Great conversation guys, I am on Nozi’s side. Money plays a huge role in marriage whether we like it or not. It might happen that the couple now does not stay together and the lady does not support her man financially, she only takes care of herself so should they get married and move in together things will change. She will have to take care of both of them and possibly black tax as well. Her expenses will double whether they have a big wedding or just go sign at home affairs
There is a problem already in the relationship. Skhu has to understand that when the two ties the knot, the woman already has the first born with 32 teeth that alone is a problem. I will stop there because I don't want to dent the man's ego.
I think I agree nawe makaGT. For example I’m 26 if a guy I have been dating athi I think we ready for the next step . My mind will def skip to 5 years later. Are we both financially ok, who is going to take wat responsibility. I’m tht person that thinks ahead I don’t know if it’s cause I made a few blunders in my teens so now watever move I make has to be a calculated move. But nako think uTakaGT has a point . U can’t assume uGuy does not have a plan. She must ask relevant questions
I think Nozi’s point is not just about finances inside a marriage. It’s also; “How do we end up inside the marriage if the guy does not have the financial means to pay ilobola or fund a white wedding?”
Very true Nozi...got divorced due to something similar which impacted the marriage....I was earning almost triple his salary, all the responsibilities were placed on me,and was always reminded that am working when I needed financial assistance. Men have ego n empty pride. There's a huge difference when you cohabiting and when married. In marriage it's a must to do certain things, in cohabitation it's a choice. Love and happy anniversary
I'm with Skhu in terms of the lady asking herself those questions and the partner as well particularly the one around how urgent is this. I believe if she really allows herself to truly interrogate this decision she will understand Nozi's point because that is reality.
Hhayi I am with Skhu Kule… The lady is already in a relationship with this guy which leads him on to even consider marriage, sadly the lady has made it seem okay to be in a relationship with him even without any income thus giving the impression that she is okay with the situation.
I 10 000 times agree with all of Nozi’s points. My motto… no money no marriage. The fact that she is asking is because she already sees certain things to be an issue but she is choosing to overlook them and now she isn’t sure. If it were me… as long as he has money. The minute he starts talking marriage. I’m in!!! I won’t have time to even ask my sisters via WhatsApp
Thiiiiizaa!!! Bhut Skhu has given me goosebumps!! THE LEVEL OF WISDOM!! THE LEVEL OF OPEN MINDEDNESS!! THE LEVEL OF EVERYTHING!!! IT NEEDS A HIGH LEVEL OF MATURITY AND HIGH IQ!! I AM FULLY WITH BHUT SKHU! BHUT SKHU MUST HONESTLY CONSIDER MARRIAGE COUNSELING, BECAUSE WOW! I had to type this in caps because this is next level of wisdom! Money is temporal. The man could lose his job the next day if he was working and earning an income, then what must happen? Point is, marriage is a sacred institution. It cannot be based on money. Money cannot be the foundation and money cannot be the dictator of building special union such as marriage. Thank you Bhut Skhu and Sis Nozi for this.
I completely understand what Bhut Skhu said: Looking at the factors on which this relationship is built, and whether or not it's thriving or dying under the current circumstances, which includes the financial and/or employment status of the couple. I just want to highlight that - as sacred as marriage is, it has multiple facets, which include Sexual life, Families, Decisions, character modification and/or development, and MONEY - Roles and responsibilities, etc... The point I'm trying to make is this if the lady has problems now with the current arrangements, then she should have a serious discussion with the guy - in fact, it needs to start within her: what does she want, her ideal family picture, how does it look like? If she has no problem with how things are, they have a plan, and they have considered the worst-case scenario regarding this current relationship arrangement, and she still believes it will work, then she should go ahead and marry her man. But, Money is a challenge in relationships. and men have egos. Please check my comment above, and tell me what you think.
I was in such a marriage, IT DOESN'T WORK. Naturally as women whether we like to admit it or not we are just not made to be primary providers. Eventually we get tired. Also with men naturally their ego takes over and start having issues with not being a primary provider. Carry on dating , marriage requires money and that becomes an issue directly and indirectly in so many ways. Yhuu I wish there was an option for a VN but I'd advice her to stay away, speaking from experience
You both are correct (to a certain extent) and I say this because a combination of your replies to this lady’s question is the perfect response. 1) There’s a difference between the wedding ceremony and the marriage itself. If the lady can stay in this relationship being the sole breadwinner, and she is fine with the situation and the relationship is working then she won’t have any issues once she’s married to this guy. 2) Looking forward, marriage brings a lot of financial demands so what is the guys plan going forward? Yes, the lady can pay for her own lobola and wedding ceremony now but does the guy have a vision (financially) for the kind of marriage they want.
On this one I agree 120% with mama ka GT. Uncle Skhu is disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing 😅 "a concern now or in the future?" The thing is it is a CONCERN.
Happy anniversary guys, may your union continue to be blessed greatly. Money is a huge factor in marriage, I agree with Nozi. They must wait until the guy has an income of his own. Marriage is a big step and should be considered carefully. There might not be issues in the relationship currently regarding money but if they don't live together yet when they eventually do, who will pay all the bills, where will they live etc. There are so many factors
First let me wish you happy anniversary to you Mr&Mrs Mayaba. Great topic and its true we need money for running household but that doesnt mean we cant get married if we want to and we can find a way that works for us on how are we going to survive. As the future is unpredictable we could be getting married today siphangela soyi2 a year or six months down the line one of us looses income. So from my point of view I think we must find a way that works for us not looking on other marriges or copying others lifestyles.
Very true Thandie, it might be happen that a year down the line after marriage then my husband lost his Job ,so should l leave him coz sokune one income 😢 ,so l thing we must get married because of love not incomes tu
For me, it is important that we start on the same page, meaning that we need to both be working before or as we get married, so anything that happens after that we will deal with it together .
