Retired Cop interview-Kevin
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Kevin Donaldson, a retired cop in New Jersey.
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#swu #softwhiteunderbelly #interview #copstories #newjersey #marklaita #documentary #realstories #educationalvideo #police
Mark, thank you so much for having me. It’s a cleansing experience.
Thank you for sharing with us ❤
Great insight on PTS and synapse damage. Thank you for sharing your story as well.
It takes a lot of strength to tell your story. Thank you for sharing with us!
here ye
Thank you Kevin for sharing your story,it was so brave of you. Best of luck for the future!
My Mom always said she'd prefer a punch than the emotional abuse.
I retired in ‘97 after 30 years, three shootings & the loss of seven friends/colleagues. While I never fell into booze, or anything else, I do recall being an angry person, often for no reason, likely directed at those closest to me. Somehow I got through it and am fortunate to enjoy a close relationship w/my wife of 54 years, kids & grandkids. My principal identity now is simply Grandpa. Guess I was lucky, but at 77 I cherish every day on this earth. Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you.
Thank you for sharing the anger being taken out on those closest to us.
In my elevated stress moments in life I began to become aware of my anger and projection on to those close to me.
So much so that I removed myself from moments I felt the pressure building.
I would go off on my own because I hated being the angry man. Something was wrong. Relationships eventually dissolved.
You are truly blessed with a wife who stayed with you no matter what.
Living each day with gratitude now.
Your words found me tonight.
🙏
Old Cop, You had it much worse than I, there was very little help for the guys who came before me and mental health had such a stigma to it. Much respect brother.
@@TheFunkybert That gratitude is a beautiful thing
@@thesufferingpodcast My department sent me to a shrink after I was forced to shoot a hostage taker in a motel lobby (third & final shooting). The guy was such a joke (no LE background or prospective whatever) I got up and left after one visit. I’ve been retired 25 years & enjoy our grandkids now.
@@oldcop18 My hats off to you sir thank you so much for paving the way for us kids
20 year combat veteran. 2 divorces, suicidal, alcoholic, addict, fearful, scared, depressed, anxious...I relate to you bro. Thank you for sharing. A problem shared is a problem halved.
Thank You for your Sacrifice and Service!
Thank you for your service
Stay strong brother from UK
Thank you for your service. True bravery!
Its been a year, hope things are better for you.
Mark this is one of your best interviews. I am a retired firefighter and suffered the depression, divorce, and I too put a gun in my mouth. I made it through the other side by the Grace of God. Thank you
Glad you're here brotha
The world is better with you in it.
@@brendenoleary1453 Me too for two years it was like my brain was in a fog. I met a Latina in Mexico and got married ten years ago. Life is good
Your right. The Best by Far! I hope I make it through, trying is a such a struggle!
I'm a fireman and I've seen some bad shit that has put me in therapy. I have 10 years left and I'm just trying to make it to retirement
All I can say is holy shit. I hope this dude goes around and talks to other police depts around the country and share his story. We need more like him. Incredible mark. Thank you
Thank so very much for your words.
@Frank Sobotka believe it or not every cop isn’t bad there’s no one size fits all with people , how about taking someone on their word until they give you reason not to you’ll be a lot less miserable
@Frank Sobotka you have no idea either.
@Frank Sobotka there are assholes every where, you dont have to be biased. just because someone is a cop doesnt mean they automatically are a bad person.
@Frank Sobotka were you someone he “thumped” on? You know nothing about this man.
As a black man who has had dealings with some rascist cops and some rascist white people in general, this guy really touched me. I don't look at him as a cop or a white person but as a human being that is full of emotion and compassion, I have nothing but respect and compassion for him. If we all just looked at each other as human beings our country and this world would be a better place. God bless you sir.
Brother, Ive seen good in bad in everywhere. I see you and I raise you one regardless of what you look like. If your a kind good person, Ill be super kind to you, if your not then... you get picture. Much love-Kevin
To DEHO 419: Yes indeed absolutely I agree with you totally. Your assessment is on point and spot on. Being a white person who grew up in Denver Colorado during the 60’s and 70’s in the midsts of a race war and that I attended a all black school I seen and experienced just how brutal some police persons were to black folks. I was the only white kid in my class and if it wasn’t for my black friends I would have been dead 💀 long ago. As a nation we have got to stop 🛑 this insane prejudice against all races and just act like human beings. Be blessed Amen.
Never encountered a racist person outside of cops and whites? Not one?
If everyone acted like human beings, maybe it would be possible
You sure they were being racist, or are you just an asshole?
This is one of the most meaningful interviews I've ever heard. The fact that you don't interrupt and let the person truly tell their story is a gift.
The gift is having a platform like the Soft White Underbelly
He's not on drugs, that's the difference.
Sir I'm a County Detective for Atlantic County. Your story touched me because we have the same childhood. I'd really like to talk to you because I've had a rough go with it. 2019 was a year from hell and I almost lost my career. If you have time please respond
@@turtledorn4464 People say suicides are cowards. That's a lie. It takes tremendous courage to off yourself.
Clearly Kevin's PTSD began in childhood. "The job" incident the finishing touches.
How many people has he put in jail who were suffering the same affliction?
Not judging, that was his job. The job needs to change, but more likely people added who understand the suffering.
Thanks for your part of the story Kevin.
In your podcast please, please educate cops about mental illnesses.
I' m not a pollyanic who thinks cops should " shoot them in the leg."
I get body mass training, but CIT isn't doing the job and mentally ill people are needlessly dying.
I know right... just wow
Thank you. I've been on the Job 25yrs. Breaks my heart to think we all work alongside fellow officers that are hurting and keep it all inside.
