In this video, I mentioned a First Chapter Critique Workshop - I ran this on June 30th, 2024, with 46 amazing fantasy writers. You can get the full recording inside my First Chapter Mastery course (which also includes several more hours of in-depth lessons on writing a compelling first chapter). This course also includes the option to get my personal feedback on your writing. Check it out here: firstchaptermastery.com/
All you have to do is put a fake coffee stain on the first page and you wouldn't have to even bother with writing one in the first place. Let the readers figure out what happened themselves for.. uhh... mystery
Write from another part of the story I had almost the same problem one day when I was watching the news I got an idea about one of the later chapters and I wrote that chapter and after that I easily wrote the opening
I'm not telling you to let chatGPT write your story But it can be a good inspiration to get past writers block In the best case, it gives you great idea. In the worst case, you'll know what you 100% don't want, and that's a start already
He stared at the blank page in front of him, hoping a well worn hope this would be the day he created a new world. The feeling would soon pass, as it always did, and he opened UA-cam to watch yet another Jed Herne video.
Great first line 😅 Yet even as Jed's calm wisdom soothed his grey matter, a niggling anxiety struggled to fight its way through into the forefront of his focus. A story idea was emerging, as a new star explodes forth with light and violence and beauty. He paused the video and threw half the contents of his desk upon the floor as he scrambled for pen and paper. The story was here, and it would not be contained.
You have no idea who I am and I have no idea who you are; However, I felt the need to tell you this: YOU CAN DO IT! DON'T GIVE UP! KEEP TRYING UNTIL IT STICKS!!
I once wrote a short story where the first line was "the king is dead" because I wanted to hook the audience immediately. But they don't know who this king is and I've just spoiled his fate, so why do they care what happens next? After rewrites, i opened the page with a line of dialogue “No traces of poison were found, high magistrate” and focused on the other council members discussing succession with a young distraught prince; this pushed the king line further and further down until it was removed entirely. I used subtext and context clues instead to make the reader wonder who was poisoned and who was investigating. Their interactions tell us who the king is to them and why the reader should care. So I absolutely agree that pushing the revelation further back makes the first page more exciting.
Starting with such a line can work I think, but rather than focusing on a character that the reader wouldn't know at all it would be better to focus on the consequences of his death. Like political implications on to how the other countries might react to that, or about how they have to find a successor.
The dialogue is better than the original line, but I still don't buy writing advice channels dubbing things as "mistakes" and creating rules. Sanderson opened the way of kings prologue with, "Szeth Son Son Vallano wore white on the day he was to kill the king." No one knows who szeth or the king is, and the white clothing isn't an interesting detail. The prologue nonetheless goes on to be the most banger prologue ever
I think the most memorable first sentence I have read was something along the lines of "It was monday morning 10 AM when Jonathan realized he was dead". I can't remember where I read it or what the story was about, but that sentence always stuck with me, because it really makes you ask questions and keep reading.
I think that is kind of the point. You don’t need to hook your readers in the very first sentence, as long as you do it in the first 2 pages or so. So don’t try too hard. If you can open with a killer intriguing line, great. If not, don’t force it.
the opening to the first hunger games book is a masterclass of characterization and world building: “When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course, she did. This is the day of the reaping.” In just five very simple sentences we learn of Katniss’s financial situation, her family unit’s predicament, and the main threat towards them: 1. We understand that this main character shares an uncomfortable bed in a cold room with someone who is likely her younger sister, so she is probably poor. 2. Her mother has her own bed, so there is likely only one parent left in this house. 3. Something is scary enough about this “reaping” day that it prompts little girls to climb into their parents’ beds, though that act is usually demeaning for young children past a certain age, as they often want to seem more adult. The prose around her bed being cold and stretching her fingers to seek warmth is also interesting; it sets up Katniss’s obsession with the bare necessities of human comfort. Throughout the rest of the book, it’s well established that Katniss has trouble thinking about interpersonal relationships and being considerate of others because her entire existence revolves around ensuring that her immediate family unit has direct access to sufficient food, water, and shelter. She is highly attuned to just the right amount of food that will sustain one day of hunting, the level of dehydration that will prevent her from getting back up if she collapses, the degree of exposure to the elements that will kill her in one night. The opening paragraph flawlessly establishes the premise of the book right from the jump, you wouldn’t even have to read the blurb to orient yourself in the story.
Extremely useful. I love the way you base your approach on using examples. I love how, on top of giving an example of what you would suggest to avoid - you then offer an improved version, that shows how to do it better, rather than just describing in abstract terms what to improve. I am not sure I agree with your first example, I have to admit I find the moustache and the moon opening endearing. Plus A Song of Ice and Fire starts with throwaway characters, too. (Who get killed, okay.) But this is to be expected, different people are bound to have different preferences. I found your second example with the assassin preparing his attack very illuminating, it is something I was not aware of that clearly. I found it especially helpful that you said "a lesser rate of revelation can be okay elsewhere in your book, but not on your first page". And I found the whole idea of the "Unique storytelling proposition" very suggestive. In spite of having watched a few videos on this subject, I found lots of things I hadn't heard befor in your take.
Hey, as someone who doesn't understand math could you break this down to me like im 5 years old? 😅 sorry, it seems interesting but its like a different language to me.
@@GleamDrawz10^60 is 1 followed by 60 zeroes, or 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000, While 8*10^67 is 8 followed by 67 zeroes, or 80000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 It's worth noting that while these look near identical if you just glance over them, 10^67 is significantly larger than 10^60, a million times larger to be exact. 52! Is read as 52 factorial. 52! = 52 * 51 * 50 * 49..... * 3 * 2 * 1. The reason why there are 52! Possible arrangements of a deck of cards is that there are 52 total cards. If you imagine having a full deck in front of you, and individually choosing each card to fit in a slot, there are 52 choices for the first slot, (52 total) 51 choices for the second, as one has been chosen already (52 * 51 total) and so on until you reach the last slot, where you can only choose 1 card
@@vedantthapar3666 if you don't mind me asking, how did you get from 52 to 8*10^67? And what do the asterisks mean? TYSMMMM somehow i feel like I've learned more math from your 4 paragraphs than my entire school year 😭
@@GleamDrawz asterisks are multiplication. 3*3=9. They're there because it's common in programming, since most old keyboards didn't have the × symbol, so the first computer programs improvised. ^ means exponentiation. So, 2^3=8, or if you aren't familiar with exponentiation, it's repeated multiplication. 2^3 is 2*2*2, so 8. ! is factorial. As they explained, you take the number behind the symbol and multiply it by every number smaller than it. 3! is 3*2*1, so 6. 52! gives the result 8*10^67. In other words, 52*51*50*49... all the way to 1 is equal to 10^67, so 10*10*10*10... 67 times, all multiplied by 8, so we have an 8 followed by 67 zeroes.
I finally decided to have a go at writing a story, and your first piece of advice about the first line is a relief to hear. My story jumps straight into creating an intriguing scene and I've been agonising about a rewrite where the first line is catchy. This was a bit of a confidence boost. Thank you.
Catchy is a bonus, but relevant is a requirement. In most cases, your first line should connect directly with the rest of the page and chapter. If guy promise a deep dive, you'd better not link to a listicle 😉 For now, don't stress too much over the actual wording. Keep developing your intriguing scene, and when you've got it fleshed out, go back and work on that first like again. Good luck, fellow writer!
I got a prologue that starts like scifi battle. It becomes a precipitating incident in the fantasy kingdom. The king was deciding what to do about the decline of the kingdom. It basically becomes the reason to increase forces in the kingdom. Allowing commoners to be trained in magic. There are three factions one of magic, another of alchemy, and of science. Each will have books following them and over time will come into conflict with one another.
Sounds interesting, but instead of starting with the king mulling over the state of affairs you could start with one of the commenors being trained. That would thrust the reader directly into the conflict, give us a character to latch on to, and you could gradually introduce the conflict facing the kingdom down the line.
@@HungryEyes-sl3mu He already confronted the villain and has a reason not to want to be there. Cut that out and I am going straight to a whiney character.
I love hearing that you've rewritten or added a completely new first chapter after your first draft. I got my first draft done, and then wasn't really satisfied, so that's exactly what I ended up doing, rewriting the entire first chapter from scratch and adding new chapters. It is so much better now! I took Brandon Sanderson's advice to heart. He said he didn't sell his first 15 novels because once written, he never went back and tried to improve on them or redraft them. Check - lesson learned. I avidly watch his videos, your videos, and a few other authors. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
I've been thinking that my Trilogy would begin with an introduction by the "author/compiler." Memoirs, written by and for 8 historically important characters are brought together perhaps a century later and "novelized" to tell a more "approachable, concise and entertaining" version of important historical events. These characters will therefore each have 1st person narratives. There's a "main" character, one of 3 "central" characters around which most of the action will take place. The 5 other characters each get a few chapters of their own which I am treating as short stories. Does this intro count as a "1st page? If so, any tips? If not, I'm still working on the Main character's 1st page.
While I generally agree with moving the action along, the edited version removed most of the setting completely for me. It doesn't read as night time to me anymore, making it sound as if someone is on a roof staring inside a window during daytime. Making me double back to check what's actually going on. I think the writer intended there to be a contemplating pauze as the assassin considers his options, safely cloaked by the dead of night. So I wouldn't cut that description entirely, but phrase it differently and just stick to one image. Then move into action.
@@CitizenMio you could also "reveal" that it's night earlier in the passage (previous page, etc.), so you don't need it here. that still helps the "rate" of revelation. Maybe don't try to pack all the details into one sentence/paragraph.
I used a different opening option for my story which may (or may not) get published. As a broader idea, I guess it would be called "The Day Everything Changed" or "The Turning Point". You start on an event or day that changes everything about your protagonist or antagonist, and sends them into the story of growth and development you are making. Mine starts by describing a feast among nobles, and then my protagonist walks in and gets disowned by his father. Overall, great video Jed! It was very thorough and encouraged me to look back and reread my openings for the book and chapters.
I'm already intrigued by the premise! During that first feast part, can you introduce tension into the scene? Maybe the guests know something is up from the disowning parent's behavior, but they're not sure about the specifics and worry that whatever it is will affect them. (Not sure if your POV is 3rd omniscient; if not, you can give your MC that anxiety, or make them happily oblivious with perhaps a few hints they don't pick up on that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.)
Your tips are so useful, absolutely love them all, can you make a video about writing plot scenes, like scenes where some big info is revealed or some other conflicts builds up.
