A friend of mine always just called when she needed something. She used me as her therapist and wasn’t there for me. It was always about her. I cut her off.
yess good for you! Happy to hear you are doing a positive change even though it`s painful. Growth is supposed to be difficult because we need to face the truth head on. Proud of you, you`re strong!!
This is the same thing that happened to me! She literally said "I know I treat you like an agony aunt but I don't care" and since I knew I had to end things with her, and I did
I've never been able to accept this statement because it's happening to me, but it's true. I don't understand why "friends" want to keep their "friends" in a stagnant place in life. I want the best for the people I love and to see them FLOURISH! But, many don't. It makes me so upset...
@@thegabbcorner Soooo true I am experiencing this now I think it is gods way of telling you it is time for a new chapter in your life I have also realised how much energy they take from me when I could of used that for reaching my goals instead.
This is soooo true! He is my friend, but it’s always been more than a friendship. I’ve been feeling like we are growing apart for the last couple of months. We talk everyday. It’s so hard.
It is the worst, my best friend of 20 years only calls me when she wants something so I started saying now. I noticed she didn't respect my time and was extremely flaky. She eventually stopped talking to me. I'm heart broken but happy I got to see who she really is.
@@fabulousfab3107 I know what is it so I feel for you. Beyond the absence the saddest part is realizing they were never our friends in the first place, just some wounded codependent people who never loved us for us. You'll get better, focus on you
Ehhh it depends I never cried over my “friends” and I have been in a “friendship” with most of them for about 5-10 years I have more anger against them for what they did to cause me to cut them off, I only cried over one guy that I lost my v-card to but I also never cried over other guys that used me for sex or whatever I feel like once I find out that you’re lying to me and doing fake sh*t behind my back ( this was my experience with friendships and 2 guys I was seeing) I just cut you off but I will give you a chance to tell me and come clean but if you can’t I’m done with you
Honestly, I’m done trying to make things work with people.... I moved to a whole new country and now I am very picky with who I spend my time with. I don’t use the word “friend” too loosely either.
I came to realise that too💯 we use the word friend loosely but it doesn't always apply to the relation we're dealing with. Some folks are just acquaintance in the way they move but we call them friends🙅🏾♀️ I remember watching Cassandra Mack video about putting people in their proper lane to avoid confusion and disapointment 👉🏾 ua-cam.com/video/pYNW2-5FXgA/v-deo.html Breeny spoke facts too💯
I agree, women aren’t as committed to their friendships as they are to their “relationships”. As we say in my friends’ circle, “oh, you’re one of those.” Authentic friendships are essential & healthy.
Agree. I also believe this generally is the case because in serious relationships or where there are children involved it will significantly effect individuals MORE (good or bad) in the long term than in friendship breakups. There are more life changing decisions in romantic relationships which in friendships are more flexible (eg. where you live, how you raise kids, even your job may effect your romantic relationship - your friends will support you regardless because the relationship is more flexible)
I just don't care anymore. Some friendships are too expensive -(mentally and emotionally)- and the way my bank account is set up, I ain't gone be able to do it!
this is a result of patriarchy and the threat inherent in not pleasing men. so many women spend all their energy trying to get cookies from boys. sometimes women are doing what they have to do to get by. been there, and i guess it. but sometimes it's by choice and it's pathetic, and sometimes i just stare at them with my mouth open. my own ex bestie type gal sold out our relationship for a loser and got surly and dismissive when i openly brought up some ways she was treating me poorly. guess whose contact i started ignoring. she lost the best, strongest, most intelligent, most accomplished person in her life. now i have more time for my own projects and it's paying off.
Happened to me my 11 year friendship ended because me and her guy had one big argument and our friendship was done she let him disrespect in front of her with personal info she told him about me. Yeah it happens
Honestly, I wouldn’t even trip because you’d also choose your man. A friend isn’t telling you sweet nothings and cuddling with you. Just cherish the time y’all had together and move on.
I just went ghost/radio silent. Didn’t feel like explaining the reason why when it was way too obvious! Energy wasn’t being reciprocated, didn’t share the same interest anymore etc.
Lol I’ve ghosted friends who were always “too busy” or who cancel at the last second! Ion play! I cut them off silently...no explanations nor warning. I do this after they do that to me 3 times then I’m gone. Then they wanna come back and beg to hang out🙄, creep your stories, etc. I’m like NEXT! I’ve always been comfortable alone but I’m kind to everyone and open to friendships. But you WILL get treated how you treat me!
@@unlovebreather As I wrote, "I do this after they do that to me 3 times then I’m gone. " That means I did bring it up to them yet they repeated the same actions. People aren't dumb, they know exactly what they're doing. And I know they feel guilty cuz they try to come back and apologize. By then, I no longer care. You teach people how to treat you. I put RESPECT OVER LOVE.
@@unlovebreather for me sometimes people know what they’ve done without even saying anything. I had one friend who kept canceling plans on me literally 30 min to an hr beforehand. My last straw was me sitting in the restaurant for 30 minutes by myself waiting on her. She got ghosted after that. The other one kept draining me with her unhappiness. When I told her I had COVID she wasn’t even empathetic let alone sympathetic all she said was “for real?” Then proceeded to say I’m trying to call these people about my student loans. I said just handle your business and hung up. Yeah she got blocked right after that.
Update: She has worked on herself and she has transformed. It took a year, but everything happens for a reason. I had a friend that used me as her therapist after she had a child and got back with her man. She never reached out to me again, but she still talks to her other friends. Women will ghost their friends, but give a guy a thousand chances. I tried to reach out, but people rather ghost. It taught me to appreciate my friends and allow new people in.
Yep I had a friend that kept calling me about her abusive baby daddy. The last time I dropped my work to go pick her and her kids up, and moved them into my house. I missed a lot of money that day, being a supportive friend. Only for her to be sneaking in my closet talking to him 2 days later. I told her straight up, “WHEN YU GO BACK TO HIM, HE NEEDS TO COME PICK YU AND YOUR THINGS UP BECAUSE IM NOT WASTING NO MORE OF MY ENERGY ON YOUR BABY DADDY DRAMA IF YOU’RE JUST GOING TO GO BACK TO HIM.” Well she accused me of being a bad friend. She went back to him then blocked me.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve been through the same thing. Keep holding to your standards and the friends who keep them are the ones who see your value and actually care! They’re out there. 🤍
I've just cut off 2 of my closest friends because they acted so strangely after I shared a career achievement. I cried straight after because I expected a positive reponse from such friends who I genuinely thought cared for me. Here's to growing alone!
When I started working towards my goals my “friends” started acting flaky. I asked for their support. Never heard from certain people again. Yet I was there for them.
Yup! This happened to me too, I got a new job that pays more, bought a new car before I started my new job and my one so called friend had the nerve to question me on what I bought a new car. She said why did you buy that car? I though you did not want a car payment? What made you change your mind? I though I was in an interrogation room. I cut her crazy ass off. Mind you I am 35 and married. She is 51 and has been engaged for 6 years, Her fiancé has no plans on marrying her, she lives in a 2 bedrooms apartment, works part time and blows her whole paycheck on clothes and home furnishings than cries when she has no money until her next paycheck.
when i became a frontwoman musician after high school, all the guys who liked to try and cut me down.. mostly guys who were mad that i wasn't interested in them... went SILENT on social media. they needed all attention to be on themselves just for being obnoxious, and when a *woman* outshined them? oh boy, lol. they couldn't bare it and pretended they couldn't see or hear a thing about me. hehe. nice try, dudes. too obvious.
I used to be afraid of losing friends but as I matured I realized I don’t have to keep all of them-particularly the ones who do not respect me, the ones who do not value my friendship as much as I do theirs.
I agree that woman are more committed to a man than her friendships, depending on the woman of course. I’ve noticed when she is more independent and has her own life you can see that she also makes time for her friends but the ones that are more dependent on a man to make them happy get lost in that relationship and forgot about having a life on their own with friends and other hobbies. I’ve had a few of those “friends” that only talk to you when they are single and heartbroken. Nah sis 👋🏻
exactly!!!!!! omg, u read my mind yooo!!!! lol I just cut off a so-called friend it's like she barely talks to me anymore, yet when this new dude in her life it's oh I learned so much from him and this and that, yet when she was single we were talking everyday id literally check on her every day to see how she's doing and she just read my messages and not respond but be up under a man's ass all day.
Man, look. I cut people off without hesitation. I’m my best counselor and warrior at the end of the day so if somebody gets left behind, I’m just gon keep moving forward. Friendship is conditional. Once the “contract” is breached or up, it’s stuck.
Two very important lessons I learned in my 20s. 1. Do not become your friends' therapist because their sadness will become your sadness. Help them find professional help (therapy) or suggest other methods for them to alleviate stress. 2. Do not try to be the mediator in friend groups. I tried to help two of my friends get along again and all it brought was more drama and headaches. If two people want to be friends again, they'll talk it out on their own time. NEVERRRR FORCE PPL TO TALK AGAIN.
pro help is bs. the whole industry is set up to control us, not help us. it's good to hear out your friends in their hard times instead of pawning that off on some stranger they have to pay to listen. that said, don't enable them by sticking around if they keep fu c k i ng themselves over and expecting you to come running.