Time to change the silence
I loved this interview. For being a tough cop, he speaks so freely from the depths of his heart and uses easy terms to help us reflect on ourselves.
This was an incredibly tough one to do, thank you so much for your kind words
I’m sad the interview is over so quick, I have ptsd and depression and deal with alcohol addiction. I’ve managed to stay mostly sober for 6 years and I completely agree that my purpose on earth is to help ease peoples suffering.
'tough cop'? Yet to meet one, be all bully's ie. not tough... Without the badge what are they?
@@RukYouLikeAHurricane I have PTSD from cops
@@Progenitor1979 they ain't s*** without that badge.
That's the only thing that makes them tough.
And you best believe in Jersey, every single one of them is a complete di ck head
Really refreshing to see someone typically associated to a very traditional sense of masculinity (tough, not sharing feelings, authority figure, etc) share his worries and whatnot. It helps to generate empathy and realize that we all humans are far more similar than we think, therefore we should try to be less dickish to each other.
It's really not being dickish it's we are all sinners it's the sin innos that cause this kind of reactions about the dickness, Hopefully he finds Jesus Christ the true healer He mentioned God a lot so I'm just hoping hes a believer in Jesus
I lovVe the term less dickish...awesome Commentary too!✌🙂
@@FlyboyUS I have
TOTALLY!!!!
As a former wife to a former police officer who was injured on the job via a vehicle accident, I was absolutely moved to tears. Police, fire life and family carry an underlying stress. Your story is relatable to every spouse of those careers. Congratulations on finding your identity!
Thank you
What about the fact that they have tried to take over the country at the Capitol? Not all of them are good, in fact, they are worse. They won't get vaxx, conspiracy theories, anti-government, racist, and they shoot innocent. There is nothing normal about policing anymore. They're terrifying!
FORMER wife so you left him when he had the accident wow...
@@startingtech3900 You have zero right to make that assumption. I was married for over 20 years, was with him for 6 after his accident. My separation from my husband had NOTHING to do with that situation. But, you wouldn’t know that. You just make things up….
@@startingtech3900 You making that assumption lets me make the assumption that you're a jack ass.
I am a 25.5-year retired LAPD Detective that had an experience that affected me when I was a gang patrol officer. I too had nightmares and headaches every time I recalled the incident. Yes, talking about how it impacted me helped me get passed the anxiety I felt. Kudos to this officer for sharing his experience that undoubtedly will help anyone who is going though a rough time at this moment.
Thank you my friend. Stay safe
When he said the doctor asked if he was ok and he said yeah, so she asked again "no, are you ok?" I knew he'd start crying. Sometimes that's the one question someone can ask you that just makes you break.
I broke that day
Been there before. It'll split you wide open.
First responders are almost always thinking of others at work or home. Quick to dismiss the possibility that they're maybe in trouble. I think the culture is changing though, more agencies are realizing (after a bunch of self deletions) that the "suck it up" mentality does more harm than good. The negative stigma of seeking help, therapy or EAP programs is fading fast. Whether from compassion or liability concerns, at least it's not treated like some unspoken shameful secret anymore & that's good.
You didn’t know he’d start crying
Yes! And sometimes coming from a stranger, it feels even more meaningful/valuable that you feel 'seen'.
Having recently retired after 30 years on the job, I found Kevin's story about Mason inspiring. Perhaps, Mark, find Mason's mother and interview her. The irony here is visceral. Kevin saved her from a fate he would soon collide with, more than once. I took a life on July 3, 1994. I felt nothing. The therapist (protocol in California) told me that something would happen and trigger great sadness. The suspect (armed with a pistol) had been wearing a Walkman. Five months later, while driving home, I saw a kid wearing a walkman; I fell apart and cried. On my last day on the job, I went back to the scene (after 27 years) and said a prayer for the departed. Amen...
Thank You for sharing!
I can't even imagine!
Years ago, while living alone, a 17yr old (that looked 12) decided to knocked on my door at 1AM telling me my dog was out. The dog was in bed with me....
Long story short, he persisted long enough for me to brace myself, on one knee, with a cooked 40 waiting for him to break in so I could shoot him legally.
I backed him off but I shook from the adreline, fear, and thought of almost killing someone, a dang kid, for the next week! Note to mention afraid to sleep!!!
I hope to never EVER have to aim my weapon at a Human again!!!
That happened in a Middle class neighborhood in Nashville. It does not discriminate!
🖤💙🖤 thank you for your service Sir. My BF is in law enforcement, 27 years now. I’m very outspoken about supporting police. Everyone thinks about the criminal and nobody ever thinks about how a shooting affects the policeman. Thank you for sharing 😊 God bless you Sir!
Thank you for deciding to have a job that u risked your life to protect people. My sister's husband is a Sheriff and polygrapher for them for many many years now soon to retire and I know there are some decent good guy law enforcement thankfully out there. I'm sure by far it's not an easy career. Sadly I've run into a few that just make them look bad by just being smart ass dicks when surely they didn't have to be.. I'm sure many people don't realize though just truly how stressful being in law enforcement on streets can truly be. Probably quite a few have thought they were fine like and one day all of a sudden something triggered their memory and boom hopefully they realized they have PSTD and need good help truly and get it.
I dropped a dude back when I was on the force as well. I’d dream about it till this day and every-time wake up with 🥜 all in my boxers and a rager.
@@gailmgreenlee7039 You are right regarding the arrogance. No room for it. Karma. Be well Gail!
