Thank you so much for flagging this, it's fixed now. The captions were ready at the same time as the video, but UA-cam left them as a draft for some reason. Phew, thanks again!
I’m still waiting on the rise of gay cafes ☕️ (queer cafes in actuality, but I love the rhyme of gay cafe). Bars are great for sensory seekers, but I want a ubiquitous place for sensory avoiders too.
We need queer coffee houses! Queer game stores! Queer bookstores! Places that aren't bars! We have one of the older lesbian bars in Seattle, a place for cis and trans women alike...and I hate bars, so it's really hard to want to hang out there.
I was traveling recently, and saw there was a queer bookstore near where I was staying, with a flyer for an open game night ... and then when I went in it turned out to also be a bar? No loud music or lights or whatever, so it was fine on a sensory level, but as someone who mostly doesn't drink it still kind of felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. (I don't blame them, I'm sure that the money from alcohol sales subsidizes the rest of what they do, but it was still uncomfortable)
There is a queer coffeehouse here in Rochester, NY, and there is also a restaurant that's queer-owned and very welcoming which serves mocktails in addition to alcohol (but it is a little pricey).
This reminded me: My first apartment was right around the corner from a lesbian book store! Back then I thought I was 100% straight (💗💜💙) but I loved it!
Sometimes I think about running a little shop selling hobbyist electronics/‘maker’ things …and also pride badges/flags/whatever. Such a shop wouldn't be big enough to host anything per se, but even so I like the idea of casually injecting some queerness in an unexpected place, and not just during July? Of course in practice I've too much neurospicy and too little money to ever actually do a shop, but do like the idea.
As a bi woman, I totally understand why we may experience higher percentage of depression and substance abuse. I’ve been rejected by both straight individuals and other queers. Like I’m not queer enough to be LGBTQ, but I’m too queer to pass. Ug. I’m super here for a queer cafe!
I have a kind of opposite problem where I am bi, but have only ever dated cis men...and after my last relationship, I don't see myself pursuing another one. So I feel...not queer enough to warrant being at a queer safe space, since I already benefit from being straight-passing.
I'm so glad people are talking about how difficult it can be to navigate queer spaces as a sober person. Here in Vancouver, use of cocaine and fentynal are so prevalent many queer youths end up addicted and die very young. Especially Trans and Indigenous kids. Its very unfortunate and I think its a hard thing to find balance with. We have legalized weed long ago and possession of small amounts of illegal drugs are legal. There are illegal mushroom dispenseries everywhere that go unpatrolled and although I think criminalizing drugs is not the answer it worries me that there are almost no queer spaces in our cities that are drug free. I think we owe it to the next generation to create safe spaces that normalize sobriety.
Yeah. My university students sold illegal mushrooms all the time and made a killing. He wasn’t secretive at all about it in broad daylight. He would even bring it to university to show off. I didn’t rat on him tho since they were a harmless kind of illegal mushroom.
The reason why is that organized crime continues to run clubs because a) who else can afford the rent in major cities? b) It's a great way to sell addictive drugs AND booze to a young and growing market, and c) it is and always has been a source of recruitment for prostitution. From organized crime's point of view, what's not to like about owning clubs, whether queer or not?
That blue sparkly gown is divine. Here in Florida US, our last local lesbian bar in my area was extremely successful, but about 20 years ago the owner of the building did not renew their lease. RIP Rainbow Room. It was a fun place with very little trouble, even though the police parked a large cis butch white male officer on the parking lot every night. Trying to have a private conversation on the parking lot would get you fussed at, if you were arguing, someone was going to jail. That said it was a rare day that there was a customer incited incident. There was a queer but mostly male gay bar that joined together with the gay antique store owner and the gay bookstore owner banded together and got the other shopkeepers on our failing small, very cute downtown area to be improved, cleaned up and become a tourist destination. Nice restaurants opened, the cobbles were smoothed, they city put a little museum, it was very nice. And that went on for 20 years or so. Then there became a vaguely hostile "family" atmosphere. The gay bar had a sign on the door that said this is a gay safe space, and if you have a problem with that, don't enter. That worked for a while. A new building owner tried to change it over to a straight bar, but us queers kept on patronizing the bar and dancing with each other, so more than half the people are queer. Straight cis white men were the new problem, harassing queers regardless of gender including groping us who identify as women. The bouncer helps if we tell them, especially if a woman has had too much to drink and is being molested openly. Queer safe spaces regardless of alcohol availability are now very scarce.
There is some sociological study behind the connections- some neurodivergencies are linked with impulsive behavior and adrenaline seeking behavior which leads to drug use, for example- largely, those marginalized will be limited to self-medication (as they will be ignored or barred access to healthcare and the means to procure it) and accepted by other marginalized people, AND are more likely to be open-minded to other marginalized modalities as a result. The neurotypical (neuro-enabled, as a youth in my kid's friend circle once said) that are not exposed to an accepting view of not-100%-cis/het modalities are possibly missing out on part of themselves that compulsory cis/het/allo society doesn't want to see... So, a lot of mixed numbers; it's actually hard to quantify the REAL numbers of LGBT people- but also 'neurotypical' people, due to socialization that can lead to a lot of hidden and/or undiscovered 'atypical' being. Basically, if you are in a safe place to NOT hide one modality, you may also feel free to share another, and more likely to be accepted in such spaces, but there is a hint of nero-spicy influence towards some spicy behaviors 🤷
@@catdownthestreetI believe there’s been quite a few studies done into the correlation between neurodivergence and queerness - the only thing is, one big thing that gets taught in psychology is that correlation isn’t equal to causation; basically meaning “it’s a total 50/50 as to whether or not it actually means anything or is just a massive coincidence” There’s so much to unpack it’s so exciting
As a queer neurodivergent person, I don't drink, do drugs or smoke. I'm very risk averse. Bars aren't great places for asexuals either because so many people are there for hook ups... it's not my deal.