The first sentence of chapter 2 of “six of crows” tells us so much about the characters both Laz and Inej and creates intrigue I recently read “fourth wing” at it started with the main character Violet Sorrengail who’s getting ready to cross the parapet and enter the war of Basgiath as well as the stakes and why she’s there. It honestly makes sense to start the story that way because that’s how the blurb starts and anything else would have felt dull boring and unnecessary. I think that this knowledge can be used in any novel to grip the reader with a great hook. I love watching these videos because they always teach me something new about writing!! Thank you so much for making this video❤
When I was in elementary or middle school, I remember writing the opening sentence to an essay as going along the lines of, "The applause was thuderous," before proceeding to paint a picture of our concert band on stage, the thrill and joy of playing in front of a large audience. I didn't think much of that opening line, just that it meant to help introduce the setting, but when I had my mom read it, she made a particular note of the strong impression that the first line promised and delivered. It surprised me how much she liked it, and that became a minor core memory for me.
On your "Low Rate of Revelation" part, I have to disagree; I preferred the "bad" example as it set the scene in a moody and colorfully descriptive way. The revised version was annoying as I had no picture of the setting to use as a reference point and no context for what was going on. I get what you're saying, but this particular example wasn't the best one to use, IMHO. Plus, if a reader decides to abandon a story just seven sentences in, I think the problem is with him, not the story.
I tend to agree. Take the opening lines of Titus Groan and the Gormenghast trilogy: “Gormenghast, that is, the main massing of the original stone, taken by itself would have displayed a certain ponderous architectural quality were it possible to have ignored that circumfusion of mean dwellings that swarmed like an epidemic around its outer walls. They sprawled over the sloping earth, each one half way over its neighbour until, held back by the castle ramparts, the innermost of these hovels laid hold on the great walls, clamping hold thereto like limpets on a rock”. It goes on for another page or so. Although it seems slow, it is introducing a major character (Gormenghast itself), and important themes (Titus breaking free of the confines of the ancient and stifling world of the castle and discovering the outside world). And it is beautifully written (especially, a few sentences later, “This tower, patched unevenly with black ivy, arose like a mutilated finger from among a fist of knuckled masonry, and pointed blasphemously at heaven”).
@@StoicTheGeekthe inventive and evocative phrasing really makes your example work! If the prose weren't so vivid, I doubt it'd be nearly as gripping. I agree with your overall point, though: some people prefer to have a solid image of what's going on, and some people prefer to know what's happening. While he was reading the original, I couldn't help thinking, "Okay, but why is he watching this place? What's his goal?" I think a blending of the two would work well, interspersing objectives and descriptions, making those visual details relevant to the plot whenever possible.
Agreed, the example used for the "Low Rate of Revelation" was an example of "Moodpainting". This can be very effective and a great hook for readers into this particular flavor of writing. The revised version in contrast sounded very basic and generic to me - more like a paint the numbers of quickly getting as much stuff set up as possible. Certainly not the 'balance' of revelation Jed was talking about.
Hey Jed, I have a suggestion for a topic - could you make a video on going through tough times/frustrations as a writer and mindset tips on how to keep pushing on?
I agree that the very start of chapter one of the Six of Crows is a little eh, but I still appreciate how it sets up how powerful and frightening the magic of the setting is and plants the thought of the magic enhancement drugs in our mind before introducing us to our magicless protagonist.
A good example of the world building opening is in the first book of the Wingfeather Saga, we are given the general history of the world as well as the setting in an introduction info dump. But it has such a whimisical and interesting way of going about it that it pulls you into the story.
Great video Jed, really helpful, but I was wondering if you could do a video on outlining tips. I’m trying to outline a novel and I can’t quite get the hang of it.
This is the opening line to book I’m writing: Will sprints across the forest hearing the flap of wings in the distance. He dares to take a peek behind, but the second he turns away from the ground, he knows he has made a mistake. He trips on a root, somersaults, and bonks into a tree. A figure flies down to the ground. “Will, WILL, our councilor is coming!” Will’s head snaps back from his mobile game as he acknowledges what Dash has said. Will shoves his phone deep under his matres knowing that if he’s seen with it, he will be punished. Anthony, cabin C’s counselor knocks on the cabin door.
Every time I watch a video or read advice on first page/paragraph advice, I get nervous and reread my first paragraph, wondering if it's actually as good as I think it is or if I'm biased because I wrote it. However, you pointing out that it's good for each sentence to serve a dual purpose has me feeling much better as that's what each sentence of my first paragraph does - in the first sentence, you meet the main character and I mention recycled oxygen - so he is in some kind of sealed environment. The second sentence is him calming himself with a deep breath, so he has some kind of nervousness or tension going on. The third sentence confirms this, and explains that he is nervously excited. But why? The next sentence says that he spent two years in a physically and mentally exhausting training and testing situation, and is about to hear the results of his final test. Then it's a series of questions that indicate his own lack of confidence in his abilities/performance, and it's suddenly confirmed (via these questions) that he is trying to get a position on board a starship by asking himself if he'd end up on the bridge, warp drive, or something less savory. There is a series of three questions to himself, back to back, which my goal was to express his nervousness by questioning everything. I feel much better about it when I look at it through the lens of "dual purpose" sentences. Thank you.
Thank you for this great and concise video and channel, Jed! Your work helps the writing community in big ways. For the past two years, I’ve been diligently working on a sci fi fantasy novel and have a solid seventy page word doc outline to work from. Where I keep getting stuck, however, is the first chapter! I just finished my third iteration, felt good about it, and then realized soon after that I was asking too much of it. I feel strongly about the book beginning with the main character’s dream, because it reveals the truth of who she is and the spiritual foundation of the story. However, when she is pulled out of the dream by her commander, I’ve had hard time establishing their world and situation. After watching this video, I have decided to start the story closer to the inciting incident where the main character makes a self sacrificing deal with the enemy queen to save the commander’s life (akin to Little Mermaid). Then in the subsequent chapter, establish her life at the main headquarters, revealing the trie story arc- kill the enemy civilization and save the commander (this, of course, gets turned on its head). I was also thinking that maybe a brief prologue from one of the side characters (hype man) would be a good place to ground the reader so they can jump into the mission , avoiding info dumping or backtracking. All of my friends say the story works as a whole, but kicking it off has been a wild ride haha.
I start my first chapter describing my bleak grimdark landscape from the perspective of my teenage girl protagonist, who feels trapped and desires independence and external validation. It features a lot of interiority when using environmental description, since it is done from the perspective of my main character
It can be hard to choose an opening point. I have a story that begins with this big, dramatic event, but I find that the event feels less impactful without proper build-up. On the other hand, starting my story slow and gradually building up tension seems too boring; I'm failing to come up with a meaningful plot line that would give purpose to my characters throughout such a beginning. This video was very helpful though; perhaps with some experimenting I will find just the right opening ;)
Hey Jed, what did you do before your first book, like to learn and practice and stuff? Did you have a career at the time, working on your book on the side?
My first chapter starts with the pov of a "victim" the MC kills. Since the MC knows pretty much nothing of the world, it gives readers more context to work with which the MC isn't aware of. Was kinda fun idea.
Slow rate of revelation. Now I finally know why I drop some stories on royal road. If everything feels ultra long without anything happening, it does not matter how good your plot is.
You want a real slow Rate of Revelation, I once read a book that spent multiple pages describing the terrain of the area before finally getting around to about a paragraph or 2 of actual things happening, then on to more terrain descriptions for what i can only hope was someplace else All of that could've been summed up in a few sentences to a paragraph. We didn't need a huge degree of what essentially were superfluous details. It's a *story* not a tabletop RPG campaign setting guidebook
@@mighty_spirit8532 If you think being bombarded with page upon page of repetitive text primarily describing the more irrelevant aspects of terrain as "fast" sure Seriously, there more than 5 pages of that in a row.
@@mighty_spirit8532 Ok? The video talks about how slow rates of revelation was bad and cited an example. Then, I cited one of the worst examples of it I've ever seen
@@jamesmars9767” Guys, chill. You”re saying the same thing. jamesmars9767, you simply needed to change the comma in your original comment to a question mark to make it clearer, “You want a real slow Rate of Revelation?” That says you are about to give an example vs. the way you phrased it which is, “What you want is a slow RoR”.
Low Rate of Revelation: I kind of liked the original better myself. It was slow and somewhat meticulous, but it did a good job of setting a mood. The other one was super fast, almost like a script from a 30-minute TV show. I half expected to hear the conclusion of the story. Of course, at the end of the day, it is all up to preference.
The problem with the "strange worldbuilding" opening, is that it's harder to write, and it tends to age poorly. Because what might be strange worldbuilding now, likely won't be in years to come. So I'd generally stick with not doing this, unless you have something very specific and unique, or if you are a more experienced writer.
As a new writer to fantasy, I had adapted my own USP when I wrote realistic fiction. However my inspiration was from J.K Rowling and her idea for an American Hogwarts with mixing the plot of my main realistic fiction series “Ben Stirling” a detective series I mixed with J.K Rowlings magic system and a few original ideas I’m still questioning.
I read a lot and I'm picky. I love going on Amazon and reading the first chapter or so of a book. It keeps me from wasting so much money. I read one recently where there was a huge error to my way of thinking in lack of contrast. A horrific torture and death in the prologue followed by a main character with no known connection. The main character seemed to be feeling sorry for herself about the death of a younger brother which seems trivial compared to the events of the prologue. Also the mood needs to lift a bit. Stories that are relentlessly horrific lose impact.
6:03 I disagree with the assessment of this scene being boring. It has a slow burn feeling while the author is painting the scene. I love that kind of stuff to start a story since it tells us immediately that the story is most likely going to be slower and full of those small details in the narrative. Though chances are, as a dungeon master who writes my scenes in a similar way with my players, I could just be biased since it aligns more with my own personal style.
As someone trying to get published. Reader feedback is insanely crucial for not just the openings but the book overall. If you can get your hands on at least 5 people who are interested in being your beta readers and get feedback from this, it'd make your writing better. (Since thanks to feedback I deleted a 2000~ish word long prologue and started the book directly where you meet the protagonist in his dingy cell.)
The issue is getting even one person to actually do that. Generally what will happen is you'll get someone to read it, they'll criticize literally everything, and then just never read it anymore after you make adjustments because they've seemingly concluded your book is a lost cause.
@@damir_van_kalaz Yeah I've had a couple like that, but I did find a handful of people who were more willing to read through the story again. If your story isn't on the offensive side, try game servers you play on. That's how I got people interested. Talking to folks in minecraft servers or even reddit (put an asterisk on that) could yield folks that are more willing to be of assistance. I've managed to gather 5 (after about 3 years of writing) but folks that are interested in any news about the book? about 50. So give it a 1 in 10 to 1 in 15 odds to find someone willing to read through your work and 1 in 50 to consistently do that. A lot of work, but more plausible if you're talkative and people find you interesting. (literally played as a mad mage on the minecraft server and had people visit my tower that had upside down furniture and a book describing my "daily" antics.) At least for my case it worked. Obviously if I want more eyes on my book 50 people won't be enough, but it is a decent start.
