I do not understand the genderless language argument. We do not have genders in Turkish and I grew up in a genderless language. If you ask me, it is strange to remember people's genders in daily life.
Honestly the arguments against this are never fact based or logic based. The argument is “it isn’t natural/traditional” and that’s it. It doesn’t matter that pronouns are not only not natural or traditional, what matters to them is that they are uncomfortable with things they don’t understand.
I always find it funny that the people point fingers at single moms but never turn around and point fingers at the dads that aren't in those children's life. Single moms get a bad rap for being the parent who stayed and I find that so confusing. Also these women are the same people who would be mad if that single mom chose to get abortion. I find the whole book just them ranting from a place of privilege.
I just can't fathom how these people don't make the connection that Mary was a single mother lol. I heard a Catholic priest say that in defense of single mothers and I was like oh... that's a good point! 😂
@@emmamoose-dragon1110 Mary wasn't a single mother.... Joseph was Mary's husband. Not that I don't agree with the original comment here. I'm a kid of a single mother, my father was the one who decided not to be there. My mother provided everything for me.
@@erincarr9411 I think people get confused because of the "virgin" thing, but actually what it means in the bible is that Jesus was conceived without sex...
@@KatherineAcosta20 the history of the word virgin is actually really interesting. For a while it meant an unmarried women, or a woman who slept with whom she liked.."In fact, once upon a time , [virgin] was used specifically to describe a free woman - independent, autonomous, untied. Her own sovereign. Her own lover.".. I mean they have a point why would a woman who is married not be having sex with her husband? I get the confusion.
I googled the Sweden preschool thing out of curiosity. It just seems like the preschool is just open and allows kids to do activities that they like. Be it “girly” or “boyish” just that no student is discouraged from an activity due to their gender. They refer to the kids by their names to promote an inclusive and open environment. Early research shows these students seem more open to interacting with others as they grow older compared to children who attended more err “traditional” (for lack of a better word) preschools. Showing greater social skills and awareness. Further research is needed of course. But I dunno. It seems quite harmless to me. 🤷🏼♀️
It’s wild to me that someone could be mad that a child is referred to by their name. Also it’s proven that once an adult KNOWS a child is a girl, a boy, or otherwise, they treat them differently when doing the exact same activities. So I think the way the Sweden preschool handles it is not only healthier for the child but benefits the adult as well to not fuck up child raising by being unintentionally different towards one gender or the other.
I think K and B can’t conceive of how people can be happy without their worldview. But sometimes I think they’re trying to convince themselves that they are happy
In evangelical circles "The Culture" is a dogwhistle for basically anything outside of The Church. They likely didn't define it because A) the target audience knows what they mean by it and B) it's such a vague catch-all that it would have been too hard to apply a proper definition to it anyway. The term literally can mean anything depending on the person using it. It's just a quick way to differentiate what they value from what non-believers value. A similar term they throw around is The World.
Yes, they will say for example that trans people are just following the culture, in defiance of the reality of how culture views trans people. My religious beliefs would also be deemed as "following the culture" because I'm trans.
I grew up going to church and Sunday School, and I am so, so, so grateful the church we went to made sure to make sure it's members and every living thing was loved (if you can believe it, it's a catholic church). No shaming, no gaslighting, no "god-fearing". I don't agree with a lot of it now, but something I never forgot was a priest's sermon sometime in 2004/2005 when gay rights/marriage was a huge issue in the news. I was 15 and not paying attention until he closed with these words: "the media is telling everyone to be tolerant of homosexuals, and I couldn't disagree more. God tells us to LOVE your neighbor as you love yourself, he does not say TOLERATE your neighbor. It's our job to make sure we are showing kindness and love above all else." They still taught the traditional beliefs, but with much kinder/practical approach that, while not perfect, considered the ENTIRE person and not just how much they followed rules (like they don't condone abortion, but they know it happens and kept pamphlets in the bathrooms listing resources for free healthcare, free counseling, women's shelters, and other services for those who have had an abortion or had an unwanted pregnancy that had absolutely no religious affiliation). Even if their beliefs are bigotted or harmful, I have yet to see any other church/religious community reach out to others who've been condemned and abused by people like Girl Defined.
It's so nice to hear about other progressive churches! I grew up in a fundamentalist church and I'm so glad I've found more and more churches that actually act like Jesus would, with unconditional love. It gives me hope.
This is really beautiful. I wish more Catholic churches were this open and inclusive. My experience in the Catholic church growing up was very different and drove me away, never to return lol. (FWIW, I grew up in the '70s and '80s, so I'm a bit long in the tooth. :p )
The Roman Catholic Churches that I attended growing up embraced science, encouraged us to interpret the bible as individuals (as opposed to being told how to interpret it), emphasized the importance of experiencing and exploring other religions (which were depicted as equally valid and never demonized), and God was taught to be forgiving and of Love (and absolutely not as a vengeful being to be feared). I don’t consider myself to be religious, but I’m thankful that I went to churches that were accepting and valued critical thinking. The few Baptist churches I attended with friends were the opposite: God is to be feared, there is only one right way to interpret the bible, science is anti-religious, and all other religions (Christians and otherwise) are wrong and evil. I’d either seethe in silence because I didn’t want to be rude/persecuted, or I’d be combative. For example, when they said “Catholics aren’t Christians and warships snakes,” I’d respond saying “We don’t worship snakes, and Jesus Christ himself founded the Catholic Church.” Another example: They’d say “Science is a lie. Science believes in evolution which says we come from monkeys. We did not come from monkeys!” I’d say “Guess what, science also doesn’t believe that we came from monkeys. Sounds like you don’t understand how evolution works and cannot comprehend the majesty of God’s power.” As someone who loves science and was raised Catholic, those were two statements that went too freaking far. If you’re going to teach hate, at least base it on the truth. The hate would still be utterly disgusting, but at least it wouldn’t be based on heinous lies.
It’s weird talking about their target audience, because when I was a teenager, I would have been the target audience for this book. I would’ve probably been recommended this by a youth group leader. But now, at 28, I can’t stop thinking about all the trauma this kind of subculture gave me as a closeted bisexual, and a cis woman who did not identify with the mold of what they identify as being a woman. Like, it’s hard to explain, but I feel like even though I am cis, I still feel like this personality they give to describe what a woman “is” does not fit me. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be a trans person listening to their rhetoric. And the weird thing is, I’m STILL a Christian, I just don’t identify with Girl Defined’s American fundamentalist/Evangelical Christianity because of all the trauma I have from that type of subculture.
I came into the comments to say the same thing. I was this books target audience 15-20 years ago (I’m 34). I find that the root of Evangelical literature’s teaching of how to be a good Christian woman is shame based. It doesn’t encourage you because you have worth but instead to see yourself as worthless and needing God’s guidance to function in culture (all non-evangelical things). Some people would certainly consider this book good reading for the demographic but maybe because it will make the teenage girls they are giving it to easier to control not because it’s true.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with so much of that growing up. I love that you can keep your faith in Christianity while also staying true to yourself and your own values
im still watching the video but i feel the same. im 25 almost 26 but as a teen i was using this website called "Project Inspired" and it had a lot of the same rigid ideas of gender and christianity. its also really weird to me bc i feel like evangelical culture has this really weird double standard where on one hand you need to be "pure" with purity culture and sex is shameful unless its after a traditional marriage and yet if you express NOT wanting or caring about sex you are also shamed???? i'm asexual (and it depends on who you ask if that is lgbt so i don't claim to be lgbt just as a disclaimer dont attack me) BUT i had a lot of arguments with my mom bc i didn't have boyfriends (i was an undiagosed autistic who did not know how to take care of curly hair bc her mom straightens her own every day and etcetc no one was interested in me even if i wanted them to be first of all hahahah) but like i just remember my mom being really accusatory about the fact i wasn't in relationships and i mean she'd ask "are you gay" like imagine if i was, i'd prob be in an even worse mental state back then bc obviously thats not really how you axcept your child... but anyway it messed me up a lot anyway bc its like somehow wanting sex is shameful but not wanting it is also bad?? super weird, teenaged me was very confused about it im on good terms with my mom and all still but also she recently told me she thinks she raised my brother and i "wrong" by allowing my brother to play with barbies as a kid and me to play with legos as a kid bc "gender neutral is an agenda" and im just literally offended bc i don't know what about my brother and i she is even unhappy with but like its so weird again the message they put out is "playing with barbies doesn't make you a girl" and yet they want to forbid their boys from playing with barbies ??? its just so weird!! lol i dont know if i made any point here sorry if this comment was extremely useless lmao
@@petrichorbones Just so you know, as a fellow asexual, you are absolutely part of the LGBT+ community *if* you decide to be. The only people arguing that we don’t belong are those who are trying to erase our identities as asexuals or who don’t believe that asexuality is a thing. As an asexual, I can assure you that it absolutely *is* “a thing,” and your experience/identity is just as real/valid as any other sexuality. The A in LGBTQIA (the extended acronym for LGBT+) stands for Asexual (ace) and Aromantic (aro). Any arguments that the A stands for “ally” can be dismissed because it demonstrates an inherit misunderstanding of the term “ally.” An ally, by definition, supports a group that they aren’t a part of. For example, you wouldn’t say that Britain is part of the USA just because they are American allies; that would be absurd. Again, you don’t have to claim that you’re a part of the LGBT+ community if you don’t want to, but as an asexual, you’ll always have a claim to “membership” if you want it. If anyone tries to exclude you, they’re in the wrong. You deserve acceptance as an ace just as much as anyone who is gay/lesbian or bi/pan.
