fundie, and as a former child (and someone who has chosen not to have children) I *can* judge parental techniques within reasonable parameters because I know what worked for me and what has sent me to therapy. We all have lived experience as being kiddos.
I agree, of course every child and family is different. And people who are not parents do not understand that experience BUT ANYONE who is a good person or at-least has a brain can see what is abuse and should should speak out against and protect children!!!
Yes!! I’m a therapist and specialize in infant and toddler mental health. If more parents went to therapy themselves, and could put aside their preconceived notions of parenting, it would be so much easier. I try to have them think about themselves as children, empathize with the emotion their child is feeling, and help them that way. AND children are SUPPOSED TO BE SELF CENTERED. Their brain hasn’t figured out empathy yet and it won’t be able to see someone else’s perspective until at LEAST AGE SIX.
Being a parent, by itself, doesn't grant some sort of magical insight that allows you to discern what's shitty to do and what isn't-children are just new humans, after all. People like Michael are 101% pure goddamn evil.
@@courtneylegaloff3851non-parental adults played a huge role in my life as mentors, it’s a very special relationship and so valuable to have someone who isn’t your parent, who you also trust and can speak honestly with.
To anyone who grew up being treated like that: I am so sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve it. I hope you are able to find love and healing in your life now.
When I was in fundamentalism, we were instructed to start spanking babies by 2 MONTHS old "to drive their sinful, selfish nature from them." 😬 Even then I knew that was insane and didn't do it with my kids. Thank you for covering the Pearls! This needs talked about. I burned my Pearl books after I left the cult, and it was a joy to watch them go up in flames.
I'm commenting to help the algorithm, but I'll have to come back to the video later as I know it's likely going to be too triggering for me in my current headspace. ❤️🫂❤️
I was told in a homeschooling group I needed to spank my daughter for refusal to pray aloud because she was “rebelling!” I never did. Our daughter was and is more introverted. It wasn’t disobedience. She follows the Lord to this day and we have close family relationships with each other.
Love ya, Sarah Forbes, I don't know you, but I know what you mean. If there was ever an innocent member of the human race, it's small children and babies. The Pearls are the twisted evil ones. I hope you find peace tonight and good restful sleep. We can't change the past, but we have a future of freedom ahead of us.
It is so different what is taught. I am a Christian fundie and was taught never spank a baby. I was taught around age 2. I have heard so many fundies say they were taught to spank a young baby.....awful. Babies aren't crying for a power struggle, it is their only mean of communicating they have a need. He is ridiculous in his teaching.
@@sarascarpati887 I think hating kids is weird because they didn’t do anything for you to hate them most of the time. Not liking kids is valid but straight up hating kids makes me think someone is a bad person
@@sarascarpati887 I think hating kids is weird because they didn’t do anything for you to hate them most of the time. Not liking kids is valid but straight up hating kids makes me think someone is a bad person
SO unrelated to the content of the video but as a professional captioner, your captions on this video make my heart so happy. Your captioner has verbatim down to an art, and that's so lovely to see--so many professionally captioned series and movies have inaccuracies which make lipreading next to impossible, but you've got every word in place. And the *punctuation*! I've never seen better punctuated captions in my life! Thank you so much for making my autistic little brain a little happier tonight.
People like this love to toss the term “boundaries” around, but when their adult children want to set REAL boundaries, the parents automatically throw a fit and think everything is unfair 🙄
As an ex Quiverful Pearl follower this was a hard watch. We're in NZ and have 8 kids age 25,24,23,22,20,18,15,15. Our Ex leader and family members were almost certainly at this seminar. As I mentioned in the live chat we were never shown the videos of Michael Pearl. Material was exclusively taught from their books. The main teachings came from 2 books. To Train up a child and 'Created to be his help Meet" In New Zealand his actions in video would'nt have gone down well. We were encouraged to carry both books around with our bibles to be viewed like instruction manuals. Said leader has 11 children who called the book "To train up a child" "TO beat up a Child" I heard that term used like a joke among them. I never prescribed to hitting my kids. and when I saw others hitting their 5 month old babies for reaching out I struggled with cognitive dissonance. Its likely why I went down the road of questioning my faith in the first place and what brings me here today no longer part of a destructive cult . Thankfully the man and I got out together and all kids seem to hardly even remember our church days. Tessa From NZ
My husband grew up with parents who were evangelical and used "To Train up A Child" to a buse him. They still talk about the book for "when we have kids" and try to drag us to church. It makes him nauseous just being around them because they act "normal", even though they perpetrated loads of psychological tor ture. He is 29, and the religious trauma is painful obvious. I am so thankful he survived, I love him.
I know what he's talking about. My fundie parents don't think they did anything wrong because they just did what "God wanted", so now they expect us to come visit them like a happy family. I get this angsty, restless feeling every time I visit even though the visit is pretty polite.
@@webofstarlight We usually smoke weed while on a walk in the evening and I usually give him a blow job when we go to visit. It's funny because his parents are really weird about sex. 😂
As someone who has been bitten by a nursing baby, I can confirm that it hurts quite a bit, even without teeth. However, baby got a little spooked when she noticed me sort of jump in surpise, and I had to calm the poor little thing down. The next couple of times I had a sense it was starting to happen, I just had to say, "No, no, be careful," a few times - Babies are smart, and they pick up on concern and warning in voices, and even on the meaning of words if you've been talking to them a lot - and it didn't happen any more.
kinda reminds me when puppies hurt their mom during feeding or annoying them, the mom growls or barks at them, but she doesn't bite them. you'd think humans would have more control than a dog but apparently not. (not comparing you to a dog I'm just comparing how mothers treat their children across animal types)
my cat understands tone of voice so well. she can really tell when she is being scolded versus praised or even roasted. i haven't spent that much time around babies, but i bet it is so cool to see all the ways they are receptive to older people in their baby manner.
The “flick the baby in the mouth” bit made me want to cry. A newborn baby literally doesn’t understand and cannot put two and two together. They’re literally seeking comfort and being punished ughhhhh
My parents worshiped these people. And yes, I was dragged to one of these and made to take pictures with Michael. This was triggering and brought back some awful childhood memories. It was healing to see you and James call this abuse out so openly.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s so incredibly frustrating to see what these people did to thousands if not millions of children. I hope you know you are important and are worthy of love without any conditions! 💜💕
My son is a sensory seeker (he’s gonna be 2 in July, I have ADHD and I see the writing on the wall 😅😂). He’s needed occupational therapy to help us get him to the point he’s not distressed by sitting in his high chair to eat or go in his car seat for more than 15 mins. It absolutely breaks my heart to think of the free spirited, high energy, super intelligent, neurodivergent kids out there being raised by monsters like this. This legitimately is so disturbing! On a happy note, congratulations on the engagement! 🎉🎉❤
@@loztpm I’m so so sorry you had to go through that! You didn’t deserve that, at all. I hope you have a loving support system now. Your comment means so much. Thank you for being you ❤️
Has your child ever been away from you for more than 1 hour per week since he was born? If so, he may have incurred abandonment trauma and now has an insecure attachment style. Psychologist Faye Snyder Psy.D. says that people with ADHD have insecure attachment styles. She believes ADHD is NOT genetic. She wrote a book about this titled "ADHD: A Diagnosis in Denial". She also talks about all the personality disorders people with ADHD have in her books "The Handbook" and "The Manual".
As a Californian, born and raised in So Cal, I can say with absolute certainty THIS MAN WILL NOT BE BEARD LICKED here. this is NOT the daddy any of us are looking for
My dad would constantly say that he believes children should fear their parents. I think if he had known about the Pearls, he would've been a follower. He was a very angry person, who would snap over the slightest things that he deemed were going against his "command". He truly believed that his kids were there to serve him, obey him, and please him. And he would justify this abuse through religious beliefs. I now work as a teacher with very young children and I'll never understand how someone can look at a child and feel the urge to hurt them. I'm glad that there's people like you both who are shining a light on this kind of abuse!
My grandmother stills talks about how hard my great-grandfather was on her growing up. The pain from the bruises left on her by her PASTOR FATHER over the dumbest things doesn't just go away, not even 70 years later.
Edited to add a trigger warning. I don't normally write things like this so I forgot to include it: Both of my parents were abused as children. It haunted them for their entire lives. The things my mom lived through were a literal horror show. My father's abuse was more psychological and soul destroying. Both were terrible in differing ways. My mom thought my dad had it worse, and she saw things like a gun held up to her mom's head, and she witnessed my grandfather stab her mom in the back. Another occasion her dad through her brother head first through a wall.I can't even imagine the shit she went through
Yes. I worked in senior living for four years and have heard many stories of child abuse. Just because it was "normal" doesn't mean it wasn't psychologically scarring. I've met more 70+ year old drug addicts and alcoholics than I'd care to count who were brutally abused physically, emotionally, and sexually. As well as loads of parents who were abusive themselves but didn't understand why they never had visitors. It isn't that people were "tougher" back in the day. The only difference between modern generations and seniors is the RECOGNITION that they were abused.
@@Melissamms I worked in an assisted living facility. One thing for sure is Boomers had some serious abuse to contend against. So many of them just left their parents to live out their remaining days and never see them again and the parents wonder why. You wonder with them sometimes until they start in on the super private and personal stories. Some of them still don't realize what they've done, so some of them will still give you these horror stories where they don't even see the abuse STILL. It's sad how much Boomers were abused; they dealt with some seriously foul shit as punishment.
When he was talking about making his kids smile and have non-rebellious muscles, my entire body tensed up. My father was of the “I’ll give you something to cry about” school. One of my greatest fears was that I’d grow up to be angry and violent like him. I’m so thankful the rest of the family was loving and supportive, so I could grow up to be an empathetic “SJW snowflake”.
If I ever told my dad not to hit my siblings he would go on a huge rant about how sensitive liberals are and how we’ve failed as a generation because of SJW’s…lol
I think I was an adult- at least in college and out of my parents house- before I ever learned to feel anger at all. I remember adamantly claiming as a teenager that I didn’t feel anger. It was a foreign emotion to me and something I was obviously deeply, deeply depressing because I also had that same fear of not wanting to grow up and become a violent abuser. I have a sibling who sort of took the opposite approach- was wildly and violently angry punching and kicking holes in the walls from a super early age. He also got a lot more of the physical violence as punishment and clearly, a lot of good that did. But it seems so obvious that actually teaching your kids how to deal with their emotions- and as parents having the wherewithal to learn to deal with your own- is the only sensible, healthy way to raise kids. I’m never going to have any of my own but at least I’m finally doing the work to learn to deal with my emotions and not repress the difficult ones down.
Their attitude towards ADHD angers me because my parents DID try basically everything in the book- up to literal abuse and hitting. It didn't fix or stop my "bad behaviour". It didn't "break" me. It taught child me to use violence to communicate my upset or frustration to others when they ignored my words. It also taught me how to lie if I had been in an accident or trouble- because I couldn't trust that it wouldn't lead to more punishment. It also made me an angrier adult with a disorganised insecure attachment style who deeply feels like it's their responsibility to protect any kid I see. I suppose that that latter one isn't the worst trait to have.
I feel this, I was denied medication Going through this with my child, is different we are all involved, And will get him all the help he needs, including medication! Hugs to you
My wife and I are new moms and I could never IMAGINE purposely inflicting harm on my child. Ever. I read to train up a child last summer while I was pregnant and it just blew my mind, but now that my daughter is earthside it angers me even more. My family is made up of evangelicals who morphed into semi baptists after moving to TX 25 years ago, and knowing that some of my family has read these kinds of things is so disturbing. Focus on the Family stuff is still on my mom’s, now my child’s grandmother’s, bookshelf. My grandpa worked for Back to the Bible as a radio announcer for most of his adult life. Needless to say, my wife and I will be breaking the cycle of spankings, demanding respect without giving it first, and so many other things. Ps your channel helped me get through my pregnancy (and beginnings of deconstructing) so thank you!!Congratulations on your engagement, we love you guys! ❤
Young children are SUPPOSED to be selfish. It’s part of what has helped us to survive as a species. It ensures they get their needs met. As they get older and can start doing things for themselves, they start to understand that other people have feelings and thoughts of their own.