@@damir_van_kalaz Had some trouble with that as well, but if you say play a game where Roleplay is more common or people are more interested in fantasy and you talk about your book. You may stumble across people who'd be more willing to have a read at your work. It isn't a fast process, for it took me about 2 to 3 years of being online to get folks into my discord server where I post updates about the book. Even then, many are just there for the announcements or the long rants/conversations revolving the lore of the book (or whatever else) and not really in there for the book, and I don't mind that. I played minecraft with a few friends and made many more on a large server that focused on roleplay somewhat, which allowed me to be in contact with folks who were like minded and found my work to be interesting. There isn't a tried and true method to this, but word of mouth and constantly talking about your work is one place to start. At least in my opinion. Hope this helps.
brother I need your advice. for the past 3 years, I wanted to make my own manga, story and so I ended up buying a pen display that I never used since last year when I started to do self-improvement and took writing a novel seriously, but I stopped working on it in December I did somewhat work on it, but I haven't finished it and then I completely stopped 3 months ago And went back in that junky lifestyle I tried to get out but I wasn't able to and now I am having so many thoughts saying I should just stop this, I have lost all the passion for it, for last 2 years all I have known is how to write a story but now I don't know what to do.
Know why you chose to do this. Passion fading is inevitable, but if you have a good reason for writing your novel you have to push through and keep your writing diciplined. Set a daily word count of say 500 and keep it holy. There is no excuse good enough to skip even one day. I hope you can succed with the help of this advice
I know that you can’t really give solid advice on something you haven’t read, but would you say having the inciting incident around 10,000 words into the story (including a 1,000 word prologue) would be a risk? I’m working on the first draft of my debut novel and it’s looking like that’s where it’s going to land, and I don’t quite know if I should continue and just let it, or pivot now. I appreciate any advice anyone may have.
Considering that the average novel is about 50k words, if your novel's inciting incident doesn't happen until a fifth of a novel in, the introduction may be too long. I try to have the inciting incident in the first chapter if not the first few chapters of the book. I suggest creating an outline for your novel to give you an overview of the plot/scenes and a way to track the progress of your novel.
But this is also something that can be solved in editing. I think, from hearing a number of authors talk, that it isn't uncommon for someone to write something where the inciting incident happens 10K+ in the initial draft, but then in the edit they cut/rearrange and drop people into the inciting incident or much closer to it. That is sort of what the last example in this video did too (trimming the 11k to start later). I think Sanderson has similarly said there are drafts where he has then cut the first 2 or 3 chapters to get to the better start point for the novel based on beta reader feedback or other editing approaches. But it also depends on the novel. If you are writing an epic fantasy of 200 or 300k words, 10k words to get to the inciting incident might well be fine and well paced, as long as the first 10k words are still of interest. Maybe we are building lore, world, character or some other thing first before getting to the inciting incident.
Well, it depends on context, but if it's something that your characters are going to know beforehand, just getting knowledge of it could fit for inticing incident as it is going to drastically change situation your characters are in.
Part of it depends on the book length (after editing). 50k word book, then that's too late, 500k word book, then it is fine, or maybe early. Is all of it needed? Is it backstory, prologue, day-in-the-life? Readers don't really mind reading unless it is boring, so the placement of the inciting incident just depends on the pacing. Also, there are often multiple inciting incidents. There is the II before the book begins that led to the story looking like this (such as the apocalypse that starts your post-apocalypse setting). There is the II that first introduces a character to a problem, but that may not be the main-plot problem, and then there is the point of no return, or threshold between Act 2 & 3 (of the 5 act structure, which is what movies are usually based on)(Ex: in Toy Story, Andy's birthday starting is one II, Buzz's arrival is another II, and him falling out the window is the point of no return II). And there is also the antagonist's II, which is the moment we first see the villain enter, or the villain make an important decision, or when the villain does something to set the story in motion. But that action may not cause a consequence for the protagonist for a few chapters. Part of your solution would involve knowing which II is 10k words in. If it is the start of the character-based conflict that begins their arc, but the main-problem conflict doesn't begin until 20k words in, then it is probably too late. But I really think it comes down to whether the first 10k words are interesting or not. If it keeps the reader reading, then it isn't much of a problem.
While it is true that the number of permutations in a deck of cards is greater than the number of atoms on Earth, it's so much more that it can barely compare. It is much closer to, although not superseding, the number of atoms in the Milky Way galaxy. Atoms on Earth: 1.33*10^55 Permutations of a deck of cards: 8*10^67 Atoms in the Milky Way Galaxy: 1.2^68 There are about six trillion times as many permutations of a deck of cards as there are atoms on Earth, which is, as stated, more.
Would love to get feedback from an experienced editor, but I'm not sure if I would even be able to get a spare $50 to get a ticket. The situation over the years since covid has been extreme, which is unfortunate as that's when I started picking up writing for my hobby of worldbuilding, but we're finally getting in the positive and this seems like a great chance to get more than a family member or friend's opinion... Even if it's only a review of the first chapter.
My idea might be viewed as insane but i will open my first chapter without a single dialouge or narration I'll just show the world,bacground and shoecase my art to hook the audience the narration starts when the character reaches the destination until then its just beautiful pictures and s man walking through a forest.idk i just felt like doing it no one cares anyway
Do people really put a book down after just the first page? I'm sure there are some, but are there actually enough to put this much emphasis on the first page? Generally I read at least one whole chapter. Perhaps if you are in a book store and just browsing for new books? Either way I feel like his job may have made him a bit too critical, personally I wouldn't get bothered by the mustache "clickbait" example. It just feels wrong to me to judge a book by its first page, knowing how much work has gone into it.
I appreciate the number of examples but that one with the blind priest and lamora or whatever was not what I would consider a good example. The first half page every other word is essentially nonsense due to lack of context. It feels like an infodump because I'm going to forget all of it in about 2 seconds if I even took it in at all. Don't start your story making readers wish for the days when fantasy books still put glossaries in the beginning because you need a special, in-book dictionary to understand anything that's going on. If a layman, opening your book is seeing "Blimbok the Girk of Frondak, brought the flibbit to the Great Gorum of Bongobag with a sigh of relief." That doesn't create a curiousity gap it's just annoying. You already know they're gonna spend more time trying to set up this universe than actually tell a story, but that there's nothing really special here except a bunch of dumb "fantasy sounding" words replacing existing English equivalents. Like when someone thinks they're being clever little geniuses by making characters named "Jhon and Mhairie, parents of Kat and Geramy". Which is just the fantasy equivalent of "Um its not Tiffany, it's Tefani 🙄💅" If your world wasn't just "fantasy Earth" you wouldn't spend so much time trying to make it _sound_ exotic. Even in this non-fantasy world, we often explain things mid-sentence just in case the audience doesn't understand. We don't just say a bunch of words knowing they're scientific, political, or business jargon to the average person. We explain the jargon. Unless we know our reader already have an in-depth understanding. That's why instead of just printing scientific studies in newspapers, they have the scientists explain their findings to report lers who explain it to us. Your story shouldn't read like a research paper, is what I'm saying. Also, that break into a mansion scene? Preferably needed a mix. Both description and action. Y'know "xx surveyed the **imposing** mansion with it's _looming_ turrets and menacing statuary, spotting a window- etc etc"
Jed is one of the few who uses bestsellers as "do not" examples, while also presenting "do that" examples from the same book. And it's so encouraging because we get to feel that authorship is a mixed bag even for the great names
Yes-- I tend to see published authors, particularly those in genres like fantasy, as having some kind of secret that I've been left out of when it comes to writing- when the reality is it's a struggle for everyone and it's never perfect.
One of my favorite opening lines in a book is probably from Well of Ascension: “I write these words in steel, for anything not set in metal cannot be trusted.” Is it a good opening? A bad opening? Does it even count as an opening? Not sure but it sounds pretty cool.
It’s just okay to me. I mean right off the batt I disagree with the character saying that line-there’s lots of things that have been engraved in metal that were both lies and just plain evil (for example: Work Shall Set You Free was engraved on metal gates for people entering concentration camps)-but besides that all it tells me is that the character wants to preserve something. And that the character is possibly immature and naive. (Because metal can be torn down and destroyed, etc. Anything material doesn’t last forever. So it’s actually not the material it’s made out of but the idea itself that matters most. What really lasts is immaterial.) If that’s the case-showing a character wanting to preserve something but is immature and naive-then it’s a good opening.
@@narnia1233 I think it sets the stage for the book itself to be a lie and untrustworthy with the only words we can trust are the ones written in the little excerpts (implied to be written in steel) before each chapter actually starts. Maybe it’s not a perfect opening but it is decent foreshadowing.
@@nathanbrownlee9276 I haven’t read the book at all. Could you clarify more? Are you saying that the words in metal are definitely trustworthy? Is that what the intention was? For the reader to see the words in metal as truth? Because if that was the intention-honestly that opening line did not reveal that. And I would say it was unsuccessful if that was the intention.
@@narnia1233 Well of Ascension is part of Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy. And in all of the books before each chapter, there is a short quote, a paragraph, or excerpt. In the first book, the excerpts are from a logbook that the characters find later in the story. In the second book, Well of Ascension, the excerpts are written on a large steel wall someone finds earlier in the story. Mistborn also has a magic system based around metal so metal itself is really important in that world regardless. I’d say more but that would be a pretty big spoiler, there’s this huge twist surrounding the opening line and I feel like someone in the comments won’t be too happy if I say anymore, but that in the story that you should trust the words that were written in metal.
I have been attempting to write for the past 2 months and it is exceptionally more difficult than I ever imagined. I changed projects 5 times, never able to find the story I wanted to commit to. Then, I sent my first chapter to a public critique site where I found I had many bad habits that needed to be broken. Too descriptive, slow pacing, broken sentencing. I just re-wrote 1.5k words in my first chapter today and I don't even know if it'll see the light of day. Thankfully the writing community is incredibly supportive and these videos are a massive help.
That's awesome!! The more you write, the more you learn how to write and discover your own voice. Keep going and keep getting feedback, and you'll improve! 😊 And keep your first drafts; it's really neat to look back on what you started with and see how much you've refined and polished it. As an example, my first novel started with literally nothing happening while I described the interior of a run-of-the-mill café for at least a paragraph 😂💀 It now starts with the main character expressing his frustration at being trapped in limbo away from everyone he loves, with one of my favorite opening lines I've written: "If I could die of dehydration or starve, I'd have done it decades ago, just to escape the anesthetic monotony of this place." I hope ur writing journey is fun and fulfilling!!