Sometimes my husband gets concerned because I'm skirting a bit too close to heretical when in go off about how horriblely the human body was designed. We're Mormon/Christian, but that doesn't mean I will ever stop telling anyone who mentions how "perfect" the human body is THAT THE OVARIES AND FILLOPIAN TUBES AREN'T SECURELY CONNECTED. FERTILIZED EGGS CAN LEAVE THE ACTUAL HUMAN INCUBATING ORGANS AND RANDOMLY IMPLANT IN THE ABDOMENT OR LIVER. Literally no one can claim that was a good design, much less a perfect one. And as a Mormon, I'm super ready for the Church, and Christianity in general to stop thinking in absolutes.
The baby has to basically turn a corner in order to come out because of how the human pelvis got shaped in order allow us to walk upright. There is nothing good about that.
In some religious groups, it's seen as a good thing to question religious beliefs like "the human body was perfectly designed." It's a natural part of growing up and it shows that you actually care enough to think deeply about things and to find meaningful answers. Calling people heretics because they are genuinely interested in learning something makes no sense at all.
The Girl Defined ladies' hyperfocus on pregnant women being the "proof" of perfect Godly design seems to be little more than anti-choice propaganda veiled in a quaint little tale of a visit to a museum. Consider my eyes rolled so far back in my head that I can see the folds of my brain.
@@emmamoose-dragon1110 I converted to Judaism when I was very young; the Jewish religion _requires_ that its adherents challenge traditional views and engage in critical thinking, *especially* Judaism and religious texts themselves. I'm bewildered to no end that many conservative Christians forbid questioning their own religion or the Bible. "Trust in God with all your heart; rely not on your own understanding." Why _wouldn't_ a benevolent God want us to use our excellent brains and figure life out for ourselves?
Re: First living together before marriage. The pandemic has destroyed a lot of relationships during the work from home phase as couples learned they couldn’t stand to be around each other 24/7. Even after marriage, the couples didn’t get to spent much time together due to work. (I fully and completely support living together first)
yes! i agree! so many pandemic divorces happened. i'm grateful that me & tyler both working from home has only caused us to bond more & find more hobbies together
I also support baby steps to living together first. Don’t just sign a goddamn lease together! Spend weekends at one’s home, then the other. Gradually extend that time. I did this with my SO for over a year before we moved in. Also? Cannot stress enough… once you move in you should still have your own bedrooms, with your own beds. Share the bed every night if you want but you still need YOUR space, and a bed in case you wanna sleep there (or are sick). I’m so grateful for my autism cause it makes me picky and that meant not listening to tradition but instead listening to me. 😌
Lols, Marilyn was raised in very religious foster homes and she was a Christian Scientist for a long time before converting to Judaism. This was great! Thanks you both!
Ok im literally 1.09 minutes in and i just can't. Sorry if you bring this up later on but! Swedish have three official pronouns and have for a few years now. Hon (she), han (he), and hen which is a genderneutral pronoun. Slowly 'hen' is being more widely used and using friend for everyone in a classroom is more than possible.
When I was marrying my now husband, it was important to him that we be married by the Catholic Church. Things have changed, but I digress. They gave us this long questionnaire that included several questions related to “Do you believe Jesus is the one true God?” With answers being yes, no, and I don’t know. I am not smart or wise enough to know the secrets of our existence, so I answered as an agnostic- “I don’t know”. They’re heads almost exploded. I don’t think religious spaces can function with non-binary thoughts. Also, the priest was talking about how living together without being married was a bad idea because it led to more breakups than being married. I remember thinking, “That’s not how that relationship math works, darling priest dear.”
I've heard that living together makes breakups harder, due to the interlinking of your physical lives. Like people stay together longer than they should have because it gets harder to leave
I saw a post discussing the sort of stigmas around living with non-family members on tumblr. (Aka how nuclear families are pressed so hard to be normal/the only acceptable living situation.) And how people almost sexualize living together. Even if you're just friends or if you're unmarried. (Hell I've seen people do this to SIBLINGS who live together.) And how this sort of stigma negatively impacts anyone who is not heterosexual and allosexual. (And as a sex-repulsed ace/bi individual, I don't want to have people assume my sexuality because I need to live with someone else in order to just survive.) It puts a stigma heavily on queer people. And completely ignoring that nuclear families aren't even what is most normal. That people live with extended family, family friends, etc. And how this push for nuclear families has almost put a sort of negative connotation to living with friends or a partner. (And we live in a environment where multiple incomes are needed to be able to live anywhere.) I come from a conservative rural area. My parents originally didn't like my sister and her boyfriend staying the night at his family's house. Now they have a house, a cat, and are unmarried. They've been together since 2015. They're happy. They know each other's routines and they know how they click together. I think it's just been this weird growing problem of people sexualizing living together. As if the second you graduate high school or college, you can't live in the same place as another unmarried individual without it being sexual. The entire negative association of housemates having a sexual undertone is what has held me back from leaving home. That I know I'll need a housemate, but I don't want to move in with a friend and have rumors spread. (Cause, I am also closeted.) Plus, the pandemic hasn't helped that either. But I digress. On that Tumblr post I saw people say the whole sexualization of unmarried people living together in a non-nuclear family is fairly new. That people used to live together or move out with family and friends. It's just.... So weird. Not to mention, assuming someone's sexuality or sexual partners is gross. As someone who is sex-repulsed, I've had that happen to me before. And it's absolutely uncomfortable. Let people live.
I grew up with my dad, my mum, and my "stepmom." It's hard to explain to people because my dad & my mum weren't dating. My dad was actually dating my "stepmum." They were all just best friends who raised me. My dad passed away from cancer when I was 11 yrs old. From them on, people immediately thought my mum and "stepmum" were lesbians. It wouldn't have mattered if they were but trying to explain they weren't got so tiring. I eventually started drawing a diagram to explain who's who and from which side when trying to explain my family dynamics. I remember people making fun of me & my family & trying to tell me that my parents were actually Mormon and in a 3 way marriage & that I just "didn't know" because THAT was somehow easier for them to understand than just accepting I didn't have a "normal" family. I wouldn't change a thing, though. My dad was my best friend & hero & he positively affected me way more than my birth father ever have or ever will. My mum & stepmum are still my best friends & I love them both so much more than I could ever explain. I was very blessed to be raised by 3 of the most amazing humans on earth. It's just crazy to me that it's so hard for people to grasp because it was my normal. I never saw anything wrong with it & I still don't.
I live with my SO and his roommate (now also my roommate). I’ve had some people say stupid shit or ask if it’s weird. I feel bad for them, do they not have friends of a different sex they can trust implicitly? I trust our roommate more than any other guy in my life besides my SO. He’s just a good person and any easy cohabitant. Anyway though when people say stupid shit I love to just be like oh they’re my daddys.
I relate completely. I'd love to have a roommate/ friend I live with but my parents are still very Christian and I know that they'd balk if that person was a guy - even though I'm ace! It frustrates me that some of that conditioning STILL lives in my own head, even though I ABSOLUTELY never want to be with someone like that.
The pragnancy bit about how "perfectly" designed it is Just got me. Because.... It's Not. It's really Not. For a mammal, our way of giving birth is super risky and Just... Dangerous. We need medical Intervention so often it's ridiculous. Kids get stuck in the birth Canal, you can get bleeding that will kill you in 5 minutes, women need to be sewn BACK TOGETHER because everything can rip because be Babies head is too big... Some people are befrieden throughout their pregnancy because of risk factors. Like give me a Break, im Sure motherhood is beautiful, but the "Design" is rubbish
@@toomuchcyan I remember reading that the Aztecs viewed birth as a battle. The mother battled to bring the baby into the world, and women who died giving birth were honored like fallen warriors. That really resonated with me.
You all can appreciate this. I am sitting in a Starbucks in Texas and a man just said, “women’s rights have come full circle and now they are oppressing women.” I am sure Bethany and Kristin would agree with everything this guy is saying. And he hates tolerance and inclusivity. Apparently equality is now going to become a weaponized word. So, that is interesting. They are laughing about the idea that everyone should be treated equally. Wow. Good stuff. I didn’t know I was going to be so entertained while at Starbucks. 🤦🏻♀️ However, this guy just said he doesn’t like Abbott either, so I agree with him on something. Good to find common ground.
