Speak yourself: The story of my parents death
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2019
- So I made this video a good 20 times and ended up using only the first one. The reason for that mostly is because it was the most raw and genuine version of the video. It portraits everything I was feeling at that moment and even when I'm not sick.
I hope people can find a way to express themselves in a save space! Please don't be afraid to speak up about your pain!
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/ taescalves
/ jennthepanda
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Hi Jenn, only just found this sad sad story, I too was devastated when I lost my parents, but I was lucky because I
was in my 40's. What really hurt me was watching & supporting my lovely wife just after her Father died ! We new
he was sick, he & Mum lived in the US, but we live in Aust, my wife (Susie) was on Anti-depessants for over 2 years !
We certainly know what you've gone through, problem is your so young, we have a beautiful daughter your age..
Just surfed for some Dimash. Didn't expect that. I even can't imagine the courage to speak about to the public. Highest respect. Speaking about losses always helps, but doing it in public to strangers you cannot even see, is another thing. I, 53, male, german, really hope this helped a bit. Noone can even handle such a loss without deep scratches in soul. They will stay the rest of your life. The longer you life and get new experiences nothing changes and everything changes all together. My personal theory is our souls grow every day until we are ready to handle every fate wich is waiting for us. In the end there is unity with the universe. This happened to your parents. This will happen to you. Well, at least this is my belief.
I don't know you but this video made me start loving you. Thank you for sharing something so intimate with us. All I can tell you is that the pain never goes away completely. But the day will come when you will feel much better. Please, be pacient. Hugs
Jenn, thank you for sharing your story with everyone. I was somewhat older - in my 40s - when my mum passed away in 1994, but I still miss her. My dad passed six years later, and that was more difficult because my dad and I never really got on well. Since then, I have felt for other people's loss also, as my work as a parish priest brings me into contact with a number of bereaved families, and to officiate for their funeral services. You are right in what you said about people not talking over their grieving. Death seems to be a subject which many people avoid talking about, particularly here in the UK, although I guess it also happens in other places too. One thing I am often asked is how long does grief last. Of course the answer is that there is no answer, as grief doesn't adhere to a time scale. A number of people I've met have lost loved ones many years ago, but still grieve as though it happened yesterday. The important thing is that no matter what happens in the rest of your life now, you have your memories of your parents, and nobody can ever take that away from you. Lastly, I must say how much I have enjoyed your videos for quite some time, and look forward to more. Take very good care of yourself, and may peace be with you. God bless.
Jenn,I saw your video and cries the whole time, I know what you feel, I lost my wife a year ago of cancer and I can't sleep either, cries allot by seeing things that belong to her, we didn't have any children so I have go true it all by myself, bless you Jenn thanks for your story, I hope you can read my English (I am Dutch) think of you,😊
another time a big hug (you just shown up on the startpage)
take care please. you are a remarkable person.
Hi Jenn, thank you so much for sharing this......i feel your sorrow
Hi Jenn, I am truly sorry for your loss. For you, through you, your parents live on and the love you express for them tells much about the love the gave you. You are a beautiful and sensitive soul who needs time "to go through the process of grieving" as you said yourself. Their lives clearly had a meaning since you are here to tell the story; now, it is time for you to give a meaning to your own life. By doing that, you will honor and keep them "alive" in your memories, your life, and your heart. Nobody can feel your pain, nobody can take it away, nobody can make you feel better using words or caresses. It is your pain and it cuts really deep, to that depth where you can really encounter yourself. I am not a religious person but I feel that they watch you and still look over you in sickness or healthiness. I can't give you any soothing advice, I can only say, don't run away from the pain you feel; embrace it, cry for as long as you need, take all the time to make peace with their departure. At some point, somewhere, you will come out of this and be able to smile thinking of them and all the emotional charged moments spent with them. Stay courageous as you are, you are not alone! Best wishes, Alex
Går det bra med deg, følger deg. Noe jeg kan hjelpe til med. Alltid en plass til deg her.
화이팅 jenn! Dont cry ㅜㅠ 😢
I am so so sorry, Jenn. I will keep you, your Mum and your Dad in my prayers. You, Jenn, are one strong person, that is for sure. Even in tears and in so much pain, you are tough - in a good sense. I hope good things will come your way and you will heal. Life never is just bad or just good. Look out for good stuff. It will come.
