We finally listened to the requests and started a community on Locals where we can keep this conversation going. Please join us there! perseveretogether.locals.com/
Lisa, I just found this video. My partner has refractory depression and anxiety. I am at a point where I don’t know what to do anymore and I feel like the depression is consuming me, feeling unloved and unwanted while I am exhausting all of my mental and emotional resources. This video is a silver lining. Thank you.
My husband fell into depression two months after we got married. It's been an on and off,and an up and down rollercoaster since then...I have no resources,no frame of reference on how to deal with this...We're almost at our one year anniversary,and We've never been in the honeymoon phase...it's been harddddd. Lately its gotten worse and I'm on my knees praying every day.. My husband is experiencing suicidal thoughts..I'm still processing two miscarriages through all of this.. If it wasn't for God..I don't know how I would be standing..Please keep us in your prayers.
Sorry for the late reply and so sorry for what you have been going through! It's not the same, but we had an atypical first year of marriage as well, as we found out one month in that I had cancer and had to undergo surgery. It brought up a lot of stuff... Anyways, so sorry as well for the miscarrages. You have been handed some heavy crosses in this first year. Please come and join us in our new locals community and we can continue to support each other in persevering in these challenges. And count on our prayers! perseveretogether.locals.com/
You two are so sweet. It sounds like your husband can manage to still show love and kindness when he’s depressed. He is easy to love and makes you WANT to support him through his darker times. He is one of those who just needs a loving cheerleader in his corner. What about spouses who are intolerable? Those who are cold and can be cruel and go for weeks without showing any affection whatsoever. Their entire mind goes dark and they literally cannot feel love and might tell you that they don’t love you. While the love you show each other is endearing, it doesn’t quite capture how ugly depression really can be.
I am so sorry, that sounds so hard. It's true that our situation is not everyone's situation and he doesn't resort to cruelty. Have you found anything that helps you when he's like that?
I believe your comment minimizes Lisa and her husband's issues. In no way are they saying it's easy, the one thing that makes them so inspiring is their commitment to their marriage and to each other,... But it doesn't mean he's always "lovable", or that she is always so resilient and considerate. My sincere admiration, respect, and prayers to you and your husband, Lisa Canning ‼️ 🙏🏼🙏🏼. I also wish to thank you for your testimony on Hollow (that is how I first came to know your beautiful and enlightening story)
I am only halfway through but this had me in tears, especially when you mentioned the mental illness being a burden, because in reality it is. Not the person but the illness. To commit is a choice and even with all the challenges you'd still choose that person, that's love.
Wow! I'm in tears listening to this video. My husband is in the throws of a very severe and dark depression--and I'm in total despair. I feel so helpless!!!
This video brought me to tears. I’ve been married to my husband for over a year. He never expresses how he feels and 2 days ago he told me he’s been having suicidal thoughts and instantly I felt like it’s my job to help and understand. So here am I watching you two and I am SO thankful that you post these videos. I needed this.
@@ThePossibilityMom He doesn’t believe therapy will help him because he’s gone before before we met and when he was younger. I asked him to make an appointment with his primary and he said he’s never met his primary and wanted the same one that I have and his mother has since she helped both of us with depression. Her panel is closed so she isn’t taking new patients which kind of leaves me in the dark of what to do next.
@@GoldenKandina Hi Jus, I hope you guys are finding hope in the situation. I find even reading about depression helps me. Knowing that others have struggled mightily and suffered, but without depression having the last say. Eg. Abraham Lincoln had terrible bouts of depression, and Winston Churchill had persistent suicidal thoughts, so much so that he hated to be on a train platform, afraid he would be tempted to throw himself in front of it. Perhaps he can invest in himself in this way while awaiting an opening with the therapist he wants. FWIW I have seen a number of different therapists over the years and I think it's very worth it to try, but if he doesnt want to then maybe there are some other ways to continue to grow in the meantime.
@@melissaelizabeth9871 Or maybe don’t comment negative assumptions. He has never ONCE abused me. Mental illness doesn’t always mean abuse. It’s a team effort.. We are happier than we have ever been. He’s gotten promotions since my initial reply, we moved out and are way more stable and I love him more than ever.
My boyfriend is the one who has depression and who adamantly tried to break off our 1.5 year relationship. I couldn’t change his mind. So my only choice is to let him go.
@@drama2u Let him go! My ex- wife couldn't help me! She tried and tried but in the end I was the one Who decided to leave her. She begged for me to stay but I told her : "you don't deserve a depressed man like me, I don't wanna be selfish to keep her in misery. Go and find ANOTHER Man Who Can give you the happiness I can't give you.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
@@andreagomera thank you for your words…i have accepted that he’s not ready for a relationship..i have already let him go the moment he skipped town..he wants to live in a lie and i don’t want to be a part of that
My wife has depression and anxiety, how to love someone that has been diagnosed with both? Patience. I love my wife more than anything in the world, and I would do anything for her. Being patient with them is key 🙂
I have to ask can sex for a man if he's depressed the lack of sex i get no sex I'm starting to think he's cheating but i know he depressed that's why i need to no if sex can lack of men are depressed
@@kaydencegauthier3857 yes depression can affect sex drive negatively. He needs all his hormones/ testosterone checked, as well as his adrenals and thyroid for certain.
Im happy to have found this video. My husband of 10 yesrs has depression and it all started after his mom passed away. He fell lost he feel he doesnt feel enough or that he deserve happiness. Its really hard because you can't help but to feel is YOUR fault they are unhappy. But is not you or the kids or the home, is their mind and they cant seem to see the good side. So really for all of you who are going throught this, may God help you. Is hard to hear the one you love believing they arent deserving of love. Or that they should die. It breaks my heart to see my husband a loving father and a loving husband feeling he isnt enough
I literally cried watching this been able to hear others going through the exact same thing and relate as a couple and parents. I’m so glad I watched this, I feel a lot better knowing I am not on this path alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here in New Zealand there is plenty of mental health services to help those suffering from depression, anxiety ect but there isn’t many services to support those family members coping with people with mental illness. Thank you for your wise words this really helped.
@@questfortraquility good to know that these thoughts don't reflect the reality, right Sarah? It helps a lot when a good partner or friend can remind us.
My husband has dysthymia - chronic low-grade depression. Worked so hard for so many years to be of help without saying the wrong thing. I’m the only one to ever set up travel or dates. It’s profoundly exhausting, eroding my well-being over time. I’ve focused on self-care to a huge degree, but it’s lonely. It’s rough being married to someone who can never feel joy.
Lisa, i just found this video. And this give me new insight and ways to face my situation rn. My husband pushed me away, it was his 2nd time he considering separation with me. He said last year he felt nothing anymore, he lost that sparks, that this marriage can't work, because his health deteriorating (physically). He said it was not my fault, it was his. 1st time i stick on my ground, i said,"I'm here supporting you, no matter what, ups and down," And he let me around him. BUT! But his action speaks louder than his words. That i know deep inside he still or even more loves me. Just when i'm thinking the situation is getting better, i said something that might be triggering to him. 2nd time was several days ago and it does make me helpless. He pushed me away again, and i almost agree with the separation. He is on his business trip, and i'm on mine, it feels suck, i cry a lot. But i pray a lot too, i ask for His guidance. And the next day God answered my prayer by suggesting lots of topic about depression in my phone, including this one. That was like an aha! moment. That my husband might be suffering a mental illness. Now i regret saying things about being agree with the separation. That his response is getting slower (beside his busy schedule). I suggest him to meet a therapist, but he gave me no reaction. Finally i decide to met one to take care of myself first. I need a solid support system to face this situation. Please pray for me and my husband ❤
Thank you so much for this video. I have been diagnosed with severe depression, mood disorder and anxiety. I didn't really understand and all I was doing was taking meds, but not getting the therapy I needed. 7 weeks ago, my wife asked me to leave because she couldn't handle my ups and downs. I didn't realize at the time it was the depression. Your talk helped me a great deal and I sent it to my wife. I pray that she watches it and has a change of heart. I don't want a divorce and I am doing everything I have to do to get treatment for it.....anyway, I am rambling.... Thank you for your video and I've subscribed to your channel.
I hope you reached out and were vulnerable too. As a spouse in this situation, if my spouse just sent this video without having a full conversation about it, that would be pretty manipulative. It'd feel like he's trying to guilt me back into the relationship because I want to prove I'm not "shallow".
Thank you for this. I take everything personally 😅. My husband is the one with anxiety and depression. This was so helpful - especially about CBT for myself. Be at peace with things and not a doormat. Very wise. You are both so lovely.
He is so brave and so honest. Im listening intently as Im 3 months into dating someone special who has just gone into a depressive episode. Im reading and watching everything so I can be there for him.
I am so thankful and so blessed to have come across this channel! ❤ my husband and I are struggling in our marriage because of struggles of mental health😢 I thank you for being so honest and so helpful, the both of you. God bless you guys and your marriage.
I am sorry for the challenges you guys are experiencing, but glad that you found the video helpful! We are making more of this kind of content on our other channel www.youtube.com/@perseveretogether. May God bless you as well especially in this holy season.
My son who is a clinical therapist is going through depression and anxiety after his father passed away last month. He was not dealing with his illness, our family had to intervene. Please, please always listen with an open heart and be subjective about what they are saying. Left untreated and unsupported this illness can lead to an awful ending. Thank you for addressing this topic. My daughter in law needed to hear what you had to say.
I’’m literally crying cause I felt these couple days so lonely and I’m feeling like I’m getting depressed about the situation. I am in the midst of the situation. My heart is hurting, my breathing is a little bit weird. Pray for me and thank you for this video 🙏🏽
@@joshcanning hi Josh are you on medications for your illness? How do I convince my self to to keep taking medications? Every time I feel better I wean myself off and after a couple of weeks my symptoms will come back and couldn't function. I really appreciate your advice. Thanks.
@@fetiibrahim3035 hi Feti, just saw this comment. Yes, I would say stick with it until counselled by your psychiatrist to come off of it, and even then he or she will probably lower the dose over time rather than halt it cold turkey. There is no shame in taking meds, and combined with good counselling and good lifestyle habits they can help transform your outlook. Hang in there and keep taking the meds.
Wowzers. The part about noise, clutter and tension. My husband and I both have moments of anxiety, depression and I have the wonderful BPD... (Borderline personality disorder.) Then we have 5 kiddos (4 still in the home). We both wound up with addictions, because I really believe we just lost to the mental illness for a while... It was so hard. We're still slowly pulling ourselves up and out. My husband has been struggling recently, so I came looking for videos to remind me of how to help him. I'm soooo thankful for this video. When it's addiction, people wanna just say "kick him to the curb!" But you're statement about "if you had a child in a wheelchair, you wouldn't consider them a burden... You just have to learn how to live and love differently" (something like that 😊) was exactly what I needed to hear. I get to make the choice to dig deep and love him when it's hard. Thank you both so so much. 💜😊
Lisa, thank you for this video. It was very helpful to me, as my husband is suffering right now with SAD. He gets it every year and I just try to stay out of the way as much as possible. I appreciate the tips from you and Josh which I’m going to try.
