Meanwhile... How To Tell If Your Onions Are Really Meth
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- Опубліковано 25 жов 2024
- Meanwhile... Smugglers are hiding balls of methamphetamine inside bags of onions, but there's an easy way to spot the difference. #Colbert #LateShowLIVE #Meanwhile
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.
Shows a true professional when Stephen can rattle off that segment intro LIVE without error.
I love him
He's been doing this for over 25 years; it's like he can do it in his sleep, he's that good 😊
I was just about to comment that, like that's real talent and skill.
He probably rehearses it but still impressive
It's also called a teleprompter
@3:41
Love that Stephen is allowed to call out CBS like that.
I'm sure they didn't mind as he was able to cleverly promote one of their shows at the same time. =)
@@thebasketballhistorian3291 , and because it's not like any of the people making that decision did so because they are offended or anything. They just want to avoid the nutballs who are.
Meh. Colbert is a honey-badger here. He don't give a f**k.
It was an astonishingly stupid call to blur out the genitals of an ancient fertility carving in a photograph, and damned if he's not going to say so.
🤷🏼♂️
😆👍
I'm 51 years old and it still baffles me that tv will censor the shit out of nudity and language while graphic violence, gore and death are not only allowed but strongly encouraged. Like during the terror attack on our capital on January 6th, they show police getting their heads bashed in but censor them saying "my fucking head is getting bashed in".
Yes, the human awkwardness toward sexuality never ceases to amaze me.
@@mistakencrown4858 let's also not forget that the Venus is one of the most significant archeological finds because it's also one of the oldest. It was a very significant look at the values of that culture. But of course, we can't show vaginas on screen. Even if they're on a 30,000 year old statue.
@@rulerchop4032 It wouldn't even show the vagina but the vulva
@@rulerchop4032 Not even a vagina. You can see more camel toe on any public transit vehicle.
I'm 53 years old and I also begin most of my social media comments by telling my age.
Let's not take lightly the fact that he did that Meanwhile intro flawlessly and live. No do over. It was do or die.
as a former intern at the Colbert Report I can tell you that his dress rehearsals were always surprisingly polished.
@@user-pg7uj4bp4q that's awesome. You must be proud. I know i would be.
@@user-pg7uj4bp4q im not worthy im not worthy im not worthy...to comment on the same thread as you
@@r2fu976 Then don't.
@@r2fu976 well, emphasis on "intern." it was certainly never my intention to make anyone question their self worth. my tenuous connection to a show that's been off the air for close to a decade really shouldn't be enough to do that, so definitely feel free to comment after you've come up with something substantive to share.
Stephen calling out the network gives me life LOL.
Got to love how he doesn't pull punches, even if it's against the network that he's on. :)
It’s fun to see him on Live TV.
Is the blurring-out up to the Network or is it a Law to do so?
Kinda like Jon Oliver's relationship with his "business Daddy".
Reminds me of when John Oliver goes after his business daddy
Let me guess... VANILLA?
Best "Meanwhile" lead up yet! 😆
It just keeps getting better !!
Right! He really went for it this time. 😂
I just wanna know, what was he doing in Galveston? 😀
Stephen seems to have extra charisma when he does a live show. Maybe let him do more of them.
Yep. That Stephen seem to have a future in television.
I suddenly wanna see Stephen play that "Texas chainsaw banjo."
They should do live shows without revealing it until the last second.
"Stephen seems to have extra charisma when he does a live show."
I was going to make the same comment. Yes, he certainly does light up when it's live. He's so good at what he does, he can race through that extremely difficult "meanwhile" introduction without a hitch, and look like he's really enjoying it. It's like he told his writers, "Gimme a real toughie for this live show."
The super-talented and super-smart seem to do this sometimes. For example, Rachel Maddow's doctoral dissertation: “HIV/AIDS and Health Care Reform in British and American Prisons.” I mean, holy crap! Think about all the different and difficult areas of expertise someone would need for a study like that. It seems that she was thinking, "Nah, no normal run-of-the-mill PhD dissertation for me!"
Anyone else feel like John Batiste has really come in to his own as of late? I'm not sure if it's because of COVID making him really appreciate a live audience again or just confidence from winning an Oscar, but he seems more comfortable expressing himself on the show lately.
People quit making fun of his laugh in the comments. Maybe that had something to do with.
