As a person who has had to move back in with their parents, it’s tough… but be thankful that you have that option. Some people either don’t have parents still or have really terrible ones who can’t/won’t support them. Look upon it as a reset period. One day, you’ll look back on this time in your life and smile.
Ha, I know what you mean, Karim! There are unique difficulties of any situation, things that are really hard about living at home and living on your own. Oftentimes I've followed a "ask forgiveness, not permission" approach with my Mom, which works quite well, because although she gets upset for a short amount of time, we usually end up laughing about it later once she sees things worked out ok.
Tough one, Andrew. You appear to have a growth mindset which is an admirable quality. If it was me I would do your van yourself. It’ll take longer but the journey will be so worth it. Controlling parents behave that way because they love you, and want to protect you from hardship. Their intentions might not be as coercive as you perceive, but it’s still super stifling. You have to find your own way, make your own mistakes, learn from them, and get better as a person. Wishing you good fortune, whatever you decide 🙏🏻
Yea, my parents both love me and I love them. It is difficult to live in close quarters with a person who sees the world completely differently and fights you on every single thing you want to do, but I'm hoping that the "close quarters" part is the real problem and that once we have some space to ourselves that differences won't matter so much. Thanks for your perspective, Anni!
Hi Andrew. First, I want to say I love your content. It was because of one of your videos that I got into barefoot running. I also remember you having less than 7K subscribers - so it is amazing to see how far you've come! It is certainly well deserved. As someone with a difficult relationship with their mother, I can completely relate to what you are feeling. I am independent with a strong need to do things my own way. Though I am 37 years old, have an amazing career, have my own house and am completely financially independent, my mom still talks to me as if I am 13 year old girl who doesn't understand the world and how to navigate it. She constantly questions my ability to do things and can come across as very condescending. What I have come to realize through a lot of self reflection is that her behavior has very little to do with me as a person or my ability to survive on my own, and more to do her feelings of being "left behind" or being inadequate as a mother. A compromise I have learned to make is to occasionally seek her opinion or advice even if I already have a good idea of what I plan to do. Is it always easy? No. But I feel I am helping her heal a wound by doing this act of love Perhaps you could go through your window building plan with your mom before you begin? You could listen to her concerns or questions and then address them. Perhaps this involvement will satisfy her need to assist you all the while maintaining your sense of independence. After all, it would be by your initiative to include her in this project which is extremely important to you. Wishing you all the best!
Dang you've been there since the start, I appreciate it, Brandi! And yea, moms will be moms, ha. I've floated the idea of hiring a relative who's good with metal to install the first window with me, which my Mom seems reluctantly open to, so hopefully that'll be a good way around the conflict. Cheers!
Also, I don't think you should look at your "symbol of independence" as being paid for by someone else in accepting the loan. Yes - you are getting the money upfront; however, it is a loan and you will be paying it back. Just like with a mortgage or a student loan, you end up paying for it yourself; it is just a delayed payment.
Thanks, Allyson! I enjoyed your "Ones Who Love You" video, you've got a great voice. Reminds me of Michelle Zauner from Japanese Breakfast. ua-cam.com/video/2ZfcZEIo6Bw/v-deo.html&ab_channel=jbrekkieVEVO
Such a tough predicament.. I don’t know if it’s best to DIY or not but you’re absolutely right if you accept the money she will still feel entitled to have a say in what you do. I think she loves you very much and wants to protect you though and older people have a rough time understanding tho.. 😣
Yep,, it's kind of hilarious, actually. You could make a sitcom about my mom and I, because we're exact opposites in almost every way, to the point of parody, ha.
I would take the money, get the windows done by someone else, as a compromise, and then do everything else the way you want it to be done. Once you use her Money as a down payment, she has no more leverage over you. So as long as you pay her back on time (or whatever your agreement will be), I don't see there being any issues with you doing things your own way.
I'm thinking I might find someone in the area who's done van windows before and pay them to help me with the first one. That way I get to do it myself and my mom gets the reassurance she needs. Like you say, everything else is inside the van and I think that'll make it easier to just do things without her keeping track of the process (unlike windows).
Man I get you, I was in a similar situation sometime ago. People do things without realizing, for them it's protection and caring but it's actually a way to make you dependant. If I were you I'd push this project for a later time, get a part time job and go from there. Also if you have friends maybe try sharing a house with them. Unfortunately people learn by contrast, when she sees you standing in your own two legs then and there she will see what she was doing was generating dependency and not showing love.
Yea, it's hard to acknowledge that what's good for you isn't necessarily good for someone else. We all think our way of living is the best, ha. I think perhaps if I can get over this first hurdle of putting windows in the van I can do everything else using a "ask forgiveness, not permission" approach. The wiring, framing, electric, etc, can all be done inside the van on my own time.