I've watched so many Girl Defined reviews because I remember being taught stuff like this in church or Christian school and always thought, "Hmm, something doesn't feel right 🤔" . It's so validating to hear critical discussion of this from others, as opposed to feeling like you're the only one questioning things
The fact that they won’t even live with their boyfriends before marriage-even while keeping their purity culture-tells me that optics are every bit as important to them as following God’s word. When I believed in God, I knew he didn’t care about optics, as long as I was doing the right thing. Keeping up appearances, as well as pleasing your deity, must be exhausting.
Both also didn’t kiss their husbands (or anyone) until they were married. They acknowledge that the Bible doesn’t require that, but that’s it’s like an extra sacrifice or something both couples made to prove they were getting married for super Godly reasons. B and K said it proved their husbands to be wanted them in a Godly way since they were willing to forego even the most basic of intimate gestures.
The Field Museum was my childhood. Went to Science and Industry a lot, too, but the Egyptian exhibit was my home away from home. Also, the Spirits of the Pacific Realm scared the shit out of me as a child. Now I’m going to be forty soon, love to visit it, but those old creeps still come around when there. Thank you for shining a light on woman not being a mother as a punishment for original sin, and how women can fill a mother/ caregiver roll without birthing the children in their care. I’m one who after years of trying has yet to conceive, and probably never will, focus the love I have to children in my life. I’m the Auntie/ Preschool teacher, and I wear that badge with honor.
Late to the party, but I think it's important: I live in Sweden and speak Swedish. I don't have kids but I have two friends, a couple, with 2 kids, one of whom attends kindergarten/pre-school. In Sweden it is avoided to stereotype by gender and associate traits/occupations/looks to a specific gender as a general thing, because it is recognized as detrimental for the individual. Example: you are a man and wear make-up? at the store shopkeepers are gonna help you find whatever you need. you are a woman and like carpentry? cool, just follow safety rules. you don't recognise as either man or woman and want to be a doctor? go get a degree then you can practice. Same attitude is with kids and how you address them; pronouns are used in a grammatically correct way, but the attitude is that of avoiding the binary system, recognizing that everyone is how they are, accepting differences, and that gender isn't relevant when determining how one should look, what they should like and do. Apparently those are groundbreaking concepts and unheard of policies for some weird fundamentalist/radical Christians.
Am I surprised that Girl Defined's book is awful? Nope. Am I going to watch the video anyway? Absolutely. ETA: I'm so excited for the Ben Shapiro book review!
When happiness came up, it reminded me of how I grew up in church. It was always taught in my church that people can only be happy in a church exactly like the one I attended, i.e. nondenominational, modern Christian music for some reason (so Hillsong or Hillsong-esque), anti-lgbt+, etc. They taught that any other type or style of church was old-fashioned and/or misguided. It was constantly brought up that people "of the World" (ooh scary~ non-Christian people~) are all secretly miserable and sinning to fill a hole that only God and the church could fill. A couple years ago, it finally clicked that contrary to what I was taught for so long, people are good at heart even non-Christians, and the church and its rules weren't a requirement for being good and happy. I had been hanging onto my old church mostly for social events since I'd been so sheltered growing up. I had no friends or social network outside of the church well into college for fear of "falling away." But, after the realization, I started developing friendships with much more open-minded people. It's still a struggle, but I've never felt better about my life than I do now, fully separate from my old church.
I don't know how many hours Kristen and Bethany spend doing their ministry work, doesn't that mean that they are working wives rather than stay at home wives as they are advocating for. I don't know how often biblical fanfic happens these days but some of the books that didn't make it as a part of the cannon are a pretty wild read.
Or that human female anatomy involved pregnancy and childbirth without pain or high risk of death. But then god rearranged it all so that women had to give birth in pain and agony.
On the question of biblical fan-fiction: YES. Oh, gods, so much. I read way too many shitty romance novels based on retelling stories in the Bible from my church library when I was in my early teens. There were multiple ones based on the books of Ruth and Esther. I remember one about like teenage and young adult Jesus where he meets a girl and falls in love and then his mother Mary is like, "No, you can't get married because you're the Messiah and it's going to go some bad places and she doesn't deserve to have her heart broken like that!" so they break up. Looking back, it was kind of ludicrous.
I believe the modern notion of Satan also being the serpent in the Garden in Genesis 3 comes from John Milton's _Paradise Lost_ , which is an amazing work of art in its own right, and which was highly influential on English Reformation and Protestant Christianity. Milton was a Puritan and, of course, Puritanism took hold in the new English colonies in America. I think anyone who wants to understand the source of a lot of mainstream Christian mythology in the English-speaking world should read _Paradise Lost_ .
I don’t believe God wants women to waste all of their talent and brainpower to just listen to what a man tells them to do. Come on! Look at the world men created. Great job.
The book is made to be read through about a year’s period during a Sunday morning or Wednesday Bible study. This also helps boost sales as churches will commonly purchase the books for the girls in the youth group.
So there's a thing in Jewish tradition called midrash which is basically bible fanfiction and it's grea because the wackiest stuff gets written. This being said, they are just misinterpreting biblical text.
Very very initial reaction: I've always had an issue with the "all women are beautiful" thing bc Why do women *have* to be beautiful? All men don't have to be handsome.... There are so many other more important qualities for humans to have Also Kristin and Bethany husband's both seem like closeted gay men. I do feel sad for all of them if it is true these dudes aren't living their true lives and these women aren't married to people who truly and fully love all of them.
Bible fanfiction is a thing it's something I found when I was first introduced to fanfiction as a whole but I didn't read it bc I assumed it was heresy lol
Just started the video and I'm already head-desking over the "friends" thing. I live in Canada and calling groups of young kids "friends" is pretty typical in early childhood education.
I just went to the Field Museum the weekend before Christmas. It's my favorite! My kids LOVED it too 💕 we also had lunch at Eleven City Diner (the burgers are delicious!).
You will find that most of these privileged, white, Christian stories about rising above cultures beliefs are pretty hollow. Like y’all, we have it easy!
I don't necessarily think that you need to live with someone to know if you're compatible. I lived with my ex for years and it didnt work out. But I never lived with my husband before I married him and we get along extremely well. I think that there's other things that you can do to realize whether that person is a good fit for. And living together doesn't necessarily have to be one of them. But I also encourage people to live together before marriage if that's what they want to do
My main takeaway from this review was that the women who wrote Girl Defined see the entire world through the lens of their implicit bias and have absolutely no self awareness of that bias.
I hate to break it to them but I taught preschool for 11 years and always referred to my students as friends rather than boys or girls. I also didn't enforce gender stereotypes in my classes either.
Thank you, both of you, for this fantastic video. I think this is the most calm, empathetic, even-handed, and thorough reaction to Girl Defined that I've come across so far. I learned a lot about the cultural differences represented in their book and channel that I've been curious about, the things that somewhat get obfuscated in other, more exaggerated reactions. I'm a firm believer in the importance of loving our neighbor as the best way to continue and improve modern society (and the best way to get people out of cults >.>), and this video is a beautiful example of that. As someone who spends a lot of time around the extremely conservative side of US christianity, I have noticed that (in general) the less time humans spend interacting (in the real world!) with other distinct groups of people (conservatives with liberals, christians with muslims, teenagers with old people, to name a few), the greater our fear of those people tends to become. Not because they can't be harmful, but because we begin to see them less as people and more as 2-dimensional cartoon villains. To really put forth the effort to get past that inherent fear of the unknown and seek each others' humanity like you do in this video is so extremely important and can be very difficult (especially if one feels personally attacked by some of the views espoused by the other party). As a christian myself, I notice more and more how "love your enemies, bless those that curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who insult you and persecute you" takes a ton of courage. Personally, it feels like I am sacrificing my own protection/ making myself vulnerable by committing to love and empathy instead of embracing my anger and hurt to fight back. This isn't to say that you don't/aren't fighting back against those harmful, hurtful ideas, but the emotions you're using to do that feel much more gentle. ...Anyway, sorry for the essay. >.< Thanks again for the video! Y'all are both awesome! (^-^)b
thank you for your kind words! i'm so glad the video resonated with you, and i agree: the more time we spend with others who have different beliefs and life experiences, the more we learn and can empathize.
Culture didn't tell me I wanted a life like Marilyn Monroe. I feel like a lot of the continued fascination surrounding her life's story focuses on abuse, mental illness, the way society viewed and constricted her, her struggles to be taken seriously, her need for acceptance, her family trauma, her body image issues, her addictions, her relationship with men and a male dominated industry, the tragic re-framing of a Cinderella story... there's so much there, it's a prism that can be viewed from any angle, to the point where it seems Marilyn herself never even existed as a living, breathing, non-mythological figure. No one's taken her more out of context than Girl Defined, though. They don't even try.