I remember finding the story very triggering after surviving CSA. Thankfully my husband was very kind even though we were in fundamentalism back then. I helped him get out. ❤️
Yes. The honeymoon story was horrific! I would’ve run away immediately and gotten an annulment. Michael doesn’t love his wife the way Christ loves the church. Debi must’ve been raised to accept bad treatment from a man. Unfortunately, my home situation led me to marry an abusive man. It was almost inevitable. I’m divorced now.
I want to watch this, but as a parent and a retired high school teacher of 30 years, it's too phucking triggering. Be well, friends! Catch you another time! Sending you BIG LOVE!
There's a book that might help called The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It's about trauma, and how to work through it. It's super rough and shitty. There are a several ways to work through what happened, but in general it takes facing those feeling and pain (the therapies help keep that pain from being too much) Basically feeling those moments of shame and finding self compassion/forgiving yourself. I'm sorry your in this situation, and I hope he gets better.
@@Superwoodputtie thanks, I’ll have to check that out. I’ve done prolonged exposure therapy and am sooo much better now. These videos help too, realizing it wasn’t entirely his fault, but how he was raised.
i dont think ive ever left a youtube comment in my life, but as someone who grew up under Evangelicals who idolized the Pearls, i just wanted to say the way Jen and James both abhor the abuse people who lived To Train Up A Child suffered is so affirming and so relieving. i speak with a lot of people who grew up like me and left, and the way we still feel that guilt for leaving that was beaten and manipulated into us can be so overwhelming even as adults with little to no contact with the people who did it. the way you two remind me it was evil and they were wrong when you cover the Pearls, or any of the other abusive evangelical families you cover, really helps me and my friends who watch your channel cope with being adults who left the church. you two are truly a gift to people like me.
I'm probably older than you (grew up pre-Pearl), but I totally get what you are saying. It took me decades to finally admit that I didn't subscribe to those beliefs or teachings anymore. While there was physical abuse, the spiritual (or psychological) abuse was even worse. Hugs. It's hard but so glad you made it out!
Actually, for the safety of children in all situations and families, child abuse comes in non religious families, too. This Pearl couple are just sick, they are a psychopath's dream. But to think child abuse only happens in "religious" families can blind us to abuse that's going on in all spheres of society. I've seen it professionally. One of my worst cases was a non religious family, there was a mom and dad, they were married, "white", owned their home, even had a white picket fence. But the twistedness hiding behind that facade...! For some reason, is evil is perpetrated in the name of religion, we condemn religion, even though evil people use all venues: business, medicine, education, government, media, etc. You see all kinds of venues used and twisted for an evil person's desires, not just religion. We don't say business is evil because of the people behind Enron, we don't say the medical field is evil because they have found and convicted doctors of sexual abuse and murder, we don't hate education because some teachers abuse and even have sex with their students. So I say all this just to encourage people to realize children are being mistreated in all kinds of situations, and as decent human beings, we won't be afraid to do something if we come across it. I hope you continue to heal from the pain you went through and that life brings you joy and peace!
@@priyanka5316 hi nowhere in my comment did i even mention that abuse only happens in religious communities, just that my abuse came directly from religion and religious practices that the video itself is about. this isnt an "all abuse victims" situation, its a specific comment about a specific thing the video covered that ruined my life and traumatized me(: I am well aware that not every abuse victim comes from fundamentalist religious groups, but bringing that up when a victim is commenting on something about fundamentalist religion and their lives is not the place. your professional training did not seem to teach you that, so please take it and use it moving forward.
@@sarahelizabeth6456 If you read my comment, nowhere do I say that you personally are guilty of claiming all abuse come from religious groups. I'm not sure why you assumed that? I prefaced my comment with a general statement about helping children, not with you personally. I do apologize for any hurt I have inadvertently caused you. I truly was just trying to make the point which you do articulate in your response, because child abuse of all kinds has skyrocketed, one of the reasons being that people just look the other way, or think it only happens in very particular situations. And I will repeat what I said directly to YOU in my first comment: " I hope you continue to heal from the pain you went through and that life brings you joy and peace!"
I was raised under these teachings. I’ve met these people. I don’t talk to my family and I’ve been on healing journey for several years. The way y’all make me laugh in this video is a special kind of seen and understood. Thanks for being so awesome you two! Thanks for making these videos. ❤
I was at a Pearl seminar. My mom wanted to introduce her kids to Debi and Michael and show how perfectly we were "trained". Debi said (with disdain) I looked like a boy. I was wearing women's clothes and had shoulder length hair.. I was also 11.
This type of “parenting” was very prevalent in my life as a kid. I know many people who grew up with parents more like this than mine even. Not a single one of them has a good relationship with their parents & they have their own problems they carry from this parenting. Nothing good comes from this type of parenting. Good only happens in spite of it.
Besides being horrific, blanket training seems like a lot of work to get your kid to sit still. Infants are not particularly mobile and toddlers are pretty easy to corral. Get a baby bouncer, a play pen, etc. Bonus, your kid won't be afraid of you forever and you can actually have a relationship with them!
It isn’t to keep the baby still. That’s just a “side benefit” to the Pearls. It is to condition (torment) children to fear following their own interests and curiosity and to reprogram their instincts to be compliant, quiet, and “easy” (for the parents). It leaves people scarred for the rest of their life, afraid to be assertive or to stand out in any way. It is very much intended to demolish individuality and replace it with conformity and terror.
I thank the universe every day that I never married and had children when I was a fundie. I'm ashamed to say I would have followed his teaching, and it makes me sick.
god that part about "you better smile!" triggered me too, jen. it's like, okay, fine, i'll be compliant and obedient, but i can't even express how unhappy and tormented i am silently and in a way that doesn't effect you?! oh but who am i kidding, these people don't want to know how their kid is feeling, even when the kid isn't saying anything, they have to control every aspect of their emotions or it'll make them feel guilty... and they don't want to feel guilty, they don't want to be /wrong/!
I wish I'd understood that when I was young. Because it's taken me a lifetime to understand the psychological aspect of it. Not being allowed to cry. Being beaten FOR crying. Being beaten until you stop crying. "You're only making it worse for yourself by acting this way. It would ALREADY be over if you just stopped crying." Being attack for not smiling "genuine enough" or not responding quickly enough to a command. Like, I mean "GO DO THIS THING" and not LEAPING up from my seat. Just standing up. That was disrespectful and was grounds for punishment. "WHEN I SAY JUMP YOU SAY..." "HOW HIGH, SIR!
Michael reminds me a lot of my own father: he seems angry at children for not having the common sense that an adult would. When they act like children he thinks they're choosing to behave that way INSTEAD of being mature simply to spite him.
Yes and I think he's lying about not spanking out of emotion. There's no way he controls it when frustrated and "needs" to punish the kids. You can tell by the way he talks about it that it makes him feel good to hit kids. He can't hide his feelings, like any narcissistic abuser, he's beaming with pride. It's sick.
And that’s the biggest issue with adults and kids. Adults put every thing that a child does in an adult context rather than a child’s brain. They are babies.
This is probably an offshoot of the Christian fundamentalist belief in absolute depravity, the idea that all people are fundamentally born sinful and wicked and must atone. If you take that to its furthest extreme, you get insane beliefs like the Pearls' idea that babies can be evil.
I grew up in a weird evangelical cult and I knew a woman who was legit paranoid that her baby was was trying to manipulate and control her with his ‘sin nature’ and ‘deceitful heart’. Like her actual baby. She would smack him on the hands if he didn’t listen to her the first time she said no, which was often, because he was a BABY. These people are crazy. She also would put ice cubes on his head and let them melt there to ‘wake him up’, because apparently it’s impossible to wake literal infants without abuse. She was so messed up 😭 Also saw a different mom open-hand slap her disabled toddler across the face because he got distracted when following one of her commands. Literally horrifying. He’s the sweetest little guy too, I used to babysit both of these kids and they were so innocent and trusting and don’t deserve their horrid evangelical parents
I happened to be in the middle of a conversation with my dad once when one of my babies bit me hard af while nursing. I involuntarily yelped and jumped, as you do when those little crocodile mfers get teeth. I nursed uncovered and through toddlerhood, so I already had two Fundie Strikes™️ against me. But when he suggested I flick the baby in its mouth (because I "couldn't let them get away with that") and I immediately refused, he *leaned over and attempted to deliver the flick himself*. Like on what planet do you attempt to whack another person's baby WHILE THEY'RE NURSING THEM? The garbage these people peddle is not only abusive, it's BEYOND weird.
@@chrisirae If he wanted to get physical so badly I would've been more than happy to knock him out. Especially after he attempted to hurt a tiny baby. What is wrong with these people....
@@chrisirae "Couldn't let them get away with that"??? People who act like babies and small children are vindictive and manipulative need to be locked up. It's truly scary.
Sounds like post partum psychosis. A major fundie principal is that instead of getting diagnosed or treated for mental illness you should just blame the kids and take it out on them.
My mother is Christian and occasionally takes my daughter to church. Someone at church commented that my daughter is so well behaved, did we use the Pearls Book. She says she just looked at this woman and felt sick to her stomach and told her no my daughter talks to her and if she lays a hand on my grandchild I’m taking her away. Point is these people don’t see anything wrong with abuse and for some reason think it’s biblical.
"He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." aka "spare the rod, spoil the child" is Proverbs 13:24 ... it is biblical. The bible is really messed up.
@hobocode what's worse is that's not what that means at all! It's talking about guiding them not hitting them. Spare the rod, spoil the child is referring to a shepherds rod which is used to guide the sheep, not hit them.
Me recognizing this book cover from my childhood. Nice. Edit: After watching the entire video, my dad used a lot of this verbatim. I really did be growing up thinking I was inherently just a bad person.
When I first heard of the Pearls, I was outraged at their support of abuse in the the form of "discipline". Now that I am a mom, their abuse makes me feel sick and filled with a rage I didn't know possible. Religion is NO excuse to abuse your child. I write that as a religious person that teaches Sunday school
When Perl started popping off on his discipline play-by-play, all of a sudden I was a little girl in the family room, and my dad was screaming at me from his blue chair. Man, when you heard the TV mute followed by the clicky sound of the footrest being pushed back into the recliner so he could get up, you RAN, and hoped you weren't the last sibling left in the path. I was the oldest- and the black sheep- so, well, y'know. But that was a VISCERAL flashback I wasn't expecting while knitting and YouTubing on a Friday night. If you're looking for an example of the antithesis of Jesus Christ and how he explicitly instructed people to behave, look no further than the Perls. An old copy of To Train Up a Child is still on the bookshelf at my folks' house. But I tell you what. The first time I was over with my now-teenager to visit (a married-at-17 teen mom myself), I heard my dad get frustrated with my son for the first time, and it was the first time I was brave enough to take a stand. Told him if he laid a finger on my child, he'd never see us again, and he could answer to the police. Now on the other side of it, I can confidently say that none of my four babies required a$$ beatings to turn into awesome humans. And I hope I saved future them some therapy money, because that sh!t has been *expensive*. The Perls can lic... do all the stuff. Break the cycle, people. ETA: OMG we had a spankin' spatula. My dad called it "Mr. Spatula". And he also went through an NCIS phase, wherein he started bopping us super hard on the head with his knuckles and calling it a "Gibbs whop".
My dad would knuckle thump us on top of the head too. Hard enough to make our knees buckle, sometimes. He'd scream at us or hit us for *anything*. He didn't give a shit about discipline; he just needed an outlet for his rage and frustration. He died alone. At least he had a friend to find his body the next day, i guess. No funeral, not even an obituary. It's exactly what he deserved.