Nna I agree with Nozi. Never help a guy pay for your lobola. If he wants to get married he must have a plan and must not be comfortable with being provided for aowa
I hear you, Skhumbuzo. These people are already staying together having one income now what ever they are coming to agreement with must revolve around their single income they are having now. Coming to Nozi the lady must ask herself if she is going to cope to feed and look after the old man until he gets a job if he is going to get one because it's not a child's play to have one income nibe nibabini with different personal and household needs. Congratulations and Happy anniversary 🎉 Guys
I agree with both views. We can never downplay the importance of money in any relationship and it’s true that when two people become one the expenses do double, however bhut Skhu is correct in saying she needs to ask the clear critical questions. Maybe he was just expressing that he wants to be in a long term commitment with her and obviously he knows that money is needed for marriage. The girl naye she needs to introspect and ask herself whether she wants to be with the guy or not because I’m sure she’s probably imagined being married to him.
Well done Bhut Skhu for dealing with the matter at hand before the other additional parts of the matter , A clear example of men and women dealing with day to day matters , Both of you have great points in the matter but going back to the drawing board and the lady starting with her own reflection and where they are now as a couple and having the courageous conversation of their reality as a couple and how they plan to work around it so she can come up with her own answers first then their shared views etc , well done guys for being real.
Great conversation !! I am with Nozi , money is crucial in relationships, particularly given the current economic state of our nation. However, I do want to acknowledge the valuable perspectives shared by Uncle Skhu. I think it is essential for the lady to engage her partner, seeking to clarify underlying questions and solicit his opinions. Armed with this information, she will be better equipped to arrive at a well-informed decision. I would suggest that the couple engage in an open and honest communication, carefully considering all factors and arrive at a mutual satisfactory conclusion.
You guys both have valid points, as a middle ground, one needs to ask if there are any plans for this guy to change his employment status then we could argue differently
I fully agree with Sis Nozi money plays a big role in a relationship and also I get where Bhuti Skhu is coming from also. I think the lady doesn’t mind being the breadwinner in the relationship but she’s just not sure if she’ll be able to continue with it in marriage form.
Fruitful conversation guys❤️ Skhu iyavakala iPoint yakho the lady must ask herself those 3 key questions and at the same time imali plays a huge role in any type of relationship. Happy anniversary guys🎉🎉🎉✨✨❤️ kuseza neMother’s Day for present Skhu ngoMay🤣
Esijolweni there is no obligation to carry the other person financially ewe ungamnceda xa ukwazi. In a marriage though the dynamic changes because now there are families involved and expectations created. Also most people get married inCOP which means you inherit each other’s debt etc… Everything changes emtshatweni. Also behavioural dynamic izothini into in terms of the domestics… Hayi I must agree with Nozi, bhuti Skhu is trying to see the silver lining.
I have never felt for sis Nozi as I am right now on this video. Uncle Skhu is stressing me out hle and I can see sis Nozi Is also stressed 😂😂. My thing is, if nothing will change once they get married, then why getting married then, how about they stay as they are. Also if this was not an issue, the lady wouldn't even ask for advice on this, the fact that she asked means she's concerned but really love the guy. Like it or not marriage stage has a lot more responsibilities and dating stage and those responsibilities majority of them needs money.
A man that can’t provide has no business in even thinking about marriage, he must look for a job first, the first thing God did with Adam was to make Adam manage Eden (a job) before He gave Adam an Eve….happy anniversary you two , thank u Skhu for being usbali we country.
My first concern is usisi doesn't mention that SHE herself wants to get married. Secondly, he is not working but does he have prospects to be employed in future? If not, is she okay with being the breadwinner and supporting him indefinitely? As Nozi says, there are complexities around the male ego and societal norms where men are deemed providers. All of which might strain their relationship sooner or later.
Why is Skhu pretending not to see the obvious😂! Haiyi, anonymous must run for her life unless she wants to be the sole breadwinner in her relationship. I get you Nozi💯
You both raised valid points, but I stand with uSis Nozi on this one. Yes, the relationship has been surviving with one salary, but I also like to think that the lady wants the husband to have his own salary so that they can meet eachother halfway. Maybe she would also like to enjoy gifts of her man's own money just like uSis Nozi 😝. On the other hand, I would like to think that responsibilities increase during marriage and because of that, she may be concerned that one salary will not be enough.
I agree with your husband. And I am usually all about women. But, honestly men are with women all the time who are not working or where they want to be now and it’s not really and issue. The women must ask herself is the relationship worth it? Is he worth? I can not believe I agree with your husband but I do.
I'm with Skhu on this one. This isa reality many women face in their lives. There are many reasons why she would have decided to be with him all these years despite their financial situation. They definitely need to talk about how things will look gping forward if anything needs to change. As much we preach and say we believe in traditional roles, many people are more flexible than what they are willing to admit. I think if he has a long term plan that he is working on that she is willing to get behind then she should not worry about what others will say. She needs to find the comfort in what she is living and go forth with it or makayeke the guym kudala ayazi that he isn't working. Unless she's been holding on to hope and not reality
One thing I dislike about us ladies, is the hide and seek play, the guy is clear on his terms and what he wants, the lady should ask the guy, you getting married with what? How will we live in the commited marriage and also it depends how they will be doing their marriage, covenant or? The religion question Skhu asked is important because some religion weddings are done by the women's side, if the issue is about financial burden of the weddings then what about the marriage itself. How will they feed, if they decide to have kids? Nozi also has a point marriage is not about two people. You marry For kingdom. Skhu relationship and marriage differs, most marriages collapse before they even starts, the lady knows already that there's red flags there hence the question. Most relationship issues concerns question are symptoms but there's underlying issues that at times needs a person to sit down with the couple and get a clear picture of the problems and what brings those concerns. She needs to ask herself where she possibly sees herself in the next 5years with the guy, she is the only one who can tell if there's solid future and the future of their kids if they choose to have. We marry for legacy. When you are a man and think of marriage, think about the burden of financial security, how you'll survive even in the marriage who will carry the burden? And money also is not the only concern, potentials matters. For me am an old School, the man is the Head of a home (not a financial provider per day as society wants to make it). God has a home structure. There's a lot she needs to think about here. Their relationship has deeper issues than what meet the eyes, the " I want to get married is just the symptoms" of the problems, there are issues in that relationship. The lady has to ask more questions and get clarity and also does the guy has potentials? Is there progress on the guys side from the time they have been together? Or he is the type of guy who talks maybe about changing his circumstance but no progress. I know most people say women like money and materialistic etc I disagree strongly, women like to see progress, you can't be with a partner you met him/her 5 or 10years ago with grade 12 and years later he still has grade 12, woman Value progress and hates stagnation. That's how we are wired. The guy seems honest and clear on what he wants, is the lady honest about his concern to the guy. Imagine them being married and having disagreement and the guy says you married me in this circumstance what has changed. I wouldn't advise anyone to marry anyone who has no potential of progressing and being a better version of themselves. You have to marry where you are going not where you are....marriage sounds good on theoretical or discussion terms but when you in it, it comes with a lot of responsibility.
