NOOOO! Don't marry Va. Move on to another man, you are still young. Your mother clearly is still angry at Va's parents for stopping him from marrying her and angry at Va for not being man enough to stand up against them. But more importantly, there's the unresolved feelings between your mother and Va---remember, they loved each other enough to want to get married. How will you ever be 100% sure that you aren't a placeholder for your mother in Va's heart? He even mentioned that you reminded him of your mother, though at the time neither of you realized it was your mother. I think you can prevent a lot of anguish and hurt from happening in the future by dropping Va completely; but then again, no one knows what the future will be like, so whatever decision you make, you must consider as many possibilities as you can and the consequences of whatever decision you go with.
I agree with you. It’s just not right. I mean it’s too late cause a lot has happened. But to continue a relationship is a No-No. it’s just morally not ok.
DO NOT MARRY VA!! For the rest of your life and your mother's life, you will always be mother and daughter. You will see each other and either Va won't be there or your mother won't be around. There will always be that strain in your life. You're so young, find someone new. Someone you won't have to choose between your mother, family or him. Choose wisely
My opinion: you dint have a father figure in your life. VA came in and was able to groom you, so now you're looking at him like one, but at the same time, both fell in love. There's a boundary that no one should cross, and that is dating someone you know, ex. In your case, since you now know that that was your mom's ex, therefore, you should let go and not cross that boundary. There are plenty of good men out there still young lady. He's not the only one. I'd say move along and pretend that never happened. Ask yourself this, "how much do I love my mom?" If you love her, then let him go.
I am sorry to say this. But if his family didn't like your mother, do you think they would like you once they know the truth? You have to try harder and push yourself harder not to continue with the relationship.
Hearing your story makes me feel so much for you. I'm so sorry you were put through such traumatic circumstances in your childhood. The good news is, now that you're an adult, you get to choose how to love yourself. Regardless of what your mom, Vah, his parents, your grandparents, your friends, or even the public says....please choose yourself first. I understand how it feels to be born to a broken family and abandoned time and time again. It's a confusing, hard, and lonely path. Just know that what ever path you choose there will always be consequences so choose the path with the consequences you can live with. Good luck and I hope you know that you're not alone. Someone out there is always rooting for you! 😊
Your attraction to him was because his love filled the shoes of your absent father and mother, providing: stability, acceptance, maturity and protection. Perhaps to now be the one to leave and abandon him brings upon guilt within you and to experience the loneliness you felt through your childhood all over again is painful. Until you work on these underlying feelings you won't be able to start a new beginning to accept new love or see the goodness in other men because you have placed him on such a high pedestal.
Wow. What a story! I can’t imagine my daughter dating/engage to one of my ex. I’m around your fiancé age and I do have a daughter 19 y/o. I say, leave/break it off for good. Whether your mother was a good or bad mom, it’s not worth dating/marrying this guy Va, heck even talking to him. Good luck!
Sister Lisa, I would say let Va go. He told you he was attracted to you because you look like his ex (your mother). It will be awkward for your mom and Va and Va’s parents at gatherings (they didn’t want him to marry your mother). You want your mother in your life . Besides, there is a big gap in your ages. I understand he loves you but it is too awkward. Good luck to you. Whatever you decide to do, please update Jenny.
Linda, I am writing this to you personally. After listening to your story as a mother too. I think you should let Va go. 1st: It's your mother's ex-boyfriend 2nd: There's a big age gap. If you marry Va it'll be too awkward for your mother and Va facing each other when there's a family gathering. You should find someone your age or 2-3 yrs older than you but not 17 yrs older. He could be your dad! Hopefully whatever you decide you'll update with Jenny. 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
I think your mom has a lot of growing up to do. You seem more adult than your mom. If Wa is the only person that makes you feel alive, go where your heart leads you. Best of luck to you, daughter.
Wow, what a small world for you. No matter what, it is better to let that guy go, he's one of your mom's left overs, if his parents know that you're the daughter of the woman they didn't approved in the past, they will be saying bad things against you, when things go wrong they will use your mom against you, you know how the Hmong OG's are, you're in a better life now look for better things, don't put yourself in a past of your mother and then it will slowly kills you. That man already lived his life, you still have to live, don't tied yourself down with your mom's past, go live, travel the world, do happy things, don't tied yourself to the Hmong OG's lifestyle. One day when you realize it, you will regretting it.
This is a sticky situation mi ntxhais. I understand you guys are in love but think how awkward it is for your mom and her ex(your now bf) they had a relationship (sexually) if you decide to marry him, can you on the long run not get angry, jealous at the thought of him and your mom being together at one point? Right now you might be able to say, "yes" but what about on the long run? When you have family get together and you see him and your mom chatting. Will you be able to tell yourself that nothing is going on? Afterall, we are only human so these jealousy thoughts will at one point cross our minds. Just being truth ful to you in my point of view from an outsider. I'm sure your heart is hurting and fate played a cruel situation for you all but try to not just think of right now but the overall. I wish you the best of luck in your decision because at the end of the day, it really will fall on your decision. Just remember we all have to lay in the bed that we make.
I totally agree. But if she’s like her mother, she may overcome the weird situation. Some women don’t think that deep. They only go for what they want at the moment.
I’m with your mom on this to me ntxhais. I’m a single mom with 2 beautiful daughters. We, as mothers just want the best for our kids. Talking to you like my girls. Don’t do it. Listen to your ma because some day you’re going to have kids and we as mothers loves our grandkids. It would be so hard for you and your mom to have a relationship. I love my girls and my grandkids so much I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I’m sure your just want to have a good relationship with you in the future. My advice is that if you love your mom and want her in your life with your children. Don’t do it.
You can always find another man, but you cannot find another mother. If Va truly respects you and your mother, he would remove himself from your life. It’s simple and clear.
Honestly it’s a difficult decision to make but you two have separated for a year due to Covid and you two were ok so letting him go will not be too hard. I would agree with other comments that if your mom and the ex hadn’t sleep together then you can go with your heart but if they did then it will feel awkward to you when the love is died down for you. Good luck
Wow, what a trist in your story mi Ntxhais! It not anyone's fault, but fate. In my opinion, you should be really evaluating your heart, current situation & future. I believed you felt in love with Va the way he loves & helps you. People said age don't matters, but if it's too far in a gasp it will gives you regret in the future. What I mean by this is...yes he loves you today, but once you both live together both of your personality, attitude & lifestyle it's not the same. Unless he or you obey one ends only. You are young, smart, educated & today's women are powerful. Maybe...you will not find a person like Va who gives you comfort, loves & support, but you need someone who can adapt to you & not have so much differences. Keep opening your heart for the right person, time will till. If he's just a couples of years apart, you both can adapt to one another, but too far of age apart it's another whole world differences trust me i lived through it! My husband is 6 years older than me. We had soooo much differences and it's soooo hard to adapt to his attitudes, lifestyles, & etc. As woman, I felt & knew that I am willing to adapt to his, but still not to his satisfaction. Especially, when men are older they want you to obey, respect & deceived them all the time!!! Ask yourself, are you willinglyly to execpt his all occasions, attitudes, etc....