You're so very wonderful to this world for what you did to break the cycle and ensure your children grew up safe and happy. I can't even imagine the strength it took to stand up to your father, but I hope that helped heal your inner child and your children look at you with awe for what you've done. Thank you for fighting for kindness and compassion
Same. It was visceral to hear him mimic the yells coming from my lips in the memory Don't think mine had ever heard of these people though, so I was spared some of these things he advocates
I grew up in a household who followed this “curriculum” and I can tell you I also don’t remember much of anything before the age of 12 besides a couple instances I will never forget unfortunately. I really appreciate y’all talking about this
it's common and normal for trauma memories to be foggy and forgotten. there's real science and survival behind childhood amnesia. It's common, normal (for people who experience abuse), and honestly maybe a little helpful in some ways. I actually prefer the times in my life before I read my old journals and sparked the memories to come back in full color and bright detail. it's good to know the truth and that I did not exaggerate or lie as my gaslighting abusers claimed... but I also wish I could flip a switch and turn those memories off again. complicated stuff....
I went on a first date with a guy a couple of weeks ago and somehow we ended up talking about christan sects that are like cults and I taught him all about the craziness that is blanket training, I never thought that my fundie Friday knowledge would ever come up in normal conversation LOL
My mom used to give a copy of “Created to be His Help Meet” to every bride to be at their wedding shower she went to and a copy of “To Train Up a Child” to every expecting mother at their baby shower. She probably still does, but I avoid speaking to her as much as possible and I’m no longer in the same groups. I am so deeply sorry to all the people she has given those terrible books to and to all the people who will be affected by the teachings in those books. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about.
6:12: as a product of (awesome) secular homeschooling, I’d like to give a shout-out to John Holt, an educator who wrote many great books on child-led learning. (Which is awesome!! Trust your kids!! Learning is natural and happens 24/7!)
When i read "To train up a child" I was in the fundy world and always it read like softcore sadistic porn. Different implements for different ages and misdeeds, power plays over their submissives, starting early as possible to instill the rules... I cant even read it as a parenting book. If it wasnt children being discussed it would be a naughty book we fundies wouldnt allow in our homes. Makes me sick.
40:23 "I'll give you something to cry about" is the most triggering one for me -- often followed up with, "you'll be picking yourself up off the floor."
My father’s favorite phrase must have been “I’ll give you something to cry about”…and I was the good kid. It was so much worse for my rebellious sister, even as a toddler.
Heard this one from my father to toddler siblings in the 60s/early 70s. He did corporal punishment in religious elementary/primary schools too until it became illegal to do so (he was a principal/headmaster most of his career).
Reading so many of these heartbreaking comments makes me so thankful for my kind, gentle and understanding (liberal and permissive parents) who managed to raise four kind and empathetic human beings through the 50s, 60s and 70s. Mom and Dad have been gone for several years but I am realizing what rare parents they were in that time. How I wish every child could have had the safe and loving home that we had😢
@@julieguenter3283 Me, too. Looking back, I was blessed. No horror stories to tell. My parents were very accepting of any type of person. I never saw hate from my parents. The comment section always pulls at my heartstrings, yet also makes me extremely pissed that there are parents out there like the Pearls.
@@julieguenter3283 It's people like this that put the lie to the "everyone was doing it, that's the way it should be" narrative. Everyone was NOT doing it. There have always been gentle, empathetic parents, whether it was the norm or not.
This book fell into my parents hands and they used it to justify their abusive tendencies. Thank you for covering this and for, in a way, being witness to the horror that so many of us experienced.
He's just making bad parents feel better about their desire to lash out at their children instead of handling things with patience and kindness. I feel like my parents probably watched this. They're probably proud they didn't hit me more
His distinction between spanking as abuse and punishment reminds me of this Christian friend that I used to have. My dad spanked me because he was mad and he was taking it out on his kids, and her dad “cried when he spanked” her because he thought it was the best way to punish her. She believed in spanking as a punishment and made that very clear to me, despite her awareness of me having been abused in that very way. She sucked and I’m sure Michael Pearl would’ve loved her. Side note to mention that I’m glad that there are so many people like you all out there because I was continuously told that being spanked wasn’t abuse and that I was never abused until I saw my current therapist who finally validated my experience. This comment section feels like it’s filled with more safe people than I’ve encountered in my entire life.
More safe people than I've ever encountered in my life. Yes. So many people lack self awareness like your friend who was abused and continued the cycle. I wish I could figure out why... I know it's hard to face that you were abused. But I faced the pain to stop the cycle. Just like you did. I don't know why more people don't do it. I seriously cannot understand. It's so hard. But I did it. People CAN do hard things. But most people just don't... I truly cannot understand why that is.
The biting while nursing HURTS. Even without teeth, nipples can be bleedy and cracked because of nursing which makes them sooo tender. I got bit by my kid when they were about 6 months old and teething. I tapped them on the forehead without even thinking about it because it hurt so bad. I felt TERRIBLE. It wasn't hard, just enough to make them stop nursing, look at me confused, and then go back to it. I can't imagine hitting them on purpose. Babies have no idea that it hurts you. And to take away their sense of safety that young..., the world will do it soon enough. My 2 kids are doing great despite us never hitting them.
My daughter bit down on me before she had teeth and I jumped and screamed so loud it scared the shit out of her, and she bawled. Then I bawled too because I felt so bad. I can’t imagine pulling a babies hair 😢
Yeah i HATE to defend the pearls, but they're not wrong on this point. You flick the baby one or two times max when they bite your nipple and they don't do it again. My daughter did it ONCE and I used the "shove their face into your boob so they need to let go to breathe" method.... and I still, 7 years later, cringe whenever I think about it, it hurt that bad
Can confirm it’s like the worst pain imaginable!! (Maybe since I blocked labor out). But yeah, I’ve managed to not hit my son and he’s bit me several times (not out of sheer baby cruelty- I think- hoping it was a mistake!)
My parents weren’t fundies, but I’m from Mississippi so it just kind of comes with the territory. I have strong memories of having to say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” (and vice versa) to my parents for literally everything, especially when it came to getting in trouble. After a spanking or mom or dad screaming at me for something, if I didn’t say yes ma’am in the correct tone of voice, with the correct facial expression and body language, they’d continue screaming and yelling for a long time. I actually grew up thinking saying just “yes” or “no” in response to a question or request was rude and shouldn’t be said… you HAD to defer authority to older people with yes ma’am and no ma’am. Fortunately, I only say it out of habit now and my parents are way cooler/atheist than they used to be.
@@Ann963 thankfully, yes, they have. They have come a long way, and I’m really glad my younger brothers didn’t have to experience much of the same stuff my older sister and I did. They are almost entirely different people now.
my parents owned a copy of To Train Up A Child and although they never physically abused us, their main goal in parenting was to elicit complete and total obedience. Mental health, self esteem, or a rich internal life weren't any of their top priorities for their kids - only compliance. When I was a child and still being raised by them I felt like they viewed me as their enemy even though all I was doing was trying to find independence and my own sense of self. It really baffles me how people will have children when all they want is either a brainwashed foot soldier or a fully fledged adult from birth 🙄
I’m probably the age of your mothers or older and my mother always used “I’ll give you something to cry about.” I thought it was unique to her and am so sorry to discover it’s not. Imagine all the kids who think they’re the only kids who grew up hearing that only to learn as adults that it’s an epidemic.
First of all, you 2 are adorable....secondly, while this was triggering due to my parents absolutely being obsessed with their book, I am so glad you make these videos and expose the utter effed-up-ness that is the Pearls. When I first started living with my partner, I had a legit panic attack when I walked in the bedroom and he had his belt on the bed. Oh and when he said his daughter can't remember before age 12.......DUDE. DISSOCIATION, MICHAEL. He is just so evil.
I so appreciate you all taking on such a heavy topic but highlighting just how ridiculous and completely ineffective this garbage is. Thank you so much for that. I'm really proud of how you all present this information.
The Pearl's are the worst of the worst. How to terrorize and traumatize your children 101. Also, congratulations on your engagement!!!! I support the purchase of the prayer bench too lol. It'll be a wedding gift for yall.
I’ve been a Christian pastor for 37 years. I just want to say I love you guys. You are fun and refreshing exposing the craziness that is my faith… Christianity Be blessed!
My parents went by a number of books, including James Dobson. I was beaten black and blue. Was r*ped in the church I was dragged to every Sunday, by 2 "married heterosexual men" got beaten that Sunday afternoon as my mum thought I had messed myself. Of course faeces looks exactly the same as semen. Also SA'd by an uncle and a couple of other adults both male and female. That abuse basically destroyed me from day 1. Now I'm a complete mess, I'm happily married to a loving, caring and kind man. In therapy for life, and still my Mum sometimes says 'you must have done something to entice' yeah, you can bet dollars to donuts I went ballistic, and said words to the effect of "oh what, my 6 year old ass in my Dunnes stores corduroy dungarees was so hot it was a temptation for those men, its my fcuking fault?" Yeah, now I'm a blasphemous, angry, highly emotional (silver lining is heightened empathic sense and intuition) mess. I'm angry as I probably could have achieved so much in my life. But my marriage is Happy, so in my head and heart, I won. Yeah I'm on medications for life, with added mycelium... 😉. Thank you for helping expose these cruel, evil, sick, perverted, disgusting b@stards who mask themselves as "christians." lots of love and big Irish bear hugs from over here in Northern Ireland.
@@cocteaut That's a coincidence; so is mine! He's really playing a blinder at the moment, as I have just been diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease, and am horrifically ill, meaning my husband has to do all the care of our adult autistic son (another absolute sweetie) which was largely my province before. As was looking after the house, etc. Poor bloke - I swear I can sometimes hear him humming Kate Bush's 'This Woman's Work' as he gets acquainted with the dishwasher, etc. He and I were brought up RC, both pretty strictly. Which side were you on? We have both deconstructed, bien sûr. Love and best wishes to the both of you.
@@angelamaryquitecontrary4609 a Kate Bush fan? You got a good one there! Especially each finding a good partner to help in the hardest points in our lives, with health both physical and mental. Mobility is a big issue now, but having a walking stick and good prescription drugs help! Good humour sure does help too, everyday we make each other laugh, usually at inane things. Brought up on t'other side! But I was (I now know understandably) the rebel, went goth, had friends from RC and Jewish faiths, went with them to Mass and the Synagogue, which made my mother especially angry. Also one of my degrees is in Theology, so I could basically be a smartass and undermine all of the bigoted nonsensical doctrine. We're both Athiest, maybe a hint of Agnosticism lol. The PCI is guilty of vile homophobia even now, and also covering up abuse, pretending abuse only happened within the RC church. Glad it's being exposed now. A new generation is evolving all across the whole of Ireland, and its brilliant! 🤗
If this is the kind of parenting you experienced, and you’re not sure how to parent your own kids differently, I just want to say there are lots of parenting courses out there that focus on emotion. I’ve found them really useful ❤
Thanks for making this. The Pearl's teachings made my childhood and teen years a living hell and it was very cathartic to listen to you two make fun of them for an hour.
This is so hard to watch. This man is a monster and probably does more abusive things than he admits to, which is saying a lot because he is so proud of the abuse he DOES admit to. I have always loved children, and I have cared for many babies and children over the years. I can't imagine treating any of those precious children the way that the Pearls advocate for! They are despicable, abusive people.
I am 58 and I see friends posting pro spanking memes constantly like it was good for them, but I know them and they are as mentally messed up as I am, one of the posters has been a friend for 30 years and we have had long discussions about our screwed up childhoods! And not remembering anything before age 12 is a sign of trauma, I have had enough therapy to know that. People like this abusive man gaslight the hell out of others too. I don’t have kids but have dogs, and like Jen said beating a puppy doesn’t help, and then the pup might not trust you.