Interestingly, using terms like friends also isn't recommended in ECE because it makes it harder for young kids to learn that not everyone is a friend and harder to distinguish friends, bullies, acquaintances, etc
My opinions usually differ from yours BUT you always give an unbiased review and that's why I listen- because I like to hear the other side without an attack or fight. Keep that up! I respect your opinion.
Savy, I respect you so much for being able to actually engage with their points and not just mocking them as many other youtubers do. But as for me, I'm just angry. The ludicrous pride of these girls who willfully ignore the millenia-long rich tradition of interpreting the Bible. It's like having a fridge full of various delicious foods but choosing to eat only potatoes and saying everyone else should do as well. My mom was exactly like this: she once went to complain about the biology teacher because he taught us about evolution. The biology teacher turned out to be a priest. He spent a couple hours, bless his soul, trying to convince her that it's okay to believe both in Jesus and the evolution.
these stories seem like rejected college essays to christian universities. also, those kids were totally trying to see if they could make the christian girls do something sexual without telling them it was sexual and I still don't think that's what the tongue thing was. Reminds me of when I used to listen to the raunchiest Eminem songs whenever my sister said "don't swear in front of them, they're christian!" then I'd just belt out "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW SICK YOU MAKE ME! YOU MAKE ME FUCKING SICK TO MY STOMACH..." their mom swore ALL the time. Made no sense why I had to censor myself but she didn't.
For anyone looking for a critique on biblical womanhood, I want to recommend Rachel Held Evans' book "A Year of Biblical Womanhood." It looks at women in the Bible from a feminist perspective, and concludes that this tradfem way of evangelicalism really isn't biblical at all. And if you like that one, I can't help but recommend all of RHE's books
Bible fan fiction minus the erotica is 100% a thing. I remember having several different books when I was younger from the perspectives of Deborah, Esther, Bathsheba, and Mary. I loved them because the Bible hardly ever lets women be the main characters. Edit: I’d love to hear your reviews of books like that if you ever feel like it!
The frustrating thing is I think there's something to be said for innate, God-given value as a person, and that conditional forms of being valued can't take it away from you. But then Girl Defined's brand of Evangelicals absolutely want the power to take people's sense of value away.
The advert I got before this video was "Visit Saudi Arabia" (not bloody likely for a multitude of reasons) - there are people there who also have a book that tells them how women should behave, also apparently coming directly from God, and yet their book says some very different things. The Bible says it's the correct book, but the Qur'an says that too. To quote Homer Simpson, what if they've picked the wrong religion? Every week they're just making God madder and madder.
Wot! Girl defined, Marilyn Monroes story is one of utter tragedy! & demonstrates the exploitation of women based on her looks (After reading every book & watching every doc on MM)
37:38 Oh yes, truly a romance for the ages... "Wow, Eve! You're my perfect woman! It feels like you were made just for me..." "I was. Like, five minutes ago. That is _literaly_ what just happened." "It's like we're two halves of the same person!" "Well, not two _halves..._ God made me out of one of your ribs. So that's really just a tiny percentage. But sure." "Say I'm the only one for you..." "I'm not exactly overburdened with options, now am I?" "I love you too, Eve." "Yeah, whatever. Got anything to eat around here...? I've got a real hankering for some fruit..."
Have y'all ever read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers? I was obsessed with that as a young Christian because it's basically a fan fiction or a today's version of Hosea. Another book I was suggested to read back as an Evangelical Christian was Preparing to be a Helpmate Debi Pearl. I had bought it and threw it away within reading the first chapter.
I am so happy you took time off, to enjoy friends, family, & hubby. I hope you took time for just for you. Be honest thought, even thought we didn't see you-- did you really not work for 3 wks or just cut down?? Lol, just teasing. You just seem like a workaholic. This is not a bad thing if you enjoy it😉
How could Adam find Eve so beautiful? She was the only woman he’d ever seen. He had nothing to compare her to. Unless he was comparing her to Lilith. But I doubt they believe she existed.
Thank you so much for making this. Fundamentalist Christianity is, in many ways in my opinion, just as if not more harmful to a young woman's development and self worth. I am not religious but I was raised in the Presbyterian church and thus have read the Bible, and in the Bible, Jesus says that he came to fulfill the law (the old testament)which applied solely to the Isrealites/the Jewish people and to extend salvation to gentiles (everyone else) without having them bend to the constraints of the laws of the old testament. Jesus said salvation and redemption/rightness with God required two things : admitting that we as humans are imperfect being and thus we don't have to follow rules perfectly because there's no point, and believing in Jesus for salvation. Belief in Jesus would then reflect in following his teachings of loving and accepting others, standing up for the weak and "lowly", giving to the poor, helping the sick, standing up for what you believe in, being the bigger person, and treating others as you would want to be treated yourself. That's what Jesus said. Everything else said in the Bible was written by men and mostly applies to the culture and norms of the time it was written. What Jesus taught was more so a system of beliefs, a faith that governed how you would treat others. But it was turned into a religion which in my opinion caused so much harm to the world and to society as a whole because religions are based on rules and power and right and wrong ways to be and dichotomies and an us vs them mentality. All of these "How to be a godly woman" books forget that Jesus's best female friend was a prostitute, that he was all about showing love to the people rejected by society. He didn't lecture her; he loved her. All these rigid rules made both by men in other biblical translations of texts and in biblical commentaries exist to control women, to keep them in a subservient position. And these women, to feel good about themselves and to think they're holy try to abide by these rules that they think are God telling them how to be when the Bible itself says, "you are beautifully and wonderfully made." We are beautiful as we are. Made as we are because how we think we should be we should be free to be. Purity culture, headship ideology, and all the good women vs bad women ideas are just a bunch of bs. And like you both say, I feel sorry for these women, thinking that there's only one way to be "correct" as a woman.
Heads up, I am sensitive to flashing lights, and the moving lights (like at min 6:35) were uncomfortable. A note for future editing, you may consider changing.
Regarding the Sweden thing: Okay so I'm not a native Swedish speaker but I know a bit. Swedish is like English in that the third person singular pronoun is gendered, "hon" for "she" and "han" for "he". But the Swedish preschool in question was partly controversial because it used a Swedish gender neutral third person singular pronoun "hen", to refer to children. The use of "friends" instead of "boys and girls" was another thing, but not directly related to pronouns.
I do not understand the genderless language argument. We do not have genders in Turkish and I grew up in a genderless language. If you ask me, it is strange to remember people's genders in daily life.
So much easier. So much free-er as well.
Honestly the arguments against this are never fact based or logic based. The argument is “it isn’t natural/traditional” and that’s it. It doesn’t matter that pronouns are not only not natural or traditional, what matters to them is that they are uncomfortable with things they don’t understand.
Also a lot of language assign gender to inanimate objects. Like, tables are feminine in French.
As someone who is genderfluid, ty, it IS strange to remember people’s genders in daily life and kind of perverted tbh.
Chinese
I always find it funny that the people point fingers at single moms but never turn around and point fingers at the dads that aren't in those children's life. Single moms get a bad rap for being the parent who stayed and I find that so confusing.
Also these women are the same people who would be mad if that single mom chose to get abortion. I find the whole book just them ranting from a place of privilege.
i completely agree re: single moms vs dads!!! people don't hold men as accountable
I just can't fathom how these people don't make the connection that Mary was a single mother lol. I heard a Catholic priest say that in defense of single mothers and I was like oh... that's a good point! 😂
@@emmamoose-dragon1110 Mary wasn't a single mother.... Joseph was Mary's husband.
Not that I don't agree with the original comment here. I'm a kid of a single mother, my father was the one who decided not to be there. My mother provided everything for me.
@@erincarr9411 I think people get confused because of the "virgin" thing, but actually what it means in the bible is that Jesus was conceived without sex...
@@KatherineAcosta20 the history of the word virgin is actually really interesting. For a while it meant an unmarried women, or a woman who slept with whom she liked.."In fact, once upon a time , [virgin] was used specifically to describe a free woman - independent, autonomous, untied. Her own sovereign. Her own lover."..
I mean they have a point why would a woman who is married not be having sex with her husband? I get the confusion.
I googled the Sweden preschool thing out of curiosity. It just seems like the preschool is just open and allows kids to do activities that they like. Be it “girly” or “boyish” just that no student is discouraged from an activity due to their gender. They refer to the kids by their names to promote an inclusive and open environment.
Early research shows these students seem more open to interacting with others as they grow older compared to children who attended more err “traditional” (for lack of a better word) preschools. Showing greater social skills and awareness. Further research is needed of course. But I dunno. It seems quite harmless to me. 🤷🏼♀️
It’s wild to me that someone could be mad that a child is referred to by their name. Also it’s proven that once an adult KNOWS a child is a girl, a boy, or otherwise, they treat them differently when doing the exact same activities. So I think the way the Sweden preschool handles it is not only healthier for the child but benefits the adult as well to not fuck up child raising by being unintentionally different towards one gender or the other.
