It's true, but my generation was brought up this way, young girls were encouraged to believe that when we got married, we would be protected and looked after, some men still are threatened by a woman who has her own home and works to look after herself, so I can see how Cinderella syndrome can happen to anyone.
The same can be said about religion and people waiting on Jesus to come save them. This is the same exact concept - looking for something or someone outside of ourselves…a savior syndrome / complex.
You just blew my mind! I spent so many years fantasizing about going out into the woods or some remote place where there would be nobody else except me. I thought that this was just because I was a loner. That's just who I was. I was broken in some way so I was incapable (I believed) of ever being accepted as good by anyone. I never moved permanently to a place like that but I learned to be alone. I spent a lot of time in the wilderness and thought I was good at being alone. However, as time went on and I studied happy people I learned the importance of relationships in life I have tried to let people in with some success and a lot of failure. I had to learn such a critical human skill later in life when it was so much harder to learn. I can honestly say that the sweetest moments in my life now involve being with people.
@@leeche87 well, sort of. I’m a zipline guide and an actor now. And while I don’t make nearly as much money overall, I’m able to pay my bills now and have more money in my pocket than I ever had when I was practicing law. This always baffled me until I stumbled onto material such as this. The universe works in strange ways. Lol.
@@JohnBradydoesstuff it sounds like you've led an interesting life however, so that's something to be grateful for. I think many people have money but are miserable, so it just depends on perspective.
I am convinced today's young people have a harder time of it than we did not an easier one when it comes to all the things they are being encouraged to maybe give a try too someday.
This is very true about the limited resource that anyone who believes in this twin flame has encountered. That belief is a new religion to keep you stuck
Oh, right, Louis Pasteur! (*Louis Pasteur's quote "Chance favors the prepared mind" means that the better prepared and more knowledgeable you are, the more you'll be able to take advantage of any chance opportunities or observations. If you are unaware of things that influence a situation or an event, you are very unlikely to be able to identify any opportunity or learn anything significantly new. By having insight, interest, and aptitude related to the situation, you put yourself in the position to capitalize upon any hidden "nuggets" buried at the moment.) ❤
I read a waitress who said if a business pushes the idea that employees are "family" then run like hell because they're probably going to exploit you financially. So going out looking for this seems like a recipe to be stuck in under-earning
Ex-tech industry employee here, but anyway, after 10+ years of working for small businesses that push the whole "family" thing I treat them like the plague. Never again.
@@davidshepherd265I see a tech career often suggested as the answer to people in low paid jobs. Do you mind sharing why you left? I have been considering training for an IT job but I also don't want to get into a field of work that I don't enjoy.
As a 70+ year old, I cannot emphasize enough, GET A CAREER FIRST! MONEY IS FREEDOM. MONEY GIVES YOU CHOICES. You have to think about who would be willing to spend their time and income on taking care of you if you became disabled. You need a career, savings and good health insurance!!! When you are financially stable, THEN you can follow your heart much easier!
I totally agree with you. Get a career first. Money is freedom. That's what I've learned from my mom and that's what I teach my kids, specially my daughter. How to be independent and self-reliant.
Not so easy when you come from broke parents step parents that didn’t want you to succeed so you couldn’t get loans or grants because they kept their financials private. In order to get any financial help to go to college get that fabulous degree career you speak of you need those financials of your parents when you live with them. So i never got to go to college although i desperately wanted to. I even skipped school on senior skip day along with another girl we went up to the city to check out a college. I was told no you cant go i went anyway and my dad checked the milage on my car and grounded me from my car . I couldn’t get to school or to my part time job after that.
Not all women want to work. I suggest marrying rich. All your problems will be solved without slaving your life away, especially if you are trying to get out of poverty. Look good, play at your strengths and make clever decisions. All the best.
I love how you touched on the twin flame issue.. I feel like it’s so dangerous for a person in limerance to believe they are not whole without that person.
Twin flames are not about 2 halves equaling a whole. It is about 2 whole people who share the same soul and it is a healing journey to self and self- love. There’s a whole lot of ignorance on the topic. And a lot of scamming and toxicity surrounding the people claiming to be twins and the surrounding community and definitely some people that prey on others for profit. Through the meeting of this person I have had a spiritual awakening and resulting profound self-love ❤ thanks for this video I do believe low-earning is another reflection of healing we need to do on ourselves and can see that the trauma from the past can cause this. I’m on the journey now for healing this 🙏
@trancera twin flames are not a scam. People create scams off of the ideas and fantasies of twin flames and target vulnerable people. One great tip for everyone…if someone is destroying you they are not “heaven sent”. Stop believing abuse and pain is magical.
@@RS-xl9tk naw, twin flames play on your obsessions and it's nothing deeper than that. It's an elaborate way to rationalize an obsession. It borrows heavily from the red thread of fate myth which came first.
As children of emotionally immature parents/coming from chaotic homes, we unconsciously repel healthy ppl, work environments, friends etc especially in relationships because the mentally stable person seems “boring” or there’s no “spark”. we attract people on our same level of dysfunction. You’ll only attract the right person after first giving yourself whatever it was you needed in childhood that was taken from you, unconditional love, safety, stability, support, these are all things we need to first give ourselves in order to meet an emotionally healthy person in the middle, instead of expecting someone else to dive into the void and retrieve us
Maybe its a good thing we attract people on our same level of dysfunction. Sometimes those people do give you the best love, but you're both dysfuntional in the end
On a cognitive level this sounds easy peasy. Emotionally, which is what most mental health providers try to bridge together is where I find to be the rate limiting or maybe impossible for some, step.
Debtors Anonymous is great. There is also Underearners Anonymous which I like. They bring up that we are hiding because we are scared to be seen or have low self esteem and don’t think we are worth it. It is all tied to trauma.
Thanks for posting. I didn't know there was such a thing as under earners anonymous! I went to my first meeting today! I found out that there are about a dozen meetings available everyday by telephone conference. It was helpful and convenient. I'm in San Diego and I see a few weekly meetings available in person Thank you!!! 😊
This part where Anna addresses money is some of the best content ever. for a trauma survivor to hear I pursued a life in the arts, I was also married to another artist. 20 years, trapped, becoming more emotionally dependant & fearful that I couldn't survive on my own. It was extreme, & then he left. I had no real work experience outside of being an actor, I had no friends or family to turn to as I had been isolated from everyone while in the marriage. I realized that I was going to have to be 100% responsible for myself, in every way. Believe me when I tell you, I did NOT want the job. I was terrified, I hadn't even been allowed to go to the grocery store on my own & now I had to figure out how to make a living & get through each day entirely on my own. I cried, a lot. I was also deeply ashamed of the fact that I wasn't looking after myself all those years. It took me 2 years before I accepted the truth fully & became okay with it. I worked for 4 years in retail, that's what I could get. I found things about it that I liked & was good at, I worked to develop those. I found it really hard on my body, & realized I couldn't stay in it. I have spend the past couple of years working in another field, I started as a receptionist & did courses at the same time. I am currently waiting to hear on a 3rd promotion into a role with a tremendous amount of responsibility & I am ready for it. I'm saying all this so people who are fearful will know they are not alone, & even if it doesn't look like there's a way, there is...keep looking for it, take opportunities when you see them, ask for help. I was over the age of 50 when I finally got going. I only wish I had understood at 25, like Geri, what I learned at twice her age. Learn to look after yourself & learn to LOVE it. I never would have believed that was a possibility, but I swear on my life, it is. Go get that money.
I struggled with limerence in my early twenties due to a bad childhood and let me tell you that it’s such a hard cycle to take. But when you really start to love yourself and take care of your mental health life is just so much more beautiful than the fantasy you had in your head to rescue yourself from the problems you were unwilling to face. The person I have now in my life is much better than the idea I had of someone else. Your fantasy is holding you back from so much and it doesn’t protect you from your trauma. It just makes it worse. The best thing I did was seek help for my trauma.
What struck me, is her desire and ability to give and give and give. I am 70 years old and have painfully learned that giving everything and all of yourself does not ever guarantee the deep connections that we believe. There is a lot of psychology around over giving. There are many different fixations in different personalities and it was shocking to find that over givers are often NOT liked by some folks , who can not help but feel that it is a kind of manipulation. Anyway, take that virtue and give to yourself. People will see it as self love and self respect. My best to you.
Great insight. I’m close to 50 and tried to earn love with giving. Now I’m exhausted and a bit resentful. Living for others is empty. There’s a happy medium out there. Trying to find mine. Best of luck to the letter writer
I’m a recovering giver. Stopped thinking people didn’t like me and how to remedy it through giving. I get anxiety thinking about my withdrawal from giving and kind of just assume no one likes me anymore because I’m not going above and beyond to make sure they like me. It’s disconcerting and I’m wondering how long I’ll have these feelings and if I’ll end up friendless.
@@TheEmaile Giving is such a huge topic. I once heard an interview with a British author who wrote a 1000 page book on giving. When I was completely shattered , lost everything, I was in a new Northern town, and I stopped worrying if I was liked, but I also knew that I could not lay too much on the lovely folks I met. I am liked and folks really expressed their joy upon seeing me. I still gave a lot, but I cut back on gift and food giving. If I was the old me, I would bring 4 desserts, but I woke up to the knowledge that you have to be sensitive to the amount others gave. The ancient book, the I CHING says that all relationships must be 50/50. Folks who conserve their energy, find people who give too much annoying. Be as authentic as you can be. Folks can sense it when you are being real. My Son, also has helped me with some old habits of mine, like talking too much. LOL I guess by the length of this comment, I still have work . Ha ha ha ha ha> Don't give up.
This is so spot on. It's funny, I ended up getting the life with the homesteading, chickens and the garden, etc., and I accomplished it all alone. It sounds lovely, but it's a lot more time, work, heartbreak, disappointment and money than all of those homesteading vloggers let on. The job that pays the bills HAS to come first. No one is coming to rescue you. If you have a dream, you have to build it yourself. The world owes us nothing.
I was raised on a homestead farm it was awful. My parents had kids to be farm hands. ( For a hobby 🙃) We mostly had horses and Chickens.But the animal drama and death never ended. It was a hobby farm... produced absolutely nothing. Took so much time and energy and that was the priority above our education or anything else. I don't understand why people Don't google how expensive land and farm equipment is and just see for themselves how expensive and unrealistic that lifestyle is for most people. I love when people do homestead and actually take full responsibility of it on themselves. Don't expect anyone to help you. Especially when the farm produces NOTHING.
@@theangel5416 Thanks for sharing your experience and insight. I wanted to try and reduce my reliance on systems which are destructive and exploitive, and be more self sufficient. But the desert is NOT the place to do that, at least for me. Life is easier now without that burden of trying to homestead alone, and holy crap, did I waste a lot of money on it.
I’ve been sick for the first 3 months of 2023 and seriously sick for the past two months. Nobody called, nobody cared, nobody helped of came to see me. I need to work on myself and get a better paying job and make money and make better friends ❤
Did you ask your friends to come and help? Did they know you needed help? Did you articulate that? Sometimes we forget, that other people don’t have or can’t read your mind.
@@sylwiakowalczyk3270 When nobody came, I reached out to a number of friends and they all pretty much just said “that’s a shame” and carried on with their lives. I didn’t want to push it cause it felt like I was bothering them now.
I had a dysfunctional childhood. Low self Esteem. Anxiety. Overthinking and yes limerance. Till I got entangled with a high functioning narcissist. Who chased me and then humiliated me in the workplace for 5 years. As a result I became immune to my prior romantic illusions and escapism. I was able to surrender my heart to my spiritual journey. To all those like me Longing for love and guidance they never had in their childhood. Please please know that you are not alone. This is not a platitude. Guys please find a way to connect to your higher self. It's a beautiful journey. Slow has ups and downs . But you will find Guidance and lasting wholeness. Sending you all my love.
@@TheLace he is my boss. He would exclude me from every single team meeting. To the point where people would ask me why the whole team is in a discussion and I'm not invited. Would withhold every piece of information possible, some of it highly critical, so my understanding of every situation stays partial .During customer escalations that were typically his fault he would yell at me in front of the whole floor. Relentless flirting with the other woman on the team . Eventually I was so socially isolated, I was forced to rely only on him for any help . In private he would beg and plead for forgiveness. The real obstacle was that he built a team entirely of toxic people. They all enjoyed the fact that a team member who was so exceptionally gifted was constantly ill treated. I've been told that half the battle is won , when I just walk into a room because I'm so stunning. I've always topped everything academically. But my covert narc alcoholic father took away every shred of self preservation. I was always protecting him even as a child . I don't know what it means to put my needs first. I try but I feel guilty putting myself first.
@@sreddy914 lady- GET AWAY from this monster and the toxic atmosphere workplace he’s created for you! Start documenting everything now, all that he does to you, and get personal contact info for your sympathetic coworkers bc later you may need to obtain testimony or corroborating statements from them later. Nothing good can ever come from this employment arrangement and the risks and torture far outweighs any possible benefit, it’s definitely time to move on. Unfortunately , limerances are basically addictions, and the only way to beat an addiction is cold/Turkey complete withdrawal. Next I’d seriously recommend you going to consult with a labor law attorney for possible litigation against your employer. limerance is death 💀by a thousand emotional cuts, it’s self-torture and a form of escapism. After that, I’d check into therapy, for help healing past childhood trauma and to screen out high-functioning autism which are very susceptible to Limerance due to the dopamine shortage in our brains 🧠. You might have Aspergers Syndrome like me, I suffered a traumatic childhood with a very toxic abusive narcissistic and borderline mom. Stay in touch, I wanna see where this goes. Lastly? Remember that you are a human being with feelings and you deserve to be loved and appreciated reciprocally. Time to free yourself.
@S Reddy people secretly envy + hate the prettiest girl in the room. Beauty is power. Unfortunately your childhood prevented you from harnessing & benefitting from that power. You have *GOT* to put yourself first. Despite all the internalized messages that you are selfish and come last. Every time you listen to those lies you betray yourself. That’s what you’re really feeling guilty about. I’m on this same journey myself. Reclaiming my beauty + intelligence. Reclaiming my power. Until it is embraced and embodied fully we will never be happy. Wishing you the best on your journey! 🙌🏼
My parents both had good jobs and college degrees, and we're always miserable and lived from crisis to crisis. And yeah lots of neglect and fake love. When you're a creative and artistic person the jobs that bring in money are usually soul crushing, and want lots of commitment that's why dreamer types like temp. or flexible side jobs because they are not committing to a full time "career" It's about the mental energy you can expend.
