From Faith to Freedom: A Story of Religious Trauma
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- Опубліковано 19 чер 2023
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Chroma Clio (whom I love very much) talks about growing up in a church culture of corruption and control. - Ігри
Hey everyone, I'm the speaker in the video! If you have any questions feel free to ask! You can also check out my channel (even though I haven't uploaded in a year... >.> shhhh)
Thank you for sharing and I hope you are doing well!
All I can say is, happy pride!
thanks for the talk :P
The thing regarding the translation issue reminds me of a quote from the warhammer 40k story The Last Church which reads "If I am adversarial it's because it infuriates me to see the blinkered willfulness of those who enslave their lives to such fantastical notions as are contained in that book and others like it. That damnable piece of thunder in your hands that book is nine centuries worth of assorted texts that are rewritten, translated and twisted to fit the needs of hundreds of mostly anonymous authors, what basis is that to take guidance for your life?"
As an Anthropologist I have studied a lot regarding ritual and belief and one thing that it talked about was that religion is often used as a means of establishing societal guidelines. The major problem is that like the above mentioned quote, people often rewrite and twist those guidelines to suit their own purposes. Based on your own experiences would you say that is a fair thing to say?
i always randomly subscribe to the speakers that have youtube channels and reach out in the comments like you did although this is the first time i have told everyone here that i do subscribe to all the people who speak in the videos
The best explanation I've found for why I'm no longer Christian is "I'm fine with with Jesus, just not his fan club."
@@Featheryfaith7Devil is a real mofo too. I’ve crossed blades with him before and if it weren’t for God being by my side, it may not have turned out so well
@@TheSuicune7 You shouldn't downgrade your efforts like that.
@@wolfan8057 What this person means is probably that they have faith (maybe) but aren't religious. The core of Christianity has some good things but the church, especially the catholic church, just kinda twisted that core into something toxic.
I think religion is quite interesting, but the biggest thing that's stopping me from being religious is knowing that these extremes exist.
That's the way! Congratz honestly to anyone who realizes that. A lot of people feel like " Oh no i will lose everything if i leave religion " meanwhile they gain everything, they keep the things they want to believe in and accept themselves for who they truly are and not just accept what others teach you who to be and what to do.
"If being gay is a choise, why not choose to be bisexual"
Beautiful quote
honestly. me and my friend have always believed that it would be better to be bisexual because then you would have more options to choose from and you would understand both sides much better
@@Jzombi301 Nah, I would choose to be Asexual as living without caring about anything romance/sex related must feel very liberating.
@@StellaTheBoymoder i mean you wouldn't be truly asexual
most naturally asexual people don't have sex drives and don't get horny
however if you choose to be asexual you'd still get horny even if don't act on it
also if you choose to be asexual then its not really a sexuality, its just abstinence/chastity
I always thought that it wouldn't make sense to be homosexual, it's the option that brings you more problems
Choise
JUST IN CASE ANYONE DOESN'T KNOW... being hit hurts bc you have nerves, and there's no "padding" between your nerves and your skin anywhere on your body.
I always find it weird that's the conclusion they get to to excuse child abuse. The nerve system is interconneted with all organs, including the skin, so you will feel it.
And if you need religious text to justify being a physically abusive asshole to others, especially children, all so you can feel some sense of power or authority, turn your pathetic self in immediately & request psychiatric help for your severe social disorder.
I thought it was more about injury. When I took stage combat lessons, I was taught to fall on my “fleshy” bits as to not break anything or injure yourself. Still hurts like hell if you fall too much.
Hitting a squishy part hurts less than hitting a bony part.
I know this because I have received many injuries to both bony and squishy parts.
Also about the 'spare the rod, spoil the child' saying, disciplining your child is not beating the fuck out of them because they did something you don't like. It's taking and active role in teaching them and raising them to be a good person. Set rules and boundaries and teach them right from wrong. There are many, many ways of disciplining and raising a good, healthy child that are infinitely more effective than scaring them for life and making them hate you. THE BIBLE LITERALLY SAYS THIS BY THE WAY.
_"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."_
_Colossians 3:21_
_"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."_
_Ephesians 6:4_
I hate how 'discipline' and 'abuse' have become so conflated
I'm not religious but I can recognize that it can drive people to do both incredibly kind things or the most vile and disgusting
Religion is a curse upon our world and ill swear it till my death. Heaven is an excuse to ignore your inevitable death. The devil is not real. God is not real. The Bible was written by me in a past life, and the purpose was to fool everyone 😂😂. I do not believe this either this is something I know and remember. Me and my friends did it.
For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.
Faith can bring about the best in people, or the worst. And sadly, speaking as a Christian myself, a lot of churches have tainted the Faith through their corruption and toxicity.
Iwould argue that religion’s negative utility outweighs its positive outcomes. Many good things are done in the name of or as a product of religion, yet you may still do those things without having to believe in religion. For example, moral conclusions can be deduced without adhering to religion, good or bad, yet in the case of Christianity, it promotes bad morals on the onset like stoningpeople that don’t subscribe to the religion. Granted, not every Christian wants to murder non Christians, but the fact that it is at some level preached is absurd.
@gavinaccurrsedd6419 I agree. A downside with religion is, no matter how you spin it, most of the time it spreads hate through its teachings. I can't speak for literally all because that's impossible, but 90% of the time, non believers supposedly get eternal torture. Anyone who disagrees? Bad too. Do not question god. My perspective is that religion inherently discourages critical thinking also, believing something because it's comforting rather than true. It sounds cynical, but there are other ways to build a sense of community IMO.
@@theterrorofdimensions1326Faith is a wonderful thing but organized religion is a horrible one
I'm a Christian, but hearing people recount their religious trauma is so important. Things must change
Gods word smods gurd
@@TheNightWatcher1385god's word sucks. it was just written by normal dorks like you and me pretending they can talk to some goofball in the sky. i'd rather pray to a floating spaghetti monster. at least that god sounds cool.
Thank you for being the amazing person that you are 💜
i am too. but for the sake of God... some of us christians need to check themselves. our priorities are as follows:
1. love God
2. love all people
3. enforce the Word (to ourselves)
There's no such thing as a "Trans Kid," there are only abused children.
I wanted to share one of the most important life lessons I've learned. I had a psychology professor who stated that the only purpose that corporal punishment serves is to relieve the anger that is felt by the person inflicting the punishment. When I got to thinking about it further I realized she is 100 percent correct. I would rank her as probably the best professor I have ever had, there was not a day in her class that I did not learn something.
For emotional people, yeah. Wisdom is important.
Yeah, just pouring out the anger and frustration within
This is going to be hard-hitting for so many including myself. I've been out of the church for 10+ years and think I will forever be unlearning the toxic garbage church filled my head with.
im still stuck with my christian parents and i cant wait to be free of this garbage once and for all and just be a femboy like i want to.
@@PewPewCricket I'm your new parent and I accept you for your femboy self ❤️🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
@@PewPewCricket yknow what...
do not judge others as you will be judged
if they judge you for wearing stuff and being a femboy they gon be called "averagemale" or something in heaven
@@prorandocopier7945Lmao
Why do I feel as though Christianity and its practitioners have caused more problems than good historically... Compare that to Jewish culture or even Mormon culture historically where there's been notable good to come from the religion.
I'm a christian in a catholic church, it saddens me to see people being treated like this, and THIS being their whole views on christianity as a whole, I a strong believer that you CANNOT force your children into christianity, the bible states that people follow god's teachings by choice, not because someone older than you told you this was the way, and it doesn't help that a lot of christians stray from you are supposed to say/do/teach people, My grandpa had to quit a church because they told him to worship the stars, and now I'm hearing about these awful people escentially traumatizing children because they want to force in this water downed extremist idea of what a christian is, I feel sorry for all those people who were hurt by christianity or religion as a whole, the teaching are supposed to be wholesome; accepting, warm, morally sound and just, and yet most of the practices I hear about sound like a dystopian version of what you are supposed to teach people.
As a fellow Christian, it is a sad reality on how people will refuse to let their kin become what they want to become, and instead, desire a mini-me. Let people live their lives and get their communication with God in private
Yup. Some Christians who mistreat others for any reason are so ignorant to the point i don't even think they even know how to read, let alone the bible. It kinda sad how people change the words to there wants or needs. The bible warns to watch for people who change the words of the bible to bring hate apon people.
