You’re honestly such an open and honest guy, your outlook is so genuine and upfront. It sucks that some ladies lash out at you, you don’t deserve that shit.
Marla Moon thanks. It thankfully hasn’t happened often at all but I understand people act out when they’re hurt so I don’t judge anyone. Thanks for the kind words ! 🤗❤️
sometimes when i tell someone i'm aromantic (like anyone, not someone i'm attracted to) they ask me what my ideal relationship would look like, if anything, and what i try to communicate is that it's not so much about what it would look like from the outside or what activities we'd do (to some extent, of course), but more about what it would feel like. i need to know that we're on the same page; if i feel that the guy is romantically attracted to me or that he considers things we do to be romantic, i'm uncomfortable--it puts me off of things i would normally enjoy, in a platonic or sexual context. like you said, we could go on what would generally be viewed as a date, like going out to eat/drink, but my best friend and i do that too, and we're certainly not attracted to each other in any way besides platonic, so i could also do that with guys without it being romantic. my (allo) roommate actually has a friend with benefits, and their relationship, from what i gather, sounds quite appealing to me.
@@elisecode2212 It really is. I think a lot of people assume aromantic people must be sleeping around a lot. It's fine if you do that safely, but that's not been my experience at all. My FWB and I have been seeing each other for about a year.
"In between dude." THIS. I have previously referred to myself as the "foster partner." Like I'm a soft place to land and build confidence before they move on to the romantic relationship they want. How did I not know I was aromantic before this?
These tips could even be helpful for alloromantic people who aren’t ready to date romantically but still want intimacy. Communication and being mindful of other people’s feelings is key. Thank you for another great video! 😊
Mikk definitely! I tell people all the time that relationships can be whatever you make of them as long as all parties involved are on the same page. So many people just default to the “norm” even if the norm doesn’t seem to be working for them. It’s like stop and consider what it is you really like and don’t like about your past relationships and try new things! Thanks for watching and the comment 🙏🏽❤️
@Nik Hampshire and if you don't tell people what your "norm" is then you can be living in a fantasy. You mentioned expectations. When I 'assume' I know where someone is coming from I make an 'ass' of 'u' and 'me.'
I totally get the joke 😂 Though I guess equate that effort to the same effort people give to build lives and careers and other relationships, It doesn't have to be unbreakable and infinite to have worth, and to be enjoyed just for the sake of it! Lol maybe I just took the jest too seriously 😅
Recently figured out I'm aromantic, but I'm also bi (known that for a while), and I've been wondering what it would be like to date as an aromantic bisexual person and honestly, "friends with benefits" sounds like my ideal situation. Thanks for making this video, it's so helpful.
I posted on one of your previous videos that I was in a relationship because I thought I liked them, but then realized I didn't and felt trapped. I am happy to inform you that we broke up and remain best friends. ^-^ And I wanted to quickly thank you for the advice you gave me. It helped.
You're such a sweet and empathetic person and it makes me so mad and sad that you get called nasty names just for being aro 😩 I'm glad you have self-assurance to know that you're not in the wrong in these situations.
Thanks so much. Thankfully it hasn’t happened too often and I am sure of myself enough to not believe the ones that do say things like that. Preciate you sharing some love tho! Hope you’re well! ❤️
I love how my asexuality is so similar to aromantic feelings and relationship dynamics. I honestly feel so lucky to be apart of this queerness, to this view into such a nebulous thing. Thank you for your insight!!
An ex and I became friends with benefits a few years after we broke up (because I came out as aro) and it's been very fulfilling to add sex to our friendship.
the concept of sexual attraction is so nebulous to me that I'm still unsure whether I am asexual or bisexual, (I like sex either way) but one thing I can say for sure that I am one hundred percent aromantic!
When I realises I was aromantic, greyromantic, I also realized a few other things. I figured out around the same time that I was polyamorous. And I kinda didnt want to tell people at first because to me, it made me feel like I had to feel "love" to be poly. So I had to accept the fact that's it's ok for me to not always feel love whilst being attracted to others. And it makes me feel less vail, sometimes, when someone says "The key to a poly relationship is love and communication." And yes, I do know it doesn't have to be romantic but it still doesn't feel right when they say it. Its like I have to feel romantic feeling for them. But I have accepted myself more about being aro whilst poly and I have been a lot happier with that. I'm kinda thinking I'm on the ace spectrum, I'm thinking I'm aceflux but I'm not 100% sure tbh. But I have time to figure stuff out. My bf and I have been together for 6 months now and it's been the longest relationship I've been in. And we just recently had our 6 month anniversary. Now, I want really bothered about this but he was, and at the time I didn't realises how much it meant to him, so we planned to do all these thing and then life got in the way and we couldn't actually do any of it but we still did get to see each other. We went back to mine and all the way back to mine he was silent and I knew it wasnt good So we get to mine and we sot down and he starts crying. I knew how much this relationship meant to him but not fully. And I understood what he was going through but I didnt feel what he was going through and it really sucks. I wanted to sit their crying with him but I couldn't but I couldn't understand fully. I wanted to say to him "I know how you feel." But I didn't. All I did was apologise that I made him feel like this and he said it was ok but I knew it wasn't. I wish I could enjoy this like "mini anniversary" and such but to me, they're not important and I often forget they exist. But I do get how he feels and everything and he had every right to feel like that. We've talked about it and still together, which is always a good sign, and we're trying our best.
fearless_OP _Player damn that sounds like a lot to deal with. I’m glad yall are finding a way to make it work. Honestly being aro and dating allo people is always gonna be tricky imo. Like even when things were “going well” when I tried in the past I just always felt guilty cuz I knew they were feeling things I never would and couldn’t reciprocate the feelings they were feeling and they deserved to have those feelings reciprocated. It often made me feel selfish for keeping them from finding another partner that could give them all they wanted and deserved. hopefully yall can figure it out tho.
@@nikhampshire Yea, it really sucks when I sometimes have trouble reciprocating for my partner. I've told him in the past that my love for him fluctuates. And it does but it's not right that sometimes I love him and sometimes I don't. It's not fair on him. He didn't want someone to "part time" love him. He deserves someone who can love him always. I sometimes think "Am I enough?" And then think about him and see how much he's changed and grown and how much I have also, then I get my answer. Thank you for taking the time to read my comments. I really appreciate it. Thank you :)
I've also been the inbetween Girl so often!! I've had some internalized Aro-phobia, accusing myself of being Broken/afraid of commitment, when I have gone after thease kind of situations. I thought maybe I romanticized being "the lover", when in reality it is the kind of sexual connection I'm the most comfy with/in. I'm so happy to hear that others (you) do that too! Even more happy to hear about it as something that is healty - instead of my usual "you're being destructive" narrative! Thank you so much for sharing 💕
Ah, for me this is such a confusing topic because while I do feel butterflies, crushes and what-not I can't bring myself to say "I love you" romantically and mean it. Like "romantic" gestures just don't come to me, I do love physical contact (cuddling, holding hands) and hook ups but when a guy falls for me is so awkward 😔 I always gotta end it or else I feel like I'm taking advantage of their feelings, sigh. Makes me wonder if I only like romance as a fantasy or something!
I hear you, definitely can relate. I think spending some time reflecting on what your ideal situation real is in a realistic sense. Like conceptually a girlfriend and all the couply things sounds dope but when I think realistically can I see myself in that situation and actually enjoying it? Nope lol. I do couply stuff casually for fun occasionally but I make sure whomever I’m doing these things with it’s just casual and fun and I’m not now or ever will be looking for anything serious. Some people know they won’t be able to do that without catching feels in which case we don’t do that stuff and we just stay friends but others are down to keep it casual and fun and we get along swell! Best of luck! Hope things become more clear! Thanks for watching and I hope my videos help! ♥️
I definitely considered myself a hopeless romantic before realizing I was aroace lol. I like the concept of a relationship (and sex) exponentially more than the reality. The reality is boring/monotonous, and honestly just uncomfortable/awkward (I feel like I’m acting and I don’t really wanna be there). I also just find it really hard to like people beyond good friends, someone to horizontally hug (sex neutral/favorable ace) or a crush…like that’s the max my ‘intimate/romantic meter’ can view people. I’m still doing research but I’m pretty I’m aegoromantic/greyromantic (aromantic subtypes). You could be lithromantic, aegoromantic, cupioromantic, or greyromantic-you should look into these! Just because you may enjoy romantic things/get short term crushs doesn’t mean you feel or can keep romantic attraction. If you cannot sustain romantic attraction for an ‘unknown’ reason, you’re likely aro. Good luck
Hey I just wanted to thank you for making these kind of videos, they help so much especially when I’m having kind of an identity crisis again haha There is so little content abour aromantism, and especially not without the ace-part, and it honestly just makes me so happy to know I’m not alone and to hear someone elses thoughts and advice on it. Thank you!