One thing I like to do, when I'm unsure how I want my story to progress, is to just write a scene. It doesn't have to fit in your currently completed story, just be in the world. If you're happy with it, you can figure out how to write TO that scene, and if you're not, there's a decent chance a better idea will have come to you as you write it out. (In my experience, obviously, results may vary.)
The only problem I've found with cutting out scenes is the parts left out "just for me" as you said. For example it seemed to be a problem in the latest Star Wars trilogy that characters were introduced with missing context, and while the actors playing them got what might be considered need to know information by the director/lore writers the audience was left in the dark. Of course a lot of that information was probably destined for spin offs, endless endless spin offs. So when I edit I need to make sure that there's enough character context and reasons for them to be doing what they're doing or feeling a certain way.
Yes! It's important to check cut material for any important info about characters/plot/etc, as having written it can make us think that the reader thus knows that info when in fact we've cut it out. (Of course, this has never, ever, _ever_ happened to me… 😅)
My guess is that it’s only advertised as much because of how often writers fail at this point. I agree the advice is over stated to the point of losing its value.
Out of all of these, I defiantly think Overwhelming Readers is the worst option. For a great example of this, check out Final Fantasy 13's opening hour. In the span of an hour, you have, on memory, about 10 different proper nouns all used interchangeably without any context or meaning behind what they mean. Cocoon Pulse l'Cie Fal Cie PSICOM Guardian Corps NORA Cieth That's just off the top of my head including introducing 6 or so main characters: Lightning, Serah, Hope, Sazh, Vanille, and Snow along with a smattering of other NPC who come and go and a few villains as well. It is completely overwhelming and many of these terms don't get explained until much later in the story.
Not to mention Hope’s mother’s name is Nora, so in the first hour there are two unrelated Nora’s being mentioned in the same scene with little explanation. It’s kind of funny that someone on the development team must have known it was overwhelming because there’s like a whole glossary to explain things that the game hasn’t. It’s also a good sign that you need an audience insert character that can ask questions if you have a weird scifi setting. Everyone in FFXIII just knows what all these terms mean so nothing is ever properly relayed!
Jack Vance was a master of coming up with words; even if he did so sparingly, you would have no trouble telling whatever meant from context. And it instantly painted a picture in your head.
The l’Cie are people enchanted with powers from the fal’Cie. Furthermore, l’Cie are enchanted with powers to fulfill a certain task. Upon succeeding, they become crystals. Upon failing, they become the monstrous Cie’th.
@@iantaakalla8180Thank you, but you misunderstood me. This game came out 15 years ago. It was so badly written and directed, explaining almost nothing to the player and forcing me to check the plot *of the game I’m playing* on the wikis, I stopped caring and still don’t.
For the 1st tip the reader doesn't even have to realize they were baited. They will just eventually(depending on how far from expectations it is) start to think that it isn't as good as they thought it'd be.
me, a comic up-and-coming author, translating every tip to see if it actually applies to me lol. (not a criticism, you're a novelist so you of course would be giving tip for novelists, it's just kinda funny to me that the lack of comic writer resources causes this to be the best method.) like, I ponder how to apply the "rate of revelation" rule to chapter 1 of a comic, of course it still applies, but in a different manner. it's rather interesting how what usually applies to one page instead applies to trying to reveal atleast one bit of new info per page on chapter 1, while still trying not to linger too much and to get your audience to understand the setting and why they should care about the protagonist when the inciting incident happens around halfway through or even three forths into chapter one, lol.
Adapting these techniques for a different medium sounds like a great way to more deeply understand what they're trying to accomplish! You've probably already read it, but *Understanding Comics* by Scott McCloud is a great resource for specifically comic techniques.
I never considered myself a writer, even in writing classes I just really struggled to flesh anything out. However I've always loved reading. Now years later I find myself with a story idea I feel absolutely compelled to write. I've learned a lot in those years. One thing I've definitely struggled with is perfectionism, and I'm now starting to see how silly it is to expect to get it perfect, or even at all, on the rough draft. It seems so funny now, to think that I imagined stories were written in the same order they are read. So now I'm just starting. Going with my emotions, and interests. It may not be beautiful. It may not never be published. But it will be mine.
My favourite opening line of all time is from the Gunslinger by Stephen king. "the man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed". It raises so many quesions yet it's so concise. Love it.
Re: Point #1. Mark Lawrence's Red Sister. It begins with a hell of a click-bait sentence.. but the book delivers on it, or rather the trilogy does. The framing story that is glimpsed at the beginning of books one and two is really paid off in book three. But, there was plenty of indications that it was going to be, so it never felt like a bait and switch. You shouldn't be discouraged to open with a bomb like this, as long as you light the fuse and it isn't a big dud.
It is important, when killing a nun, to ensure that you bring an army of sufficient size. For Sister Thorn of the Sweet Mercy Convent Lano Tacsis brought two hundred men. Great intro sentence, great trilogy. Some didn't like the flashforward/flashback battle scenes, but I loved the trilogy. And yeah it was a case of promises made, promises delivered which is a point Sanderson makes in his writing teaching too.
05:30 there are different paces. You don't need to fix anything. Tempo has to be in sync with the audience, wtf are you teaching? Watch the anime "Frieren: Beyond Journey's End" - it's gorgeous. It is beautiful because it is slow! The audience love it! You suggested tricking the audience, and giving them a fast plot to hold attention, regardless of the narrative. Literally, a click bate. I am off. This is not a good video!
20:40- I HATE stories that start with the present and then most of the story is in the past. I spend nearly the entire book barely absorbing anything because I'm too desperate to get back to the present. I personally consider it an exTREAMLY lazy story telling technique and I'm shocked you're promoting it. They do it a LOT with tv shows as well. I get a really gripping scene then it fades to black and up pops "24 hours earlier". It makes me want to scream every time. To me that says the writer isn't talented enough to hook you with the beginning of a story so they toss a little FOMO at you to keep you reading. UGH!
I agree, but if the present scene and the step back to the past is only one thousand words apart or 20 minutes apart, it's fine because I wouldn't have to go through too many misc.
Try the greatest opening paragraph ever, from We Have Always Lived in the Castle, by Shirley Jackson. You can't not keep reading: My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I am eighteen years old, and I live with my sister Constance. I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both my hands are the same length, but I have had to be content with what I had. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Richard Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. Everyone else in my family is dead.
The opening to Animorphs 1 is strong (though it gets weakened as every following book uses the same style of opening, thanks monthly scholastic book fairs!): "My name is Jake. That's my first name, obviously. I can't tell you my last name. It would be too dangerous. The Controllers are everywhere. Everywhere. And if they knew my full name, they could find me and my friends, and then... well, let's just say I don't want them to find me. What they do to people who resist them is too horrible to think about." it then goes on to talk about not mentioning the town he lives in, mentioning why he's writing and mentioning two important things "Maybe then, somehow, the human race can survive until the Andalites return and rescue us, as they promised they would." From here the book smoothly transitions into it's main plot.
In this video, I mentioned a First Chapter Critique Workshop - I ran this on June 30th, 2024, with 46 amazing fantasy writers. You can get the full recording inside my First Chapter Mastery course (which also includes several more hours of in-depth lessons on writing a compelling first chapter). This course also includes the option to get my personal feedback on your writing. Check it out here: firstchaptermastery.com/
Could you please make a video explaining, in detail, the differences between first person, third person and limited third person narrative?
My first page mistake:
Staring at it and waiting for it to write itself.
Too real
😂 facts
All you have to do is put a fake coffee stain on the first page and you wouldn't have to even bother with writing one in the first place. Let the readers figure out what happened themselves for.. uhh... mystery
Write from another part of the story I had almost the same problem one day when I was watching the news I got an idea about one of the later chapters and I wrote that chapter and after that I easily wrote the opening
I'm not telling you to let chatGPT write your story
But it can be a good inspiration to get past writers block
In the best case, it gives you great idea.
In the worst case, you'll know what you 100% don't want, and that's a start already
He stared at the blank page in front of him, hoping a well worn hope this would be the day he created a new world. The feeling would soon pass, as it always did, and he opened UA-cam to watch yet another Jed Herne video.
Great first line 😅
Yet even as Jed's calm wisdom soothed his grey matter, a niggling anxiety struggled to fight its way through into the forefront of his focus. A story idea was emerging, as a new star explodes forth with light and violence and beauty. He paused the video and threw half the contents of his desk upon the floor as he scrambled for pen and paper.
The story was here, and it would not be contained.
Why you gotta call me out like that? 🤣
You have no idea who I am and I have no idea who you are; However, I felt the need to tell you this:
YOU CAN DO IT! DON'T GIVE UP! KEEP TRYING UNTIL IT STICKS!!
I feel so seen 😂💀💀
@@JhadeSagrav Ngl that last line reads like a pregnancy 😭 I love it
I once wrote a short story where the first line was "the king is dead" because I wanted to hook the audience immediately. But they don't know who this king is and I've just spoiled his fate, so why do they care what happens next? After rewrites, i opened the page with a line of dialogue “No traces of poison were found, high magistrate” and focused on the other council members discussing succession with a young distraught prince; this pushed the king line further and further down until it was removed entirely. I used subtext and context clues instead to make the reader wonder who was poisoned and who was investigating. Their interactions tell us who the king is to them and why the reader should care. So I absolutely agree that pushing the revelation further back makes the first page more exciting.
Starting with such a line can work I think, but rather than focusing on a character that the reader wouldn't know at all it would be better to focus on the consequences of his death. Like political implications on to how the other countries might react to that, or about how they have to find a successor.
"The king is dead" would work for a story about some sort of revolution where the identity of the king is not entirely important
But you did have revelation. You showed us he was poisoned and made us curious. You just did it without revealing the whole thing.
The dialogue is better than the original line, but I still don't buy writing advice channels dubbing things as "mistakes" and creating rules. Sanderson opened the way of kings prologue with, "Szeth Son Son Vallano wore white on the day he was to kill the king." No one knows who szeth or the king is, and the white clothing isn't an interesting detail. The prologue nonetheless goes on to be the most banger prologue ever
@@alexiosblake9804 Yes that particular short story opened with a scene about his succession being discussed.
I think the most memorable first sentence I have read was something along the lines of "It was monday morning 10 AM when Jonathan realized he was dead". I can't remember where I read it or what the story was about, but that sentence always stuck with me, because it really makes you ask questions and keep reading.
