By saying it could be cured, you're also kind of saying it's something that needs to be cured. Now I can only speak for myself, and as much as I struggle sometimes (ok, honestly, most of the time), I wouldn't want to be anything else.
When you realize most adults if not all adults have no idea what they are doing and they are just using their past experience and figuring it out, you become a lot more at peace.
This was the biggest scam of my childhood and adolescent years. They tricked me into thinking society is a well-oiled machine where everybody knows what they're doing and everybody is competent and there is a big plan in place to make everything work
@@ShaunDreclinGrown-ups do that to make it easier for a minimum number of adults to be tasked with managing the non-working youth so a maximum number can be employed in other roles, depressing wages as much as physically possible. No, adults generally have no idea what we are doing and are just praying we don’t make a catastrophic mistake! 😰
I agree but the way we grew up also has a lot to do with how we see the world. Like trauma for example, stuff as simple as gaslighting and narcissism you faced from a loved one to the very worst being abused. CBT works, and this adhd thing, I think adults are using it as an excuse. It feels good to give the way your feeling a medical term. When in reality, it’s just the way you learned to survive growing up from a child into and adult.
I know this won’t help you narrow down the field but absolutely EVERYTHING that you mentioned on the list is something I would love to see more of. Let your brain do a deep dive down the rabbit hole. I have yet to see an episode from you that was not worth my time, even the ones that didn’t apply to me in particular (I don’t have kids yet).
Hi, it would be cool to make a video about how to deal with ADHD and comorbidities like for someone with Lupus, heart disease, bpd and bipolar disorder. Not being able to take adhd meds because of heart conditions and past life addictions to stimulants. I like your videos you should keep doing them and for sure I will buy your book. I'm lost too to be honest but thanks to your videos I get a kick of motivation and hope. I just wanted you to know that. I'm from France and thanks to you I'm have been able to do many things during the last years. I'm well aware of many things except for the topic I talk here. Have a great week! ❤ edit:sorry I wrote that comment in response to a comment and that's not what I wanted to do. ADHD symptoms....
Thank you for reminding us of decision paralysis. I have not completed so many things because of this and, as I look at your large book sitting on my table, waiting to be read- still- you saying it gives me permission to try and just push ahead anyway. I’m glad you can become a best selling author and not know what on earth you’re doing. Thank God, you stopped waiting tables and moved forward anyway! At least this little corner of the world is better because of you.
Jessica - you are the reason I got diagnosed 7 years ago at 22. Your work has made a huge difference in my life. Thank you. I would love to see more content about working from home or working for yourself - that has been a pretty big struggle for me. I am also struggling to figure out what to do after finishing my first long term project (getting my bachelor's degree).
@@Shalapda What is your degree in? Check in with your school's job center and ask for help looking for a job with your degree! Don't fall into a minimum wage job because you know how to find that kind of job. Get assistance!
@@jenniferpearce1052 software engineering - i have a pretty decent plan laid out right now, the problem is just executing the steps i have in place. But i’m making slow progress!
Yes, on the working from home content. I work from home as a systems analyst and my "office" is also my computer gaming area. Creating well-defined boundaries between work and home is extremely difficult.
I uh, I've been dealing with a lot of depressive tendencies and thoughts that I shouldn't have. I almost got brought to a hospital yesterday because of them. Hearing that i have permission to keep going, despite me telling myself to keep moving forward, brought me to tears. Thank you so much. I will keep going. Even if it hurts so much. Even if everything feels like it's falling apart. I'll keep going
I don't know if this will help you specifically, but if you've tried SSRIs for depression and got emotional blunting, You can try to take strattera to balance out the ratios of neurochemicals. It worked for me. And I can function much better now. They're doing the research to understand why this helps some people but it's common enough doctors will listen if you suggest it, but uncommon enough that doctors don't suggest it as an option
Hang in there . Becoming a parent IS overwhelming enough by itself. Having adhd and being sleep deprived is not easy. I would just let curiosity lead your way in your projects. I’m just happy for the content that you do put out-from another adhd mom
From this channel i would love to see more indepth discussions about the impact of ADHD on hormones. Specifically ADHD and puberty. ADHD and PMDD ADHD and pregnancy ADHD and postpartum ADHD and menopause ADHD and PMS ADHD and PCOD I think your channel is in such an beautiful space to bring much needed information, tools strategies and awareness to these topics. ADHD has such a huge impact on hormones. And as a cis woman it's even more a huge part of my life. Even if you don't deal with periods or related struggles, you may have a brain in your life who does. I have been struggling to find community for PMDD specifically. Other than that I would love to see more of your relationship deep dive videos, they are raw, honest and so refreshing. I would also love to see you cover topics on parenting and child development. I think it's interesting and you obviously seem passionate about it. You bring such nuance into everything so I think it'll be fascinating. I would love to see you start a podcast as well, talking to different experts about the ADHD experience of living. But again, this channel maybe for us, but it exists because you followed your passion. Chase it and take us along for the journey. Very excited to see where you go from here. Thank you for everything you did. Love you Jess❤ From a brain you saved
Breathe, relax and enjoy your journey. We your listeners love you and are grateful and ready to go on this adventure with you. New Mom, good relationship and good listeners. You can do this. It will come to you the path, keep seeking, we will be here with you learning and walking along. Congratulations on being a new Mommy!!
I really needed to hear this right now. I'm at a place in my career where I'm at a crossroad, & it feels so scary & overwhelming. I feel so inadequate because of my neurodivergence, but this reminded me that's okay. Thank you for your frank honesty & compassion.
Just by honestly sharing your thoughts and asking questions, you make others feel at ease. Seeing you as you are helps me to view myself with more kindness and acceptance. You don’t need to do anything special. You’re perfect just as you are. Thank you.
I came onto your channel to find something to educate me more about my own ADHD brain and this was the first video that I saw. This is the exact feeling that I have at the moment and seeing your video just feels like a massive sign. I'm 20 and struggling to figure out which way to go in life and seeing you be in the same spot is so comforting for me. The part at 6:00 about being allowed to keep going really hit me and will stay with me forever. Thank you.
Honestly... I love when you get emotional on videos and I know it sounds super weird but I love when you talk about your struggles and when the videos are less structured. While watching these you really become my friend that I don't have, a one I can relate to, a one I can cry with and not be the only one who's vulnerable. That's it I think, I like this place, your channel to be a place where I can be vulnerable and safe. So content like this video, like the one about how people don't understand ADHD etc. And Jess, for me you are more than good enough. Just want you to know 💗
*virtual hug* Thanks for your channel. When my daughter was starting third grade, she was going to be with a teacher who very much wanted to help her, and I showed her your videos about the motivation bridge and the wall of awful. She loved them. She said that she already knew some of it, but that she'd never had it explained to her so clearly before. Your video's have helped both her and me a lot - I didn't know about ADD until my daughter was diagnosed, and it was such a revelation to learn that, despite adults calling me dumb my entire childhood, it'd never really been my fault. This channel became like a safe, understanding space to come to and to learn.
Another thought- whatever you do, it has to be fun for you. What are you sick of doing? Can you drop it? What you give you a new challenge and be lots of fun for you?
Thank you for this video. I really needed to hear everything you said! Imposter syndrome is so real and I constantly feel like I’m failing at my job. Even when I get good feedback or I’m told I’m doing a good job, I convince myself that it’s not true or they are just being nice. I’m still learning how to accept compliments and to believe in myself. Thank you for your honesty and transparency.
Boy did you nail that description- it's not that I can't do my job, it's my VARYING ABILITY TO DO X Y OR Z AT THIS MOMENT that constantly undermines my confidence in my sense of belonging... somatic therapy has really helped me gain some tools to work through tough moments, it's shifting... still feels like hell pretty often, tho, not gonna lie. Wishing you the best too!
This video really helped me today. I recently started a new job, and I’ve had it for a few months now, and I feel like I should know what I’m doing, and that has led to a lot of self-doubt. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to be in this place for a while, that I’m not alone, and that it’s okay to keep going and helping me to reframe the doubt by reminding myself what I do know.
Having the right person(s) to train you is a huge factor also. If it wasn't for that, I would have left the current position I'm in. Because of those people I was able to move to a position where I can work at my own pace and the others work with me and I with them.
I really needed this right now, thank you. I would love a video on how to hire people to do the things you just can't (like apply for jobs or clean your home).
Second this! I just recently came across a channel of people that clean houses for others with mental health struggles and it was so inspiring. I was like ... oh i can hire someone to organize for me 🤯🤯🤯
I would love more content about day to day adhd challenges. I love your real-life, relatable situational discussions. More about the science, the chemistry, the research and how it has changed the perception of the disorder. Strategies and coping mechanisms to help in specific circumstances. Also, everything you have done is amazing and has helped so many people, so in general, just keep helping us, because you have made a huge difference in so many lives, myself included.
7:07 thanks for making me tear up heh. Self-doubt is really so hard to be able to get rid of, or even lessen the amount. We can tell other people to not doubt them selves and that they're doing well but when it comes to ourselves...that's suddenly not the case. But truly, I am sure you're doing amazing.