Elisa _ thanks for watching and sharing some love in the comments! Means so much to me that these videos are helping so many people! Def subscribe if you haven’t yet cuz I got more coming! 🙏🏽🤗
Im pretty sure i dont have the romantic folder. But people get confused when i try to explain that i love being with people and being intimate. But its not the same thing! I like being social, i just dont experience it the same way as some other people might do, and that is okey! :)
Definitely ok! I get why it can be confusing for others but It can be frustrating when they are determined NOT to understand. Thanks for watching and chiming in!
Just found this channel ... I'm actually both aro and ace ... but have wondered (because I have a libido that I don't care to share with others) whether I am aro but not ace ... this helped clear that up for me LOL.
Bisexual aromantic here! And its SO HARD to get laid while not coming across like a complete insensitive douche, to people who unavoidably attach romance to sex Still doing my thing tho! Your videos make me feel less like an outcast 🙌
It's so nice to see something here from the perspective of an aromantic that isn't asexual, I feel like we're often overlooked even in the aro/ace community. In fact, the reason it took me so long to realize I'm aro is because I assumed romantic attraction was what I felt when I had a mix of sexual and platonic attraction at the same time.
Gosh, about being the "In between relationship person", sometimes I'm fine with that, but honestly I get so sad when people don't want to continue having a relationship with me when they find a new - when I have been open as a aromantic person with multiple relationships - that makes me feel less valuble then their new romantic relationship. How to deal with feeling less valuble?
I just binged basically your whole channel, and this video really opened my eyes to how I can date while being aromantic. I never thought you could detach dating from "romance", which has held me back as someone who is repulsed by romance. I am in the same camp as you where something like cuddling for me can be platonic or sexual, but never romantic. As soon as an action of mine is taken in a romantic way I involuntarily get the ick, bc I never want it to be taken in that way. It's been confusing that I've wanted to date people that I like hanging out with, but then as soon as romantic affection or labels come into the picture, I want to wriggle out of my own skin. I've been the one to initiate every one of my relationships, and the one to end every one. (And usually end up in a more casual sexual relationship afterwards lol) Casual dating opened up my eyes to how I can approach dating in the future so that I don't waste time forcing myself to endure experiences that make me uncomfortable. I relate to your videos a lot, thanks so much for putting this content out there!
So glad you found my videos helpful! I definitely noticed a lack of content around this topic and wishing I had some resources myself so I decided i would make some for others! Thanks so much for watching and leaving some love. Best of luck with your journey! ❤️
It's so confusing sometimes, but I appreciate hearing this from someone with experience. I'm still young but due to the pandemic and leaving high school, my friend pool diminished sufficiently, and now my best friend has caught feelings for me. It's so confusing because previously I still wasn't entirely sure of my identity, and then, after discussing things and being comfortable in my own lack of feelings, I thought I had wanted them sexually, but Im coming to realize that that's really not feasible without someone getting hurt. I want to continue being friends, but I don't want to feel broken because I keep being reminded that I'll never be able to be want he wants. As much as finding out my identity has been freeing, it also sucks sometimes trying to navigate around peoples feelings.
Happy to see this kinda content for Aros. As a borderline Aromantic I actually relate. I rarely crush on anyone, and even if I do it's very low-key. Also Asexual. I think I'd be fine with a mixed relationship (like Rose and Greg; Steven Universe, or Shu and Inori; Guilty Crown, or Anakin and Padme). But most people aren't ok with a non-compromising asexual, let alone the lack in romantic attraction, even if it was an extension of platonic affection or happily done to make the other person happy. My first relationship was mixed, but I think what made me feel uncomfortable was that he didn't know, so it felt like a lie. Plus it's hard to find asexuals. Tho my chances do seem better there. 🤷♀️
i've been thinking about what i want in the future, different ways of living aromantically, and ooh, i'm intrigued by the idea of being the in-between gal. in general, more ideas and examples of ways we can live and be happy are so helpful, so thanks for making this content :)
Amazing idea! I think that will be my next video because there are definitely different ways to live as an aro both alone and with people and I’d love to speak on it! Thanks for the tip! Preciate you watching and commenting!
@@nikhampshire That totally sucks. You're a guy, so I can't relate because I'm a girl. I'm guessing girls who are aromantic, heterosexual get called sluts but I can't relate to that either. I'm aromantic demisexual and so I have a low body count. But also I don't pick guys who are in love with me or who slut shame women.
I've really enjoyed this video as I'm going through this reflection on this exact topic since my last relationship stopped because i wasn't falling in love and quiet sure it won't happen. I feel like understanding you are aro is long and complicated because everyone tells you that if you are not interested it's only that you didnt find the right person, that you need to see a therapist to understand why you can't have romantic relationships, that you have a heart of stone. All of this really hurt me and I was so sure something was wrong with me / broken within me. I've thought that being 100% lesbian and quitting being bisexual will solve all my problems and then I realized i was really happy being single since years. I've been in one relationship which was so bad because i couldnt express or feel (this kind of ) love while having to pretend i did. I want deep and light relationships, sometimes only platonics sometimes intimate but gosh i'm so happy to stop feeling like I'm missing the best thing on earth (how ? I feel allos arr suffering so much ). One thing though that kept me from labeling myself as aro is that I did fall in love but it only hurt and I have no will of being in a relationship with them. I just wanted to stop being in love and have a nice friendship and may be benefits with them.
Thanks so much for watching and sharing! It’s definitely a journey we all walk but hopefully you’re find what makes you happy and pursing that type of dynamic!
I recently came across the word aromantic, had never heard of such a thing. Romance is ....something I feel I process quite differently. I am an autistic female and I feel I dont really 'love'...the way ppl normally feel 'love'. I know I feel attraction but I never get past the point of forcing myself to 'like' them ....it's like liking the idea of dating but then not having or being be able to place yourself in that role. Then a vid about aromantic marriages popped up through my reddit stories. ...so here I am.
Hey, thanks for making this video! Ik its a bit old, but it just came up on my recommended, and it feels like it came at just the right time in my life. I'm also aromantic (or at least somewhere on the spectrum???) and I've recently been giving some thought to figuring out dating, since I think I would like to have a life partner, but I'm super intimidated by the idea of starting dating, since I'm somewhat late to the game and I feel really lost and like I'll have to figure things out alone. So stumbling across this video felt really nice; it's good to know that I won't be alone if I do choose to start dating, and that there are other aros out here who are figuring things out for themselves. I just really appreciate that you've shown that it absolutely is possible to be in a relationship as an aromantic person 💚🖤
Divine timing! Love that these videos I made years ago have been still helping people. Thanks so much for watching and sharing your experience! I appreciate you!
How do you explain you're an aromantic heterosexual guy without sounding like a creep/predator? It annoys me that people would think I don't respect women/see them as sex objects when people who know me know I'm not like that at all. It's frustrating and I wish I had been asexual instead.
It comes down to aroallo phobia in most people. Tho it's different having desire for that type of affection and respecting boundaries vs preying on people. Totally valid, and you should prolly avoid people who judge like that since they'd be stressful to be around anyway. Maybe say you just don't desire romantic relationships, but that doesn't inherently make you hypersexual or shallow; it's just who you are. You can love platonically/non-romantically, so you're not cold or loveless. Sorry ik this is an old comment, but I just wanted to tell you that you're valid and not a creep for your orientation or anything, incase you needed to hear it. 💚💚🤍💛💛(my attempt at an aroallo flag💀)
@@rallazarthemagnificent3765 I know I'm not a creep, I just fear people would see it that way as I'm a guy attracted to women only sexually and not romantically. I do desire a life partnership, I just don't want there to be an expectation of mutual romantic feelings as I'm romance repulsed. Finding someone to have that with will be hard due to my introversion and love of solitude. I care about sex, but it's not all I care about; I value some aspects of a romantic relationship. But I never have romantic interest in people and can't really understand what that is like.
