After having a mother and two wife’s and 74years of Narcissist abuse it truly is like asking a fish, how is the water? What water? I just didn’t see it,now I have to heal and start to enjoy life, it’s very comforting to me when I hear that we are not alone----
Narcissistic parents, in-laws, husband, and siblings. I am isolated by demand of husband but have finally had enough. Will leave even though he controls the finances and has ruined my reputation.
I had to go no contact for what turned out to be my mother's last year. I had been her primary caregiver for approximately 3 1/2 years, after my stepfather passed. She was not well at all. I had a brother who was the Golden Child, and in truth was anything but. However, she couldn't see it. She adored him. I did everything I could to please her, but finally I realized I could not. We reconciled somewhat about a month before she passed. I had prayed that it would not end in estrangement. She had dementia and was in a nursing home. I wasn't even sure she would recognize me, but she called out my name the moment she saw me. It was bittersweet. I watched her go through more dementia and succumb to pancreatic cancer. It was very sad. I did all I could my entire life to make her happy, but I fell short in the end. My health could not take anymore. I understand your position completely. Thank you for your vulnerability. The struggle is real.
my heart cries for my family ,for me it's my oldest son that's the narcissists. It's weird my whole family has turn away from me, crazy reasons, but I won't judge.
Thank you for sharing. I just started watching your videos today and it's eerie how the patterns are the same from family to family. I've had no contact with my narc step mom and very little with my dad who toally enables her. My children 9 and 11 do not know their grandfather or grandmother. As I've journeyed through the extreme challenges of divorcing a narc for the last three years I found great difficulty interacting with my brother and his wife due to their total non understanding of my situation and their own form of abuse towards me. It came to a head last fall and I think those relationships are now done too. Which means my children and I will have no contact with their two cousins (my nephews). It blows my mind how toxic people can be and how they can sacrifice relationships due to their egos, agendas, self serving personalities. So I've lost six family ties due to narcissism and toxic narc traits in people on top of my narc ex. I feel your pain and the misunderstanding of others who question when we sever ties with family. But our own health is most important, especially when we have children. Love and light 💖☀🙏✨
Patti things will improve. Many people separate from their 'core' families and find friends who fill that role. You're children will be happier and healthier without all of those toxic people around, family or not
My Father is a narcissist. Not my Mother. She is the complete opposite. They are still married. I married my Father and am just keeping the family history going unfortunately...
New to this channel. Started with your first video, then watched one from a year ago. Now, this one. I can see the transformation. The eyes tell all. Mine are equally heavy and lifeless as your were. Now you are glowing. Gives me hope. 💝
I had a very narcissistic father. I was very close to my mother before she suddenly passed when I was 14. I was the youngest of four, and the only girl. I’m realizing that I married a narcissist. This year will be 35yrs. I’m terrified to leave, but I know that nothing will change, unless I do. I’m trauma bonded.
You will go through this with your children as you cannot cut out & disrespect parents & not think it will come back to you. There is a difference between an adult parent relationship & being married & living with this daily.
My mother was very controling. But I think it stemmed from having no control. My father is a N. It seriously sucks. My father is the enternal victim. He has his new wife hating my mother so much she doesnt want to be in the same room with her. I can already see him doing things like ignoring her when her comments displease him. And recently he thought it was really funny when I told him something hurtful my H Narc had said to me. It makes me so angry that I have literally married my father. They r so much alike. Of course, I didnt know in the begining. :(
As much as my late father and my mother loved each other, and they really did, my father didn’t recognise that my mom was pretty narcissistic. She is now very elderly, turning 95 soon, deaf and coping with dementia, and I’m still having to take care of her. (So much for my “happy” retirement!) Although she lives in an assisted living residence, I’m hoping that when the time comes, she has a peaceful ending. Then, I’ll finally be free. Having to deal with her “forever”, with little to no help from a sibling (that’s another story), has been the ultimate endurance test. I will definitely be able to care even better for myself when she’s finally gone. ❤️✌🏻
That's sad. It would have been even more difficult for me, but neither of my parents were still living when I left my husband. I knew the abuser was my father. (Mom died at 46 years old). But it's been nearly impossible to even break all contact with him, though I live 2,000 miles away from him. Fortunately, I limit his calls to seldom.