You’re most welcome, and sorry to hear that, I know what you mean. ❤️ We started making more videos for couples going through this, check out our new channel here youtube.com/@perseveretogether?si=mArYWsThlGb5Gl2Y
Your videos are really really helpful. They give me hope, honestly. At the start of our relationship we were already open with each other about having depression and anxiety, but only recently did it actually like manifest in our relationship. I’ve been reading articles and watching other videos about how to support a partner with mental illness but honestly your videos were really the only ones that gave me hope and encouragement. I feel like your insights are more concrete and holistic as compared to other ones I’ve come across before. I’m really thankful for your videos, it really helps me in a deeper level.
I love this video so much. I suffer from severe depression and have tried taking meds and sometimes they don’t feel to do much for me. I admire your husband for being so vulnerable but also I admire you for sticking by him. I always feel like a burden to my fiancé and like I’m not loved or good enough
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! I know that my husband would relate to what you are feeling in those moments. You are more than your depression.
Smart man to express his feelings so well. Great partner to support him. Thank you . I need insight into how to cope with a man who is going through this. Thank you
Thank you for this video. It has opened eyes for dating someone with depression. He is a kind and loving man. And I want to love him better, so thank you for the tips.
Wow, you guys are legends! So supportive, so loving. My partner and father of my children just told me he doesn't love me anymore and he only cares about me. I get that he is hurt and in a lot of pain but the pain of this breakup sent me into a downward spiral of thoughts. I am feeling better now, supported by a team of professionals and my family/friends. Although the pain of my broken heart is tremendous, at least is not consuming me. I know I will come out the other side eventually. Your story resonated a lot with me, thank you so much for sharing!! And congratulations on building such resilience in your marriage... you are an inspiration and I hope one day o will be loved this way. With the good and the bad, in sickness and in health....You two are amazing!💕💕💕💕
Thank you for the encouraging words, Lorena. Sorry for the pain you have been experiencing. Glad to hear that this offered some support. You are worthy of love.
Exactly what I am going through right now and this video helped me so much. Thank you for sharing your story. My husband is currently depressed and he turned full 180. It seems like he is a different person. I kinda resonated with you when you said you didn't know what depression was. I was pushing the wrong buttons. But glad to be able to see these kinds of videos. Makes me sooo hopeful. Thank you and God bless you both. 💖
I am so glad it was a help! Hang in there. We have been trying for a while to make new videos on this topic on a new channel. Stay tuned. God bless you.
Oh my, I needed this video so much. Even though my husband is not willing to be evaluated and get help, I can say, without a doubt, he is clinically depressed. And what worsens all of this, is that I have fallen into a depression as a result. Each day is painful as my husband is completely unmotivated to do anything and his affect is so flat. He will not, or can not, acknowledge when I've been crying ( and I'm an ugly crier so its obvious) or when I'm at a very low. He's just not there; lights are on, but nobody's home. We've been married for 42 years and depression feels a lot more hopeless when you're older.
I fully agree that reminding a depressed person of their intrinsic preciousness, like that of a "new born" (and reminding youreself of your own) is absolutly necessary for a relationship that is being battered by depresion, to survive. Neither partner can reject theirself and maintain the relationship. This love of self by the spouse without depression is the platform from which that person can show love to the depressed mate. And an intense commited love to the depressed mate is only possible if an intense and commited love of self is present. Thank you for making this video! I was reminded to take things less personaly; and to show love to my bestfriend who has depression, from a heart full of tender love and humble and healthy admiration of self. It made me love her even more :)
Wow I just came across your channel. In year 11 of my 14 year marriage to my wife we were hit w/my wife’s suppressed trauma memories. We had no idea she had past trauma. She has CPTSD and wow it’s so extra hard I believe because her trauma was in a past relationship. I love my wife unconditionally and tell her I love her and I’m never leaving her. Because the trauma came from a past abusive relationship she still has some trust issues with our marriage. Each passing month and year I believe we are headed for such a strong marriage. What hurt me was all I did was want to be there for her and she didn’t want me there at one point. Just keep loving the person and working together to control the symptoms of the mental illness and separate the person from the mental illness
I'm so glad I came across this video, it is such a great positive and useful content for people dealing with mental illness and those on the supporting side. I love how you talk about both sides feelings, the importance of acknowledging them, to disassociate the illness from the person, how to set time for dates to show love, to remind yourself why you love that person, acknowledging that it's hard but we're not alone. I also really love how you compare it to having children and how we treat children, how we always love and care for children no matter what. It's so powerful to see what love can do ❤️
Thank you for posting this. The hardest part for me at the moment with my partner is that he cuts me out for months and shows up when he’s better like nothing happened. I don’t love him any less but I feel like when he returns there’s so little of me left.
Thank you for this video so much I can relate to and learn from. Loving someone with depression is hard, I just want to see him well. It hurts to see your loved one hurt and not know what to do to help.
Thank you! This video is so helpful! I am in a newer relationship with someone struggling with depression. And it’s starting to become more and more evident. I’ve been trying to just push it off for a while, but I’ve realized I can’t and I need to be there to help them, but also stay in one piece myself! And this video is so helpful! I’m praying to marry this person because I already know I love them so much, but I need this wisdom now as having them as a dating partner and forever!
Thank you for sharing your journey as a couple dealing w mental health illness. Ive been dealing w a new relationship. At the end of the day, i just want to be w him and him w me. Ive made that decision to stick by him and help him go through this. Its comforting to know im not alone in this. Its hard. Like im in a roller coaster of emotions w him. I just pray and hold on to my faith and God. Cause i know everything happens for a reason and life wouldnt give you something you couldnt handle.
I just want to thank you. My husband has been really struggling. And he refuses to go to drs and get help. We both struggle with anxiety and depression. He has helped me change my mindset and i got on meds and I improved greatly. But my husband refuses medical help and insists he is okay. But I know he isn’t. He has lost interest and that fun loving attitude is all but gone. I want to thank you both for being so open and I’m so glad I found your video. Cuz I have never truly been on the other side. Definitely subscribing. ❤️
Lisa I’ve just found this video and it’s so helpful. Thankyou so much. My partner has been really struggling for 2 years and has just reached out and got help, as I think he’s finally hit rock bottom. I’m struggling because he’s currently staying with his parents, saying he needs time to get better and he thinks if he just comes home he’ll slip back into putting a face on and pretending he’s ok. I find it difficult to be so supportive when I feel like he’s walked away from all his responsibilities.xxx
Wow, this video was incredible. 😢 Thank you so much for creating this video, and for doing this together as couple. So much to take away, I took good notes. And I definitely teared up at the end when Josh thanked those that support their partners with mental illness. God Bless you both for what you are sharing with the world, and may He continue to bless your marriage and well being.
Thanks so much for the comment and God bless you too! We are planning to start to do more content on this topic and it’s great to hear that it resonates. We really want to offer support to people like you in the supporting role. Pretty soon we will be doing so from a channel called Persevere Together. Anyways thanks again and bless you for your support.
Thank you for both of you to come and share this so that other couples can benefit from your struggle. And congratulations for going through this still keeping it together. Your love is really strong. Also Lisa, you're an amazing woman! Everything you say has so much love and care I can feel it. It's like a goldmine of good thoughts and quotes.
I’m the one with depression and anxiety and I feel like I’m losing myself and my partner… you guys give me hope for love with this. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Hey, sending you a virtual hug! I watched your video on loving a depressed spouse, and it hit close to home. It's tough, right? But know that you're not alone in this journey. Your honesty and empathy shine through, and I'm grateful for the support and understanding you're spreading. Keep being amazing
This is wonderful because most relationships today mean nothing. They are fake meaningless fun then suffering and that it . It’s always good to see people who actually care for one another.
Some really good info and tips to apply. I’m looking forward to watching more of your videos and learning how to become a more patient, supportive and understanding wife to my husband who developed a severe case of depression and anxiety after we got married. We had a very different relationship together before marriage. He was more social, easy going, adventurous, motivated and positive. Now after we got married, it’s the opposite and something shifted, as if there is more pressure for him and he can’t handle it. I do think he gets into his head and overthinks things, then gets anxious which can be disabling for him to do simple tasks on a daily basis then that becomes depressing for him. He isolates himself for long periods of time (sometimes all day) which upsets me and builds resentment because I just want to be around him, love him and help him. I’m hoping we can manage these challenges better to get back to a more loving and collaborative marriage. ♥️ TY for your videos.
I am glad that you have found some value in them. I hope that he can watch and see if he identifies with it. It is an ongoing learning experience to live with these issues.
This is absolutely perfect advice. My husband went through a breakdown last year, it was so hard for both of us. But wow, when I see how close God stuck by us through absolutely every second. My gratitude for the Lord is bigger than it ever has been, as well as my faith and hope in Him! The situation also empowered my position as a Godly wife - I really have come to understand who God wants me to be in my position. It’s been awesome and I am so grateful, even though it was awful and terrible - God exists in every part - he is Awesome !!!!
I would say thank you for this video. My boyfriend has chronic depression too. Every month has episodes of it and it can be said to be more than 2 weeks a month. It has been tiring for both of us. Plus, we live in different countries so physical quality time isn't possible. Talking through phone and video don't help much either. He feels like he's surrounded by toxic people in the family, at work, etc. But i can't really help. I keep suggesting things to him like find a distraction, a breather, i also always remind him of who he is how he always was. But he's always being defensive and saying i want easy fix everytime. It hit me deeply tbh because I'm struggling with something else too that I'm trying my best not to make it a burden for him because i know how he already has it rough. But being accused that way just snapped me. I didn't mean for an easy fix, but at least when we're apart from each other he'd find a way to help himself to go through it. He expects me to listen, i listen, he expects ne to respond, i respond, he expects me to give him advice, i give it to him, but in the end it's always my fault for not being able to handle it all. It's just crazy. He even told me our relationship is starting to get boring. I think that's the real turning point for me. Being with someone who has chronic mental illness is definitely not for me. I'm done trying because i'm also starting to lose myself due to it. But with this video, i hope there would me many other couples hold on to each other and get helped. It's not for everyone, but do your best. Thank you.
Ainsley we hit on an aspect of your idea in a recent video, but probably could say more later. Our kids are still young so we haven't dealt in great depth on the topic with them. One day we will probably have a lot to say. What have you learned? And that other video, by the way is here: ua-cam.com/video/CfwpDTF-h_Y/v-deo.html
I appreciate this so much. Even before watching this vid, I have been saying to my partner with the approach you suggested. I didn't know that it was the best approach, I was just doing it by heart. Thanks for the reassurance that I am doing it the right way. Many people advise just to let go of the relationship but I believe that my partner needs me so much now more than ever, not because of blackmail or ill intention, but basically because he is practically in need. And leaving him at this point might actually trigger the unthinkable. Hope this video will help more couples dealing with the same situation.
