Hi Sisi Nozi. I'm only watching this video now. I was born out of wedlock, but for me my dad actually made sure that I was well taken care of. When he got married he still maintained that and my aunt (his sister) made sure everything I needed for school, university was addressed. So he took responsibility angisoli lutho
I was concieved out of wedlock in a worse way Unequally yoked adultery where my dad was the Christian and my mum wasn't. It harmed me spiritually and I'm only living with my unbelieving mum
I have a son out of wedlock, however in my case the father literally does ZERO (his family included). But when the father feels or remembers that he has a child out of the blue he calls and wants to talk to him (calling him with his clan name). Yuuuuu ndiphambana at that time. Tradition can sometimes lead idiots to believe they have certain rights when they don't. It may seem a bit extreme but some women choose to not get married because of fears of how their children will be treated in future(me included). This is my child, illegitimate or not,he is mine and I chose to bring him into this world and I don't want to ever have him treated like second rate citizen all because of a lack of a marriage certificate when he was born.
@Palesa Dingalo, as an older woman, I'm glad you chose your baby over everything else. By the way, I abhor the term illegitimate for identifying anyone born to unwed parents. It's such a horrible word and descriptor for labeling a human being. Any legal system that uses it is guilty of using hate speech and discriminatory language. I don't know why psycholinguists are not advising dropping this word from legal language.
Yho! This hit home so much. My Dad was born out of wedlock. We use his Mothers surname and his Dads clan name - he eventually did the necessary traditions to become one of them. I regard them more as family more than the people I share a surname with & have absolutely no relationship with his Moms side of the family which he grew up with. There’s family here and there who I’ve been supportive throughout. It’s almost like we owed his Moms family and us using their surname was a favour. It’s been a long road but so much better to deal with these things when we are older. I honestly think children born out of wedlock need to have the Dads surname and clan name from the beginning. My Dad always struggled with belonging and as a man he had such deep rooted issues when it came to his Dad and family. So unnecessary.
I totally understand and feel this. I was born out of wedlock too, but its slightly different for me. My dads family is loving, his wife is the best actually buuuut ke yena uDad ke😒 our relationship is such a rollercoaster of emotions and disappointment. My mom did everything for me as a child but when it got to going to university she felt that she needs to ask for assistance from my dad (juuuust registration money ke). He agreed to help and I waited and waited and waited, a few days before registration was supposed to close I call and he just texts back saying "I don't have money" ... I have never been so crushed in my entire existence, I just went straight to bed at around 4 in the afternoon. I managed to study and graduate, I won't take away from him helping with my allowance here and there buuuuut yooh, our relationship is emotionally draining, I had even told him to stop contacting me at some point last year. He has three children, two out of wedlock (my brother and I, only met him last year and we were born just 5 months apart) and then my younger sister who is 16 this year... I always wonder if my brother gets the same ups and downs from him or if its just me That whole up and down made me not want to have kids out of wedlock because I feel that I don't want my children to have a relationship like that with their OWN parent but then again nothing is guaranteed
This was definitely an eye-opener! I do not relate to the stories you tell, but I am always interested in learning and educating myself in these issues.What you said was true in that we are the new generation and it is our responsibility to be aware of such matters (whether we relate to them or not) I'm definitely sharing this with my peers.
Watching this now. I've been following your story. Its so crazy how hard your mom was on you, to a point that you were so scared to tell her certain things. Yet she had her own mistakes.
There’s nothing that affects a child than being isolated. I’m one those children amongst many and honestly speaking I don’t have a relationship with my dad. One of things that, I still don’t understand is how my own father needs to hide what he does for me or “ukuzondibona”. It’s pure cruelty but I’m glad to have my own family to rectify the mistakes that our parents are still living. Such a great narrator, love lots❤️
This is such an interesting conversation with so many layers. There are also children born in wedlock who get deprioritized when the dad decides leave his family. He will even take care of his new partner’s kids, that he found there, better than his own. If I catch anyone calling my child illegitimate, they’re getting my full wrath. It’s so cruel to kids, who have nothing to do with anything
I wish I can comment but I don't know where to start, but you opened up my eyes on some issue am facing right now, I wish I can say more but just want to protect my daughter,
Thank you so much sisi for addressing this, it really is a sensitive matter. I was also born out of wedlock and the level of priority amongst my siblings and I has always differed. I always knew that what I ask from my dad, I may not get. This got very complicated when he got married, I had to speak with my stepmother first when I needed something, I tried but it didn't work. It got to a point where I stopped asking things from my dad but rather focus on my relationship with my siblings, the three that came after me in his marriage and my older sister that was also born out of wedlock. And funny enough she and I have the same experience in terms of treatment since we were born out of wedlock. It's actually heartbreaking that I constantly have to do follow ups when I have asked for something and later on realize he actually knew he was not gonna deliver because bendiphela ndingayfumani ndincame. May we really be the generation that will break this cycle.
Sethu, we need to break this cycle. And i honestly feel we give our fathers a lot of passes. They get away with a lot of things. Our moms didn't get pregnant on their own. May we really do better ❤️
This is so relatable. My mom colored, dad Xhosa. He had a wife with children, other children out of wedlock who stayed with him all the time. I never got the privileges of others and thought it was coz we colored. Also had to submit requests via stepmother(wife) and I also stopped asking coz it wasn't working. This topic is sensitive and also brings some resentment forward as one tends to feel like the blacksheep. One knows that your father has alot to give yet one never received.
It's strange that there are illegitimate children but no illegitimate parents. It's definitely time to deal with this crap because so many people are broken because of this thinking 😠😠
That’s what happens when we let the West dictates how and when does a child belongs to a man or family for that matter. In England the person who was supposed to sit in the throne didn’t because he was was born out of wedlock. Illegitimate child is not an African term regardless of the tribe or language..
As horrible as it seems but society as a whole will pay a very high price for the injustices it commits. Don't believe me? Take a look around you! There is no such thing as an illegitimate child. Illegitimate society well that's another story.. This country is falling flat on its face right now and rightfully so. Truth and justice will prevail !!
I just discovered her today , she kept me awake for more than 3 hours in this cold .ai nozi mara , she can make one forget all the problems n face life boldly .
You know when you first posted this in social media I called my mom immediately and we had a deep convo about it. In our case our parents were married but the kids born out of wedlock were given preferential treatment although mom was the wife but we always were put second even when it comes to dad's family they acknowledge the kids born outside of wedlock more. Issues raised was because mom could provide for us she did not "need assistance" from her husband as a result he never provided for us although him and mom were married. The relationship and dynamics of your parents also play a huge role, imagine being in a boarding school with your step sister and every thing is paid for by your dad but when it comes to you asking for something you given silent treatment🤔. Kids born in marriage can also be victimised depending on the dynamics of your parents relationship. All kids should be acknowledged and treated the same regardless of any circumstances.