Andrew, some loose thoughts: Rome wasn’t built in a day. The more effort something takes, the more satisfaction you have achieving it. Satisfaction, confidence and strength to achieve more. Why don’t you brainstorm ways to achieve your goal? It seems that your parents may need your support. On the other hand you need your space and independence. You want to acquire the skill of building stuff yourself. Why don’t you build a tiny house near your parents. Film the project and let YT monetise it. This way you achieve a couple of things: space that you need, skills you’ll leverage when building the camper van, and your own place to go back to from your travels. (Most of the van people end up needing a home, you know.) It will postpone the van project but that’s life - everything worthwhile takes time. I know a girl who has bought 2 flats in one of the major cities in Poland, where I live. She is not wealthy and she did it without taking a loan. (She started investing in a studio flat in a small town that she old to buy another investment, sold it and eventually bought those bigger flat in a big, attractive city. I’m saying it to show that sometimes it’s ok if things take time. Draw a road map to achieving your goal and be prepared to pivot. With the Reiki thing… why don’t you educate yourself about it. I’m Catholic. The Catholic Church warns against Reiki as a spiritual threat. I read a bit about it and found out that often the apprent healing is accompanied by anxiety and depression. I respect your freedom, so I’m not trying to impose anything. But I’d like to encourage you to educate yourself about R. And invite Christ into your life and your problems. He is the King of creation. He has authority over it. And He loves you and your parents and would love to help you out. He is the Healer and the Life. Invite Him and ask the Holy Spirit to guide your through your decisions, help you. Maybe you could do what Andrew Hubermann does. He shared in a couple of interviews how he prays - asking God to help him be a better father, brother, scientist… He shared that somehow asking God for help makes you more independent and able. God bless you, Andrew. I know you will figure this out. Ask Christ for help. Invite Him into the situation and your life. It will be much easier. You can also pray for your parents. Pray for healing in Jesus’ name. May God bless you and your family. ❤🙏👋
And… it seems to me that what you need is a sense of freedom and independence, not a van. Van is a cool project but it’s not the core. Wouldn’t lending the money form your mom hinder the fulfilment of the need?
Hey there, thank's for your perspective and kind words. My ultimate goal is to have the van inside a little "tiny garage" setup on my own property, where I can have a mobile filmmaking studio, but also some conveniences outside it, like a washing machine, etc. But for the time being I need to live in a van, because my parents are 30 min away from each other and the van allows me to spend several days at each house without having to constantly drive back and forth from a third property and waste time packing up my gear. As far as reiki goes, it's just talking to someone, having them feel your energy, play singing bowls, and using various herbal scents and other sensations as a form of meditation, which I don't think really conflicts with Catholicism at all. It's been a very positive experience the past few months.
It sucks to be in such a compromising position. Could you take the assist while establishing boundries? The U.S. is a hell of a place to survive, especially of late.
Yea, everything in the US feels like a trap, nowadays. But I think I'll find a local van life or metal worker to do the first window with me, so that my mom sees it's possible/safe. Then I can do the rest of the build inside the van without her getting involved.
Might be worth looking at a light camper trailer. They can weigh under 2k pounds which a decent SUV with an aftermarket hitch can easily tow in 2wd. Those vans are stupid expensive and so are materials right now. I know it's not exactly the vision but I'm sure there's a good used deal on one somewhere and SUC's are very affordable.
Yea, I have thought about that, although it would still cost probably $25,000, which I still would need my mom to co-sign for, not having enough credit built up myself. Transits are stupidly expensive, but it's something that would significantly increase the appeal of my videos and be great as a filmmaking studio, so, we'll figure something out.
take the loan w the window condition so that you can enable yourself to experience said desired freedom. forgive her for intruding since she's technically trying to help on both fronts - even if it feels/is otherwise. just have all of the terms in writing (loan from her and the conditions) and notarized so that all stays amicable and boundaries are established in writing.
Yea, waiting another year would be a very hard pill to swallow. I think I'll find a local van lifer and have them help with the first window, so that my mom gets the reassurance she needs, but I can still do things my way.
It's just practice, like anything else. A good way to learn is to record yourself talking in front of a camera, then watch the footage afterwards. You don't have to post it anywhere and you can just delete it if you want, but listening to yourself is the key to speaking more fluently to others.
Your mother loves you but tries to shield you from all mistakes that can in turn make you weak. Have a heart to heart with her and let her know that you want her help but you also need her to believe in you. If she won’t soften then take the hard road.
I've suggested having someone experienced help me with the first window and my mom seems reluctantly on board with that. But yea, it's hard for moms to see how protection can sometimes lead to limitation.
Don't accept the loan deal, your dream will be eventually suffocated by your mother (who i believe is coming from a good place but will always see you as a child she needs to protect) and in the end you will feel so much more achievement once you are able to buy on your own. Perhaps you can crowd fund it? you have 25k subscribers so 50cents each should get you near your goal. I haven't got much, but i'd happily send over a dollar or two to help with the van acquisition.