Hey i really liked your advices but do you have any tips for dating as an aro allo teen? Cus i'd like to date with people but like i don't know how to start doing anything that could end up as a casual relationship cus they'd catch feelings way too early. And i don't think dating sites are safe for minors so i'd skip that. I hope you can help
wowwww i needed this. wow i needed this so much. thank you for being so chill in this video and talking about your experience so genuinely - from the future, it has been so healing to hear i'm not alone
ok this is awkward my partner has come out as aromantic not asexual been together 13 years im struggling with this any info anywhere for support for people like me
You lay stuff on a bit to hard for me ie. when you said "all allo relationships end" (and this might just be to hard for me bc I've have rare romantic attraction and have little experience with relationships) but you seem to be helping a lot of other people who are trying to learn and are giving a lot of helpful info and experiences so thank you!!!! Another thing is aesthetic attraction (meaning attraction to the style or personality of a person) can add to a relationship. You have something to appreciate and gush about relating to your partner that isn't neccarley romantic or sexual and it can add a new depth to a relationship (not required for any kind of relationship but still a neat feeling)
I didn’t mean every allo relationships breakup I was speaking hyperbolically/joking which I clarified to make sure people didn’t take time seriously. I just meant how many allo people date one person ever their entire life? Most people go through a number of partners before finding someone they’re gonna settle down with for life so statistically speaking when you meet someone (especially in your younger years) anyone getting into a relationship is FAAAAR more likely to break up at some point than they are to get married and last forever. I was not seriously trying to say romantic relationships never last by any means. Thank you for watching tho and sharing some insight on how the video made you feel. My intention is never to alienate or belittle anyone regardless of where you fall on whatever spectrum (even the allos haha).
@@nikhampshire ohhhhhh, ok. Sorry, I read that wrong XD. But yes that does make more sense with ppl being younger and with how much ppl change or break up with partners. Happy to share my thoughts and I glad your intent isn't to alienate anyone Thx for clearing it up ad sorry for the misunderstanding XD.
Aesthetic attraction is definitely a thing. I had a heteroromantic asexual partner who did not have romantic feelings for me. He did not even have sexual feelings for me. But I wasn't ugly to him. He said I was cute. He wouldn't be able to sleep with a girl that was ugly. And he had strong platonic feelings for me. So ya ... aesthetic attraction is a factor.
Definitely can see this being an issue as the term become more popular which is sadly a reality we’ll likely need to deal with. But I think people will always see assholes for who they are regardless if they’re claiming to be aro or not lol. Even aros can be assholes of course haha. Thanks for watching and the comment!
Thank you Nik! Your video helped me to understand I am Aro and while this specific term doesn’t fully apply to me, because I still experience some romantic attraction it just fades as I grow closer to that person until it stops completely, it was shockingly close😇 A term that fits me more closely is Fray-Romantic
I'm so attractive to you because you just described my ideal relationship. I'm a new subscriber and new to the term aromantic but I've always felt that even my teenage to young adult days. Thank you for creating content like this
Always love so much when someone finds my page and finds it helpful and helps folks feel seen! Thanks so much for taking time to leave some love! Hope you find what you’re looking for!
I was a little surprised to hear that you like to cuddle, as I think of it as being a" romantic" activity. I always wonder what people mean by "romantic" exactly, as the official definition is rather loose. I'd be interested to hear your personal definition, and also what you like about cuddling, with a friend or sexual partner, that isn't romantic. (I'm demisexual myself.) Been binge watching your videos. You seem like you'd be a really amazing and fun friend.
Honestly I’m surprised I like cuddling too, but I do enjoy it and I’m thankful for that. Its not something that strikes me as particularly intimate. I’d do it with female friends that I wasn’t sexually interested in. It just isn’t linked to romance for me for some reason. I like the warmth of another person and feeling embraced (I’m a hugger haha) I dont really have a good definition of what “romance” is as I dont feel it. as you said, its a loose understanding that’s sort of different from person to person. To me it just feels like some extra level of infatuation/obsession/interest that I see most others experience for partners and instances where I feel like I SHOULD be experiencing that, I dont, and when I feel like someone is experiencing that towards me, or is expecting me to feel that way towards them and I’m repulsed. Thanks so much for watching all the vids! Hope you’re enjoying them! Thank you for the kind words too
@@nikhampshire Your description of romance almost sounds like "attachment". I had a bearded dragon in my care for several months once, and she loved to cuddle for the same reason, a warm body to snuggly against, and a sheltering feeling. Maybe aros are like the lizards or reptiles of the romantic/sexual spectrum. 😆 Thanks for responding!
@@jbates725 but I’m attached to my friends very dearly and have no problem with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ romance seems different. Unique from other attachments in some way and often exclusionary which are all things I don’t connect with
@@jbates725 I can experience attachment to guys I have sex with and still be aromantic. I also get attachment feelings to my friends and family members. I can also feel rejected by guys. But it's not heartbreak. It's ego bruise and having my self-worth feel invalidated.
So... I just talked to the person I love and have been in love with for a good 8 months (he knows) and he said that he might be aro. Thanks for this video I really appreciate it and well, I'm having certain doubts and surely need to talk to someone about it, but I'll get there haha Thanks
Alex Vellis so glad its helpful! thanks so much for watching and commenting ❤️ def check out the other videos on my channel and subscribe if you’re lookin yo see more! Got more videos coming soon! 🙌🏽
As a female aromantic demi-heterosexual, I can't sleep around a lot. I get post-sex depression and I get self-worth validation and ego bruise issues if the other guy doesn't care about me. Also, I'm demi-heterosexual. I need that deep bond. But ya ... I just want to have sex with my male best friends. I feel like that's not too much to ask lol.
Can I still be aro while being a teen? I’m going to be in high school and I’m afraid my future friend group will exclude me because I identify this way. I also don’t want to date/feel like I have to be forced in that certain role. I also don’t want to feel like the odd one out.
its so confusing cause i only like hookups when the person likes me romantically but when they dont, like they want the same thing as me i feel like an object, a piece of meat. I dont know what to do with this information if i am aro cause then does that mean i will only date for sex?
What if I wasn't aromantic 5 years ago, but I realized this week I am aro. Is that possible? I have been dating for 11 months now and realized I haven't felt romantic in this realitionship at all.
Hmm, may have to try. As a fellow aromantic that's not asexual I've mostly held to friends with benefits sorta relationships. Appreciation for your communication, I also follow those rules.
Yes communication is key for sure. And I mostly stick to friend with benefits stuff too. I recently met an aro woman who I hit it off with tho and we’ve entered into a queer platonic relationship that’s working out p good so far! Its basically still friends with bens just a bit more regular I guess lol. We basically just laid out what are dislikes or boundaries are and make sure not to cross them (thankfully we’re both incredibly similar so neither of us really wants another the other cant provide). Everything’s been goin so well we actually have to periodically remind eachother that we are NOT in love with the other person 🤣 thanks for watching and commenting
Maybe I'll get here. I'm currently sick of giving my time and energy to people who within a few months are gonna do a 180 and or act crazy and then we never talk again 😑
“New” aro here! Im a bit overwhelmed with everything that I finally put together about myself! Any advice? like people that are going through the same, discord servers, anything at this point ahahhha thank youuuu
Do you think someone can become aromantic? I feel like I relate. And aspects of me feel like they’ve always been on the “spectrum,” but I feel like life experiences have “turned” me fully in to this mindset.
I feel the same. One relationship in 1997 head over heels in love. Heartbroken. Never been in love since. However, trauma, depression, illness so perhaps those are my triggers.