@@Royalname31 Say what you mean. It’s boomer parents who are perpetuating the multigenerational abuses visted upon them as kids, bc of this asinine misconception that “you must suffer to prove yourself worthy of love”.
Also, there’s a certain level of CSA going on in all forms of organised religion (even tho a fair bit of it is being pinned on the Christian-based churches), and the layers of psychotic behaviour that would need to be unwrapped to link in your “desire a mini-me” comment would, once again, have me reaching character cap on YT comments.
Well people who lust for power, control, money or whatever are going to use whatever they can to justify their power grabs. Nazis are gonna nazi.
Fr I’m a gay Christian and no matter how many times I disprove the various homophobia talking points people still hate but I believe still
Oh boy I feel this one, my mom's ex had built a lot of internalized homophobia into me and it took me 3 years to realize that I wasn't "just joking" and then I found my boyfriend. He is helping me work through a lot but I feel like I bother him a lot
I've spent a lot of time helping people i love dearly deconstruct their trauma. Trust me, if a person is willing to do this with you, to go that path with you because they love you, then you're not bothering them. I was always happy if somebody was willing to share something troubling with me because it gave me a chance to help. And seeing someone we love feel better afterwards is one of the greatest rewards I've ever received in my life.
@@adenkyramud5005 good to know
YOU GO DUDE! STAY STRONG. AND YOUR BF LOVES YOU VERY MUCH. As this fellow commenter said he loves you a lot and you most definitely don’t bother him!
@@adenkyramud5005 Well said.
Exmormon here "You jump through these mental hoops" is soooooo accurate. Congrats on getting free and I hope you're able to fully deconstruct safely and live a happy life now.
Also, the comment about facing death twice is so perfectly spoken. It's horrifying to be forced to face it.
also exmo, i've found such a freedom from leaving the religion and the speaker it so incredibly true that religion completely overrides your thinking. Looking back its insane to me that I even thought how I used to.
I have a friend who is Christian, and trans. They never did come out to their parents, but I know they are very homophobic. I would like to have more to say here, but I never knew that much about it.
Miss you, Kris.
Additionally, I am deeply sorry about the situation with you and your party. The insurance company, although their job is to make money, not lose it (quote from an Azeal vid, go find it), they really shouldn't back out of vital meds like this. (Then again... I am British and get paid-through-a-tax healthcare but the NHS (National Health Service) is always on strike anyway)
I'm christan, katholic, I can tell you more about US if you want
sad bc the bible doesn't even say anything ab being trans
Hell, most of the crap bigots quote are either a mistranslation, a misenterpretation, or a myth because they want society to function in one way only instead of letting other people live their lives
The NHS is on strike because Tories have been ruining it, don't make it sound like they're selfish when they're on strike literally to make your healthcare better
@@SandsAgain I think the trans thing is about the whole personal deal. For me, do what you want, even in the name of Jesus, but as soon as you start shoving it down my throat, we have a big problem.
You can be gay, you can be trans, but don't shove it down my throat and don't indoctrinate our kids to being trans. Let THEM find out when they're of legal age.
I feel like this is a kind of lesson a lot of people need to hear.
It's OK to be who you are, but the fear of everyone you love and care about shunning you for it is a constant that just makes you suppress yourself. Be normal, act like everyone else.
I just don't think it's right to be forced to live a fake life as long as who you really are doesn't hurt anyone.
I feel the weight of what you mean when you say those words, but then you must consider. If the reason we are so miserable from trying to live a false life, then why do we blame god if he didn't force it on us, but rather those who misrepresent him.
As a Christian, I despise purity culture. Even if you want to argue that sex before marriage is a sin (Even though marriage in the bible is not the same as the legal marriage in the U.S government), or whatever, that doesn't mean you will be beyond capable of being loved. Like, Jesus ate dinner with sinners and tax collectors. He appointed a man who murdered Christians as his apostle. He let prostitutes in the church. No sin is beyond saving, no one is beyond love and forgiveness. So the notion that you'll be a piece of gum too chewed-up to find happiness in marriage is bind boggling.
It makes people afraid of committing what they think is sin. Which is an oxymoron, considering the Bible says none of us are without sin. It creates paranoia. It makes people unable to forgive themselves. It makes people think God can never forgive them. It turns people away from God.
I have extremely bad religious trauma.
I grew up in a Catholic family that was extremely religious, and I've always hated church and everything involving Christianity as a whole.
I made my hatred for it very clear, even telling my parents one day that I hated God and didn't believe he existed.
I would get physically abused for not believing in Christianity later in my life. and would have terrible thoughts about me going to hell. I would cry, fearful of what would happen to me.
I slowly came to terms with the fact that I was part of the LGBT+ community, and my religious family was very vocal about how gross those people were.
I lived a long life of just hiding everything to avoid punishment, but overhearing what they were saying about me and them calling people like me gross, evil, and faulty was really hard.
I am very cautious around Christians now.
I would be lying if I said I didn't despise them a bit. They ruined my life.
To this day, the only group of people that frequently talk about fixing me or calling me evil are Christians; they have never changed since the day I was born and likely never will.
As a Christian, I wouldn't blame you for despising me and others because of the shit people including you had to go through.
I don't care personally if you are a part of the lgbtqia+ or non religious, I see you as a person just trying to live your life.
i thought christianity was about PEACEFULLY spreading the word and not physically beating someone up over not believing in it and/or being in a separate group?? im not religious but holy shit your family needs serious help (if they even can be helped)
@@pretender1456 This is honestly such a thoughtful message
I'm glad to know that some Christians are good people like you
thank you
@@8iza Disillusioned Ex-Christian here. There are a lot of good folk in Christianity. Not all of them are vocal about their opinions because of the threat of being excommunicated by their church. But there's some that are often secretly wanting progressiveness to be the way forward, even if it means the end of their belief system.
@@8izathis was such a wholesome message 🥺
I relate hard to the dictionary thing, i did similar things as a sexually repressed teen with literally no outlet. I didn't think other people would have the same kind of religious trauma as me
@@adsffdaaf4170 1 he/she said nothing about their gender. 2 in the context man or woman does not matter. (context being masturbating being a sin)
Im a trans girl who is bisexual and christian and i hate the church so much, this video really helped me and made me feel like how i am is more okay
Of course you are okay, dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
I'm so glad this was helpful to you. You are valid and so loveable! Never give up.
I'm Christian myself, and... yeah, you're right. Most churches are just *awful.*
I stopped going to church because, A: I was being homeschooled with a Christian program, so I figured church wasn't a necessity. B: I opened my eyes and found out how corrupt most churches are. Finding that ONE church is great. And I also found some churches that say that "Free will is of the Devil." So, free will, which God gave us and wants us to us, is of the devil, who actively opposes the very existence of free will? Hmmm
Ggs lad
I relate to this quite a bit. I was raised in a similar fundamentalist christian way. The denomination my parents were part of had quite a few odd beliefs, I won't get into it here, but other than that they were similar to other evangelical/fundamentalist churches. My deconstruction took such a long time, and I only gradually dropped the doctrines they held. It took years, and started incredibly slowly, but eventually things came to a point where I decided to more actively question the things they told me. Once that happened, everything fell apart and my life kinda went into a tailspin for a few weeks as I questioned everything.
I'm an atheist now, for various reasons. I can't fully explain the freedom I felt after getting out of that religion, it was like my life had finally started and I could be free to question and find out who I was. I didn't have to justify or explain away contradictions and such, it was so freeing. Turns out, I'm trans. I mean, in my childhood the signs were right there, but since all my thoughts and feelings were "wrong" somehow I was in denial for years and tried my hardest to repress and ignore things. This did absolutely no good for my mental state, for obvious reasons. Figuring that out was very freeing as well.
It's funny how some Christians try to make it look like nobody else besides their specific sect has true happiness, while in my case being fundamentalist did absolutely no good for my mental state and actively deteriorated it.