Lisa- I'm new to your channel, and I know this is an older video- but you need to do a Ted Talk- write a book- tour churches, and more. Maybe even get into our Jr. High's and high school's! To teach how, and more importantly the WHY you have discovered to love people thru depression/mental illness! You have been given a gift from God to see this in a way not many have. We need to hear it. God bless you sister in Christ. 💜
You're a treasure. It's so beautiful to see such genuine people. If I could cry, I would. Being depressed feels like you're never good enough for anything and it can be hard to accept love from someone. I've never even tried to find love because of that and I'm 25. I'm starting to feel really lonely, sad and hopeless.
What if depression suddenly hits seemingly out of nowhere, and your spouse locks himself in his room for days at a time and refuses to answer phone calls or open the door for his partner or kids? And when he does come out on the rare occasion, he’s just an empty shell. Doesn’t even respond when I say good morning. How do I explain this to the kids when he hates communicating about his feelings and gets irritated if I try to explain things away? Do you talk to the kids about Daddy’s depression? This morning I told them “Daddy needs some alone time but his wanting alone time has nothing to do with not wanting to be around you.” I think when depression hits it has to do with burn out and exhaustion, but when I try to encourage self-care practices they’re disregarded. I’m trying to reach out to him, but it’s like talking to a wall right now. He’s a good man and a good father when he’s at his best, which is what I’m trying to envision him as. I’m taking the kids for a week to give them some normalcy and of course invited him to come, but he’s choosing to self-isolate and stay withdrawn. Trying to take care of the kids and myself, but my heart is broken for him…
Thank you both so much for bravely sharing about this. I am muddling through with a 1 and 3 year old, working from home, and supporting my husband with his recently diagnosed depression. The insights here are so so helpful. I am getting through with God's help but this gives me some more concrete things to try too.
Sorry for the late reply, but glad to hear it resonated, and sorry for the challenges you are dealing with. It hit us with young kids like that. It's kind of scary when it just shows up. But glad this video provided some help and glad that you are able to draw strength from your faith in God as well. If you didn't catch the other one we did about parenting with depression, that one is here. ua-cam.com/video/CfwpDTF-h_Y/v-deo.html
Me and my fianceé have been going through this and I am on the perspective of not having a mental illness. The truth is that i care for her so much and no matter what happens she is never a burden and I love her to the moon and back. Your boyfriend loves you and the last thing he needs is to leave you. He can be there for you when you need him. Throw him words and he will figure out what you are trying to say.
You are worthy of love. I have a friend with depression and she feels like she is burden. It is not easy but when you love someone you stay with them through hard days.
I have loved people with depression, and it was no different than loving anyone else. A person is a complex entity! Your depression is not all of who you are. When i love a person, i love all of them - all the ways they express themselves and relate to the world. It's a tricky thing to talk about - i'm not trying to say i loved THEIR ILLNESS.... but i loved THEM, just them just as they were. Maybe... THROUGH their illness would be the best way to say it? It was the furthest thing from them being a burden, even though they - like you - expressed feeling that way. I think that is part of the depression talking, and I can love right through it!
I just got pushed away from EVERYONE who cared about me. EVERYONE. Boyfriend, friends, family. You lucky if people in your life don’t make you feel like a burden. I got told I am a narcissistic, selfish burden, whose too broken and I can only fix myself, NO ONE is going to help me or wants to be around me. Some of us will end up in a women’s shelter or ending our lives. I’ve been told I SHOULD just kill myself, because I’m sick of being around you. I’ve done tons of therapy, it’s that the people in my life won’t help me with real life stuff that triggers all of this.
Thank you guys so much!! I am struggling to have these mature conversations with my husband. He has his walls up so high that there’s no room for any communications. I don’t know what else to do other than give him the space.
Im crying watching this video! there is so much love here! ive never seen your videos but i am so thankful for you guys! thank you for being brave and sharing your life and helping us, sending you a big hug
this is the first video where I have found honest raw answers to this part of my life. Everything speaks to me in mays no therapist or counselor has done or could do. Seeing others going through this helps me see that there is hope for my marriage and my husband's mental illness. I have used CBT for my own life and some of the struggles I have had, but rethinking how it could help in approaching my husband and my responses to his illness were something I had never thought about. Thanks.
Just found your channel, Lisa. Just want to give appreciation for you and husband for open up, discuss this kind of thing without limitation. Im hoping the best for you, your life and your family. Hope your channel will continue to grow. Love from Indonesia
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago because he suffered depression. And he choose to withdraw from me. I already knew his condition because he's been honest from the start of our dating stage. Since I'm in the medical field with basic background in psychology and pyschiatry, and personally I'm a very caring, loving and patient person, so I'm VERY CONFIDENT that I can handle his condition. We we're so happy until suddenly he was triggered. As much as I want to still give him all the love, happiness and understanding in the world but he already withdrawn from me. Let's pray for him, hope he will feel better and happy always, even we're no longer together, I hope he will always be happy and overcome depression. 🙏🙏🙏 Thank you for this video. Yeah, it really takes love and patience ❤️❤️❤️ And I'm sending love and prayers to everyone who is dealing with the same thing🙏❤️
You are such a great couple. You definitely gave me hope. My husband has been suffering from depression for two years now, and sometimes I feel like I don’t know what else to do. It is difficult and most of the time I feel anxious myself, and that all this is holds me back. We have been together for 12 years and I really want to see him happy again. We learned many things through other peoples experiences and specialist we found online. I feel I ran out of resources so I just convinced him to see a phycologist and I’m participating with him on session. I really hope this help us. Thank you for this wonderful video.
Like what josh says in that he acknowledges how it’s hard for the partner to support a person with mental illness. I’m a single mum with kids and to get an insight into the male view point is so very valuable- please keep going. I need support in this
Thank you for this video I didn’t know there was a community like this on UA-cam. It helps a lot! God bless you both :) you’re a light in your husbands life wishing him the best also!
Your reference to how you would handle the situation with a disabled child really hit home to me. That is so true. Good analogy. Thank you for being so genuine and transparent about your personal experience. Keep sharing your story. It has helped me and will help so many others! ❤️
I needed to watch this today. Thank you. I'm currently going through this with my partner. He's in the beginning stages of identifying his mental illness. And its been so hard.
I am glad it was a help, and I am sorry to hear that. It is so hard, but there is hope. We have some other videos on this topic that may be of help as well.
I just got engaged and preparing for marriage next summer. At times there has been days that I couldn’t understand why I felt somehow neglected by my fiancé and then again him loving me and telling me over and over again of how important and how much it means to him to have this wonderful blessed relationship. I know it may sound a bit confusing and that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. Until 3 days ago my fiancé admitted to me he’s been dealing with depression. I’m thankful he shared with me because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. The message Sunday in church was about depression. I was shocked but God is good So now learning to love and help cope with the depression while loving being there and understand my fiancé is extremely important. So I want to thank you for this deep message and for you guys sharing with the world. So we can better understand Thank you 🙏🏼 God blessed you guys! 💕 Which by the way.. I’ll choose him over and over again..
Wow, I'm so happy I ran into this channel. I'm struggling so much living with my husband who has major depression. Thank you for your openness and knowledge of this topic. I feel hopeful now and feel I need to make changes of my own to understand my husband better.
I love how you are both so on the same page in how you approach depression - it speaks to the strength of your relationship. It seems as though you had the ability to experience life together before depression showed up. I think my spouse has always been depressed, even before we were together, and neither of us recognized what it was. This makes it challenging, because I don’t know what the “before” looks like - I only get little glimpses of what it could be. I appreciate your suggestions and sharing your strategies. 💜
Hi M&E, I had struggled in the past, before meeting Lisa, but it seemed to not be an issue when we met and fell in love, only surfacing in.a difficult way later. In terms of striving for greater health and finding out what that kind of normal could look like, I guess I would encourage working with a therapist or psychiatrist to deal with any issues, and design your lifestyle in a way that might alleviate stress and draw out joy. I try to build up habits of exercise, eating well, good sleep, sunshine, pleasure reading, prayer, quality time with friends, etc. My wife also encourages me to keep reading books on mental health/mindset strategies, like forming positive thought patterns, and even simple things like smile therapy. Control what you can and go easy on yourself when you fall short of the mark. As the spouse, I would say remind her of the progress you see her making and vocalize observations when you see her having a happy mood. Some thoughts.
Such a good video! I don't struggle with mental illness neither my husband, however my dad did. He's been feeling really well for the last 10 years or so, but there are always the triggers you mentioned. In his case, he can't deal with crowds or really bad knews. He is so much better now, but there were times when he couldn't even get out of bed. My mom was awesome and always by his side. Your video touched my heart, as reminds me the difficult times we had when he was really sick. Thank you!
I thank u both for these videos...I'm a mother of three and I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety and it's been very hard for me and my husband...my husband has been so supportive and understanding but I see it's hard on him ..I feel like a burden to him so I try to hide what I'm feeling at times because I don't want him to suffer in any way because of me ..I don'twant my kids to suffer n they are starting to notice mommy is not acting the same..my husband he wants to help me but hes not sure how your videos have given an insight n helped us see we are not alone...
Hang in there, friend. You didn't choose to carry this and all you can do is walk with it with honesty and openness to available help. Try to keep up hope even when your feelings tell you otherwise and be assured of my prayers.
B U Always we did another video on this topic that speaks a bit to the parenting aspect. PS. I hope you are doing well. ua-cam.com/video/CfwpDTF-h_Y/v-deo.html
I’m listening to you both again as I need to. Since the last time I visited you, I have been listening to Therapist Marissa Peer and Relationship Therapist Esther Perel. They can really help as well! they are really helping me. You 2 are so amazing: thank you for sharing this vulnerability with the world.
I'm married to an incredible man who works so hard but struggles with anxiety and depression. It's tiring. My biggest challenge is not feeling like I need to "put out fires" all around him. I feel a need to make everything better for him all the time and a lot of times I can't. I'm a very optimistic person and it's often exhausting to be the one to be encouraging and upbeat when he sees negative in most things. But I adore him. I'm with him for life. We're both learning.
Glad to hear, Millstreet. Yeah, it's a good question, it sometimes helps me slow down a bit and take stock. Sometimes I don't have an answer but I can see my wife trying to empathize with me and that means a lot, too.
oh my... just found this video and so glad i did. i found myself completing your husbands sentances i knew what he was going to say because everything was spot on for my current struggle. So here i sit excited with my boyfriend to take on this journey and learn to find the beauty and love within. THANK YOU i havent found a video that helped us like yours did. Many blessings
This was pure gold. You guys are so great at explaining things, I loved what you said about how you’re both dealing with this separate thing. A separate entity, and not blaming the depressed person for struggling with somthing they didn’t ask to have/ deal with. Brilliant. I hope this helps depressed couples too, I’m not 100% sure my girlfriend is depressed, but there are things he said here that I think would resonate with how she feels. I love her so much, I want to help her more than anything and show her who she really is. Mature love yes!! “In this for the long haul”. 100000%.