33:32 "We're not put on this Earth for personal gain, we're put on this Earth to help our fellow human being". The most moving, inspirational thing I've heard anyone say in YEARS. Thank you very much!
The more you give, the more you receive, I dont know how or why it works but it just works.
@@thesufferingpodcast Funny how it's always society telling you to give your life for THEIR greater good. But when the giver needs help, where the F is society? Crickets. No one's life is more valuable than another. If everyone swept their own doorstep, the whole world would be clean.
@@SlangScientist There are resources and people out there willing to help it’s just not in the places that it should be. Much respect
Very stoic. I love that.
…. every living being…. I would add.
How you turned out so compassionate and kindhearted is a true miracle. You have changed my perspective on so many things. It breaks my heart to think you believed that the world would be better off without you
I wasn’t always compassionate. When I was you I was very angry
This almost felt like a TEDtalk. He's so well spoken.
Very well spoken & inspiring and helpful, for now.
Yeah I'm just listening on autoplay and thought it was an Anthony Bourdain interview at first.
Like a 2070 paradigm shift
@@viktorhardindyrvold4234 I’m not sure what that is.
@@thesufferingpodcast look it up on yt. It's quite the goof ;)
Being his age also from NJ with an abusive alcoholic father I can relate to everything this man just touched on . Wow I needed to hear him..Thanks Kevin
I can't thank you enough
I don't think I have ever been more impressed by a subject of an interview. First, a young man growing up with gangsters who becomes a cop to help people. He had his identity all along...a good, compassion strong man of integrity. He explained severe PTSD so well. I live it and am being treated for it because I was the one who found the most important person in my life who didn't get that moment of clarity at that crucial moment Kevin did. I am so happy Kevin's wife and children don't have to live this. The way Kevin lives and thinks is so filled with strength, intelligence and most importantly, kindness, and he should be so very proud of his identity.
Very kind of you and humbling
My Cousin & Ex Girlfriend did the Same, Thier Parents Were in gangs, But thier parents also taught them its better to be a Cop in these streets than a Thug
@@lilbench5834 much love and respect
Great interview!!!! I was in Law Enforcement for 33 years. The part I loved about the job was the opportunity to help people. I believe it's very rare that a person that is in Law Enforcement for over 20 years not to have some form of ptsd. Brother thank you for helping other fellow officers so hopefully they don't have to take the same path you did. I will keep you in my prayers!!!!!
I strongly believe that with proper training the officers working right now can release their post traumatic stress
This guy is a natural storyteller. I can listen to him all day long.
Thank you
Me too!
only because he wants films/novels to make bank
Same
Reminds me of Joey Diaz…also from NJ…best story tellers!
A $43,000 profit sent to my portfolio each week, Mrs. Angela cole carr is amazing.
Wow! How’s that possible please I’ll appreciate your assistance on how to go about it.
I’ve heard a lot about trading and investing with Mrs Angela Cole Carr and how good she is.
Her good reputation already speaks for her last month i invested over $80,000 with her and I've already made over $179,000 profit.
I have also been trading with her, The profits are secured and over a 100% return on investment directly sent to your wallet.
Same here I earn $13,450 a week. GOD bless Angela Cole Carr, she has been a blessing to my family.
This man is SO self-aware, especially considering all he's lived through - it's VERY impressive. He is a walking, talking testament to the benefits of therapy, and also of living for a higher goal (helping others). I'm not quite there yet, but he's making me think.
I’ve worked so hard to just be better. You will get there but it’s not easy. 🙏🏻
The Suffering Podcast why is it so hard? Just to be happy or even content with your life
@@cianbroderick4145 It’s a great question. I’ve been asked this many times. I have two great children, a pension, A good job etc. etc. for people who don’t realize what depression is like, it’s like walking in a stream against the current which keeps getting deeper and deeper. People on the sides of the banks are just telling you to get out but for some reason you can’t.
My mom witnessed a woman commit suicide with a handgun in her and my dads church while the woman was facing her! My mom then sat by her side for almost 45 minutes waiting for EMT’s to arrive. The lady was still alive, but then died enroute to the hospital. She’s still affected by loud sounds. She never got therapy/help and it still affects her. Thank you for sharing Kevin’s experience with PTS.
It’s a strange injury. No one ever sees it coming and the smallest things bring you back
I've watched an insane amount of interviews on this channel, and this one I have to comment on. I have never had any desire to hear what a cop had to say, but I am so glad I watched this interview. The wisdom that was shared at the end was incredible, and so important for folks to hear. Thank you guys for this one!!!!
Never judge anybody by a label. So grateful that you took your time to listen
Whooo you looking nice..
Amazing how you don't want to be judged by the tone of your skin, yet you judge a whole group of people based on their profession and assume they have nothing interesting to say... I guess you just dislike the police like racists hate other skin colors; based on generalization and prejudice... Good thing you opened up your mind and remember: you only hear the bad stories about certain groups, never the positive experiences.
@@maxf4275 dislike of a profession is quite a bit different from dislike of a person’s race/color….
But I understand the point you’re attempting to make.
Yes, it's helpful to hear his very familiar experience.
This is like looking into a mirror! After 40 years behind the badge I feel like Kevin just told my life’s story. I’ve watched this numerous times and I finally feel hopeful for a better life to come. I’ve been to the point of checking out but I too always found a reason to stay. Mark, thank you so much for this video and thank you Kevin for sharing your life struggles with us! Kevin is such a great man and I am proud to stand the thin blue line with him!
Much respect Brother. I'd throw that mirror away if you look like me, it may be broken lol
@@thesufferingpodcast Lol! You are a good man, and Lord knows this world could stand some good men right now! Thank you Brother!
