Thank you so much! My daughters gramma came over to pick her up and she spit in gramma face, up to this point i never saw her spit at any1. Gramma baby talks to her and says "thats not nice" but still coddles her. Im just watching from afar to see how they both react. My 30 month old daughter proceeds to spit in her face again and at this point i step in and we both sit on the ground for timeout while i explain the "respect for our elders speach" to her again. Gramma literally stands up and walk out without saying a word. She hates that we "undermine" her. This video helped me understand things from a grandparents side so i can talk to her about how she is our support not the authority.
This is spot on. I also felt very validated in the way I have felt as a mother. I have an in law who did all the “donts” you spoke about here. Yet I was the bad guy. Thank you for your work❤️
You could not have said it better. This is exactly what my mom needs to hear. If she did these things, I would allow her to be a part of my daughter's life but instead, all she does is make me feel awful and tell me how I am wrong in every aspect of my life and how terrible I am for not letting her see my daughter. She only ever wants something if it benefits her and her image. My husband is helping me to set up boundaries with her because we don't need her toxicity. She can call me when she's willing to set aside our differences and trust in me as a parent and simply love us and not undermine us. Because even though I disagree with most everything she says and does these days, I don't shove it down her throat that I think that. I have always tried to love her because she is my mom and maybe I would want to visit her more and have my daughter have a relationship with her if she could just be a mom and a grandparent and love and support us. I don't know how I will get this message to her. Simply sending this video or even posting it on social media for her to see would probably set off like a raging wildfire. She will automatically become defensive and try to find some way to tell me I'm wrong and what she thinks a grandparent's job is which according to her it is to spoil them and let them do everything that the parents won't. Thank you for this informative video. I was scared to watch it but as I watched it, it only solidified exactly what I thought which was comforting to learn.
Glad you are setting boundaries as a family. Hopefully your mom will come to understand what her role is. The relationship can be so beautiful and doesn't require always spoiling them. I do enjoy when I get to spend time with my grandkids and we do like to give them gifts.
I took in around half of my grandkids at one time or another(and there are many of them!) to keep them out of foster care, taking on the roll of mother again and again. It was difficult, but I wouldn't have done it any other way. They still see me as grandparent and parent. Now that they are grown and starting to have their own kids, I think the same rules apply. I try not to be one of those 'interfering mother (in law) types and give them their space. It's pretty awesome to not only get to have relationships with your kids and grandkids, but also your great grandkids!
I’m a Nannie, my daughter became a parent at 17. Talk about a grey area when there is two kids to look out for. Safety and domestic abuse became a huge challenge thanks to the father after she left home. Talk about having to find the right balance between my role as her Mum even though she was still a kid developmentally. She’s 23 now and an amazing Mumma. My grandson is a joy. But alas they still need me to be alert when she can still be too forgiving with the father still.
I stumbled across your videos and have watched a lot of them now. You have a fantastic way of putting your points across and I'm really enjoying the tips! keep up the good work Dr Paul.
My daughter as a child was allergic to lactose. I always reminded my mother-in-law not to give her milk or anything made with milk or eggs. Well, my daughter would tell me she had milk at Grammies house and I dealt with her throwing up most of that night. ... and please don’t get me started on coffee. She even admitted to doing that several times knowing how I felt about it. Believe it or not, giving her a little bit of coffee (with milk in it) was also given to her by my own mother. Then came the day I picked up my daughter up to find out my mother cut her hair! She seriously didn’t see what was so bad about doing that without my permission. God gave me strength to get through those years with both grand-mothers. I’m not a grandma yet, but thanks for this video. I know I’m not perfect either.
We hear a lot about parents dealing with grandparents who are permissive and let them do whatever they want. What about the opposite? What can grandparents do when the parents are more permissive and the kids act terrible when they are with the grandparent? The parents asks ALOT of the grandparent: last minute babysitting requests, every day driving all over town to take the kids to their activities, comparing to how amazing the other grandparent is that she can also fit in homework time, and the grandparent feeling taken for granted in this situation. Coming from the perspective of the other child of the grandparent (sister of the parent) and sees the frustration, a deteriorating relationship, and the behavior concerns. Grandparent basically feels more like an unpaid nanny chauffeur rather than a family member. I don’t see it coming from a place of narcissism at all. She’s scared to bring up anything in fear they won’t let her see the kids anymore
The grandparent will stand up for themselves when they have had enough. It is not the grandparents responsibility to provide childcare or run kids around. There needs to be honest communication about what they want to do and what kind of behavior they expect. If the kids don't respond, well, they may miss a practice or two.