I'm blessed to be raising a boy whom I pray that he will grow up to be a responsible and loving dad to his kids through the grace of God of course. I pray that if he does have kids out of wedlock, the least he can do is love those kids beyond measure and BE PRESENT in their lives. I also pray that may he never let any woman/partner get in the way of him building healthy and loving relationships with his children. This is a subject that I am also so passionate about. Men really need to do better 💔💔
Parents like to act like they don't know where an anger of a child originates from..I tried to show my uncle numerous times he still doesn't get it why my cousin is so angry...mxm
Nozi I can relate because with me I was born while my parents were teenagers and ever since my mom died at the age of ten people from my father's family went as far as calling me a home wrecker just because I exist and these were elders saying these things worse of all I am always reminded am not wanted am just an obligation and so I cutt all contact with family becouse at some point even my mom's family did not defend my existence thank God am grown and never again should I have to be told that am not wanted because not only did that hurt my feelings but brought the stigma that I can not be taught and yet God defied them all I work and now have a safe home where I can be happy and not be told I don't have the right to smile or eat whats in the fridge.
Very critical and important info Nozi, i think fathers whom have kids out of wedlock shouldn't close doors for their kids. All his kids should be treated equally particularly by him
As parents we are very cruel and selfish. Having a child while knowing the guy is married to someone else what do u expect for that child to feel welcomed nd loved by the family! Making ur husband child born out of ur married feel like an outcast makes u sleep better at night! As humans we are cruel.
This comment is so profound, in fact the woman is called idikazi in Xhosa and the child an illegitimate child, there is no name given to the father strange.
@@vuyiswamatoti1392 Yhu! The woman will be shamed for her 1 child sogqiba indoda ibenabantwana abay20 but nothing! Some of which will even be "twins" (the same age but from different mothers). All this goes back to patriarchy and how it is always bringing the women down! How do we not have a term for amadoda angondliyo azala ashiye?! Wes aba ba useless kwasendlini kengoku! Ube yi single parent but you're married to the father of those children! Ngcoske ndingazali mntakabawo.
This video has made me understand how children born outside of wedlock feel but after reading the comments I broke down because I realized I need to heal from my past experiences , my story is quite different and has it's own minor complications but thank you somuch for this insight sis Nozi
I'm glad your mom has a repentant spirit uyazi Nozi. You are blessed you have a nice job plus married decently. Usually when you are born that way, those things tend to follow you kube nje yi trend kuyifamily, but your mother's prayers have broken all that such that now you are free. So you need to be prayerful too so that God will raise a new clean generation from you. Bless your husband to have only you and bear children from only you to avoid all the confusion of inequalities that exist in children that are born outside the wedlock. Stay blessed 😍
😂😂😂😂😂😂You Are such a a great orator, I am laughing and learning, you are sooo engaging.... I love you... "I was defending Nozibele" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Dead, I love you man❤️
Thank you soo much sisi nozi really interesting story. My dad has a child out of wedlock almost same age as me. His been meaning to introduce him to us but in my case my mother is the one who doesn't wanna see that happen. It's really sad to witness this problems.
You have touched on a point that I always wondered on, I am from a different side and I have also made the observation on this whole ridiculous mistreat. So I am born "in wedlock" grew up with a perspective that I am a first child up until I was 9/10 then duf -duf out of nowhere I have a sister from my father's side. That was just shocking enough, without explanation I had to read between the line basically until my granMa passed from my dad's side I was now 16 at the time when I know hear through the gossips how she came about and my mom was labeled as this superior one to have gone through with the wedding nonetheless . Mind you nothing was ever said by my parents until only after the funeral, and we had gotten feed all the wrong info by the uncles and aunts. In my case my mom after the whole conversations she was the one initiating us meeting up with her, which was without much approval from my dad. We created our bound with my sister and all the external family still have the whole stigma or stereotype but we have openly said how all that is in the past have nothing to do with us. This stigma creating the inability to bond and have real family fall back because of what has nothing to do with us. Creating unnecessary dramas nje of child hate who didn't even choose to be there while the people who committed flourish in life. Maybe I am speaking from the lack of know-how in terms of culture that only seeks a child to be known by their ancestors than the family that live, a child that has to carry around the clan name that she/he can't even represent. A child that has to come last in everything that he/she desires but must jump all boundaries to fulfill the ceremony of people denying him/her the opportunities equal to others because of "wedlock". Should I one day have kids or partner with kids outside id like for them to know that such is a culture that doesn't build but break and I will not support. I am not done, I'm just tired of typing. But in essence, some of this double standard do's and dont need to stop!
Tumie Thoka if only the women who get married to these people have enough integrity like your mom did to love an inocent child as a woman maybe this could be the start of something great because that what we are as women home and peacemakers
So true. I am Swati, took my father's surname, though my parents were never married or paid damages. Everytime I introduced myself, I get asked where is home kaZulu (my father's home which I never grew up in) and I have to explain that I didn't grow up in that household. Its surprising how I have to explain my whole history with just an introduction of myself.
Your story and mine very similar. That priority list, that illegitimacy stigma! I am passionate about belonging to my mom's side of the family. Everything that gave me my identity was done by my grandfather Mntakabawo. I take it personal when someone calls me by my dad's clan name mna.
Yho mntase. Same same. Sonke sinebali elinye. Sogqiba kubekho abantu who want isduko senyani! What does that even mean?! That time abootata ba absent ngoku umntu ekwazi ba uphi. Even when you don't want any material things🤦🏽♀️ As for the stigma, it's so hard hey. You do self-therapy sana because umntu akasoze azcacise. Not a black man! They keep it moving uzbone wena.
I agree we need to challenge our tradition. Tradition is something that needs to give us a belonging. However it seems like it throws us out in the cold to figure things ourselves more than help us find part of our identity.