Jessica, I have SO much appreciation and respect for your vulnerability in sharing your struggles. Every video of yours that I have watched has been SO relatable, and has been encouragement and validation that I am not alone in this journey, that someone (LOTS of someones, actually!) out there "gets it" EXACTLY, and reassurance that I'm NOT the things I've been labeled (lazy, uncaring, etc.)
"I thought I was going to get permission to give up, and instead I got permission to keep going." That hit me deeply, thank you. My spouse and I really appreciate your channel! Personally I'd love to see more vlogs and parenting with adhd content, and I look forward to a podcast when that happens :)
This channel helped me get through the worst burn out and depression ever. I was able to relate to so many of the videos I found, that I tried again to get a diagnosis, which I got! I was empowered to try different things and not give up at my job, which I still have. Things are going much better now. Thank you so much.
Glad to hear your honesty. I have always found a desire to spin my life in the most positive way for family and friends and only realised recently that I should probably tell people when I'm struggling.
I appreciate your content to no end. You truly are empowering people with ADHD. I've been unbelievably frustrated with the lack of support I get from the medical system. My doctor pushed me to a therapist, my therapist pushed me to a pharmacist, the pharmacist pushes me back to my doctor. I don't get real answers or support. Medication isn't covered by my insurance and every therapist I've had struggles to help and ultimately recommends I seek medication. You're content helps me feel like there are things I can do, rather than rely on a system that keeps failing me. I'm two years into my diagnosis and slowly but surely I'm figuring out how to navigate these problems, and you're a huge part of my success so far. I'm not sure how you should proceed with your channel. I appreciate you seeking guidance, but don't be afraid to listen to your gut and those closest to you. If you're feeling fired up about something, I'm sure your audience will be on board.
For decades I've contended with medical professionals about ADHD, where I've found: - They are outright dismissive of the condition. Or - Express lukewarm acceptance with skepticism. Or - They patronizingly accept what I say, but offer no assistance. And rarely - Take my input seriously, but psychological professionals are backlogged with many patients ahead of me; with health insurance not covering it.
My favourite videos that you do are kind of the “classic” ones, as I think of them. They’re the ones where you mention a problem/challenge/whatever, then explain why it happens, and then talk about how to work and move past it. I’m not sure how many more topics there are to delve for that format, though, and I am also open to variety. Guests on the channel are also another favourite of mine. Overall, I think your original motivation for working on this channel is a good one, because if you’re struggling with it, then chances are a lot of other people are, too. You say you’ve “finished” the project of learning everything about your brain and putting it somewhere you can find it, but the fact that you still don’t feel you have things together suggests that there is likely more to get into. Maybe talk about the challenges of managing a team when you have adhd. Maybe talk about the challenges of being required to stick to a schedule for your child’s sake when your brain just wants to hyperfixate on frogs for a few hours. Just because it’s a “mechanism” you’ve discussed before doesn’t mean that it’s useless to talk about in new situations. In short: Keep doing what you feel good doing.
Most of grew up in a kind panic really ‘cos there’s no manual to say ‘this is how you do humaning’ and so we just bounced around like a fly in bottle getting shitloads if negative ‘feedback’. And that hurts a lot. A lot of us have trouble then dealing with this internal pain, feeling rejected, not good enough, defective and ashamed. Then we start to base our decisions on doings that we hope will avoid these emotional assaults and start people pleasing. Later, when it comes to adulthood or late adulthood, you start try to do stuff for yourself but there’s still no handbook. NTs seem to just get it. Some of us just don’t.
This is actually the first time writing a comment on YT, but I just had to say thank you for your work a specifically for this video. I am currently working on my bachelor thesis and I am always thinking that I am failing and that I am not good enough, because it's the first time for me writing and working on something that big. I am living with ADHD since I am a little boy now and there have been some rough times, but your channel always helped to just figured out and watch out for the strengths in my ADHD. I appreciate you so much!!! Just wanted to put this out into the world!
Girl, I relate so hard to this. I’m a small business owner and a sole caregiver to a toddler. The uncertainty can be paralyzing. I would like to tell you that you absolutely DO know what you’re doing. Your brain is lying to you. Sleep deprivation is a torture technique for a reason. It DOES get better. Two of my biggest lessons from motherhood: 1. Perfection is impossible - for anyone. 2. Comparing your performance/ productivity now with those things before motherhood is apples and oranges. Your circumstances are COMPLETELY different now. Give yourself grace every chance you get.
This seems a very well timed video. I just finished (kinda handed in thesis, still waiting on viva and results) my PhD a year early with an MScR because of ADHD things. I'm now stuck in this purgatory state because I don't want to remain in the UK and I still want to do a PhD. But I need a job to afford rent and bills, but I still need be around to do those last bits. So I'm kinda stuck on how to move forward, I don't have the drive to get a job because it won't be very long but I don't want a job outside the industry (what if I get stuck there and I don't want to deal with customers), I'm burnt out from the work, I also don't want to move somewhere where I won't be doing the PhD because then I'd have to move again. So yeah.. what do I do right now. I guess just keep pushing through
I recently quit my job because I got an acting role. I changed my whole life, my whole career and purpose. The production has wrapped now, and although I am trying to find more opportunities, I feel like I also do not know what the next step to take is.. I also feel like I am not doing enough, or am an impostor. Decision paralysis is my biggest fault now, day to day. Thank you for making this video.. It is extremely personally relatable.
The upside of not knowing what you're doing is that: Everything is figure-out-able. Just keep that in mind. Don't give up! Keep going, like you said. Have courage! And do your best! 💪😊❤ Topics to cover: time management, resilience, bouncing back from challenges, how to not take things personally, how to cope with feeling overwhelmed, etc.
I would like to see more longform content, with guests, interviews, discussions. The shortform is really useful, but it's nice to just engage and discuss as well!
I think what a lot of us can take from this channel was you made resources (with these videos and this book) that helped you and gave that to the community. That's I think the best way that you can make the things that we want. I'm sure we here could suggest making an app with someone, or an art piece e.t.c., but really its about what will help you. I don't want to say it as I love your ADHD content, but it might be that ADHD stuff isn't the problem you have now, but parenting advice, or adulting advice. You have a great way of delivering helpful life information, so don't feel that you are limited to just ADHD. (even if it might sting short term)
You literally changed my life. Its because of your content that i figured out i have adhd and led me to get diagnosed and its your content (and hayley honeyman's) that is helping me learn to live with my adhd brain. So the things you are doing are the good things! I empathize with the feeling though and i am glad to know that i am not alone. Also I will always be open to watching anything you create. Your videos, no matter the content or style, bring a lot of comfort to me. So give yourself permission to get creative! 😊❤
I appreciate you saying this all out loud. I say this all the time in my head. Few Seem to understands what it’s like to have millions of thoughts all at the same time.
I needed a video like this. I am in a new role at my job that is very much "define your own objectives and we'll tell you if you deliver enough", so I've been trying to wrestle with that. I appreciate the care you put into this channel. I know I very much appreciate the candid takes on strategies that are working for you, as I have thus far been able to get more help here than through the medical system thus far.
Just constant reminders (because we forget easily) about what us, those with ADHD need to do to function better is enough. And if you want to get deeper on a certain topic of your choice, go ahead as well. Thank you for your book(!!), your honesty and your help! ❤
To answer your question, your courageous honesty and confrontation of our neurodivergent reality, as exemplified by this very video and many others of yours is exactly what I need. More than anything, this. We are constantly being unintentionally gaslit by well intentioned neurotypical people, as well as by our own brains. So to have you call this out and confront it in your own life is supporting the community probably far more than you can recognize. The “oh it’s not just me” reminder is surprisingly powerful. Personally I have retired from a very successful career that I constantly barely avoided catastrophe for success (feeling of accomplishment, oh I’ve heard of that, must be nice…) and now I’m very adrift. So yeah, exactly what I needed right now. Watching you here on this channel is uniformly great. Keep just being you and keep going.
You are part of the reason my mom could finally get help. You gave my mom the words to describe her experience to doctors, finally letting her get diagnosed with adhd. Words can't describe how much this has helped her move on in life. Thank you Jessica. Thank you everyone on the How to ADHD team.
You‘re still doing great, keep going! I have watched your videos for many years now and I love how you deliver scientific information and deconstruct different topics. Even though nowadays there are many other people doing that as well, and you may think… Well, this topic has been already been covered, but: It hasn’t been covered by you. Wherever your interest leads you here, like talking about things we do not know yet about ADHD, also to inspire research (we professionals are just normal people who watch UA-cam, too), or talking about parenting with ADHD (go for your hyperfocus!), it will be valuable for the community, as well!
This is normal, the thing I try to avoid is making the same decisions repeatedly. That's arguably the most annoying part, not remembering how I did it, and how well it went.