I think K and B can’t conceive of how people can be happy without their worldview. But sometimes I think they’re trying to convince themselves that they are happy
perhaps. i never want to speculate on someone else's happiness, even if that's essentially what they're doing to me
In evangelical circles "The Culture" is a dogwhistle for basically anything outside of The Church. They likely didn't define it because A) the target audience knows what they mean by it and B) it's such a vague catch-all that it would have been too hard to apply a proper definition to it anyway. The term literally can mean anything depending on the person using it.
It's just a quick way to differentiate what they value from what non-believers value. A similar term they throw around is The World.
yeah, that makes sense - if they don't call out anything specific, then ANYTHING they don't like can be "the culture"
Oh my gosh you put it into words
Yes, they will say for example that trans people are just following the culture, in defiance of the reality of how culture views trans people.
My religious beliefs would also be deemed as "following the culture" because I'm trans.
I grew up going to church and Sunday School, and I am so, so, so grateful the church we went to made sure to make sure it's members and every living thing was loved (if you can believe it, it's a catholic church). No shaming, no gaslighting, no "god-fearing". I don't agree with a lot of it now, but something I never forgot was a priest's sermon sometime in 2004/2005 when gay rights/marriage was a huge issue in the news. I was 15 and not paying attention until he closed with these words: "the media is telling everyone to be tolerant of homosexuals, and I couldn't disagree more. God tells us to LOVE your neighbor as you love yourself, he does not say TOLERATE your neighbor. It's our job to make sure we are showing kindness and love above all else."
They still taught the traditional beliefs, but with much kinder/practical approach that, while not perfect, considered the ENTIRE person and not just how much they followed rules (like they don't condone abortion, but they know it happens and kept pamphlets in the bathrooms listing resources for free healthcare, free counseling, women's shelters, and other services for those who have had an abortion or had an unwanted pregnancy that had absolutely no religious affiliation). Even if their beliefs are bigotted or harmful, I have yet to see any other church/religious community reach out to others who've been condemned and abused by people like Girl Defined.
It's so nice to hear about other progressive churches! I grew up in a fundamentalist church and I'm so glad I've found more and more churches that actually act like Jesus would, with unconditional love. It gives me hope.
I'm so glad that you had a much more positive experience! It makes me happy to know those churches are out there
This is really beautiful. I wish more Catholic churches were this open and inclusive. My experience in the Catholic church growing up was very different and drove me away, never to return lol. (FWIW, I grew up in the '70s and '80s, so I'm a bit long in the tooth. :p )
I wish there were Christians like that around where i live 😭
The Roman Catholic Churches that I attended growing up embraced science, encouraged us to interpret the bible as individuals (as opposed to being told how to interpret it), emphasized the importance of experiencing and exploring other religions (which were depicted as equally valid and never demonized), and God was taught to be forgiving and of Love (and absolutely not as a vengeful being to be feared).
I don’t consider myself to be religious, but I’m thankful that I went to churches that were accepting and valued critical thinking.
The few Baptist churches I attended with friends were the opposite: God is to be feared, there is only one right way to interpret the bible, science is anti-religious, and all other religions (Christians and otherwise) are wrong and evil.
I’d either seethe in silence because I didn’t want to be rude/persecuted, or I’d be combative.
For example, when they said “Catholics aren’t Christians and warships snakes,” I’d respond saying “We don’t worship snakes, and Jesus Christ himself founded the Catholic Church.”
Another example: They’d say “Science is a lie. Science believes in evolution which says we come from monkeys. We did not come from monkeys!” I’d say “Guess what, science also doesn’t believe that we came from monkeys. Sounds like you don’t understand how evolution works and cannot comprehend the majesty of God’s power.”
As someone who loves science and was raised Catholic, those were two statements that went too freaking far. If you’re going to teach hate, at least base it on the truth. The hate would still be utterly disgusting, but at least it wouldn’t be based on heinous lies.
It’s weird talking about their target audience, because when I was a teenager, I would have been the target audience for this book. I would’ve probably been recommended this by a youth group leader. But now, at 28, I can’t stop thinking about all the trauma this kind of subculture gave me as a closeted bisexual, and a cis woman who did not identify with the mold of what they identify as being a woman. Like, it’s hard to explain, but I feel like even though I am cis, I still feel like this personality they give to describe what a woman “is” does not fit me. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be a trans person listening to their rhetoric.
And the weird thing is, I’m STILL a Christian, I just don’t identify with Girl Defined’s American fundamentalist/Evangelical Christianity because of all the trauma I have from that type of subculture.
I came into the comments to say the same thing. I was this books target audience 15-20 years ago (I’m 34). I find that the root of Evangelical literature’s teaching of how to be a good Christian woman is shame based. It doesn’t encourage you because you have worth but instead to see yourself as worthless and needing God’s guidance to function in culture (all non-evangelical things). Some people would certainly consider this book good reading for the demographic but maybe because it will make the teenage girls they are giving it to easier to control not because it’s true.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with so much of that growing up. I love that you can keep your faith in Christianity while also staying true to yourself and your own values
Hey there, I'm also 28 and have the exact same story. Sorry that happened to you as well. I'm glad you were able to keep your faith despite all that.
im still watching the video but i feel the same. im 25 almost 26 but as a teen i was using this website called "Project Inspired" and it had a lot of the same rigid ideas of gender and christianity.
its also really weird to me bc i feel like evangelical culture has this really weird double standard where on one hand you need to be "pure" with purity culture and sex is shameful unless its after a traditional marriage and yet if you express NOT wanting or caring about sex you are also shamed???? i'm asexual (and it depends on who you ask if that is lgbt so i don't claim to be lgbt just as a disclaimer dont attack me) BUT i had a lot of arguments with my mom bc i didn't have boyfriends (i was an undiagosed autistic who did not know how to take care of curly hair bc her mom straightens her own every day and etcetc no one was interested in me even if i wanted them to be first of all hahahah) but like i just remember my mom being really accusatory about the fact i wasn't in relationships and i mean she'd ask "are you gay" like imagine if i was, i'd prob be in an even worse mental state back then bc obviously thats not really how you axcept your child... but anyway it messed me up a lot anyway bc its like somehow wanting sex is shameful but not wanting it is also bad?? super weird, teenaged me was very confused about it
im on good terms with my mom and all still but also she recently told me she thinks she raised my brother and i "wrong" by allowing my brother to play with barbies as a kid and me to play with legos as a kid bc "gender neutral is an agenda" and im just literally offended bc i don't know what about my brother and i she is even unhappy with but like its so weird again the message they put out is "playing with barbies doesn't make you a girl" and yet they want to forbid their boys from playing with barbies ??? its just so weird!! lol i dont know if i made any point here sorry if this comment was extremely useless lmao
@@petrichorbones Just so you know, as a fellow asexual, you are absolutely part of the LGBT+ community *if* you decide to be. The only people arguing that we don’t belong are those who are trying to erase our identities as asexuals or who don’t believe that asexuality is a thing. As an asexual, I can assure you that it absolutely *is* “a thing,” and your experience/identity is just as real/valid as any other sexuality.
The A in LGBTQIA (the extended acronym for LGBT+) stands for Asexual (ace) and Aromantic (aro). Any arguments that the A stands for “ally” can be dismissed because it demonstrates an inherit misunderstanding of the term “ally.” An ally, by definition, supports a group that they aren’t a part of. For example, you wouldn’t say that Britain is part of the USA just because they are American allies; that would be absurd.
Again, you don’t have to claim that you’re a part of the LGBT+ community if you don’t want to, but as an asexual, you’ll always have a claim to “membership” if you want it. If anyone tries to exclude you, they’re in the wrong. You deserve acceptance as an ace just as much as anyone who is gay/lesbian or bi/pan.
Sometimes my husband gets concerned because I'm skirting a bit too close to heretical when in go off about how horriblely the human body was designed. We're Mormon/Christian, but that doesn't mean I will ever stop telling anyone who mentions how "perfect" the human body is THAT THE OVARIES AND FILLOPIAN TUBES AREN'T SECURELY CONNECTED. FERTILIZED EGGS CAN LEAVE THE ACTUAL HUMAN INCUBATING ORGANS AND RANDOMLY IMPLANT IN THE ABDOMENT OR LIVER. Literally no one can claim that was a good design, much less a perfect one. And as a Mormon, I'm super ready for the Church, and Christianity in general to stop thinking in absolutes.
thank you for this perspective!! i completely agree; bodies have many inconveniences
The baby has to basically turn a corner in order to come out because of how the human pelvis got shaped in order allow us to walk upright. There is nothing good about that.
In some religious groups, it's seen as a good thing to question religious beliefs like "the human body was perfectly designed." It's a natural part of growing up and it shows that you actually care enough to think deeply about things and to find meaningful answers. Calling people heretics because they are genuinely interested in learning something makes no sense at all.