You don't know me and i don't know you, but I'm proud of you. Never give up on yourself and stay strong. Even if you get hurt, if some part of you breaks under the pressure of pain or stress, you're still human and still worthy of being loved. You don't need to be fixed to be a whole human being. Keep those words with you, share them with those who need to hear them, and keep living your best life. Seeing you do that must be the worst punishment for them xD
@@adenkyramud5005I love these wholesome replies I can’t help it 🥺
Honestly, I can relate so much to her when she talks about the feelings of lust and making yourself feel ashamed about feelings. Even if for a moment you have a sexual desire, you must repent and feel ashamed for having these feelings. And that's honestly one of the reasons I stopped being religious. I just couldn't burden the fact I had desires and that I am not supposed to release them, but instead suppress them and bury them. And much later I realized I was bisexual. My mental health has improved so much since then and I feel freedom and comfort in myself that I am not perfect and that I am good enough. And if I sin, it is nothing. I make mistakes every day and so what? I shouldn't hold that against myself and make myself feel ashamed. Thank you so much Azeal for this video and thank you, the guest, for speaking with Azeal and sharing your story. I feel better knowing I am not alone and someone else agrees with me how religion affects your mental, emotional, and sexual health in many negative aspects. Thank you so much to both of you. Much love ❤
Thank you for listening 🤍 I'm so glad getting to be yourself has improved things for you!
🤍
A lot of religious people would say for you to feel ashame of your sinful feelings, but this is the perfect formula for denial and self disrespect that later on will be exposed to others. I am Christian and I disagree that we should be ashamed of our feelings, in fact, we have to accept them because they make us what we are. We need to learn how we work on a personal level so we can solve our personal issues that we're going to face it. This is why the Bible says: "analyze yourself", but unfortunately, a lot of Christians just fail at this. Someone who truly believes in God is someone who is able to spread His word with respect and without enforcing them in any way and that can respect people's individuality and love them from the heart. I am sorry if you had a rough experience with Christianity, but I'm truly happy that you're doing okay now :)
NEW AZEAL VIDEO WOOOOO
Post-watch edit:
I used to be a Mormon, but a few years ago I stopped going to church after I started (heavily) doubting it. Luckily the family members I lived with were very understanding and didn't cast me out or force me back in. I wish everyone with religious families had the same thing as I did if they decide to leave the religion.
Coincidentally(?) enough, I'm also bisexual, though I didn't really get to much into loving men until I'd already had left the religion, so I guess I dodged the bullet of being looked down upon by my congregation. Happy Pride Month to anyone who's reading this, and once again thank you Azeal for sharing another story. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
It's nice to see there are other people who left the Mormon church. Thanks for sharing, made my day a bit better. 😊
I grew up in a Southern Baptist church, and also knew I was bi for basically since I was old enough to be attracted to anyone. Liking boys, even if you also liked girls, in a church-run school in the homophobic 90s might have been what saved me from indoctrination. That constant undercurrent that you're sinful for those feelings (and not the understandable sin of lustful thoughts toward the "appropriate" gender) felt unfair of God. Which led to a kind of indignant spite toward God despite being a 'born again' Christian. Years of feeling like that eventually led to a rejection of the concept of worship. I'm currently anti-theist agnostic with a splash of humanism - God may or may not exist, but even if every word in the Bible is true, such a being doesn't deserve worship. And to do so debases us as free people.
@xerlikion6528, I'm curious whether this was similar for you - do you think your sexuality helped enable you in rejecting dogma?
solidarity 🏳🌈
The Mormon church preaches false gospel.
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Also yes this video is about my girlfriend lol
It’s always great to see you two together! 🧡
Religion was Humans looking up at the sky & saying, "Woa! Campfires in the sky! I wonder who made them? There must be sky-people! I wonder what they're like & their stories?"
Who made 'Gods'? Did Human make Gods or did Gods make Humans?
This is a Spiritual Question that has intrigued Humanity since we were Tree/Cave People & Savannah Creatures.
I was always a fan of Jesus & his Stories.
If he existed, (/shrug Ultimately, it doesn't matter if he was real or not. His Legends are a huge part of a Global Population's lives & generally make people Better People, excluding the multiple Crusades, Religious Persecution, Witch Hunts & Systemic Misery (IRELAND) 'this bad thing is happening because God is punishing you!' Rhetoric)
I think Jesus was a pretty cool guy. His blood was LITERALLY WINE, he knew how to party & have fun & LITERALLY made a whip one time & gave the Romans he was going to whip with it---AS SOON AS HE MADE IT---a pre-warning to get ready to be whipped! THAT'S METAL AFH \m/
As I understood it, Jesus was an amalgamation of Zeus, Poseidon, Hercules, Moses, Abraham, Odin & Thor (& MULTIPLE Egyptian Gods) in 1 AWESOME Super-God.
The Priests who 'wrote about Jesus' were literally mashing every 'cool story bro' they knew of to convert/control/collect as many Demographics under '1 Common Thing We Can All Agree On'.
People are smart & better in groups, TO A POINT. After 200-300 People, most people blur 'the rest' into an Anomalous Grouping.
So, when you get more then +300 people together, it's a very good/powerful thing to be able to say "This X-God wants us to do Y-Thing!"
You can see now, how this could be easily corrupted & used for Personal Gain/Greed.
I would LIKE to think that more Good then Evil has been done 'In God/Jesus/Holy Ghost's Name' but as a whole, Religion is a Good Thing.
It brings people Comfort in Old Age, Compassion in Youth & people Together who may have literally nothing else in common together in a Group Setting for a Good Purpose.
My Grandma lived to be 96, Irish Roman Catholic. I was Baptized. She always said "It doesn't matter what you believe in. As long as you're a Good Person then God will Love You Forever'. She loved me for ME, 1st.
I was the kid who would sing badly 'on purpose' so I could go outside & throw rocks at cars, parked or driving.
I was the reason my Dad stopped taking my sister & I to Organized Church.
Now, we go to our Local River/Lake & take a Boat Ride. That's my Church.
I'm an Absurdist Agnostic Norse-Germanic-Roman Mythology Buddhist-Taoist, Open-Skeptic.
I'm not saying Ghosts / Souls don't exist. I've seen too many strange things for that to be possible.
I've just never seen 'Irrefutable PROOF' that 'all of this' exists because some Highest God wanted it to exist.
I prefer to believe what the Egyptians believed in:
All Gods & Aspects of Gods exist SIMULTANIOUSLY in a Celestial Multi-Dimensional & Timeless Gated Community & they are All Friends & Above Mortal Concerns or Habits. They don't compete with each other. They hang out & party & prank each other but in a Godly Way, not a Mortal 'Spiteful' Way.
TLDR: Jesus was pretty cool, even if he didn't ever exist. Religion is supposed to 'Make you a Better Person' but who gets to 'set the standard' for 'what is a Good/Moral Person-Life?'
Hey azeal
This is close enouth to what I went through in church
I believe I am a winged wolf named starlight and will be reincarnated as a winged wolf
Bad experience in church so I let people believe what ever they want so I will belive whatever I want
The church was noisy and so fucking loud and I did not understand what ever they were saying
I haven't went back to church eversince the begining of the pandemic and so thankful that I am me
Lolo have fun being the second man that comes to mind when you even touch your Lady
I think a lot of us can sadly relate to this story, religious trauma can be very damaging
Oh, don't tell me, you had to go to Church every Sunday and your parents are uncomfortable around gay people? How traumatic!
@@_canaan thats not what happened actually, but i dont feel the need to tell you my story. Maybe don’t try to minimize others struggles? Especially when you dont know their situation. I know you feel invincible because your behind the screen and dont know who your talking to, but honey it really shows your character that you feel the need to put others down like that. I hope you are ok.
This really hit close to home, while I haven't been fully immersed in christianity and it's beliefs I was raised in a christian school for over 8 years and that honestly impacted me.
This video just opened my eyes even more then they were and I am so grateful I didn't get trapped inside the beliefs, thank you for this video.
I always hated having to go to church, it's mind numbingly boring having to sit on hard wood pews for hours listening to people drone on and on.
I've always loved it because I actually pay attention.
yeah, it may be boring. I’ll give you that. But if you really listen, sometimes your heart can change for the better. (If you go to church.)
Go to an African church then
I was forced to go to church. At best, it was boring. At worst, it made me feel like I was sick and broken.
