“I will love myself when I’m perfect” is so toxic because you will never be perfect. Not only is “total perfection” impossible but also “total love”. To know something is imperfect but to love it still is “true love” because it isn’t so extreme or absolute. This is the love we have for the world and our families, and it’s the only way to love yourself.
"I devalue partners that value me". That hits home and it's so painful because you end up rejecting love and connection because you believe that you don't deserve it and that the person is stupid to treat you with respect and genuine love
When I heard “if this person loves me then there must be something wrong with them” it made me look back at the screen as I was doing something. It really struck me as my exact thoughts that I could never put into words until now of the relationships I get in
Man, your recent posts have really struck a chord with me, I have Borderline Personality disorder, your videos make me feel less lonely. know that somehow, you are helping someone even from across the globe, thank you and please, never stop.
I have the perfect comfort show for you. It's called crazy ex girlfriend, which is a depiction of the main character - a supposed crazy ex girlfriend - who actually isn't "crazy", but has Borderline personality disorder. It's a good portrayal of many themes, it's such a good comfort show. It dismantles the term "crazy". It's my favorite show. It's the best one, and especially if you have BPD, I'd recommend watching it. And I just want to tell you, you are a wonderful person. You are loved. You are amazing and you can be whoever you want to be. You probably already are, but just can't see it. And that's hard. I know. But don't worry too much. Just have a little faith in yourself and work on your problems and let go when there's nothing you can do. And embrace it when you can't let things be. Shit, life can be tough and BPD is rough, but you'll learn to find the love around you and find it in yourself. Life isn't perfect, nor are humans. But we don't have to always be happy or perfect to deserve love or believe in life. We're all deserving of love and capeable of more. And we have a basic value, without needing to be anything to "earn" it. We just have to believe in ourselves and our worth, and we'll access our true power. I wish you the best. I think you'll find what you're looking for. Good luck on your journey. Enjoy all the little things and be proud of how you're trying and your progress, and know you don't have to be perfect and you're doing your best. That's what counts. There is also room to embrace the bad. Sometimes we have to. You deserve love, despite the fact that you may not always see the truth that you are worthy of it. But you are. Trust me. ❤
All of these feelings dissipated for me in high school when my psychology teacher said "people are too absorbed in themselves to care about you the way you do" Which meant a lot of things to me... "hey, yeah..." I thought to myself "this also means that people don't care on my flaws like I do. I can make mistakes. People don't ignore me because they don't care. They're self-conscious. They're going through their own stuff." it made me feel a lot better. That frame of mind stuck with me since, for the better
i never knew a yt comment could change the entire way i once thought about myself, the people around me and the world in general thank you for sharing man
And then it stings so much more when those people choose to tell you which mistakes you made that they didn’t like. Suddenly, they’re partial to it all.
@@bunsenn5064but half the time they’re talking about your “mistake” it’s taking their own anger at the world out on you. Never take advice from angry people, as they lack the strength to stay calm in the moment. much less tell you how to live your life
I broke down today. Because I remembered how horrible I felt from group therapy all those months back. I hated how, even there I felt invisible... and worse, unlovable. Edit: Therapy helped, but only when I felt secure enough to discuss my issues. In group, everyone seemed to have "better" reasons for what happened. Call it self-centered, but I felt so bitter, that I couldn't get the support those people had immediately after they shared with the group. I felt so angry. I still am. Its weird. Therapy works, but it takes a bit to find a style that fits. Group was not my style my guy.
@@cIoudbankThis kind of statement is very rudely dismissive to those that have been genuinely helped by therapy, and tragically discouraging for those that desperately need therapy. I'm sorry if you have had a bad experience with therapy, and I hope you have found the help you need. Take care.
There is no person that is truly unlovable. I strongly believe that everyone should have some physical thing that they can turn to and enjoy that is healthy for them. I picked up guitar so i could have something lovely in my life that isn’t numbing or depreciative of our potential. Even though i don’t speak with my loved ones often about things i enjoy a lot i can still find a sense of security with them. Breaking down only makes it easier to build yourself back up. The brain is a muscle too. I genuinely hope you strive in the upcoming years of your life
@@davidgavin3732I have never read such a wholesome comment from somebody with a gus fring profile picture. Jokes aside though, thank you for this comment.
For the longest time, I kept up this almost.. savior complex-esque act of valuing other people's needs, wants, and emotions over my own, because I truly believed, not only was my suffering comparatively unimportant on some corrupted mathematical level considering there will always be more people than me and, therefore, much more capacity for suffering in others than in me; I also truly believed that I'm an absolute monster that doesn't deserve love or kindness if I don't actively earn it by also giving it to anyone, regardless of if they, themselves, deserve it. It's a mindset I've tried to move past; and, though I can't in honest sincerity say that I love myself, I think some internal part of me knows that, in order to feel like I deserve to be loved unconditionally, I'll need to learn to do so.
This reminds me of the story "No Longer Human" a prize winning Japanese story, claimed to be the most depressing literature of that country. I read the graphic novel by Junji Ito. It's basically a story about how a young man doesn't know who or what is is suppose to be, this causes the destruction of many lives and show what happens when one fails to define the "self". As someone who has decided to stop looking for a purpose in life and just experience what my life is (partly after hitting this channel), it comes to me there is no right or wrong way to live. We just do, leaning to much into this idea creates a sense of numbness to me, but it is more calming than the cycle of despair and happiness that made my world feel more extreme than it is. Simply be.
Wow I relate to this comment so much, I'm going thru this right now, feeling a lot of internal conflict cuz of self loathing and hating my own imperfections and also the imperfections of others yet still wanting love and connection from others. Also, looking for a deep sense of purpose knowing full well that life is absurd and there is no inherent meaning or purpose to life. Thanks for this comment.
Damn I watched this and found myself thinking about how I have done/felt the same way. The way we perceive ourselves is so strange because for me it is always dependent on my mood. Ill look in the mirror and either be frustrated that I look ugly or be shocked that I have always looked this good. I always have to remind myself whenever I feel down that it is just a feeling and that it will pass eventually even though you cant skip it.
@cloud934 if feeling down on ourselves is just a passing phase, then is feeling good about ourselves also just a passing phase? When can we find a feeling that is constant?
I don't think it's possible to be constant, I had to accept this fact of life,we can only be able to realize they are just phases and the bad feelings will have light at the end of the tunnel and realize each moment you feel bad accept that it feels like it will never end even though it will
I don't know why but this video appears at the time that IS SO SO SO SO RIGHT FOR ME. I've been feeling a great deal amount of self-hatred and I've been learning French too! It's also crazy with the fact u put bits of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin's interview because not only I am a big fan of Gainsbourg, the interview itself talks about how Jane really loves Serge and how Serge sees himself as détestable
I used to be in this exact same position. This is something I understand all too well. In short, the symptoms outlined in this video are a description of shame. The sense that for whatever reason we are not enough. However, is anyone born not enough? No, it's something we learn as we go through life, typically early on, maybe on the school playground or at family gatherings. Maybe others experience it later and never have faced and overcome it before, lack the tools equipped to know how to deal with the threat towards their identity of feeling not enough. Ultimately feeling not enough is an illusion created within your mind. It's rooted in comparison to those around us. Do you ever feel not enough to a tree or a lion in the wild? I am not good enough to be loved is a common one. I am not funny enough to crack a joke. Whatever it may be. It's all a symptom of shame. So what's on the otherside of shame? How do we combat this asshole of a voice in our heads? Through cultivating empathy, compassion, gentleness and kindness. And also through reflection and challenging our thoughts. Learn to identify when you're putting yourself down and cut yourself some slack. Acknowledge that you may not be good enough at this thing you just failed yet, but in time you will improve and one day you will make it. Work hard and you'll get better. You owe it to yourself to do something great right? Something you can be proud of. It's your responsibility to give it everything you've got. Sometimes it's hard, that's okay. In those moments we do what we can. In time, we will learn how to do better but for now, we will do our best. There are days that are just a write off. Screw it, and move on. Tomorrow's another day. Another opportunity. Nothing's waiting for us at the end of the day. Yet the world is full of ample opportunity. Why not explore what makes us laugh, what makes us smile? Try something new, even if it scares you. Do it scared. Why not? If it sucks, go to bed and try something else tomorrow. Eventually, you'll find something that sticks. Take your time, you have plenty of it. If not, that's okay too 😊
What a great comment, thank you for posting! I agree with you - trauma based shame and the feeling of not being (good) enough is very often a root cause for a lot of our problems and issues. Sadly, most coping mechanisms just make things worse and lead to self destruction. I really like your positive attitude and encouraging words. Thanks again and all the best to you!❤
It is too selfish to deem yourself such word as "unlovable". To love is a mixture of choice and feelings. Who are we to determine what other people, willingly or otherwise, feels towards us?