I ended a close friendship with no explanation - cold turkey. Thats because I found out the person was talking about me behind my back during a painful period. I thought they were my close friend as we did so much together and when I found out about what they were doing. I could not even bring myself to confront them. I just cut them off.
WORK ON YOU! Put yourself first, everyone else is. Tough pill to swallow! I’m always the one that’s there for my friendships, I listen to their problems and am just there for them. When I have something come up....silence. I’ve also noticed when I started bettering myself and chasing my dreams they kind of ghosted. Then they only come back to complain and judge. If y’all have this in your life, I promise you it’s not worth it.
Same this year I’m putting myself first cause all my life people have always put themselves before me so now I’m doing the same but I’m bettering myself and that’s why I try to keep my circle so small I don’t like having too many friends it’s too much
I had to cut off "a friend" just because lately his language towards me was always offensive, always making me feel silly for whatever thing i did, basically acting like a hater 🙄 then got surprised when I called him out, i just FED up with his shit
I personally cut off friends when they do things that are absolutely unforgivable and when i stop trusting them. Yesterday, i cut off a friend i’ve known in 8 years because she started judging my past experiences i told her about. She would bring up my experiences when we would talk about other people’s experiences like “but how about what you did tho” from that moment i blocked her and threw everything away. I don’t need these types of people in my life. I don’t care if i’ve known you in 10 years or 3 months
@Patricia Florina I got a similar situation with a friend of 6 years and she’s crossed line. But what’s the “right” way to cut them off? Block, talk etc?
@SkillDeck we were talking about people we wouldn’t know personally. Like, we would discuss a tv show or something. And even if i was judging the people i was discussing, i would never bring up her situation like that so to her it had absolutely no logic to do so .
@@kelseyjanelle99 i just blocked her, i don’t beat it around the bush with people anymore. I initially told her what bothered me but she didn’t apologise and she put the blame on me so blocked
probably she felt like you are in no place to judge other people actions, even if you dont know said people. but truth be told no one has the right to judge other people in general, no matter how "clean" their past is. but yeah, spending time with your friends gossiping is not so great, so it's better to cut off those type of friendships anyway
I haven’t even watched the video but this is a sign. I woke up and was like I have to end it my energy is drained every time I talk to this person. It was a 15 year friendship I’m going to miss them but it’s time to move forward.
I’m in my 40s and I cut off a lot of my friends. Sadly my feelings just changed I no longer felt the same about our friendships. I really love my peace and solitude.
This is the comment I was looking as someone in my age range. Folks think that friendship breakups only tend to happen in your teens, twenties and maybe thirties but it’s a different beast in your forties.
Same here. In your 40’s you really take the blinders off with a lot of aspects if your life and see people for who they really are. And you don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Sometimes even your best friends aren't worth the talk. Mine has been around since middle school when I was being bullied, she was always on my side and boasted about defending me. Now during the pandemic I had the feeling that something was off since she stopped contacting me. I waited before reaching out and a mutual friend told me that she had been hanging out with my bullies. Looking back there were many instances where I saw shady things on her side, but I always closed my eyes on them because of my love for her. This betrayal has taught me to trust my intuition more. Whatever you believe wether it is in God or the universe will always send you signs when it's time to drop friendships that are no longer serving you, so you trust those signs and listen to them. You are worthy of good things and good people coming your way, always remember that.
I'm sincerely sorry..it sucks..the only thing I could say is pray about it if you believe in God he hear us ans heal us too♥️ I was blessed with new friends with whom I can be myself and loved it's possible for all of us
I don’t talk to my childhood friend anymore even though we’re on speaking terms. I choose not to hang out with him because he’s more interested in spending more time with his wife.
Literally just made a video about this. I have a whole list. But I will say when they refuse to aggressively pursue their own healing and try to take away yours, that's when it's time to go. You are allowed to outgrow people. Sometimes our loyalty keeps us in places that no longer serve us. It's okay to choose you.
@@FlexNFly Amen...I'm the cut off queen! Took me some time to get to this point but it's getting easier to spot red flags and signs that I've outgrown certain ppl 🤷🏿♀️
I don’t think you’re generalizing as I also feel like a lotta women prioritize men over friends and then when they break up they’ll come back as if you’re a back burner option 🥴
I’m the Queen of cutting people off and people think it’s a problem but I honestly just prefer peace over unnecessary chaos. Also before I cut off I’ve given you so many chances and you repeatedly blew it so kudos
So sad at the fact that girlfriends will cut you off easily and be petty. Whereas, when it comes to a male love interest, some females will give countless chances. Especially, when those males have disrespected them the most. Talk about low standards and disloyalty.
I’ve been really looking at people’s actions lately and focusing less on their words. A person can say whatever and be capping the whole time. Actions speak louder than words. Walk it like you talk it. When a person shows you who they are believe them. Set boundaries and stop focusing on potential. No more second chances.
I had to let friends go bc were on two different maturity and morality levels. I understand what some of the comments are saying, but sometimes friends ghost you bc they are tired of it being one sided. Maybe think about why they keep canceling on you... sometimes your friends get tired of being drained by you or giving you advice that you never take... Plus, sometimes relationships with a man aren’t as draining as with your friends... just saying🤷🏽♀️
Sometimes I just feel like friendships mean nothing. Someone's your "best friend" but in reality no one is treating the title of a friend seriously. It's just a person to go to when your trash boyfriend is being mean to you again. A second option. I was never treating any of my relationships like that and it was so disappointing to me to discover none of my friends actually loved me as much as I loved them. One of my "best friends" would just constantly tell me straight into my face that she can just disappear any time from my life because she might get "bored of me". I treat my relationships VERY seriously, friendships as well. If someone's in my life I want to love them with all my heart, safely.
If you're reading this, a quick reminder never to give up, keep being you, stay safe, and I sincerely pray all your dreams to come true, as much as I pray my UA-cam dream come true 🙏🏾💗
I’m upset with a “bestfriend” because she wasn’t there for me when my grandfather passed! A few yrs ago her childs father passed. I took her out, stayed with her, attended the funeral although I don’t like funerals. Some days she drained me while I supported her while she was grieving and I was ok with that bcuz she was my friend! Phone calls in the middle of the night crying... drinking everyday- I was there for her! But I just don’t understand why I couldn’t get the same in return. All she worried about was what my family thought about her not coming to the funeral when actuality she never crossed their mind. I was so confused. We talked about it, but it didn’t get anywhere. I wanna cut her off so bad!!!!!!
Ive been in kinda a similar situation before and I think it's great that you were so kind to stay with her through that hard time in her life but at the same time if it was draining you then you always had the option to set a boundary and tell her you needed to go home. Maybe your friend is just better at instilling boundaries than you were at the time or maybe she just really couldn't be bothered to help you at this time. Either way your expectations of a friendship are still totally valid. The fact that she wasn't being there for you at all says something and if she's not willing to have a real conversation about it then it may be time to cut that shit out of your life. All the best xx
I feel as if this video was a sign from God. Recently, it feels as if the person I’ve always considered to be like a sister to me/my “best” friend has been ignoring me and pulling away. I’m tired of being the one to constantly reach out and make plans with her. She seems to have plans for everyone else and doesn’t even get back to me via text within a week... It’s been an amazing 12yrs but it’s time to let go. 🙏🏽
It’s difficult to make friends when people are so fake! Or only look for your when they need something from you. My list of “friends” right now is nonexistent and it sucks. Really.
When I was in my teens are started to see the separation. As you go through life and evolve I've learned people are in your life for a reason, season or lifetime. Choosing a man over friendship...no bueno. Let go and let God.
16 to 26. I have painfully outgrown so many people that were once my friends. I had to let them go as they weren't able to let go of my past version where I was suffering from sadness and learning during my teenage.
Just cut off my longtime best friend. She hasn’t gotten me a gift these past 3 years for my birthday and barely checks up on me. Blocked her on everything and I feel at peace.
Yeah, it's a shame when you realize you had a "friend" that wasnt much better than an enemy. It got to a point that this friend always had something belittling or negative to say. When cutting the person off means more peace, that speaks volumes
Truth. I'm 35 and have outgrown majority of friendships. The kids and Hubby get all my energy. Friendships just don't seem important as what they used to be when I was younger and I'm cool with that. I like my own company.
I was just thinking about an old friendship breakup that was so necessary. I broke up with the mutual friends of my best friend at the time, and my best friend didn’t even want to talk to me so we never had that last conversation. Near the end of our friendship, I felt so rejected and unwanted, everything felt so forced so I have to remind myself that there was nothing left to salvage. It’s hard to make the right decision and move on sometimes. It’s natural to end a friendship and still miss them. When I feel bad, I choose to thank God for me NOT being in friendships where I don’t even like being around or spending time with a group of people. TV and UA-cam will have us out here in toxic friend groups and friendships just to say we have a “girl gang” or are “goals,” that’s not me anymore. A lot of it is codependency and I needed to spend time with God to find a sense of identity, not be around people just to be around them.