Bro thinks Church has family guy clips 💀
I feel this to my core. Where's my fellow church survivors? 😅
Me lol I used to be southern Baptist. Which If you tell an atheist most of us just go im so sorry because most of us know what it means lol. When I went through high school and really thought about the bible it just didn't make any sense. Became atheist and fell in love with science instead.
@@jeremyyates1026 The opposite happened to me.
@@cr0w940i guess integral also fucked you over huh
@@jeremyyates1026 ok but if u dont wanna join a faith just please still believe in god i was told that to even have a chance to get into heaven you must believe in allah (oh and u also need 2 do good deeds but still dont stop believing even when times are hard what ever you dont stop)
@nowh_8808 No thanks, I'm atheist gonna stay atheist.if you guys wanna believe I've no problem with that, but for me, God doesn't exist. I'll stick to my science no hate of course you guys can believe if you want I just don't anymore and I'm happier for it.
That had such a wholesome ending, I love it
agreed i loved the cute hug to
Very much appreciate you telling your story. I wasn't raised in it, I converted as a teenager in the 80s, and breaking out of that self-imposed prison was a long, incremental process that I can't properly do justice in a UA-cam comment, but hearing stories like yours was definitely part of it. I tied myself in knots stressing about whether I was doing enough to "save the lost", whether God was disappointed in me, why the church was so very, very far from what it was SUPPOSED to be, and what could one person possibly do to "fix" it. That idea that I could just... NOT... was, ironically, my "Scales falling from my eyes" moment. 😜 So... no, my long-suffering atheist friends, you're not going destroy a person's entire worldview with "facts and logic" in a single conversation, but.... we remember those conversations. Sometimes we stew over them, even if we're just trying to come up with a better answer for next time. And sometimes, we realize we don't actually HAVE an answer. And the armor cracks, ever so slightly. Enough cracks, and, eventually... Took me waaaay too long, but I'm grateful to every person along the way who had the patience to listen to, and pick apart, my bullshit. The only thing worse than having to admit you wasted 30 years of your life on made-up, toxic nonsense... would be not doing that, and wasting the rest.
Wow, that is a beautiful way of putting it. Those conversations and doubts definitely build up over the years! And what a hell of a quote at the end. I will have to remember it. Thank you for listening. 🤍
As a protestant christian this was really hard hitting. Like the points she made towards the end especially were a bit scary to think about like having to grapple with the idea that "What if there isn't even a heaven?" is especially a scary thought. While for the time being I still think I would continue identifying as a Christian it definitely gives me something to think about and I'm genuinely happy I clicked on the video. To be honest I feel more enlightened for lack of a better word because I never really thought about some of the points she brought up. Thank you.
Sometimes, the best way to strengthen your faith is to have it be tested. And if you trust in the Lord, and follow him, then who can lead you astray?
See, I'm even questioning if people who are ignorant of God and don't know Him get reincarnated, either here or some other planet in the universe. Even my parents (staunch Christians, too) even question stuff like that. It's weird to think.
i mean, there are much more base things to question before you get to that point. like if heaven is even good as described by the bible.
@@comyuse9103 What if Heaven is even better than what is described in the Bible
@@voltekthecyborg7898 then the bible shoulda described that instead of ego death
God, this just... makes me feel really bad for religious people. Like I knew it was bad, but I didn't know just HOW bad it was.
So glad you got out of that situation and are healing, thanks for sharing your story.
Why do you feel bad 💀 we legit have god on our side, we are guided by him, his son died for us on the cross. Don’t feel sorry for us
Don’t feel sorry for me. I recently reconciled with God and I’ve never been happier thanks!
@@robloxiankellen6489 @darrendavies5704 Oof, yeah. That's why. :( Basically, if you are replying to my comment like this, touting your love for your god and your mythology's lore, it's hard for me to explain to you why that's fucked up. Like how you feel you have to do it? Like the people who go around trying to convert others door to door? It's the belief that your religion is the "only correct one" as if humans haven't been making up countless religions for thousands of years. It's out of my paygrade, basically, hahah.
I hope this comment makes you think twice about the things you say, but the roots of bad christianity in the mind run deep, so I feel this reply could be a waste of time... Good luck.
@@Vultureen how am I touting my religion? 😂 I’m just telling you to not feel bad for me
@@Vultureen I’m not even Christian 🤣🤣
This experience reminds me of my own and I’m glad you’ve grown to be comfortable with yourself after deconstructing everything. Good job!
Hi Texan!! 🧡
Thank you! 💕
I grew up in an atheist family. Thank God.
My dad and stepmom tried sending me to a catholic private school (mostly for educational reasons), and we even went to church for a bit, but it didn't stick. I wouldn't call myself atheist, but I'm certainly not religious either. I'll float on a middle ground on this topic until someone tries to shove their BS down my throat. I'm not having any of it. Religion is something people made up on their own. It is a belief, and that is all it is.
@@simpledj509chromo7 Both my families (father and mother) are "new Christians", that is, European Jews forcibly converted since the Middle Ages, and then persecuted again, forced to migrate to avoid being killed. We are not very friendly towards religion, particularly institutional religion. ALL are instruments of oppression, nothing more.
Thank who?
@@Stoner_matics Oh, so sorry! Thank Godess!
Lmao I say "Thank Charles Darwin"
Mine went from being overly strict and condescendingly pushy for not agreeing with their views to making it a whole joke about me not carrying about church to the point to treating everything I say as a joke and not taking anything I’d say seriously.
I mean there fine in other aspects but when it would come to religion or anything where they question their decisions they lose a few screws
Like how do they expect you to follow the faith if they do anything to actually push you away from it?
If I may ask, what are your thoughts on church, etc?
@@petercooleman2480 eh I have no problem with it in general. There dozens of different kind that both lack as much evidence as the next. I have my own reasons. Just kind of depends on the people really. And unfortunately mine has a preacher who has compared us all being in a orgy with Jesus (not exact words, same meaning) and pretty much denounces everything as being “broken” and “evil”, and just really intolerant.
@@petercooleman2480well he actually said all married to him, but honestly I just think it’s funny how he compares it to that and how great it is while also constantly yelling how horrible and evil it is to date someone that’s not the opposite sex. Hell the only reason my folks started getting more and more sucked into it was more cause of conformity. I guess some one from a church made a really intrusive and or snarky comment of not going to it to them and they got really insecure about it. I dunno.
@@petercooleman2480 I do know there a good churches who are a whole hell of alot more excepting and tolerant and I’d definitely would like going to places more like that, but it be more for the people, like that one church that had been recently struck by lighting. Also WTH is up with people about that. The amount of UA-cam videos I’ve seen pretty much praising it’s destruction and how”it’s a sign from their God” is so toxic. Like lighting hasn’t strucked any one or anything before? That’s just such an evil way to look at the world and yeah that’s kind of honestly the top 3 why I don’t vibe with it. I’d go on more but I kind of feel as if I just be filling these comments up and I don’t know if anybody would want that many long comments from the same person about a full on topic discussion.
Hello I’m a Christian. As an adult, I still go to church and I’m trying to build my connection with the Lord. For me, it wasn’t the church that was the problem, I have a very loving and accepting church that doesn’t force their ideologies down people’s throats.
For me, it was my uncle who is a very “over religious” man and literally criticized everything I did. I couldn’t even go a day without him thinking that some thing I did was going to make me a Satanist or something lol.
He criticized my interests and how I behaved. It really wasn’t fun, he would threaten me over very little and very mundane things. Fortunately, I’m on my own now and I’m able to go to church and follow god of my own will and am not forced into it 24/7 by my uncle. I still love him, but I don’t want to be near him anymore.
Edit: Whether you people are religious or not, may God bless your souls and may your lives bring you tidings of comfort and joy. You are loved, you belong in this world, and I wish you all only the best in life.
Just a little addition to your post scriptum: "may god bless your souls" IS shoving your religion into our throats. I know you mean well, but I don't want to be blessed by your god. It's the same thing with like "blessed be" for pagans (basically it comes from a fertility ritual and some people don't want that, they might be childfree or tokophobic or something).
The day a friend doesn't accept you or feels like they can't accept you because of your sexuality is the day that person stops being your friend.