I get your points, respectively. I think we discount the fact that when a woman falls in love with someone that doesn't bring home income, we don't envisage the situation to be the same for years to come. We hope and pray that they will too get a job that pays enough, so we stay in those relationships with a hope, for the one we love. Comes in the issue of getting married... Thats where now our sense come to, will you be able to still be living in hope, whilst footing for all the bills? Will this be enough? Is love, in this matter, enough? Those are the questions she needs to ask her self.
Hi bantu bam, i believe that this issue can still be resolved by just advising the guy in a well mannered way in their conversation that "baby I get you want to marry me but can we first look for job, that will make our financial status more stronger in terms of doing necessary things like Lobola and our weeding" obviously that will show a man that the point is for fruitful results. They need to combine something alok. Money is very sensitive in a relationship i agree with Nozie shame🤞🤞
I love you Nozi cc you’re practical marriage has own it’s responsibilities imali yona iyafuneka. Yes, marriage can’t be based on money but ke imali is important Nozi cc. You’re wise Skhu thiza xa ndizotshata ndizoza kuni for counseling. You complement each other shame ❤
As a woman i am with Nozi money plays a huge role in any relationship, i mean everything nje is on sisi shoulders even the toiletries, aphumle nini uzakudinwa shem, but uSkhu uchubekile kakhulu yena his points make sense kumntu okwaziyo ukucinga offwhich asimazi ubhuti izizathu zakhe zofuna umtshato it could be ubone le comfort ayivayo, but is he willing to put in effort if roles are gonna be swapped?😊
I agree with the both perspectives, infact I think both are interlinked. In my understanding, Bhut'Skhu's point is about usisi having a deeper conversation nobhuti about what they define as marriage, its urgency and the other points he mentioned then after this conversation they then move on to ask themselves the questions Sis'Nozi is asking about how will they be able to handle joint expenses xa sebetshatile. This was an eye opening conversation because nyani sometimes youre able to oversee some things because youre not married to the person but in order to move on to the next stage of the relationship, in depth conversations need to be had about what you'd both like that stage to entail and look like. Thank you so much Sis'Nozi for these conversations ❤❤❤
Makabongwe! Finances are critical to marriage sustainability. In fact financial troubles reveal the true self of partner married to. Easy to be in love and make promises to each other. The grind of life reveal the different layers of the "I".
I'm with Nozi 😂 sisi! Don't!! I don't get it why a man would want to get married but akasebenzi 🤔 njani na sana! It is a concern for me ngoku ndingena full info
I agree with Nozi. This isn't just about the ceremony, lobola or their status. Right now they are individuals: legally and financially, regardless of if they stay together or not. Once they get married either with the multiple ceremonies or just signing, their liabilities and expenses become each others. She won't be able to choose not to intervene once they are married, which by default will be in community of property. And if she wants to keep what's hers protected going in, she'll have to pay for that prenup. Either way, she's footing the bill.
Hay u guy makame ngomtshato😂aqale afumane umsebenzi and hustle cz they can't just get married 😭umtshato is veryyy expensive as I'm looking ❤and I'm sure they are not ready for those wedding preparation struggles
I agree with Nozi money plays a big part in a marriage and also if responsibilities are reversed its also gonna be a problem in a long run imagine working alone and coming home from work to submit emuntwini omele wena to provide for him soze sana
I Happy to see you Nozie now on TV show yes am hiv . I feel like you are my real sister it's now more than 2 years now since I know on UA-cam. Wish you the best on your show it's nice to see you growing.
And nyan ke sis Nozi, money is very sensitive in a relationship ❤and that's one of the reasons I'm not dating 😂cz Varsity girls 😭yhoo they love money as if we are not both students 😂😂😂hay mna I'm good alone and making myself happy ❤❤😊very important
Nozi you're sbsolutely 100% correct. My opion is if you're a MAN whom will become a husband you should be the provider , protector not the other way around .
I was once in that situation mna what I did,I ask him all these questions ucc Nozie is asking....then I reach a point where I have to cut whatever we had... because he took everything in a sensitive way...so all in all money is very important when it comes to a marriage
Nozi sis'wam, I'm 100% behind you my dhiye. Yes, the couple may have been together for now and may have managed to make ends meet... BUT SAAAAANA, marriage??? It's a different story. So icebo, kunga tshati mntaka bawo uBhuti engeka binayo income eConsistant.
I think the key word we are missing here is that Husband is in a profession that does not bring in money..... is there a point where the husband will decide to find a profession that brings in money. My understanding it's the European culture that wakes up and get married because they have the ability to walk away from family and build their own families. In the African culture its starts from the Lobola....all these things have a significance. Without even having a ceremony.... if you say Tsha the next word out of your mouth must be Cows. Ziyimali. If the guy can raise loyola money and has a plan on how to join a paying profession then you can get married. Makalime noba yhigadi or be willing to be a house husband. Avuke acleane enze iskhaftin sasemsebenzini avase abantwana... njalo njalo... which is what Nozi is trying to avoid because he will lose isidima sendoda when that happens.
