What is it like to date an ESFP?! An ESFPs take on dating, romance and flirting ft.
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- Опубліковано 28 лис 2024
- Kristin talks about the dating life of ESFPs.
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Kristin's videos were a source of joy for me during Covid. Loved this interview. INTP-Ne can relate to Se. It's fun to see random, zesty energy applied to the physical world. Two thumbs up to Joyce and Kristin. Keep doing what you are doing.
I love ESFPs. They are bouncy. I am an I/ENTP and I conect with them as I am invested in my Ne.
Yess I feel the same, if they're not asking me questions back, I think the relationship is bad. Validating feelings, letting me communicate my feelings is really important. When I'm feeling a really intense feeling, it consumes my entire existence, that is why I need to be careful who I like and if they're reciprocating my feelings and have a healthy deadline when I need to move on if they don't like me back.
It is so true about Fi being turbulent, I process all my feeling by journaling or voice record it all. I noticed that I need to externalize my feelings into real world when I'm going through/having intense feelings, if I don't do that i get worse.
ESFP are a lot of fun / funny as can be. My niece cracks me up. One boss, though intelligent, wanted to talk to me *all* the time & it was hard to focus on my work; it seemed her feelings got hurt if I didn't respond without restraint - as if her talking to me (& my responding) was more important, than my accomplishing work. It was a heavy burden. Still, I loved her & her vulnerability.
"Need to make it special
Need to make it new
Looking for the action
Something more to do"
- Saint Etienne, "Action"
I like this idea of ESFPs as playful, spontaneity geniuses. I do feel that saying feelings are 'irrational' is a misdirection in some ways, given how some people use that word to disrespect feelings in general. a 'thinker's way of putting it! I prefer to think of feelings as a signal within your own body that is true as a signal for you in the moment. (is this allowable Ti? subjective but not lacking internal logic.)
People talk about 'felt-sense' and 'interoception', words for the wordy labelling head-brain to use when interpreting and conveying what's going on in your heart-brain, your gut-brain, ear-brain, skin-wisdom, spine-knowledge, limb-smarts, hormones, nervous system perception, 'intuition' and reactions etc. the wordless perceptions of the right side of the brain and brainstem (seat of the self according to Antonio Damasio, the brain stem is like the midway, main junction point between brain and body). For all of us integrating feelings, sensations and cognition can be the way to become an integrated whole person, using our whole body-mind-self to live well.
There are various ways the 'story' can be untrue, from lack of external information or people can struggle to feel any important inner sensations when avoiding certain feelings. Being reactive in an ordinary habitual way, relying on negative past experiences or your social 'programming' etc. The ideal in yogic teaching is to choosing to respond based on ALL the information, including sensations of the external world and your own inner values from your body and mind, which is intrinsically part of the greater world and life itself as a value. With practice you can feel it, feel these micro-steps in meaning making and interpretation as choice points, and guide bodily reactions into whole-self responses - the Equanimity aspect of what we call 'mindfulness' practices.
Maybe it's about an individual's self-awareness more than type, but I'm always curious. Have you looked at this kind of thing Joyce?
or I'd be interested in an ESFP's take on this -
In the detail of responding to a thing: the Body Sensations come First*, emotions are interpreted from the body signals, and then the cognitive brain makes up the story that gives feeling a logical meaning afterwards. Using a body up approach to understand things is very in the moment and personal truth focused. It seems like something ESFP types could do it well!
While others might struggle more with either specifying the sensations or the emotional interpretation of sensations, overly reliant on a top down cognitive approach, or external ideas of truth that are not embodied but disconnected from self.
[*(unless you deliberately dig up a negative belief for an objective logical reason? - but you would only do that if it was already in your body causing problems, e.g. in therapy or part of mindfulness practice)]
Love it! I love ESFPs combination of spontaneity and their strong emotional convictions.
This is awesome! It's nice to see Kristin here. Insightful as always, Joyce ❤️
I am a entp and my son isfp"s girl friend esfp is moving in .. I love her yet she's now, now now .she's so happy, and singing loves dianey movies two seconds later sad then , come on let's go out. I'm like wow...yet she's so sweet
she's so pretty
As an INTJ, I also have to climb over playgrounds. Screw what the outside world thinks.
[Additional]: Joyce, you mentioned Fi being "languageless". This is what I have against the Big Five system, which is based on a cross-cultural study of things expressed in language. However, this leaves no room for the abstract world of things that have no assigned meaning linguistically, but are often expressed artistically. This includes both the emotional and intuitive realms, much of which I suspect would end up piled under its Neuroticism scale, which my own Fi values would find abhorrent if I'm correct.
Thanks for this as my TP world is filled with Fi people. This will help me understand them better. Kristin said her Fi moment is very real and true to her whereas we TPs tend to discount or not understand... I have absorbed this and will use it.