Hey Jess, as always, your videos are super helpful at just the right time! You, along with so many other mental health advocates, are the reason why i first began to suspect I had ADHD and didn't have to feel so alone or crazy, and now it's our turn to help you out since you're one of us! You've been doing this channel for a number of years now, over that time I'm sure you've learned SO much more about, not only yourself but ADHD itself, you could go through your old videos and see if the info in them still hold up or if there's more to add. You could also touch upon how ADHD manifests itself (the inattentive type/ hyperactive type) in the different genders. Like the reason why young girls often go under diagnosed is because they typically have the inattentive type and how this isn't mutually exclusive but rather just majority odds, I myself being a man with the inattentive type and only diagnosed at age 33, pick up books and listen to stories by women talk about their experiences because it relates so much more than most other men's stories. Also, congratulations on being a mom!
I personally like the science stuff. I am currently in the process of figuring out if I want to start doing ADHD-coaching and I think resources like this will continue to make me better at that kind of stuff.
I keep coming back to the motivation bridge & wall of awful videos: having an extended metaphor for both a challenge I'm facing and my options for overcoming it is invaluable as a scaffold for both scaffolding the knowledge I'm building and orienting myself toward action that I reasonably expect to be productive. There are some good books on cognition by Lakoff that I have found helpful in working with metaphor in my own technical career, and that might help your team to notice existing metaphors that have gone un-named in a body of practice, if there's one you want to tackle.
honestly as a person starting a business and doing all the things, being a mum to teens and 20 years into a marriage to my best friend in the whole world and never want to take for granted, I feel this video to my very core I want to do all the things that I love, invest in my relationships and do what I feel called to, but I feel so overwhelmed and I don't have a task list or many others who have been in my shoes with my brain around me...This video was so affirming! to hear someone else say almost exactly what I have been feeling has made a world of difference, to know you aren't alone in this feeling of overwhelming vastness is just so comforting! I got has been lifted, thank you for risking criticism and being selfless enough to be honest!!! I'm not loosing it, this stuff happens to other people, I can take a breath before i take the next step.
WOW. I really needed this today. Thank you for your help. ❤ PLEASE talk more about building systems that help our brains work better throughout the day, and coping with the grief when they don't work or stop working. I need that so desperately. Science is always fun. :D Especially developing research.
I would love a video with hacks now that you are a new mom, and video with hacks in general because a lot of people talk about the struggles of ADHD but they don’t talk about what to do or what works for them
I love hearing about the science behind our brains and how relatable your experiences and struggles are to the rest of us. The ADHD memes are funny too! Anything you put out is a joy to watch and I am always learning. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
This video has come at the right time. I love listening/seeing you.. i have beeping like you, like this right now. I have had the family and succeeded in so many ways but now I am alone after being married for 30 years and living as an expats know need to decide my next step …. The options are endless to a certain degree but I struggle with focus and overwhelming and negative voice … I am 63 health issues … overwhelmed. Omg digressing… Ilyour channel has been life savour. I was only realised I have adhd 2 years ago. Keep talking honestly , showing vulnerability helps people not feel alone
Business Analyst and Consultant work with Salesforce often sees me feeling like I don't know what I'm doing on nearly a daily basis. It's such a daily fight to grasp onto what actually needs to be done next while second guessing myself as if there is 'something' I'm not thinking of. Even after passing 6 of the proctured two hour exams and proving I knew what I was doing, I still find myself questioning myself until I really get going for the day. Permission to keep going... that's a strong, enabling thought.
You have been helping me soooo much since I found out I have adhd 2 years ago. This reminder came in perfect timing for me today...literally thinking I don't know what I'm doing with my life! My suggestion is to do whatever you feel most excited about doing next. And then know that the other things might still happen eventually. Or not. It's okay.
Another thought, more short term than my last lol. I’d like to learn more about the origins of ADHD in the brain. I have a theory that ADHD is what’s left to the next generation after PTSD. Both of my grandfathers were in wars, one as a child and the other as a soldier. They definitely had PTSD and I think my ADHD symptoms are basically PTSD minus the actual trauma, since I didn’t experience it, but it left an effect in the genetic code that I was later made of. Isn’t this fascinating? Maybe I read it somewhere, I don’t know. Thanks for being honest and inspiring ❤
As an AUDHD mum of 3 who has been successful at most things she's tried but denied herself the enjoyment of those successes due to the exact feeling you have at 3:40 in this video - you WILL get to a point where you realise you don't need to push anymore. You ARE good. You ARE doing enough. A jar full of one thing or a jar full of many things is STILL a full jar.
Oh - I do know how to fold a towel, but even at sixty-one, I’m still trying to figure out folding fitted sheets. And please don’t give up the UA-cam posts. I find having a visual component helps me focus so much more easily than I can when listening to a podcast.
(feel free to ignore this, I get a dopamine hit from giving advice, but you don't have to waste energy replying to me if you don't want to) Ok, the outer edge of a fitted sheet is the point of the corners. The elastic scrunchy bit is like a hem or cuff. You fold so that the elastic scrunches are on the inside of every fold. It will never look perfect but it looks better this way.
@@steggopotamus I was ASKING for advice, so I have no intention of ignoring yours! Thank you. But how does one keep the scrunchy parts where they're supposed to be? Mine always pop back out as I'm trying to fold the sheet.
Thank you so much for this video, I am in a kind of similar place. 😍I’ve been following you for quite some time now ( 2 years? I was a patron for a while too) and you were one of the first ADHD channels I followed. I’ve only stuck with 2 of them that I keep returning to regularly: your channel and Dr. Barkley. 😊 I love the unique mixture of what you do, but it is specifically the kind of scientific approach mixed with great useful information in a fun way ( I learned about fidgets from you! ) and then your very honest and emotional videos too. I think anything that has to do with emotional regulation and executive function is always very useful. Personally , I am not so interested in the mum/ baby/ parenting stuff . I feel there is so much info on that out there . But that’s just me!🤓 I agree with others that you should do whatever makes you happy! ❤️Your style is unique here on UA-cam , just do what you love doing and don’t stop! ❤✨🥳
What I need from you is... To please not stop. You have no idea how much your channel has helped me understand my brain. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD, I'm 35 yo. I've spent the past 20 years (the time I was living on my own) struggling and not knowing why or how other people seem to be just fine. If I had a free wish for a video: I recently understood that my household is basically an ecosystem of individual systems, like let's say laundry. The laundry system has the laundry itself that has different states and it needs me to get from one state to the next. Since I understood this, I also find it much easier to see "doing laundry" as a process of this system with several steps. In a way it helps me to gamify "doing laundry" because it is taking material and transforming it into a new state while being aware that it will have steps that follow. Maybe you could talk about that in a video?
This video was perfectly timed. I am facing a similar soul crushing overwhelm. I am realising how much my need to avoid change has impacted my ability to move forward. Ive been paralysed between burnout in my current job and fear of failing at seeking new opportunities. I'm so so tired of fighting and being stuck in fear of failure, fear of trying, fear of pain. But truly, im most scared of having to create new masks and the energy it will take me to appear functional around a bunch of new people. I am choosing to take the excruciating steps into the unknown, despite my brain screaming to run. Thank you so so much for your channel and your honesty, my partner and I cherish the lessons we've learned from you.
Apparently, a lot of us in the community needed this video. Thank you for this. To answer your question, how about reviewing more tools and strategies from the community, I'm always intrigued by these.
You have been a life saver! I know how you feel. I'm still there. The only thing my brain can really focus on is being a mom. I've read books. None truly helped. I wish there was a guide,too. I just know I have learned so much from you and been inspired to also learn. I'm now to a point that my own therapist told me I should be an ADHD coach! That kind of threw me for a loop!😊
One topic that recently came up with a friend is: How do you emotionally regulate? What does that even mean? What's good? What's bad? What are some methods or techniques? How do you know if it's working?
Goodness, I can't tell you how well timed this was! I had a big breakdown today because I am struggling so much working on my dreams, and needed to hear this. Ive listened to several ADHD channels and you have a special empathy, warmth, and fun way talking about things that always helps! Thank you! For future content, I'd love any help for productivity with creative endeavors, more tips and tricks for everyday living, and maybe some more in depth guides for when youre just really stuck in the muck of it. I've tried a few of your applications and tricks, and I think I get lost in doing too many or figuring out what's most important right now and end up in a panicked overwhelm! Also, how to find the right executive function coach. I've been looking, and most are booked or very expensive, so alternative options and ways to find available folks. Thank you so much!!!
Thank you very much for this video. It was exactly what I needed just now. I just came back from a long walk outside, that I urgently needed, and where I found out that I am in depression because I struggle in my job and have no idea what I am doing. But you explained everything ❤. Your honest videos are such a support! I guess, the most important message that you are sharing here again and again, is: "you are not alone". This sentence is pinned to my kitchen wall for several years now, after I watched one of your first videos. And it makes me cry out of relief again and again. I hope, that our feedback here gives back some of that feeling of not being alone, and 'being part of the tribe'.❤
This video on self doubt was so helpful to hear. So important to remember to keep going even when it's not perfect. Things that I would love to see be content on; --the overlap between ADHD and post concussion syndrome or persistent concussion syndrome --interviews with others managing ADHD --more content with practical tips, like a laundry video, a dishes or kitchen video, etc. You've done these in the past, but it bears repeating and if things have evolved that's great to see too Thank you thank you for all that you do
5:32 thank you. I needed this reminder as it's my pattern, too, and I'm in a period of flux, too. I don't know what i want from you but I do get things out of must of your content.