Thank you for sharing this interview.
I'm told by my elders that storytelling is the oldest form of healing.
Grateful for this man and the grace and courage that carry him.
That means the world to me.
@@thesufferingpodcast Kevin, I suffer from chronic pain and your story made me cry. I can relate a lot to what you’ve been through.
You know it’s a great interview when Mark doesn’t have to ask any questions and can just let the person speak the whole time! Wonderful job guys!!!
Thank you so much John
This police officer has been saving lives all the time.
From the abuse,trauma,hopelessness,suicide attempts I feel it man. You deserve all of this help and you are worth it man.
Thank you so much.
I am also suffering from A.T.H.S
Mark. I recently found your channel because of the JRE podcast. Currently going down a rabbit hole on your channel. Love the work you are doing.
Same,hopefully he continues doing it,because he said he might stop
Same
me too haha
Me too. This is a Great Channel!!
Same
As a child of a police officer, I commend you. You took yourself out of self destructive ways for your wife & children . I only wish mine would've . Led to a damaged childhood, pts /anxiety , I ended up a teen heroin addict into my early 20's . I was slowly killing myself, punishing myself for a situation I had no control over . Thank God for my grandparents . Now over 12 years clean , bought my first home , I'm breaking this cycle one day at a time . Hopefully my other siblings will do the same .....
Thank you for your story 🙏🏼💖
It’s often the families that pay the biggest price. Much love
Congratulations on your 12 years!! That's not a small accomplishment by any means. I'm so happy for you and proud of you. (Coming from 24 yrs clean from meth. I get it.)
Thank you for your candor, especially about the treatment to your family after you had to live through such an incident. I'm a 35 year old woman, I had two children by the time I was nineteen and my son, my first was the product of a rape. I was a victim of sexual trafficking and exploitation and homeless by fourteen, I'm incredibly grateful, and astounded that I'm alive today. However, I didn't know how trauma impacted my brain and body, significantly more since I have had several mild TBIs due to extensive physical abuse. I remember so many times losing my mind over seemingly trivial matters with my children and other loved ones.
I tried to take my life back in 2012. I had been in an argument with my boyfriend, now husband, and I was struggling through addiction, mental health issues and still maintaining the appearance of having all of my shit together.
I finally decided that if I was gone everyone would have it so much better. I took Clonazapan and a blood pressure medication and sat in my bathtub, my SO found me and called an ambulance. I had to have the stomach pumped, ICU for four days and psychiatric hold for another three. I remember seeing my son, held by my younger sister I'd raised so confused and terrified when I was loaded into the ambulance. At the time I was livid that SO had taken this away from me.
I laid in that ICU. The ward was full and built like a round pod, nurses station in the center of the circle and surrounding her were the individual rooms. I looked at the patients who wanted to live and were dying, their family wanting so much for them to live and thinking about how unfair it was for me to take my own for granted.
I've never felt the urge to take my life again. I felt like the world's biggest asshole.
I think about the trauma I caused my own children during those times. I've been clean and sober since 2012, my children are beautiful and my life, while still difficult at times, is a blessing and I try to live and love the best way I know how.
There's nothing wrong with asking for help. Even if you're a man! My husband was raised to think mental illness was something men don't have, they don't seek help, ask for assistance and it's terrible watching him try to navigate through the intense pain from the amount of sadistic abuse his father perpetrated.
Sorry for rambling, but you struck a cord with me and I'm glad you shared.
I am so grateful that you let that horrifying story out. I have never met one interesting person in my life that doesn’t have some junk in the past. What you were describing above sounds absolutely horrifying, but if you use those experiences you have the ability to be the strongest person in the world. I have the upmost respect for you and thank you for taking the time to let your personal story out. All the best-Kevin
Don't be sorry for rambling (which was not at all rambling), your story and recovery is INCREDIBLE, you should be insanely proud. I've had similar experiences; it's really inspiring to hear other people's perseverance. Thank you!
@@JennerallyAnxious I’m grateful for your kind words
Great story. You are stronger than you realize. Thanks.
As a fellow New Jerseyian who suffers from PTS, was abused as a child, and has completely self-destructed as well, I get it Kevin. Your video was profound, meaningful and hopefully helpful for many other sufferers.
Thank you brother
Please reach out to me Clark
@@thesufferingpodcast Sent you a message on Instagram
@@clarkfredericks3309 sent a message back
I thought I recognized your profile picture! I loved your interview, Clark.
@1:30 "..,the emotional abuse he put me through..." Some scars never heal and the things we're told by our parents make a lasting impression and can effect us for a lifetime. Even when we know better. Facts.
GM, JM! Keep your head up my friend! Have a great day, weekend and 4th!
🗣️👏
@@Gram72534 Back at ya Gram. Have a safe 4th. I'm looking forward to tater salad and slaw. Two of my year-round favorites. Go figure😆
@@thatgurljazzy8677 ❤
I've been in this mindset and it's horrifying. I am no longer in that headspace and I look back with such grief and embarrassment but also a sense of being grateful. I made it through a dark time and only by the gace of my God, and for that I am grateful. 🥰
Sending you love and healing ❤️🩹
Glad u made it buddy...
We can do this if we stick together
Thank you very much for sharing your story. It's an excellent testimony for people to keep going because you confirm that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. It's also a confirmation of what a real man is. May God bless you for working through what must have been a very difficult story telling. Please know that only good can come from your effort.
As a result, I made sure to donate to SWU.