I’m sorry people react negatively to people who are estranged from a parent. Sometimes there is parental alienation going on: the adult child has been brainwashed to hate the target parent by the alienating parent. (They “weaponize” the children.) Other parents, though, are cutting, cruel, demanding. No one should be treated that way and it’s fine to say, “I love you, but I’ll love you from a distance. I’d love to see you/talk/text” but only if you can keep a lid on the negativity. I can’t have that around me right now, I’m overloaded; I’m trying to accomplish some things here, I’m in an incredibly busy season of my life, sorry, but I have to concentrate.” You can say that even if you’re not overloaded. Give them a tiny taste of their own manipulation. 😄 Then block them if you can’t resist peeking at their texts/ picking up the phone. Because if you open the door a crack to a real narcissist, that’s it. They run a Mac truck through it and ruin your life, suck out your spirit, your soul, your mental health and all the joy of living.
Hello, my name is Jae and I recently found your page. Im going through what seems to be similar marriage that you were in. I wish i could ask you private questions. My mother and husband seem very similar. I appreciate these videos.
How did you tell your adult children you were leaving. Mine still live at home. How exactly did you leave and where did you go and stay after you left?
I was oblivious at the time. I had lost my father (who meant the world to me) and I became her punching bag. She was verbally and emotionally abusive with him on a daily basis. Even when he was dying!!!
That's horrible your mother treated your dad like that. See those people can end up killing a person with all their evil and dysfunction. I think it would definitely weaken a person's immune system and defenses and your dad just couldn't take it anymore. Those people are poison.
The reason why it’s so hard to leave, is because a narcissist has money that’s why you married him.. If the narcissist worked at McDonald’s you would have no problem leaving .. you would not stay for years and years
Perhaps you should read my memoir Daniel. My ex was selling shoes when I met him! HE was looking for a payday! Furthermore, many people I speak with have jobless narcs that are dead weight. Maybe some research before you comment is in order. 🤷🏻♀️
Hi Daniel. That wasn’t it in my case. My ex had a wonderful education but he never got off the ground professionally. I think one of the reasons he married me was that my parents had money. They helped us buy a house (paired the entire down payment, a big one), but saw through their son-in-law soon after that and wouldn’t pony up any more cash. My husband therefore didn’t want them visiting, didn’t want me visiting them. Our children never got to visit their homes. Many years later I divorced him and gave him two thirds of the house proceeds. It was a 3.7 million dollar house and he was nearly 60 by then, so that should have set him up for the rest of his life. I knew he would need it and I would be fine. ... The reason it was hard for me to leave was because of the children. I didn’t want them to come from a broken home. I kept working to “fix” the marriage, “save” the marriage. I thought my husband was so sour and unhappy because he wasn’t making it in the outside world. In the home, at least, he could be King. The Boss. I was exactly the same as the speaker: I didn’t realize what was going on until after I was out. That’s why we need to shine a light on this. People who haven’t been through it don’t understand.😔 And the people who have been through it don’t want to talk about it (me included). Or they are so broken they can’t talk about it. ... But we need to. We need to make this common knowledge.
My narcissist had nothing when I met him. I paid off his debt. He had a lot of talent as a craftsman but no ambition. Your comment insinuates that women marry for money…well maybe a small minority do just as a small minority of men do. I stayed in my relationship for 27 years trying to make it work cuz I really didn’t know any better. I was the fish in the water that was used to the water…
Buy my book in paperback or Kindle here; www.amazon.com/dp/0578673517/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_eQILEbJF7VY9W
After having a mother and two wife’s and 74years of Narcissist abuse it truly is like asking a fish, how is the water? What water? I just didn’t see it,now I have to heal and start to enjoy life, it’s very comforting to me when I hear that we are not alone----
I totally understand the water analogy...it’s all we know for a time. You are definitely not alone. Enjoy your peace and happiness.✨
Narcissistic parents, in-laws, husband, and siblings. I am isolated by demand of husband but have finally had enough. Will leave even though he controls the finances and has ruined my reputation.