You are 100% on point about the twinflame ideology...it is a maladaptive coping mechanism to nourish hope in the hopeless. It's astonishing how much we as humans bend our ideologies to advance what we subconsciously believe to be to be convenient.
Dear David, there’s a difference between the TF ideology (marketing Limerence) and the TF journey of Inner Oneness (the daily spiritual practice). I posted an pretty elaborate comment to explain what the Twin Flame spiritual Lore truly means. 🙏🏼
@@aaloha2902 Agreed. I was agnostic before experiencing this connection, I never heard of this nor would I have believed it which took me on a powerful journey of self healing. It’s sad when I see so many people fall for predatory twin flame content online, it stems from a programming we have in society that we must get married and have babies and find love to compete us. Real twin flames are rare, it’s a divinely spiritual experience but the term itself needs to be replaced or stop being used because it’s contributing to an obsessive programming
@@Golfer411 Congratulations on your powerful journey of self-healing❣️🫶🏼 It’s just sad indeed, that there are too many people commercializing other people’s neglect & trauma. Love deprivation during childhood makes the desire for a true love so strong many will almost do anything to hear what they want to hear 🙏🏼 It’s not in the name though, it’s the Hollywood romanticized storyline on a spiritual journey. Limerence is just not realistic no matter how they call it: TF, The One, Other half. For a healthy relationship everyone still has to put in the inner work 🙏🏼
It’s just an internal journey. Not “half” a soul. One soul, two bodies (or meat sacks as I like to call them ;)) It is a spiritual experience, and definitely different than any other thing. I’ve never had any kind of “limerence” experience, and actually was in a “good enough” marriage when I came in contact with my other self. No romance or anything happened. But my spiritual awakening definitely began! And part of that might indeed mean digging up CPTSD and healing. It does for me. Overall it’s about unity consciousness and self awakening. ❤
Hi Anna! This vid gave me the feels and I have a suggestion for the sender. She sounds smart, industrious, able to work long hours, and looking for a “family” while getting out of debt - I recommend she look into the yachting industry for a couple of years. Being part of a crew is like joining a makeshift family, living aboard means there are no expenses and if you’re smart with your money, you can easily pay off debt and save for retirement. Plus, you’re always where it’s sunny, meeting people from around the world. I did this for a decade and while I was not yet in a place of healing when I did it and did not end up saving that nest egg, I did walk away with the MOST amazing adventures & experiences, a collection of true friendships (my “framily”) all around the world, including the wonderful people I am about to spend my Easter with. There are courses & certifications involved, but it’s a stop-gap solution and there’s a huge demand for crew right now. Much love - thank you for all you do. 💖
I’m not sure why my responses aren’t populating as far as I can see, but the best I can suggest in case sharing links is inappropriate is to Google “how to get into yachting industry with no experience”.
Thank you for giving the letter writer actual advice. I think Anna is awesome, but she didn’t really give any clear direction to the letter writer. Telling people to “get that money thing together” when the letter writer obviously doesn’t know how to navigate the world and has no support is kind of crazy.
What helped me with limerance after two years was when I thought of that person I would send them love. Just kept sending them love. And not too long after that they disappeared from my thoughts.
Just found this channel today!! I’m so happy! To the girl writing this: I was exactly where you were at 25, I came home crying one day and I said: “I have no marketable skills”. I suddenly came out of the fog and thought what is my life? It has taken a real long time and effort for me to figure out who I am and what I want but now at almost 30 I am living a completely different life. I am a software developer, because that is where the money is and it also allows me the flexibility to cook and care for my future family which is my ultimate destination and goal. I wish you all of luck on your journey!!! You can do it❤
Yay to you!!!! So proud and I hope you are too :) how did you start your journey into software dev? I’m 26 and looking into starting a data analytics course or software dev to build skills and enter the tech industry. I want to build a foundation for myself that will gift me financial stability and comfort (for once in my adult life lmao) and grant me the ability to work from wherever and be able to travel. Would love to hear what your journey looked like and any tips or advice you might have for someone completely new but determined to make a place for themselves in this field. Thank you 🧡
I went through the same thing, but I never came out of it. I went back to school to study computer science at 30, but couldn't make it so I switched to a business degree, just to have a degree. Now I still have no marketable skill with a mostly useless degree, because most of my important classes were taught by people what felt like unqualified lecturers (2 lecturers taught 8 classes). I really wanted to go in STEM to be valuable, but I couldn't do it. I tried learning to get a certification (A+), I read a whole book and watched a lot of videos, but I don't feel like I'm learning, I can't just memorize things easily. I hate how my moment of recovery ended up in failure as well.
I have lived in totally fantasy all my life. Dissociating from my reality and abuse and building a day dream fantasy life was quite literally the only way I could have lived through all the trauma and abuse I suffered starting age two. Waiting for life to start explains how I have felt all my adult life, which started age 17 and began to live on my own. There are no accidents. I am grateful the Universe led me to find you!
that hit me hard when you said she is 25 years old, am 25 years old too, and i feel her, limerence is a serious issue, fantasy love, sometimes with all these crazy scenarios I got playing in my head about this fairy tale love, I should be kicking it in Hollywood, directing some romantic flicks alongside James Cameron
For anyone who is currently an underpaid nanny, please know that nannying can actually be quite lucrative, especially compared to other job options with similar education requirements. It all depends on who your employer is and sometimes on whether or not you are certified. If you are underpaid but like being a nanny and/or feel you aren't suited to other job options, you don't have to stop being a nanny to be paid fairly. Just thought I should throw that out there.
I have friends and family who nanny… one makes 100k a year with a health insurance and the other makes 160k a year… both found the jobs through agencies. One has been with the family for 16 years… just thought I would share.
Yup, I'm a nanny. I make about 47k. Not lucrative but it's definitely a living. In my city we say don't accept any job less than $20/hr. Idk what Anna is talking about when she says it's notoriously low pay. It is not.
I know two 20 somethings that are nannies, and they spend half the year flying around in private jets. There are some really good nanny gigs out there.
Wow this was hard to listen to but so enlightening. I am 63-years-old grew up caring emotionally for my mother-who really didn’t like me but I was a good listener, smart and very mature for my age. Then I regressed and became very immature in many aspects of my life. Then I disappeared, I never thought about my life but I was able to have a successful lucrative career. But I focused on my family of origin and one-sided relationships. I missed having children. I’m married now but after 2008 we each have been laid off over four times each and lost everything several times over. But my husband loves me very much and that’s a great place to start. This video gives me a little hope.
She could have a great future as a small business -gardener, landscaper, or what I did was to become an Arborist. It got me to my house and chickens and my own food forest and a USDA verified farm. I still can't figure out the relationships yet and I'm m almost double her age so thank goodness for the house and property I can depend on.
@@ir9567 amen. Since we’re going to die let’s just make life a little easier and put away the psychopathologies we have created and let’s not spread them to others. This too shall pass:
As she said, focus on you. Make you exactly who you want to be, start simple, take care of yourself and communicate to others how you want to be seen. Facing reality after having similar situations with upbringing, it’s very hard to pull it together. That means, by whatever means
Hugs to the letter writer. I see a lot of strengths she has despite her struggles. Limerance can be SO powerful. I struggle with in my own life. I definitely have a tendency to fawn and pedestalize and I'm a mental health professional myself. Even reaching out and asking for help is a huge strength. ❤
Tough advice to hear. I just wrote down three jobs I qualify for that I normally would not apply to because I don't think I'm smart enough. I don't know... maybe I can use my imagination and pretend this is easy and I'm totally confident. I'm a single mom and struggling financially. We are scraping by and that's a horrible feeling. But with a Masters degree, I can't deny I'm playing it small. Yes the economy really sucks right now, but with my credentials, its interesting I only make barely enough. Ugh. I'm terrified to apply, let alone show up at an interview. But, I'm going to see what happens if I try.
Oh Erica, I will keep you in my prayers. I really hear you. I was a single mother in your same position. Masters degree but working entry level jobs for security and too scared and too low in self esteem to interview for higher paying jobs. I am in my 60’s now and I want to tell you that it all really does get better. Please apply for jobs you would love to have. Employers are looking for good employees. The job interview process will give you a lot of good information and the process of interviewing will build your confidence and self esteem whether you get the job or not. You can do this and life gets better. Do whatever you can to repair your self love and self esteem. You are worthy and deserving and keep reaching out to people who authentically know how to encourage others. God bless.
I hope you find a job that reflects your skills and abilities. I’m sure you will. Might have to kiss a few frogs first - metaphorically speaking. But the interview experience will be good. Rooting for you!
I can relate to your fear., but we miss 100 % of the shots we don’t take! Even if it takes some failing to finally succeed you will get there, just like you got your degree 😊
I appreciate you pointing out scams without accusing the scammed of being stupid in any way. I think fear of being judged as stupid or any other negative thing is a big part of why people double down on harmful, counterproductive beliefs. This appears to be an area where compassion and knowledge are necessary, not judgement or belittlement.
I saw a little video from a young woman who said she was able to get over her limerence when she realized that her limerence wasn't about love, but about how she was in love with her LO's life and lifestyle. Once she realized this, it went away. I tried the same thing out for my own limerence, realizing I was just overwhelmed positively by my LO's incredible success in life that is harshly contrasted to my own incredible failures, which is why I feel miserable. Once I realized this, my limerence disappeared within a couple of days. Once you know what it is you are actually obsessed with about the LO, and it's not usually love for them, the limerence dissolves away really quickly.
Actually it does not work like this. You can be limerant about someone you know absolutely nothing about, you dont need to know there success, their accomplishments, there lives, nothing. All they have to do is exist on the same physical plane and your mind will fill in the holes. They become whatever you want them to become, and alot of times all it is is your desire to feel loved.
Although I am a spiritual person, somewhere along the way in my healing journey, I stopped seeing psychics. I realized that no one else can tell me what’s true for me - only I can do that. But, I have to be brave enough to be honest with myself - and the daily practice has been the key to me being honest with myself. Love the work you’re doing Anna 🙌🏼 bringing us all back down to reality in a loving way.
Good for you 🫶🏼 Spiritual practice is far more important. I am psychic and know there a clear signs what you may and may not translate to others. The pure messages from the spiritual realm are always about growth, taking the next step in a way that empowers their spiritual journey. The rest is just marketing 🙏🏼🌺
As someone who has felt that their parents are emotionally immature and has struggled to be taken seriously and feel "grown up" in their eyes (and for myself), I'd recommend the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsey C. Gibson. It may offer some insight into how to move on/evolve how you interact with them and how you feel about your own attempts to grow up and come into yourself.
I agree. It's a wonderful book. As someone in the Amazon reviews for this book said, "The feeling you get after you've read this book is like putting on comfortable jeans for the first time."
There’s a lot of great ideas not only from Anna but in the comments section regarding the nanny situation. Strangers sharing their knowledge and skills to help others is always cool and reminds me - no “ man” is an island.
Really good point about the "passion" jobs. Side note, I see a lot of media hype for people who live pretty well with quirky little artsy careers. It's a huge disservice to idealistic people who try to do the same... only to discover that the person who has a nice house and is kind of famous for their custom-built unicycles *has a huge trust fund* and isn't breaking even at the craft. Sure there are people with cool "passion" careers. But not very many are supporting themselves with those careers.
Lately I’ve been noticing obsessive thoughts about living in another country, but the idea began when I was a teenager. There isn’t really a romantic element to it, but it feels very escapist and does give me a dopamine rush. Is this the same trauma response even though it isn’t about a person? I am definitely a master escapist!
Is this a realistic goal for you that could actually work out? Many people yearn to move to another country and they do it! And they love it. If it's not a realistic goal for you, how about channeling this obsession into planning an amazing trip?
I don’t know but I’m traveling around America in my car for the last 5 months. Airbnbs for the 6 months before that. Just a desire to travel around since teenage years. It feels healing and strengthening. I never lived anywhere and hadn’t visited many places prior to this last year. I’ve decided to settle down in one city I like and start a business here and then I want to travel more later this year and start up the same business in another city. Eventually I’d like to spend months or years seeing Europe and other places. Maybe it’s trauma. Maybe I’m just an oddball. I see other people do it though. It’s unusual but it’s all about your goals.
@@TheNewsIsLying2U your comment really jumped out to me, because as with op I feel the same about traveling - just worried about the ungrounded-ness of it all. any like, thoughts abt finding work or etc on staying stable on the road?
I live abroad and have done for 30+ years. I prefer living abroad, but the truth is it is hard in ways that are difficult to truly explain. Also no matter where you are there you are. You always bring yourself with you so whatever issues you need to deal with come with you and can become more prominent. You still need to face them. However, living abroad can teach you how resilient you are. But cultural differences can be really daunting, finding work becomes a whole new.thing where your experience and education eont count as you feel it should. There is also loneliness and lack of support in the beginning that can pop up again. I think I was able to manage because my family life was broken and I didnt have attachment to them and was more independent. Living abroad is enriching and also a big challenge. But as I said, whereever you are there you are.
You are DAMN SPOT ON. Lie flat, giving up on oneself and society are, on one hand about trauma. On the other, there are serious structural issues with the economy. Many people are going to have to work till they die.
What if you don't like society because you don't like chasing money being a wage slave or feeling like a robot doing the same thing everyday because you have to not because you want to
@@leahflower9924 yeah, if you don’t like being a robot or slave then modern society is tough. Lots of people conform themselves to it, thinking this is “normal” but it’s anything but. Then we wonder why we have all kinds of social problems...
@@leahflower9924 While being a slave wager (which I dislike as well) try to find a side hussel that your passionate about and see if you can do something with that. Just a thought. Today's work force is underpaid, over worked, and doesn't really bring in meaning into one's life. But hard to get out of. I started a small blog, but to be honest, I am looking into how to make my side hussel a way to make a living. Food for thought.
I am too .. a very dear female friend of mine was murdered by her abusive fiance 9 years ago .. I wish I could have saved her but there was nothing I could do . 😢...