Thank you
I love who you find, Mark. You already have a beautiful talent in photography. But, each video tells me you have an eye for seeing people....Seeing the ones that truly need this experience, deserve this experience etc I'm thankful you've got a platform to give it to them! Thank you for yet another winner ♥️
Sorry mark is taken by asriah aka exotic 😏
Wow. Thank you for sharing you story Kevin.. my childhood sucked to. I agree that verbal abuse is the worst. My "father"use to tell me all the time he hates me and wishes I was never born. I'm now 41 and 4 years without a drop of booze. My life is alot better since I stopped drinking. I wish you the best buddy
I am proud of you! ❤
Congrats! You’re so deserving
Proud of you!
@Shady Baby thank you shady
This was the video of yours that finally broke me. Made me realize I related to this more than I'd like to admit. Different situations entirely but life happens. Very fortunate to be watching this. Glad you're doing better Kevin and still with us.
Damn dude this hits so hard for me. Thank you for sharing
Thank you
Wow this drummed up some memories and feelings I thought I dealt with accordingly....
@@daxc1972 I’m sorry I did that to you.
@@thesufferingpodcast Was not you, it was the 25+ years chasing that police pension. Thank God I was able to get out alive.
@@daxc1972 bless you brother
POWERFUL....................Mark didn't even have to ask 1question. Kevin's talk is not only powerful, but it resonates beyond any one person. It speaks to everyone in one form or another. Thank you Kevin. Thank you Mark.
Rob those are really kind words. I appreciate it more than you realize
I have to say out of all the interviews I’ve ever watched from you, this one touched me the most. Thank you for your work on this channel and KEVIN: Thank you for sharing your story!
By far.
Your comments bring me to tears, thank you
This triggered me real bad. Random unstoppable tears just flowed. I thought I had dealt with my childhood stuff at 45.
I'm finding it's a lifelong endeavor of peeling away layers of childhoods we are recovering from. May beautiful things come your way ♥️
No lisa.... ur damaged... seek help 😚
@@NAT-turners-Revenge Straight to the point. Your right.
@@ItsFreshItsAnne Certainly seems so. Knarly roots go deep. Wishing you the best 💖
I'm very sorry that this story triggered you. That was not the intention. I didn't start feeling better till I let this stuff go if that helps at all
Everyone hates the cops until someone needs help
I have so much respect for what they do especially in these increasingly racial and violent times there is no question they are held to a higher standard than in the past. I don't think most people think about how often they have to put up with people resisting arrest and sustaining wounds as a result and after a while it is only natural for a person's tolerance for this to decline. I know there are times they only have a split second decision to sue deadly force and live with the consequences.
This video helped me better understand PTSD especially considering that I didn't know it is physiological, thinking they just need mental therapy. I try to imagine the difference between PTSD a police officer experiences vs a soldier that fought in combat and the horrors they must live with every day and to think people spit on soldiers coming home from vietnam.
There is no greater honor than to serve your country as police or military because with no military think of what life would be like in russia and china - the people who protest are imprisoned and expelled form higher education, a criminal record would prevent getting any kind of decent job. A big salute here for the people who maintain order and fight to protect our right to do an say what we want in life.
Much respect Scott
As a mental health practitioner, i watch these stories, to make sure i can feel empathy for everyone. That i can listen to stories, much more then how somone presents at this moment in time. I really enjoy building my skills from this channel.. But....Hearing somone speaking so true to my life experiences, was interesting and emotional. I honestly have never felt proud for doing my line of work.. and this total stranger made me feel so proud.
Wow, thank you for caring that much. Makes a huge difference.
Please recommend his podcast to any addicts you may treat. Especially the ones not finding success in 12 step programs.
@@LoloO42 Many of my dear friends suffer with addiction. Many still are involved and summer on the other side. I’ve seen it tear lives apart and break them down
As i watch stuff like this to help me understand and be able to mimic there emotions or reactions
What an amazing interview. Searing honesty, with great intelligence and insight into the human condition. Seems a very decent person who will do a lot of good in the world (unlike a lot of the other interview subjects).I am very glad that he is now happy, he deserves it.
That means a lot to me
Fantastic interview, coming from someone who’s tried suicide multiple times due to PTSD, anxiety and depression. I too feel that after much therapy I have a duty to give back to people who are suffering like I was. I feel like that is my calling. I still have bad days once in a while, but that’s normal. We weren’t put on this earth to be perfect beings, something that took me a long time to figure out. This interview hit home! Thank you!
Thank you brother, we are connected by the same purpose
Man, I’m so glad that kid found you and said thank you. I recently got the opportunity, as you may know, to interview the officer who handled my SA case and thank him for what he did.
Also, when that doctor asked “are you okay?”
I have an exact situation that happened to me when I was younger and getting out of the Army. I was pacing around my house cleaning and my brain was racing. My childhood trauma had recently sparked and took over and my wife just stopped me and asked if I was okay. Then I broke down. Fell apart and she held me until I was better.
Man, the similarities are striking. I can’t wait to meet you guys and tell my story. Listening to this is so helpful in healing and understanding the feelings you have from PTS.
Looking forward to it Seth
Many suicidal people don’t want to die, they just don’t want to live another day in such horrible emotional pain.
Those old voices from childhood can take over during dark days. I’m sure Mason 💙and many others know the worlds a better place with you in it.
I still think about Mason and get choked up
Ptsd in public service is real. I have a friend who worked emt for 20 years the trauma is unreal. We need to respect and be kind to these servants.
We need more stories like this. We need to see that not ALL cops are bad. It's a HARD job. I know I wouldn't want to do it. This guy really tells his story with such emotion I can almost feel how he felt. We need more compassion! Our society has been split and we need to come back together. With people like Kevin telling their stories, maybe just maybe, we can start to come back together.
