A lot of my enxiety comes from hearing people say ‘if you’re questioning, that means you’re trans’ and it has been terrible for my mental health. You’re the only person I’ve found online who dosen’t say that so thankyou.
This has been exactly my problem. I am nearly certain that I'm just a gender nonconforming female but the fact that I've even had this crisis feels like a cloud of doom pointing towards "inevitable transness" even though I know I'd be unhappy as a male
I remember when I was 18 years old, as soon as I graduated from high school I grew my hair long and started shaving my body and legs. I felt so strongly that I needed to do that. Dressing as a woman came later and again felt natural to me. That was 30 years ago. The gender dysphoria never goes away or gets any easier unfortunately. I wish I would have had this kind of information back in 1991. Instead, the movie "Silence of the Lambs" came out and made things worse. The early 90's was a terrible time to be transgender.
DO DRAG!! :D drag is such a great way of exploring and revealing who you are in a more "extreme" way. there is not only drag queening but also drag kinging, youtube has a lot of great tutorials and such. i think drag is a great medium for people who are questioning or confused. also something that can easily be done in the safety of your own home
This video is a treasure trove. It injects so much nuance into so many topics. I'm saving it for later. I bet I'll meet a lot of people I'll share it with.
Thank you so much for your advice! Your channel has been crucial in navigating this labyrinthian mind of mine! This video is 100% me. I'm 21 and started questioning a little over a year ago, and I haven't been able to figure out whether I'm convincing myself that I'm trans or trying to convince myself that I'm not. All I know is that these thoughts have been coming constantly with no sign of stopping, but I've been too afraid of being wrong to actually do anything. I think what has helped me start accepting this whole journey is recognizing that feelings are real. Internal reality is just as important as external reality, and disregarding it would be ignoring a massive part of one's experience. Life is made up of interactions between the self and things that aren't the self, and without the full self these interactions cause dissonance when trying to interact with anything else, like a string out of tune. That's what I think dysphoria is. It's when we become in tune with ourselves that we can harmonize and resonate with the world around us, aka euphoria. Also, I think voicing or writing down your thoughts can help work through them, like how programmers describe their code to a rubber duck to understand it better themselves. (Something I even did in this comment, particularly with the bit about dysphoria.) Trying to formulate your thoughts and feelings into something that can be described to someone else is a great way to figure out what they actually are.
Hi. Sounds like you are taking your time, as you should, and paying attention to both internal and external factors. Remember, each small step is like a brick to your new house (your authentic self) and should feel affirming and supportive.
What counts as like exploring socially or whatever? I’m out to most people I care about (and my doctors), but that’s about it. I read/did that gender workbook a couple of years ago! For me it wasn’t particularly helpful, because it was just like “yeah, I already thought of all this, but what do I dooooo”. Entering week 3 of hrt, despite no plans beyond “well, who knows, maybe I’ll look better to myself in the mirror and maybe I’ll get the chance to really transition meaningfully”
Hi. Social transition entails all steps beyond medical. Such as name, your gender expression, coming out, changing legal documents, immersing yourself into community as your gender.
@@DRZPHD thank you! Lots of people in my local support group have gotten to legally change their names (which is insanely expensive and complicated and even involves doxing yourself in many instances) I’m not sure I’ll ever get to change my expression or do much more of anything, but I’m dumb and going to keep taking this as long as I can. It’s actually reducing my headaches so far which is a nice benefit I didn’t know I’d get. 5 weeks today. I feel weird and dumb about using my name most places…while also hate the other name…because of how I look and sound, so I’m probably stuck in a weird limbo forever.
21 and i keep finding myself coming back here over the years. i think part of my reluctance to say im trans comes from the commitment that follows acceptance. i know that my life will change the second i recognize i am either nonbinary or trans. i think i have minor dysphoria, if i could wake up a boy i would, but im not sure i would go through the efforts of transition socially and physically. i just don't think i can handle the judgement from family and the uncertainty
Don't transition then. Continue living a lie. When I was honest to myself about my gender identity it was the first time I felt truly comfortable in my own skin. Especially in social settings. You need to live your life for you, not others.