Johnny and the Dead" by Terry Pratchett I think 👍🏼
I think that is kind of the point. You don’t need to hook your readers in the very first sentence, as long as you do it in the first 2 pages or so. So don’t try too hard. If you can open with a killer intriguing line, great. If not, don’t force it.
Very similar to dirk gently’s detective agency - the horoscope failed to mention he would be dead by the end of the day.
The opposite of fate by Amy Tan
@@kaasmeester5903the first sentence should be easy to write if you've got an interesting concept and story
the opening to the first hunger games book is a masterclass of characterization and world building:
“When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course, she did. This is the day of the reaping.”
In just five very simple sentences we learn of Katniss’s financial situation, her family unit’s predicament, and the main threat towards them:
1. We understand that this main character shares an uncomfortable bed in a cold room with someone who is likely her younger sister, so she is probably poor.
2. Her mother has her own bed, so there is likely only one parent left in this house.
3. Something is scary enough about this “reaping” day that it prompts little girls to climb into their parents’ beds, though that act is usually demeaning for young children past a certain age, as they often want to seem more adult.
The prose around her bed being cold and stretching her fingers to seek warmth is also interesting; it sets up Katniss’s obsession with the bare necessities of human comfort. Throughout the rest of the book, it’s well established that Katniss has trouble thinking about interpersonal relationships and being considerate of others because her entire existence revolves around ensuring that her immediate family unit has direct access to sufficient food, water, and shelter. She is highly attuned to just the right amount of food that will sustain one day of hunting, the level of dehydration that will prevent her from getting back up if she collapses, the degree of exposure to the elements that will kill her in one night. The opening paragraph flawlessly establishes the premise of the book right from the jump, you wouldn’t even have to read the blurb to orient yourself in the story.
Extremely useful.
I love the way you base your approach on using examples.
I love how, on top of giving an example of what you would suggest to avoid - you then offer an improved version, that shows how to do it better, rather than just describing in abstract terms what to improve.
I am not sure I agree with your first example, I have to admit I find the moustache and the moon opening endearing. Plus A Song of Ice and Fire starts with throwaway characters, too. (Who get killed, okay.) But this is to be expected, different people are bound to have different preferences.
I found your second example with the assassin preparing his attack very illuminating, it is something I was not aware of that clearly.
I found it especially helpful that you said "a lesser rate of revelation can be okay elsewhere in your book, but not on your first page".
And I found the whole idea of the "Unique storytelling proposition" very suggestive.
In spite of having watched a few videos on this subject, I found lots of things I hadn't heard befor in your take.
11:16 Yeah, just a nerd here: atoms on earth approx 10^60 and combinations of a 52 card deck would be a faculty 52! which is around 8*10^67
Hey, as someone who doesn't understand math could you break this down to me like im 5 years old? 😅 sorry, it seems interesting but its like a different language to me.
@@GleamDrawz10^60 is 1 followed by 60 zeroes, or
1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000,
While 8*10^67 is 8 followed by 67 zeroes, or
80000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
It's worth noting that while these look near identical if you just glance over them, 10^67 is significantly larger than 10^60, a million times larger to be exact.
52! Is read as 52 factorial. 52! = 52 * 51 * 50 * 49..... * 3 * 2 * 1.
The reason why there are 52! Possible arrangements of a deck of cards is that there are 52 total cards. If you imagine having a full deck in front of you, and individually choosing each card to fit in a slot, there are 52 choices for the first slot, (52 total) 51 choices for the second, as one has been chosen already (52 * 51 total) and so on until you reach the last slot, where you can only choose 1 card
@@vedantthapar3666 if you don't mind me asking, how did you get from 52 to 8*10^67? And what do the asterisks mean? TYSMMMM somehow i feel like I've learned more math from your 4 paragraphs than my entire school year 😭
@@GleamDrawz asterisks are multiplication. 3*3=9.
They're there because it's common in programming, since most old keyboards didn't have the × symbol, so the first computer programs improvised.
^ means exponentiation. So, 2^3=8, or if you aren't familiar with exponentiation, it's repeated multiplication. 2^3 is 2*2*2, so 8.
! is factorial. As they explained, you take the number behind the symbol and multiply it by every number smaller than it. 3! is 3*2*1, so 6.
52! gives the result 8*10^67. In other words, 52*51*50*49... all the way to 1 is equal to 10^67, so 10*10*10*10... 67 times, all multiplied by 8, so we have an 8 followed by 67 zeroes.
@@gaopinghu7332well, 52! Is not exactly 8*10^67, only approximately.
Your videos are still small gold mines for writers, I truly love your videos
I finally decided to have a go at writing a story, and your first piece of advice about the first line is a relief to hear. My story jumps straight into creating an intriguing scene and I've been agonising about a rewrite where the first line is catchy. This was a bit of a confidence boost. Thank you.
Catchy is a bonus, but relevant is a requirement. In most cases, your first line should connect directly with the rest of the page and chapter. If guy promise a deep dive, you'd better not link to a listicle 😉 For now, don't stress too much over the actual wording. Keep developing your intriguing scene, and when you've got it fleshed out, go back and work on that first like again. Good luck, fellow writer!
I got a prologue that starts like scifi battle. It becomes a precipitating incident in the fantasy kingdom. The king was deciding what to do about the decline of the kingdom.
It basically becomes the reason to increase forces in the kingdom. Allowing commoners to be trained in magic.
There are three factions one of magic, another of alchemy, and of science. Each will have books following them and over time will come into conflict with one another.
Sounds interesting, but instead of starting with the king mulling over the state of affairs you could start with one of the commenors being trained. That would thrust the reader directly into the conflict, give us a character to latch on to, and you could gradually introduce the conflict facing the kingdom down the line.
@@HungryEyes-sl3mu
He already confronted the villain and has a reason not to want to be there. Cut that out and I am going straight to a whiney character.
I love hearing that you've rewritten or added a completely new first chapter after your first draft. I got my first draft done, and then wasn't really satisfied, so that's exactly what I ended up doing, rewriting the entire first chapter from scratch and adding new chapters. It is so much better now! I took Brandon Sanderson's advice to heart. He said he didn't sell his first 15 novels because once written, he never went back and tried to improve on them or redraft them. Check - lesson learned. I avidly watch his videos, your videos, and a few other authors. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
Want me to give you feedback on your opening chapter? Get your ticket to my live First Chapter Critique Workshop: jedherne.com/first-chapter-workshop/
I've been thinking that my Trilogy would begin with an introduction by the "author/compiler."
Memoirs, written by and for 8 historically important characters are brought together perhaps a century later and "novelized" to tell a more "approachable, concise and entertaining" version of important historical events.
These characters will therefore each have 1st person narratives. There's a "main" character, one of 3 "central" characters around which most of the action will take place. The 5 other characters each get a few chapters of their own which I am treating as short stories.
Does this intro count as a "1st page? If so, any tips?
If not, I'm still working on the Main character's 1st page.
21:35
Lightsabers detected.
Disney: copyright lawyers dispatched 😂
I hope my chapter gets picked! I'm very excited
I missed it. Will you be doing something like this again? 🥺
The rate of revelation is a new concept to me. Thanks for the vid!
While I generally agree with moving the action along, the edited version removed most of the setting completely for me.
It doesn't read as night time to me anymore, making it sound as if someone is on a roof staring inside a window during daytime. Making me double back to check what's actually going on.
I think the writer intended there to be a contemplating pauze as the assassin considers his options, safely cloaked by the dead of night.
So I wouldn't cut that description entirely, but phrase it differently and just stick to one image.
Then move into action.
@@CitizenMio you could also "reveal" that it's night earlier in the passage (previous page, etc.), so you don't need it here. that still helps the "rate" of revelation. Maybe don't try to pack all the details into one sentence/paragraph.
@ethandowler4669
True, but this example is supposed to be the first page of your story, if not the very first line. Not much before that ;)
@@CitizenMio oh i must have missed that part of the context. my original comment is from a month ago, so I don't remember everything.
4:18 that sold me now I want to read the book.
27:00 I always hold up Wheel of Time's opening for how to juggle a LARGE cast, from the get-go
Your 'speed of revelation' idea is a really interesting pacing tool. Cheers.
I used a different opening option for my story which may (or may not) get published. As a broader idea, I guess it would be called "The Day Everything Changed" or "The Turning Point". You start on an event or day that changes everything about your protagonist or antagonist, and sends them into the story of growth and development you are making. Mine starts by describing a feast among nobles, and then my protagonist walks in and gets disowned by his father.
Overall, great video Jed! It was very thorough and encouraged me to look back and reread my openings for the book and chapters.
I'm already intrigued by the premise! During that first feast part, can you introduce tension into the scene? Maybe the guests know something is up from the disowning parent's behavior, but they're not sure about the specifics and worry that whatever it is will affect them. (Not sure if your POV is 3rd omniscient; if not, you can give your MC that anxiety, or make them happily oblivious with perhaps a few hints they don't pick up on that something is rotten in the state of Denmark.)
I adore Terry Pratchett's opening in Colour of Magic. I aim for the kind of levity and joy he brings to his novels!
Your tips are so useful, absolutely love them all, can you make a video about writing plot scenes, like scenes where some big info is revealed or some other conflicts builds up.
I'm not a fantasy writer. My passion is detective fiction. But I did still find a lot of this advice useful, so thank you.
17:20 agreed, There are some great essays on YT defending exposition... so long as it's good
Fr you can get away with anything as long as it's good 😂
@@emilyrln absolutely! for every "never do X in writing" """"rule""""", there's an exception! 🤣
The first sentence of chapter 2 of “six of crows” tells us so much about the characters both Laz and Inej and creates intrigue
I recently read “fourth wing” at it started with the main character Violet Sorrengail who’s getting ready to cross the parapet and enter the war of Basgiath as well as the stakes and why she’s there. It honestly makes sense to start the story that way because that’s how the blurb starts and anything else would have felt dull boring and unnecessary.
I think that this knowledge can be used in any novel to grip the reader with a great hook. I love watching these videos because they always teach me something new about writing!!
Thank you so much for making this video❤
When I was in elementary or middle school, I remember writing the opening sentence to an essay as going along the lines of, "The applause was thuderous," before proceeding to paint a picture of our concert band on stage, the thrill and joy of playing in front of a large audience. I didn't think much of that opening line, just that it meant to help introduce the setting, but when I had my mom read it, she made a particular note of the strong impression that the first line promised and delivered. It surprised me how much she liked it, and that became a minor core memory for me.
On your "Low Rate of Revelation" part, I have to disagree; I preferred the "bad" example as it set the scene in a moody and colorfully descriptive way. The revised version was annoying as I had no picture of the setting to use as a reference point and no context for what was going on. I get what you're saying, but this particular example wasn't the best one to use, IMHO. Plus, if a reader decides to abandon a story just seven sentences in, I think the problem is with him, not the story.