Wow I can actually relate 😢 Unfortunately with me my mom passed away when I was 7 years of age and hence I did not know I was a product of an “affair” I only got to find this out when my dad passed away 2021 that he was actually a married man. Only then did it make sense why he was actually never fully involved in my upbringing… I just wish he could have told me i could have surely understood. It was not fair to me that I had to be a guest at my dad’s funeral and actually wasn’t recognised as one of his children where as I was in fact his last born😢 Yeah no this doesn’t sit well with me till this day, but he is gone now 🤷🏽♀️
I’m also born out of wedlock and I have a child, me and my child uses my moms surname and clan name...this makes me scared to get married as I’ve separated with the father of my child. At my moms family we have never experienced the stigma even though most of my uncles calls us mtshana, they call my child mzukulwana, their love is amazing and also my father regards us as his children we have never experienced being second class children...but ke there will always those individuals at the gatherings who constantly ask “ngomphi ke lo” but that doesn’t matter because kutata siyafana sonke
Wow this is such a learning curve. Sana i and my brother are born from wedlock and my father was a married man. And yhuuu the guy has alot of us😂 but ke fortunate enough after i got in contact with my siblings(kids from marriage) they welcomed me so openly and with love, to an extent i get to go to all family gatherings and all. God bless my step mother who took me in as one of her own even when after the father is nomore. However ke mna after i found my family i then started using his clan name and it feels so freeing in a way. What is more interesting i would address myself and a "illegitimate " child and my older brother which is my fathers and stepmoms 2nd child said to me "hey sana you where illegitimate before you met us, now that usifumene i wanna hear no use of that word from your mouth" so mna in this case my parents are the ones who are illegitimate not me sana i am proudly my parents daughter! Lol
That last part really touched me ..children should be treated equally!and it should come effortlessly.."illegitimate "kids should not be forgotten or treated less than the other kids❤
Tricky topic le. Especially in this day and age where women work as hard as men. I'm imagining a scenario where a married couple..both working. The dad has kids with his mistresses and definitely his money gets stretched, but the wife takes care of her own kids and gives them the luxuries that SHE can afford to. But to the world it would seem that the other kids are being neglected in favour of the kids in the marriage when in reality it's the wife taking care of her own kids. Inzima le. Great topic Nozi. I think every parent must make sure they treat they kids fairly. Kids didnt choose to be born. You brought them to this earth and must make sure they are treated fairly to the best of your abilities
I can totally relate to this, at my father's house I was always referred to as " ngulowa" if anybody asked who I was, never my father's daughter just that one, made me sad everytime
I am part of the diaspora, Belizean living in the US. yes, I agree that this categorization of children born outside of marriage as "illegitimate" or in Belizean terminology at the time "bastard" is very stigmatizing and devalues the children's very being. I was one of those children, with multiple siblings, all but one born within marriage. In my case, even though my father did not marry the mothers of most of my siblings, there is and was categorization and prioritization where my brother and I were at the bottom when it came to resources that are due any child. To this very day, at age 58, I feel like a stranger to my father and his side of the family. I also question the integrity of any man who scatters his seed about without care as to how ALL his children will be provided for physically, economically, spiritually and emotionally. In Belizean culture, children like myself are cared for by the mother and her family. In my case, thank God for a maternal grandmother, aunts and uncles who stood in the gap for us as it has made a tremendous difference. My mother, a single mother, could not do it all. Blessings to you. You are a lovely and wise young lady.
you go girl...hands up...super... I recently assisted in a project on inheritance and u know how illegal its presumpt for children born out of wedlock not to benefit from the father unless court intervenes...but u are right hands off illegitimate children they are no more illegitimate but legitimate.
I honestly embrace and appreciate how you interrogate the social ills of what we refer to as societal norms. You are such a witty and most admirable female I've ever come across. Love you tons and tons. Nevertheless, I fully agree with you, such matters need to be challenged and we cannot have a new generation that cannot be upfront about issues that affects. Maybe these are some of the issues that impacts the youth negatively, we dealing with issues of mental health, gender based violence and and broken families, instead of questioning our socialization we focus on how rotten is our generation.
Wow, I just found your channel and I am in love with your transparency. You are a great story teller. I am eating my food and listening to you and at 8:19, girl I screamed and food came flying out my mouth LOL. Blessings to you! Thank you for your insights and story.
this is interesting I am Zambian and we also call this "damage" and paying damage but anyone can choose to raise the child and gets the name of the Dad too
Hai sisi I know exactly what you are talking about in Zulu children who were born like us out of marriage are called Umlanjwana meaning umlondo there is a story behind how we were born. Mina I always felt that my home is the home I bought for myself because on my father side everytime I am there I feel as if I don't belong even with my mother's side I feel the same way. It is worse ke when it comes to the family where my mother got married to Hai the straggle is real when it comes to people like us.
Mina what I know as a ( Swati/Zulu) ingane yako malume ( out of wedlock) takes isurname yaMama even if it was Nozi's mom case...the child takes isbongo samama. Inhlawulo is for the damage and isbongo is another seperate payment. If these payments are not present that child will forever use isbongo saMama but will have a relationship with the dad. Second, guys asiyeke lento yokbiza abanta ngama "veza ndlebe".....we are children of God ekgcinen and we need to be progressive Africans💛.
I have never thought of it like this and shuu what an eye opener... Also being mindful of individuals in this instance will go a long way and change the nerative for our future children because things happen in these streets zakwa life. Great video... 👍🏽
Wow. This is so deep. I'm born out of wedlock too, but my dad was not married, but stigma wasnt there at all. I was welcomed by both families and now that my dad is late, my dads family are really great people. Its only My siblings who try to divide us, because we all have different mothers making it difficult for us to bond as siblings.
My own dad told me in my face that 'angizubhidlikelwa ngumshado wami because ngazala wena ngaphandle komshado'.....and that was the last time I talked to him until he passed away.
I had a child (out of wedlock) and the relationship with her father ended. Then I met my current partner and had another child. His family agreed to pay lobola for both myself and my child (from a previous relationship). There was no way I was going to leave my child behind just because of marriage to someone else. Asoze! My children go where I go. Sometimes tradition drives me nuts because some things don’t make any sense.
I'm honestly not impressed by how there were funds for the other kids but just not for you and your brother...and this happened years apart. Anyway umbhedo nje lento of putting a stigma on children...and you are absolutely correct. 2 adults came together yet somehow one gets called names and their kids get these labels...bullshit! Vele we need to question tradition, it's right to question things that don't make any sense at all. I wasn't born out of wedlock and my dad doesn't have kids outside of marriage and he drilled that into our skulls and his reason was exactly the fact that society mistreat children born out of wedlock and he hated seeing it growing up. All children are special and should get their own special treatment from both parents regardless of how the father's side of the family feels.
I was conceived while my parents were still at school, my dad moved on and got married & now he has a family! I have never even seen his face, i used to call him, we would talk but he never called me or did anything 4 me! He always cancels our meetings with excuses that he is going away with his family...i've given up!
I have never watched any youtube channel story times and i don't know how you appeared on my TL but wow sis!!! I love your channel and your stories. Most things i cannot relate with but i just happened to like your channel a lot!