But first we must define unlovable. Is a person unlovable in the since that they are incapable of loving themself, or are they repulsive to those around them? If love is not tangible, how can it be seen as an action?
Treat yourself as you'd like to treat others. Could you love a flawed person? A deeply flawed person? If you could then that's a solid reason to not demand perfection from yourself. If you couldn't then... I mean I guess by your standards you are unlovable, can't really help you there (then again that would make literally nobody loveable, and there happens to be a lot of love in the world, so I'm sure you can figure that out.).
This resonates so much with me. A sense of shame and self pity, that fundamentally makes me feel sorry for myself. When I see myself in the mirror I can’t help but wonder why do I have friends at all? Why do people like me? What is it in this stranger in front of the mirror that people find charming? I assume I’ll never know, but thanks to this video, I now know that at least I don’t feel this way alone. Thank you. And for whoever reads this, your existence is beautiful and you are not alone, even when you are.
The algorithm knows I’ve been telling people about you recently. Happy to be back watching a video. I love the style, the music, the impartiality, the personal relation you build to tell the story. Keep them coming.
i can't pretend to know you, sisyphus. the person you have gone through life being, your experiences, your childhood, anything really personal like that. but you do mean a lot to me. your channel has given me much to think deeply about and i feel a strange type of kinship with you, as someone jaded at a relatively young age who buries herself deep in thought and seemingly "pretentious" things", simply to understand myself and the world around me. your fears and concerns are eerily similar to my own at times and many of your videos have been extremely close to home. this may not mean much to you for me to say, but i truly hope that you can make sense of these struggles and dark feelings. and i hope that you can look back on this part of your life in the future as something you gained much insight from, as a more stable and happy person. trust me, you are loved. your presence in this world means a lot to people. you may not be perfect but that is ok, no one is. you can improve in any way you need to. you don't need to be perfect to be loved, then no one would be loved. love yourself anyways and believe that at least some others will too. wishing for the best for you. 💙
I have always felt like love wasn't even something i could ever have. Kinda like a cookie jar. Out of respect to the person who made the cookies, i never take them. Without realizing that maybe those cookies were made for me, and by not eating them... i actually hurt the one who made them. Sometimes(actually most of the time), i feel like i dont even deserve what i want. That i will never get what i want because im too much mork, that im too broken to ever make anyone else happy when they try to love me, too much of a failure to actually satisfy the partner that might not even come in the first place. I've only ever had one actual lover, and it was sadly forced online due to the pandemic. My partner had some family trouble and had to think back on themself, splitting us up. To have the one thing i wanted ripped away because of something out of control... really doesn't help the idea that im not loveable. On top of that, they wouldn't let me help them when they were in their time of most need, which is another twist of the knife. But that wasn't their fault, and i dont blame them. The only person i blame is me. Sorry for the ted talk and wall of text, but i felt compelled to write my own experience after seeing everyone else's.
I can comprehend what you say. As a teenager who never experienced love but have the constant desire of it, having self-hatred was something normal for me. Worst of all, i have this negative thoughts in a social flow like school or walking pass the park. I have thoughts like i don't deserve love or i'm not even gonna have a chance because of the proofs of it. At the end, i never managed to have a partner, and even if i want to have one, i feel i'm unworthy of satisfying her needs and managing to love her. I don't really now how i managed to feel like this about me, i don't remember exactly how. Maybe my parents told me something that got me marked on, idk. At least i'm not the only one. What you said about the cookie jar resonated so much with me. Like i respect them so much, that i feel like i'm disturbing them, even if they want to talk to me (and you manage to realize it after you know they looked at you constantly, or they were very aware of ur behavior). Oh yeah, and it's not only with relationships at all. I have the same problem with almost everything i want to do. Like i want to do a hobby that i know i enjoy like chess or exercise, yet i don't do it because i think i'm wasting time and i'm not worth of doing it. Maybe i need to be more kind, more empathic, or maybe i don't need to care that much. I don't how you are doing rn, but i hope the best for you. If i had any problem with grammar or sm like that, it's because i speak spanish.
Relatable. Feel unable to even put myself out there far enough for rejection to be an option due to feeling "if I feel this way about myself, why would anyone else want to spend time with me?"
As much as i can understand the feeling of both liking and hating myself i find it so hard to feel motivated to do anything to prove my myself worthy of love when it feels like the world only validates the idea that i shouldnt be loved and not only that but i dont deserve it
I’m currently on a journey to undo a lot of damage I have carried with me throughout the years. One of the issues I noticed within myself was this deep self-loathing. I can objectively say I’m an accomplished person with lots of good qualities, yet I never feel them sufficient to justify my very existence. My flaws seem so tremendous to me that anytime they become externally apparent, I have to compensate for them. Ultimately, I think I have at some point internalized that, in order to deserve love (even my own), I must work for it. Needless to say, I saw my experience wonderfully reflected in this video, down to the numbing vices of choice. It feels good to feel seen; it feels less lonely. I hope I am not out of line in putting here this quote I read recently on a Tumblr post (I’m really soaking up all this internet wisdom), but I find it genuinely makes sense and helps in the path towards (self-)compassion. The post read, “to love and be loved is to rest”. Have a wonderful day and I wish you luck (and peacefulness, and joy, and contentment)!
It's horrifying how you channel into words my own thoughts, actions & experiences as if you plucked them from my own brain. "This is to protect myself from ever being actually found out," regarding the facade of confidence to mask insecurity, and "this was my answer to the question of how I can be loved: I'll be loved when I become the best version of me." These are sentences I've scrambled, nearly verbatim, to my own friends.
Cause sometimes the only love you got to fall back on, is the love you give to yourself cause love isnt something your entitled to, but its something you can't live without so you got to love yourself, warts and all.
God. I kinda hate that what you're saying resonates with me so much. I have a lot of self-loathing but hearing that there are other people that also feel like this helps sometimes. Thank you for this video❤
it just came back yesterday but I'm better now. i've been through this, on and off. feeling unloved, worthless, and ugly. Sometimes, I feel that maybe people hate, are irritated, or disgusted of me. But honestly, often, it's just me overthinking. That's why thinking too much is dangerous. Since the more you ponder on that thought, the more it ingrains in you. The thought starts to grow until it overwhelms you. Your mind and body starts to break down in response. Thus, you have to hold yourself together and think that things aren't always set in stone. Think that atleast we recognize and then, we can improve. "i'll be loved when I become the best version of me" is the reason why i try to improve myself. I don't really strive for best but to be better at least. I am a wallflower but I try to be a better one. I try to improve my self and face my fears. When I start to notice my progress, that's when I feel better and accept myself peacefully. maybe it's because i gave myself something, thus, the sense of self-pity is reduced and i feel more grateful for myself for trying.
This past week has been a rough one for me. I’ve done a lot of thinking about who I am, what I feel, and why I want to be seen the way I do and, man, this entire video hit the nail on the head. Happy to see I’m not alone. You aren’t either❤️
Love that you share these short videos with us, your fantastic voice giving me the insight into your mind. It's very powerful and unique. Thank you Sis55 🙏
I've watched been watching these videos for around a year now. While I can't relate to each and every one of them. There are those special ones like these in which I feel myself being opened up and exposed and I only feel even more vulnerable and gross realizing my own inner thoughts. While I hate looking into these occasional mirrors you show me it at least helps me understand my own mind a little better and helps me know I am not alone and one day I'll find my acceptance that I am a real person and eventually reach that self love.
I have a history of struggling with insecurity, guilt, dissociation and things of the sort. It sometimes feels like a bit of an echo chamber but the stuff you make have truly helped me out on those kinds of moments. Tysm for doing what you do💜
huh, what luck. i’ve been struggling with depression for the last 3 months, and these recent videos, especially this one and the squonk, have really hit home with me, and i’m sure i speak for some of us when i say that. we love you sisyphus, you’ve helped so, SO many people, including me. focus on yourself if need be, and i’m so glad to see you getting not only the recognition you deserve, but also the community and followers you deserve. we love you sisyphus!
I just went through, this. It's crazy breaking the façade, stopping the escape, learning to love myself is literally my life at this very moment. I hurt someone very close to me because I was afraid that they were about to see the real me that I keep locked away and hidden, so I did something very selfish and stupid to sabotage any chance of that happening. In doing so I broke the illusion, I could no longer live with "myself" the way that I was. Drinking, having sex with strangers, being a cool cocktail bartender at a speakeasy. And began the process of relearning how to love. How to love myself, my friends, family, partners, strangers, everyone and everything. How to stop having that stare off in the mirror and just accept who I am, whoever I am, not just the parts I like, and not just the pieces that I despise. Anyway thanks for the video it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is going through a similar process. Much love brother
Hey man you are loved. Just know that. We, your philosophical fam is here. I hope you find happiness. Cause by god?! you've helped me thru some hard times bro.