I personally think he is a weird guy who brings a weird energy. Whenever the camera cuts to him for a commentary his comments are totally out to lunch. His presence feels like an awkwardly heavy-handed effort at proving that Stephen has at least one black friend
Yeah, and what I've seen of the monologue, he seemed *too* comfortable. For a few seconds there I actually thought he was gonna steal the show
@@TheMfmccarthy I have no idea where you get that feeling from, I've always thought he had great input and smart things to say. Especially during covid when he was in a different studio. (and he has at least two black friends, Michelle Obama counts too)
He is really an amazing artist altogether.
Kudos for technical difficulty during live show, flawless delivery! Contender for best 'Meanwhile' intro.
Thank you, Stephen, for drawing attention to the genuinely baffling censorship policies on your network.
Craig Ferguson routinely made fun of CBS' censorship policies by censoring himself with replacement words for cussing, such as "ooo la la!" , "tootsi fruitsi!" , and "what's a come and a go"
@@hawkeye5955 Ferguson was fun.
I love the way Stephen subtlety points out the ironic imbalance in social morality and education.... Blur out things that would enrich American culture and hire a voice-over man and music score for violence that desensitizing our basic values.
That's gotta be my favorite Meanwhile intro ever!!! Luvs it!!! Love you all, stay safe!!!
🎭🕊
Whoever writes the Meanwhile intros deserves a damn Pulitzer Prize.
I'm a Bernie Bro so I'm always happy to see him showing up and speaking some truth
Amazing prelude to "Meanwhile": Monty Python meets Alice in Wonderland.
A double A battery up his .....how did....? I don't....You know what, nevermind, I really don't want to know how that's possible. 🤦♀️
I had the exact same reaction.
Ditto
Bet whoever was expecting those onions is cryin' now.
More like fryin' now.
😂😂😂😂
PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS THE ONIONS ARE GREAT I CAN HEAR COLORS NOW.
😩
Stay Human is one of the most beautiful bands ever.
Dude.......... Peloton - Mario Kart is a gold mine waiting to happen.
Nintendo get on it.
Due to severe trauma, Stormy Daniels can never play Mario Cart ever again.
Is there warranty for turtle shell damage?!🥴
Been dreaming of a Pelaton combined with a VR helmet so I can hit the open-concept roads of Need for Speed Hot Pursuit (2010)
500+ miles of mountains, beaches forests and deserts; with weather effects!
In 1996 there was a game called Prop Cycle by NAMCO where you had to pedal a bike to move a winged bike through a course where you had to pop balloons to get points.
I pass by that abandoned dairy queen in Galveston all the time 🤣🤣🤣🤣
They censored the fertility statue. Give me a break! I think Americans could survive seeing a cleft in a rock.
A pebble. That thing is tiny 😁
No, american they cannot survive waching genitals, they would react like "what if my childrens watch this, this is against the christians values, my childrens they would turn in to a porn addicts if they see that!!!!!"
Now I'm imagining the Grand Canyon as one giant blur. 😆 Too many clefts!
@@CloudsGirl7 Ain't that grand!
Thanks for replying. :)
No. But gratuitous violence? BET!
i would love more Stephen dunking on CBS lmao
The priorities of decency and appropriateness are just absolutely lunatic.
Wow! That was easily the best lead-up to his segment I've heard.
Being forced to blur the genitals on a 30,000 year old statue is the worst case of "omg spoiler alert plz" I've ever encountered in any serious fashion.
Don't tell me how the neolithic era ends, I'm not at that part of the book yet.
@@resileaf9501 Vulva gave way to phallus. Sorry.
But we should have some decency. It is statue of some guy's girlfriend he made to remember her on hunt. Do we have permission from him or her to display it publicly?
@@zperdek he's dead, Jim.
@@zperdek His lawyers have contacted CBS.
Finally, a guitar themed Meanwhile!!!!
Love the live show energy!
if you don't sleep for 3 days after smoking a bowl, it's an onion.
And you smell like one
What a great reply! You made my evening. Cheers🪔!
An abandoned Dairyqueen outside Galveston ? I must have missed you when you called by.
He just out-Lin Manuel'D Lin Manuel Miranda with that intro.
The writers coming together like the avengers to make some un-performable,
throw away joke just as an intro to a segment only to have stephen plow through it like Thanos is a damn delight.
Meanwhile! I mainly listen for the recipe. 😆
That intro - that’s why he’s the King
This summer when I go to Galveston, I'll be looking for Stephen Colbert to pop out of a dumpster🤘🏾
Is there an abandoned DQ?