I have been thinking about whether or not I am transgender for a long time now, but I still am unsure if I am actually trans or just wanting to be treated as a man because patriarchy benefits men rather than women :( Also, thank you for your videos, I love watching them!
I often wonder about this. I feel like my motivation to be transfemme is somewhat motivated by society’s better treatment of women. I think to some extent, those of us who wake up and find ourselves on the wrong side of the binary interpret the DIFFERENT treatment of the other sex, as more how we want to be treated, and therefore interpret it as objectively BETTER treatment
I have done Inner work seeing a therapist 6 months and there’s days I’m so sure about being trans then I hit days where I don’t even wanna think about it why is this it’s been a battle for 12 years now
Dr Z, thank you very much for your words, this is exactly how I feel, I feel the need to rush either into transitioning or staying as my AGAB and what frustrates me the most is I havent got the time for exploring my gender even since Ive want to do it from around 8 years old, later at 12 (when I noticed transgender people existed) now at 24 I feel an intense urge to do so but I feel such as it is a life or die decision as I dont preciselly want my body to masculinize anymore but I think exploring will give me the answer
Thanks once again for your great message Dr Z. I think this advise is really good for older trans people too. I am 68 and agree with all of this message today and can see where this would be very helpful to someone my age who is questioning their gender identity. Example: for me right now I call myself 'gender questioning' partly because I have a little fear of thinking of myself as fully Trans even though I am just 1 or 2 small steps from fully socially transitioning. . Cassie
Powerful and empowering insights per usual Doctor! You provide such a wonderful service/s to the community... and as a result, to the entire global community, in perpetuity. Thank you so much! 🙏♾💗🤗
How do you explore your gender? I felt like 3 times in this last 2 weeks ive been sure im a trans girl, but then im unsure again and i dont know if its just regression or doubts. Love your vids, thanks for posting.
DRZ isn't it sometimes the best option for some young trans adults or adolescents to put them on a lower dose of prefered major hormone at least for a month and then deeply explore how they feel, and whether it is something they want? as someone who went through transition I know how hormones can make someone realize whether it is the right path, but definitely social transition is also important, but at the end we talk about gender dysphoria where we experience disconnect with our own body more than just social dysphoria. It is so hard to know it is right for us until we experience that hormone flooding into our brain and how it affects us psychologically.
Hi and thanks for your question. I dont work with adolescents so can't comment. For young adults I personally would say in my experience it is better to socially explore before hormones.
Not always. For example, when you are afab and you are starting testosterone, your voice wont sound like your female voice again when you'll stop taking the hormones.
When I was younger I would always go to my moms closet and wear her shoes. It felt right but, wrong. I really liked wearing her shoes to school. I went in her room and I would wear some of her makeup. one day I played with Barbie dolls and I preferred the aunt or mom role. I never knew why. I just didn’t like dad or uncle. I’ve been so feminine for so long I don’t really feel like a boy. i feel like I fit on the female side on the spectrum. 😢
I had always didn't want to be a boy since i was little i just remember wanting to be a girl so bad and as i got older it only felt stronger i supressed it for many years but im finally coming to terms with it im scared of coming out to my family and friends even though i know they would be supportive im just kinda stuck im not sure what to do
A lot of my enxiety comes from hearing people say ‘if you’re questioning, that means you’re trans’ and it has been terrible for my mental health. You’re the only person I’ve found online who dosen’t say that so thankyou.
Yes, if you are questioning it may mean a lot of things other than potentially being trans. So please take your time and explore.