This video really struck me. I am a 52 year old woman that is only working part time. I have a bachelor's degree in Earth Science and although I had zero self esteem and a severe anxiety disorder I was able to find work as a laboratory technician. That all changed in 2008. I was laid off from what ended up being my last lab job. I couldn't find another job and my anxiety severely limited my ability to drive longer distances for work. I ended up focusing on my self and re parenting me while raising my son. Oh by the way, I left an abusive marriage in 2008 as well. It wasn't until 2016 that I got back into the workforce. A councilor suggested that I apply to part time position since I had been out of the workforce for so long. I started working at the front desk of a local museum. I loved it. I grew there. I went from that front desk to collections assistant. Now I am at a second museum as Associate Collections Manager. But it is still part time. Still low pay. I need to do something else. I have tons of skills but do still suffer from low self esteem, especially in my relationship to paid work. In my unemployed days I spent a lot of time in Al-anon and yet I had never heard of underearners anonymous. I think I will check that out.
Thank you for being so vulnerable, I am in this same situation and reading your comment made me feel less alone. I trust we can take action and change our situations!
Miss, thank you for sharing and I hope you’re well. Just wanted to take a second to tell you a small thing that could help with the self esteem. Look- I used to struggle with the similar things and it ate all my energy. The cure for this is God. Please know that you are here for a reason. There is very significant purpose in your life. Being a mom surely. There are so many beautiful beaches and sights in this world, and He decided you needed to be here too. You are God’s child … and you are wonderful.
I know everyone is trying to be gentle in giving advice here so I will also say this. It seems to me everything in this person's life revolves around being afraid to be alone. That's why she picks jobs she does, so she gets love from other families. But truth to be told they will never be their family and only be there for her while she works for them. She can be friends with them but they will never truly selflessly love her as her own and no community will ever. And just perhaps she needs to stop seeking love from others as the main source of love. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I as well went through what she is going through, I worked for other families for over a decade. Now I live alone and I love it, it feels so good the quiet and the peace and you are alone with your thoughts, then you find hobbies you love and people through it because finally, you have plenty of time to do things instead of giving your time to others when you are live in caretaker. Perhaps this is the biggest challenge for the person is to forget about living with other and ok to be living on her own.
I relate to what the writer has been through. I parented my mother and just now stopped at the age of 22. I thought I met my twin flame but luckily for me, I took the bad with the good. Going through that experience helped me grow and realize that I had serious healing to do. Now, I'm in a much better place but it did not happen overnight.
This is the stigma that nannies don't make any money or are uneducated and going nowhere, so they should look for a "better" job. Nowadays there are many nannies who have masters degrees and make over six figures a year, and have zero debt. It is the matter of looking for the higher wages in right places, and in case you loose the job to have savings until next great job comes, and not be desperate to just work for pennies. That applies to any job though. I am a career nanny, so I know what I am talking about.
Thank you for saying this! I'm sure the OP didn't intend to be misleading, but it bothered me as I was watching how much she seemed to be dismissing it as a viable career when it absolutely can be. There's so much stigma around jobs where you're directly serving others in any way (nanny, waitress, housecleaner) and it's so sad and misogynistic IMHO.
@@justrachel4496 Definitely, we are being dismissed every step of the way, just because nanny job is seen as an extra income while you are a kid or attending college. That would be a babysitter, but for many people there is no difference really between those two. Although I am not intending to look for an office job that makes me to survive from paycheck to paycheck, just so I can tell people that I work in the office. Some office jobs pay great money, and some pay pennies. The same is with nanny jobs. But whoever you tell that you are a nanny, they immediately want to convince you that you need to look for a "better" job. Well if I make more money as a nanny than you in your "better" job, is that good enough, and can I do whatever I was doing till now? At some point you start to laugh, but untill you get to that point you feel really discouraged, and doubting if you are on the right path, just because people don't value nanny job, or any other service jobs like you said.
@@babycakes8434 Absolutely! And the perception of nannying as "unskilled labor" or underpaid helps perpetuate nannies continuing to be underpaid without realizing things could be better.
It didn’t sound like the letter writer is a qualified nanny. It sounds as though she’s an au pair- which is less skilled and not so well paid. I think Anna was advising her particular situation. She’s already out of this job and hasn’t yet found herself another. You guys are qualified nannies and probably have savings to tide you over while you find your next family. The letter writer hasn’t, which indicates that it’s probably not the best career for her. Also, because she’s looking to the family to be more more than her employers and they can’t be more, they are your employers and putting any other expectation on them will not end well. I don’t think Anna was denigrating nannying as a whole. I’ve depended on au pairs, when my kid was little. I couldn’t afford qualified nannies but I didn’t need that level of input. Appreciate you guys and Anna. I do hope the letter writer finds her niche. There’s no better feeling. Apart from falling in love with someone who loves you back….. as I’ve heard.
@jewel one does not need certificates to be qualified. It’s about setting boundaries and not picking families on Craigslist. I wrote out a detailed response to one of the top comments with instructions on what to do, like joining an agency for free and having first aid certifications. Just like Anna teaches to make a list for what you want in a partner or life, you have to do the same for your nanny career and not accept less. Given the letter write has at least one nanny job under her belt she can drastically increase her income. Being a “career nanny” is more mindset and boundaries than some degree or certificate.
I am a member of DA and UA. They are incredible fellowships. They have changed my life so much. I have had many miracles as a result of fully participating in the programs and using their tools. We support peoples' visions (like living off the grid or becoming a missionary) even if they are not ways to get rich, but we also help each other love and value ourselves enough to get out of constant financial turmoil and desperation. We are all better able to make a dream come true if we are not distracted with the symptoms of underearning and debting.
I really needed to hear this, at the age of 37. I spent most of my life fantasising about relationships. I would make it ny personal goal to reward people that didn't give as much. I've been looking for people to give my energy and time too; forgetting myself and what's important. I feel like you've helped me attain so much clarity in this session, and I'll spend the rest of my time dedicating my energy and time to me, and what matters to me. I feel like I've just learnt about abandonment, and how I accepted it for what it was. This, however have just pushed me out of the remaining fog that might've been sticking around. I look forward to what the rest of my journey holds. Forever, thankful. Lucy - South Africa 🇿🇦
I have never earned more than "just enough". I have tried to go up a grade at work 4 times and I've failed 4 times. I'm still going to try next time too but I'm 52, at what point do you just accepting getting by.? I am proud of myself for just dealing with so much disappointment but it would be lovely to feel proud of myself for achieving objective *success*
With respect, I've always felt "getting by" wages are a way someone can keep theirselves at a certain level. It's a misery but a chosen one. It's like the cliffedge with mo ey, whether you earn 25k or125 doesn't matter, but how close are to the edge and how comfortable are you with living there. This is not to victim blame, but their are tons of classes in money mgt, , career trainings, free training, entrepreneurship, creating And the Internet. So much opportunity to learn how to make money and lower expenses, even with inflation, to consistently only make only enough to get by takes dedication and a huge blind spot. (Trust me my own blind spots would swallow a car, but since I'm working on them, you're comment made me think is there something in cptsd survivors self sabotaging? I wonder if this is common with everyone of us in some way. 😮
Apply to other companies where you’ll get paid more. I just learned that it’s best practice to get promoted with a raise every two years or move onto a new role with a new company and higher pay. It’s called “Up or out.” I was raised to stay at a role as long as possible or minimum 5 years, but things have really changed. So... up or out.
Oddly after head injury and taking magnesium l-theoronate as suggested by my physician at that time, an interesting consequence was that my thoughts cleared up so much that I realized the relationship I was in was limerent and ended it. The supplement helped me put all that in the past. ❤
That is strange but I have heard as much as 80% of the population is magnesium deficient and it’s a mineral that affects many body systems so it certainly seems possible. Glad that you seem to be on the mend!
The lady who wrote the letter: continue to learn about CPTSD and take a new job just to try something new. Keep at it! Keep making yourself show up for life, keep growing and keep learning and keep moving on! ♥️♥️
Woah!! I had a therapist asked me once if I’ve ever been called an underachiever. I didn’t know what it meant at the point like 13 years ago. But now I do just reading your post introduction.
Grown up Mother's Emotional Babysitter here, and you nailed it. I have struggled tremendously to become self sufficient, and just wish someone would take care of me and hold my hand through adult-ing. I'm ashamed to be this way, but with awareness comes the opportunity to grow and change, and that's what I'm striving for. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your videos Anna, and have found so much hope, comfort, compassion, and motivation in them. I'm SO ready for the "Now what?" seriously busy part of my life. 🦸♀️
Similar story here, a former alcoholic, now handicapped father, and a mentally unstable mother, and a history of neglect and parentification - and collapsing mentally in adulthood, partly because of taking care of my father. I have gotten better through therapy and having good friends and first and foremost a shipload of work, but still suffer from anxiety and depression. I just want to say there's nothing wrong with wanting someone to hold your hand and support you in your struggles, just keep your eyes open and don't fall for people who aren't good for you. ❤️ And put yourself first, always.
Well, that sounds exhausting as far as childhood goes, and it’s understandable you wish someone would carry you for a while. The shame is other people’s but they gave that to you because they didn’t want to carry it.
@@ShintogaDeathAngel Well put! "The shame is other people's but they gave that to you because they didn't want to carry it." Boom! That's a powerfully true statement! Thank you, it really resonated with me. 💯🔥🎯 ❤️
It seems to me like this woman is kind of in a space where she is unhappy, really just wants to be happy, but doesn't know how to be happy, or how to start improving. I know how it is. I had to stumble around for years before I started finding a path. Good luck!
This is where I am at 54 - waiting for my life to be real, to start living my life, waiting for permission to start being the real me, in a "career" I hate - and why. My childhood.
In the late summer of 1999, I realized "I've got to get a job." And that's what I told the family for whom I was doing nannying. And I had thousands of dollars in debt. (coincidences, but I'm not making any of this up.) I had done self-employed journalism, and successfully, while nannying for the household of one of my editors. I brought in ample cash, but nothing in my journalism pay was withheld for taxes -- so I was heading for a debt disaster. By September, I had a job doing surveys in a call center, which turned into a new career doing similar work with a much bigger employer. Today, I'm approaching retirement with debt all paid off. (The IRS created a debit of my paycheck from about 2004 to 2009. That final debit gave me that wonderful mortgage burning feeling!) I've got a decent retirement annuity lined up and will have Social Security. I'm planning to retire this fall. It took patience, a willingness to make some modest sacrifices, and the courage to come out of my shell, face my situation, and get with the IRS. My example may not work as well for everyone, but it certainly may. You can improve your situation.
I didn't know the term Limerance, but I was struggling as as single mom of a young son, and I got very attracted to someone in the media. He never knew me, but I followed him on line. I finally had to look at my pining for some one whom I wouldn't meet. And I developed my own mantra to break the rush I got from dreaming of him. When I was getting that rush, I'd say to myself. When I become what I admire, I will no longer need the object of my desire. I said this to myself, over and over, and started doing things that made me feel better about myself. I had to learn to love myself, especially the alone, and lost parts of myself. It took a while. But I don't pine for anyone that's an image anyone.
This is a great one, Anna! Thanks for your candid talk about money and the need to earn it. So important and very insightful to see under-earning as a trauma pattern. I agree that that topic is neglected or just not even mentioned or almost even taboo in psych type spaces, probably because so many in those fields have always had middle-class or very often upper-middle-class or better status.
This under-earning has NEVER been addressed in therapy or 12th step group, yet it's been the longest, troublesome pattern of my life. Thank you for shining light on this🙏
Thanks for this!!! I am one of these people and at this point I don't care who knows it. It is devastating to have parents that you have to parent as a young person and have additional trauma due to another situation - in my case it was a very sick sibling. My mom went on to help run our local crisis center, which left me parenting and without her, as she was helping everyone else in our city. I think your site is right on point and I only wish I had seen it years ago. How can you develop a sense of 'self' when you are serving everyone else? Setting boundaries, taking responsibility for my own life and having a close set of friends who are givers, not takers, and walking the same path has helped me alot. For anyone out there who has or is going through this, hang in there - if I can do it, you can, too.
For myself, and for clients, I suggest every time they think about the “twin flame“ or whatever they want to call that person that they first turn towards themselves in a loving way and ask themselves what emotions they’re feeling and what needs they have in that moment, and talk lovingly to themselves as they would this “twin flame“, and it’s worked wonders!! It’s as if they’re looking for that person to care for, and love to the nth degree because they need that themselves. It is really effective, and it allows us to not fight ourselves internally,…we’re still giving ourselves a chance to think about that other person, but only after we have connected lovingly to ourselves and given ourselves that interest, compassion and emotional support we would give that other person.
This was great! It's interesting how so many of us have similar situations across socio-economic-racial-gender boundaries because a lot of what you observed here applies to me, also. I guess limerence can be a great equalizer in terms of the mess we might find ourselves in as a result. So glad I found your channel yesterday! Cheers.
I wanna thank you for this content, with you I've learned more than in 4 years in therapy. Lately I've been limerent for a co-worker who is hetero and has a girlfriend, but he still like to flirt with me sometimes. At the same time, there's a single guy who is very nice and he's into me. Normally, I would put all my attention on my co-worker and ignore the single guy, but I've decided (consciously) to chose the nice guy who is into me. He makes me feel that being appreciated it's easy, and despite it's something new (and uncomfortable), it feels good at the end of the day. Also, I'm not thinking of my co-worker as much as before. In conclusion, I feel like I'm having a healthy behaviour for the first time. This is thanks to this channel, finding out limerence is changing my life step by step🙏💗
I'm curious what constitutes a "proper job," one that supports and allows for savings. I retired early from teaching in alternative educational systems, living on social security that most consider meager, and moved to a unique small artist town where events are created by the people who live here. It is easy to make friends because of all the activities. I also live in a community house on the edge of town and have access to a community car. And while I am not besties with everyone here in the house, there is a mutual respect and consideration for differences. It's a simple life with simple pleasures, making it affordable. Of course at my age, I am content with a slow, quiet life.
This one hit me. I'm early 30s, with a Bachelors' degree and good schooling, but have a horrible resume and no career because I'm unskilled (I'm not good at anything but writing), I hate to work (it makes me anxious and stressed and bored) and I have low-needs autism triggers that make it hard to cope in a work environment or with working relationships. Ideally, I'd like and need to work from home or alone, in a very quiet or calm space, but try finding a job like this that pays. Maybe I'll just have to join a convent or something😅
This is more common than people realize. I work with neurodivergent thinkers, and often stress how companies, systems and traditional jobs are really set up to support one type of human. We’ve been conditioned to believe that there’s one way to provide value and it’s linear and often by overworking. When that is a challenge for us, we tend to underearn. I believe there is individual responsibility that can be taken, but a large part of the problem is systemic.