16 to 26. I have painfully outgrown so many people that were once my friends. I had to let them go as they weren't able to let go of my past version where I was suffering from sadness and learning during my teenage days. Sadly they were not there for me emotionally or physically and now they are scared of the woman that I am becoming that is so cold hearted. Thankyou so much Breeny. I Accept that I changed for the better and I wish them the best. Seperation was never that easy. It was meant to be. CLOSURE ACCEPTED.
True true true. It isn't about how many people you have but the quality of the person.We should be glad to have one or two good friends rather than twenty. Friendships can hurt more than a relationship because they become family and they learn all of our good and negative sides, however we need to remember to guard our hearts. And truly pay attention to those who care about us, not people who judge, or just want to be there. Btw Breeny you looking absolutely gorgeous!! Always on point. Luv u :)
I 100% agree, a lot of women choose their relationship over their friendships which is both weird and sad to me. I understand that priorities change in life and a committed relationship has to be top priority if it's going to work. But my question is why does it have to be one over the other, when there is room for both? The excuse that someone doesn't have the time or energy for friendships is lazy because I truly believe that people make time for what is important to them. Once I realized this it became easier to let go of friendships that were no longer for me.
From my personal experience you make friends by the Energy you give off, if your give off a negative low energy your going to attract those people into your life and if you give off positive energy your going to attract those people into your life. Over time people change and so dose energy, if your give of a negative vibe in the universe your going to get it back positive your going to get positive energy back it’s so important to have a good energy and be positive even when it seems like their no hope because it will always come back to you regardless.
I’m in a space where I’m losing most of my friendships. I realized that those friends were ones I had when I was young, played the victim constantly and distracted from my real issues through partying, men, and pretending the chaos in my life was ‘bad luck’. Unfortunately my friends from that period either have been pretty silent since I’ve levelled up, or I just noticed that I was the one holding things together and supporting them, because they weren’t capable of doing so themselves. It’s really hard, because it’s not always the ‘toxic’ friends that you have to let go of, sometimes it’s just people that you no longer share the same values with.
Breaking up with a frnd who chose her relationship with a man over me was the best decision of my existence. I'd say that love is something that should not make you go blind. People go blind when they are addicted to something and love is not addiction,lust is.🌟
I totally agree that women are more committed to men then they are with their friendships! I've had a "best friend" who has stood me up soo many times to hang out with her "boys!" It's really hard to find authentic female friendships that aren't also rooted in jealousy and envy! We need to bring them back! 👌🏻
It's always been quality over quantity for me. Grew up with very strict parents who never really let me go out. So losing fake friends has always been extremely easy. I've always got my guard up and keep everybody at arms length. I'm suuuuuper friendly and bubbly and will give every new person a fair chance, but once you do something sketchy to me you won't get another chance. I won't even sit you down about it, I just leave and I'm not sorry. People make it seem like cutting people off is childish like uhhhmmm cool I've got my peace of mind so if choosing pure energy over toxicity makes me childish then "IT IIIIIISSS WHAAT IT IIIIIIIISSSSSS"
I’m good at letting go whether it’s friends or love relationship You leave, I let you go! Maybe I have too much pride but if you took your time to think about it and decided you don’t need me anymore... there’s nothing I can do about it 🤷🏿♀️
I definitely feel women hold their friendships to a higher standard. Meaning we will cut each other off easily vs. a man doing something major in the relationship and giving him multiple chances. I personally just fell off from my last friend of over 20 years. Things started to shift and I just started to feel detached. I’m ok with it, because I know every relationship has a season.
if you notice you can’t be yourself around your ‘friends’, it’s time to go. it got to a point where these ‘friends’ didn’t even know who i was bc i never felt comfortable actually being who i am (without judgement) around them.
I've recently been hospitalized for an arrythmia. It really really tested who was there for me, and who was not. Out of many people, 8 precious friends showed up. and for that I am grateful. And for those who showed their colors, I let them go silently, no word, nada. Closure is overrated and the moment they're not there, it's over.
Could you pls do a "how/where to find good friendship in your 20s" when you're in a relationship and study/work from home. 💕 it really seems hopeless, especially in this pandemic. cut the last friendships off 29th years ago bc I couldn't trust them anymore.
meeting people with common interest can be a good start💯 online cooking lesson group, women bible studies, dancing class etc you may meet some great acquaintance that way
I gave up two close friendships in September. One was a best friend since we were 12, but I knew I needed to end it months ago and the same with one friend I only knew for a year, but she wasn't genuine...found out a lot of lies, and also knew months ago the friendship shouldn't last. I usually value friendship so much that I'd remain friends despite that feeling, but just like romantic relationships sometimes they need to end.
Women do prioritise romantic relationships over friendships. Most of the time they even replace them. And it’s hard to talk about such as it will come across as jealousy or clinginess. I avoid being friends with women who can’t have balanced relationships because I can’t feel like nonsense all the time.
I think some women value relationships with men than they do friendships. They would be QUICK to forgive a man but hold a continuous grudge against their so called friend . It also says alot about them as well if you ask me ! 👀🤷🏽♀️
I had to cut off 3 ''friends'' who are Narcissist and would act Insecure, Jealous and Envious towards me. They would give me back handed compliments, try and sabotage anything good going on in my life and would gossip about me behind my back. They are very mean spirited girls. Mind you I am 35 and they are 41 and 51. So glad these old mean spirited creatures are out of my life!
I realized the value of friendships late this year when I looked around and I was like "shit, I was messed up" I literally pushed everyone out with the mentality that "if you don't have anything to offer me that will make my life better, then bounce" that literally made me cut off people would i say that, or become an instant loner. My birthday is coming up and, I can't even say, oh this person is gonna wish me or anyone is gonna wish me. It's that bad. it's good to have friends but i believe everyone should have that top 5 inner circle friends who you can run to with time, they will be tested but it's really essential though. Then you can have people you know that you are acquainted to or just I know you, you know me stuff... If that's okay. Honestly, don't push people away. Just set your standards and make it clear to them. They will see you and filter themselves out as you are not one to be wasted time with. I hope my comment makes sense. What do you think?
Yeah absolutely, I don't get where this whole "cutting people off" thing came from. That's the same mistake I made last year, and now I have like 2 people to talk to whereas last year I had so many connections and people to turn to. I realize that it's better to keep good vibes with everyone even though they may not reciprocate your energy, because you may need that person in the future you never know, and if you cut them off for a petty reason then you just screwed yourself over. Then you come over to one of these videos, and everyone's like "you go girl", but in reality, you blocked your own blessings and now you have no one to turn to in times of need especially like today where we got the coronavirus. Like honestly I didn't even know how bad it got until I looked at my phone on my birthday, and other than my family, less than 10 people wished me, and a lot of the people I had been snippy to in the past because they "didn't match my energy" (I didn't directly tell them that, but they could see it through my vibe) didn't even wish me. I then looked at my previous photos on my phone, and all these people were there in pictures taken last year and we looked so happy. I get that improvement is important, but I needed to realize that everyone doesn't have to improve with you. You can still have certain friends for certain activities and still keep a large circle of friends. You can discuss slightly vulnerable things about yourself to everyone, but only keep the really deep info between 1-5 people. Anyways, that's what I think!
Oh...my God. I was literally thinking about this topic one minute ago, and then I get my phone and see your notification. If this ain't a sign i don't know what is.
I've let go of alot of friendships because of all of the above reasons. My first friendship heartbreak really hurt me to my core however in a twist of events it taught me so much about people and myself. I've released them so they can live their best life but I refuse to be a go to therapist, advisor, cheerleader, ever present friend where the same energy isn't reciprocated. Fortunately due to this experience it made it easier for me to retain relationships with others that are organic and authentic and reciprocal rather then selfish and one sided. I've also learned that not everyone is meant to go through this life journey with you, they're merely teachers or students that you meet along the way. I can count with one hand the friendships that I hold near and dear and I cherish those friendships wholeheartedly. Great topic dear keep up the excellent content!
I completely stopped all communication with two “friends” , blocked them on social media and their phone numbers, I don’t need fake half ass friends who constantly made fun of how clumsy I can be sometimes , or when they use the ohh I’m just kidding line all the time . Ever since then my life had been soo much better !!!
I just cut off a friend due to the same. Always made fun of certain things about me and the whole “I’m just playing”. No, just straight up disrespectful. Glad you have moved on.
This video spoke to me on so many levels. I've had to cut contact with friends, and it's always been the right decision, but I always felt worried about whether I would have friends in the future. I know now that being compatible with someone is far more important than sharing history with them, but I need to remind myself of it quite a lot. Your videos always inspire me to introspect! Thank you!
