The best Irish joke ever
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- Looking to be cheered up? This Irish joke will bring a smile to your face. It's an old one but certainly, doesn't disappoint. Is it the best Irish joke over? Be sure to comment and subscribe.
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In the 1970s The Times wrote that they weren’t going to publish Irish joke anymore as it might offend their Irish readers. Instead they would publish Angolan jokes as they didn’t have many readers in Angola. “There were these two Angolans walking down the road, Paddy and Seamus… 😆
Q - Why are Irish jokes so stupid?
A - So the English can understand them.
The only person I ever met who had the nerve to tell "Irish Jokes" was an Irish man himself, so I won't apologise for telling my own favourite 'Irish Joke'. I'm being a bit "Irish" myself though. because it doesn't really work written down. "Mike and Paddy go into the Job Centre looking for work. Paddy says 'Hey Mike, they are looking for tree fellers.' Mike replies 'Sure, that's no good. There's only two of us'."
That’s an oldie but a goodie😂.
That IS funny!
'Graduating'? I think that you are confusing Ireland with USA.
Two Irish city workers are doing some repair work on a street with a well-known house of ill-repute on it. As they work, they see a protestant minister approach the door, look furtively around, and enter.
"Ah, tis a shame it is when a man of God behaves in such a way," says one.
"Aye, tis is. A shame is what it is," replies the other.
They continue working, and one of Ireland's few Rabbis comes along, and the scene is repeated.
"Is it any wonder that the world is in the state it's in?" asks one.
"It's nae surprise the children today are the way they are with role models like this," says the other.
They continue working, and the scene repeats itself with a Catholic priest.
"Oh, that IS a shame as sure as I'm standing here!" says one.
"Aye," replies the other.
"One of the poor wee lasses must be on her deathbed and called for last rites."
"Aye."
I thought the punch line was going to be "That drunk guy has been talking to himself in the mirror for the last hour."
No, but that's similar to one I've heard though.
I was in the 19 O'Connell pub in Dublin in 1976 and saw a man doing exactly that. The funny thing was, and I kid you not, he was Chinese.
Mcphays me too and it wasn't funny.... 😒
@@hughfoley5297 holy shit
Same here !!
An Irishman walks into a pet shop and asks the shopkeeper "how much is it for a wasp ?" The shopkeeper replies, What are you talking about we don't sell wasps here. The Irishman replies back " Yes you do I saw one in the window.
👏👏👏🍀
Two Irish blondes walk into a bar, you think one of them would have seen it.
An Irishman is never drunk, so long as he can hold on to a blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth. Erin Go Bragh
"he is not drunk who from the floor,
can rise and drink an ask for more.
drunk is he who speechless lies,
without the strength to drink or rise."
That's drunk.
Begorrah, I'm not as think as you drunk I am!
Q: What do you call a drunk Irishman walking down the hall bouncing off the walls ? ....A: "Ric O'Shea"..........
ROTFHLMFAO ROTFHLMFAO
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣!!!!!
Bahahahaha 😂😭😂😭
👍💭very good
Tortured by crap music to read a mediocre joke.
It's awful music to be fair 😣
Couldn't agree more that was just fucking pathetic, I'm irish and proud of it, that was totally the most stupid fucking story I have ever encountered, it's not even a fucking joke, some useless wanker wasting time
Whats green and stays out all night ? Patty. O’furniture
Aaaargh
Click bait, that’s far away from the best Irish joke ever....
O that's an old one and their a version for every town in Ireland
A 2 seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Ireland, rescuers have so far recovered 178 bodies as digging continues.........
That one's not bad ............. !
That's pretty good
That's a bloody good one
Aer Lingus flight preparing to land at Heathrow.....
Flight controller: Flight AL 571 we have you on our radar, can we have your height and position please?
Pilot: Certainly.....I’m 5 foot 4 and I’m sittin’ in the front.
Gold!
Banal
Captain to seaman whilst on sea: what course did you take? Seaman: accounting sir!!!
The best Irish joke I ever heard: " An Irishman walks out of a bar."
Did you come up with that one yourself?
Even better Irish joke:
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
@@Hastur876 What's a bit of bad taste between friends?