I tend to agree. Take the opening lines of Titus Groan and the Gormenghast trilogy: “Gormenghast, that is, the main massing of the original stone, taken by itself would have displayed a certain ponderous architectural quality were it possible to have ignored that circumfusion of mean dwellings that swarmed like an epidemic around its outer walls. They sprawled over the sloping earth, each one half way over its neighbour until, held back by the castle ramparts, the innermost of these hovels laid hold on the great walls, clamping hold thereto like limpets on a rock”.
It goes on for another page or so. Although it seems slow, it is introducing a major character (Gormenghast itself), and important themes (Titus breaking free of the confines of the ancient and stifling world of the castle and discovering the outside world). And it is beautifully written (especially, a few sentences later, “This tower, patched unevenly with black ivy, arose like a mutilated finger from among a fist of knuckled masonry, and pointed blasphemously at heaven”).
@@StoicTheGeekthe inventive and evocative phrasing really makes your example work! If the prose weren't so vivid, I doubt it'd be nearly as gripping. I agree with your overall point, though: some people prefer to have a solid image of what's going on, and some people prefer to know what's happening. While he was reading the original, I couldn't help thinking, "Okay, but why is he watching this place? What's his goal?" I think a blending of the two would work well, interspersing objectives and descriptions, making those visual details relevant to the plot whenever possible.
Agreed, the example used for the "Low Rate of Revelation" was an example of "Moodpainting". This can be very effective and a great hook for readers into this particular flavor of writing. The revised version in contrast sounded very basic and generic to me - more like a paint the numbers of quickly getting as much stuff set up as possible. Certainly not the 'balance' of revelation Jed was talking about.
Hey Jed, I have a suggestion for a topic - could you make a video on going through tough times/frustrations as a writer and mindset tips on how to keep pushing on?
I agree that the very start of chapter one of the Six of Crows is a little eh, but I still appreciate how it sets up how powerful and frightening the magic of the setting is and plants the thought of the magic enhancement drugs in our mind before introducing us to our magicless protagonist.
Thx for the tips. I'm writing a groundbreaking sci-fi .I have some great ideas, concepts, and overall story, but my execution requires more practice.
A good example of the world building opening is in the first book of the Wingfeather Saga, we are given the general history of the world as well as the setting in an introduction info dump. But it has such a whimisical and interesting way of going about it that it pulls you into the story.
"Lisa is pregnant" is one opening sentence that has stuck with me since 2013 🤣. Life as we knew it. Such a good book
Great video Jed, really helpful, but I was wondering if you could do a video on outlining tips. I’m trying to outline a novel and I can’t quite get the hang of it.
This is the opening line to book I’m writing:
Will sprints across the forest hearing the flap of wings in the distance. He dares to take a peek behind, but the second he turns away from the ground, he knows he has made a mistake. He trips on a root, somersaults, and bonks into a tree. A figure flies down to the ground.
“Will, WILL, our councilor is coming!” Will’s head snaps back from his mobile game as he acknowledges what Dash has said. Will shoves his phone deep under his matres knowing that if he’s seen with it, he will be punished. Anthony, cabin C’s counselor knocks on the cabin door.
"The man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed."
I love your content, thank you to put it out there!!
Every time I watch a video or read advice on first page/paragraph advice, I get nervous and reread my first paragraph, wondering if it's actually as good as I think it is or if I'm biased because I wrote it.
However, you pointing out that it's good for each sentence to serve a dual purpose has me feeling much better as that's what each sentence of my first paragraph does - in the first sentence, you meet the main character and I mention recycled oxygen - so he is in some kind of sealed environment. The second sentence is him calming himself with a deep breath, so he has some kind of nervousness or tension going on. The third sentence confirms this, and explains that he is nervously excited.
But why?
The next sentence says that he spent two years in a physically and mentally exhausting training and testing situation, and is about to hear the results of his final test. Then it's a series of questions that indicate his own lack of confidence in his abilities/performance, and it's suddenly confirmed (via these questions) that he is trying to get a position on board a starship by asking himself if he'd end up on the bridge, warp drive, or something less savory. There is a series of three questions to himself, back to back, which my goal was to express his nervousness by questioning everything.
I feel much better about it when I look at it through the lens of "dual purpose" sentences. Thank you.
Me: ChatGPT, write me a first page for my novel.
ChatGPT: It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times--
*shuts off computer*
How about, "Marley was dead to begin with".... Worked for Dickens.
But it's got to be done right
Thank you for this great and concise video and channel, Jed! Your work helps the writing community in big ways. For the past two years, I’ve been diligently working on a sci fi fantasy novel and have a solid seventy page word doc outline to work from. Where I keep getting stuck, however, is the first chapter! I just finished my third iteration, felt good about it, and then realized soon after that I was asking too much of it. I feel strongly about the book beginning with the main character’s dream, because it reveals the truth of who she is and the spiritual foundation of the story. However, when she is pulled out of the dream by her commander, I’ve had hard time establishing their world and situation. After watching this video, I have decided to start the story closer to the inciting incident where the main character makes a self sacrificing deal with the enemy queen to save the commander’s life (akin to Little Mermaid). Then in the subsequent chapter, establish her life at the main headquarters, revealing the trie story arc- kill the enemy civilization and save the commander (this, of course, gets turned on its head). I was also thinking that maybe a brief prologue from one of the side characters (hype man) would be a good place to ground the reader so they can jump into the mission , avoiding info dumping or backtracking. All of my friends say the story works as a whole, but kicking it off has been a wild ride haha.
Dream sequence openings are big new writer traps. I’d avoid it - it’s an easy way to get a potential agent/editor/publisher to insta-deny.
Jed: I promise the final thing does have words in it 29:04
Viewers: NO SHIT!
I start my first chapter describing my bleak grimdark landscape from the perspective of my teenage girl protagonist, who feels trapped and desires independence and external validation.
It features a lot of interiority when using environmental description, since it is done from the perspective of my main character
Surely book-based clickbait would be Flickbait.
Turnbait?
Flipbait?
It can be hard to choose an opening point. I have a story that begins with this big, dramatic event, but I find that the event feels less impactful without proper build-up. On the other hand, starting my story slow and gradually building up tension seems too boring; I'm failing to come up with a meaningful plot line that would give purpose to my characters throughout such a beginning. This video was very helpful though; perhaps with some experimenting I will find just the right opening ;)
Hey Jed, what did you do before your first book, like to learn and practice and stuff? Did you have a career at the time, working on your book on the side?
21:15 wow really glad you picked up the Sun eater series!!!
What novels did you edit? I want to know how well they sold before I bother listening to your advice.
My first chapter starts with the pov of a "victim" the MC kills. Since the MC knows pretty much nothing of the world, it gives readers more context to work with which the MC isn't aware of. Was kinda fun idea.
I love the name of the wing opening
19:28 😂
Now I have to read this book!
Slow rate of revelation. Now I finally know why I drop some stories on royal road. If everything feels ultra long without anything happening, it does not matter how good your plot is.
Does first page refer to first page of the book, like prologue, or first page of the first chapter.
Both, in my opinion.
😂u seem serious about human writing.
In gratitude I subscribed.😊
You want a real slow Rate of Revelation, I once read a book that spent multiple pages describing the terrain of the area before finally getting around to about a paragraph or 2 of actual things happening, then on to more terrain descriptions for what i can only hope was someplace else
All of that could've been summed up in a few sentences to a paragraph. We didn't need a huge degree of what essentially were superfluous details. It's a *story* not a tabletop RPG campaign setting guidebook
So you mean a fast rate of revelation then?
@@mighty_spirit8532 If you think being bombarded with page upon page of repetitive text primarily describing the more irrelevant aspects of terrain as "fast" sure
Seriously, there more than 5 pages of that in a row.
@@jamesmars9767 I was referring to your first line "You want a real slow rate of revelation"
@@mighty_spirit8532 Ok? The video talks about how slow rates of revelation was bad and cited an example. Then, I cited one of the worst examples of it I've ever seen
@@jamesmars9767” Guys, chill. You”re saying the same thing. jamesmars9767, you simply needed to change the comma in your original comment to a question mark to make it clearer, “You want a real slow Rate of Revelation?” That says you are about to give an example vs. the way you phrased it which is, “What you want is a slow RoR”.
Low Rate of Revelation: I kind of liked the original better myself. It was slow and somewhat meticulous, but it did a good job of setting a mood. The other one was super fast, almost like a script from a 30-minute TV show. I half expected to hear the conclusion of the story. Of course, at the end of the day, it is all up to preference.
30:05 No way you just snuck rangers apprentice in there!
Does the first chapter critique include prologues? I feel I have a pretty strong prologue but would love extra critique.
The problem with the "strange worldbuilding" opening, is that it's harder to write, and it tends to age poorly. Because what might be strange worldbuilding now, likely won't be in years to come.
So I'd generally stick with not doing this, unless you have something very specific and unique, or if you are a more experienced writer.
As a new writer to fantasy, I had adapted my own USP when I wrote realistic fiction. However my inspiration was from J.K Rowling and her idea for an American Hogwarts with mixing the plot of my main realistic fiction series “Ben Stirling” a detective series I mixed with J.K Rowlings magic system and a few original ideas I’m still questioning.
Great advice ❤
Well Malazan Book of the fallen is a masterpiece and on the first chapter you have some 9 important characters.
I read a lot and I'm picky. I love going on Amazon and reading the first chapter or so of a book. It keeps me from wasting so much money. I read one recently where there was a huge error to my way of thinking in lack of contrast. A horrific torture and death in the prologue followed by a main character with no known connection. The main character seemed to be feeling sorry for herself about the death of a younger brother which seems trivial compared to the events of the prologue. Also the mood needs to lift a bit. Stories that are relentlessly horrific lose impact.
I've finished a book I started forty years ago and I still can't get the first chapter. Frustrated.
6:03 I disagree with the assessment of this scene being boring. It has a slow burn feeling while the author is painting the scene. I love that kind of stuff to start a story since it tells us immediately that the story is most likely going to be slower and full of those small details in the narrative. Though chances are, as a dungeon master who writes my scenes in a similar way with my players, I could just be biased since it aligns more with my own personal style.
As someone trying to get published. Reader feedback is insanely crucial for not just the openings but the book overall.
If you can get your hands on at least 5 people who are interested in being your beta readers and get feedback from this, it'd make your writing better.
(Since thanks to feedback I deleted a 2000~ish word long prologue and started the book directly where you meet the protagonist in his dingy cell.)
