The part about "parents not understanding that their kids are new to the world" really stood out to me. My dad was always short tempered and irritable and to him, the worst response you could give to any question or request was "I don't know." He'd ask me to get the Phillips head screwdriver for him, I'd say I don't know what each type of screwdriver is because i'm 9, he'd get angry and say whatever i'll do it myself. It took me a long time even as an adult to really think about that and accept that like...this isn't some innate knowledge you're born with. You don't know these things unless someone tells you. As my dad, he's probably the only person in my life who would have taught me which type of screwdriver is which. He didn't teach me, and then he got mad at me for not knowing in the first place. When you lay it all out it's such an obvious contradiction in logic. But as a child it's so upsetting. You feel like you've done something wrong but you can't even comprehend how or why it was wrong.
It sounds like your father just didn't want to have to deal with the burden of having to teach a kid something. I'm an adult, and my parents still hate it when I answer a question with, "I don't know". In my case, the questions are about stuff like my career and my long-term plans. Sometimes I just want to say, "How about we find out together?" If you give someone time to figure it out, they usually will. But that means dealing with uncertainty, and sometimes parents just don't want to do that. Which results in the kid feeling bad for not having yet arrived at an answer that they totally will arrive at eventually.
The 'I don't know' thing was so prevalent with my sperm donor when I was growing up that it developed into a habit of me trying to explain or reason some sort of answer, any answer even if it made no sense, because the asshole would always say "I don't know isn't an answer" but refuse to teach me. To him it was better to be flat out wrong or to lie than to not know something. I've been married to my husband for 10 years and he's finally gotten it through my head that it's okay to not know an answer and to even admit it. I refuse to tell my daughter "I don't know isn't an answer".
100%, may not be the case with your dad but I know my mother did this intentionally to keep us kids feeling constantly overwhelmed and insecure. Things like not letting me touch the washer or dryer for my entire life, saying I'd mess it up, and then one day in my preteens suddenly telling me to do laundry and then screaming at me for being useless when I told her I didn't know how. I think if I had not left her house when I was 14, she would have done the same thing with driving. It's a baffling and terrifying place to be in.
Oh, probably. You ever try to write down as much as you can remember and lay it out like you're gonna solve the puzzle? I tried that. Unfortunately all I learned from the experience is that there is no puzzle and also the past isn't real.
Oh yeah. Like an obsession with the way things happened and the effects, I'm always pulling at threads in my past like I'm trying to figure out where they lead
I mean, I have a lot of stuff about my childhood that I have to process, and talking about it helps. There's just a lot to make sense of, sometimes. Esp if it's got lingering effects on your life. If it keeps coming up, it might be worth asking why that is, and what you want to do with it.
i "talk too much" about my past as well. my childhood makes me greatly upset to think about, and talking about it, even redundantly, helps me alot with trying to deal with those emotions. im glad i have a partner who listens and always sympathizes with me. however, i feel that i talk "too much" about it due to the people i previously surrounded myself with not being willing to listen or sympathize, telling me that i talk too much. but i have to tell you that it's not too much. if it's cathartic and it solely helps you, talk as much as you want about it, and find people who'll listen.
That part with boys being conditioned to sacrifice themselves really hit home for me. But, hilariously, it also reminded me of that one scene in Skull Island where the army guy straps grenades to himself, tries to get a monster to eat him, and utterly fails at it. You can physically see the pride drain from his face in that scene.
this essay brought a lot of bad childhood memories to the surface for me, but your warmth and compassion made it a cathartic experience. sometimes it's worth remembering our childhoods so we can empathize more fully with our adult selves, and forgive ourselves for making mistakes. we can't go back in time and give our kid selves the hug they deserve, but if we love ourselves now, maybe that's enough.
I just hope there was a child therapist on set for that poor kid. But as far as the watching experience, i appreciate when movies can serve as a safe environment to experience and unpack uncomfortable emotions. I dont know if ill ever watch it again, but im glad i saw it the one time
This isn't the movie I expected from what Ive read about it, nor the video I expected. This is by far the video I've connected with most on your channel and has given me the most to digest. Your analysis is eloquent and covers emotions I didn't consider. It's greatly appreciated. I'll never be able to watch this movie, but I'm glad I know about it. edit: just went downstairs and gave my mom a hug. A lot of bad shit happened to me, but as an adult, I've come to the conclusion she did her best for me knowing only what she did and being in the circumstances she was. She's flawed, and at some points I was failed, but I can surmise with what I know now that she really loves me and did what she could. I know not everyone who has a mom had one that you can rebuild bridges with, and I hope you know that while you deserved and needed the love of your parent who did not give it to you, you're going to be okay. We're healing one generation at a time, but you can be kind to yourself for your own sake too. I also want to acknowledge that for however grateful I am to have had this discussion and catharsis, subjecting the child actress to this was not excusable. I hope the actress is doing fine and I'd like to know how she's doing now that she's presumably more like, 27, and if she has any thoughts about this role now that she's older. She was an excellent actor in these clips. Her imdb page has some roles that I already recognized and thought were really impressive.
My mother suffered from depression and only now being old I realise what an effect it had on me... and how there was also neglect. At the beginning of your video I though “oh that does not apply to me” as i was never beaten... but then this notion of having no concept of what was going on resonated with me deeply! You took me on a journey with this one... great essay! (I have not seen Tideland but all I need is your take on it)
Seems like an important movie in the vein of a harmony korine film. I had a friend in new mexico who grew up in a dirt house surrounded by heroin needles. This stuff really happens.