I left a like because I love you guys, but to be honest it was totally tough. Actually can’t finish watching. But thank you for the pain you put yourselves through to do this.😢
My husband passed away in 2020, after only 25 years together❤️. You two remind me of us. We would always make comments during programs or movies, making jokes and adding dialog😊😊 We had a lot of fun. You guys seem to, also. Finding that kind of love is something EVERYONE🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 deserves❤❤❤❤❤ Edit: OK, never in my ENTIRE LIFE would I watch this by choice, Mr pearl necklaces' video!! I've spent the last 4 years helping raise my granddaughter. Neither my daughter nor I have EVER struck her, for ANY reason. However, i ABSOLUTELY ENCOURAGE puddle jumping and acting silly... EVEN IN PUBLIC!! We do it together, cuz is more fun❤❤I've only raised my voice to her to get her attention, but if I tell her"No", and she persists... it literally only takes a look. I'm grateful to have watched this through/ with you😶😶 James, your humor makes this so much easier to watch🫣🫣
So he does understand that corporal punishment only "works" until the kid is literally bigger and stronger than their parents. And by "works" I mean they learn to not trust their parents and how to get around them whenever possible. And the Pearl's version of corporal punishment is even worse than the average corporal punishment because they will hurt the child for literally anything. And that just makes the kids realize that there's no reasoning behind it - just whether or not Mom/Dad is mad.
My mother tried to spank me when I was 16 and had been able to beat up my dad for years. She was surprised that I violently pushed her. I can't imagine how violent I would have been if my corporal punishment had been as intense as the Pearls suggest.
I loved having some sane commentary over this video. I’ve seen this lecture somewhere before (probably at church since I grew up in Tennessee) and hearing it again is honestly a little triggering because EVERYONE is raised with at least some of these crazy ideas swimming in their parents’ heads in Tennessee, at least in the evangelical world. My mom didn’t subscribe to the Pearls’ ideas directly but I still suffered because of this crazy man just because he had so much influence in the church. So when my mom was a new young mom, of course all the advice she got was from this guy if you went back far enough. Thank you for validating my inner child in feeling that this scary shit was not okay ❣️
ETA 3: “My daughter can hardly remember being spanked. A course, she doesn’t remember anything before the age of 12, the dummy.” 😱😱🤬 ETA 2: (I’m triggered, can you tell?) When he said the little girl who wouldn’t drink her water was “hurting her mama” and therefore deserved a spanking my heart sank. One thing I tell my kids-they are not responsible for my feelings. That story is parentification of a toddler! ETA: Pearl reminds me A LOT of my dad and the things I heard growing up. A lot of the things he talks about (babies putting things in their mouths, for example) are a normal-and necessary-part of healthy development. I didn’t have a sense of personal value until I was well into adulthood and had gone through therapy. I still struggle with attachment-relates issues. Thinking of my childhood still hurts. I now work with young children and my #1 goal is for them to know they are loved, valuable and safe, regardless of behavior. As someone who grew up getting spanked with a belt, getting told I was always in sin… I’m proud to say I now have lots of boundaries with my family of origin. My kids have never been spanked and guess what? They’re happy, healthy, and empathetic kids who follow direction better than I did as a kid.
I'm sorry you went through all of that. That sounds really shitty. I reached my 30's and am doing a lot ofwork trying to sort out my mental health. Some books that helped me think through stuff are: The body keeps the score by Bessel Van Der Kolk Adult Children of emotionally immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson Running On Empty by Johnice Webb There's also Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. It's not a self help book, but it's filled with radical empathy. It helped me feel for myself.
also growing up my parents used to subscribe to some homeschooling fundie magazine that would sell "rods of correction" that they would market in 6 packs WITH PADDED VELVET GRIPS for additional comfort for the abuser. I can laugh about it now.
My degree is in child development and I swear it's on sight if I ever see this man in public. I don't care about charges, he's catching these hands.
I’m in the EU so the chance of anything happening is vanishingly small, but i have had dreams of meeting him in the woods, tying him up and “switching” him with branches, knives & hatchets.
I like both Jen & James, but when James at the beginning articulated how he worked with children & how much he hates this childabuser you could’ve just wiped me off the floor. Love you James!
I loathe this weird geriatric human cancer of a man so so SO much...
I'll back you up 👏🏾👊🏽
I'll be your alibi. You weren't there...
Let's have a talk with him...
I’ll be your alibi! 😘
“Don’t treat kids like this. They’re small and they’re nice and they’re learning.” I would buy that on a t shirt.
ME TOO!!
This guy saying a two year old is capable of genocide, what an absolute monster. Most two year olds aren't even capable of using the toilet consistently.
This is my favorite line in the entire freaking video!
Yes!
Yes!!!!
“Eccentric, but in a Unabomber way” is frankly one of the best descriptions I’ve ever heard.
The Unabomber was MKUltrad in college. The CIA is great at creating terrorist.
“Angry is a character flaw” *proceeds to tell how he gets angry at his kids
With these people accusations are admissions.
A.G.
He probably considers it "righteous anger."
It's only a character flaw in women and children, duh... In adult men, who are priesthood-holders, it's an aspirational character quality.
Keep sweet and pray for you shall be white and delightful, remember? \smh
My mom sent me a shirt saying "wooden spoon survivor" as a joke. I threw in the trash and I haven't spoken to her about it. I grew up with fear and anxiety and thinking my parents just didn't like me, and I'm in my 40s and still honestly think that.
My son didn't even know what the word "spank" was, I had to explain it (verbally obviously). We've had a few problems with him, but I mean FEW, and it wasn't anything we couldn't talk it thru. He's never "acted up" - he's really happy and just wants everyone else to be happy. All his teachers have gone on about how nice and great he is... strangers come up to us and tell us they can't believe how well behaved he is. He's already 10 and every day he's smiling and spending time with us and making us smile. The thought of laying hands on him to hurt him makes me physically ill... I could never betray his trust like that.
My husband is the same way, he thinks these abusers are the same people who can't understand how people can have morals without god. The idea "you can't be good without the fear of a higher power." And in the case of small children they get to be that higher power, they get to play god.
They are the same people. Brainwashed into having a corrosive, pathological fear and hatred of anything that exists outside of absolute control and hierarchy. I'm pretty sure it's a sort of generational trauma - people get conditioned generation after generation into believing the lie that the world will literally fall apart without constant threats of punishment, and that all of this is inherently justified by a supernatural cause.
I told my aunt that I was a non-believer while we were mall walking. I was a teen. She literal looked at me like I was demon and asked if I was going to be assaulting and murdering people now. They really do think that all morality is based in fear of god's wrath. I can't tell you how horrible it felt for her to say that to me. I was skinny as hell, shy, sweet, heart on my sleeve, and wouldn't hurt a fly. Yet, in an instant, I was basically a foaming at the mouth demonic evil thing. If life is fair at all, karma will come back to her.
I would be tempted to take a picture of it burning and send her the picture thanking her for the kindling
But in all seriousness I'm so sorry she put you through that. Thank you for breaking the cycle.
Glad you brokethe abuse. I'm so sorry your mom thought this was a joke shirt and didn't see the pain it inflicted upon you.
@@hobocode the most chilling part is that when they say that they are admitting that without the literal fear of God that's what they would be doing. You were a sweet little girl and she looked at you and basically said "without the fear of God I would kill and I expect you to be the same" like, Jesus Christ, I wouldn't know what to do with that now, let alone when I was small. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you're happy and safe forever
Jen and James calling each other "Honey" makes my heart so happy
Agreed
they really have mom and dad energy!
SAME
Yes!
Me too! My husband and I call each other Honey, but I have rarely ever heard other couples our age call each other Honey. That “Honey Love” hits different. 🥹
Imagine bragging that child abuse comes naturally to you
"I came here to do two things: spread the love of God, and physically abuse small children. And I'm all outta Jesus."
Yup! Disturbing.
Imagine paying to learn how to abuse your children😢
EXACTLY wtff
I don’t like the way he treated his wife either. I don’t like her role in this either. I hope the children who endured this abuse find help. I hope they know they aren’t alone.
My wife and I, and our two dogs, were sitting and watching this together, when our youngest dog started growling out of nowhere. He wouldn't stop until we paused Michael Pearl. So I guess you could say he's a good judge of character.
Haha! Wow! Yeah dogs know.
What a good dog.
Dogs are the coolest
Give those puppies extra treats from me
Dogs usually are. I remember when I was in middle school, school got out early because it was a half day. Both my parents worked late and wouldn't get home until five or six. I was outside with my dog--a sweet, pitbull/chow mix who never growled at anyone (and never did again after this day). Until this day and someone came up the drive as I was playing with her. My dog immediately stood in front of me and growled until the man finally left. The guy was trying to talk to me, though I can't even recall what he said. Forever thankful for that dog because the closest neighbor was over a hill so there would be no one to see this strange guy.
Ugh, my parents freaking WORSHIPPED this guy. It’s super healing to see you too picking apart his speech and philosophy.
Edit: oh god, the lust part explains SO MUCH about my childhood trauma omfg
How awful for you hugs
Hope you're doing better these days. I grew up catholic, so I know religious trauma, but this guy's evil in a league of it's own.
Same. Let's join forces and sue this moron. And make part of the lawsuit force him to apologize for being a lowlife child abuser.
I’m with you mate. This channel has helped me unpack so much and it’s amazing to think I just stumbled upon it one day - and to think of everything I’ve learned & I learned since then. It’s a journey and I want you to know there’s plenty of us going through it together! I’ve found community here and on Reddit, in case you’re not plugged in there. Big hugs to you from Texas! 💛🤙🏽
@@Thi-Sen there’s one called r/fundiesnark that I’ve found great community in. I actually came there directly after I came out to my mom and I received such love and affirmation. So thankful for that because even though I broke the guidelines; they still allowed me to post because I didn’t know where else to turn. Amazing and loving people there! Another is called r/exchristian.
*I also highly recommend the podcast “Queer Theology.”*
“Faith evolving” and “God is grey” (older content) here on UA-cam helped me a ton too. As well as “Belief it or not.”
Christ. I was raised in the IBLP, and under the principles of "To Train Up a Child." It was a manual that my pastor father read and my narcissistic mother recommended to other new parents. The terrifying thing about what Michael Pearl is discussing about the children training themselves to be "angry, bitter, and confrontational" is giving me horrific flashbacks. Because anger in my house was punished with physical abuse (ie spankings with a 1x1 poplar board...poplar has no give). Anger, a perfectly healthy, natural emotion, was disallowed and punished with physical violence. Therefore, when growing up, I had no concept of how to cope with and deal with my anger in a healthy way, and unfortunately, I wound up hurting a lot of people unintentionally, because I just had the emotion beaten out of me in the moment, and never learned how to deal with it in the long run. I never read "To Train Up a Child", so this video is a new revelation to me; the revelation of why I was beaten for being angry at being a second class citizen in my own home because I was second born and had the misfortune of being born female.
God I wish parents like that were arrested and never allowed to have kids again. mfs like that do not deserve another day of peace
I'm so sorry I hope you got away from that hell
you're not alone. and they were wrong to treat you how they did. I wish the world were different.
wishing you love and peace, friend
Wow. Same thing for me. I was the only girl my father ever had, and I am so glad he never had another daughter.
“they’re gonna grow up to have pronouns” took me OUT im sobbing from laughter
We needed that lighthearted moment! That was a tough episode.
the commentary is the only way i could get through this video 💀every time he opened his mouth i wanted to throw up
That line killed me, I had to rewind it so I could laugh again lmao
I was in love, engaged to and almost married a self proclaimed devout Christian, he subscribed to Josh Harris and actually gave me his books to read.
We were together 5 years, from 2000 to 2005.
He went on a mission and married a missionary girl.
He made a post with a link to the book To train up a child, and captioned "we found our parenting manual" as they were expecting their first child....