The issue is getting even one person to actually do that. Generally what will happen is you'll get someone to read it, they'll criticize literally everything, and then just never read it anymore after you make adjustments because they've seemingly concluded your book is a lost cause.
@@damir_van_kalaz Yeah I've had a couple like that, but I did find a handful of people who were more willing to read through the story again.
If your story isn't on the offensive side, try game servers you play on. That's how I got people interested.
Talking to folks in minecraft servers or even reddit (put an asterisk on that) could yield folks that are more willing to be of assistance.
I've managed to gather 5 (after about 3 years of writing) but folks that are interested in any news about the book? about 50.
So give it a 1 in 10 to 1 in 15 odds to find someone willing to read through your work and 1 in 50 to consistently do that.
A lot of work, but more plausible if you're talkative and people find you interesting.
(literally played as a mad mage on the minecraft server and had people visit my tower that had upside down furniture and a book describing my "daily" antics.)
At least for my case it worked. Obviously if I want more eyes on my book 50 people won't be enough, but it is a decent start.
@@damir_van_kalaz Had some trouble with that as well, but if you say play a game where Roleplay is more common or people are more interested in fantasy and you talk about your book. You may stumble across people who'd be more willing to have a read at your work.
It isn't a fast process, for it took me about 2 to 3 years of being online to get folks into my discord server where I post updates about the book. Even then, many are just there for the announcements or the long rants/conversations revolving the lore of the book (or whatever else) and not really in there for the book, and I don't mind that.
I played minecraft with a few friends and made many more on a large server that focused on roleplay somewhat, which allowed me to be in contact with folks who were like minded and found my work to be interesting.
There isn't a tried and true method to this, but word of mouth and constantly talking about your work is one place to start. At least in my opinion.
Hope this helps.
I love 6 of crows
Hey Jed, are you European? The way you signaled 3 with your fingers made me wonder! Great info btw, thanks!
He is Ozzie
“Seth-son-son-Vallano, Truthless of Shinovar, wore white on the day he was to kill a king.”
brother I need your advice.
for the past 3 years, I wanted to make my own manga, story and so I ended up buying a pen display that I never used since last year when I started to do self-improvement and took writing a novel seriously, but I stopped working on it in December I did somewhat work on it, but I haven't finished it and then I completely stopped 3 months ago And went back in that junky lifestyle I tried to get out but I wasn't able to and now I am having so many thoughts saying I should just stop this, I have lost all the passion for it, for last 2 years all I have known is how to write a story but now I don't know what to do.
Know why you chose to do this. Passion fading is inevitable, but if you have a good reason for writing your novel you have to push through and keep your writing diciplined. Set a daily word count of say 500 and keep it holy. There is no excuse good enough to skip even one day. I hope you can succed with the help of this advice
I know that you can’t really give solid advice on something you haven’t read, but would you say having the inciting incident around 10,000 words into the story (including a 1,000 word prologue) would be a risk? I’m working on the first draft of my debut novel and it’s looking like that’s where it’s going to land, and I don’t quite know if I should continue and just let it, or pivot now. I appreciate any advice anyone may have.
Considering that the average novel is about 50k words, if your novel's inciting incident doesn't happen until a fifth of a novel in, the introduction may be too long. I try to have the inciting incident in the first chapter if not the first few chapters of the book.
I suggest creating an outline for your novel to give you an overview of the plot/scenes and a way to track the progress of your novel.
But this is also something that can be solved in editing. I think, from hearing a number of authors talk, that it isn't uncommon for someone to write something where the inciting incident happens 10K+ in the initial draft, but then in the edit they cut/rearrange and drop people into the inciting incident or much closer to it. That is sort of what the last example in this video did too (trimming the 11k to start later). I think Sanderson has similarly said there are drafts where he has then cut the first 2 or 3 chapters to get to the better start point for the novel based on beta reader feedback or other editing approaches.
But it also depends on the novel. If you are writing an epic fantasy of 200 or 300k words, 10k words to get to the inciting incident might well be fine and well paced, as long as the first 10k words are still of interest. Maybe we are building lore, world, character or some other thing first before getting to the inciting incident.
Well, it depends on context, but if it's something that your characters are going to know beforehand, just getting knowledge of it could fit for inticing incident as it is going to drastically change situation your characters are in.
Part of it depends on the book length (after editing). 50k word book, then that's too late, 500k word book, then it is fine, or maybe early.
Is all of it needed? Is it backstory, prologue, day-in-the-life? Readers don't really mind reading unless it is boring, so the placement of the inciting incident just depends on the pacing.
Also, there are often multiple inciting incidents. There is the II before the book begins that led to the story looking like this (such as the apocalypse that starts your post-apocalypse setting). There is the II that first introduces a character to a problem, but that may not be the main-plot problem, and then there is the point of no return, or threshold between Act 2 & 3 (of the 5 act structure, which is what movies are usually based on)(Ex: in Toy Story, Andy's birthday starting is one II, Buzz's arrival is another II, and him falling out the window is the point of no return II).
And there is also the antagonist's II, which is the moment we first see the villain enter, or the villain make an important decision, or when the villain does something to set the story in motion. But that action may not cause a consequence for the protagonist for a few chapters.
Part of your solution would involve knowing which II is 10k words in. If it is the start of the character-based conflict that begins their arc, but the main-problem conflict doesn't begin until 20k words in, then it is probably too late.
But I really think it comes down to whether the first 10k words are interesting or not. If it keeps the reader reading, then it isn't much of a problem.
I finished the damn book.
While it is true that the number of permutations in a deck of cards is greater than the number of atoms on Earth, it's so much more that it can barely compare. It is much closer to, although not superseding, the number of atoms in the Milky Way galaxy.
Atoms on Earth: 1.33*10^55
Permutations of a deck of cards: 8*10^67
Atoms in the Milky Way Galaxy: 1.2^68
There are about six trillion times as many permutations of a deck of cards as there are atoms on Earth, which is, as stated, more.
>intro (timestamp around 0:25)
You published 12 novels? It was 4, wasn't it?
shame about the moustache, I got mine at 12
I'm so sad, cause I really want to submit my first chapter, but it's in French... Oupsi
Would love to get feedback from an experienced editor, but I'm not sure if I would even be able to get a spare $50 to get a ticket. The situation over the years since covid has been extreme, which is unfortunate as that's when I started picking up writing for my hobby of worldbuilding, but we're finally getting in the positive and this seems like a great chance to get more than a family member or friend's opinion... Even if it's only a review of the first chapter.
My idea might be viewed as insane but i will open my first chapter without a single dialouge or narration I'll just show the world,bacground and shoecase my art to hook the audience the narration starts when the character reaches the destination until then its just beautiful pictures and s man walking through a forest.idk i just felt like doing it no one cares anyway
Seems like you meant to say opening sentences, or paragraphs, since almost none of your examples were single sentences.
Do people really put a book down after just the first page? I'm sure there are some, but are there actually enough to put this much emphasis on the first page? Generally I read at least one whole chapter. Perhaps if you are in a book store and just browsing for new books? Either way I feel like his job may have made him a bit too critical, personally I wouldn't get bothered by the mustache "clickbait" example. It just feels wrong to me to judge a book by its first page, knowing how much work has gone into it.
My first page mistake: MC gets explained about the world she LIVES in. Basically the problem of telling, not showing.
if you squint hard enough, it looks like he has sunglasses
I appreciate the number of examples but that one with the blind priest and lamora or whatever was not what I would consider a good example. The first half page every other word is essentially nonsense due to lack of context. It feels like an infodump because I'm going to forget all of it in about 2 seconds if I even took it in at all.
Don't start your story making readers wish for the days when fantasy books still put glossaries in the beginning because you need a special, in-book dictionary to understand anything that's going on.
If a layman, opening your book is seeing "Blimbok the Girk of Frondak, brought the flibbit to the Great Gorum of Bongobag with a sigh of relief." That doesn't create a curiousity gap it's just annoying. You already know they're gonna spend more time trying to set up this universe than actually tell a story, but that there's nothing really special here except a bunch of dumb "fantasy sounding" words replacing existing English equivalents.
Like when someone thinks they're being clever little geniuses by making characters named "Jhon and Mhairie, parents of Kat and Geramy". Which is just the fantasy equivalent of "Um its not Tiffany, it's Tefani 🙄💅"
If your world wasn't just "fantasy Earth" you wouldn't spend so much time trying to make it _sound_ exotic. Even in this non-fantasy world, we often explain things mid-sentence just in case the audience doesn't understand. We don't just say a bunch of words knowing they're scientific, political, or business jargon to the average person. We explain the jargon. Unless we know our reader already have an in-depth understanding. That's why instead of just printing scientific studies in newspapers, they have the scientists explain their findings to report lers who explain it to us. Your story shouldn't read like a research paper, is what I'm saying.
Also, that break into a mansion scene? Preferably needed a mix. Both description and action. Y'know "xx surveyed the **imposing** mansion with it's _looming_ turrets and menacing statuary, spotting a window- etc etc"
My guess is that its not the first book in the series
Jed is one of the few who uses bestsellers as "do not" examples, while also presenting "do that" examples from the same book.
And it's so encouraging because we get to feel that authorship is a mixed bag even for the great names
Yes-- I tend to see published authors, particularly those in genres like fantasy, as having some kind of secret that I've been left out of when it comes to writing- when the reality is it's a struggle for everyone and it's never perfect.
He makes his money from clickbait youtube videos, not writing lol.
@@chickenmadness1732 clickbait or not, his advice and examples are solid
@@chickenmadness1732 it's not clickbait if he delivers
@@chickenmadness1732 alas, someone's career is not one specific thing, but rather teaching people about that specific thing? what a fucking tragedy!
There's 2 kinds of audiences in this world; those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
10 - those who understand binary and the rest.
Nice
Lol
Thank you for the irrelevant and unoriginal comment
@@jamesloder8652 ah yes someone who is irrationally annoyed at a random youtube comment
One of my favorite opening lines in a book is probably from Well of Ascension: “I write these words in steel, for anything not set in metal cannot be trusted.”
Is it a good opening? A bad opening? Does it even count as an opening? Not sure but it sounds pretty cool.
Mistborn.
It’s just okay to me.
I mean right off the batt I disagree with the character saying that line-there’s lots of things that have been engraved in metal that were both lies and just plain evil (for example: Work Shall Set You Free was engraved on metal gates for people entering concentration camps)-but besides that all it tells me is that the character wants to preserve something.
And that the character is possibly immature and naive. (Because metal can be torn down and destroyed, etc. Anything material doesn’t last forever. So it’s actually not the material it’s made out of but the idea itself that matters most. What really lasts is immaterial.)
If that’s the case-showing a character wanting to preserve something but is immature and naive-then it’s a good opening.