My husband has super severe depression. It has led to a lot of poor self destructive choices. I love him so much but I cant get through to him. He feels similarly to how your husband states he feels. I try to encourage him to get help and he is so lost he believes he will never get better. His only support system is me. He comes from a rough background and isn’t able to trust. I feel like I’ve failed him and I can’t help him believe that things get better
Hi Cierra, sorry to hear of what you are going through. Do you think he would be willing to watch this video with you? It might help him speak about what he can relate to. I found that really helpful when I was dealing with a really hard depression, seeing other men talk about it.
Yeah I think with the ankle example too Like if the other person just saw you that way “Oh she just limps all the time. That’s just how she walks.” That’s something that happens a lot too Like people will say you’re a negative person when you’re not actually a negative person Like you can have negative moments but some people who are very optimistic can’t get their mind, opinion, and feelings to match up You can “know better” but still not feel better
My husband has depression and anxiety. I never knew how to deal with it. We’ve been arguing for the majority of our marriage (3 yrs) because I couldn’t understand what’s going on and thought he’s being selfish for not compromising. We’re in counseling right now and our marriage is in a brink of failing and my husband has shut down. He been taking SRIs for the past month and recently “had a moment of clarity” to think about our situation and revealed that he doesn’t fell anything for me anymore. I knew we were not in a good place but this revelation is a shock to me and he has never expressed this before. I feel like I’m losing him completely and there’s nothing I can do.
Waymie has anything changes since? The SSRIs can take time to adjust to, so my husband says that it wouldn't be the time to trust a "moment of clarity" like that.
My husband is going through depression and anxiety. He chose to leave home because he wanted to cope alone or deal with it alone. For days, I was so angry at him, sad he chose to do it alone, just lots of emotions and I'm dealing with my own insecurities, anxiety..etc. it's hard and still hard not knowing the direction or outcome. Taking it day by day. thank you for the video. Provides insight.
You are a wonderful loving couple! My exgirlfriend couldn't handle my depression and left. I would have loved to know this 6 months ago so I could have told her or shown her how to handle the feelings my sadness evoked in her. I wish you the best for your relationship :)
My husband fell into a depression after he got sober and our beloved dog passed away. He's been that way for months and refuses medication. How can I be a light to him?
Watching this with tears. Yes I find it so hard to express my feelings out to my spouse bc I knew he would just shut me down. Everything I bottled up so I get emotional very quick. My friend's husband and her were walking hand and hand and I was crying inside of me. I'm so glad my beautiful friend is not going thru what I am.
I am very sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Are you able to find someone you can speak to and give your support through counselling? It is overwhelming to try to go it alone.
Your videos on mental illness have helped me SO much! ❤️. I feel like your comparison to your husband’s illness to a newborn speaks to women, because we are truly nurturers and our qualities of nurturing and love are SO important in our role as a spouse and mother 💕
I ran across this video trying to figure out how I can deal with a spouse who obviously has severe depression and not wanting to deal with it. I’m at a point where I’m ready to give up and I wanna walk away because I also suffer from mental illness which is severe anxiety and I’m dealing with it. I’m doing the therapy. I’m taking a medication and I’m pouring positive into my body to make sure I stay leveled where I need to be so to be with someone who is in denial about having a mental illness and not wanting to deal with. It is very very difficult for me and I’m ready to give up, so what made me look at the video was that I’m trying to figure out how can I deal with this or do I have to walk away?
Thanks guys for a fantastic video! In our marriage I'm the one with depression and I'm so thankful everyday for the love and support my wife gives me and especially on those days when I think I'm unlovable. We've not really got it all sorted but are making progress. There's some great analogies you gave (and yes, at first I was wondering where you were going with the baby one- haha) and they were very relatable. You talked about having support around you both; I wanted to ask how your church and other Christians responded to Josh's illness. My own experience wasn't good (and I'll leave it at that). I know some churches are really supportive but that's something we lack in our area.
Hi Brenton, Josh here. Glad it resonated and glad to hear that you also have a good woman who has got your back. To your question about how other Christians have responded, I was working in a church when it hit back in 2012 and I am so glad that my boss (a good priest) was so understanding and even protective of my health. I was trying to come back to work early and he was like "No, take a bit more time." So I was very grateful for that. It was a while before I publicly disclosed to others while I was away and what I continue to deal with on some level and people have been great. I went on to work for a different church organization that is mainly Evangelical Protestant and they were also very good with me and some staff shared that mental illness is not always well understood and received in some of their churches. Sometimes you hear testimonies like "I was depressed, but then I accepted Jesus and I've never been depressed since." I believe in miraculous healings, they really do happen, but if we assume that someone with mental illness will automatically be healed by accepting Christ, then we will assume that those who still have it lack faith. This is a problem and incorrect; not every physical malady is cured by coming to faith, and not every mental malady will be either. Anyways there is a book that helped me understand more about mental illness in the life of the Christian called "A Catholic Guide to Depression" by Aaron Kheriaty and John Cihak. It was full of wisdom and insight from people who know how it feels (eg. "To be depressed is to feel like an open wound in the stinging air of the world"), and looked at even saints who battled with it. If you are ok with a book from a Catholic perspective, highly recommended.
@@joshcanning Thanks Josh, what you've described there was exactly the thing we were up against. And we certainly tried over many years to find a church in our area (we live in a regional town in Australia). Happily I can say that our local Catholic church has welcomed us with open arms and we were received last Easter. I've still a lot of stuff to deal with but I'm making progress. Thanks for the book recommendation; someone mentioned it to me the other week so I'll definitely look it up!
@@joshcanning God bless your strength and faith in the midst of your battle Josh !! God bless your wife as well I love what you're both doing being transparentand showing in the midst of mental illness how we can be like Christ! I'm a Christian and I've tried to be there for family members with mental illness I'd like to ask you some questions. Do you have an email?
From what you guys talked, I relate a lot. My boyfriend has not yet been diagnosed with clinical depression, but hearing your spouse say how he feels like a burden and hopeless really resonates with what my boyfriend always mentions. We are looking for therapists. Would you recommend a psychologist or maybe a psychiatrist? Thank you so much for this, I came across this video and it’s really helpful. Thank you ! 💕💕✨
Gigiberta Flores I am so happy you are here. Welcome ❤️ I would say trust the advice of your doctor on this- they will advise a path to start on and you can always tweak as you go
I feel like your very right about anxiety craving control. Disorders related to anxiety like eating disorders are characterized by acting in a way to exercise control of your life when you feel like you don’t have that. Thank you so much for this video - it means a lot to me during a difficult time ❤️
We finally listened to the requests and started a community on Locals where we can keep this conversation going. Please join us there! perseveretogether.locals.com/
Lisa, I just found this video. My partner has refractory depression and anxiety. I am at a point where I don’t know what to do anymore and I feel like the depression is consuming me, feeling unloved and unwanted while I am exhausting all of my mental and emotional resources. This video is a silver lining. Thank you.
Erica Lesto you are wonderful ❤️ don’t forget how important it is for you to get help and support too ❤️❤️❤️
Lisa Canning thank you! Today was a good day. 💖💖💖💖 you’re amazing for doing this!
630+ Enjoyed the video, thanks
I can understand you soo much
Am going through the same and I don't know what to do.
My husband fell into depression two months after we got married. It's been an on and off,and an up and down rollercoaster since then...I have no resources,no frame of reference on how to deal with this...We're almost at our one year anniversary,and We've never been in the honeymoon phase...it's been harddddd. Lately its gotten worse and I'm on my knees praying every day.. My husband is experiencing suicidal thoughts..I'm still processing two miscarriages through all of this.. If it wasn't for God..I don't know how I would be standing..Please keep us in your prayers.
Sorry for the late reply and so sorry for what you have been going through! It's not the same, but we had an atypical first year of marriage as well, as we found out one month in that I had cancer and had to undergo surgery. It brought up a lot of stuff... Anyways, so sorry as well for the miscarrages. You have been handed some heavy crosses in this first year. Please come and join us in our new locals community and we can continue to support each other in persevering in these challenges. And count on our prayers! perseveretogether.locals.com/
You two are so sweet. It sounds like your husband can manage to still show love and kindness when he’s depressed. He is easy to love and makes you WANT to support him through his darker times. He is one of those who just needs a loving cheerleader in his corner. What about spouses who are intolerable? Those who are cold and can be cruel and go for weeks without showing any affection whatsoever. Their entire mind goes dark and they literally cannot feel love and might tell you that they don’t love you. While the love you show each other is endearing, it doesn’t quite capture how ugly depression really can be.
I am so sorry, that sounds so hard. It's true that our situation is not everyone's situation and he doesn't resort to cruelty. Have you found anything that helps you when he's like that?
I believe your comment minimizes Lisa and her husband's issues. In no way are they saying it's easy, the one thing that makes them so inspiring is their commitment to their marriage and to each other,... But it doesn't mean he's always "lovable", or that she is always so resilient and considerate. My sincere admiration, respect, and prayers to you and your husband, Lisa Canning ‼️
🙏🏼🙏🏼. I also wish to thank you for your testimony on Hollow (that is how I first came to know your beautiful and enlightening story)
Thank you for this comment. This sounds like my situation and I have no idea if it's normal or not
I am only halfway through but this had me in tears, especially when you mentioned the mental illness being a burden, because in reality it is. Not the person but the illness. To commit is a choice and even with all the challenges you'd still choose that person, that's love.
I am so glad that it resonated with you and you found some support through it. Hang in there together!
Wow! I'm in tears listening to this video. My husband is in the throws of a very severe and dark depression--and I'm in total despair. I feel so helpless!!!
I am so sorry to hear that you're enduring that right now. I hope there have been some rays of light since you commented.
This video brought me to tears. I’ve been married to my husband for over a year. He never expresses how he feels and 2 days ago he told me he’s been having suicidal thoughts and instantly I felt like it’s my job to help and understand. So here am I watching you two and I am SO thankful that you post these videos. I needed this.
I am so glad it helped. Praying for you guys, you are not alone and there is aways hope. Have you sought professional help for your husband?
@@ThePossibilityMom He doesn’t believe therapy will help him because he’s gone before before we met and when he was younger. I asked him to make an appointment with his primary and he said he’s never met his primary and wanted the same one that I have and his mother has since she helped both of us with depression. Her panel is closed so she isn’t taking new patients which kind of leaves me in the dark of what to do next.