I really REALLY dodged a controlling, gas lighting, self righteous sexist bullet!!!
Get them "Stop Being Co-dependent" by Melody Beatie.😂😂😂😂
Girl, yes you did 💯
That poor child...
"besides being a former child do you have any other credentials"...YES, THAT IS ALL THE CRED YOU NEED. As a former fundie, and as a former child (and someone who has chosen not to have children) I *can* judge parental techniques within reasonable parameters because I know what worked for me and what has sent me to therapy. We all have lived experience as being kiddos.
I agree, of course every child and family is different. And people who are not parents do not understand that experience BUT ANYONE who is a good person or at-least has a brain can see what is abuse and should should speak out against and protect children!!!
Yes!! I’m a therapist and specialize in infant and toddler mental health. If more parents went to therapy themselves, and could put aside their preconceived notions of parenting, it would be so much easier. I try to have them think about themselves as children, empathize with the emotion their child is feeling, and help them that way. AND children are SUPPOSED TO BE SELF CENTERED. Their brain hasn’t figured out empathy yet and it won’t be able to see someone else’s perspective until at LEAST AGE SIX.
Being a parent, by itself, doesn't grant some sort of magical insight that allows you to discern what's shitty to do and what isn't-children are just new humans, after all. People like Michael are 101% pure goddamn evil.
I also decided not to have children after surviving my childhood, but I get along with kids very well.
@@courtneylegaloff3851non-parental adults played a huge role in my life as mentors, it’s a very special relationship and so valuable to have someone who isn’t your parent, who you also trust and can speak honestly with.
To anyone who grew up being treated like that: I am so sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve it. I hope you are able to find love and healing in your life now.
that's really nice. I wish I could be surrounded by a whole community IRL of people with views like you
I love this “don’t treat kids like this. They’re small and they’re nice, and they’re learning”
This gets me in the ‘Feels’
When I was in fundamentalism, we were instructed to start spanking babies by 2 MONTHS old "to drive their sinful, selfish nature from them." 😬 Even then I knew that was insane and didn't do it with my kids. Thank you for covering the Pearls! This needs talked about. I burned my Pearl books after I left the cult, and it was a joy to watch them go up in flames.
I'm commenting to help the algorithm, but I'll have to come back to the video later as I know it's likely going to be too triggering for me in my current headspace. ❤️🫂❤️
I was told in a homeschooling group I needed to spank my daughter for refusal to pray aloud because she was “rebelling!” I never did. Our daughter was and is more introverted. It wasn’t disobedience. She follows the Lord to this day and we have close family relationships with each other.
Love ya, Sarah Forbes, I don't know you, but I know what you mean. If there was ever an innocent member of the human race, it's small children and babies. The Pearls are the twisted evil ones. I hope you find peace tonight and good restful sleep. We can't change the past, but we have a future of freedom ahead of us.
Whoa
It is so different what is taught. I am a Christian fundie and was taught never spank a baby. I was taught around age 2. I have heard so many fundies say they were taught to spank a young baby.....awful. Babies aren't crying for a power struggle, it is their only mean of communicating they have a need. He is ridiculous in his teaching.
Michael wrote a whole book and did all this talking instead of just saying "I hate children" and moving on with his life.
Exactly!
There is nothing wrong with hating children, but.. Why treat them like poo? This is illegal, it can cause them to have Many years of trauma
@@sarascarpati887 I think hating kids is weird because they didn’t do anything for you to hate them most of the time. Not liking kids is valid but straight up hating kids makes me think someone is a bad person
@@sarascarpati887 I think hating kids is weird because they didn’t do anything for you to hate them most of the time. Not liking kids is valid but straight up hating kids makes me think someone is a bad person
@@jenana6882 this is valid,
OMG the look on James' face when he's talking about marrying you... I can't. Too cute. Congrats again!
right???? they look so happy
No literally they are so cute
So cute when he smiles about marrying Jen
Yes! Wonderful couple!
If this looking thing can get a husband, we all can! Hope regained.
SO unrelated to the content of the video but as a professional captioner, your captions on this video make my heart so happy. Your captioner has verbatim down to an art, and that's so lovely to see--so many professionally captioned series and movies have inaccuracies which make lipreading next to impossible, but you've got every word in place. And the *punctuation*! I've never seen better punctuated captions in my life! Thank you so much for making my autistic little brain a little happier tonight.
I am always so impressed with their captions. They do a better job than Netflix.
I second
I wanted to thank you for the important work you do.
People like this love to toss the term “boundaries” around, but when their adult children want to set REAL boundaries, the parents automatically throw a fit and think everything is unfair 🙄
Amen.
My mom 💯
As an ex Quiverful Pearl follower this was a hard watch. We're in NZ and have 8 kids age 25,24,23,22,20,18,15,15. Our Ex leader and family members were almost certainly at this seminar. As I mentioned in the live chat we were never shown the videos of Michael Pearl. Material was exclusively taught from their books. The main teachings came from 2 books. To Train up a child and 'Created to be his help Meet" In New Zealand his actions in video would'nt have gone down well. We were encouraged to carry both books around with our bibles to be viewed like instruction manuals. Said leader has 11 children who called the book "To train up a child" "TO beat up a Child" I heard that term used like a joke among them. I never prescribed to hitting my kids. and when I saw others hitting their 5 month old babies for reaching out I struggled with cognitive dissonance. Its likely why I went down the road of questioning my faith in the first place and what brings me here today no longer part of a destructive cult . Thankfully the man and I got out together and all kids seem to hardly even remember our church days. Tessa From NZ
I’m so glad to hear you got away from that abuse!
Im sorry for what you went through and I wish you and your family the best.
glad you're free from that now!
❤
I’m so glad you and your family got out and found a better path. Sending you lots of love.
My husband grew up with parents who were evangelical and used "To Train up A Child" to a buse him. They still talk about the book for "when we have kids" and try to drag us to church. It makes him nauseous just being around them because they act "normal", even though they perpetrated loads of psychological tor ture. He is 29, and the religious trauma is painful obvious. I am so thankful he survived, I love him.
I know what he's talking about. My fundie parents don't think they did anything wrong because they just did what "God wanted", so now they expect us to come visit them like a happy family. I get this angsty, restless feeling every time I visit even though the visit is pretty polite.
@@webofstarlight We usually smoke weed while on a walk in the evening and I usually give him a blow job when we go to visit. It's funny because his parents are really weird about sex. 😂
Good he has you.
Your husband’s parents are lucky that he wants anything to do with them and I agree, he’s got someone special who loves him very much. You.
Glad he has you
As someone who has been bitten by a nursing baby, I can confirm that it hurts quite a bit, even without teeth. However, baby got a little spooked when she noticed me sort of jump in surpise, and I had to calm the poor little thing down.
The next couple of times I had a sense it was starting to happen, I just had to say, "No, no, be careful," a few times - Babies are smart, and they pick up on concern and warning in voices, and even on the meaning of words if you've been talking to them a lot - and it didn't happen any more.
kinda reminds me when puppies hurt their mom during feeding or annoying them, the mom growls or barks at them, but she doesn't bite them. you'd think humans would have more control than a dog but apparently not.
(not comparing you to a dog I'm just comparing how mothers treat their children across animal types)
@@Sputterbug 😂 I get it
my cat understands tone of voice so well. she can really tell when she is being scolded versus praised or even roasted. i haven't spent that much time around babies, but i bet it is so cool to see all the ways they are receptive to older people in their baby manner.
@@AlexisTwoLastNames It is 😊
I was bitten more than once. I only vaguely recall it. It certainly didn't warrant much attention, let alone punishment.
These people are just evil.
The “flick the baby in the mouth” bit made me want to cry. A newborn baby literally doesn’t understand and cannot put two and two together. They’re literally seeking comfort and being punished ughhhhh
My parents worshiped these people. And yes, I was dragged to one of these and made to take pictures with Michael. This was triggering and brought back some awful childhood memories. It was healing to see you and James call this abuse out so openly.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s so incredibly frustrating to see what these people did to thousands if not millions of children. I hope you know you are important and are worthy of love without any conditions! 💜💕
That is absolutely Horrible
As someone with ADD and OCD I am so thankful my family did not follow the Pearls. I would have been beaten senseless for shit I can't control
Yep they would have said you had a demon in you and they need to beat it out of u
As someone with ADHD whose parents listened to the Pearls, you are correct.
@@justrachel4496 I am sorry to hear that
@@justrachel4496 same friend ❤
@@justrachel4496 Same here. It was pretty awful.
My son is a sensory seeker (he’s gonna be 2 in July, I have ADHD and I see the writing on the wall 😅😂). He’s needed occupational therapy to help us get him to the point he’s not distressed by sitting in his high chair to eat or go in his car seat for more than 15 mins. It absolutely breaks my heart to think of the free spirited, high energy, super intelligent, neurodivergent kids out there being raised by monsters like this. This legitimately is so disturbing!
On a happy note, congratulations on the engagement! 🎉🎉❤
your son is lucky to have an understanding and educated parent like you 💕
I was one of those kids 😭 Thank you for working with your kiddo and supporting them ❣️
@@paperigangsta thank you so much 😭❤️
@@loztpm I’m so so sorry you had to go through that! You didn’t deserve that, at all. I hope you have a loving support system now. Your comment means so much. Thank you for being you ❤️
Has your child ever been away from you for more than 1 hour per week since he was born? If so, he may have incurred abandonment trauma and now has an insecure attachment style. Psychologist Faye Snyder Psy.D. says that people with ADHD have insecure attachment styles. She believes ADHD is NOT genetic. She wrote a book about this titled "ADHD: A Diagnosis in Denial". She also talks about all the personality disorders people with ADHD have in her books "The Handbook" and "The Manual".
“That torque is where God’s love is.” I about died laughing. Congrats on the upcoming wedding!
As a Californian, born and raised in So Cal, I can say with absolute certainty THIS MAN WILL NOT BE BEARD LICKED here. this is NOT the daddy any of us are looking for
Born in Pasadena, still a Californian, & I 100% agree with you!
My dad would constantly say that he believes children should fear their parents. I think if he had known about the Pearls, he would've been a follower. He was a very angry person, who would snap over the slightest things that he deemed were going against his "command". He truly believed that his kids were there to serve him, obey him, and please him. And he would justify this abuse through religious beliefs. I now work as a teacher with very young children and I'll never understand how someone can look at a child and feel the urge to hurt them. I'm glad that there's people like you both who are shining a light on this kind of abuse!
Me too
Kids should love their parents and show a level of respect not fear.
Parents should respect their children; that’s how children learn respect. Fear is not respect.
My grandmother stills talks about how hard my great-grandfather was on her growing up. The pain from the bruises left on her by her PASTOR FATHER over the dumbest things doesn't just go away, not even 70 years later.
Edited to add a trigger warning. I don't normally write things like this so I forgot to include it:
Both of my parents were abused as children. It haunted them for their entire lives. The things my mom lived through were a literal horror show. My father's abuse was more psychological and soul destroying. Both were terrible in differing ways. My mom thought my dad had it worse, and she saw things like a gun held up to her mom's head, and she witnessed my grandfather stab her mom in the back. Another occasion her dad through her brother head first through a wall.I can't even imagine the shit she went through
Yes. I worked in senior living for four years and have heard many stories of child abuse. Just because it was "normal" doesn't mean it wasn't psychologically scarring. I've met more 70+ year old drug addicts and alcoholics than I'd care to count who were brutally abused physically, emotionally, and sexually. As well as loads of parents who were abusive themselves but didn't understand why they never had visitors. It isn't that people were "tougher" back in the day. The only difference between modern generations and seniors is the RECOGNITION that they were abused.
@@Melissamms I worked in an assisted living facility. One thing for sure is Boomers had some serious abuse to contend against. So many of them just left their parents to live out their remaining days and never see them again and the parents wonder why. You wonder with them sometimes until they start in on the super private and personal stories. Some of them still don't realize what they've done, so some of them will still give you these horror stories where they don't even see the abuse STILL. It's sad how much Boomers were abused; they dealt with some seriously foul shit as punishment.