As someone who found your channel this year and just got reccently diagnosed with ADHD. I've found your videos helpful, entertaining and engaging. As a good ADHDer (not sure if thats a real word, but I think you get it), I would try everything to see what comes up, I mean is not like your videos can be defined on one particular category only, yes they're educational for the most part, some you get more into daily life, a few others experiences and so on, so do what you feel like you want to do. I understand you take this channel as a community and that you have to follow the community, I do get it, but at the same time I think whatever you choose people will support you, most of them at least, because when you do something you like and want to do, not only because others are telling you to do so, at least on my experience, it almost always gives the best results. Anyways those are just a few of my thoughts, thanks for this video, I think I have never commented before, but this one got me, I feel like this most of the time as well and its a challenge to not know what to do because I do like to be told what to do (guidelines I mean) at least for work, and wouldn't hurt for life, sometimes it just feels like playing a videogame and trying to figure out whats the best outcome (somewhat perfectionist here that wants the best possible results, but working on it). Best wishes on this new journey and the ones that are to come!
I want to start with thank you, your videos have helped me not feel alone. As well as point out the “oh, that’s why I do that”. I even bought a multi charger to avoid having to hunt for different charger. Also I own three fidget cubes, and two Stimagz because of your videos. One of your videos, inspired a cycle method by linking together, a clean sock basket, dirty sock box, and a wash day, and returning method. I don’t have to run up and down the stairs to find socks. 😊
I was diagnosed with adhd a month ago. My neurophysiological recommended your channel. It has been so helpful to understanding my brain and breaking down the concepts into a relatable format. I am excited to buy and read your book!
If this is you being "not enough", it's more than enough for me! Thank you for helping me to feel some more self compassion. You're amazing and articulate. Your message is enough.
Wow, Jessica, you might as well be speaking directly to me. Thank you so much for this video. I also make my own work and just finished a massive multi-year project, and have been struggling to figure out what to pursue next. So many ideas and so much self-doubt. This video helps so much as I try to organize my thoughts.
Your "Failure" video (mentioned in this one) shocked me in its relatability, and I used it and your TED Talk to explain to my parents what I go through and what my life is really like. (Clarity: this was actually in my late 40s!) Those two videos were fantastic tools for helping them understand, and I can't thank you enough for making and sharing them.
Follow your passion. Whatever you’re interested in exploring. It’s all needed. I’m enjoying interactions between neurodivergent individuals/creators, especially in long interview/conversation format. A little deeper dive. And I know it’s heavy, but some focus on individual co-morbidities could be very helpful, kind of like a ADHD 101 class of where to start and a few 200 or 300 level “classes” when you do your deep dive research on a topic. I’m one of the late diagnosed women that was diagnosed with depression in my teens, anxiety in my 20s, and ignored my own ADHD diagnosis other than unhelpful/hurtful stimulants and zero education until I started to struggle at work 10 years later. Now it’s like learning a whole new life at 40. A blessing and a curse, an overwhelming journey to learn how to love myself for the first time, to give myself grace and honor the grief of the life that could have been had I known and been treated since childhood. I’m SO grateful the young generations are less likely to go through this torture and gaslighting experience “try harder and you’ll live up to your potential, just be on time and stop procrastinating and worrying and do these things that are so EASY for most (neurotypical) people!” I have a physical disability (hearing loss) that happened at 18 and that’s been so much easier to adapt to than this invisible debilitating illness. How do you cope if you can’t afford an ADHD coach? How do you recover from the social difficulties, the financial instability and debt, the difficulty keeping a job when you aren’t that creative and are very risk averse? I’ll take any help or hope you can give for those of us who haven’t had the resources and are just starting our journey late in life, I know it’s not your experience but research and interviews with affected individuals and leaders in academia, research, coaching, or therapy for this is all welcome. You put such a positive spin on everything and I’d love to feel some of that hope. I follow other creators as well but your opinion and perspective are unique and valuable. Also mom tips/lessons welcome. Not a mom but still a small glimmer of hope I still can be one. Whatever you decide I'll support. Thank you for your leadership in educating the masses on UA-cam, you were my first introduction to what no psychiatrist or therapist ever told me/taught me and I'm so grateful. ❤
I always think review of tools is a good one, people with ADHD are always looking for how to use a tool to stay more organized, or keep track of projects, or schedules, or any number of things, and there's a lot of tools out there marketed as a good tool to help with ADHD... but then it can be hard to see what it is or how it can be used in a way that helps. I also think tutorials are great. Like I love the videos about how to set up a home to be ADHD friendly, seeing different peoples homes and how they set up their living space to be ADHD friendly was super helpful, and I know there are other channels I follow that teach HOW to clean for example, because my squirrel brain isn't the best at knowing what I should be doing when I clean and it's SUCH an overwhelming task that when people give me tips, tricks, or checklists of what to make sure is included in that is always super helpful
Thank you so much for everything you do. My three favorite types of content to see on your channel, in no particular order, are 1. Videos like this one in which you talk about what you're struggling with and how you're facing that struggle, 2. Introductions to new tricks or tools, and 3. Exploration of the reasons our brains work certain ways.
I really like this channel (and your book for that matter) because it's the first place I've gotten REAL practical advice on how to manage ADHD. I know I'm not the only one here that's heard the same well meaning platitudes 100's of time and to final find someone with actual solutions to our issues is like finding warmth after wander though a blizard for years.
You're doing fine, keep going! As a suggestion, speaking as a member of a team of coparents for two kids with ADHD/AuDHD, it would be SUPER HELPFUL to have age-targeted material to show them and help them understand their own strengths and struggles. We can tell them, but especially as they reach their tween years, having guidance from outside the family structure would be really helpful. There are specific challenges around topics like social groups, dating, puberty, meds in changing bodies, accountability, peer pressure, impulse control, not sharing/accessing explicit materials, onlike risks, etc.
Please bring in *Russ Barkley* if you *do* bring anyone on for an interview. He's #1 and everyone in the academic space for ADHD knows it. It would benefit so many more of us Executive Function Developmental Deficit individuals if you did. There is way too much misinformation, and disinformation on the net about ADHD. It would make a huge difference to have Barkley output what he knows to such a large reach. This is the one thing I'd hope you do by the time your channel comes to pass. You owe it to your community to try.
Thank you! This same issue has been plaguing me for a very long time. It’s nice to hear it coming from you. I just hung up a sign in my bedroom that says SELF DISCIPLINE. I’ve been an entrepreneur for 30 years.
Jessica once again gives me the uncanny feeling that she’s watching my life unfold and trying to help me through it. Being someone who freezes up when working under people, I decided to start my own business making jewellery straight away. What I’m worried about is “am I going to be doing enough?” and “Am I going to be doing it right?” My questions are now answered. “Trailblazing is exhausting. Count that in. Then consider wether you’re doing what you can.”
Thank you for being so open and honest with us. Decision paralysis is one of (many) things that I’m finding myself experiencing more as I get older (or maybe I'm just more aware of it?). It's incredibly helpful and validating to hear others' experiences - it most definitely helps to calm the 'give up' voice and keep going. 🖤
ADHD isn’t cured, we just figure out ways to cope. And they don’t always work.
Well said
By saying it could be cured, you're also kind of saying it's something that needs to be cured. Now I can only speak for myself, and as much as I struggle sometimes (ok, honestly, most of the time), I wouldn't want to be anything else.
@@tonfleuren3536I on the other hand would love for it to be cured so I can manage my shyte better, to be able to get to where I want to go
I feel that! I think that makes us great problem solvers too, because we can think off a lot of work arounds for the obstacles that ADHD presents! 🤗💕
Hell you made me cry
When you realize most adults if not all adults have no idea what they are doing and they are just using their past experience and figuring it out, you become a lot more at peace.
This was the biggest scam of my childhood and adolescent years. They tricked me into thinking society is a well-oiled machine where everybody knows what they're doing and everybody is competent and there is a big plan in place to make everything work
@@ShaunDreclinGrown-ups do that to make it easier for a minimum number of adults to be tasked with managing the non-working youth so a maximum number can be employed in other roles, depressing wages as much as physically possible. No, adults generally have no idea what we are doing and are just praying we don’t make a catastrophic mistake! 😰
@@ShaunDreclin sounds like you hopped of the gravy train mate. The truth is alluring isn't it? far more interesting then practicing drills.
I had higher expectations of myself... have 😢
I agree but the way we grew up also has a lot to do with how we see the world. Like trauma for example, stuff as simple as gaslighting and narcissism you faced from a loved one to the very worst being abused. CBT works, and this adhd thing, I think adults are using it as an excuse. It feels good to give the way your feeling a medical term. When in reality, it’s just the way you learned to survive growing up from a child into and adult.
I know this won’t help you narrow down the field but absolutely EVERYTHING that you mentioned on the list is something I would love to see more of. Let your brain do a deep dive down the rabbit hole. I have yet to see an episode from you that was not worth my time, even the ones that didn’t apply to me in particular (I don’t have kids yet).