No. It's the day you realise they never really were your friend.
omfg.. very glad you included that bit at the end.. you two are adorable!
🧡💜
I declare this comment….Wholesome 🥹🥹
🤍❤
Aww.
I am a trans woman. I had to deconstruct my religious beliefs first before I could accept my transness. Any time I debate Christianity in my head, I get really upset. I relate the religion with this force that hates me and wants to destroy me.
I knew I was trans around the same time (17ish) but kept it a secret from pretty much everyone. My dad made it clear I was not allowed to be trans and refused to talk about it.
When I came out as trans to everyone last year, it was really hard. My half sister who is far right Christian washed her hands of me.
She knew I was an atheist - that didnt do it.
She knew I was progressive - that didn't do it.
She let me care for my nephew - her child, but being trans was too much.
Christianity terrifies me. My body hurts from not feeling safe now. Now that I am visibly trans, and surrounded by religious people who think I shouldn't be allowed to be me. That some of them want to kill me.
With the hyper focus on trans people this year, it is just too scary.
That loss and fear are so palpable and agonizing. We stand with you in solidarity against the hate 💙 It's not over til it's over!
@@ChromaClio thank you. I appreciate your words a lot. I had to become strong fast, but it comes and goes.
Back in June, I attended my cousin's wedding. It was Southern Baptist and very "women must worship and belong to their husband" wedding. I cried through the whole wedding the moment the pastor started defending marriage. The amens around me really messed with me.
I thought I could handle it because my family knew I was out and trans. They were on their best behavior. But religious positions were so messed up and past traumas being pulled to the surface.
im thankful that my christian parents support that I'm gay
W
I think its really important for storys like this to get out
“You have to leave for work in 30 minutes.”
“But new Azeal video”
I have a very strange relationship with Christianity. I grew up in a very Christian family and was often taken to church. But I always had doubts, I have a brain that always tries to deconstruct things, and when I try that with Christianity things always feel apart. On top of that I'm autistic and transgender. Back then, I didn't understand what those were and I never had someone willing to help me understand what I was feeling.
When I was around 6 years old I was being bullied by a kid in church. I felt threatened, so I lashed out and grabbed his arm digging my nails into his skin. We got separated and I was left standing there with my hand covered in blood. I did what came naturally to me and decided to lick the blood off my hand. My mom stopped me and had me wash my hand in the bathroom.
From what I understand a lot of people were afraid of me, my mom included. She became very focused on trying to get me to be Christian. But the more she pushed me to fit that mold, the more I pushed back.
Eventually my rejection of Christianity combined with the dysphoria I was experiencing, and I ended up with the belief that I was a demon. Eventually I told my parents about this, and I almost got kicked out of the house for it. At the time I didn't have a car or a job, I would have ended up homeless, in rural Idaho. I think they realized how cruel that would have been and that I was obviously extremely confused. So thankfully they never went through with it. But it left me feeling very heartbroken.
Eventually I started to understand what I was feeling, that I was transgender that I had autism and what that meant. When I came out to my parents as transgender I was surprised that they didn't kick me out. They weren't happy about it and thought I was just confused, but I still have a relationship with them.
I still don't feel human, and I don't think I ever will. I guess when I started putting myself back together again, that part of me just wasn't there anymore. Honestly, I think I'm okay with that. 👹
As an Ex-mormon, yeah the repressed sex thing, with the dictionary definition, yeah I've done the same.
I remember them also saying it was better to die than get r-ed. It was like wtf even then, when I was still drinking the kool-aid.
The translation bs/standards of the times was also there, even with another source book.
whats a mormon? (im muslim and ik NOTHING about other faiths only mine lol)
@@nowh_8808Its a specific branch of Christianity that has a lot of unique beliefs most other churches dont. The biggest thing is probably that they follow another book (The Book of Mormon) alongside the New and Old Testaments in the Bible.
*High five* fellow ex-mo!
One of my breaking points was my church (cult) said I was going to hell for wearing pants to public school. I NEVER did during church or youth functions. I was so messed up my VERY Christian Grandmother showed me the verse and said they were twisting the one verse in a way for control. For HER to say that made me start questioning even more and the very pastor telling me my pants were sending me to hell was married and having an affair with his married secretary. Tried again as an adult, had the pastor single me out again bcz I questioned and HE was having an affair w his secretary. The excuse both made were they were SUCH good pastors the devil came at them extra hard, bcz they WERE pastors and saving so many and theyre just men in the end that sin too. Both were fired, the one died a year later of a brain tumor and the other keeps going to church to church. I STILL struggle at 53 yrs old bcz I was raised in SUCH a diff time. I have SO much more I could say abt this video. It hits me right in the heart. I cried for you. Bcz I get it. More ways than you know! Hugs!!!
Thank you for your kind words. Your story is wild, and I could absolutely see that happening: being told Satan went after someone extra hard because they were so good. 🙄 Satan is really a catch-all for anything these days. It sucks because that belief is so illogical that it's difficult to reason anyone out of it- they didn't use reason to GET there in the first place.
@@ChromaClio You are so right. Sometime maybe you, myself and even Azeal can go in VRC and talk abt it. Until youve lived it, u cant get it. And I too used to use stereo typical Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve bcz I was programmes that way. Now I have someone thats more a bro to me than my blood bro thats gay and I love him and have many friends of all varieties in the LGBTQIA community. Im even struggling with my own identity bcz it's not something I could ever even THINK abt let alone explore at my age. Growing up in a conservative area in the 70s and 80s is a diff time than now. But ppl like me are the ones that support our kids and grandkids being who they are no matter. I paint my grandsons nails and when my granddaughter played in make up he did too. I dont believe boys cant play with dolls etc. I have been deconstructing my beliefs beat into my head from birth and now Im loud as I can be abt it. Putting me into danger now. But I wont stop. The KKK used 2 run things here and now its Proud Boys, Oath Keepers and Militias. Ive stories. Tons of them.
I went to a lot of Christian camps growing up and if I had been surrounded by all the time I would definitely be a different person, I remember when I came back it would take up to a month for my brain to see reprogram from just a week of camp. The final straw was one camp where they addressed same sex couples and called it a sin, this happened a few week after one of by closest mates had come out as bi and I just refused to believe such a thing would be against a god who just wants the best for us.
Now days I try to live my life according to this quote by Marcus Aurelius
"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones"
Oh wow this one hit me. As a little kid I was raised Christian- and this video helped me learn the world "calvinism". I was definitely more lenient with my childhood, but I still came out traumatized regardless from teachings. This was a nice listen to, even if it hurts. Just the reliability. Thank you for making this videos about people's stories, Azeal
Fuck that reading definitions part hit right where it hurts lol i did that too. Was raised catholic and was taught that thinking about sex is immoral when you're not married and all that... all that stuff i was taught as a young boy really messed me up and i still can't comprehend emotions. Not properly anyways... cause boys don't cry and boys don't feel pain and all that... also there's probably some autism in the mix as well so this messed up my brain even more. My life turned to shit and i still don't know what to do with it to be honest... got some bad bad stories, real heavy shit I'd love to tell but i don't know where. And i don't have the money for vr stuff so i can't try to tell it here xD
❤
I was raised on the premise that premarital sex is lust of the flesh, usually speaking. If you love that person and they show the same feelings to you, but you aren't married, then alright. But usually speaking, premarital sex is lust of the flesh, which is dangerous, cause... well... the clap and friends
You can do a simple UA-cam video too! Doesn't have to be VR. Could also pay an artist to make youtube avatar stills to use for a video so you can share your story but remain anonymous to protect your identity!
But can also record with a phone or computer camera and sit down and talk
You could start talking here, being able to type it out is a start, shifting the good from the bad, etc and then it will make more sense after some suggestions, suggestions not being the answer but what leads to a answer for you, we can’t say what you have to do but we can help with you doing so
@@petercooleman2480 well the thing is most of that stuff i shouldn't talk about with this account since it's directly tied to me, so very easy to trace shit back to me and get me in trouble with the law. And I'd prefer to not go to prison 😅
It is scary how much people are willing to do in the name of a god, and how they can twist that god to say whatever they want.