When he was talking about making his kids smile and have non-rebellious muscles, my entire body tensed up. My father was of the “I’ll give you something to cry about” school.
One of my greatest fears was that I’d grow up to be angry and violent like him. I’m so thankful the rest of the family was loving and supportive, so I could grow up to be an empathetic “SJW snowflake”.
ohmygod my dad is like that too. made fun of nonbinary people and our pronouns. took a while to come out to him- and he wonders why I don’t visit
My mom said the exact same thing … now she’s always trying to get me to open up to her emotionally. I wonder why that’s so difficult 🫠.
If I ever told my dad not to hit my siblings he would go on a huge rant about how sensitive liberals are and how we’ve failed as a generation because of SJW’s…lol
I think I was an adult- at least in college and out of my parents house- before I ever learned to feel anger at all. I remember adamantly claiming as a teenager that I didn’t feel anger. It was a foreign emotion to me and something I was obviously deeply, deeply depressing because I also had that same fear of not wanting to grow up and become a violent abuser.
I have a sibling who sort of took the opposite approach- was wildly and violently angry punching and kicking holes in the walls from a super early age. He also got a lot more of the physical violence as punishment and clearly, a lot of good that did. But it seems so obvious that actually teaching your kids how to deal with their emotions- and as parents having the wherewithal to learn to deal with your own- is the only sensible, healthy way to raise kids. I’m never going to have any of my own but at least I’m finally doing the work to learn to deal with my emotions and not repress the difficult ones down.
@Dea Carey add extreme homophobia to that and you’ve got my father . I hated it and I’m not even non binary
Their attitude towards ADHD angers me because my parents DID try basically everything in the book- up to literal abuse and hitting.
It didn't fix or stop my "bad behaviour". It didn't "break" me. It taught child me to use violence to communicate my upset or frustration to others when they ignored my words. It also taught me how to lie if I had been in an accident or trouble- because I couldn't trust that it wouldn't lead to more punishment. It also made me an angrier adult with a disorganised insecure attachment style who deeply feels like it's their responsibility to protect any kid I see. I suppose that that latter one isn't the worst trait to have.
In the same boat. I'm sorry you went through that too. I'm a mess and unlearning is literal hell, but at least I would never ever hit a child.
I’ve said so many times to people: you can’t discipline ADHD out of a child. It is a neurodivergence, NOT a character flaw!
I feel this, I was denied medication
Going through this with my child, is different we are all involved,
And will get him all the help he needs, including medication!
Hugs to you
I experienced the exact same thing, I felt this in my soul.
so relatable. child abuse doesn't fix autism either. who knew! well... us kids begging our parenting to stop knew.... but who listens to kids!?
My wife and I are new moms and I could never IMAGINE purposely inflicting harm on my child. Ever. I read to train up a child last summer while I was pregnant and it just blew my mind, but now that my daughter is earthside it angers me even more. My family is made up of evangelicals who morphed into semi baptists after moving to TX 25 years ago, and knowing that some of my family has read these kinds of things is so disturbing. Focus on the Family stuff is still on my mom’s, now my child’s grandmother’s, bookshelf. My grandpa worked for Back to the Bible as a radio announcer for most of his adult life. Needless to say, my wife and I will be breaking the cycle of spankings, demanding respect without giving it first, and so many other things.
Ps your channel helped me get through my pregnancy (and beginnings of deconstructing) so thank you!!Congratulations on your engagement, we love you guys! ❤
Young children are SUPPOSED to be selfish. It’s part of what has helped us to survive as a species. It ensures they get their needs met. As they get older and can start doing things for themselves, they start to understand that other people have feelings and thoughts of their own.
And literally any kind of sense of self hasn’t developed yet. That takes time!
Separate from my hatred for the rest of the book, Debi’s wedding/honeymoon is one of the most revolting stories I’ve ever read.
I had to pause and read it.... it reads like a sadistic horror erotic novel. Made me tear up 😢
I remember finding the story very triggering after surviving CSA. Thankfully my husband was very kind even though we were in fundamentalism back then. I helped him get out. ❤️
Yes. The honeymoon story was horrific! I would’ve run away immediately and gotten an annulment. Michael doesn’t love his wife the way Christ loves the church.
Debi must’ve been raised to accept bad treatment from a man. Unfortunately, my home situation led me to marry an abusive man. It was almost inevitable. I’m divorced now.
I want to watch this, but as a parent and a retired high school teacher of 30 years, it's too phucking triggering. Be well, friends! Catch you another time! Sending you BIG LOVE!
My ex was “trained up” using this method. As an adult he hit things, people and animals…makes a lot more sense now.
There's a book that might help called The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It's about trauma, and how to work through it. It's super rough and shitty. There are a several ways to work through what happened, but in general it takes facing those feeling and pain (the therapies help keep that pain from being too much)
Basically feeling those moments of shame and finding self compassion/forgiving yourself.
I'm sorry your in this situation, and I hope he gets better.
@@Superwoodputtie thanks, I’ll have to check that out. I’ve done prolonged exposure therapy and am sooo much better now. These videos help too, realizing it wasn’t entirely his fault, but how he was raised.
i dont think ive ever left a youtube comment in my life, but as someone who grew up under Evangelicals who idolized the Pearls, i just wanted to say the way Jen and James both abhor the abuse people who lived To Train Up A Child suffered is so affirming and so relieving. i speak with a lot of people who grew up like me and left, and the way we still feel that guilt for leaving that was beaten and manipulated into us can be so overwhelming even as adults with little to no contact with the people who did it. the way you two remind me it was evil and they were wrong when you cover the Pearls, or any of the other abusive evangelical families you cover, really helps me and my friends who watch your channel cope with being adults who left the church. you two are truly a gift to people like me.
I'm probably older than you (grew up pre-Pearl), but I totally get what you are saying. It took me decades to finally admit that I didn't subscribe to those beliefs or teachings anymore. While there was physical abuse, the spiritual (or psychological) abuse was even worse. Hugs. It's hard but so glad you made it out!
Actually, for the safety of children in all situations and families, child abuse comes in non religious families, too. This Pearl couple are just sick, they are a psychopath's dream. But to think child abuse only happens in "religious" families can blind us to abuse that's going on in all spheres of society. I've seen it professionally. One of my worst cases was a non religious family, there was a mom and dad, they were married, "white", owned their home, even had a white picket fence. But the twistedness hiding behind that facade...! For some reason, is evil is perpetrated in the name of religion, we condemn religion, even though evil people use all venues: business, medicine, education, government, media, etc. You see all kinds of venues used and twisted for an evil person's desires, not just religion. We don't say business is evil because of the people behind Enron, we don't say the medical field is evil because they have found and convicted doctors of sexual abuse and murder, we don't hate education because some teachers abuse and even have sex with their students. So I say all this just to encourage people to realize children are being mistreated in all kinds of situations, and as decent human beings, we won't be afraid to do something if we come across it. I hope you continue to heal from the pain you went through and that life brings you joy and peace!
@@priyanka5316 hi nowhere in my comment did i even mention that abuse only happens in religious communities, just that my abuse came directly from religion and religious practices that the video itself is about. this isnt an "all abuse victims" situation, its a specific comment about a specific thing the video covered that ruined my life and traumatized me(:
I am well aware that not every abuse victim comes from fundamentalist religious groups, but bringing that up when a victim is commenting on something about fundamentalist religion and their lives is not the place. your professional training did not seem to teach you that, so please take it and use it moving forward.
@@sarahelizabeth6456 If you read my comment, nowhere do I say that you personally are guilty of claiming all abuse come from religious groups. I'm not sure why you assumed that? I prefaced my comment with a general statement about helping children, not with you personally. I do apologize for any hurt I have inadvertently caused you. I truly was just trying to make the point which you do articulate in your response, because child abuse of all kinds has skyrocketed, one of the reasons being that people just look the other way, or think it only happens in very particular situations. And I will repeat what I said directly to YOU in my first comment: " I hope you continue to heal from the pain you went through and that life brings you joy and peace!"
I was raised under these teachings. I’ve met these people. I don’t talk to my family and I’ve been on healing journey for several years. The way y’all make me laugh in this video is a special kind of seen and understood. Thanks for being so awesome you two! Thanks for making these videos. ❤
Seen and understood. Yes.
Love? The Pearls wouldn’t know the meaning of the word “love” if they stopped hitting their children long enough to let Love punch them in the face.
Breaking their will sometimes just hardens their resolve. Against you. Pearl would be wise to remember this.
Also remember who’s going to pick your nursing home!
For real for real this is me
“If you don’t get in there and hit them the right way, they’re going to grow up and have pronouns” I LOST it
I know right?!
Pronounless enby king, I respect that /j
I could NOT stop laughing
The best!
I was at a Pearl seminar. My mom wanted to introduce her kids to Debi and Michael and show how perfectly we were "trained". Debi said (with disdain) I looked like a boy. I was wearing women's clothes and had shoulder length hair.. I was also 11.
O my :( that must have been a horrible experience :(
Like that witch can talk
This type of “parenting” was very prevalent in my life as a kid. I know many people who grew up with parents more like this than mine even. Not a single one of them has a good relationship with their parents & they have their own problems they carry from this parenting. Nothing good comes from this type of parenting. Good only happens in spite of it.
PLEASE buy the prayer bench. If you get creative, you can count it as a wedding expense!
They could use it to make an alter to the Lesbian Socialist Republic.
I concur. I am sure you can make it worthwhile
If it's in videos is it a ✨️business write off✨️?? 🤔
@@Claire-rg2np surely you can claim that on your taxes!
Besides being horrific, blanket training seems like a lot of work to get your kid to sit still. Infants are not particularly mobile and toddlers are pretty easy to corral. Get a baby bouncer, a play pen, etc. Bonus, your kid won't be afraid of you forever and you can actually have a relationship with them!
It isn’t to keep the baby still. That’s just a “side benefit” to the Pearls. It is to condition (torment) children to fear following their own interests and curiosity and to reprogram their instincts to be compliant, quiet, and “easy” (for the parents). It leaves people scarred for the rest of their life, afraid to be assertive or to stand out in any way. It is very much intended to demolish individuality and replace it with conformity and terror.
Its literally that easy!
Yeah like baby gates exist
I thank the universe every day that I never married and had children when I was a fundie. I'm ashamed to say I would have followed his teaching, and it makes me sick.
Well, you didn't, so forgive yrself.
You and me both friend! We got out and we can forgive ourselves ❤
Jenn’s “If you don’t get in there and hit them the right way they’re going to grow up to have pronouns!” slayed me. 😂💀
god that part about "you better smile!" triggered me too, jen. it's like, okay, fine, i'll be compliant and obedient, but i can't even express how unhappy and tormented i am silently and in a way that doesn't effect you?! oh but who am i kidding, these people don't want to know how their kid is feeling, even when the kid isn't saying anything, they have to control every aspect of their emotions or it'll make them feel guilty... and they don't want to feel guilty, they don't want to be /wrong/!
I wish I'd understood that when I was young. Because it's taken me a lifetime to understand the psychological aspect of it. Not being allowed to cry. Being beaten FOR crying. Being beaten until you stop crying. "You're only making it worse for yourself by acting this way. It would ALREADY be over if you just stopped crying." Being attack for not smiling "genuine enough" or not responding quickly enough to a command. Like, I mean "GO DO THIS THING" and not LEAPING up from my seat. Just standing up. That was disrespectful and was grounds for punishment. "WHEN I SAY JUMP YOU SAY..." "HOW HIGH, SIR!
I’m so sorry to anyone raised under this horrible system. My heart goes out to you. I hope with time you know that you did not deserve this.