@@shaunroney414 this is interesting and heartening, thanks for sharing. In terms of individual responsibility, what in your view works most effectively? And is there anything we can do at a grassroots level to catalyse systemic change?
@@pendafen7405 at the individual level radically stepping into awareness of who you are and how you naturally operate. Working with someone, whether a Coach, a therapist, an energy healer/intuitive who can help you to identify blindspots and create new beliefs and neural pathways that better support you. Collectively I think it takes education and awareness. As more of us step into and speak about/share what we need and prefer, it is an invitation to others to break the myth of normal. There’s a book called “Normal Sucks” by Jonathan Mooney that does a really nice job of explaining how we got here. I love a good discussion along these lines.
I taught 7th grade English for a while. Loved those kids. A couple times I got to the point where I said, “Your parents are not your fault.” And then I worked to make my classroom their safe place and a place of contentment and growth. Learned so much from them.
My children’s kindergarten teacher used to say to us “I’ll believe half of what your kids say about home, if you’ll believe half of what they say about school”
Wow.. those with emotional neglect learn to imagine love ..very powerful 😢 exactly what I needed to hear. I am also under spell of imagining love, as my life has always been very lonely and lacking true loving connections
This entire episode just spoke about me, the difference is that I'm 40 in that mess... Hope one day I'll have enough courage to write and tell you all about it... You keep me going. ❤️
This is such a beautiful video Anna. Thank you for giving this wonderful advice to the letter writer. Dear gal, you are 25. Fix the friends and money. Let’s say it takes you two years. That’s alrite. You are 27. Many ppl find love in late twenties and early thirties. The kind of person you will find when you have self belief and your own sense of power will be very different. Keep stepping up your life. You wrote this letter at 25. You are already ahead of so many of us. It will work out for you. You will find what you long for. 💕
I felt like I was meant to see your comment. I'm also 25 and trying to take my power back in life after a draining cycle of lumerence. Thank you so much. I'll have to take a screenshot of this comment so that I can re-read it form time to time as an encouragement💙
I was stuck into the whole “twin flame” thing for seven whopping years. Wasted my time obsessing on that person and money on psychics. Then I realized it was a stupid realization and that I was mentally unstable due to moving in a new place all alone and needed someone to complete me. I put a lot of work in healing that part of me and met a wonderful partner who I love dearly. I still have a lot of healing from my CPTSD and I’m taking it one step at a time.
It’s been my experience that phrases like “twin flame” “the one” “soulmate” and so on are expressions of magical thinking encouraged by (perhaps even invented by) abusers.
This was fascinating and I have a few thoughts. The young woman was able to get herself out of her negative family situation because of this fantasy love… so it did serve her even if not in a way that she thought. Also she is young, and realizing these emotional problems sooner than some do! The education she got might still serve her… I got an education too and later realized I was going to school from habit and also because our system does funnel young people into college. But there are some skills she got… even if it was only getting a term paper in on time. A degree does sound good to some employers. Also she had this fantasy love, and I’m guessing did not have ‘room’ for the kinds of dead-end situations some people go thru - unwanted pregnancies, repeated broken hearts or disappointment etc etc. So she has saved herself some of the mess that others go thru … so there’s a lot of hope for her… and there are wonderful young guys out there who when it’s time she will come into contact with. Thanks for the insights.
Excellent. As a long time AA member I especially appreciate the advice to people to go to the appropriate meeting. To go solely in order to improve ones social life is disrespectful of the disease that we are trying to deal with-a day at a time-and against the Principles. As you say, find the Program that fits and work it.
Rented family/borrowed family. That hit hard. Thank you for this. Unknowingly this is exactly what I have been trying to create for myself for decades. Decades😢. Wow! Time to let go. Phew!
Just found this channel this morning and glued with every word you said. Its time for me to heal coz i know its not too late. I actually prayed for this and your channel stayed open even if i leave it alone for bathroom break. It's the first time it happened and stayed open and became curious, watched and listened. Im glad I'm not alone struggling for many years. Finally i have the words for it "crappy childhood and limerence.
Wow. So grateful to have found you, Anna. Thank you for all you do! I am a former nanny in my 50’s and incidentally I missed the boat on motherhood, and all the glories that go with it. 💔
This one hit hard on me. I would never imagine that this is how my debt and lack of good relationships were connected. Thank you so much. Way to go, let's heal the world. ❤
At 25 I can understand your attraction to finding someone to care for you because you're hungry for love. Lots and lots of people feel this way. But getting that kind of all encompassing love doesnt come about through magical thinking. I actually think that kind of devotion is the kind we need to raiise our children, but I dont think anynody is able to give that kind of devotion to another adult. Adult love is more of a partnership where you take care of each other but to do rhat you have to be pulling your own weight equal to them. You stand together as a team. Have you wondered what you have to offer someone else? What are you doing to take care of yourself? You've got a very specific magical scenario in your mind about how youd like your future to look, and that's a lovely thing to work towards. But things only come to us if we take healthy action. I'd start by writing out your future plan. I called it my "5 year plan." Then you start to make it happen. By writing it out, you will make all your decisions more targeted. If it's a house you want , there's no reason why you can't work towards that. But you'll need money to do that, so then you can get a well paying job (because you're educated). Then it will be time to start looking after yourself so that you can attract the kind of man you'd like to meet. So get healthy because good health works from the inside out and if you do take good care of your health, your well-being and your life you'll start to glow and look beautiful. Make your self uplifting and fun to be around. Buy yourself some flattering clothes, get a little car, save for a cruise trip or a bus or train trip where you'll meet people. Start looking at people with more discernment. There is no one person out there for you. There are thousands! No wonder you feel so desperate if you think there is only one person for you. That limits you, it paralyses you. You're young. You're meant to enjoy your life. You're too young to sit around in God's waiting room until you die. Get cracking, get a decent job, save for a deposit for an apartment or a house, get a car, start to socialize properly. One day you'll open up the book holding the 5 year plan you made and you'll see you got everything you dreamed of. That's not magical thinking that's you taking control of your life. It absolutely worked for me and I have even more than I dreamed of, plus 7 grand children! ❤❤
Including their own free will not to answer questions based on confirmation of a client’s belief and their desire to give their power away, even though the message is growth & personal empowerment 🙏🏼🌺
Anna, you always seems to put out a video that is so relevant to exactly what I'm going through. This video was so needed today. I feel exactly like the girl in the letter except I'm 47 now. So much time wasted and now I feel so hopeless...
Dont feel hopeless, I am much older and feel in the limerence trap and learnt about it less than a year ago. You are young. Just be strong a little everyday and never say that you are bad or whatever negative description of yourself. You are learning, we are always learning. Best to you and all those that need love
It’s easy to fall into limerence after a disappointment. Don’t feel desperate, you’re much stronger than what you feel at the moment. Having these ground zero moments in life is actually an indication of elevation, but we need to undergo a tough learning period of getting to know our authentic selves first.
I learned that word recently on this page and once I googled it... I finally realized the scarily powerful emotion I felt for my favorite person in the world... a male best friend... was my deepest love for someone I ever felt and did so... So deeply and allowing it being told to me by him and my sister. Sorry, know how much u "love" him and it hurts, but it's never going to happen. And deep down I knew that and still couldn't stop the feeling of limerence for him. I put him and kept him on such a high pedestal, not actually because he deserved that adoration from me but I absolutely couldn't help it and had no idea that's not love I felt for about 18 yrs for him, it was always limerence. A sad fantasy I made up in my head that eventually if I just got well enough and made more money.... that's when I would get it returned to me. That was clearly delusional feeling and thinking and all imaginary/pretend and I truly believed in it. I luckily broke the constant chain of contact for awhile and it broke the long held, not helpful delusion that's limerence.
Much gratitude for 34 yrs I was abused by my mother who scapegoat me and my family was in the same energy. 2017 I ran away and that was the best decision that I ever made. I am now successful My husband was the reason why my life changed. 😢sad to say he passed away October 12 2022 and the abandonment of losing his triggered my PAST TRAUMA. I suffer with Complex ptsd. I have good days and bad days. But I have peace and My husband left me financially independent That trap that was setup for me didn't work out for them. How do I cope? I live with the energy of Gratitude it's in my hearts 💕. I needed this. I give you much much gratitude ❤ You gain a new subscriber ❤
Yep. My life doesn’t feel real. I feel like I’m waiting and waiting for someone (a man) to come and love me and be my partner and help put me back on track. I have under earned my whole life and given and given. I’m exhausted. And now at 50 I’m broke and no where closer to feeling like I have my own life. My son who is 23 loves at home and doesn’t do anything for himself. He breaks apart if I leave for a day. May god help me get back in track. Limerence. Yep. I get huge crushes on men that don’t respond back. I waste my mental energy fantasizing on love having love.
Never in my crazy life have i wanted expected or longed for someone to take care for me. I like independence...ive earned my own money to care for my children all thru their lives...
This taught me a lot about many of the girls and women I've had in my life who I desperately want to act as a crutch for but never could, because I couldn't make enough money to support myself and so I couldn't create stability for them. I was always confused by their mix of desire to be protected while wholly ignoring the fact that they are leaning nearly their entire weight on me and my parents, and I just accepted it to be a transitionary period in their lives or a desire for security that they would be happier once they met. Or a need to be saved and appreciated in a way they weren't when they were younger, and a desire to somehow be compensated for the lost time and resources and brought back up to speed with their peers. Now I realize that those desires I was seeing, not that it's my place to diagnose, but perhaps they're unhealthy. And giving everything I have indefinitely to try and stablize the people around me is... maybe enabling. I've never thought about the perspective of the people who I try to "save" (in order to prop up my own self worth, maybe...) But now that I've had this womans story described to me, I feel whatever is on the other side of that imaginary supportive family-not-family she wants, that's me. And I'm not sure what that is or if it's healthy.
This one is one for the books Anna! I found this video of urs especially applicable to me at different ages of my life not just the 25 yr old lady, as I was some time ago. Great presentation too.🎉😅😊
It is cinderella syndrome, waiting in poverty for someone to love us and save us. Guilty of this :)
It is a fantasy of a child with trauma, the good news is you can save yourself. Really!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It's true, but my generation was brought up this way, young girls were encouraged to believe that when we got married, we would be protected and looked after, some men still are threatened by a woman who has her own home and works to look after herself, so I can see how Cinderella syndrome can happen to anyone.
This hit me hard today. Thank you for the clarity of this comment
The same can be said about religion and people waiting on Jesus to come save them. This is the same exact concept - looking for something or someone outside of ourselves…a savior syndrome / complex.
Felt this❤️
Emotional neglect as a child- “You got really good at imagining live where there is no love”
Wow.. those are powerful words
Ouch, stop calling me out :'D
You just blew my mind! I spent so many years fantasizing about going out into the woods or some remote place where there would be nobody else except me. I thought that this was just because I was a loner. That's just who I was. I was broken in some way so I was incapable (I believed) of ever being accepted as good by anyone.
I never moved permanently to a place like that but I learned to be alone. I spent a lot of time in the wilderness and thought I was good at being alone. However, as time went on and I studied happy people I learned the importance of relationships in life I have tried to let people in with some success and a lot of failure. I had to learn such a critical human skill later in life when it was so much harder to learn.
I can honestly say that the sweetest moments in my life now involve being with people.
Yeah
As an adult I still will put in my head “it never happened” just to move past the trauma
Hmmm
Love where there is no love ?
I never knew under earning could be a result of trauma. I was a lawyer for 12 years. And broke the whole time. Wow…. My mind is blown.
Did you manage to get paid better eventually ?
@@leeche87 well, sort of. I’m a zipline guide and an actor now. And while I don’t make nearly as much money overall, I’m able to pay my bills now and have more money in my pocket than I ever had when I was practicing law. This always baffled me until I stumbled onto material such as this. The universe works in strange ways. Lol.
@@JohnBradydoesstuff it sounds like you've led an interesting life however, so that's something to be grateful for. I think many people have money but are miserable, so it just depends on perspective.
@@schoolofgrowthhacking I agree wholeheartedly.
@@JohnBradydoesstuff Are you happy? 😊 Congratulations on your new beginnings.👍🏾
'Life favors people who give it a try' made me smile on the inside
I am convinced today's young people have a harder time of it than we did not an easier one when it comes to all the things they are being encouraged to maybe give a try too someday.
This is very true about the limited resource that anyone who believes in this twin flame has encountered. That belief is a new religion to keep you stuck
Who said, "Chance favors the prepared mind"?
Oh, right, Louis Pasteur!
(*Louis Pasteur's quote "Chance favors the prepared mind" means that the better prepared and more knowledgeable you are, the more you'll be able to take advantage of any chance opportunities or observations.
If you are unaware of things that influence a situation or an event, you are very unlikely to be able to identify any opportunity or learn anything significantly new. By having insight, interest, and aptitude related to the situation, you put yourself in the position to capitalize upon any hidden "nuggets" buried at the moment.)
❤
I read a waitress who said if a business pushes the idea that employees are "family" then run like hell because they're probably going to exploit you financially. So going out looking for this seems like a recipe to be stuck in under-earning
Ex-tech industry employee here, but anyway, after 10+ years of working for small businesses that push the whole "family" thing I treat them like the plague. Never again.
So true. Run like hell. The management is creepy, the clients who want that are creepy, the employees who vibe with that are creepy. No.
@@davidshepherd265I see a tech career often suggested as the answer to people in low paid jobs. Do you mind sharing why you left? I have been considering training for an IT job but I also don't want to get into a field of work that I don't enjoy.
As a 70+ year old, I cannot emphasize enough, GET A CAREER FIRST! MONEY IS FREEDOM. MONEY GIVES YOU CHOICES. You have to think about who would be willing to spend their time and income on taking care of you if you became disabled. You need a career, savings and good health insurance!!! When you are financially stable, THEN you can follow your heart much easier!
I totally agree with you. Get a career first. Money is freedom. That's what I've learned from my mom and that's what I teach my kids, specially my daughter. How to be independent and self-reliant.
Great advice 🎉❤
Not so easy when you come from broke parents step parents that didn’t want you to succeed so you couldn’t get loans or grants because they kept their financials private. In order to get any financial help to go to college get that fabulous degree career you speak of you need those financials of your parents when you live with them. So i never got to go to college although i desperately wanted to. I even skipped school on senior skip day along with another girl we went up to the city to check out a college. I was told no you cant go i went anyway and my dad checked the milage on my car and grounded me from my car . I couldn’t get to school or to my part time job after that.