I agree with him. It must come from her, the decision should not be based on the guy because circumstances change..this is life. What if u marry him n he's working well n has money then 2 months down the line he gets retrenched n struggles to find employment she will be an angry wife n mistreat him coz she didn't choose him for the right reasons. Life is difficult, we try to minimize risks as much as we can but marriage must be done for the right reasons.
I agree with bhuti Skhu, mna when I was growing up we were taught in my teen years ukuba if a man wants to marry you , he must come with the full plan. My pastor would say fanele umbuze ubana, "ewe ndiyakuva ufuna ukunditshata but lithin icebo lakho". He said life after the wedding can be very difficult due to finances, causing fights and familiarising early divorces hence why it is important for a man to come with a fully intact plan mapped out to you and realistic if he is serious about marrying you and yes finances are important so I'd say you both correct despite them living together now ,the question remains at what the next plan will be. So yeah she should go back and ask about the plan😅
Money is a point of high stress in relationships. I feel as if one of the biggest problems is that people are really scared to be upfront about the realities of finances and the impacts they have for all affected parties.
I agree with Nozi. It's one thing if the man earns less than the woman but if the woman must now be the sole breadwinner in the household that's too much. It's too much of a burden for one person to carry. Even a man being the sole breadwinner of a household is too much considering the economy we're living in and the standard of living. For the average person, if you want to live comfortably both people have to earn an income. You cant go into marriage hoping for the best when you can see there are problems ahead
I agree with both of you guys, esp Skhu with clarifying questions and Nozi with the importance of money in marriage. We dont know what will happen tomorrow the guy might even get a better paying job. She is the only one who knows her mans situation.
I agree with skhu partly,because how is the relationship working now.but the general assumption should be,if they are not married they dont live together.there will be a lot of adjustments when they live together. The truth is he needs to be self reliant first and one of the man's role is to provide,how is planning to do that. Nozi is right man, how is he even planning to lobola her... the blessings of the parents are Very important and thats something we tend to overlook nowadays...
Kudingeka imali qhaa. Nozi I agree with you. The celebration is so expensive. Who must carry the load awa. The guy must get an income. Bhuti skhu u nail it but if they're blacks he must work for izinkomo zakhe
Sis Nozie is spot on male ego will not allow her peace once married for now is bearable based on the fact that its still a girlfriend once married is a different ball game altogether, lt is in every man's nature to protect serve and provide..He must work first before getting married.
I honestly think both of you came up with valid but somewhat contradictory points. Skhu is right, Sisi's first issue is failing to have an honest conversation with the boyfriend. Or rather share the conversation she's having with herself to the boyfriend. She clearly has an issue with marrying the guy whilst he's unemployed otherwise she would not be asking such advice. And there's nothing wrong with that I'd also be anxious and uncertain with getting married when the other person cannot fulfill his duties. Also I must say I 100% agree with Sis Nozi when it comes to the male ego part. Most men want to be "breadwinner" they want to be the "head" at that includes taking care of their families financially. And the fact that this man is not concerned with that is concerning I won't lie. After the marriage the same guy may want to move in with u Sisi, buy groceries and toiletries for two, pay dstv or rent a home and possibly black tax. Things uSisi was used to do for her individual self. How is she gonna do that if bhuti is not employed. I think the guy doesn't want to lose the lady for whatever reason that is why he wants the marriage. But the way he is going about it, is not make sure.
Great conversation guys, I am on Nozi’s side. Money plays a huge role in marriage whether we like it or not. It might happen that the couple now does not stay together and the lady does not support her man financially, she only takes care of herself so should they get married and move in together things will change. She will have to take care of both of them and possibly black tax as well. Her expenses will double whether they have a big wedding or just go sign at home affairs
There is a problem already in the relationship. Skhu has to understand that when the two ties the knot, the woman already has the first born with 32 teeth that alone is a problem. I will stop there because I don't want to dent the man's ego.
I think I agree nawe makaGT. For example I’m 26 if a guy I have been dating athi I think we ready for the next step . My mind will def skip to 5 years later. Are we both financially ok, who is going to take wat responsibility. I’m tht person that thinks ahead I don’t know if it’s cause I made a few blunders in my teens so now watever move I make has to be a calculated move. But nako think uTakaGT has a point . U can’t assume uGuy does not have a plan. She must ask relevant questions
@@phumlasetlhoke9793q
And now you are about to buy her gifts for mothers day, in May.😂❤️
😂😂😂 ohh shame uncle Skhu wabantu😂😂❤
This conversation is so important and I hear what GT’s dad is saying however umama ka GT is spot on because money is important in relationships
Skhu the wisdom is on another level. I hundred percent agree with you🎉. Still love you Nozi😊
So true hey. I love how he reasons. When he mentioned those 3 points l literally clapped🙈
True
Love the fact that u Uncle Skhu understood the need for the SMEG kettle 😌
Literally! I was so happy 😊
I think Nozi’s point is not just about finances inside a marriage. It’s also; “How do we end up inside the marriage if the guy does not have the financial means to pay ilobola or fund a white wedding?”
Very true Nozi...got divorced due to something similar which impacted the marriage....I was earning almost triple his salary, all the responsibilities were placed on me,and was always reminded that am working when I needed financial assistance. Men have ego n empty pride. There's a huge difference when you cohabiting and when married. In marriage it's a must to do certain things, in cohabitation it's a choice.
Love and happy anniversary
Exactly cc. Men have an ego.
Had a boyfriend who didn’t do anything for me because I earn more than him, I decided to end the relationship.
I'm with Skhu in terms of the lady asking herself those questions and the partner as well particularly the one around how urgent is this. I believe if she really allows herself to truly interrogate this decision she will understand Nozi's point because that is reality.
Exactly. And what are the man's thoughts in all this. If he sees this as urgent, it's a reg flag..what would be the rush?