In our case our son did not know what he was doing therefore did not properly care for his daughter and in fact what abusive and neglectful. He was certainly not raised to be that way but it is what it is. Now, we have adopted our granddaughter so we are both parents and grandparents. In some ways it is easier than raising our son and another way it is harder. Trying to keep up with what is popular with a 13-year-old girl as grandparents and parents it’s not an easy thing to do LOL. You got to consider making a video for grandparents who are also parents. Apparently there are a hell of a lot of us in this country. Thanks for this great video.
My mother goes into my child's bookbag when they help me with picking them up from school and withhold things from me. If I say anything my father freaks out, shouting not to come to them for anything, etc. I'm to the point where my chest hurts dealing with them and I fear my relationship with my kids is estranged because of my own parents. They hold it over my head that Im not financially well off and struggle. I don't know what to do anymore. I am going to utilize the busing system this year but still feel stressed dealing with my parents.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV that pretty much is what my issue is. I want to have a healthy relationship with my children and also teach them age appropriate independence. We don't live with my parents, but I have siblings who live in and out of their house. They have full-time jobs and always go back there. I feel like my parents try to create co-dependent attachments and I don't want my kids to have problems. Do you have a video for the adult children or any guidance for this?
The best solution for something like this is to become fully independent yourself. Struggle or not, the lines of their parenting versus grand parenting is becoming blurry because they are fulfilling parental responsibilities. And when people take advantage of that, you have to stop them from taking any of those responsibilities anymore, because they are no longer helping or being supportive. They are abusing their authority that they’ve been given. Become independent. Set boundaries. And enforce your boundaries. Good luck!
This is a great video. I'm on the child side though. It would be great if you make a video for parents like me that deal with over pushy and compulsive grandparents that don't respect us as new parents. How do you deal with grandparents that just won't listen?
I wish I had your grandparents I don’t like one and hate the other.. Because one is Sexually abusive and the other helps him… and I’m on the kids side too glad my parents don’t let me see them
I have a set of in-laws who are doing all the wrong things that you've mentioned and I'm at my wit's end with them. Whenever I so much as try to speak to them about this, they throw a tentrum, clam mini heart attacks and depression and the relationship is cut off untill I accept to apologize and pretend either it was all my fault or nothing ever happend. Yesterday my father in law litterally threatend to kill me (said it twice) if I ever dare to punish my kid again( he had just learnd that I got rid of his pokemon cards as punishment because he was continually forgetting to bring home his homework and the cards were the main source of distraction for him at school). I lost my temper at that one and told him that he was never to interfere again with my parenting/disciplining my children. Then he went into his heart attack/depression mode for the entire night and clamis he did not threaten me. At this point I'd just rather give up on the relationship, but I care too much for the feelings of my husband and my son to do that.. any practical advice will be much appreciated.
you got rid of his pokeman cards - that is severe - you can, set them aside for awhile and then return them - did your in- laws get them for him. Maybe your are too tough and they are warning you because you are punishing too harshly - do listen to the wisdom of the elders, they are not as stressed as parents.
@@alicefeld thank you for your comment. I got rid of about 15 pokemon cards, he's got about 500 left. But I can see what you're saying. I was very angry and hurt when I wrote that comment. I've forgiven them long time ago. But this time everyone has learned to keep bounderies and we haven't had problems since.
@@alicefeldIt doesn’t matter what the punishment is, unless it’s actually abusive. Grandparents do not get to interfere AT ALL. That will cause them to be cut off, as most people normally do when people interfere like that with their kids. For the original commenter, I would suggest to limit or prevent further contact with people that act like that. They have no right to do that, and they may not learn if there are no repercussions.
This was very useful. But what to do if you as a parent are not accepting of the environment that goes on with the grandparents i.e. the relationship between the grandfather and the grandmother? I don't want my child to be effected by that stuff..
I have two boys and one girl and a stepson and the grandparents are just asking for her and not me but if I do go help when they ask they don't want me to
I need some advice because my mom’s parent wants me to switch places for chiropractic medicine when I don’t want to.Because I also talked to my physical therapist said that my mom’s mother in law wants me to switch places for chiropractor medicine and I don’t want to and my physical therapist said I’m of age and my physical therapist said your of age and your mom’s mother in law has no legal rights.