Cc I think it also goes along way....I become pregnant years back damages were paid nd both families demanded the child to use both clans worce thing she has 2 birth certificate with different surnames that happened behind my back ke ndavula uba zibhuqe...but what I appreciate though the father is married now all of his kids becomes the first priority...as for my daughter going to visit them at that age of 5 she times ask things that am unable to address because usemncinc nd I feel like with the surnames and clan names has bought some confusion ethile at the right age I feel like there's a lot of explaining that I will do.....Regardless of being born out of marriage I don't see any point why must the parents nor families treat her differently from others and the society has power because nefamily ibona umqakhwe Ndfundile thank u big cc💕💕💕
This is so interesting Nozi, in my culture with is sesotho. We say "ngoana ke wa khomo" thus if the mother has been married then separated with the husband or the husband has passed on, children she will get out of that marriage or out of the wordlock are considered to be of the past husband. So your mom giving you guys her late husband's surname wouldn't be strange in Sesotho
This is just my story but my dad is still alive and he was a visitor at my wedding I wished my mum was alive because I really needed her to clarify me because I grow up knowing her ex husband as my dad then this man pop up and no one in the family wants to talk
One thing i have noticed about tradition its been tweaked as they go. But it’s also does protect to an extent. with matter of prioritizing kids honestly speaking having come from a place of having to fight to even get matric dance dress, tradition had nothing to do with it. Take away tradition the same thing would have happened. When a man is secure in a place they move mountains but once they go out nd its over most try to hurt the mom through the kids. Most of the time kids don’t understand this nd as a parent its hard having to explain u are unwanted there bcoz when the men is around the child they won’t show the resentment. And with famales too sometimes we try push agenda of wanting our children in places where they not wanted tomorrow try make excuses. At the back of it all u are right it’s complicated but tradition is an excuse for irresponsible actions. I’m a product of a broken family the struggle is real, i had a child out of wedlock all was good until the day i left the relationship my child lost her place in his life and i was fortunate enough to be protected by tradition nd have the child to myself, women must give kids the surname they are using in SA, home affair puts u in a tight corner nd the interest of the child should always come first.
Really this has to stop, why can't a man took you with your kids that you already have and accept them as his own? What is into the marriage we have a problem of getting children's, are you going to still asolate this child and make him/her feel like an outside child, Life is really unfair and our cultures they make us do the wrong decision. They is life that we didn't call it to heppen and why we have to make our children suffer for our problems! Thank you sisi for sharing this is really touching each and everyone lives, especially us womans we have to make our childrens suffer just because of marriage and family protection, we forget about us and our happiness (my Child is my blood guys) why do i have to asolate my blood with me. This thing buld up the anger to those childrens that were called names just because they don't belong toin that Family and even at school you will be bullied, they is much more damage they make due to this Thank you sisi For Sharing it really Touching and painful😭😭 💔
Wow, that's so true.... How come we don't question tradition ke nyani. Thank you Nozi, for sharing such private and sensitive parts of your life, for the benefit of others.God bless you always 💕💖💖💖💖💖
First time watching your video, i love how your telling your story look.....Interesting family gossip lol.....I am going to watch the other and subscribe to your channel straight away cool. I feel like i know you for agessssssssss looool. All the way from the UK
In my old age of 26, I only go to my father's side of the family when there is a funeral or umsebenzi because I can't stand the stares and having old people point at you telling others uba "ngula mntana ka Tshawe wangaphandle komtshato" to make matters worse my dad had me emdala kakhulu, in his 50s so they stare because they wanna find something that resembles my dad because they don't believe uba he could have a child my age 😏 to make matters even worse I don't even know this man, he was an "absent father". This video has me deep in my feels now but enkosi for sharing your story sis
lol you literally explained my whole life because my mother and father never ever spoke about it. I have my mothers surname and clan name . it actually feels like both my brother and i were never recognised by my father's family . We met them once and that was it . I don't know my fathers family at all . I like to say I identify as Xhosa because I only know the Xhosa side .
I just watched this now, i resonate so much with your story. I was born out of wedlock and my dad passed. Which means I belong to my mother's family but nakhona kunezinkinga so really ive never belonged any where. The 1st time i met my mother's family i was 19 going to university and i still question it to this day. Did they now want a relationship with us because we are about to work and make money or its just pure " coincidence"?
Hi Sisi Nozi. I'm only watching this video now. I was born out of wedlock, but for me my dad actually made sure that I was well taken care of. When he got married he still maintained that and my aunt (his sister) made sure everything I needed for school, university was addressed. So he took responsibility angisoli lutho
I was concieved out of wedlock in a worse way
Unequally yoked adultery where my dad was the Christian and my mum wasn't. It harmed me spiritually and I'm only living with my unbelieving mum
I have a son out of wedlock, however in my case the father literally does ZERO (his family included). But when the father feels or remembers that he has a child out of the blue he calls and wants to talk to him (calling him with his clan name). Yuuuuu ndiphambana at that time. Tradition can sometimes lead idiots to believe they have certain rights when they don't.
It may seem a bit extreme but some women choose to not get married because of fears of how their children will be treated in future(me included). This is my child, illegitimate or not,he is mine and I chose to bring him into this world and I don't want to ever have him treated like second rate citizen all because of a lack of a marriage certificate when he was born.
Am with you sis
@Palesa Dingalo, as an older woman, I'm glad you chose your baby over everything else. By the way, I abhor the term illegitimate for identifying anyone born to unwed parents. It's such a horrible word and descriptor for labeling a human being. Any legal system that uses it is guilty of using hate speech and discriminatory language. I don't know why psycholinguists are not advising dropping this word from legal language.
I relate 100% to what you are saying.
i feels like you are tellinfg my story lol..be my friend lol
well said sis. Your child is not illegitimate if anyone deserves a title it should be the two adults who had consensual relations.
Yho! This hit home so much. My Dad was born out of wedlock. We use his Mothers surname and his Dads clan name - he eventually did the necessary traditions to become one of them. I regard them more as family more than the people I share a surname with & have absolutely no relationship with his Moms side of the family which he grew up with. There’s family here and there who I’ve been supportive throughout. It’s almost like we owed his Moms family and us using their surname was a favour. It’s been a long road but so much better to deal with these things when we are older. I honestly think children born out of wedlock need to have the Dads surname and clan name from the beginning. My Dad always struggled with belonging and as a man he had such deep rooted issues when it came to his Dad and family. So unnecessary.
I love how you narrate your stories, deep stories but you make it so light to take in, as a viewer
I totally understand and feel this. I was born out of wedlock too, but its slightly different for me. My dads family is loving, his wife is the best actually buuuut ke yena uDad ke😒 our relationship is such a rollercoaster of emotions and disappointment.