YES! As an autistic queer who doesn’t drink, bars/clubs are my worst nightmare and it’s alway lead me to feeling really distanced from the community. There’s little to no way to engage with the community that isn’t a sensory nightmare
Yeah.. for me, my area is very conservative so I can't even paint my nails anyway, but I do not have any sense of wider community due to my autism. It's so hard to get along with people in general, no matter how gay, I fear 😭
Congratulations on your sobriety. For me it's that my dad was an alcoholic so I rarely drink and don't feel comfortable around drunk people. Different issue same outcome I guess. We really need more casual queer spaces.
Anyone else notice Jessica has made sure to have some kind of shade of red mixed into her wardrobe? Ever since I watched the trip to Malaysia and it being the year of the dragon, I remember her being told red will held deflect bad luck. Just thought it was interesting for anyone who hadn't noticed at all. 😊
"...circum certain stamces..." is my absolute favorite part of this video because Jessica did not edit it out, reshoot it, or delete it altogether. I'm hoping that she left it as is, knowing that we, her loving followers, would understand exactly what she meant. So many other content creators would have edited that out. But Jessica pressing on afterwards with her megawatt smile and sunny disposition makes her so authentic to me. I absolutely love this channel ❤️
I feel for you. Being queer as a teen was rough for me, but I can't imagine being Muslim as well. I hope you find your safe space someday, there are people like you out there who are looking for someone like them, too.
Omg it's so true about feeling uncomfortable as a... less affluent queer in queer spaces. It sucks, to the point I avoid queer bars for queer freindly bars. They tend to suit my working class sensibilities. Which sucks, we need more gay dives for working trash like me!
Oh, how could I leave out Hamburger Mary's? A restaurant with an all trans/drag staff. During lunch and early supper, people are welcome to bring their children. We have had large family parties at Hamburger Mary's because our chosen family is very mixed, and our children have been raised in a queer inclusive fashion. However, Hamburger Mary's has always had a strict children must be out of the restaurant by 8 pm so they can begin preparation for their drag shows. Last time I was there, out teenagers were allowed to stay, but the littles needed to go home anyway for bedtime. The drag show is wonderful, funny, and very entertaining with top drag queens performing much like any circuit based performer. The comedy is cleanish and mostly full of innuendo, and the singing is real voices. If staying for the shows, we are expected to order a meal as well as alcohol (their burgers really are fantastic), and the wait staff and bartenders are very aware of over serving. There is expected table turnover between shows, unless you order more food. Which is easy because yummy menu and ordering a coke or a tea or a fizzy water is normal. I consider it a family environment. But they are taking a lot of flack from the maga crowd in the FL state government. I'm a 65 year old cis queer woman, and have seen the progression over the years with dismay. I'm looking at France as an alternative to the US for my retirement. Just need to buff up my conversational French.
Queer, autistic, disabled, unemployed, trans woman in the UK here. If I had a safe, non alcohol focused, place to hang out close to me, I may actually leave my house more than once every few months. I'd love a queer cafe or something near me.
Me, too...I could drag myself out if there was a lesbian or queer cafe or coffeehouse nearby! But I'm 10 miles from queer-friendly, increasingly unaffordable major metropolitan Seattle in the U.S. The non-alcoholic drinks would likely be chi-chi and pricey, and the clientele 30+ yrs younger than me, and aggressively "woke" (of the type that forgets that "diversity" includes low income, disabled, neurodivergent, non-Christian, over 35, female, and any other boxes I might check).
Great video! In Spain, gay bars are often called "bares de ambiente" ("ambiance bars"). The first of them was Tony's bar in Torremolinos (Málaga)... in 1962! (At that time, Spain was still under Franco's regime). It is our "Stonewall", as in 1971 was close after a raid. After Franco's death, gay bars were more popular and almost every town had its gay bar or even gay neighbourhood (as Chueca in Madrid). Nowadays, the majority of bars are mixed. I'm pretty sure in Madrid are gay cafes, not in my city as far as I know, but there are some associations that organise activities for young LGTBQ+ people and being openly gay (like kiss your couple) is not a problem in most places.
Jessica, Phillippa Gregory has a excellent book out called Normal Women. She covers Gay history in different times of English history as well as other Women's issue from 1300 to 200.
My mom is reading that book she recommended it to me about a week ago. She got it because she loves history and especially women's history so it's kind of nice that she's learning a little bit about what people like me had to deal with as well as just history of interesting women.
Jessica swooping in to save my Wednesday with this video! Add AuDHD to that mix & it's not good. I stopped alcohol last April, so one year in 😊 Also thanks for gentle placing the Electric 6 song in my head, a joy ❤🎉
I’m so so SO glad you made this! Finally! I’ve been noticing an effort to create more NA spaces for queers recently. It’s really cool to see someone go into this history and connection.
this was a good reminder to look for a queer coffee shop in my area (since I can't drink alcohol either) and I found one! I guess I've got new plans for the weekend
I struggle to find community spaces because I have Meniere's disease and various vestibular problems, as well as chronic fatigue. In loud environments I cannot distinguish voices from background noise, so even in loud restaurants, communication is pretty much hopeless. Recently, I went to see my first film in the theatre in 9 years, Dune Part 2, and the sound was so loud it was painful, and I couldn't make out anything in the louder action sequences, and then I had dizziness and bedspins for three nights thereafter.
Somebody, please steal this idea: Gay cat cafe! It's queer, it gets kitties adopted! Everybody wins! (I hear that there are sometimes WAITING LISTS to go to cat cafes, they're so popular!) *I know, it isn't for people with cat allergies. No idea is perfect.
"Great minds think alike"! I suggested this just several minutes ago in a reply further up the chain. I threw in coffeehouse, art gallery, salon, and bookstore...because...why not...and also I'm all about "multi-functional" and I, personally, would love any or all of those as well.
As You Are in DC is my favorite. The first floor is basically a cafe with board games and the second floor has a dance floor, full bar, stage etc. (My favorite queer spaces in other spaces I've lived have unfortunately mostly closed.)
I am sober now. I am a nonbinary former binge drinker. I used to hang out at gay bars a lot. I do feel like there is severe lack of queer sober spaces.
As a small town country gay who only moved to the big city of Los Angeles a couple years ago I was astonished by the openness and sheer quantity of gay bars here, I'm still discovering all sorts of cool new venues and locations but I definitely have my favorites
Thank you for mentioning the Black Nite Brawl! I did not guess someone from over the pond would find that, but it's fairly well known in our little city. Sadly the bar no longer exists and there's a highway there now.