@@narnia1233 I think it sets the stage for the book itself to be a lie and untrustworthy with the only words we can trust are the ones written in the little excerpts (implied to be written in steel) before each chapter actually starts.
Maybe it’s not a perfect opening but it is decent foreshadowing.
@@nathanbrownlee9276 I haven’t read the book at all. Could you clarify more? Are you saying that the words in metal are definitely trustworthy? Is that what the intention was? For the reader to see the words in metal as truth?
Because if that was the intention-honestly that opening line did not reveal that. And I would say it was unsuccessful if that was the intention.
@@narnia1233 Well of Ascension is part of Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn trilogy. And in all of the books before each chapter, there is a short quote, a paragraph, or excerpt.
In the first book, the excerpts are from a logbook that the characters find later in the story. In the second book, Well of Ascension, the excerpts are written on a large steel wall someone finds earlier in the story.
Mistborn also has a magic system based around metal so metal itself is really important in that world regardless.
I’d say more but that would be a pretty big spoiler, there’s this huge twist surrounding the opening line and I feel like someone in the comments won’t be too happy if I say anymore, but that in the story that you should trust the words that were written in metal.
I have been attempting to write for the past 2 months and it is exceptionally more difficult than I ever imagined. I changed projects 5 times, never able to find the story I wanted to commit to. Then, I sent my first chapter to a public critique site where I found I had many bad habits that needed to be broken. Too descriptive, slow pacing, broken sentencing. I just re-wrote 1.5k words in my first chapter today and I don't even know if it'll see the light of day.
Thankfully the writing community is incredibly supportive and these videos are a massive help.
That's awesome!! The more you write, the more you learn how to write and discover your own voice. Keep going and keep getting feedback, and you'll improve! 😊 And keep your first drafts; it's really neat to look back on what you started with and see how much you've refined and polished it.
As an example, my first novel started with literally nothing happening while I described the interior of a run-of-the-mill café for at least a paragraph 😂💀 It now starts with the main character expressing his frustration at being trapped in limbo away from everyone he loves, with one of my favorite opening lines I've written: "If I could die of dehydration or starve, I'd have done it decades ago, just to escape the anesthetic monotony of this place."
I hope ur writing journey is fun and fulfilling!!
One thing I like to do, when I'm unsure how I want my story to progress, is to just write a scene. It doesn't have to fit in your currently completed story, just be in the world. If you're happy with it, you can figure out how to write TO that scene, and if you're not, there's a decent chance a better idea will have come to you as you write it out. (In my experience, obviously, results may vary.)
What if you build a story for 5 years? I’ve been doing that and I haven’t written a single page. Lol.
What public critique did you send it to? I need to do that 😭😂
@@giygas9305 Then you haven't been building a story, you've been daydreaming. I say this as someone who also barely has a paragraph to my name, lol
The only problem I've found with cutting out scenes is the parts left out "just for me" as you said. For example it seemed to be a problem in the latest Star Wars trilogy that characters were introduced with missing context, and while the actors playing them got what might be considered need to know information by the director/lore writers the audience was left in the dark. Of course a lot of that information was probably destined for spin offs, endless endless spin offs. So when I edit I need to make sure that there's enough character context and reasons for them to be doing what they're doing or feeling a certain way.
Yes! It's important to check cut material for any important info about characters/plot/etc, as having written it can make us think that the reader thus knows that info when in fact we've cut it out. (Of course, this has never, ever, _ever_ happened to me… 😅)
So sick of people advising you must have a hook in the first sentence.
My guess is that it’s only advertised as much because of how often writers fail at this point. I agree the advice is over stated to the point of losing its value.
Out of all of these, I defiantly think Overwhelming Readers is the worst option. For a great example of this, check out Final Fantasy 13's opening hour. In the span of an hour, you have, on memory, about 10 different proper nouns all used interchangeably without any context or meaning behind what they mean.
Cocoon
Pulse
l'Cie
Fal Cie
PSICOM
Guardian Corps
NORA
Cieth
That's just off the top of my head including introducing 6 or so main characters: Lightning, Serah, Hope, Sazh, Vanille, and Snow along with a smattering of other NPC who come and go and a few villains as well.
It is completely overwhelming and many of these terms don't get explained until much later in the story.
Not to mention Hope’s mother’s name is Nora, so in the first hour there are two unrelated Nora’s being mentioned in the same scene with little explanation. It’s kind of funny that someone on the development team must have known it was overwhelming because there’s like a whole glossary to explain things that the game hasn’t. It’s also a good sign that you need an audience insert character that can ask questions if you have a weird scifi setting. Everyone in FFXIII just knows what all these terms mean so nothing is ever properly relayed!
Jack Vance was a master of coming up with words; even if he did so sparingly, you would have no trouble telling whatever meant from context. And it instantly painted a picture in your head.
I played through twenty hours of FFXIII and I don’t know what l’Cie is to this day.
The l’Cie are people enchanted with powers from the fal’Cie. Furthermore, l’Cie are enchanted with powers to fulfill a certain task. Upon succeeding, they become crystals. Upon failing, they become the monstrous Cie’th.
@@iantaakalla8180Thank you, but you misunderstood me. This game came out 15 years ago. It was so badly written and directed, explaining almost nothing to the player and forcing me to check the plot *of the game I’m playing* on the wikis, I stopped caring and still don’t.
For the 1st tip the reader doesn't even have to realize they were baited. They will just eventually(depending on how far from expectations it is) start to think that it isn't as good as they thought it'd be.
me, a comic up-and-coming author, translating every tip to see if it actually applies to me lol.
(not a criticism, you're a novelist so you of course would be giving tip for novelists, it's just kinda funny to me that the lack of comic writer resources causes this to be the best method.)
like, I ponder how to apply the "rate of revelation" rule to chapter 1 of a comic, of course it still applies, but in a different manner. it's rather interesting how what usually applies to one page instead applies to trying to reveal atleast one bit of new info per page on chapter 1, while still trying not to linger too much and to get your audience to understand the setting and why they should care about the protagonist when the inciting incident happens around halfway through or even three forths into chapter one, lol.
Adapting these techniques for a different medium sounds like a great way to more deeply understand what they're trying to accomplish! You've probably already read it, but *Understanding Comics* by Scott McCloud is a great resource for specifically comic techniques.
@@emilyrln thanks for your kind words!! I actually haven't! I'll give it a look :)
@@Green-3c34y65vrbu Yay! I'm so glad I mentioned it :D I hope it's helpful ♥
I never considered myself a writer, even in writing classes I just really struggled to flesh anything out.
However I've always loved reading.
Now years later I find myself with a story idea I feel absolutely compelled to write.
I've learned a lot in those years.
One thing I've definitely struggled with is perfectionism, and I'm now starting to see how silly it is to expect to get it perfect, or even at all, on the rough draft.
It seems so funny now, to think that I imagined stories were written in the same order they are read.
So now I'm just starting.
Going with my emotions, and interests.
It may not be beautiful.
It may not never be published.
But it will be mine.
My favourite opening line of all time is from the Gunslinger by Stephen king. "the man in black fled across the desert and the gunslinger followed". It raises so many quesions yet it's so concise. Love it.
I think he uses that in the video but I thought he said it was from Dark Tower
@@JerrBaybEe the Gunslinger is the first book in the Dark Tower series.
He tells us the whole story in the first sentence, it's incredible. A masterclass in opening a novel.
Re: Point #1. Mark Lawrence's Red Sister. It begins with a hell of a click-bait sentence.. but the book delivers on it, or rather the trilogy does. The framing story that is glimpsed at the beginning of books one and two is really paid off in book three. But, there was plenty of indications that it was going to be, so it never felt like a bait and switch. You shouldn't be discouraged to open with a bomb like this, as long as you light the fuse and it isn't a big dud.
It is important, when killing a nun, to ensure that you bring an army of sufficient size. For Sister Thorn of the Sweet Mercy Convent Lano Tacsis brought two hundred men.
Great intro sentence, great trilogy. Some didn't like the flashforward/flashback battle scenes, but I loved the trilogy. And yeah it was a case of promises made, promises delivered which is a point Sanderson makes in his writing teaching too.
yep, loved the interlude scenes as well!
05:30 there are different paces. You don't need to fix anything. Tempo has to be in sync with the audience, wtf are you teaching? Watch the anime "Frieren: Beyond Journey's End" - it's gorgeous. It is beautiful because it is slow! The audience love it!
You suggested tricking the audience, and giving them a fast plot to hold attention, regardless of the narrative. Literally, a click bate. I am off. This is not a good video!
0:20 why does this instantly make me think of the first Percy Jackson book: The Lightning Theif?
I vaporized my algebra teacher isn't click bate it's iconic.
20:40- I HATE stories that start with the present and then most of the story is in the past. I spend nearly the entire book barely absorbing anything because I'm too desperate to get back to the present. I personally consider it an exTREAMLY lazy story telling technique and I'm shocked you're promoting it. They do it a LOT with tv shows as well. I get a really gripping scene then it fades to black and up pops "24 hours earlier". It makes me want to scream every time. To me that says the writer isn't talented enough to hook you with the beginning of a story so they toss a little FOMO at you to keep you reading. UGH!
I agree, but if the present scene and the step back to the past is only one thousand words apart or 20 minutes apart, it's fine because I wouldn't have to go through too many misc.
Sounds like a personal problem
"Banging barmaids was always fun, but main character had no time for fun this night"
my least favourite thing in writing is when an author doesn't know what a semicolon is
Try the greatest opening paragraph ever, from We Have Always Lived in the Castle, by Shirley Jackson. You can't not keep reading: My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I am eighteen years old, and I live with my sister Constance. I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both my hands are the same length, but I have had to be content with what I had. I dislike washing myself, and dogs, and noise. I like my sister Constance, and Richard Plantagenet, and Amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. Everyone else in my family is dead.
I really appreciated that “6 ways to open” section! I really helped me improve my vision and objectives for the first chapter I already have planned
Hey Jed! I'm a high schooler and I've just started writing my first novel, do you think you could take a look at my first page?
The opening to Animorphs 1 is strong (though it gets weakened as every following book uses the same style of opening, thanks monthly scholastic book fairs!): "My name is Jake. That's my first name, obviously. I can't tell you my last name. It would be too dangerous. The Controllers are everywhere. Everywhere. And if they knew my full name, they could find me and my friends, and then... well, let's just say I don't want them to find me. What they do to people who resist them is too horrible to think about." it then goes on to talk about not mentioning the town he lives in, mentioning why he's writing and mentioning two important things "Maybe then, somehow, the human race can survive until the Andalites return and rescue us, as they promised they would."
From here the book smoothly transitions into it's main plot.