I had told them before and gave them suggestions of what can work for me. I have also said my physician referred me to this provider after I seen the dentist because his nurse asked what I needed to see and I said what the dentist recommended and his nurse said this the provider would of referred to and the nurse transferred me over the line for chiropractor and sport medical to schedule appointments.
Had a question what if you have kids and work monday-friday 9am to 6pm grandparents retired they say its too much to watch your new born they say they just wanna live their life and them living their life is them staying out at the bar all day everyday How do you deal with that situation Because I've been looking and looking and can't find anything Must be a rare situation
@@LiveOnPurposeTV And how does that work Say I only make $2500 a month I live in the state of Georgia Child care workers want $450 a week for 4 days for only 3 hours a day that doesn't make any sense thought childcare meant that you're supposed to help kids and parents, I guess my main thing is I have no family here on the East Coast all my family lives on the West Coast When somebody's parents meaning my grandmother and grandfather practically raised me while my parents worked that duty now falls on them I feel but that's just me I don't think it's selfish at all when it went that way for them What I find being selfish is somebody wanting to drink themselves to death then watch their grandchildren If you think that's OK you need help I'm sorry But I've talked to multiple employees and mine and they are older and they tell me I would kill to see my grandkids and spend time with them....So in that case if you don't want to spend time with my child or help me out the same your parents did....You don't need to be a part of my child's life that's how I feel like Well like why would I want bad grandparents around my children Or somebody that doesn't care would never want to put my child in the situation And staying at home is not an option and that's called being lazy We need to make a living to get by in life Nobody's gonna pay for my food nobody's gonna pay for my bills nobody's gonna pay my insurance nobody's gonna pay for my car payment Nobody's gonna pay for the food that I put on the table for my child but me myself think of this man because what you're telling me does not make any sense I think we're in the new era of lazy axx grandparents And the new generation is working harder than the last I think we can all agree on that but idk you might be the lazy grandparent like my father but who knows maybe you dont see the situation
@@matthewrobert2888It’s nice to have family that will keep your kids for free. And I get that the previous generations did that in your family. But it seems like yours don’t want to. And while it is definitely okay to feel hurt and maybe a little upset about it, there’s nothing you can actually do about it, especially not legally. Because ultimately, they are your kids. If you or your partner decided to have children (or engage in the act of making children), then you have decided that you are responsible enough to have a child. Atleast that’s how I see it. I mean, I know how unaffordable daycare can be, which is why I don’t use it. But there’s no way I could be upset at someone for not keeping my kids for free when I’m the one who gave birth to them. I just have to find a way basically. Whether that’s interviewing babysitters left and right or finding government assistance to help. The only issue here is that you are holding other people up to your expectations, especially when those expectations fall on someone else to take care of something that is yours to take care of. Like I said, it is sad. And I feel for you that you don’t have the support that you were looking for. But to be honest, I wouldn’t want my kids around someone who doesn’t love them enough to choose them over alcohol anyway. Find someone who truly supports you. Maybe even a neighbor could become your best friend and be there for you and your kids! Either way, make sure you don’t set expectations, but instead just appreciate the help that comes your way! 🙂
Pray for us. We are grandparents who helped raise our 11 year old granddaughter. We sort of took the role of the absent father. Now the mom wont let us see her because we brought up the fact that her boyfriend bullies our granddaughter. She wants to see us and considers us like second parents.
I think the best thing to do is not bring up or judge your daughters’ decisions and the people she brings around, unless actually abusive. Because that will continue to damage the relationship. At this point, you should also apologize for doing it already and promise not to in the future.
Those are typically narcissistic parents overstepping their boundaries in their adult child's life. My narc mother is abusive to me and not allowed to be near my son anymore so I can break the cycle. She doesn't get why but she's a narc so she'll never get it.
OMG, I literally just got done posting a huge comment about how my mom is this way, and yeah she's a total narcissist which I have only discovered in the past few months because of all of the trauma she has caused me and is currently causing to my family. Also, because of the personality traits, I have developed due to the nature of our relationship. I will not let her expose my daughter to these things. She is not allowed to have a relationship with my daughter unless she can display the things that were covered in this video.