Wat vind ik het knap van je om je verhaal te delen en zo over je diepste gevoelens te praten. Je lacht ze dan wel weg maar je vertelt wel wat er achter je lach schuil houdt... Kon ik je maar een knuffel geven...Heel veel sterkte lieverd, en blijf erover praten
Thank you for sharing. (I'm early but why wait to post)
My parents were divorced when my Father died in a car accident.
About 2 years later I was taking car of my Mother as complications from cancer slowly took her life over the course of that year.
This left me alone since I was an only child.
I was 17 years old. That was 32 years ago.
My friends became my family and I'm glad to say we are all still in touch with each other even though we all live apart from each other.
In a way beautiful that your friends ended up being so precious. Keep in touch with them❤
So sorry to hear this, I lost my mom to cancer about 5 years ago too.. it's horrible to see someone you love go through that, and it leaves a big hole in your life, that will probably never be fully filled. I hate those moments where something happens and I would love to tell her about it, but just can't anymore..
And to lose your father so shortly after that just seems unfair.. :(
It's good to laugh a lot, and laugh the sadness away sometimes. Ive seen enough people that can't do that and become socially isolated because their friends can't deal with the constant sadness of the person, but it's also good to vent it sometimes, because it needs to get out one way or another. Hopefully you have some good friends over there that can help out with that.
About the tub, I don't know your situation, but look for "tubble" online. It's an inflatable bathtub for when you don't have a real one. Of course it's not a perfect replacement, but if you think it will make you feel better, and can't get a proper one, it might be a nice solution (local stores might have inflatable tubs too of course).
Anyway a big (virtual) hug to you, and I hope you feel a bit better soon, and are able to find a place for the pain of losing your parents in your heart where you can look at it, but it can't hurt you anymore. Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault.
p.s.
how was the soup?
Thanks for the amazing words. I check out thet tub thing.
Ps the soup was okayish
@@JennThePandaa Ah well, okayish is better then terribleish.. and it still leaves room to improve on it in the future ;)
Taste is always something that's hard to get right..
@@esenel92 yeah next time more luck with it
Big hug, I don't know what you feel, I know what I felt when my dad past away 34 years ago and how I miss him still. I hope you find that love again in a person so you can share you're stories and feelings again. big hug again and a kis on you're forhead ;-)
Thank you so much for sharing this Jenn, we love you girl..
So, I've only seen few of your reaction videos, I just stumbled upon this one and... Well.
I'm 22, and honestly I can't relate to most of the feelings you expressed. I do feel lonely, sometimes I get anxious and just blame myself for anything, but that's it. This video hit me waaaay more than I expected, and just left me with a weird feeling in my stomach.
Finding the strenght to point a camera at your face and just talk about it, and your feelings, just feels so powerful to me.
And... I don't know, I guess I just wanted to show you a little support, and tell you to take your time to heal and take care of yourself. Things will slowly get better. You're great
From Chile I give you all my love. You are a very tender lady and I am very sad to know that you have suffered so much.
That takes so much courage to share something so personal and important with the world like this. I am so impressed and truly feel for you. My father passed 6 months ago -- and he passed while I was flying there as well -- so I didn't make it in time either. My Mom has lots of health issues and lives far away. I will be going to visit her soon, but don't know how long I will have her either. Anyway, you are FAR too young to have had to deal with all of this and I admire your honesty and openness about it all. You will heal and be a more compassionate and caring person as a result ... but we never forget and we are always grateful for the amazing parents we had and the love they gave us.
Wow, ik had nog niet dit filmpje van je gezien, wist niet dat je ook je beide ouders verloren bent.
From costa Rica, Jenn, God bless you heart,one story sad 🌹🌈
Sorry you had to experience this all by yourself, you're brave for sharing and even stronger for moving on with your life. You're amazing Jenn, keep that in mind!
From Wales, United kingdom. You are such a strong person to share this video and be so honest. Your Mother sounds an amazing and talented person
Dankje voor dit verhaal:
We zitten in het zelfde schuitje.1 ding weet ik zeker je blijft de rest van je leven rouwen.
Zeker op bepaalde momenten.Ik kan ongeveer wel raden waarneer dat is.Bij mijn moeder kwam ik 1 dag te laat omdat er geen vlucht was naar nl.