I didn't go past 7 minutes but I'm curious about how you define romantic attraction. There are people who would perceive cuddling as 'romantic', for example (cuddling and kissing can both be affectionate or sexual for me, although tongue kissing isn't something I would want to do with someone I wasn't sexually interested in I could cuddle with or non-tongue kiss a cat or a dog). Why call it a date if you wouldn't call socializing with a platonic friend you weren't attracted to a 'date' (this isn't a critique. I think I understand the concept of sexual dating more than I did when I first heard another self-described aromantic person say they were still interested in dating since most people will still see sex as social activity and want some kind of an emotional connection with their partner). Sexual attraction means something clear to me - an instinctive desire to be sexually or in some way physically intimate with another person as an end in itself (rather than as an expression of affection). I think I could conceptually understand that even if I had never felt sexual attraction. What exactly is 'romance' to you? To go back to my point about dating, the concept (like marriage) may have evolved but my understanding had always been that the traditional point of dating is to evaluate someone's potential as a long-term partner. I won't say that 'non-romantic' dating doesn't make sense to me anymore though (although frankly I'm not sure the concept of romance as something other than physical attraction + affection is really meaningful to begin with). Like you (I assume) I'm not interested in a committed monogamous relationship and I'm not really interested in socializing or interacting with real life people but I don't consider myself to be 'aromantic' by orientation.
As an aromantic person, I think shouldn't society eventually develop a system of communication where one doesn't have to go through the traditional steps of dating to get to the sex part? Like, if I o to a shop to buy something, I don't try to flirt with the shopkeeper, try to impress the shopkeeper and hope that he or she is impressed by me and finally allows me to take the products from the shop. No, it's purely transactional. I pay money and I get the product from the shop. I don't have to try to "date" with the shopkeeper. So, it would be great if as a society we can develop such lines of communication between two adults. Right now, such things are termed as prostitution. And I am certainly not supporting forced prostitution. But if two adults are looking for just sex and nothing else, they should be able to do that and move on without judgement and being labelled as "whores" or "prostitutes" in a derogatory manner.
I wish I could say that Im Aromantic without being gaslighted for being a duch who just wan't to use women for sex. dating is hard for me already, so with the baggage of not wanting to commit I feel its close to impossible. I guess im doomed to have an almost sexless life because im aro. I tried to be more positive and put myself out there like everyone says but it only came with disappointments so now Im depressed. I so fucking wish I was Aro and Ace as well.
Sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. I would try setting dating profiles to casual settings or seek out poly folks. I know ok Cupid allows you do to that and almost anyone I’ve ever matched with on there is totally open to dating on terms that are ok for me. Don’t give up! Keep trying! There’s people out there for you ❤️
@@nikhampshire I tried apps and got almost no matchs, and I set my profile to poly stating im more interesting to in the secondary relationships. now im trying to get involved more in poly and other queer comunities in hope to find potantial partners that are more understanding (and some friends as well), i hope it will increase my chances. :) thanks for the comment
Update, Im poly now and Im 80% better! I discovered the term "solo poly" which mean a poly person that is not willing to be in a main or too intense relationship - and it basically fit aroallos like a glove! + Ive got to meet alot of amazing ppl in the community, they are all very sexual and kinky and their helping me being more connected, honest and confident about this side of myself as well :) so for the first time this year, I feel complete and cool with my aromanticism!
Im an aro allo person who is intrested in a long term relationship and ive been dating an alloromantic preson for 2 years it used to be complaited but now its less so
That’s awesome! Thanks for sharing! Could you elaborate on what made it complicated and why it’s easier now if you’re up for sharing? If not no worries!
I am a lot like you. I enjoy sex but I don't get romantic until I am satisfied physically. If I start to talk about carriage rides and buy them little gifts, that means I am getting my back put out good. If they pull the sex rug out from underneath me, that's often the end. I know its strange for someone assigned female at birth, but it's my style. I don't know how else to put it.
One guy asked “are you still aro I want to give you a try?” 🤦🏾♀️ we ended up being fwb but now we’re friends but I felt me being on and off messed us up.
This is all so confusing. I thought I was aro but what you're saying is completely different from my experience. I want to have commitment and to be exclusive with a partner. Is that still aro or something else?
I've told my FWB I loved him. But it wasn't a romantic love. It was a selfless, unconditional love cause he was my best friend. We are still friends but not FWB anymore.
Do you dislike to have deep conversations with people and be vulnerable? Do you dislike to open up to someone and talk about your vulnerabilities? and when you do, how do you feel afterwards? Do you feel more connected to the person? or not?
Not at all. I love deep conversations and I’m more or less an open book about any thought I’m feeling any given time be it close friend, family or stranger. I do sometimes feel closer with those I share such things with. Depends on the person and context of the situation and how often we talk after and what they might have shared about themselves too.
@@nikhampshire thank you for your answer. I'm dating someone who is asexual and aromantic and she says that she doesn't like to have these deep conversations and open up to people about vulnerable topics. I was wondering if it's a characteristic she has or if it's a common thing more aromatic people experience?
@@michellepedersen3422 everyone is different but that doesn’t seem related to being aro imo. Seems just a personal preference situation. But I can’t say definitively of course. Hope y’all can sort through it!
Hold on man. I need tips cause for whatever reason I feel like I am obligated to be romantic because most women are alloromantic. It's so easy for a heterosexual male who is romantic to be seen as a dog or a sexual predator. I feel like no women think like I do or will understand. So I just don't date but this was before I found out there was a word to describe my orientation. So I had no way to describe it without appearing unethical. I thought I was MGTOW or something. The best option is to just be direct about it. How do most people respond?
I feel like I might be somewhere on the aro spectrum but at the same time I don't think I can really tell the difference between romantic attraction and platonic. And whenever I try to look up resources and such it's mostly just aro-ace as if they're exclusive which makes it harder for me understand what I'm feeling
“this is what sexual partners do” *picture of bert and ernie* 💀💀
You’re honestly such an open and honest guy, your outlook is so genuine and upfront. It sucks that some ladies lash out at you, you don’t deserve that shit.
Marla Moon thanks. It thankfully hasn’t happened often at all but I understand people act out when they’re hurt so I don’t judge anyone. Thanks for the kind words ! 🤗❤️
@@nikhampshire😅😅😅😅😊😊
I LOVE that you said "this is what sexual partners do", and rhe pic was Bert and Ernie
Robin Walker hahaha I’m glad! I almost didn’t cuz I didn’t know if it was over the line but I thought “fuck it” 😂
Had to pause the video to find this funny. I burst out laughing. 🤣🤣
I think I'm in love 😍 (no romo)
I'm sorry but I AM STEALING THIS OMG
Bruh i litteraly just commented this on another video😌
Stealing the no-romo
No romo 😂😂😂
Same
The idea of casually dating has blown my mind...like...wow. That's like the ideal situation in my eyes
sometimes when i tell someone i'm aromantic (like anyone, not someone i'm attracted to) they ask me what my ideal relationship would look like, if anything, and what i try to communicate is that it's not so much about what it would look like from the outside or what activities we'd do (to some extent, of course), but more about what it would feel like. i need to know that we're on the same page; if i feel that the guy is romantically attracted to me or that he considers things we do to be romantic, i'm uncomfortable--it puts me off of things i would normally enjoy, in a platonic or sexual context. like you said, we could go on what would generally be viewed as a date, like going out to eat/drink, but my best friend and i do that too, and we're certainly not attracted to each other in any way besides platonic, so i could also do that with guys without it being romantic. my (allo) roommate actually has a friend with benefits, and their relationship, from what i gather, sounds quite appealing to me.
I have a friend with benefits, and I've never before felt that a relationship was right for me until this.
@@meadowrae1491 I have one now too actually, it’s great
@@elisecode2212 It really is. I think a lot of people assume aromantic people must be sleeping around a lot. It's fine if you do that safely, but that's not been my experience at all. My FWB and I have been seeing each other for about a year.
@@meadowrae1491 I sleep with other guys but I’m super picky
@@elisecode2212 I have a woman I'm interested in. We are friends and have a history of being FWB, so I'm hopeful we can pick that up again.
"In between dude." THIS. I have previously referred to myself as the "foster partner." Like I'm a soft place to land and build confidence before they move on to the romantic relationship they want. How did I not know I was aromantic before this?
These tips could even be helpful for alloromantic people who aren’t ready to date romantically but still want intimacy. Communication and being mindful of other people’s feelings is key.