I'm not sure that watching tidelands would be something productive for me, but I DO think that this conversation you've prompted by making this video is an important one for people to have. Like you said, a lot of us don't want to think about our childhood abuse, and many of us try to rationalize that abuse. I distinctly remember internalizing my abuse and trying to convince myself that just because other people have it worse that doesn't mean what I'm experiencing isn't bad, which I suppose is uncommon for an 8 year old child? This is something very relevant to me as of late. I'm 22 years now old but I've been stuck emotionally since I was 14 because of my father dying (who was my primary abuser growing up.) Both of my parents are addicts, and while they never had me "help them go on vacation" there has been some enabling and rationalizing from my mother. Speaking of which, she's recently gone off the deep end and has completely given up on responsibility and is trying to live as self indulgently as possible while also trying to make it as difficult as possible for me and my brother to get by without her. I've already come to the conclusion that I can't live with her anymore, and have plans to move on and have my disabled brother move across the country to live with someone who can actually take care of his needs. I'm pretty sure the only thing that's letting me function on a daily basis is that I'm so emotionally stunted that I can't really process my emotions at this point. I'm really hoping that hrt is gonna help me to be able to process my emotions again, but I'm certainly going to wait until I'm in a stable enough environment where it would be safe for me to go through a second puberty. Anyways, I understand if sharing part of my story is troubling for others but I feel like this was an appropriate place to do so? I'm not demanding a response from anybody, but I would like to hear from anyone who would be willing to share similar experiences.
I'm definitely not going to watch this movie but this video was a great watch. I won't say my experience was similar, but I agree on thinking that your abuse wasn't *that* bad (especially since I had seen and understood the examples of "starving african children", stranger danger, "more" neglected kids than I was) and also trying to explain your abuse to yourself in a way that makes you think you deserved it or caused it or exacerbated it. I recommend therapy highly, when you're able to get it. I know that a qualified therapist can help you get some tools to cope without "cracking into pandora's box" as it were. You don't have to deal with all the trauma at once. My brother was using the same logic to avoid getting into therapy (also thinking it doesn't work, and neither do medications) and thankfully he has been proven wrong. He's doing okay, now. Going for his PhD. We had the same basic coping strategy for our abuse and the death of our abusive mother - bottle all that shit up and just try to work. It worked okay for him, but I unfortunately turned out to have bipolar disorder so I was forced to get help when I really started spiraling. I mean, he also got the less intense focus of the abuse (not that it's a competition, every hurt is valid and deserves help, he was just able to function while I wasn't). So he's been able to function really well as a student, an employee, and a human being, while dealing with stuff in therapy - it didn't crash his whole life. Although I understand going through HRT will be very different. Anyway, not trying to preach, just information I hope you'll find useful from personal experience. I'm wishing you luck with your escape plans.
@@TheRainstorm97 I do intend to get into therapy and to try to make it work. I was in therapy for like 6 years and never felt like it did anything to help but it's probably because I never wanted to talk about my problems. I'm able to do it now, and I've learned some good mental health tips like developing ANT-eaters and some fundamentals of CBT and DBT. I'm not sure if I have a mood disorder or personality disorder, I know I have adhd, autism, anxiety and dysthymia and that I've worked hard on being able to understand and blend in with neurotypical people. I hope that for you you're able to have many good functional days and that if you're having a hard time functioning try to remember that it will eventually pass.
Clicked IMMEDIATELY, Tideland is one of my favourite weird movies ever, and i love the book too. Great to see someone talking about this underrated gem
Also as a note- Dell is Dickens’s older sister, not his mother. But considering there is a lot of inbreeding implied to be going on in the family (Jeliza’s dad is implied to be Dell’s brother too, despite Dell being obsessed and in love with him. There’s photos of Dell and Jeliza’s dad together in Dell’s house, and the (dead and taxidermied) Grandma in the house is implied to be the very same Grandma who’s house Jeliza and her dad thought they were staying in. It’s not said outright but it’s there and it adds an extra fucked up layer to the whole thing) it’s very possible she could be both
*Very Moving* and thought-provoking for a channel about yucky horror movies! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ I don't believe that Jeliza truly has _no_ concept of death or pain. it's not like she grew up isolated in the middle of nowhere the way Denny did. The girl has seen movies. the scene where she coughs up yucky stuff and plays a distressed damsel telling herself she'll make a full recovery is a good example. She knows what death is on some level, but it's a level she will not go anywhere near. She's dissociating from the reality of these traumas partially because she's young enough that those concepts and consequences haven't been fully coded in, but also partially because she has to. To look these grim things in the face is to give in to despair. and to give in to despair is to lay down and die. Dissociation is a powerful survival mechanism. not an incapacity of a child's understanding.
This movie really hurt me for some reason, and I couldn't put it into words or even really understand why. This video has helped me understand these feelings, not just about the film, but about some parts and aspects of life in general. Thank you for this video.
Also! I remember someone describe this movie as the best remake of My Neighbour Totoro... and it's such a fucked up comparisoon, but also super appropiate
Dear may, I love you. I’m one of your OG subscribers and I have seen this movie once very long ago, maybe in 2010 or 2011. This movie left an imprint on me and terry gilliam is one of my favorite directors. I love you again. Keep being you, you’re incredible.
*first few shots are of cute moomoos just vibing and then a stray chaos goddess just sitting on a car* Me:*clicks like* Also thanks for the trigger warning, as always, but also you look so ethereal and beautiful, look like you have a halo. Fairy Queen vibes. I love it 🥺💞
Okay. I was just thinking about this movie and how no one on yt has really spoken about it. And I just smoked a big bowl and here's May with a 40 min video, and me currently dealing with my childhood ptsd while in quarantine.... Let'sfuckinggoooo.ahhhhhhlol
Based on what my husband has told me abt his estranged mom who'd go on week-long benders, the movie might be a pretty accurate portrayal of how quickly kids adapt to shitty situations.
Two years later and I find out you reviewed a film which is cemented into inside references between close friends who grew up together because... yeah. It hits home, it hits hard, and it captures the mania closest to uphoria in growing up rooted in escapism and neglect.
My opiate-addicted abusive father rented this movie for me when I was like 13 cause I was really into horror movies and arthouse and shit and I remember it making me super uncomfortable and oooooooof was the irony lost on me. *edit I've also avoided watching it for years because it has always made me very uncomfortable because subconsciously I think it hit me really hard as a kid and I didn't even realize it. I had been taking care of my father since I was 9 and I don't think that good ol' childhood trauma had fully set in yet. Plus little did I know what my teen years had in store for me F.