I had my feature film debut and not only did he not come, he didn't even acknowledge it or say anything, not even a "I'm happy for you". I texted him a week later asking if he was happy for me and he said yes (Not knowing what I was even talking about) and I literally had to tell him about it...and he didn't say much and we never got together to talk or anything when I really wanted to celebrate with him. I've cut him off. I was there for his wedding as his best man, there for his career, and gave up an entire summer for him when he had a break up. All things he would NEVER do for me. -_- Sucks, but it sucks more for him now that he's out of my life and I'm moving forward to happier days =)
I have had this topic of friendship on my mind for a while now. I have been on a self love journey and it has given me time to reflect on myself, my relationships and how I contribute towards them. I honestly just want healthy friendships with people who are willing to be available and form authentic connections.
I love this, cause thats how I live and then people blame me for bouncing when shit gets toxic with them or when we just vibe different frequencies, when like you said, it doesn't have to be negative. lol.
Your video really came at the right time. I recently ended a three year friendship with my college “best friend.” I noticed that whenever anything related to race came up she would remain silent or would say extremely ignorant things which bothered me from the beginning (she’s white, I’m black). But then there was also the fact that whenever I wanted to set up boundaries she took it as a personal offense but when she set up boundaries I respected them. The friendship was really one sided because I was constantly hustling in my career and getting to know myself while she lacked ambition and did nothing in her life. She would live vicariously through my experiences and then secretly judge me for them. She put herself in the position of my “sidekick” and was never really doing anything for herself or her life. Whenever anything bad would happen in my personal life she was quick to sympathize with the people who hurt me but then would try to diminish me if I were to ever let out my anger from those experiences. Whereas whenever the smallest inconvenience happened to her, I was right by her side and empathized with her greatly. I just noticed right away she had selective empathy. She disclosed to me two years into our friendship that narcissism runs in her family and that she knows she carries narcissistic traits. Recently something awful happened to me in my personal life and she was aware of all the great pain I was in. Shortly after she sat me down and started projecting onto me, basically attacking my character and saying I was all the things she is and has done in our friendship. When I called her out on projecting, there was silence. She then said that if I don’t let go of the boundaries I have for her or follow her new way of life which is being extremely conservative, then she doesn’t see our friendship going anywhere. I told her that no one is going to tell me how to be or live my life and that I will never put anyone over my self worth. I also sent her a lengthy letter basically calling her out on her endless hypocrisy. I’m honestly glad I’m free from that friendship, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still furious that someone so close to me could do that and not even get how awful they are and what they’ve done.
Thanks, this is more confirmation for me!!! I let go of two long term friendships this year 2020, one in March, was long distance friends for almost 17 years and the other this month, friends for 33 years, this was has been cut off twice before.... Both out lived their expiration dates...I just couldn't do it anymore. Issa wrap!!! Free your mind and the rest will follow! Praise the Lord!!!🙏🏾🧚🏾♀️🤗
I used to feel bad when I lose but now I'm living for myself and have new boundaries now so I prefer it if relationships grow in time and not right away
Gosh thank you - people don’t talk about this enough and there’s so much guilt and condemnation when you do need to walk away from friendships when the other party want to stay. It’s been such a battle!
I'm glad that you've made this. I'm currently going through a friend break up and it's been super hard. But I'm learning that we are on two different paths, and I've out grown alot of our old patterns. I've tried to Express this but she wants do continue with old ways. And I just cant put myself in that box anymore. But now I feel like I have no friends, and it feels very lonely. But my self love and growth is worth more.
I found I lost the most friends when I lost weight. I also lost friends after having my daughter and becoming a stay at home mom. My daughter was only 4 months old and I was bombarded with "when are you putting your daughter in daycare?, are you going back to work?, etc.
I think I had one too many a friend randomly ghost me after getting into a relationship, but once I got into mine, they would accuse me of “not making time” for them, meanwhile, I was actually busy making time for the friendships that poured into me as much as I poured into them while my ghost friends were nowhere to be found.
An acquaintance of my that I have known for few months recently changed a positive conversation I had with her into negative coz I used my personal life experiences to encourage her coz she was new to the country...I was confused why she changed what I had told her but at the end of the day, I realized that the business idea that both of us had discussed and was thinking about bringing to reality, but she was looking for something so that we can have an argument about so that she can cut me off so that she can announce the business all by herself...SMH but I'm OK with that, I'm glad she showed me who she is early, God bless her in all her future endeavours.
Personally would never break up with any friend because that’s just cruel, but it could be that i think that just because every friend i ever had either soon cut me off or it was one sided from the start. I don’t want to be like them, i want to be the person you know you can come back to and trust to be still there.
Hey, I just want to say that I love your videos, your advice has helped me a lot, It's such a coincidence that you posted this the same time I just cut off my "friends". I've been friends with this one girl since ele but tbh I knew in my gut she was never my friend. She did so much bad things behind my back and every time she did that stuff I found out minutes after or seconds! Not days or months. I knew all along that she been snaking around but I decided to stay her friend and I never confronted her because I overlooked all the negatives for the positives, but just like in math a huge negative plus a small positive still equals a negative! She was just doing the bare minimum and that's on being a genuine person, I respect that but I didn't know my worth. I thanked her for the BARE MINIMUM. I didn't know since everybody was so mean to me, I've been bullied a lot so the small little positive stuff anybody ever said stuck with me. I've been there for her and she been there for me, sometimes she didn't really care tho or she gave off a weird vibe. She ghosted me around the same time I was going to cut her off. What she did? (Low-key messing with my bf whose now my ex and plotting on me, talking trash & hanging around the girls who didn't like me.) I've done my part, I been there for her whenever she had a breakup or friend issues and death of relatives. It took me forever to let go because friends is what I've always been longing for. I'm in highschool now & I now know I don't need anybody! She wasn't the only fake friend I had more and I learned to stop letting people into my life who disrespects me.
A friend of mine always just called when she needed something. She used me as her therapist and wasn’t there for me. It was always about her. I cut her off.
yess good for you! Happy to hear you are doing a positive change even though it`s painful. Growth is supposed to be difficult because we need to face the truth head on. Proud of you, you`re strong!!
you’re so sweet 😘 thank you dear
Same bruh🤣👩🏽🦯
This is the same thing that happened to me! She literally said "I know I treat you like an agony aunt but I don't care" and since I knew I had to end things with her, and I did
@@janalex wow!! Just like me!! You did the right thing, these people are just toxic. All the best for you ❤️
Friends start leaving you when you start working towards your dreams.
I've never been able to accept this statement because it's happening to me, but it's true. I don't understand why "friends" want to keep their "friends" in a stagnant place in life. I want the best for the people I love and to see them FLOURISH! But, many don't. It makes me so upset...
PREACHHHHH
@@thegabbcorner Soooo true I am experiencing this now I think it is gods way of telling you it is time for a new chapter in your life I have also realised how much energy they take from me when I could of used that for reaching my goals instead.
@@odn4502 that's such a good point!! Yes, let's redirect our energy to reach our goals!!
I felt this..
People usually struggle to believe me when I say that friendship heartbreaks is sometimes worst than romantic heartbreaks
True!
This is soooo true! He is my friend, but it’s always been more than a friendship. I’ve been feeling like we are growing apart for the last couple of months. We talk everyday. It’s so hard.
It is the worst, my best friend of 20 years only calls me when she wants something so I started saying now. I noticed she didn't respect my time and was extremely flaky. She eventually stopped talking to me. I'm heart broken but happy I got to see who she really is.
@@fabulousfab3107 I know what is it so I feel for you. Beyond the absence the saddest part is realizing they were never our friends in the first place, just some wounded codependent people who never loved us for us. You'll get better, focus on you
Ehhh it depends I never cried over my “friends” and I have been in a “friendship” with most of them for about 5-10 years I have more anger against them for what they did to cause me to cut them off, I only cried over one guy that I lost my v-card to but I also never cried over other guys that used me for sex or whatever I feel like once I find out that you’re lying to me and doing fake sh*t behind my back ( this was my experience with friendships and 2 guys I was seeing) I just cut you off but I will give you a chance to tell me and come clean but if you can’t I’m done with you
Honestly, I’m done trying to make things work with people.... I moved to a whole new country and now I am very picky with who I spend my time with. I don’t use the word “friend” too loosely either.
Honestly, I’m thinking about moving too. I’m just in a different place in my life. Good for you girl!
I came to realise that too💯 we use the word friend loosely but it doesn't always apply to the relation we're dealing with. Some folks are just acquaintance in the way they move but we call them friends🙅🏾♀️ I remember watching Cassandra Mack video about putting people in their proper lane to avoid confusion and disapointment 👉🏾 ua-cam.com/video/pYNW2-5FXgA/v-deo.html Breeny spoke facts too💯
@@AroundTheWayGirl88 thanks sis! do it! Even if it doesn’t work out! Life is too short lol
Yes... everyone is not ur friend
Inspiration
I agree, women aren’t as committed to their friendships as they are to their “relationships”. As we say in my friends’ circle, “oh, you’re one of those.” Authentic friendships are essential & healthy.
That hit 💗 💯
Agree. I also believe this generally is the case because in serious relationships or where there are children involved it will significantly effect individuals MORE (good or bad) in the long term than in friendship breakups. There are more life changing decisions in romantic relationships which in friendships are more flexible (eg. where you live, how you raise kids, even your job may effect your romantic relationship - your friends will support you regardless because the relationship is more flexible)
I just don't care anymore. Some friendships are too expensive
-(mentally and emotionally)- and the way my bank account is set up, I ain't gone be able to do it!