Thank you for another great video! 😊
Mikk definitely! I tell people all the time that relationships can be whatever you make of them as long as all parties involved are on the same page. So many people just default to the “norm” even if the norm doesn’t seem to be working for them. It’s like stop and consider what it is you really like and don’t like about your past relationships and try new things!
Thanks for watching and the comment 🙏🏽❤️
@Nik Hampshire and if you don't tell people what your "norm" is then you can be living in a fantasy. You mentioned expectations. When I 'assume' I know where someone is coming from I make an 'ass' of 'u' and 'me.'
Definitely what I was thinking!
Allos be crazy....I can't imagine spending all that time, energy, emotion, resources etc for something that is gonna end before long anyways.
Beth Anne Harrington mention this same thing in another video haha. Wild
I totally get the joke 😂
Though I guess equate that effort to the same effort people give to build lives and careers and other relationships,
It doesn't have to be unbreakable and infinite to have worth, and to be enjoyed just for the sake of it!
Lol maybe I just took the jest too seriously 😅
Recently figured out I'm aromantic, but I'm also bi (known that for a while), and I've been wondering what it would be like to date as an aromantic bisexual person and honestly, "friends with benefits" sounds like my ideal situation. Thanks for making this video, it's so helpful.
So glad you found my video helpful! Good luck with your journey! ☺️
I posted on one of your previous videos that I was in a relationship because I thought I liked them, but then realized I didn't and felt trapped. I am happy to inform you that we broke up and remain best friends. ^-^ And I wanted to quickly thank you for the advice you gave me. It helped.
Ayyy so glad to hear it! Thanks for getting back to me! love the follow up!
You're such a sweet and empathetic person and it makes me so mad and sad that you get called nasty names just for being aro 😩 I'm glad you have self-assurance to know that you're not in the wrong in these situations.
Thanks so much. Thankfully it hasn’t happened too often and I am sure of myself enough to not believe the ones that do say things like that. Preciate you sharing some love tho! Hope you’re well! ❤️
I love how my asexuality is so similar to aromantic feelings and relationship dynamics. I honestly feel so lucky to be apart of this queerness, to this view into such a nebulous thing.
Thank you for your insight!!
An ex and I became friends with benefits a few years after we broke up (because I came out as aro) and it's been very fulfilling to add sex to our friendship.
Isnt that just...a nomal relationship? Friends who have sex with each other.
I loved to find this channel, 'cause most content I was finding was also asexual, and it was kind of confusing
I know and it was like bruh, I still want the physical part wtf would I do that
the concept of sexual attraction is so nebulous to me that I'm still unsure whether I am asexual or bisexual, (I like sex either way) but one thing I can say for sure that I am one hundred percent aromantic!
When I realises I was aromantic, greyromantic, I also realized a few other things. I figured out around the same time that I was polyamorous. And I kinda didnt want to tell people at first because to me, it made me feel like I had to feel "love" to be poly. So I had to accept the fact that's it's ok for me to not always feel love whilst being attracted to others. And it makes me feel less vail, sometimes, when someone says "The key to a poly relationship is love and communication." And yes, I do know it doesn't have to be romantic but it still doesn't feel right when they say it. Its like I have to feel romantic feeling for them. But I have accepted myself more about being aro whilst poly and I have been a lot happier with that. I'm kinda thinking I'm on the ace spectrum, I'm thinking I'm aceflux but I'm not 100% sure tbh. But I have time to figure stuff out. My bf and I have been together for 6 months now and it's been the longest relationship I've been in. And we just recently had our 6 month anniversary. Now, I want really bothered about this but he was, and at the time I didn't realises how much it meant to him, so we planned to do all these thing and then life got in the way and we couldn't actually do any of it but we still did get to see each other. We went back to mine and all the way back to mine he was silent and I knew it wasnt good So we get to mine and we sot down and he starts crying. I knew how much this relationship meant to him but not fully. And I understood what he was going through but I didnt feel what he was going through and it really sucks. I wanted to sit their crying with him but I couldn't but I couldn't understand fully. I wanted to say to him "I know how you feel." But I didn't. All I did was apologise that I made him feel like this and he said it was ok but I knew it wasn't. I wish I could enjoy this like "mini anniversary" and such but to me, they're not important and I often forget they exist. But I do get how he feels and everything and he had every right to feel like that. We've talked about it and still together, which is always a good sign, and we're trying our best.
fearless_OP _Player damn that sounds like a lot to deal with. I’m glad yall are finding a way to make it work. Honestly being aro and dating allo people is always gonna be tricky imo. Like even when things were “going well” when I tried in the past I just always felt guilty cuz I knew they were feeling things I never would and couldn’t reciprocate the feelings they were feeling and they deserved to have those feelings reciprocated. It often made me feel selfish for keeping them from finding another partner that could give them all they wanted and deserved. hopefully yall can figure it out tho.
@@nikhampshire Yea, it really sucks when I sometimes have trouble reciprocating for my partner. I've told him in the past that my love for him fluctuates. And it does but it's not right that sometimes I love him and sometimes I don't. It's not fair on him. He didn't want someone to "part time" love him. He deserves someone who can love him always. I sometimes think "Am I enough?" And then think about him and see how much he's changed and grown and how much I have also, then I get my answer.
Thank you for taking the time to read my comments. I really appreciate it. Thank you :)
You explained this well.
What's in a name thanks so much for watching and saying so! 🙌🏽
I've also been the inbetween Girl so often!! I've had some internalized Aro-phobia, accusing myself of being Broken/afraid of commitment, when I have gone after thease kind of situations. I thought maybe I romanticized being "the lover", when in reality it is the kind of sexual connection I'm the most comfy with/in. I'm so happy to hear that others (you) do that too! Even more happy to hear about it as something that is healty - instead of my usual "you're being destructive" narrative! Thank you so much for sharing 💕
me, an alloromantic trying to rp my aro/bi D&D character more accurately: 👁👄👁
This is probably obvious but don’t make that the whole personality!
naturally, but should he get into a romantic situation, i don't want to be stuck with how he reacts
I'm the opposite. I fully plan on giving control of my character over to my allo friend should the need arise.
Ah, for me this is such a confusing topic because while I do feel butterflies, crushes and what-not I can't bring myself to say "I love you" romantically and mean it. Like "romantic" gestures just don't come to me, I do love physical contact (cuddling, holding hands) and hook ups but when a guy falls for me is so awkward 😔
I always gotta end it or else I feel like I'm taking advantage of their feelings, sigh. Makes me wonder if I only like romance as a fantasy or something!
I hear you, definitely can relate. I think spending some time reflecting on what your ideal situation real is in a realistic sense. Like conceptually a girlfriend and all the couply things sounds dope but when I think realistically can I see myself in that situation and actually enjoying it? Nope lol. I do couply stuff casually for fun occasionally but I make sure whomever I’m doing these things with it’s just casual and fun and I’m not now or ever will be looking for anything serious. Some people know they won’t be able to do that without catching feels in which case we don’t do that stuff and we just stay friends but others are down to keep it casual and fun and we get along swell!
Best of luck! Hope things become more clear! Thanks for watching and I hope my videos help! ♥️
I definitely considered myself a hopeless romantic before realizing I was aroace lol. I like the concept of a relationship (and sex) exponentially more than the reality. The reality is boring/monotonous, and honestly just uncomfortable/awkward (I feel like I’m acting and I don’t really wanna be there). I also just find it really hard to like people beyond good friends, someone to horizontally hug (sex neutral/favorable ace) or a crush…like that’s the max my ‘intimate/romantic meter’ can view people. I’m still doing research but I’m pretty I’m aegoromantic/greyromantic (aromantic subtypes).
You could be lithromantic, aegoromantic, cupioromantic, or greyromantic-you should look into these! Just because you may enjoy romantic things/get short term crushs doesn’t mean you feel or can keep romantic attraction. If you cannot sustain romantic attraction for an ‘unknown’ reason, you’re likely aro. Good luck
I relate so much
Hey I just wanted to thank you for making these kind of videos, they help so much especially when I’m having kind of an identity crisis again haha
There is so little content abour aromantism, and especially not without the ace-part, and it honestly just makes me so happy to know I’m not alone and to hear someone elses thoughts and advice on it.
Thank you!