That still helps tbh! Means you're at least interested in everything I said :D
100%
I wanted to say the same thing!!
@@ashervijayyampolsky7759 Me too!
Hi, it would be cool to make a video about how to deal with ADHD and comorbidities like for someone with Lupus, heart disease, bpd and bipolar disorder. Not being able to take adhd meds because of heart conditions and past life addictions to stimulants. I like your videos you should keep doing them and for sure I will buy your book. I'm lost too to be honest but thanks to your videos I get a kick of motivation and hope. I just wanted you to know that. I'm from France and thanks to you I'm have been able to do many things during the last years. I'm well aware of many things except for the topic I talk here. Have a great week! ❤
edit:sorry I wrote that comment in response to a comment and that's not what I wanted to do. ADHD symptoms....
Thank you for reminding us of decision paralysis. I have not completed so many things because of this and, as I look at your large book sitting on my table, waiting to be read- still- you saying it gives me permission to try and just push ahead anyway. I’m glad you can become a best selling author and not know what on earth you’re doing.
Thank God, you stopped waiting tables and moved forward anyway! At least this little corner of the world is better because of you.
🥹🥹🥹
'Push ahead': (1.37 decision paralysis; 6:39) [...] I didn't [6:41] know that that was an option to keep [6:43] going.
Jessica - you are the reason I got diagnosed 7 years ago at 22. Your work has made a huge difference in my life. Thank you.
I would love to see more content about working from home or working for yourself - that has been a pretty big struggle for me. I am also struggling to figure out what to do after finishing my first long term project (getting my bachelor's degree).
Yes
That would be great to see
I’m getting to that point! I graduate in may and i have NO idea what i’m gonna do after college
@@Shalapda What is your degree in? Check in with your school's job center and ask for help looking for a job with your degree! Don't fall into a minimum wage job because you know how to find that kind of job. Get assistance!
@@jenniferpearce1052 software engineering - i have a pretty decent plan laid out right now, the problem is just executing the steps i have in place. But i’m making slow progress!
Yes, on the working from home content. I work from home as a systems analyst and my "office" is also my computer gaming area. Creating well-defined boundaries between work and home is extremely difficult.
I uh, I've been dealing with a lot of depressive tendencies and thoughts that I shouldn't have. I almost got brought to a hospital yesterday because of them. Hearing that i have permission to keep going, despite me telling myself to keep moving forward, brought me to tears. Thank you so much. I will keep going. Even if it hurts so much. Even if everything feels like it's falling apart.
I'll keep going
Depression sucks. I know firsthand. My heart is with you man and I hope you can find the healing you need ❤
Yo solo hace 20 años y ya con 60 y sin ver a hijos y nietos no es fácil te tienes a Ti mismo ❤ bendiciones desde Mexico hay esperanza busca el amor❤
Sending you hugs. I have been there many times. You will find a good place again.
I don't know if this will help you specifically, but if you've tried SSRIs for depression and got emotional blunting, You can try to take strattera to balance out the ratios of neurochemicals.
It worked for me. And I can function much better now. They're doing the research to understand why this helps some people but it's common enough doctors will listen if you suggest it, but uncommon enough that doctors don't suggest it as an option
@@phyllisolson5148 YES.
The timing of this video is incredible. Thank you for the permission to keep going.
Thank you for your frank honesty. I feel like this every dang day. So glad I’m not alone
Same
Hello Brains!!! And Hearts!!! You're doing a great job at doing what you don't know what you're doing!!!
Hello, Jess!!!
That's really sweet!! 🤗🤗💕😊
Hang in there . Becoming a parent IS overwhelming enough by itself. Having adhd and being sleep deprived is not easy. I would just let curiosity lead your way in your projects. I’m just happy for the content that you do put out-from another adhd mom
From this channel i would love to see more indepth discussions about the impact of ADHD on hormones.
Specifically ADHD and puberty.
ADHD and PMDD
ADHD and pregnancy
ADHD and postpartum
ADHD and menopause
ADHD and PMS
ADHD and PCOD
I think your channel is in such an beautiful space to bring much needed information, tools strategies and awareness to these topics.
ADHD has such a huge impact on hormones. And as a cis woman it's even more a huge part of my life. Even if you don't deal with periods or related struggles, you may have a brain in your life who does.
I have been struggling to find community for PMDD specifically.
Other than that
I would love to see more of your relationship deep dive videos, they are raw, honest and so refreshing.
I would also love to see you cover topics on parenting and child development. I think it's interesting and you obviously seem passionate about it. You bring such nuance into everything so I think it'll be fascinating.
I would love to see you start a podcast as well, talking to different experts about the ADHD experience of living.
But again, this channel maybe for us, but it exists because you followed your passion. Chase it and take us along for the journey.
Very excited to see where you go from here. Thank you for everything you did.
Love you Jess❤
From a brain you saved
I have ADHD and PMDD too. I’d recommend looking into PME also as it’s so similar to PMDD.
Well worded. I second this!
@@mnickrowe Thank you! Will do!
I had not thought of that but those are really good points!
Yessss, deep dives would be so so good
Breathe, relax and enjoy your journey. We your listeners love you and are grateful and ready to go on this adventure with you. New Mom, good relationship and good listeners. You can do this. It will come to you the path, keep seeking, we will be here with you learning and walking along. Congratulations on being a new Mommy!!
Awww this is so sweet, thank you for this!
I really needed to hear this right now. I'm at a place in my career where I'm at a crossroad, & it feels so scary & overwhelming. I feel so inadequate because of my neurodivergence, but this reminded me that's okay. Thank you for your frank honesty & compassion.
Just by honestly sharing your thoughts and asking questions, you make others feel at ease. Seeing you as you are helps me to view myself with more kindness and acceptance.
You don’t need to do anything special. You’re perfect just as you are. Thank you.
This is such an amazing comment. Totally agree!
I came onto your channel to find something to educate me more about my own ADHD brain and this was the first video that I saw. This is the exact feeling that I have at the moment and seeing your video just feels like a massive sign. I'm 20 and struggling to figure out which way to go in life and seeing you be in the same spot is so comforting for me. The part at 6:00 about being allowed to keep going really hit me and will stay with me forever. Thank you.
U did give me on the other side of the world , a lot of encouraging word and spirit
Honestly... I love when you get emotional on videos and I know it sounds super weird but I love when you talk about your struggles and when the videos are less structured. While watching these you really become my friend that I don't have, a one I can relate to, a one I can cry with and not be the only one who's vulnerable. That's it I think, I like this place, your channel to be a place where I can be vulnerable and safe. So content like this video, like the one about how people don't understand ADHD etc.
And Jess, for me you are more than good enough. Just want you to know 💗
yes! this!
Oh god… this one is gonna hit right in the feels again, isn’t it?
Oh yeah
It does
She is a mind reader
yup, hits just in the right place
*virtual hug* Thanks for your channel. When my daughter was starting third grade, she was going to be with a teacher who very much wanted to help her, and I showed her your videos about the motivation bridge and the wall of awful. She loved them. She said that she already knew some of it, but that she'd never had it explained to her so clearly before. Your video's have helped both her and me a lot - I didn't know about ADD until my daughter was diagnosed, and it was such a revelation to learn that, despite adults calling me dumb my entire childhood, it'd never really been my fault. This channel became like a safe, understanding space to come to and to learn.
Another thought- whatever you do, it has to be fun for you. What are you sick of doing? Can you drop it? What you give you a new challenge and be lots of fun for you?
Thank you for this video. I really needed to hear everything you said!
Imposter syndrome is so real and I constantly feel like I’m failing at my job. Even when I get good feedback or I’m told I’m doing a good job, I convince myself that it’s not true or they are just being nice. I’m still learning how to accept compliments and to believe in myself.
Thank you for your honesty and transparency.
I appreciate this video...been feeling particularly incompetent at work lately due to my varying ability to do tasks.
Boy did you nail that description- it's not that I can't do my job, it's my VARYING ABILITY TO DO X Y OR Z AT THIS MOMENT that constantly undermines my confidence in my sense of belonging... somatic therapy has really helped me gain some tools to work through tough moments, it's shifting... still feels like hell pretty often, tho, not gonna lie. Wishing you the best too!
This was INCREDIBLY well timed. Thank you so much.
This video really helped me today. I recently started a new job, and I’ve had it for a few months now, and I feel like I should know what I’m doing, and that has led to a lot of self-doubt. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to be in this place for a while, that I’m not alone, and that it’s okay to keep going and helping me to reframe the doubt by reminding myself what I do know.
Having the right person(s) to train you is a huge factor also. If it wasn't for that, I would have left the current position I'm in. Because of those people I was able to move to a position where I can work at my own pace and the others work with me and I with them.
I really needed this right now, thank you.
I would love a video on how to hire people to do the things you just can't (like apply for jobs or clean your home).
Yes! I would be extremely interested.
