The Hard Truth About Dating in France
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- Опубліковано 1 сер 2024
- This week I sit down with Alice from France who runs a commentary style channel, focusing on relationships, society and feminism. We talk about the dating scene in France, the issue with dating and relationships of today, and where we are heading as a society.
Alice's IG: / alicecappelle_
Alice's UA-cam: / @alicecappelle
Each week I will interview guests from all around the world on the topics of culture, connection and of course, dating. The goal is to go as deep as possible and to really understand where we all come from and how much culture influences our life.
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So why interview a French woman in a relationship about dating? She has not been on the dating scene for a while, she does not have first-hand experience. At least, interview a single woman who is trying to date, ugh
I'm very surprised to hear what she says about cheating. I lived my whole life in France, near Paris. I never, never met a single french that thinks cheating is ok, or is tolerated.
Yes, we know it happens. Yes, we admit there can have reasons why someone may come to this... but cheating is still a betrayal.
Either Paris is different, or is it the community she lives in which is different, but no, it's not like cheating is tolerated in France as a general consensus at all.
You are surprised because she is talking shit. I quit France years ago, I noticed that when French start talking wirh foreigners, they tend to exaggerate everything. It s crazy. Anyway, I always struggle to get women in France however when they were interested they would naturally commit to a relationship. It could last a week, a month, a year, ten years... who knows. In the UK, I multiplied my bodycount by x10 without efforts. Anglo-saxon dating is easy. It is very superficial, if you take care of yourself and can do small talk, it is easy to pick up women but they won't commit easily. Dating in the UK/US means open relationship until there is commitment, but you can't commit at the beginning..!! So for weeks or months, it is about sleeping around until you find your fit.
Brought a great point about the expectations & flaking, my perspective in how I date is to who would I do the labor of love. There is definitely a culture phenomenon on the ghosting. For me, the few times I ghosted/left when I begin to realize I’m wasting my time. Great conversation!!
Alice is an insightful creator, her videos and views on sociology are valid
"Valid" such high praise 😂
Alice has some great things to say!
Sometimes as a man not fully pleased with the patriarchy and a bit scared by (pseudo) feminism I find Alice content a bit triggering but insanely spot-on on all of these topics. I am pleased there is at least a person talking about this stuff that doesn’t come off as batshit crazy nor pandering to a male audience. People like her are what we need to change things for the better (and this podcast too).
In a world of instant gratification, everybody loses. FOMO, constantly discarding the "now" to "monkey branch" to a future that must be "better" on and on until the clock runs out. Selfishness is not the ultimate good. A good start would be to opt out of all social media and get back to the real world.
Great convo!
Hello, Thanks for the video.
Surprisingly i discovered by dating japanese that sadly cheating happens a lot there with mistresses etc and many dont even consider prostitution as cheating
I was shocked
People have such delusions about Japanese men and women.
If flirting's not cheating, then what's cheating ?
What happened in the Czech Republic?
Repeated similar bad experiences lead people to labeling others. There's a modicum of truth in it.
Absolutely. People are so quick to label other people and red flags can be so randomly triggered.
Cheating should never be tolerated, its absolutely not a latin thing that is completely ridiculous and I come from a latin culture myself but this is just an a societal acceptance for this country not a cultural thing. It is absolutely questional more that people really should really evaluate. I don't think anyone should normalize it.
No
From experience I am going to disagree with you. I did a lot of work in California and New Mexico. The only guys i know who cheated and got caught and there girl stayed with them were Latinos. Not only that they brag about how many times they got caught cheating and are still married. Most likely a lot of it is lies but that is a weird thing to brag about.
I think polyamory makes sense
Well, that is why polyamory should be a point in which both must be straightforward and BRUTALLY HONEST WITH EACHOTHER.
Where are you from? Because as a person from the "Latin world" flirting and infidelity is definitely a big, existing, cultural phenomenon. Like even platonic flirting is totally normal and invited. I blame it on our very communal and social society.
Thank you for video ❤listeting to this i am so happy i am married 😂thank god😂
😂
God*
Guys try but they are shot down.Two girls didn't even tell their name. one was tryna make eye contact after not telling her name. Still looking back and back again.one was even in my class.
I felt the issue was in India only but after this video it seems as universal problem
What do you mean - being flaky?