Hhayi I am with Skhu Kule… The lady is already in a relationship with this guy which leads him on to even consider marriage, sadly the lady has made it seem okay to be in a relationship with him even without any income thus giving the impression that she is okay with the situation.
I 10 000 times agree with all of Nozi’s points. My motto… no money no marriage.
The fact that she is asking is because she already sees certain things to be an issue but she is choosing to overlook them and now she isn’t sure. If it were me… as long as he has money. The minute he starts talking marriage. I’m in!!! I won’t have time to even ask my sisters via WhatsApp
I completely agree, I was in such a marriage and it was a disaster
It's your motto for me 😂😂😂and.
Thiiiiizaa!!! Bhut Skhu has given me goosebumps!!
THE LEVEL OF WISDOM!! THE LEVEL OF OPEN MINDEDNESS!! THE LEVEL OF EVERYTHING!!! IT NEEDS A HIGH LEVEL OF MATURITY AND HIGH IQ!! I AM FULLY WITH BHUT SKHU!
BHUT SKHU MUST HONESTLY CONSIDER MARRIAGE COUNSELING, BECAUSE WOW! I had to type this in caps because this is next level of wisdom!
Money is temporal. The man could lose his job the next day if he was working and earning an income, then what must happen?
Point is, marriage is a sacred institution. It cannot be based on money. Money cannot be the foundation and money cannot be the dictator of building special union such as marriage.
Thank you Bhut Skhu and Sis Nozi for this.
very intelligent! He just changed how i think
I completely understand what Bhut Skhu said:
Looking at the factors on which this relationship is built, and whether or not it's thriving or dying under the current circumstances, which includes the financial and/or employment status of the couple.
I just want to highlight that - as sacred as marriage is, it has multiple facets, which include Sexual life, Families, Decisions, character modification and/or development, and MONEY - Roles and responsibilities, etc... The point I'm trying to make is this if the lady has problems now with the current arrangements, then she should have a serious discussion with the guy - in fact, it needs to start within her: what does she want, her ideal family picture, how does it look like?
If she has no problem with how things are, they have a plan, and they have considered the worst-case scenario regarding this current relationship arrangement, and she still believes it will work, then she should go ahead and marry her man. But, Money is a challenge in relationships. and men have egos. Please check my comment above, and tell me what you think.
It was a good point he narrated there,,I like his level of reasoning,,also what a good combination of Nozi and Sku
I was in such a marriage, IT DOESN'T WORK. Naturally as women whether we like to admit it or not we are just not made to be primary providers. Eventually we get tired. Also with men naturally their ego takes over and start having issues with not being a primary provider. Carry on dating , marriage requires money and that becomes an issue directly and indirectly in so many ways. Yhuu I wish there was an option for a VN but I'd advice her to stay away, speaking from experience
You both are correct (to a certain extent) and I say this because a combination of your replies to this lady’s question is the perfect response.
1) There’s a difference between the wedding ceremony and the marriage itself. If the lady can stay in this relationship being the sole breadwinner, and she is fine with the situation and the relationship is working then she won’t have any issues once she’s married to this guy.
2) Looking forward, marriage brings a lot of financial demands so what is the guys plan going forward? Yes, the lady can pay for her own lobola and wedding ceremony now but does the guy have a vision (financially) for the kind of marriage they want.
On this one I agree 120% with mama ka GT. Uncle Skhu is disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing 😅 "a concern now or in the future?" The thing is it is a CONCERN.
Team Nozi here🖐. Money is important guys. Even if you get married ko Home Affairs, the life after will require money
Happy anniversary Mayabas. May God continue to bless and protect your union. Love you!
I'm definitely on Nozi's side 😂 GT's aunt in the house...happy anniversary fam❤... love these discussions gore
Happy anniversary guys, may your union continue to be blessed greatly.
Money is a huge factor in marriage, I agree with Nozi. They must wait until the guy has an income of his own. Marriage is a big step and should be considered carefully. There might not be issues in the relationship currently regarding money but if they don't live together yet when they eventually do, who will pay all the bills, where will they live etc. There are so many factors
Happy anniversary to you guys🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉. May you have many more to come🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳❤🎉
First let me wish you happy anniversary to you Mr&Mrs Mayaba. Great topic and its true we need money for running household but that doesnt mean we cant get married if we want to and we can find a way that works for us on how are we going to survive. As the future is unpredictable we could be getting married today siphangela soyi2 a year or six months down the line one of us looses income. So from my point of view I think we must find a way that works for us not looking on other marriges or copying others lifestyles.
Very true Thandie, it might be happen that a year down the line after marriage then my husband lost his Job ,so should l leave him coz sokune one income 😢 ,so l thing we must get married because of love not incomes tu
For me, it is important that we start on the same page, meaning that we need to both be working before or as we get married, so anything that happens after that we will deal with it together .
Nna I agree with Nozi. Never help a guy pay for your lobola. If he wants to get married he must have a plan and must not be comfortable with being provided for aowa
Skhu is just trying to be smart today. Team Nozi all the way! Happy Anniversary 🎉🎉🎉 Lots of love from Kenya ❤
I hear you, Skhumbuzo. These people are already staying together having one income now what ever they are coming to agreement with must revolve around their single income they are having now. Coming to Nozi the lady must ask herself if she is going to cope to feed and look after the old man until he gets a job if he is going to get one because it's not a child's play to have one income nibe nibabini with different personal and household needs.
Congratulations and Happy anniversary 🎉 Guys
I agree with both views. We can never downplay the importance of money in any relationship and it’s true that when two people become one the expenses do double, however bhut Skhu is correct in saying she needs to ask the clear critical questions. Maybe he was just expressing that he wants to be in a long term commitment with her and obviously he knows that money is needed for marriage. The girl naye she needs to introspect and ask herself whether she wants to be with the guy or not because I’m sure she’s probably imagined being married to him.
Level of maturity, intelligence, and critical analysis from both of you. I loved it. Agree with both perspectives ❤
I’m with Skhu!! Great conversation guys👏🏽
I agree with Nozi, money plays a huge role in a marriage and I am saying this from experience. Life on its own needs money...