Jessica: [explains her medical issues and why she can't really go to bars] Other Jessica: "That seems... very specific. Me: [also can't drink due to medication, it's also blind in one eye, brain is freaked out by flashing lights, and isn't deaf but does have sensory processing disorder and has trouble with loud noises] "Not as specific as you think, Other Jessica. I feel seen"
There is a LGBTQ+ hangout place in my state called Teatotalers. It is a tea shop that serves sandwiches and such with no alcohol. They do a lot of community stuff and it is really cool despite the fact that there has been some people who have tried to picket their drag events.
Thank you for this! I have very bad reactions to flashing lights and my dietary restrictions make it so usually the only beverage option for me is water. As a young queer person it’s so isolating to hang out with your friends as they get ready for a night out and then… go home because you’re the disabled one who can’t come.
While watching this video, my head was playing Electric Six's Gay Bar in the background. Oh how I love it when my brain runs differnt audio tapes at the same time.
I've always heard gay bars described like some sort of church that protects people from the law, and I've always wanted to go to one. Which was confusing before I came out 🏳️⚧️
I'm happy you're talking about this. I've been dealing with trying to quit because it's not healthy. But like everything we do as a community is super centered around bars and it can be frustrating. Also is frustrating to see alcohol companies exploit us for huge profit
Another huge accessibility issue is that a lot of queer bars (in some countries) are still not smoke-free, which is hard for people with COPD, asthma, migraines, or sensory sensitivities.
I'm always happy to support our local girl bar, Gossip Grill. Though not perfect, it's fairly accessible, well-lit and features an impressive mocktail menu. I was very appreciative during the Pride where I was pregnant 😂😂
I was living in Oklahoma about 40 years ago. The state of Oklahoma was a dry state. At speakeasys, you were 'supposed' to bring your own bottle and they would make drinks for you from that bottle. Of course, that was not how it worked. However, every bottle of alcohol did have the name and address of its 'owner' taped on it - just in case of a raid by the cops. There was a local gin mill, sorry - speakeasy, where the deputy sheriff decided to make a name for himself. He raided a place and found the Mayor and Chief of Police enjoying an illegal beverage. The deputy was soon fired. I was sitting in a speakeasy having a Jameson's when I was told this story. The person who told me this tale was the county District Attorney.
I struggled for many years to actually find community, because on one hand I "only" identified as gender non-conforming pansexual and felt like I didn't really have a place in the community, but also the bar thing really kept me from actually getting in touch with it. I hate the taste of alcohol, so I don't drink and I hate drunk people and I hate noisy environments with lots of people that overstimulate me. And the few restaurant or cafe/bar like establishments we have can be pretty expensive, if you don't have much money. I'm so glad I found the local queer organization that offers their rooms for a variety of groups and meetings as well as special events. Sadly it's not generally open to just hang out together. Maybe we get something like that in a couple of years/decades. There are plans for a queer center in the city to not only have office rooms for different organizations but also community rooms. Let's hope the city doesn't drop the project in the future. At least we managed to get 7 beds for queer homeless people in 2 apartments.
Thank you as always for the stellar queer content Jessica! The statistics that you shared were very validating as a bisexual adult. I appreciate how much work you put into educating us in a lighthearted manner
This tendency of queer people to drink and take drugs makes me wonder how we fare in gambling tendencies too or anything adictive/self destructive. Now that I think about it I have picked up on high spendings in gachas these last few years which is basically gambling.
Thank you for this! As an autistic lesbian who doesn't drink and for whom the lights/crowding/loudness of bars is an overstimulation nightmare, I've always felt so deeply sad that there aren't really any queer, in-person spaces I can go to to find community and safety. I really hope that a more diverse array of queer spaces arise as time goes on.
ok so the power chair one is legit, sad but legit. I have a sibling who uses one, the thing weighs over 300 pounds, and when we were building an edition to the house a common note was reinforcing the floor to make sure it could hold, and the older floors also had to be enforced, so I do believe some random bars could have some questionable floor strength and so would need to refuse the power chair on the grounds of safety. I wish we lived in society where if it was found your floor wasn't strong enough to support such things it would just be fixed, like 'oh, this floor isn't quite up to par, let's just send a notice to the -word- and get that fixed up here soon'. like could we make that a thing, an area is just inspected, and buildings are brought up to modern standards, ramps added, floors enforced, and other such things, on the simple grounds of 'for the public good'
I don't think either of you know how lovely you are...visage/countenance obviously, but your hearts make you both breathtaking. So happy I found you...I'd love to "meet" Rupert on here but I'm beyond grateful you don't share his sweet face. I'll never understand those who do. I hope the parents who do share more are extremely cautious. Thanks for another video. 🫶🏽🩵
Im finally catching up on your videos (just watched 3 in a row as I process invoices) and your videos are SO GOOD! You are so funny and clever and I appreciate your creativity and energy that you put into these ❤
Wow, 23% experiencing homelessness is a lot, but 12,5% for the general population aged 18-25 is also incredibly high up there. Those are both not healthy numbers...
One of the reasons it's hidden is because most homeless people are not on the streets. They sofa surf with friends, sleep on floors, get support from charities, or the local council puts them in temporary accommodation such as a BnB or hostel. People think you literally have to be on the street, but this is still homelessness, not having a home where you have the legal right or permission to stay is being homeless, & it's an extremely stressful & scary situation to not know where you will be one week/month to the next, especially for a young person. Others rough sleep in cars, at work/college/uni where possible, or find other ways to hide themselves. All this yet LGBTQ+ persons can be less likely to apply for support due to fear.
@@madhatterline Absolutely right! And now imagine going through it when you are _not_ young and cute and able-bodied.... Did you know that while 25% of the big-city homeless population in the U.S. is "Youth & Young Adults" (that 18-26 group), another 25% of homeless folks are *seniors* ?! But they aren't counted separately from "Single Adults", the way the "YYA" are so they're invisible, and also, nobody wants to believe that we leave grandmothers sleeping in shelters, just like when progressive bureaucrats and nonprofits worry about the queer homelss youth, they act like there are no queer homeless adults or elders! And queer homeless Boomers *are not* out, so they are especially invisible and overlooked.