As opposed to crawling out?
I don't think that an Irishman would use the word 'graduate' based on a lifetime experience of being one.
Aaah to be sure,,,,
Mr O'Neil wakes up in hospital after a car accident... The doctor says Mr O'Neil we have good news and bad news... The bad news is we've had to amputate both legs... But the good news is see the patient opposite he wants to buy your slippers.
Paddy wakes up after an accident 'Dr. I can't feel my legs' 'That's because we amputated your arms'
I think you need to get out of £ondon and visit Dublin....we have much better jokes about ourselves.
The best Irish joke is a bit long. But here goes:
Father Pat was getting a bit long in the tooth. So the Bishop sent Father Mike to help him. Father Mike preached his first sermon in the parish about how the English will infallibly be damned for all eternity and have no hope of heaven. After the sermon, Father Pat took him aside and said, "Sure, and it's agreeing I am with every word you said in your grand sermon. But was it a Christian thing to say when over half the congregation is English? Is it right to tell them that they have no hope of salvation? Would the Blessed Saint Patrick preach such a sermon, with the chapel needing a new roof from the donations, at all?" Father Mike agreed that he had never thought about it like that and would never preach another sermon like that.
The next time Father Mike preached a sermon was on Good Friday. He told how our Blessed Savior was eating and said, "Sure, and it's one of you here that will be betraying me, to be sure." Peter asked, "Will it be me, Jesus darling?" "No, me lad, it'll not be you." And each disciple asked the same until they got to that blackhearted traitor Judas. And he said, "I say guvnor, will it be me?"
Of course, it's better spoken with the proper accents.
You're right, this might be the best ever. I damn near cried 20 minutes ago and I'm still laughing. Thx
@@zachmartin1458 You're welcome. It's fairly timely too.
The Irish transport minister has announced the first electric car designed and produced in Ireland has Been recalled. The minister announced the car could only go 3ft as they didn't make the plug cord long enough.
That joke was so hilarious my sides are sore from laughing. I wet myself I have not laughed so much in years. It is so original you will never hears the likes again. Whenever I hear a stupid. misleading, time wasting joke I get very sarcastic.
love Ireland !
Yes, they're the best!
I’m Irish and I have never in all my long life heard an Irish person say begorrah.
Neither top of the morning!!!
Yes, it was clearly not written by an Irish person. ☺️
😉😄😃😁😊❤ love it and it's the way you tell um 😉😄😊 Stay Safer today with this Pandemic Everyone 😨☺😊
Pandemic? Now Thats A Joke 😂😂😂
I AM NOT A TWIN, BUT I BE IRISH & LIKING THE HUMOR>>> BE WELL
I haven’t not laughed so much in ages
Hahah I laughed at this comment if that helps
@@IrishAroundTheWorld I actually Laughed at your comment 😂
Was better told by Bernard Manning
Must be an American joke. (Graduated)
Shamroockery at it’s worst. Hollywood Irish humour.
If that's the best Irish joke ever, I hate to think what an average one is like...
Two Irish men walk out of a pub.
It could happen!
We don’t have average jokes, they’re all the best 🇮🇪
don't you find this funny ?
@@marysepradet6162shite!!!?
@@tfodthogtmfof7644 That's a lot better.
It's not the best Irish joke ever
It's pretty damn good
Really & Whats Your Joke So Mr.Kavanagh? Stand Up There,
Come On Tell The Hole Class Mr.Kavanagh We're Waiting?
1:15: A four-leaf clover is not a shamrock.
A Texan walks into a bar in Dublin and says Ive heard you're the best drinkers in the world . I'll give 500 euros to anyone who can slam back 10 pints ofGuinness in a row. No one bites, but one little guy gets up and walks out the door. He comes back about 20 minutes later, sits down and tells the Texan he's on. The bartender lines up the 10 pints and within 10 minutes he downs each one. As everyone applauds, the Texan gives him the money . " One question, where did you go for 20 minutes " ? Paddy replies, " to the pub across the street. I wanted to see if I could do it "
😂😂
Begora..? And other stereotypical words... You have to set the standard higher if you want the Irish to laugh at this.. It was an very old joke as well.. goes back to 1964 I think.