My ex-girlfriend was a heroin addict. As was her engineer-most-likely-to-succeed husband. He died while their 6 year old daughter was in another room playing. After that the girl spent the next few years seeing her mother unconscience on the floor, calling 911, injecting Narcan, etc.
Thank you for this. I love this nightmare (putting it lightly) of a film. This is an excellent essay. Very glad I followed up on the recommendation to watch this. You definitely earned this subscription. This is one of the very few films I will spoil due to what you will see, how it might make you feel. Having to do that for "how it might make you feel", and how intense of emotions it can provoke with such pure innocence and vile disgust, simultaneously, is just one reason I will keep recommending this film, and now this essay to people, but only when they're ready. EDIT: Thinking about it, "very few" become a long list. Relatively speaking in the scope of "traditional cinema", I guess.
Wow... I have been thinking lately about the things I took as normal when I was younger, which looking back, seem very bad. This video kind of crystalizes the idea of neglect, innocence and childhood.
I’ve just started the video so I’m going to edit this when finished but I have to say I’m really glad someone’s doing a video on this film. It’s so... disturbing.
Your able to word things so wonderfully and informatively. Thanks for another great video. This sounds like a hard watch but I think I’d benefit from watching this film.
Thank you May! Just finished watching your video. I have not seen or heard of Tideland until now. I don't know if I could handle watching it. But I really felt my stomach drop when you talked about the concept of, I think you called it the social script?
the first time I watched this movie was shortly after it came out on DVD and I was working at Blockbuster so I got to rent it for free. I watched it high (weed does not really agree with me) and told the guy I was watching it with that I felt like my skin was peeling off during it. And yeah. Revisiting it 10-12 years later I am not at all surprised that I had that reaction.
the weird thing is I'm positive I saw this movie as a kid. Watching this video I'm remembering scenes and images and bits of dialogue and I'm sure I saw this when I was very very young; young enough that I don't remember the context around how I saw it or any specific details about it. It's odd watching this and hearing you talk about how all these horrible things happen from the perspective of a child and that I can remember the feelings I had as a child experiencing it, which were very much in line with how the little girl in the film was feeling about it all.
You talking about neglect and love confusing the child REALLY unlocked some stuff for me- though my experiences are nothing like the movie. my mom was dangerously helicopter-y (she would even sit in the room during my childhood therapy sessions) but shes still very.. motherly. Not your usual type of neglect, but it really fucked me up. its INCREDIBLY difficult to hold that juxtaposition of that in my head. That too much love is its own type of neglect
Control is not love. It can easily become abusive. Especially if paired with love, it can have a violating effect that renders the victim helpless. Check out the psychological concept of "double bind".
I am similarly not sure about Tidelands, but I'm really glad someone else also watched it and talked about that. Otherwise it was one of those movies that surely happened to me, and not (as far as I can tell) to anyone else ever.
I had to come to this conclusion about childhood as well; that people do not want to think or talk about it to the point that they dissociate from childhood altogether. I couldn't understand how people could fail to understand children so dramatically when they were kids themselves. Like how do you not know how kids think? But they don't because they've severed their current adult selves from their child selves and do not remember because remembering hurts. It's a really sad realization to come to. That all the adults who don't understand kids likely are that way because their childhoods were so painful they can't associate themselves with that little child because it fucks them up too much. There are way too many adults out there like that. And way too many kids currently being primed to be those adults in the future due to trauma and ACEs.
I saw this soon after it came out and had no idea people hated it. I just thought it was dark and imaginative and interesting but no one else saw it. I really liked it. Maybe it's because I personally can't look back at my childhood and find examples of neglect. I know you said it was a universal but I found that surprising because genuinely I was in a situation where my parents were very present and responsive to my physical and emotional needs. So i guess the movie never felt personal to me, just dark and raw and kind of beautiful at times.
I watched this film shortly after it came out and absolutely hated it but your review and analysis makes me think I should go back and look at it again. I am scared you may make me like Tideland.
M'y father, who has always been into "weird" movies, rented this to watch himself once and even tho I only saw the cover and the disk it endlessly fascinated me for years, especially when he said he hated it
Second comment cause I've actually watched the whole video now. I've noticed something. You apologize for your videos in damn near every video. But like, except for some of the unwatchable movie lists (case what the shit seriously - I love horror and I'm still sad I know some of those exist lol), all of your videos are very insightful, very intelligently written, well produced, well edited, sound design always on point. I mean, the content you cover can get dicey, but I'm thinking at this point your audience is aware of the type of shit you cover. Eyes wide open, ya dig? I love you. I love your brain. I love your style and your whole aesthetic. I love your content. Apologize if you really feel you must, but please know, it's so incredibly very much unnecessary.
There's somthing about decay and ruin juxtaposed with childhood innocence that I really like. (Jan Scankmajor's Alice, anything made by Rodger Ballen) I'm gonna enjoy this one.
As part of the 2% out there who had a great childhood with loving and attentive family members who were not fucked up and never abused me in any way, I still can only feel the deepest sympathy for anyone who endured a difficult upbringing into this world. Namely because that has been the case for most people I know and love. Movies like this force viewers to take a good look at the very real repercussions of childhood neglect. Of course it's not going to be pleasant or comfortable to watch. If nothing else at least "Tideland" accomplishes it more memorably than others. I mean, still better than "Gummo."
I saw part of this movie while hallucinating with a fever in middle school and right until this video I thought it was entirely possible I just made it up. Now I guess I'm going to force myself to watch it. EDIT: Reconsidering that last part.
I watched this fresh outta high school and its always lingered in my mind, its so surreal! It was really great to see your thoughts, you connected a lot of points I really couldn't at the time. Incredibly tasteful discussion of really hard subjects.