Also, regarding the content; I like the barefoot stuff, but the whole topic of minimal living interests me, which sounds exactly what you're trying to achieve. A tree climbing video would be great.
Yea, crowd-funding is certainly an interesting idea. There's still the problem of co-signing. Even with $15,000, I don't have enough credit built up to get a loan for the rest. Maybe there's another hybrid solution, I'll keep brainstorming. Tree climbing videos coming soon. (:
@@AndrewFolts Perhaps if you managed the crowd funding for the initial vehicle the loan of money for renovations being significantly less would be a easier pill to swallow for your mother?
@@AndrewFolts yep that would be nice. don't forget though, not everyone has your social media skills so it could be easier than you think to crowdfund. Maybe you can could paint Patreon subscribers/crowdfunders names on the van or something? if you intend your van building journey to be documented on your channel it could be a good option. Good luck!
There is no winning, we have to lose parts of ourselves in order to fit into a job to be able to become independent. This is why I complain so much in many of my videos. There is no real escape route for people who just want to be free. I feel that everything is a trade off. You don’t have to justify it to us, I have done this myself many many times when I still lived with family. Being on your own is a totally different feeling than having that constant presence just outside your door that has authority over you. On the other hand if you want to stop getting parents help/control then you give that control over to a job, or to whomever else facilitates your survival. We haven’t been raised to know how to live off the land… i think if the van situation falls through you should look into roomate housing as a way to get more freedom without having to totally become a corporate slave
Yea, there's no way to be fully free; we all have to live within the system to some extent. Even living off the land requires a sort of slavery to time-my brother and his wife grow almost all their own food and they can hardly ever leave the farm or take time off. It's not a life I'd want. It'll be interesting to see whether the van is truly the dream, or just another tradeoff. I'm making about $2K/mo thru UA-cam currently, but hopefully latching onto the van life trend will boost that significantly to the point where it feels like a sustainable career. We'll know soon enough, ha! (:
Hi Andrew. Very good video! How about buying an electric fan heater for your room in your mom's house? Perhaps offer your mom a little money for the electricity bill. I think the warmth could provide you some needed comfort and destress you (although the dry air could potentially also dry out your skin, nose and eyes and cause irritation). Greetings from a fellow "condenser mic".
Hey Bastian, yea I do actually have a little ceramic heater, which I use sometimes. It's nice! Bit annoying to keep the temp where I want it, but def helpful. "fellow condenser mic" Ha, cheers, man!
Two questions... What is it that you want? (seems like you know). Second question, What are you willing to do to get what you want? Also remember, you find what you're looking for. Are you looking for and only noticing the obstacles or are you looking for and noticing the opportunities? And yea, you can change, if you want to change. It is hard but doable.
Yes, excellent questions for life! My plan is to hire someone who's done window installs before to work with me on the first window, so that my mom sees it's perfectly doable. She seems open to this, if reluctantly, ha.
Yea, I really want to find a solution. Might hire someone to do the first window with me, so my mom's reassured. Then the rest of the build will be inside the van.
My grandpa learned the hard lesson of why you wear a helmet on your bicycle. Not every lesson is worth learning the hard way. I think the window offer is a silver lining type situation that will actually enable your goals. If you want to learn windows, do it in a lower risk situation. After you do it you will learn what you would have done differently. You could easily spend a bunch of time on something that is a known quantity. If you want to make this thing yours then why not focus on doing that? Get the windows done right and move on with the rest so you can get this thing done and see through your ambitions.
For me a helmet is really irritating and that distraction actually puts me at greater risk of having an accident. To be fair I mostly ride on sidewalks and don't bike that much. But I'm really sorry to hear about your grandpa, I also know people who have gotten seriously (and even killed) in accidents. I think I'll hire someone to help me do the first window, so my mom sees it's ok.
Thanks, James! It's really sad that basic housing has become such an unrealistic goal for a lot of people. Are you in an apartment or living with family/friends? I urge you think outside the box on housing. Sometimes there are unique solutions (like a van, shed, etc) that give you the feeling you're striving toward without dropping a bunch of money.
Is there any why you can supplement your income. Part time job. Just to pay for Van. It would be lots of work with everything else. But worth omit for a few months. Keep pushing through. You can handle all this!
If I could find something lucrative that would fit in with my YouTubing work/skillset I'd definitely do it. I've thought about dog walking/sitting, for example, but it requires setting up a whole new business with marketing, etc, so probably just better to keep going all in on UA-cam. Working on a "Best Fifty Barefoot Shoes" video, which will probably be quite profitable.