I am but somehow authentic girls arent around me
this is a result of patriarchy and the threat inherent in not pleasing men. so many women spend all their energy trying to get cookies from boys. sometimes women are doing what they have to do to get by. been there, and i guess it. but sometimes it's by choice and it's pathetic, and sometimes i just stare at them with my mouth open. my own ex bestie type gal sold out our relationship for a loser and got surly and dismissive when i openly brought up some ways she was treating me poorly. guess whose contact i started ignoring. she lost the best, strongest, most intelligent, most accomplished person in her life. now i have more time for my own projects and it's paying off.
Yes ive met alot of women that choose a man over a friendship.
Happened to me my 11 year friendship ended because me and her guy had one big argument and our friendship was done she let him disrespect in front of her with personal info she told him about me. Yeah it happens
Yep, just happend to me during october, i'm still not over it.. it's just so hard
Honestly, I wouldn’t even trip because you’d also choose your man. A friend isn’t telling you sweet nothings and cuddling with you. Just cherish the time y’all had together and move on.
We need to pray for these friends.
Yep. Happened to me.
I don’t completely trust anyone.
Therefore, I have no friends. Acquaintances yes, but no friends.
Totally!!💯
Same here! No friendships. I’m on my 30s.
& that’s my biggest problem I don’t fully trust which leads to me feeling unfulfilled bc trust is a important foundation😩
Does it bother you that other people have friends? How do you make sense of that? It doesn’t seem fair.
Same, they think you're close but you always keeping them at a distance!
I just went ghost/radio silent. Didn’t feel like explaining the reason why when it was way too obvious! Energy wasn’t being reciprocated, didn’t share the same interest anymore etc.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Same here!! @HopeBrown
Them one sided relationships be the worst. I get tired of reaching out and checking on everyone. Check on me from time to time.
Yes I got tired of it as well and cut everyone off!!!
Exactly!
mhm!
Facts 💯
Frustrating isn't it?
Lol I’ve ghosted friends who were always “too busy” or who cancel at the last second! Ion play! I cut them off silently...no explanations nor warning. I do this after they do that to me 3 times then I’m gone. Then they wanna come back and beg to hang out🙄, creep your stories, etc. I’m like NEXT! I’ve always been comfortable alone but I’m kind to everyone and open to friendships. But you WILL get treated how you treat me!
Same😌✨
I literally did this two weeks ago. Chile she popped up at my house. 🥴
@@unlovebreather As I wrote, "I do this after they do that to me 3 times then I’m gone. " That means I did bring it up to them yet they repeated the same actions. People aren't dumb, they know exactly what they're doing. And I know they feel guilty cuz they try to come back and apologize. By then, I no longer care. You teach people how to treat you. I put RESPECT OVER LOVE.
Same literally just blocked my best friend from high school. Very negative and fake
@@unlovebreather for me sometimes people know what they’ve done without even saying anything. I had one friend who kept canceling plans on me literally 30 min to an hr beforehand. My last straw was me sitting in the restaurant for 30 minutes by myself waiting on her. She got ghosted after that. The other one kept draining me with her unhappiness. When I told her I had COVID she wasn’t even empathetic let alone sympathetic all she said was “for real?” Then proceeded to say I’m trying to call these people about my student loans. I said just handle your business and hung up. Yeah she got blocked right after that.
Lots of women neglect their friendship for romantic relationships. It's a real thing.
It's a stupid thing.
@@gabrielle9958 period
my male best friend did it to me. It was sad as fuck. I respectfully sent him a message and said I am ending this friendship and blocked
Embrace those that love us, stop chasing people who don't
Update: She has worked on herself and she has transformed. It took a year, but everything happens for a reason. I had a friend that used me as her therapist after she had a child and got back with her man. She never reached out to me again, but she still talks to her other friends. Women will ghost their friends, but give a guy a thousand chances. I tried to reach out, but people rather ghost. It taught me to appreciate my friends and allow new people in.
Yep I had a friend that kept calling me about her abusive baby daddy. The last time I dropped my work to go pick her and her kids up, and moved them into my house. I missed a lot of money that day, being a supportive friend. Only for her to be sneaking in my closet talking to him 2 days later. I told her straight up,
“WHEN YU GO BACK TO HIM, HE NEEDS TO COME PICK YU AND YOUR THINGS UP BECAUSE IM NOT WASTING NO MORE OF MY ENERGY ON YOUR BABY DADDY DRAMA IF YOU’RE JUST GOING TO GO BACK TO HIM.” Well she accused me of being a bad friend.
She went back to him then blocked me.
@@jammijam_ God removed her out of your life for a reason.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve been through the same thing. Keep holding to your standards and the friends who keep them are the ones who see your value and actually care! They’re out there. 🤍
It’s because women think they’re self worth can be replaced by someone with some dangle bit between their legs. Sad but true-
I've just cut off 2 of my closest friends because they acted so strangely after I shared a career achievement. I cried straight after because I expected a positive reponse from such friends who I genuinely thought cared for me. Here's to growing alone!
When I started working towards my goals my “friends” started acting flaky. I asked for their support. Never heard from certain people again. Yet I was there for them.
I've also experienced this! Letting them go is the best thing you can do! They're definitely not "friends" and you deserve better! 🙏🏻💞
@@jackiek4159 Thanks 🙏🏾. Very true. Sadly enough. Can find better friends in the future.
That exactly my situation
Yup! This happened to me too, I got a new job that pays more, bought a new car before I started my new job and my one so called friend had the nerve to question me on what I bought a new car. She said why did you buy that car? I though you did not want a car payment? What made you change your mind? I though I was in an interrogation room. I cut her crazy ass off. Mind you I am 35 and married. She is 51 and has been engaged for 6 years, Her fiancé has no plans on marrying her, she lives in a 2 bedrooms apartment, works part time and blows her whole paycheck on clothes and home furnishings than cries when she has no money until her next paycheck.
when i became a frontwoman musician after high school, all the guys who liked to try and cut me down.. mostly guys who were mad that i wasn't interested in them... went SILENT on social media. they needed all attention to be on themselves just for being obnoxious, and when a *woman* outshined them? oh boy, lol. they couldn't bare it and pretended they couldn't see or hear a thing about me. hehe. nice try, dudes. too obvious.
I used to be afraid of losing friends but as I matured I realized I don’t have to keep all of them-particularly the ones who do not respect me, the ones who do not value my friendship as much as I do theirs.
I agree that woman are more committed to a man than her friendships, depending on the woman of course. I’ve noticed when she is more independent and has her own life you can see that she also makes time for her friends but the ones that are more dependent on a man to make them happy get lost in that relationship and forgot about having a life on their own with friends and other hobbies. I’ve had a few of those “friends” that only talk to you when they are single and heartbroken. Nah sis 👋🏻
Always appreciate your videos 🥰
Damn this right right here is exactly what's going on with my so called "best friend." Lord if this is a sign then so shall it be.
@@juanitagonzalez8766 I’ve experienced this
exactly!!!!!! omg, u read my mind yooo!!!! lol I just cut off a so-called friend it's like she barely talks to me anymore, yet when this new dude in her life it's oh I learned so much from him and this and that, yet when she was single we were talking everyday id literally check on her every day to see how she's doing and she just read my messages and not respond but be up under a man's ass all day.
Right. Same situation different life story! Thank you for sharing
Man, look. I cut people off without hesitation. I’m my best counselor and warrior at the end of the day so if somebody gets left behind, I’m just gon keep moving forward. Friendship is conditional. Once the “contract” is breached or up, it’s stuck.
That's how people should be! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
🎯
God will send you people on your JOURNEY...but many times he has to remove some folk first!
Absolutely
Two very important lessons I learned in my 20s.
1. Do not become your friends' therapist because their sadness will become your sadness. Help them find professional help (therapy) or suggest other methods for them to alleviate stress.
2. Do not try to be the mediator in friend groups. I tried to help two of my friends get along again and all it brought was more drama and headaches. If two people want to be friends again, they'll talk it out on their own time. NEVERRRR FORCE PPL TO TALK AGAIN.
i love the first 1. it’s so true... put yourself first ❤️
pro help is bs. the whole industry is set up to control us, not help us. it's good to hear out your friends in their hard times instead of pawning that off on some stranger they have to pay to listen.
that said, don't enable them by sticking around if they keep fu c k i ng themselves over and expecting you to come running.
Disagree with your answer. It's ok to help friends and give advixe
@@kimberlybrowndiaz9293 to a certain extent. Then leave the rest to professionals.
This was me😭😭😭
I ended a close friendship with no explanation - cold turkey. Thats because I found out the person was talking about me behind my back during a painful period. I thought they were my close friend as we did so much together and when I found out about what they were doing. I could not even bring myself to confront them. I just cut them off.
it took me a long time to find the right friends and tbh it was worth the wait, hang in there everyone xxx
Where?