@freeme3853 Obviously I don't have this experience, therefore I didn't think about that when I made my first comment. I apologize for that.
Not all women want to work. I suggest marrying rich. All your problems will be solved without slaving your life away, especially if you are trying to get out of poverty. Look good, play at your strengths and make clever decisions. All the best.
I love how you touched on the twin flame issue.. I feel like it’s so dangerous for a person in limerance to believe they are not whole without that person.
twin flames are a scam
Twin flames are not about 2 halves equaling a whole. It is about 2 whole people who share the same soul and it is a healing journey to self and self- love. There’s a whole lot of ignorance on the topic. And a lot of scamming and toxicity surrounding the people claiming to be twins and the surrounding community and definitely some people that prey on others for profit. Through the meeting of this person I have had a spiritual awakening and resulting profound self-love ❤ thanks for this video I do believe low-earning is another reflection of healing we need to do on ourselves and can see that the trauma from the past can cause this. I’m on the journey now for healing this 🙏
@trancera twin flames are not a scam. People create scams off of the ideas and fantasies of twin flames and target vulnerable people.
One great tip for everyone…if someone is destroying you they are not “heaven sent”. Stop believing abuse and pain is magical.
@@RS-xl9tk naw, twin flames play on your obsessions and it's nothing deeper than that. It's an elaborate way to rationalize an obsession. It borrows heavily from the red thread of fate myth which came first.
@Trancera Yes OBSESSION. I have seen people stuck under the weight of this for years upon years.
As children of emotionally immature parents/coming from chaotic homes, we unconsciously repel healthy ppl, work environments, friends etc especially in relationships because the mentally stable person seems “boring” or there’s no “spark”.
we attract people on our same level of dysfunction. You’ll only attract the right person after first giving yourself whatever it was you needed in childhood that was taken from you, unconditional love, safety, stability, support, these are all things we need to first give ourselves in order to meet an emotionally healthy person in the middle, instead of expecting someone else to dive into the void and retrieve us
💯🙌
Well said.
Maybe its a good thing we attract people on our same level of dysfunction. Sometimes those people do give you the best love, but you're both dysfuntional in the end
On a cognitive level this sounds easy peasy. Emotionally, which is what most mental health providers try to bridge together is where I find to be the rate limiting or maybe impossible for some, step.
Perfectly put
Debtors Anonymous is great. There is also Underearners Anonymous which I like. They bring up that we are hiding because we are scared to be seen or have low self esteem and don’t think we are worth it. It is all tied to trauma.
I think I might join debtors anonymous! This is a great idea!
Underearners Anonymous is a thing?? I wish I had known!
@@Captain_MonsterFart hell, I didn’t know either one of them was a thing! 😂
Thanks for posting. I didn't know there was such a thing as under earners anonymous! I went to my first meeting today! I found out that there are about a dozen meetings available everyday by telephone conference. It was helpful and convenient. I'm in San Diego and I see a few weekly meetings available in person Thank you!!! 😊
There are videos on UA-cam for Debtors Anonymous and Underearners Anonymous. I listen to phone and zoom meetings too.
This part where Anna addresses money is some of the best content ever. for a trauma survivor to hear I pursued a life in the arts, I was also married to another artist. 20 years, trapped, becoming more emotionally dependant & fearful that I couldn't survive on my own. It was extreme, & then he left.
I had no real work experience outside of being an actor, I had no friends or family to turn to as I had been isolated from everyone while in the marriage. I realized that I was going to have to be 100% responsible for myself, in every way. Believe me when I tell you, I did NOT want the job. I was terrified, I hadn't even been allowed to go to the grocery store on my own & now I had to figure out how to make a living & get through each day entirely on my own. I cried, a lot. I was also deeply ashamed of the fact that I wasn't looking after myself all those years. It took me 2 years before I accepted the truth fully & became okay with it. I worked for 4 years in retail, that's what I could get. I found things about it that I liked & was good at, I worked to develop those. I found it really hard on my body, & realized I couldn't stay in it. I have spend the past couple of years working in another field, I started as a receptionist & did courses at the same time. I am currently waiting to hear on a 3rd promotion into a role with a tremendous amount of responsibility & I am ready for it. I'm saying all this so people who are fearful will know they are not alone, & even if it doesn't look like there's a way, there is...keep looking for it, take opportunities when you see them, ask for help. I was over the age of 50 when I finally got going. I only wish I had understood at 25, like Geri, what I learned at twice her age.
Learn to look after yourself & learn to LOVE it. I never would have believed that was a possibility, but I swear on my life, it is. Go get that money.
Aww thank you for sharing this ❤ #tears
I struggled with limerence in my early twenties due to a bad childhood and let me tell you that it’s such a hard cycle to take. But when you really start to love yourself and take care of your mental health life is just so much more beautiful than the fantasy you had in your head to rescue yourself from the problems you were unwilling to face. The person I have now in my life is much better than the idea I had of someone else. Your fantasy is holding you back from so much and it doesn’t protect you from your trauma. It just makes it worse. The best thing I did was seek help for my trauma.
Nobody gets healthy for real and turns back... Wonderful post, fellow human!
@@gabrielbotsford791what do you mean?
What struck me, is her desire and ability to give and give and give. I am 70 years old and have painfully learned that giving everything and all of yourself does not ever guarantee the deep connections that we believe. There is a lot of psychology around over giving. There are many different fixations in different personalities and it was shocking to find that over givers are often NOT liked by some folks , who can not help but feel that it is a kind of manipulation. Anyway, take that virtue and give to yourself. People will see it as self love and self respect. My best to you.
Great insight. I’m close to 50 and tried to earn love with giving. Now I’m exhausted and a bit resentful. Living for others is empty. There’s a happy medium out there. Trying to find mine. Best of luck to the letter writer
I'm 22 and have come to this conclusion after experiencing what the “Twin flame” connection.
I’m a recovering giver. Stopped thinking people didn’t like me and how to remedy it through giving. I get anxiety thinking about my withdrawal from giving and kind of just assume no one likes me anymore because I’m not going above and beyond to make sure they like me. It’s disconcerting and I’m wondering how long I’ll have these feelings and if I’ll end up friendless.
@@TheEmaile Giving is such a huge topic. I once heard an interview with a British author who wrote a 1000 page book on giving. When I was completely shattered , lost everything, I was in a new Northern town, and I stopped worrying if I was liked, but I also knew that I could not lay too much on the lovely folks I met. I am liked and folks really expressed their joy upon seeing me. I still gave a lot, but I cut back on gift and food giving. If I was the old me, I would bring 4 desserts, but I woke up to the knowledge that you have to be sensitive to the amount others gave. The ancient book, the I CHING says that all relationships must be 50/50. Folks who conserve their energy, find people who give too much annoying. Be as authentic as you can be. Folks can sense it when you are being real. My Son, also has helped me with some old habits of mine, like talking too much. LOL I guess by the length of this comment, I still have work . Ha ha ha ha ha> Don't give up.
Well, it is. Because they are insecure and try to "earn" something for themselves.
This is so spot on. It's funny, I ended up getting the life with the homesteading, chickens and the garden, etc., and I accomplished it all alone. It sounds lovely, but it's a lot more time, work, heartbreak, disappointment and money than all of those homesteading vloggers let on. The job that pays the bills HAS to come first. No one is coming to rescue you. If you have a dream, you have to build it yourself. The world owes us nothing.
I had a small farm for a little while. Even with what I had it was hard. And animals don't care if it's snowing or you are sick.
Penelope
25 years ago I did do what you spoke. I did it
Absolutely - - you’re so right
I was raised on a homestead farm it was awful. My parents had kids to be farm hands. ( For a hobby 🙃) We mostly had horses and Chickens.But the animal drama and death never ended. It was a hobby farm... produced absolutely nothing. Took so much time and energy and that was the priority above our education or anything else. I don't understand why people Don't google how expensive land and farm equipment is and just see for themselves how expensive and unrealistic that lifestyle is for most people. I love when people do homestead and actually take full responsibility of it on themselves. Don't expect anyone to help you. Especially when the farm produces NOTHING.
@@theangel5416 Thanks for sharing your experience and insight. I wanted to try and reduce my reliance on systems which are destructive and exploitive, and be more self sufficient. But the desert is NOT the place to do that, at least for me. Life is easier now without that burden of trying to homestead alone, and holy crap, did I waste a lot of money on it.
I’ve been sick for the first 3 months of 2023 and seriously sick for the past two months. Nobody called, nobody cared, nobody helped of came to see me. I need to work on myself and get a better paying job and make money and make better friends ❤
Sorry. I know how that feels. Hope life improves for you soon.
Did you ask your friends to come and help? Did they know you needed help? Did you articulate that?
Sometimes we forget, that other people don’t have or can’t read your mind.
❤
Same! I learned the hard way to love myself and believe I can do it.
@@sylwiakowalczyk3270 When nobody came, I reached out to a number of friends and they all pretty much just said “that’s a shame” and carried on with their lives. I didn’t want to push it cause it felt like I was bothering them now.
I had a dysfunctional childhood. Low self Esteem. Anxiety. Overthinking and yes limerance. Till I got entangled with a high functioning narcissist. Who chased me and then humiliated me in the workplace for 5 years. As a result I became immune to my prior romantic illusions and escapism. I was able to surrender my heart to my spiritual journey. To all those like me Longing for love and guidance they never had in their childhood. Please please know that you are not alone. This is not a platitude. Guys please find a way to connect to your higher self. It's a beautiful journey. Slow has ups and downs . But you will find Guidance and lasting wholeness. Sending you all my love.
How did he humiliate you?
@@TheLace he is my boss. He would exclude me from every single team meeting. To the point where people would ask me why the whole team is in a discussion and I'm not invited. Would withhold every piece of information possible, some of it highly critical, so my understanding of every situation stays partial .During customer escalations that were typically his fault he would yell at me in front of the whole floor. Relentless flirting with the other woman on the team . Eventually I was so socially isolated, I was forced to rely only on him for any help . In private he would beg and plead for forgiveness. The real obstacle was that he built a team entirely of toxic people. They all enjoyed the fact that a team member who was so exceptionally gifted was constantly ill treated. I've been told that half the battle is won , when I just walk into a room because I'm so stunning. I've always topped everything academically. But my covert narc alcoholic father took away every shred of self preservation. I was always protecting him even as a child . I don't know what it means to put my needs first. I try but I feel guilty putting myself first.
@@sreddy914 lady- GET AWAY from this monster and the toxic atmosphere workplace he’s created for you! Start documenting everything now, all that he does to you, and get personal contact info for your sympathetic coworkers bc later you may need to obtain testimony or corroborating statements from them later. Nothing good can ever come from this employment arrangement and the risks and torture far outweighs any possible benefit, it’s definitely time to move on. Unfortunately , limerances are basically addictions, and the only way to beat an addiction is cold/Turkey complete withdrawal. Next I’d seriously recommend you going to consult with a labor law attorney for possible litigation against your employer. limerance is death 💀by a thousand emotional cuts, it’s self-torture and a form of escapism. After that, I’d check into therapy, for help healing past childhood trauma and to screen out high-functioning autism which are very susceptible to Limerance due to the dopamine shortage in our brains 🧠. You might have Aspergers Syndrome like me, I suffered a traumatic childhood with a very toxic abusive narcissistic and borderline mom. Stay in touch, I wanna see where this goes. Lastly? Remember that you are a human being with feelings and you deserve to be loved and appreciated reciprocally. Time to free yourself.
@S Reddy people secretly envy + hate the prettiest girl in the room. Beauty is power. Unfortunately your childhood prevented you from harnessing & benefitting from that power. You have *GOT* to put yourself first. Despite all the internalized messages that you are selfish and come last. Every time you listen to those lies you betray yourself. That’s what you’re really feeling guilty about. I’m on this same journey myself. Reclaiming my beauty + intelligence. Reclaiming my power. Until it is embraced and embodied fully we will never be happy. Wishing you the best on your journey! 🙌🏼
@@mft7530 thank you for this message, though I know it was not directed at me, you give me hope. 🤍
My parents both had good jobs and college degrees, and we're always miserable and lived from crisis to crisis. And yeah lots of neglect and fake love. When you're a creative and artistic person the jobs that bring in money are usually soul crushing, and want lots of commitment that's why dreamer types like temp. or flexible side jobs because they are not committing to a full time "career" It's about the mental energy you can expend.
You are 100% on point about the twinflame ideology...it is a maladaptive coping mechanism to nourish hope in the hopeless. It's astonishing how much we as humans bend our ideologies to advance what we subconsciously believe to be to be convenient.
Dear David, there’s a difference between the TF ideology (marketing Limerence) and the TF journey of Inner Oneness (the daily spiritual practice). I posted an pretty elaborate comment to explain what the Twin Flame spiritual Lore truly means. 🙏🏼
@@aaloha2902 Agreed. I was agnostic before experiencing this connection, I never heard of this nor would I have believed it which took me on a powerful journey of self healing. It’s sad when I see so many people fall for predatory twin flame content online, it stems from a programming we have in society that we must get married and have babies and find love to compete us. Real twin flames are rare, it’s a divinely spiritual experience but the term itself needs to be replaced or stop being used because it’s contributing to an obsessive programming
@@Golfer411 Congratulations on your powerful journey of self-healing❣️🫶🏼 It’s just sad indeed, that there are too many people commercializing other people’s neglect & trauma. Love deprivation during childhood makes the desire for a true love so strong many will almost do anything to hear what they want to hear 🙏🏼 It’s not in the name though, it’s the Hollywood romanticized storyline on a spiritual journey. Limerence is just not realistic no matter how they call it: TF, The One, Other half. For a healthy relationship everyone still has to put in the inner work 🙏🏼
When you say “hopeless” the first thing that came to my mind was “hopeless romantic”.. I would describe myself this way.
It’s just an internal journey. Not “half” a soul. One soul, two bodies (or meat sacks as I like to call them ;))
It is a spiritual experience, and definitely different than any other thing. I’ve never had any kind of “limerence” experience, and actually was in a “good enough” marriage when I came in contact with my other self. No romance or anything happened. But my spiritual awakening definitely began!