@@AndrewFolts Maybe just dog walking through Rover? Might not be that much but every little bit could help... I can understand to want the independence... maybe start smaller like living in a car? Some people have a pretty good set up, might be harder some climates of course.
@@AnotherCaroline176 I did consider a low roof Transit Connect, but I think I'd go crazy not being able to stand up and it would also just put me farther away from my ultimate goal having to spend $20K on a car/van I don't really want longterm.
You’ll have much more satisfaction if you do it your way. More confidence and all. Do it on your own even if it means doing it later on. Brainstorm other options of earning the money. Maybe you could also consider moving to another country where living is cheaper and buying a van is cheaper. (?)
I can't move to another country, unfortunately, because my dad's going blind and my mom's struggling nutritionally, so they need help with things around the house. Also, I do enjoy spending time with them (just not living in the same house, ha). But if the situation was different, that would be a great idea, since I'd still be making USD with UA-cam. I am always brainstorming, I'll figure out a solution!
Yea, that's what I'm leaning toward. I think I'll find a local van life or metal worker to help do the first one with me, so that she doesn't completely blow her lid, ha.
The shock might kill her, ha! I'm thinking I'll find someone local who's done van windows and pay them to help me with the first one. Then my mom will see it's doable and the rest of the build can happen mostly in secret inside the van.
Have you ruled out the possibility that you're autistic? I feel like a lot of the things you're dealing with are especially in the autism community (hypersensitivity to stimuli, not being able to fully understand other peoples' visions, having ideals that don't follow societal expectations, etc) Edit: BTW I'm not accusing you of having poor social skills or anything like that, since you don't need to be bad at socializing to be autistic. I think I might mainly be curious because I'm autistic myself, and I feel like I can relate to you a lot even if I don't think I'll ever be into the van life thing lol. I would totally still watch your content even if you started focusing on stuff like that in your videos though!
I tend to think of mental health as more of a continuous flow, rather than as separate boxes, since I feel like it can sometimes trap people in a certain diagnosis or way of thinking about themselves. That said, no, I likely don't fit into the autism category, because my social skills are quite good and I find it easy to connect with people. It's just that I'm very rebellious and I disagree with the way most people choose to live, which makes it difficult to build/maintain relationships. I can empathize with my mom's desire for safety, but I can also see how it's made her sad due to not taking the risks she needed to in order to accomplish her dream of being a photographer. Going back to the original point, though, I don't think labels really matter. Like, I certainly go through moods sometimes where anyone who's "officially" autistic would relate to how I'm acting/feeling and I think that's the important part, just to be able to see connection moment to moment with other people, not worrying so much about who's "this" or "that."
That’s quite controlling of your mom. You shouldn’t accept the loan offer if that’s the case, I’d say. There must be other options. You’re saying you would have to move in with your mom. Would you?
I already live at my mom's house, which is the catch-22., because it's a distracting environment that makes it hard to be creative, but if I get an apartment, then I'll also need a car, both of which would make it almost impossible to save up money for the van. My mom's just trying to protect me, but I'll figure something out.
@@AndrewFolts ❤️ You’re right. I guess most parents sometimes go too far trying to protect. And I guess she has the right to state conditions offering her money. I wouldn’t accept the offer, though. Especially, if it made me feel bad. Accepting it would be the end of the world. But it seems like doing on your own would be much more beneficial for you. You know better, though. :) Trust your gut. I’m sure you will figure things out. You are entrepreneurial and you have the tools to leverage. It’s beautiful how you took the side of your mom here. I’m sorry for being judgemental in my comment. My parents too tend to protect me and… well… I sometimes wish they weren’t. Have a great day, Andrew!☀️💛👋
Sounds like your mother is trying to control you and is overprotective. Not cool. The fact that she can't compromise on the heat situation says it all. Sometimes parents try to live through their children which just smothers them. Hang in there and be true to yourself. I know how hard it is.
To be fair, I'm not compromising either and it is her $15,000. But hopefully I'll come up with a creative solution that still allows me to get the van soon. Side point, I just realized the word "mother" is in "smother." Probably accurate for a lot of moms, ha.
but is it a devil's bargain?
As a person who has had to move back in with their parents, it’s tough… but be thankful that you have that option. Some people either don’t have parents still or have really terrible ones who can’t/won’t support them. Look upon it as a reset period. One day, you’ll look back on this time in your life and smile.
Ha, I know what you mean, Karim! There are unique difficulties of any situation, things that are really hard about living at home and living on your own. Oftentimes I've followed a "ask forgiveness, not permission" approach with my Mom, which works quite well, because although she gets upset for a short amount of time, we usually end up laughing about it later once she sees things worked out ok.