This is unfortunately very true, I am very religious myself and 90 percent of people and church's get the whole thing wrong, which sucks when you see whole comment sections talking about getting away from religion instead of the church
In the Bible it said that god was mad at the church for using him for money and putting words in his mouth and stuff
I personally got very lucky with my family but I've been in relationships with people who have to hide everything from their religious parents. It's so difficult watching them drift apart but in some cases it's the only solution :(
Having to overcome fear of death... i never thought about it like that but you're right. I faced death, more than once, and i no longer fear it. At least not my own death. I still have a very big fear of losing people. But that's something else i guess xD and ever since i stopped fearing my own death i feel more at peace with me losing faith in god or religion. I don't know you, you don't know me but i gotta say I'm proud of you for telling your story. You're amazing, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Hope your situation gets better soon, and i wish i could offer more than words for support...
Awww this a wholesome and noble message to hear 🥺🥺
Thank you so much for the kind words 🤍
i was a christian for the better part of 15 years and i had christianity class in school up until 3d grade, mainly beacuse i swapped schools after that cause bulling. those classes i only remember doing mandalas. then i had extracurricular christian classes and even did that thing where you eat that wierd piece of bread. dunno what its called in english but i do know in spanish its "hacer la comunion". then i did something horrible. i asked questions. i kid, i did ask questions but the answers where basically "its a mistery of faith" to which i basically responded "well i think youre full of shit". i became an atheist and my family straight up didnt care that much. then i even converted one of my younger sisters into atheism and the more we scoped out the religion thing, the more i realized it was basically a cult. and becoming an aficionado to the basics of physchology didnt help with that either. now i see religion as an elaborate coping mechanism with the fear of death. mainly the fear of of the unknown as to "what happens next".
Ok me personally there a lot of good churches that go into the facts with christianity it's hard to explain but basically one nutshell you were one shitty church and were unlucky and christianity can be a cult but there churches that aren't but at the end of the day we all love apples I hope you understood what I said
Lol so you thought you became an expert? 😆
@@ericb9252 never I am just a person who has nonsensical opinion
@maxler5795 Hey, could you please elaborate on what are some of those Psychology reasons you believe dissprove religion?
@@nonsense3373I mean it is in youre name after all
Religion has held so much control and caused so much destruction over thousands of years of human history it's wonderful to see more and more people finally being able to break free. breaking free from religion will be the single most difficult and uphill battle humanity will ever face and religious followers will do anything to hold their control over the world but if we can push through a far brighter and loving future awaits us
Yikes
@@somefoolishfool How is that a yikes the number of people who's blood has been shed in the name of a god is countless how many wars must be fought how many people must die how many cities must crumble due to religious belief before people realize the horrors and destruction that religion brings
@@AzaiaMonota not every religious person is the same, religion doesn't just cause problems.
@@Lowtiervergil347 It doesn't matter the religion all it takes is a difference in belief on one side to spark a war as we've seen time and time again
@@AzaiaMonota my best friend is an atheist. He's literally the funniest guy I know and I always have fun hanging out with him. And I'm a Christian, and he's still my best friend and we haven't had a single argument about our beliefs. This logic is incredibly flawed.
This was an amazing story. Thank you, azeal. She is a wonderful person who didn't deserve anything that made her feel that way. i hope you and your gf are in doing better, stay strong, and stay sweet🩷🤍🩵
Thank you!! 🧡🧡🧡
That hug at the end was some of the most heartwarming shit I've seen.
:)
This strikes a close chord with me... I'm trans, raised baptist, and it caused a lot of trauma in me early on.
I screamed at the dictionary thing because I forgot I used to do that too 😭 Thank you for sharing your story, I found it really healing to hear your insights and better understand how my religious upbringing affected me.
damn I have a feeling this is going to be interesting, especially given the fact that it looks like it's another interview of his gf. I hope everything's going well for you, both financially and mentally
"Ooo, red text :)"
I was lucky enough to see straight through most of the manipulation of the church even from a young age. What anchored my world view so strongly was the fact that I realized that the light which guided to do good in the world, and the darkness which I feared was not from some God or because of demons but instead it was all purely from within me.
this is the first video i've seen from your channel, and i think this is some of the most important content i've seen posted on youtube. these are real problems that cause real damage to people and seeing it talked about so frankly is something i didn't know i needed. thank you, ChromaCilo, and thank you Azeal.
🧡
Oh damn I didn't read the description and didn't realise she was your girlfriend until the end of the video.
Props to you for helping her through all this and staying with her Azeal. You're a good man.
I'm not finished watching this but I can't express how I feel listening. Just, so many concepts that I've gone over again and again in my head but in this nameless, formless anxiety and you really helped give those thoughts shape and name. I've gotten away from a lot of this stuff for years now but it still gets at me and I still have moments of terror, I sincerely thank you for talking about this so much!
Since everyone is dumping their experiences with religious trauma, I’ll also do so. I’m not one of the worst cases, I get that, but I feel like getting it all out at 3 am in the morning will be good for me.
So, ever since I was like 2 or 3, I’ve been going to Catholic School. All the way up to now. At first, it was fine. I enjoyed my time at that school until about 3rd grade. My memory gets a bit fuzzy at times, but I knew it was going… wrong when I had this teacher that would… get into arguments with us children and would lie and manipulate us so that she was always in the right. She would hide behind the Bible to explain why lying to children was okay if you gave them a treat afterwards, which I don’t get… So, whenever I get lied to by an adult, I still have her in the back of my head and I say “It’s okay. I’m a kid. I’ll just give myself a treat to feel better.” Which is a nice way of saying I binge. It sounds stupid and like I’m soft, but this is where why next point comes in.
I don’t know when, but it’s possibly 4th grade when I was told I was sinful because I wasn’t baptized. And that I should get baptized right then and there because of the original sin I have inside of me that I can never get rid of. That I’ll always be condemned to “hell” because I wasn’t baptized??? So, when my class started doing confession, I felt… dirty. I felt disgusting. And sometimes I still do. I watched everyone go into confession and come out, and I thought that I needed to get baptized, have my first communion, and whatever else so that… I can be pure like my peers. I wanted that, I didn’t want all my sins to be unconfessed… But I didn’t know what I did wrong at the time… How do I confess having issues when I was also getting told that I’m privileged to have what I have. And I am, I really am. But I felt that, my issues weren’t as bad as others issues and that maybe feeling disgusting like this, is fine because other kids are getting sexually abused and stuff (an example a teacher gave). So, since I don’t think I have it as bad as I could, I try to deal with my hurt myself and now I struggle telling others about things I went through or simply how I’m feeling because “it’s not that bad”. I don’t know how to deal with myself.
I have much much much more, but the last thing I’m talking about is… maybe uniforms and regulations about dressing. Since I was 2, I had school uniforms. Girls wore skirts and boys were pants… For the longest time, I had a problem with wearing long pants because “I’m not a boy, shorts or skirts with long socks.” Probably why identifying as non-binary helped me a bit with being comfortable with how I want to dress. Because the clothes were so “covering” that if I don’t wear something that can hide a bra, I feel exposed and I’m constantly pulling up whatever I’m wearing to cover myself, so jackets are my best friend. I can’t even have my hair down without thinking it’s wrong because we were taught to tie it up and whatnot. Stupid so stupid.
I have all of this… unfiltered mess inside of me that I literally cry myself to sleep over and- and when I see everyone around me on their phones texting friends. I want that. I want a friend so badly that I can just text everyday. (I went on a whole rant about this, so I cut it. I don’t want to put you through that.)
I’m so sorry for this mess.
This was so good.
The "bisexual arc" part is speaking to me..
For years ive flipped between having thoughts about cute boys and then telling myself that as a straight man I cant have those thoughts, And its fucked up some relationships ive had with people.
My parents say they wouldnt care if i were gay but I can tell thats not the case (especially for my father)
Still to this day I like to say that "I like who I like" rather than an explicit sexuality. Being outed as even "not straight" scares the shit out of me and also would go against the persona ive built up
The line "I cant be queer because Ive hurt queer people" Sums it up for me
At least as time goes on ive become more accepting of gay people and culture, albeit slowly.
Also Clio is such a good speaker, Great video
Every once in a while, the internet produces a masterpiece.