You’re vids have helped me reason with a number of my own struggles. In this one especially I feel like you perfectly articulate an ongoing on and off struggle I have with myself. Thanks for being you and doing what you do. Hopefully we can all figure out how to finally climb out seemingly cyclical trap we find ourselves in.
I’ve been working on becoming the best version of myself this year and it’s been equally the best and worst thing I’ve ever experienced. This video hit me deep but it was beautiful, thank you
"I'll be loved when I become the best version of me." This quote is stuck with me for a long time, reinforcing a faulted view of myself. What I thought was "perfect" was outside parameters, things that I did not have the power to change, but other people. I felt "perfect" the times that life went smoothly, without anything to interrupt my joy. But what is really "perfect", I believe, is up to the individual. The whole time that I had this view of myself, I never felt loved. Still, if you ask me what the definition of love is, I'll struggle. This video helped me a lot to rethink some things. Like you, for years I struggled with love, loving myself or anybody else, because I focused on every negative thing that I've done or someone else has done. But those negatives are what gives people depth (thanks Karl Jung). From this video I reevaluated two things: my perspective on "perfection" and love. Everybody has done something dirty in the past that doesn't want to talk about. That dirty thing is what is haunting everybody and making them feeling that they can't be loved. Focusing too much on the negatives, so much that we turn inside out, letting ourselves lose control. That's the problem. My defintion of love from now on is that love, as a connection, means that you see the person as a whole, with the negatives and the positives, but not reacting to them, but understanding them. Understanding that you don't need to change them and you can work together for an enjoyable life. Also, my view on perfection changed. Thanks to this video, perfection from now on (for me) is to not stop. Because I struggled a lot with perfectionism and constant comparison with others, perfection now for me means that, every day, every hour, what I am doing is going to contribute some way or another positively to my future. Thanks, sisyphus
If it wasn't for my current gf I'd still be struggling with this. She is so supportive, understanding, and willing to give me validation when I need it. Every day she shows me through her actions that I am loveable, even when I feel I am at my worst. I hope you find that, man. I decided when I met her to be radically vulnerable. I am always honest and hold nothing from her. It still scares me, but I credit that decision with this relationship. I wish I had something profound to say about how to love oneself, but the truth is, I would be broken and not whole without her love, may anyone struggling with this find a person like her, and may you have the courage to genuinely open yourself to them.
I'm so f+cking happy for you, genuinely. That's really beautiful. I hope that you keep that sense of self as long as you live. It's such a precious experience to be able to truely be yourself. I don't want this to come across like, "I'm depresseder than you," but... I have a relationship just like that. My partner is endlessly supportive, and even loves me through my abuse when yet another medication doesn't sit right with me. I've had brief moments like that. Tiny glimpses past whatever messed up lens I see myself through. Somehow, even love like you've described it isn't enough to shake my morbidly low self-esteem. I'm not even religious, but I've prayed to God for the strength to hold onto that clarity. But mental illness can be insanely persistent, and BPD just keeps on kicking me down & bare-ass farting on my head. It's rough out here
What would happen if she left you? Would those feelings of worthlessness come right back into your life, or has your time with her positively changed your outlook permanently?
@@mkailov13study shows that as long as they're in secure-attachment relationship for at least two years, they'd be okay even if they end up separating. Since their psyche has learnt the 'good' lesson.
I don't think a romantic partner is necessary though it certainly is the "easiest" route (that kind of love and intense feelings in a relationship is just easier to dedicate yourself to). hope is great, it's important, but romantic love really is just hugely based in chance. I think that putting your energy into healing and growing yourself, watering your own garden and being honest with whoever you feel best (close friends, family, strangers, whoever), is the most doable for people in the here and now. trusting and it paying off and learning to let go is key, but it often takes a long time to do it properly and for your gut to be "right". for many people, they trust and are vulnerable without boundaries or standards, or with the wrong boundaries and standards. it's all about balance and learning from failure.
Damn... first video from this channel and should I say, it spoke to me on a level that even my inner self was trying to put on an imaginary mask just to keep these thoughts and ideas at bay, so I won't really comfort them and persuade myself that everything is perfectly fine if I just give more power and energy on the "surface level" type of thinking..thank you! Really needed this at this point of my life. I do/want and will actually be the best version of me because I've been trying to put it off so long through cheap and temporary indulgence that I have lost what and who I really AM! A random click on a random video just gave me the assurance of what I really should be doing right now. Thank you my friend this might have been the little extra push I needed to get my shit together. Appreciate you. Keep on doing what you do and you might be the little "nudge"/realty check people need!
Look man, I know nothing I can say can really dig deep into your own self esteem journey but I just want to say that your vulnerability in these videos really helps me feel less lonely. I also struggle deeply with existence and the complicated simultaneous nature of my love and disdain towards it and thus also a simultaneous love and disdain towards myself since I am the thing that is existing. It's tough man, but it's even harder when you hear these thoughts ring around your head all alone. Good to know we got brothers out here struggling too. Much love to you.
Using my misery as my own validation has become an addiction, getting my heart broken has become such meloncholicly blissfull feeling to me. I hate myself
I lived my life exactly like this until 2020, so that's 20 years of my life. When I received unconditional love form someone, I didn't think I deserve it. Slowly I started to focus on my strengths, improve my ignorant perspective about why I hate myself, I used to hate everything about me. I felt I was a demon. That person who taught me self-love helped me see myself as a human. This video makes me seen and heard and I always thought I was the only one suffering from this. I don't know who is the creator of this video, but you deciding to be vulnerable so openly is helping a lot of us. Thanks.
I feel you, man. It's weird, I know, but I've experienced a lot (if not all) of the things you said in this video. It's like I'm always at war with myself.
Hey sisyphus im saddened for you by some of the videos you’ve posted lately, as ive felt many of these same feelings that you do since the start of my adolescence and continue to. I am so very glad that you are able to put a voice to these feelings though and i can tell u have a great heart. Im rooting for you in spirit whether u continue to make videos or not (though i would love for u to continue to) and want to offer many thanks not for the value i get from your videos, but for being earnest in your desire to bring something positive to peoples lives. You should be proud of yourself
Yet another close-hitting video. The mirror part really made me smile. I've struggled with this exact mindset my entire life, and I do recall mine came from some very bad early influences, friends who thought it was funny to tell me to kill myself and I deserve burning in hell to get a little giggle out of it; my parents never seeming quite interested in all the things I enjoyed as a kid. Grew up accomplishing great things but it was never "me" who did them, it was that guy in the mirror who I hated so utterly who I felt puppeted by, or just in a dream, in a body I didn't belong in. Everyone in my later years always congratulated me telling me how great I was but, they couldn't possibly be speaking to *me*, it had to be.. well, I always said "we" when I worked on things, as if some body of people contributed so I could rationally deny being any use to anybody. My father actually noticed this before he passed, God bless him, and he used to make me look in the mirror, smile, and say that I liked myself, and move on to loving myself. It was so fucking hard, and it wasn't until he passed that I could finally work up to those words but, it's still hard, day by day. I'm not sure if the scientific world has identified these seemingly-exact mindsets, as, probably like many in this wave of people, I feel I harbor the *exact* thoughts you do, but, I see that the lighter side of you forces you onward with these videos to not only get it out but feel accomplished in acknowledging it and accomplishing the enrichment of other humans, and just want to say you do a great job getting straight to the point in words this generation can understand. God bless you on this journey as he has me.
This post really stuck out with me. I had felt loneliness yesterday, and that isn't something I usually feel. I tell myself I choose solitude but I realize I struggle to really strike a balance between the two, where I cannot easily exit each choice. I went to sleep last night feeling I wasn't enough because I had felt like I wasn't enough, and that I really should be a better person. I don't believe I'm a bad person, but I can't say I believe I'm a good person, and that alone was enough to let my thoughts get the better of me. My thoughts on myself were so extreme and I was left wondering why I was perfectly fine and content with myself one day, and yearning for the approval of others on the next. Perhaps it was some external force that caused me to reinforce those extreme negative thoughts in my head throughout the day. That I haven't figured out yet, but I do like your final message of being the best person can make you loved. I guess the "best person" of myself is something I can never truly reach.
I think more often than not, we tend to over analyse things and situations and sometimes even ourselves. Things do tend to get complicated when one attempts to explain or intellectualise things the best we can.