Elisa _ thanks for watching and sharing some love in the comments! Means so much to me that these videos are helping so many people! Def subscribe if you haven’t yet cuz I got more coming! 🙏🏽🤗
Nik Hampshire I already have of course :)
Im pretty sure i dont have the romantic folder. But people get confused when i try to explain that i love being with people and being intimate.
But its not the same thing! I like being social, i just dont experience it the same way as some other people might do, and that is okey! :)
Definitely ok! I get why it can be confusing for others but It can be frustrating when they are determined NOT to understand. Thanks for watching and chiming in!
the thing about folders is so real!!!!!! felt like anything romantic attraction has just been merged into platonic instead lol
10000%! I love so much that people relate to my folders theory haha
Analogy*
Just found this channel ... I'm actually both aro and ace ... but have wondered (because I have a libido that I don't care to share with others) whether I am aro but not ace ... this helped clear that up for me LOL.
Bisexual aromantic here! And its SO HARD to get laid while not coming across like a complete insensitive douche, to people who unavoidably attach romance to sex
Still doing my thing tho! Your videos make me feel less like an outcast 🙌
Very mature and responsible approach to relationships. Love to see it!!
Thanks! I try to just keep it open and honest! 🤗
Thanks so much for watching and commenting ❤️🙌🏽
It's so nice to see something here from the perspective of an aromantic that isn't asexual, I feel like we're often overlooked even in the aro/ace community. In fact, the reason it took me so long to realize I'm aro is because I assumed romantic attraction was what I felt when I had a mix of sexual and platonic attraction at the same time.
Gosh, about being the "In between relationship person", sometimes I'm fine with that, but honestly I get so sad when people don't want to continue having a relationship with me when they find a new - when I have been open as a aromantic person with multiple relationships - that makes me feel less valuble then their new romantic relationship. How to deal with feeling less valuble?
I gotta thank you for this as someone who is also aro but not ace. I wanna figure out how to date and, y’know, other things, without hurting people.
I just binged basically your whole channel, and this video really opened my eyes to how I can date while being aromantic. I never thought you could detach dating from "romance", which has held me back as someone who is repulsed by romance. I am in the same camp as you where something like cuddling for me can be platonic or sexual, but never romantic. As soon as an action of mine is taken in a romantic way I involuntarily get the ick, bc I never want it to be taken in that way.
It's been confusing that I've wanted to date people that I like hanging out with, but then as soon as romantic affection or labels come into the picture, I want to wriggle out of my own skin. I've been the one to initiate every one of my relationships, and the one to end every one. (And usually end up in a more casual sexual relationship afterwards lol) Casual dating opened up my eyes to how I can approach dating in the future so that I don't waste time forcing myself to endure experiences that make me uncomfortable.
I relate to your videos a lot, thanks so much for putting this content out there!
So glad you found my videos helpful! I definitely noticed a lack of content around this topic and wishing I had some resources myself so I decided i would make some for others! Thanks so much for watching and leaving some love. Best of luck with your journey! ❤️
It's so confusing sometimes, but I appreciate hearing this from someone with experience. I'm still young but due to the pandemic and leaving high school, my friend pool diminished sufficiently, and now my best friend has caught feelings for me. It's so confusing because previously I still wasn't entirely sure of my identity, and then, after discussing things and being comfortable in my own lack of feelings, I thought I had wanted them sexually, but Im coming to realize that that's really not feasible without someone getting hurt. I want to continue being friends, but I don't want to feel broken because I keep being reminded that I'll never be able to be want he wants. As much as finding out my identity has been freeing, it also sucks sometimes trying to navigate around peoples feelings.
Happy to see this kinda content for Aros. As a borderline Aromantic I actually relate. I rarely crush on anyone, and even if I do it's very low-key. Also Asexual. I think I'd be fine with a mixed relationship (like Rose and Greg; Steven Universe, or Shu and Inori; Guilty Crown, or Anakin and Padme).
But most people aren't ok with a non-compromising asexual, let alone the lack in romantic attraction, even if it was an extension of platonic affection or happily done to make the other person happy. My first relationship was mixed, but I think what made me feel uncomfortable was that he didn't know, so it felt like a lie. Plus it's hard to find asexuals. Tho my chances do seem better there. 🤷♀️
i've been thinking about what i want in the future, different ways of living aromantically, and ooh, i'm intrigued by the idea of being the in-between gal. in general, more ideas and examples of ways we can live and be happy are so helpful, so thanks for making this content :)
Amazing idea! I think that will be my next video because there are definitely different ways to live as an aro both alone and with people and I’d love to speak on it! Thanks for the tip! Preciate you watching and commenting!
This also perfectly explains why I used to get psychopath insults as well. So sad.
Sadly have heard this before myself, you are not alone. ❤️
@@nikhampshire That totally sucks. You're a guy, so I can't relate because I'm a girl. I'm guessing girls who are aromantic, heterosexual get called sluts but I can't relate to that either. I'm aromantic demisexual and so I have a low body count. But also I don't pick guys who are in love with me or who slut shame women.
I've really enjoyed this video as I'm going through this reflection on this exact topic since my last relationship stopped because i wasn't falling in love and quiet sure it won't happen. I feel like understanding you are aro is long and complicated because everyone tells you that if you are not interested it's only that you didnt find the right person, that you need to see a therapist to understand why you can't have romantic relationships, that you have a heart of stone. All of this really hurt me and I was so sure something was wrong with me / broken within me. I've thought that being 100% lesbian and quitting being bisexual will solve all my problems and then I realized i was really happy being single since years. I've been in one relationship which was so bad because i couldnt express or feel (this kind of ) love while having to pretend i did. I want deep and light relationships, sometimes only platonics sometimes intimate but gosh i'm so happy to stop feeling like I'm missing the best thing on earth (how ? I feel allos arr suffering so much ). One thing though that kept me from labeling myself as aro is that I did fall in love but it only hurt and I have no will of being in a relationship with them. I just wanted to stop being in love and have a nice friendship and may be benefits with them.
Thanks so much for watching and sharing! It’s definitely a journey we all walk but hopefully you’re find what makes you happy and pursing that type of dynamic!
I recently came across the word aromantic, had never heard of such a thing. Romance is ....something I feel I process quite differently. I am an autistic female and I feel I dont really 'love'...the way ppl normally feel 'love'. I know I feel attraction but I never get past the point of forcing myself to 'like' them ....it's like liking the idea of dating but then not having or being be able to place yourself in that role. Then a vid about aromantic marriages popped up through my reddit stories. ...so here I am.
Welcome! Haha hope you find some of my videos helpful!
Hey, thanks for making this video! Ik its a bit old, but it just came up on my recommended, and it feels like it came at just the right time in my life. I'm also aromantic (or at least somewhere on the spectrum???) and I've recently been giving some thought to figuring out dating, since I think I would like to have a life partner, but I'm super intimidated by the idea of starting dating, since I'm somewhat late to the game and I feel really lost and like I'll have to figure things out alone. So stumbling across this video felt really nice; it's good to know that I won't be alone if I do choose to start dating, and that there are other aros out here who are figuring things out for themselves. I just really appreciate that you've shown that it absolutely is possible to be in a relationship as an aromantic person 💚🖤
Divine timing! Love that these videos I made years ago have been still helping people. Thanks so much for watching and sharing your experience! I appreciate you!
It was Awesome to find this channel.
I’m so happy I found this channel. Keep up the great work Nik. I finally found a community that I belong, thank you.
Ayyy! That’s what I’m here for! So happy you found it too! Thanks for leavin some love! I appreciate it so much 🙏🏽❤️
I'm a pansexual Demigreyromantic and I'm so so glad you're Making these videos. I'm so subscribing
Yes! Thanks so glad you’re diggin the videos and I appreciate the sub! ❤️
you know there are more in romantic spectrum and aromantic spectrum right? like 100 kinds
How do you explain you're an aromantic heterosexual guy without sounding like a creep/predator? It annoys me that people would think I don't respect women/see them as sex objects when people who know me know I'm not like that at all. It's frustrating and I wish I had been asexual instead.
It comes down to aroallo phobia in most people.
Tho it's different having desire for that type of affection and respecting boundaries vs preying on people.
Totally valid, and you should prolly avoid people who judge like that since they'd be stressful to be around anyway.