Hello Linda, I am sorry to hear about your story. My advise to you is to look further out into the future then how you are feeling for him right now. I won’t marry him because : 1. He is too old for you, he will be jealous of you later after you married him. 2. Your mom and Van had feelings (love) for each other and you don’t want to betray your mom. (There are plenty of fishes in the sea). You can never replace your mom , but you can replace a man. 3. Van said he falling in love with you because you remind him of his ex, (your mom ). He is still very much in love and he can’t get over that feeling with your mom. 4. You are a very smart and highly educated person and young, go out there and date different people. You must let Van go first so you can open up your heart to let others people in. 5. Put yourself in your mom’s shoes, what would you say to your daughter ? Will you tell her any different from your mom advice? I was young and falling in love in the older man,he was 14 years older than me. After i got married in fews year the older man they are very jealous of you and they want to control you. I was married for 5 years with two kids before I left him. I did not know he was a jealously type until I have I first child. Hope this help. Good luck.
Young lady thanks for sharing your story, in this world you could have many husbands/lovers but you only have one mother so please obey your mom. Let go of your mom's ex (Va) because when you're at your prime time 40 yrs old and Va"ll be 57 yrs of age and he'll not able to satisfy you sexually please trust me if you love yourself. What he had done to help you was out of his own will you're not wrong don't feel quity/wrong. And good luck in your journey of life...
Sister, if you see Va almost like a dad then that is a NO to the relationship...I sense a underlying issue here - unresolved daddy issues. Try imaging being in your mom's shoe...how would you feel?
Honestly, your mother is very irresponsible and immature. She’s still stuck in her teenage years psychologically. Personally, it is very awkward to date your mother’s ex. It may be ok now because you think you are in love but when those feelings disappear, the awkwardness will hit you.
Sorry that you have to go through a tough life. You were so brave, independent, and you struggled but you came along way. Yolo, please be patience and pick your life partner wisely. Marry someone around your age group. He’s 17 years older than you, he’s your mom’s ex, and you fall for him because of his charm, lavish gifts, and you lacked a male figure in your life. when he stepped into your life, he’s the only make person that you bonded with right away. I am glad that you came out and share your story, and I just pray and ask that you consider all the comments and advices here for you. It is not a good decision to rush into a relationship because you’re going to make mistakes when you don’t have the right mindset and especially that you are so young. Please continue your education, better yourself, and travel the world before you commit to a relationship. Bth, I married my partner who’s 14 years older than I am because at that time, I was in a similar situation like you but not independent like you, I was worst and I marry my spouse, marriages life with someone older is so difficult because as you mature, you have a different mind set than when you’re young, and you both don’t click anymore. The honeymoon stage is over bc of your large age gap he’s getting old, while you’re still young and want to have fun life started to get complicated. Biggest problem is the jealousy issue bc he’s old and become insecure, and controlling you. Just listen to the OG go marry young chick from over sea….if you marry him, it’s no difference. Just my advice and my experience that I want to share and good luck to you.
Ask yourself if you had a daughter, would you be ok for her to marry one of your exes? If the answer is no then definitely leave this relationship behind. If the answer is yes, then just know that it will hurt your mom for the rest of her life.
Tus me niam hluas kuv hais qhia qhov ncaj rau koj tias. Yog koj niam thiab koj tus hluas nraug nkawv tsis tau pw ua ke tsuas yog sib tham lub ncauj xwb ce You just follow your heart ❤️ Tab si yog koj niam thiab koj tus hluas nruag nkawv yeej tau pw ua ke lawm ce thov txhob yuav os mog muab tso mus zoo dua os koj tseem hluas hluas mam rhiav dua tus tshiab. Txoj kev nco thiab kev mob siab tsuas yog ib vuag xwb.
The decision is entirely up to you now that you are well aware of the situation between your mother and your fiancé. Whatever decision you come down to, I hope it brings you peace. Good luck dear.
Girl, have higher standards. Stay with him if you want a sugar daddy and share the same mouth and hands with your mom. Personally that's disgusting. I don't even date my sister or cousin's ex. There's more fishes in the ocean.
I know that you’ve never had that secure emotional attachment with your caretaker (parents). As children, we need that attachment in order to develop into fully functional adults. If we don’t have it, then our experience can become disorganized. You may be searching for that void in Va (the first person to show you kindness). Va is 20 years older than you, he knows better than to take advantage of a situation that benefits him only. Gather yourself, and focus on how to become the best version of yourself. Love will find you because love works in mysterious ways. Good luck.
Don’t go any further with Va. let him go. It’ll be awkward forever with ur mom and him in the same room, esp bc they’ve been intimate in the past too. As a mom myself, I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my daughter is dating my ex bf. Time to ua ib siab and let go.
If you aren’t ashamed and don’t care that your fiancé has wore your mom’s shoes and NOW YOURS then just follow your heart. However, there are so many good men out there and YOURS, the destined one, is certainly one of them! (-niam Anthony)
You’re old enough to make your own decision regarding your relationship. A young woman who has been abandoned by the parents, sometimes prefer an older man. Your fiancé did mentioned that you have a resemblance of another person he knew
Listen to your mom. You will regret marrying Va one day. You may not realize it now because you are in love but one day when your heart matures, you will know that he only wants you because you are your mom's mirror image. He admitted as much when you first met him. I'm sorry you have to go through this but you must let him go.
Don’t waste your life on him. You have a long life ahead of you and you will find someone better. He’s all talk bc he’s older but don’t fall for it. And your mom is right. You will find the right one for you it’s just not the right time yet. Give yourself time to heal and experience life don’t waste on him he’s sooo old and nasty he had your mom now you geez don’t you feel dirty! Geez some ppls! Don’t be too desperate there’s a lot of fishes out there! Omfg! lol
No! No! No! Don't marry him. Can you live the rest of your life with him knowing he used to be with your mom? That is just disgusting. Do yourself a favorite and find someone your age.
Please choose wisely. He’s so much older and his parents disapproved your mom, chances are they’ll disapproves you too. Honestly, it’s gross. He’s your mom’s leftovers, they’ll always have feelings deep down inside. It’d be too awkward having them see each other during. family gatherings for the rest of your life.
Let him go! You will hurt for couple years but if you married him, you would've to deal with more problems than heartaches. You will find someone who you love more than him. Good thing you haven't marry him yet. If you did, imagine how both of your family will feel. I mean it your life do what make you happy but you have to think about the pro and con. You really need to make a good decision because this is a big decision that will affect your future. Goodluck!
oh no no no !!! Don’t marry him please listen to your mother little girl I hope one day you will find someone is love you more va because you still younger and you still have a very long time to think about to love right now you had to study hard and have fun with your friends first before finding a good man to marry and to take care of you forever 😊🤗
The past is the past, if you both can look past it and make it work, I think you both should give each other a chance. Regarding your mom, she has her own life now. However, if you can't look beyond the past and you will use it against each other when you're angry or mad, than don't even get stated. It'll just end in a divorce and heartaches.
Go with what your heart tells you. I had a friend who married her mom's bf. He came to visit her mom but liked her instead. Now that's more awkward. Her mom didn't tell her not to marry her mom's bf. Your mom will just have to live with it if you choose her ex bf.