Totally off topic but that blue dress/gown and accompanying accessories ensemble is absolutely gorgeous! 💙 I think I missed a lot of what you were saying whilst admiring these sartorial aspects of the video. I’m new to the channel so if you’ve worn it before it’s new to me.
in this video when you’re being all detective-y you remind me of an absolute off-the-wall relative that Ms. Frizzle would mention once to her students when something crazy happens and then they’d all be like, “what?” and she’d just laugh and be like “jessica was a hoot!” (edit to also apply this to when you’re wearing that blue dress and drinking what i can only assume is grape juice)
There’s a great bar in Denver called X Bar that had a great drag show that happens downstairs where all types of queer people were there but they also had an upstairs bar that would hold an after party where it was almost exclusively men. So it was a really interesting experience seeing it be a queer bar but also a gay bar.
😂 Woman, you're fabulous! Thank You for the pride of History and Future. What's really important to acknowledge is the Mafia has never been a Friend. ❤ I remember there is no bar for Artists like us. 🎉 Thank You for the relief ❤ Keep teaching! Hopefully all of our Grandchildren are not going to need to show out like we have to.😂
As someone who gets nothing out of drinking alcohol, I'd love more spaces to enjoy the company of rainbow people. I'm trying to create some myself, but I'm also an introvert, so I expect a bit of an uphill battle haha! Thanks for the video Jessica, lovely work as always!
A club near me has one of those user operated lifts. I've been going there about 10 years and it was breaking then, now it's completely gone and they won't fix it. There's big events that go on there and I'm unable to attend. Event organisers are seeing a hit because of it and begged them to fix it but nothing has happened.
I love how you mentioned there is a difference between a gay bar and a queer bar. We have a lot of gay and queer bars around here but they are NOT the same. Some are trans/bi friendly and others are very very much not unfortunately. I had to learn that the hard way. As a trans guy I steer very clear of cis gay bars.
I used to have a queer knitting circle once a month at a local craftstore/cafe it was a great event! I dont know if it was set up to be queer but by the time I joined it it was very much 100% queer.
Yeah i don't drink and have no money but i love to party. I feel blessed to live near a great diy music scene where i can go dance and be with the homies without feeling pressured to spend on alcohol
We NEED queer spaces that aren't just for drinking. I respect the history of it of course though. I wish there were more options. I loved learning so much more about the history of gay bars with this vid.
Yeah, it was a real trip to grow up bombarded on one side by the media making getting wasted seem like the cool thing everyone did and by church/family (SBC, how I loathe thee) on the other side shouting about how a single sip of beer would ruin your life and put you on the road to hell.
Over 24 hours and no proper captions? 😭😭😭😭😭
Thank you so much for flagging this, it's fixed now. The captions were ready at the same time as the video, but UA-cam left them as a draft for some reason. Phew, thanks again!
@@jessicaoutofthecloset FYI: also Just Icelandic had a similar caption no-show within the last few days.
@@jessicaoutofthecloset THANK YOU!!! :D
@@jessicaoutofthecloset Thank you! I love your videos, and the captions are so lovely. I just can't watch without them!
I’m still waiting on the rise of gay cafes ☕️ (queer cafes in actuality, but I love the rhyme of gay cafe). Bars are great for sensory seekers, but I want a ubiquitous place for sensory avoiders too.
I very much support this but it would alas not work for me as I find cafes almost as overwhelming for some reason 😂
queer quafe
@@mrpocock petition for this to be the new thing
@@catdownthestreetconsider it signed.
Yessss! This! I'm usually sensory avoidant when it comes to social settings, so a gay café sounds perfect for me❤
We need queer coffee houses! Queer game stores! Queer bookstores! Places that aren't bars! We have one of the older lesbian bars in Seattle, a place for cis and trans women alike...and I hate bars, so it's really hard to want to hang out there.
I was traveling recently, and saw there was a queer bookstore near where I was staying, with a flyer for an open game night ... and then when I went in it turned out to also be a bar? No loud music or lights or whatever, so it was fine on a sensory level, but as someone who mostly doesn't drink it still kind of felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. (I don't blame them, I'm sure that the money from alcohol sales subsidizes the rest of what they do, but it was still uncomfortable)
There is a queer coffeehouse here in Rochester, NY, and there is also a restaurant that's queer-owned and very welcoming which serves mocktails in addition to alcohol (but it is a little pricey).
This reminded me: My first apartment was right around the corner from a lesbian book store! Back then I thought I was 100% straight (💗💜💙) but I loved it!
Sometimes I think about running a little shop selling hobbyist electronics/‘maker’ things …and also pride badges/flags/whatever.
Such a shop wouldn't be big enough to host anything per se, but even so I like the idea of casually injecting some queerness in an unexpected place, and not just during July?
Of course in practice I've too much neurospicy and too little money to ever actually do a shop, but do like the idea.
@@ohpurpled _July_ ? 0_o? In the U.S. at least, *June* is Pride Month. Are you a baby gay, dear? Or is July Pride Month somewhere?
As a bi woman, I totally understand why we may experience higher percentage of depression and substance abuse. I’ve been rejected by both straight individuals and other queers. Like I’m not queer enough to be LGBTQ, but I’m too queer to pass. Ug. I’m super here for a queer cafe!
I have a kind of opposite problem where I am bi, but have only ever dated cis men...and after my last relationship, I don't see myself pursuing another one. So I feel...not queer enough to warrant being at a queer safe space, since I already benefit from being straight-passing.
@@yoyohayli* Passes "Queer Enough" Card * Here you go, just do it.
I'm so glad people are talking about how difficult it can be to navigate queer spaces as a sober person. Here in Vancouver, use of cocaine and fentynal are so prevalent many queer youths end up addicted and die very young. Especially Trans and Indigenous kids. Its very unfortunate and I think its a hard thing to find balance with. We have legalized weed long ago and possession of small amounts of illegal drugs are legal. There are illegal mushroom dispenseries everywhere that go unpatrolled and although I think criminalizing drugs is not the answer it worries me that there are almost no queer spaces in our cities that are drug free. I think we owe it to the next generation to create safe spaces that normalize sobriety.