And part of that might indeed mean digging up CPTSD and healing. It does for me. Overall it’s about unity consciousness and self awakening. ❤
Hi Anna! This vid gave me the feels and I have a suggestion for the sender. She sounds smart, industrious, able to work long hours, and looking for a “family” while getting out of debt - I recommend she look into the yachting industry for a couple of years. Being part of a crew is like joining a makeshift family, living aboard means there are no expenses and if you’re smart with your money, you can easily pay off debt and save for retirement. Plus, you’re always where it’s sunny, meeting people from around the world. I did this for a decade and while I was not yet in a place of healing when I did it and did not end up saving that nest egg, I did walk away with the MOST amazing adventures & experiences, a collection of true friendships (my “framily”) all around the world, including the wonderful people I am about to spend my Easter with. There are courses & certifications involved, but it’s a stop-gap solution and there’s a huge demand for crew right now. Much love - thank you for all you do. 💖
Can you share some resources for this?
I think this is such a wonderful idea for the writer! I’m so happy on her behalf that you posted it.
Can you tell me how to apply for these types of jobs?
I’m not sure why my responses aren’t populating as far as I can see, but the best I can suggest in case sharing links is inappropriate is to Google “how to get into yachting industry with no experience”.
Thank you for giving the letter writer actual advice. I think Anna is awesome, but she didn’t really give any clear direction to the letter writer. Telling people to “get that money thing together” when the letter writer obviously doesn’t know how to navigate the world and has no support is kind of crazy.
What helped me with limerance after two years was when I thought of that person I would send them love. Just kept sending them love. And not too long after that they disappeared from my thoughts.
I just want to give the letter writer a hug. She is younger me. Glad she wrote in so Anna could give her advice.
❤
Just found this channel today!! I’m so happy! To the girl writing this: I was exactly where you were at 25, I came home crying one day and I said: “I have no marketable skills”. I suddenly came out of the fog and thought what is my life? It has taken a real long time and effort for me to figure out who I am and what I want but now at almost 30 I am living a completely different life. I am a software developer, because that is where the money is and it also allows me the flexibility to cook and care for my future family which is my ultimate destination and goal. I wish you all of luck on your journey!!! You can do it❤
You rock!!
This is awesome! You deserve to be proud of your accomplishments
Yay to you!!!! So proud and I hope you are too :) how did you start your journey into software dev? I’m 26 and looking into starting a data analytics course or software dev to build skills and enter the tech industry. I want to build a foundation for myself that will gift me financial stability and comfort (for once in my adult life lmao) and grant me the ability to work from wherever and be able to travel. Would love to hear what your journey looked like and any tips or advice you might have for someone completely new but determined to make a place for themselves in this field. Thank you 🧡
Good on you and thanks for giving this to the world for someone else to try
I went through the same thing, but I never came out of it. I went back to school to study computer science at 30, but couldn't make it so I switched to a business degree, just to have a degree. Now I still have no marketable skill with a mostly useless degree, because most of my important classes were taught by people what felt like unqualified lecturers (2 lecturers taught 8 classes). I really wanted to go in STEM to be valuable, but I couldn't do it. I tried learning to get a certification (A+), I read a whole book and watched a lot of videos, but I don't feel like I'm learning, I can't just memorize things easily. I hate how my moment of recovery ended up in failure as well.
I have lived in totally fantasy all my life. Dissociating from my reality and abuse and building a day dream fantasy life was quite literally the only way I could have lived through all the trauma and abuse I suffered starting age two. Waiting for life to start explains how I have felt all my adult life, which started age 17 and began to live on my own. There are no accidents. I am grateful the Universe led me to find you!
And is it any wonder I have two failed marriages. Single. And not a single friend. Fully alone. Age 54! :(
@@redhotpanicgirl you can do this, Tahoe. You are so strong. Even after going through all of those disappointments. YOU are still here.
that hit me hard when you said she is 25 years old, am 25 years old too, and i feel her, limerence is a serious issue, fantasy love, sometimes with all these crazy scenarios I got playing in my head about this fairy tale love, I should be kicking it in Hollywood, directing some romantic flicks alongside James Cameron
Waaaay, waaay young enough to become balanced and stable.
For anyone who is currently an underpaid nanny, please know that nannying can actually be quite lucrative, especially compared to other job options with similar education requirements. It all depends on who your employer is and sometimes on whether or not you are certified. If you are underpaid but like being a nanny and/or feel you aren't suited to other job options, you don't have to stop being a nanny to be paid fairly. Just thought I should throw that out there.
I second this! Professional nanny’s are well respected, paid well and can get a medical stipend. It can be a very sustainable career path
I have friends and family who nanny… one makes 100k a year with a health insurance and the other makes 160k a year… both found the jobs through agencies. One has been with the family for 16 years… just thought I would share.
Yup, I'm a nanny. I make about 47k. Not lucrative but it's definitely a living. In my city we say don't accept any job less than $20/hr. Idk what Anna is talking about when she says it's notoriously low pay. It is not.
I know two 20 somethings that are nannies, and they spend half the year flying around in private jets. There are some really good nanny gigs out there.
Omg I read this before Anna got to the letter, and I thought "underpaid nanny" was a clever euphemism for the partner of a narcissist! 😂😂
Her letter makes me cry. I feel her pain. That was my life. You are not alone. ❤
Was?
Wow this was hard to listen to but so enlightening. I am 63-years-old grew up caring emotionally for my mother-who really didn’t like me but I was a good listener, smart and very mature for my age. Then I regressed and became very immature in many aspects of my life. Then I disappeared, I never thought about my life but I was able to have a successful lucrative career. But I focused on my family of origin and one-sided relationships. I missed having children. I’m married now but after 2008 we each have been laid off over four times each and lost everything several times over. But my husband loves me very much and that’s a great place to start. This video gives me a little hope.
She could have a great future as a small business -gardener, landscaper, or what I did was to become an Arborist. It got me to my house and chickens and my own food forest and a USDA verified farm. I still can't figure out the relationships yet and I'm m almost double her age so thank goodness for the house and property I can depend on.
This is a good suggestion. Congratulations on your success 👏👏
Three months ago your success would have driven me insane. Today, I am happy for you. Why that change happened is complex. But good for you.
@@ir9567 amen. Since we’re going to die let’s just make life a little easier and put away the psychopathologies we have created and let’s not spread them to others. This too shall pass:
how do you become an arborist? Haven't heard of that before...
I agree with this I feel ppl sleep on the great benefits of freelancing and small business owners.
As she said, focus on you. Make you exactly who you want to be, start simple, take care of yourself and communicate to others how you want to be seen. Facing reality after having similar situations with upbringing, it’s very hard to pull it together. That means, by whatever means
Nice one. It's called the nice guy syndrome, usually due to CPTSD. I am glad you are more aware.
Hugs to the letter writer. I see a lot of strengths she has despite her struggles. Limerance can be SO powerful. I struggle with in my own life. I definitely have a tendency to fawn and pedestalize and I'm a mental health professional myself. Even reaching out and asking for help is a huge strength. ❤
Thank you for the support to the letter writer. Jack@TeamFairy
Tough advice to hear. I just wrote down three jobs I qualify for that I normally would not apply to because I don't think I'm smart enough. I don't know... maybe I can use my imagination and pretend this is easy and I'm totally confident. I'm a single mom and struggling financially. We are scraping by and that's a horrible feeling. But with a Masters degree, I can't deny I'm playing it small. Yes the economy really sucks right now, but with my credentials, its interesting I only make barely enough. Ugh. I'm terrified to apply, let alone show up at an interview. But, I'm going to see what happens if I try.
Oh Erica, I will keep you in my prayers. I really hear you. I was a single mother in your same position. Masters degree but working entry level jobs for security and too scared and too low in self esteem to interview for higher paying jobs. I am in my 60’s now and I want to tell you that it all really does get better. Please apply for jobs you would love to have. Employers are looking for good employees. The job interview process will give you a lot of good information and the process of interviewing will build your confidence and self esteem whether you get the job or not. You can do this and life gets better. Do whatever you can to repair your self love and self esteem. You are worthy and deserving and keep reaching out to people who authentically know how to encourage others. God bless.
I hope you find a job that reflects your skills and abilities. I’m sure you will. Might have to kiss a few frogs first - metaphorically speaking. But the interview experience will be good. Rooting for you!
Definitely go after it! Push through the fear! You got this!
I can relate to your fear., but we miss 100 % of the shots we don’t take! Even if it takes some failing to finally succeed you will get there, just like you got your degree 😊
You're worth it!
I appreciate you pointing out scams without accusing the scammed of being stupid in any way. I think fear of being judged as stupid or any other negative thing is a big part of why people double down on harmful, counterproductive beliefs. This appears to be an area where compassion and knowledge are necessary, not judgement or belittlement.
I feel genuinely ready to stop waiting for a rescuer. It's taken some time after my dad died, but I am ready
‘Emotionally immature and vacant parents…’ oh wow. Better watch this one 😭
I saw a little video from a young woman who said she was able to get over her limerence when she realized that her limerence wasn't about love, but about how she was in love with her LO's life and lifestyle. Once she realized this, it went away. I tried the same thing out for my own limerence, realizing I was just overwhelmed positively by my LO's incredible success in life that is harshly contrasted to my own incredible failures, which is why I feel miserable. Once I realized this, my limerence disappeared within a couple of days. Once you know what it is you are actually obsessed with about the LO, and it's not usually love for them, the limerence dissolves away really quickly.
Which is another way of saying what I just said. Good example!
Actually it does not work like this. You can be limerant about someone you know absolutely nothing about, you dont need to know there success, their accomplishments, there lives, nothing. All they have to do is exist on the same physical plane and your mind will fill in the holes. They become whatever you want them to become, and alot of times all it is is your desire to feel loved.
@@veronicaana Ever stop to think it might be different for different people?? Or that people might be limerant for different reasons?
Good for you! But for most, not quite so simple at all! Lol
Although I am a spiritual person, somewhere along the way in my healing journey, I stopped seeing psychics. I realized that no one else can tell me what’s true for me - only I can do that. But, I have to be brave enough to be honest with myself - and the daily practice has been the key to me being honest with myself. Love the work you’re doing Anna 🙌🏼 bringing us all back down to reality in a loving way.
Good for you 🫶🏼 Spiritual practice is far more important. I am psychic and know there a clear signs what you may and may not translate to others. The pure messages from the spiritual realm are always about growth, taking the next step in a way that empowers their spiritual journey. The rest is just marketing 🙏🏼🌺
As someone who has felt that their parents are emotionally immature and has struggled to be taken seriously and feel "grown up" in their eyes (and for myself), I'd recommend the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsey C. Gibson. It may offer some insight into how to move on/evolve how you interact with them and how you feel about your own attempts to grow up and come into yourself.
Thank you!!
I agree. It's a wonderful book. As someone in the Amazon reviews for this book said, "The feeling you get after you've read this book is like putting on comfortable jeans for the first time."
Absolutely. I've recommended the book to SO many people
There’s a lot of great ideas not only from Anna but in the comments section regarding the nanny situation. Strangers sharing their knowledge and skills to help others is always cool and reminds me - no “ man” is an island.
Really good point about the "passion" jobs.
Side note, I see a lot of media hype for people who live pretty well with quirky little artsy careers. It's a huge disservice to idealistic people who try to do the same... only to discover that the person who has a nice house and is kind of famous for their custom-built unicycles *has a huge trust fund* and isn't breaking even at the craft.
Sure there are people with cool "passion" careers. But not very many are supporting themselves with those careers.
Lately I’ve been noticing obsessive thoughts about living in another country, but the idea began when I was a teenager. There isn’t really a romantic element to it, but it feels very escapist and does give me a dopamine rush. Is this the same trauma response even though it isn’t about a person? I am definitely a master escapist!
Is this a realistic goal for you that could actually work out? Many people yearn to move to another country and they do it! And they love it. If it's not a realistic goal for you, how about channeling this obsession into planning an amazing trip?
I don’t know but I’m traveling around America in my car for the last 5 months. Airbnbs for the 6 months before that. Just a desire to travel around since teenage years. It feels healing and strengthening. I never lived anywhere and hadn’t visited many places prior to this last year. I’ve decided to settle down in one city I like and start a business here and then I want to travel more later this year and start up the same business in another city. Eventually I’d like to spend months or years seeing Europe and other places. Maybe it’s trauma. Maybe I’m just an oddball. I see other people do it though. It’s unusual but it’s all about your goals.
@@TheNewsIsLying2U your comment really jumped out to me, because as with op I feel the same about traveling - just worried about the ungrounded-ness of it all. any like, thoughts abt finding work or etc on staying stable on the road?
Same here. I even started learning different languages.
I live abroad and have done for 30+ years. I prefer living abroad, but the truth is it is hard in ways that are difficult to truly explain. Also no matter where you are there you are. You always bring yourself with you so whatever issues you need to deal with come with you and can become more prominent. You still need to face them. However, living abroad can teach you how resilient you are. But cultural differences can be really daunting, finding work becomes a whole new.thing where your experience and education eont count as you feel it should. There is also loneliness and lack of support in the beginning that can pop up again. I think I was able to manage because my family life was broken and I didnt have attachment to them and was more independent. Living abroad is enriching and also a big challenge. But as I said, whereever you are there you are.
Being limerent is not easy, especially if you come into contact with a narcissist.
You are DAMN SPOT ON.
Lie flat, giving up on oneself and society are, on one hand about trauma.
On the other, there are serious structural issues with the economy.
Many people are going to have to work till they die.
What if you don't like society because you don't like chasing money being a wage slave or feeling like a robot doing the same thing everyday because you have to not because you want to
@@leahflower9924 yeah, if you don’t like being a robot or slave then modern society is tough. Lots of people conform themselves to it, thinking this is “normal” but it’s anything but. Then we wonder why we have all kinds of social problems...
@@leahflower9924 While being a slave wager (which I dislike as well) try to find a side hussel that your passionate about and see if you can do something with that. Just a thought. Today's work force is underpaid, over worked, and doesn't really bring in meaning into one's life. But hard to get out of. I started a small blog, but to be honest, I am looking into how to make my side hussel a way to make a living. Food for thought.
@@mday3821 smart. Or freelance doing something you enjoy.
I hope she doesn't fall prey to a cult or other abusive relationship
Thank you that you mentioned "falling prey".
So important for all that filing lonely.
I am too .. a very dear female friend of mine was murdered by her abusive fiance 9 years ago .. I wish I could have saved her but there was nothing I could do . 😢...