Fuck I remember seeing this movie when it came out and I was super young (and traumatized) and it literally made me so scared and uncomfortable that I never finished it and almost never want to
I was very vey intrigued to see this wind up in my list. Tideland is a favorite movie of mine but full disclosure that it is a supremely unpleasant and brutal film. However, your review is probably one of the most nuanced takes on a supremely difficult movie that I value. It's definitely the most difficult film Gilliam has directed and I'm curious to read the novel its based off of too to kinda process that as well. Still, thank you for this video, I love this analysis.
I loved this when it came out. and clearly I didn't get most of the themes, I just loved the floaty feeling of weirdness that permeates the entire movie. it feels like a dream that's on the verge of becoming a nightmare at any point (and sometimes does).
I learned about this bad boy through Kyle Kallgren at Brows Held High ten years ago. Easily one of the most disturbing mental and emotional playground you HAVE to play in, by its own rules, to come out understanding. And that makes it worse. Incredibly insightful lens, May.
this is like if a rob zombie movie was done better... how have i never heard of this before now? thank you, and as always, great vid. so glad i fuckled up for this, lol.
The adults were all siblings. Dickens, dell, and Noah. I feel the same. It’s insane, but it was an experience. I think I’m glad i watched while also disgusted.
I can see why UA-cam dot com is trying to nerf this video... but damn this is important to talk about, especially since a lot of people won't watch the movie (myself included). Don't really have much to add but Gilliam's style of darker movies are really similar to the book "Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town" - worth reading if you like whimsical fantasy set in the present day mixed with gut-wrenching emotional twists and straight up horror.
I don't know why, but the synopsis of this film gave me flashbacks to when I had to read La petite fille qui aimait trop les allumettes (The Little Girl Who Was Too Fond of Matches) for a Quebec literature course. If you liked Tideland, maybe you will like that book (now movie), too.
I don't know what it says about me that this is one of my favorite films. Although to be perfectly transparent at the time that I saw it I was also a (much older) child in an abusive and neglectful environment. Maybe I related a bit too much with the characters. I don't know if your copy was the same, but when I watched it the film started with an advisory from Gilliam where he explained what his thought process was and that the actress playing the main character wasn't harmed. I'd never heard anyone talk about this film besides me so that was the only insight I had that people found it difficult.
I was supposed to be the lead in this movie actually but i was replaced because i looked a little too old for the role. this sounds fake but its true i vividly remember auditioning with the doll heads on my fingers
What a fascinating film. I know it was difficult, but thank you very much for making this video. I feel like I've had to come to terms with the abuse I lived through in my childhood, but I did it mostly out of pragmaticism. Avoiding my family members because being around them hurt. recognizing how I do X or Y or Z because my dad did A or my mom did B, or both. But I hadn't really viewed it in the scope of like, how they were solving problems the way they knew how and as a child I didn't know the problems or solutions being used. Or, how trauma comes through recognition of these contexts, which is why at the time I just let it go over and through me, but now it's so difficult to think about. anyway, thanks again, this was very rewarding. Love you
That was a great take on a vastly disturbing weird-assed movie. Terry Gillams commentary track all buttsore over the reaction to it is worth a listen...
Hey May, I'd never heard of this movie before watching your video about it. I don't think I'll ever watch it but I really enjoyed this video. I always find the ways you analyze media, especially more controversial/less discussed media to be really interesting and I often find I learn something or think about topics in new ways. Much love to you and I hope your day has been okay
Holy crap, I've been trying to figure out what this movie was for forever! My mom had rented it one night and we watched it, but I never got the name of it, and several scenes were just burned in my brain. I tried to search for it, but could never remember anything specific enough to find it.
The part about "parents not understanding that their kids are new to the world" really stood out to me. My dad was always short tempered and irritable and to him, the worst response you could give to any question or request was "I don't know."
He'd ask me to get the Phillips head screwdriver for him, I'd say I don't know what each type of screwdriver is because i'm 9, he'd get angry and say whatever i'll do it myself.
It took me a long time even as an adult to really think about that and accept that like...this isn't some innate knowledge you're born with. You don't know these things unless someone tells you. As my dad, he's probably the only person in my life who would have taught me which type of screwdriver is which. He didn't teach me, and then he got mad at me for not knowing in the first place.
When you lay it all out it's such an obvious contradiction in logic. But as a child it's so upsetting. You feel like you've done something wrong but you can't even comprehend how or why it was wrong.
It sounds like your father just didn't want to have to deal with the burden of having to teach a kid something. I'm an adult, and my parents still hate it when I answer a question with, "I don't know". In my case, the questions are about stuff like my career and my long-term plans. Sometimes I just want to say, "How about we find out together?" If you give someone time to figure it out, they usually will. But that means dealing with uncertainty, and sometimes parents just don't want to do that. Which results in the kid feeling bad for not having yet arrived at an answer that they totally will arrive at eventually.
The 'I don't know' thing was so prevalent with my sperm donor when I was growing up that it developed into a habit of me trying to explain or reason some sort of answer, any answer even if it made no sense, because the asshole would always say "I don't know isn't an answer" but refuse to teach me. To him it was better to be flat out wrong or to lie than to not know something.
I've been married to my husband for 10 years and he's finally gotten it through my head that it's okay to not know an answer and to even admit it.
I refuse to tell my daughter "I don't know isn't an answer".
100%, may not be the case with your dad but I know my mother did this intentionally to keep us kids feeling constantly overwhelmed and insecure. Things like not letting me touch the washer or dryer for my entire life, saying I'd mess it up, and then one day in my preteens suddenly telling me to do laundry and then screaming at me for being useless when I told her I didn't know how. I think if I had not left her house when I was 14, she would have done the same thing with driving. It's a baffling and terrifying place to be in.
"I'm sorry this happened to you." The feels.
I talk and think about my childhood *too much*, maybe. Is that a thing that can happen?
Oh, probably. You ever try to write down as much as you can remember and lay it out like you're gonna solve the puzzle?
I tried that. Unfortunately all I learned from the experience is that there is no puzzle and also the past isn't real.