Maybe say you just don't desire romantic relationships, but that doesn't inherently make you hypersexual or shallow; it's just who you are. You can love platonically/non-romantically, so you're not cold or loveless.
Sorry ik this is an old comment, but I just wanted to tell you that you're valid and not a creep for your orientation or anything, incase you needed to hear it.
💚💚🤍💛💛(my attempt at an aroallo flag💀)
@@rallazarthemagnificent3765 I know I'm not a creep, I just fear people would see it that way as I'm a guy attracted to women only sexually and not romantically. I do desire a life partnership, I just don't want there to be an expectation of mutual romantic feelings as I'm romance repulsed. Finding someone to have that with will be hard due to my introversion and love of solitude.
I care about sex, but it's not all I care about; I value some aspects of a romantic relationship. But I never have romantic interest in people and can't really understand what that is like.
I'm kind of the same.I'm an aromantic asexual with a libido so basically I only want girls for their body
Hey i really liked your advices but do you have any tips for dating as an aro allo teen? Cus i'd like to date with people but like i don't know how to start doing anything that could end up as a casual relationship cus they'd catch feelings way too early. And i don't think dating sites are safe for minors so i'd skip that.
I hope you can help
wowwww i needed this. wow i needed this so much. thank you for being so chill in this video and talking about your experience so genuinely - from the future, it has been so healing to hear i'm not alone
ok this is awkward my partner has come out as aromantic not asexual been together 13 years im struggling with this any info anywhere for support for people like me
You lay stuff on a bit to hard for me ie. when you said "all allo relationships end" (and this might just be to hard for me bc I've have rare romantic attraction and have little experience with relationships) but you seem to be helping a lot of other people who are trying to learn and are giving a lot of helpful info and experiences so thank you!!!!
Another thing is aesthetic attraction (meaning attraction to the style or personality of a person) can add to a relationship. You have something to appreciate and gush about relating to your partner that isn't neccarley romantic or sexual and it can add a new depth to a relationship (not required for any kind of relationship but still a neat feeling)
I didn’t mean every allo relationships breakup I was speaking hyperbolically/joking which I clarified to make sure people didn’t take time seriously. I just meant how many allo people date one person ever their entire life? Most people go through a number of partners before finding someone they’re gonna settle down with for life so statistically speaking when you meet someone (especially in your younger years) anyone getting into a relationship is FAAAAR more likely to break up at some point than they are to get married and last forever. I was not seriously trying to say romantic relationships never last by any means.
Thank you for watching tho and sharing some insight on how the video made you feel. My intention is never to alienate or belittle anyone regardless of where you fall on whatever spectrum (even the allos haha).
@@nikhampshire ohhhhhh, ok. Sorry, I read that wrong XD. But yes that does make more sense with ppl being younger and with how much ppl change or break up with partners. Happy to share my thoughts and I glad your intent isn't to alienate anyone Thx for clearing it up ad sorry for the misunderstanding XD.
Aesthetic attraction is definitely a thing. I had a heteroromantic asexual partner who did not have romantic feelings for me. He did not even have sexual feelings for me. But I wasn't ugly to him. He said I was cute. He wouldn't be able to sleep with a girl that was ugly. And he had strong platonic feelings for me. So ya ... aesthetic attraction is a factor.
Don't forget emotional, alterous and sensual attraction!
i just hope that straight fboys not going to use aro as a excuse
Definitely can see this being an issue as the term become more popular which is sadly a reality we’ll likely need to deal with. But I think people will always see assholes for who they are regardless if they’re claiming to be aro or not lol. Even aros can be assholes of course haha. Thanks for watching and the comment!
Thank you Nik! Your video helped me to understand I am Aro and while this specific term doesn’t fully apply to me, because I still experience some romantic attraction it just fades as I grow closer to that person until it stops completely, it was shockingly close😇
A term that fits me more closely is Fray-Romantic
I'm so attractive to you because you just described my ideal relationship. I'm a new subscriber and new to the term aromantic but I've always felt that even my teenage to young adult days. Thank you for creating content like this
Always love so much when someone finds my page and finds it helpful and helps folks feel seen! Thanks so much for taking time to leave some love! Hope you find what you’re looking for!
I was a little surprised to hear that you like to cuddle, as I think of it as being a" romantic" activity. I always wonder what people mean by "romantic" exactly, as the official definition is rather loose. I'd be interested to hear your personal definition, and also what you like about cuddling, with a friend or sexual partner, that isn't romantic. (I'm demisexual myself.)
Been binge watching your videos. You seem like you'd be a really amazing and fun friend.
Honestly I’m surprised I like cuddling too, but I do enjoy it and I’m thankful for that. Its not something that strikes me as particularly intimate. I’d do it with female friends that I wasn’t sexually interested in. It just isn’t linked to romance for me for some reason. I like the warmth of another person and feeling embraced (I’m a hugger haha) I dont really have a good definition of what “romance” is as I dont feel it. as you said, its a loose understanding that’s sort of different from person to person. To me it just feels like some extra level of infatuation/obsession/interest that I see most others experience for partners and instances where I feel like I SHOULD be experiencing that, I dont, and when I feel like someone is experiencing that towards me, or is expecting me to feel that way towards them and I’m repulsed.
Thanks so much for watching all the vids! Hope you’re enjoying them! Thank you for the kind words too
@@nikhampshire Your description of romance almost sounds like "attachment".
I had a bearded dragon in my care for several months once, and she loved to cuddle for the same reason, a warm body to snuggly against, and a sheltering feeling. Maybe aros are like the lizards or reptiles of the romantic/sexual spectrum. 😆 Thanks for responding!
@@jbates725 but I’m attached to my friends very dearly and have no problem with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ romance seems different. Unique from other attachments in some way and often exclusionary which are all things I don’t connect with
I'm aromantic and I like cuddling and kissing and affectionate talk. I don't like eye contact though
@@jbates725 I can experience attachment to guys I have sex with and still be aromantic. I also get attachment feelings to my friends and family members. I can also feel rejected by guys. But it's not heartbreak. It's ego bruise and having my self-worth feel invalidated.
6:46 YO YOURE KILLING ME
tysm for introducing and talking about the concept of casual dating!
Doing the best I can! Glad you watched and connected to it! ❤️
So... I just talked to the person I love and have been in love with for a good 8 months (he knows) and he said that he might be aro.
Thanks for this video I really appreciate it and well, I'm having certain doubts and surely need to talk to someone about it, but I'll get there haha
Thanks
Honestly, this is really helpful. Thanks for making it.
Alex Vellis so glad its helpful! thanks so much for watching and commenting ❤️ def check out the other videos on my channel and subscribe if you’re lookin yo see more! Got more videos coming soon! 🙌🏽
low key creepy how im aro but not ace and i never looked up anything aro related but got this in my rec
Your FBI agent is paying closer attention haha
As a female aromantic demi-heterosexual, I can't sleep around a lot. I get post-sex depression and I get self-worth validation and ego bruise issues if the other guy doesn't care about me. Also, I'm demi-heterosexual. I need that deep bond. But ya ... I just want to have sex with my male best friends. I feel like that's not too much to ask lol.
Damn as an Aro this is really good shit. Thank you!
Communication is helpful. Cool vid!
Can I still be aro while being a teen? I’m going to be in high school and I’m afraid my future friend group will exclude me because I identify this way. I also don’t want to date/feel like I have to be forced in that certain role. I also don’t want to feel like the odd one out.
its so confusing cause i only like hookups when the person likes me romantically but when they dont, like they want the same thing as me i feel like an object, a piece of meat. I dont know what to do with this information if i am aro cause then does that mean i will only date for sex?
What if I wasn't aromantic 5 years ago, but I realized this week I am aro. Is that possible? I have been dating for 11 months now and realized I haven't felt romantic in this realitionship at all.
I too as Aro get pretty pissed when I see some alos put relationships first and friendships, not even second but, third or fourth. It's annoying.
i like ur vibes so much what’s ur zodiac sign
Aww thanks! I’m a Libra!
Hmm, may have to try. As a fellow aromantic that's not asexual I've mostly held to friends with benefits sorta relationships. Appreciation for your communication, I also follow those rules.