My mom did everything for me as a child but when it got to going to university she felt that she needs to ask for assistance from my dad (juuuust registration money ke). He agreed to help and I waited and waited and waited, a few days before registration was supposed to close I call and he just texts back saying "I don't have money" ... I have never been so crushed in my entire existence, I just went straight to bed at around 4 in the afternoon. I managed to study and graduate, I won't take away from him helping with my allowance here and there buuuuut yooh, our relationship is emotionally draining, I had even told him to stop contacting me at some point last year.
He has three children, two out of wedlock (my brother and I, only met him last year and we were born just 5 months apart) and then my younger sister who is 16 this year... I always wonder if my brother gets the same ups and downs from him or if its just me
That whole up and down made me not want to have kids out of wedlock because I feel that I don't want my children to have a relationship like that with their OWN parent but then again nothing is guaranteed
This was definitely an eye-opener! I do not relate to the stories you tell, but I am always interested in learning and educating myself in these issues.What you said was true in that we are the new generation and it is our responsibility to be aware of such matters (whether we relate to them or not) I'm definitely sharing this with my peers.
Wow Nozi, your topics are so deep.
God has a special purpose for everyone of us.
true very authentic
Well said I applaud u.Have u thought about being a lawyer we need people like u to advocate.
she's versatile
Watching this now. I've been following your story. Its so crazy how hard your mom was on you, to a point that you were so scared to tell her certain things. Yet she had her own mistakes.
There’s nothing that affects a child than being isolated. I’m one those children amongst many and honestly speaking I don’t have a relationship with my dad. One of things that, I still don’t understand is how my own father needs to hide what he does for me or “ukuzondibona”. It’s pure cruelty but I’m glad to have my own family to rectify the mistakes that our parents are still living. Such a great narrator, love lots❤️
This is such an interesting conversation with so many layers. There are also children born in wedlock who get deprioritized when the dad decides leave his family. He will even take care of his new partner’s kids, that he found there, better than his own. If I catch anyone calling my child illegitimate, they’re getting my full wrath. It’s so cruel to kids, who have nothing to do with anything
I wish I can comment but I don't know where to start, but you opened up my eyes on some issue am facing right now, I wish I can say more but just want to protect my daughter,
Thank you so much sisi for addressing this, it really is a sensitive matter. I was also born out of wedlock and the level of priority amongst my siblings and I has always differed. I always knew that what I ask from my dad, I may not get. This got very complicated when he got married, I had to speak with my stepmother first when I needed something, I tried but it didn't work. It got to a point where I stopped asking things from my dad but rather focus on my relationship with my siblings, the three that came after me in his marriage and my older sister that was also born out of wedlock. And funny enough she and I have the same experience in terms of treatment since we were born out of wedlock. It's actually heartbreaking that I constantly have to do follow ups when I have asked for something and later on realize he actually knew he was not gonna deliver because bendiphela ndingayfumani ndincame. May we really be the generation that will break this cycle.
Sethu, we need to break this cycle. And i honestly feel we give our fathers a lot of passes. They get away with a lot of things. Our moms didn't get pregnant on their own.
May we really do better ❤️
This is so relatable. My mom colored, dad Xhosa. He had a wife with children, other children out of wedlock who stayed with him all the time. I never got the privileges of others and thought it was coz we colored. Also had to submit requests via stepmother(wife) and I also stopped asking coz it wasn't working. This topic is sensitive and also brings some resentment forward as one tends to feel like the blacksheep. One knows that your father has alot to give yet one never received.
Notification gang! Let's mark register!!! 💃💃
It's strange that there are illegitimate children but no illegitimate parents. It's definitely time to deal with this crap because so many people are broken because of this thinking 😠😠
Please say that again!!!
That’s what happens when we let the West dictates how and when does a child belongs to a man or family for that matter. In England the person who was supposed to sit in the throne didn’t because he was was born out of wedlock. Illegitimate child is not an African term regardless of the tribe or language..
@@bellnjumbe3273okay we can’t blame this on colonialism... it’s the same concept.
As horrible as it seems but society as a whole will pay a very high price for the injustices it commits. Don't believe me? Take a look around you! There is no such thing as an illegitimate child. Illegitimate society well that's another story.. This country is falling flat on its face right now and rightfully so. Truth and justice will prevail !!
I just discovered her today , she kept me awake for more than 3 hours in this cold .ai nozi mara , she can make one forget all the problems n face life boldly .
You know when you first posted this in social media I called my mom immediately and we had a deep convo about it. In our case our parents were married but the kids born out of wedlock were given preferential treatment although mom was the wife but we always were put second even when it comes to dad's family they acknowledge the kids born outside of wedlock more. Issues raised was because mom could provide for us she did not "need assistance" from her husband as a result he never provided for us although him and mom were married. The relationship and dynamics of your parents also play a huge role, imagine being in a boarding school with your step sister and every thing is paid for by your dad but when it comes to you asking for something you given silent treatment🤔. Kids born in marriage can also be victimised depending on the dynamics of your parents relationship. All kids should be acknowledged and treated the same regardless of any circumstances.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I dont know what to say, my heart really hurts for you!!
All kids should be treated equally 😢😢 despite circumstances that led to their birth 💔
I agree with you because that is the same thing me and my siblings are facing and my dad is married to my mom.
@@thabisamhlatyana2158 Sorry to hear that ❤
@ Bulie Danga that is so sad😞...... Its also very dangerous coz it separates families and kids start hating each other.
I'm blessed to be raising a boy whom I pray that he will grow up to be a responsible and loving dad to his kids through the grace of God of course. I pray that if he does have kids out of wedlock, the least he can do is love those kids beyond measure and BE PRESENT in their lives. I also pray that may he never let any woman/partner get in the way of him building healthy and loving relationships with his children.
This is a subject that I am also so passionate about. Men really need to do better 💔💔
Parents like to act like they don't know where an anger of a child originates from..I tried to show my uncle numerous times he still doesn't get it why my cousin is so angry...mxm
Nozi I can relate because with me I was born while my parents were teenagers and ever since my mom died at the age of ten people from my father's family went as far as calling me a home wrecker just because I exist and these were elders saying these things worse of all I am always reminded am not wanted am just an obligation and so I cutt all contact with family becouse at some point even my mom's family did not defend my existence thank God am grown and never again should I have to be told that am not wanted because not only did that hurt my feelings but brought the stigma that I can not be taught and yet God defied them all I work and now have a safe home where I can be happy and not be told I don't have the right to smile or eat whats in the fridge.
The things we go through though. Sooo unnecessary!
Sorry for what you went through Bongi
Very critical and important info Nozi, i think fathers whom have kids out of wedlock shouldn't close doors for their kids. All his kids should be treated equally particularly by him
u r such a great story teller. I admire how grounded u seem all through. May GOD bless you all.