Tough one, Andrew. You appear to have a growth mindset which is an admirable quality. If it was me I would do your van yourself. It’ll take longer but the journey will be so worth it. Controlling parents behave that way because they love you, and want to protect you from hardship. Their intentions might not be as coercive as you perceive, but it’s still super stifling. You have to find your own way, make your own mistakes, learn from them, and get better as a person. Wishing you good fortune, whatever you decide 🙏🏻
Yea, my parents both love me and I love them. It is difficult to live in close quarters with a person who sees the world completely differently and fights you on every single thing you want to do, but I'm hoping that the "close quarters" part is the real problem and that once we have some space to ourselves that differences won't matter so much. Thanks for your perspective, Anni!
Hi Andrew. First, I want to say I love your content. It was because of one of your videos that I got into barefoot running. I also remember you having less than 7K subscribers - so it is amazing to see how far you've come! It is certainly well deserved.
As someone with a difficult relationship with their mother, I can completely relate to what you are feeling. I am independent with a strong need to do things my own way. Though I am 37 years old, have an amazing career, have my own house and am completely financially independent, my mom still talks to me as if I am 13 year old girl who doesn't understand the world and how to navigate it. She constantly questions my ability to do things and can come across as very condescending.
What I have come to realize through a lot of self reflection is that her behavior has very little to do with me as a person or my ability to survive on my own, and more to do her feelings of being "left behind" or being inadequate as a mother. A compromise I have learned to make is to occasionally seek her opinion or advice even if I already have a good idea of what I plan to do. Is it always easy? No. But I feel I am helping her heal a wound by doing this act of love
Perhaps you could go through your window building plan with your mom before you begin? You could listen to her concerns or questions and then address them. Perhaps this involvement will satisfy her need to assist you all the while maintaining your sense of independence. After all, it would be by your initiative to include her in this project which is extremely important to you.
Wishing you all the best!
Dang you've been there since the start, I appreciate it, Brandi! And yea, moms will be moms, ha. I've floated the idea of hiring a relative who's good with metal to install the first window with me, which my Mom seems reluctantly open to, so hopefully that'll be a good way around the conflict. Cheers!
Also, I don't think you should look at your "symbol of independence" as being paid for by someone else in accepting the loan. Yes - you are getting the money upfront; however, it is a loan and you will be paying it back. Just like with a mortgage or a student loan, you end up paying for it yourself; it is just a delayed payment.
I really enjoy how you express yourself & your word choice
Thanks, Allyson! I enjoyed your "Ones Who Love You" video, you've got a great voice. Reminds me of Michelle Zauner
from Japanese Breakfast. ua-cam.com/video/2ZfcZEIo6Bw/v-deo.html&ab_channel=jbrekkieVEVO
Such a tough predicament.. I don’t know if it’s best to DIY or not but you’re absolutely right if you accept the money she will still feel entitled to have a say in what you do. I think she loves you very much and wants to protect you though and older people have a rough time understanding tho.. 😣
It sounds like you are wanting to be the complete opposite form your mom. You are your own person and you choose the life you want to live.
Yep,, it's kind of hilarious, actually. You could make a sitcom about my mom and I, because we're exact opposites in almost every way, to the point of parody, ha.
I would take the money, get the windows done by someone else, as a compromise, and then do everything else the way you want it to be done. Once you use her Money as a down payment, she has no more leverage over you. So as long as you pay her back on time (or whatever your agreement will be), I don't see there being any issues with you doing things your own way.
I'm thinking I might find someone in the area who's done van windows before and pay them to help me with the first one. That way I get to do it myself and my mom gets the reassurance she needs. Like you say, everything else is inside the van and I think that'll make it easier to just do things without her keeping track of the process (unlike windows).
Man I get you, I was in a similar situation sometime ago. People do things without realizing, for them it's protection and caring but it's actually a way to make you dependant. If I were you I'd push this project for a later time, get a part time job and go from there. Also if you have friends maybe try sharing a house with them.
Unfortunately people learn by contrast, when she sees you standing in your own two legs then and there she will see what she was doing was generating dependency and not showing love.
Yea, it's hard to acknowledge that what's good for you isn't necessarily good for someone else. We all think our way of living is the best, ha. I think perhaps if I can get over this first hurdle of putting windows in the van I can do everything else using a "ask forgiveness, not permission" approach. The wiring, framing, electric, etc, can all be done inside the van on my own time.
Andrew, some loose thoughts:
Rome wasn’t built in a day. The more effort something takes, the more satisfaction you have achieving it. Satisfaction, confidence and strength to achieve more.
Why don’t you brainstorm ways to achieve your goal? It seems that your parents may need your support. On the other hand you need your space and independence. You want to acquire the skill of building stuff yourself. Why don’t you build a tiny house near your parents. Film the project and let YT monetise it. This way you achieve a couple of things: space that you need, skills you’ll leverage when building the camper van, and your own place to go back to from your travels. (Most of the van people end up needing a home, you know.) It will postpone the van project but that’s life - everything worthwhile takes time. I know a girl who has bought 2 flats in one of the major cities in Poland, where I live. She is not wealthy and she did it without taking a loan. (She started investing in a studio flat in a small town that she old to buy another investment, sold it and eventually bought those bigger flat in a big, attractive city. I’m saying it to show that sometimes it’s ok if things take time. Draw a road map to achieving your goal and be prepared to pivot.