For some reasons l always understand both of you, your points are valid 💞
I'm with Nozi here. If I was this lazy I was going to run like a headless chicken. Ke lefaseng mo.😂😂
These are the videos I live for😂 GT's mom nailed it this time round😂😂
Happy Anniversary! 🎉 May your love & temperance for each other continue to grow ❤️
Love this discussion. Love and prospects are not currency in the world that we live in, so like Nozi said, sisi uba awufuni kusokola!!! DO NOT DO IT
Well done Bhut Skhu for dealing with the matter at hand before the other additional parts of the matter , A clear example of men and women dealing with day to day matters , Both of you have great points in the matter but going back to the drawing board and the lady starting with her own reflection and where they are now as a couple and having the courageous conversation of their reality as a couple and how they plan to work around it so she can come up with her own answers first then their shared views etc , well done guys for being real.
Great conversation !! I am with Nozi , money is crucial in relationships, particularly given the current economic state of our nation. However, I do want to acknowledge the valuable perspectives shared by Uncle Skhu. I think it is essential for the lady to engage her partner, seeking to clarify underlying questions and solicit his opinions. Armed with this information, she will be better equipped to arrive at a well-informed decision. I would suggest that the couple engage in an open and honest communication, carefully considering all factors and arrive at a mutual satisfactory conclusion.
You guys both have valid points, as a middle ground, one needs to ask if there are any plans for this guy to change his employment status then we could argue differently
I fully agree with Sis Nozi money plays a big role in a relationship and also I get where Bhuti Skhu is coming from also.
I think the lady doesn’t mind being the breadwinner in the relationship but she’s just not sure if she’ll be able to continue with it in marriage form.
I love that religion/ faith is the foundation guys... I love this already
Fruitful conversation guys❤️ Skhu iyavakala iPoint yakho the lady must ask herself those 3 key questions and at the same time imali plays a huge role in any type of relationship.
Happy anniversary guys🎉🎉🎉✨✨❤️ kuseza neMother’s Day for present Skhu ngoMay🤣
Happy anniversary to you lovely people, just know you are always appreciated. keep the spirit burning!
Esijolweni there is no obligation to carry the other person financially ewe ungamnceda xa ukwazi.
In a marriage though the dynamic changes because now there are families involved and expectations created. Also most people get married inCOP which means you inherit each other’s debt etc… Everything changes emtshatweni.
Also behavioural dynamic izothini into in terms of the domestics…
Hayi I must agree with Nozi, bhuti Skhu is trying to see the silver lining.
I am on Nozi’ s side through and through. Women only buys gifts on the birthdays only 🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Happy Anniversary Mayabas may the Lord continue to bless and protect your union... Love you loads ❤️
"aSOOOOOOOOOooooooZZzZZZZzzeeee KALOKO!!!!!" LOL!!!!!. Very Very Potent, Critical Convo. Enkosi
Skhu's wisdom 🙌
I have never felt for sis Nozi as I am right now on this video. Uncle Skhu is stressing me out hle and I can see sis Nozi Is also stressed 😂😂.
My thing is, if nothing will change once they get married, then why getting married then, how about they stay as they are. Also if this was not an issue, the lady wouldn't even ask for advice on this, the fact that she asked means she's concerned but really love the guy.
Like it or not marriage stage has a lot more responsibilities and dating stage and those responsibilities majority of them needs money.
Bhuti Skhu always bitting his own drum.Patting himself in the back.😂😂😂😂😂
A man that can’t provide has no business in even thinking about marriage, he must look for a job first, the first thing God did with Adam was to make Adam manage Eden (a job) before He gave Adam an Eve….happy anniversary you two , thank u Skhu for being usbali we country.
My first concern is usisi doesn't mention that SHE herself wants to get married.
Secondly, he is not working but does he have prospects to be employed in future? If not, is she okay with being the breadwinner and supporting him indefinitely? As Nozi says, there are complexities around the male ego and societal norms where men are deemed providers. All of which might strain their relationship sooner or later.
Exactly my thoughts, "prospects of being employed".
Why is Skhu pretending not to see the obvious😂! Haiyi, anonymous must run for her life unless she wants to be the sole breadwinner in her relationship. I get you Nozi💯
You both raised valid points, but I stand with uSis Nozi on this one. Yes, the relationship has been surviving with one salary, but I also like to think that the lady wants the husband to have his own salary so that they can meet eachother halfway. Maybe she would also like to enjoy gifts of her man's own money just like uSis Nozi 😝. On the other hand, I would like to think that responsibilities increase during marriage and because of that, she may be concerned that one salary will not be enough.
I agree with your husband. And I am usually all about women. But, honestly men are with women all the time who are not working or where they want to be now and it’s not really and issue. The women must ask herself is the relationship worth it? Is he worth? I can not believe I agree with your husband but I do.
I'm with Skhu on this one. This isa reality many women face in their lives. There are many reasons why she would have decided to be with him all these years despite their financial situation. They definitely need to talk about how things will look gping forward if anything needs to change. As much we preach and say we believe in traditional roles, many people are more flexible than what they are willing to admit. I think if he has a long term plan that he is working on that she is willing to get behind then she should not worry about what others will say. She needs to find the comfort in what she is living and go forth with it or makayeke the guym kudala ayazi that he isn't working. Unless she's been holding on to hope and not reality
One thing I dislike about us ladies, is the hide and seek play, the guy is clear on his terms and what he wants, the lady should ask the guy, you getting married with what? How will we live in the commited marriage and also it depends how they will be doing their marriage, covenant or?
The religion question Skhu asked is important because some religion weddings are done by the women's side, if the issue is about financial burden of the weddings then what about the marriage itself. How will they feed, if they decide to have kids?
Nozi also has a point marriage is not about two people. You marry For kingdom.