@@GoldenKandina Hi Jus, I hope you guys are finding hope in the situation. I find even reading about depression helps me. Knowing that others have struggled mightily and suffered, but without depression having the last say. Eg. Abraham Lincoln had terrible bouts of depression, and Winston Churchill had persistent suicidal thoughts, so much so that he hated to be on a train platform, afraid he would be tempted to throw himself in front of it. Perhaps he can invest in himself in this way while awaiting an opening with the therapist he wants. FWIW I have seen a number of different therapists over the years and I think it's very worth it to try, but if he doesnt want to then maybe there are some other ways to continue to grow in the meantime.
Hi! how is are u and your husband doing?
@@melissaelizabeth9871 Or maybe don’t comment negative assumptions. He has never ONCE abused me. Mental illness doesn’t always mean abuse. It’s a team effort..
We are happier than we have ever been. He’s gotten promotions since my initial reply, we moved out and are way more stable and I love him more than ever.
He is brave!! I applaud her husband for sharing his feeling infront of the camera THANK YOU SO MUCH
You are amazing
Thanks Esme! Yeah, it's not easy to share some things, but I know others can relate. It helped me a lot to hear men talk about their depression.
Depression affects my relationships. I sabatoge my relationships. I feel unloved and unwanted. He's lucky to have someone like you.
Don't lose hope friend.
I know my girlfriend has a really hard time dealing with my dual diagnosis. However, we should really cherish those brave enough to stick with us.
My boyfriend is the one who has depression and who adamantly tried to break off our 1.5 year relationship. I couldn’t change his mind. So my only choice is to let him go.
@@drama2u Let him go! My ex- wife couldn't help me! She tried and tried but in the end I was the one Who decided to leave her. She begged for me to stay but I told her : "you don't deserve a depressed man like me, I don't wanna be selfish to keep her in misery. Go and find ANOTHER Man Who Can give you the happiness I can't give you.😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
@@andreagomera thank you for your words…i have accepted that he’s not ready for a relationship..i have already let him go the moment he skipped town..he wants to live in a lie and i don’t want to be a part of that
The way he looks at her! True love!
I love him!
My wife has depression and anxiety, how to love someone that has been diagnosed with both? Patience. I love my wife more than anything in the world, and I would do anything for her. Being patient with them is key 🙂
Great advice, Captain! Thanks.
I have to ask can sex for a man if he's depressed the lack of sex i get no sex I'm starting to think he's cheating but i know he depressed that's why i need to no if sex can lack of men are depressed
@@kaydencegauthier3857 yes. He us currently beyond getting pleasure from something.
@@kaydencegauthier3857 yes depression can affect sex drive negatively. He needs all his hormones/ testosterone checked, as well as his adrenals and thyroid for certain.
How about when he is Bipolar DISORDER type 1 with puschotic and paranoid features?? :(
Im happy to have found this video. My husband of 10 yesrs has depression and it all started after his mom passed away. He fell lost he feel he doesnt feel enough or that he deserve happiness. Its really hard because you can't help but to feel is YOUR fault they are unhappy. But is not you or the kids or the home, is their mind and they cant seem to see the good side.
So really for all of you who are going throught this, may God help you. Is hard to hear the one you love believing they arent deserving of love. Or that they should die. It breaks my heart to see my husband a loving father and a loving husband feeling he isnt enough
I literally cried watching this been able to hear others going through the exact same thing and relate as a couple and parents. I’m so glad I watched this, I feel a lot better knowing I am not on this path alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here in New Zealand there is plenty of mental health services to help those suffering from depression, anxiety ect but there isn’t many services to support those family members coping with people with mental illness. Thank you for your wise words this really helped.
Kay hyperZ YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am so glad you are here, and let’s keep the conversation going ❤️
I cried also. When he described the thoughts that go through his head during a depressive episode. I cried because it was so true.
@@questfortraquility good to know that these thoughts don't reflect the reality, right Sarah? It helps a lot when a good partner or friend can remind us.
My husband has dysthymia - chronic low-grade depression. Worked so hard for so many years to be of help without saying the wrong thing. I’m the only one to ever set up travel or dates. It’s profoundly exhausting, eroding my well-being over time. I’ve focused on self-care to a huge degree, but it’s lonely. It’s rough being married to someone who can never feel joy.
Lisa, i just found this video. And this give me new insight and ways to face my situation rn. My husband pushed me away, it was his 2nd time he considering separation with me. He said last year he felt nothing anymore, he lost that sparks, that this marriage can't work, because his health deteriorating (physically). He said it was not my fault, it was his. 1st time i stick on my ground, i said,"I'm here supporting you, no matter what, ups and down," And he let me around him. BUT! But his action speaks louder than his words. That i know deep inside he still or even more loves me. Just when i'm thinking the situation is getting better, i said something that might be triggering to him.
2nd time was several days ago and it does make me helpless. He pushed me away again, and i almost agree with the separation. He is on his business trip, and i'm on mine, it feels suck, i cry a lot. But i pray a lot too, i ask for His guidance. And the next day God answered my prayer by suggesting lots of topic about depression in my phone, including this one. That was like an aha! moment. That my husband might be suffering a mental illness. Now i regret saying things about being agree with the separation. That his response is getting slower (beside his busy schedule). I suggest him to meet a therapist, but he gave me no reaction. Finally i decide to met one to take care of myself first. I need a solid support system to face this situation. Please pray for me and my husband ❤
Thank you so much for this video. I have been diagnosed with severe depression, mood disorder and anxiety. I didn't really understand and all I was doing was taking meds, but not getting the therapy I needed. 7 weeks ago, my wife asked me to leave because she couldn't handle my ups and downs. I didn't realize at the time it was the depression. Your talk helped me a great deal and I sent it to my wife. I pray that she watches it and has a change of heart. I don't want a divorce and I am doing everything I have to do to get treatment for it.....anyway, I am rambling.... Thank you for your video and I've subscribed to your channel.
Chris thank you so much for watching. It is such a journey, but a worthwhile fight. Keep fighting.
I hope you reached out and were vulnerable too.
As a spouse in this situation, if my spouse just sent this video without having a full conversation about it, that would be pretty manipulative. It'd feel like he's trying to guilt me back into the relationship because I want to prove I'm not "shallow".
😢😢😢 thank you! My husband has depression, anxiety and I am all out of cheerleading power! Thank you for the new tools!!
Belated thank you for the comment. If you want to keep sharing tools, join us in our Locals community. God bless! perseveretogether.locals.com/
Thank you for this. I take everything personally 😅. My husband is the one with anxiety and depression. This was so helpful - especially about CBT for myself. Be at peace with things and not a doormat. Very wise. You are both so lovely.
Thank you so much! Glad it connected with you.
Your husband is amazingly humble! It makes it easier to cope with the whole situation of mental illness. Much respect.❤️
I am grateful for him everyday
He is so brave and so honest. Im listening intently as Im 3 months into dating someone special who has just gone into a depressive episode. Im reading and watching everything so I can be there for him.
You can see how happy he is that you are very understanding!! This is something beautiful to see
I am so thankful and so blessed to have come across this channel! ❤ my husband and I are struggling in our marriage because of struggles of mental health😢 I thank you for being so honest and so helpful, the both of you. God bless you guys and your marriage.
I am sorry for the challenges you guys are experiencing, but glad that you found the video helpful! We are making more of this kind of content on our other channel www.youtube.com/@perseveretogether. May God bless you as well especially in this holy season.
My son who is a clinical therapist is going through depression and anxiety after his father passed away last month. He was not dealing with his illness, our family had to intervene. Please, please always listen with an open heart and be subjective about what they are saying. Left untreated and unsupported this illness can lead to an awful ending.
Thank you for addressing this topic. My daughter in law needed to hear what you had to say.
DanaMarie Finnegan I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for your words. We are in this together:
I’’m literally crying cause I felt these couple days so lonely and I’m feeling like I’m getting depressed about the situation. I am in the midst of the situation. My heart is hurting, my breathing is a little bit weird. Pray for me and thank you for this video 🙏🏽
Dadaisy I am praying for you❤️
Hang in there, Dadaisy. I will pray for you as well.
Same here. You are powerful enough to post this message so keep reminding yourself how strong you are!
@@joshcanning hi Josh are you on medications for your illness? How do I convince my self to to keep taking medications? Every time I feel better I wean myself off and after a couple of weeks my symptoms will come back and couldn't function. I really appreciate your advice. Thanks.
@@fetiibrahim3035 hi Feti, just saw this comment. Yes, I would say stick with it until counselled by your psychiatrist to come off of it, and even then he or she will probably lower the dose over time rather than halt it cold turkey. There is no shame in taking meds, and combined with good counselling and good lifestyle habits they can help transform your outlook. Hang in there and keep taking the meds.
Wowzers. The part about noise, clutter and tension. My husband and I both have moments of anxiety, depression and I have the wonderful BPD... (Borderline personality disorder.) Then we have 5 kiddos (4 still in the home). We both wound up with addictions, because I really believe we just lost to the mental illness for a while... It was so hard. We're still slowly pulling ourselves up and out. My husband has been struggling recently, so I came looking for videos to remind me of how to help him. I'm soooo thankful for this video. When it's addiction, people wanna just say "kick him to the curb!" But you're statement about "if you had a child in a wheelchair, you wouldn't consider them a burden... You just have to learn how to live and love differently" (something like that 😊) was exactly what I needed to hear. I get to make the choice to dig deep and love him when it's hard. Thank you both so so much. 💜😊
It is a choice! I am grateful you shared your story with me!
Thank you! I am a husband with depression and anxiety. This was spot on helpful information. God bless you both for sharing.
I am so glad it was helpful. God bless you as well! Merry Christmas.
Lisa, thank you for this video. It was very helpful to me, as my husband is suffering right now with SAD. He gets it every year and I just try to stay out of the way as much as possible. I appreciate the tips from you and Josh which I’m going to try.
You’re most welcome, and sorry to hear that, I know what you mean. ❤️ We started making more videos for couples going through this, check out our new channel here youtube.com/@perseveretogether?si=mArYWsThlGb5Gl2Y
Your videos are really really helpful. They give me hope, honestly. At the start of our relationship we were already open with each other about having depression and anxiety, but only recently did it actually like manifest in our relationship. I’ve been reading articles and watching other videos about how to support a partner with mental illness but honestly your videos were really the only ones that gave me hope and encouragement. I feel like your insights are more concrete and holistic as compared to other ones I’ve come across before.
I’m really thankful for your videos, it really helps me in a deeper level.
mng mng oh thank you so much for watching ❤️❤️❤️
Same. We just want people who are depressed to tell us what they need but don’t know what to hear.
I love this video so much. I suffer from severe depression and have tried taking meds and sometimes they don’t feel to do much for me. I admire your husband for being so vulnerable but also I admire you for sticking by him. I always feel like a burden to my fiancé and like I’m not loved or good enough
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! I know that my husband would relate to what you are feeling in those moments. You are more than your depression.