Oh yeah. Like an obsession with the way things happened and the effects, I'm always pulling at threads in my past like I'm trying to figure out where they lead
I mean, I have a lot of stuff about my childhood that I have to process, and talking about it helps. There's just a lot to make sense of, sometimes. Esp if it's got lingering effects on your life.
If it keeps coming up, it might be worth asking why that is, and what you want to do with it.
i "talk too much" about my past as well. my childhood makes me greatly upset to think about, and talking about it, even redundantly, helps me alot with trying to deal with those emotions. im glad i have a partner who listens and always sympathizes with me. however, i feel that i talk "too much" about it due to the people i previously surrounded myself with not being willing to listen or sympathize, telling me that i talk too much. but i have to tell you that it's not too much. if it's cathartic and it solely helps you, talk as much as you want about it, and find people who'll listen.
That part with boys being conditioned to sacrifice themselves really hit home for me. But, hilariously, it also reminded me of that one scene in Skull Island where the army guy straps grenades to himself, tries to get a monster to eat him, and utterly fails at it. You can physically see the pride drain from his face in that scene.
Boy I really hope Jodelle's parents got her some good therapy after this film.
this essay brought a lot of bad childhood memories to the surface for me, but your warmth and compassion made it a cathartic experience. sometimes it's worth remembering our childhoods so we can empathize more fully with our adult selves, and forgive ourselves for making mistakes. we can't go back in time and give our kid selves the hug they deserve, but if we love ourselves now, maybe that's enough.
I just hope there was a child therapist on set for that poor kid. But as far as the watching experience, i appreciate when movies can serve as a safe environment to experience and unpack uncomfortable emotions. I dont know if ill ever watch it again, but im glad i saw it the one time
Considering Terry Gillian’s track record with the welfare of child actors it wouldn’t surprise me if there wasn’t
@@morganalabeille5004 thats unfortunate
I saw this when I was 10. I just watched it once and I still can't move on to this day.
The kid is cool. She was working on Silent Hill shortly after this. She's basically a child scream queen star.
Hark, we have been granted 40 minutes of Nyx Fears content. S’gonna be a good day.
This isn't the movie I expected from what Ive read about it, nor the video I expected. This is by far the video I've connected with most on your channel and has given me the most to digest. Your analysis is eloquent and covers emotions I didn't consider. It's greatly appreciated. I'll never be able to watch this movie, but I'm glad I know about it.
edit: just went downstairs and gave my mom a hug. A lot of bad shit happened to me, but as an adult, I've come to the conclusion she did her best for me knowing only what she did and being in the circumstances she was. She's flawed, and at some points I was failed, but I can surmise with what I know now that she really loves me and did what she could. I know not everyone who has a mom had one that you can rebuild bridges with, and I hope you know that while you deserved and needed the love of your parent who did not give it to you, you're going to be okay. We're healing one generation at a time, but you can be kind to yourself for your own sake too.
I also want to acknowledge that for however grateful I am to have had this discussion and catharsis, subjecting the child actress to this was not excusable. I hope the actress is doing fine and I'd like to know how she's doing now that she's presumably more like, 27, and if she has any thoughts about this role now that she's older. She was an excellent actor in these clips. Her imdb page has some roles that I already recognized and thought were really impressive.
My mother suffered from depression and only now being old I realise what an effect it had on me... and how there was also neglect. At the beginning of your video I though “oh that does not apply to me” as i was never beaten... but then this notion of having no concept of what was going on resonated with me deeply! You took me on a journey with this one... great essay! (I have not seen Tideland but all I need is your take on it)
The poor kid in Time Bandits ended up as an orphan at the end of the movie.
Honestly when I saw it as a kid my immediate thought was "thank goodness, they were awful people"
Oh my god I forgot about Time Bandits until now
I've got an hour until my vaccination appointment. What a lovely way to spend it.
Good luck, and thank you for getting vaxxed!
Seems like an important movie in the vein of a harmony korine film. I had a friend in new mexico who grew up in a dirt house surrounded by heroin needles. This stuff really happens.
I'm not sure that watching tidelands would be something productive for me, but I DO think that this conversation you've prompted by making this video is an important one for people to have. Like you said, a lot of us don't want to think about our childhood abuse, and many of us try to rationalize that abuse. I distinctly remember internalizing my abuse and trying to convince myself that just because other people have it worse that doesn't mean what I'm experiencing isn't bad, which I suppose is uncommon for an 8 year old child?
This is something very relevant to me as of late. I'm 22 years now old but I've been stuck emotionally since I was 14 because of my father dying (who was my primary abuser growing up.)
Both of my parents are addicts, and while they never had me "help them go on vacation" there has been some enabling and rationalizing from my mother. Speaking of which, she's recently gone off the deep end and has completely given up on responsibility and is trying to live as self indulgently as possible while also trying to make it as difficult as possible for me and my brother to get by without her.
I've already come to the conclusion that I can't live with her anymore, and have plans to move on and have my disabled brother move across the country to live with someone who can actually take care of his needs.
I'm pretty sure the only thing that's letting me function on a daily basis is that I'm so emotionally stunted that I can't really process my emotions at this point.
I'm really hoping that hrt is gonna help me to be able to process my emotions again, but I'm certainly going to wait until I'm in a stable enough environment where it would be safe for me to go through a second puberty.
Anyways, I understand if sharing part of my story is troubling for others but I feel like this was an appropriate place to do so? I'm not demanding a response from anybody, but I would like to hear from anyone who would be willing to share similar experiences.
I'm definitely not going to watch this movie but this video was a great watch.