Skhu relationship and marriage differs, most marriages collapse before they even starts, the lady knows already that there's red flags there hence the question. Most relationship issues concerns question are symptoms but there's underlying issues that at times needs a person to sit down with the couple and get a clear picture of the problems and what brings those concerns. She needs to ask herself where she possibly sees herself in the next 5years with the guy, she is the only one who can tell if there's solid future and the future of their kids if they choose to have. We marry for legacy.
When you are a man and think of marriage, think about the burden of financial security, how you'll survive even in the marriage who will carry the burden? And money also is not the only concern, potentials matters. For me am an old School, the man is the Head of a home (not a financial provider per day as society wants to make it). God has a home structure. There's a lot she needs to think about here.
Their relationship has deeper issues than what meet the eyes, the " I want to get married is just the symptoms" of the problems, there are issues in that relationship. The lady has to ask more questions and get clarity and also does the guy has potentials? Is there progress on the guys side from the time they have been together? Or he is the type of guy who talks maybe about changing his circumstance but no progress. I know most people say women like money and materialistic etc I disagree strongly, women like to see progress, you can't be with a partner you met him/her 5 or 10years ago with grade 12 and years later he still has grade 12, woman Value progress and hates stagnation. That's how we are wired. The guy seems honest and clear on what he wants, is the lady honest about his concern to the guy.
Imagine them being married and having disagreement and the guy says you married me in this circumstance what has changed. I wouldn't advise anyone to marry anyone who has no potential of progressing and being a better version of themselves. You have to marry where you are going not where you are....marriage sounds good on theoretical or discussion terms but when you in it, it comes with a lot of responsibility.
I like this, very detailed and provides more clarity. Thank you for this insight
I get your points, respectively. I think we discount the fact that when a woman falls in love with someone that doesn't bring home income, we don't envisage the situation to be the same for years to come. We hope and pray that they will too get a job that pays enough, so we stay in those relationships with a hope, for the one we love. Comes in the issue of getting married... Thats where now our sense come to, will you be able to still be living in hope, whilst footing for all the bills? Will this be enough? Is love, in this matter, enough? Those are the questions she needs to ask her self.
Yasssssssss wena transformed man❤😂.. We love it for you.
Hi bantu bam, i believe that this issue can still be resolved by just advising the guy in a well mannered way in their conversation that "baby I get you want to marry me but can we first look for job, that will make our financial status more stronger in terms of doing necessary things like Lobola and our weeding" obviously that will show a man that the point is for fruitful results. They need to combine something alok. Money is very sensitive in a relationship i agree with Nozie shame🤞🤞
Men are logical thinkers and women are emotional thinkers, Team buti Sku here tog😂😂😂😂
This is funny given nozi was the one giving logical and tangible reasoning
I love you Nozi cc you’re practical marriage has own it’s responsibilities imali yona iyafuneka. Yes, marriage can’t be based on money but ke imali is important Nozi cc. You’re wise Skhu thiza xa ndizotshata ndizoza kuni for counseling. You complement each other shame ❤
As a woman i am with Nozi money plays a huge role in any relationship, i mean everything nje is on sisi shoulders even the toiletries, aphumle nini uzakudinwa shem, but uSkhu uchubekile kakhulu yena his points make sense kumntu okwaziyo ukucinga offwhich asimazi ubhuti izizathu zakhe zofuna umtshato it could be ubone le comfort ayivayo, but is he willing to put in effort if roles are gonna be swapped?😊
I agree with the both perspectives, infact I think both are interlinked. In my understanding, Bhut'Skhu's point is about usisi having a deeper conversation nobhuti about what they define as marriage, its urgency and the other points he mentioned then after this conversation they then move on to ask themselves the questions Sis'Nozi is asking about how will they be able to handle joint expenses xa sebetshatile. This was an eye opening conversation because nyani sometimes youre able to oversee some things because youre not married to the person but in order to move on to the next stage of the relationship, in depth conversations need to be had about what you'd both like that stage to entail and look like. Thank you so much Sis'Nozi for these conversations ❤❤❤
Bhuti Skhu that what maturity looks like.
On point.
Makabongwe! Finances are critical to marriage sustainability. In fact financial troubles reveal the true self of partner married to. Easy to be in love and make promises to each other. The grind of life reveal the different layers of the "I".
I love it how you argue on your point because you both make sense🙂 I feel for GT zothi omnye ufuze mna ndim oCleve🤣🤣🤣 Happy aniversary Mayaba's
I'm with Nozi 😂 sisi! Don't!! I don't get it why a man would want to get married but akasebenzi 🤔 njani na sana! It is a concern for me ngoku ndingena full info
I agree with Nozi. This isn't just about the ceremony, lobola or their status. Right now they are individuals: legally and financially, regardless of if they stay together or not. Once they get married either with the multiple ceremonies or just signing, their liabilities and expenses become each others. She won't be able to choose not to intervene once they are married, which by default will be in community of property. And if she wants to keep what's hers protected going in, she'll have to pay for that prenup. Either way, she's footing the bill.
Hay u guy makame ngomtshato😂aqale afumane umsebenzi and hustle cz they can't just get married 😭umtshato is veryyy expensive as I'm looking ❤and I'm sure they are not ready for those wedding preparation struggles
I agree with Nozi money plays a big part in a marriage and also if responsibilities are reversed its also gonna be a problem in a long run imagine working alone and coming home from work to submit emuntwini omele wena to provide for him soze sana
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂❤❤ not even more than 3 minutes into the video and I am laughing ❤❤i love you guys
Happy anniversary mama no Tata Ka GT. God bless your marriage. I agree with Nozi. The lady is calling poverty yooh.
I Happy to see you Nozie now on TV show yes am hiv . I feel like you are my real sister it's now more than 2 years now since I know on UA-cam. Wish you the best on your show it's nice to see you growing.
Enjoying the consistency ❤❤❤❤happy Anniversary to you guys ❤
Very interesting guys. Am with Nozi. Yhooo
Skhu, critical questions! Needed perspective.