This is hitting home. I share all the sentiments. Wow.
I love u Miss Personality and will always support u.
As parents we are very cruel and selfish. Having a child while knowing the guy is married to someone else what do u expect for that child to feel welcomed nd loved by the family! Making ur husband child born out of ur married feel like an outcast makes u sleep better at night! As humans we are cruel.
This channel is doing so much good work 🙏🏽. Thanks Sis Nozi
If we really must call people names; which is so unnecessary, we then need to find a names for the parents never the children.
This comment is so profound, in fact the woman is called idikazi in Xhosa and the child an illegitimate child, there is no name given to the father strange.
@@vuyiswamatoti1392 Yhu! The woman will be shamed for her 1 child sogqiba indoda ibenabantwana abay20 but nothing! Some of which will even be "twins" (the same age but from different mothers). All this goes back to patriarchy and how it is always bringing the women down! How do we not have a term for amadoda angondliyo azala ashiye?! Wes aba ba useless kwasendlini kengoku! Ube yi single parent but you're married to the father of those children! Ngcoske ndingazali mntakabawo.
This video has made me understand how children born outside of wedlock feel but after reading the comments I broke down because I realized I need to heal from my past experiences , my story is quite different and has it's own minor complications but thank you somuch for this insight sis Nozi
I'm glad your mom has a repentant spirit uyazi Nozi. You are blessed you have a nice job plus married decently.
Usually when you are born that way, those things tend to follow you kube nje yi trend kuyifamily, but your mother's prayers have broken all that such that now you are free. So you need to be prayerful too so that God will raise a new clean generation from you.
Bless your husband to have only you and bear children from only you to avoid all the confusion of inequalities that exist in children that are born outside the wedlock.
Stay blessed 😍
😂😂😂😂😂😂You Are such a a great orator, I am laughing and learning, you are sooo engaging.... I love you... "I was defending Nozibele" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Dead, I love you man❤️
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO! that mention at the funeral. Yhuu!
This is soo relatable on soo many levels😥😥!
Nozi ...u described my life in full.
We are many hey
There's a whole lot of us 💔
You just made my day Nozi. You are a good storyteller
Thank you soo much sisi nozi really interesting story. My dad has a child out of wedlock almost same age as me. His been meaning to introduce him to us but in my case my mother is the one who doesn't wanna see that happen. It's really sad to witness this problems.
I have been watching your videos for a week now. We have soooooooooo much in common, I relate to some of your videos so much that I see myself in you.
And by the Grace of God here you are doing very well for yourself 🙌💕. Loved this topic.
You have touched on a point that I always wondered on, I am from a different side and I have also made the observation on this whole ridiculous mistreat. So I am born "in wedlock" grew up with a perspective that I am a first child up until I was 9/10 then duf -duf out of nowhere I have a sister from my father's side. That was just shocking enough, without explanation I had to read between the line basically until my granMa passed from my dad's side I was now 16 at the time when I know hear through the gossips how she came about and my mom was labeled as this superior one to have gone through with the wedding nonetheless . Mind you nothing was ever said by my parents until only after the funeral, and we had gotten feed all the wrong info by the uncles and aunts. In my case my mom after the whole conversations she was the one initiating us meeting up with her, which was without much approval from my dad. We created our bound with my sister and all the external family still have the whole stigma or stereotype but we have openly said how all that is in the past have nothing to do with us.
This stigma creating the inability to bond and have real family fall back because of what has nothing to do with us. Creating unnecessary dramas nje of child hate who didn't even choose to be there while the people who committed flourish in life. Maybe I am speaking from the lack of know-how in terms of culture that only seeks a child to be known by their ancestors than the family that live, a child that has to carry around the clan name that she/he can't even represent. A child that has to come last in everything that he/she desires but must jump all boundaries to fulfill the ceremony of people denying him/her the opportunities equal to others because of "wedlock". Should I one day have kids or partner with kids outside id like for them to know that such is a culture that doesn't build but break and I will not support.
I am not done, I'm just tired of typing. But in essence, some of this double standard do's and dont need to stop!
Tumie Thoka if only the women who get married to these people have enough integrity like your mom did to love an inocent child as a woman maybe this could be the start of something great because that what we are as women home and peacemakers
Sis!!! Sometimes we are quiet because we are tired. The experience we went through growing were very unnecessary!
You have yourself a new subscriber ilike the confidence in you whn u tell the story u are a whole full vibe 😍😍😍
So true. I am Swati, took my father's surname, though my parents were never married or paid damages. Everytime I introduced myself, I get asked where is home kaZulu (my father's home which I never grew up in) and I have to explain that I didn't grow up in that household. Its surprising how I have to explain my whole history with just an introduction of myself.
Your story and mine very similar. That priority list, that illegitimacy stigma!
I am passionate about belonging to my mom's side of the family. Everything that gave me my identity was done by my grandfather Mntakabawo. I take it personal when someone calls me by my dad's clan name mna.
Yho mntase. Same same. Sonke sinebali elinye. Sogqiba kubekho abantu who want isduko senyani! What does that even mean?! That time abootata ba absent ngoku umntu ekwazi ba uphi. Even when you don't want any material things🤦🏽♀️
As for the stigma, it's so hard hey. You do self-therapy sana because umntu akasoze azcacise. Not a black man! They keep it moving uzbone wena.
I agree we need to challenge our tradition. Tradition is something that needs to give us a belonging. However it seems like it throws us out in the cold to figure things ourselves more than help us find part of our identity.