Yeah. My university students sold illegal mushrooms all the time and made a killing. He wasn’t secretive at all about it in broad daylight. He would even bring it to university to show off. I didn’t rat on him tho since they were a harmless kind of illegal mushroom.
Here, here!
sobriety has been normalized forever😭 just because someone wants to try shrooms doesn’t mean you can’t be sober
The reason why is that organized crime continues to run clubs because a) who else can afford the rent in major cities? b) It's a great way to sell addictive drugs AND booze to a young and growing market, and c) it is and always has been a source of recruitment for prostitution. From organized crime's point of view, what's not to like about owning clubs, whether queer or not?
@@slammetalgirlIF you spend time with a lot of people doing drugs, your willpower can hardly matter, you will be sucked in.
That blue sparkly gown is divine. Here in Florida US, our last local lesbian bar in my area was extremely successful, but about 20 years ago the owner of the building did not renew their lease. RIP Rainbow Room. It was a fun place with very little trouble, even though the police parked a large cis butch white male officer on the parking lot every night. Trying to have a private conversation on the parking lot would get you fussed at, if you were arguing, someone was going to jail. That said it was a rare day that there was a customer incited incident. There was a queer but mostly male gay bar that joined together with the gay antique store owner and the gay bookstore owner banded together and got the other shopkeepers on our failing small, very cute downtown area to be improved, cleaned up and become a tourist destination. Nice restaurants opened, the cobbles were smoothed, they city put a little museum, it was very nice. And that went on for 20 years or so. Then there became a vaguely hostile "family" atmosphere. The gay bar had a sign on the door that said this is a gay safe space, and if you have a problem with that, don't enter. That worked for a while. A new building owner tried to change it over to a straight bar, but us queers kept on patronizing the bar and dancing with each other, so more than half the people are queer. Straight cis white men were the new problem, harassing queers regardless of gender including groping us who identify as women. The bouncer helps if we tell them, especially if a woman has had too much to drink and is being molested openly. Queer safe spaces regardless of alcohol availability are now very scarce.
I wonder how neurodivergence plays a role in queerness and substance use disorders, given how much overlap there is between them all
This would be an interesting thing to study honestly
Add to that the incredible overlap with things like hyper mobile disorders. It’s a triad with almost zero research.
There is some sociological study behind the connections- some neurodivergencies are linked with impulsive behavior and adrenaline seeking behavior which leads to drug use, for example- largely, those marginalized will be limited to self-medication (as they will be ignored or barred access to healthcare and the means to procure it) and accepted by other marginalized people, AND are more likely to be open-minded to other marginalized modalities as a result. The neurotypical (neuro-enabled, as a youth in my kid's friend circle once said) that are not exposed to an accepting view of not-100%-cis/het modalities are possibly missing out on part of themselves that compulsory cis/het/allo society doesn't want to see... So, a lot of mixed numbers; it's actually hard to quantify the REAL numbers of LGBT people- but also 'neurotypical' people, due to socialization that can lead to a lot of hidden and/or undiscovered 'atypical' being.
Basically, if you are in a safe place to NOT hide one modality, you may also feel free to share another, and more likely to be accepted in such spaces, but there is a hint of nero-spicy influence towards some spicy behaviors 🤷
@@catdownthestreetI believe there’s been quite a few studies done into the correlation between neurodivergence and queerness - the only thing is, one big thing that gets taught in psychology is that correlation isn’t equal to causation; basically meaning “it’s a total 50/50 as to whether or not it actually means anything or is just a massive coincidence”
There’s so much to unpack it’s so exciting
As a queer neurodivergent person, I don't drink, do drugs or smoke. I'm very risk averse. Bars aren't great places for asexuals either because so many people are there for hook ups... it's not my deal.
YES! As an autistic queer who doesn’t drink, bars/clubs are my worst nightmare and it’s alway lead me to feeling really distanced from the community. There’s little to no way to engage with the community that isn’t a sensory nightmare
Yeah.. for me, my area is very conservative so I can't even paint my nails anyway, but I do not have any sense of wider community due to my autism.
It's so hard to get along with people in general, no matter how gay, I fear 😭
I'm an alcoholic! Also gay, cisgendered male. I've been sober since 2016, and...navigating the new world was tough. I'm very interested in this video.
Congratulations on your sobriety!
@@jennifers5560 Thank you!
Congrats!
Congratulations on your sobriety. For me it's that my dad was an alcoholic so I rarely drink and don't feel comfortable around drunk people. Different issue same outcome I guess. We really need more casual queer spaces.
@@DieAlteistwiederdaagreed❤
Anyone else notice Jessica has made sure to have some kind of shade of red mixed into her wardrobe? Ever since I watched the trip to Malaysia and it being the year of the dragon, I remember her being told red will held deflect bad luck. Just thought it was interesting for anyone who hadn't noticed at all. 😊
She has to keep her luck up!
@@jennifers5560 yes! I just thought it was a fun thing to point out. 😃
@@nottheoneforyou it was!
maybe coca cola will sponsor her for being on brand
It's also clearly a very good color on her! Of course, I don't think I have seen any colors I have disliked on her, so 😅
"...circum certain stamces..." is my absolute favorite part of this video because Jessica did not edit it out, reshoot it, or delete it altogether. I'm hoping that she left it as is, knowing that we, her loving followers, would understand exactly what she meant. So many other content creators would have edited that out. But Jessica pressing on afterwards with her megawatt smile and sunny disposition makes her so authentic to me. I absolutely love this channel ❤️
It's hard as a queer Muslim to find safe and sober places
I feel for you. Being queer as a teen was rough for me, but I can't imagine being Muslim as well. I hope you find your safe space someday, there are people like you out there who are looking for someone like them, too.
@@catdownthestreet thank you so much
I was looking for this comment, really felt this while watching the video
@@Eruza9306 Of course.