I have this same problem and my wife is leaving me because of me not working with my boys but if I do work with them they tell me that ant the way to do it
If I am babysitting my grandkids in my home--we go by MY rules, right? Becaue we are different from them. I'm not running a ship their way in my home. I run MY ship, my way. Am I wrong?
Yes. You’re wrong to an extent. In my personal opinion, I don’t mind my kids’ grandparents having their own house rules different from ours (that aren’t fundamental differences) - like yes or no to wearing shoes in the house, cleaning/organization, what movies are considered too inappropriate for you, etc.. BUT when it comes to the kids’ rules that govern their lives, you cannot change those. What the kid eats, their beliefs, their values, the discipline, etc. All of that is only up to the parents. Not you. Now, some parents might prefer to govern all rules. And you do have to keep in mind that they can take the kids away for literally anything. Seeing them is a privilege, not a right. So in everything you do, whether they allow you to do it your way or not, be respectful! You could even get your way a little more if you’re considerate of their big boundaries! Hope that helps.
Thank you so much! My daughters gramma came over to pick her up and she spit in gramma face, up to this point i never saw her spit at any1. Gramma baby talks to her and says "thats not nice" but still coddles her. Im just watching from afar to see how they both react. My 30 month old daughter proceeds to spit in her face again and at this point i step in and we both sit on the ground for timeout while i explain the "respect for our elders speach" to her again. Gramma literally stands up and walk out without saying a word. She hates that we "undermine" her. This video helped me understand things from a grandparents side so i can talk to her about how she is our support not the authority.
4 Dub, I hope the talk goes well. You mom might benefit from a membership to our platform, go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
This is spot on. I also felt very validated in the way I have felt as a mother. I have an in law who did all the “donts” you spoke about here. Yet I was the bad guy. Thank you for your work❤️
Thanks for sharing!!
Thank God u r here🙏🏽
No Jo, honored to be on your team.
You could not have said it better. This is exactly what my mom needs to hear. If she did these things, I would allow her to be a part of my daughter's life but instead, all she does is make me feel awful and tell me how I am wrong in every aspect of my life and how terrible I am for not letting her see my daughter. She only ever wants something if it benefits her and her image. My husband is helping me to set up boundaries with her because we don't need her toxicity. She can call me when she's willing to set aside our differences and trust in me as a parent and simply love us and not undermine us. Because even though I disagree with most everything she says and does these days, I don't shove it down her throat that I think that. I have always tried to love her because she is my mom and maybe I would want to visit her more and have my daughter have a relationship with her if she could just be a mom and a grandparent and love and support us. I don't know how I will get this message to her. Simply sending this video or even posting it on social media for her to see would probably set off like a raging wildfire. She will automatically become defensive and try to find some way to tell me I'm wrong and what she thinks a grandparent's job is which according to her it is to spoil them and let them do everything that the parents won't. Thank you for this informative video. I was scared to watch it but as I watched it, it only solidified exactly what I thought which was comforting to learn.
Glad you are setting boundaries as a family. Hopefully your mom will come to understand what her role is. The relationship can be so beautiful and doesn't require always spoiling them. I do enjoy when I get to spend time with my grandkids and we do like to give them gifts.
I took in around half of my grandkids at one time or another(and there are many of them!) to keep them out of foster care, taking on the roll of mother again and again. It was difficult, but I wouldn't have done it any other way. They still see me as grandparent and parent. Now that they are grown and starting to have their own kids, I think the same rules apply. I try not to be one of those 'interfering mother (in law) types and give them their space. It's pretty awesome to not only get to have relationships with your kids and grandkids, but also your great grandkids!
June Kessler, that is wonderful. I am glad you have been there for all of them when needed.
I’m a Nannie, my daughter became a parent at 17. Talk about a grey area when there is two kids to look out for. Safety and domestic abuse became a huge challenge thanks to the father after she left home. Talk about having to find the right balance between my role as her Mum even though she was still a kid developmentally. She’s 23 now and an amazing Mumma. My grandson is a joy. But alas they still need me to be alert when she can still be too forgiving with the father still.
Geenine44, I am glad you are there for her and your grandson.
I stumbled across your videos and have watched a lot of them now. You have a fantastic way of putting your points across and I'm really enjoying the tips! keep up the good work Dr Paul.
Steve, honored to be on your team.
Thank you for this great explanation on how to be the best grandparents we can be! It is really inspiring.
Thank you! Happy grandparenting.