Did your friend and her mom sleep with the same man? If the answer is "no" then your example is not "more awkward," and that's probably why her mom didn't object to their marriage.
the question you should ask yourself is "will your love for Va be tainted by what he and your mom had in the past?' if the answer is no then i wouldn't worry about what anyone says. but you are still so young, remember that he is way older than you so by the time you are at your peak in life--meaning you will have reached womanhood usually around late 30s -40's would Va still be able to to keep up with you? you have a long life ahead of you so decide wisely base on your feelings and not the answers of others. good luck to you sister
Oh no, my dear sister. You're still so young. Please don't go with your mom's ex boyfriend. Never date a parent's ex, siblings' ex, friends ex, etc. That's a big no-no. You now know Va is your mom's ex, walk away when you still can. Please find someone your age. Depending on the age gape, it does matter. See the other comments below why. Ph please. There will be someone closer to your age that will love you, be able to grow and enjoy life with you, do things with you 20 years from now. But... in the end. This is your life, your decision. Only you can do what makes you happy. I wish you the best on whatever you decide. Good luck.
Do Not marry him! You will regret it later. This is why you should not date someone who’s twice your age and old enough to be your father. But the real question should be to yourself, “Can I marry a man that once loved my mother as much or more than he loves me? And to know he’s still awestruck in her presence?” If the answer is yes then go ahead with your plans.
NEVER MARRIED YOUR MOM’S OLD BF BECAUSE IT’S NOT VERY GOOD FOR YOUR LIFE. IT CAN ALSO DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP FOR THE THREE OF YOU - IF YOU MARRIED YOUR MOM’S OLD BF. GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE YOUNG AND MATURE AS YOU ARE without ANY REGRETS LATER. Think harder before you do anything stupid. Love yourself first before anything else in the world.
It's a no no, I will not be able to date someone my sisters or mother had relationship with. Its gross n awkward. It will hurts you now to let Va go but eventually you'll find someone new n move on.
As long as your mom and Va don't have feelings for each other anymore, then go for it. I don't think it's a problem. But if they still have feelings then no no.
I say no, please think about what they did to your mom. Let him hurt you this one time and don’t let them hurt you forever. Hmong mother in law have a big mouth, if they talk down on your mom. They will compare you to your mom. Also if your boyfriend was man back then he would defend your mom at the beginning. So love yourself. You are young and you will find one that love you.
When a guy had up to 10 sexual partners and a girl had up to 10 partners, what is the likeliness that paths will cross? Sexual addiction destroys your image. What a mess out there. Good luck people.
I say…listen to your heart and follow your heart. Look like the guy like you very much but also make sure that he doesn’t go after your mom cuz they once date. But it’s always a good thing to let that man go… it’s not too late to find a new one. ✌️💕we don’t want bad memories so it’s always best to start new with a new man 😘
A lot of people telling you not to marry VA But in my opinion, he love your mom but just because of his parents. Which is God knows VA is a good but just because at the time, he's still young and can't stand his ground but still love your mom. That's is one of the reason why he didn't marry till he met you. And you look like your mom so he slowly open his heart again. And for all the hmong out there also know that our hmong culture are strange. Most of the hmong man can't stand on their ground because of The hmong wedding. If whoever didn't listen to their parents, the parents just ignore them and didn't pay for the wife. So I think at that time, VA is a good son And listen to his parents but has no money how is he going to marry your mama. You know both of them very well. Your mom and Va,, you know exactly whom to choose. You love them both but remember your mom and you only love each other in heart, she love her husband or boyfriend more. She left you again. She always leave you ok. VA love you, he help you from the beginning till now so hopefully he loves you till the end. For the future husband you going to meet, who know might not love you because of your past. He might brings up your past every times if something similar happen or he's gonna use that to hurt you or threatened you. Let's put it this way, if you haven't lose your virginity to VA then move on but if you did already then its ok you don't have to listen your mom cause she's not even Be around you anyway. Good luck and make your choice wisely OK. Love you.
In regards to your mom and Va, they didn't separate willingly so to each other, they will always be the one that got away, which means they will ALWAYS wonder "what if" about each other. Furthermore, if your mom is DEAD AGAINST it, then it indicates that they had intercourse when they dated. Even though they dated briefly, Va still has a place in her heart. Va on the other hand, from a guy's perspective, he will always choose the younger woman. Yes, your mom wasn't always there... But she's your mom and will still love you unconditionally so don't kill your relationship over a guy. He'll be your first heartbreak, but there are better, younger options for you.
It's best to break up with VA now than later. Your mom and VA still have deep feelings for each other. I won't want to deal with their messy relationship after you marry VA, especially when children are involved.
Don’t do it. They were once in love. It was an honest mistake that you guys didn’t know but you do now. I would find it disgusting and would make me feel awkward when they both are in the same room.
I say, give it time and try to look for someone else first. If that doesn't work, then you can give Va another chance. Your mom has been so absent in your life, that honestly, if it were me, her opinion wouldn't matter anymore.
If you do marry Va, the relationship between you and your mom will end. Like you have said in the beginning of your relationship with him, he was more like a father figure and he taught you things that a parent should. Like your mom saying you should find someone your age.
Don't marry him. Like the others said, don't cross that boundary. In my opinion, I think he is still in love with your mother. He stayed single for a long time and for him to mention that you reminded him of someone (mom). There is still something that he can't move on.
I recommend you move on. It isn't matter with you and Va but from Va's parents to your mom. It will reflect the old story to your marriage if you marry him. Life is hard but if you try hard you will have a good life. Good luck.
Me ntxhais aw txhob yuav va nawb koj niam nkawv twb ua nkauj ua nraug sib hlub sib deev tag lawm koj mus yuav los tsis zoo lawm mog mus nrhiav dua tus tshiab nawb yuav zoo dua nawb mog koj ua neej thiaj tshav ntuj os
I think it should be ok for you to married VA because he is not your dad, and he also is a nice person who will help you, I know your mom use to date him but that's the pass because now your mom is married to someone else.
It ok the past is over so you can marry Vas, if you want to, cause he not your dad or he never marry your mom’s once. Dating couple months or known each other for a while have nothing to do with you, it’s your choice
No, Let go of Va. 1. He’s too old for you, 2. I believed he’s like a father figure to you. He gave you attention and filled the void. That’s a very big age difference 3. He’s your mom’s ex, his parent didn’t approve of her, once they find out about your mom/ your connection, his parents will not approve of you. 4. He said earlier that you reminded him of someone/ that means he still had feelings for your mom. 5. You are so young, find time for yourself, finish college, you will find someone closer to your age. Good luck.
Little Sis, if you are already having an emotional and mental fight about this .. stop trying to convince yourself that your mom actually cares about you and that your boyfriend actually loves you. You will spend the rest of your life seeking love and approval. Please get therapy to sort out your feelings of abandonment from your mother and father. Your brain is already wired to tolerate abandonment. Don't let your mom and her ex-boyfriend take you for a fool.