The Girl Defined ladies' hyperfocus on pregnant women being the "proof" of perfect Godly design seems to be little more than anti-choice propaganda veiled in a quaint little tale of a visit to a museum. Consider my eyes rolled so far back in my head that I can see the folds of my brain.
@@emmamoose-dragon1110 I converted to Judaism when I was very young; the Jewish religion _requires_ that its adherents challenge traditional views and engage in critical thinking, *especially* Judaism and religious texts themselves. I'm bewildered to no end that many conservative Christians forbid questioning their own religion or the Bible. "Trust in God with all your heart; rely not on your own understanding." Why _wouldn't_ a benevolent God want us to use our excellent brains and figure life out for ourselves?
Re: First living together before marriage. The pandemic has destroyed a lot of relationships during the work from home phase as couples learned they couldn’t stand to be around each other 24/7. Even after marriage, the couples didn’t get to spent much time together due to work.
(I fully and completely support living together first)
yes! i agree! so many pandemic divorces happened. i'm grateful that me & tyler both working from home has only caused us to bond more & find more hobbies together
I also support baby steps to living together first. Don’t just sign a goddamn lease together! Spend weekends at one’s home, then the other. Gradually extend that time. I did this with my SO for over a year before we moved in. Also? Cannot stress enough… once you move in you should still have your own bedrooms, with your own beds. Share the bed every night if you want but you still need YOUR space, and a bed in case you wanna sleep there (or are sick).
I’m so grateful for my autism cause it makes me picky and that meant not listening to tradition but instead listening to me. 😌
Lols, Marilyn was raised in very religious foster homes and she was a Christian Scientist for a long time before converting to Judaism. This was great! Thanks you both!
thank you!! and yeah that's a great point
Ok im literally 1.09 minutes in and i just can't. Sorry if you bring this up later on but! Swedish have three official pronouns and have for a few years now. Hon (she), han (he), and hen which is a genderneutral pronoun. Slowly 'hen' is being more widely used and using friend for everyone in a classroom is more than possible.
lol it sounds like they did no research on how sweden works before spouting off about this school in their book
OH MY FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER, EMMA AND SAVY NO WAY
hahahahahahaha yessss!! thank you :)
Can we get a tri-force collab. 👀👀👀👀
When I was marrying my now husband, it was important to him that we be married by the Catholic Church. Things have changed, but I digress. They gave us this long questionnaire that included several questions related to “Do you believe Jesus is the one true God?” With answers being yes, no, and I don’t know. I am not smart or wise enough to know the secrets of our existence, so I answered as an agnostic- “I don’t know”. They’re heads almost exploded. I don’t think religious spaces can function with non-binary thoughts.
Also, the priest was talking about how living together without being married was a bad idea because it led to more breakups than being married. I remember thinking, “That’s not how that relationship math works, darling priest dear.”
I've heard that living together makes breakups harder, due to the interlinking of your physical lives. Like people stay together longer than they should have because it gets harder to leave
I saw a post discussing the sort of stigmas around living with non-family members on tumblr. (Aka how nuclear families are pressed so hard to be normal/the only acceptable living situation.) And how people almost sexualize living together. Even if you're just friends or if you're unmarried. (Hell I've seen people do this to SIBLINGS who live together.) And how this sort of stigma negatively impacts anyone who is not heterosexual and allosexual. (And as a sex-repulsed ace/bi individual, I don't want to have people assume my sexuality because I need to live with someone else in order to just survive.) It puts a stigma heavily on queer people.
And completely ignoring that nuclear families aren't even what is most normal. That people live with extended family, family friends, etc. And how this push for nuclear families has almost put a sort of negative connotation to living with friends or a partner. (And we live in a environment where multiple incomes are needed to be able to live anywhere.)
I come from a conservative rural area. My parents originally didn't like my sister and her boyfriend staying the night at his family's house. Now they have a house, a cat, and are unmarried. They've been together since 2015. They're happy. They know each other's routines and they know how they click together.
I think it's just been this weird growing problem of people sexualizing living together. As if the second you graduate high school or college, you can't live in the same place as another unmarried individual without it being sexual.
The entire negative association of housemates having a sexual undertone is what has held me back from leaving home. That I know I'll need a housemate, but I don't want to move in with a friend and have rumors spread. (Cause, I am also closeted.) Plus, the pandemic hasn't helped that either. But I digress.
On that Tumblr post I saw people say the whole sexualization of unmarried people living together in a non-nuclear family is fairly new. That people used to live together or move out with family and friends.
It's just.... So weird.
Not to mention, assuming someone's sexuality or sexual partners is gross. As someone who is sex-repulsed, I've had that happen to me before. And it's absolutely uncomfortable. Let people live.
I never knew about the sexualization of roomates example -- that's wiiiild
I grew up with my dad, my mum, and my "stepmom." It's hard to explain to people because my dad & my mum weren't dating. My dad was actually dating my "stepmum." They were all just best friends who raised me. My dad passed away from cancer when I was 11 yrs old. From them on, people immediately thought my mum and "stepmum" were lesbians. It wouldn't have mattered if they were but trying to explain they weren't got so tiring. I eventually started drawing a diagram to explain who's who and from which side when trying to explain my family dynamics. I remember people making fun of me & my family & trying to tell me that my parents were actually Mormon and in a 3 way marriage & that I just "didn't know" because THAT was somehow easier for them to understand than just accepting I didn't have a "normal" family.
I wouldn't change a thing, though. My dad was my best friend & hero & he positively affected me way more than my birth father ever have or ever will. My mum & stepmum are still my best friends & I love them both so much more than I could ever explain. I was very blessed to be raised by 3 of the most amazing humans on earth.
It's just crazy to me that it's so hard for people to grasp because it was my normal. I never saw anything wrong with it & I still don't.
I live with my SO and his roommate (now also my roommate). I’ve had some people say stupid shit or ask if it’s weird. I feel bad for them, do they not have friends of a different sex they can trust implicitly? I trust our roommate more than any other guy in my life besides my SO. He’s just a good person and any easy cohabitant.
Anyway though when people say stupid shit I love to just be like oh they’re my daddys.
I relate completely. I'd love to have a roommate/ friend I live with but my parents are still very Christian and I know that they'd balk if that person was a guy - even though I'm ace! It frustrates me that some of that conditioning STILL lives in my own head, even though I ABSOLUTELY never want to be with someone like that.
The pragnancy bit about how "perfectly" designed it is Just got me.
Because.... It's Not. It's really Not. For a mammal, our way of giving birth is super risky and Just... Dangerous. We need medical Intervention so often it's ridiculous. Kids get stuck in the birth Canal, you can get bleeding that will kill you in 5 minutes, women need to be sewn BACK TOGETHER because everything can rip because be Babies head is too big... Some people are befrieden throughout their pregnancy because of risk factors.
Like give me a Break, im Sure motherhood is beautiful, but the "Design" is rubbish
Yep. My first pregnancy almost killed me
my heart goes out to everyone who died giving birth or had a traumatic birth...
Bipedalism was a mistake, for sure
@@toomuchcyan I remember reading that the Aztecs viewed birth as a battle. The mother battled to bring the baby into the world, and women who died giving birth were honored like fallen warriors. That really resonated with me.
You all can appreciate this. I am sitting in a Starbucks in Texas and a man just said, “women’s rights have come full circle and now they are oppressing women.” I am sure Bethany and Kristin would agree with everything this guy is saying. And he hates tolerance and inclusivity. Apparently equality is now going to become a weaponized word. So, that is interesting. They are laughing about the idea that everyone should be treated equally. Wow. Good stuff. I didn’t know I was going to be so entertained while at Starbucks. 🤦🏻♀️
However, this guy just said he doesn’t like Abbott either, so I agree with him on something. Good to find common ground.
Rofl, being "prideful" is definitely not the reason you shouldn't brag about being able to move your tongue really fast hahaha
lol right
I can't tell if they're just that innocent or if they're acting innocent
I love watching two brilliant women having an informed discussion!
aww thank you :)
I've watched so many Girl Defined reviews because I remember being taught stuff like this in church or Christian school and always thought, "Hmm, something doesn't feel right 🤔" . It's so validating to hear critical discussion of this from others, as opposed to feeling like you're the only one questioning things
The fact that they won’t even live with their boyfriends before marriage-even while keeping their purity culture-tells me that optics are every bit as important to them as following God’s word. When I believed in God, I knew he didn’t care about optics, as long as I was doing the right thing. Keeping up appearances, as well as pleasing your deity, must be exhausting.
Isn't there (unfortunately) a verse in the new testament about avoiding even the appearance of evil?
Both also didn’t kiss their husbands (or anyone) until they were married. They acknowledge that the Bible doesn’t require that, but that’s it’s like an extra sacrifice or something both couples made to prove they were getting married for super Godly reasons. B and K said it proved their husbands to be wanted them in a Godly way since they were willing to forego even the most basic of intimate gestures.