Kan je alleen een digitale hug geven
Nadeel van het expat leven. Echt zwaar bagger
@@JennThePandaa ik mis ze bijde maar andere kant ook dankbaar voor wat ze me hebben geleerd.
En ik heb echt wel dagen wat had me moeder nog willen vertelen dat blijft spoken in mijn hoofd.en dat is zwaar k.t
En daar net zat ik ook te janken omdat ik naar je verhaal keek.
@@vblomb ik begrijp je helemaal. Zelf als ik dit terug kijken en toen ik het aan het editen was bleef ik maar janken. Hoop dat ondanks dat je voelt dat je niet alles hebt kunnen zeggen dat diep in haar hart ze het geweten heeft
Denk het zelfde hierover nu
En die emotie moets er uit en dat gebeurd in vorm van janken dus niets opkroppen
OMG, I feel your pain and please accept my condolences. I too have suffered the loss of my mom and its been 6 years and it doesn't get any easier as there so many memories revolving her presence and absence. Tears still come and go some sad and many happy, dreams vivid dreams of her coming to visit us in our time of need, are always there and they are so beautiful. There is no shame for a man to cry for his mom as I have done it so many times because its always been about love. I can see that is that same love between you and your mom which is very beautiful and because of that is what makes it so hard not to cry. Many days of joy will follow and many days of comfort s well, many blessings to you and I will have you in my prayers.
As you live on and result into others, your parents become forever through all of us, which is why it's so right that you open your youtube channel and share this video today. I'm proud that you did. Get better soon and live on Jenn. You're wonderfully strong.
I know the pain, at least part of it... My mother passed away, even though it was several years ago i still miss her very much. I used to call her almost every day when she was alive. I didn't get the chance to say farewell just got a phonecall from my brother and received the news. It came very suddenly and unexspected. Although she'd lived with chronic pain many years her death was a shock. Even today i'm afraid of answering the phone fearing that it's bad news.
Thankfully my Father is still alive and that really helps. I used to blame people e.g the doctors for not discovering my Mothers health problems in time. I used to blame God for taking her away from me, even though i prayed for her regularly. I'm in a better place now. I have accepted the fact that she's gone.
I truly believe my Mother is in heaven and she has a better iife with no pain and suffering. Perhaps it's better for her not having too live with the pain for 20+ more years on earth? Maybe it's just selfish of me to wish she'd never passed. I don't know the answer to that. But i know one thing. Even though she is not with me anymore she still lives on though my life. All the values and things she taught me over the years and i try to live my life in a way that would have made her proud.
Thanks for sharing this. God bless..
My wish for you is healing for your current illness and your spirit🤗 Even though your parents are irreplaceable I hope you have or will bring people into your life for mutual support. Thank you for sharing this. I’m going to share this with a friend who also lost her parents very similarly to you. She has expressed many of the same feelings you have here. Please take care and all the best wishes for you💪🏻🤟🏻
This is not a reaction to music.
This is a reaction to life. To the hard parts of life.
Very touching and moving video.
I know we can't compensate the hole and the emptiness, but we can try to support you.
You don't really need us to tell you things, just to listen to you and give you a big hug (a virtual one in this case, but still).
The only thing I can tell you is that the fact that it hearts so much is because it was so good with them. As time will pass, you will still miss them, a lot, but the bad memories will mix with the good ones from a life time.
And another thing is that, the way it looks, you lost both your parents the same day, not 2 year apart. Your dad died with your mom, it just took him some more time to leave.
We are here for you.
Do not hesitate to post videos about your feelings and even requesting things from us if you need to. I don't know how, but we will try to help you as much as we can.
❤️❤️ bless your heart ❤️❤️
Je bent net zoals ik ook ben, naar de buitenwereld blij en je doet je zo voor, maar van binnen zit heel veel pijn en verdriet en onbegrip wat er met je ouders is gebeurd, heb ik t gevoel van je. Heb dat sinds mn vriendin is overleden op 29 maart dit jaar extra zwaar. We waren op 1 dag na 6 jaar samen. Zou je t "fijn" vinden om er is meer over te praten? Durfde voorheen eigenlijk niet iemand er zo over aan te spreken.