Michael reminds me a lot of my own father: he seems angry at children for not having the common sense that an adult would. When they act like children he thinks they're choosing to behave that way INSTEAD of being mature simply to spite him.
He says himself he believes they are like little adults and expects them to act as such. He even seggulizes them in his words as if they are adults
Yes and I think he's lying about not spanking out of emotion. There's no way he controls it when frustrated and "needs" to punish the kids. You can tell by the way he talks about it that it makes him feel good to hit kids. He can't hide his feelings, like any narcissistic abuser, he's beaming with pride. It's sick.
And that’s the biggest issue with adults and kids. Adults put every thing that a child does in an adult context rather than a child’s brain. They are babies.
@@XXwhoknowsXX81 Any person who thinks that kids are mini adults needs to be put on a watch list and sterilized. They are not. They are kids.
This is probably an offshoot of the Christian fundamentalist belief in absolute depravity, the idea that all people are fundamentally born sinful and wicked and must atone. If you take that to its furthest extreme, you get insane beliefs like the Pearls' idea that babies can be evil.
I grew up in a weird evangelical cult and I knew a woman who was legit paranoid that her baby was was trying to manipulate and control her with his ‘sin nature’ and ‘deceitful heart’. Like her actual baby. She would smack him on the hands if he didn’t listen to her the first time she said no, which was often, because he was a BABY. These people are crazy. She also would put ice cubes on his head and let them melt there to ‘wake him up’, because apparently it’s impossible to wake literal infants without abuse. She was so messed up 😭 Also saw a different mom open-hand slap her disabled toddler across the face because he got distracted when following one of her commands. Literally horrifying. He’s the sweetest little guy too, I used to babysit both of these kids and they were so innocent and trusting and don’t deserve their horrid evangelical parents
That makes me sad. Those poor kids
I happened to be in the middle of a conversation with my dad once when one of my babies bit me hard af while nursing. I involuntarily yelped and jumped, as you do when those little crocodile mfers get teeth. I nursed uncovered and through toddlerhood, so I already had two Fundie Strikes™️ against me. But when he suggested I flick the baby in its mouth (because I "couldn't let them get away with that") and I immediately refused, he *leaned over and attempted to deliver the flick himself*. Like on what planet do you attempt to whack another person's baby WHILE THEY'RE NURSING THEM? The garbage these people peddle is not only abusive, it's BEYOND weird.
@@chrisirae If he wanted to get physical so badly I would've been more than happy to knock him out. Especially after he attempted to hurt a tiny baby. What is wrong with these people....
@@chrisirae "Couldn't let them get away with that"??? People who act like babies and small children are vindictive and manipulative need to be locked up. It's truly scary.
Sounds like post partum psychosis. A major fundie principal is that instead of getting diagnosed or treated for mental illness you should just blame the kids and take it out on them.
My mother is Christian and occasionally takes my daughter to church. Someone at church commented that my daughter is so well behaved, did we use the Pearls Book.
She says she just looked at this woman and felt sick to her stomach and told her no my daughter talks to her and if she lays a hand on my grandchild I’m taking her away.
Point is these people don’t see anything wrong with abuse and for some reason think it’s biblical.
"He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." aka "spare the rod, spoil the child" is Proverbs 13:24 ... it is biblical. The bible is really messed up.
@hobocode what's worse is that's not what that means at all! It's talking about guiding them not hitting them. Spare the rod, spoil the child is referring to a shepherds rod which is used to guide the sheep, not hit them.
@@pixiewolf333 i wish that's how they would have taught it at my church. dang.
@@pixiewolf333Exactly People read Bible verses out of Context and Just Run with it
Me recognizing this book cover from my childhood. Nice.
Edit:
After watching the entire video, my dad used a lot of this verbatim. I really did be growing up thinking I was inherently just a bad person.
So it worked as intended! 🙃😭
When I first heard of the Pearls, I was outraged at their support of abuse in the the form of "discipline".
Now that I am a mom, their abuse makes me feel sick and filled with a rage I didn't know possible. Religion is NO excuse to abuse your child. I write that as a religious person that teaches Sunday school
I’m so confused. I thought Jesus taught that we should be LIKE little children? And now come to find they’re just filled with lustful passions?? Sigh.
When Perl started popping off on his discipline play-by-play, all of a sudden I was a little girl in the family room, and my dad was screaming at me from his blue chair. Man, when you heard the TV mute followed by the clicky sound of the footrest being pushed back into the recliner so he could get up, you RAN, and hoped you weren't the last sibling left in the path. I was the oldest- and the black sheep- so, well, y'know. But that was a VISCERAL flashback I wasn't expecting while knitting and YouTubing on a Friday night. If you're looking for an example of the antithesis of Jesus Christ and how he explicitly instructed people to behave, look no further than the Perls. An old copy of To Train Up a Child is still on the bookshelf at my folks' house. But I tell you what. The first time I was over with my now-teenager to visit (a married-at-17 teen mom myself), I heard my dad get frustrated with my son for the first time, and it was the first time I was brave enough to take a stand. Told him if he laid a finger on my child, he'd never see us again, and he could answer to the police. Now on the other side of it, I can confidently say that none of my four babies required a$$ beatings to turn into awesome humans. And I hope I saved future them some therapy money, because that sh!t has been *expensive*. The Perls can lic... do all the stuff. Break the cycle, people.
ETA: OMG we had a spankin' spatula. My dad called it "Mr. Spatula". And he also went through an NCIS phase, wherein he started bopping us super hard on the head with his knuckles and calling it a "Gibbs whop".
My dad would knuckle thump us on top of the head too. Hard enough to make our knees buckle, sometimes. He'd scream at us or hit us for *anything*. He didn't give a shit about discipline; he just needed an outlet for his rage and frustration.
He died alone. At least he had a friend to find his body the next day, i guess. No funeral, not even an obituary.
It's exactly what he deserved.
You're so very wonderful to this world for what you did to break the cycle and ensure your children grew up safe and happy. I can't even imagine the strength it took to stand up to your father, but I hope that helped heal your inner child and your children look at you with awe for what you've done. Thank you for fighting for kindness and compassion
Same. It was visceral to hear him mimic the yells coming from my lips in the memory
Don't think mine had ever heard of these people though, so I was spared some of these things he advocates
🎉 Congratulations on your engagement!!! 🎉 Love you guys & hope for only the best for your wedding and for your marriage, of course!!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I grew up in a household who followed this “curriculum” and I can tell you I also don’t remember much of anything before the age of 12 besides a couple instances I will never forget unfortunately. I really appreciate y’all talking about this
I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you're in a better/safer place in life
it's common and normal for trauma memories to be foggy and forgotten. there's real science and survival behind childhood amnesia. It's common, normal (for people who experience abuse), and honestly maybe a little helpful in some ways. I actually prefer the times in my life before I read my old journals and sparked the memories to come back in full color and bright detail. it's good to know the truth and that I did not exaggerate or lie as my gaslighting abusers claimed... but I also wish I could flip a switch and turn those memories off again. complicated stuff....
I went on a first date with a guy a couple of weeks ago and somehow we ended up talking about christan sects that are like cults and I taught him all about the craziness that is blanket training, I never thought that my fundie Friday knowledge would ever come up in normal conversation LOL
My mom used to give a copy of “Created to be His Help Meet” to every bride to be at their wedding shower she went to and a copy of “To Train Up a Child” to every expecting mother at their baby shower.
She probably still does, but I avoid speaking to her as much as possible and I’m no longer in the same groups.
I am so deeply sorry to all the people she has given those terrible books to and to all the people who will be affected by the teachings in those books. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about.
He moves like an evil Santa. Skulking back and forth while cackling with glee at the cries of children
Like a krampus.
Exactly, evil Santa.
evil santa...lol
6:12: as a product of (awesome) secular homeschooling, I’d like to give a shout-out to John Holt, an educator who wrote many great books on child-led learning. (Which is awesome!! Trust your kids!! Learning is natural and happens 24/7!)
when he was talking about children’s “rebellious shoulders” and “face muscles” …that’s just anger from being mistreated and abused
When i read "To train up a child" I was in the fundy world and always it read like softcore sadistic porn. Different implements for different ages and misdeeds, power plays over their submissives, starting early as possible to instill the rules... I cant even read it as a parenting book. If it wasnt children being discussed it would be a naughty book we fundies wouldnt allow in our homes. Makes me sick.
40:23 "I'll give you something to cry about" is the most triggering one for me -- often followed up with, "you'll be picking yourself up off the floor."
My father’s favorite phrase must have been “I’ll give you something to cry about”…and I was the good kid. It was so much worse for my rebellious sister, even as a toddler.
Heard this one from my father to toddler siblings in the 60s/early 70s. He did corporal punishment in religious elementary/primary schools too until it became illegal to do so (he was a principal/headmaster most of his career).
Reading so many of these heartbreaking comments makes me so thankful for my kind, gentle and understanding (liberal and permissive parents) who managed to raise four kind and empathetic human beings through the 50s, 60s and 70s. Mom and Dad have been gone for several years but I am realizing what rare parents they were in that time. How I wish every child could have had the safe and loving home that we had😢
@@julieguenter3283 Me, too. Looking back, I was blessed. No horror stories to tell. My parents were very accepting of any type of person. I never saw hate from my parents. The comment section always pulls at my heartstrings, yet also makes me extremely pissed that there are parents out there like the Pearls.
@@julieguenter3283 It's people like this that put the lie to the "everyone was doing it, that's the way it should be" narrative. Everyone was NOT doing it. There have always been gentle, empathetic parents, whether it was the norm or not.
This book fell into my parents hands and they used it to justify their abusive tendencies.
Thank you for covering this and for, in a way, being witness to the horror that so many of us experienced.
He's just making bad parents feel better about their desire to lash out at their children instead of handling things with patience and kindness. I feel like my parents probably watched this. They're probably proud they didn't hit me more
His distinction between spanking as abuse and punishment reminds me of this Christian friend that I used to have.
My dad spanked me because he was mad and he was taking it out on his kids, and her dad “cried when he spanked” her because he thought it was the best way to punish her.
She believed in spanking as a punishment and made that very clear to me, despite her awareness of me having been abused in that very way. She sucked and I’m sure Michael Pearl would’ve loved her.
Side note to mention that I’m glad that there are so many people like you all out there because I was continuously told that being spanked wasn’t abuse and that I was never abused until I saw my current therapist who finally validated my experience. This comment section feels like it’s filled with more safe people than I’ve encountered in my entire life.
More safe people than I've ever encountered in my life. Yes. So many people lack self awareness like your friend who was abused and continued the cycle. I wish I could figure out why... I know it's hard to face that you were abused. But I faced the pain to stop the cycle. Just like you did. I don't know why more people don't do it. I seriously cannot understand. It's so hard. But I did it. People CAN do hard things. But most people just don't... I truly cannot understand why that is.
The biting while nursing HURTS. Even without teeth, nipples can be bleedy and cracked because of nursing which makes them sooo tender. I got bit by my kid when they were about 6 months old and teething. I tapped them on the forehead without even thinking about it because it hurt so bad. I felt TERRIBLE. It wasn't hard, just enough to make them stop nursing, look at me confused, and then go back to it. I can't imagine hitting them on purpose. Babies have no idea that it hurts you. And to take away their sense of safety that young..., the world will do it soon enough. My 2 kids are doing great despite us never hitting them.
My daughter bit down on me before she had teeth and I jumped and screamed so loud it scared the shit out of her, and she bawled. Then I bawled too because I felt so bad. I can’t imagine pulling a babies hair 😢
Yeah i HATE to defend the pearls, but they're not wrong on this point. You flick the baby one or two times max when they bite your nipple and they don't do it again. My daughter did it ONCE and I used the "shove their face into your boob so they need to let go to breathe" method.... and I still, 7 years later, cringe whenever I think about it, it hurt that bad
Can confirm it’s like the worst pain imaginable!! (Maybe since I blocked labor out). But yeah, I’ve managed to not hit my son and he’s bit me several times (not out of sheer baby cruelty- I think- hoping it was a mistake!)