@@natsunohoshi7952 I think that line was meant in relation to pastors not every single person but it's been awhile since I read it so might be wrong
The Field Museum was my childhood. Went to Science and Industry a lot, too, but the Egyptian exhibit was my home away from home. Also, the Spirits of the Pacific Realm scared the shit out of me as a child. Now I’m going to be forty soon, love to visit it, but those old creeps still come around when there. Thank you for shining a light on woman not being a mother as a punishment for original sin, and how women can fill a mother/ caregiver roll without birthing the children in their care. I’m one who after years of trying has yet to conceive, and probably never will, focus the love I have to children in my life. I’m the Auntie/ Preschool teacher, and I wear that badge with honor.
i looooooove the field museum!!! :)
I'd feel bad for girl defined if they weren't actively causing harm
Late to the party, but I think it's important: I live in Sweden and speak Swedish. I don't have kids but I have two friends, a couple, with 2 kids, one of whom attends kindergarten/pre-school.
In Sweden it is avoided to stereotype by gender and associate traits/occupations/looks to a specific gender as a general thing, because it is recognized as detrimental for the individual. Example: you are a man and wear make-up? at the store shopkeepers are gonna help you find whatever you need. you are a woman and like carpentry? cool, just follow safety rules. you don't recognise as either man or woman and want to be a doctor? go get a degree then you can practice.
Same attitude is with kids and how you address them; pronouns are used in a grammatically correct way, but the attitude is that of avoiding the binary system, recognizing that everyone is how they are, accepting differences, and that gender isn't relevant when determining how one should look, what they should like and do.
Apparently those are groundbreaking concepts and unheard of policies for some weird fundamentalist/radical Christians.
Nope! I lived with my husband for a year before we got married! 3 kids and 30years married!
LOVE seeing Savy & Emma in one video!💖
aw thank you! the collab was fun
Love this duo!! (You two, NOT girl defined haha)
hahahah thank you for clarifying :)
Am I surprised that Girl Defined's book is awful? Nope.
Am I going to watch the video anyway? Absolutely.
ETA: I'm so excited for the Ben Shapiro book review!
thank you! i'm spending soooo much time on the ben shapiro review so i hope people watch it
When happiness came up, it reminded me of how I grew up in church. It was always taught in my church that people can only be happy in a church exactly like the one I attended, i.e. nondenominational, modern Christian music for some reason (so Hillsong or Hillsong-esque), anti-lgbt+, etc. They taught that any other type or style of church was old-fashioned and/or misguided. It was constantly brought up that people "of the World" (ooh scary~ non-Christian people~) are all secretly miserable and sinning to fill a hole that only God and the church could fill.
A couple years ago, it finally clicked that contrary to what I was taught for so long, people are good at heart even non-Christians, and the church and its rules weren't a requirement for being good and happy.
I had been hanging onto my old church mostly for social events since I'd been so sheltered growing up. I had no friends or social network outside of the church well into college for fear of "falling away." But, after the realization, I started developing friendships with much more open-minded people. It's still a struggle, but I've never felt better about my life than I do now, fully separate from my old church.
I don't know how many hours Kristen and Bethany spend doing their ministry work, doesn't that mean that they are working wives rather than stay at home wives as they are advocating for.
I don't know how often biblical fanfic happens these days but some of the books that didn't make it as a part of the cannon are a pretty wild read.
The best part of the bible is that god's punishment for snakes implies a reading where snakes originally had legs but god took them away.
Or that human female anatomy involved pregnancy and childbirth without pain or high risk of death. But then god rearranged it all so that women had to give birth in pain and agony.
On the question of biblical fan-fiction: YES. Oh, gods, so much. I read way too many shitty romance novels based on retelling stories in the Bible from my church library when I was in my early teens. There were multiple ones based on the books of Ruth and Esther. I remember one about like teenage and young adult Jesus where he meets a girl and falls in love and then his mother Mary is like, "No, you can't get married because you're the Messiah and it's going to go some bad places and she doesn't deserve to have her heart broken like that!" so they break up. Looking back, it was kind of ludicrous.
I believe the modern notion of Satan also being the serpent in the Garden in Genesis 3 comes from John Milton's _Paradise Lost_ , which is an amazing work of art in its own right, and which was highly influential on English Reformation and Protestant Christianity. Milton was a Puritan and, of course, Puritanism took hold in the new English colonies in America. I think anyone who wants to understand the source of a lot of mainstream Christian mythology in the English-speaking world should read _Paradise Lost_ .
I don’t believe God wants women to waste all of their talent and brainpower to just listen to what a man tells them to do. Come on! Look at the world men created. Great job.
Oh no,that typo 😭🤣
The book is made to be read through about a year’s period during a Sunday morning or Wednesday Bible study. This also helps boost sales as churches will commonly purchase the books for the girls in the youth group.
I'll be working when this goes live, but I'm looking forward to catching it another time!
aw thanks! :)
She's so heartbroken that a society chose a different way of using words.... Girl defined seem far too pressed
So there's a thing in Jewish tradition called midrash which is basically bible fanfiction and it's grea because the wackiest stuff gets written. This being said, they are just misinterpreting biblical text.
How cool! I watch both of you! Y'all both have such great inputs to the conversations surrounding these topics.
yay! thank you! most ambitious crossover yet :)
Very very initial reaction: I've always had an issue with the "all women are beautiful" thing bc Why do women *have* to be beautiful? All men don't have to be handsome.... There are so many other more important qualities for humans to have
Also Kristin and Bethany husband's both seem like closeted gay men. I do feel sad for all of them if it is true these dudes aren't living their true lives and these women aren't married to people who truly and fully love all of them.
Bible fanfiction is a thing it's something I found when I was first introduced to fanfiction as a whole but I didn't read it bc I assumed it was heresy lol
Just started the video and I'm already head-desking over the "friends" thing. I live in Canada and calling groups of young kids "friends" is pretty typical in early childhood education.
Gotta say as a Christian AFAB, this book is definitely targeted a specifically group of Christian women.
I just went to the Field Museum the weekend before Christmas. It's my favorite! My kids LOVED it too 💕 we also had lunch at Eleven City Diner (the burgers are delicious!).
Lol y’all are twinning! Hair and jacket 😂❤️ love the video
Savy / Emma videos are my favorite!
this critique was brilliant from both of you! Shoutouts to Emma for bringing me here *-*
You will find that most of these privileged, white, Christian stories about rising above cultures beliefs are pretty hollow. Like y’all, we have it easy!
I don't necessarily think that you need to live with someone to know if you're compatible. I lived with my ex for years and it didnt work out. But I never lived with my husband before I married him and we get along extremely well.
I think that there's other things that you can do to realize whether that person is a good fit for. And living together doesn't necessarily have to be one of them.
But I also encourage people to live together before marriage if that's what they want to do
This was such a good conversation! I really like the way you two explore these subjects and analyze the book.
aw thank you :)
you look refreshed! welcome back!
Oooooh- love how all my faves will randomly collab on me and I get little gifts like this 💗
My main takeaway from this review was that the women who wrote Girl Defined see the entire world through the lens of their implicit bias and have absolutely no self awareness of that bias.
When it is sped up, it is hard to keep up.
I don’t know the Bible but I even was like how is the snake satan if he didn’t come till after? And ya I was right lol
I want to send Kristen and Bethany a msg that reads: 'Blink 3xs fast if you need rescued!'
I hate to break it to them but I taught preschool for 11 years and always referred to my students as friends rather than boys or girls. I also didn't enforce gender stereotypes in my classes either.
potential eye strain CW for anyone who may want to know: occasional blue and black moving colors/flashing colors until 14:53
Thanks for also noticing that. It messed with my head.
Thank you, both of you, for this fantastic video. I think this is the most calm, empathetic, even-handed, and thorough reaction to Girl Defined that I've come across so far. I learned a lot about the cultural differences represented in their book and channel that I've been curious about, the things that somewhat get obfuscated in other, more exaggerated reactions. I'm a firm believer in the importance of loving our neighbor as the best way to continue and improve modern society (and the best way to get people out of cults >.>), and this video is a beautiful example of that.
As someone who spends a lot of time around the extremely conservative side of US christianity, I have noticed that (in general) the less time humans spend interacting (in the real world!) with other distinct groups of people (conservatives with liberals, christians with muslims, teenagers with old people, to name a few), the greater our fear of those people tends to become. Not because they can't be harmful, but because we begin to see them less as people and more as 2-dimensional cartoon villains. To really put forth the effort to get past that inherent fear of the unknown and seek each others' humanity like you do in this video is so extremely important and can be very difficult (especially if one feels personally attacked by some of the views espoused by the other party).
As a christian myself, I notice more and more how "love your enemies, bless those that curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who insult you and persecute you" takes a ton of courage. Personally, it feels like I am sacrificing my own protection/ making myself vulnerable by committing to love and empathy instead of embracing my anger and hurt to fight back. This isn't to say that you don't/aren't fighting back against those harmful, hurtful ideas, but the emotions you're using to do that feel much more gentle.