I understand your mom, I love her through and through ❤️
I just discovered your channel, I'm binge watching all your videos🤣🤣
I agree with you Nozi👍 so true
Wow I can actually relate 😢 Unfortunately with me my mom passed away when I was 7 years of age and hence I did not know I was a product of an “affair” I only got to find this out when my dad passed away 2021 that he was actually a married man. Only then did it make sense why he was actually never fully involved in my upbringing… I just wish he could have told me i could have surely understood. It was not fair to me that I had to be a guest at my dad’s funeral and actually wasn’t recognised as one of his children where as I was in fact his last born😢 Yeah no this doesn’t sit well with me till this day, but he is gone now 🤷🏽♀️
I’m also born out of wedlock and I have a child, me and my child uses my moms surname and clan name...this makes me scared to get married as I’ve separated with the father of my child. At my moms family we have never experienced the stigma even though most of my uncles calls us mtshana, they call my child mzukulwana, their love is amazing and also my father regards us as his children we have never experienced being second class children...but ke there will always those individuals at the gatherings who constantly ask “ngomphi ke lo” but that doesn’t matter because kutata siyafana sonke
My stepdad was like that (MHSRIP) kuye besifana silingana ngento yonke. He never had favorites.ebemogqitha umamam ngempatho
Wow this is such a learning curve. Sana i and my brother are born from wedlock and my father was a married man. And yhuuu the guy has alot of us😂 but ke fortunate enough after i got in contact with my siblings(kids from marriage) they welcomed me so openly and with love, to an extent i get to go to all family gatherings and all. God bless my step mother who took me in as one of her own even when after the father is nomore. However ke mna after i found my family i then started using his clan name and it feels so freeing in a way. What is more interesting i would address myself and a "illegitimate " child and my older brother which is my fathers and stepmoms 2nd child said to me "hey sana you where illegitimate before you met us, now that usifumene i wanna hear no use of that word from your mouth" so mna in this case my parents are the ones who are illegitimate not me sana i am proudly my parents daughter! Lol
It is sad how some traditions and their rules have impact on innocent children. Anyway love the way you tell your stories ❤
That last part really touched me ..children should be treated equally!and it should come effortlessly.."illegitimate "kids should not be forgotten or treated less than the other kids❤
I can relate so well to your topic Nozi! It’s so painful
Tricky topic le. Especially in this day and age where women work as hard as men. I'm imagining a scenario where a married couple..both working. The dad has kids with his mistresses and definitely his money gets stretched, but the wife takes care of her own kids and gives them the luxuries that SHE can afford to. But to the world it would seem that the other kids are being neglected in favour of the kids in the marriage when in reality it's the wife taking care of her own kids.
Inzima le. Great topic Nozi. I think every parent must make sure they treat they kids fairly. Kids didnt choose to be born. You brought them to this earth and must make sure they are treated fairly to the best of your abilities
Girl 😣
Happy that you’ve healed from all of this 🤗
Got yourself a subscriber. You doing great. Love your personality. Qingqa !!!!!
I can totally relate to this, at my father's house I was always referred to as " ngulowa" if anybody asked who I was, never my father's daughter just that one, made me sad everytime
Ncese sesi💛💛
Thanks cc, one day at a time, we forgive without apologies, I think what made it even more bearable was how much my dad loved me
May we honestly do better 😭😭
You are so lovable 😭❤️
I am part of the diaspora, Belizean living in the US. yes, I agree that this categorization of children born outside of marriage as "illegitimate" or in Belizean terminology at the time "bastard" is very stigmatizing and devalues the children's very being. I was one of those children, with multiple siblings, all but one born within marriage. In my case, even though my father did not marry the mothers of most of my siblings, there is and was categorization and prioritization where my brother and I were at the bottom when it came to resources that are due any child. To this very day, at age 58, I feel like a stranger to my father and his side of the family. I also question the integrity of any man who scatters his seed about without care as to how ALL his children will be provided for physically, economically, spiritually and emotionally. In Belizean culture, children like myself are cared for by the mother and her family. In my case, thank God for a maternal grandmother, aunts and uncles who stood in the gap for us as it has made a tremendous difference. My mother, a single mother, could not do it all. Blessings to you. You are a lovely and wise young lady.
Garlic😂😂😂 ngiyaxolisa Nozi kuhleka kodwa I can't help it🤣
😂😂😂😂
Children out of wedlock are a mothers responsibility yoh. It's wrong but God is our provider always 🙏. Thank you Sis Nozi wethu 🤗💪
This story breaks my heart. So close to home. Black kids we need therapy
@Musa Nhlapo stop saying black people....please
you go girl...hands up...super... I recently assisted in a project on inheritance and u know how illegal its presumpt for children born out of wedlock not to benefit from the father unless court intervenes...but u are right hands off illegitimate children they are no more illegitimate but legitimate.
Thank you for speaking your truth...
I honestly embrace and appreciate how you interrogate the social ills of what we refer to as societal norms. You are such a witty and most admirable female I've ever come across. Love you tons and tons. Nevertheless, I fully agree with you, such matters need to be challenged and we cannot have a new generation that cannot be upfront about issues that affects. Maybe these are some of the issues that impacts the youth negatively, we dealing with issues of mental health, gender based violence and and broken families, instead of questioning our socialization we focus on how rotten is our generation.
🙌🏽🔥♥️thank you so much sisi, this is powerful and I can relate 🙇🏽♀️.
Wow, I just found your channel and I am in love with your transparency. You are a great story teller. I am eating my food and listening to you and at 8:19, girl I screamed and food came flying out my mouth LOL. Blessings to you! Thank you for your insights and story.
this is interesting I am Zambian and we also call this "damage" and paying damage but anyone can choose to raise the child and gets the name of the Dad too
Mwansa Jere Mwansa ulifye bwino hope you enjoying her videoed she’s is very educative...
Hai sisi I know exactly what you are talking about in Zulu children who were born like us out of marriage are called Umlanjwana meaning umlondo there is a story behind how we were born. Mina I always felt that my home is the home I bought for myself because on my father side everytime I am there I feel as if I don't belong even with my mother's side I feel the same way. It is worse ke when it comes to the family where my mother got married to Hai the straggle is real when it comes to people like us.
Mina what I know as a ( Swati/Zulu) ingane yako malume ( out of wedlock) takes isurname yaMama even if it was Nozi's mom case...the child takes isbongo samama. Inhlawulo is for the damage and isbongo is another seperate payment. If these payments are not present that child will forever use isbongo saMama but will have a relationship with the dad. Second, guys asiyeke lento yokbiza abanta ngama "veza ndlebe".....we are children of God ekgcinen and we need to be progressive Africans💛.
Veza ndlebe 😭😭😭 sis!!!
Ngiyajabula ukwazi ukuthi sisezandleni eziphephile.
I have never thought of it like this and shuu what an eye opener...
Also being mindful of individuals in this instance will go a long way and change the nerative for our future children because things happen in these streets zakwa life.
Great video... 👍🏽
Wow. This is so deep. I'm born out of wedlock too, but my dad was not married, but stigma wasnt there at all. I was welcomed by both families and now that my dad is late, my dads family are really great people. Its only My siblings who try to divide us, because we all have different mothers making it difficult for us to bond as siblings.
My own dad told me in my face that 'angizubhidlikelwa ngumshado wami because ngazala wena ngaphandle komshado'.....and that was the last time I talked to him until he passed away.
Wow! My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that you had to go through that.
I had a child (out of wedlock) and the relationship with her father ended. Then I met my current partner and had another child. His family agreed to pay lobola for both myself and my child (from a previous relationship). There was no way I was going to leave my child behind just because of marriage to someone else. Asoze! My children go where I go. Sometimes tradition drives me nuts because some things don’t make any sense.
Ok you have kids but are you married at least???