With the Reiki thing… why don’t you educate yourself about it. I’m Catholic. The Catholic Church warns against Reiki as a spiritual threat. I read a bit about it and found out that often the apprent healing is accompanied by anxiety and depression. I respect your freedom, so I’m not trying to impose anything. But I’d like to encourage you to educate yourself about R. And invite Christ into your life and your problems. He is the King of creation. He has authority over it. And He loves you and your parents and would love to help you out. He is the Healer and the Life. Invite Him and ask the Holy Spirit to guide your through your decisions, help you. Maybe you could do what Andrew Hubermann does. He shared in a couple of interviews how he prays - asking God to help him be a better father, brother, scientist… He shared that somehow asking God for help makes you more independent and able. God bless you, Andrew. I know you will figure this out. Ask Christ for help. Invite Him into the situation and your life. It will be much easier.
You can also pray for your parents. Pray for healing in Jesus’ name. May God bless you and your family. ❤🙏👋
And… it seems to me that what you need is a sense of freedom and independence, not a van. Van is a cool project but it’s not the core. Wouldn’t lending the money form your mom hinder the fulfilment of the need?
Hey there, thank's for your perspective and kind words. My ultimate goal is to have the van inside a little "tiny garage" setup on my own property, where I can have a mobile filmmaking studio, but also some conveniences outside it, like a washing machine, etc. But for the time being I need to live in a van, because my parents are 30 min away from each other and the van allows me to spend several days at each house without having to constantly drive back and forth from a third property and waste time packing up my gear. As far as reiki goes, it's just talking to someone, having them feel your energy, play singing bowls, and using various herbal scents and other sensations as a form of meditation, which I don't think really conflicts with Catholicism at all. It's been a very positive experience the past few months.
It sucks to be in such a compromising position. Could you take the assist while establishing boundries?
The U.S. is a hell of a place to survive, especially of late.
Yea, everything in the US feels like a trap, nowadays. But I think I'll find a local van life or metal worker to do the first window with me, so that my mom sees it's possible/safe. Then I can do the rest of the build inside the van without her getting involved.
Might be worth looking at a light camper trailer. They can weigh under 2k pounds which a decent SUV with an aftermarket hitch can easily tow in 2wd. Those vans are stupid expensive and so are materials right now. I know it's not exactly the vision but I'm sure there's a good used deal on one somewhere and SUC's are very affordable.
Yea, I have thought about that, although it would still cost probably $25,000, which I still would need my mom to co-sign for, not having enough credit built up myself. Transits are stupidly expensive, but it's something that would significantly increase the appeal of my videos and be great as a filmmaking studio, so, we'll figure something out.
take the loan w the window condition so that you can enable yourself to experience said desired freedom. forgive her for intruding since she's technically trying to help on both fronts - even if it feels/is otherwise. just have all of the terms in writing (loan from her and the conditions) and notarized so that all stays amicable and boundaries are established in writing.
Yea, waiting another year would be a very hard pill to swallow. I think I'll find a local van lifer and have them help with the first window, so that my mom gets the reassurance she needs, but I can still do things my way.
Dont feel bad about your living situation. All that matters is that you make improvement. I wish you the best man.
Thanks, yo! Yea, it's always the direction, not the destination that's most meaningful.
wish i could be as well spoken when i get truly frustrated man hope everything works out
It's just practice, like anything else. A good way to learn is to record yourself talking in front of a camera, then watch the footage afterwards. You don't have to post it anywhere and you can just delete it if you want, but listening to yourself is the key to speaking more fluently to others.
Your mother loves you but tries to shield you from all mistakes that can in turn make you weak. Have a heart to heart with her and let her know that you want her help but you also need her to believe in you. If she won’t soften then take the hard road.
I've suggested having someone experienced help me with the first window and my mom seems reluctantly on board with that. But yea, it's hard for moms to see how protection can sometimes lead to limitation.
Don't accept the loan deal, your dream will be eventually suffocated by your mother (who i believe is coming from a good place but will always see you as a child she needs to protect) and in the end you will feel so much more achievement once you are able to buy on your own.
Perhaps you can crowd fund it? you have 25k subscribers so 50cents each should get you near your goal. I haven't got much, but i'd happily send over a dollar or two to help with the van acquisition.
Also, regarding the content; I like the barefoot stuff, but the whole topic of minimal living interests me, which sounds exactly what you're trying to achieve. A tree climbing video would be great.