I won't say my experience was similar, but I agree on thinking that your abuse wasn't *that* bad (especially since I had seen and understood the examples of "starving african children", stranger danger, "more" neglected kids than I was) and also trying to explain your abuse to yourself in a way that makes you think you deserved it or caused it or exacerbated it. I recommend therapy highly, when you're able to get it. I know that a qualified therapist can help you get some tools to cope without "cracking into pandora's box" as it were. You don't have to deal with all the trauma at once. My brother was using the same logic to avoid getting into therapy (also thinking it doesn't work, and neither do medications) and thankfully he has been proven wrong. He's doing okay, now. Going for his PhD. We had the same basic coping strategy for our abuse and the death of our abusive mother - bottle all that shit up and just try to work. It worked okay for him, but I unfortunately turned out to have bipolar disorder so I was forced to get help when I really started spiraling. I mean, he also got the less intense focus of the abuse (not that it's a competition, every hurt is valid and deserves help, he was just able to function while I wasn't). So he's been able to function really well as a student, an employee, and a human being, while dealing with stuff in therapy - it didn't crash his whole life. Although I understand going through HRT will be very different. Anyway, not trying to preach, just information I hope you'll find useful from personal experience.
I'm wishing you luck with your escape plans.
@@TheRainstorm97 I do intend to get into therapy and to try to make it work. I was in therapy for like 6 years and never felt like it did anything to help but it's probably because I never wanted to talk about my problems. I'm able to do it now, and I've learned some good mental health tips like developing ANT-eaters and some fundamentals of CBT and DBT.
I'm not sure if I have a mood disorder or personality disorder, I know I have adhd, autism, anxiety and dysthymia and that I've worked hard on being able to understand and blend in with neurotypical people.
I hope that for you you're able to have many good functional days and that if you're having a hard time functioning try to remember that it will eventually pass.
Clicked IMMEDIATELY, Tideland is one of my favourite weird movies ever, and i love the book too. Great to see someone talking about this underrated gem
Also as a note- Dell is Dickens’s older sister, not his mother. But considering there is a lot of inbreeding implied to be going on in the family (Jeliza’s dad is implied to be Dell’s brother too, despite Dell being obsessed and in love with him. There’s photos of Dell and Jeliza’s dad together in Dell’s house, and the (dead and taxidermied) Grandma in the house is implied to be the very same Grandma who’s house Jeliza and her dad thought they were staying in. It’s not said outright but it’s there and it adds an extra fucked up layer to the whole thing) it’s very possible she could be both
@@Skeksistential-crisis Thanks for the extra info. Love that movie, considering buying the book.
*Very Moving* and thought-provoking for a channel about yucky horror movies! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I don't believe that Jeliza truly has _no_ concept of death or pain. it's not like she grew up isolated in the middle of nowhere the way Denny did. The girl has seen movies. the scene where she coughs up yucky stuff and plays a distressed damsel telling herself she'll make a full recovery is a good example. She knows what death is on some level, but it's a level she will not go anywhere near. She's dissociating from the reality of these traumas partially because she's young enough that those concepts and consequences haven't been fully coded in, but also partially because she has to. To look these grim things in the face is to give in to despair. and to give in to despair is to lay down and die. Dissociation is a powerful survival mechanism. not an incapacity of a child's understanding.
Very well observed!
I honestly thought no one knew what this movie was. Nice.
Same. It's been my little secret for 12 years.
This movie really hurt me for some reason, and I couldn't put it into words or even really understand why. This video has helped me understand these feelings, not just about the film, but about some parts and aspects of life in general. Thank you for this video.
Also! I remember someone describe this movie as the best remake of My Neighbour Totoro... and it's such a fucked up comparisoon, but also super appropiate
LOL
tideland personally helped me sort through and process a lot of truama. it's incredible and lovely that you made this difficult video. thank you.
Dear may,
I love you. I’m one of your OG subscribers and I have seen this movie once very long ago, maybe in 2010 or 2011. This movie left an imprint on me and terry gilliam is one of my favorite directors. I love you again. Keep being you, you’re incredible.
I've only been able to watch this once and you've uncovered exactly why. Thank you as always for your wonderful insight
Gilliam also did a little-seen flick since Tidelands called The Zero Theorem with Christoph Waltz. It was a callback to the 12 Monkeys/Brazil era.
*first few shots are of cute moomoos just vibing and then a stray chaos goddess just sitting on a car*
Me:*clicks like*
Also thanks for the trigger warning, as always, but also you look so ethereal and beautiful, look like you have a halo. Fairy Queen vibes. I love it 🥺💞
Okay. I was just thinking about this movie and how no one on yt has really spoken about it. And I just smoked a big bowl and here's May with a 40 min video, and me currently dealing with my childhood ptsd while in quarantine....
Let'sfuckinggoooo.ahhhhhhlol
Based on what my husband has told me abt his estranged mom who'd go on week-long benders, the movie might be a pretty accurate portrayal of how quickly kids adapt to shitty situations.
Ellen Barkin: “My hard won advice: never get into an elevator alone with Terry Gilliam.”
Two years later and I find out you reviewed a film which is cemented into inside references between close friends who grew up together because... yeah. It hits home, it hits hard, and it captures the mania closest to uphoria in growing up rooted in escapism and neglect.
this is probably one of the best video essays on youtube. i feel just as strongly about this video as i do the movie itself. both cut deep.
My opiate-addicted abusive father rented this movie for me when I was like 13 cause I was really into horror movies and arthouse and shit and I remember it making me super uncomfortable and oooooooof was the irony lost on me.
*edit I've also avoided watching it for years because it has always made me very uncomfortable because subconsciously I think it hit me really hard as a kid and I didn't even realize it. I had been taking care of my father since I was 9 and I don't think that good ol' childhood trauma had fully set in yet. Plus little did I know what my teen years had in store for me F.
My ex-girlfriend was a heroin addict. As was her engineer-most-likely-to-succeed husband. He died while their 6 year old daughter was in another room playing. After that the girl spent the next few years seeing her mother unconscience on the floor, calling 911, injecting Narcan, etc.