As a mother, how could your mom or you as a young girl wants to marry an old man that is and could be your father? That is disgusting and gross to date an old man!! Please don't marry him, it is not really love and someone who you want to and have a life with, daughter. A really good mother will not let her daughter date an old man plus he is just a father figure you are looking for. You are still young and have a lot of years to go. Find someone who will love you and more of your age, daughter. One of my daughters is about your age and I would not want you to marry someone who is my ex that is just disgusting and nasty too. Taking after my dirt that is not right!!! Do not marry him!!!! Don't do it, you are going regret it!!!!
It’s a hard decisions to make. Yog koj xav tias koj niam muaj nuj nqis dua Tus hluas nraug ces tso Tus hluas nraug Mus vim nws neb tsis tau yog niam txiv, koj Mus nrhiav lwm Tus tau tabsis yog koj niam yeej hlub koj tam 1 leej niam ces koj Mus nrhiav tsis tau ib leej niam qhov twg los hloov tau koj niam qhov chaw ces tso nws Mus yeej tsis tuag. Tabsis yog muab xav tias tsam nws ho yog Tu hlub koj tiag , but qhov no yuav yog koj own decisions
Well.....the be honest, the mom really has no say in this. Considering she wasn't even in the daughter's life. But with that said, I don't think I would want to date or marry the off spring of my ex.
Jenny aw tuaj caum mloog koj tham neej neeg lawm nawb,sij hawm ntawm kuv no twb yog 11 m 30 thaum ib tag hmo lawm ,tab sis koj zaj neej neeg no nyuam qhuav tawm kiag li 30 mn Xwb ces kuv yuav tau mloog tas kuv mam li pw os !!
Your mom is very selfish!! In and out of relationships. She might be your mom but that little bit of money that she send every now and than can't fill the void that she's always gone. It's your life and you do what's right for you and Don't need anyone's approval.
Raws li kuv txoj kev xav, yog Vas hlub koj tiag ces koj yuav nws los yeej tsis ua cas nawb mog. Vim Koj niam thiab vas qhov teeb meem tsuas yog yav dhau los lawm xwb, ua neej nyob txhob cia lwm tus txiav txim rau yus lub neej txoj kev xaiv, es ib hnub yus thiaj tsis muaj kev tu siab thiab khuv xim os mog me ntxhais
Tus viv ncaus aw yog koj niam nawv tsis tau ua maiv maiv ces koj yuav los tau tab sis yog koj niam nkawv ua maiv maiv lawm ces xu siab dhau lawm xwb koj paiv li xwb twb nrhiab kuv ib ce tag li
Don’t marry him..You are still young and there so many fish in the sea for you. Don’t be scared that you can not find one like va. If you can by pass the fact that he was your moms ex and you can’t let him go than marry him.
Oh sister Linda, there are so many good advices already, but here are some additional concepts that you should consider or reiterate. Remember that love has to be mature and true(all respecting, all caring, and all honesty) in order for a marriage to have a good chance at happiness. There is a sense that you have been targeted, taken advantage of and used. There is definitely a huge difference in maturity between you and Va. There is also an unethical statue of information power abuse where someone uses their advance knowledge to undermine and take advantage of others, especially the young. I'm afraid, you fit into this category. You have been sought, wooed, and taken, and maybe not for the best intentions of heart. All of these expensive commodities cannot equate to an ounce of true love. Concerning Va - there some concerning patterns already. First, he is a Hmong man and carries all of its cultural inheritance fallacies. You know too well in many of these stories concerning the abuse of culture power. Second, he is about 40yrs old now, never married, and likes young girls. There is something off here; why, why, why?. You need to look more deeper into this. There is usually a real important reason to why any men is not married or have a meaningful relationship before age 30. Also understand, that people who fancies the very young usually have abnormal neurosis that tends to repeat. The concern here is that you need to make sure that he is honest, trustworthy, and genuinely love you. Finally, it is ultimately your choice. You are now older, have some experiences with relationships, and has education. Fade out the material things like money, gifts, and cars, and fucus on the heart and the personalities. This is what's really more important. You need to make that all(you, your mom, and your spouse) can coexist in harmony. You will need each other in the future much more than you realize right now. Understand, that time will slow and shape us all. It is not easy when couple do not grow gracefully together meaning that they are too far apart in age. Even real strong love can be challenging when one is calming to rest while the other is maybe at a peak. Please consider things wisely, good luck, and I know you'll make the right choice.
Wow! I must be in the minority here. I believe all parties are innocent. Va and Linda dated and fell in love not knowing of Linda’s mom. 20 years have passed. And Linda’s mom has moved on. She is happy living her own life away from Linda and Va. This is no longer about her mom. The mom has no right to come and restrict their relationship, especially because she was not in Linda’s life. Had she stayed in Linda’s life, chances are this wouldn’t have happened. Linda has the right to be with whomever she wants. She is an adult now. In addition Va and her mom didn’t date very long - it was a short relationship. I think that is important to remember and consider. Had they been long lovers or had kids together, then yes, it wouldn’t be appropriate for Linda and Va to be together. But that is not the case. If you choose not to be with the one you love, you will forever know in your heart and could lead you to have a lifetime of unhappiness having one relationship after another. Your mom is already happy. You deserve to be happy too and so does Va. Everyone is happy. That’s a win win in my books. I understand where the mom is coming from, but this is not her life. This is Linda’s life. I think it’s time Linda’s mom quit being selfish and stop thinking about herself. She needs to grow a bigger heart and forgive and let go of her past.
NOOOO! Don't marry Va. Move on to another man, you are still young. Your mother clearly is still angry at Va's parents for stopping him from marrying her and angry at Va for not being man enough to stand up against them. But more importantly, there's the unresolved feelings between your mother and Va---remember, they loved each other enough to want to get married. How will you ever be 100% sure that you aren't a placeholder for your mother in Va's heart? He even mentioned that you reminded him of your mother, though at the time neither of you realized it was your mother. I think you can prevent a lot of anguish and hurt from happening in the future by dropping Va completely; but then again, no one knows what the future will be like, so whatever decision you make, you must consider as many possibilities as you can and the consequences of whatever decision you go with.
I agree with you. It’s just not right. I mean it’s too late cause a lot has happened. But to continue a relationship is a No-No. it’s just morally not ok.
DO NOT MARRY VA!! For the rest of your life and your mother's life, you will always be mother and daughter. You will see each other and either Va won't be there or your mother won't be around. There will always be that strain in your life. You're so young, find someone new. Someone you won't have to choose between your mother, family or him. Choose wisely
My opinion: you dint have a father figure in your life. VA came in and was able to groom you, so now you're looking at him like one, but at the same time, both fell in love. There's a boundary that no one should cross, and that is dating someone you know, ex. In your case, since you now know that that was your mom's ex, therefore, you should let go and not cross that boundary. There are plenty of good men out there still young lady. He's not the only one. I'd say move along and pretend that never happened. Ask yourself this, "how much do I love my mom?" If you love her, then let him go.
I am sorry to say this. But if his family didn't like your mother, do you think they would like you once they know the truth? You have to try harder and push yourself harder not to continue with the relationship.