Second this! I just recently came across a channel of people that clean houses for others with mental health struggles and it was so inspiring. I was like ... oh i can hire someone to organize for me 🤯🤯🤯
I would love more content about day to day adhd challenges. I love your real-life, relatable situational discussions. More about the science, the chemistry, the research and how it has changed the perception of the disorder. Strategies and coping mechanisms to help in specific circumstances. Also, everything you have done is amazing and has helped so many people, so in general, just keep helping us, because you have made a huge difference in so many lives, myself included.
7:07 thanks for making me tear up heh.
Self-doubt is really so hard to be able to get rid of, or even lessen the amount. We can tell other people to not doubt them selves and that they're doing well but when it comes to ourselves...that's suddenly not the case.
But truly, I am sure you're doing amazing.
We appreciate the honesty :D
And we always thought you had it together :D
This hits home so hard! Thanks Jessica
Jessica, I have SO much appreciation and respect for your vulnerability in sharing your struggles. Every video of yours that I have watched has been SO relatable, and has been encouragement and validation that I am not alone in this journey, that someone (LOTS of someones, actually!) out there "gets it" EXACTLY, and reassurance that I'm NOT the things I've been labeled (lazy, uncaring, etc.)
"I thought I was going to get permission to give up, and instead I got permission to keep going." That hit me deeply, thank you. My spouse and I really appreciate your channel! Personally I'd love to see more vlogs and parenting with adhd content, and I look forward to a podcast when that happens :)
This channel helped me get through the worst burn out and depression ever. I was able to relate to so many of the videos I found, that I tried again to get a diagnosis, which I got! I was empowered to try different things and not give up at my job, which I still have. Things are going much better now. Thank you so much.
Thank you!!! I’m going through a similar self-doubt spiral within my own career. It feels so good to know that I’m not alone.
Glad to hear your honesty. I have always found a desire to spin my life in the most positive way for family and friends and only realised recently that I should probably tell people when I'm struggling.
I have no idea what I'm doing at a constant basis.
I appreciate your content to no end. You truly are empowering people with ADHD.
I've been unbelievably frustrated with the lack of support I get from the medical system. My doctor pushed me to a therapist, my therapist pushed me to a pharmacist, the pharmacist pushes me back to my doctor. I don't get real answers or support. Medication isn't covered by my insurance and every therapist I've had struggles to help and ultimately recommends I seek medication.
You're content helps me feel like there are things I can do, rather than rely on a system that keeps failing me. I'm two years into my diagnosis and slowly but surely I'm figuring out how to navigate these problems, and you're a huge part of my success so far.
I'm not sure how you should proceed with your channel. I appreciate you seeking guidance, but don't be afraid to listen to your gut and those closest to you. If you're feeling fired up about something, I'm sure your audience will be on board.
For decades I've contended with medical professionals about ADHD, where I've found:
- They are outright dismissive of the condition.
Or
- Express lukewarm acceptance with skepticism.
Or
- They patronizingly accept what I say, but offer no assistance.
And rarely
- Take my input seriously, but psychological professionals are backlogged with many patients ahead of me; with health insurance not covering it.
I think you’re doing a great job, Jessica! You and your channel have helped me tons and I am grateful! Thank you for being real!
Aww, thank you so much! That means a lot. This one was scary to put out there
My favourite videos that you do are kind of the “classic” ones, as I think of them. They’re the ones where you mention a problem/challenge/whatever, then explain why it happens, and then talk about how to work and move past it. I’m not sure how many more topics there are to delve for that format, though, and I am also open to variety. Guests on the channel are also another favourite of mine.
Overall, I think your original motivation for working on this channel is a good one, because if you’re struggling with it, then chances are a lot of other people are, too. You say you’ve “finished” the project of learning everything about your brain and putting it somewhere you can find it, but the fact that you still don’t feel you have things together suggests that there is likely more to get into. Maybe talk about the challenges of managing a team when you have adhd. Maybe talk about the challenges of being required to stick to a schedule for your child’s sake when your brain just wants to hyperfixate on frogs for a few hours. Just because it’s a “mechanism” you’ve discussed before doesn’t mean that it’s useless to talk about in new situations.
In short: Keep doing what you feel good doing.
Most of grew up in a kind panic really ‘cos there’s no manual to say ‘this is how you do humaning’ and so we just bounced around like a fly in bottle getting shitloads if negative ‘feedback’. And that hurts a lot. A lot of us have trouble then dealing with this internal pain, feeling rejected, not good enough, defective and ashamed.
Then we start to base our decisions on doings that we hope will avoid these emotional assaults and start people pleasing.
Later, when it comes to adulthood or late adulthood, you start try to do stuff for yourself but there’s still no handbook.
NTs seem to just get it. Some of us just don’t.
This is actually the first time writing a comment on YT, but I just had to say thank you for your work a specifically for this video. I am currently working on my bachelor thesis and I am always thinking that I am failing and that I am not good enough, because it's the first time for me writing and working on something that big.
I am living with ADHD since I am a little boy now and there have been some rough times, but your channel always helped to just figured out and watch out for the strengths in my ADHD. I appreciate you so much!!! Just wanted to put this out into the world!
Girl, I relate so hard to this. I’m a small business owner and a sole caregiver to a toddler. The uncertainty can be paralyzing.
I would like to tell you that you absolutely DO know what you’re doing. Your brain is lying to you. Sleep deprivation is a torture technique for a reason. It DOES get better.
Two of my biggest lessons from motherhood:
1. Perfection is impossible - for anyone.
2. Comparing your performance/ productivity now with those things before motherhood is apples and oranges. Your circumstances are COMPLETELY different now. Give yourself grace every chance you get.
This seems a very well timed video. I just finished (kinda handed in thesis, still waiting on viva and results) my PhD a year early with an MScR because of ADHD things. I'm now stuck in this purgatory state because I don't want to remain in the UK and I still want to do a PhD. But I need a job to afford rent and bills, but I still need be around to do those last bits. So I'm kinda stuck on how to move forward, I don't have the drive to get a job because it won't be very long but I don't want a job outside the industry (what if I get stuck there and I don't want to deal with customers), I'm burnt out from the work, I also don't want to move somewhere where I won't be doing the PhD because then I'd have to move again. So yeah.. what do I do right now. I guess just keep pushing through
Thanks! My brain is chaos. Your channel is helping me make sense of it.
Thanks to you and your video of "ADHD and girls" i started my journey to get a diagnosis two years ago
I recently quit my job because I got an acting role. I changed my whole life, my whole career and purpose. The production has wrapped now, and although I am trying to find more opportunities, I feel like I also do not know what the next step to take is.. I also feel like I am not doing enough, or am an impostor. Decision paralysis is my biggest fault now, day to day. Thank you for making this video.. It is extremely personally relatable.
The upside of not knowing what you're doing is that: Everything is figure-out-able. Just keep that in mind. Don't give up! Keep going, like you said. Have courage! And do your best! 💪😊❤
Topics to cover: time management, resilience, bouncing back from challenges, how to not take things personally, how to cope with feeling overwhelmed, etc.
I would like to see more longform content, with guests, interviews, discussions. The shortform is really useful, but it's nice to just engage and discuss as well!
I think what a lot of us can take from this channel was you made resources (with these videos and this book) that helped you and gave that to the community. That's I think the best way that you can make the things that we want. I'm sure we here could suggest making an app with someone, or an art piece e.t.c., but really its about what will help you. I don't want to say it as I love your ADHD content, but it might be that ADHD stuff isn't the problem you have now, but parenting advice, or adulting advice. You have a great way of delivering helpful life information, so don't feel that you are limited to just ADHD. (even if it might sting short term)
You literally changed my life. Its because of your content that i figured out i have adhd and led me to get diagnosed and its your content (and hayley honeyman's) that is helping me learn to live with my adhd brain. So the things you are doing are the good things! I empathize with the feeling though and i am glad to know that i am not alone.
Also I will always be open to watching anything you create. Your videos, no matter the content or style, bring a lot of comfort to me. So give yourself permission to get creative! 😊❤
Same.
I appreciate you saying this all out loud. I say this all the time in my head. Few Seem to understands what it’s like to have millions of thoughts all at the same time.
I needed a video like this. I am in a new role at my job that is very much "define your own objectives and we'll tell you if you deliver enough", so I've been trying to wrestle with that.
I appreciate the care you put into this channel. I know I very much appreciate the candid takes on strategies that are working for you, as I have thus far been able to get more help here than through the medical system thus far.
Just constant reminders (because we forget easily) about what us, those with ADHD need to do to function better is enough. And if you want to get deeper on a certain topic of your choice, go ahead as well.
Thank you for your book(!!), your honesty and your help! ❤
To answer your question, your courageous honesty and confrontation of our neurodivergent reality, as exemplified by this very video and many others of yours is exactly what I need. More than anything, this. We are constantly being unintentionally gaslit by well intentioned neurotypical people, as well as by our own brains. So to have you call this out and confront it in your own life is supporting the community probably far more than you can recognize. The “oh it’s not just me” reminder is surprisingly powerful.
Personally I have retired from a very successful career that I constantly barely avoided catastrophe for success (feeling of accomplishment, oh I’ve heard of that, must be nice…) and now I’m very adrift.