@@Honey-bg1zk LOL found them at uni luckily
Thank you. Really praying for new relationships in this season 🙏🏾💖
waiting :)
I’m waiting
WORK ON YOU! Put yourself first, everyone else is. Tough pill to swallow! I’m always the one that’s there for my friendships, I listen to their problems and am just there for them. When I have something come up....silence. I’ve also noticed when I started bettering myself and chasing my dreams they kind of ghosted. Then they only come back to complain and judge. If y’all have this in your life, I promise you it’s not worth it.
Amen
@Introverted Artistt yes i cant stand judgemental friends. Ill take unjudgemental friends for 1000 alex.
Wow, so true.
Same this year I’m putting myself first cause all my life people have always put themselves before me so now I’m doing the same but I’m bettering myself and that’s why I try to keep my circle so small I don’t like having too many friends it’s too much
I had to cut off "a friend" just because lately his language towards me was always offensive, always making me feel silly for whatever thing i did, basically acting like a hater 🙄 then got surprised when I called him out, i just FED up with his shit
I personally cut off friends when they do things that are absolutely unforgivable and when i stop trusting them. Yesterday, i cut off a friend i’ve known in 8 years because she started judging my past experiences i told her about. She would bring up my experiences when we would talk about other people’s experiences like “but how about what you did tho” from that moment i blocked her and threw everything away. I don’t need these types of people in my life. I don’t care if i’ve known you in 10 years or 3 months
@Patricia Florina I got a similar situation with a friend of 6 years and she’s crossed line. But what’s the “right” way to cut them off? Block, talk etc?
@SkillDeck we were talking about people we wouldn’t know personally. Like, we would discuss a tv show or something. And even if i was judging the people i was discussing, i would never bring up her situation like that so to her it had absolutely no logic to do so .
@@kelseyjanelle99 i just blocked her, i don’t beat it around the bush with people anymore. I initially told her what bothered me but she didn’t apologise and she put the blame on me so blocked
Very Shady! Gotta watch out for those girls, ew!
probably she felt like you are in no place to judge other people actions, even if you dont know said people.
but truth be told no one has the right to judge other people in general, no matter how "clean" their past is.
but yeah, spending time with your friends gossiping is not so great, so it's better to cut off those type of friendships anyway
Friendship breakups can be the hardest. Especially when it is a best friend who has been around for years
I haven’t even watched the video but this is a sign. I woke up and was like I have to end it my energy is drained every time I talk to this person. It was a 15 year friendship I’m going to miss them but it’s time to move forward.
Totally relatable
literally same
I feel the same. It’s time after watching this video
That’s good for you. 🤍
I’m so proud of you! You’re doing the right thing, choose you first others can wait! You’re amazing & I wish you the best
"We have to get to a point where we love the people that love us and stop chasing the people that do not." This is tough but SO worth it.
I’m in my 40s and I cut off a lot of my friends. Sadly my feelings just changed I no longer felt the same about our friendships. I really love my peace and solitude.
This is the comment I was looking as someone in my age range. Folks think that friendship breakups only tend to happen in your teens, twenties and maybe thirties but it’s a different beast in your forties.
Same here. In your 40’s you really take the blinders off with a lot of aspects if your life and see people for who they really are. And you don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Sometimes even your best friends aren't worth the talk. Mine has been around since middle school when I was being bullied, she was always on my side and boasted about defending me. Now during the pandemic I had the feeling that something was off since she stopped contacting me. I waited before reaching out and a mutual friend told me that she had been hanging out with my bullies. Looking back there were many instances where I saw shady things on her side, but I always closed my eyes on them because of my love for her. This betrayal has taught me to trust my intuition more. Whatever you believe wether it is in God or the universe will always send you signs when it's time to drop friendships that are no longer serving you, so you trust those signs and listen to them. You are worthy of good things and good people coming your way, always remember that.
I'm sincerely sorry..it sucks..the only thing I could say is pray about it if you believe in God he hear us ans heal us too♥️ I was blessed with new friends with whom I can be myself and loved it's possible for all of us
I don’t talk to my childhood friend anymore even though we’re on speaking terms. I choose not to hang out with him because he’s more interested in spending more time with his wife.
Can you accept your friends be fd with your enemy ? Do u think everyone has the right to choose who to fds with OR my fd must choose one side ?
I’m going through the exact same thing except the only difference is my friend never defended me, I’m sorry you went through the same things
Literally just made a video about this. I have a whole list. But I will say when they refuse to aggressively pursue their own healing and try to take away yours, that's when it's time to go. You are allowed to outgrow people. Sometimes our loyalty keeps us in places that no longer serve us. It's okay to choose you.
💯
@@potentialrizing1949 If they're threatening your growth, they have to go.
@@FlexNFly Amen...I'm the cut off queen! Took me some time to get to this point but it's getting easier to spot red flags and signs that I've outgrown certain ppl 🤷🏿♀️
Yes absolutley
I’ve tried to make things work with a friend. I am not going to keep going out of my way for people who aren’t there for me. Forget them.
I don’t think you’re generalizing as I also feel like a lotta women prioritize men over friends and then when they break up they’ll come back as if you’re a back burner option 🥴
I've known several guys who acted the same. They'd disappear for couple years then come back like nothing happened.
I’m the Queen of cutting people off and people think it’s a problem but I honestly just prefer peace over unnecessary chaos. Also before I cut off I’ve given you so many chances and you repeatedly blew it so kudos
This is literally me, i thought i had a problem…but it turns out I’m not the problem, I’m just good at putting myself first
@@MAli-ft1mm period!
One of my ‘best friend’ did not text or call me on my birthday and I’ve just been feeling some type of way. This is not her first time.
I’m going through the same thing. I’m starting to look at her real different
omg that happened to me this year
@@ms.s8718 yes. I never discussed it with her because I feel like I’m overreacting. It’s “ just birthday “. Yeah it hurts but I guess it’s life
@@abbys1481Tell her you don't like it if she doesn't understand/listen. Cut her off please or I will cut her off for you!
Your friends should wish you a happy birthday 🎉.
It’s hard when the friendship falters without a real problem to place on the end of the friendship.
So sad at the fact that girlfriends will cut you off easily and be petty. Whereas, when it comes to a male love interest, some females will give countless chances. Especially, when those males have disrespected them the most.
Talk about low standards and disloyalty.
PREACHHHHHHH
I’ve been really looking at people’s actions lately and focusing less on their words. A person can say whatever and be capping the whole time. Actions speak louder than words. Walk it like you talk it. When a person shows you who they are believe them. Set boundaries and stop focusing on potential. No more second chances.
THISSSSS
I had to let friends go bc were on two different maturity and morality levels. I understand what some of the comments are saying, but sometimes friends ghost you bc they are tired of it being one sided. Maybe think about why they keep canceling on you... sometimes your friends get tired of being drained by you or giving you advice that you never take...
Plus, sometimes relationships with a man aren’t as draining as with your friends... just saying🤷🏽♀️
Well if that’s why you think the energy should still be the same if the relationship doesn’t succeed
Sometimes I just feel like friendships mean nothing. Someone's your "best friend" but in reality no one is treating the title of a friend seriously. It's just a person to go to when your trash boyfriend is being mean to you again. A second option. I was never treating any of my relationships like that and it was so disappointing to me to discover none of my friends actually loved me as much as I loved them. One of my "best friends" would just constantly tell me straight into my face that she can just disappear any time from my life because she might get "bored of me". I treat my relationships VERY seriously, friendships as well. If someone's in my life I want to love them with all my heart, safely.
I'm the only one who calls and gives compliments. I just reciprocated the same energy and they upset lol
Hahahaha girl… that’s narcissism. Jokes on them. Let them be. Do you😊
If you're reading this, a quick reminder never to give up, keep being you, stay safe, and I sincerely pray all your dreams to come true, as much as I pray my UA-cam dream come true 🙏🏾💗
Thank you and you too x
I’m upset with a “bestfriend” because she wasn’t there for me when my grandfather passed!
A few yrs ago her childs father passed. I took her out, stayed with her, attended the funeral although I don’t like funerals. Some days she drained me while I supported her while she was grieving and I was ok with that bcuz she was my friend! Phone calls in the middle of the night crying... drinking everyday- I was there for her!
But I just don’t understand why I couldn’t get the same in return.
All she worried about was what my family thought about her not coming to the funeral when actuality she never crossed their mind.
I was so confused.
We talked about it, but it didn’t get anywhere. I wanna cut her off so bad!!!!!!
Ive been in kinda a similar situation before and I think it's great that you were so kind to stay with her through that hard time in her life but at the same time if it was draining you then you always had the option to set a boundary and tell her you needed to go home. Maybe your friend is just better at instilling boundaries than you were at the time or maybe she just really couldn't be bothered to help you at this time. Either way your expectations of a friendship are still totally valid. The fact that she wasn't being there for you at all says something and if she's not willing to have a real conversation about it then it may be time to cut that shit out of your life.
All the best xx
If you really want to cut her off and know your love and energy is not being reciprocated, what is holding you back?
Cut her off. That’s a major red flag. Fair is fair and she wasnt being that. Or pull back from her. It’s ok to feel some type of way.