My daughter as a child was allergic to lactose. I always reminded my mother-in-law not to give her milk or anything made with milk or eggs. Well, my daughter would tell me she had milk at Grammies house and I dealt with her throwing up most of that night. ... and please don’t get me started on coffee. She even admitted to doing that several times knowing how I felt about it. Believe it or not, giving her a little bit of coffee (with milk in it) was also given to her by my own mother. Then came the day I picked up my daughter up to find out my mother cut her hair! She seriously didn’t see what was so bad about doing that without my permission. God gave me strength to get through those years with both grand-mothers. I’m not a grandma yet, but thanks for this video. I know I’m not perfect either.
Liliana Bringolf, those are pretty big things where people should respect your feelings. I am sure you won't be like that.
Yes. I have a mother who rarely gets to see any of her little grandkids because of violating all these rules.
I feel sorry for her, she is missing out, but you need to do what is best for your children.
Good advicsie and guidance for the Australian community.
Glad you enjoyed it, honored to be on your team.
We hear a lot about parents dealing with grandparents who are permissive and let them do whatever they want. What about the opposite? What can grandparents do when the parents are more permissive and the kids act terrible when they are with the grandparent? The parents asks ALOT of the grandparent: last minute babysitting requests, every day driving all over town to take the kids to their activities, comparing to how amazing the other grandparent is that she can also fit in homework time, and the grandparent feeling taken for granted in this situation.
Coming from the perspective of the other child of the grandparent (sister of the parent) and sees the frustration, a deteriorating relationship, and the behavior concerns.
Grandparent basically feels more like an unpaid nanny chauffeur rather than a family member. I don’t see it coming from a place of narcissism at all. She’s scared to bring up anything in fear they won’t let her see the kids anymore
The grandparent will stand up for themselves when they have had enough. It is not the grandparents responsibility to provide childcare or run kids around. There needs to be honest communication about what they want to do and what kind of behavior they expect. If the kids don't respond, well, they may miss a practice or two.
That was really helpful thank you so much .
Glad it was helpful!
In our case our son did not know what he was doing therefore did not properly care for his daughter and in fact what abusive and neglectful. He was certainly not raised to be that way but it is what it is. Now, we have adopted our granddaughter so we are both parents and grandparents. In some ways it is easier than raising our son and another way it is harder. Trying to keep up with what is popular with a 13-year-old girl as grandparents and parents it’s not an easy thing to do LOL. You got to consider making a video for grandparents who are also parents. Apparently there are a hell of a lot of us in this country. Thanks for this great video.
truckindawg1, it does seem to be a growing population. Thanks for the input.
My mother goes into my child's bookbag when they help me with picking them up from school and withhold things from me. If I say anything my father freaks out, shouting not to come to them for anything, etc. I'm to the point where my chest hurts dealing with them and I fear my relationship with my kids is estranged because of my own parents. They hold it over my head that Im not financially well off and struggle. I don't know what to do anymore. I am going to utilize the busing system this year but still feel stressed dealing with my parents.
That does not sound like the role of grandparents. They are a support, not a replacement to parents.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV that pretty much is what my issue is. I want to have a healthy relationship with my children and also teach them age appropriate independence. We don't live with my parents, but I have siblings who live in and out of their house. They have full-time jobs and always go back there. I feel like my parents try to create co-dependent attachments and I don't want my kids to have problems. Do you have a video for the adult children or any guidance for this?
The best solution for something like this is to become fully independent yourself. Struggle or not, the lines of their parenting versus grand parenting is becoming blurry because they are fulfilling parental responsibilities. And when people take advantage of that, you have to stop them from taking any of those responsibilities anymore, because they are no longer helping or being supportive. They are abusing their authority that they’ve been given.
Become independent. Set boundaries. And enforce your boundaries. Good luck!
Excellent, well stated ..
Thank you.
This is a great video. I'm on the child side though. It would be great if you make a video for parents like me that deal with over pushy and compulsive grandparents that don't respect us as new parents. How do you deal with grandparents that just won't listen?
Nimrod nachmias, you might have to create some boundaries.
I wish I had your grandparents I don’t like one and hate the other.. Because one is Sexually abusive and the other helps him… and I’m on the kids side too glad my parents don’t let me see them
I need this today 😁 thank you 💓
You are welcome!