Smart man to express his feelings so well. Great partner to support him. Thank you . I need insight into how to cope with a man who is going through this. Thank you
Thank you for this video. It has opened eyes for dating someone with depression. He is a kind and loving man. And I want to love him better, so thank you for the tips.
Wow, you guys are legends! So supportive, so loving. My partner and father of my children just told me he doesn't love me anymore and he only cares about me. I get that he is hurt and in a lot of pain but the pain of this breakup sent me into a downward spiral of thoughts. I am feeling better now, supported by a team of professionals and my family/friends. Although the pain of my broken heart is tremendous, at least is not consuming me. I know I will come out the other side eventually. Your story resonated a lot with me, thank you so much for sharing!! And congratulations on building such resilience in your marriage... you are an inspiration and I hope one day o will be loved this way. With the good and the bad, in sickness and in health....You two are amazing!💕💕💕💕
Lorena Wieshamm I am so sorry for your trials ❤️❤️❤️I am so glad you found the support you need
Thank you for the encouraging words, Lorena. Sorry for the pain you have been experiencing. Glad to hear that this offered some support. You are worthy of love.
Exactly what I am going through right now and this video helped me so much. Thank you for sharing your story. My husband is currently depressed and he turned full 180. It seems like he is a different person. I kinda resonated with you when you said you didn't know what depression was. I was pushing the wrong buttons. But glad to be able to see these kinds of videos. Makes me sooo hopeful. Thank you and God bless you both. 💖
I am so glad it was a help! Hang in there. We have been trying for a while to make new videos on this topic on a new channel. Stay tuned. God bless you.
Oh my, I needed this video so much. Even though my husband is not willing to be evaluated and get help, I can say, without a doubt, he is clinically depressed.
And what worsens all of this, is that I have fallen into a depression as a result. Each day is painful as my husband is completely unmotivated to do anything and his affect is so flat.
He will not, or can not, acknowledge when I've been crying ( and I'm an ugly crier so its obvious) or when I'm at a very low. He's just not there; lights are on, but nobody's home.
We've been married for 42 years and depression feels a lot more hopeless when you're older.
Thank you for sharing your story with me and know you are not alone ❤️
I fully agree that reminding a depressed person of their intrinsic preciousness, like that of a "new born" (and reminding youreself of your own) is absolutly necessary for a relationship that is being battered by depresion, to survive. Neither partner can reject theirself and maintain the relationship. This love of self by the spouse without depression is the platform from which that person can show love to the depressed mate. And an intense commited love to the depressed mate is only possible if an intense and commited love of self is present. Thank you for making this video! I was reminded to take things less personaly; and to show love to my bestfriend who has depression, from a heart full of tender love and humble and healthy admiration of self. It made me love her even more :)
Wow I just came across your channel. In year 11 of my 14 year marriage to my wife we were hit w/my wife’s suppressed trauma memories. We had no idea she had past trauma. She has CPTSD and wow it’s so extra hard I believe because her trauma was in a past relationship. I love my wife unconditionally and tell her I love her and I’m never leaving her. Because the trauma came from a past abusive relationship she still has some trust issues with our marriage. Each passing month and year I believe we are headed for such a strong marriage. What hurt me was all I did was want to be there for her and she didn’t want me there at one point. Just keep loving the person and working together to control the symptoms of the mental illness and separate the person from the mental illness
I'm so glad I came across this video, it is such a great positive and useful content for people dealing with mental illness and those on the supporting side. I love how you talk about both sides feelings, the importance of acknowledging them, to disassociate the illness from the person, how to set time for dates to show love, to remind yourself why you love that person, acknowledging that it's hard but we're not alone. I also really love how you compare it to having children and how we treat children, how we always love and care for children no matter what. It's so powerful to see what love can do ❤️
Thank you for posting this. The hardest part for me at the moment with my partner is that he cuts me out for months and shows up when he’s better like nothing happened. I don’t love him any less but I feel like when he returns there’s so little of me left.
I am sorry for what you are going through. That sounds incredibly difficult.
Thank you for this video so much I can relate to and learn from. Loving someone with depression is hard, I just want to see him well. It hurts to see your loved one hurt and not know what to do to help.
Thank you, you really helped me to understand the man i love and how i can be their for him better. And helping me learn about depression.
I am so happy it was a help! We have other videos on this topic as well. You are not alone!
Thank you! This video is so helpful! I am in a newer relationship with someone struggling with depression. And it’s starting to become more and more evident. I’ve been trying to just push it off for a while, but I’ve realized I can’t and I need to be there to help them, but also stay in one piece myself! And this video is so helpful! I’m praying to marry this person because I already know I love them so much, but I need this wisdom now as having them as a dating partner and forever!
So glad to hear that this brought some insight. Best wishes to you and your loved one.
me too ❤️ i’d love if we prayed for each other!
Thank you for sharing your journey as a couple dealing w mental health illness. Ive been dealing w a new relationship. At the end of the day, i just want to be w him and him w me. Ive made that decision to stick by him and help him go through this. Its comforting to know im not alone in this. Its hard. Like im in a roller coaster of emotions w him. I just pray and hold on to my faith and God. Cause i know everything happens for a reason and life wouldnt give you something you couldnt handle.
I just want to thank you. My husband has been really struggling. And he refuses to go to drs and get help. We both struggle with anxiety and depression. He has helped me change my mindset and i got on meds and I improved greatly. But my husband refuses medical help and insists he is okay. But I know he isn’t. He has lost interest and that fun loving attitude is all but gone. I want to thank you both for being so open and I’m so glad I found your video. Cuz I have never truly been on the other side. Definitely subscribing. ❤️
The Metaphysical Witch I honestly never thought we would be either ❤️ there is always hope!
Glad to hear that it resonated with you! Best.
Lisa I’ve just found this video and it’s so helpful. Thankyou so much. My partner has been really struggling for 2 years and has just reached out and got help, as I think he’s finally hit rock bottom. I’m struggling because he’s currently staying with his parents, saying he needs time to get better and he thinks if he just comes home he’ll slip back into putting a face on and pretending he’s ok. I find it difficult to be so supportive when I feel like he’s walked away from all his responsibilities.xxx
You and I are in same place I think mentally. He’s been with his mom. But like we have bills and responsibilities and it’s home, feel almost abandoned
Wow, this video was incredible. 😢 Thank you so much for creating this video, and for doing this together as couple. So much to take away, I took good notes. And I definitely teared up at the end when Josh thanked those that support their partners with mental illness. God Bless you both for what you are sharing with the world, and may He continue to bless your marriage and well being.
Thanks so much for the comment and God bless you too! We are planning to start to do more content on this topic and it’s great to hear that it resonates. We really want to offer support to people like you in the supporting role. Pretty soon we will be doing so from a channel called Persevere Together. Anyways thanks again and bless you for your support.
Thank you for both of you to come and share this so that other couples can benefit from your struggle. And congratulations for going through this still keeping it together. Your love is really strong.
Also Lisa, you're an amazing woman! Everything you say has so much love and care I can feel it. It's like a goldmine of good thoughts and quotes.
I’m the one with depression and anxiety and I feel like I’m losing myself and my partner… you guys give me hope for love with this. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Belated thanks for this comment, I am glad that this is giving you hope!
Hey, sending you a virtual hug! I watched your video on loving a depressed spouse, and it hit close to home. It's tough, right? But know that you're not alone in this journey. Your honesty and empathy shine through, and I'm grateful for the support and understanding you're spreading. Keep being amazing
Thanks so much for the kind and encouraging words! Let’s keep encouraging each other on the journey ❤️
This is wonderful because most relationships today mean nothing. They are fake meaningless fun then suffering and that it . It’s always good to see people who actually care for one another.
Belated thank you for this comment. ♥
Some really good info and tips to apply. I’m looking forward to watching more of your videos and learning how to become a more patient, supportive and understanding wife to my husband who developed a severe case of depression and anxiety after we got married. We had a very different relationship together before marriage. He was more social, easy going, adventurous, motivated and positive. Now after we got married, it’s the opposite and something shifted, as if there is more pressure for him and he can’t handle it. I do think he gets into his head and overthinks things, then gets anxious which can be disabling for him to do simple tasks on a daily basis then that becomes depressing for him. He isolates himself for long periods of time (sometimes all day) which upsets me and builds resentment because I just want to be around him, love him and help him. I’m hoping we can manage these challenges better to get back to a more loving and collaborative marriage. ♥️ TY for your videos.
I am glad that you have found some value in them. I hope that he can watch and see if he identifies with it. It is an ongoing learning experience to live with these issues.
This is absolutely perfect advice. My husband went through a breakdown last year, it was so hard for both of us. But wow, when I see how close God stuck by us through absolutely every second. My gratitude for the Lord is bigger than it ever has been, as well as my faith and hope in Him! The situation also empowered my position as a Godly wife - I really have come to understand who God wants me to be in my position. It’s been awesome and I am so grateful, even though it was awful and terrible - God exists in every part - he is Awesome !!!!
I would say thank you for this video. My boyfriend has chronic depression too. Every month has episodes of it and it can be said to be more than 2 weeks a month. It has been tiring for both of us. Plus, we live in different countries so physical quality time isn't possible. Talking through phone and video don't help much either. He feels like he's surrounded by toxic people in the family, at work, etc. But i can't really help. I keep suggesting things to him like find a distraction, a breather, i also always remind him of who he is how he always was. But he's always being defensive and saying i want easy fix everytime. It hit me deeply tbh because I'm struggling with something else too that I'm trying my best not to make it a burden for him because i know how he already has it rough. But being accused that way just snapped me. I didn't mean for an easy fix, but at least when we're apart from each other he'd find a way to help himself to go through it. He expects me to listen, i listen, he expects ne to respond, i respond, he expects me to give him advice, i give it to him, but in the end it's always my fault for not being able to handle it all. It's just crazy. He even told me our relationship is starting to get boring. I think that's the real turning point for me. Being with someone who has chronic mental illness is definitely not for me. I'm done trying because i'm also starting to lose myself due to it. But with this video, i hope there would me many other couples hold on to each other and get helped. It's not for everyone, but do your best. Thank you.
Thank you for your honesty. I pray you guys both find peace and healing
Can you make a video on how to help kids deal with a parent's mental illness? Thank you for this video 💜
Ainsley Rawlings that is a great idea.
This is a great idea.
Ainsley we hit on an aspect of your idea in a recent video, but probably could say more later. Our kids are still young so we haven't dealt in great depth on the topic with them. One day we will probably have a lot to say. What have you learned? And that other video, by the way is here: ua-cam.com/video/CfwpDTF-h_Y/v-deo.html
I appreciate this so much. Even before watching this vid, I have been saying to my partner with the approach you suggested. I didn't know that it was the best approach, I was just doing it by heart. Thanks for the reassurance that I am doing it the right way.