Everytime I think of how much I wish there were more sober queer spaces, I always remember Muslim queer people and feel less alone lol
Omg it's so true about feeling uncomfortable as a... less affluent queer in queer spaces. It sucks, to the point I avoid queer bars for queer freindly bars. They tend to suit my working class sensibilities. Which sucks, we need more gay dives for working trash like me!
Oh, how could I leave out Hamburger Mary's? A restaurant with an all trans/drag staff. During lunch and early supper, people are welcome to bring their children. We have had large family parties at Hamburger Mary's because our chosen family is very mixed, and our children have been raised in a queer inclusive fashion. However, Hamburger Mary's has always had a strict children must be out of the restaurant by 8 pm so they can begin preparation for their drag shows. Last time I was there, out teenagers were allowed to stay, but the littles needed to go home anyway for bedtime. The drag show is wonderful, funny, and very entertaining with top drag queens performing much like any circuit based performer. The comedy is cleanish and mostly full of innuendo, and the singing is real voices. If staying for the shows, we are expected to order a meal as well as alcohol (their burgers really are fantastic), and the wait staff and bartenders are very aware of over serving. There is expected table turnover between shows, unless you order more food. Which is easy because yummy menu and ordering a coke or a tea or a fizzy water is normal. I consider it a family environment. But they are taking a lot of flack from the maga crowd in the FL state government. I'm a 65 year old cis queer woman, and have seen the progression over the years with dismay. I'm looking at France as an alternative to the US for my retirement. Just need to buff up my conversational French.
Because this subject is gay bars and the connection to alcoholism. And so @3:25 .
Queer, autistic, disabled, unemployed, trans woman in the UK here.
If I had a safe, non alcohol focused, place to hang out close to me, I may actually leave my house more than once every few months.
I'd love a queer cafe or something near me.
Me, too...I could drag myself out if there was a lesbian or queer cafe or coffeehouse nearby! But I'm 10 miles from queer-friendly, increasingly unaffordable major metropolitan Seattle in the U.S. The non-alcoholic drinks would likely be chi-chi and pricey, and the clientele 30+ yrs younger than me, and aggressively "woke" (of the type that forgets that "diversity" includes low income, disabled, neurodivergent, non-Christian, over 35, female, and any other boxes I might check).
Right now THIS is the education that I want, it’s so nice to see someone explaining and spreading the history of the queer community xx
Also we NEED to get a wardrobe tour, I love all of your outfits!!!
Love Jessica’s style of highlighting the issues. Having all of those statistics in one video was eye opening.
Didn’t know Jessica had joined Electric Six. Bold step, can’t wait to see how it plays out!
It's going to be stuck in my head for ages, but I'm not mad 😂
Of course I just had to search this and just had to watch the video. It is bold!
im so glad someone else thought this too lol. i saw the title in my notifications and promptly broke into song :P
Great video! In Spain, gay bars are often called "bares de ambiente" ("ambiance bars"). The first of them was Tony's bar in Torremolinos (Málaga)... in 1962! (At that time, Spain was still under Franco's regime). It is our "Stonewall", as in 1971 was close after a raid. After Franco's death, gay bars were more popular and almost every town had its gay bar or even gay neighbourhood (as Chueca in Madrid). Nowadays, the majority of bars are mixed. I'm pretty sure in Madrid are gay cafes, not in my city as far as I know, but there are some associations that organise activities for young LGTBQ+ people and being openly gay (like kiss your couple) is not a problem in most places.
Jessica, Phillippa Gregory has a excellent book out called Normal Women. She covers Gay history in different times of English history as well as other Women's issue from 1300 to 200.
My mom is reading that book she recommended it to me about a week ago. She got it because she loves history and especially women's history so it's kind of nice that she's learning a little bit about what people like me had to deal with as well as just history of interesting women.
Sounds great. To make sure Jessica reads your recommendation, prolly best to DM her...directly.
Jessica swooping in to save my Wednesday with this video! Add AuDHD to that mix & it's not good. I stopped alcohol last April, so one year in 😊 Also thanks for gentle placing the Electric 6 song in my head, a joy ❤🎉
I hope all my queer guys, gals, and nonbinary pals are having a good day 😊💕🌈
Thank you! I hope you are, too :)
Is yer greeting a Queer Kiwi-ish reference? Yay!
I always love her outfit oml
Detective Jessica was my favorite!
I’m so so SO glad you made this! Finally! I’ve been noticing an effort to create more NA spaces for queers recently. It’s really cool to see someone go into this history and connection.
this was a good reminder to look for a queer coffee shop in my area (since I can't drink alcohol either) and I found one! I guess I've got new plans for the weekend
The detective look is GORGEOUS. I'm obsesses. Not at all the point of this video, but I had to say it
I read the title…
Sick surf rock guitar starts playing louder and louder in my head…
Lincoln appears before me…
Same
I struggle to find community spaces because I have Meniere's disease and various vestibular problems, as well as chronic fatigue. In loud environments I cannot distinguish voices from background noise, so even in loud restaurants, communication is pretty much hopeless. Recently, I went to see my first film in the theatre in 9 years, Dune Part 2, and the sound was so loud it was painful, and I couldn't make out anything in the louder action sequences, and then I had dizziness and bedspins for three nights thereafter.
Cotton balls! It muffles everything to an acceptable level cuz theaters are just too darn loud! YMMV
Somebody, please steal this idea: Gay cat cafe! It's queer, it gets kitties adopted! Everybody wins! (I hear that there are sometimes WAITING LISTS to go to cat cafes, they're so popular!)
*I know, it isn't for people with cat allergies. No idea is perfect.
"Great minds think alike"! I suggested this just several minutes ago in a reply further up the chain. I threw in coffeehouse, art gallery, salon, and bookstore...because...why not...and also I'm all about "multi-functional" and I, personally, would love any or all of those as well.
As You Are in DC is my favorite. The first floor is basically a cafe with board games and the second floor has a dance floor, full bar, stage etc. (My favorite queer spaces in other spaces I've lived have unfortunately mostly closed.)
Thank you for making informative content that is almost soothing because of your voice. It always brightens my day to see your videos.
"A queer bar can be a safe space but, it is also a bar" well put
I am sober now. I am a nonbinary former binge drinker. I used to hang out at gay bars a lot.