💙
“They told me that I was like a peice of gum, and that if I was chewed no one would want to chew me again”
Felt that on a spiritual level. I was assaulted as a child, and surrounded by very purist people. It tore me up inside so much, that i didn’t tell anyone for about 5-8 years.
Have a great day everyone!
As someone who is Christian, this is very sad to hear. I never liked the idea of forcing people to believe in God just because YOU believe on Him. I have many LGBTQ friends and it makes me sad how these religious parents just choose their beliefs more than the well being of their children. Regardless if you think that gay people go to hell or not, the Bible says that you should let people choose what their path should and you cannot force them believing on God's word if they don't want to. You can talk about Him all you want, but let people decide if they want to follow you or not. I believe in love and respect, and God has that, but certain people just make it look like we're people who disrespect others. This is the reason why I don't try to get along with nobody at the church because they're a bunch of hypocritical people. Having my personal connection with God and the knowledge of the Bible is everything I need.
I was raised from birth to be a Catholic. However, I am currently hiding my true belief of Kemeticism, the remnants of what we know about the Ancient Egyptian religion. I was never really big on church. It was just something that was a part of life, like a morning routine. I also never really took any of it seriously for unknown reasons (I have no idea why), so I spent less effort in living life in a 'godly' way, but it's still very evident that even from my uncaring experience, it still was and is impactful on my life and worldview; a number of which include how (un)social I am, my rocky relationship with my parents, my lack of confidence, and yes, my lust. A combination of these things made me miss out on a lot of things despite how young I am. I've never been in a relationship with a girl, had a group of friends to do dumb things with; even minuscule things like getting in trouble for staying out too late. Now part of that is just my mom, but a very good chunk of influence is the church. But onto the important part.
It was in the late 2010's that I realized that I didn't believe in god anymore. I spent many days and nights guilt-tripping myself into believing that I was going to burn in hell for all eternity and that was it; that was my destiny because my church had convinced me that if you stop believing in god, that's it; you're done. You ARE going to hell and there is nothing you can do about it, even if you come back into the church, it wouldn't matter. So in 2020 my brain decided to make me feel better by imagining a religion where I was the incorruptible hero; the savior of an entire realm. That sounds ridiculous; letting your imagination create an entire religion, but it really was a large mixture of different things. I don't need to get into it because it's not relevant, but about March of 2021 I peacefully left it behind.
After that, I was spiritually drifting for a while. I made no effort to join a particular religion or find one that suited me because I was really stressed out for my high school graduation, which I suppose is relevant, so I'll talk about that too. In short, I was the smart kid who always failed his classes. I absolutely had to pass all of my classes in senior year or I would absolutely have not graduated. In the end I did, but at that time I felt like I was at the end of my rope. I thought that I would (for the sake of youtube, we'll say commit die), and when I wasn't able to do that, I told myself that if I couldn't graduate that that would be the moment. That was going to be the end of me and I would burn in hell for not believing in god and committing die. The short version is that I barely managed to graduate, but I still did it in the face of immense fear, the allure of committing die, and intense pressure.
Anyway, around mid-2022 I started to feel attraction for Kemeticism, my current religion. Now it was a pretty slow "conversion", but pretty soon it went from an intriguing prospect to my full-on religion. I began to realize things about myself and the world that shone a new light on the world and for the first time I felt truly at home within religion. Now, one of my policies is that I cannot convert other people without them expressing interest first, but if you are interested, I'd enjoy talking about the general Kemetic worldview. But after I officially considered myself Kemetic, I felt really good. Like I really started getting my life together. I got a stable job, I have a person I'm going to ask out in a couple days, I grew my confidence, learned to be more social, and have a brighter outlook of the future. Of course there are still problems that exist, but mirroring what your girlfriend said, I just felt and feel so much more free, like a lion freed from shackles it's had it's whole life. I still have a moral compass that naturally mimics what I've been taught to believe, but I worry less about trivial things. The world feels open now.
Of course, I still have to ask myself questions about what I believe. But now, I don't feel like I'm sinning by asking those questions. I just develop a new understanding or even multiple understandings because there's no way to know for sure if one perspective is more true than the other. I don't doubt that I'll have spiritual turbulence in my life; I'm counting on it. But right now, I'm as free as a library book and I become better every day of my life.
Edit: WOW, this is VERY long.
Hearing someone talking about their Religious trauma makes me realise how bad the religious trauma was when I was a kid I’m so sorry to hear all of the things that happened to you
Your experiences you talked about are heartbreaking, because I can relate. I grew up mormon since being an infant, and my family and community were all mormon. I witnessed my mother who hopped marriage to marriage precisely because of purity culture and her own repression. I struggled with and repressed my orientation and identity early on, and only once I turned 30 have I been able to fully express and embrace who I am. The trauma runs deep, and I'm happy to hear that you've healed so much!
just wanted to share this with you. I have no clue where I would be without your videos. I know I would be ignorent as heck, but besides that I don't know. Weird religious things seem to be something that comes up frequently here. low and behold, religion has messed with me to a little bit. I would still consider myself religious, but my views have changed so much from where they were before I watched your content. Your interview on the person who went through conversion therapy was an incredible eye opener for me. It really made me ask myself what I was believing in. My parents are semi-tame compared to a lot of them out there, but they're still pretty homophobic. My mom doesn't seem to know where she stands because she met an intersex person while growing up who was nice to her. She doesn't want to hate anyone, but she's stubborn about us realizing that it is 'wrong' even though she recognizes at least some people don't have a choice. In reality, no one really has a choice, but she sees some of it as free will. My dad digs into that in an extreme compared to her. He's made multiple comments about how he thinks gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry, and how he doesn't understand how someone can just decide they don't want to be a man anymore (I think what he specifically said was 'wake up one day and feel like being a woman,' but my memory is weird, and it's a little fuzzy) meanwhile, I'm just in a corner, not really sure of what I like or who I am.
Anyways, that's a little besides the point. I wanted to thank you for making these videos, as many others have. Even if the money these videos bring in isn't sufficient for things (like medication) that nobody should have to pay thousands for, these videos change lives. They give people who've never had one, a voice. They provide those willing to listen, knowledge on the state of the world and how things need to change. They give entertainment to people who want to listen to random, funny, or interesting stories. They enable us to relate to people who've been in incredibly different situations, and people who've been in uncannily similar situations. Your videos have to be the most important ones I watch, and possibly ever will watch. Keep up the good work, but don't be scared of a break if you need it.
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Fr I’d probably still be very transphobic and homophobic but luckily that wasn’t the case
As A Native American from rural reservation, I got kidnapped by friends of the family and forcefully baptized without even knowing what was going on, I still remember the red carpet, the lights, the bounce house in the back, told my parents what happened years later
As someone who grew up in a christian household, pretty much forced to be a christian, is working at the church I grew up in, still hiding that I never fully believed in christianity and that I am also pansexual (I'm not attracted to pots and pans smh), it can get pretty tiring. Many people in my family are racist and homophobic. Many of those views were pushed down onto me and probably my brother too. My father was a drug addict which caused our parents to be divorced when I was in middle school/junior high. He wasn't really around much in the first place but he's gotten better and tries to come over now at least once a week to watch a movie or a show. I try to help my mother as much as possible around the house because I truly respect everything she has done for me even if she may have racist/homophobic views. My parents tell me they will always love me but then I hear them being racist/homophobic and I don't really know what to do. I am very privileged with what I have been given and I would rather not lose it all by taking a chance and coming out. I'm not a risk taker. Unless I am 99% sure about something I will probably not do it. I'm fine with never coming out as I am fine with having a significant other as the same gender they would expect me to love. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. It's just another secret I can't tell anyone. Unless you're online and know nothing about me and will most likely never meet me irl.
TL;DR: I'm fine staying in this comfy closet
I'm on my own journey to fully break away from a lot of the religious trauma that has surrounded me since I was a child and this helped me a lot to know I'm not alone. This gives me the strength and the validation that what I am doing is the right thing and I really appreciate that. Thank you and best of luck with everything in your life.
Thank you 🤍 I'm glad it was helpful!
Good for you. I'm raised by a religious family and I wanted to break free from that. I'm planning to leave home (yes, I'm still living with them but not for LONG) and go the USA (also, yeah, I'm not from USA, I'm 🇵🇦 but I will someday) to become an artist/writer/animator.