I had to go no contact for what turned out to be my mother's last year. I had been her primary caregiver for approximately 3 1/2 years, after my stepfather passed. She was not well at all. I had a brother who was the Golden Child, and in truth was anything but. However, she couldn't see it. She adored him. I did everything I could to please her, but finally I realized I could not. We reconciled somewhat about a month before she passed. I had prayed that it would not end in estrangement. She had dementia and was in a nursing home. I wasn't even sure she would recognize me, but she called out my name the moment she saw me. It was bittersweet. I watched her go through more dementia and succumb to pancreatic cancer. It was very sad. I did all I could my entire life to make her happy, but I fell short in the end. My health could not take anymore. I understand your position completely. Thank you for your vulnerability. The struggle is real.
Glory Dancer you did not fall short. We can never please a narcissist no matter what we do. Thank you for sharing this with us 🌸 Hugs, Nora
God bless you for being so open, peace from London. x
my heart cries for my family ,for me it's my oldest son that's the narcissists. It's weird my whole family has turn away from me, crazy reasons, but I won't judge.
Thank you for sharing. I just started watching your videos today and it's eerie how the patterns are the same from family to family. I've had no contact with my narc step mom and very little with my dad who toally enables her. My children 9 and 11 do not know their grandfather or grandmother. As I've journeyed through the extreme challenges of divorcing a narc for the last three years I found great difficulty interacting with my brother and his wife due to their total non understanding of my situation and their own form of abuse towards me. It came to a head last fall and I think those relationships are now done too. Which means my children and I will have no contact with their two cousins (my nephews). It blows my mind how toxic people can be and how they can sacrifice relationships due to their egos, agendas, self serving personalities. So I've lost six family ties due to narcissism and toxic narc traits in people on top of my narc ex. I feel your pain and the misunderstanding of others who question when we sever ties with family. But our own health is most important, especially when we have children. Love and light 💖☀🙏✨
Patti things will improve. Many people separate from their 'core' families and find friends who fill that role. You're children will be happier and healthier without all of those toxic people around, family or not
Hang in there! You’ll find ‘your people.’ Chosen family😊
I am sorry for your loss of a loving father. Thank you for speaking about these hard topics.
You have no idea how much I relate to your story.
My Father is a narcissist. Not my Mother. She is the complete opposite. They are still married. I married my Father and am just keeping the family history going unfortunately...
Sadly, I know this feeling 😭
I feel you. 😔💕
New to this channel. Started with your first video, then watched one from a year ago. Now, this one. I can see the transformation. The eyes tell all.
Mine are equally heavy and lifeless as your were. Now you are glowing. Gives me hope. 💝
I had a very narcissistic father. I was very close to my mother before she suddenly passed when I was 14. I was the youngest of four, and the only girl. I’m realizing that I married a narcissist. This year will be 35yrs. I’m terrified to leave, but I know that nothing will change, unless I do. I’m trauma bonded.
My heart goes out to you.😟😢
I’m in the middle of leaving my marriage is over… 30 years together
@@Grrrrrrr123 I’m sorry 😞
Did you leave yet?
I am so proud of you. Much love I know it has taken courage.
You will go through this with your children as you cannot cut out & disrespect parents & not think it will come back to you. There is a difference between an adult parent relationship & being married & living with this daily.
My mother was very controling. But I think it stemmed from having no control. My father is a N. It seriously sucks. My father is the enternal victim. He has his new wife hating my mother so much she doesnt want to be in the same room with her. I can already see him doing things like ignoring her when her comments displease him. And recently he thought it was really funny when I told him something hurtful my H Narc had said to me. It makes me so angry that I have literally married my father. They r so much alike. Of course, I didnt know in the begining. :(
As much as my late father and my mother loved each other, and they really did, my father didn’t recognise that my mom was pretty narcissistic. She is now very elderly, turning 95 soon, deaf and coping with dementia, and I’m still having to take care of her. (So much for my “happy” retirement!) Although she lives in an assisted living residence, I’m hoping that when the time comes, she has a peaceful ending. Then, I’ll finally be free. Having to deal with her “forever”, with little to no help from a sibling (that’s another story), has been the ultimate endurance test. I will definitely be able to care even better for myself when she’s finally gone. ❤️✌🏻
That's sad. It would have been even more difficult for me, but neither of my parents were still living when I left my husband.
I knew the abuser was my father. (Mom died at 46 years old). But it's been nearly impossible to even break all contact with him, though I live 2,000 miles away from him. Fortunately, I limit his calls to seldom.