Hearing your story makes me feel so much for you. I'm so sorry you were put through such traumatic circumstances in your childhood. The good news is, now that you're an adult, you get to choose how to love yourself. Regardless of what your mom, Vah, his parents, your grandparents, your friends, or even the public says....please choose yourself first. I understand how it feels to be born to a broken family and abandoned time and time again. It's a confusing, hard, and lonely path. Just know that what ever path you choose there will always be consequences so choose the path with the consequences you can live with. Good luck and I hope you know that you're not alone. Someone out there is always rooting for you! 😊
Your attraction to him was because his love filled the shoes of your absent father and mother, providing: stability, acceptance, maturity and protection. Perhaps to now be the one to leave and abandon him brings upon guilt within you and to experience the loneliness you felt through your childhood all over again is painful. Until you work on these underlying feelings you won't be able to start a new beginning to accept new love or see the goodness in other men because you have placed him on such a high pedestal.
Wow. What a story! I can’t imagine my daughter dating/engage to one of my ex. I’m around your fiancé age and I do have a daughter 19 y/o. I say, leave/break it off for good. Whether your mother was a good or bad mom, it’s not worth dating/marrying this guy Va, heck even talking to him. Good luck!
Choose what’s best for you. It sounds complicated but at the end of the day, it’s your life and your happiness. Best of luck to you little sister.
Sister Lisa, I would say let Va go. He told you he was attracted to you because you look like his ex (your mother). It will be awkward for your mom and Va and Va’s parents at gatherings (they didn’t want him to marry your mother). You want your mother in your life . Besides, there is a big gap in your ages. I understand he loves you but it is too awkward. Good luck to you. Whatever you decide to do, please update Jenny.
AGREE
Linda, I am writing this to you personally. After listening to your story as a mother too. I think you should let Va go. 1st: It's your mother's ex-boyfriend 2nd: There's a big age gap. If you marry Va it'll be too awkward for your mother and Va facing each other when there's a family gathering. You should find someone your age or 2-3 yrs older than you but not 17 yrs older. He could be your dad! Hopefully whatever you decide you'll update with Jenny. 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
I think your mom has a lot of growing up to do. You seem more adult than your mom. If Wa is the only person that makes you feel alive, go where your heart leads you. Best of luck to you, daughter.
Wow, what a small world for you. No matter what, it is better to let that guy go, he's one of your mom's left overs, if his parents know that you're the daughter of the woman they didn't approved in the past, they will be saying bad things against you, when things go wrong they will use your mom against you, you know how the Hmong OG's are, you're in a better life now look for better things, don't put yourself in a past of your mother and then it will slowly kills you. That man already lived his life, you still have to live, don't tied yourself down with your mom's past, go live, travel the world, do happy things, don't tied yourself to the Hmong OG's lifestyle. One day when you realize it, you will regretting it.
Agreed! Stop and recycled your mom’s ex.
This is a sticky situation mi ntxhais. I understand you guys are in love but think how awkward it is for your mom and her ex(your now bf) they had a relationship (sexually) if you decide to marry him, can you on the long run not get angry, jealous at the thought of him and your mom being together at one point? Right now you might be able to say, "yes" but what about on the long run? When you have family get together and you see him and your mom chatting. Will you be able to tell yourself that nothing is going on? Afterall, we are only human so these jealousy thoughts will at one point cross our minds. Just being truth ful to you in my point of view from an outsider. I'm sure your heart is hurting and fate played a cruel situation for you all but try to not just think of right now but the overall. I wish you the best of luck in your decision because at the end of the day, it really will fall on your decision. Just remember we all have to lay in the bed that we make.
I totally agree. But if she’s like her mother, she may overcome the weird situation. Some women don’t think that deep. They only go for what they want at the moment.
Just think of him as sugar daddy for you. God put him there to lift you up one step further, that's all. You are a well-educated and smart girl.
I’m with your mom on this to me ntxhais. I’m a single mom with 2 beautiful daughters. We, as mothers just want the best for our kids.
Talking to you like my girls.
Don’t do it. Listen to your ma because some day you’re going to have kids and we as mothers loves our grandkids. It would be so hard for you and your mom to have a relationship. I love my girls and my grandkids so much I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I’m sure your just want to have a good relationship with you in the future.
My advice is that if you love your mom and want her in your life with your children. Don’t do it.
You can always find another man, but you cannot find another mother. If Va truly respects you and your mother, he would remove himself from your life. It’s simple and clear.
Go with ur heart sister. If you can overcome the fact that he was ur mom’s ex marry him. YOLO pick happiness over sadness.
Oh wowed!! The boyfriend use one stone with two birds mom and daughter. Lol
Like mother, like daughter 😜. Both attracted to the same man.
Honestly it’s a difficult decision to make but you two have separated for a year due to Covid and you two were ok so letting him go will not be too hard. I would agree with other comments that if your mom and the ex hadn’t sleep together then you can go with your heart but if they did then it will feel awkward to you when the love is died down for you. Good luck
Wow, what a trist in your story mi Ntxhais! It not anyone's fault, but fate. In my opinion, you should be really evaluating your heart, current situation & future. I believed you felt in love with Va the way he loves & helps you. People said age don't matters, but if it's too far in a gasp it will gives you regret in the future. What I mean by this is...yes he loves you today, but once you both live together both of your personality, attitude & lifestyle it's not the same. Unless he or you obey one ends only.
You are young, smart, educated & today's women are powerful. Maybe...you will not find a person like Va who gives you comfort, loves & support, but you need someone who can adapt to you & not have so much differences. Keep opening your heart for the right person, time will till. If he's just a couples of years apart, you both can adapt to one another, but too far of age apart it's another whole world differences trust me i lived through it! My husband is 6 years older than me. We had soooo much differences and it's soooo hard to adapt to his attitudes, lifestyles, & etc. As woman, I felt & knew that I am willing to adapt to his, but still not to his satisfaction. Especially, when men are older they want you to obey, respect & deceived them all the time!!! Ask yourself, are you willinglyly to execpt his all occasions, attitudes, etc....
Hello Linda, I am sorry to hear about your story. My advise to you is to look further out into the future then how you are feeling for him right now.
I won’t marry him because :
1. He is too old for you, he will be jealous of you later after you married him.
2. Your mom and Van had feelings (love) for each other and you don’t want to betray your mom. (There are plenty of fishes in the sea). You can never replace your mom , but you can replace a man.
3. Van said he falling in love with you because you remind him of his ex, (your mom ). He is still very much in love and he can’t get over that feeling with your mom.
4. You are a very smart and highly educated person and young, go out there and date different people. You must let Van go first so you can open up your heart to let others people in.
5. Put yourself in your mom’s shoes, what would you say to your daughter ? Will you tell her any different from your mom advice?
I was young and falling in love in the older man,he was 14 years older than me.
After i got married in fews year the older man they are very jealous of you and they want to control you.
I was married for 5 years with two kids before I left him.
I did not know he was a jealously type until I have I first child.
Hope this help. Good luck.
Young lady thanks for sharing your story, in this world you could have many husbands/lovers but you only have one mother so please obey your mom. Let go of your mom's ex (Va) because when you're at your prime time 40 yrs old and Va"ll be 57 yrs of age and he'll not able to satisfy you sexually please trust me if you love yourself. What he had done to help you was out of his own will you're not wrong don't feel quity/wrong. And good luck in your journey of life...