We can’t judge each other by our lowest common denominator. There are bad individuals in every profession on planet earth, that doesn’t mean that everybody in that profession is bad
"that not ALL cops are bad" - sweetheart, it's not "we" who needs this, it's you. "we" already know that most cops are good. you have been deceived by the woke losers.
There is zero chance. Too many brainwashed by Trumper lies.
All cops are corrupt it's just the level of corruption. This guy might be dealing with other demons of lives of innocent people he ruined. Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. When you have the power to ruin a person's life and are almost positive that you won't be held accountable for your actions it corrupts people.
@@cobracommander9138 wow, the level of idiocy in this comment is baffling. Do you think a cop stands something to gain by ruining a person's life? I could also ruin someone's life in a multitude of criminal ways, but why? There has to be motive. Granted there are some sickos who just like to hurt people, but most cops are regular people just doing their job and with no ill-will. If you say that all cops are corrupt, then it's the same as saying all people are corrupt (depending on the level of corruption), which may be true, but cops are no different from accountants, sales clerks, etc. in this respect.
Kevin your story hit home. I'm 54 and grew up in that same "Bad News Bears" era in the 70s when the popular way to parent was tough love, and when you got out of line at the park playing football with no pads, you might take a beating from an older kid, and that was acceptable. My parents split when I was 11 almost 12, and I had to be the man, with a weak mom, and a younger sister, and my businessman dad who I saw all of 2 days every other week was always hard on me mentally always kicking me down (so I didn't get a big head), which is almost comical. He was actually great when the chips were down, but would always be more than ready to shut you down if you showed too much joy or confidence. I think it's maybe just the traits they were taught by their depression era parents, and I get that, though I didn't like it at the time. Life is weird and now raising kid's has done a 180, and it's too much the other way IMO.
Lol, there has to be some sort of happy medium right?
He and Nick, the war veteran, could have an amazing conversation I’m sure. I’m glad he found help for his PTS. I lost a loved to PTS, so when I hear a success story, it warms my heart.
You’re right. The world is NOT better without you. Im grateful you were able to realize that.
None of us are as strong as all of us
I nearly closed this interview after 10 or so minutes because this man is a cop. How foolish that would've been. As a young man with an enormous amount of trauma, this is poignant and beautifully articulated. Pay it forward. Thank you for sharing. My apologies for passing such quick judgement.
We all at times judge too quickly. Much respect
Amongst other qualities SWU certainly teaches us to stop making quick judgements!
@@branddrivenipad4772 💯
I almost did the same!
Beautiful
I'm a retired cop who was shot and I can relate to most of this. I remember being told "You can remember without reliving."
Much love much respect
@@thesufferingpodcast Be well brother.
Wish our politicians were more focused on helping their fellow human beings. Always interesting, thanks!
Don't you think Biden and Co. is doing enough for us?
Wow! This really hit home for me, I've been in "the valley" for way too long, this gentleman gave me the hope I needed just for today🙏
I hope it carries you through until tomorrow for hope for the future. Much love - Kevin
You got this!! I promise you this world needs you! Your meant to be here. I hope you find your happiness
@@jakegolding1263 I do believe I am not done yet
I'm speechless. What a fantastic interview. I have sent this to a 22 yr old who desperately needs to watch this, and listen. Truly listen and understand. He's dealing, or not dealing with childhood issues by running away. Exactly what Kevin wonderfully explains is not the answer. I truly hope this helps him.
I knew within the first two minutes that this interview was going to be one that really made an impact on me
The respect I got for this man is almost impossible to express.
The fact that a person like him who comes from an environment so masculine, rough and closed as the Police Department, is so impressive. And it's extremely important.
Still men are supposed to be tuff. Men aren't supposed to be emotional. The emotions they have are by all means ment to be very controlled.
And especially men in typical male dominated professions are expected to hold everything inside.
Like he said when he was at the movies, he didn't want to bother his wife because she'd been trough enough.
We need to stop this now.
Men, and women, especially in professions which are this hard mentally, should be almost forced to go in therapy.
Some couples go to couples therapy before they get problems. They see it as an investment in their relationship and their future.
Maybe we all should start to think like that. Because our mental health is one of the most important things we have.
Many people work out for different reasons, hopefully because they care about their health. But very few people take care of their mental health like they do with their general health.
People take better care of their teeth than they do their mental health! That's pretty insane!
I want to start a movement where the focus is preventing people from being as ill as he was.
Or as ill as many of us are.
We need to make sure that the children growing up now have the opportunities to show their emotions and talk to professionals whenever they need to talk.
Lene O: i think that is a great idea.
He speaks with incredible clarity and articulation. Such inner power and strong message! Impressive.
You are too kind
Being a man of law enforcement, I been through traumatic incidents and suffer from PTSD. I can relate to every thing he said. Wow! That was an amazing. Thank you for sharing
@Jamal Crocker 🤣😂
Fk pigs, you sl0bb
This is my favorite interview this far, and I've seen nearly every one... This is authentic, raw, and I can relate to this so much! 💕😭✌️
With Mark’s body of work, that is a enormous compliment
Kevin, you are an inspiration. It doesn’t even feel like “inspiration” captures the magnitude well enough. You’ve found a way to turn so much trauma and pain into good, and you’ve made it your purpose to spread that good into the world. Thank you for your service, in all of the many ways that you have served. You are making the world a better place. I’d like to donate to you - how can I do that?