Ahh to be sure, don't be throwing tha dodee out of tha pram just yet..tis only a bit of fun...
@@georgearmani5867 George... I refer you back to the above comment.
An old joke is still a joke. Some find it funny and some don't. Just the way it goes :)
@@IrishAroundTheWorld I stand by my comment of not using stereotypical words to tell a joke.. ‘Begora’ Set the standard higher for Irish people... as we are expert in telling Irish jokes.. and .. but it’s advertised as “The ‘best’ Irish joke ever”... (false advertising perhaps?) My joke in my original comment is arguably better. 😉
@@lilliankeane5731 What you talking about I say Begora in everyday speaking. But it is the best Irish joke ever to some people so you are just saying that its not the best Irish joke for you? Good point ;)
Rubbish
An old boring joke
Not a new joke, and not uniquely Irish. I heard the Cajun version of this joke over 15 years ago, "Oh, it's the Tibeadeaux twins & they're drunk again."
Better call the joke police 😂😂😂😂
@@IrishAroundTheWorld Oh there's room enough for 2 versions. You know, share the fun.
More jokes at irisharoundtheworld.com/category/irish-jokes/
The rest of world outside Louisiana can pronounce and spell Murphy
Not surprising. Jokes have a way of circulating and re-establishing themselves in new places. I remember telling one to students from France visiting the US, and they told me they had same joke there.
Bright,,,a good old one,,😂😂🤣 bloody twins
Old!
Ha ha ha.
I was conned into clicking
Pretty funny!!
What is the difference between a pingpong ball and a paddys brain? ........
Roughly about 2 grammes !!!
An ‘Irish joke’ from someone who’s never been to Ireland and doesn’t know Ireland. And uses photos not from Ireland.
Even William the conqueror has heard this.
Not me....I’m lolling my head off. Can’t wait to tell me mates 😂🍀
@@santhorp5278 same!
Hahaha true it is an old one!
I am so sorry heard that joke way back in the army in the 1940s.
Wow! Must be the best Irish joke if it is still going all these years later! Haha
Way more better Irish jokes at irisharoundtheworld.com/irish-jokes
Shortest Irish joke: 2 Irishman walk out of a bar.
Whale , oil ,beef , hooked. That's how we talk.🇮🇪
We have an Indian version of the same: Two Sikhs are playing chess. 😁
Paddy English man, Irishman and Scotchman walk into a bar and the barman says 'is this some kind of joke?'
Irish diplomacy…..telling someone to go to hell in such a way they look forward to the trip.
Well that was false advertising!
Maybe I should change the title to maybe, possibly and hopefully the best Irish joke ever 😜🤣
No Dublin man would say he's from central Dublin he would say city centre .
Haha this is true. 👍
neither would he say that he 'graduated' in 1964...:)
Heard that joke about 30 years ago
Must be a good one so ;)
How do you know lord mountbatton had dandruff....... We found his head&shoulders on the beach....
What do you call an Irishman sitting by a swimming pool?
Patty O'Furniture
This has to be an American telling this joke as it really isn't funny at all..............
The best Irish joke I've heard:
An Irishman came onto a construction site and asked for a job. The foreman said "Do you have any experience in construction? Tell me the difference between a joist and a girder."
"That's easy," said the Irishman. "Joist wrote ULYSSES and Girder wrote FAUST!"
Here's a groaner:
Why is the Irish economy so prosperous? Because their capital is always doublin'!
I would imagine that’s lost everyone, as it has me 😂
Here’s one most will understand.
Paddy goes for a job as a labourer on the building site. The foreman says , “It’s important to keep the lads happy and they enjoy a nice cup of tea at 9am. Can you make tea?”
Paddy replies in the affirmative.
“Okay, good” says the foreman. “ Now, can you drive a forklift truck?”
Paddy: “How big’s the fookin teapot?”
@@Blaqjaqshellaq * Dublin
I like that one too. Christopher Hitchens quoted it somewhere - maybe his autobiography
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar ...
...
...
No - Really!
This is so out of date, the Irish joke has now reversed. Did you hear the one about the thick englishman? He voted leave.