...Anyway, sorry for the essay. >.< Thanks again for the video! Y'all are both awesome!
(^-^)b
thank you for your kind words! i'm so glad the video resonated with you, and i agree: the more time we spend with others who have different beliefs and life experiences, the more we learn and can empathize.
Shooting my shot! Savy, go to the Field Museum with me, please!! My prom was there lmao
I officially want to move to Sweden.
The return of Sav!!
Culture didn't tell me I wanted a life like Marilyn Monroe. I feel like a lot of the continued fascination surrounding her life's story focuses on abuse, mental illness, the way society viewed and constricted her, her struggles to be taken seriously, her need for acceptance, her family trauma, her body image issues, her addictions, her relationship with men and a male dominated industry, the tragic re-framing of a Cinderella story... there's so much there, it's a prism that can be viewed from any angle, to the point where it seems Marilyn herself never even existed as a living, breathing, non-mythological figure.
No one's taken her more out of context than Girl Defined, though. They don't even try.
THE COLLAB OF THE YEAR
Pack it up y’all. 2022 can’t get any better
I find it hard to believe they actually exist.
Yes that's an amazing start of the new year indeed! I've been a long time subscriber of Emma Thorne too and it's always great when you two collab :)
American Schools say "Friends" too???? I was a substitute teacher for a year and we used it instead of "boys and girls"...
This collab made me so happy!
Happiness can also be a moving goal post.
Interestingly, using terms like friends also isn't recommended in ECE because it makes it harder for young kids to learn that not everyone is a friend and harder to distinguish friends, bullies, acquaintances, etc
Amazing video I didn’t quote any times for my comments but I was blown away the whole time
My opinions usually differ from yours BUT you always give an unbiased review and that's why I listen- because I like to hear the other side without an attack or fight. Keep that up! I respect your opinion.
OMG I just clicked on this video halfmindedly and yours and Emma’s voices are so pretty and nice to listen too!
Savy, I respect you so much for being able to actually engage with their points and not just mocking them as many other youtubers do. But as for me, I'm just angry. The ludicrous pride of these girls who willfully ignore the millenia-long rich tradition of interpreting the Bible. It's like having a fridge full of various delicious foods but choosing to eat only potatoes and saying everyone else should do as well. My mom was exactly like this: she once went to complain about the biology teacher because he taught us about evolution. The biology teacher turned out to be a priest. He spent a couple hours, bless his soul, trying to convince her that it's okay to believe both in Jesus and the evolution.
these stories seem like rejected college essays to christian universities. also, those kids were totally trying to see if they could make the christian girls do something sexual without telling them it was sexual and I still don't think that's what the tongue thing was. Reminds me of when I used to listen to the raunchiest Eminem songs whenever my sister said "don't swear in front of them, they're christian!" then I'd just belt out "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW SICK YOU MAKE ME! YOU MAKE ME FUCKING SICK TO MY STOMACH..." their mom swore ALL the time. Made no sense why I had to censor myself but she didn't.
My husband: what’s wrong?
Me:I can’t deal!
Husband: deal with what!
Me: Trad wife! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!
"[D]eal with what!." "Meth, crack & smack! With the 'Fentanyl scare,' no one's buying!"
Started following Sue the T. rex because of you, thanks.
Definitely looking forward to this one!
Oh no they are, indeed, extremely prideful.
Thank you for introducing us to Emma!
I know I'm late to the party but can y'all please do more reviews together I love it so much
Really enjoyed this collaboration.
For anyone looking for a critique on biblical womanhood, I want to recommend Rachel Held Evans' book "A Year of Biblical Womanhood." It looks at women in the Bible from a feminist perspective, and concludes that this tradfem way of evangelicalism really isn't biblical at all.
And if you like that one, I can't help but recommend all of RHE's books
Kate from this book should join forces with Pam
Wow great analysis over all, so proud of you both!
My brain hates me so much it’s wondering if Girl Defined Bible Reading ASMR exists
Fantastic conversation! both of you are very good at articulating your thoughts, and I was very entertained!
Bible fan fiction minus the erotica is 100% a thing. I remember having several different books when I was younger from the perspectives of Deborah, Esther, Bathsheba, and Mary. I loved them because the Bible hardly ever lets women be the main characters.
Edit: I’d love to hear your reviews of books like that if you ever feel like it!
The frustrating thing is I think there's something to be said for innate, God-given value as a person, and that conditional forms of being valued can't take it away from you. But then Girl Defined's brand of Evangelicals absolutely want the power to take people's sense of value away.
The advert I got before this video was "Visit Saudi Arabia" (not bloody likely for a multitude of reasons) - there are people there who also have a book that tells them how women should behave, also apparently coming directly from God, and yet their book says some very different things. The Bible says it's the correct book, but the Qur'an says that too. To quote Homer Simpson, what if they've picked the wrong religion? Every week they're just making God madder and madder.
EVEN BUDDIES
OH NO, THE HORROR
Wot! Girl defined, Marilyn Monroes story is one of utter tragedy! & demonstrates the exploitation of women based on her looks (After reading every book & watching every doc on MM)
37:38 Oh yes, truly a romance for the ages...
"Wow, Eve! You're my perfect woman! It feels like you were made just for me..."
"I was. Like, five minutes ago. That is _literaly_ what just happened."
"It's like we're two halves of the same person!"
"Well, not two _halves..._ God made me out of one of your ribs. So that's really just a tiny percentage. But sure."
"Say I'm the only one for you..."
"I'm not exactly overburdened with options, now am I?"
"I love you too, Eve."
"Yeah, whatever. Got anything to eat around here...? I've got a real hankering for some fruit..."
Have y'all ever read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers? I was obsessed with that as a young Christian because it's basically a fan fiction or a today's version of Hosea. Another book I was suggested to read back as an Evangelical Christian was Preparing to be a Helpmate Debi Pearl. I had bought it and threw it away within reading the first chapter.
I am so happy you took time off, to enjoy friends, family, & hubby.
I hope you took time for just for you.
Be honest thought, even thought we didn't see you-- did you really not work for 3 wks or just cut down?? Lol, just teasing. You just seem like a workaholic. This is not a bad thing if you enjoy it😉
The Field Museum is so awesome!!
How could Adam find Eve so beautiful? She was the only woman he’d ever seen. He had nothing to compare her to. Unless he was comparing her to Lilith. But I doubt they believe she existed.
Thank you so much for making this. Fundamentalist Christianity is, in many ways in my opinion, just as if not more harmful to a young woman's development and self worth. I am not religious but I was raised in the Presbyterian church and thus have read the Bible, and in the Bible, Jesus says that he came to fulfill the law (the old testament)which applied solely to the Isrealites/the Jewish people and to extend salvation to gentiles (everyone else) without having them bend to the constraints of the laws of the old testament. Jesus said salvation and redemption/rightness with God required two things : admitting that we as humans are imperfect being and thus we don't have to follow rules perfectly because there's no point, and believing in Jesus for salvation. Belief in Jesus would then reflect in following his teachings of loving and accepting others, standing up for the weak and "lowly", giving to the poor, helping the sick, standing up for what you believe in, being the bigger person, and treating others as you would want to be treated yourself.
That's what Jesus said. Everything else said in the Bible was written by men and mostly applies to the culture and norms of the time it was written. What Jesus taught was more so a system of beliefs, a faith that governed how you would treat others. But it was turned into a religion which in my opinion caused so much harm to the world and to society as a whole because religions are based on rules and power and right and wrong ways to be and dichotomies and an us vs them mentality.
All of these "How to be a godly woman" books forget that Jesus's best female friend was a prostitute, that he was all about showing love to the people rejected by society. He didn't lecture her; he loved her.
All these rigid rules made both by men in other biblical translations of texts and in biblical commentaries exist to control women, to keep them in a subservient position. And these women, to feel good about themselves and to think they're holy try to abide by these rules that they think are God telling them how to be when the Bible itself says, "you are beautifully and wonderfully made."
We are beautiful as we are. Made as we are because how we think we should be we should be free to be. Purity culture, headship ideology, and all the good women vs bad women ideas are just a bunch of bs. And like you both say, I feel sorry for these women, thinking that there's only one way to be "correct" as a woman.
im still a christian and i agree with everything you say. its part of what kept me from attending church for over 7 years despite still believing
Once more, Thank You!
Heads up, I am sensitive to flashing lights, and the moving lights (like at min 6:35) were uncomfortable. A note for future editing, you may consider changing.
Regarding the Sweden thing: Okay so I'm not a native Swedish speaker but I know a bit. Swedish is like English in that the third person singular pronoun is gendered, "hon" for "she" and "han" for "he". But the Swedish preschool in question was partly controversial because it used a Swedish gender neutral third person singular pronoun "hen", to refer to children.
The use of "friends" instead of "boys and girls" was another thing, but not directly related to pronouns.