I have a set of in-laws who are doing all the wrong things that you've mentioned and I'm at my wit's end with them. Whenever I so much as try to speak to them about this, they throw a tentrum, clam mini heart attacks and depression and the relationship is cut off untill I accept to apologize and pretend either it was all my fault or nothing ever happend. Yesterday my father in law litterally threatend to kill me (said it twice) if I ever dare to punish my kid again( he had just learnd that I got rid of his pokemon cards as punishment because he was continually forgetting to bring home his homework and the cards were the main source of distraction for him at school). I lost my temper at that one and told him that he was never to interfere again with my parenting/disciplining my children. Then he went into his heart attack/depression mode for the entire night and clamis he did not threaten me.
At this point I'd just rather give up on the relationship, but I care too much for the feelings of my husband and my son to do that.. any practical advice will be much appreciated.
Maybe you could limit the interaction. That might make it easier on everyone. If he starts up, you can pack things up and leave.
you got rid of his pokeman cards - that is severe - you can, set them aside for awhile and then return them - did your in- laws get them for him. Maybe your are too tough and they are warning you because you are punishing too harshly - do listen to the wisdom of the elders, they are not as stressed as parents.
@@alicefeld thank you for your comment. I got rid of about 15 pokemon cards, he's got about 500 left. But I can see what you're saying. I was very angry and hurt when I wrote that comment. I've forgiven them long time ago. But this time everyone has learned to keep bounderies and we haven't had problems since.
@@alicefeldIt doesn’t matter what the punishment is, unless it’s actually abusive. Grandparents do not get to interfere AT ALL. That will cause them to be cut off, as most people normally do when people interfere like that with their kids.
For the original commenter, I would suggest to limit or prevent further contact with people that act like that. They have no right to do that, and they may not learn if there are no repercussions.
This was very useful. But what to do if you as a parent are not accepting of the environment that goes on with the grandparents i.e. the relationship between the grandfather and the grandmother? I don't want my child to be effected by that stuff..
I am not sure what is going on so talk to them and let them know what they need to do.
Good for the Australian community
Glad we can make the videos available to anyone (with internet).
Great video! But what is the role of grandparents when we are raising the grandkids?
Good question! Paula J Newman, you switch to the parental role. That is what the kids need first and foremost.
I have two boys and one girl and a stepson and the grandparents are just asking for her and not me but if I do go help when they ask they don't want me to
This is a little confusing for me. Need more clarification, perhaps that could help you.
I need some advice because my mom’s parent wants me to switch places for chiropractic medicine when I don’t want to.Because I also talked to my physical therapist said that my mom’s mother in law wants me to switch places for chiropractor medicine and I don’t want to and my physical therapist said I’m of age and my physical therapist said your of age and your mom’s mother in law has no legal rights.
Find what works for you and then tell them thank you for the suggestions.
I had told them before and gave them suggestions of what can work for me. I have also said my physician referred me to this provider after I seen the dentist because his nurse asked what I needed to see and I said what the dentist recommended and his nurse said this the provider would of referred to and the nurse transferred me over the line for chiropractor and sport medical to schedule appointments.
If they teach this in school where you live I know where I’m moving. TY
Devens With two Es, you are welcome to come.