Abantwana bedkazi, yoh thats brutal. Dikazi is such a brutal word that society uses.
Your mom was living her best life
Inspired hope one day I get the same courage to share my story...lots of love from 254 kindly show some love people and support gal child.
I'm honestly not impressed by how there were funds for the other kids but just not for you and your brother...and this happened years apart. Anyway umbhedo nje lento of putting a stigma on children...and you are absolutely correct. 2 adults came together yet somehow one gets called names and their kids get these labels...bullshit! Vele we need to question tradition, it's right to question things that don't make any sense at all.
I wasn't born out of wedlock and my dad doesn't have kids outside of marriage and he drilled that into our skulls and his reason was exactly the fact that society mistreat children born out of wedlock and he hated seeing it growing up.
All children are special and should get their own special treatment from both parents regardless of how the father's side of the family feels.
I was conceived while my parents were still at school, my dad moved on and got married & now he has a family! I have never even seen his face, i used to call him, we would talk but he never called me or did anything 4 me! He always cancels our meetings with excuses that he is going away with his family...i've given up!
I knew i wasn't alone😭💔
I have never watched any youtube channel story times and i don't know how you appeared on my TL but wow sis!!! I love your channel and your stories. Most things i cannot relate with but i just happened to like your channel a lot!
Can I please have your email
@@nonisparkletemba lozizwemorojele@gmail.com
I concur. As children born out of wedlock we really need to change the narrative. Stigmatization must stop.
No illegitimate child. If you believe God, you're his child. Period
Thanks for sharing this sisi wam
The out of wedlock children are used as meal tickets by their mother's sometimes hence the stigma.
Love you sis!
I relate so much to this topic. Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Cc I think it also goes along way....I become pregnant years back damages were paid nd both families demanded the child to use both clans worce thing she has 2 birth certificate with different surnames that happened behind my back ke ndavula uba zibhuqe...but what I appreciate though the father is married now all of his kids becomes the first priority...as for my daughter going to visit them at that age of 5 she times ask things that am unable to address because usemncinc nd I feel like with the surnames and clan names has bought some confusion ethile at the right age I feel like there's a lot of explaining that I will do.....Regardless of being born out of marriage I don't see any point why must the parents nor families treat her differently from others and the society has power because nefamily ibona umqakhwe
Ndfundile thank u big cc💕💕💕
This is so interesting Nozi, in my culture with is sesotho. We say "ngoana ke wa khomo" thus if the mother has been married then separated with the husband or the husband has passed on, children she will get out of that marriage or out of the wordlock are considered to be of the past husband. So your mom giving you guys her late husband's surname wouldn't be strange in Sesotho
This is just my story but my dad is still alive and he was a visitor at my wedding I wished my mum was alive because I really needed her to clarify me because I grow up knowing her ex husband as my dad then this man pop up and no one in the family wants to talk
One thing i have noticed about tradition its been tweaked as they go. But it’s also does protect to an extent. with matter of prioritizing kids honestly speaking having come from a place of having to fight to even get matric dance dress, tradition had nothing to do with it. Take away tradition the same thing would have happened. When a man is secure in a place they move mountains but once they go out nd its over most try to hurt the mom through the kids. Most of the time kids don’t understand this nd as a parent its hard having to explain u are unwanted there bcoz when the men is around the child they won’t show the resentment. And with famales too sometimes we try push agenda of wanting our children in places where they not wanted tomorrow try make excuses. At the back of it all u are right it’s complicated but tradition is an excuse for irresponsible actions. I’m a product of a broken family the struggle is real, i had a child out of wedlock all was good until the day i left the relationship my child lost her place in his life and i was fortunate enough to be protected by tradition nd have the child to myself, women must give kids the surname they are using in SA, home affair puts u in a tight corner nd the interest of the child should always come first.
Really this has to stop, why can't a man took you with your kids that you already have and accept them as his own? What is into the marriage we have a problem of getting children's, are you going to still asolate this child and make him/her feel like an outside child, Life is really unfair and our cultures they make us do the wrong decision.
They is life that we didn't call it to heppen and why we have to make our children suffer for our problems!
Thank you sisi for sharing this is really touching each and everyone lives, especially us womans we have to make our childrens suffer just because of marriage and family protection, we forget about us and our happiness (my Child is my blood guys) why do i have to asolate my blood with me.
This thing buld up the anger to those childrens that were called names just because they don't belong toin that Family and even at school you will be bullied, they is much more damage they make due to this
Thank you sisi For Sharing it really Touching and painful😭😭 💔
We give our fathers/brothers a lot of free passes and it's not fair!!!
Yaaah that really true sisi
@@NozibeleQamngana yaaah that really true sisi
M a nu surbie nd m loving the content. Da comment section is easy going, civilized. M loving it here
Welcome to the fam 🙏❤️
Love this👌, u r so good😍
Wow, that's so true.... How come we don't question tradition ke nyani. Thank you Nozi, for sharing such private and sensitive parts of your life, for the benefit of others.God bless you always 💕💖💖💖💖💖
Sis Nozi is our Sis Dolly on UA-cam. You are loved ❤️
Exactly say that again dear
I enjoyed this topic, thank you for sharing
First time watching your video, i love how your telling your story look.....Interesting family gossip lol.....I am going to watch the other and subscribe to your channel straight away cool. I feel like i know you for agessssssssss looool. All the way from the UK
spiritual and beautiful god blessed
In my old age of 26, I only go to my father's side of the family when there is a funeral or umsebenzi because I can't stand the stares and having old people point at you telling others uba "ngula mntana ka Tshawe wangaphandle komtshato" to make matters worse my dad had me emdala kakhulu, in his 50s so they stare because they wanna find something that resembles my dad because they don't believe uba he could have a child my age 😏 to make matters even worse I don't even know this man, he was an "absent father". This video has me deep in my feels now but enkosi for sharing your story sis
A friend of mine gets along so much with her stepdad that they decided to give her his surname as well, irregardless of her paternity 🙏
I can relate..so sad affairs of the society.
lol you literally explained my whole life because my mother and father never ever spoke about it. I have my mothers surname and clan name . it actually feels like both my brother and i were never recognised by my father's family . We met them once and that was it . I don't know my fathers family at all . I like to say I identify as Xhosa because I only know the Xhosa side .
I just watched this now, i resonate so much with your story. I was born out of wedlock and my dad passed. Which means I belong to my mother's family but nakhona kunezinkinga so really ive never belonged any where. The 1st time i met my mother's family i was 19 going to university and i still question it to this day. Did they now want a relationship with us because we are about to work and make money or its just pure " coincidence"?
It's never a coincidence mtase, they know exactly what they are doing 🙄