Sister, if you see Va almost like a dad then that is a NO to the relationship...I sense a underlying issue here - unresolved daddy issues. Try imaging being in your mom's shoe...how would you feel?
Yes, definitely daddy issues. Not her fault but her parents’ fault.
Honestly, your mother is very irresponsible and immature. She’s still stuck in her teenage years psychologically. Personally, it is very awkward to date your mother’s ex. It may be ok now because you think you are in love but when those feelings disappear, the awkwardness will hit you.
Agree
Like mother like daughter lol 😆
Sorry that you have to go through a tough life. You were so brave, independent, and you struggled but you came along way. Yolo, please be patience and pick your life partner wisely. Marry someone around your age group. He’s 17 years older than you, he’s your mom’s ex, and you fall for him because of his charm, lavish gifts, and you lacked a male figure in your life. when he stepped into your life, he’s the only make person that you bonded with right away. I am glad that you came out and share your story, and I just pray and ask that you consider all the comments and advices here for you. It is not a good decision to rush into a relationship because you’re going to make mistakes when you don’t have the right mindset and especially that you are so young. Please continue your education, better yourself, and travel the world before you commit to a relationship. Bth, I married my partner who’s 14 years older than I am because at that time, I was in a similar situation like you but not independent like you, I was worst and I marry my spouse, marriages life with someone older is so difficult because as you mature, you have a different mind set than when you’re young, and you both don’t click anymore. The honeymoon stage is over bc of your large age gap he’s getting old, while you’re still young and want to have fun life started to get complicated. Biggest problem is the jealousy issue bc he’s old and become insecure, and controlling you. Just listen to the OG go marry young chick from over sea….if you marry him, it’s no difference. Just my advice and my experience that I want to share and good luck to you.
Ask yourself if you had a daughter, would you be ok for her to marry one of your exes? If the answer is no then definitely leave this relationship behind. If the answer is yes, then just know that it will hurt your mom for the rest of her life.
Tus me niam hluas kuv hais qhia qhov ncaj rau koj tias. Yog koj niam thiab koj tus hluas nraug nkawv tsis tau pw ua ke tsuas yog sib tham lub ncauj xwb ce You just follow your heart ❤️
Tab si yog koj niam thiab koj tus hluas nruag nkawv yeej tau pw ua ke lawm ce thov txhob yuav os mog muab tso mus zoo dua os koj tseem hluas hluas mam rhiav dua tus tshiab. Txoj kev nco thiab kev mob siab tsuas yog ib vuag xwb.
Agreed
Me ntxhais kuv Xav mas yog neb sib hlub tiag2 neb sib yuav los tau kawg. Txhua yam tsuj nthi rau nruab siab. Txhob cia koj niam nrog neb nyob.Nyias nyob nyias ib lub zos. Thiab vas yuav tsum hlub koj los ntawm lub siab dawb paug ncaj ncees rau koj...Yuav tus laus qhov luag hlub yus muaj puas xees ntau dua
hlub thiaj muaj puas xees ntau
Do not marry him. 1) He’s your mom’s bf. 2) He’s too old for you.
The decision is entirely up to you now that you are well aware of the situation between your mother and your fiancé. Whatever decision you come down to, I hope it brings you peace. Good luck dear.
Girl, have higher standards. Stay with him if you want a sugar daddy and share the same mouth and hands with your mom. Personally that's disgusting. I don't even date my sister or cousin's ex. There's more fishes in the ocean.
I know that you’ve never had that secure emotional attachment with your caretaker (parents). As children, we need that attachment in order to develop into fully functional adults. If we don’t have it, then our experience can become disorganized. You may be searching for that void in Va (the first person to show you kindness). Va is 20 years older than you, he knows better than to take advantage of a situation that benefits him only. Gather yourself, and focus on how to become the best version of yourself. Love will find you because love works in mysterious ways. Good luck.
Linda it is ok. Koj niam twb mus yuav txiv lawm thiab yog lawv cov laus yav tag lawm xwb. Love is love, age is no problem. Go ahead marry him.
Don’t go any further with Va. let him go. It’ll be awkward forever with ur mom and him in the same room, esp bc they’ve been intimate in the past too. As a mom myself, I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my daughter is dating my ex bf. Time to ua ib siab and let go.
If you aren’t ashamed and don’t care that your fiancé has wore your mom’s shoes and NOW YOURS then just follow your heart. However, there are so many good men out there and YOURS, the destined one, is certainly one of them!
(-niam Anthony)
You're a mom?
@@nightowl7261, you read Hmong?
You’re old enough to make your own decision regarding your relationship. A young woman who has been abandoned by the parents, sometimes prefer an older man. Your fiancé did mentioned that you have a resemblance of another person he knew
Go where your heart takes you, it’s your destiny. That’s where you belong.
Listen to your mom. You will regret marrying Va one day. You may not realize it now because you are in love but one day when your heart matures, you will know that he only wants you because you are your mom's mirror image. He admitted as much when you first met him. I'm sorry you have to go through this but you must let him go.
Don’t waste your life on him. You have a long life ahead of you and you will find someone better. He’s all talk bc he’s older but don’t fall for it. And your mom is right. You will find the right one for you it’s just not the right time yet. Give yourself time to heal and experience life don’t waste on him he’s sooo old and nasty he had your mom now you geez don’t you feel dirty! Geez some ppls! Don’t be too desperate there’s a lot of fishes out there! Omfg! lol
No! No! No! Don't marry him. Can you live the rest of your life with him knowing he used to be with your mom? That is just disgusting. Do yourself a favorite and find someone your age.
Please choose wisely. He’s so much older and his parents disapproved your mom, chances are they’ll disapproves you too. Honestly, it’s gross. He’s your mom’s leftovers, they’ll always have feelings deep down inside. It’d be too awkward having them see each other during. family gatherings for the rest of your life.
Let go girl, you have a better man is waiting for you
Let him go! You will hurt for couple years but if you married him, you would've to deal with more problems than heartaches. You will find someone who you love more than him. Good thing you haven't marry him yet. If you did, imagine how both of your family will feel. I mean it your life do what make you happy but you have to think about the pro and con. You really need to make a good decision because this is a big decision that will affect your future. Goodluck!
oh no no no !!! Don’t marry him please listen to your mother little girl I hope one day you will find someone is love you more va because you still younger and you still have a very long time to think about to love right now you had to study hard and have fun with your friends first before finding a good man to marry and to take care of you forever 😊🤗
The past is the past, if you both can look past it and make it work, I think you both should give each other a chance. Regarding your mom, she has her own life now. However, if you can't look beyond the past and you will use it against each other when you're angry or mad, than don't even get stated. It'll just end in a divorce and heartaches.
Go with what your heart tells you. I had a friend who married her mom's bf. He came to visit her mom but liked her instead. Now that's more awkward. Her mom didn't tell her not to marry her mom's bf. Your mom will just have to live with it if you choose her ex bf.
Did your friend and her mom sleep with the same man? If the answer is "no" then your example is not "more awkward," and that's probably why her mom didn't object to their marriage.