I'm very committed - to non-committment.😮
The point about being flakey is well put! I'm one of the people who is flaky too, and I put it down to a lack of clear transition to adulthood. I never understood what responsibility means, so I don't feel responsible for anyone else except myself. I'm not even sure if this is an ok mindset to have. Eventually though a total breakdown of marriage will lead to pockets of absolute isolation and total liberation, some level of extroversion will be required to be functional. I think we need to radically shift the way babies are born and raised in order to correct this issue as well. Here is my ideal life- I don't marry anyone ever, I want to have children but they are raised by a service where I and my partner meet them at my convenience, all obligations of child raising are taken up by specialty nannies at these services which i pay for (because i still want to pass on my genes). But what happens when I'm old? I hit 60, and then the dating scene ends, I have nobody. Gosh i'm confused.
You must know how immature that sounds. Thats like i want to have a stable job get a salary but i decide when i want to go in and i would have people doing my work instead of me. Which if your the owner of your own company you can do but thats years of nonstop work, networking and a lot of luck, not a path for a lazy, comfort centric person.
Life is full of choices with upsides and downsides, and wanting to not choose and trying to have your cake and eat it is the definition of an immature child. I and other people who made a choice would not pay a penny in taxes for people to stay children. :D
If i were you id wake up and try to force myself to grow up.
Why do you want children if you don't want to raise them?😂
You should change your youtube name to emotionaloperator:D
Because i'm not mature enough, and i only like the idea of things.@@no.6377
That really sounds like immature.. you want to have children but you let other to raise them by paying them. You’ll end up not being a good gather.
Commitments freak me out
Then the architects of consumer society already got you in the bag. Allways change allways new = a life long costumer who will allways buy our shit as long as he/she thinks its the next best thing to change their lives. If you ask me thats way more freaky.
That's a litrle sad
Check out the song "My Prerogative" by Bobby Brown. It suits you down to the ground.
@@toomuchinformation you enjoy the song :)
@@tintintin534 I already have......
Idk we try on all we can the one who are superior too in some way. Its just women don't want to date anyone less superior from them financially or acamedically.
Then level up. Find a way to do it.
@@amdonut8091 leveling up keeps happening over lifetime.its just some women think they are the prize and stuff when they are just normal like anyone else.
Because they are. Men do SO much better with a gf/wife in their lives.
They benefit emotionally, financially, domestically, married men receive more social status (and money).
In fact women help extend men's life expectancy.
Men recover from serious illnesses far more quickly when they're married.
Women, however are more likely to be LEFT by their husband if they get a serious illness.
So you better believe they're the prize and pay up.
@@toomuchinformation lol who gets dumped more?
@@amdonut8091 Toxic nonsense, are you a woman by any chance? The world doesn't work for men like that. How can men "level up" in a world where there are not enough good jobs to go around, society has become a Ponzi scheme where those that have enough can never fail and those not born into some wealth and security can never win. Women want a man that has many women chasing after him and considered "high status" and reject/look down on men who are struggling to meet girls/women or considered "low status", therefore creating a vicious cycle where most guys almost have no choice (which is why most are single!) as its a "hiring staff, must have 3 years experience" scenario - how can someone start working if every job requires years of experience? It's not possible, and that's the state of a large section of the dating pool. Plus a lot of women are throwing themselves at a tiny fraction of men (deemed "high status" with personalities of dog sht), who spoilt for choice, simply get used to using, abusing and discarding women on a regular basis, these women then go online and complain that men are toxic, lying, abusive, emotionally unavailable, cheating narcissists... but that's just the small % they are selecting. You are simply disregarding all the real problems people face in modern dating most likely because you simply got lucky and didn't have to bear the brunt of the problem
Very telling that she talks about internalized misogyny and stereotypes (28:30) as on her channel she has a video about passport bros where she criticises the men but gives zero agency to the woman. Everything wrong with the mixed race relationship was purely the fault of the men (They only find western men attractive due to historical power dynamics and whiteness) and the women were nothing more than pretty wallflowers.
I found it quite strange that a feminist would have these feelings towards other women, but her comments on this video show it wasn't a one off.
Interesting guest.
She didn't talk about those women from the lens of internalised misogyny because the video was about passport bros not about those women. It would also be quite a take for a white western woman to go around critiquing how poor women in underdeveloped countries live their lives wouldn't it?
Yes, they have agency, yes they're have a choice. But their choices are far more limited. Hence why she didn't spend time on it. When you say she gives zero agency to them what is she supposed to say? This "agency critique" of feminist critique is old, tired, and just bad faith to be honest.