She comes across as a very shallow person. Not the kind of friend I want or need.
I feel as if this video was a sign from God. Recently, it feels as if the person I’ve always considered to be like a sister to me/my “best” friend has been ignoring me and pulling away.
I’m tired of being the one to constantly reach out and make plans with her. She seems to have plans for everyone else and doesn’t even get back to me via text within a week...
It’s been an amazing 12yrs but it’s time to let go. 🙏🏽
It’s difficult to make friends when people are so fake! Or only look for your when they need something from you. My list of “friends” right now is nonexistent and it sucks. Really.
When I was in my teens are started to see the separation. As you go through life and evolve I've learned people are in your life for a reason, season or lifetime. Choosing a man over friendship...no bueno. Let go and let God.
16 to 26. I have painfully outgrown so many people that were once my friends.
I had to let them go as they weren't able to let go of my past version where I was suffering from sadness and learning during my teenage.
Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they're always there.
Just cut off my longtime best friend. She hasn’t gotten me a gift these past 3 years for my birthday and barely checks up on me. Blocked her on everything and I feel at peace.
purrr as you should
Yeah, it's a shame when you realize you had a "friend" that wasnt much better than an enemy. It got to a point that this friend always had something belittling or negative to say. When cutting the person off means more peace, that speaks volumes
@@Anita-tl7hn yes for sure . I agree
Thanks.
Truth. I'm 35 and have outgrown majority of friendships. The kids and Hubby get all my energy. Friendships just don't seem important as what they used to be when I was younger and I'm cool with that. I like my own company.
I was just thinking about an old friendship breakup that was so necessary. I broke up with the mutual friends of my best friend at the time, and my best friend didn’t even want to talk to me so we never had that last conversation. Near the end of our friendship, I felt so rejected and unwanted, everything felt so forced so I have to remind myself that there was nothing left to salvage. It’s hard to make the right decision and move on sometimes. It’s natural to end a friendship and still miss them. When I feel bad, I choose to thank God for me NOT being in friendships where I don’t even like being around or spending time with a group of people. TV and UA-cam will have us out here in toxic friend groups and friendships just to say we have a “girl gang” or are “goals,” that’s not me anymore. A lot of it is codependency and I needed to spend time with God to find a sense of identity, not be around people just to be around them.
God will remove people who don't deserve you and put people who deserve you 💗
16 to 26. I have painfully outgrown so many people that were once my friends.
I had to let them go as they weren't able to let go of my past version where I was suffering from sadness and learning during my teenage days. Sadly they were not there for me emotionally or physically and now they are scared of the woman that I am becoming that is so cold hearted.
Thankyou so much Breeny. I Accept that I changed for the better and I wish them the best.
Seperation was never that easy. It was meant to be. CLOSURE ACCEPTED.
Girl I’m 24 and already have only 1 friend
When you start in YOUR TRUE PURPOSE get ready for the FALL AWAY! You either choose your PROGRESSION or STAGNATION...sooooo, BYE sweeties lol...👋🏼👋🏼
True true true. It isn't about how many people you have but the quality of the person.We should be glad to have one or two good friends rather than twenty. Friendships can hurt more than a relationship because they become family and they learn all of our good and negative sides, however we need to remember to guard our hearts. And truly pay attention to those who care about us, not people who judge, or just want to be there. Btw Breeny you looking absolutely gorgeous!! Always on point. Luv u :)
I 100% agree, a lot of women choose their relationship over their friendships which is both weird and sad to me. I understand that priorities change in life and a committed relationship has to be top priority if it's going to work. But my question is why does it have to be one over the other, when there is room for both? The excuse that someone doesn't have the time or energy for friendships is lazy because I truly believe that people make time for what is important to them. Once I realized this it became easier to let go of friendships that were no longer for me.
From my personal experience you make friends by the Energy you give off, if your give off a negative low energy your going to attract those people into your life and if you give off positive energy your going to attract those people into your life. Over time people change and so dose energy, if your give of a negative vibe in the universe your going to get it back positive your going to get positive energy back it’s so important to have a good energy and be positive even when it seems like their no hope because it will always come back to you regardless.
It's true some woman don't value friendship as much when they're in a relationship as before the relationship. I've been that friend once 💀🌝
Me too lesson learned though
I’m in a space where I’m losing most of my friendships. I realized that those friends were ones I had when I was young, played the victim constantly and distracted from my real issues through partying, men, and pretending the chaos in my life was ‘bad luck’. Unfortunately my friends from that period either have been pretty silent since I’ve levelled up, or I just noticed that I was the one holding things together and supporting them, because they weren’t capable of doing so themselves. It’s really hard, because it’s not always the ‘toxic’ friends that you have to let go of, sometimes it’s just people that you no longer share the same values with.
About one month ago I broke up with a friend because she was very toxic and had no motivation for life.
Since I did that my life has been so good!
good on you
Breaking up with a frnd who chose her relationship with a man over me was the best decision of my existence. I'd say that love is something that should not make you go blind. People go blind when they are addicted to something and love is not addiction,lust is.🌟
I totally agree that women are more committed to men then they are with their friendships! I've had a "best friend" who has stood me up soo many times to hang out with her "boys!" It's really hard to find authentic female friendships that aren't also rooted in jealousy and envy! We need to bring them back! 👌🏻
It's always been quality over quantity for me. Grew up with very strict parents who never really let me go out. So losing fake friends has always been extremely easy. I've always got my guard up and keep everybody at arms length. I'm suuuuuper friendly and bubbly and will give every new person a fair chance, but once you do something sketchy to me you won't get another chance. I won't even sit you down about it, I just leave and I'm not sorry. People make it seem like cutting people off is childish like uhhhmmm cool I've got my peace of mind so if choosing pure energy over toxicity makes me childish then "IT IIIIIISSS WHAAT IT IIIIIIIISSSSSS"
Listening to Breeny in 2020 has my circle down to just me....this video have me so close to cutting my damn self off at this point!! 😭😭
I feel the exact same way!! I’m always giving and it’s never reciprocated
I’m good at letting go whether it’s friends or love relationship
You leave, I let you go! Maybe I have too much pride but if you took your time to think about it and decided you don’t need me anymore... there’s nothing I can do about it 🤷🏿♀️
Yup. I've been realizing that I need to let some friendships go as the dynamic has changed and we just aren't interested in the same things.
I definitely feel women hold their friendships to a higher standard. Meaning we will cut each other off easily vs. a man doing something major in the relationship and giving him multiple chances. I personally just fell off from my last friend of over 20 years. Things started to shift and I just started to feel detached. I’m ok with it, because I know every relationship has a season.
if you notice you can’t be yourself around your ‘friends’, it’s time to go. it got to a point where these ‘friends’ didn’t even know who i was bc i never felt comfortable actually being who i am (without judgement) around them.
I've recently been hospitalized for an arrythmia. It really really tested who was there for me, and who was not. Out of many people, 8 precious friends showed up. and for that I am grateful. And for those who showed their colors, I let them go silently, no word, nada. Closure is overrated and the moment they're not there, it's over.
Could you pls do a "how/where to find good friendship in your 20s" when you're in a relationship and study/work from home. 💕 it really seems hopeless, especially in this pandemic. cut the last friendships off 29th years ago bc I couldn't trust them anymore.
meeting people with common interest can be a good start💯 online cooking lesson group, women bible studies, dancing class etc you may meet some great acquaintance that way
I gave up two close friendships in September. One was a best friend since we were 12, but I knew I needed to end it months ago and the same with one friend I only knew for a year, but she wasn't genuine...found out a lot of lies, and also knew months ago the friendship shouldn't last. I usually value friendship so much that I'd remain friends despite that feeling, but just like romantic relationships sometimes they need to end.
Women do prioritise romantic relationships over friendships. Most of the time they even replace them. And it’s hard to talk about such as it will come across as jealousy or clinginess. I avoid being friends with women who can’t have balanced relationships because I can’t feel like nonsense all the time.
I think some women value relationships with men than they do friendships. They would be QUICK to forgive a man but hold a continuous grudge against their so called friend . It also says alot about them as well if you ask me ! 👀🤷🏽♀️
They're definitely more committed and it actually becomes hurtful and disrespectful the way they go so hard for a guy but not for you
I had to cut off 3 ''friends'' who are Narcissist and would act Insecure, Jealous and Envious towards me. They would give me back handed compliments, try and sabotage anything good going on in my life and would gossip about me behind my back. They are very mean spirited girls. Mind you I am 35 and they are 41 and 51. So glad these old mean spirited creatures are out of my life!
I realized the value of friendships late this year when I looked around and I was like "shit, I was messed up" I literally pushed everyone out with the mentality that "if you don't have anything to offer me that will make my life better, then bounce" that literally made me cut off people would i say that, or become an instant loner.
My birthday is coming up and, I can't even say, oh this person is gonna wish me or anyone is gonna wish me. It's that bad.
it's good to have friends but i believe everyone should have that top 5 inner circle friends who you can run to with time, they will be tested but it's really essential though. Then you can have people you know that you are acquainted to or just I know you, you know me stuff... If that's okay.