So yeah, exactly what I needed right now. Watching you here on this channel is uniformly great. Keep just being you and keep going.
Adhd is getting confused with everything,work,people,and number 1 time ,one things becomes another in my mind
You are part of the reason my mom could finally get help. You gave my mom the words to describe her experience to doctors, finally letting her get diagnosed with adhd. Words can't describe how much this has helped her move on in life. Thank you Jessica. Thank you everyone on the How to ADHD team.
My self-doubt is crippling. I don't have a career yet
Same
You‘re still doing great, keep going! I have watched your videos for many years now and I love how you deliver scientific information and deconstruct different topics. Even though nowadays there are many other people doing that as well, and you may think… Well, this topic has been already been covered, but: It hasn’t been covered by you. Wherever your interest leads you here, like talking about things we do not know yet about ADHD, also to inspire research (we professionals are just normal people who watch UA-cam, too), or talking about parenting with ADHD (go for your hyperfocus!), it will be valuable for the community, as well!
This is normal, the thing I try to avoid is making the same decisions repeatedly. That's arguably the most annoying part, not remembering how I did it, and how well it went.
yes. I watch you because you are amazing. do whatever feels right for you. thank you.
Me, when I have no idea what I'm doing, which is always.
Glad I’m not alone 😅
Hey Jess, as always, your videos are super helpful at just the right time! You, along with so many other mental health advocates, are the reason why i first began to suspect I had ADHD and didn't have to feel so alone or crazy, and now it's our turn to help you out since you're one of us! You've been doing this channel for a number of years now, over that time I'm sure you've learned SO much more about, not only yourself but ADHD itself, you could go through your old videos and see if the info in them still hold up or if there's more to add. You could also touch upon how ADHD manifests itself (the inattentive type/ hyperactive type) in the different genders. Like the reason why young girls often go under diagnosed is because they typically have the inattentive type and how this isn't mutually exclusive but rather just majority odds, I myself being a man with the inattentive type and only diagnosed at age 33, pick up books and listen to stories by women talk about their experiences because it relates so much more than most other men's stories. Also, congratulations on being a mom!
I think the fact that im this early shows i dont either 😅
I personally like the science stuff. I am currently in the process of figuring out if I want to start doing ADHD-coaching and I think resources like this will continue to make me better at that kind of stuff.
Focus on being a mom and learning about that.
I keep coming back to the motivation bridge & wall of awful videos: having an extended metaphor for both a challenge I'm facing and my options for overcoming it is invaluable as a scaffold for both scaffolding the knowledge I'm building and orienting myself toward action that I reasonably expect to be productive. There are some good books on cognition by Lakoff that I have found helpful in working with metaphor in my own technical career, and that might help your team to notice existing metaphors that have gone un-named in a body of practice, if there's one you want to tackle.
honestly as a person starting a business and doing all the things, being a mum to teens and 20 years into a marriage to my best friend in the whole world and never want to take for granted, I feel this video to my very core I want to do all the things that I love, invest in my relationships and do what I feel called to, but I feel so overwhelmed and I don't have a task list or many others who have been in my shoes with my brain around me...This video was so affirming! to hear someone else say almost exactly what I have been feeling has made a world of difference, to know you aren't alone in this feeling of overwhelming vastness is just so comforting! I got has been lifted, thank you for risking criticism and being selfless enough to be honest!!! I'm not loosing it, this stuff happens to other people, I can take a breath before i take the next step.
WOW. I really needed this today. Thank you for your help. ❤
PLEASE talk more about building systems that help our brains work better throughout the day, and coping with the grief when they don't work or stop working. I need that so desperately.
Science is always fun. :D Especially developing research.
I would love a video with hacks now that you are a new mom, and video with hacks in general because a lot of people talk about the struggles of ADHD but they don’t talk about what to do or what works for them
I love hearing about the science behind our brains and how relatable your experiences and struggles are to the rest of us. The ADHD memes are funny too! Anything you put out is a joy to watch and I am always learning. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
This video has come at the right time. I love listening/seeing you.. i have beeping like you, like this right now. I have had the family and succeeded in so many ways but now I am alone after being married for 30 years and living as an expats know need to decide my next step …. The options are endless to a certain degree but I struggle with focus and overwhelming and negative voice … I am 63 health issues … overwhelmed. Omg digressing…
Ilyour channel has been life savour. I was only realised I have adhd 2 years ago.
Keep talking honestly , showing vulnerability helps people not feel alone
Business Analyst and Consultant work with Salesforce often sees me feeling like I don't know what I'm doing on nearly a daily basis. It's such a daily fight to grasp onto what actually needs to be done next while second guessing myself as if there is 'something' I'm not thinking of. Even after passing 6 of the proctured two hour exams and proving I knew what I was doing, I still find myself questioning myself until I really get going for the day. Permission to keep going... that's a strong, enabling thought.
You have been helping me soooo much since I found out I have adhd 2 years ago. This reminder came in perfect timing for me today...literally thinking I don't know what I'm doing with my life! My suggestion is to do whatever you feel most excited about doing next. And then know that the other things might still happen eventually. Or not. It's okay.
Another thought, more short term than my last lol. I’d like to learn more about the origins of ADHD in the brain. I have a theory that ADHD is what’s left to the next generation after PTSD. Both of my grandfathers were in wars, one as a child and the other as a soldier. They definitely had PTSD and I think my ADHD symptoms are basically PTSD minus the actual trauma, since I didn’t experience it, but it left an effect in the genetic code that I was later made of. Isn’t this fascinating? Maybe I read it somewhere, I don’t know. Thanks for being honest and inspiring ❤
As an AUDHD mum of 3 who has been successful at most things she's tried but denied herself the enjoyment of those successes due to the exact feeling you have at 3:40 in this video - you WILL get to a point where you realise you don't need to push anymore. You ARE good. You ARE doing enough. A jar full of one thing or a jar full of many things is STILL a full jar.
Oh - I do know how to fold a towel, but even at sixty-one, I’m still trying to figure out folding fitted sheets.
And please don’t give up the UA-cam posts. I find having a visual component helps me focus so much more easily than I can when listening to a podcast.
(feel free to ignore this, I get a dopamine hit from giving advice, but you don't have to waste energy replying to me if you don't want to)
Ok, the outer edge of a fitted sheet is the point of the corners. The elastic scrunchy bit is like a hem or cuff. You fold so that the elastic scrunches are on the inside of every fold.
It will never look perfect but it looks better this way.
@@steggopotamus I was ASKING for advice, so I have no intention of ignoring yours! Thank you. But how does one keep the scrunchy parts where they're supposed to be? Mine always pop back out as I'm trying to fold the sheet.
Thank you so much for this video, I am in a kind of similar place. 😍I’ve been following you for quite some time now ( 2 years? I was a patron for a while too) and you were one of the first ADHD channels I followed. I’ve only stuck with 2 of them that I keep returning to regularly: your channel and Dr. Barkley. 😊
I love the unique mixture of what you do, but it is specifically the kind of scientific approach mixed with great useful information in a fun way ( I learned about fidgets from you! ) and then your very honest and emotional videos too. I think anything that has to do with emotional regulation and executive function is always very useful. Personally , I am not so interested in the mum/ baby/ parenting stuff . I feel there is so much info on that out there . But that’s just me!🤓 I agree with others that you should do whatever makes you happy! ❤️Your style is unique here on UA-cam , just do what you love doing and don’t stop! ❤✨🥳
What I need from you is... To please not stop. You have no idea how much your channel has helped me understand my brain. I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD, I'm 35 yo. I've spent the past 20 years (the time I was living on my own) struggling and not knowing why or how other people seem to be just fine.
If I had a free wish for a video: I recently understood that my household is basically an ecosystem of individual systems, like let's say laundry. The laundry system has the laundry itself that has different states and it needs me to get from one state to the next. Since I understood this, I also find it much easier to see "doing laundry" as a process of this system with several steps. In a way it helps me to gamify "doing laundry" because it is taking material and transforming it into a new state while being aware that it will have steps that follow. Maybe you could talk about that in a video?
This video was perfectly timed.
I am facing a similar soul crushing overwhelm. I am realising how much my need to avoid change has impacted my ability to move forward.
Ive been paralysed between burnout in my current job and fear of failing at seeking new opportunities.
I'm so so tired of fighting and being stuck in fear of failure, fear of trying, fear of pain. But truly, im most scared of having to create new masks and the energy it will take me to appear functional around a bunch of new people.
I am choosing to take the excruciating steps into the unknown, despite my brain screaming to run.
Thank you so so much for your channel and your honesty, my partner and I cherish the lessons we've learned from you.
Apparently, a lot of us in the community needed this video. Thank you for this. To answer your question, how about reviewing more tools and strategies from the community, I'm always intrigued by these.
You have been a life saver! I know how you feel. I'm still there. The only thing my brain can really focus on is being a mom. I've read books. None truly helped. I wish there was a guide,too. I just know I have learned so much from you and been inspired to also learn. I'm now to a point that my own therapist told me I should be an ADHD coach! That kind of threw me for a loop!😊
One topic that recently came up with a friend is: How do you emotionally regulate? What does that even mean? What's good? What's bad? What are some methods or techniques? How do you know if it's working?