12:00 I used to post on forums a lot and then at some point, I was not doing it so much cause of not having an account, but still reading, so I would write out a reply as if I was going to respond to the person and never send it, and the funny thing is, I found that most of the time that's all I really needed.
Also, re: playfulness and being child-like and all that, the world needs people like that to counterbalance all the workaholics! :)
Bloody crazy Aussies LOL love K and J 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
I find ESFPs fascinating even if or perhaps because I find it so difficult to understand them, I'm just not sure I could handle the amount of energy close up as it just seems exhausting so I guess I will likely only continue my occasional observations from a safe distance.
On the point of child like behaviours, the notion that after reaching a certain age physical play is only allowed in a few vary narrow contexts seems like an arbitrary social construct, I do often wonder if the entire concept of adulthood is a communal lie in which we all are really still children dressed in our parents clothes playing roles for each other because we think we have to. Personally I don't feel any different from when I was ten, the only noticeable difference I can see is that I have more data to base decisions on from experience.
For emotion and validation, this is the strangest area for me, surly that an emotion exists should be already evident, and the focus of the discussion be on why that emotion is present, and any dispute based on either how to remove the source of the stimulus causing the reaction by solving the problem or discovering if a faulty interpretation of the situation is the cause? I can understand how telling someone that they aren't feeling something or that they shouldn't be feeling something would piss them off but not how simply acknowledging reality would help.
Your approach would be helpful. What Kristin is stating is that the emotional highs and lows need ridden out with them, so to speak. Seeing an ESFP's emotion as "Over The Top", "Over-reactionary" or "Extra", isn't helpful. All types need to learn self-regulation, but ESFP feel driven to express all emotion outwardly (way more than ENFP actually). My ESFP neice's Mom really had a difficult time validating her ESFP teenage daughter (as a goal oriented ENTJ), but She struggled through to the other side victoriously. Even though the root cause of feelings was explored routinely in their home, all were deeply felt and expressed, and the problem-solving ENTJ approach sometimes felt isolating. When I talked to my neice, I saw that she had many things to be thankful for in her life & in relationship with her Mom, that she took for granted (truly), and her seemingly "world-ending" / "earth-shattering" moments in life generally, were actually "1st World Issues" or "Cadillac Problems". She was choosing to focus on the crisis at hand, and getting her way. I mediated between her Mom & her a handful of times, she was very receptive, and we just ended up laughing A Lot, distracted by the hilarity of life. Long story short, She has since grown into a thriving ESFP adult, still somewhat smothered by her Mom. ESFP are extremely capable. They just need objective support, like most other humans on the planet. An INTJ could eventually learn the pattern successfully, no worries. ESFP are generally delightful, as long as they have plenty of outlets to extrovert on/with.
Communial lie. Everywhere I look I see grown children in adult clothes, abandoning family responsibilites for fleshly lusts, with corporations pushing them to be better than the Jones next door. You're not wrong.
don't mind me, just here cuz I need all the kristin content I can get :)
I just found your channel Joyce, I am so happy. Love Kristin.
Oh my goodness this duo seems exciting!!! 😊❤. Hmmmmm I still have fun for sure, we took our family out with another family to a rotary sushi place yesterday and I love to get others to have fun. However, I have calmed down significantly over life my hubs says. I take more breaks to hang out in my creative side and I’m theoretical often, but my playful optimistic lense will always be there to some extent. I see it as having a way to perceive the world as a good place. I’ll play and chat up the world for sure, but I also think I get way more exhausted by others than ESFPs… you all wear me out haha. I end up being the introvert in that experience. I play at home too, but not as much, I sort of retreat here to recharge with my INFJ grounding hubs. I need alone time to rest and analyze and dream, I don’t know if ESFPs do on the regular, but I don’t know. ESFJs also exhaust me, but I’ll take ESF’s over ENTJs ahaha. ENTPs are entertaining to talk with and so are ENFJs, but I can’t keep up. I’m the true introverted extrovert haha. I find that INFJs and wait for it INTJS are more playful than I am with others. Like if I’m not interested I won’t play haha. They will at least listen, or excuse themselves once mature. I will literally lose interest and bounce away. Not on purpose just part of the Ne brain train.
There can be ESFP’s who are socially more like an ambivert or introvert. It depends on for instance the enneagram. I am an ESFP enneagram 9 and I see myself as socially more introverted. I do think ESFP’s who are enneagram 7 can also be more introverted than what Kristin tells she is
This is a great combo / iconic duo! I need more 😁
What is an FI user?
I'd travel from Europe to Australia to go for a date with Kristen. She is amazing.
Who knows, maybe you'll find a Kristen in Australia? Good luck!
Lol ESFPs dont date :D