I don't know if you have a wider family, but being in Sweden does not help because it is so far away from them. Well, I can say platitudes like "it will pass with time" but yeah. I hope you will find a way to cope. Singing, dancing, painting, writing maybe. If you have the energy, of course. I have seen a few videos and I commented once that you have a good heart. I am now more convinced of that than ever. But yeah, I cannot think of anything better than that it will pass, eventually. My father lost his father at the age of 10, and with five sisters he was now the man in the home earning the money (no money or time for school anymore). Until after again 10 years he had to go to Berlin during WW2 to do forced labour whilst he was bombed at least twice a week. Sometimes life sucks, but he got into happier times too. I myself lost my wife to unexpected divorce, she took my son, my best friend died suddenly, my father died, and I lost my job, all in the space of 2 months. What is there to say to situations like yours and mine and my father's? Life can suck, but it never sucks all the time.
a very heartbreaking video, its really hard to watch for me because you were telling story while holding your tears, your voice trembling makes me really sad.. at least its good to know that you were loved by both of your parents.. please don't blame yourself anymore for all of this, I know its really hard for you losing someone that really loved you, but the best you could do for them is stop blaming yourself and being a wonderful person like them, and love everyone that really need it..
also send my love for Micky, he's a cute dog.. tell him he's a good boy !!
They're watching u from above nd they're so proud of how strong nd beautiful nd amazing them daughter is 💜 ur not alone luv I lost my dad too nd it was the biggest shock of my life but I jst kept fate nd kept walking forward to make him proud , yes I cry a lot ,yes I feel so weak sometimes, yes I can't take it ,yes I feel alone ,yes I sometimes jst wanna disappear but u know what keeping me alive is hope nd loving myself to the point that I'll fight for it till my last breath ✨ god bless u angel nd give u strength 💜borahae
Thanks for your encouraging words. It helps me keep hope and faith in live!💜
Jenn, the loss of your parents is never easy for anyone. There is an empty space that they used to occupy that will never close. I lost both my parents some time ago, and they are still in my mind and heart every day. The sadness you feel will pass in time, never really going away, but softening some in a way. Hold your memories close, and cherish them. Please try to forgive yourself for whatever blame or fault you are assuming, life goes as it goes and none of us is in control. I felt your pain as you spoke, and you are very brave for making this video. Perhaps the simple thing of making a video will give you some inner peace. No matter who we are, or where we live, or our age and circumstances, the loss of a parent is overwhelming at times. I sometimes imagine my parents looking at me, a 64 year old guy and being happy and proud of me because I lived my life in a decent way so far. That's what parents want for their children, and if you feel in your heart that your parents would be proud of how their child turned out, stand up tall and continue to make them proud even though they are not with you anymore. That's all you can do. I wish you peace and strength all the way from the United States.
Hey Jenn how's you going? I hope everything is doing well for you. I have watched your Dimash's reactions videos, and I loved it... there is a special one that I don't remember very well now, but on this one I could see so much love in your eyes, and the way that you felt the song was amazing...anyway... please accept my condolences, I really got touched by you sharing this history about your parents. I wish you everything good. See ya!!!
Life is unfair. I wish all the best for you.
Losing a parent is hard. I lost my dad years ago, I miss our time together. My mom while still with us she hasn't been able to recognize who I am for years now. I miss my mom and I wish I had her back.
As with David Fryer, I found your channel through your reaction to Angelina Jordan. I can feel your pain and think you are very courageous to make this video and share it with us. Two of the young singers whose careers I follow on UA-cam experienced death of family members this year and shared with us their tributes to them. I list those videos for you in the hope that they may offer you some comfort to know you are not alone. Amira Willighagen - In the Stars: ua-cam.com/video/GcAOAxQNono/v-deo.html
Angelina Jordan - Always on my mind: ua-cam.com/video/dd8r7c-4-ks/v-deo.html
Jenn you are amazing. You are not alone. You are free to message me at any time or post more vids here about it if you need. Wishing you love tonight and sending big virtual hugs ❤ I wish I could hang out with you in person. I'd be happy to make you soup and take care of you 🤗
Awh thank you so much. You are such a sweetheart❤
Come on, let me give you a hug already! :(
Have you ever heard of Eva Cassidy? All of the songs from Songbird are some of the most beautiful ever. She died way too soon and is the most successful posthumous artist ever. Anyway, check out Autumn Leaves ... ua-cam.com/video/xXBNlApwh0c/v-deo.html
❤️
Flowers bloom after the storm ---