I do feel like there is severe lack of queer sober spaces.
As a small town country gay who only moved to the big city of Los Angeles a couple years ago I was astonished by the openness and sheer quantity of gay bars here, I'm still discovering all sorts of cool new venues and locations but I definitely have my favorites
Hey hey! Three cheers for our bisexual friends! Five cheers for our unsure friends!
Thank you for mentioning the Black Nite Brawl! I did not guess someone from over the pond would find that, but it's fairly well known in our little city. Sadly the bar no longer exists and there's a highway there now.
Jessica: [explains her medical issues and why she can't really go to bars]
Other Jessica: "That seems... very specific.
Me: [also can't drink due to medication, it's also blind in one eye, brain is freaked out by flashing lights, and isn't deaf but does have sensory processing disorder and has trouble with loud noises] "Not as specific as you think, Other Jessica. I feel seen"
There is a LGBTQ+ hangout place in my state called Teatotalers. It is a tea shop that serves sandwiches and such with no alcohol. They do a lot of community stuff and it is really cool despite the fact that there has been some people who have tried to picket their drag events.
Thank you for this! I have very bad reactions to flashing lights and my dietary restrictions make it so usually the only beverage option for me is water. As a young queer person it’s so isolating to hang out with your friends as they get ready for a night out and then… go home because you’re the disabled one who can’t come.
While watching this video, my head was playing Electric Six's Gay Bar in the background. Oh how I love it when my brain runs differnt audio tapes at the same time.
I want to open an establishment called the Misfit Science Club. Being queer, science oriented, and autistic is a lonely branch.
I've always heard gay bars described like some sort of church that protects people from the law, and I've always wanted to go to one. Which was confusing before I came out 🏳️⚧️
I don't have words for how much I love the sparkly blue dress! Also, is that a dog in your lap?
That’s Tilly
Wha? There was an animal? I must have been distracted.... 😳😉
I'm happy you're talking about this. I've been dealing with trying to quit because it's not healthy. But like everything we do as a community is super centered around bars and it can be frustrating.
Also is frustrating to see alcohol companies exploit us for huge profit
Another huge accessibility issue is that a lot of queer bars (in some countries) are still not smoke-free, which is hard for people with COPD, asthma, migraines, or sensory sensitivities.
I'm always happy to support our local girl bar, Gossip Grill. Though not perfect, it's fairly accessible, well-lit and features an impressive mocktail menu. I was very appreciative during the Pride where I was pregnant 😂😂
I was living in Oklahoma about 40 years ago. The state of Oklahoma was a dry state. At speakeasys, you were 'supposed' to bring your own bottle and they would make drinks for you from that bottle. Of course, that was not how it worked. However, every bottle of alcohol did have the name and address of its 'owner' taped on it - just in case of a raid by the cops. There was a local gin mill, sorry - speakeasy, where the deputy sheriff decided to make a name for himself. He raided a place and found the Mayor and Chief of Police enjoying an illegal beverage. The deputy was soon fired.
I was sitting in a speakeasy having a Jameson's when I was told this story. The person who told me this tale was the county District Attorney.
I struggled for many years to actually find community, because on one hand I "only" identified as gender non-conforming pansexual and felt like I didn't really have a place in the community, but also the bar thing really kept me from actually getting in touch with it. I hate the taste of alcohol, so I don't drink and I hate drunk people and I hate noisy environments with lots of people that overstimulate me.
And the few restaurant or cafe/bar like establishments we have can be pretty expensive, if you don't have much money.
I'm so glad I found the local queer organization that offers their rooms for a variety of groups and meetings as well as special events. Sadly it's not generally open to just hang out together.
Maybe we get something like that in a couple of years/decades. There are plans for a queer center in the city to not only have office rooms for different organizations but also community rooms. Let's hope the city doesn't drop the project in the future. At least we managed to get 7 beds for queer homeless people in 2 apartments.
This is such a fun video!!! Love it!!
Such a wonderful video! Jessica, you’ve done it again!
Thank you as always for the stellar queer content Jessica! The statistics that you shared were very validating as a bisexual adult. I appreciate how much work you put into educating us in a lighthearted manner
I only found your channel like a day or two ago, but I am very happy to discover an actual source list. Too rare on youtube lol
"we have buildings built in the 70s, they're ugly but have lifts" ✨✨ As someone who studies art history I 100% agree and love this
if something back then was deemed queer, it was weird and abnormal, so it makes sense that a queer bar wasnt always a gay bar.
This tendency of queer people to drink and take drugs makes me wonder how we fare in gambling tendencies too or anything adictive/self destructive.
Now that I think about it I have picked up on high spendings in gachas these last few years which is basically gambling.
I'm glad this video was a history video.
Thank you for this! As an autistic lesbian who doesn't drink and for whom the lights/crowding/loudness of bars is an overstimulation nightmare, I've always felt so deeply sad that there aren't really any queer, in-person spaces I can go to to find community and safety. I really hope that a more diverse array of queer spaces arise as time goes on.
ok so the power chair one is legit, sad but legit. I have a sibling who uses one, the thing weighs over 300 pounds, and when we were building an edition to the house a common note was reinforcing the floor to make sure it could hold, and the older floors also had to be enforced, so I do believe some random bars could have some questionable floor strength and so would need to refuse the power chair on the grounds of safety.
I wish we lived in society where if it was found your floor wasn't strong enough to support such things it would just be fixed, like 'oh, this floor isn't quite up to par, let's just send a notice to the -word- and get that fixed up here soon'. like could we make that a thing, an area is just inspected, and buildings are brought up to modern standards, ramps added, floors enforced, and other such things, on the simple grounds of 'for the public good'
Can we all take a moment to appreciate Jessica's ravishing "Cindy Anna" Jones cosplay??
Thank you for this history. As a Milwaukee native I never knew about Black Nite, but you can bet your buttons I've learned a lot about it now.