Many people advise just to let go of the relationship but I believe that my partner needs me so much now more than ever, not because of blackmail or ill intention, but basically because he is practically in need. And leaving him at this point might actually trigger the unthinkable.
Hope this video will help more couples dealing with the same situation.
Lisa- I'm new to your channel, and I know this is an older video- but you need to do a Ted Talk- write a book- tour churches, and more. Maybe even get into our Jr. High's and high school's! To teach how, and more importantly the WHY you have discovered to love people thru depression/mental illness! You have been given a gift from God to see this in a way not many have. We need to hear it. God bless you sister in Christ. 💜
This brought me to tears Roxanne, thank you so very much. The encouragement means a lot.
You're a treasure. It's so beautiful to see such genuine people. If I could cry, I would. Being depressed feels like you're never good enough for anything and it can be hard to accept love from someone. I've never even tried to find love because of that and I'm 25. I'm starting to feel really lonely, sad and hopeless.
You are not alone ♥️
I felt alone for so many years. My husband has always suffered with anxiety and depression. Thank you for this video.
Malinda Kolb you are so welcome- thank you for watching ❤️ you are not alon
64+ Enjoyed the video, thanks
Did he ever push you away and wants to leave the marriage?
@@drama2u He often said he wanted to run away. But not leave the marriage. He is very loving. He realizes if he runs he takes him with him.
@@malindakolb5994 is he better now?
What if depression suddenly hits seemingly out of nowhere, and your spouse locks himself in his room for days at a time and refuses to answer phone calls or open the door for his partner or kids? And when he does come out on the rare occasion, he’s just an empty shell. Doesn’t even respond when I say good morning. How do I explain this to the kids when he hates communicating about his feelings and gets irritated if I try to explain things away? Do you talk to the kids about Daddy’s depression? This morning I told them “Daddy needs some alone time but his wanting alone time has nothing to do with not wanting to be around you.” I think when depression hits it has to do with burn out and exhaustion, but when I try to encourage self-care practices they’re disregarded. I’m trying to reach out to him, but it’s like talking to a wall right now. He’s a good man and a good father when he’s at his best, which is what I’m trying to envision him as. I’m taking the kids for a week to give them some normalcy and of course invited him to come, but he’s choosing to self-isolate and stay withdrawn. Trying to take care of the kids and myself, but my heart is broken for him…
Thank you both so much for bravely sharing about this. I am muddling through with a 1 and 3 year old, working from home, and supporting my husband with his recently diagnosed depression. The insights here are so so helpful. I am getting through with God's help but this gives me some more concrete things to try too.
Sorry for the late reply, but glad to hear it resonated, and sorry for the challenges you are dealing with. It hit us with young kids like that. It's kind of scary when it just shows up. But glad this video provided some help and glad that you are able to draw strength from your faith in God as well. If you didn't catch the other one we did about parenting with depression, that one is here. ua-cam.com/video/CfwpDTF-h_Y/v-deo.html
I've been dealing with depression for years, it breaks my heart that I'm such a burden, I wish my boyfriend would find someone else
You're not a burden. You feel like you are, but you are not.
Me and my fianceé have been going through this and I am on the perspective of not having a mental illness. The truth is that i care for her so much and no matter what happens she is never a burden and I love her to the moon and back. Your boyfriend loves you and the last thing he needs is to leave you. He can be there for you when you need him. Throw him words and he will figure out what you are trying to say.
You are worthy of love. I have a friend with depression and she feels like she is burden. It is not easy but when you love someone you stay with them through hard days.
I have loved people with depression, and it was no different than loving anyone else. A person is a complex entity! Your depression is not all of who you are. When i love a person, i love all of them - all the ways they express themselves and relate to the world. It's a tricky thing to talk about - i'm not trying to say i loved THEIR ILLNESS.... but i loved THEM, just them just as they were. Maybe... THROUGH their illness would be the best way to say it? It was the furthest thing from them being a burden, even though they - like you - expressed feeling that way. I think that is part of the depression talking, and I can love right through it!
I just got pushed away from EVERYONE who cared about me. EVERYONE. Boyfriend, friends, family. You lucky if people in your life don’t make you feel like a burden. I got told I am a narcissistic, selfish burden, whose too broken and I can only fix myself, NO ONE is going to help me or wants to be around me.
Some of us will end up in a women’s shelter or ending our lives. I’ve been told I SHOULD just kill myself, because I’m sick of being around you.
I’ve done tons of therapy, it’s that the people in my life won’t help me with real life stuff that triggers all of this.
Oh my goodness!! Josh and Lisa, the two of you are so beautiful together!! ❤❤ Thank you for this video.
Thank you so much!!
Thank you guys so much!! I am struggling to have these mature conversations with my husband. He has his walls up so high that there’s no room for any communications. I don’t know what else to do other than give him the space.
I am very sorry, that sounds incredibly difficult. I wonder if he would watch this video on his own and then share his thoughts with you.
Im crying watching this video! there is so much love here! ive never seen your videos but i am so thankful for you guys! thank you for being brave and sharing your life and helping us, sending you a big hug
Oh thank you Veronica!!!!!!
Thank you guys for taking the time to make this video. It is very much appreciated. 🙏🏾
Very glad to hear it connected. You are not alone.
You're welcome. Glad to hear.
this is the first video where I have found honest raw answers to this part of my life. Everything speaks to me in mays no therapist or counselor has done or could do. Seeing others going through this helps me see that there is hope for my marriage and my husband's mental illness. I have used CBT for my own life and some of the struggles I have had, but rethinking how it could help in approaching my husband and my responses to his illness were something I had never thought about. Thanks.
Ele's World - Gaming With a Twist you are so strong and have so much courage. Thank you for watching ❤️
Glad to hear that it resonated, Ele. There is always hope. Bless you.
Just found your channel, Lisa. Just want to give appreciation for you and husband for open up, discuss this kind of thing without limitation. Im hoping the best for you, your life and your family. Hope your channel will continue to grow. Love from Indonesia
Thank you so much!! Glad it connected with you and thanks for the encouragement. We have to talk about these things, right?
My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago because he suffered depression. And he choose to withdraw from me. I already knew his condition because he's been honest from the start of our dating stage. Since I'm in the medical field with basic background in psychology and pyschiatry, and personally I'm a very caring, loving and patient person, so I'm VERY CONFIDENT that I can handle his condition. We we're so happy until suddenly he was triggered. As much as I want to still give him all the love, happiness and understanding in the world but he already withdrawn from me.
Let's pray for him, hope he will feel better and happy always, even we're no longer together, I hope he will always be happy and overcome depression. 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for this video. Yeah, it really takes love and patience ❤️❤️❤️
And I'm sending love and prayers to everyone who is dealing with the same thing🙏❤️
You are such a great couple. You definitely gave me hope. My husband has been suffering from depression for two years now, and sometimes I feel like I don’t know what else to do. It is difficult and most of the time I feel anxious myself, and that all this is holds me back. We have been together for 12 years and I really want to see him happy again. We learned many things through other peoples experiences and specialist we found online. I feel I ran out of resources so I just convinced him to see a phycologist and I’m participating with him on session. I really hope this help us. Thank you for this wonderful video.
It sounds like you are tackling this head on together, and that is HUGE! Good for you guys. Hang in there, it's a journey. Glad you enjoyed the video.
Like what josh says in that he acknowledges how it’s hard for the partner to support a person with mental illness. I’m a single mum with kids and to get an insight into the male view point is so very valuable- please keep going. I need support in this
I am so sorry for what you have been through. I am glad that this has brought some insight. May God bless you and your kids and bring you strength.
Thank you for having this honest and vulnerable conversation! I pray God continues to bless and keep you both ♥️🙏🏽
Thank you very much, I pray God blesses you as well!
Thank you for this video I didn’t know there was a community like this on UA-cam. It helps a lot! God bless you both :) you’re a light in your husbands life wishing him the best also!
Thanks for the kind words, Radhika! Glad you found support here. Wishing you the best as well :)
Your reference to how you would handle the situation with a disabled child really hit home to me. That is so true. Good analogy. Thank you for being so genuine and transparent about your personal experience. Keep sharing your story. It has helped me and will help so many others! ❤️
Dawn D I am so glad this was helpful ❤️
I needed to watch this today. Thank you. I'm currently going through this with my partner. He's in the beginning stages of identifying his mental illness. And its been so hard.
I am glad it was a help, and I am sorry to hear that. It is so hard, but there is hope. We have some other videos on this topic that may be of help as well.
I just got engaged and preparing for marriage next summer. At times there has been days that I couldn’t understand why I felt somehow neglected by my fiancé and then again him loving me and telling me over and over again of how important and how much it means to him to have this wonderful blessed relationship. I know it may sound a bit confusing and that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. Until 3 days ago my fiancé admitted to me he’s been dealing with depression. I’m thankful he shared with me because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. The message Sunday in church was about depression. I was shocked but God is good
So now learning to love and help cope with the depression while loving being there and understand my fiancé is extremely important. So I want to thank you for this deep message and for you guys sharing with the world. So we can better understand
Thank you 🙏🏼 God blessed you guys! 💕
Which by the way.. I’ll choose him over and over again..
I can feel the hope so palpably in this post!!!!!!!
Thank you so much! This helps me understand my husband so much better and I will follow your advice, getting outside help. You're awesome!
I'm so glad! Thanks very much ❤❤
Wow, I'm so happy I ran into this channel. I'm struggling so much living with my husband who has major depression. Thank you for your openness and knowledge of this topic. I feel hopeful now and feel I need to make changes of my own to understand my husband better.
Oh I am so glad. We must always cling to hope!
me too dear, its not easy
I love how you are both so on the same page in how you approach depression - it speaks to the strength of your relationship. It seems as though you had the ability to experience life together before depression showed up. I think my spouse has always been depressed, even before we were together, and neither of us recognized what it was. This makes it challenging, because I don’t know what the “before” looks like - I only get little glimpses of what it could be. I appreciate your suggestions and sharing your strategies. 💜
Hi M&E, I had struggled in the past, before meeting Lisa, but it seemed to not be an issue when we met and fell in love, only surfacing in.a difficult way later. In terms of striving for greater health and finding out what that kind of normal could look like, I guess I would encourage working with a therapist or psychiatrist to deal with any issues, and design your lifestyle in a way that might alleviate stress and draw out joy. I try to build up habits of exercise, eating well, good sleep, sunshine, pleasure reading, prayer, quality time with friends, etc. My wife also encourages me to keep reading books on mental health/mindset strategies, like forming positive thought patterns, and even simple things like smile therapy. Control what you can and go easy on yourself when you fall short of the mark. As the spouse, I would say remind her of the progress you see her making and vocalize observations when you see her having a happy mood. Some thoughts.