Word that was my first thought when I heard the word commune that’s all I think about when I think of communes
This video really struck me. I am a 52 year old woman that is only working part time. I have a bachelor's degree in Earth Science and although I had zero self esteem and a severe anxiety disorder I was able to find work as a laboratory technician. That all changed in 2008. I was laid off from what ended up being my last lab job. I couldn't find another job and my anxiety severely limited my ability to drive longer distances for work. I ended up focusing on my self and re parenting me while raising my son. Oh by the way, I left an abusive marriage in 2008 as well. It wasn't until 2016 that I got back into the workforce. A councilor suggested that I apply to part time position since I had been out of the workforce for so long. I started working at the front desk of a local museum. I loved it. I grew there. I went from that front desk to collections assistant. Now I am at a second museum as Associate Collections Manager. But it is still part time. Still low pay. I need to do something else. I have tons of skills but do still suffer from low self esteem, especially in my relationship to paid work. In my unemployed days I spent a lot of time in Al-anon and yet I had never heard of underearners anonymous. I think I will check that out.
Good luck with your endeavours Cheryl.
Cheryl, I want to compliment you on all that you’ve been through and thank you for sharing your story here. It really spoke to me. ❤
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for being so vulnerable, I am in this same situation and reading your comment made me feel less alone. I trust we can take action and change our situations!
Miss, thank you for sharing and I hope you’re well. Just wanted to take a second to tell you a small thing that could help with the self esteem. Look- I used to struggle with the similar things and it ate all my energy. The cure for this is God. Please know that you are here for a reason. There is very significant purpose in your life. Being a mom surely. There are so many beautiful beaches and sights in this world, and He decided you needed to be here too. You are God’s child … and you are wonderful.
I know everyone is trying to be gentle in giving advice here so I will also say this. It seems to me everything in this person's life revolves around being afraid to be alone. That's why she picks jobs she does, so she gets love from other families. But truth to be told they will never be their family and only be there for her while she works for them. She can be friends with them but they will never truly selflessly love her as her own and no community will ever. And just perhaps she needs to stop seeking love from others as the main source of love. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I as well went through what she is going through, I worked for other families for over a decade. Now I live alone and I love it, it feels so good the quiet and the peace and you are alone with your thoughts, then you find hobbies you love and people through it because finally, you have plenty of time to do things instead of giving your time to others when you are live in caretaker. Perhaps this is the biggest challenge for the person is to forget about living with other and ok to be living on her own.
Childhood trauma SUCKS!!!
It really messes with our heads!!!
😢
Learning to truly love myself was the biggest key for me in my healing 🙏☯️🙏
I relate to what the writer has been through. I parented my mother and just now stopped at the age of 22. I thought I met my twin flame but luckily for me, I took the bad with the good. Going through that experience helped me grow and realize that I had serious healing to do. Now, I'm in a much better place but it did not happen overnight.
This is the stigma that nannies don't make any money or are uneducated and going nowhere, so they should look for a "better" job.
Nowadays there are many nannies who have masters degrees and make over six figures a year, and have zero debt. It is the matter of looking for the higher wages in right places, and in case you loose the job to have savings until next great job comes, and not be desperate to just work for pennies. That applies to any job though.
I am a career nanny, so I know what I am talking about.
Thank you for saying this! I'm sure the OP didn't intend to be misleading, but it bothered me as I was watching how much she seemed to be dismissing it as a viable career when it absolutely can be. There's so much stigma around jobs where you're directly serving others in any way (nanny, waitress, housecleaner) and it's so sad and misogynistic IMHO.
@@justrachel4496 Definitely, we are being dismissed every step of the way, just because nanny job is seen as an extra income while you are a kid or attending college. That would be a babysitter, but for many people there is no difference really between those two. Although I am not intending to look for an office job that makes me to survive from paycheck to paycheck, just so I can tell people that I work in the office. Some office jobs pay great money, and some pay pennies. The same is with nanny jobs. But whoever you tell that you are a nanny, they immediately want to convince you that you need to look for a "better" job. Well if I make more money as a nanny than you in your "better" job, is that good enough, and can I do whatever I was doing till now?
At some point you start to laugh, but untill you get to that point you feel really discouraged, and doubting if you are on the right path, just because people don't value nanny job, or any other service jobs like you said.
@@babycakes8434 Absolutely! And the perception of nannying as "unskilled labor" or underpaid helps perpetuate nannies continuing to be underpaid without realizing things could be better.
It didn’t sound like the letter writer is a qualified nanny. It sounds as though she’s an au pair- which is less skilled and not so well paid. I think Anna was advising her particular situation. She’s already out of this job and hasn’t yet found herself another. You guys are qualified nannies and probably have savings to tide you over while you find your next family. The letter writer hasn’t, which indicates that it’s probably not the best career for her. Also, because she’s looking to the family to be more more than her employers and they can’t be more, they are your employers and putting any other expectation on them will not end well. I don’t think Anna was denigrating nannying as a whole. I’ve depended on au pairs, when my kid was little. I couldn’t afford qualified nannies but I didn’t need that level of input. Appreciate you guys and Anna. I do hope the letter writer finds her niche. There’s no better feeling. Apart from falling in love with someone who loves you back….. as I’ve heard.
@jewel one does not need certificates to be qualified. It’s about setting boundaries and not picking families on Craigslist. I wrote out a detailed response to one of the top comments with instructions on what to do, like joining an agency for free and having first aid certifications. Just like Anna teaches to make a list for what you want in a partner or life, you have to do the same for your nanny career and not accept less. Given the letter write has at least one nanny job under her belt she can drastically increase her income. Being a “career nanny” is more mindset and boundaries than some degree or certificate.
I am a member of DA and UA. They are incredible fellowships. They have changed my life so much. I have had many miracles as a result of fully participating in the programs and using their tools. We support peoples' visions (like living off the grid or becoming a missionary) even if they are not ways to get rich, but we also help each other love and value ourselves enough to get out of constant financial turmoil and desperation. We are all better able to make a dream come true if we are not distracted with the symptoms of underearning and debting.
Thank you for sharing experience with those programs!
-Cara@TeamFairy
To the woman who wrote to you : Nanny jobs, especially English speaking is sought after and pays well in Switzerland if you are willing to travel :)
I really needed to hear this, at the age of 37. I spent most of my life fantasising about relationships. I would make it ny personal goal to reward people that didn't give as much. I've been looking for people to give my energy and time too; forgetting myself and what's important. I feel like you've helped me attain so much clarity in this session, and I'll spend the rest of my time dedicating my energy and time to me, and what matters to me.
I feel like I've just learnt about abandonment, and how I accepted it for what it was. This, however have just pushed me out of the remaining fog that might've been sticking around.
I look forward to what the rest of my journey holds.
Forever, thankful. Lucy - South Africa 🇿🇦
I have never earned more than "just enough". I have tried to go up a grade at work 4 times and I've failed 4 times. I'm still going to try next time too but I'm 52, at what point do you just accepting getting by.? I am proud of myself for just dealing with so much disappointment but it would be lovely to feel proud of myself for achieving objective *success*
Same age. Similar chapters. Hear you 🐅🐅🐅🐅
Right there with you. Looking for something I can do without the corporate world.
With respect, I've always felt "getting by" wages are a way someone can keep theirselves at a certain level. It's a misery but a chosen one. It's like the cliffedge with mo ey, whether you earn 25k or125 doesn't matter, but how close are to the edge and how comfortable are you with living there.
This is not to victim blame, but their are tons of classes in money mgt, , career trainings, free training, entrepreneurship, creating And the Internet. So much opportunity to learn how to make money and lower expenses, even with inflation, to consistently only make only enough to get by takes dedication and a huge blind spot. (Trust me my own blind spots would swallow a car, but since I'm working on them, you're comment made me think is there something in cptsd survivors self sabotaging? I wonder if this is common with everyone of us in some way. 😮
"At what point do you just accept 'getting by'?"
Never. Fight on.
Apply to other companies where you’ll get paid more. I just learned that it’s best practice to get promoted with a raise every two years or move onto a new role with a new company and higher pay. It’s called “Up or out.”
I was raised to stay at a role as long as possible or minimum 5 years, but things have really changed. So... up or out.
Oddly after head injury and taking magnesium l-theoronate as suggested by my physician at that time, an interesting consequence was that my thoughts cleared up so much that I realized the relationship I was in was limerent and ended it. The supplement helped me put all that in the past. ❤
It is absolutely amazing what can happen when your body gets what it needs!
Thanks for the info. :)
Wow! Totally fascinating. How long did it take, for you to notice feeling clearer?
Magnesium threonate is my ultimate go to.
I’ve also taken magnesium (amongst other things) after a head injury and I’ve had a similar experience!
That is strange but I have heard as much as 80% of the population is magnesium deficient and it’s a mineral that affects many body systems so it certainly seems possible. Glad that you seem to be on the mend!
The lady who wrote the letter: continue to learn about CPTSD and take a new job just to try something new. Keep at it! Keep making yourself show up for life, keep growing and keep learning and keep moving on! ♥️♥️
Woah!! I had a therapist asked me once if I’ve ever been called an underachiever. I didn’t know what it meant at the point like 13 years ago. But now I do just reading your post introduction.
Grown up Mother's Emotional Babysitter here, and you nailed it. I have struggled tremendously to become self sufficient, and just wish someone would take care of me and hold my hand through adult-ing. I'm ashamed to be this way, but with awareness comes the opportunity to grow and change, and that's what I'm striving for. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your videos Anna, and have found so much hope, comfort, compassion, and motivation in them.
I'm SO ready for the "Now what?" seriously busy part of my life. 🦸♀️
Similar story here, a former alcoholic, now handicapped father, and a mentally unstable mother, and a history of neglect and parentification - and collapsing mentally in adulthood, partly because of taking care of my father. I have gotten better through therapy and having good friends and first and foremost a shipload of work, but still suffer from anxiety and depression.
I just want to say there's nothing wrong with wanting someone to hold your hand and support you in your struggles, just keep your eyes open and don't fall for people who aren't good for you. ❤️ And put yourself first, always.
Well, that sounds exhausting as far as childhood goes, and it’s understandable you wish someone would carry you for a while. The shame is other people’s but they gave that to you because they didn’t want to carry it.
@@ShintogaDeathAngel Well put! "The shame is other people's but they gave that to you because they didn't want to carry it." Boom! That's a powerfully true statement! Thank you, it really resonated with me.
💯🔥🎯 ❤️
My mother thought I was her sister.
😳
It seems to me like this woman is kind of in a space where she is unhappy, really just wants to be happy, but doesn't know how to be happy, or how to start improving. I know how it is. I had to stumble around for years before I started finding a path. Good luck!
This is where I am at 54 - waiting for my life to be real, to start living my life, waiting for permission to start being the real me, in a "career" I hate - and why. My childhood.
Trauma is in the way but we can still move forward.
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Good morning. Thank you so much for reaching out. I hope so. I'm looking for yet another therapist.
@@victoriahardin1560 It's never too late to start.
@Julie kabuki Good morning and thank you. I'm trusting GOD. People have done their beat to destroy me, but GOD.
In the late summer of 1999, I realized "I've got to get a job." And that's what I told the family for whom I was doing nannying. And I had thousands of dollars in debt. (coincidences, but I'm not making any of this up.) I had done self-employed journalism, and successfully, while nannying for the household of one of my editors. I brought in ample cash, but nothing in my journalism pay was withheld for taxes -- so I was heading for a debt disaster. By September, I had a job doing surveys in a call center, which turned into a new career doing similar work with a much bigger employer.
Today, I'm approaching retirement with debt all paid off. (The IRS created a debit of my paycheck from about 2004 to 2009. That final debit gave me that wonderful mortgage burning feeling!) I've got a decent retirement annuity lined up and will have Social Security. I'm planning to retire this fall.
It took patience, a willingness to make some modest sacrifices, and the courage to come out of my shell, face my situation, and get with the IRS. My example may not work as well for everyone, but it certainly may. You can improve your situation.
Thank you for offering some inspiration, people with trauma tend to feel hopelessly trapped when it comes to debt.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I didn't know the term Limerance, but I was struggling as as single mom of a young son, and I got very attracted to someone in the media. He never knew me, but I followed him on line. I finally had to look at my pining for some one whom I wouldn't meet. And I developed my own mantra to break the rush I got from dreaming of him.
When I was getting that rush, I'd say to myself.
When I become what I admire, I will no longer need the object of my desire.
I said this to myself, over and over, and started doing things that made me feel better about myself.
I had to learn to love myself, especially the alone, and lost parts of myself.
It took a while. But I don't pine for anyone that's an image anyone.
Limerence is my entire existence listening to this. At my age it can’t be undone. I’m too old of a failure to even bother to try.
You're still breathing. You're not too old for recovery. Not saying it would be easy, but it's definitely possible.
This is a great one, Anna! Thanks for your candid talk about money and the need to earn it. So important and very insightful to see under-earning as a trauma pattern. I agree that that topic is neglected or just not even mentioned or almost even taboo in psych type spaces, probably because so many in those fields have always had middle-class or very often upper-middle-class or better status.
Yeah but HOW does someone like that figure out how to earn money? Just pull up your bootstraps doesn't give one anything to work with.
This under-earning has NEVER been addressed in therapy or 12th step group, yet it's been the longest, troublesome pattern of my life. Thank you for shining light on this🙏
Thanks for this!!! I am one of these people and at this point I don't care who knows it. It is devastating to have parents that you have to parent as a young person and have additional trauma due to another situation - in my case it was a very sick sibling. My mom went on to help run our local crisis center, which left me parenting and without her, as she was helping everyone else in our city. I think your site is right on point and I only wish I had seen it years ago. How can you develop a sense of 'self' when you are serving everyone else? Setting boundaries, taking responsibility for my own life and having a close set of friends who are givers, not takers, and walking the same path has helped me alot. For anyone out there who has or is going through this, hang in there - if I can do it, you can, too.
For myself, and for clients, I suggest every time they think about the “twin flame“ or whatever they want to call that person that they first turn towards themselves in a loving way and ask themselves what emotions they’re feeling and what needs they have in that moment, and talk lovingly to themselves as they would this “twin flame“, and it’s worked wonders!! It’s as if they’re looking for that person to care for, and love to the nth degree because they need that themselves. It is really effective, and it allows us to not fight ourselves internally,…we’re still giving ourselves a chance to think about that other person, but only after we have connected lovingly to ourselves and given ourselves that interest, compassion and emotional support we would give that other person.