Love seeing Bernie.💙
"It's a-me! Heart Attack!"
😆
😄
That was the best intro to Meanwhile I have ever heard him do...and I have heard them all...😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂
57 seconds. That's how long that EPIC "meanwhile" intro was!
Lmao, i just can't with the intro!!! It's so good, EVERY SINGLE TIME
There needs to be a book chronicling every one of Stephen's Meanwhile intros.
I just have to ask, how is an anatomically correct modern x-ray of a man's penis acceptable when a classically sculpted, anatomically abstract, 30,000 year old statue of a fertility goddess isn't acceptable?
I think it's probably the fault of the patriarchy. Somehow.
Welcome to America. We're just chock full of sexual insecurities. 🙄
Agree. But just to be fair there is also an anatomically correct female vagina xray on the next page. I assume we are talking about the classic sex ed diagrams. I think they're both fine and the anatomy is necessary information for everyone.
It's because the x-ray does a perfectly good job blurring soft tissue by itself.
@@OriginalPiMan Pretty sure a 30,000 year old statue doesn't have any soft tissue whatsoever.
in other words: Bo Diddleys guitar is the equivilant of "Meanwhile"
I thought more of Queen guitarist Brian May’s guitar!
It's a self-made guitar, made from old tables, bike & motorcycle parts, an 18th-century fireplace mantel and much more.
@@mori1bund I know but Brian May's guitar turned out very delicate. Bo Diddleys guitar was litterally just a plank with a neck attached
@@mori1bund Edit: If you really want to go "trashy DIY guitar" let's saddle on Les Paul's first full body guitar.... that was just a piece of rail road rail with a single coil and a string
Who has to fish the mail out of the Charles River? 🤢
Now I know why I’m craving caramelized onions.
it happens
Masterful craftsmanship at it's best.
Stephen: “Ladies and gentlemen, you know if you watch this show you know I spend most of my time to right over there, combing through the day’s biggest news, and selecting for you the finest, most topical indian rosewood, spruce, and mahogany stories. I then hand-shape and combine them with an abalone multi-stripe back inlay, add forward-shifted scalloped braces, antique white binding, and a high performance neck with a hexagon fingerboard, and finally lay in a tortoise-pattern pearl pick guard, and a compensated bone saddle, to craft for you the exquisite Martin D-45 dreadnought acoustic guitar that is my nightly monologue. But sometimes, just sometimes folks, I snap awake in a rusty coffin freezer behind an abandoned Dairy Queen outside Galveston. Then I nail a 2x4 to a cedar urn I stole from a funeral, string on some brake cables I ripped out of a cop car, then I cut eye holes in a Goodwill bag, rip a hit off a whippet, and terrorize the locals on the Texas chainsaw banjo of news that is my segment….. MEANWHILE.”
Me: Damn. These writers deserve a raise and Stephen needs some water
Thanks for writing this out, love it! (I think he said "...a goodwill bag for a mask").
isn't this just the best recipe ever done so far omg 😂😂😂😂
must be those onions
That's a lot of missing mail. Holy fuck what was lost in that river?!
I see there's guitar nerd among the Colbert's writer 😁
I was thinking " is he talking about a...why yes he is"
Oh yeah!👍
So the ancient fertility statue gets blurred, but dudes dong in the x-rays all good lol
Stephen is so good at doing the intro for "Meanwhile"...
On point, absolutely on point.
3:30 -> I don't know - she looks very American to me... 😂😂🤣
When Stephen holds up a blue card after coming back from a break, for a split second, I think he is going to say, "In my hand, I hold tonight's Top Ten List" and I get excited..... for a split second. But, you know, Meanwhile is pretty good, too.
"And the number one reference I am ramming into the ground: Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco!"
Top ten lists were always great.
I miss stupid pet tricks too.
And there certainly needs to be more unique animal visits🙂
"...put it in backwards..." Joke of the week.
"..So his penis wouldn't even start"...That's a AA joke right there.
@@12fuxu2 it could have been a AAA joke, but he didn't want to aim for such a low bar
I'm from Texas, and I approve this banjo.
I have been waiting for the Exquisite Guitar episode of Meanwhile since the beginning. Hysterical!!
That D45 breakdown. Heck yes.