@@lilyv.628 They do. They just don't bring each other home to their kids to see.
the question you should ask yourself is "will your love for Va be tainted by what he and your mom had in the past?' if the answer is no then i wouldn't worry about what anyone says. but you are still so young, remember that he is way older than you so by the time you are at your peak in life--meaning you will have reached womanhood usually around late 30s -40's would Va still be able to to keep up with you? you have a long life ahead of you so decide wisely base on your feelings and not the answers of others. good luck to you sister
Oh no, my dear sister. You're still so young. Please don't go with your mom's ex boyfriend. Never date a parent's ex, siblings' ex, friends ex, etc. That's a big no-no. You now know Va is your mom's ex, walk away when you still can. Please find someone your age. Depending on the age gape, it does matter. See the other comments below why. Ph please. There will be someone closer to your age that will love you, be able to grow and enjoy life with you, do things with you 20 years from now. But... in the end. This is your life, your decision. Only you can do what makes you happy. I wish you the best on whatever you decide. Good luck.
Do Not marry him! You will regret it later. This is why you should not date someone who’s twice your age and old enough to be your father.
But the real question should be to yourself, “Can I marry a man that once loved my mother as much or more than he loves me? And to know he’s still awestruck in her presence?” If the answer is yes then go ahead with your plans.
NEVER MARRIED YOUR MOM’S OLD BF BECAUSE IT’S NOT VERY GOOD FOR YOUR LIFE. IT CAN ALSO DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP FOR THE THREE OF YOU - IF YOU MARRIED YOUR MOM’S OLD BF. GO FIND SOMEONE ELSE YOUNG AND MATURE AS YOU ARE without ANY REGRETS LATER. Think harder before you do anything stupid. Love yourself first before anything else in the world.
It's a no no, I will not be able to date someone my sisters or mother had relationship with. Its gross n awkward. It will hurts you now to let Va go but eventually you'll find someone new n move on.
As long as your mom and Va don't have feelings for each other anymore, then go for it. I don't think it's a problem. But if they still have feelings then no no.
I say no, please think about what they did to your mom. Let him hurt you this one time and don’t let them hurt you forever. Hmong mother in law have a big mouth, if they talk down on your mom. They will compare you to your mom. Also if your boyfriend was man back then he would defend your mom at the beginning. So love yourself. You are young and you will find one that love you.
When a guy had up to 10 sexual partners and a girl had up to 10 partners, what is the likeliness that paths will cross? Sexual addiction destroys your image. What a mess out there. Good luck people.
I say…listen to your heart and follow your heart. Look like the guy like you very much but also make sure that he doesn’t go after your mom cuz they once date. But it’s always a good thing to let that man go… it’s not too late to find a new one. ✌️💕we don’t want bad memories so it’s always best to start new with a new man 😘
A lot of people telling you not to marry VA
But in my opinion, he love your mom but just because of his parents. Which is God knows VA is a good but just because at the time, he's still young and can't stand his ground but still love your mom. That's is one of the reason why he didn't marry till he met you. And you look like your mom so he slowly open his heart again. And for all the hmong out there also know that our hmong culture are strange. Most of the hmong man can't stand on their ground because of
The hmong wedding. If whoever didn't listen to their parents, the parents just ignore them and didn't pay for the wife.
So I think at that time, VA is a good son
And listen to his parents but has no money how is he going to marry your mama.
You know both of them very well.
Your mom and Va,, you know exactly whom to choose. You love them both but remember your mom and you only love each other in heart, she love her husband or boyfriend more. She left you again. She always leave you ok.
VA love you, he help you from the beginning till now so hopefully he loves you till the end. For the future husband you going to meet, who know might not love you because of your past. He might brings up your past every times if something similar happen or he's gonna use that to hurt you or threatened you.
Let's put it this way, if you haven't lose your virginity to VA then move on but if you did already then its ok you don't have to listen your mom cause she's not even
Be around you anyway.
Good luck and make your choice wisely
OK. Love you.
The decision is yours and Va’s, not your mom’s os me ntxhais
In regards to your mom and Va, they didn't separate willingly so to each other, they will always be the one that got away, which means they will ALWAYS wonder "what if" about each other. Furthermore, if your mom is DEAD AGAINST it, then it indicates that they had intercourse when they dated. Even though they dated briefly, Va still has a place in her heart. Va on the other hand, from a guy's perspective, he will always choose the younger woman. Yes, your mom wasn't always there... But she's your mom and will still love you unconditionally so don't kill your relationship over a guy. He'll be your first heartbreak, but there are better, younger options for you.
It's best to break up with VA now than later. Your mom and VA still have deep feelings for each other. I won't want to deal with their messy relationship after you marry VA, especially when children are involved.
Don’t date/marry him. Find someone else. You are still young and have a long journey ahead of you.
Don’t do it. They were once in love. It was an honest mistake that you guys didn’t know but you do now. I would find it disgusting and would make me feel awkward when they both are in the same room.
I say, give it time and try to look for someone else first. If that doesn't work, then you can give Va another chance. Your mom has been so absent in your life, that honestly, if it were me, her opinion wouldn't matter anymore.
Sis, go with your heart.
If you do marry Va, the relationship between you and your mom will end. Like you have said in the beginning of your relationship with him, he was more like a father figure and he taught you things that a parent should. Like your mom saying you should find someone your age.
Me ntxhais tsis paub yuav hais li Cas rau koj just follow your heart. Your mom and his relationship was the past. Today is Today
Don't marry him. Like the others said, don't cross that boundary. In my opinion, I think he is still in love with your mother. He stayed single for a long time and for him to mention that you reminded him of someone (mom). There is still something that he can't move on.
I'm sorry, but i dont think you should merry him! Your mom is right, your young and still have a bright future ahead. Plus your mom is all you got.
I recommend you move on. It isn't matter with you and Va but from Va's parents to your mom. It will reflect the old story to your marriage if you marry him. Life is hard but if you try hard you will have a good life. Good luck.
Me ntxhais aw txhob yuav va nawb koj niam nkawv twb ua nkauj ua nraug sib hlub sib deev tag lawm koj mus yuav los tsis zoo lawm mog mus nrhiav dua tus tshiab nawb yuav zoo dua nawb mog koj ua neej thiaj tshav ntuj os
Don’t marry your mom’s x-boyfriend, that’s all what I can say.
I think it should be ok for you to married VA because he is not your dad, and he also is a nice person who will help you, I know your mom use to date him but that's the pass because now your mom is married to someone else.
Tus ntxhais aws,kev hlub yog yus tus kheej txiav txim xwb tsis muaj neeg txwv tau, yog koj tsis xu siab ces yeej yuav tau.
It ok the past is over so you can marry Vas, if you want to, cause he not your dad or he never marry your mom’s once. Dating couple months or known each other for a while have nothing to do with you, it’s your choice
No, Let go of Va. 1. He’s too old for you, 2. I believed he’s like a father figure to you. He gave you attention and filled the void. That’s a very big age difference 3. He’s your mom’s ex, his parent didn’t approve of her, once they find out about your mom/ your connection, his parents will not approve of you. 4. He said earlier that you reminded him of someone/ that means he still had feelings for your mom. 5. You are so young, find time for yourself, finish college, you will find someone closer to your age. Good luck.