That's a really good question. I've always assumed emotional regulation meant not being in distress...
Goodness, I can't tell you how well timed this was! I had a big breakdown today because I am struggling so much working on my dreams, and needed to hear this.
Ive listened to several ADHD channels and you have a special empathy, warmth, and fun way talking about things that always helps! Thank you!
For future content, I'd love any help for productivity with creative endeavors, more tips and tricks for everyday living, and maybe some more in depth guides for when youre just really stuck in the muck of it.
I've tried a few of your applications and tricks, and I think I get lost in doing too many or figuring out what's most important right now and end up in a panicked overwhelm! Also, how to find the right executive function coach. I've been looking, and most are booked or very expensive, so alternative options and ways to find available folks. Thank you so much!!!
Thank you very much for this video. It was exactly what I needed just now.
I just came back from a long walk outside, that I urgently needed, and where I found out that I am in depression because I struggle in my job and have no idea what I am doing.
But you explained everything ❤. Your honest videos are such a support!
I guess, the most important message that you are sharing here again and again, is: "you are not alone".
This sentence is pinned to my kitchen wall for several years now, after I watched one of your first videos. And it makes me cry out of relief again and again.
I hope, that our feedback here gives back some of that feeling of not being alone, and 'being part of the tribe'.❤
This video on self doubt was so helpful to hear. So important to remember to keep going even when it's not perfect.
Things that I would love to see be content on;
--the overlap between ADHD and post concussion syndrome or persistent concussion syndrome
--interviews with others managing ADHD
--more content with practical tips, like a laundry video, a dishes or kitchen video, etc. You've done these in the past, but it bears repeating and if things have evolved that's great to see too
Thank you thank you for all that you do
5:32 thank you. I needed this reminder as it's my pattern, too, and I'm in a period of flux, too.
I don't know what i want from you but I do get things out of must of your content.
As someone who found your channel this year and just got reccently diagnosed with ADHD. I've found your videos helpful, entertaining and engaging. As a good ADHDer (not sure if thats a real word, but I think you get it), I would try everything to see what comes up, I mean is not like your videos can be defined on one particular category only, yes they're educational for the most part, some you get more into daily life, a few others experiences and so on, so do what you feel like you want to do. I understand you take this channel as a community and that you have to follow the community, I do get it, but at the same time I think whatever you choose people will support you, most of them at least, because when you do something you like and want to do, not only because others are telling you to do so, at least on my experience, it almost always gives the best results. Anyways those are just a few of my thoughts, thanks for this video, I think I have never commented before, but this one got me, I feel like this most of the time as well and its a challenge to not know what to do because I do like to be told what to do (guidelines I mean) at least for work, and wouldn't hurt for life, sometimes it just feels like playing a videogame and trying to figure out whats the best outcome (somewhat perfectionist here that wants the best possible results, but working on it). Best wishes on this new journey and the ones that are to come!
I want to start with thank you, your videos have helped me not feel alone. As well as point out the “oh, that’s why I do that”. I even bought a multi charger to avoid having to hunt for different charger. Also I own three fidget cubes, and two Stimagz because of your videos. One of your videos, inspired a cycle method by linking together, a clean sock basket, dirty sock box, and a wash day, and returning method. I don’t have to run up and down the stairs to find socks. 😊
I was diagnosed with adhd a month ago. My neurophysiological recommended your channel. It has been so helpful to understanding my brain and breaking down the concepts into a relatable format. I am excited to buy and read your book!
If this is you being "not enough", it's more than enough for me! Thank you for helping me to feel some more self compassion. You're amazing and articulate. Your message is enough.
Wow, Jessica, you might as well be speaking directly to me. Thank you so much for this video. I also make my own work and just finished a massive multi-year project, and have been struggling to figure out what to pursue next. So many ideas and so much self-doubt. This video helps so much as I try to organize my thoughts.
Your "Failure" video (mentioned in this one) shocked me in its relatability, and I used it and your TED Talk to explain to my parents what I go through and what my life is really like. (Clarity: this was actually in my late 40s!) Those two videos were fantastic tools for helping them understand, and I can't thank you enough for making and sharing them.
Follow your passion. Whatever you’re interested in exploring. It’s all needed. I’m enjoying interactions between neurodivergent individuals/creators, especially in long interview/conversation format. A little deeper dive. And I know it’s heavy, but some focus on individual co-morbidities could be very helpful, kind of like a ADHD 101 class of where to start and a few 200 or 300 level “classes” when you do your deep dive research on a topic. I’m one of the late diagnosed women that was diagnosed with depression in my teens, anxiety in my 20s, and ignored my own ADHD diagnosis other than unhelpful/hurtful stimulants and zero education until I started to struggle at work 10 years later. Now it’s like learning a whole new life at 40. A blessing and a curse, an overwhelming journey to learn how to love myself for the first time, to give myself grace and honor the grief of the life that could have been had I known and been treated since childhood. I’m SO grateful the young generations are less likely to go through this torture and gaslighting experience “try harder and you’ll live up to your potential, just be on time and stop procrastinating and worrying and do these things that are so EASY for most (neurotypical) people!” I have a physical disability (hearing loss) that happened at 18 and that’s been so much easier to adapt to than this invisible debilitating illness. How do you cope if you can’t afford an ADHD coach? How do you recover from the social difficulties, the financial instability and debt, the difficulty keeping a job when you aren’t that creative and are very risk averse? I’ll take any help or hope you can give for those of us who haven’t had the resources and are just starting our journey late in life, I know it’s not your experience but research and interviews with affected individuals and leaders in academia, research, coaching, or therapy for this is all welcome. You put such a positive spin on everything and I’d love to feel some of that hope. I follow other creators as well but your opinion and perspective are unique and valuable. Also mom tips/lessons welcome. Not a mom but still a small glimmer of hope I still can be one. Whatever you decide I'll support. Thank you for your leadership in educating the masses on UA-cam, you were my first introduction to what no psychiatrist or therapist ever told me/taught me and I'm so grateful. ❤
I always think review of tools is a good one, people with ADHD are always looking for how to use a tool to stay more organized, or keep track of projects, or schedules, or any number of things, and there's a lot of tools out there marketed as a good tool to help with ADHD... but then it can be hard to see what it is or how it can be used in a way that helps.
I also think tutorials are great. Like I love the videos about how to set up a home to be ADHD friendly, seeing different peoples homes and how they set up their living space to be ADHD friendly was super helpful, and I know there are other channels I follow that teach HOW to clean for example, because my squirrel brain isn't the best at knowing what I should be doing when I clean and it's SUCH an overwhelming task that when people give me tips, tricks, or checklists of what to make sure is included in that is always super helpful
Thank you so much for everything you do. My three favorite types of content to see on your channel, in no particular order, are 1. Videos like this one in which you talk about what you're struggling with and how you're facing that struggle, 2. Introductions to new tricks or tools, and 3. Exploration of the reasons our brains work certain ways.
I really like this channel (and your book for that matter) because it's the first place I've gotten REAL practical advice on how to manage ADHD. I know I'm not the only one here that's heard the same well meaning platitudes 100's of time and to final find someone with actual solutions to our issues is like finding warmth after wander though a blizard for years.
You're doing fine, keep going! As a suggestion, speaking as a member of a team of coparents for two kids with ADHD/AuDHD, it would be SUPER HELPFUL to have age-targeted material to show them and help them understand their own strengths and struggles. We can tell them, but especially as they reach their tween years, having guidance from outside the family structure would be really helpful. There are specific challenges around topics like social groups, dating, puberty, meds in changing bodies, accountability, peer pressure, impulse control, not sharing/accessing explicit materials, onlike risks, etc.
Please bring in *Russ Barkley* if you *do* bring anyone on for an interview. He's #1 and everyone in the academic space for ADHD knows it. It would benefit so many more of us Executive Function Developmental Deficit individuals if you did.
There is way too much misinformation, and disinformation on the net about ADHD. It would make a huge difference to have Barkley output what he knows to such a large reach. This is the one thing I'd hope you do by the time your channel comes to pass.
You owe it to your community to try.
Thank you! This same issue has been plaguing me for a very long time. It’s nice to hear it coming from you. I just hung up a sign in my bedroom that says SELF DISCIPLINE. I’ve been an entrepreneur for 30 years.
Jessica once again gives me the uncanny feeling that she’s watching my life unfold and trying to help me through it.
Being someone who freezes up when working under people, I decided to start my own business making jewellery straight away.
What I’m worried about is “am I going to be doing enough?” and “Am I going to be doing it right?”
My questions are now answered. “Trailblazing is exhausting. Count that in. Then consider wether you’re doing what you can.”
I needed this video today. Thank you, Jess ❤
Thank you for being so open and honest with us. Decision paralysis is one of (many) things that I’m finding myself experiencing more as I get older (or maybe I'm just more aware of it?). It's incredibly helpful and validating to hear others' experiences - it most definitely helps to calm the 'give up' voice and keep going. 🖤