I read recently found myself craving for female attention in order to validate myself, but then I had a conversation with my ex-wife that fred me from that feeling. She said to me "I am very sorry for what I did to you and know that you didn't lose me I lost you", that made me realize that my craving for the female attention and the constant beating to myself about my image, my psyche and my intelligence, was a desperate attempt to answer the question "why, why she did it, wasn't me enough? wasn't I enough?" To my understanding now, what I have to do is focus on the things I really desire, things that fulfill me and no one else. So I have to just set goals because it doesn't matter, we all die and life is to short not to enjoy ourselves as much as possible. These goals are mine and only mine, like learning a new language, learning how to draw or actually making a million dollars, whatever, we all gonna die, but it would be stupid to waste the opportunity of enjoyment looking acceptance with others.
Just got this video recommended days after having a huge mental health breakthrough and realizing all of these things. Incredible video, I only wish I could've found something like this sooner. But then again, maybe I had to come to these conclusions myself. Because just a week ago I wouldn't have even dreamed of being able to express genuine love towards myself. And now I'm finally figuring out why anyone would put up with me.
Sisyphus, you are light years ahead of where the majority of you audience want to be. And although that brings you no satisfaction i should let you know that you are a hero to us all. To the lost, the unfulfilled, the afraid. Yes, you may be a long way from where you thought you would be by now, you are also saving lives day by day. That is the truth, you are keeping people alive through your videos. I thank you, and the thousands of us who owe our lives love you. That love is unconditional and true.
The discrepancy between successes and the way you truly feel about yourself hits hard. It's very scary that these videos seem to be recommended/uploaded exactly during a time period where they appear to be most prevalent in my own life. And it appears I am not the only one looking in the comments. I hope all of you and Sisyphus himself manage to improve on this aspect in your lives.
i struggled with a feeling of being unlovable, my solution was to cut of the people who made me feel that way, and when i after a year started feeling feelings of being worthy i physically pushed them with my hands to the part where i felt most unloved in my stomach, so strange how that is what worked for me
Damn, I didn't think many others feel like I do when I look in the mirror. I guess that makes at least two of us... I respect the level of quality in your videos. You know your stuff much better than people I know to be way overconfident in what they say. Your videos are, for lack of a better term, good shit.
This video really gave me perspective on the difference between attachment to worldly impressions and seeking companionship. Really it's the attachment that drives your image and is detrimental to actual feelings of belonging if it results in negative self image
You are my favorite existential topic channel, your videos don’t tell people you’ll be better, you don’t tell people how to fix things, you just talk about things we all feel, things we all know but don’t say out loud, it’s perfect
I’m in recovery and the biggest thing I’ve learned about myself is that I have intense deep seated shame. I feel extremely inferior to others and feel like I am much worse than others. My addiction was worse, my best is worse, I’ve done things that can never be taken back or undone. No one who ever truly saw who I am could love me. And unfortunately I’ve been validated many times in my life on this messed up belief through rejection from people I did actually open up to. It’s a self feeding spiral and it’s the biggest obstacle for me. I
I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve overcome extreme situations, I’ve somehow cheated death more than once. I look in the mirror and I love who I am now, I got sober, I look younger feel great, and look great. I can’t for the life of me find anybody that cares about me and I have no clue what love is. I got involved with bad people at a young age, made some bad choices, ended up doing some time in jail, I’ve almost died in the hospital and jail from withdrawals and overdoses. I’ve been beaten like a dog many times. I’ve overcome that, I let go of the bad people, I got sober, I’m at 18 months. I got a full time job it’s not great but better than nothing. Self love is a good thing, it’s motivated me to do better and I’m proud of myself, the question for me is how long can you love yourself if nobody else ever does? I mean makes it kinda pointless to begin with. I’ve done everything right and I’ve had to do all this alone, no support, I’m more alone than I’ve ever been ironically. After everything I’ve been through it’s hard to even trust people, but yet I’m so desperate for a human connection I do easily trust people. My story is a different one. People change, I made some bad choices but that shouldn’t shape the rest of my life, im 29 years old. Sometimes it feels like I’ve made all this progress just for people to still treat me like a dog and to tell me I’m not good enough. Life is hard, I’ve given up on trying to gain people in my life, I hope and pray I find love from other people but at the end of the day it’s just me. I don’t know why I keep going.
This is one of your few videos with no answer. I love it when you do those. Even the authenticity was more excuse than answer. Maybe the sheer acceptance of not having answers is love. Thank you for being man. Lets drown in questions together.
I felt exactly like this for a really long time. Did therapy for 5 years, which helped me a lot with understanding these feelings and thoughts and helped me not let it get too far and recover faster from times of greater anxiety. However, I must say that anti-depressants really help me the most today. It doesn't work for everyone the same way, some people have a lot of side effects, but I will say that it is a tool everyone in this situation should consider. In my case, it effectively turned my anxiety off and let me live a normal life.
My experience is a little different. I’ve never devalued someone based on their perception of me, but I’d say I lose track of a person’s value when their attitude shows that they believe they can only be valuable relative to the trivial problem they are trying to solve. But as soon as they remove themselves from the problem, they’ll crack a joke or something and I’ll see straight through them; to the beautiful thoughts and emotions in their head turning again as I realise/remember how terribly short they were selling themselves by defining themselves by some underwhelming problem.
I used to hate myself but now I love myself. The one thing that changed to get me was realizing every form or flaw of me is normal which is beautiful. There will never be a better me or the best me, only different versions of me with time, and I will love all of them because there is no time at all to hate. I have so many other things I can do besides express hate for what I've been given
the rejection of someone loving you for you is so real. will i ever be able to accept genuine love or will i keep falling into this obsession for people who won’t ever truly love me for me?
It’s that moment when you follow over 1000 creators but the algo knows you’re sAd and recommends the Philosophy god of American male existentialism. Thank you for doing what you do. You’ve contributed to me having a much more fulfilling and honest self reflection during my personal time
You see even while talking about yourself and distancing you worry about others. Once you accept yourself you stop thinking what others feel about you then you are truly free.
My favorite thing to say to situations like these, is that "you cant have any bad without the good." Meaning that if you have felt bad in anyway, well you must have felt alright at some point. Whether it be superficial or acting what ever it may be, you felt good. And now that you know what good is, and you can discerne it from bad, perhaps you will be able to see yourself in a time where you feel good because you just feel good. Not because you act it, not because of someone else, because of nothing. Because you are at peace.
“I will love myself when I’m perfect” is so toxic because you will never be perfect. Not only is “total perfection” impossible but also “total love”.
To know something is imperfect but to love it still is “true love” because it isn’t so extreme or absolute. This is the love we have for the world and our families, and it’s the only way to love yourself.
Thank you, your comment struck a chord with me.
beautiful words, friend.
wow i think you solved my self love problem
Thanks for being so nice about my comment yall. I saw I had a few notifications and it ended up being a ton of positivity!
The Japanese idea of Wabi sabi, is apt.
Do not seek perfection because it does not exist.
I may be paraphrasing but, that is how i understand it.
"I devalue partners that value me". That hits home and it's so painful because you end up rejecting love and connection because you believe that you don't deserve it and that the person is stupid to treat you with respect and genuine love
Sisyphus videos boutta make us feel something again
😭👉🏻👈🏻 i love him
this made me lmfao.
as if we get on here to not feel anything.... oh wait.
Nah.
Yea too bad yt burried it
Feel something for sure, but no one ever said it was something pleasant
When I heard “if this person loves me then there must be something wrong with them” it made me look back at the screen as I was doing something. It really struck me as my exact thoughts that I could never put into words until now of the relationships I get in
It helped me realise why I devalue people that like me. It explained truly a lot
I hope that someday when I’m gone, someone somewhere picks my soul up off of these pages and thinks “I would’ve love her”
I would love you. I also feel unlovable :)
I would love anyone if they loved me back in return
I feel this but I feel the reality is more harsh. No one will love me and would ever be bothered to even try. All I want is for someone to try.
I would have loved myself...
@@GrekeFenrisI feel you man
Not being able to say "I love you", even to yourself, is a beautiful potrayal here.
Man, your recent posts have really struck a chord with me, I have Borderline Personality disorder, your videos make me feel less lonely. know that somehow, you are helping someone even from across the globe, thank you and please, never stop.
in the words of a certain sage,
gang gang gang gang gang gang gang gang gang gang gang... GANG!
I have the perfect comfort show for you. It's called crazy ex girlfriend, which is a depiction of the main character - a supposed crazy ex girlfriend - who actually isn't "crazy", but has Borderline personality disorder. It's a good portrayal of many themes, it's such a good comfort show. It dismantles the term "crazy". It's my favorite show. It's the best one, and especially if you have BPD, I'd recommend watching it.
And I just want to tell you, you are a wonderful person. You are loved. You are amazing and you can be whoever you want to be. You probably already are, but just can't see it. And that's hard. I know. But don't worry too much. Just have a little faith in yourself and work on your problems and let go when there's nothing you can do. And embrace it when you can't let things be.