And nyan ke sis Nozi, money is very sensitive in a relationship ❤and that's one of the reasons I'm not dating 😂cz Varsity girls 😭yhoo they love money as if we are not both students 😂😂😂hay mna I'm good alone and making myself happy ❤❤😊very important
Happy anniversary mom and dad,I love you guys so much, today it my birthday too I hope you remember me .Angie
Nozi you're sbsolutely 100% correct. My opion is if you're a MAN whom will become a husband you should be the provider , protector not the other way around .
I was once in that situation mna what I did,I ask him all these questions ucc Nozie is asking....then I reach a point where I have to cut whatever we had... because he took everything in a sensitive way...so all in all money is very important when it comes to a marriage
I respect both points, I appreciate the fact that both of you see this in two different ways very interesting.
I love you guys so much ❤️🔥 I honestly believe in soulmates just by witnessing the love you have for each other.Watching you is also so refreshing
Nozi sis'wam, I'm 100% behind you my dhiye. Yes, the couple may have been together for now and may have managed to make ends meet... BUT SAAAAANA, marriage??? It's a different story. So icebo, kunga tshati mntaka bawo uBhuti engeka binayo income eConsistant.
I think the key word we are missing here is that Husband is in a profession that does not bring in money..... is there a point where the husband will decide to find a profession that brings in money. My understanding it's the European culture that wakes up and get married because they have the ability to walk away from family and build their own families. In the African culture its starts from the Lobola....all these things have a significance. Without even having a ceremony.... if you say Tsha the next word out of your mouth must be Cows. Ziyimali.
If the guy can raise loyola money and has a plan on how to join a paying profession then you can get married. Makalime noba yhigadi or be willing to be a house husband. Avuke acleane enze iskhaftin sasemsebenzini avase abantwana... njalo njalo... which is what Nozi is trying to avoid because he will lose isidima sendoda when that happens.
I agree with him. It must come from her, the decision should not be based on the guy because circumstances change..this is life. What if u marry him n he's working well n has money then 2 months down the line he gets retrenched n struggles to find employment she will be an angry wife n mistreat him coz she didn't choose him for the right reasons. Life is difficult, we try to minimize risks as much as we can but marriage must be done for the right reasons.
I definitely agree with Nozi, the guy cannot wang to get married when he's unemployed because how Is that marriage going to happen in the first place
I agree with bhuti Skhu, mna when I was growing up we were taught in my teen years ukuba if a man wants to marry you , he must come with the full plan. My pastor would say fanele umbuze ubana, "ewe ndiyakuva ufuna ukunditshata but lithin icebo lakho". He said life after the wedding can be very difficult due to finances, causing fights and familiarising early divorces hence why it is important for a man to come with a fully intact plan mapped out to you and realistic if he is serious about marrying you and yes finances are important so I'd say you both correct despite them living together now ,the question remains at what the next plan will be. So yeah she should go back and ask about the plan😅
I'm on Nozi's side....Money plays a veryyyyyyyyy *IMPORTANT* in a relationship
Wow you guys are good at this top you can educate many 🎉
This is such a great discussion and u both made some brilliant points.
Happy Anniversary to GT's parents 🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Money is a point of high stress in relationships. I feel as if one of the biggest problems is that people are really scared to be upfront about the realities of finances and the impacts they have for all affected parties.
I agree with Nozi. It's one thing if the man earns less than the woman but if the woman must now be the sole breadwinner in the household that's too much. It's too much of a burden for one person to carry. Even a man being the sole breadwinner of a household is too much considering the economy we're living in and the standard of living. For the average person, if you want to live comfortably both people have to earn an income. You cant go into marriage hoping for the best when you can see there are problems ahead
I agree with both of you guys, esp Skhu with clarifying questions and Nozi with the importance of money in marriage. We dont know what will happen tomorrow the guy might even get a better paying job. She is the only one who knows her mans situation.
Happy Anniversary bazali Baka GT🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳💖
I agree with skhu partly,because how is the relationship working now.but the general assumption should be,if they are not married they dont live together.there will be a lot of adjustments when they live together. The truth is he needs to be self reliant first and one of the man's role is to provide,how is planning to do that.
Nozi is right man, how is he even planning to lobola her... the blessings of the parents are Very important and thats something we tend to overlook nowadays...
Kudingeka imali qhaa. Nozi I agree with you. The celebration is so expensive. Who must carry the load awa. The guy must get an income. Bhuti skhu u nail it but if they're blacks he must work for izinkomo zakhe
“I am used to your English “😂😂
Agree with both points but more towards Nozi , money plays a big role noba kungathiwani wethu.
What a great conversation my favorite couple. Am so in support of Nozi's points..how is the guy going to pay lobola??
Happy anniversary Mayabaz, I love you guys❤️GT is blessed to have such parents 🥰
May God grant more strength to you guys and protect yonke into ebizwa ngegama lenu
Sis Nozie is spot on male ego will not allow her peace once married for now is bearable based on the fact that its still a girlfriend once married is a different ball game altogether, lt is in every man's nature to protect serve and provide..He must work first before getting married.
I honestly think both of you came up with valid but somewhat contradictory points. Skhu is right, Sisi's first issue is failing to have an honest conversation with the boyfriend. Or rather share the conversation she's having with herself to the boyfriend. She clearly has an issue with marrying the guy whilst he's unemployed otherwise she would not be asking such advice. And there's nothing wrong with that I'd also be anxious and uncertain with getting married when the other person cannot fulfill his duties.
Also I must say I 100% agree with Sis Nozi when it comes to the male ego part. Most men want to be "breadwinner" they want to be the "head" at that includes taking care of their families financially. And the fact that this man is not concerned with that is concerning I won't lie. After the marriage the same guy may want to move in with u Sisi, buy groceries and toiletries for two, pay dstv or rent a home and possibly black tax. Things uSisi was used to do for her individual self. How is she gonna do that if bhuti is not employed.
I think the guy doesn't want to lose the lady for whatever reason that is why he wants the marriage. But the way he is going about it, is not make sure.