His belief that a three year old can commit genocide really explains a lot.
Thank you for standing up for children (and Californians 😉). I’m so happy you’re getting married. You two make my Fridays special!
My parents weren’t fundies, but I’m from Mississippi so it just kind of comes with the territory. I have strong memories of having to say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” (and vice versa) to my parents for literally everything, especially when it came to getting in trouble. After a spanking or mom or dad screaming at me for something, if I didn’t say yes ma’am in the correct tone of voice, with the correct facial expression and body language, they’d continue screaming and yelling for a long time. I actually grew up thinking saying just “yes” or “no” in response to a question or request was rude and shouldn’t be said… you HAD to defer authority to older people with yes ma’am and no ma’am.
Fortunately, I only say it out of habit now and my parents are way cooler/atheist than they used to be.
Have the apologized and attempted to heal the wounds they inflicted?
@@Ann963 thankfully, yes, they have. They have come a long way, and I’m really glad my younger brothers didn’t have to experience much of the same stuff my older sister and I did. They are almost entirely different people now.
my parents owned a copy of To Train Up A Child and although they never physically abused us, their main goal in parenting was to elicit complete and total obedience. Mental health, self esteem, or a rich internal life weren't any of their top priorities for their kids - only compliance. When I was a child and still being raised by them I felt like they viewed me as their enemy even though all I was doing was trying to find independence and my own sense of self. It really baffles me how people will have children when all they want is either a brainwashed foot soldier or a fully fledged adult from birth 🙄
Exactly
Gonna have to sit this one out for my mental health, but thanks for all the work you do!
When you have parents like this you have no choice but to “love” them. Showing anything else gets you beaten.
“if you don’t get in there and hit them the right way, they’re gonna grow up to have pronouns” PLEASE💀😭
I’m probably the age of your mothers or older and my mother always used “I’ll give you something to cry about.” I thought it was unique to her and am so sorry to discover it’s not. Imagine all the kids who think they’re the only kids who grew up hearing that only to learn as adults that it’s an epidemic.
Me too 🫂
First of all, you 2 are adorable....secondly, while this was triggering due to my parents absolutely being obsessed with their book, I am so glad you make these videos and expose the utter effed-up-ness that is the Pearls. When I first started living with my partner, I had a legit panic attack when I walked in the bedroom and he had his belt on the bed. Oh and when he said his daughter can't remember before age 12.......DUDE. DISSOCIATION, MICHAEL. He is just so evil.
I so appreciate you all taking on such a heavy topic but highlighting just how ridiculous and completely ineffective this garbage is. Thank you so much for that. I'm really proud of how you all present this information.
“If you don’t get in there and hit them the right way, they’re gonna grow up to have pronouns.”
JEN I CANNOT BREATHE I AM LAUGHING SO HARD OMG 😂
Same! I was dying!
The Pearl's are the worst of the worst. How to terrorize and traumatize your children 101. Also, congratulations on your engagement!!!! I support the purchase of the prayer bench too lol. It'll be a wedding gift for yall.
I’ve been a Christian pastor for 37 years.
I just want to say I love you guys.
You are fun and refreshing exposing the craziness that is my faith… Christianity
Be blessed!
My parents went by a number of books, including James Dobson. I was beaten black and blue. Was r*ped in the church I was dragged to every Sunday, by 2 "married heterosexual men" got beaten that Sunday afternoon as my mum thought I had messed myself. Of course faeces looks exactly the same as semen. Also SA'd by an uncle and a couple of other adults both male and female. That abuse basically destroyed me from day 1. Now I'm a complete mess, I'm happily married to a loving, caring and kind man. In therapy for life, and still my Mum sometimes says 'you must have done something to entice' yeah, you can bet dollars to donuts I went ballistic, and said words to the effect of "oh what, my 6 year old ass in my Dunnes stores corduroy dungarees was so hot it was a temptation for those men, its my fcuking fault?"
Yeah, now I'm a blasphemous, angry, highly emotional (silver lining is heightened empathic sense and intuition) mess. I'm angry as I probably could have achieved so much in my life. But my marriage is Happy, so in my head and heart, I won. Yeah I'm on medications for life, with added mycelium... 😉. Thank you for helping expose these cruel, evil, sick, perverted, disgusting b@stards who mask themselves as "christians." lots of love and big Irish bear hugs from over here in Northern Ireland.
Oh darling, I'm so, so sorry that all happened to you. I'm glad you have a good husband - you deserve everything good forever. xxx from England.
@@angelamaryquitecontrary4609 ❤️ my husband is an English man! Loyal, loving and always makes me laugh.
@@cocteaut That's a coincidence; so is mine! He's really playing a blinder at the moment, as I have just been diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease, and am horrifically ill, meaning my husband has to do all the care of our adult autistic son (another absolute sweetie) which was largely my province before. As was looking after the house, etc. Poor bloke - I swear I can sometimes hear him humming Kate Bush's 'This Woman's Work' as he gets acquainted with the dishwasher, etc.
He and I were brought up RC, both pretty strictly. Which side were you on? We have both deconstructed, bien sûr.
Love and best wishes to the both of you.
@@angelamaryquitecontrary4609 a Kate Bush fan? You got a good one there! Especially each finding a good partner to help in the hardest points in our lives, with health both physical and mental. Mobility is a big issue now, but having a walking stick and good prescription drugs help! Good humour sure does help too, everyday we make each other laugh, usually at inane things. Brought up on t'other side! But I was (I now know understandably) the rebel, went goth, had friends from RC and Jewish faiths, went with them to Mass and the Synagogue, which made my mother especially angry. Also one of my degrees is in Theology, so I could basically be a smartass and undermine all of the bigoted nonsensical doctrine. We're both Athiest, maybe a hint of Agnosticism lol. The PCI is guilty of vile homophobia even now, and also covering up abuse, pretending abuse only happened within the RC church. Glad it's being exposed now. A new generation is evolving all across the whole of Ireland, and its brilliant! 🤗
I am so sorry and I am glad you are doing better now. Sending love from America your way ❤💕
If this is the kind of parenting you experienced, and you’re not sure how to parent your own kids differently, I just want to say there are lots of parenting courses out there that focus on emotion. I’ve found them really useful ❤
I'm so glad you found them.
To piggyback off your comment, I definitely recommend the podcast "Your Parenting Mojo" and the youtubers/tiktokers "Tori Phantom" and "Mama Cusses."
Thanks for making this. The Pearl's teachings made my childhood and teen years a living hell and it was very cathartic to listen to you two make fun of them for an hour.
“Don’t treat kids like this! They’re SMALL. And they’re nice. And they’re learning.” PERFECT
Your humor and jokes are healing to the little girl in me who couldn’t fight back when my parents used these methods. Thank you. ❤
This is so hard to watch. This man is a monster and probably does more abusive things than he admits to, which is saying a lot because he is so proud of the abuse he DOES admit to. I have always loved children, and I have cared for many babies and children over the years. I can't imagine treating any of those precious children the way that the Pearls advocate for! They are despicable, abusive people.
I am 58 and I see friends posting pro spanking memes constantly like it was good for them, but I know them and they are as mentally messed up as I am, one of the posters has been a friend for 30 years and we have had long discussions about our screwed up childhoods! And not remembering anything before age 12 is a sign of trauma, I have had enough therapy to know that. People like this abusive man gaslight the hell out of others too. I don’t have kids but have dogs, and like Jen said beating a puppy doesn’t help, and then the pup might not trust you.
I left a like because I love you guys, but to be honest it was totally tough. Actually can’t finish watching. But thank you for the pain you put yourselves through to do this.😢
Commenting still helps them in the YT algorithm. :)
You may say you don’t have children but at this point you’re basically my new mom and dad. Love you guys
My husband passed away in 2020, after only 25 years together❤️. You two remind me of us. We would always make comments during programs or movies, making jokes and adding dialog😊😊 We had a lot of fun. You guys seem to, also. Finding that kind of love is something EVERYONE🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 deserves❤❤❤❤❤
Edit: OK, never in my ENTIRE LIFE would I watch this by choice, Mr pearl necklaces' video!! I've spent the last 4 years helping raise my granddaughter. Neither my daughter nor I have EVER struck her, for ANY reason. However, i ABSOLUTELY ENCOURAGE puddle jumping and acting silly... EVEN IN PUBLIC!! We do it together, cuz is more fun❤❤I've only raised my voice to her to get her attention, but if I tell her"No", and she persists... it literally only takes a look. I'm grateful to have watched this through/ with you😶😶 James, your humor makes this so much easier to watch🫣🫣
I'm a Californian and I can confidently say that I never want to lick Michael Pearl's beard.
So he does understand that corporal punishment only "works" until the kid is literally bigger and stronger than their parents. And by "works" I mean they learn to not trust their parents and how to get around them whenever possible.
And the Pearl's version of corporal punishment is even worse than the average corporal punishment because they will hurt the child for literally anything. And that just makes the kids realize that there's no reasoning behind it - just whether or not Mom/Dad is mad.
My mother tried to spank me when I was 16 and had been able to beat up my dad for years. She was surprised that I violently pushed her. I can't imagine how violent I would have been if my corporal punishment had been as intense as the Pearls suggest.
I loved having some sane commentary over this video. I’ve seen this lecture somewhere before (probably at church since I grew up in Tennessee) and hearing it again is honestly a little triggering because EVERYONE is raised with at least some of these crazy ideas swimming in their parents’ heads in Tennessee, at least in the evangelical world. My mom didn’t subscribe to the Pearls’ ideas directly but I still suffered because of this crazy man just because he had so much influence in the church. So when my mom was a new young mom, of course all the advice she got was from this guy if you went back far enough. Thank you for validating my inner child in feeling that this scary shit was not okay ❣️
To this day I really question if I was blanket trained, but I cannot muster the courage to ask my parents
Same
Yes on the prayer bench!
Also I love that your friends buy you things like this as gifts.
Yes on the prayer bench, because the best sex toys are always expensive.
ETA 3: “My daughter can hardly remember being spanked. A course, she doesn’t remember anything before the age of 12, the dummy.” 😱😱🤬
ETA 2: (I’m triggered, can you tell?) When he said the little girl who wouldn’t drink her water was “hurting her mama” and therefore deserved a spanking my heart sank. One thing I tell my kids-they are not responsible for my feelings. That story is parentification of a toddler!
ETA: Pearl reminds me A LOT of my dad and the things I heard growing up. A lot of the things he talks about (babies putting things in their mouths, for example) are a normal-and necessary-part of healthy development.
I didn’t have a sense of personal value until I was well into adulthood and had gone through therapy. I still struggle with attachment-relates issues. Thinking of my childhood still hurts.
I now work with young children and my #1 goal is for them to know they are loved, valuable and safe, regardless of behavior.
As someone who grew up getting spanked with a belt, getting told I was always in sin… I’m proud to say I now have lots of boundaries with my family of origin.
My kids have never been spanked and guess what? They’re happy, healthy, and empathetic kids who follow direction better than I did as a kid.
I'm sorry you went through all of that. That sounds really shitty.
I reached my 30's and am doing a lot ofwork trying to sort out my mental health.
Some books that helped me think through stuff are:
The body keeps the score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
Adult Children of emotionally immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson
Running On Empty by Johnice Webb
There's also Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed. It's not a self help book, but it's filled with radical empathy. It helped me feel for myself.
Thank you so much! I’m going to check these books out! ❤
also growing up my parents used to subscribe to some homeschooling fundie magazine that would sell "rods of correction" that they would market in 6 packs WITH PADDED VELVET GRIPS for additional comfort for the abuser. I can laugh about it now.
What the fuuuuuccckkk
@cristinadecisneros3987 right?!?! Yikes!
A 6 pack, so you can keep one in every room of the house.