Sending love to the letter writer! Listen to Anna she has saved my life. The daily practice is amazing!!
Thank you for showing support to the writer. Jack@TeamFairy
This was great! It's interesting how so many of us have similar situations across socio-economic-racial-gender boundaries because a lot of what you observed here applies to me, also. I guess limerence can be a great equalizer in terms of the mess we might find ourselves in as a result. So glad I found your channel yesterday! Cheers.
Welcome to the channel :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I wanna thank you for this content, with you I've learned more than in 4 years in therapy. Lately I've been limerent for a co-worker who is hetero and has a girlfriend, but he still like to flirt with me sometimes. At the same time, there's a single guy who is very nice and he's into me. Normally, I would put all my attention on my co-worker and ignore the single guy, but I've decided (consciously) to chose the nice guy who is into me. He makes me feel that being appreciated it's easy, and despite it's something new (and uncomfortable), it feels good at the end of the day. Also, I'm not thinking of my co-worker as much as before. In conclusion, I feel like I'm having a healthy behaviour for the first time. This is thanks to this channel, finding out limerence is changing my life step by step🙏💗
I'm curious what constitutes a "proper job," one that supports and allows for savings. I retired early from teaching in alternative educational systems, living on social security that most consider meager, and moved to a unique small artist town where events are created by the people who live here. It is easy to make friends because of all the activities. I also live in a community house on the edge of town and have access to a community car. And while I am not besties with everyone here in the house, there is a mutual respect and consideration for differences. It's a simple life with simple pleasures, making it affordable. Of course at my age, I am content with a slow, quiet life.
Few people can find such a situation. But I agree it's a good path. Do you live in BC?
@@Captain_MonsterFart I live in Southwest Wisconsin
@@poeticposturing3850 as a musician in Wisconsin I have to ask where!
This one hit me. I'm early 30s, with a Bachelors' degree and good schooling, but have a horrible resume and no career because I'm unskilled (I'm not good at anything but writing), I hate to work (it makes me anxious and stressed and bored) and I have low-needs autism triggers that make it hard to cope in a work environment or with working relationships. Ideally, I'd like and need to work from home or alone, in a very quiet or calm space, but try finding a job like this that pays. Maybe I'll just have to join a convent or something😅
You are literally me😂
Except I'm a college dropout
This is more common than people realize. I work with neurodivergent thinkers, and often stress how companies, systems and traditional jobs are really set up to support one type of human. We’ve been conditioned to believe that there’s one way to provide value and it’s linear and often by overworking. When that is a challenge for us, we tend to underearn. I believe there is individual responsibility that can be taken, but a large part of the problem is systemic.
@@shaunroney414 this is interesting and heartening, thanks for sharing. In terms of individual responsibility, what in your view works most effectively? And is there anything we can do at a grassroots level to catalyse systemic change?
@@pendafen7405 at the individual level radically stepping into awareness of who you are and how you naturally operate. Working with someone, whether a Coach, a therapist, an energy healer/intuitive who can help you to identify blindspots and create new beliefs and neural pathways that better support you. Collectively I think it takes education and awareness. As more of us step into and speak about/share what we need and prefer, it is an invitation to others to break the myth of normal. There’s a book called “Normal Sucks” by Jonathan Mooney that does a really nice job of explaining how we got here. I love a good discussion along these lines.
In a convent, you’d have to learn to interact with the other nuns on a daily basis 🙂
Really want to thank whoever wrote this letter. It’s been so revealing to my about myself. More than I could have realized alone.
I taught 7th grade English for a while. Loved those kids. A couple times I got to the point where I said, “Your parents are not your fault.” And then I worked to make my classroom their safe place and a place of contentment and growth. Learned so much from them.
I wish you had been my 7th grade teacher :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Awww 🥰 we need more teachers like you 😢
My children’s kindergarten teacher used to say to us “I’ll believe half of what your kids say about home, if you’ll believe half of what they say about school”
Wow.. those with emotional neglect learn to imagine love ..very powerful 😢 exactly what I needed to hear. I am also under spell of imagining love, as my life has always been very lonely and lacking true loving connections
This entire episode just spoke about me, the difference is that I'm 40 in that mess... Hope one day I'll have enough courage to write and tell you all about it... You keep me going. ❤️
This is such a beautiful video Anna. Thank you for giving this wonderful advice to the letter writer. Dear gal, you are 25. Fix the friends and money. Let’s say it takes you two years. That’s alrite. You are 27. Many ppl find love in late twenties and early thirties. The kind of person you will find when you have self belief and your own sense of power will be very different. Keep stepping up your life. You wrote this letter at 25. You are already ahead of so many of us. It will work out for you. You will find what you long for. 💕
I felt like I was meant to see your comment. I'm also 25 and trying to take my power back in life after a draining cycle of lumerence. Thank you so much. I'll have to take a screenshot of this comment so that I can re-read it form time to time as an encouragement💙
I was stuck into the whole “twin flame” thing for seven whopping years. Wasted my time obsessing on that person and money on psychics. Then I realized it was a stupid realization and that I was mentally unstable due to moving in a new place all alone and needed someone to complete me. I put a lot of work in healing that part of me and met a wonderful partner who I love dearly.
I still have a lot of healing from my CPTSD and I’m taking it one step at a time.
It’s been my experience that phrases like “twin flame” “the one” “soulmate” and so on are expressions of magical thinking encouraged by (perhaps even invented by) abusers.
Exactly.
I absolutely adore these letter-answering videos!!
I'm so glad!
This was fascinating and I have a few thoughts. The young woman was able to get herself out of her negative family situation because of this fantasy love… so it did serve her even if not in a way that she thought. Also she is young, and realizing these emotional problems sooner than some do! The education she got might still serve her… I got an education too and later realized I was going to school from habit and also because our system does funnel young people into college. But there are some skills she got… even if it was only getting a term paper in on time. A degree does sound good to some employers. Also she had this fantasy love, and I’m guessing did not have ‘room’ for the kinds of dead-end situations some people go thru - unwanted pregnancies, repeated broken hearts or disappointment etc etc. So she has saved herself some of the mess that others go thru … so there’s a lot of hope for her… and there are wonderful young guys out there who when it’s time she will come into contact with. Thanks for the insights.
Excellent. As a long time AA member I especially appreciate the advice to people to go to the appropriate meeting. To go solely in order to improve ones social life is disrespectful of the disease that we are trying to deal with-a day at a time-and against the Principles. As you say, find the Program that fits and work it.
She says she is 'sober' - perhaps she is in recovery?
Where does Tradition 11 come in here?
For people who as children had to be parents to their parents a book that had a huge impact on me was Silently seduced (Kenneth Adams). Pure gold!
Anna, I can’t thank you enough for this channel… your platform has helped me immensely and I wish you all the best blessings.
Thank you so much!
love how direct you are. its the kick in the pants that ive needed to keep trying for better jobs instead of settling esp bc im a college grad.
Rented family/borrowed family. That hit hard. Thank you for this. Unknowingly this is exactly what I have been trying to create for myself for decades. Decades😢. Wow! Time to let go. Phew!
Just found this channel this morning and glued with every word you said. Its time for me to heal coz i know its not too late. I actually prayed for this and your channel stayed open even if i leave it alone for bathroom break. It's the first time it happened and stayed open and became curious, watched and listened. Im glad I'm not alone struggling for many years. Finally i have the words for it "crappy childhood and limerence.
Radical Acceptance helped me see & deal with where I was in life, & that I needed to change, without shame. ❤️🙏💞
Wow. So grateful to have found you, Anna. Thank you for all you do! I am a former nanny in my 50’s and incidentally I missed the boat on motherhood, and all the glories that go with it. 💔
This one hit hard on me. I would never imagine that this is how my debt and lack of good relationships were connected. Thank you so much. Way to go, let's heal the world. ❤
Your straight forward approach is the greatest gift
At 25 I can understand your attraction to finding someone to care for you because you're hungry for love. Lots and lots of people feel this way.
But getting that kind of all encompassing love doesnt come about through magical thinking. I actually think that kind of devotion is the kind we need to raiise our children, but I dont think anynody is able to give that kind of devotion to another adult.
Adult love is more of a partnership where you take care of each other but to do rhat you have to be pulling your own weight equal to them. You stand together as a team.
Have you wondered what you have to offer someone else? What are you doing to take care of yourself?
You've got a very specific magical scenario in your mind about how youd like your future to look, and that's a lovely thing to work towards. But things only come to us if we take healthy action.
I'd start by writing out your future plan. I called it my "5 year plan." Then you start to make it happen.
By writing it out, you will make all your decisions more targeted. If it's a house you want , there's no reason why you can't work towards that.
But you'll need money to do that, so then you can get a well paying job (because you're educated).
Then it will be time to start looking after yourself so that you can attract the kind of man you'd like to meet. So get healthy because good health works from the inside out and if you do take good care of your health, your well-being and your life you'll start to glow and look beautiful.
Make your self uplifting and fun to be around. Buy yourself some flattering clothes, get a little car, save for a cruise trip or a bus or train trip where you'll meet people.
Start looking at people with more discernment. There is no one person out there for you. There are thousands! No wonder you feel so desperate if you think there is only one person for you. That limits you, it paralyses you.
You're young. You're meant to enjoy your life. You're too young to sit around in God's waiting room until you die.
Get cracking, get a decent job, save for a deposit for an apartment or a house, get a car, start to socialize properly. One day you'll open up the book holding the 5 year plan you made and you'll see you got everything you dreamed of. That's not magical thinking that's you taking control of your life. It absolutely worked for me and I have even more than I dreamed of, plus 7 grand children! ❤❤
A quality psychic would never agree to interfere with a persons free will
AMEN!!
Including their own free will not to answer questions based on confirmation of a client’s belief and their desire to give their power away, even though the message is growth & personal empowerment 🙏🏼🌺
Anna, you always seems to put out a video that is so relevant to exactly what I'm going through. This video was so needed today. I feel exactly like the girl in the letter except I'm 47 now. So much time wasted and now I feel so hopeless...
Dont feel hopeless, I am much older and feel in the limerence trap and learnt about it less than a year ago. You are young. Just be strong a little everyday and never say that you are bad or whatever negative description of yourself. You are learning, we are always learning. Best to you and all those that need love
@@Separo1 thanks for the kind words 🙏
It’s easy to fall into limerence after a disappointment. Don’t feel desperate, you’re much stronger than what you feel at the moment. Having these ground zero moments in life is actually an indication of elevation, but we need to undergo a tough learning period of getting to know our authentic selves first.
@@nejkas9577 thank you for your kind and wise words. I very much appreciate them 🙏❤️
I love how you described men in AA. Very accurate and important.
Never heard this word "limerent" before, nice to finally have a label for it. The algorithm really doing me a solid today.
I'm glad you found the video :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I learned that word recently on this page and once I googled it... I finally realized the scarily powerful emotion I felt for my favorite person in the world... a male best friend... was my deepest love for someone I ever felt and did so... So deeply and allowing it being told to me by him and my sister. Sorry, know how much u "love" him and it hurts, but it's never going to happen. And deep down I knew that and still couldn't stop the feeling of limerence for him. I put him and kept him on such a high pedestal, not actually because he deserved that adoration from me but I absolutely couldn't help it and had no idea that's not love I felt for about 18 yrs for him, it was always limerence. A sad fantasy I made up in my head that eventually if I just got well enough and made more money.... that's when I would get it returned to me. That was clearly delusional feeling and thinking and all imaginary/pretend and I truly believed in it. I luckily broke the constant chain of contact for awhile and it broke the long held, not helpful delusion that's limerence.
Much gratitude for 34 yrs I was abused by my mother who scapegoat me and my family was in the same energy. 2017 I ran away and that was the best decision that I ever made. I am now successful My husband was the reason why my life changed. 😢sad to say he passed away October 12 2022 and the abandonment of losing his triggered my PAST TRAUMA. I suffer with Complex ptsd. I have good days and bad days. But I have peace and My husband left me financially independent
That trap that was setup for me didn't work out for them. How do I cope? I live with the energy of Gratitude it's in my hearts 💕. I needed this. I give you much much gratitude ❤ You gain a new subscriber ❤
I have a MBA in Finance and this video was just great 👍 ❤. I have the same issues.
Yep. My life doesn’t feel real. I feel like I’m waiting and waiting for someone (a man) to come and love me and be my partner and help put me back on track. I have under earned my whole life and given and given. I’m exhausted. And now at 50 I’m broke and no where closer to feeling like I have my own life. My son who is 23 loves at home and doesn’t do anything for himself. He breaks apart if I leave for a day.
May god help me get back in track. Limerence. Yep. I get huge crushes on men that don’t respond back. I waste my mental energy fantasizing on love having love.
Don't let your past, steal your future. You deserve more. Never go where u know u aren't wanted. Prayers and hugs 🤗
Your beautiful ❤️
This video explains the mystery of my dysfunction.🤯🙏🏻😖
Never in my crazy life have i wanted expected or longed for someone to take care for me. I like independence...ive earned my own money to care for my children all thru their lives...
“Imaging love where there is no love” 💔
This taught me a lot about many of the girls and women I've had in my life who I desperately want to act as a crutch for but never could, because I couldn't make enough money to support myself and so I couldn't create stability for them. I was always confused by their mix of desire to be protected while wholly ignoring the fact that they are leaning nearly their entire weight on me and my parents, and I just accepted it to be a transitionary period in their lives or a desire for security that they would be happier once they met. Or a need to be saved and appreciated in a way they weren't when they were younger, and a desire to somehow be compensated for the lost time and resources and brought back up to speed with their peers.
Now I realize that those desires I was seeing, not that it's my place to diagnose, but perhaps they're unhealthy. And giving everything I have indefinitely to try and stablize the people around me is... maybe enabling.
I've never thought about the perspective of the people who I try to "save" (in order to prop up my own self worth, maybe...) But now that I've had this womans story described to me, I feel whatever is on the other side of that imaginary supportive family-not-family she wants, that's me. And I'm not sure what that is or if it's healthy.
This technique is meant to help get us to what is true: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
This one is one for the books Anna! I found this video of urs especially applicable to me at different ages of my life not just the 25 yr old lady, as I was some time ago. Great presentation too.🎉😅😊