She didn't critique the women, because they're not the delusional ones. They KNOW that they are making a material transaction in marrying a Western man. The Western men are the ones who think they are getting True Love and Real Respect from their new wives
Men are attracted to women in these countries because they espouse traditional gender roles AND they are poorer and want economic security for themselves and their (extended) family.
How is it the fault of the men if the women find them attractive because of historical power dynamics rooted in Whiteness/being a Westerner.
The men are attracted to these women precisely for this reason. They NEED them more and so (in their eyes) are less likely to leave.
You guys just have unrealistic standards make em lil normal
The hard truth about dating in *Country*
The more I learn about dating cultures in various countries, the more I am sure that the only adequate place is Northern Europe (and a few countries like Germany that are culturally and geographically close).
Lol really? For me nordic countries are a big red flag. Physical intimacy without emotional intimacy.....serial dating one after the other.....very superficial value system (posessions and nesting are big)...........emotionally constipated cultures.
@@jeanjacqueslundi3502 I agree, I have lived in both Denmark and Sweden. Its a shame because there is so much potential there; well educated, beautiful women, cosmopolitan, down to earth, etc..
@@jeanjacqueslundi3502 it's the same in france tho
@@hunterthompson6737 I'm not french.
It's funny how she mentions going back to domesticity/becoming a housewife as if it's this really dark and dangerous path of life to take. And being a housewife is only as isolating as u let it be. If u don't have kids u have tons of free time to do ur hobbies and/or meet with friends/relatives. If u have kids u should be happy to be so involved in their lives and what kind of people they become. You build a much stronger bond with them and it is u who gets to decide how they are raised and not some stranger who babysits them or takes care of them in some kind of kindergarden facility (sorry idk what is the name in english). This also makes the kids receive significantly less attention than they need in these early stages of their life which causes them to seek more attention later on. Most father's biggest regret btw is that they never got to spend enough time with their kids because they were too busy working.
When it comes to women and their role in society keep in mind that men's role is ONLY seen as a provider because if we are being honest the vast majority of women would not want a stay at home dad. If a man has no job he is of no use for the society. So women at least have one extra option that is socially acceptable (that of a housewife). If u want to be neither a housewife nor a boss bitch u can just get a regular job and have a stranger as ur boss ordering u around which imho sounds like the worst option considering ur neither strong/independent/rich nor do u live a less stressful and more rewarding life as a housewife.
Society needs its members to contribute to it otherwise it starts crumbling. Making friends, doing ur hobbies and whatever makes u happy while great is something u do strictly for yourself and it does not contribute to the society. If it did it would be viable for everyone to just do their thing instead of working. No society would function like that.
@kylesavage4525 No.
Ooof. Complicated.
Don't worry so much about the "contribution to society." There are many ways to contribute beyond employment, and even employment balances itself. (unless it's a society crippled by a planned economy (e.g., USSR) - those are doomed).
A 56:36 French thing
Alice def sounds like shes cheated in the past
What stats? From what study? The girl makes wrong life choices on who she decided to date and all by magic everyone is flaky.
Dating in France: french girl just care about hairline
so they date the Mediterranean men?
@@phillipanselmo8540 if they have a perfect hairline
So do talking to French people allways feel like your getting a lecture on the patriarchy at a liberal arts college?:D
1:13:40 she lost me at make friends. yes it is cool to have friends but that is just displacing your happiness to depend on whos around you to pump you up where as you should be pumping up yourself and attract friends. not seek them all desperate.
Pumping yourself up just makes you look arrogant. How in the world is focusing on yourself going to train you to get friends when yourself is all you care about?
I think its a balance, and it doesnt make you desperate if you want friends.
I feel like this ultra selfish nature is the most damaging thing about people.
of course French should be white
This video was only interesting in parts; most of video was about culture differences and not much about dating.
There’s not much to say when you have been on few dates. This seems to be the case with the people in this conversation.
She is the problem
What do you mean?
@@en2336 she is the objective to happiness w a partner
29:11
Alice claims that men are looking for fragile women because they want to feel superior? Not only false but way wierd bizarre take.
So for example while I do see being petite an added bonus because there is something femine about it, I don't see that as something that makes me superior and thus her inferior. I also certainly don't feel Feeling superior to a woman has absolutely no bearing on how attracted I am to her.
Her brain has been destroyed by feminism, I unsubscribed to her. At first, I felt she might be a real thinker but I was wrong. She is anti-male to the core.
In a place with strong patriarchy, I am not surprised that people like she mentions, exists. I'm a Brit in France and for sure I've been looked down on by many man like it's 1950s and I should just shut up and serve.