Shit, life can be tough and BPD is rough, but you'll learn to find the love around you and find it in yourself. Life isn't perfect, nor are humans. But we don't have to always be happy or perfect to deserve love or believe in life. We're all deserving of love and capeable of more. And we have a basic value, without needing to be anything to "earn" it. We just have to believe in ourselves and our worth, and we'll access our true power. I wish you the best. I think you'll find what you're looking for. Good luck on your journey. Enjoy all the little things and be proud of how you're trying and your progress, and know you don't have to be perfect and you're doing your best. That's what counts. There is also room to embrace the bad. Sometimes we have to.
You deserve love, despite the fact that you may not always see the truth that you are worthy of it. But you are. Trust me. ❤
I also have borderline personality disorder and feel the same exact way. I'm glad that I'm not alone
You have only what you convinced yourself of.
i dont get it @@flambr
All of these feelings dissipated for me in high school when my psychology teacher said "people are too absorbed in themselves to care about you the way you do"
Which meant a lot of things to me... "hey, yeah..." I thought to myself "this also means that people don't care on my flaws like I do. I can make mistakes. People don't ignore me because they don't care. They're self-conscious. They're going through their own stuff." it made me feel a lot better. That frame of mind stuck with me since, for the better
your comment resonated with me, thank you
i never knew a yt comment could change the entire way i once thought about myself, the people around me and the world in general
thank you for sharing man
And then it stings so much more when those people choose to tell you which mistakes you made that they didn’t like. Suddenly, they’re partial to it all.
@@bunsenn5064but half the time they’re talking about your “mistake” it’s taking their own anger at the world out on you. Never take advice from angry people, as they lack the strength to stay calm in the moment. much less tell you how to live your life
Why do they bully and be jealous then?
I broke down today. Because I remembered how horrible I felt from group therapy all those months back. I hated how, even there I felt invisible... and worse, unlovable.
Edit: Therapy helped, but only when I felt secure enough to discuss my issues. In group, everyone seemed to have "better" reasons for what happened. Call it self-centered, but I felt so bitter, that I couldn't get the support those people had immediately after they shared with the group.
I felt so angry. I still am. Its weird.
Therapy works, but it takes a bit to find a style that fits. Group was not my style my guy.
therapy is a scam
I’ve had therapy, thankfuly it helped me lots! Maybe you should change therapist? I would reccomend that at least
@@cIoudbankThis kind of statement is very rudely dismissive to those that have been genuinely helped by therapy, and tragically discouraging for those that desperately need therapy. I'm sorry if you have had a bad experience with therapy, and I hope you have found the help you need. Take care.
There is no person that is truly unlovable. I strongly believe that everyone should have some physical thing that they can turn to and enjoy that is healthy for them. I picked up guitar so i could have something lovely in my life that isn’t numbing or depreciative of our potential. Even though i don’t speak with my loved ones often about things i enjoy a lot i can still find a sense of security with them. Breaking down only makes it easier to build yourself back up. The brain is a muscle too. I genuinely hope you strive in the upcoming years of your life
@@davidgavin3732I have never read such a wholesome comment from somebody with a gus fring profile picture. Jokes aside though, thank you for this comment.
This is exactly how I've felt all my life. It's feels odd to hear it articulated so well
For the longest time, I kept up this almost.. savior complex-esque act of valuing other people's needs, wants, and emotions over my own, because I truly believed, not only was my suffering comparatively unimportant on some corrupted mathematical level considering there will always be more people than me and, therefore, much more capacity for suffering in others than in me; I also truly believed that I'm an absolute monster that doesn't deserve love or kindness if I don't actively earn it by also giving it to anyone, regardless of if they, themselves, deserve it.
It's a mindset I've tried to move past; and, though I can't in honest sincerity say that I love myself, I think some internal part of me knows that, in order to feel like I deserve to be loved unconditionally, I'll need to learn to do so.
Damn this is wildly relatable
This reminds me of the story "No Longer Human" a prize winning Japanese story, claimed to be the most depressing literature of that country. I read the graphic novel by Junji Ito. It's basically a story about how a young man doesn't know who or what is is suppose to be, this causes the destruction of many lives and show what happens when one fails to define the "self". As someone who has decided to stop looking for a purpose in life and just experience what my life is (partly after hitting this channel), it comes to me there is no right or wrong way to live. We just do, leaning to much into this idea creates a sense of numbness to me, but it is more calming than the cycle of despair and happiness that made my world feel more extreme than it is. Simply be.
Wow I relate to this comment so much, I'm going thru this right now, feeling a lot of internal conflict cuz of self loathing and hating my own imperfections and also the imperfections of others yet still wanting love and connection from others. Also, looking for a deep sense of purpose knowing full well that life is absurd and there is no inherent meaning or purpose to life. Thanks for this comment.
honestly i just watched the wendigoon vid on it, idk if i should still get it.
an amazing novel indeed, the setting sun is also by dazai and it has a very similar vibe, definitely recommend
@@Milkmqn Does it come in graphic novel form lol
@@Nosh5 although it does not goodnight punpun is a manga with a very similar vibe to both
Damn I watched this and found myself thinking about how I have done/felt the same way. The way we perceive ourselves is so strange because for me it is always dependent on my mood. Ill look in the mirror and either be frustrated that I look ugly or be shocked that I have always looked this good. I always have to remind myself whenever I feel down that it is just a feeling and that it will pass eventually even though you cant skip it.
@cloud934 if feeling down on ourselves is just a passing phase, then is feeling good about ourselves also just a passing phase? When can we find a feeling that is constant?
and what is that feeling?
I don't think it's possible to be constant, I had to accept this fact of life,we can only be able to realize they are just phases and the bad feelings will have light at the end of the tunnel and realize each moment you feel bad accept that it feels like it will never end even though it will
I don't know why but this video appears at the time that IS SO SO SO SO RIGHT FOR ME. I've been feeling a great deal amount of self-hatred and I've been learning French too! It's also crazy with the fact u put bits of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin's interview because not only I am a big fan of Gainsbourg, the interview itself talks about how Jane really loves Serge and how Serge sees himself as détestable
I used to be in this exact same position. This is something I understand all too well.
In short, the symptoms outlined in this video are a description of shame. The sense that for whatever reason we are not enough. However, is anyone born not enough? No, it's something we learn as we go through life, typically early on, maybe on the school playground or at family gatherings. Maybe others experience it later and never have faced and overcome it before, lack the tools equipped to know how to deal with the threat towards their identity of feeling not enough.
Ultimately feeling not enough is an illusion created within your mind. It's rooted in comparison to those around us. Do you ever feel not enough to a tree or a lion in the wild?
I am not good enough to be loved is a common one. I am not funny enough to crack a joke. Whatever it may be. It's all a symptom of shame.
So what's on the otherside of shame? How do we combat this asshole of a voice in our heads? Through cultivating empathy, compassion, gentleness and kindness. And also through reflection and challenging our thoughts. Learn to identify when you're putting yourself down and cut yourself some slack. Acknowledge that you may not be good enough at this thing you just failed yet, but in time you will improve and one day you will make it. Work hard and you'll get better. You owe it to yourself to do something great right? Something you can be proud of. It's your responsibility to give it everything you've got.
Sometimes it's hard, that's okay. In those moments we do what we can. In time, we will learn how to do better but for now, we will do our best. There are days that are just a write off. Screw it, and move on. Tomorrow's another day. Another opportunity. Nothing's waiting for us at the end of the day. Yet the world is full of ample opportunity. Why not explore what makes us laugh, what makes us smile? Try something new, even if it scares you. Do it scared. Why not? If it sucks, go to bed and try something else tomorrow. Eventually, you'll find something that sticks. Take your time, you have plenty of it. If not, that's okay too 😊
What a great comment, thank you for posting! I agree with you - trauma based shame and the feeling of not being (good) enough is very often a root cause for a lot of our problems and issues. Sadly, most coping mechanisms just make things worse and lead to self destruction.
I really like your positive attitude and encouraging words.
Thanks again and all the best to you!❤
i love you i hope you have an amazing day
this is such a kind, understanding and encouraging little text. im very touched so thanks a ton, have a lovely day!!
ty
thank you ❤
It is too selfish to deem yourself such word as "unlovable". To love is a mixture of choice and feelings. Who are we to determine what other people, willingly or otherwise, feels towards us?
Damn, nice
Great mental gymnastics. My respect
The way we feel about ourselves is completely valid
But first we must define unlovable. Is a person unlovable in the since that they are incapable of loving themself, or are they repulsive to those around them? If love is not tangible, how can it be seen as an action?