Took my son to the pub for his first pint got him a pint of stout but he didn’t like it so I drank it tried him with a whiskey same I drank it a pint of bud no use i drank it 4 or 5 other drinks later I took home there’s not much point taking a 2 year old out on the piss.
... It would have been a good long night if it wasn't in a bar and if Varadkar didn't resign 😅
How do you know when an Irish person is being xenophobic? When they speak 😂
The trouble is that there are no more Irishmen anymore they have all immigrated.
We Irish learned to swim a long time ago! So check in Wales
Emigrated
Irish 7 course dinner?
A six-pack and a potato
Cuchulainn fell out of his cradle laughing at this one!
That is pathetic
An Irish girl says to her mother " I think I'm pregnant".
Her mother replied " are you sure it's yours?"
Hahahahaha 😂
Years ago,this was an Ole and Lena joke.FYI
Horse shit. Patronizing horse shit. Give it up.
Went for the mirror ending. Almost guessed it.
Howcome jesus is shown on the cross
In ireland what do they shout when a golfer is being buried in the hole. In the hole
1:08 "The good Lord must be smiling down upon us" Interesting image choice.
Thanks!
Very funny joke... would have been better set to some Irish music... just saying☘️
Nothing is ever made better by being set to Irish music.
Yeehaw 🤠
Seen so many similar, not funny!!! Certainly not the best, or even good!!!
Do you have a better joke that I could share :) thanks
Meh 🙄 I'm not Irish, so can say without bias the Irish are NOT stupid. Stereotyping at it's worst. Love to Ireland from Scotland 🤗
Ahh to be sure, don't be throwing tha dodee out of tha pram just yet..tis only a bit of fun...
No Dubliner has ever spoken like that. Its the Culchies who do And, Irish jokes have to be stupid so the English and the Yanks can understand them.
Ahh to be sure, don't be throwing tha dodee out of tha pram just yet..tis only a bit of fun...
The Irishman thought a itchy fanny was a Japanese motorbike
In a word... Shite
Older than dirt joke
I'm german-irish now that's funny
Let me tell you something, my kraut mick friend!
Brilliant, just Brilliant.
Wow, the Irishman was stupid in the joke. This isn't racist at all.
😅it was actually two Irishmen, hence the fact they were twins😮
@@MichaelLuke-w6pyes, we all gathered that.
And both of us have a father named Mike and a mother named Mary. Do not get me started on all our common brothers and sisters! 30% Irish.
😂😂😂😂😂
“That guy’s talkin’ to himself” was the punchline I always knew
“That guy’s talkin’ to himself” was the punchline I always knew
Have you heard of the new Irish parachute ? It opens on impact. I think it was a Newfie joke when I first heard it. As an Irish Newfie, I'm never offended by a little humour
The title should include the words accompanied by annoying music.
That joke's older than Newgrange!!!
Very offensive to someone with Irish heritage. This sort of crap should be banned.
As an Irishman, I am offended. But I do not demand protection from offence. I am not a child nor am I an American so I do not start blubbering when I hear something I do no like.
@@hughfoley5297 I am not a child either but racism of any kind isn’t acceptable. I am proud to have Irish and Scottish heritage as well as English.
I do not think the joke is racist. Someone has posted that they said it was also a Cajun joke. In Ireland it wod be a Kerry joke. Unlike you, I did not find it all that offensive. You have every right to be offended. What you do not have, in my opinion, is the right to be protected from offence.
@@hughfoley5297 what a strange opinion. I grew up when racism was rife. It is evil pure and simple.
I cannot understand how you infer that I am downplaying racism.I do not find most ethnic jokes racist. My point, which you have missed twice, is that your finding something offensive is not a good enough reason to ban it. Conflating stupid jokes with racism is simply incorrect.
💖💖💖💖😂😂😂😂😎✌!!!!
that wasn't funny at all
Aw oh well more at irisharoundtheworld.com/category/irish-jokes/
Taxi for the twins
The best ever?! Now that is funny.
That’s the “Best Irish Joke EVER”… 😳 I had hoped for a lot better… 🙄😒🫤
Yep-best one ever!