Such a good video! I don't struggle with mental illness neither my husband, however my dad did. He's been feeling really well for the last 10 years or so, but there are always the triggers you mentioned. In his case, he can't deal with crowds or really bad knews. He is so much better now, but there were times when he couldn't even get out of bed. My mom was awesome and always by his side. Your video touched my heart, as reminds me the difficult times we had when he was really sick.
Thank you!
Lilica Repilica thank you so much for watching ❤️
I thank u both for these videos...I'm a mother of three and I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety and it's been very hard for me and my husband...my husband has been so supportive and understanding but I see it's hard on him ..I feel like a burden to him so I try to hide what I'm feeling at times
because I don't want him to suffer in any way because of me ..I don'twant my kids to suffer n they are starting to notice mommy is not acting the same..my husband he wants to help me but hes not sure how your videos have given an insight n helped us see we are not alone...
B U ALWAYS YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!! And there is always hope :)
@@ThePossibilityMom thank you for tht❤
Hang in there, friend. You didn't choose to carry this and all you can do is walk with it with honesty and openness to available help. Try to keep up hope even when your feelings tell you otherwise and be assured of my prayers.
Thank you mr.canning I will try my best..thank you for your prayers
B U Always we did another video on this topic that speaks a bit to the parenting aspect. PS. I hope you are doing well. ua-cam.com/video/CfwpDTF-h_Y/v-deo.html
This was raw, mature and educational, thank you 🙏
I am very happy that it was a help!
I’m listening to you both again as I need to. Since the last time I visited you, I have been listening to Therapist Marissa Peer and Relationship Therapist Esther Perel. They can really help as well! they are really helping me. You 2 are so amazing: thank you for sharing this vulnerability with the world.
Thanks for the kind words! Glad it has been a help. Bless you.
This is beautiful to witness ❤️❤️❤️ I commend your love and commitment to each other 🙏
I'm married to an incredible man who works so hard but struggles with anxiety and depression. It's tiring. My biggest challenge is not feeling like I need to "put out fires" all around him. I feel a need to make everything better for him all the time and a lot of times I can't. I'm a very optimistic person and it's often exhausting to be the one to be encouraging and upbeat when he sees negative in most things.
But I adore him. I'm with him for life. We're both learning.
I understand this completely. My best advice: go get some counselling or therapy or coaching for yourself, it will help so much!
Thank you. I suffer from Depression and i really like the idea to ask " What would be helpfull right now." I think that would help me. Thank you!!
Glad to hear, Millstreet. Yeah, it's a good question, it sometimes helps me slow down a bit and take stock. Sometimes I don't have an answer but I can see my wife trying to empathize with me and that means a lot, too.
oh my... just found this video and so glad i did. i found myself completing your husbands sentances i knew what he was going to say because everything was spot on for my current struggle. So here i sit excited with my boyfriend to take on this journey and learn to find the beauty and love within. THANK YOU i havent found a video that helped us like yours did. Many blessings
You are so welcome! We are working on more resources for married couples dealing with this issue. Wishing you all the best.
This was pure gold. You guys are so great at explaining things, I loved what you said about how you’re both dealing with this separate thing. A separate entity, and not blaming the depressed person for struggling with somthing they didn’t ask to have/ deal with. Brilliant. I hope this helps depressed couples too, I’m not 100% sure my girlfriend is depressed, but there are things he said here that I think would resonate with how she feels. I love her so much, I want to help her more than anything and show her who she really is.
Mature love yes!! “In this for the long haul”. 100000%.
Glad to hear it was a help, Taylor. Maybe if you share this video with her it will help her see how much relates to her experience. Best wishes.
So perfect love the newborn analogy raw love
I dont think anxiety craves control, I think anxiety is a result of knowing you dont have control
My husband has super severe depression. It has led to a lot of poor self destructive choices. I love him so much but I cant get through to him. He feels similarly to how your husband states he feels. I try to encourage him to get help and he is so lost he believes he will never get better. His only support system is me. He comes from a rough background and isn’t able to trust. I feel like I’ve failed him and I can’t help him believe that things get better
Hi Cierra, sorry to hear of what you are going through. Do you think he would be willing to watch this video with you? It might help him speak about what he can relate to. I found that really helpful when I was dealing with a really hard depression, seeing other men talk about it.
Yeah I think with the ankle example too
Like if the other person just saw you that way
“Oh she just limps all the time. That’s just how she walks.”
That’s something that happens a lot too
Like people will say you’re a negative person when you’re not actually a negative person
Like you can have negative moments but some people who are very optimistic can’t get their mind, opinion, and feelings to match up
You can “know better” but still not feel better
100 percent.
My husband has depression and anxiety. I never knew how to deal with it. We’ve been arguing for the majority of our marriage (3 yrs) because I couldn’t understand what’s going on and thought he’s being selfish for not compromising. We’re in counseling right now and our marriage is in a brink of failing and my husband has shut down. He been taking SRIs for the past month and recently “had a moment of clarity” to think about our situation and revealed that he doesn’t fell anything for me anymore. I knew we were not in a good place but this revelation is a shock to me and he has never expressed this before. I feel like I’m losing him completely and there’s nothing I can do.
Waymie has anything changes since? The SSRIs can take time to adjust to, so my husband says that it wouldn't be the time to trust a "moment of clarity" like that.
My husband is going through depression and anxiety. He chose to leave home because he wanted to cope alone or deal with it alone. For days, I was so angry at him, sad he chose to do it alone, just lots of emotions and I'm dealing with my own insecurities, anxiety..etc. it's hard and still hard not knowing the direction or outcome. Taking it day by day. thank you for the video. Provides insight.
I am very sorry for what you are going through. I wonder if sharing this video with him might help continue the conversation.
You are a wonderful loving couple! My exgirlfriend couldn't handle my depression and left. I would have loved to know this 6 months ago so I could have told her or shown her how to handle the feelings my sadness evoked in her. I wish you the best for your relationship :)
Thank you for the well wishes, and sorry to hear that the relationship didn't work out. Best wishes for the future.
My husband fell into a depression after he got sober and our beloved dog passed away. He's been that way for months and refuses medication. How can I be a light to him?
Watching this with tears. Yes I find it so hard to express my feelings out to my spouse bc I knew he would just shut me down. Everything I bottled up so I get emotional very quick. My friend's husband and her were walking hand and hand and I was crying inside of me. I'm so glad my beautiful friend is not going thru what I am.
I am very sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Are you able to find someone you can speak to and give your support through counselling? It is overwhelming to try to go it alone.
i feel this. my bf is on anger and aggresion to all including me. my emotion get so hard and i feel pain too,. 💔💔💔
This is such a profound video ❤
Your videos on mental illness have helped me SO much! ❤️. I feel like your comparison to your husband’s illness to a newborn speaks to women, because we are truly nurturers and our qualities of nurturing and love are SO important in our role as a spouse and mother 💕
That's a really interesting insight! Thanks for sharing that, it's a great point. And glad that the videos have been a help. Blessings.
I ran across this video trying to figure out how I can deal with a spouse who obviously has severe depression and not wanting to deal with it. I’m at a point where I’m ready to give up and I wanna walk away because I also suffer from mental illness which is severe anxiety and I’m dealing with it. I’m doing the therapy. I’m taking a medication and I’m pouring positive into my body to make sure I stay leveled where I need to be so to be with someone who is in denial about having a mental illness and not wanting to deal with. It is very very difficult for me and I’m ready to give up, so what made me look at the video was that I’m trying to figure out how can I deal with this or do I have to walk away?
Thanks guys for a fantastic video! In our marriage I'm the one with depression and I'm so thankful everyday for the love and support my wife gives me and especially on those days when I think I'm unlovable. We've not really got it all sorted but are making progress. There's some great analogies you gave (and yes, at first I was wondering where you were going with the baby one- haha) and they were very relatable. You talked about having support around you both; I wanted to ask how your church and other Christians responded to Josh's illness. My own experience wasn't good (and I'll leave it at that). I know some churches are really supportive but that's something we lack in our area.
Hi Brenton, Josh here. Glad it resonated and glad to hear that you also have a good woman who has got your back. To your question about how other Christians have responded, I was working in a church when it hit back in 2012 and I am so glad that my boss (a good priest) was so understanding and even protective of my health. I was trying to come back to work early and he was like "No, take a bit more time." So I was very grateful for that. It was a while before I publicly disclosed to others while I was away and what I continue to deal with on some level and people have been great. I went on to work for a different church organization that is mainly Evangelical Protestant and they were also very good with me and some staff shared that mental illness is not always well understood and received in some of their churches. Sometimes you hear testimonies like "I was depressed, but then I accepted Jesus and I've never been depressed since." I believe in miraculous healings, they really do happen, but if we assume that someone with mental illness will automatically be healed by accepting Christ, then we will assume that those who still have it lack faith. This is a problem and incorrect; not every physical malady is cured by coming to faith, and not every mental malady will be either. Anyways there is a book that helped me understand more about mental illness in the life of the Christian called "A Catholic Guide to Depression" by Aaron Kheriaty and John Cihak. It was full of wisdom and insight from people who know how it feels (eg. "To be depressed is to feel like an open wound in the stinging air of the world"), and looked at even saints who battled with it. If you are ok with a book from a Catholic perspective, highly recommended.
@@joshcanning Thanks Josh, what you've described there was exactly the thing we were up against. And we certainly tried over many years to find a church in our area (we live in a regional town in Australia). Happily I can say that our local Catholic church has welcomed us with open arms and we were received last Easter. I've still a lot of stuff to deal with but I'm making progress. Thanks for the book recommendation; someone mentioned it to me the other week so I'll definitely look it up!
@@brentonjones1365 amazing, so happy to hear it, welcome home!
@@joshcanning God bless your strength and faith in the midst of your battle Josh !! God bless your wife as well I love what you're both doing being transparentand showing in the midst of mental illness how we can be like Christ! I'm a Christian and I've tried to be there for family members with mental illness I'd like to ask you some questions. Do you have an email?
@@perseverance9888 Hi Perseverance, sorry I am seeing this late but yes, please email me at joshcanning at gmail dot com
From what you guys talked, I relate a lot. My boyfriend has not yet been diagnosed with clinical depression, but hearing your spouse say how he feels like a burden and hopeless really resonates with what my boyfriend always mentions. We are looking for therapists. Would you recommend a psychologist or maybe a psychiatrist? Thank you so much for this, I came across this video and it’s really helpful. Thank you ! 💕💕✨
Gigiberta Flores I am so happy you are here. Welcome ❤️ I would say trust the advice of your doctor on this- they will advise a path to start on and you can always tweak as you go
Lisa Canning thank you so much ! ❤️
I feel like your very right about anxiety craving control. Disorders related to anxiety like eating disorders are characterized by acting in a way to exercise control of your life when you feel like you don’t have that. Thank you so much for this video - it means a lot to me during a difficult time ❤️
I am so glad to hear that you found it helpful! Hang in there. There is always hope.