What a totally GRIPPING story! I loved it when Kevin got to the realisation that the world was not going to be a better place without him. Awesome story and and a truly inspiring about-turn.
That was not only beautifully said, but an extremely important talk as well. It goes a long way to humanising police officers. They aren’t all puppets of a corrupt state whose sole purpose is to harass minorities, some are compassionate people who genuinely want to help society.
We are all human. Thank you.
If your general impression of cops is that their job or purpose is to harass minorities, something went really wrong in your upbringing.
Most* are compassionate people who want to help society. Don’t get it twisted.
@@bobsaul4568 Until the “most” stand up to the thugs, ACAB.
Such a strong person to speak so openly about pain. We can all learn from a man who can verbalize trauma in such an honest way.
It took a long time to say it out loud
@@thesufferingpodcast Thank you very much for sharing your experience! In your observation what percent of law enforcement deals with these challenges?
@@shariff4473 more than admit it. Probably 70%
While not a cop, I can relate to some of the things Kevin said. It took quite awhile for me also to drop the "I'm a man and shouldn't need any help or talk to anyone about my feelings attitude." But when I did, my entire life changed for the better. Sure, there were some setbacks, but I'm nothing like the man I used to be. For anyone that's suffering inside, talking to a professional helps a lot! Even if you don't think they could understand what you been through, just do it. Just getting it off your chest and speaking it out loud to another human work wonders. Mark, this video left me inspired. Great upload!
This is one of those rare interviews where I watched fully from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing your story, Kevin!
13:05
You don't have to be born with a "disorder" to have a disorder.
In fact I think one could benefit from recognizing that it is post traumatic stress that causes a disruption of systematic functioning of the brain which exactly what is meant by "disorder". It doesn't mean we are weak or unfixable. it just means we need help.
Its ok to not be ok. it's not ok to not tell someone you're not ok.
This is the side of law enforcement that no one knows about. It's very real. It changes the way u perceive the world.
💯
Respect to you Kevin. Very interesting interview. We’re from the same generation I grew up in the Boros NYC. I spent a lot of time in AC over the years. I know what’s it’s like having to please a difficult father. Very hard. I wish you the best brother.
Brother. Your words are very kind
Good morning SWU fam. Love as always💕
Good Morning from Nashville Tennessee
GM, JM and Kimmy!
Hey Monk, how ya doing. 👋😁
Good Morning from Nashville Tennessee
@@myeyeswentdeaf6213 Wat up Eyes? I'm hanging 10. The usual😆
I have a different set of circumstances but have had an experience that has changed me to the core. It's been nearly ten years and I feel the person I was is dead and I'm a husk. Listening to him makes me look differently at repairing myself for my family. I believed I had been facing it by succeeding where everyone thought I would fail and or be dead but I continue no matter how I feel. But I had no idea how to go about getting better very informative. I wish him and anyone who may actually read this a great day.
It’s our experiences that make us who we are
@@thesufferingpodcast I agree I just hope I use it correctly instead of maybe getting worse I'm not sure. But you are very correct long suffering creates character lol sometimes I wish it came a different way but what do I know?
@@zackjohnson7860 you will find your way. If you get lost reach out to me
@@thesufferingpodcast thank you very much appreciated.
Need more of you sharing. Seriously it would make a huge difference. Share each sides and people relate. Best wishes.
I was severely emotionally abused by my parents and grandfather. Hearing Kevin so eloquently explain the intensity of the damage he suffered from emotional abuse is profoundly validating. Thank you so much for your courage and honesty.
Thank you Will
No he said it was in the line of duty that really caused his issues. Bs
@@Mthrntr doesnt mean that the abuse he endured during his childhood didnt play a role into shaping who he is now
Wow! His unfiltered truth left me just in shock. Thank God you didn't leave this earth. People in pain need more men like you, who are willing to say "look I hurt too, but it will be ok.. not today maybe not tomorrow but eventually..." Thank you officer for staying alive.
I found his story inspiring & I could hear the conviction in his words.. so glad he came out on the other side with an understanding of peoples pain & their circumstances which isn't very common whatsoever any more, I don't think it ever really has been. It takes takes a real special someone with a real human connection to recognise & understand their own suffering let alone another's.
May God Bless you my friend, so glad you the courage to share your story.
Best wishes for the future 😌..
Lisa~ Australia 💙🌟🍂
Lisa, your a saint
I am a Survivor of childhood abuse mentally, sexually and physically I suffer from severe PTS. I have tried to take my life every way that this man has just described in his story and he is correct that there are people out there who do you know what it’s like, so you don’t have to walk this path alone. Thank you Mark once again for a wonderful interview.
A very perceptive person and talented speaker - Kevin. He has so much of value to give others, included us who heard him tonight. It's clear, God has blessed him.
Thank you. You are very kind.
This was heavy. Good on you for not just reaching but seeing, even, the light at the end of the tunnel.
There is always light Even in the darkest places
Lb
Thanks for sharing your story.
Family is everything. Keep plugging away each hour. Your a good man and your gonna come out on top. The world isn’t better off without you and it’s a better place with you.
Powerful interview with such an eloquent speaker. I can deeply emphasize having dealt with the PTSD for so long it seems as if I've co-existed with it for a lifetime. Thank you Kevin. It couldn't have been easy to go that deep and get so raw. No matter how many times you've shared your story. In your portrait: your eyes are, indeed, a window into your soul. So very beautiful ❤
I've been in tears all morning
@@thesufferingpodcast 💕🙏
@@thesufferingpodcast I'm sure.
God is Good.
@@Adnaw-n5l My Savior🙏
This is what military vets, inner city people, and ex convicts go through.
