Goodbye Mr P

I’ve been indescribably upset the last month.
Someone died.
And died awfully.
Many people knew him (Stevie P).
Steve (aka Ted) Penalver.
And though many would describe him as adorable… a lot might also describe him as difficult to love.
I guess he could be (a bit) sometimes; he struggled with profound mental health, addiction.
And he was a terror.
I never found him difficult to love.
That part was the easy part.
He knew me better, I think, than anyone else on the planet.
And he was with me - actually right next to me - during a few of the most traumatic and upsetting parts of my life.
Of our life.
We shared too many traumatic times together.
But they were no comparison to the good times we shared.
None at all.
He always loved me, very easily.
Just easily.
When others get annoyed with me… he never did, ever.
He was like an always faithful champion.
My own mental health leans in a way, that I know people will find me brilliant and amazing and loveable... until they REALLY get to know me, when that shine wears off, and people drift away, lose interest.
Dislike me.
Mr P liked the 'long-term' me that most people don't.
I don't know what life is gonna be without that. It's scary.
In his final months, he thought his life would be considered a waste.
He really really believed that; although he had plenty of really good kind people who tried to convince him otherwise. Including his dad and brothers.
But he was a uniquely talented artist (who hated his own work).
But it was brilliant, utterly brilliant.
I promised him we’d exhibit it somewhere, and raise awareness about mental health, addiction, cancer and HIV.
But his health deteriorated too fast.
He asked me if I’d document some of the last months we shared.
He had a message, about not wasting his life.
Now he’s gone.
I wish I’d done him better. But here it is, our little film.
His message is there.
Watch, and see how 'not-a-waste' he was, how shiny and kind and talented; and know it. See here, how amazing he is, underneath all the supposed 'hard-to-love' stuff.
It's all here.
And I’ll be ok in a while.
I'm just grieving the best guy that I ever knew.
And the only guy who loved me more after my shine wore off.
(The gorgeoes music you here in this video was composed by Alexander Nakarada and he donated the composition very very kindly, after hearing about this film I was making, and about my Late friend Mr P. Thank you Alexander.
www.serpentsoundstudios.com

[@kieranboyle3057]

This is so sad to see. I went to Junior then senior school with Steve and we were good mates back then. RIP mate 🙏 😢

[@mcb1868]

I'm so so sorry David. You are a beautiful soul. He was lucky to have you. Sending you lots of love x

[@mcb1868]

What a beautiful man he was. I picture him back to his best up there somewhere.

[@DavidStuartChemsex]

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

[@jimthevic]

bless you x

[@escpat]

RIP

[@Ajrob-lf7ge]

RIP….David, could you share what Kindle of cancer was? Could we prevent it somehow? Any particular cancer affecting chemsex ussers?thank for sharing all of this.