This has been exactly my problem. I am nearly certain that I'm just a gender nonconforming female but the fact that I've even had this crisis feels like a cloud of doom pointing towards "inevitable transness" even though I know I'd be unhappy as a male
I remember when I was 18 years old, as soon as I graduated from high school I grew my hair long and started shaving my body and legs. I felt so strongly that I needed to do that. Dressing as a woman came later and again felt natural to me. That was 30 years ago. The gender dysphoria never goes away or gets any easier unfortunately. I wish I would have had this kind of information back in 1991. Instead, the movie "Silence of the Lambs" came out and made things worse. The early 90's was a terrible time to be transgender.
Thanks for sharing. Movies have def messed up societal views of trans identity.
DO DRAG!! :D drag is such a great way of exploring and revealing who you are in a more "extreme" way. there is not only drag queening but also drag kinging, youtube has a lot of great tutorials and such. i think drag is a great medium for people who are questioning or confused. also something that can easily be done in the safety of your own home
I would say gender in general is one BIG PERFORMANCE.
This video is a treasure trove. It injects so much nuance into so many topics. I'm saving it for later. I bet I'll meet a lot of people I'll share it with.
Thank you so much for your advice! Your channel has been crucial in navigating this labyrinthian mind of mine! This video is 100% me. I'm 21 and started questioning a little over a year ago, and I haven't been able to figure out whether I'm convincing myself that I'm trans or trying to convince myself that I'm not. All I know is that these thoughts have been coming constantly with no sign of stopping, but I've been too afraid of being wrong to actually do anything.
I think what has helped me start accepting this whole journey is recognizing that feelings are real. Internal reality is just as important as external reality, and disregarding it would be ignoring a massive part of one's experience. Life is made up of interactions between the self and things that aren't the self, and without the full self these interactions cause dissonance when trying to interact with anything else, like a string out of tune. That's what I think dysphoria is. It's when we become in tune with ourselves that we can harmonize and resonate with the world around us, aka euphoria.
Also, I think voicing or writing down your thoughts can help work through them, like how programmers describe their code to a rubber duck to understand it better themselves. (Something I even did in this comment, particularly with the bit about dysphoria.) Trying to formulate your thoughts and feelings into something that can be described to someone else is a great way to figure out what they actually are.
Hi. Sounds like you are taking your time, as you should, and paying attention to both internal and external factors. Remember, each small step is like a brick to your new house (your authentic self) and should feel affirming and supportive.
What counts as like exploring socially or whatever?
I’m out to most people I care about (and my doctors), but that’s about it.
I read/did that gender workbook a couple of years ago! For me it wasn’t particularly helpful, because it was just like “yeah, I already thought of all this, but what do I dooooo”.
Entering week 3 of hrt, despite no plans beyond “well, who knows, maybe I’ll look better to myself in the mirror and maybe I’ll get the chance to really transition meaningfully”
Hi. Social transition entails all steps beyond medical. Such as name, your gender expression, coming out, changing legal documents, immersing yourself into community as your gender.
@@DRZPHD thank you! Lots of people in my local support group have gotten to legally change their names (which is insanely expensive and complicated and even involves doxing yourself in many instances)
I’m not sure I’ll ever get to change my expression or do much more of anything, but I’m dumb and going to keep taking this as long as I can.
It’s actually reducing my headaches so far which is a nice benefit I didn’t know I’d get. 5 weeks today.
I feel weird and dumb about using my name most places…while also hate the other name…because of how I look and sound, so I’m probably stuck in a weird limbo forever.
21 and i keep finding myself coming back here over the years. i think part of my reluctance to say im trans comes from the commitment that follows acceptance. i know that my life will change the second i recognize i am either nonbinary or trans. i think i have minor dysphoria, if i could wake up a boy i would, but im not sure i would go through the efforts of transition socially and physically. i just don't think i can handle the judgement from family and the uncertainty
Don't transition then. Continue living a lie.
When I was honest to myself about my gender identity it was the first time I felt truly comfortable in my own skin. Especially in social settings. You need to live your life for you, not others.
I have been thinking about whether or not I am transgender for a long time now, but I still am unsure if I am actually trans or just wanting to be treated as a man because patriarchy benefits men rather than women :( Also, thank you for your videos, I love watching them!