Yea, crowd-funding is certainly an interesting idea. There's still the problem of co-signing. Even with $15,000, I don't have enough credit built up to get a loan for the rest. Maybe there's another hybrid solution, I'll keep brainstorming. Tree climbing videos coming soon. (:
@@AndrewFolts Perhaps if you managed the crowd funding for the initial vehicle the loan of money for renovations being significantly less would be a easier pill to swallow for your mother?
@@phillbaska Yea, possibly. Does feel like it would be difficult to crowdfund $15,000 if I have someone willing to just give it to me, you know, ha?
@@AndrewFolts yep that would be nice. don't forget though, not everyone has your social media skills so it could be easier than you think to crowdfund.
Maybe you can could paint Patreon subscribers/crowdfunders names on the van or something? if you intend your van building journey to be documented on your channel it could be a good option. Good luck!
There is no winning, we have to lose parts of ourselves in order to fit into a job to be able to become independent. This is why I complain so much in many of my videos. There is no real escape route for people who just want to be free. I feel that everything is a trade off. You don’t have to justify it to us, I have done this myself many many times when I still lived with family. Being on your own is a totally different feeling than having that constant presence just outside your door that has authority over you. On the other hand if you want to stop getting parents help/control then you give that control over to a job, or to whomever else facilitates your survival. We haven’t been raised to know how to live off the land… i think if the van situation falls through you should look into roomate housing as a way to get more freedom without having to totally become a corporate slave
Yea, there's no way to be fully free; we all have to live within the system to some extent. Even living off the land requires a sort of slavery to time-my brother and his wife grow almost all their own food and they can hardly ever leave the farm or take time off. It's not a life I'd want. It'll be interesting to see whether the van is truly the dream, or just another tradeoff. I'm making about $2K/mo thru UA-cam currently, but hopefully latching onto the van life trend will boost that significantly to the point where it feels like a sustainable career. We'll know soon enough, ha! (:
Hi Andrew. Very good video! How about buying an electric fan heater for your room in your mom's house? Perhaps offer your mom a little money for the electricity bill. I think the warmth could provide you some needed comfort and destress you (although the dry air could potentially also dry out your skin, nose and eyes and cause irritation). Greetings from a fellow "condenser mic".
Hey Bastian, yea I do actually have a little ceramic heater, which I use sometimes. It's nice! Bit annoying to keep the temp where I want it, but def helpful. "fellow condenser mic" Ha, cheers, man!
Are you in the houston area?
No, I wish, ha. I'm in Rochester, NY, where is cold right now.
Two questions... What is it that you want? (seems like you know). Second question, What are you willing to do to get what you want?
Also remember, you find what you're looking for. Are you looking for and only noticing the obstacles or are you looking for and noticing the opportunities? And yea, you can change, if you want to change. It is hard but doable.
Yes, excellent questions for life! My plan is to hire someone who's done window installs before to work with me on the first window, so that my mom sees it's perfectly doable. She seems open to this, if reluctantly, ha.
Do whatever takes you to your dream fastest ❤ if you use that money to get it finished you've got your space! 🥰
Yea, I really want to find a solution. Might hire someone to do the first window with me, so my mom's reassured. Then the rest of the build will be inside the van.
@@AndrewFolts that's a great idea 🥰
My grandpa learned the hard lesson of why you wear a helmet on your bicycle. Not every lesson is worth learning the hard way.
I think the window offer is a silver lining type situation that will actually enable your goals. If you want to learn windows, do it in a lower risk situation. After you do it you will learn what you would have done differently. You could easily spend a bunch of time on something that is a known quantity.
If you want to make this thing yours then why not focus on doing that? Get the windows done right and move on with the rest so you can get this thing done and see through your ambitions.
For me a helmet is really irritating and that distraction actually puts me at greater risk of having an accident. To be fair I mostly ride on sidewalks and don't bike that much. But I'm really sorry to hear about your grandpa, I also know people who have gotten seriously (and even killed) in accidents. I think I'll hire someone to help me do the first window, so my mom sees it's ok.
Hey Andrew keep going bud im nearly 40 years old I work my butt but will never have my own my house it breaks my heart
Thanks, James! It's really sad that basic housing has become such an unrealistic goal for a lot of people. Are you in an apartment or living with family/friends? I urge you think outside the box on housing. Sometimes there are unique solutions (like a van, shed, etc) that give you the feeling you're striving toward without dropping a bunch of money.
I live in the uk bud I would love to meet you cos you have the same interests as me I think
@@jamesblaser5329 If only there were teleportation stations, ha!
Is there any why you can supplement your income. Part time job. Just to pay for Van. It would be lots of work with everything else. But worth omit for a few months. Keep pushing through. You can handle all this!