"I sometimes wish that the bible never existed"
The feeling I have every day.
so so real-
Same 😔
I hate stories like this. Not becaue i wish anything ill on the person who got out of that situation, but because Christians put them there.
Thats been MY faith ever sense i was little and especially sense i almost killed myself in 2017. I hate that something that is revolves around love is used for hate so frequently.
My God loves you. Plain and simple. Dont listen to a single person who tells you otherwise.
@therobloxianminecrafter gosh I wish that wasn't true
@therobloxianminecrafter totally fine with me!
Weather or not there is a God, many gods or no gods is irrelevant, church and religion is almost always only meant to control people, from the Norse and their valorisation of death in combat so they wouldn't have issues raiding or Christians who need to pay their church or they will be punished.
i hope things for them get better!! i think azeals channel is very eye-opening; and i hope he & his gf are doing well financially + mentally
azeal you might not see this but i love everything you are doing with all my heart. thank you for being you
Thank you for watching 🧡
@@Azeal ♥
This was quite a hard one to watch, very close to my heart, glad you managed to find your way after all, big hugs from Chile.
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Probably nobody gonna read it but still.
I, for some years, believed that I was going to hell because I didn't felt faith in God power or believed in this stuff, what boosted it was a chaotic situation experience that my family was going through. I was feeling so afraid that I prayed everyday, but still nothing changed, for a while I thought it was a punishment by God for a sin, but I didn't remember which. In a period I was feeling angry about him and starting questioning all this stuff, why I was going to hell being myself, for loving, for having joy, for having tastes. Alot of arguments started to making me questioning his existence, consequently starting to making me stop believing that he exist. I'm so afraid now, for years believing that someone existed and fearing uncontrollably this person and now it's gone. It's satisfying not feeling this overwhelming and feeling this freedom but at the same time so scary, it's like you discovered too much and now you have to deal with it. Now I'm thinking that I want to believe in him again, but now the damage has been done...
I really hope that everything will turn out okay for you, I have gone through a little bit of a similar experience as well.
What really "sealed the deal" for me that god does not exist is the scientific falsehoods in the bible (that the earth is only 6000 years old and that an old bearded man with a flick of a finger created our plant).
4:33 - That's IT. I'm a christian and so I obviously cant get mad on anyone BUT I'm sick of this "situation"(Not people! People are fine just a bit un-inteligent). The only people that are making amerika straiyng further from God is THEM. They are the problem, they are causing the problem and when someone points out that they are in wrong, they turn the blame on them and say: "You're causing the problem, we are the good guys!" Which is so obviously un true that it makes even more people leave christianity. They are acting like spies that are destroying community from inside.(Which is really bad because if they are - than that's bad but it's even worse if they are not - because that means that these people are just so... insanely wrong.)
As a Christian who hasn't gone to a church due to the corruption in said churches, It saddens me that people use my faith as a weapon to spread their own hate, saying "God loves us, not these rainbow people!"
We're all God's people. He didn't make a favorite color.
If an evangelical christian saw the attributes they've given their god in any mortal man, they'd be repulsed.
Imagine being married to someone who claims that you are nothing without them. Imagine they belittle those you connect with who do not share your admiration towards them, and suggest they are the toxic influence that will drive a wedge between you and them. Imagine they demand physical displays of your admiration, asking you to lower your head and hands and ask them directly for all insight. Imagine they blame you for all of the wrongdoings which may be explained by their own negligence.
It's not hard to imagine, because it's a textbook case of abuse we hear about all the time- the worst of cases. It practically lines up perfectly with pathological narcissism. Now just give this person a stage and claim not only that they created all things, but that they created these things broken on purpose and yet they still blame you for the attributes they predestined you to shoulder.
I no longer believe in god, not only out of a lack of belief but out of a lack of support. If such a god were responsible for humanity, then they continue to have a hand in the worst part of it. I would willingly choose to deny them, no matter what punishment awaits me. I'll be told time and time again: "you just want to sin," "you're just angry with god, and you're being selfish," or "you simply don't understand." I clung to religion because I thought it stood by the values of altruism, love, and truth that it claims to support. I left it for these same values, once I realized that my beliefs and my values were incompatible... and that my beliefs made me hurt people who were more genuine than I could ever be. Unlearning hate is the hardest part of leaving the faith, be it self hate, hatred for the world, or that ugly, primal hatred for dissent and difference. Believe what makes you your best version of yourself, and don't let anyone take that away from you.
I never had to worry about coming out as gay because my parents told me when I was young if they ever found out I was gay they would kick me out of the house and disown me
Your story hit home for me in a lot of ways and I truly hope you’re alive and living happily with people that cherish you and you them. I’m cheering for you and wishing you every kind of happiness
this hit surprisingly hard
also love your videos!
I thought I got over religious trauma but it seems I have healing to do.
This is going to be my story, at eighteen. Just 5 years left
Jesus told us to love everyone, not to discriminate and hate against people who are different from us
Stories like this make me remember how lucky I've been in my life, growing up I had supportive parents, a supportive church, great friends, and I wasn't forced to believe in anything I didn't really believe in. Even as a pansexual transfem satanist, the church in my city accepts me, my parents both accept me, and my friends are just as bad as me >:)
btw im not trying to brag or anything i just wanted to say something
That’s amazing
Out of curiosity, in what kind of Satanism you are? I heard there's different kind of Satanism and I'm curious about it.
@@thementalorder1233 Atheistic Satanism, I don't actually believe in any gods or devils
I just looked up Satanism yesterday and it actually seems to be quite logically based. Pretty cool.
@@adryncharn1910 It definitely is, most people that aren't even Satanists would agree with the seven tenets
Dude, your thumbnails are like LVL 100 now wtf!!
I really tried my best on this one thank you so much
I remember getting smacked on my bottom, thighs, arms or hands for doing something or saying something my parents didn't like (for example saying i didnt wanna go to church) and i remember my grandparents locking me in their house and pretended to leave all because i didn't want to go to church which at the time i was like 7-9.
I relate to the dictionary thing 😅 that uncovered a hidden memory
the rape victim blaming is always so infuriating to me,i dont know exactly how many of them were 5 year olds wearing their pajamas but i'm assuming it's at least a good portion of them
yoooo a new drop , ya gotta love it
what in gods name did babies do to be considered evil
Its a godamn baby
Original sin ._.
Idk probably shitting in their diapers
I really needed to hear this. I've struggled with these questions and i believe now that they've pushed to me into paranoia and nightmares at the worst times of my life- that embodied all of my worst fears when all these questions were too much for my little brain to handle. There are some truly damaging messages that young people are being taught in christian communities, and encountering so many hypocrites, selfish people, and fair weather friends was one of the reasons my dad stopped taking us to church. Watching this interview helped me to process some memories and realize some of the roots to some problems that have followed me through my life.
Thanks for this interview, it was truly helpful.
I'm a Mormon, or rather. A member of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. I'm 15 years old and being very open-minded about things, this video has really opened up a lot to me. I have no clue how this is how religion is for other people, I never noticed how hard it was for people in this kind of scenario. This rollercoaster of emotions really had me, I hate that even as a guy, a male who wants to be a transwoman, I can relate to most of what she has said. I feel like religion really is a restrictive part of someone's life and I can see why most people are atheist. Now I'm very much happy to be queer and be so happy about having these crushes on mostly men, I'm very happy that this video has opened me more about religions and even my own, this part of me is very happy, being queer and the feeling of gender dysphoria always made me feel ashamed of myself but this video really was the best! Thank you Azeal for continuing these kinds of videos, it really validates other people!
you can identify as a transwoman even if you arent in a safe place to physically, medically, or socially start transitioning. but if distancing from that label is what you need to survive right now its okay, just giving you a little food for thought if you need it
As someone who was a Christian and was almost the most horrible person in the world and now I'm queer and I know people, I feel like I know this story so intimately even though I've never met anyone involved with it. It's crazy how similar stories like these can get when you have a religion that's supposed to be about love and peace, but everyone who is at the forefront of it is so driven by just the concept of hating everyone and everything that is even remotely foreign to them, both mentally and physically.
This story is so relatable to me. Thank you for this.
commenting for algorithm boost. Always nice to see you upload!