Hi. If you are unsure or feel confused it is best to seek support of a local therapist.
I often wonder about this. I feel like my motivation to be transfemme is somewhat motivated by society’s better treatment of women.
I think to some extent, those of us who wake up and find ourselves on the wrong side of the binary interpret the DIFFERENT treatment of the other sex, as more how we want to be treated, and therefore interpret it as objectively BETTER treatment
I have done Inner work seeing a therapist 6 months and there’s days I’m so sure about being trans then I hit days where I don’t even wanna think about it why is this it’s been a battle for 12 years now
Sounds like you are doing best you can.
Dr Z, thank you very much for your words, this is exactly how I feel, I feel the need to rush either into transitioning or staying as my AGAB and what frustrates me the most is I havent got the time for exploring my gender even since Ive want to do it from around 8 years old, later at 12 (when I noticed transgender people existed) now at 24 I feel an intense urge to do so but I feel such as it is a life or die decision as I dont preciselly want my body to masculinize anymore but I think exploring will give me the answer
So glad to hear it was helpful. I know it is very frustrating. Exploring is the best way to go.
Great observations that are relevant for those of us at all ages to understand.
Glad it was helpful.
Thanks once again for your great message Dr Z. I think this advise is really good for older trans people too. I am 68 and agree with all of this message today and can see where this would be very helpful to someone my age who is questioning their gender identity. Example: for me right now I call myself 'gender questioning' partly because I have a little fear of thinking of myself as fully Trans even though I am just 1 or 2 small steps from fully socially transitioning.
. Cassie
Thanks for sharing. Glad it was helpful to you too.
Powerful and empowering insights per usual Doctor! You provide such a wonderful service/s to the community... and as a result, to the entire global community, in perpetuity. Thank you so much! 🙏♾💗🤗
Wow, thank you! Glad to help.
How do you explore your gender? I felt like 3 times in this last 2 weeks ive been sure im a trans girl, but then im unsure again and i dont know if its just regression or doubts. Love your vids, thanks for posting.
Yes it can be very confusing and during such times, time is the best aid.
Thank you :). Booked a consult
Wonderful!
DRZ isn't it sometimes the best option for some young trans adults or adolescents to put them on a lower dose of prefered major hormone at least for a month and then deeply explore how they feel, and whether it is something they want? as someone who went through transition I know how hormones can make someone realize whether it is the right path, but definitely social transition is also important, but at the end we talk about gender dysphoria where we experience disconnect with our own body more than just social dysphoria. It is so hard to know it is right for us until we experience that hormone flooding into our brain and how it affects us psychologically.
Hi and thanks for your question. I dont work with adolescents so can't comment. For young adults I personally would say in my experience it is better to socially explore before hormones.
What’s your view on being confused and trying out hormones anyway? You could always just get off of the hormones right?
Not always. For example, when you are afab and you are starting testosterone, your voice wont sound like your female voice again when you'll stop taking the hormones.
Hi. My view is that hormones are not there to clear confusion. If you are confused I would suggest therapy with a local therapist to help you clarify.
When I was younger I would always go to my moms closet and wear her shoes. It felt right but, wrong. I really liked wearing her shoes to school. I went in her room and I would wear some of her makeup. one day I played with Barbie dolls and I preferred the aunt or mom role. I never knew why. I just didn’t like dad or uncle. I’ve been so feminine for so long I don’t really feel like a boy. i feel like I fit on the female side on the spectrum. 😢
I also wanted longer hair. I would always pretend I had longer hair, I never understood why I felt that way.
Thanks for sharing.
Almost 29 so I better watch this now
You are funny. Happy Birthday!
I like nintendo
Okay
Good for you, so do I.
I had always didn't want to be a boy since i was little i just remember wanting to be a girl so bad and as i got older it only felt stronger i supressed it for many years but im finally coming to terms with it im scared of coming out to my family and friends even though i know they would be supportive im just kinda stuck im not sure what to do
Thanks for sharing.