Love the dress! The dolls n corner sword are nice touches too
A FORTY minute long Nyx video... I literally dropped my phone when I got the notification and I turned off the show I was watching. Let's get in!!!
this birthday just keeps on getting better, a nyx fears vid today of all days
Thank you for this. I love this nightmare (putting it lightly) of a film. This is an excellent essay. Very glad I followed up on the recommendation to watch this. You definitely earned this subscription. This is one of the very few films I will spoil due to what you will see, how it might make you feel. Having to do that for "how it might make you feel", and how intense of emotions it can provoke with such pure innocence and vile disgust, simultaneously, is just one reason I will keep recommending this film, and now this essay to people, but only when they're ready.
EDIT: Thinking about it, "very few" become a long list. Relatively speaking in the scope of "traditional cinema", I guess.
OMG YOU LOOK SO PRETTY BLONDE ALSO I APPRECIATE YOUR CONTENT WARNINGS
Wow... I have been thinking lately about the things I took as normal when I was younger, which looking back, seem very bad. This video kind of crystalizes the idea of neglect, innocence and childhood.
Tideland, never ceases to make me happy. there is a soul there,
there is a happy end, there is a moral.
I’ve just started the video so I’m going to edit this when finished but I have to say I’m really glad someone’s doing a video on this film. It’s so... disturbing.
Your able to word things so wonderfully and informatively. Thanks for another great video. This sounds like a hard watch but I think I’d benefit from watching this film.
My head is kind of in overdrive after this. That was a lot. And it was worth it. Thanks again, May.
Thank you May! Just finished watching your video. I have not seen or heard of Tideland until now. I don't know if I could handle watching it. But I really felt my stomach drop when you talked about the concept of, I think you called it the social script?
the first time I watched this movie was shortly after it came out on DVD and I was working at Blockbuster so I got to rent it for free. I watched it high (weed does not really agree with me) and told the guy I was watching it with that I felt like my skin was peeling off during it. And yeah. Revisiting it 10-12 years later I am not at all surprised that I had that reaction.
the weird thing is I'm positive I saw this movie as a kid. Watching this video I'm remembering scenes and images and bits of dialogue and I'm sure I saw this when I was very very young; young enough that I don't remember the context around how I saw it or any specific details about it. It's odd watching this and hearing you talk about how all these horrible things happen from the perspective of a child and that I can remember the feelings I had as a child experiencing it, which were very much in line with how the little girl in the film was feeling about it all.
This is...a wild video and a wild movie. Really raw material, thank you for making such an in-depth and detailed video!
This video was...so good? Like really, really good.
I appreciate your work so much, May.
You talking about neglect and love confusing the child REALLY unlocked some stuff for me- though my experiences are nothing like the movie. my mom was dangerously helicopter-y (she would even sit in the room during my childhood therapy sessions) but shes still very.. motherly. Not your usual type of neglect, but it really fucked me up. its INCREDIBLY difficult to hold that juxtaposition of that in my head. That too much love is its own type of neglect
Control is not love. It can easily become abusive. Especially if paired with love, it can have a violating effect that renders the victim helpless. Check out the psychological concept of "double bind".
I am similarly not sure about Tidelands, but I'm really glad someone else also watched it and talked about that. Otherwise it was one of those movies that surely happened to me, and not (as far as I can tell) to anyone else ever.
I had to come to this conclusion about childhood as well; that people do not want to think or talk about it to the point that they dissociate from childhood altogether. I couldn't understand how people could fail to understand children so dramatically when they were kids themselves. Like how do you not know how kids think? But they don't because they've severed their current adult selves from their child selves and do not remember because remembering hurts. It's a really sad realization to come to. That all the adults who don't understand kids likely are that way because their childhoods were so painful they can't associate themselves with that little child because it fucks them up too much. There are way too many adults out there like that. And way too many kids currently being primed to be those adults in the future due to trauma and ACEs.
I cant handle a single frame of this movie without a seat belt. Jesus chriiiiiiist.
I saw this soon after it came out and had no idea people hated it. I just thought it was dark and imaginative and interesting but no one else saw it. I really liked it. Maybe it's because I personally can't look back at my childhood and find examples of neglect. I know you said it was a universal but I found that surprising because genuinely I was in a situation where my parents were very present and responsive to my physical and emotional needs. So i guess the movie never felt personal to me, just dark and raw and kind of beautiful at times.
I watched this film shortly after it came out and absolutely hated it but your review and analysis makes me think I should go back and look at it again. I am scared you may make me like Tideland.
M'y father, who has always been into "weird" movies, rented this to watch himself once and even tho I only saw the cover and the disk it endlessly fascinated me for years, especially when he said he hated it
This made my jaw drop. I saw this in my early 20's and it was traumatic to me.
I love seeing more people talk about this movie even though it's a fuckin NIGHTMARE to talk about
been a fan since its release, but now after watching your take, i think i need much more serious therapy
Second comment cause I've actually watched the whole video now. I've noticed something. You apologize for your videos in damn near every video. But like, except for some of the unwatchable movie lists (case what the shit seriously - I love horror and I'm still sad I know some of those exist lol), all of your videos are very insightful, very intelligently written, well produced, well edited, sound design always on point. I mean, the content you cover can get dicey, but I'm thinking at this point your audience is aware of the type of shit you cover. Eyes wide open, ya dig? I love you. I love your brain. I love your style and your whole aesthetic. I love your content. Apologize if you really feel you must, but please know, it's so incredibly very much unnecessary.
There's somthing about decay and ruin juxtaposed with childhood innocence that I really like. (Jan Scankmajor's Alice, anything made by Rodger Ballen)
I'm gonna enjoy this one.
As part of the 2% out there who had a great childhood with loving and attentive family members who were not fucked up and never abused me in any way, I still can only feel the deepest sympathy for anyone who endured a difficult upbringing into this world. Namely because that has been the case for most people I know and love. Movies like this force viewers to take a good look at the very real repercussions of childhood neglect. Of course it's not going to be pleasant or comfortable to watch. If nothing else at least "Tideland" accomplishes it more memorably than others. I mean, still better than "Gummo."
I saw part of this movie while hallucinating with a fever in middle school and right until this video I thought it was entirely possible I just made it up. Now I guess I'm going to force myself to watch it. EDIT: Reconsidering that last part.