@@bunsenn5064 Unlovable means that he is repulsive to other. Also, fear is tangible too, but most people count it as action
Treat yourself as you'd like to treat others. Could you love a flawed person? A deeply flawed person? If you could then that's a solid reason to not demand perfection from yourself. If you couldn't then... I mean I guess by your standards you are unlovable, can't really help you there (then again that would make literally nobody loveable, and there happens to be a lot of love in the world, so I'm sure you can figure that out.).
This comment hit the hardest to me, thank you
@@legendmaker_1271 :3
This resonates so much with me. A sense of shame and self pity, that fundamentally makes me feel sorry for myself. When I see myself in the mirror I can’t help but wonder why do I have friends at all? Why do people like me? What is it in this stranger in front of the mirror that people find charming? I assume I’ll never know, but thanks to this video, I now know that at least I don’t feel this way alone. Thank you. And for whoever reads this, your existence is beautiful and you are not alone, even when you are.
why am I not alone even when I am
The algorithm knows I’ve been telling people about you recently. Happy to be back watching a video. I love the style, the music, the impartiality, the personal relation you build to tell the story. Keep them coming.
i can't pretend to know you, sisyphus. the person you have gone through life being, your experiences, your childhood, anything really personal like that. but you do mean a lot to me. your channel has given me much to think deeply about and i feel a strange type of kinship with you, as someone jaded at a relatively young age who buries herself deep in thought and seemingly "pretentious" things", simply to understand myself and the world around me. your fears and concerns are eerily similar to my own at times and many of your videos have been extremely close to home. this may not mean much to you for me to say, but i truly hope that you can make sense of these struggles and dark feelings. and i hope that you can look back on this part of your life in the future as something you gained much insight from, as a more stable and happy person. trust me, you are loved. your presence in this world means a lot to people. you may not be perfect but that is ok, no one is. you can improve in any way you need to. you don't need to be perfect to be loved, then no one would be loved. love yourself anyways and believe that at least some others will too. wishing for the best for you. 💙
I cant imagine the stories you can tell and create after an intense paychedelic trip
Lol omg I'm sure it'd be some neat stuff 😅
I have always felt like love wasn't even something i could ever have. Kinda like a cookie jar. Out of respect to the person who made the cookies, i never take them. Without realizing that maybe those cookies were made for me, and by not eating them... i actually hurt the one who made them.
Sometimes(actually most of the time), i feel like i dont even deserve what i want. That i will never get what i want because im too much mork, that im too broken to ever make anyone else happy when they try to love me, too much of a failure to actually satisfy the partner that might not even come in the first place.
I've only ever had one actual lover, and it was sadly forced online due to the pandemic. My partner had some family trouble and had to think back on themself, splitting us up. To have the one thing i wanted ripped away because of something out of control... really doesn't help the idea that im not loveable. On top of that, they wouldn't let me help them when they were in their time of most need, which is another twist of the knife. But that wasn't their fault, and i dont blame them. The only person i blame is me.
Sorry for the ted talk and wall of text, but i felt compelled to write my own experience after seeing everyone else's.
I can comprehend what you say. As a teenager who never experienced love but have the constant desire of it, having self-hatred was something normal for me. Worst of all, i have this negative thoughts in a social flow like school or walking pass the park. I have thoughts like i don't deserve love or i'm not even gonna have a chance because of the proofs of it. At the end, i never managed to have a partner, and even if i want to have one, i feel i'm unworthy of satisfying her needs and managing to love her. I don't really now how i managed to feel like this about me, i don't remember exactly how. Maybe my parents told me something that got me marked on, idk. At least i'm not the only one. What you said about the cookie jar resonated so much with me. Like i respect them so much, that i feel like i'm disturbing them, even if they want to talk to me (and you manage to realize it after you know they looked at you constantly, or they were very aware of ur behavior).
Oh yeah, and it's not only with relationships at all. I have the same problem with almost everything i want to do. Like i want to do a hobby that i know i enjoy like chess or exercise, yet i don't do it because i think i'm wasting time and i'm not worth of doing it.
Maybe i need to be more kind, more empathic, or maybe i don't need to care that much. I don't how you are doing rn, but i hope the best for you. If i had any problem with grammar or sm like that, it's because i speak spanish.
Relatable. Feel unable to even put myself out there far enough for rejection to be an option due to feeling "if I feel this way about myself, why would anyone else want to spend time with me?"
Your videos have helped me get through the worst breakup of my life and see things in a brighter - more honest - manner. Thank you Sisyphus.
As much as i can understand the feeling of both liking and hating myself i find it so hard to feel motivated to do anything to prove my myself worthy of love when it feels like the world only validates the idea that i shouldnt be loved and not only that but i dont deserve it
I’m currently on a journey to undo a lot of damage I have carried with me throughout the years. One of the issues I noticed within myself was this deep self-loathing. I can objectively say I’m an accomplished person with lots of good qualities, yet I never feel them sufficient to justify my very existence. My flaws seem so tremendous to me that anytime they become externally apparent, I have to compensate for them. Ultimately, I think I have at some point internalized that, in order to deserve love (even my own), I must work for it. Needless to say, I saw my experience wonderfully reflected in this video, down to the numbing vices of choice. It feels good to feel seen; it feels less lonely. I hope I am not out of line in putting here this quote I read recently on a Tumblr post (I’m really soaking up all this internet wisdom), but I find it genuinely makes sense and helps in the path towards (self-)compassion. The post read, “to love and be loved is to rest”.
Have a wonderful day and I wish you luck (and peacefulness, and joy, and contentment)!
It's horrifying how you channel into words my own thoughts, actions & experiences as if you plucked them from my own brain. "This is to protect myself from ever being actually found out," regarding the facade of confidence to mask insecurity, and "this was my answer to the question of how I can be loved: I'll be loved when I become the best version of me." These are sentences I've scrambled, nearly verbatim, to my own friends.
Cause sometimes the only love you got to fall back on, is the love you give to yourself cause love isnt something your entitled to, but its something you can't live without so you got to love yourself, warts and all.
God. I kinda hate that what you're saying resonates with me so much. I have a lot of self-loathing but hearing that there are other people that also feel like this helps sometimes. Thank you for this video❤
it just came back yesterday but I'm better now. i've been through this, on and off. feeling unloved, worthless, and ugly. Sometimes, I feel that maybe people hate, are irritated, or disgusted of me. But honestly, often, it's just me overthinking. That's why thinking too much is dangerous. Since the more you ponder on that thought, the more it ingrains in you. The thought starts to grow until it overwhelms you. Your mind and body starts to break down in response. Thus, you have to hold yourself together and think that things aren't always set in stone. Think that atleast we recognize and then, we can improve.
"i'll be loved when I become the best version of me" is the reason why i try to improve myself. I don't really strive for best but to be better at least. I am a wallflower but I try to be a better one. I try to improve my self and face my fears. When I start to notice my progress, that's when I feel better and accept myself peacefully. maybe it's because i gave myself something, thus, the sense of self-pity is reduced and i feel more grateful for myself for trying.
"I will love myself when i become perfect" and your name is literally sisyphus
This past week has been a rough one for me. I’ve done a lot of thinking about who I am, what I feel, and why I want to be seen the way I do and, man, this entire video hit the nail on the head. Happy to see I’m not alone. You aren’t either❤️
Bro i really appreciate the content you make, thanks cuz sometimes I don’t feel human.
I love how well spoken videos like this are. I feel like I gain a greater understanding of myself from this
Love that you share these short videos with us, your fantastic voice giving me the insight into your mind.
It's very powerful and unique. Thank you Sis55 🙏
I've watched been watching these videos for around a year now. While I can't relate to each and every one of them. There are those special ones like these in which I feel myself being opened up and exposed and I only feel even more vulnerable and gross realizing my own inner thoughts. While I hate looking into these occasional mirrors you show me it at least helps me understand my own mind a little better and helps me know I am not alone and one day I'll find my acceptance that I am a real person and eventually reach that self love.
I have a history of struggling with insecurity, guilt, dissociation and things of the sort. It sometimes feels like a bit of an echo chamber but the stuff you make have truly helped me out on those kinds of moments.
Tysm for doing what you do💜
huh, what luck. i’ve been struggling with depression for the last 3 months, and these recent videos, especially this one and the squonk, have really hit home with me, and i’m sure i speak for some of us when i say that. we love you sisyphus, you’ve helped so, SO many people, including me. focus on yourself if need be, and i’m so glad to see you getting not only the recognition you deserve, but also the community and followers you deserve. we love you sisyphus!