Little Sis, if you are already having an emotional and mental fight about this .. stop trying to convince yourself that your mom actually cares about you and that your boyfriend actually loves you. You will spend the rest of your life seeking love and approval.
Please get therapy to sort out your feelings of abandonment from your mother and father. Your brain is already wired to tolerate abandonment. Don't let your mom and her ex-boyfriend take you for a fool.
There's plenty fish in the ocean. Don't date him anymore. Let it go
kuv xas Tia , txoj hlub yeej mus tau kawg mas , yog Tia neb sib hlub tiag xb. Ask yourself,that’s will you regret, yog tias sib tso
NO DONT DO IT. HIS FAMILY WILL HATE YOU THERE WILL NEVER BE ANY PEACE IN YOUR LIFE. IF HELOVE YOU HE WILL LET YOU GO.
As a mother, how could your mom or you as a young girl wants to marry an old man that is and could be your father? That is disgusting and gross to date an old man!! Please don't marry him, it is not really love and someone who you want to and have a life with, daughter. A really good mother will not let her daughter date an old man plus he is just a father figure you are looking for. You are still young and have a lot of years to go. Find someone who will love you and more of your age, daughter. One of my daughters is about your age and I would not want you to marry someone who is my ex that is just disgusting and nasty too. Taking after my dirt that is not right!!! Do not marry him!!!! Don't do it, you are going regret it!!!!
It’s a hard decisions to make. Yog koj xav tias koj niam muaj nuj nqis dua Tus hluas nraug ces tso Tus hluas nraug Mus vim nws neb tsis tau yog niam txiv, koj Mus nrhiav lwm Tus tau tabsis yog koj niam yeej hlub koj tam 1 leej niam ces koj Mus nrhiav tsis tau ib leej niam qhov twg los hloov tau koj niam qhov chaw ces tso nws Mus yeej tsis tuag. Tabsis yog muab xav tias tsam nws ho yog Tu hlub koj tiag , but qhov no yuav yog koj own decisions
Well.....the be honest, the mom really has no say in this. Considering she wasn't even in the daughter's life.
But with that said, I don't think I would want to date or marry the off spring of my ex.
Jenny aw tuaj caum mloog koj tham neej neeg lawm nawb,sij hawm ntawm kuv no twb yog 11 m 30 thaum ib tag hmo lawm ,tab sis koj zaj neej neeg no nyuam qhuav tawm kiag li 30 mn Xwb ces kuv yuav tau mloog tas kuv mam li pw os !!
Hellno! Move on without VA. That's gross 😝 there are so many guys out there. Don't settle for your mom's leftovers!
Your mom is very selfish!! In and out of relationships. She might be your mom but that little bit of money that she send every now and than can't fill the void that she's always gone. It's your life and you do what's right for you and Don't need anyone's approval.
It is unfair for you not knowing your dad and an absentee mom. No one can tell you what to do. Do whatever makes you happy?
It’s good , mom n daugther knew him.
Both of you marry him mother and daughter duo
Go and marry him, it was meant to be.
We don’t know the whole story but only your side. Karma is coming your way.
Raws li kuv txoj kev xav, yog Vas hlub koj tiag ces koj yuav nws los yeej tsis ua cas nawb mog. Vim Koj niam thiab vas qhov teeb meem tsuas yog yav dhau los lawm xwb, ua neej nyob txhob cia lwm tus txiav txim rau yus lub neej txoj kev xaiv, es ib hnub yus thiaj tsis muaj kev tu siab thiab khuv xim os mog me ntxhais
This is why peb hmoob ask for each other's parents' names/family and their keeb kwm....
No! Don't marry him. You are still young you can find one that is better than him.
Tus viv ncaus aw yog koj niam nawv tsis tau ua maiv maiv ces koj yuav los tau tab sis yog koj niam nkawv ua maiv maiv lawm ces xu siab dhau lawm xwb koj paiv li xwb twb nrhiab kuv ib ce tag li
Wow !!! At the end of the day it's still your life do what's it best for you my dear Linda...
Don’t marry him..You are still young and there so many fish in the sea for you. Don’t be scared that you can not find one like va. If you can by pass the fact that he was your moms ex and you can’t let him go than marry him.
Oh sister Linda, there are so many good advices already, but here are some additional concepts that you should consider or reiterate. Remember that love has to be mature and true(all respecting, all caring, and all honesty) in order for a marriage to have a good chance at happiness.
There is a sense that you have been targeted, taken advantage of and used. There is definitely a huge difference in maturity between you and Va. There is also an unethical statue of information power abuse where someone uses their advance knowledge to undermine and take advantage of others, especially the young. I'm afraid, you fit into this category. You have been sought, wooed, and taken, and maybe not for the best intentions of heart. All of these expensive commodities cannot equate to an ounce of true love.
Concerning Va - there some concerning patterns already. First, he is a Hmong man and carries all of its cultural inheritance fallacies. You know too well in many of these stories concerning the abuse of culture power. Second, he is about 40yrs old now, never married, and likes young girls. There is something off here; why, why, why?. You need to look more deeper into this. There is usually a real important reason to why any men is not married or have a meaningful relationship before age 30. Also understand, that people who fancies the very young usually have abnormal neurosis that tends to repeat. The concern here is that you need to make sure that he is honest, trustworthy, and genuinely love you.
Finally, it is ultimately your choice. You are now older, have some experiences with relationships, and has education. Fade out the material things like money, gifts, and cars, and fucus on the heart and the personalities. This is what's really more important. You need to make that all(you, your mom, and your spouse) can coexist in harmony. You will need each other in the future much more than you realize right now. Understand, that time will slow and shape us all. It is not easy when couple do not grow gracefully together meaning that they are too far apart in age. Even real strong love can be challenging when one is calming to rest while the other is maybe at a peak. Please consider things wisely, good luck, and I know you'll make the right choice.
Wow! I must be in the minority here. I believe all parties are innocent. Va and Linda dated and fell in love not knowing of Linda’s mom.
20 years have passed. And Linda’s mom has moved on. She is happy living her own life away from Linda and Va.
This is no longer about her mom. The mom has no right to come and restrict their relationship, especially because she was not in Linda’s life. Had she stayed in Linda’s life, chances are this wouldn’t have happened.
Linda has the right to be with whomever she wants. She is an adult now. In addition Va and her mom didn’t date very long - it was a short relationship. I think that is important to remember and consider. Had they been long lovers or had kids together, then yes, it wouldn’t be appropriate for Linda and Va to be together.
But that is not the case. If you choose not to be with the one you love, you will forever know in your heart and could lead you to have a lifetime of unhappiness having one relationship after another.
Your mom is already happy. You deserve to be happy too and so does Va. Everyone is happy. That’s a win win in my books.
I understand where the mom is coming from, but this is not her life. This is Linda’s life. I think it’s time Linda’s mom quit being selfish and stop thinking about herself. She needs to grow a bigger heart and forgive and let go of her past.
Tso nws mus zoo daub os mog me ntxhais
Leave Va you always find someone else but you can’t find your mom anymore
Eh, her mother was never around anyways.
If he is your mom ex, he is way too old for you. Why would you want to marry a man old enough to be your father?