I watched this fresh outta high school and its always lingered in my mind, its so surreal! It was really great to see your thoughts, you connected a lot of points I really couldn't at the time. Incredibly tasteful discussion of really hard subjects.
Fuck I remember seeing this movie when it came out and I was super young (and traumatized) and it literally made me so scared and uncomfortable that I never finished it and almost never want to
I was very vey intrigued to see this wind up in my list. Tideland is a favorite movie of mine but full disclosure that it is a supremely unpleasant and brutal film. However, your review is probably one of the most nuanced takes on a supremely difficult movie that I value. It's definitely the most difficult film Gilliam has directed and I'm curious to read the novel its based off of too to kinda process that as well. Still, thank you for this video, I love this analysis.
I loved this when it came out. and clearly I didn't get most of the themes, I just loved the floaty feeling of weirdness that permeates the entire movie. it feels like a dream that's on the verge of becoming a nightmare at any point (and sometimes does).
I learned about this bad boy through Kyle Kallgren at Brows Held High ten years ago. Easily one of the most disturbing mental and emotional playground you HAVE to play in, by its own rules, to come out understanding. And that makes it worse.
Incredibly insightful lens, May.
Yup neglect is traumatic
Sometimes when I think of this movie, I think I made it up in some crazy lucid dream.
I actually really like this movie.
Your hair is absolutely fabulous and way too cute in this video!
Also, your conclusion managed to make me cry.
Even as someone whose never seen Tideland, you dissected it extremely well
My childhood blew donkeys for quarters
this is like if a rob zombie movie was done better... how have i never heard of this before now? thank you, and as always, great vid. so glad i fuckled up for this, lol.
This just reached in and punched child-me in the gut. Wonderful video! Thanks so much for the stuff you make, May, really!! ;3;
Great movie …Terry is an underated genius
The adults were all siblings. Dickens, dell, and Noah. I feel the same. It’s insane, but it was an experience. I think I’m glad i watched while also disgusted.
"Trauma is when you can't put together why something happened to you"
lady i do not like how true that is
40 minutes?! I need popcorn right now
Ello
@@nanananananananananananana9430 😳
Firstly, yes to the blonde. All the yeses.
Secondly, I didn't know this movie existed. Now I'm having an existential crisis. So thanks for that.
I love the sword just sitting in the corner of the room
I can see why UA-cam dot com is trying to nerf this video... but damn this is important to talk about, especially since a lot of people won't watch the movie (myself included).
Don't really have much to add but Gilliam's style of darker movies are really similar to the book "Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town" - worth reading if you like whimsical fantasy set in the present day mixed with gut-wrenching emotional twists and straight up horror.
I don't know why, but the synopsis of this film gave me flashbacks to when I had to read La petite fille qui aimait trop les allumettes (The Little Girl Who Was Too Fond of Matches) for a Quebec literature course. If you liked Tideland, maybe you will like that book (now movie), too.
Oh, I love this movie. I thought I was the only one.
I don't know what it says about me that this is one of my favorite films. Although to be perfectly transparent at the time that I saw it I was also a (much older) child in an abusive and neglectful environment. Maybe I related a bit too much with the characters. I don't know if your copy was the same, but when I watched it the film started with an advisory from Gilliam where he explained what his thought process was and that the actress playing the main character wasn't harmed. I'd never heard anyone talk about this film besides me so that was the only insight I had that people found it difficult.
I saw this movie in the theatre in manhattan in SOHO. Its so twisted and hellish.
I was supposed to be the lead in this movie actually but i was replaced because i looked a little too old for the role. this sounds fake but its true i vividly remember auditioning with the doll heads on my fingers
What a fascinating film. I know it was difficult, but thank you very much for making this video.
I feel like I've had to come to terms with the abuse I lived through in my childhood, but I did it mostly out of pragmaticism. Avoiding my family members because being around them hurt. recognizing how I do X or Y or Z because my dad did A or my mom did B, or both. But I hadn't really viewed it in the scope of like, how they were solving problems the way they knew how and as a child I didn't know the problems or solutions being used. Or, how trauma comes through recognition of these contexts, which is why at the time I just let it go over and through me, but now it's so difficult to think about.
anyway, thanks again, this was very rewarding. Love you
Terry Gilliam: Hey kids! Do you want some weird, kinda complicated, harsh and overall real bad vibes?!
OH MY GOD I LOVE THE BLOND I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT IT SUITS YOU SO WELL!!!!!!!
Very, very insightful. Thanks for this one.
I saw most of this movie on TV as a teen late at night
I'm thinking that I rented this when it came out and thought it was a movie about fairies and watched it w my parents
Thanks for poking a stick into my emotional trash compactor. It took years to squash those feelings....
That was a great take on a vastly disturbing weird-assed movie. Terry Gillams commentary track all buttsore over the reaction to it is worth a listen...
Thankyou for this video, your coverage and exploration of it is great - and yeah, you cover a lot of things that most people just *avoid*. :)
have you seen the movie "mirrormask"? it's uh a film!
Hey May, I'd never heard of this movie before watching your video about it. I don't think I'll ever watch it but I really enjoyed this video. I always find the ways you analyze media, especially more controversial/less discussed media to be really interesting and I often find I learn something or think about topics in new ways. Much love to you and I hope your day has been okay
Showed this movie to some of my friends with no context or warning beforehand. ❤️
Holy crap, I've been trying to figure out what this movie was for forever! My mom had rented it one night and we watched it, but I never got the name of it, and several scenes were just burned in my brain. I tried to search for it, but could never remember anything specific enough to find it.
i’ve never seen this movie before but it resonates with me on a very deep level. it’s def going on the watch list. thanks May Queen :)
May Queen plus opening shots of wide fields and grazing cows 🐃🐄!!! I’m in!
Oh god. I saw this movie when I was a kid and it fucked me up.
This was a lot to think about. Thanks for making this video