Tim: and domestic and sexual abuse folks.
Soft White Underbelly is like a history book. As time goes on as long as this channel remains people will study and analyze the people of our time and the things we all went through.
A lot of people who have never experienced post traumatic stress, anxiety or depression have a hard time understanding how it can take one experience to forever change a persons life! I hope some of those people allow themselves to gain that understanding from this brilliant interview. Thank you sir…
Thank you for showing love.
This channel started small and now will become the library of human nature.
I freakin’ LOVE this guy. He is REAL! I grew up in the 90s in NYC, and he reminds me of my more responsible friends. The ones that wanted to help others.
Thank you, but as a kid I was anything but responsible lol
Kevin, your experiences had me on the edge of my seat. Thank you for sharing such intimate details of your struggles with PTS. I am a huge fan of your podcast and am certain the incredible work you are doing now as you allow others to share their struggles on The Suffering Podcast is paving the way to your complete recovery. All the best to you.
My respect goes out to you my friend
Such a great story of living! Thanks for sharing, really grounded me and reminded me to be grateful, thank you for that
Thank you for sharing your story, brother. As a 22+ year LEO veteran, I've had a few "near death" encounters and pretty serious in-the-line-of-duty injuries. We want to be "supermen", but we aren't. I'm lucky enough to have a great support system in my wife, kids and a few close friends. I am currently out on a serious duty related knee injury and have had a lot of time to think and seek counsel from my loved ones. All the small (a big) things do have a cumulative effect on us. God bless, be well and enjoy your retirement. Thank you for serving, now and then.
Thank you brother for your kind words
Kevin's story is so relatable to so many of us who struggled with difficult childhoods. Emotional & psychological abuse are the most insidious forms of harm because, unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse remains in our psyche. The abuser's words stay engrained in our consciousness, gradually grinding down our self-esteem until we're convinced that we're unlovable. Our sense of self is shattered into a thousand pieces & we flail like a worm on a hook convinced that if we become what the abuser wants, that he'll finally love us.
The emotional & psychological abuser receives twisted pleasure in knowing that their victim is gaslighted & that they have complete control over another individual, shockingly even their own child. His story reminds me a lot of the hero's journey in the book, "Hero With A Thousand Faces." The hero sets out into the world & only through experiencing the battles similar to Kevin's, can the hero finally return full-circle with a strong enough ego & self-knowledge that helping others is the reason for their very existence. My hat is tipped in honor of his example of what a man truly is. So many people are still entrapped in the selfish ego state in which they feel they're only stronger by putting other people down or pulling off a scam on other people to enrich themselves perpetuating the imbalance of the villain & victim cycle.
He was shot at once. Imagine the people who live in precincts where that's a daily occurrence. I'm not mitigating his experience. i think the shooting triggered all his childhood trauma to spill out, uncontained no longer. His trauma is real. I'm simply imaging people in war zones and facing death and terror almost daily. How does one recover for such trauma?
You have to let it out. Holding it in will destroy you
Totally get what you’re saying. No wonder there are so many f’d up cops .
Imagine all the kids growing up in the ghetto. They all are suffering PTSD
@@ken-nf2eg not all but some will.
You don't. It's that simple.
If you want to be happy, practice Compassion. If you want others to be happy, practice Compassion. The Dalai Lama
Thanks for the sharing your story. Pain and suffering carried the message of hope and reminded me to try harder today to be a better person than I was yesterday.
I was incredibly emotionally abused by everyone around me growing up. Looking back, I think that “everyone “ is extreme. The adults I trusted did, which made me become hypersensitive to others and I grew up paranoid that every nice thing I was told was only an effort to manipulate and mock me. I got into crime and drugs because love didn’t have any place in my life.
Then I had my son. I saw my soul reflected and contrasted by his innocence, and everything changed in that moment. A true spiritual awakening I had.
I resolved to be the kid who I abandoned years ago because I realized that as much mockery as he sustained, the reason for the mocking was that young people can’t understand difference, and they tried to assimilate me by way of bullying.
Unfortunately, my ex wife is still eager to hang the “junkie” name around my neck, because if I’m clean, she isn’t automatically better than I. When I become good, it reflects and contrasts her hatred for me.
I could keep typing. But I’ll save it for a video.
30 years in law enforcement and the memories that float in and out…but I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I’m really sorry Kevin had to struggle so much. It’s the nature of the beast. I wish our politicians and media would understand that police officers mostly try to do their best. One of the toughest things to see today is the lack of support for my brothers and sisters doing the job and living this man’s life in various forms every day.
I would do it again also without hesitation
Inspirational, bravest man I've heard speak in a long time let's hope anyone suffering learns from his willingness to be vulnerable and heal. I hope I can be as brave
This is part of the process.
Omg thank you
Love this interview. I went through the same thing so I can definitely relate. Stay strong bro💪🏾
As a cop for 16 years now in major metropolitan city, this man's story hits too close to home on many levels. Thanks for sharing with the world. Cheers.
Stay safe my friend
Amazing story. Poor guy. I wonder how anyone can get out of college without learning to speak better.He sounds like he just got to graduate HS in a tough neighborhood.
I am over 70 and listening to some of the stories by some people on YT I am so proud of my parents and how I grew-upmto have the life I had.
I do have to say, I never thought about the need for an identity. I was always just. That´s all. No others, no groups, no organizations...
Powerful story. The world is definitely better off *with* you, Kevin. I salute you!
man this is my 3rd comment on this video but W O W, this man is seriously inspiring.. had me shed a gangsta tear :')
Thank you my friend
Totally with you there.. !