I just went through, this. It's crazy breaking the façade, stopping the escape, learning to love myself is literally my life at this very moment. I hurt someone very close to me because I was afraid that they were about to see the real me that I keep locked away and hidden, so I did something very selfish and stupid to sabotage any chance of that happening. In doing so I broke the illusion, I could no longer live with "myself" the way that I was. Drinking, having sex with strangers, being a cool cocktail bartender at a speakeasy. And began the process of relearning how to love. How to love myself, my friends, family, partners, strangers, everyone and everything. How to stop having that stare off in the mirror and just accept who I am, whoever I am, not just the parts I like, and not just the pieces that I despise. Anyway thanks for the video it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is going through a similar process. Much love brother
Hey man you are loved. Just know that. We, your philosophical fam is here. I hope you find happiness. Cause by god?! you've helped me thru some hard times bro.
Philosophical fam is nice
Is it love?
You’re vids have helped me reason with a number of my own struggles. In this one especially I feel like you perfectly articulate an ongoing on and off struggle I have with myself. Thanks for being you and doing what you do. Hopefully we can all figure out how to finally climb out seemingly cyclical trap we find ourselves in.
I’ve been working on becoming the best version of myself this year and it’s been equally the best and worst thing I’ve ever experienced. This video hit me deep but it was beautiful, thank you
"I'll be loved when I become the best version of me." This quote is stuck with me for a long time, reinforcing a faulted view of myself. What I thought was "perfect" was outside parameters, things that I did not have the power to change, but other people. I felt "perfect" the times that life went smoothly, without anything to interrupt my joy. But what is really "perfect", I believe, is up to the individual. The whole time that I had this view of myself, I never felt loved. Still, if you ask me what the definition of love is, I'll struggle. This video helped me a lot to rethink some things. Like you, for years I struggled with love, loving myself or anybody else, because I focused on every negative thing that I've done or someone else has done. But those negatives are what gives people depth (thanks Karl Jung).
From this video I reevaluated two things: my perspective on "perfection" and love.
Everybody has done something dirty in the past that doesn't want to talk about. That dirty thing is what is haunting everybody and making them feeling that they can't be loved. Focusing too much on the negatives, so much that we turn inside out, letting ourselves lose control. That's the problem. My defintion of love from now on is that love, as a connection, means that you see the person as a whole, with the negatives and the positives, but not reacting to them, but understanding them. Understanding that you don't need to change them and you can work together for an enjoyable life.
Also, my view on perfection changed. Thanks to this video, perfection from now on (for me) is to not stop. Because I struggled a lot with perfectionism and constant comparison with others, perfection now for me means that, every day, every hour, what I am doing is going to contribute some way or another positively to my future.
Thanks, sisyphus
Thank you for these videos. They're as an anchor in this sea of constantly fluctuating emotion.
If it wasn't for my current gf I'd still be struggling with this. She is so supportive, understanding, and willing to give me validation when I need it. Every day she shows me through her actions that I am loveable, even when I feel I am at my worst. I hope you find that, man. I decided when I met her to be radically vulnerable. I am always honest and hold nothing from her. It still scares me, but I credit that decision with this relationship.
I wish I had something profound to say about how to love oneself, but the truth is, I would be broken and not whole without her love, may anyone struggling with this find a person like her, and may you have the courage to genuinely open yourself to them.
I'm so f+cking happy for you, genuinely. That's really beautiful. I hope that you keep that sense of self as long as you live. It's such a precious experience to be able to truely be yourself.
I don't want this to come across like, "I'm depresseder than you," but... I have a relationship just like that. My partner is endlessly supportive, and even loves me through my abuse when yet another medication doesn't sit right with me. I've had brief moments like that. Tiny glimpses past whatever messed up lens I see myself through. Somehow, even love like you've described it isn't enough to shake my morbidly low self-esteem. I'm not even religious, but I've prayed to God for the strength to hold onto that clarity. But mental illness can be insanely persistent, and BPD just keeps on kicking me down & bare-ass farting on my head. It's rough out here
What would happen if she left you? Would those feelings of worthlessness come right back into your life, or has your time with her positively changed your outlook permanently?
@@mkailov13study shows that as long as they're in secure-attachment relationship for at least two years, they'd be okay even if they end up separating. Since their psyche has learnt the 'good' lesson.
I don't think a romantic partner is necessary though it certainly is the "easiest" route (that kind of love and intense feelings in a relationship is just easier to dedicate yourself to). hope is great, it's important, but romantic love really is just hugely based in chance. I think that putting your energy into healing and growing yourself, watering your own garden and being honest with whoever you feel best (close friends, family, strangers, whoever), is the most doable for people in the here and now. trusting and it paying off and learning to let go is key, but it often takes a long time to do it properly and for your gut to be "right". for many people, they trust and are vulnerable without boundaries or standards, or with the wrong boundaries and standards. it's all about balance and learning from failure.
Damn... first video from this channel and should I say, it spoke to me on a level that even my inner self was trying to put on an imaginary mask just to keep these thoughts and ideas at bay, so I won't really comfort them and persuade myself that everything is perfectly fine if I just give more power and energy on the "surface level" type of thinking..thank you! Really needed this at this point of my life. I do/want and will actually be the best version of me because I've been trying to put it off so long through cheap and temporary indulgence that I have lost what and who I really AM!
A random click on a random video just gave me the assurance of what I really should be doing right now. Thank you my friend this might have been the little extra push I needed to get my shit together. Appreciate you. Keep on doing what you do and you might be the little "nudge"/realty check people need!
“I’ll be loved when I become the best version of me” resonates deeply with me
Look man, I know nothing I can say can really dig deep into your own self esteem journey but I just want to say that your vulnerability in these videos really helps me feel less lonely. I also struggle deeply with existence and the complicated simultaneous nature of my love and disdain towards it and thus also a simultaneous love and disdain towards myself since I am the thing that is existing. It's tough man, but it's even harder when you hear these thoughts ring around your head all alone. Good to know we got brothers out here struggling too. Much love to you.
Using my misery as my own validation has become an addiction, getting my heart broken has become such meloncholicly blissfull feeling to me. I hate myself
I lived my life exactly like this until 2020, so that's 20 years of my life. When I received unconditional love form someone, I didn't think I deserve it. Slowly I started to focus on my strengths, improve my ignorant perspective about why I hate myself, I used to hate everything about me. I felt I was a demon. That person who taught me self-love helped me see myself as a human.
This video makes me seen and heard and I always thought I was the only one suffering from this.
I don't know who is the creator of this video, but you deciding to be vulnerable so openly is helping a lot of us. Thanks.
The pressure to maintain the facade is so real. I cannot sustain, currently crashing out. Good luck to all you soldiers out there
Couldn't relate to something more in my life, felt like some narration of my whole timeline😂. Thanks for making these great videos you're not alone.❤
I feel you, man. It's weird, I know, but I've experienced a lot (if not all) of the things you said in this video. It's like I'm always at war with myself.
Absolutely love your videos you really find a way to put my feelings into words and I truly appreciate that
These videos are so relatable, I definitely hate myself but this makes it somewhat better that maybe its not just me alone
Hey sisyphus im saddened for you by some of the videos you’ve posted lately, as ive felt many of these same feelings that you do since the start of my adolescence and continue to. I am so very glad that you are able to put a voice to these feelings though and i can tell u have a great heart. Im rooting for you in spirit whether u continue to make videos or not (though i would love for u to continue to) and want to offer many thanks not for the value i get from your videos, but for being earnest in your desire to bring something positive to peoples lives. You should be proud of yourself
Thanks again, these are always nice ways to revisit the feeling I have trouble with on my own.
Yet another close-hitting video. The mirror part really made me smile.
I've struggled with this exact mindset my entire life, and I do recall mine came from some very bad early influences, friends who thought it was funny to tell me to kill myself and I deserve burning in hell to get a little giggle out of it; my parents never seeming quite interested in all the things I enjoyed as a kid. Grew up accomplishing great things but it was never "me" who did them, it was that guy in the mirror who I hated so utterly who I felt puppeted by, or just in a dream, in a body I didn't belong in. Everyone in my later years always congratulated me telling me how great I was but, they couldn't possibly be speaking to *me*, it had to be.. well, I always said "we" when I worked on things, as if some body of people contributed so I could rationally deny being any use to anybody.
My father actually noticed this before he passed, God bless him, and he used to make me look in the mirror, smile, and say that I liked myself, and move on to loving myself. It was so fucking hard, and it wasn't until he passed that I could finally work up to those words but, it's still hard, day by day.
I'm not sure if the scientific world has identified these seemingly-exact mindsets, as, probably like many in this wave of people, I feel I harbor the *exact* thoughts you do, but, I see that the lighter side of you forces you onward with these videos to not only get it out but feel accomplished in acknowledging it and accomplishing the enrichment of other humans, and just want to say you do a great job getting straight to the point in words this generation can understand. God bless you on this journey as he has me.