Honestly, don't push people away. Just set your standards and make it clear to them. They will see you and filter themselves out as you are not one to be wasted time with.
I hope my comment makes sense. What do you think?
Yeah absolutely, I don't get where this whole "cutting people off" thing came from. That's the same mistake I made last year, and now I have like 2 people to talk to whereas last year I had so many connections and people to turn to. I realize that it's better to keep good vibes with everyone even though they may not reciprocate your energy, because you may need that person in the future you never know, and if you cut them off for a petty reason then you just screwed yourself over.
Then you come over to one of these videos, and everyone's like "you go girl", but in reality, you blocked your own blessings and now you have no one to turn to in times of need especially like today where we got the coronavirus.
Like honestly I didn't even know how bad it got until I looked at my phone on my birthday, and other than my family, less than 10 people wished me, and a lot of the people I had been snippy to in the past because they "didn't match my energy" (I didn't directly tell them that, but they could see it through my vibe) didn't even wish me. I then looked at my previous photos on my phone, and all these people were there in pictures taken last year and we looked so happy. I get that improvement is important, but I needed to realize that everyone doesn't have to improve with you. You can still have certain friends for certain activities and still keep a large circle of friends. You can discuss slightly vulnerable things about yourself to everyone, but only keep the really deep info between 1-5 people. Anyways, that's what I think!
Can you do a video on having a jealous friend?
THISSSSSSSS
Well needed
Friendships do come and go so it's best to have you at the end of the day no one will love you better✨
Oh...my God. I was literally thinking about this topic one minute ago, and then I get my phone and see your notification. If this ain't a sign i don't know what is.
🧚🏿♂️
I've let go of alot of friendships because of all of the above reasons. My first friendship heartbreak really hurt me to my core however in a twist of events it taught me so much about people and myself. I've released them so they can live their best life but I refuse to be a go to therapist, advisor, cheerleader, ever present friend where the same energy isn't reciprocated. Fortunately due to this experience it made it easier for me to retain relationships with others that are organic and authentic and reciprocal rather then selfish and one sided. I've also learned that not everyone is meant to go through this life journey with you, they're merely teachers or students that you meet along the way. I can count with one hand the friendships that I hold near and dear and I cherish those friendships wholeheartedly. Great topic dear keep up the excellent content!
I completely stopped all communication with two “friends” , blocked them on social media and their phone numbers, I don’t need fake half ass friends who constantly made fun of how clumsy I can be sometimes , or when they use the ohh I’m just kidding line all the time . Ever since then my life had been soo much better !!!
I just cut off a friend due to the same. Always made fun of certain things about me and the whole “I’m just playing”. No, just straight up disrespectful. Glad you have moved on.
This video spoke to me on so many levels. I've had to cut contact with friends, and it's always been the right decision, but I always felt worried about whether I would have friends in the future. I know now that being compatible with someone is far more important than sharing history with them, but I need to remind myself of it quite a lot. Your videos always inspire me to introspect! Thank you!
I had my feature film debut and not only did he not come, he didn't even acknowledge it or say anything, not even a "I'm happy for you". I texted him a week later asking if he was happy for me and he said yes (Not knowing what I was even talking about) and I literally had to tell him about it...and he didn't say much and we never got together to talk or anything when I really wanted to celebrate with him. I've cut him off. I was there for his wedding as his best man, there for his career, and gave up an entire summer for him when he had a break up. All things he would NEVER do for me. -_- Sucks, but it sucks more for him now that he's out of my life and I'm moving forward to happier days =)
I have had this topic of friendship on my mind for a while now. I have been on a self love journey and it has given me time to reflect on myself, my relationships and how I contribute towards them. I honestly just want healthy friendships with people who are willing to be available and form authentic connections.
Once I feel this person is no good , I move on. But that leaves me with hardly anyone
I love this, cause thats how I live and then people blame me for bouncing when shit gets toxic with them or when we just vibe different frequencies, when like you said, it doesn't have to be negative. lol.
Your video really came at the right time. I recently ended a three year friendship with my college “best friend.” I noticed that whenever anything related to race came up she would remain silent or would say extremely ignorant things which bothered me from the beginning (she’s white, I’m black). But then there was also the fact that whenever I wanted to set up boundaries she took it as a personal offense but when she set up boundaries I respected them. The friendship was really one sided because I was constantly hustling in my career and getting to know myself while she lacked ambition and did nothing in her life. She would live vicariously through my experiences and then secretly judge me for them. She put herself in the position of my “sidekick” and was never really doing anything for herself or her life. Whenever anything bad would happen in my personal life she was quick to sympathize with the people who hurt me but then would try to diminish me if I were to ever let out my anger from those experiences. Whereas whenever the smallest inconvenience happened to her, I was right by her side and empathized with her greatly. I just noticed right away she had selective empathy. She disclosed to me two years into our friendship that narcissism runs in her family and that she knows she carries narcissistic traits. Recently something awful happened to me in my personal life and she was aware of all the great pain I was in. Shortly after she sat me down and started projecting onto me, basically attacking my character and saying I was all the things she is and has done in our friendship. When I called her out on projecting, there was silence. She then said that if I don’t let go of the boundaries I have for her or follow her new way of life which is being extremely conservative, then she doesn’t see our friendship going anywhere. I told her that no one is going to tell me how to be or live my life and that I will never put anyone over my self worth. I also sent her a lengthy letter basically calling her out on her endless hypocrisy. I’m honestly glad I’m free from that friendship, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still furious that someone so close to me could do that and not even get how awful they are and what they’ve done.
Thanks, this is more confirmation for me!!! I let go of two long term friendships this year 2020, one in March, was long distance friends for almost 17 years and the other this month, friends for 33 years, this was has been cut off twice before.... Both out lived their expiration dates...I just couldn't do it anymore. Issa wrap!!! Free your mind and the rest will follow! Praise the Lord!!!🙏🏾🧚🏾♀️🤗
I used to feel bad when I lose but now I'm living for myself and have new boundaries now so I prefer it if relationships grow in time and not right away
I was listening.. but I was also staring. You're gorgeous
How do YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED TO HEAR??? 🥺
Gosh thank you - people don’t talk about this enough and there’s so much guilt and condemnation when you do need to walk away from friendships when the other party want to stay. It’s been such a battle!
I'm glad that you've made this. I'm currently going through a friend break up and it's been super hard. But I'm learning that we are on two different paths, and I've out grown alot of our old patterns. I've tried to Express this but she wants do continue with old ways. And I just cant put myself in that box anymore. But now I feel like I have no friends, and it feels very lonely. But my self love and growth is worth more.
I found I lost the most friends when I lost weight. I also lost friends after having my daughter and becoming a stay at home mom. My daughter was only 4 months old and I was bombarded with "when are you putting your daughter in daycare?, are you going back to work?, etc.
I think I had one too many a friend randomly ghost me after getting into a relationship, but once I got into mine, they would accuse me of “not making time” for them, meanwhile, I was actually busy making time for the friendships that poured into me as much as I poured into them while my ghost friends were nowhere to be found.
An acquaintance of my that I have known for few months recently changed a positive conversation I had with her into negative coz I used my personal life experiences to encourage her coz she was new to the country...I was confused why she changed what I had told her but at the end of the day, I realized that the business idea that both of us had discussed and was thinking about bringing to reality, but she was looking for something so that we can have an argument about so that she can cut me off so that she can announce the business all by herself...SMH but I'm OK with that, I'm glad she showed me who she is early, God bless her in all her future endeavours.
Relatives too
Personally would never break up with any friend because that’s just cruel, but it could be that i think that just because every friend i ever had either soon cut me off or it was one sided from the start. I don’t want to be like them, i want to be the person you know you can come back to and trust to be still there.
Hey, I just want to say that I love your videos, your advice has helped me a lot, It's such a coincidence that you posted this the same time I just cut off my "friends". I've been friends with this one girl since ele but tbh I knew in my gut she was never my friend. She did so much bad things behind my back and every time she did that stuff I found out minutes after or seconds! Not days or months. I knew all along that she been snaking around but I decided to stay her friend and I never confronted her because I overlooked all the negatives for the positives, but just like in math a huge negative plus a small positive still equals a negative! She was just doing the bare minimum and that's on being a genuine person, I respect that but I didn't know my worth. I thanked her for the BARE MINIMUM. I didn't know since everybody was so mean to me, I've been bullied a lot so the small little positive stuff anybody ever said stuck with me. I've been there for her and she been there for me, sometimes she didn't really care tho or she gave off a weird vibe. She ghosted me around the same time I was going to cut her off. What she did? (Low-key messing with my bf whose now my ex and plotting on me, talking trash & hanging around the girls who didn't like me.) I've done my part, I been there for her whenever she had a breakup or friend issues and death of relatives. It took me forever to let go because friends is what I've always been longing for. I'm in highschool now & I now know I don't need anybody! She wasn't the only fake friend I had more and I learned to stop letting people into my life who disrespects me.
I’m earlyyyy! Yayyyy!!❤️