Richard Simmons work those hips girls
It didn't turn fun things into work, it turned work into fun things. We need that right now...
yeah, I tried to the same psychonauts while walking. turns out I can't walk and game at the same time. How disappointing
Stephen and Jon in blue and yellow- gorgeous 😍.
Love the luthier angle.
I love their chemistry. Jon and Stephen are electric!
I have several questions about that AA battery, but I'm too scared to google the answers.
I heard battery guy had onion sandwiches for lunch.
Texas banjo hahahaha
3:57
Such a prude country lmao
Always love the Meanwhile poetry intros. Love to the writers and as always love to Stephen's perfect delivery!
I, on the other hand, usually MUTE the inane opening gibberish that precedes each "Meanwhile"....an obvious nod to the fact that his writers are obsessed with pleasing their boss by trying WAAAY too hard to use a goodly portion of Roget's Thesaurus.... eventually....
5:48 Little Willie Leaps ... lol Jon
NGL, if I could control mariocart with workout equipment, I'd exercise more often.
The Nordictrack S22i bike is a mountain biking simulator that includes emulated uphill / downhill slopes
@@izzyxblades but can I launch red turtle shells at my competition? Can I ride on a rainbow in space?
They did the bike video game back in a gym I went to back in the 90s
So ridiculous that the statue was blurred!!!!! 🙄🤦🏻♀️😡 Thanks for calling it out.
My favorite intro ever comparing the monologue to a Martin Guitar 😂
Starts @ 2:01
Yes!!! Finally got to the guitars!
Best Meanwhile Ever!!!
Those meanwhile intros are fantastic!!!!
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity.” Albert Einstein was so right it's almost electrifying. Almost.
DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.....................
That was some opening.
kudos for calling out the wonky CBS policy
Holy shit Steven went all the way with this Meanwhile. Love it!
Kudos to the writer of his prequels to the "Meanwhile"segments and this one takes the cake! Wow! And how does he do them so fast? LOL
Whoever writes the meanwhile rants is the best writer today. lol
Best "Meanwhile" preamble EVER!
Texas flavored 😸👍
Funny they claim the Peloton is like Mario Kart when the screenshot provided proves it looks far more like what you would expect if you hooked Beat Saber to a stationary exercise bike.
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"Nitro-Cola is a First-of-its-kind Nitrogen-infused cola that has a creamier and smoother taste than traditional carbonated sodas"
1) Hate to break it to Pepsi, but Cream Soda already exists and probably tastes better than this. I say this as someone who prefers Pepsi to Coke, but won't drink either while Dr Pepper is still available.
2) We're replacing soda fizz with beer fizz... So either it's cheaper to make this way or they want to charge double. Knowing America, likely both.
I mean creaming soda is great, but it's still carbonated - the gas in it is still carbon dioxide, just like in beer or champagne. Using nitrogen instead is legit different, and should take away the sharpness of the carbonic acid that carbon dioxide makes with your saliva.
His "but sometimes..." tonight sounds like just another MARDI GRAS!
🎭💚⚜️💜🎭
WHOOOOOOOOO, from New Orleans, with love. Hope to see y'all SOON⚜️
I love me some Stephen Colbert
Hey the Charles river is wicked clean now. Lol
That was the best Meanwhile intro!!!
OMG, I can't get over the Venus of Willendorf being censored -______-
That’s one of your very best “Meanwhiles”. Stephen Colbert lives for live.
AA battery where? Did he start with a AAA and was working his way up?
5:36
Wait... WHAT?!?!
start at 2:00. yr welcome
My hero
This was Golden you're that guy !!!!!
That Venus statue? 30,000 years old? For $29.95 you can buy one at Etsy or Ebay for $44.98. And perhaps somewhere in the world some person thought he/she had a priceless artifact when he/she maybe paid five million to have it sit next to the microwave in the kitchen. LOL
30,000 years old and she still leaves weak men a blur
Yay, Martin dreadnought! 👏🏽
This would have to be the best meanwhile clip I have ever seen so far.
FLAWLESS.
It's a half hour after viewing this incredible monologue, and I'm still doubled over in empathic agony from that battery shmuck.
ikr wtf
I mean, how? AA battery isn't /that/ small, and a urethra really really is.
@@patheddles4004 Well, he started with AAA's
@@every1elsebutme Jeez man, I've got some AAAA's, and that's still an emphatic NOPE.
when i was in college over a decade ago we already had bikes with scenery on the screen. it was more like poll position than mario kart