This post really stuck out with me. I had felt loneliness yesterday, and that isn't something I usually feel. I tell myself I choose solitude but I realize I struggle to really strike a balance between the two, where I cannot easily exit each choice. I went to sleep last night feeling I wasn't enough because I had felt like I wasn't enough, and that I really should be a better person. I don't believe I'm a bad person, but I can't say I believe I'm a good person, and that alone was enough to let my thoughts get the better of me. My thoughts on myself were so extreme and I was left wondering why I was perfectly fine and content with myself one day, and yearning for the approval of others on the next. Perhaps it was some external force that caused me to reinforce those extreme negative thoughts in my head throughout the day. That I haven't figured out yet, but I do like your final message of being the best person can make you loved. I guess the "best person" of myself is something I can never truly reach.
I think more often than not, we tend to over analyse things and situations and sometimes even ourselves. Things do tend to get complicated when one attempts to explain or intellectualise things the best we can.
I read recently found myself craving for female attention in order to validate myself, but then I had a conversation with my ex-wife that fred me from that feeling. She said to me "I am very sorry for what I did to you and know that you didn't lose me I lost you", that made me realize that my craving for the female attention and the constant beating to myself about my image, my psyche and my intelligence, was a desperate attempt to answer the question "why, why she did it, wasn't me enough? wasn't I enough?" To my understanding now, what I have to do is focus on the things I really desire, things that fulfill me and no one else. So I have to just set goals because it doesn't matter, we all die and life is to short not to enjoy ourselves as much as possible. These goals are mine and only mine, like learning a new language, learning how to draw or actually making a million dollars, whatever, we all gonna die, but it would be stupid to waste the opportunity of enjoyment looking acceptance with others.
Just got this video recommended days after having a huge mental health breakthrough and realizing all of these things. Incredible video, I only wish I could've found something like this sooner. But then again, maybe I had to come to these conclusions myself. Because just a week ago I wouldn't have even dreamed of being able to express genuine love towards myself. And now I'm finally figuring out why anyone would put up with me.
You turn my feelings into expressible words. Thank you for these videos.
Sisyphus, you are light years ahead of where the majority of you audience want to be. And although that brings you no satisfaction i should let you know that you are a hero to us all. To the lost, the unfulfilled, the afraid. Yes, you may be a long way from where you thought you would be by now, you are also saving lives day by day. That is the truth, you are keeping people alive through your videos. I thank you, and the thousands of us who owe our lives love you. That love is unconditional and true.
The discrepancy between successes and the way you truly feel about yourself hits hard. It's very scary that these videos seem to be recommended/uploaded exactly during a time period where they appear to be most prevalent in my own life. And it appears I am not the only one looking in the comments. I hope all of you and Sisyphus himself manage to improve on this aspect in your lives.
i struggled with a feeling of being unlovable, my solution was to cut of the people who made me feel that way, and when i after a year started feeling feelings of being worthy i physically pushed them with my hands to the part where i felt most unloved in my stomach, so strange how that is what worked for me
Damn, I didn't think many others feel like I do when I look in the mirror. I guess that makes at least two of us...
I respect the level of quality in your videos. You know your stuff much better than people I know to be way overconfident in what they say.
Your videos are, for lack of a better term, good shit.
This video really gave me perspective on the difference between attachment to worldly impressions and seeking companionship. Really it's the attachment that drives your image and is detrimental to actual feelings of belonging if it results in negative self image
This is beyond brave, a strikingly beautiful expression of yourself
You are my favorite existential topic channel, your videos don’t tell people you’ll be better, you don’t tell people how to fix things, you just talk about things we all feel, things we all know but don’t say out loud, it’s perfect
is there other good channel there? telll me,im new to this genre
This might be my favorite video. It is just amazing how I was feeling this exact way earlier today.
One must imagine sisyphus loved
I’m in recovery and the biggest thing I’ve learned about myself is that I have intense deep seated shame. I feel extremely inferior to others and feel like I am much worse than others. My addiction was worse, my best is worse, I’ve done things that can never be taken back or undone. No one who ever truly saw who I am could love me. And unfortunately I’ve been validated many times in my life on this messed up belief through rejection from people I did actually open up to. It’s a self feeding spiral and it’s the biggest obstacle for me. I
I just wanna say thanks for the videos you make.
I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve overcome extreme situations, I’ve somehow cheated death more than once. I look in the mirror and I love who I am now, I got sober, I look younger feel great, and look great. I can’t for the life of me find anybody that cares about me and I have no clue what love is. I got involved with bad people at a young age, made some bad choices, ended up doing some time in jail, I’ve almost died in the hospital and jail from withdrawals and overdoses. I’ve been beaten like a dog many times. I’ve overcome that, I let go of the bad people, I got sober, I’m at 18 months. I got a full time job it’s not great but better than nothing. Self love is a good thing, it’s motivated me to do better and I’m proud of myself, the question for me is how long can you love yourself if nobody else ever does? I mean makes it kinda pointless to begin with. I’ve done everything right and I’ve had to do all this alone, no support, I’m more alone than I’ve ever been ironically. After everything I’ve been through it’s hard to even trust people, but yet I’m so desperate for a human connection I do easily trust people. My story is a different one. People change, I made some bad choices but that shouldn’t shape the rest of my life, im 29 years old. Sometimes it feels like I’ve made all this progress just for people to still treat me like a dog and to tell me I’m not good enough. Life is hard, I’ve given up on trying to gain people in my life, I hope and pray I find love from other people but at the end of the day it’s just me. I don’t know why I keep going.
Man, i've never seen a vídeo capture the essence of what i feel everyday so well, thank you
This is one of your few videos with no answer. I love it when you do those. Even the authenticity was more excuse than answer. Maybe the sheer acceptance of not having answers is love. Thank you for being man. Lets drown in questions together.
This is the root belief ingrained by our parents. The people that didn't love themeselves and by extention didn' really love us.
I felt exactly like this for a really long time. Did therapy for 5 years, which helped me a lot with understanding these feelings and thoughts and helped me not let it get too far and recover faster from times of greater anxiety. However, I must say that anti-depressants really help me the most today. It doesn't work for everyone the same way, some people have a lot of side effects, but I will say that it is a tool everyone in this situation should consider. In my case, it effectively turned my anxiety off and let me live a normal life.
I feel you man. This video was like a description of many of my own self interpretation
This applies to me so incredibly accurately right now in my life it's frankly uncanny.
My experience is a little different. I’ve never devalued someone based on their perception of me, but I’d say I lose track of a person’s value when their attitude shows that they believe they can only be valuable relative to the trivial problem they are trying to solve. But as soon as they remove themselves from the problem, they’ll crack a joke or something and I’ll see straight through them; to the beautiful thoughts and emotions in their head turning again as I realise/remember how terribly short they were selling themselves by defining themselves by some underwhelming problem.
every single time i come across a sisyphus vid it hits too close to home
I used to hate myself but now I love myself. The one thing that changed to get me was realizing every form or flaw of me is normal which is beautiful. There will never be a better me or the best me, only different versions of me with time, and I will love all of them because there is no time at all to hate. I have so many other things I can do besides express hate for what I've been given
the rejection of someone loving you for you is so real. will i ever be able to accept genuine love or will i keep falling into this obsession for people who won’t ever truly love me for me?
Man I love your videos, but this video struck a chord with me, like 90% of it I could relate with what you were saying. Keep the good work!
It’s that moment when you follow over 1000 creators but the algo knows you’re sAd and recommends the Philosophy god of American male existentialism.
Thank you for doing what you do. You’ve contributed to me having a much more fulfilling and honest self reflection during my personal time
was just crying over my loneliness and i open youtube and here this video go 😢
You see even while talking about yourself and distancing you worry about others. Once you accept yourself you stop thinking what others feel about you then you are truly free.
This is so touching omg
Sisyphus always posts these videos the moment when I am utterly in need of!
I'm so glad youtube has been recommending me your channel
why is every word of this so absolutely relatable down to each phrase
This is the true definition of relatable content
this is how i've been feeling recently. thank you so much
UA-cam senses my inner emotions and then recommends a Sisyphus video about the issue every day atp
Bro i needed to see this video been feeling like this for like the past year
My favorite thing to say to situations like these, is that "you cant have any bad without the good."
Meaning that if you have felt bad in anyway, well you must have felt alright at some point. Whether it be superficial or acting what ever it may be, you felt good. And now that you know what good is, and you can discerne it from bad, perhaps you will be able to see yourself in a time where you feel good because you just feel good. Not because you act it, not because of someone else, because of nothing. Because you are at peace.
I love your takes on Buenos Aires my friend. I hope my country welcomes you and you have a good time :)
As a bpd person this hit really close to home