Had a question what if you have kids and work monday-friday 9am to 6pm grandparents retired they say its too much to watch your new born they say they just wanna live their life and them living their life is them staying out at the bar all day everyday How do you deal with that situation Because I've been looking and looking and can't find anything Must be a rare situation
Matthew Robert, they aren't under any obligation to watch your child, you will have to look at other childcare options.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV And how does that work Say I only make $2500 a month I live in the state of Georgia Child care workers want $450 a week for 4 days for only 3 hours a day that doesn't make any sense thought childcare meant that you're supposed to help kids and parents, I guess my main thing is I have no family here on the East Coast all my family lives on the West Coast When somebody's parents meaning my grandmother and grandfather practically raised me while my parents worked that duty now falls on them I feel but that's just me I don't think it's selfish at all when it went that way for them What I find being selfish is somebody wanting to drink themselves to death then watch their grandchildren If you think that's OK you need help I'm sorry But I've talked to multiple employees and mine and they are older and they tell me I would kill to see my grandkids and spend time with them....So in that case if you don't want to spend time with my child or help me out the same your parents did....You don't need to be a part of my child's life that's how I feel like Well like why would I want bad grandparents around my children Or somebody that doesn't care would never want to put my child in the situation And staying at home is not an option and that's called being lazy We need to make a living to get by in life Nobody's gonna pay for my food nobody's gonna pay for my bills nobody's gonna pay my insurance nobody's gonna pay for my car payment Nobody's gonna pay for the food that I put on the table for my child but me myself think of this man because what you're telling me does not make any sense I think we're in the new era of lazy axx grandparents And the new generation is working harder than the last I think we can all agree on that but idk you might be the lazy grandparent like my father but who knows maybe you dont see the situation
@@matthewrobert2888It’s nice to have family that will keep your kids for free. And I get that the previous generations did that in your family. But it seems like yours don’t want to. And while it is definitely okay to feel hurt and maybe a little upset about it, there’s nothing you can actually do about it, especially not legally. Because ultimately, they are your kids. If you or your partner decided to have children (or engage in the act of making children), then you have decided that you are responsible enough to have a child. Atleast that’s how I see it. I mean, I know how unaffordable daycare can be, which is why I don’t use it. But there’s no way I could be upset at someone for not keeping my kids for free when I’m the one who gave birth to them. I just have to find a way basically. Whether that’s interviewing babysitters left and right or finding government assistance to help. The only issue here is that you are holding other people up to your expectations, especially when those expectations fall on someone else to take care of something that is yours to take care of.
Like I said, it is sad. And I feel for you that you don’t have the support that you were looking for. But to be honest, I wouldn’t want my kids around someone who doesn’t love them enough to choose them over alcohol anyway. Find someone who truly supports you. Maybe even a neighbor could become your best friend and be there for you and your kids! Either way, make sure you don’t set expectations, but instead just appreciate the help that comes your way! 🙂
Pray for us. We are grandparents who helped raise our 11 year old granddaughter. We sort of took the role of the absent father. Now the mom wont let us see her because we brought up the fact that her boyfriend bullies our granddaughter. She wants to see us and considers us like second parents.
yoloduran duran, unfortunately, this happens. I hope she can decide to do what is in the best interest of her daughter, not to get mad.
Can you be my grandparents….. 🥺I hate mine cause they both should be in jail
Doesn’t matter!
I think the best thing to do is not bring up or judge your daughters’ decisions and the people she brings around, unless actually abusive. Because that will continue to damage the relationship.
At this point, you should also apologize for doing it already and promise not to in the future.
Those are typically narcissistic parents overstepping their boundaries in their adult child's life. My narc mother is abusive to me and not allowed to be near my son anymore so I can break the cycle. She doesn't get why but she's a narc so she'll never get it.
Kara A, I'm sorry it can't be different for your son, but it is what it is.
OMG, I literally just got done posting a huge comment about how my mom is this way, and yeah she's a total narcissist which I have only discovered in the past few months because of all of the trauma she has caused me and is currently causing to my family. Also, because of the personality traits, I have developed due to the nature of our relationship. I will not let her expose my daughter to these things. She is not allowed to have a relationship with my daughter unless she can display the things that were covered in this video.
What about indifferent grandparents? Do you have coping advice for adults with children whose parents are not involved with their children?
Heather Smith, I don't, I am just so sad for them. They don't know what they are missing out on.
When I play with my 3 yr old grandson I get told “ what are you 3 or something “. I get so offended
I have this same problem and my wife is leaving me because of me not working with my boys but if I do work with them they tell me that ant the way to do it
Oh, ask them to show you how. Maybe some dialogue will help.
If I am babysitting my grandkids in my home--we go by MY rules, right? Becaue we are different from them. I'm not running a ship their way in my home. I run MY ship, my way. Am I wrong?
Yes. You’re wrong to an extent.
In my personal opinion, I don’t mind my kids’ grandparents having their own house rules different from ours (that aren’t fundamental differences) - like yes or no to wearing shoes in the house, cleaning/organization, what movies are considered too inappropriate for you, etc.. BUT when it comes to the kids’ rules that govern their lives, you cannot change those. What the kid eats, their beliefs, their values, the discipline, etc. All of that is only up to the parents. Not you.
Now, some parents might prefer to govern all rules. And you do have to keep in mind that they can take the kids away for literally anything. Seeing them is a privilege, not a right. So in everything you do, whether they allow you to do it your way or not, be respectful! You could even get your way a little more if you’re considerate of their big boundaries! Hope that helps.