Yes communication is key for sure. And I mostly stick to friend with benefits stuff too. I recently met an aro woman who I hit it off with tho and we’ve entered into a queer platonic relationship that’s working out p good so far! Its basically still friends with bens just a bit more regular I guess lol. We basically just laid out what are dislikes or boundaries are and make sure not to cross them (thankfully we’re both incredibly similar so neither of us really wants another the other cant provide). Everything’s been goin so well we actually have to periodically remind eachother that we are NOT in love with the other person 🤣 thanks for watching and commenting
For me, it's extremely difficult because I'm an aromatic Asexual with a libido.So I only am interested in people for their body
i’m also the in between dude for alloromantics 🤣
Hazy Does haha not a bad place to be at all 🤣
Maybe I'll get here. I'm currently sick of giving my time and energy to people who within a few months are gonna do a 180 and or act crazy and then we never talk again 😑
“New” aro here! Im a bit overwhelmed with everything that I finally put together about myself! Any advice? like people that are going through the same, discord servers, anything at this point ahahhha thank youuuu
What an absolute chad!
I told my ex that I wished they had a main partner and I just got to hang out with them and be in their life. Clearly aromantic!
I feel you!
Do you think someone can become aromantic? I feel like I relate. And aspects of me feel like they’ve always been on the “spectrum,” but I feel like life experiences have “turned” me fully in to this mindset.
I feel the same. One relationship in 1997 head over heels in love. Heartbroken. Never been in love since. However, trauma, depression, illness so perhaps those are my triggers.
Aromanticism isn't a mindset, it's an orientation.
This is so helpful!!!
I didn't go past 7 minutes but I'm curious about how you define romantic attraction. There are people who would perceive cuddling as 'romantic', for example (cuddling and kissing can both be affectionate or sexual for me, although tongue kissing isn't something I would want to do with someone I wasn't sexually interested in I could cuddle with or non-tongue kiss a cat or a dog). Why call it a date if you wouldn't call socializing with a platonic friend you weren't attracted to a 'date' (this isn't a critique. I think I understand the concept of sexual dating more than I did when I first heard another self-described aromantic person say they were still interested in dating since most people will still see sex as social activity and want some kind of an emotional connection with their partner). Sexual attraction means something clear to me - an instinctive desire to be sexually or in some way physically intimate with another person as an end in itself (rather than as an expression of affection). I think I could conceptually understand that even if I had never felt sexual attraction. What exactly is 'romance' to you?
To go back to my point about dating, the concept (like marriage) may have evolved but my understanding had always been that the traditional point of dating is to evaluate someone's potential as a long-term partner. I won't say that 'non-romantic' dating doesn't make sense to me anymore though (although frankly I'm not sure the concept of romance as something other than physical attraction + affection is really meaningful to begin with). Like you (I assume) I'm not interested in a committed monogamous relationship and I'm not really interested in socializing or interacting with real life people but I don't consider myself to be 'aromantic' by orientation.
LMFAO @ Bert & Ernie
As an aromantic person, I think shouldn't society eventually develop a system of communication where one doesn't have to go through the traditional steps of dating to get to the sex part? Like, if I o to a shop to buy something, I don't try to flirt with the shopkeeper, try to impress the shopkeeper and hope that he or she is impressed by me and finally allows me to take the products from the shop. No, it's purely transactional. I pay money and I get the product from the shop. I don't have to try to "date" with the shopkeeper. So, it would be great if as a society we can develop such lines of communication between two adults. Right now, such things are termed as prostitution. And I am certainly not supporting forced prostitution. But if two adults are looking for just sex and nothing else, they should be able to do that and move on without judgement and being labelled as "whores" or "prostitutes" in a derogatory manner.
I wish I could say that Im Aromantic without being gaslighted for being a duch who just wan't to use women for sex.
dating is hard for me already, so with the baggage of not wanting to commit I feel its close to impossible.
I guess im doomed to have an almost sexless life because im aro. I tried to be more positive and put myself out there like everyone says but it only came with disappointments so now Im depressed. I so fucking wish I was Aro and Ace as well.
Sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. I would try setting dating profiles to casual settings or seek out poly folks. I know ok Cupid allows you do to that and almost anyone I’ve ever matched with on there is totally open to dating on terms that are ok for me. Don’t give up! Keep trying! There’s people out there for you ❤️
@@nikhampshire I tried apps and got almost no matchs, and I set my profile to poly stating im more interesting to in the secondary relationships.
now im trying to get involved more in poly and other queer comunities in hope to find potantial partners that are more understanding (and some friends as well), i hope it will increase my chances. :)
thanks for the comment
Update, Im poly now and Im 80% better!
I discovered the term "solo poly" which mean a poly person that is not willing to be in a main or too intense relationship - and it basically fit aroallos like a glove!
+ Ive got to meet alot of amazing ppl in the community, they are all very sexual and kinky and their helping me being more connected, honest and confident about this side of myself as well :)
so for the first time this year, I feel complete and cool with my aromanticism!
Not only I’m aromantic and also asexual ! And plus, I have a logic mind so flirting was, is and will never gonna work for me ! So goodbye 👋
✌️
Im an aro allo person who is intrested in a long term relationship and ive been dating an alloromantic preson for 2 years it used to be complaited but now its less so
That’s awesome! Thanks for sharing! Could you elaborate on what made it complicated and why it’s easier now if you’re up for sharing? If not no worries!
I am a lot like you. I enjoy sex but I don't get romantic until I am satisfied physically. If I start to talk about carriage rides and buy them little gifts, that means I am getting my back put out good.
If they pull the sex rug out from underneath me, that's often the end. I know its strange for someone assigned female at birth, but it's my style. I don't know how else to put it.
One guy asked “are you still aro I want to give you a try?” 🤦🏾♀️ we ended up being fwb but now we’re friends but I felt me being on and off messed us up.
Nice video !
lobotomate ploutocrate thanks yo! Thanks for watching! 🙌🏽
This is all so confusing.
I thought I was aro but what you're saying is completely different from my experience.
I want to have commitment and to be exclusive with a partner.
Is that still aro or something else?
No
@@shaywillinghamit can still be Aromantic, aromanticism is just feeling little to no romantic attraction.
Can you feel love or say I love you/ receive it if your aromatic?
Yes but not romantically. I’m never lN love with anyone. I love my friends and family and tell them all the time!
I've told my FWB I loved him. But it wasn't a romantic love. It was a selfless, unconditional love cause he was my best friend. We are still friends but not FWB anymore.
"What is love"
Baby dont hurt me
Don't hurt me,
Do you dislike to have deep conversations with people and be vulnerable? Do you dislike to open up to someone and talk about your vulnerabilities? and when you do, how do you feel afterwards? Do you feel more connected to the person? or not?
Not at all. I love deep conversations and I’m more or less an open book about any thought I’m feeling any given time be it close friend, family or stranger. I do sometimes feel closer with those I share such things with. Depends on the person and context of the situation and how often we talk after and what they might have shared about themselves too.
@@nikhampshire thank you for your answer. I'm dating someone who is asexual and aromantic and she says that she doesn't like to have these deep conversations and open up to people about vulnerable topics. I was wondering if it's a characteristic she has or if it's a common thing more aromatic people experience?
@@michellepedersen3422 everyone is different but that doesn’t seem related to being aro imo. Seems just a personal preference situation. But I can’t say definitively of course. Hope y’all can sort through it!
Hold on man. I need tips cause for whatever reason I feel like I am obligated to be romantic because most women are alloromantic.
It's so easy for a heterosexual male who is romantic to be seen as a dog or a sexual predator.
I feel like no women think like I do or will understand. So I just don't date but this was before I found out there was a word to describe my orientation. So I had no way to describe it without appearing unethical.
I thought I was MGTOW or something.
The best option is to just be direct about it. How do most people respond?
I feel like I might be somewhere on the aro spectrum but at the same time I don't think I can really tell the difference between romantic attraction and platonic. And whenever I try to look up resources and such it's mostly just aro-ace as if they're exclusive which makes it harder for me understand what I'm feeling
Ya. I think I can feel platonic + sexual attraction for guys. Not romantic. And I'm a girl.
I often had to end a friendship because he fell for me ... :/
i want the relationship but I don't think I can feel.
Ah yes.
*Casual dating*
0:16 IM WEAK 😂