Boy did this. Idea help me, Thank u so much for sharing
I’m sorry people react negatively to people who are estranged from a parent. Sometimes there is parental alienation going on: the adult child has been brainwashed to hate the target parent by the alienating parent. (They “weaponize” the children.) Other parents, though, are cutting, cruel, demanding. No one should be treated that way and it’s fine to say, “I love you, but I’ll love you from a distance. I’d love to see you/talk/text” but only if you can keep a lid on the negativity. I can’t have that around me right now, I’m overloaded; I’m trying to accomplish some things here, I’m in an incredibly busy season of my life, sorry, but I have to concentrate.” You can say that even if you’re not overloaded. Give them a tiny taste of their own manipulation. 😄 Then block them if you can’t resist peeking at their texts/ picking up the phone. Because if you open the door a crack to a real narcissist, that’s it. They run a Mac truck through it and ruin your life, suck out your spirit, your soul, your mental health and all the joy of living.
Hello, my name is Jae and I recently found your page. Im going through what seems to be similar marriage that you were in. I wish i could ask you private questions. My mother and husband seem very similar. I appreciate these videos.
Jae Tufts feel free to email me at nmarie350@gmail.com. When time allows, I communicate by phone as well
Jae Tufts my mother and ex-husband are narcissists. That’s why I left
I had to stop talking to everyone on my dad side of the family. I even cut ties with my dad and mom
My mother is a narc as well, but I can't break contact because I still live with my parents and will be moving with them to Florida.
Set some solid boundaries if you have to be with her. Good luck!
Beautiful
healthier, happier
How did you tell your adult children you were leaving. Mine still live at home. How exactly did you leave and where did you go and stay after you left?
Could you please tell me what the therapist asked you or talked to you about to realize it was your mother that was the toxic one?
I was oblivious at the time. I had lost my father (who meant the world to me) and I became her punching bag. She was verbally and emotionally abusive with him on a daily basis. Even when he was dying!!!
That's horrible your mother treated your dad like that. See those people can end up killing a person with all their evil and dysfunction. I think it would definitely weaken a person's immune system and defenses and your dad just couldn't take it anymore. Those people are poison.
I reeeeeaaaallllly need to talk to you... wow
I so wish you lived next door.
I’m an email away🤍 nmarie350@gmail.com
U became her source of supply once ur dad died she was in a panic for supply
please dont ever return to your ''mother''.
i made that mistake.
👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
The reason why it’s so hard to leave, is because a narcissist has money that’s why you married him.. If the narcissist worked at McDonald’s you would have no problem leaving ..
you would not stay for years and years
Perhaps you should read my memoir Daniel. My ex was selling shoes when I met him! HE was looking for a payday! Furthermore, many people I speak with have jobless narcs that are dead weight. Maybe some research before you comment is in order. 🤷🏻♀️
Hi Daniel. That wasn’t it in my case. My ex had a wonderful education but he never got off the ground professionally. I think one of the reasons he married me was that my parents had money. They helped us buy a house (paired the entire down payment, a big one), but saw through their son-in-law soon after that and wouldn’t pony up any more cash. My husband therefore didn’t want them visiting, didn’t want me visiting them. Our children never got to visit their homes. Many years later I divorced him and gave him two thirds of the house proceeds. It was a 3.7 million dollar house and he was nearly 60 by then, so that should have set him up for the rest of his life. I knew he would need it and I would be fine. ... The reason it was hard for me to leave was because of the children. I didn’t want them to come from a broken home. I kept working to “fix” the marriage, “save” the marriage. I thought my husband was so sour and unhappy because he wasn’t making it in the outside world. In the home, at least, he could be King. The Boss. I was exactly the same as the speaker: I didn’t realize what was going on until after I was out. That’s why we need to shine a light on this. People who haven’t been through it don’t understand.😔 And the people who have been through it don’t want to talk about it (me included). Or they are so broken they can’t talk about it. ... But we need to. We need to make this common knowledge.
THAT'S not TRUE......
NARSISTIC People look for people who've got lots of money....and then they PREY....... GLAD My LAWYER saw "RIGHT THROUGH" him.....🤣😂🤣😂
My narcissist had nothing when I met him. I paid off his debt. He had a lot of talent as a craftsman but no ambition. Your comment insinuates that women marry for money…well maybe a small minority do just as a small minority of men do. I stayed in my relationship for 27 years trying to make it work cuz I really didn’t know any better. I was the fish in the water that was used to the water…