If I could find something lucrative that would fit in with my YouTubing work/skillset I'd definitely do it. I've thought about dog walking/sitting, for example, but it requires setting up a whole new business with marketing, etc, so probably just better to keep going all in on UA-cam. Working on a "Best Fifty Barefoot Shoes" video, which will probably be quite profitable.
@@AndrewFolts Maybe just dog walking through Rover? Might not be that much but every little bit could help... I can understand to want the independence... maybe start smaller like living in a car? Some people have a pretty good set up, might be harder some climates of course.
@@AnotherCaroline176 I did consider a low roof Transit Connect, but I think I'd go crazy not being able to stand up and it would also just put me farther away from my ultimate goal having to spend $20K on a car/van I don't really want longterm.
You’ll have much more satisfaction if you do it your way. More confidence and all. Do it on your own even if it means doing it later on. Brainstorm other options of earning the money. Maybe you could also consider moving to another country where living is cheaper and buying a van is cheaper. (?)
I can't move to another country, unfortunately, because my dad's going blind and my mom's struggling nutritionally, so they need help with things around the house. Also, I do enjoy spending time with them (just not living in the same house, ha). But if the situation was different, that would be a great idea, since I'd still be making USD with UA-cam. I am always brainstorming, I'll figure out a solution!
Or alternatively manifest the money ask the universe 😍 and expect it to happen 😍
I was just about to buy a Money Tree off eBay...
@@AndrewFolts visualise winning it 😍
active noise cancelling headphones/earbuds
Maybe I need a bubble, like that Seinfeld episode, ha. (:
Just do the windows yourself secretly, then show your mum how much a good job you did! She should be proud 👏
Yea, that's what I'm leaning toward. I think I'll find a local van life or metal worker to help do the first one with me, so that she doesn't completely blow her lid, ha.
I think you should do those window in secret and show her the result !!
The shock might kill her, ha! I'm thinking I'll find someone local who's done van windows and pay them to help me with the first one. Then my mom will see it's doable and the rest of the build can happen mostly in secret inside the van.
@@AndrewFolts I like it to that way !!
Have you ruled out the possibility that you're autistic? I feel like a lot of the things you're dealing with are especially in the autism community (hypersensitivity to stimuli, not being able to fully understand other peoples' visions, having ideals that don't follow societal expectations, etc)
Edit: BTW I'm not accusing you of having poor social skills or anything like that, since you don't need to be bad at socializing to be autistic. I think I might mainly be curious because I'm autistic myself, and I feel like I can relate to you a lot even if I don't think I'll ever be into the van life thing lol. I would totally still watch your content even if you started focusing on stuff like that in your videos though!
I tend to think of mental health as more of a continuous flow, rather than as separate boxes, since I feel like it can sometimes trap people in a certain diagnosis or way of thinking about themselves. That said, no, I likely don't fit into the autism category, because my social skills are quite good and I find it easy to connect with people. It's just that I'm very rebellious and I disagree with the way most people choose to live, which makes it difficult to build/maintain relationships. I can empathize with my mom's desire for safety, but I can also see how it's made her sad due to not taking the risks she needed to in order to accomplish her dream of being a photographer. Going back to the original point, though, I don't think labels really matter. Like, I certainly go through moods sometimes where anyone who's "officially" autistic would relate to how I'm acting/feeling and I think that's the important part, just to be able to see connection moment to moment with other people, not worrying so much about who's "this" or "that."
That’s quite controlling of your mom. You shouldn’t accept the loan offer if that’s the case, I’d say. There must be other options. You’re saying you would have to move in with your mom. Would you?
I already live at my mom's house, which is the catch-22., because it's a distracting environment that makes it hard to be creative, but if I get an apartment, then I'll also need a car, both of which would make it almost impossible to save up money for the van. My mom's just trying to protect me, but I'll figure something out.
@@AndrewFolts ❤️ You’re right. I guess most parents sometimes go too far trying to protect. And I guess she has the right to state conditions offering her money.
I wouldn’t accept the offer, though. Especially, if it made me feel bad. Accepting it would be the end of the world. But it seems like doing on your own would be much more beneficial for you. You know better, though. :) Trust your gut. I’m sure you will figure things out. You are entrepreneurial and you have the tools to leverage.
It’s beautiful how you took the side of your mom here. I’m sorry for being judgemental in my comment. My parents too tend to protect me and… well… I sometimes wish they weren’t.
Have a great day, Andrew!☀️💛👋
Sounds like your mother is trying to control you and is overprotective. Not cool. The fact that she can't compromise on the heat situation says it all. Sometimes parents try to live through their children which just smothers them. Hang in there and be true to yourself. I know how hard it is.
To be fair, I'm not compromising either and it is her $15,000. But hopefully I'll come up with a creative solution that still allows me to get the van soon. Side point, I just realized the word "mother" is in "smother." Probably accurate for a lot of moms, ha.