I don't think either of you know how lovely you are...visage/countenance obviously, but your hearts make you both breathtaking. So happy I found you...I'd love to "meet" Rupert on here but I'm beyond grateful you don't share his sweet face. I'll never understand those who do. I hope the parents who do share more are extremely cautious. Thanks for another video. 🫶🏽🩵
Im finally catching up on your videos (just watched 3 in a row as I process invoices) and your videos are SO GOOD! You are so funny and clever and I appreciate your creativity and energy that you put into these ❤
🎵 _"I WANNA TAKE YOU TO THE GAY BAR-- GAY BAR-- GAY BAR--..."_ 🎵
Wow, Jessica, what a great script! I am in awe, keep up the good work!
Wow, 23% experiencing homelessness is a lot, but 12,5% for the general population aged 18-25 is also incredibly high up there. Those are both not healthy numbers...
One of the reasons it's hidden is because most homeless people are not on the streets. They sofa surf with friends, sleep on floors, get support from charities, or the local council puts them in temporary accommodation such as a BnB or hostel. People think you literally have to be on the street, but this is still homelessness, not having a home where you have the legal right or permission to stay is being homeless, & it's an extremely stressful & scary situation to not know where you will be one week/month to the next, especially for a young person. Others rough sleep in cars, at work/college/uni where possible, or find other ways to hide themselves. All this yet LGBTQ+ persons can be less likely to apply for support due to fear.
@@madhatterline Absolutely right! And now imagine going through it when you are _not_ young and cute and able-bodied.... Did you know that while 25% of the big-city homeless population in the U.S. is "Youth & Young Adults" (that 18-26 group), another 25% of homeless folks are *seniors* ?! But they aren't counted separately from "Single Adults", the way the "YYA" are so they're invisible, and also, nobody wants to believe that we leave grandmothers sleeping in shelters, just like when progressive bureaucrats and nonprofits worry about the queer homelss youth, they act like there are no queer homeless adults or elders! And queer homeless Boomers *are not* out, so they are especially invisible and overlooked.
*Electric Six intensifies*
I had not expected an Electric Six reference, today. Or ever again. It's like seeing a shooting star.
Totally off topic but that blue dress/gown and accompanying accessories ensemble is absolutely gorgeous! 💙 I think I missed a lot of what you were saying whilst admiring these sartorial aspects of the video. I’m new to the channel so if you’ve worn it before it’s new to me.
What I'm hearing is we need queer tea rooms/board game cafes
in this video when you’re being all detective-y you remind me of an absolute off-the-wall relative that Ms. Frizzle would mention once to her students when something crazy happens and then they’d all be like, “what?” and she’d just laugh and be like “jessica was a hoot!” (edit to also apply this to when you’re wearing that blue dress and drinking what i can only assume is grape juice)
In some libraries in my country, they're starting to host queer book clubs. Just one of many possible alternatives to bars!
I am so here for Detective Jessica ❤
jessica in that blue gown and that white puppy across your lap, you are stunning!🌙✨
I live in North Carolina and thankfully there are a lot of queer friendly cafés, bookstores and shops around here!
lesbian with hearing aids and one working eye, I thought you were calling ME out at first!
420 upvotes. Nice!
I want a queer space where we can all hang out and ignore each other.
the cutaways in this video are so wonderful! Also the audio in the cutaways is great as well! Love your work always
There’s a great bar in Denver called X Bar that had a great drag show that happens downstairs where all types of queer people were there but they also had an upstairs bar that would hold an after party where it was almost exclusively men. So it was a really interesting experience seeing it be a queer bar but also a gay bar.
Our lesbian mum, teaching us good history again ❤ I'm happy to be living in your timeline
The last lesbian bar in my city closed then re-opened as a plain old sports bar and it's mostly dude bros who go there now 😞
This was such an amazing video to watch, I just found your channel and as a fellow queer person I am loving your content! You have a new subscriber!
Sokrates: Best "flute player"
Checks out.
😂 Woman, you're fabulous!
Thank You for the pride of History and Future. What's really important to acknowledge is the Mafia has never been a Friend.
❤ I remember there is no bar for Artists like us.
🎉
Thank You for the relief ❤
Keep teaching!
Hopefully all of our Grandchildren are not going to need to show out like we have to.😂
I'm watching this video on my way to the new London lesbian bar that's causing a STIR because sapphics are so starved for spaces... It's perfect
As someone who gets nothing out of drinking alcohol, I'd love more spaces to enjoy the company of rainbow people. I'm trying to create some myself, but I'm also an introvert, so I expect a bit of an uphill battle haha! Thanks for the video Jessica, lovely work as always!
Love this! Very educational, and beautiful delivery
This video was very informative.
A club near me has one of those user operated lifts. I've been going there about 10 years and it was breaking then, now it's completely gone and they won't fix it. There's big events that go on there and I'm unable to attend. Event organisers are seeing a hit because of it and begged them to fix it but nothing has happened.
I love how you mentioned there is a difference between a gay bar and a queer bar. We have a lot of gay and queer bars around here but they are NOT the same. Some are trans/bi friendly and others are very very much not unfortunately. I had to learn that the hard way. As a trans guy I steer very clear of cis gay bars.
Perfect title 🍻
I used to have a queer knitting circle once a month at a local craftstore/cafe it was a great event! I dont know if it was set up to be queer but by the time I joined it it was very much 100% queer.
Belatedly getting to this video and love the work that's gone into this 👏🏼
Yeah i don't drink and have no money but i love to party. I feel blessed to live near a great diy music scene where i can go dance and be with the homies without feeling pressured to spend on alcohol
Detective Jessica! I'd watch that show!
My high school and college roommate would deliver twice. Her wife was their aunt.
We NEED queer spaces that aren't just for drinking. I respect the history of it of course though. I wish there were more options. I loved learning so much more about the history of gay bars with this vid.
Another plus of living outside the US is that, at least in the first world, you're not constantly told that drinking alcohol is also evil.
Yeah, it was a real trip to grow up bombarded on one side by the media making getting wasted seem like the cool thing everyone did and by church/family (SBC, how I loathe thee) on the other side shouting about how a single sip of beer would ruin your life and put you on the road to hell.
That blue dress was so sparkly and beautiful!! Like a night sky ✨ you always have the best fashion sense
I love it when you do history pieces!!! This is outstanding!
ive often heard people call the young adults of today the weed generation with how people opt for marijuana instead of alcohol